Chapters Caboose's Last "Good" Afternoon
The sounds of windows shattering echoed throughout the night sky.
"CABOOSE, NO!"
Glass began to fall upon the pavement below, and along with it, the flailing form of a brown-coated pony, as he glanced up from where he fell from with complete horror.
Caboose wanted to scream, and he would have... had not somepony else beat him to it.
"NOOOOOOOO!!" The gruff voice of his alternate self, O'Malley, screamed, as the dual-minded pony approached the ground within seconds.
Before either of them could say more, the world went black...
'This... is the story of my untimely demise... but don't worry, this is still a fun story. And quite a long one at that. Where do I begin? First off, this story takes place about five years before 'Growing Pains', so sorry, there will be no Hurricane, Luxury, or Blue Blazes... I think Sleight's story takes place around the same time, but this is not his story... this is mine.'
'My name is Caboose James Napoleon... but most ponies calls me Caboose. I was born in the heart of Bitaly to my pops, Clyde Napoleon, and my maw, Bonnie Napoleon. I have seven older brothers, Grimiore, Murder, Arson, Assault, Larceny, Vandal, and Manslaughter... but since their names tend to scare other ponies, we just call them Grimm, Murray, Sonny, Salt, Lars, Vinny, and Slot. At first glance, us eight may seem like your typical ponies that dress alike and happens to be named after a spell book and a couple of criminal offenses... plus the tail of a train... but the truth is... we are the leaders of the Bitalian mafia.'
'For years, our family had run the mafia, doing all sorts of mafia-like stuff, I would go into detail, but that would be rather pointless…and I would have 'top stallions' check you out, but I digress. It wasn't a horrible life... the pay was good and we all got excellent coverage on insurance, and everypony in Bitaly respected the grounds you trot about. To say the least, it was a pretty good life. But all of that changed for me...'
'It started when my niece, Dusty Donut Speck, the daughter of my oldest brother, Grimm, had moved away to Canterlot, not sharing the love we had for our jobs (and I honestly don't blame her, Slot threatened to neuter any boy that she brought home) and apparently began dating Blueblood... the nephew of Princess Celestia herself. Pretty stand-up guy, though he has this cleanliness thing going on. After nearly getting turned into a rock garden by a cockatrice, we had all learned to accept him into our little family within 'the family'.'
'However, soon after they left, Grimm gathered us together. He wanted one of us to go to Canterlot under the alias of a royal guard transfer from Saddle Arabia, after serving his country... doing anti-terrorist stuff. That what led us to a straw picking game: the one who pulled the longest goes. And naturally, I was the one who pulled it... although I had a feeling that my brothers cheated and cut theirs shorter. And so... Caboose James Napoleon, the royal guard and personal bodyguard of Prince Blueblood was born.'
'It was a whole new chapter in my life, and what a chapter it was! Who can say that they met the entire royal family personally and say 'Halt, who goes there?!' Though my position as royal guard was supposedly a cover... it somehow evolved into an actual life for me. I had everything: a honest job, my niece only a few rooms away, a warm 'bed and breakfast'... I was like that bald pony before he was diagnosed with cancer and decided to turn to drugs as a way to secure his family's financial status.'
'But it only got better. My niece got married to Blueblood, they had two adorable colts (which I got to 'middle name'), and little over a year later, I got dragged along on this adventure by Blueblood's uncles and husbands of the princesses, Shine and Gothic-why am I telling you that part? Haven't you guys read 'Seeking Eternity'?... Skipping to the end, I finally had something I never could get before... a marefriend... Daring Do.'
'Hard to believe, right? And everypony wanted me to get with Pinkie Pie just 'cause I know you guys are there... but yeah, I was now living the dream... and it seemed like nothing would ruin it... oh, how I was wrong...'
'I had made a lot of enemies in my lifetime. About 80% of them were made by me accidentally severely injuring and occasionally killing them or their loved ones, 10% because my brothers did it to them on purpose, 9% because someponies won't let stuff go like that pretty ice-powered princess... but there was the 1% that I myself never saw coming... a pony that hated not only me... but my whole existence... and little did I know that he would not only try to destroy me... but take everything that I loved and cherished for his own...'
'Who was this diabolical mastermind, the madpony of demon's design, the guy that requires redundancy to sound more evil? Me... or rather... O'Malley.'
'But in order to tell you this tragic tale of woe, I would have to take us back to a time where everything was so simple... a time where I had a spring in my step and a smlie in my heart... a time that I would like to think of as...
'Three days earlier.'
'My nightmare began on a day like any other...'
It was a beautiful sunny late afternoon in the town of Canterlot, as the sun began to set towards the horizon...
'Okay, technically, it would be considered a 'daymare', but those are just minor details.'
All was peaceful up at the castle, as everypony were going about their daily routines.
Shine and Celestia were out in the garden, playing with their daughter Miracle, currently a two-year-old bundle of energy. Mist was in the study, doing bookwork, having been recently taken under Twilight's wing as a student. Luna and Gothic, as well as Constell, were off on a trip to Rainbow Falls (for real this time around), and Blueblood and Dusty were feeding Pureblood and Vito.
'Everypony in the royal family were going about their lives as normal. Even though Shine and Gothic were now immortal, things hadn't changed from before we went on the quest for the Golden Phoenix. Even I was doing my own thing: serving as one of Canterlot's greatest protectors, keeping a vigilant watch over the city of Canterlot, not even blinking once!'
A loud snore echoed throughout the castle, as perched on one of the castle walls was Caboose, deep within slumberland, as he leaned against the castle wall with his spear in hoof.
'I said, keeping a vigilant watch...'
Caboose continued snoring.
'Hello? Past me? Wake up!'
The brown pony continued to snore.
'I said, WAKE UP!'
A freak lightning bolt zapped in front of Caboose, immediately jolting him awake.
"Gah! What?!" Caboose jumped, holding up his spear in defense, assuming his position in a flash.
'As I was saying, I was keeping watch over Canterlot. It was late in the afternoon, and I was eagerly awaiting the end of my shift...'
"I was?" Caboose asked, looking up.
'Yes. Don't you remember what you were going to do tonight?'
"What, look at catalogs for a new cannon to call Shelia?"
'...The other thing.'
"Spend all night looking for that fluffy unicorn that's dancing on our rainbows?"
'...The other other thing.'
"Disprove evolution?"
'No! The thing involving a very special mare and a thing you ordered from the jewelers that is waiting in your room right now!'
"Oh!" Caboose smiled, "Now I remember. Thanks, creepy omniscient voice that sounds like me!"
Watching from afar were two other guards, who just saw Caboose talking to himself.
"He's doing it again." One guard groaned.
"Seriously, what's with him and talking up to the sky and to walls?" The other guard asked.
Suddenly, a loud whistling sound echoed, and one of the other guards called out.
"Okay, change shifts!"
Immediately, Caboose cheered: "YABBA-DABBA-DOO!"
Without a second thought, he quickly slide the banister of nearby stairs, and began trotting through the castle.
'At this point, I began to sing a little song...'
"Caboose, Mister Caboose, you're the luckiest pony in history." Caboose sang, as he passed by a few maids. "Looking good, ladies." The maids all gave smiles and nods to the happy guard
He continued singing. "From the town of Bitaly, he's making it big right here!"
He then passed by Iron Hooves, who was bemused by his joyful attitude.
"Lieutenant. What seems to have you in a good mood today?" Iron asked.
"Oh, just about everything." Caboose smirked, as he continued onwards, "Gonna run!"
Eventually, he was nearing his room, as well as the end of his song.
"Trotting down the great big hall, courtesy of my own four hooves. Caboose, you're the luckiest pony in history!"
He finished with a cheerful chirp as he walked into his room.
'Yeah, it was a great afternoon...but little did I know that it would be my last...'
Caboose opened a drawer in his bedside cabinet, and took out a small velvet box. He opened it to reveal a diamond ring.
'I had saved up for months to buy that ring, getting in as much overtime pay as I could. I planned on proposing to Daring that very evening.'
"Oh Daring, my love." Caboose sighed. "Please say yes..."
'Unfortunately, somepony else had other ideas...'
"Oh, please." O'Malley jeered. "You're just wasting your time. A mare with that kind of flank is way out of your league. There's no way she would settle for a loser like you."
"Go away, O'Malley." Caboose growled. "This is an important night for me, and I'm not going to let you mess it up."
"We both know you're not good enough for her." O'Malley chuckled. "She's gonna say 'no', you just wait and see."
"I'm not listening to you." Caboose shot back. "It's me Daring loves, not you. Would she even be with me after all this time if she didn't love me? Of course not. No matter what you say, I know she loves me, and that's why I'm in charge."
'O'Malley clammed up after that. I thought I'd put him in his place. How wrong I was...
As the sun was becoming one with the horizon, Caboose had arrived at the doorstep of Daring's apartment, wearing his mafia family suit. After adjusting his tie one last time, he gave a couple of knocks on the door.
The door immediately opened up to reveal Daring Do, dressed up all nice. Her mane was done up in a ponytail with a golden hairpin and was wearing a sleeveless green dress.
'Yeah, that's right, that's my marefriend right there. I don't know how she does it, but she always finds a way to look more beautiful each time we see each other. What can I say? A mare as beautiful as her goes well with a stallion as handsome as yours truly.'
Caboose, upon seeing Daring, was now drooling from the tongue and his eyes were wide as saucers.
"Hey, Caboose…" Daring smiled, blissfully ignoring the stallion's face. "How do I look? Too much?"
The unicorn snapped out of his love struck daze in an instant. "No, no, no! Not at all! You look lovely as always."
"Oh, Caboose." Daring shook her head, "You always know how to charm a lady."
"That was just the warm-up." Caboose smirked, as he then pulled out a bouquet of white roses with his magic. "For you."
