Rocky Road Trip

by Metool Bard

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Other, Comedy, Adventure, Maud Pie
Length: 15696

The Pie sisters decide to go visit their Nana Pinkie before Maud leaves to earn her rocktorate. A sentient rock tries to stop them. Yes, you read that right.

After bonding with Pinkie's friends, Maud Pie is almost ready to leave the rock farm and pursue a higher education. However, there is one member of the Pie family who won't be able to see her off: Her beloved grandmother, Nana Pinkie. Marble and Limestone agree that this simply won't do, and as such, there's only one solution. That's right, it's time for a good ole fashioned trek to Grandmother's house!

Little do they know that one of Discord's creations from way back when has spontaneously attained consciousness, psychic powers, and a burning desire to take over the rock farm and make Maud his queen. Yeah, that's the tricky thing about chaos: It can sometimes do things you didn't tell it to do when you least expect it. Not that Discord cares, of course. After all, he has an airtight alibi. As such, Tom is free to torment the Pie sisters as much as he wants without any negative repercussions.

Or so he thinks.

Cover art provided by the amazingly talented Jayesixx.

Published 2014-04-07 19:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-21 19:37:29 UTC

Prologue: Thinking Pinkie

Prologue:
Thinking Pinkie

"Next train to Ponyville! All aboard~!"

Maud Pie stood at the edge of the platform as the Friendship Express pulled out of the station. For a moment, she looked down at the five rock candy necklaces that adorned her neck. They were all gifts from Pinkie Pie's best friends; mementos representing the time she spent with them in Ponyville. A ghost of a smirk crossed her face.

Looks like I'm gonna need a bigger box, she thought, turning her attention back to the train. Her expression remained static as she watched the train cars disappear over the horizon one by one.

"Goodbye, Maud~!" an all-too-familiar voice echoed from the train. "Don't forget to write~! I know I won't~!"

Maud didn't respond in any noticeable way to Pinkie's farewell. She simply stood at the edge of the platform and stared into space.

I'm really gonna miss her, she mused. It's a good thing she has so many wonderful friends to look after her. I know she'll be okay.

Just as the train completely vanished from view, she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"So, they seemed like a nice bunch."

Without even looking, Maud knew who it was. Slowly, she turned around.

"They certainly are," she said plainly. "Hello, Marble. Hello, Limestone."

Sure enough, she was correct. Standing on the platform with her were none other than her other two sisters, Marble and Limestone Pie. Limestone sighed.

"Rats. I really thought I got the drop on you this time," she muttered.

"You did," said Maud, her monotone voice not even breaking an octave. "I honestly didn't expect you two to be here."

"Oh, we just arrived," said Marble, rubbing the back of her head. "I'm sorry if we surprised you."

"You, were surprised, right?" asked Limestone. "It's sometimes hard to tell with you."

Maud shrugged. "Maybe a little," she said.

"Wait, then how did you know it was us?"

"I recognized your voice."

Limestone opened her mouth to reply, but let out a sigh instead.

"I probably should've seen that answer coming," she said, clearing her throat. "Anyway, enough about that. Tell us about your trip, Maud. Marble and I want to hear all about it."

"I can already see that you've made some new friends there," said Marble, eyeing Maud's rock candy necklaces. "Tell me, do Pinkamena's letters do her friends justice?"

Maud arched an eyebrow. "Why didn't you two find that out yourselves? They arrived at the rock farm before Pinkie and I did."

"Yeah, we noticed. That teleportation spell was hard to miss," said Limestone. "Anyway, I wanted to go meet them, but I was busy working the South Field with Dad, and you know how he gets about unscheduled breaks. I think Marble here managed to finish her chores before they arrived, so I don't know what her excuse is."

Marble blushed and rubbed the back of her foreleg. "W-well, I managed to gather that they were waiting for you and Pinkamena, and I didn't want to interrupt anything or cause any problems, so..."

"Wait, scratch that. I know what Marble's excuse is now," interrupted Limestone, giving her sister a cocky smirk. "You were shy, weren't you?"

"N-no! I mean, not exactly," said Marble sheepishly, her face getting redder. "I-I just didn't know what to say."

"You could've started with: 'Hi, my name is Marble Pie, and I'm Pinkie's younger sister,'" said Limestone.

Marble sighed. "It's not that easy for me, Limestone. You know that," she said. "I mean, you read Pinkamena's letters, didn't you? Her friends are just so amazing, and I'm so, well, not."

"Marble, you shouldn't think like that," chided Limestone. "What about those lullabies you sing for the rocks of the North Field? And the amazing stories you tell to the rocks of the East Field? And let's not forget about your famous pet rock shelter. Anypony would love to know a sweetheart like you."

Marble shook her head. "I'm not so sure, Limestone. If I told them about all that, they'd probably just think I'm weird."

"News flash, Marble: Everypony is weird," said Limestone. "And that goes for Pinkie's friends, too. They're weird; I'm weird; you're weird. Weirdness is a pony universal, and nopony should be afraid of it. That's a Pie family rule, in case you forgot."

"Well, I dunno," said Marble, twiddling her hooves. "Maybe we just wouldn't click."

"Okay, now you're just being silly," said Limestone, placing a foreleg around Marble. "I know it's hard, Marble, but you should really consider emerging from that shell of yours from time to time. Be spontaneous! Show ponies your wild side!"

Marble raised an eyebrow. "What wild side? I work on a rock farm."

"Hey, that doesn't stop me," said Limestone with a chuckle.

"Actually, I can understand Marble's concern," said Maud. "The same thing almost happened to me."

Marble and Limestone looked up at Maud. "What do you mean?" they asked.

"Pinkie really wanted us to bond so that they could take part in our rock candy necklace tradition," Maud explained. "However, we didn't really seem to understand each other. They were nice ponies, and I knew they were trying hard to become my friends. But things weren't working out. It was only after Pinkie tried this ridiculous gambit and almost got herself seriously hurt that we all found something that connected us."

Marble gasped. "Oh my goodness! Pinkamena almost hurt herself trying to get you guys to bond?! How did she do that?!"

"You, don't want to know," said Maud. "Don't worry, she's okay. In the end, the connection we all share is our love for Pinkie Pie, and that's something I can truly appreciate."

"See, Mar-Mar? You could've gotten along with them, no problem!" said Limestone. "Heck, I'm surprised you didn't at least try talking to that Applejack pony."

Maud tilted her head. "What's so special about Applejack?" she asked.

Limestone blinked. "You mean you don't know? Didn't she tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That Pinkie's practically her cousin."

Maud stared at Limestone for a moment. "I still don't follow. And how do you know that?"

"It was in a letter you missed while you were filling out your application for your rocktorate," said Marble. "Pinkamena said that according to the genealogical record, she's Applejack's fourth cousin twice removed from a fifth cousin. At least she thinks; it's not quite clear. We asked Father about it, but all we found in the Pie family record was this odd smudge."

"Well, whatever the case may be, Pinkie said that didn't matter, because Applejack considers her to be family anyway," added Limestone. "I don't know why she didn't tell you. If she did, maybe it would've made it easier for you to bond with her."

Maud's expression didn't change. "Hmm. So the Pie family could be related to the Apple family," she said simply. "That's interesting."

Limestone clicked her tongue and drew in a sharp breath through her teeth. "Oooookay then. I take that back. It apparently wouldn't have changed a darn thing," she said. "Sheesh, remind me never to play you in poker."

Maud raised an eyebrow. "We've never played poker, Limestone."

"And there's a very good reason for that," Limestone retorted.

Marble let out a sigh and shook her head before turning back to Maud. "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed meeting Pinkamena's friends," she said.

"Yes, Pinkie really made it a time to remember. Even if she did go overboard," said Maud.

"Typical Pinkie," said Limestone with a snicker. "Hey, speaking of which, you're spending the rest of your week with us on the rock farm, right?"

"Yes," said Maud.

"So, that means you have plenty of time to tie up some loose ends before you go."

Maud gave Limestone a quizzical look. "Loose ends?" she parroted.

