Version 1: Original Storyline
On a sunny afternoon in the quiet town of Ponyville, the Batmobile tore through the Everfree Forest, smashed through fifteen apple trees in Sweet Apple Acres and crashed into Sugarcube Corner where it finally came to a stop. Everypony managed to dodge out of the way at the last moment and now stood staring at the hulking black metal form as smoke issued up from the crash site, filling the air with the scent of cupcakes, muffins and gunpowder.
In less than thirty seconds, the area around the store became populated with almost one hundred ponies, each questioning their friends about the mysterious vehicle and its origin. A few pegasi ran inside Sugarcube Corner and came back out right away. They told the crowd they found nopony amidst the rubble. Amongst the crowd walked the pony Twilight Sparkle along with her dragon assistant Spike. She turned to him and quickly relayed a message.
“Oh my gosh! Spike, take a letter! Tell Princess Celestia there’s been an accident!” She detailed the scene as Spike wrote down every word, rolled up the parchment he was writing on, and breathed fire over it. The scroll dissipated into the air as Twilight stood in front of the crowd and kept herself between the wreckage and the worried Ponyville citizenry. “Attention everypony! Stay away from the wreckage! We have no idea if this is some sort of meteor or new technology we haven’t seen before…”
There was a roar of rage from the wreckage as the top of the Batmobile jettisoned off and flew through the air. A certain green pony by the name of Lyra stood next to her house as she gazed in horror at the spinning debris flying her way. There was a flash of movement as a rainbow fire-trail streaked across the ground. Lyra was pushed out of the way just-in-time as the debris hit the house, set it ablaze and started spreading rapidly through the hay-roofed structure. Rainbow Dash stopped nearby with Lyra in her arms. The green pony gasped in shock. “My house!”
“What?” Rainbow Dash said, “That thing wasn’t even on fire when it hit.” Dash put Lyra down, tore off into the sky and came back with a rain cloud which she halted over the house. She began stomping on it as rain poured down and put out the fire.
The ponies turned away from the subdued blaze to witness an imposing dark figure standing in the gap of the wreckage. A cape billowed ominously behind him, though there was no wind. A Kevlar suit, painted black, covered the body of the stranger, complete with boots as dark as night and gauntlets edged in blades. A cowl concealed the face, save for the eyes and mouth. Eyes which now stared unblinking at the pony crowd in front.
“Who are you?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“I’m Batman.”
The dark, very deep, very low grizzly voice took everypony by surprise. They all took a step back as the stranger stepped forward and stood several feet taller than all of them. “You’re all in terrible danger,” he said. “Last night, the Joker escaped Arkham Asylum and made his way here. If we don’t find him fast, he’ll launch a nerve gas which will cover all of Gotham City in poison, killing everyone.”
“Who’s the Joker?” Dash asked.
“Where’s Gotham City?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“My house is still on fire!” Lyra shouted. A tiny flame had re-ignited and swelled into a raging fire. Batman pulled out his grapple gun, launched it at the roof, wrapped the cable around the bulk of hay and retracted the burning mass back towards him at a frightening speed. With one swift move, he laid waste to the fire with a single punch of fury.
“WHAT?” Rainbow Dash asked as the tiny cinders fizzled out. “HOW? WHA…Nopony can punch out a fire!”
“I’m Batman.”
“I know who you are! But that was impossible!”
“Hold on, Rainbow Dash. Let him speak,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Could you explain why you think this Joker is here in Ponyville?”
“The Joker is a master of deception. He can disguise himself with incredible skill should the need arise. He’s hiding here, somewhere amongst this crowd.”
The ponies looked around and began talking in worried tones. Dash shook her head. “Hold on. Wait a minute. Is this Joker just like you?”
“HE’S NOTHING LIKE ME!”
“Whoa, whoa. No, I mean…tall, like you. And…not a pony.”
“He could be anything.”
“What is he, a shapeshifter?” Dash asked. “It’s impossible that a ‘not-pony’ as big as you could hide in this crowd.”
A voice shouted out in anger from the back of the crowd. “What in the hay happened to all muh apple trees?” An orange pony by the name of Applejack stomped to the front of the crowd as her brother Big Mac, lil’ sister Apple Bloom and grandmother Granny Smith trailed angrily behind her. Applejack threw her cowboy hat down onto the ground in front of her as she opened her mouth to speak, only to stare wide-eyed at the visage of the masked crimefighter standing before her. “What in tarnation is this?”
“I’m Batman.”
“We. KNOW!” Dash said in frustration. She looked around the crowd. “Hey…where’s Fluttershy? And Rarity? And Pinkie Pie? I don’t see them here. You think everypony would be drawn to this sight!” The crowd began to look around for any sign of the missing ponies. When they turned back to the wreckage, the Bat was gone.
Rarity and Pinkie Pie hugged Fluttershy as she cowered on a couch in Rarity’s boutique. “I don’t wanna go out there! It sounded like an earthquake hit!” Fluttershy said as she shivered.
“My dear, you’re exaggerating,” Rarity said. “But if you keep shivering here none of us will be able to go outside and check. I don’t want to leave you alone, Fluttershy, since you almost fainted. I worry about you.”