"Flowers?" The mare smiled. "Why thank you… but what's the occasion?"
"No occasion." Caboose shrugged off. "Just saw them and thought of you."
"Smooth." Daring laughed as she placed the roses on a table right next to the door, "Shall we be off?"
"Absolutely." Caboose smirked as he took Daring's hoof.
The couple left the apartment and took a stroll through Canterlot, as the sky turn to dusk.
"So, what plans do you have tonight?" Daring asked.
"Oh, the usual…the leisurely stroll through town and a lovely dinner at the local restaurant…" Caboose shrugged, before smiling, "But…I just might have a little surprise in store for you at the end…"
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Daring wondered.
"Can't say. It wouldn't be a surprise." Caboose smirked.
As the two passed by an old clock tower, the bell within began to chime, the clock striking seven o'clock.
"I can't believe that clock tower is still functional." Daring said in amazement, "It has to be at least a hundred years old."
"Well, clock towers are more resilient than one would think." Caboose mused, "I should know. I used to play in one back in Bitaly, and that one was over two hundred years old."
"Really? Why a clock tower?" Daring asked.
"I don't know. I didn't really have friends back then, and my brothers were always busy with their work, and the old Millers' place was already taken. That tower used to be my getaway from it all…" Caboose sighed.
"What happened?" Daring questioned.
"Some meanie named Bobby Barrows, or as ponies called him, 'The Scissorpony', bought the place and had it demolished." Caboose frowned, "He was a scary piece of work."
'Any relations of this Bobby Barrows to the psychological horror game villain of a mundane video game is completely coincidental, and may or may not be related…just thought I get it out there.'
"Oh, so sorry to hear that." Daring empathized.
"It's fine." Caboose shrugged, "Just seeing that clock tower reminds me of the good ol' days."
Eventually, Caboose and Daring had arrived at the restaurant, and had sat down and began their meal. Things were going smoothly as they enjoyed their food and chatting the night away.
"And that is how I saved Hearth's Warming Eve… and in the process, how Equestria was made." Caboose finished, as the two both laughed aloud.
"Oh-ho-ho, that is one of the things I love about you, Caboose… you do not make sense at times, but you can still be very funny." Daring laughed, wiping tears from her eyes.
"That's what makes me one of the kind, Daring." Caboose bragged.
"Indeed." Daring agreed, as she gave a warm smile, "I have to say, these past couple of months with you had been nothing but memorable… I really enjoyed spending them with you."
"Me too." Caboose nodded, "These past 146 dates I spend with you has been…as my cousin Barney would quote…'Legendary'…"
"146?" Daring gaped, "Has we dated that much in so little time?"
"Yup. I counted myself." Caboose smiled proudly, "From our first date here to that date back in Bitaly to that one in the elevator when the power went out…"
'It's true. I did count them… and it was a part of my brain well spent!'
"Wow…" Daring blushed, touched, "I'm surprised O'Malley let you memorize them all."
"Give me some credit, Dare," Caboose chuckled, "It's not like he runs my life."
"Of course not." Daring nodded, "You know, I found it hard to believe that I had almost let you go back when we were hunting for the Golden Phoenix…and now, I hope that we will continue to spend more time together."
Caboose gave a wide smirk, as he reached for his box. "Funny, you should say that…" He was moments away from getting onto his knees and pulling it out, "Because I-"
He was cut off when a waiter accidentally spilled a drink on Caboose's lap.
"GAH!" Caboose gasped.
"Oh dear, I am so sorry, sir!" The waiter apologized.
Caboose glanced at the waiter and was about to pardon him… however, something in his mind seem to had snapped, as suddenly, O'Malley seized control and his face contorted into rage.
"Why, you clumsy moron!" He attacked the waiter in a pure rage, striking him again and again.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" The waiter cried between blows. "Please, stop!"
"Stop it, O'Malley!" Daring yelled, trying to pull him off.
"Back off!" O'Malley pushed her away, then returned to assaulting the waiter.
"O'Malley, stop this!" Caboose briefly regained control, trying to hold back his hooves.
But O'Malley snatched it back. "Get lost!"
A couple of Pegasus Royal Guards, attracted by the commotion, entered the restaurant and tackled O'Malley, restraining him.
"Get your filthy hooves off me, ya flying feebs!" He struggled against them.
The guards dragged him out of the restaurant. Daring looked on in worry. O'Malley had never done anything like that before...
Not long after, O'Malley was tossed into a holding cell. By then, Caboose had taken back control.
"Oh, nice." He groaned. "O'Malley causes trouble, and I have to clean up the mess. Again..."
'There I was. My first night living in a jail cell... and for what? Not doing anything mafia-related... but rather assaulting accident-prone waiters. Me, Caboose, the royal guard, not 'Caboose, the mafia pony'. I was so embarrassed, humiliated, and my hooves hurt like-'
"Would you just shut up?!" Caboose yelled.
'Hey, I'm the one telling the story here of how you got us tossed into jail.'
"I'm already having a bad night, so I don't need future me to tell me how stupid I was!" Caboose growled.
How are you even talking to me? You're breaking the fourth wall right now!'
"I'm breaking it?!" Caboose snorted. "No, this is breaking the fourth wall: YO! Everybody that hates Flash Sentry and MLP season three... GO HOME!"
'You know what, let's just get on with the story.'
The next morning, Caboose was awakened by the sound of his cell door opening.
"Your bail's been paid for." The guard declared.
"By who?" Caboose asked.
"By me." Prince Blueblood stepped forward.
Caboose exited his cell, and collected the items he'd been carrying when he was brought in, which had been confiscated on arrival. He quickly pocketed the engagement ring as he and Blueblood left the jailhouse…
"Thanks, Blue." Caboose smiled. "I owe you one."
"Don't mention it." Blueblood nodded. "Though I am concerned by the circumstances. In all the time I've known you, I've never known O'Malley to be quite so... vicious. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, everything's fine." Caboose lied. "Perfectly fine. Just had a little lapse in temper control, that's all. So... have you heard from Daring?"
"She was a little disturbed by what had happened." Blueblood admitted. "She would have come with me, but she had an important meeting with the curator of the museum of supernatural history."
"Oh…" Caboose frowned, "Well, I guess I will have to patch things up with her later…" His frown turn to a glare. "But first, there's something I gotta take care of…"
Upon their return to the castle, Caboose went up to his room.
"What was that, O'Malley?!" He yelled at his reflection in the mirror that was in his room. "You ruined everything! My proposal, and possible wedded bliss with Daring, all because you couldn't take a little water! Why?!"
"I have zero tolerance for clumsiness, especially if they cause me grief." O'Malley defended.
"Well now, I probably can't show my face at that restaurant! I had a big drawn out extravaganza planned for this proposal! I had everything: mariachi bands, violinists, a choir…" Caboose snaps.
'We might want to skip past this part… I kinda drag on for a while…'
In flash-forward while sounds of tape being fast-forwarded echoed, Caboose continue to rant on and on, his voice in a high-pitched squeak while making several hoof gestures. It went on for about a minute (in fast-forward time), before it slowed down to normal speed.
"And all of it is now down the drain!" Caboose finished in anger.
O'Malley remained silent.
"Now, all I have left is this ring!" Caboose pulled up his ring, "What good is my proposal gonna be if that is all I have?! Not a good one!"
O'Malley did not respond.
"You know, O'Malley, ponies will find it weird seeing me talk to my reflection if you don't respond." Caboose growled in annoyance. "What do you have to say for yourself?!"
Finally, O'Malley responded, but with a cold expression.
"You know what, Caboose... I'm done... I'm done taking a backseat to you being an idiot to everypony, being a spineless coward, having everypony walk all over us, and I am especially sick of you embarrassing Daring with your pathetic existence." O'Malley announced.
"Wha-What are you saying?!" Caboose asked.
"It's pretty obvious, Caboose." O'Malley said menacingly. "I'm not going to twiddle my hooves anymore. From here on out, I am going to be running the show. No more being repressed by your foalish attitude."
"...Sorry, but I still don't get what you're saying." Caboose said, confused.
"I'm taking your body!" O'Malley roared.
"W-what?!" Caboose gasped. "You can't do that! That's not possible!"
"Au contraire, Caboose." O'Malley chuckled. "Not only am I going to take your body, but I'm going to make you disappear... for good."
"Oh yeah, how you plan to do that? I'm the one in charge here!" Caboose asked defiantly.
"Simple." O'Malley replied. "Just take a head to a mirror."
Caboose glanced oddly in confusion.
"Take a head to a-?"
*SMASH!!*
As the sun continued to rise up in the morning, Caboose laid in broken glass, unconscious... eventually, the pony let out a groan as he grasped his head...and O'Malley began to speak.
"Oh... oh, man..." He got up slowly. "I really should rethink how I solve my problems without causing such a headache...
O'Malley stretched for a moment, cricking some bones in his back, and finally scratching his back…before his eyes darted open in realization.
"Oh my gosh..." He looked at his hooves. "I did it... I am in control... OH, HECK YEAH!"
He did a little jig.
'I know... O'Malley is a bad dancer. I had become what Parker become when he had got the Power of Emo...you know, that weird alien that attached to Spider-Pony suit and turned Parker into a emo dirt-bag that could dance very well? ...No? I don't blame you. That ruined Spider-Pony 3 for everypony.'
"Finally, for the first time in thirty years, I can do whatever I want with my body! I am free!" O'Malley cheered.
Happy, he trotted out of his room in style, strutting around like he owned the place. He soon ran into Dusty, who was playing peek-a-boo with Pureblood and Vito.
"How's my favorite niece?" O'Malley smiled, impersonating Caboose's voice (so to not alarm anypony to his newfound control of the body). "And great-nephews?"
"Doing great, Caboose." Dusty smiled, "…Why do you sound odd?"