"Oh, don't act like you don't know," said Limestone coyly. "You do realize that there's one member of the Pie family who won't be able to see you off on your big day, doncha?"

It didn't take long for Maud to connect the dots. "Are you talking about Nana Pinkie?"

Limestone deadpanned. "No, I'm talking about our sister Pinkie who just left. Yes, I'm talking about Nana Pinkie! Who else would I mean?"

"There, is no one else you could've meant," said Maud with a shrug.

Limestone groaned and slapped her forehead. "You really take all the fun out of being snarky, Stick-in-the-Maud," she grumbled.

"Um, what Limestone is trying to say is that maybe we should go see her before you leave," said Marble. "I'm sure it would make her very happy."

"Mmm. I see," said Maud, knitting her brow. "Did you talk to Ma and Pa about it?"

"Not, quite yet," said Limestone sheepishly. "We didn't really have the time. Things are always busy on the rock farm, after all."

"Plus, we wanted to hear your opinion first," said Marble. "So, what do you say, Maud? Are you up for a trip to Nana Pinkie's house?"

There was a brief pause.

"Of course," said Maud with her usual enthusiasm.

Marble and Limestone looked at each other and smiled before turning back to Maud.

"That's all we needed to hear," said Limestone. "C'mon, let's go home. Supper's probably just about ready. We can tell Mom and Dad about our plans then."

"Okay," said Maud. With that, the three sisters started for home.

"Ooh, this is so exciting~!" said Marble gleefully. "It'll be just like old times."

"Yeah, I hear ya, Marble," said Limestone. "Man, I'm really looking forward to seeing Nana Pinkie again."

Maud simply nodded, not saying a word. But deep down, she shared her sisters' sentiments.

One last visit to Nana Pinkie's house before I leave, she pondered. This week is really shaping up to be something special.

Family Matters

Chapter 1:
Family Matters

"A visit to Nana Pinkie's house? Are you girls sure about this?"

"Yes, Father," said Marble. "Limestone and I agree that Maud should go see her before she leaves."

Igneous Rock Pie furrowed his brow and placed a hoof to his muzzle. "Hmm. Normally, I wouldn't be against the idea. I know how important Nana Pinkie is to y'all, and I think it's very sweet of you and Limestone to offer this opportunity to Maud."

"If that's the case, then what's the problem?" asked Limestone.

Igneous sighed. "Your mother here just predicted a surface rock shortage hitting us some time tomorrow. And just as usual, we need all the hooves we can get to work through it."

"I'm afraid it's true, girls," said Cloudy Quartz solemnly. "The dirt trails don't lie."

Limestone groaned and buried her face in her hooves. "I can't believe this," she griped. "Of all the times to get a surface rock shortage, why did it have to be this week?!"

"I still don't see the problem," said Marble with a shrug. "A visit to Nana Pinkie's would probably take a day; perhaps less. I'm sure we'd be back in time to help."

"These things don't wait for nopony, Marble," said Igneous firmly. "If the surface rock shortage hits us while you're gone, we're gonna fall way behind on production. I don't think our clients nor the rocks would be pleased about that."

"Well, when's the shortage supposed to hit?" inquired Limestone.

Cloudy Quartz closed her eyes and sighed. "It's hard to say. All I know is that it will occur tomorrow."

"Great, that's helpful," Limestone said sardonically. "Seriously, Mom. Would it kill the dirt trails to be a little more specific?"

Cloudy Quartz gave Limestone a stern glare. "I can't make that sort of demand of the trails, Limestone. That's not how geomancy works, and you know it."

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry," said Limestone. "It's just that, we were all really looking forward to this, y'know?"

"I understand, Limestone. However, surface rock shortages cannot be ignored," said Cloudy Quartz.

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that it's completely unfair," said Limestone with a pout. "I really don't think Maud would want to spend her last week on the rock farm working."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind," said Maud after swallowing a bit of hay. "But if given the choice, I would much rather visit Nana Pinkie."

Igneous gave Maud a quizzical look. "Are you sure that's how you feel about it, Maud?"

"Yes," said Maud flatly.

Igneous and Cloudy Quartz exchanged looks for a moment. Cloudy Quartz shrugged, and Igneous turned back to his daughters.

"Well, alright," he conceded. "Since it's so important to ya, I'll excuse you from your chores to visit Nana Pinkie, Maud. After all, you should probably go see her before you head out to earn your rocktorate."

"Thank you, Pa," said Maud, turning back to her meal.

"Whoa, whoa! Hold on a sec!" exclaimed Limestone. "What about me and Marble?"

"I'm sorry, Limestone," said Igneous with a heavy sigh. "But you two are needed here. Your mother an' I can't work through the shortage alone."

"So, what? You expect Maud to go visit Nana Pinkie all by herself?" said Limestone.

"Don't worry, Limestone. I wouldn't be by myself," said Maud, reaching into her pocket.

Limestone did a double take. "You wouldn't?"

"No. I'd have Boulder with me."

To emphasize her point, Maud took out her pet rock and set him on the table. Limestone stared at Boulder for a minute and then sighed.

"Maud, Boulder doesn't count," she said.

Maud tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Maud, Boulder's going with you when you leave," said Marble. "He'll always be by your side come what may. However, the same cannot be said for Limestone and myself. I think this visit would be a lot more special if we accompanied you."

"So, it's not because he's a rock," said Maud.

Marble arched an eyebrow. "What? No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous, Maud. Boulder's your loyal companion, and nothing's gonna change that."

"Seriously, you've known us for how long?" Limestone giggled. "There's no way we'd insult Boulder like that."

Maud nodded. "Just checking," she said in her usual monotone.

Cloudy Quartz stroked her chin for a moment. "Hmm. You have to admit, Igneous. The girls do raise a good point."

"I never said that they didn't," Igneous growled. "Even so, it'd be mighty risky for them to head off to your mother's place when there's a surface rock shortage a-brewin'."

"That is true," Cloudy Quartz mused. Just then, her face lit up. "Wait, I have an idea. Girls, I think we can work this out."

"Yes, Mother?" asked Marble.

"The rocks in the North Field are a bit restless due to the impending rock shortage," said Cloudy Quartz. "If you girls will get them ready for bed after dinner, it'll be one less thing for your father and I to worry about tomorrow."

"And if we do that, we can go to Nana Pinkie's house tomorrow?" said Limestone, her eyes sparkling.

"I don't see why not," said Cloudy Quartz. "What say you, Igneous?"

Igneous rubbed the side of his head for a moment before shrugging. "Well, if your mother says it's okay, then I suppose it should be fine."

"You've got yourself a deal then," Limestone said with a wide grin. "Marble, you'd better get your best rock stories ready."

"Of course," said Marble. "Just as long as you and Maud take care of whoever needs a bath."

"Sounds like a plan," said Maud.

Cloudy Quartz chuckled. "They look so excited, don't they, Igneous?"

"Oh, ayuh," said Igneous, a faint smirk forming on his muzzle. "Then again, they always get excited about Nana Pinkie."

***

The Pie sisters were as good as their word. Right after dinner, the Pie sisters went to the North Field and got right to work. Marble gathered a bunch of rocks in a group and sat down before them.

"Alright, little ones," she said sweetly. "I know you all are worried about tomorrow, but I think I have a story that'll cheer you all right up. It's called: 'The Talc as Hard as Diamond.' *ahem* Once upon a time..."

As Marble told her story to the rocks, Limestone and Maud listened in as they polished up a large, diamond-shaped boulder.

"Ah, Marble and her rock stories," said Limestone whimsically. "She always seems to know the right story for the occasion. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if she made up a few of them herself, huh Maud?"

"I wouldn't be surprised by that, either," said Maud.

Limestone snickered. "Well of course you wouldn't be surprised. And even if you were, nopony would be able to tell."

"I suppose there's some truth to that," said Maud simply as she worked her way around the boulder.

"Hey, y'know what I don't get?" said Limestone.

"What?"

"This boulder we're washing right now."

Maud looked at the boulder for a moment. "You mean Tom? What's so mysterious about him?"