“Oh Fluttershy,” Pinkie Pie said as she hugged her friend close. “Does Auntie Pie need to sing you a song?”
“We’re not related…”
“…cause I know the perfect one!” the pink pony leapt off the couch and started into her song.
When I was a little filly and the sun was going downnnnnnn
“Umm…it’s okay, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said. But Pinkie continued.
The darkness and the shadows they would always make me frownnnn
“Let her sing, sweetheart,” Rarity said. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I’d saw
But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all.
Fluttershy and Rarity started to smile as Pinkie moved to hug them both.
She said “Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears.
You’ll see that they can’t hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear!”
Ha! Ha! …ARGH!
Pinkie froze with an expression of shock as Batman stood next to her, his eyes searing with a rage the likes of which nopony had seen since Nightmare Moon.
“JOKER!” he yelled as Fluttershy squeaked in fear. Rarity’s mouth hung wide open.
“Who?” Pinkie asked.
“WHERE’S THE LAUGHING GAS!” Batman asked. The intensity of his voice caused Pinkie to shrink to the floor. After a moment of giggling, she stood up and started laughing.
“Oh, silly! I don’t use laughing gas! I’m naturally happy! It’s all thanks to my friends…” she said as she turned to look at Rarity and Fluttershy only to yelp in surprise at the sight of Batman now standing behind her. She glanced quickly back and forth around the room, but there was only one Bat. “Did you girls see how he did that?”
“Yes,” Rarity said, “But I’m too terrified to describe it!”
“Eep!” Fluttershy added.
“TELLMEWHATIWANNAKNOW!” Batman yelled incomprehensibly.
“Um…what?” Pinkie asked.
“WHEREISITJOKER? WHERESTHELAUGHINGGAS?” he continued.
“I…I don’t understand you.”
“ARGH!” he grabbed the pink pony by the shoulders as she froze.
“Start giggling!” Fluttershy yelled.
“He’s not a ghost, Fluttershy!” Pinkie yelled. She pointed out the window. “Look over there!”
“I’m not falling for it, Joker.”
Fluttershy and Rarity turned and pointed out the window. It was Rarity who spoke. “How did Pinkie do that?”
Batman turned and saw Pinkie Pie outside the window as she galloped towards the outskirts of Ponyville. He looked back at his grasp and noticed she was gone. He turned to the two ponies still in the room. “Looks like the Joker and I were trained by the same ninjas. Stay here.”
“What are you going to do?” Rarity asked. Batman jumped out the window and flew off.
“Is…he a pegasus?” Fluttershy asked.
“No, I think he’s just crazy,” Rarity responded.
Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Applejack saw Pinkie Pie rush up to them, pass by and speed towards the edge of town. “He’ll never catch me!” she shouted as she kicked up a trail of dust so thick she disappeared. A second later, she yelled “WHAT HAPPENED TO SUGARCUBE CORNER?”
Dash grunted. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if that Bat tries to capture Pinkie Pie…”
A dark form swooped down over the group and landed in the cockpit of the Batmobile.
“There’s no way that thing’ll work,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“What is that contraption?” Applejack asked.
There was the sound of an engine revving up as the jet-turbine in the back of the vehicle ignited. Blue fire shot forth and consumed Lyra’s house nearby as she cried out in fury. “THAT IS IT! MARK MY WORDS, BATMAN! IT. IS. ON!” The Batmobile tore through Sugarcube Corner and speed down the path after Pinkie Pie. The store collapsed into a massive heap as several pegasi brought clouds over Lyra’s house and poured rain over the charred exterior walls.
Twilight turned to her two friends. “We gotta go after them! We can’t let Batman catch Pinkie Pie!”
Dash shot around a corner and brought a pull-cart up to her friends. Rarity and Fluttershy ran up behind them as Fluttershy took her place next to Dash while the other three sat in back.
“Good idea,” Twilight said, “But we don’t have enough wingpower to catch up to them!”
“What we need is some HORSE POWER!” Applejack yelled out to the crowd. A hulking white pony with tiny wings, a yellow manecut and fierce red eyes jumped up from the multitude of ponies and flexed his arms as he shouted.
“OH YEAHHHHHH!” He ran forward as a troop of pegasi followed in his steed. They all attached themselves to the reins of the cart and shot off into the air with Dash and Fluttershy in the lead. In the distance was Canterlot castle with the dust trail of the Batmobile headed its way.
Pinkie Pie dashed through the underbrush as she looked around at her surroundings. In the distance behind her she could hear the hum of the Batmobile rushing her way. Her eyes widened as she cried out in fear and pushed herself to the limit. She was clearing an incredible amount of ground as Cloudsdale passed overhead.
Batman looked at the viewscreen in his vehicle as the computer targeted the pink pony on a radar screen. Several forms swooped down from the sky as pegasi began to knock down the trees in the path of the Batmobile. Batman narrowed his eyes.
Dash smiled as she saw the scene far ahead. “He’ll never make it past the trees!”
There was a small pop and then a massive explosion ripped apart the fallen tree trunk as Fluttershy gasped in horror at the smoking crater that was once a patch of woods.
“He didn’t!” she said.
“He did,” Rarity said, her eyes sullen and confused.