O'Malley frowned. Apparently, his impression of Caboose was not so good. "Oh…just a dry throat is all."
"Oh, I see." Dusty chuckled, "Hey boys, it's your great-uncle Caboose! Say hi!"
"Hi!" Pureblood gurgled.
"Unca 'Boose!" Vito giggled.
"Hey, there." O'Malley smiled, turning first to Pureblood, then Vito. "Good to see ya, Vito, Pureblood."
"Actually, that's Pureblood, and that's Vito." Dusty pointed out.
"Oh, right." O'Malley shrugged. "Sorry. Slipped my mind for a second..."
"Really?" Dusty frowned. "No offense, but it would rather hard, if not impossible, to discern my two boys. Especially since you see them everyday…"
"Well, things slip, Dust, okay?" O'Malley sighed, stifling his annoyance.
"Okay…" Dusty frowned, a bit perturbed by his odd attitude…
O'Malley kneeled down by Pureblood.
"Cute little tyke, aren't ya?" He put his hoof on Pureblood's nose. "Got ya nos-"
Pureblood bit down on O'Malley's hoof... hard.
"Ga-agk-ee!" He gritted his teeth in pain, trying to not scream bloody murder, and stomping his back hoof. 'Resist urge to punch child. Resist urge to punch child...' He thought.
"Oh dear, Pureblood. Dusty tutted. "Give Caboose-"
"O'Malley..." O'Malley groaned, dropping the charade.
"O'Malley his hoof back, please." Dusty rolled her eyes.
Pureblood did as such. O'Malley looked at his hoof.
"Gah... strong jaw that little devil got..." He winced.
"Come on, O'Malley, he's just a little foal." Dusty smiled. "You want a band-aid for that hoof?"
"No, oh no... I'll be fine." O'Malley groaned. "See ya..."
O'Malley limped away a short distance, and as soon as he was out of Dusty's hearing distance and sight...
"ARRRRGH!" He screamed, letting out his pained scream. "Oh, sweet Mother-buckin'...RAWR!" He smashed a hole in the wall with his good hoof. "How I hate foals!"
"Uh..."
O'Malley looked up and saw a guard.
"What the buck are you looking at?!" He snarled.
The guard slowly back away.
"Yeah, you'd better run!" He yelled after him as he stomped off.
He made his way through the castle, casting glares at everypony he happened upon. The ponies in turn, were shocked that it was Caboose that was giving them the glares.
Eventually, O'Malley happened upon Shine and Celestia in the throne room, as the two were over-seeing letters they received, reading and answering them.
"Another letter for 'Molestia'?" Shine scoffed. "Honestly, why do ponies think you're this 'Molestia', cherryblossom?"
"It's just some silly trend that ended a little while ago and some ponies are trying to start it up again, even though they've been told to 'cease and desist'." Celestia sighed. "It's nothing to worry about though..."
"I hope so... these letters get creepier and creepier by the day." Shin added the letter to the pile.
"However, I am growing concerned about the lack of letters we are receiving from Chrysalis... she normally sends us a report of how her Changelings had been faring." Celestia declared. "I hope something hadn't happen."
'Spoiler alert: Something did.'
"I'm sure everything's fine." Shine declared. "Chrysalis is probably busy with running her kingdom."
'Spoiler alert: Everything wasn't fine.'
Shine looked out and noticed O'Malley looking around.
"Hey, Caboose!" He waved.
"Yes, your majesty?" O'Malley replied, disguising his voice again.
"Whoa, Caboose, what happened to your voice?
"Oh... uh, I am...practicing my imitation of Liam Neighson..." O'Malley said shiftily.
"Really?" Shine asked. "Well, you seem to be nailing it on the head, Caboose. In fact, you sound like O'Malley for a moment."
"Really? Haven't noticed." O'Malley shrugged.
'Ironic thing... Liam Neighson is exactly what O'Malley sounds like. In fact, if this was a movie, Liam Neighson would play him.'
"Funny, you should mention O'Malley, dear." Celestia frowned. "Caboose, it has been brought to our attention of what occurred last night."
"Oh, you heard about that?" O'Malley asked, trying not to scowl.
"Yes, Blueblood told us everything..." Celestia nodded.
"Look, we know it isn't your fault, what with the personality shift and everything... but you have to get O'Malley under control." Shine said. "He could've hurt somepony."
"I'm sure O'Malley didn't mean any harm." O'Malley replied, stifling a growl. "Maybe he was just trying to punish the waiter for his incompetence and his idiocy that should have no business existing in this world."
"...Okay..." Shine gulped, a little disturbed. "But that doesn't give him any grounds to attack somepony."
"Yes. Caboose, you are a great part of the Royal Guard and you are a very caring colt... but you must understand what will need to be done if O'Malley does this again..." Celestia added.
"Of course." O'Malley nodded. "I'll be sure to see to it that it doesn't happen again."
"Good. It gives us a peace of mind knowing that." Shine smiled.
"Sure it does." O'Malley grinned. "I mean, come on, it's not like either of you two are going to wake up one night strapped to a iron table, and O'Malley comes in, takes a page from 'Cupcakes', and uses your cutie marks, wings, internal organs, and skulls to make cupcakes that tastes surprisingly good." He let out a little insane chuckle. "I mean, it's not like I would let O'Malley do that to you two even though you insulted him and make him want to punch a hole in the wall again." He chuckled again. "Come on, you two, you know O'Malley likes you guys. Now if you excuse me, I have to go do my rounds."
O'Malley departed, muttering curses under his breath. Shine and Celestia were shocked.
"Shine, dear... did Caboose just issue a death threat upon us?" Celestia asked.
"No, no... I'm sure Caboose was just kidding around." Shine chuckled nervously. "You know him, he's such a kidder."
"You're right, dear." Celestia nervously chuckled back. "I mean, this is Caboose we are speaking of. He wouldn't hurt a fly."
Meanwhile, O'Malley was being bothered by a fly, and with one hoof, he caught it... and squashed it.
"Stupid bug." O'Malley spat.
As he made his way to the barracks, he ran into Blueblood.
"How are you holding up, Caboose?" Blueblood asked.
"Oh… fine." O'Malley shrugged, hiding his voice again.
"Fine?" Blueblood frowned. "After that uncouth lout O'Malley ruined your date with Daring and landed you in jail, you're just 'fine'? And what of your voice? I think you might had caught a cold…"
"I don't want to talk about it." O'Malley seethed, barely keeping his temper under control. "Just drop it. Okay?"
"Very well then." Blueblood sighed. "But the next time I hear from him, I'm going to give that brute a piece of my mind."
O'Malley glared at Blueblood as he left.
"Pompous pretty-boy." He growled.
He turned and bumped into Daring.
"Hey, watch where you're-Oh, it's you." He declared, unable to change his voice in time.
"Hello, O'Malley." Daring glared. "I wanted to see if Caboose is okay."
"Oh, he's fine…" O'Malley lied.
"Fine? You landed him in jail!" Daring stated. "Caboose must have been scared to death in there!"
"Oh please. We got tied up and lost our hooftip. I doubt it gets scarier than that." O'Malley rolled his eyes.
"Look, O'Malley. I don't know what you were thinking last night, but you humiliated Caboose!" Daring growled.
"Humiliated him? Honey, Caboose doesn't need my help in humiliating himself. He does it so well on his own." O'Malley sneered.
Daring felt her temper flaring. "You see here, bub. This is Caboose's life you're messing with here. Not your own. Remember that!"
'Not anymore, it isn't…but boy, does she look hot when she's angry.' O'Malley thought to himself.
'Even though I was not in full control then… O'Malley was right about that part.' '
"Speaking of Caboose, could you go away and let me speak to Caboose?" Daring asked hotly.
"Sorry, I'm afraid Caboose is not in right now." O'Malley snarked. 'And he probably won't be for a good long time.' He thought, "For some odd reason, he started to think about kittens playing keyboard and got angry. So here I am!"
"Hmph. I guess I will have to catch him later when you're not being a jerk." Daring huffed, as she turned and left.
"Aw, yeah." O'Malley stared at her retreating flank. "You will be mine, missy. Oh yes, you will be mine..." He finished with a dark chuckle.
Soon after, O'Malley realied it was time to report to the barracks. He stood alongside the rest of the Royal Guards after donning his armor. When Iron Hooves came in, he made a beeline right for him.
"You!" Iron growled. "Care explaining to me just what you did last night?"
"Not that it matters to you, but I happen to hate getting wet." O'Malley snorted.
"Is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?!" Iron Hooves roared. "I asked you a question!"
Meanwhile, Daring was talking with Blueblood.
"Is it just me, or is there something... off about Caboose today?" Blueblood asked.
"You're right there." Daring agreed. "Even O'Malley seems stranger than usual. Maybe I should go see him at the barracks, make sure everything's okay. Caboose might be back in control by then."
"I am glad that you are very understanding of Caboose's condition, Daring. Most mares probably wouldn't bother with Caboose after meeting O'Malley." Blueblood stated.
"Well, I'm not most mares." Daring declared. "For crying out loud, I've been on 146 dates with him, and honestly, I've met stallions with worse quirks than O'Malley…"
Back at the barracks, Iron was still trying to get an answer out of 'Caboose.'
"I am your commanding officer, and you will answer me!" Iron Hooves yelled.
"Yeah, I don't think so." O'Malley smirked.
"Talk!" Iron Hooves growled.
"I didn't hear a please."
"Talk, dang it! I command you to speak!" Iron roared in his face, accidentally sending spit all over O'Malley's face.
"Why should I?" O'Malley asked, getting angry, as he wiped the spit off his face. "It's not a military matter, is it?"
"It is when it affects our image as a group." Iron Hooves glared.
"Is that so?" O'Malley growled.
The other guards glanced uneasily at the two, as they began to slowly inch away.