"You mean besides the fact that he was an anonymous donation, and we still don't know where he came from to this day?" said Limestone, raising an eyebrow.

"Mmm. Touché," said Maud.

"Seriously, though. This guy's probably the weirdest rock on the farm, bar none," said Limestone, dipping her voice. "Remember when he first got here? Marble said that he scared the bejeebus out of her pet geode, Roxanne. And honestly, from what I heard from the other rocks, I believe her. Tom here seems to make them all uneasy."

"They haven't complained about him lately, though," said Maud.

"Yeah, but that's because they got used to him," said Limestone. "Still, I dunno. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way."

"It isn't because he bares a striking resemblance to my Cutie Mark, is it?" inquired Maud.

"No, but that is pretty eerie in and of itself," said Limestone with a sigh. "I really don't know how to describe it, Maud. I'm just counting myself lucky that he's too busy focusing on his bath to hear us."

Maud peered around Tom to give Limestone an odd look. "What do you think he would do, Limestone? He's just a rock."

"Yeah, but like I said, he's not like other rocks," said Limestone. "For example, we've never had to rotate him to the other fields. He's just content to stay here. What's more, I haven't seen any hint of erosion on him since he got here. Not a microscopic speck of him has changed. Nothing about him makes a lick of sense."

"It is an odd phenomenon, to be sure," said Maud, knitting her brow. "Perhaps when I study for my rocktorate, I can find some answers regarding this."

"One can only hope," said Limestone.

"...and they all lived happily ever after. The end."

At that moment, Marble had finished her story. She then scooped them up and placed them in a small pile of pebbles.

"Sleep tight~," she said to the rocks. She then walked over to Maud and Limestone. "Alright, those rocks are asleep. How's Tom's bath coming along?"

"We're just about done here," whispered Limestone. "Let's move on to the next group."

With that, the Pie sisters headed off to another section of the North Field. But as they left, they didn't notice a faint glow emanating from Tom, along with a sinister voice drifting through the air:

Mine. All this will be mine. Every rock; every pony; everything. It'll be mine, mine, mine...

Here Comes Tom!

Chapter 2:
Here Comes Tom!

The next morning, the Pie sisters got up bright and early. They were just as eager as ever about their trip, and they wasted no time making preparations. Over a light breakfast, Limestone already had a checklist at the ready.

"Alright, since we're just going to Nana Pinkie's house, I figure we should travel light," she said. "Just a few necessities that'll fit in our saddlebags, y'know?"

"Maybe we should bring Nana Pinkie a gift," said Marble. "You know how much she loves gifts."

"There is some leftover rock candy from Pinkie's visit," said Maud. "I could make another necklace."

"Yeah, good thinking," said Limestone, scribbling down Maud's suggestion on the list. "It'll give her something to remember you by. And speaking of rock candy, any ideas on what we're gonna bring for food?"

"Hmm," mused Marble. "Well, how about something simple? Like cracker sandwiches?"

"Huh. It's a start," said Limestone. "I don't know about you and Maud, but I'm actually in the mood for something a bit sweeter."

Marble raised an eyebrow. "How are cracker sandwiches with peanut butter and honey not sweet?"

"I'm talking about a different kind of sweet, Mar-Mar," said Limestone, giving her a wink.

Marble sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hoof. "Limestone, would you please just say what's on your mind and not be cute about it? I'm not telepathic."

"Poo. You're no fun," said Limestone facetiously. "Alright, remember those ice cream sandwiches Pinkie sent you for your birthday last week?"

"How could I forget?" said Marble. "We're still having trouble getting into our cold storage. She really went overboard with that one, as she usually does."

"So, we've got some left, then?"

"I'm sure we do."

"Excellent," said Limestone, licking her lips as she made a note in her checklist. "And of course, we'll need an icepack for our saddlebags to keep them cool."

"If we can get to it," said Maud.

Limestone gave Maud a bemused look. "Hey, I make the wisecracks around here, alright? You stick to your thing."

Maud blinked. "I wasn't making a wisecrack."

"Annnnnnd you missed the point of the joke," Limestone sighed, turning back to her checklist. "Alright, we've got food covered. Do we need anything else?"

"We should have some kind of music with us, just in case," said Maud.

"Well, we've got Marble," said Limestone with a shrug. "She knows a few good rock lullabies."

"Will that be good enough?" inquired Maud.

"Hey, if worse comes to worse, she'll probably improvise something," said Limestone. "The Pies have always been a resourceful lot."

Marble blushed and twiddled her hooves. "Um, I dunno, Limestone. I mean, I've only sung to rocks before. I don't have any experience singing to anyone else."

"Oh, quit being such a worrywart," said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "It's just gonna be me, Maud, and Boulder. You're not gonna be singing on Bridleway or anything. Besides, we might not even need it."

"I-if you say so," said Marble, casting her eyes downward. "Actually, I think I might bring Roxanne along, too."

Limestone arched an eyebrow. "You want to bring Roxanne? Why?"

"Well, I don't want her to get lonely while I'm gone," said Marble meekly. "Plus, she must be frightened of the impending shortage."

"Yeah, but aren't you afraid that she'll smash our snacks or something?" asked Limestone. "Geodes aren't exactly small rocks, y'know."

"I promise, I'll be careful with her," said Marble. "After all, I've been taking good care of her ever since I was a filly."

Limestone shrugged. "Fair enough. Whatever floats your boat," she said, making a note in the checklist.

"Speaking of which, why don't you bring Feldspar along?" inquired Marble. "I'm sure he'd like to join us."

Limestone's lips curled into a wry smirk. "It's a nice thought, Marble, but I think Feldspar can weather the shortage without me. He's made of tough stuff."

"I thought he was made of gold, which is soft and malleable," said Maud, raising an eyebrow.

"And that means he's flexible and doesn't freak out over change. So there," Limestone countered.

Marble stroked her chin in thought. "Well, if you think it's okay, then I won't question it. But if it's all the same to you, I would at least like to leave a little something for Feldspar before we go."

"Alright, fine," Limestone relented. "I almost forget how much you care about pet rocks, Mar-Mar."

"Well, somepony has to," said Marble with a giggle. "So, is that everything?"

"I think we're good to go," said Limestone. "After breakfast, we can get ourselves packed, and then we'll be on our way."

"I can't wait," said Maud, although her voice only vaguely reflected her sentiments. "Thank you both for doing this for me. It really means a lot."

"Hey, no problem, Maud," said Limestone, giving Maud a friendly pat on the back. "We're just trying to make your last week with us special, just like Pinkie did."

"Indeed," concurred Marble. "And nothing's more special than three sisters going for a peaceful walk over to their grandmother's house."

***

Meanwhile, in the North Field, the boulder known as Tom started to fidget in place.

Must, move, the rock thought as he shifted from side to side. Must make this rock farm mine. I can't do that if I can't move. I...

Just then, an epiphany struck him. Wait a minute. Rocks aren't supposed to think! By the powers of chaos, I'm sentient! How the heck did that happen?!

After that epiphany came another. Oh wait, I don't care.

With that, his body generated a bluish-white luster that projected an aura of energy. As he glowed brighter and brighter, he found that he could lift himself off the ground through the power of mere thought.

"It seems I have psychic abilities as well," he mused, his body flickering with every word that passed through his mind. "Mmm. I could definitely grow to like this. Now I can truly dominate this rock farm!"

He then started hovering back and forth. "But where oh where to start? There's just so much that I want to have, it's so hard to choose what to go after first! The ponies; the rocks; the house; the dirt? Ooh, why does this have to be so complicated?! Why can't I simply take it all in one fell swoop?! All of this should be mine, anyway! Everything would be so much simpler if I could do that, but noooo~! Those rock-farming ponies would probably object and try to destroy me. Not that they could, but it would be quite the inconvenience. Hmm, what to do, what to do?"

After a few seconds of pacing, his whole body lit up like a lightbulb. "Idea~! It's so simple! That monotone pony, Maud Pie! She's the key! She said her Cutie Mark resembles me. That must mean her destiny is to rule this rock farm as my queen! And if it isn't, then I'll make it so! Tom, you are a genius!"