“THAT MEANIE!” Fluttershy yelled as she pushed forward at a frenzied pace.
The Batmobile ramped up a fallen tree trunk and fired a jet blast that launched it fifty feet into the air before it landed in a clearing, tore through the grass and kept moving after the small pink form now panicking as it started ascending the mountain path up to Canterlot. Pinkie Pie screeched. “SOMEPONY GET THIS CRAZY BAT-GUY AWAY FROM ME!” Coming up quick under Canterlot was a cliff.
“Take us further up!” Twilight said. The pegasi lifted higher out of the tree line and saw the Batmobile plunge over the side of the cliff and down a waterfall. It dove into the water below with a mighty splash as the dark form sank and disappeared.
“HA! Let’s see you get out of that one, Batman!” Dash said.
The surface of the water erupted as the Batmobile went vertical up the side of the mountain and ripped apart the rock with the treads of its tires.
“WHAT IN THE…” Applejack yelled as she and her friends watched, mouths open, as the Batmobile ignited its jet booster to dangerous levels. At the top of the castle was the small form of Pinkie Pie next to a taller white pony.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight said as the Batmobile zoomed up the edge of the castle. Pinkie looked off the side, saw the speeding vehicle, and leapt off the tower with a mighty scream. Princess Celestia, however, did not. She had enough time to make one frightened expression before the Batmobile reached the top of her tower.
Then, it exploded. The detonation ripped apart the castle tower as Dash, Fluttershy and the pegasi sped downward to intercept the falling pink pony. Dash broke the reins and sped further out as the other pegasi righted the cart. The rainbow pegasus caught Pinkie Pie seconds before she hit the water and pulled her up to the cart, now turning in mid-air. The pink pony dropped down onto the back of the cart as everypony turned to see the top of the tower crumble and fall off into the water.
“CELESTIAAAAAA!” Twilight yelled.
Out of the smoke flew the Princess as she dove towards the flying wagon. The expressions of the ponies moved quickly through elation, confusion and then fear when they saw the caped crusader riding the white mare. She yelled in utter panic. “I have absolutely no idea what’s going on!”
“Why don’t you just push him off?” Twilight yelled.
“Are you kidding me? Do you know who this is?” Celestia yelled.
“I’m Batman.”
“That’s who this is!” she continued.
“Ahhhh!” Pinkie yelled. She embraced Twilight. “Pinkie-Pie-Swear you won’t let him catch me!”
“SWEAR TO ME!” Batman yelled as Celestia turned in mid-air and pushed downward into a hard dive.
“Why are you chasing them?” Celestia asked her rider.
“That pink pony is the Joker in disguise!” Batman answered.
“No she isn’t! That’s Pinkie Pie, one of Twilight Sparkle’s friends!” Batman glanced at the fleeing pegasi wagon, then at Celestia, then at the wagon, then at the castle tower sinking in the water, then at Celestia, then at Pinkie Pie who was shivering. Celestia continued. “You figure it out yet, detective?”
“Prove it,” he said.
“EVERYPONY STOP!” Celestia yelled. The cart came to a halt in mid-air as the Princess hovered with Batman on her back. They moved close to the wagon as everypony shrunk away from Batman. Celestia picked up Pinkie Pie (“Hey!” the pink pony said) and held her up to face the dark knight. “Look at that face,”Celestia said. “Tell me that isn’t Pinkie Pie.”
Pinkie shrunk away as Batman pulled out a scanner and placed it over her face. He saw an x-ray of Pinkie’s skull. “I see…” the caped crusader said.
“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?” Twilight asked.
“She ran away,” Batman said.
“Oh,” Pinkie replied. “Sorry. I guess…this all could’ve been avoided.”
“Pardon me, Princess,” Batman said.
“EXCUSE ME?” Princess Celestia said. “Batman, you leveled part of Sweet Apple Acres. Then, you destroyed Sugarcube Corner…”
“And Lyra’s house,” Rarity added.
“Yes, that too. And then you destroyed most of the Canterlot Forest, carved into the supporting rockface of the castle cliff and broke apart most of my tower before collapsing my BEDROOM into the water! You know how many years of memories were in there?”
“No.”
“THOUSANDS.”
“Oh.”
“I should send you to the moon right now. But I’m afraid if I did, you would somehow collapse it into the Earth and shove this planetary body off orbit to where it would smash into each neighboring planet until the solar system collapses into a giant Bat-mess. “
“I never said I would do that.”
“You didn’t say you wouldn’t do it either.”
“Touché, Princess.”
“Batman. Leave. NOW,” Princess Celestia said. The dark knight nodded and leapt off the alicorn as he engaged his caped and soared away where he disappeared amongst the clouds. “Now please, all of you, let’s go to my castle tower and retrieve as much as we possibly can from the Falls of Past Tears.”
“Is that what that’s called?” Twilight asked.
The Princess sighed. “That or ‘The Place where Princess Celestia Almost Sent Batman into the Sun.’ Come on.”
Scootaloo fixed her bed as she mumbled to herself before speaking aloud. “I can’t believe Apple Bloom called me a chicken again! Just cause I didn’t want to go outside and see what happened with Sugarcube Corner.” She fluffed her pillow and curled up with a rainbow-colored blanket. She closed her eyes and said to herself, “I’m not a chicken.” She turned…
…and saw Batman staring at her.