"This is your last chance, Napoleon! Explain yourself, or I'll have you brought up on disciplinary charges!" Iron Hooves threatened.
O'Malley only glanced at Iron with a look that was very sinister.
'And by sinister, I am talking the very bad kind of sinister, the 'Hannibal Lecter, Freddy Krueger, Jigsaw, and that American Psycho pony' kind of sinister… yeah, my family enjoys horror stories. Not too proud of it, as well as of what O'Malley said next.'
"Oh? And how are you gonna do that if you're dead?" O'Malley asked.
"Simple." Iron smirked, "All I need to do is…wait, what?" Iron Hooves asked, not sure of what he just heard.
O'Malley suddenly jabbed at Iron with his spear. Iron dodged, but O'Malley simply lunged again.
"What the-what are you doing?" Iron yelped. "Have you lost your mind?!"
"Oh no, but you're about to lose your head!" O'Malley chuckled, as he jabbed at him again.
As Iron dodged that attack, it was at that point that he did not see the same happy-go-lucky pony he saw yesterday in the unicorn's eyes… it was eyes of a killer.
"Oh my gosh…" Iron gulped.
"What the matter, captain? Not feeling so tough with your big brawny body?" O'Malley taunted.
Seeing their captain in danger, the other guards attempted to intervene, as surrounding O'Malley.
"Lieutenant! Stop this at once!" One of the guards ordered.
"Sorry, but I don't take orders." O'Malley snarled.
"Then you give us no choice!" Another guard announced.
All the guards charged right at him… however, O'Malley let out a meager yawn.
"Oh, this is going to be fun." O'Malley smiled wickedly.
Despite the overwhelming odds that O'Malley was faced with, O'Malley was no slouch: he punched and kicked as well as swung his spear through waves of guards, incapacitating all of them. Iron was dumbfounded as O'Malley outright slugged the last guard in the face.
"Woo, what a rush! This is turning out to be a good day!" O'Malley chortled, as he glanced at Iron. "Now for you…"
Iron stifled a curse as he backed away, his courage faltering at the sight of his entire squadron defeated.
"You're… you're not Caboose." Iron declared.
"Oh, really? Took you that long to figure it out?" O'Malley sneered. "Ya darn right, I'm not Caboose! And may I say… ever since I first met you, I hated your guts."
Soon, Iron was backed against a wall, the ceiling being too low for him to fly away.
"If you're not Caboose… then who are you?" Iron shuddered.
"Well, allow me to introduce myself…" O'Malley laughed darkly, "My name… It's O'Malley."
He then held up his spear with his magic.
"Now… allow me to drive my point home!" O'Malley quipped.
O'Malley thrust the spear forward. It suddenly stopped. Turning, O'Malley saw that Daring had grabbed the end.
"What do you think you are doing?!" Daring screamed.
"Stay out of this, sweetheart. This is between stallions." O'Malley growled.
"Not a chance, O'Malley!" Daring glared. "I won't let you do something Caboose will regret!"
Daring pulled the spear out of O'Malley's magical grasp.
"Daring, what are you- " O'Malley snarled before…
*SMASH!*
Daring swung the handle of the spear into O'Malley's head, so hard in fact that it broke it in half.
O'Malley reeled back in pain, grasping his head.
"GAH! You stupid b-" O'Malley nearly screamed before he suddenly went mute. Within seconds, all the anger left his face and with a shake of his head, Caboose was back in control.
"Oh… my head…" Caboose groaned.
"Caboose, you're back!" Daring sighed in relief.
"B-back?" Caboose repeated, as he then glanced up. His blood went cold. All around them were guards, most of them unconscious. Caboose then glanced behind him, as he saw Iron Hooves looking at him with something he never thought he would see in him… fear.
"Oh no… oh no… I... I'm so sorry..." He gasped.
"Caboose..." Daring reached out.
Not bothering to look at anypony, Caboose ran out of the barracks, and up to his room. He locked the door, then leaned against it, sliding down in agony. He put his hooves to his head and began tearing up.
"What is happening to me...?" He groaned.
'After what O'Malley nearly did to Iron Hooves, I decided to stay locked up in my room, for the good of everypony, not to mention my sanity.'
"Caboose?" Daring knocked, standing outside Caboose's room. "Please come out. We need to talk about this."
"Go away, Daring." Caboose sighed. "I don't want O'Malley to hurt you... like he almost hurt Iron Hooves."
"Don't talk like that, Caboose." Dusty joined the conversation. "You can keep O'Malley under control. You always have."
"Something's different now, Dusty." Caboose sighed. "I can't control him anymore. That, or O'Malley hadn't been actually trying for the last couple of decades…"
"Sure you can." Dusty urged. "You just have to remind him who's boss."
"If only it were that easy." Caboose sighed.
"Well… here's some food, Caboose. We'll come by tomorrow, okay?" Daring slid some dinner under the door.
"Thanks." Caboose said miserably.
Caboose remained in his room all night and well into the next day, wallowing in self-pity. Suddenly, the door was knocked down, and his brothers Grimoire, Slot, Salt, Sonny, Murray, Vinny, and Lars entered the room.
"What the-" Caboose gasped. "What are you guys doing here?"
"I called them." Dusty declared, entering alongside Daring and Blueblood. "I wasn't about to let you go through this alone."
"So, O'Malley's been causing you trouble, eh?" Grimoire frowned. "I was afraid something like this might happen."
"But we never thought that O'Malley would try something like this…" Sonny stated, "Trying to run somepony through with a spear…"
"Yeah, Caboose… we never thought you had it in you to attempt murder." Slot chuckled.
"Slot, this is no laughing matter." Murray glared, "Can't you see Caboose is in distress here?"
"How exactly did O'Malley... come to be, anyway?" Daring asked.
Grimoire and the brothers exchanged grim looks.
"That was a while back..." Murray recalled. "Back then, Caboose was a lot less... well, a lot less Caboose."
"Lot less Caboose?" Blueblood asked incredulously. "How so?"
Salt continued in Murray's place. "He was an even-minded kinda guy. In fact, one might say that he was… well, normal. Sure, he wasn't as sunny as he is now, but he was pretty decent."
"However, it all changed when Caboose took a liking to this real sweet girl, Peaches Cream." Vinny relayed.
Caboose immediately cringed in remembrance of the name.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…Caboose had a girl before Daring?" Blueblood gaped.
"That can't be right! Caboose told me he never dated. The closest he ever come was Donut… and she was a he." Daring explained, confused.
"It's something that Caboose doesn't like remembering." Grimoire stated truthfully.
"Yeah. Peaches was a pretty gal. Nice flank and everything. She meant the whole world to Caboose." Vinnie continued. "But they weren't actually dating. She was just leading him on, playing up to his affections for her, using him to get her stuff. One day, Caboose found out she had been going out with this other stallion all along."
"What?!" Daring, Blueblood, and Dusty gasped.
"That's horrible!" Blueblood declared.
"Yes it is." Caboose muttered, finally speaking, "Apparently, I wasn't 'stallion enough' for her."
"Stallion or not, it destroyed Caboose. At first, he was pretty much catatonic with shock." Lars recalled. "He wandered around like a zombie pony, acting like nothing had happened. It seemed that he had taken it quite well."
"But then one early morning, we got a phone call from the police, saying that Caboose had trashed the stallion's house." Grimoire frowned. "Only it wasn't him. According to the cops, when they took him in, he kept on calling himself O'Malley."
"Fortunately, we managed to bribe the cops to keep Caboose out of jail, and we had him tested. The doctor who looked at him told us all this malarkey about how Caboose's "sy-key" made O'Malley 'cause he couldn't take what happened to him." Slot declared.
"To be frank, Caboose was always a pushover." Vinny shrugged, "He almost never stood up for himself, and everypony always took advantage of him… including us." All seven of them gave a solemn nod of guilt, "And for the longest time, he would never get angry, no matter how bad he was treated."
"However, when Peaches cheated on him… let's just say Caboose had finally snapped." Lars explained.
"From then on, whenever Caboose got emotionally stressed, O'Malley would come out. In short, everything Caboose couldn't say or do, O'Malley could." Lars finished.
"We've all had to live with O'Malley ever since." Sonny sighed.
"That's so sad." Dusty sniffed. "Why didn't anypony ever tell me?"
"We didn't want to bring up old wounds for Caboose." Salt admitted, "That mare broke his heart."
"Well, that Peaches didn't deserve him anyway." Daring snorted, "That little b-"
"Anyways…" Grimiore cut her off, "When Caboose began shifting to O'Malley, we were deeply concerned that we would have to admit him to a psych ward. But…" Grimiore glanced at Caboose, "We couldn't do that to our brother. So we continued our lives like normal. O'Malley had frightened us at first, but as time went by, it seem like Caboose had a hold on him. Sure, there were times that O'Malley's intervention would cause problems, but there were also times where he came in handy."
"Like when Dr. Caballeron took us for ransom." Dusty recalled.
"Correct." Grimoire declared, "But deep down, I've always wondered if we did the right thing by not meddling. After what Dusty had told me, I'm starting to think we didn't."
"Isn't there any way to... deal with O'Malley?" Blueblood asked tentatively.
"Hard to say." Murray shrugged. "The doctor said that when a personality splits, it's not so easy to put it back together."
"But why is O'Malley acting up all of the sudden?" Daring asked, "I mean, why now?"
"We're not sure." Lars stated, "It could be that O'Malley himself had a lot of anger built inside as well, and yesterday, it had came to a breaking point. At first, O'Malley was simply a product of Caboose's anger and inadequacy as a stallion… and now, he is trying to become his own pony."
"So to put it simply… O'Malley is simply a chauvinistic brute with a anger problem, both things that Caboose himself lacks." Blueblood summed up.
"That's right. The only question is what to do now." Grimm declared.