He then telepathically grabbed two chunks of dirt and superheated them until they formed a pair of sunglasses. He placed them on one of the many faces of his body.

"This should be a suitable disguise," he said to himself. "Now, if I recall correctly, those younger ponies are going on a bit of a journey. Well, I think I can make it more, intense for them. And by the end of it, the one known as Maud will be all mine, and the rest of the rock farm will follow! Look out, Pie family! Here comes Tom!"

With that, he floated off towards the Everfree Forest, chortling nefariously all the while.

***

While all this was going on, a large spectacle was taking place in the town of Mustangia. Standing on one side of a long dirt road surrounded by ponies was Cheese Sandwich, the premier party planner of Equestria. On the other side was none other than Discord, the Master of Chaos.

"I am so glad that you decided to answer my challenge, Cheese Sandwich," said Discord, who was decked out in cowboy attire complete with a ten gallon hat, a bandana, and spurs on his mismatched feet. "I was almost afraid you'd turn me down, given my reputation."

"The Super-Duper Party Pony never turns down a Goof-Off, Discord," said Cheese, narrowing his eyes. "'Sides, if any of your shenanigans end up seriously hurting somepony, you're automatically disqualified."

"Ugh, rules rules rules," Discord groaned, pretending to gag. "Why must everything have such arbitrary rules? They're so boring and restrictive. Why can't we just have fun?"

"It's all fun and games until somepony gets hurt," said Cheese. "Isn't that right, Boneless 2?"

The rubber chicken on Cheese's back simply slumped over.

"I can see how my friend Pinkie Pie has inspired you," said Discord, stroking his goatee. "But I must warn you; even she can't hold a candle to my abilities."

"Sounds like you're gonna be a real challenge then," said Cheese with a sneer. "And here's my warning to you. There isn't a pony alive who has ever been able to out-goof me. Not even my own mentor."

"Well, good thing I'm not a pony then," Discord snickered. "Alright, enough banter. Let's..."

Just then, there was a melodious beeping noise coming from Discord's body. Everypony stared at him in confusion.

"Hang on, I have to take this," he said, reaching into the pocket he spontaneously had. From it, he produced what looked like a small pager and carefully examined it. "Ah, I see. Interesting."

Cheese arched an eyebrow. "What's that you've got there?" he asked.

"Oh, this?" said Discord, indicating the pager. "It's nothing special, really. It's just my Chaos Pager. It lets me know when my chaos magic acts on its own accord without any influence from me. This happens a lot more often than you'd think."

He then snapped his fingers, and a sheet of paper appeared in front of Cheese.

"On a related note, do you think you could do me a favor and sign an affidavit to that effect?" Discord asked. "Normally, I wouldn't care, but if my friend Fluttershy gets wind of whatever's happening, she needs to know that it wasn't my fault. I wouldn't want to lose our friendship over something I didn't actually do, after all."

Cheese stroked his chin for a moment. "Well, I suppose that's fair," he said, pulling out a pen and signing the document. "I guess it's true what ponies are saying. You really are reformed."

"Don't get your hopes up, Cheese Sandwich," said Discord, snapping his fingers and causing the document to disappear. "I still don't plan to pull any punches in our little Goof-Off. Are you ready?"

"I was ready before I was born," said Cheese without missing a beat. "You?"

"I was ready before I even existed," Discord retorted.

Cheese blinked. "Wait, that doesn't make sense."

"Oh, I'm well aware," Discord said simply. "Now then, let's see if you can truly stand up to the Master of Chaos."

"Bring it on, tough guy," said Cheese without any hesitation.

The two of them started advancing towards each other. The only sounds that were heard were the squeaking of Cheese's elephant slippers and the jingle of Discord's spurs. When they met in the center, Cheese let out a single phrase that started the battle:

"Draw!"

Author's Note

What happened during the Goof-Off between Cheese Sandwich and Discord? Well, heck if I know; this story's not about them. :derpytongue2:

I'm not sure if this concept has any real story potential per se, but if you guys think it does, I'm not stopping you from writing it. :ajsmug:

Ominous yet Silly

Chapter 3:
Ominous yet Silly

By mid-morning, the Pie sisters stood on the front porch, each of them wearing their saddlebags.

"Alright, let's go through this checklist one last time," said Limestone. "Cracker sandwiches?"

"Check," chirped Marble.

"Candy necklace?"

"I have that," said Maud.

"Are Boulder and Roxanne present and accounted for?"

"I've got her right here," said Marble, pulling the dome-shaped rock from her bag. Maud simply reached into her pocket and held Boulder aloft.

"And I've got the ice cream sandwiches, so that's a chiggity-check," said Limestone. "Looks like we're all set."

"I hope you girls have a wonderful time," said Cloudy Quartz. "But be sure to hurry back when you're done with your visit. Your father is still mighty worried about the surface rock shortage."

"Don't worry, Ma. We won't be too long," said Maud, placing Boulder back in her pocket. "At least, we'll try not to be."

"Always erring on the side of caution, eh Stick-in-the-Maud?" said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, we've visited Nana Pinkie who knows how many times. It's the safest path in the Everfree Forest."

"Technically, that's not saying much," said Marble frankly.

Limestone rubbed the bridge of her nose with her hoof. "Marble, you're not helping."

"It's alright, Limestone. I know you girls can take care of yourselves," said Cloudy Quartz with a warm smile. "As long as you know where you're going, you'll be okay."

"Well, of course we know where we're going," said Marble. "Nana Pinkie's house is just over the river and through the woods."

"And that's about all we can say without getting sued," added Limestone.

Marble did a double take. "Huh wha?"

"Nothing!" said Limestone, casting her gaze upwards.

"No, that was certainly something," said Maud, arching an eyebrow.

"You're probably just hearing things," said Limestone with a dismissive wave of her hoof.

Maud blinked. "Limestone, I have working ears. I'm always hearing things," she said without a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"She's got you there, Limestone," Marble giggled.

Limestone pouted. "Oh, forget it," she said with a sigh. "Note to self: Leave the meta humor to Pinkie."

"Speaking of which, perhaps it's time we left," said Marble, giving Cloudy Quartz a hug. "So long, Mother. We'll tell Nana Pinkie you said hi."

"I'd really appreciate that, girls," said Cloudy Quartz. "Be careful now."

"Don't worry. We will," said Limestone. "Alright, let's move 'em out! Onward to Nana Pinkie's house!"

With that, the Pie sisters headed off towards the Everfree Forest while Cloudy Quartz stood on the porch waving goodbye.

"No matter how much they grow up, they're still my little girls at heart," she mused. "Heh, boy do I feel old."

When the three sisters disappeared from her view, she looked down at the ground and observed the dirt trails. As she did so, she raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm. The trail seems rather vague today," she muttered, stroking her chin. "Strong bonds will be tested, and the rest is gibberish. How strange."

She traced the contours of the ground with her hoof a bit, watching the dirt with a critical eye.

"Oh, wait. It's just saying that the surface rock shortage isn't hitting us until this evening," she said. "Wait, then what was the whole thing about strong bonds being tested? It couldn't have been referring to the girls, could it?"

She then shook herself and tapped her head smartly. "Ah, you worry too much, Cloudy Quartz. The girls are old enough to take care of themselves. I'm sure no matter what happens, they'll turn out alright in the end. Well then, I'd better go tell Iggy the good news about the shortage. Celestia knows he'll need to hear it..."

***

"Hmm. The path seems a lot more, barren than I remember," said Maud, staring down at her feet as she and her sisters made their way through the Everfree Forest.

"Barren?" parroted Marble. "How so?"

"Not as many rocks," answered Maud.

"It probably has something to do with the forest trying to invade at the Summer Sun Celebration a while back," said Limestone. "A lot of rocks were broken down by those crazy vines. Boy, Dad was not happy about that little fiasco. We almost lost the entire East Field."

"L-let's try to focus on some happier memories, okay?" whimpered Marble. "I'd, rather not think about that, incident. Brrr~."