“SCOOTALOO!”
“AHHHHHH!” Scootaloo screamed as she fell off the bed into a wrap of rainbow colors. “What? What do you want?”
The Batman stood atop the bed with his cape draped over the sheets as they billowed, despite the closed window. “I have heard your problem and I’m here to help.”
“Problem?”
“This is something I learned from someone I just met. It’s a song and you’re gonna love it.”
“Oh…okay. So…what is it?”
“I’m gonna teach you how to giggle at the ghosties!”
“Great.”
When I was a little Batman and the sun was going downnnn
“Uh huh.”
The darkness of Gotham City, it would always make me frownnn
“Where?”
I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I’d saw
But Alfred said that wasn’t the way to deal with fear at all!
“So, what did he…”
He said “BATMAN, you gotta stand up tall! Learn to face your fears!
You’ll see that they can’t hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear.”
At that moment, a maniacal cackling came out of the closet as the door burst open. There stood the Joker, with bomb in hand as the lit fuse started to trail closer towards the weapon. In a flurry of movement, Batman spun, caused his cape to fly up, and flung a batarang straight at the Joker. The spinning edge sliced off the lit fuse as it fell harmlessly to the floor while the batarang ricocheted off the Joker’s face, stopping his laughter and knocking him out cold. The bomb rolled away and rested motionless in the corner of the room. Scootaloo’s eyes went wide with shock as he squeaked. Batman picked up the bomb and tossed the Joker over his shoulder. He moved to the window, opened it and stepped onto the window’s edge. Scootaloo shook her head to break the shock and moved forward.
“Batman, wait!” the orange pegasus said. The dark knight halted but did not turn. “I…my friends and I would love to talk to someone like you. Someone with purpose, who can help us figure out our purposes and get our cutie marks! But I have to know…what’s you cutie mark?”
He turned to Scootaloo.
“JUSTICE.”
The Joker stirred as Batman punched him out, nodded to Scootaloo and flew out the window.
“So...awesome!” Scootaloo said as she watched the dark knight soar into the sky.
Version 2 for EQD: Extended Edition with Three New Scenes!
On a quiet afternoon in the land of Equestria, the Batmobile tore through Froggy Bottom Bog and slammed into the heads of the Hydra. The impact knocked each head into the bog as the vehicle sailed past the muck and burned up the vegetation in its wake. The roar of the engine alerted a multitude of monsters nearby, but the rampant destruction caused by the Batmobile filled every creature with terror at the sight of the tank-sized monstrosity. The path of chaos continued past the bog and found its way to Sweet Apple Acres as rows of apple trees crashed down upon impact. A tall tree shot towards the barn where it slammed into the window of Applejack’s room and stood hovering over the terrified pony.
“WHAT IN THE HAY IS THIS?” Applejack yelled as the sound of an engine sped off towards Ponyville.
Two puffs of smoke issued from the front exhaust ports of the Batmobile as missiles smashed two apple trees. They collapsed onto the ground and formed a ramp as the vehicle sped up and leapt over several houses. Several ponies peered up in the sky as a gang of pegasi split in an instant when the dark meteor sailed down from above and slammed into Town Hall. The landing ripped a hole in the side of the building as the crash echoed throughout Ponyville. A crowd of ponies organized around the wreckage in the moments that followed.
The Mayor of Ponyville galloped outside and stared up at the mysterious construction sticking out of the side of Town Hall. Twilight Sparkle ran through the crowd as Spike, her dragon assistant, stayed by her side. “Don’t touch it!” the purple unicorn said as Spike stopped right next to her at the front of the gathering. “Keep everypony away from the crash site!” She turned to Spike. “Take a letter! Tell Celestia there’s been an accident!” Twilight hastily relayed a message to Spike as the dragon used a quill to scribble the letter onto a parchment. He rolled up the finished note, breathed fire onto it and watched the message dissipate into air.
There was a roar of rage from the wreckage as the roof of the Batmobile jettisoned and trailed off into the air. It sailed towards the home of a mint-colored pony named Lyra. Stunned by the sight, she stood stark still as a rainbow trail streaked by and pushed her out of the way. The piece of flaming debris impacted and set fire to her house as Rainbow Dash put Lyra on the ground.
“My house!” the green pony shouted as she looked on in horror. Rainbow Dash lifted off and shot into the sky where she returned seconds later with a raincloud. She placed the cloud over the burning roof, stamped on it, and watched as water cascaded down onto the smoldering scorched hay awning.
The ponies in the crowd turned away from the fire to witness an imposing dark figure looming over the remains of the vehicle now jutting from the roof of Town Hall. There was no wind, but the cape of the stranger billowed ominously behind him. His black Kevlar bodysuit appeared to absorb the light and created an aura of darkness around him. The gauntlets on his arms were edged in blades. A cowl concealed the face and left visible the eyes and mouth. Eyes which now stared unblinking at the pony crowd in front.
“Who are you?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“I’m Batman.”