"Well, I am just freaking out over here!" Caboose yelped. "Two days in a row, I nearly killed two innocent ponies, and horrified countless other ponies!"
"Caboose, Caboose..." Daring tried to calm him. "It's okay, we can figure this out."
Caboose pulled away from her.
"No... Daring, I don't want to hurt you." He said tenderly. "O'Malley could take hold of me any second now... or I might be him right now, disguising my voice and personality just to lure you all into a sense of security-"
"You are getting paranoid, Caboose!" Blueblood declared.
"Caboose? What if I'm not Caboose?" Caboose gasped. "What if I'm O'Malley, pretending to be Caboose?" He growled as he clutched his head. "I just don't know who I am anymore!"
"Caboose..." Daring whispered.
"Let me handle this..." Vinny said. He walked up to Caboose and slapped him. "Get a hold of yourself!"
"...Thanks, Vinny, I needed-" Caboose smiled, before Vinny slapped him again. "HEY!"
"You gotta focus now, ya nitwit, and say it! 'It's me, Caboose!'" Vinny urged.
"It's me, Caboose." Caboose repeated.
"That's right!" Vinny nodded. "Now, Caboose who?"
"Caboose who? I don't know. Who are you?" Caboose asked.
"Me? I know who I am. I'm a pony playing a pony disguised as another pony." Vinny rplied.
"What?" Daring asked, confused.
"You're a pony that don't know what pony he is!" Vinny told Caboose.
"Or are you a pony who has no idea what pony he is and claims to know what pony he is..." Caboose muttered, even more confused.
"What the buck are you two talking about?" Slot spluttered.
"...by playing other ponies." Caboose finished.
"I know what pony I am!" Vinny said, losing track of what he was saying.
"You're scared!" Caboose pointed.
"What?!" Vinny snorted. "I ain't scared! Scared of what?!"
"Or scared of who?" Caboose asked.
"Scared of who?" Vinny asked.
"Okay, we are getting way off topic here..." Daring sighed.
"Scared of you!" Caboose yelled, before glancing around dumbly. "Wait, what were we talking about?"
"...I don't know." Vinny shrugged in defeat.
"Meanwhile, back in sanity street..." Blueblood rolled his eyes. "I say we take Caboose to see Canterlot's top psychiatrists. I'm sure one of them will be able to take care of this O'Malley problem once and for all."
"It's worth a try, I suppose." Grimoire nodded. "Are we all agreed?"
Everypony in the room, except Caboose, nodded in agreement.
"If it means making life easier for Caboose once and for all, I will do anything." Daring smiled.
"Yeah." Slot smirked. "I've always hated that jerk O'Malley."
"What say you, Caboose?" Blueblood asked.
"If it means getting this monkey off my bac-GAH!" Caboose screamed, clutching his head.
"Caboose!" Everypony gasped.
In a flash, Caboose's face soon contorted into the familiar scowl of O'Malley.
"I'm going nowhere…" O'Malley roared. "I'm finally getting somewhere here, and I'm not stopping now!"
"You." Daring growled.
"You think I'm gonna let you take Caboose to some headshrinker, so he can get rid of me?" O'Malley snarled. "I don't think so!"
"But you think you have a choice?" Murray stepped forward. "Wrong."
"We are going to get you help like we should had done before. You're going, and that's that." Sonny snarled.
"Try and make me." O'Malley sneered.
"Gladly. Let's get him!" Slot cried.
As one, the Napoleon brothers dived at O'Malley. What followed was a struggle of epic proportions, as the seven tried to apprehend the rogue personality. Normally, O'Malley would have had his hooves full. But, heightened by self-preservation and determination to remain in control, he was fighting harder than ever. One by one, the brothers fell. Grimoire was the last, taken down by an uppercut.
"And that's that." O'Malley smirked. "Now, I'm in the mood for some air. Whattaya say, Daring? Wanna go for a walk with me? Maybe go somewhere quiet, if ya catch my drift?"
"Not a chance." Daring growled.
"Wanna bet?" O'Malley advanced on her.
"Don't even think about-" Blueblood stepped in front of Daring, but was smacked aside by O'Malley.
"I've been wantin' to do that for years. I mean, what kind of stallion uses perfume?" O'Malley sneered.
"O'Malley, don't do this!" Dusty declared.
"Oh, I've always liked you, Dusty." O'Malley admitted, as he gently grasped the mare with his magic, much to Dusty's shock, and gently move her aside, pinning her against the wall. "But there is no way I am going to play second fiddle again. So stay outta my way. I'd hate to haveta hurt ya."
With the last obstacle gone, O'Malley lunged for Daring, grabbing her around the waist.
"Gah! Let... me... go!" Daring struggled.
"No can do, Darlin'." O'Malley smirked. "You an' me are finally gonna have some alone time."
"Caboose... will stop you!" Daring declared.
"Fat chance." O'Malley snorted. "That loser had his time. It's the O'Malley era now, baby."
And with that, O'Malley dragged his captive out of the room.
'There I was, watching as the monster my mind created hurt the ponies I loved played out like a horror movie, while doing the only logical thing anypony would do in my situation…'
"HELLLLLLLLP!"
After O'Malley made his escape, the seven brothers and Blueblood came around.
"What happened?" Murray groaned.
"O'Malley happened." Grimoire snarled.
"He grabbed Daring and ran." Dusty declared, still pinned to the wall.
"I'll get you down, my love." Blueblood said, cancelling out O'Malley's magic.
"How are we going to find them?" Slot asked.
"Simple." Grimoire smiled. "We all know O'Malley. He likes places that are high up."
"Yeah, so he can look down on everypony." Salt sneered.
"And where's the nearest high place around here?" Grimoire prompted.
"The Canterlot clock tower!" Lars yelled.
"Exactly." Grimoire nodded. "Blueblood, you and Dusty alert the guards. We'll go after O'Malley."
"Okay." Blueblood agreed. "Good luck."
The brothers charged out of the room and out of the castle, as they made their way to the clock tower.
As they neared the foot of the tower, Vinny turned to Grimm.
"Bro, are you sure that O'Malley would've come here?" Vinny asked.
"Of course." Grimoire nodded. "Not only am I sure, I know he went here...
"How can you be certain?" Vinny asked.
Grimm points to the door, and it had a Caboose-shaped hole.
"Educated guess." Grimoire smiled.
O'Malley was waiting in the clock tower, pacing erratically. Daring was bound to the railing, as they were merely a couple of floors above ground level, glaring at O'Malley.
"Okay... okay, O'Malley, you can figure this out... those royal idiots may have the town on high alert, but you had been dealt badder hooves before..." O'Malley muttered to himself.
"You won't get away with this." Daring snarled. "There are guards everywhere looking for you... and Grimm and the others will surely find you before they do..."
"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." O'Malley glared at her. "Do you honestly think I'm afraid of anypony? Do you not realize who I really am? I am O'Malley, the perfection to all of Caboose's flaws, the stallion that Caboose could never be!"
"Why must you do this?" Daring asked. "What did Caboose ever do to you to deserve... all of this?"
O'Malley gave her a sinister smile.
"Oh, my dear Daring... it's nothing against the poor chap..." He paused. "Okay, maybe it is a little... but try seeing things from my perspective. I'd been buried that idiot for so long, gifted with intelligence and skills that Caboose only possesses a fraction of. I finally got the chance to come out, but kept getting pushed back down. Every time he needed help, it was me who did the hard work, me who pulled him out of the fire. Well, those days are officially over!"
"No... no, it's not... Caboose will stop you!" Daring declared.
"Caboose?" O'Malley snorted. "Oh, dear Daring, in case you hadn't been paying attention to the last chapter, Caboose is probably somewhere in the back of my mind, sniveling like the little foal he is."
"You don't know Caboose like I do." Daring shot back. "He created you, and he can destroy you!"
"I don't know him?! I am him!" O'Malley roared. "He and I share everything! The same body, the same activities, the same interests..." He glanced wickedly at Daring. "...the same mare."
Daring stifled a gulp, trying to stay brave.
"What are you going to do with me?" She asked.
"Don't you worry, Daring...fortunately for Caboose, you were the only thing that he did right." O'Malley smirked. "Of course, he had my help, but those are just details... but my plan for you is simple... once I find us a way out of here, you and I are going to run off into the sunset together, start a brand new life..."
"What makes you think I want anything to do with you?!" Daring snarled.
"Easy. You bend to my will, or I will simply kill myself..." O'Malley glared darkly. "Taking Caboose with me in the process."
"You would do that to yourself?" Daring gaped. "You hate Caboose so much... that you would do anything to take everything from him?"
"It's a dual personality thing, dear... I can't expect you to understand." O'Malley shrugged.
"You're crazy!" Daring yelled.
"Oh no." O'Malley laughed. "Spiteful, vindictive, have a bit of anger issues, but never crazy." He grinned darkly. "But if you want crazy..."
He approached Daring menacingly.
"STOP!"
O'Malley and Daring glanced behind them, and the seven brothers were panting like crazy, as they went up a bunch of stairs, crawling on their knees.
"Hold it... right there..." Grimoire held up a hoof, panting like crazy.
"Geez, why couldn't you... pick a place that had only one floor..." Murray wheezed.
O'Malley gave them an evil grin.
"Well, well, well, maybe Caboose's idolization of you idiots weren't so crazy after all." He noted.
"Stop this, O'Malley!" Grimoire stood up. "Let our brother and his girl go! You know full well that body is not yours!"
"But Grimm... wouldn't you rather have me for your brother?" O'Malley feigned being hurt. "I mean... unlike Caboose, I can actually serve the Bitalian Mafia... I mean, I have smarts, I have brawn... and I'm especially not a wimp that your other brothers could push around... in other words, I am ten times the brother Caboose could never be."