"Right, sorry," said Limestone. "We should probably talk about something else."

"Like that sign up ahead that was never there before?" said Maud.

Limestone gave Maud an odd look. "Huh? What're you talking abou— oh."

She looked ahead and immediately saw what Maud was referring to. Planted in the middle of the road was a wooden sign shaped like an arrow pointing to parts unknown. Carved into the sign was the word "Detour." However, the e was replaced with a hyphen, the u was missing, and the r was capitalized and written backwards. The three sisters stared blankly at the sign for a bit.

"Huh. How odd," said Marble, tilting her head. "Who in Equestria left that there? It couldn't have been any of us, yet we're the only ones who have ever traveled down this path."

"My best guess is that it was a jerk who thinks we're a bunch of idiots," said Limestone.

Marble blinked. "How exactly did you come to that conclusion?"

"Think about it, Marble," said Limestone. "It's a poorly-written detour sign that's not even pointing to an alternate path, and yet whoever put it here obviously expects whoever sees it to follow it. Seeing as it was set up on a path that we have traveled many times before, it's clearly meant for us."

"So, you think it's a trap," said Maud.

"There's nothing else it could be," said Limestone with a shrug. "I mean, we didn't put it there."

Marble swallowed. "S-so, someone's trying to hurt us?" she squeaked, trembling ever so slightly.

"Well, they're clearly not inviting us for tea and crumpets, whoever they are," said Limestone, furrowing her brow. "Even so, I don't get it. I'm not sure if any of the creatures of the Everfree Forest could make something like this, and I really can't think of anyone off the top of my head who'd have an axe to grind with us. What about you, Maud?"

Maud sniffed the ground where the sign was poking out. "There are traces of metamorphic rock around this sign," she said.

"Yeah, that doesn't really answer my question," said Limestone dryly.

"It's still worth noting, though," said Maud. "Anyway, I can't think of anyone, either."

"Thought so," said Limestone. "Well, whoever it is, we can take 'em, no problem! After all, we've got the ultimate team!"

"We do?" asked Maud.

"Well, duh! Of course we do!" cheered Limestone. "We've got the brains, the brawn, and the heart!"

"Wait, which one of us is the brains?" asked Marble.

"That would be me, of course," said Limestone, rubbing her hoof against her chest and breathing on it. "Although Maud here is plenty smart, she's stronger than the rest of the Pie family put together. Therefore, she's the brawn."

"Ah, I see," said Marble with a nod. "Then, what does that make me?"

Limestone stared at Marble as if she had three heads. "Um, you're the heart, Marble. Doy."

"I am?" asked Marble, knitting her brow. "I thought Pinkamena was the heart."

Limestone sighed and rolled her eyes. "No, Pinkie's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas. We've already been over this."

"I, don't think Pinkemena ever agreed to that, Limestone," said Marble, twiddling her hooves.

"Well, we can't have two hearts! It would make the team unbalanced!"

"I concede that point. However, I would argue that Pinkamena has a much bigger heart than I do."

"Marble, you're selling yourself short again. Or do I need to remind you about your pet rock shelter?"

"That's only for pet rocks, Limestone. Pinkamena shares her heart with everypony."

"Well, you could, too. You just have to open up a little. Besides, you don't just show affection to pet rocks. You love your family, too, doncha?"

"Again, a valid point. However, there's another problem I have with this team dynamic."

"Dare I ask what that is?"

"I think the title you gave Pinkamena is insulting and nonsensical. I mean, what exactly is a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas supposed to do for the team?"

"Be random and crazy, of course. That's what Pinkie does best."

"No, Pinkamena's best trait is making other ponies smile."

"Well, that too. But again, we can't have two hearts."

"Well, why do I have to be the heart?"

"Marble, being the heart is a great honor! And don't you dare say you don't deserve it."

"I'm not saying I don't deserve it per se. I just think Pinkamena deserves it more than I do."

"Well, we can't make you a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas!"

"Are those our only choices here?"

"Yes!"

"Who made that rule, and what are their credentials?"

Limestone smacked her forehead. "Marble, you're being ridiculous," she groaned. "Maud, back me up here. Do you think Marble should be the heart?"

"I think we should probably get moving," said Maud flatly.

Limestone deadpanned. "Thank you for that, Stick-in-the-Maud. I'm so glad I can always count on you to have my back," she said sardonically before turning back to Marble. "Okay, look. We'll compromise. When you're not around, Pinkie's our substitute heart. When you are around, she's a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas. Happy?"

"For now," said Marble. "I think we'll have to take this up with Pinkamena next time we see her."

Limestone let out an exasperated sigh. "There is just no pleasing you, is there?" she grumbled. "Alright, let's just keep going and ignore the stupid sign. If whoever is after us strikes again, we'll deal with them then."

With that, the Pie sisters continued walking down the path. As they left, Tom emerged from the bushes.

"Drat!" he muttered. "Foiled by illiteracy! Ugh, I blame those stupid ponies for not teaching us rocks how to write. That's the first thing that's gonna change when I'm in charge. I can't have an empire of dunces."

He then straightened up and made a sound as if he were clearing his throat. "Oh well, no matter. By not falling into this trap, they're walking into one that'll be much worse. Once I set it up, that is. Speaking of which, I'd better get on that."

His body generated a powerful psychic aura and rocks of all shapes and sizes began floating around him. He snickered maniacally.

"If those ponies think they can outsmart the likes of me, they are sorely mistaken. Mark my words, the last laugh will be mine. Just like everything else..."

Failing Rocks

Chapter 4:
Failing Rocks

Soon after avoiding the obvious trap, the Pie sisters reached an all-too-familiar river in the middle of the dirt road. Limestone took in a deep breath and smiled.

"Ah~. This place sure brings back memories," she sighed whimsically.

"Indeed," said Maud, leaning towards the water's edge and giving it a few cursory sniffs. "Even the sediment deposits smell the same. It's quite comforting, actually."

"Um, I don't want to interrupt your nostalgia, you two, but don't you think we should keep moving?" Marble said nervously.

Limestone turned to Marble and raised an eyebrow. "You're still thinking about that stupid sign? C'mon, Marble. Whoever made it is clearly not a threat to us. Quit being such a worrywart and let's enjoy this trip for what it is."

Marble tilted her head. "I wasn't talking about the sign. I was talking about the surface rock shortage back home. We promised Mother that we wouldn't be long."

Limestone gave Marble a wry smirk. "And you say you don't deserve to be the heart," she chuckled mirthfully. "Regardless, my point about you being a worrywart still stands. Despite what Dad says, some things are just more important than rocks. Like family, for instance."

"True, true," said Marble with a contemplative nod. "Even so, aren't the rocks on the rock farm part of our family?"

Limestone opened her mouth to respond, but found that she really had to think about it. As she did so, Maud noticed a stone springing from the water. The stone was followed by another, and then another. She watched with dull fascination as the stones connected themselves to one another, forming some sort of troll-like shape.

"Well, technically that is the case," said Limestone, oblivious to the phenomenon Maud was observing. "But really, Marble. You can't be in multiple places at once."

"Oh, right. Pinkamena's Mirror Pond experience. I nearly forgot about that," said Marble sheepishly.

"Exactly," said Limestone, placing a foreleg around Marble's shoulder. "Marble, I'm sure the rock farm will still be standing by the time we get back. So cheer up and stop sweating the small stuff. After all, you yourself said that we should focus on happy memories, right?"

"R-right. I, did say that," Marble sighed. "I'm sorry, Limestone."

"S'okay," said Limestone, pulling Marble in closer. "You just have to realize that there's nothing to worry about, that's all."

"What about a giant golem that just emerged from the river?" asked Maud.

Limestone turned around. "What? Maud, what the heck are you— Sweet stinking stalagmite, how did that get there?!"

Just as Maud said, a large creature made up of several different rocks of various shapes and sizes was standing in the river and staring down at the Pie sisters. Limestone stared at the creature, her mouth agape. Marble hid behind her sister, cowering in fright. Maud's expression did not change in the slightest, with the exception of the occasional blink.