The dark, very deep, very low grizzly voice took everypony by surprise. They all took a step back as the stranger stepped forward and stood several feet taller than all of them. “You’re all in terrible danger,” he said. “Last night, the Joker escaped Arkham Asylum and made his way here. If we don’t find him fast, he’ll launch a nerve gas which will cover all of Gotham City in poison, killing everyone.”
“Who’s the Joker?” Dash asked.
“Where’s Gotham City?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“My house is still on fire!” Lyra shouted as a tiny flame re-ignited on the roof of her house and swelled into a raging blaze. Batman pulled out his grapple gun, launched it at the roof, wrapped the cable around the bulk of hay and retracted the burning mass back towards him at a frightening speed. With one swift move, he laid waste to the fire with a single punch of fury.
“WHAT?” Rainbow Dash asked as the tiny cinders fizzled out. “HOW? WHA…Nopony can punch out a fire!”
“I’m Batman.”
“I know who you are! But that was impossible!”
“Hold on, Rainbow Dash. Let him speak,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Could you explain why you think this Joker is in Ponyville?”
“The Joker is a master of deception. He can disguise himself with incredible skill. He’s hiding somewhere amongst this crowd.”
The ponies looked around and began to talk in worried tones. Dash shook her head. “Hold on. Wait a minute. Is this Joker just like you?”
“HE’S NOTHING LIKE ME!”
“Whoa, whoa. I mean tall like you. And not a pony.”
“He could be anything.”
“What is he? A changeling?” Dash asked. “It’s impossible that a ‘not-pony’ as big as you could hide in this crowd.”
A voice shouted in anger from the back of the crowd. “What in the hay happened to all muh apple trees?” An orange pony by the name of Applejack stomped to the front of the crowd as her brother Big Mac, lil’ sister Apple Bloom and grandmother Granny Smith trailed angrily behind her. Applejack threw her cowboy hat down onto the ground in front of her as she opened her mouth to speak, only to stare wide-eyed at the visage of the masked crime fighter standing before her. “What in tarnation is this?”
“I’m Batman.”
“We. KNOW!” Dash said in frustration.
Applejack eyed the dark knight. “Mind telling me why one of muh apple trees almost crushed me in muh sleep?”
A vicious cry erupted from the edge of town as a towering four-headed beast charged into Ponyville. Each head of the Hydra looked furious thanks to the throbbing welts left by the impact of the Batmobile. They shot their glances down at Batman and roared in vengeance at the dark knight as he gazed unblinking at their monstrous forms.
“Everypony RUN!” Twilight yelled as the Hydra made it to the edge of town square. The ponies scattered as the lumbering creature moved to strike Batman with one of its mouths. In a flash of movement, he pointed his grappling hook at the first head, fired the line and watched as the hook embedded itself in the mouth of the creature. Its eyes went wide with shock as Batman sailed up into its mouth and disappeared for a second. The other three heads watched in horror as spasms of pain shot through the first one. Its eyes rolled into the back of its head as the mouth opened There, within the maw, stood Batman with batarangs in one hand and grapple in the other. He kept his aim at the next nearest mouth. The two closest heads shook and cowered as the last one fainted and collapsed into the bedroom of Lyra’s house.
“OH MY GOSH! WHY, BATMAN, WHY?” Lyra yelled as the tongue of the fallen hydra lolled out onto the ground in front of her.
Batman holstered his weapons as he jumped out of the mouth. He unfurled his cape as he sailed to the ground without a single noise. Batman landed next to Twilight as the incapacitated hydra head dropped onto the ground next to her. She leapt in surprise as it and the other fallen head were dragged off by the terrified creature which now retreated back towards Froggy Bottom Bog.
All the ponies turned to stare at Batman, but he was now gone.
Rarity and Pinkie Pie hugged Fluttershy as she cowered on a couch in Rarity’s boutique. “I don’t wanna go out there! It sounded like a monster is nearby!” Fluttershy said as she shivered and covered herself with her yellow pegasi wings.
“My dear, if you keep shivering here none of us will be able to go outside and check,” Rarity, the white unicorn, said. “How can I leave you when you almost fainted only a moment ago? Fluttershy, sometimes I worry about you.”
“Oh Fluttershy,” Pinkie Pie said as she hugged her friend close. “Does Auntie Pie need to sing you a song?”
“We’re not related…”
“…cause I know the perfect one!” The pink pony leapt off the couch and started singing “Giggle at the Ghosties:”
When I was a little filly and the sun was going downnnnnnn
“Umm…it’s okay, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said. But Pinkie continued.
The darkness and the shadows they would always make me frownnnn
“Let her sing, sweetheart,” Rarity said. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I’d saw
But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all.
Fluttershy and Rarity started to smile as Pinkie moved to hug them both.
She said “Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears.
You’ll see that they can’t hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear!”
Ha! Ha! …ARGH!
Pinkie froze with an expression of shock as Batman stood next to her, his eyes searing with a rage the likes of which nopony had seen since Nightmare Moon.
“JOKER!” he yelled as Fluttershy squeaked in fear. Rarity’s mouth hung wide open.
“Who?” Pinkie asked.
“WHERE’S THE LAUGHING GAS!” Batman asked. The intensity of his voice caused Pinkie to shrink to the floor. After a moment of giggling, she stood up and started laughing.