"No... you're not." Grimoire growled. "You're nothing compared to Caboose."
"Oh, and what exactly does Caboose have that I so apparently lack?" O'Malley growled.
"You don't get it..." Grimoire sighed. "Caboose is not a pony that you can simply replace... you're so blinded by your own self-image that you don't see what Caboose is to us..."
"Really?" O'Malley snorted. "And what exactly is the little idiot to you fools anyways?"
"Well, for starters, he's the glue that keeps the ship afloat, even though he pokes holes in it most of time..." Murray stepped forward.
"He's the spark who keeps the fire burning, even when the fire burns a little too hot." Sonny smiled.
"He's the punching bag that can take all your punches and can still be hanging." Salt added.
"He's the mystery that keeps you guessing, even though it may frustrate you to no ends." Lars declared.
"He's the little runt that keeps coming back... even when you don't want him around..." Vinny said whimsically.
And as annoying, idiotic, and sometimes crazy, as he may be..." Slot sighed. "He's still our little brother..."
"And you, O'Malley, don't deserve to share the same body as him!" Grimoire yelled. "Now, I am going to ask you one more time... Let. Our. Brother. Go!"
O'Malley remained silent, as he grew angry.
"Caboose this... Caboose that..." His eye twitched. "Don't you idiots get it?! Caboose is gone! He no longer exists! I, O'Malley Napoleon, am here to stay! And if you won't accept that... then I have no choice but to be rid of you all!"
"Don't make us do this, O'Malley!" Murray declared. "If you won't give Caboose back his body, then we'll make you give it back!"
"Oh really?" O'Malley sniggered. "You're going to make me give control back to that idiot? I don't think so..."
"Don't be stupid, O'Malley..." Vinny warned him.
The seven brothers began surrounding him. While O'Malley was occupied, Daring began trying to budge her bounds.
"You guys really threw away what could had been a wonderful relationship..." O'Malley tutted.
"Sorry, pal... but we'd rather have Caboose than some self-righteous psychopath, hooves down!" Salt cracked his hooves.
"You actually think all of you can hold a candle to me?" O'Malley growled. "You ponies have no idea who you're dealing with..."
"Maybe not." Grimoire nodded. "But for Caboose... we're willing to take the risk."
"Well, then, let's see if the risk-vs-reward system holds out..." O'Malley grinned darkly.
The seven brothers surrounded O'Malley, as the fight began. Grimoire made the first move.
"Give up, O'Malley!" He growled, lashing out with a hoof.
"And then what?" O'Malley asked, parrying the blow. "Go back to being buried in that idiot's head? Or worse, vanishing altogether? No way!"
"Oh, yes way! Murray, now!" Grimoire yelled, leaping to the side.
Murray quickly pulled out a crossbow, loaded with a tranquilizer bolt, and tried firing at O'Malley, who was facing Grimm. O'Malley quickly turned around and... caught it. Murray gulped.
"Oh, you sneaky little tart." O'Malley taunted.
In a flash, O'Malley charged at Murray. Murray attempted to shoot him again, but O'Malley punched the bow out of his hooves, and followed up with a right hook to the face.
"Augh..." Murray reared back, when suddenly, O'Malley stabbed him in the flank with the bolt. "GAH!" He fell unconscious due to the tranquilizer.
"Murray!" Grimoire cried.
Quickly, Sonny pulled out a club, and using his magic, lit it on fire.
"Caboose hates fires, so it stands to reason that O'Malley would, too!" He hypothesized.
He charged at O'Malley, swinging his torch around to ward O'Malley off... but O'Malley then caught the torch, and, licking his hoof, he put it out.
"Okay, maybe not..." Sonny gulped.
O'Malley gave a sick smile as he then blasted Sonny against a wall with his magic, knocking him out.
"Sonny!" Grimoire gasped.
"Why you..." Salt charged at O'Malley, throwing punches at him. He hit O'Malley couple of times, knocking his head left and right…but even then, O'Malley turned his face back to face Salt with an evil smile.
"Is that supposed to hurt?!" O'Malley smirked.
Salt stifled a curse as he continued punching him, but O'Malley then caught one of his hooves. O'Malley grinned as he then countered with his own hoof, slugging Salt in the face (breaking his snout), and proceeded to punch him constantly all around. Soon, he knocked him to the ground, out for the count.
"That's it..." Lars growled as he pulled out a crop, and tried attacking O'Malley as well, but O'Malley simply grabbed his head with his magic and hit it against the railing. As Lars struggled to get up, O'Malley pinched his neck with his hoof, rendering him unconscious.
Vinny roared as he charged at O'Malley as well, but O'Malley punched him in the face.
"Ow, my face!" He groaned. O'Malley then hit him in the groin. "Ow, my groin!"
O'Malley punched him constantly in the face and groin, eliciting the same responses, before finally knocking him out.
"You know, I was actually expecting a challenge, but right now, I am feeling really underwhelmed." O'Malley admitted.
"Oh yeah?" Slot pulled out a knife. "Well, you're no prize yourself!"
"Knives?!" O'Malley held up his hooves in mock terror. "Oh, you found my only weakness..."
"Enough with your games, O'Malley!" Slot declared. "You are going down!"
"Come now, Manslaughter... why so serious?" O'Malley taunted.
"I swear, if he makes one more reference..." Slot mumbled.
"Should I 'say hello' to your little friend?" O'Malley asked.
Slot let out a roar as he charged at O'Malley. O'Malley simply caught Slot's knife hoof, broke it, and gave him a vicious uppercut. Grimm stifled a curse, as it was now only him and O'Malley.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me, old-timer." O'Malley approached him.
Grimoire charged up his horn, ready to fire magic.
"Stay back, O'Malley!" He yelled.
"Or what?" O'Malley smirked. "You're gonna shoot me?!"
"I have to stop you, O'Malley." Grimoire declared. "By any means necessary..."
"Oh, like you would shoot your own brother... come on, Grim, we both know you don't have the ca-honeys to shoot me!" O'Malley taunted.
"Don't test me, O'Malley!" Grimoire snarled.
"But Grimm..." O'Malley turned his voice to Caboose for a moment. "You wouldn't hurt your little brother, would you, bro?"
The voice struck a chord in Grimm's heart, as the old pony felt his heart ache. His horn flickered as he lost his charge... then O'Malley blasted him hard with magic.
"Just what I thought." O'Malley pinned Grimoire. "Just like Caboose... weak-minded and weak-willed."
Grimm coughed as he looked up at O'Malley.
"Please... don't do this... Caboose... please..." He wheezed.
"Sorry, old man, but Caboose is gone... and so are you..." O'Malley raised his hoof.
Suddenly, a plank of wood was smashed on his head. O'Malley didn't flinch, as he then glared at the perpetrator, Daring.
"Oh ho... to quote Ben, who had since drowned and haunted a video game, 'you shouldn't had done that'." O'Malley growled viscously.
"Daring, run!" Grimoire yelled.
"Quiet, you!" O'Malley kicked Grimm, knocking him out. He turned and found Daring running up the tower. "Oi, why must women be so beautiful, yet so freaking annoying..."
O'Malley chased Daring up the stairs, taking the knife that was in Slot's hoof.
"You can run all you want, babe, but I will not be denied!" O'Malley roared.
For a brief glimmering moment, it looked like Daring had escaped. But somehow, O'Malley caught up to her, grabbing Daring's back hoof.
"GOT YA!" He snarled.
"No you don't!" Daring bucked O'Malley in the chin, knocking him down the flight of stairs. She cringed. "Sorry, Caboose..."
Daring kept going, making it to the top of the tower, where the tower's bell resided. Daring saw an open window in front of her. Seeing a way out, she spread her wings, about to get off the ground, when suddenly, a thrown knife cut one of her wings, causing her to trip. Daring growled in pain as she look at her cut wing, and then back at the stairs, where an angry O'Malley, with a bruised chin and forehead, glared at her.
"Y'know, there's a point where you playing 'hard to get' gets really old!" He spat.
"Stay away from me, O'Malley!" Daring grabbed the knife. "You hear me?!"
"Or what, sweetheart? You'll stab me?" O'Malley sneered. "I just been through this with the old timer downstairs: you won't hurt me, lest you want to hurt Caboose."
Daring growled in frustration, knowing he was right.
"Let's stop messing around, Daring." O'Malley smiled. "If you come with me now, I'll forget that you smashed me over the head with a spear and a plank of wood, and possibly broke my chin, and we can run away into the sunset together. Just you and me..."
"Why should I?" Daring snarled. "You hurt everypony around you! Even Caboose's brothers!"
"Brothers?!" O'Malley snorted. "Before I came along, Caboose was their throw rug! They did nothing but shun and abuse him, like a gosh darn punching bag! That's all Caboose was to anypony! It was thanks to me that Caboose made it as far as he did! It's also because of me that you even started dating him!"
"That's a lie!" Daring retorted.
"Is it, Daring?!" O'Malley asked. "Who was it that saved your life when Dr. Caballeron was about to kill you with that knife?! Couldn't have been Caboose, because if I remember right, it was me that said 'This is for my hoof tip!'."
"That... that proves nothing!" Daring said, unsure.
"Look, babe... you can deny it all you want, but it was me that you fell in love with, not Caboose..." O'Malley was now close to Daring, face to face with her. "Why settle for a pathetic pushover like Caboose when you could have somepony who can really take care of you..."
Daring glanced warily at O'Malley when suddenly, O'Malley forced his mouth onto Daring's, kissing her.
'This part sickened me. I can't describe what it feels like to kiss a pony when you aren't in control of your own body. For a moment, I had really thought Daring had really picked O'Malley over me...'
While her mouth was caught in the kiss, Daring let out a inner growl as she then jabbed the knife into his shoulder, and pushed him back, holding onto the knife.