"Behold! I am the guardian of this river!" echoed a voice that came from seemingly everywhere. With every syllable, a red stone in the golem's chest flashed on and off. "And I decree that none shall pass unless..."

Limestone shook herself and cut across the creature. "Wait, wait! Time out!" she said, gesturing with her hooves. "You're the guardian of this river? Since when?! We've crossed this river several times, and we've never seen you before!"

"The, uh, river's under new management!" the golem said hastily.

Maud arched an eyebrow. "It's a river in the Everfree Forest. It doesn't have a manager," she said plainly.

"Well, it does now!" barked the golem.

"Can we speak to this manager?" asked Limestone.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I said so!"

"Well, that's a fine way to run a railroad," said Limestone indignantly.

"It's not a railroad, Limestone," Maud said frankly.

Limestone smacked her forehead. "Must you take everything so literally, Stick-in-the-Maud?"

"Look, it doesn't matter!" the golem snapped. "What matters is that I'm here now, and I'm not letting any of you cross unless you entertain me!"

Marble perked up and emerged from behind Limestone. "Oh, is that all? Well, why didn't you say so?" she said with a calm smile. "I can do that."

The golem looked down at Marble for a moment. "Can you now?" it said.

"Oh, of course," said Marble, clearing her throat. "After all...

"I'm the M to the A-R-B-L-E, and ain't no other pony tells rock stories like me. I'm Marblicious~!"

She concluded her proclamation with a wink and a giggle. Maud gave her a blank stare. Limestone, meanwhile, had trouble containing her laughter.

"What's so funny?" asked Marble, giving Limestone a dirty look.

Limestone snickered and shook her head. "You cheap, crowd-pleasing tart," she said.

Marble's face became bright red. "Wh-what? Oh, come on! You keep telling me to come out of my shell and be spontaneous, but when I do, you make fun of me! That's not fair!"

"I-I'm sorry, Marble," said Limestone, wiping a tear from her eye. "I-I just wasn't expecting you to do something like, well, that."

Marble pouted and marched right up to Limestone. "That's what it means to be spontaneous, you, you... Expensive, crowd-disappointing piece of cake!" she shouted.

Limestone sniggered again and patted Marble on the head. "Leave the insults to me, Mar-Mar. You're too sweet to be snarky."

"Um, hello? Giant golem waiting to be entertained over here," said the golem.

"Hang on, buddy. We're getting to you," said Limestone. "Marble, why don't you tell him one of your..."

"Forget it," Marble grumbled. "I'm not in the mood."

"Marble, c'mon. I didn't..."

But Limestone's words fell on deaf ears. Marble simply marched off in a huff while Maud followed her.

"Well, so much for that," Limestone sighed, turning to the golem. "Sorry about that, big guy. Marble's just a bit cranky because she's putting all this pressure on herself. I'm not all that surprised, really. After all, she is Marble."

The golem stared at Limestone in awkward silence.

"Which, is a metamorphic rock," said Limestone.

The golem's core seemed to light up. "Oh. OH!" it exclaimed, chuckling a bit. "Th-that's actually kinda funny!"

Just then, a lightbulb went off in Limestone's head, and a cocky smile formed on her muzzle.

"Oh, I've got a lot more where that came from," she said. "By the way, I'm Limestone. Basically, I'm what Marble would be if she wasn't so uptight. But seriously, though..."

***

As Limestone gave the golem her stand-up routine, Marble sat near some bushes off to the side and sulked. As she took Roxanne out of her saddlebag, Maud sat down next to her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Marble traced her hoof around Roxanne's crystalline surface, not even bothering to look up. "Why did she have to say that?" she mumbled. "She knows I'm sensitive."

"She probably didn't mean it," said Maud.

"Yeah, but it still hurts," Marble murmured. She grew quiet for a time before looking up at her older sister. "Maud?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you think I'm, weird? Be honest with me."

Maud blinked. "I think you're you, Marble," she said.

Marble sighed. "It's a yes or no question, Maud."

"Marble, you shouldn't dwell on things like that," said Maud, dividing her attention between her conversation with Marble and Limestone's performance. "I'm sure Pinkie's friends think I'm weird, and yet we still managed to become friends in the end."

"Great. Now you're sounding like Limestone," grumbled Marble. "At least you're not a hypocrite."

Maud said nothing. She simply sat in silence as she watched Limestone's stand-up comedy. In the meantime, the bushes behind her rustled as Tom moved through them.

Yes! My plan is working perfectly! he thought, making sure not to broadcast his monologue out loud. While the other two are distracted, I will abduct Maud and make her my queen! All I have to do is wait for the right moment to strike, and she will be mine!

"It looks like Limestone is going to be awhile," said Maud, not noticing Tom sneaking up on her.

"Probably telling jokes about me, no doubt," said Marble bitterly.

"She's not," said Maud. "She just finished telling the one about the cubit zirconia trying to sneak into an all-diamond club."

Before Marble could form a response, she heard a rumbling in her tummy. "Mmm. I'm getting kinda hungry," she said, reaching into her saddlebag and pulling out some cracker sandwiches. "Do you want some, Maud?"

"Just a few," said Maud, taking three sandwiches. She then took Boulder out of her pocket and nudged the sandwiches towards him.

Marble couldn't help but smile. "It's so sweet to see how much you care about Boulder," she said, popping a cracker sandwich into her mouth.

"Mmm," said Maud, still focused on "feeding" Boulder. All the while, Tom continued to creep closer and closer to her.

Soon. Very soon, she will be mine, he thought. I just have to wait for her sister to turn around, and...

"And what's the deal with charcoal, huh? Do you know that ponies actually think there's no difference between it and regular coal? I mean, hello~! Rocks cannot be made in a matter of minutes simply by burning wood! You try telling that to a rock farmer, and they'd laugh in your face. I'm not trying to sound prejudiced or anything, but I think I can tell the difference between an actual rock and a poser pretending to be a rock, thankyouverymuch!"

Limestone's joke caused the golem to roar with laughter. As it did so, a stone dislodged itself from its body and flew towards Marble and Maud. Thinking quickly, Maud thrust her hoof out and punched the stone into dust. However, she forgot that she was holding a bunch of cracker sandwiches at the time.

"Well, that was unexpected," said Maud, seemingly unfazed as she watched the peanut butter/honey goop dangle off of her hoof.

"Quite," said Marble, still a bit stunned by the turn of events. "M-maybe you should wash that off. We don't want to attract any insects."

Maud nodded and got up to head to the river.

Oh no, you don't! thought Tom. Using his psychic powers, he yanked Maud back, only to get a hoofful of mashed-up cracker sandwich smeared across the surface of his body. This caught Tom off-guard as he released Maud from his psychic grasp.

Ugh! It's so sticky! he griped mentally.

"I, suppose that's one way to do it," said Marble, raising an eyebrow. "Although honestly, I don't think that rock was there before."

"Hmm. Indeed," said Maud, sniffing Tom a few times. "He smells familiar, though. Or maybe that's just the cracker sandwiches."

"Whatever it is, we'd better move someplace less, messy," said Marble, putting Roxanne away. "I don't want to be around when they show up."

"Agreed," said Maud, placing Boulder back in her pocket. As she and Marble left their spot, Tom stared on in confusion.

They? he wondered. Who's they?

A small, melodious chirp gave him an answer. His sunglasses swiveled around as he spied a small parasprite licking its lips.

"What are you?" asked Tom.

In response, the parasprite flew onto Tom's body and began nibbling at the smashed cracker sandwich smeared on his body. Aroused by the commotion, more parasprites joined the first, all of them eager to get a piece of the meal.

"Ow! Hey! Stop it!" Tom yelped, floating around with reckless abandon. "Get off of me, you stupid bugs! You're ruining my plan! Ooh! Ow!"

"Did you hear something?" asked Marble.

Maud shrugged. "It's probably the golem. He communicates telepathically, after all."

"That, sounded more like pain than laughter," Marble mused.