“Oh, silly! I don’t use laughing gas! I’m naturally happy! It’s all thanks to my friends,” she said as she turned to look at Rarity and Fluttershy. She yelped in surprise at the sight of Batman now standing behind her. She glanced quickly back and forth around the room, but there was only one Bat. “Did you girls see how he did that?”
“Yes,” Rarity said, “But I’m too terrified to describe it!”
“Eep!” Fluttershy added.
“TELLMEWHATIWANNAKNOW!” Batman yelled incomprehensibly.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
“WHEREISITJOKER? WHERESTHELAUGHINGGAS?” he continued.
“I don’t understand you.”
“ARGH!” he grabbed the pink pony by the shoulders as she froze.
“Start giggling!” Fluttershy yelled.
“He’s not a ghost, Fluttershy!” Pinkie yelled. She pointed out the window. “Look over there!”
“I’m not falling for it, Joker.”
Fluttershy and Rarity turned and pointed out the window. It was Rarity who spoke. “How did Pinkie do that?”
Batman turned and saw Pinkie Pie outside the window as she galloped towards the outskirts of Ponyville. He looked back at his grasp and noticed she was gone. He turned to the two ponies still in the room. “Looks like the Joker and I were trained by the same ninjas. Stay here.”
“What are you going to do?” Rarity asked. Batman jumped out the window and flew off.
“Is he a pegasus?” Fluttershy asked.
“No. I think he’s just crazy,” Rarity responded.
Pinkie Pie sat in the sleeping compartment of the Friendship Express as it took off towards Canterlot. She sighed as the train attendant offered her snacks from the food cart. “Never seen anypony board the train so fast before!” he said. “You in some kind of trouble?”
“Just some crazy Bat-guy trying to catch me. That’s all. Thanks for the food!” She paid her two bits as the train attendant’s expression shifted into confusion. She closed the door and enjoyed her donut as she heard a strange sound rising in volume outside. She opened the blinds to the window and peeked out. She gasped and the donut in her hoof fell to the floor.
“JOKERRRRRRRRR!” A violent yell erupted from the intercom system within the train as the Batmobile sped up in its pursuit of the Friendship Express.
“He’s talking through the train intercom? How is he doing that?” Pinkie asked.
“You can’t escape JUSTICE, Joker!” The voice roared as the Batmobile fired a tether and clamped onto the rear of the train. Pinkie Pie ran out of her compartment and into the passenger car. She slammed the door behind her and shut down the lock.
“He’ll never catch me!” she said as she ran forward and looked for anypony who could help her.
At that moment, a resounding crash exploded from the rear-facing door as the train attendant scrambled to his hooves and screamed in terror at the Batman behind him. Pinkie’s eyes widened in fear. “You didn’t have to throw him through the glass like that!”
Seconds later, the attendant leapt through the window of the door into the next car as Pinkie watched the panicked pony push itself through every barrier in its way. The ponies in the other cars ran away from the combat behind them. “Oh,” Pinkie said. “Guess it wasn’t you.”
“It ends here, Joker!” Batman yelled as he flicked his batarangs into his hands.
“I’m NOT a joker! Well, maybe I am, but…”
“I knew it!” Batman said as he launched three batarangs at the pink pony. She screamed in terror as two of the curved edges sliced her hair and tail puffs. The severed edges fell to the floor as she ducked and avoided the third batarang altogether. The three blades stuck into the wall behind Pinkie as she stared in growing anger at the crime fighter standing before her.
“That’s it! Nopony cuts my hair and gets away with it!” She reached behind herself and pulled out a party cannon of immense proportions. She pointed it at the dark knight and smiled. “Party time!” The blast filled the interior of the car as Batman fell backwards through the opening into the sleeping quarters. The echo of the cannon shot bounced off the walls and shattered the windows as Pinkie Pie stood staring in shock at the destruction around her. “Oops,” she said.
There was a staggering quake through the train as Pinkie saw the interior of the sleeping quarters pull away from the broken rear-facing door. The car fell back and disappeared in the distance as the rev of an engine could be heard. There was a massive blast as the Batmobile crashed through the back wall of the Friendship Express and sat pointed in the direction of Pinkie Pie. The wheels began to spin and dig into the floor as Pinkie’s mouth dropped. She turned and ran.
The Batmobile shot forward and knocked the passenger seats out the growing tears in the sides of the car. The roof collapsed upon Pinkie’s pursuer as the remains of the railcar broke apart onto the tracks behind it. The Batmobile rocketed through the next dividing walls between the compartments and sent them hurtling down onto the tracks as the previous railcar disconnected, flipped over and came crashing to a halt on the railway. Then, it exploded.
“AHHH!” Pinkie screeched as she leapt into the dining car. Several ponies frantically fought to make their way to the engine room as the Batmobile revved up for another push. Pinkie looked at the connecting section between the trains, took out a wrench and yelled “I know what to do!”
The train attendant stood behind her and said. “Are you sure you know how to disconnect it?”
“Yes!” Pinkie yelled. She began to scream as she slammed the wrench onto the lock over and over again. “Break off already!”