"GAH!" O'Malley roared out loud as he gripped his shoulder.
Daring spat, and wiped her mouth.
"Get this through your bloody skull!" She glared at O'Malley viciously. "It's Caboose I love, not you! You're just some small-minded, evil thug, and I wouldn't take you on your best day over Caboose on ten of his worst!"
O'Malley felt his eye twitch, as he let out an angry roar.
"If that's how you feel... fine, if you won't love me, then I will OWN YOU!" He snarled.
O'Malley shot the knife out of Daring's hoof with his magic, and charged right at her, slugging her hard in the face with his hoof, sending her flying into the window, shattering it. Daring crumbles to the ground in pain, wiping the blood off her mouth, tears coming to her eyes.
'That was it. The last straw. O'Malley had hurt the mare I love with 'my' own hooves. I was so outraged, all the anger I'd kept inside for so long just erupted all at once in my mind.'
O'Malley approached the hurt Daring menacingly.
"Yeah, cry all you want, you stupid mare... but no one is going to save you from m-" As O'Malley gloated, his left front hoof lifted up and in front of him. "Huh? What the..."
The hoof suddenly punched him in the face. O'Malley backpedaled. Daring looked up in shock, not sure what had just happened.
"Guh-what is going on her-GRR!" O'Malley's head shook violently, as suddenly, Caboose took control.
"Hoi! That feels good." Caboose smiled.
"Caboose!" Daring's face lit up in relief.
Suddenly, O'Malley took back control again, flabbergasted.
"What?! What the bloody hay are you still doing here?!" He growled.
"You hurt the mare I loved, O'Malley!" Caboose shot back.
"She asked for it! No one stabs O'Malley James Napoleon!" O'Malley retorted.
"Well, you just crossed the line, O'Malley! In fact, you crossed it so many times, the people at border control are getting concerned."
"Oh, what are you going to do about it, Caboose?! I'm the one in control now! So get back in your corner and stay there!"
"NO! I am not going to be your stepping stool anymore, O'Malley! In the name of the Napoleon family name, as well as the guy writing these lines, I am becoming my OWN stallion!"
"Very touching speech, buckface, but how do you intend to stop me?"
"The only way I know how!" Caboose slammed his hooves into his own guts, prompting O'Malley to keel over in pain.
"OW!" O'Malley groaned. "What are you doing?! You're only hurting yourself!"
"I'm going to stop you, O'Malley... even if I have to break every bone in my body to do it!" Caboose declared.
"Caboose!" Daring called.
"Daring, get out of here!" Caboose instructed. "I'll take care of O'Malley!"
Daring slowly got up, but was then pinned down by magic.
"You aren't going anywhere, toots!" O'Malley spat. "I'll deal with you after I put Caboose in his place!"
"Bring it!" Caboose yelled.
What followed was one of the most bizarre fights in history, as the two minds made the body strike itself over again. Every time Caboose swung a punch, O'Malley administered a kick, and vice-versa. They matched each other blow-for-blow.
"Take that!" Caboose struck his nose.
"Is that all you got?!" O'Malley kicked his own leg.
"How 'bout this?" Caboose put himself in a headlock and administered a noogie.
"Aaah!" O'Malley yelped. "I hate those! Try this!"
O'Malley struck the groin.
"Ooh!" Caboose gulped. "That's it..."
Caboose dragged the body to the bell, slipping under it, where he started beating his head constantly inside the bell, causing it to ring so many times.
"Stop it, ya idiot!" O'Malley yelled.
"Not a chance!" Caboose smiled.
"You think you can just toss me aside, Caboose?!" O'Malley roared between head bangs. "I'm a part of you, pal! I always have been!"
O'Malley bit down hard on his foreleg.
"Well, consider this your pink slip!" Caboose growled as he tries charging up a magical blast. Unfortunately, he hit his head a little too hard in the bell, causing him to prematurely release the charge, and for it to ricochet all around the bell, scratching the pony up in the process.
"You are a fool, Caboose! You need me! You always will!" O'Malley cried.
"NO!" Caboose screamed, as he banged his head really hard against the bell, "NOT!" Again. "ANY-!" And again "MORE!"
The bell let out one last loud ring. Daring looked on in confusion, as suddenly, the bell cracked in two and split open. Caboose was revealed, a bit beaten up, and woozy as ever. Daring was unsure whether it was Caboose or O'Malley... but then Caboose glanced at Daring... and gives a smile that only Caboose would give. Daring smiled in relief, as Caboose limps towards her.
'It seems like that was the end of it. The bad guy was defeated, the hero had triumphed, and he was about to go off with his mare of his dreams... but then, out of freaking nowhere...'
Suddenly, Caboose shifted to O'Malley, letting out a vicious growl.
"If I can't have this body, then nopony can!" He roared.
Quickly, O'Malley reached for the knife that was still on the ground and was about to stab himself, but Caboose quickly moved his body to avoid the blade.
"O'Malley! Stop! This!" Caboose said with each dodge of the knife.
"No! There can only be one of us, Caboose, and I!" He punched himself. "Will!" Another punch. "BE!" Another punch put them in front of a window. "THE ONE!" O'Malley punched them extra hard, knocking them out of the window.
"CABOOSE, NO!" Daring shrieked.
Caboose and O'Malley began falling to the ground.
"NOOOOOOOO!" O'Malley yelled.
'So, here we are, back where the story started. For my life to end like this, in such a cruel way... It sucks, right? Except... it didn't end after all!'
Meanwhile, on the ground, there were two guards, looking for Caboose. One heard the screaming.
"Do you hear something?" One asked.
"Nope." The other answered.
Another guard came rushing in.
"Hey, I just got back from the doctor! I'm going to live!" He smiled.
Caboose landed on the third guard, injuring him.
"Or not..." The guard groaned.
Daring, unable to fly with her injured wing, hurried down the stairs as fast as she could. She kneeled at Caboose's broken body, a rhythmic wheeze emanating from it. Coming up right behind her, limping, was Grimm, who had just woken up from his slumber.
"No… heavens no…" Grimm whispered.
"Caboose, no..." She sniffed. "Don't leave me, please..."
Caboose's prone body was quickly rushed to the hospital (soon followed by the guard whom back he had broke when he fell).
The poor pony ended up put in a full-body cast while his brothers (save for Grimoire) occupied the beds beside him, with lesser injuries.
Daring refused to leave the hospital until she could see Caboose. As soon as she was allowed to, she rushed in.
"Caboose..." She whispered. "Are you okay?"
"As okay as I can be, given the circumstances." Caboose smiled. "In fact, I'm better than okay. He's gone, Daring."
"Who?" Daring asked.
"O'Malley." Caboose answered.
Caboose's brothers, having feigned sleep to give the two some privacy, turned to look at them, stunned by Caboose's admission.
"Really?" Daring gasped. "But... how can you be sure?"
"I don't know really… but as far as I could remember, even when I was in control, I could always feel O'Malley scuttling around in the back of my head, pacing around like a lion stalking his prey..." Caboose explained. "But now… I feel nothing. I don't know if it was the fall, or me finally standing up to him, or letting out all my anger, but he's gone. We won't have to worry about him anymore..."
"Way to go, Caboose!" Murray smiled. "I always knew you could take that jerk!"
"No more O'Malley." Lars smiled. "I've never felt so happy. Though that may just be the morphine kicking in..."
"I'm just so glad to have you back, Caboose." Daring smiled.
Daring kissed Caboose passionately. Caboose's heart monitor began beating erratically, and the other brothers only groaned.
"Oh come on, Caboose!" Vinny groaned. "It's bad enough we all became vegetables to save your flank, but must you try to get lucky with her right in front of us?!"
The others loudly voiced their agreements.
Caboose slightly pushed Daring away with his snout, since he couldn't move his limbs.
"My bros are right, Daring... I guess I have to give you an I.O.U. for later." He declared.
"Okay..." Daring kissed him on the nose. "Till then..."
Daring left, giving Caboose a seductive wink.
"I really am the luckiest pony in history..." Caboose smiled.
"We get it, Caboose, you have a hot flank marefriend." Slot groaned.
"Yeah, and while you get the mare, we're all laid up for the next couple of weeks." Murray added.
"Speaking of which, what do we do now?" Sonny asked.
"Well, I guess we just have to wait..." Salt slurred, his voice altered die to a broken snout.
The seven ponies did as such... but after five seconds, Vinny growled.
"This sucks." He announced.
"Oh come on, guys, cheer up!" Caboose smiled. "You know what they say..."
Immediately, the brothers gaped in horror.
"No, no, no..." Murray trembled.
"Not that... anything but that!" Slot gasped.
"Somepony pull my cord, please!" Vinny begged.
"You're not on life support, dummy!" Lars pointed out.
"Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad, other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle!" Caboose started to lightly sing. "And this'll help things turn out for the best: And..."
Caboose started lightly rocking back and forth.
"Always look on the bright side of life." He whistled. "Always look on the light side of life. "
The brothers were panicking, as he sang the next verse.
"Murray! Fake a heart attack, please!" Vinny yelled.
"Why do I got to do it?!" Murray asked.
"It's more believable for an old guy like you!" Vinny answered.
"Old? I'm only about ten years older than you!" Murray snorted.
"To be honest, Vinny, with your weight, you can easily fake a heart attack." Lars pointed out.
"When you're feeling in the dumps, don't be silly chumps, just perch your lips and whistle, that's the key. And always look on the bright side of life... " Caboose whistled again.
"I'm not fat! I'm big boned!" Vinny defended indignantly.
"No, you're not." Salt declared. "We made that up to make you feel good about yourself."
"You're lying!" Vinny snarled.
"Actually, we're not. You see..." Murray started.
Caboose continued singing as Murray explained.