"It's possible to laugh so much that it hurts," said Maud simply, turning back to the stand-up routine. "Case in point."

Marble looked on, and saw that as the golem continued to laugh at Limestone's jokes, its body was falling to pieces.

"Thank you, thank you!" said Limestone with a bow. "I'll be here all week! Be sure to tip your waitress, and please drive home safely!"

With that, the golem's laughter died out as it finally collapsed into a pile of rocks. Limestone smirked.

"Well, that was fun," she said, turning back to Marble and Maud. "How'd you two like the show?"

"It was funny," said Maud, even though there wasn't a hint of a smile on her face.

"Riiiiiight, I'll just take your word for it," said Limestone, rubbing the back of her head. "What about you, Marble?"

"Mmm? It was, okay, I guess," said Marble, not looking Limestone in the eye.

Limestone frowned. "Marble, don't tell me you're still mad at me about the whole Marblicious thing."

Marble ignored Limestone's comment. "We should keep moving," she said, heading towards the river.

Limestone heaved a great sigh. "Yep, she's still mad at me," she said. "Well, that's just ducky. I make one little snarky comment at her expense, and all of a sudden, I'm marked for life."

"Maybe you should apologize," said Maud.

Limestone rolled her eyes. "Oh sure. Take her side. Seriously, it's not like I don't love her anymore. She should know that."

"That's not the issue," said Maud, walking towards the river. "And I don't like taking sides."

Limestone opened her mouth to respond, but instead let out another sigh. "Is it just me, or has this trip suddenly gotten longer?" she muttered to herself as she followed her sisters.

***

Just as the sisters made it across the river, Tom finally managed to subdue the parasprites with his psychic powers.

"Gah! Accursed things," he groused. "I was so close to getting Maud, and they had to go and ruin it! Now I need to come up with another plan!"

He was about to toss them away when one of the parasprites coughed up another.

"Oh, that's charming," said Tom, disgust seeping into his voice. "Not only do these pests swarm over any food they see, but they can multiply, too. It's like they're an army of insufferable..."

His train of thought trailed off, and slowly turned into a bout of maniacal laughter.

"Idea~!" he said, casting his psychic aura over the entire swarm.

Traveling Music

Chapter 5:
Traveling Music

The Pie sisters continued their journey in awkward silence. For a time, the only sounds that could be heard were the clip-clop of their hooves, the wind rustling through the trees, and Marble occasionally muttering to herself. Maud didn't seem to mind, but after a while, Limestone couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, uh, Marble. We're getting close to ole Teeter," she said. "You know, Teeter Rock? That slab of granite we used to play on when we were foals? Man, those were some good times, huh? I wonder if..."

"Limestone, please. I don't want to talk to you right now," Marble interrupted curtly.

"Marble, c'mon! Are you seriously gonna do this to me?" Limestone groaned. "I was just kidding about that whole tart thing! I didn't mean it!"

"Then why did you say it?" asked Marble, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it was funny!"

"Well, it wasn't funny to me."

"Marble, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"

"Oh, so I should just let ponies insult me for being weird?"

Limestone sighed. "Marble, of course I'm not saying that. I'm weird, too. We all are."

"Then why did you mock me?" asked Marble

"Again, it was a joke!" Limestone cried. "You know I'm always making jokes like that! Why are you taking it so personally?!"

"Because apparently, you think being a smart aleck automatically exempts you from making an apology," huffed Marble.

"Hey, I apologized!"

"Saying 'sorry' and then continuing to be condescending does not an apology make, Limestone."

"Marble, be reasonable here! Remember when you gave this silent treatment to Pinkie after she laughed at your bed head that one time? She almost thought you didn't love her anymore!"

"Do you think that now?" inquired Marble.

"Well, no," said Limestone sheepishly. "But..."

"Then that really isn't a fair comparison to make, is it?" said Marble.

Limestone tried to form a retort, but found that she had none. As she paused to think, a subtle buzzing sound came from all directions, followed by the occasional chirp. Ignoring this, Limestone trotted up to Marble.

"Marble, wait!" she said. "Th-this is supposed to be a happy occasion, right? We're all supposed to be having fun here."

"That's true," said Marble, her eyes still affixed on the road ahead of her. "So?"

"Sooooo, let's forget about that silly incident and focus on something happier!"

"Like what?"

Limestone paused to think for a moment. "Um, well, how about you sing us a song to lighten the mood?" she suggested.

Marble gave Limestone a quizzical look. "Limestone, all I know are rock lullabies. I don't think those are good traveling songs."

"You could always make something up," said Limestone with a shrug.

"Why, so you can make fun of me again?" Marble growled.

Limestone smacked her forehead. "Ugh, I walked right into that one," she grumbled. "Maud, help me out here, will ya?"

"I don't want to be dragged into this, Limestone," said Maud, not even bothering to turn around. "Although frankly, I think you're both acting like children."

Marble rubbed the side of her head. "How are we acting like children? Adults can have arguments too, Maud."

"It all depends on what you're arguing about," said Maud blankly.

"Well, adults also have feelings," said Marble with a pout. "And mine were hurt. Ergo, I have every right to be angry at Limestone right now."

Limestone rubbed her temples as she felt a migraine coming on. "Could somepony please throw me a freaking bone here?! This trip was supposed to be super special for all of us, but now everything's just going downhill and I feel horrible about it!"

"And whose fault is that?" asked Marble.

Limestone heaved a great sigh. "Mine," she admitted. "Man, if only Pinkie was here. She'd find a way to put a smile on your..."

She trailed off as an idea struck her. "Wait, that's it!"

She quickly reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an ice cream sandwich.

"Here you go, Mar-Mar," she said, thrusting the confectionary in front of her sister.

Marble stopped for a moment and gave Limestone a sideways glance. "Seriously? You think this is going to make everything better?"

Limestone chuckled nervously. "Hey, you can't blame a pony for trying," she said with a shrug.

Marble breathed a quick sigh before accepting the ice cream sandwich. "Thank you, Limestone. But I'm still mad at you," she said, nibbling on it a bit.

"Rats. Swing and a miss," Limestone mumbled. "Well, at least we've got nothing else to worry about."

"What about a swarm of parasprites descending upon us?" said Maud.

"Parasprites?" asked Limestone. "Funny. I didn't hear any—"

Her thoughts were interrupted as the subtle buzzing from before became louder and more pronounced. In a matter of moments, the sky was blotted out by a myriad of colors and wings as parasprites of all shapes and sizes surrounded the Pie sisters from every conceivable angle. But something was different about them. Their green eyes seemed to be generating an eerie light, and none of them looked happy. In fact, their gaze was more akin to wolves stalking their prey; a behavior that was highly atypical for the cute creatures.

"Okay, seriously, Maud! How the heck are you noticing these things before I do?!" Limestone griped.

"I think we have more important things to worry about right now," said Maud. Although she appeared to be calm, her monotone was a semitone higher than usual and conveyed a bit more urgency.

"Right. You're right," said Limestone, taking a few shallow breaths. "Okay, what're we gonna do?"

Marble tilted her head. "I thought you were the brains of this team, Limestone."

"Marble, now's really not the time!" Limestone yelled.

As the parasprite closed in on the Pie sisters, Tom watched from some bushes nearby.

Yes! My army of pests shall soon bring Maud to me! he thought with excitement. Then I shall make her my queen, and the rock farm will be mine! Oh, how I love it when a plan comes together!

"They're getting closer," said Maud, backing into Marble and Limestone. "We could run through them, but they'd only give chase."

"And feeding them is out of the question, too," added Limestone. "If we give 'em our stuff, they're just gonna want more. Which leaves us with only one option."

As she said that, her gaze shifted to Marble. Marble gulped.

"Limestone, I really don't think that's a good idea," she said.

"Marble, you're our only hope," said Limestone. "Maud doesn't sing, and I'm just not as good as you or Pinkie. It's up to you."

"But, what should I sing?"

"I don't know! Make something up!"

"And have you make fun of me again? No thank you."

"Marble, I understand that you're mad at me, but for Celestia's sake, could you put that aside for just one minute and get rid of these guys before they do something we're all gonna regret?!"