The train attendant stared. “GIVE THAT TO ME!” He used the wrench with efficient speed. The Batmobile shot forward as the car disconnected. The landing broke apart beneath it and shifted in weight as it flipped over. The vehicle careened to the side and sped off the rails and into the forest.
“Hah!” The attendant said triumphantly. “Speed and courage paid off.”
A grappling hook shot out from the treeline and locked itself around the waist of the pony as he looked down in surprise. “What the?” The flying form of Batman shot out of the brush with a bellow of fury. The Bat impacted the attendant and stood atop the unconscious pony as Batman stared down at Pinkie Pie. She cowered back into the last passenger car where the vast majority of ponies stood shaking in fear.
“Now we end this,” Batman growled.
A burst of movement came out of the crowd as Lyra tackled Batman off the edge of the now-last compartment. They hovered in air for a moment thanks to Batman’s cape as the Batmobile rushed up beneath them and caught both combatants. They fought each other with a flurry of kicks and punches as Lyra shouted “This is for MY HOUSE!”
Pinkie Pie and the other ponies spotted Canterlot coming up quickly in the distance. They were less than a minute away from docking at the train station. The Batmobile veered off the path and headed straight for the waterfalls located beneath the castle city. “Lyra!” Pinkie screamed as the pony and Batman disappeared off the edge of the falls. “Oh no!” The ponies in the crowd said. They waited. The surface of the water erupted as the Batmobile went vertical up the side of the mountain and ripped apart the rock with the treads of its tires. Pinkie and the other ponies watched with mouths open as the Batmobile ignited its jet booster to dangerous levels while Lyra and Batman fought atop the open cockpit. At the top of the castle was the small form of a tall winged white pony.
“Princess Celestia!” Pinkie Pie said as the Batmobile zoomed up the edge of the castle. The princess looked down at the incoming chaos headed her way. She only had enough time to gawk in shock before the Batmobile reached her tower and exploded. The detonation ripped apart the tower and caused it to fall straight down into the raging river below.
“CELESTIAAAAAA!” Pinkie Pie yelled.
Out of the smoke flew the Princess as she dove towards the Friendship Express. The expressions of the ponies moved quickly through elation, confusion and fear when they saw the caped crusader riding the white mare. Lyra swung from a cable tied to Celestia as the green pony fought desperately to free herself. The Princess yelled in utter panic. “I have absolutely no idea what’s going on!”
“Why don’t you just push him off?” Lyra screamed.
“Are you kidding me? Do you know who this is?” Celestia yelled.
“I’m Batman.”
“That’s who this is!” she continued.
“Ahhhh!” Pinkie yelled. She embraced a nearby pony. “Pinkie-Pie-Swear you won’t let him catch me!”
“SWEAR TO ME!” Batman yelled as Celestia turned in mid-air and pushed downward into a hard dive.
“Why are you chasing them?” Celestia asked her rider.
“That pink pony is the Joker in disguise!” Batman answered.
“No she isn’t! That’s Pinkie Pie. She’s one of Twilight Sparkle’s friends!” Batman glanced at the fleeing train, then at Celestia, then at the train, then at the castle tower sinking in the water, then at Celestia, then at Pinkie Pie who was shivering amidst the crowd of ponies. Celestia continued. “You figure it out yet, detective?”
“Prove it,” he said.
The train began to slow once it neared Canterlot station as the Princess hovered over it with Batman on her back. They landed on the Friendship Express as everypony shrunk away from Batman. Celestia picked up Pinkie Pie and held her up to face the dark knight. “Look at that face,”Celestia said. “Tell me that isn’t Pinkie Pie.”
Pinkie shrunk away as Batman pulled out a scanner and placed it over her face. He saw an x-ray of Pinkie’s skull. “I see,” the caped crusader said.
“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“When an enemy shoots me in the face with a cannon, I don’t stop to ask questions.”
“Oh,” Pinkie replied. “Sorry. I guess this all could’ve been avoided.”
“Pardon me, Princess,” Batman said.
“Excuse me?” Princess Celestia said. “You leveled most of Sweet Apple Acres. Then you destroyed Ponyville Town Hall.”
“And my house!” Lyra said as she swung lazily beneath the now-hovering Princess.
“That too. And then you destroyed most of the Froggy Bottom Bog, obliterated virtually all of the Friendship Express, carved into the supporting rockface of the castle cliff and broke apart most of my tower before collapsing my BEDROOM into the water! You know how many years of memories were in there?”
“No.”
“THOUSANDS.”
“Oh.”
“I should send you to the moon right now. But I’m afraid if I did, you would somehow collapse it into the Earth and shove this planetary body off orbit where it would smash into each neighboring planet until the solar system collapsed into a giant Bat-mess.“
“I never said I would do that.”
“You didn’t say you wouldn’t do it either.”
“Touché, Princess. But I did solve your hydra problem. It will never bother the citizens of Ponyville ever again.”
The Princess nodded. “You know what? You’re right. In fact, now that you mention it, I think I can come up with a very effective way to make sure you get your thirst for justice satiated while my kingdom remains protected. Help me out and I’ll assist you in your search for this Joker character.”
Batman nodded. “What do you have in mind, Princess?"