"For life is quite absurd, and death's the final word, you must always face the curtain with a bow, forget about your sin, give the audience a grin... "
"You crum-bum!" Vinny seethed. "You lied to me!"
"We only wanted to preserve your feelings." Murray offered.
"No, preserving feelings was not bringing up the whole thing with Peaches Cream. You were just being a jerk!" Vinny spat.
"You know what, let's just humor Caboose with this stupid song." Lars offered. "It beats arguing about Vinny being fat even though he is."
"Oh lay off!" Vinny huffed.
"You'll see it's all a show, people laughing as you go... " Caboose sang.
"Oh boy, here comes the chorus..." Salt groaned.
"Oh, where's cousin Dexter with his sleep medicine when you need him?" Sonny wept.
"I hate this..." Slot winced.
Suddenly, the seven began singing and whistling together.
"Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... "
Suddenly, the lights went out.
"Let's just cut to the next scene and forget this ever happened." Slot suggested.
As Caboose continued his recovery (which went by quickly for him), he had plenty of time to think about the fallout from O'Malley's actions. He feared that O'Malley might have ruined his reputation, costing his place in Canterlot, but the visiting Grimoire promised to take care of it.
"Come now, Caboose, this may not be Bitaly, but I can still pull strings here and there..." Grimoire offered.
Grimoire went all the way to Celestia herself.
"Your majesty, I want to make a deal." He announced. "I am willing to give anything to smooth over the problems caused by O'Malley, and for you to pardon Caboose of all his wrongdoings."
"Well, I don't think-" Celestia started.
"Please, your highness." Grimoire pleaded. "I want to make things right, for Caboose's sake…please don't make me beg."
Celestia mulled it over.
"Well, I suppose I could grant Caboose a pardon... if you were willing to pay for the medical bills of the guards O'Malley injured, and for a new bell for the clock tower." She said finally.
"Really?" Grimiore raised his brow. "That's all? There's no strings attached or anything?"
"No. This is the deal, take it or leave it." Celestia nodded.
Quite amazed, Grimm only smirked. "Then it's a deal then."
The princess and the mafia boss shook hooves, and Grimoire departed, pleased with his negotiating skills. Suddenly, Shine walked in, joining his wife.
"So, cherryblossom, how long do you wish to wait before telling Grimm that you already pardoned Caboose?" Shine asked.
"Oh, once Canterlot gets a new bell and the guards have made a full recovery." Celestia smiled. "I am a forgiving mare, dear, but a free bell is a free bell."
"Ah… Nicely played." Shine smirked.
Caboose finally healed enough to get out of the cast. All his friends and family were there to greet him as he left the hospital.
"Good to have you back, Caboose." Blueblood smiled.
"Thanks, Blue." Caboose beamed.
"Unca 'Boose! Unca 'Boose!" Pureblood and Vito cheered.
"Hey, how's my favourite great-nephews?" Caboose hugged them. "I missed you little guys."
"We all missed you." Dusty declared. "Welcome back, Caboose."
As Caboose returned to the castle, he made a beeline for the barracks. However, it did not stop him from giving his friendly greetings to other ponies along the way. They all were shocked by Caboose's 'sudden shift' of personalities from a couple of weeks ago, but they did not question it.
Within seconds, Caboose arrived at the barracks. There, he found Iron Hooves.
"Hey..." He said hesitantly.
"Hi." Iron Hooves said impassively.
"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what O'Malley did." Caboose declared. "If it makes you feel any better, you won't be hearing from him again."
"Is that a fact?" Iron mused.
"Yes… but if you want to fire me, I understand." Caboose sighed. "It was fun while it lasted..."
"I'm not gonna fire you." Iron smiled.
"You're not?" Caboose asked.
"Nope." Iron nodded. "What happened wasn't your fault. Many ponies who comes back from war suffers PTSD in their own ways… yours just happen to had created a second violent personality."
"PTSD?" Caboose repeated.
"You know, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? You have it from serving your country in Saddle Arabia?" Iron explained.
In that moment, Caboose immediately remembered the huge backstory he had for coming here.
"Oh… right… PTSD…" Caboose nervously chuckled.
Iron did not notice his nervousness, "Besides, Lieutenant… I actually like having you around."
"Wow… really?" The brown pony smiled, "I don't know what to say…"
"Then let me say it. Apology accepted." Iron nodded.
"Thank you, Iron." Caboose smiled.
"No problem." Iron chuckled. "However, I expect you here tomorrow at nine a.m. sharp, as always, and that you address me as captain."
"You got it, captain!" Caboose nodded, as he gave a salute.
As Caboose's life returned to normal, he found himself thinking he still had something important to do. He gathered his family and Daring together.
"Guys, I've decided to hold a funeral for O'Malley." He announced.
Immediately, everypony gasped.
"You what?!" Slot cringed. "Why?!"
"Yeah. That dirtbag put us in a hospital and he tried to steal your life!" Murray snapped.
"And he put us in a FREAKING hospital!" Vinny repeated.
"Yeah, Caboose, what's your deal?" Grimm questioned.
"Look, I know O'Malley and I didn't always get along... but that didn't change the fact that he was a part of me…" Caboose declared. "I feel like I should... commemorate his passing, y'know?"
"Not really." Grimoire shrugged. "But if it's what you want, then we'll support your decision."
"Me too." Daring nodded. "I hate to admit it, but O'Malley did actually help sometimes. We should at least honor that part of his memory."
The funeral was a small affair. A small cardboard coffin was placed in the grand hall of the castle (Celestia having allowed them the time), and Caboose, his brothers, Daring and Dusty were all in attendance. Next to the coffin was a picture of Caboose, except with angry brows and a frowny face scribbled on it.
Caboose stepped forward to give the eulogy.
"Do you even know how to give a eulogy, Caboose?" Vinny asked.
"Sure I do. I've seen our great uncle Morgan Freestallion give them all the time." Caboose smiled, as he cleared his throat.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of O'Malley and Death, in eternalness, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!" He rambled.
The brothers glanced at him.
"Gosh, even without O'Malley, you still are screwy." Vinny sighed.
"And proud of it." Caboose chuckled. "Now, on to the burial."
They took the box over to the clock tower, which had been restored completely (courtesy of the Napoleon's bountiful fortune), burying it in the grass outside, and placing a post that read:
'O'Malley'
'…Somepony You Didn't Want To Know'
"Rest in peace, O'Malley." Caboose said solemnly, "I know we had our differences… and you hated my guts… but you were there for me when… she broke my heart. And while I may have not like the things you made me do… it kinda cheered me up. May you have your own body in the afterlife."
Then they all gave a moment of silence… although the brothers were quite perturbed by this awkward funeral.
"Yikes… Caboose seems to like this guy, even after all that he did." Murray whispered through his teeth.
"Well, I guess it comes from having a second personality." Lars whispered.
"At least we can say that we attended a funeral with no body…" Slot shrugged, before getting eyes from his brothers, "That had no body to begin with, that is."
"Quiet, you!" Grimm hissed to all of them, as the brothers immediately shut up.
Caboose let out a heavy sigh. "Good-bye, O'Malley…"
The next evening, Caboose and Daring were out on another date, at the restaurant they were when O'Malley threw his tantrum and began the whole series of events.
"It's good to have a nice, quiet date, without having to worry about O'Malley." Daring smiled.
"Yeah, it is." Caboose nodded. "Date number 147…oddly enough, this was exactly how long it took my cousin twice removed Gru to do this…"
"To do what?" Daring asked.
"This." Caboose got down on one knee, "Before we met, I had no luck with mares. Especially Peaches... I never imagined somepony as beautiful and amazing as you could love me. I'm so grateful to you for sticking by me, giving me your love... even if I act like a total screwball doofus sometimes. Loving you has been the greatest adventure of my life, and I don't ever want it to end. I guess what I'm trying to say here is… Daring Do, will you marry me?"
"Caboose..." Daring whispered, as her eyes grew watery. She was never one to cry, as years of adventuring had harden her resolve, but to hear those words come from his mouth, her resolve failed her. "Yes…"
"Yes?" Caboose repeated.
"Yes! Of course, I will!" Daring smiled.
In an instant, Caboose immediately shouted aloud.
"SHE SAID YES! YEE-HAW!" Caboose cheered, dancing a little jig, not caring that all the other ponies were staring. His horn was flashing brightly. "She's gonna marry me! In your face, Peaches Cream!"
In another instant, Caboose swooped up and embraced Daring, giving a deep, long kiss.
Then for some odd reasons, fireworks began to go off in the distance.
Daring parted from the kiss as she noticed the display, "Fireworks, Caboose?"
"I know it's cliché, but I had to make do with what I had left since the last date was a bust." Caboose shrugged.
Daring only smiled, "It's perfect, Caboose." The two kissed once more.
A short distance away, Murray and Vinny set off more fireworks. They had agreed to lie in wait for the signal (Caboose's horn flashes) and set off the fireworks in celebration..
"Not bad, huh?" Murray smiled. "Imported from Chineigh?"
"Yep." Vinny nodded. "Only the best for our bro."
Caboose's path to love may had taken quite a screwy and rather disturbing detour, but in the end, he had finally made it to his destination…but that did not mean that there wasn't plenty more ground to cover… but with his greatest foe gone, Caboose could just kick back and enjoy the ride.
'So, that's about it for now. The story is at an end. Now, I'm sure you wonderin': 'Geez, Caboose, I thought you were going to die in this story.' My answer to that: Come on, people, I was in Growing Pains! If I was dead, then I wouldn't had appeared at all in that story…unless you have an Ouija board on you or something.'
'But I'm sure I'm certain to die someday…probably by some household accident, which accounts for 65% of unnatural deaths. But for now, I think I will just continue on with my life.'
'As for mine and Daring's wedding? Well, that's another story…'
The End.
Author's Note
"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" belongs to Eric Idle and Virgin Records.