The clacking of insectoid wings filled the hive of Queen Chrysalis as she cackled on the throne built from shedded carapaces of her former selves. The colossal interior of the honeycomb hive held no less than several hundred changelings all hailing to their monarch sitting atop her throne. Not one ray of sunlight shone in the darkness illuminated by glowing green crystals and lanterns alit with captured fireflies. Creeping ichor covered the bottom floor and seeped into every crevice as it permeated the room with a foul stench nopony could smell without gagging. The mantis-like black body of Chrysalis flittered its wings as her large, slit pupils scorched their way into the minds of her subjects and their collective thoughts.
“Great citizens of the Hive! Hear me now and tremble with fear and awe at the sight of your Queen!” The reverberations of her double-layered voice caused her subjects to chitter even more fervently. “Though we were once defeated at the steps of Canterlot, I assure you we will return! We shall find our way back to the kingdom of the so-called Princess Celestia and show her the true meaning of fear! We shall feast upon their emotion and drink their hope with every breath they take!” The two tallest guards moved closer to her and held their organic spears at the ready as she flew up and hovered. “They shall never know who amongst them is friend or foe, for we shall steal their faces and take their hearts right out from under them! Nopony can defeat a changeling! Night will fall upon Equestria and it will be filled with the screams of ten thousand slaves under our will! Venegance will be ours!” She said as she landed in front of her two guards. She turned and noticed one of her guards had a look of incomprehensible fear upon its face. The organic spear of the other guard slammed into its head and knocked it to the ground as the crowd of changelings gasped and grew silent. There was a bladed edge pointed against the throat of the Queen as her eyes grew wide with disbelief. The guard still-standing raised one claw to its face and dropped it to the floor. Batman stood staring at Queen Chrysalis and her heart forgot to beat. “How did you get past my guards?”
“I removed the exoskeletons of five of your minions and made my own.”
The eyes of Queen Chrysalis widened. “You aren’t supposed to be able to remove them!”
“They’ll live.”
“You fool! I’ve heard of your deeds in Equestria and I know your name! And now you’ve cornered yourself amidst ALL my minions with no hope of survival!” There was a parting in the crowd as a massive muscular changeling flew up to the throne and stopped in front of Batman. Its searing red eyes beheld no emotion or fear. “My Changeling Champion will teach you some respect!” Its face contorted in a flash of green into that of Batman. It smiled a vicious grin. The real Batman, however, did not.
“Meet your demise, Batman,” Chrysalis said as a razor-smile filled her visage. Batman noticed that Chrysalis had holes burrowed through the bottoms of her hooves. She raised her hoof to her mouth as she began to laugh maniacally. He threw the spear down through the carapace openings and planted it into the ground at her feet. She was locked in the pose. “What the?”
The Champion threw a punch and hit Batman square across the chin. His head arched back and the changelings chittered in delight. Their voices stopped when Batman slowly tilted his head back and stared at the cheap imitation of his face. The Champion’s expression was frozen in bewilderment.
Two seconds later, Batman’s fists met the sides of the changelings face as he pummeled the creature into oblivion. Each hit broke the image down until it transformed back into its former self, now cowering with each strike. The smaller changelings backed away and shuddered at each impact of the dark knight’s carapace gauntlets until the Champion held up its quivering arms in surrender.
“I’m sorry,” it squeaked.
“Who are you?” the dark knight asked.
“Not Batman.”
Queen Chrysalis turned to her subjects with desperate eyes. “What’s wrong with all of you? Quickly! Assume his form and annihilate him!”
Several voices cried out from the crowd. “Forget that! You’re crazy! YOU change into him!”
Batman turned to Queen Chrysalis and grabbed the pole stuck through her legs as he placed it over his back as one would carry two pails of water. “AH! Where are you taking me? I shall use my magic to defeat you!”
“I don’t need magic to remove an exoskeleton,” Batman said.
Chrysalis froze.
He kicked open a door to a balcony as sunlight streamed in. A platoon of pegasi came around in the sky with a large glider. Batman turned to the encroaching horde of changelings as he witnessed the barely contained rage in their eyes. He pulled a gun from his utility belt and fired off a balloon into the air behind him as a tether trailed back to his weapon. It blinked red as a squadron of pegasi led by the Wonderbolts raced to meet it.
One changeling stepped forward. “You think you can just walk away with our Queen? We’ll find you and destroy you!”
The sound of an engine revved up as the Batmobile rode down the side of the hive and knocked the offending changeling off the balcony.
“Is that thing alive?” Chrysalis asked as she looked at the vehicle. “That’s insane!” She growled in anger. “You’ll never defeat my hordes!” She turned in the distance and saw a line of unicorns and earth ponies form over every edge of the horizon. Squadrons of pegasi erupted from the cloud cover led by Princess Celestia and her sister Princess Luna while the Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, stood in front of the ground forces with his wife Princess Cadance by his side. “Oh no,” Chrysalis said.
A troop of pegasi used the glider in the air to catch the balloon tether. They pulled Batman and Chrysalis away as the Batmobile raced into the hive and began causing havoc amongst their number. In the distance, the platoons of pony began their onward march towards the last bastion of the changelings.