Tom snickered mentally. Oh, this is just perfect! They're too busy arguing amongst themselves to try and stop me! This'll be just like taking candy from a foal!

The parasprites moved in closer and closer, all of their eyes focused on Maud.

"This is wrong," said Maud, her voice jumping another semitone. "They don't seem to be interested in food. They want, me."

Limestone's eyes went wide before she turned back to Marble. "Okay, Marble! I am begging you at this point! Just sing whatever you want! I won't make fun of you, honest!"

Marble arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really!"

"Pinkie Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

Marble placed a hoof to her muzzle and furrowed her brow. Finally, she nodded.

"Alright, but I'm holding you to that," she said. "Now then, what to sing? Um, uh..."

"They're starting to grab me," said Maud, trying in vain to shake the parasprites off of her body. "You should probably hurry up."

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" Marble cried, her breathing becoming erratic. "I-I don't do well under pressure! Uh, um..."

She then noticed the ice cream sandwich in her hoof, and a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Okay, I think I got it!" she said. After taking a deep breath, she started tapping her hoof on the ground in a rhythmic fashion. Some of the parasprites were diverted from their task and looked at her with interest.

W-wait, what's going on? wondered Tom. Why are they stopping?! Don't stop, you stupid pests! Go get Maud!

He blasted his telepathic command right into the parasprites' brains. But before they could go back to doing his bidding, Marble began to sing.

"Traveling on the rocky road,
With my sisters, à la mode,
Hey, I think I just made a pun,
On the rocky road.

Traveling on the rocky road,
Carrying my pet geode,
Her purple crystals match my eyes,
On the rocky road."

One by one, the parasprites were entranced by Marble's soft, melodic voice. Small smiles formed on their faces as they bobbed up and down in time with tempo Marble set forth.

No! No, stop that! Tom ordered. Retrieve Maud and bring her to me! You must obey!

Unfortunately for Tom, his mental commands were drowned out as Marble continued to sing.

"Traveling on the rocky road,
It's to joy I sing this ode,
Wait no, that's a different song,
On the rocky road.

Traveling on the rocky road,
This song's in Dorian mode,
The parasprites dance in mid-flight,
On the rocky road."

Soon enough, all of the parasprites were free from Tom's psychic hold. As Marble shifted from verses to solmization, the parasprites made a path for the Pie sisters to walk through. Marble continued singing as they continued on, with the parasprites hopping along behind them. Even Limestone and Maud began to hum along. And all the while, Tom watched the spectacle, silently stewing.

At a fork in the road, the parasprites bounced off into the forest. Marble saw this as her cue to wrap things up.

"Traveling on the rocky road,
With my sisters, à la mode,
Hey, I think I just made a pun,
Onnn, the, ro, cky,
Rooooooad~."

She then breathed a great sigh as the last of the parasprites disappeared. She looked up expectantly at Limestone.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked.

Limestone blinked. "Wh-what do you want me to say?"

"You thought the lyrics were weird, didn't you?" said Marble, averting her eyes. "C'mon, be honest."

Limestone shook her head. "Marble, why would I say that? That was amazing. You really came through for us, and for that, well, I'm glad."

She then pulled Marble into a hug. "Hey, I'm really sorry I teased you about the whole Marblicious thing before. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was just being an expensive, crowd-disappointing piece of cake."

Marble paused for a moment before hugging Limestone back. "No. No, you weren't. You were just being you, and maybe I shouldn't have gotten so offended."

"Don't try to turn this around, Mar-Mar. Let me take the fall on this one," said Limestone. "I know you're sensitive about these things, and I shouldn't have made fun of you."

"I, guess you're right," said Marble. "Just, next time I come out of my shell, I'd like some more support, okay?"

"Deal," cooed Limestone.

Maud looked at the tender moment between her sisters, and a ghost of a smile crossed her face. "Heh," she breathed.

Limestone perked up and looked at Maud. "Did you say something, Maud?" she asked.

"I'm just happy you two decided to make amends," said Maud.

Marble's expression drooped. "We were making you uncomfortable, huh?" she said glumly.

"Maybe a little," said Maud.

"Then why didn't you say anything?" asked Limestone, raising an eyebrow. "You're not exactly an easy pony to read, Maud."

"I did say something," said Maud.

"You mean, the part when you said we were acting like children?" said Marble.

Maud nodded.

Limestone bit her lip. "Well, I feel like an idiot," she said.

"So do I," said Marble. "We're sorry, Maud. We probably ruined the trip for you."

"Not at all," said Maud, hugging both of her sisters. "Honestly, maybe I could've said more to get you to to stop. But, none of that matters. The important thing is we're still together."

"Yep," Marble whispered. "We're still one big, happy family."

"You'll get no argument from me," said Limestone as Maud released the two. She then pulled an ice cream sandwich out of her bag and nibbled on it. "Alright, we're almost at Nana Pinkie's house. We should have time for a quick visit and be back before sundown. Y'know, just as long as there aren't any other crazy distractions."

"Like a giant floating rock wearing sunglasses flying at us?" said Maud.

Limestone let out an exasperated groan. "Y'know, as soon as I opened my mouth, I knew I was making a huge mistake."

She turned around, and sure enough, Tom was flying down the path right towards the Pie sisters. He managed to stop short of hitting them.

"Alright, no more messing around!" he proclaimed. "I'll just have to..."

Before he could continue, Maud walked up to him and gave him a few sniffs.

"Hmm. I thought you smelled familiar," she said.

"Let me guess. He's made out of the same metamorphic rock we found at the stupid sign?" said Limestone.

"Yes," said Maud. "But that's not all."

"There's more?"

"Indeed. I, think this is Tom."

Marble and Limestone's jaws dropped. "WHAT?!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah, I don't get it, either," said Maud with a shrug.

Author's Note

If anyone wants to make a music sheet and/or a video for Marble's song, On the Rocky Road, they're welcome to it. Just be sure to give me credit for the lyrics. :raritywink:

Rock Crush

Chapter 6:
Rock Crush

There was a pregnant pause as Marble, Limestone, and Tom stared at Maud in disbelief. Tom was the first one to break the silence.

"Impossible! I had the perfect disguise!" he exclaimed. "There's no way you could've known it was me!"

Maud looked up at Tom and arched an eyebrow. "You're just wearing a pair of sunglasses. That doesn't cover up your scent," she said plainly. "Also, thank you for confirming my suspicions about your identity."

"Wh-what?! I, uh..." Tom sputtered.

Limestone's shock slowly turned into disdain as she narrowed her eyes. "I always thought you were bad news, buster," she snarled. "You were just biding your time and waiting for the right moment to strike, weren't you?"

"M-maybe," said Tom, trying to recover from his slip-up. "Think whatever you want, Limestone Pie! None of it matters! I am here to take what's rightfully mine!"

"So you were after Roxanne!" squeaked Marble, holding her saddlebag close to her chest. "I won't let you hurt her, you fiend!"

"What? No," said Tom, sounding a bit confused. "I mean, it is tempting, but right now, I'm after a much bigger prize."

Marble tilted her head. "You mean Boulder?"

"No."

"The candy necklace Maud made for Nana Pinkie?"

"No."

"Our ice cream sandwiches?"

"No."

"Our cracker sandwiches?"

"Oh, goodness no! Not those things! I don't want any more of those wretched bugs crawling all over me!"

"So you were the rock by the river," mused Maud. "I thought you smelled familiar back there."

"And we already know you put up the stupid sign," said Limestone, giving Tom the evil eye. "Is it safe to presume that you were responsible for the golem and the parasprites, too?"

Tom recoiled. "How could you have possibly guessed that?!"

"You're floating in midair, wearing sunglasses, and speaking directly into our brains," said Limestone frankly. "Maybe I'm just crazy, but that tells me you're no ordinary rock. As such, it's not really that much of a stretch to say that you've been behind all of our troubles during our trip."

Marble gasped. "Even our argument?"

"No, that would be giving him too much credit," said Limestone.

"How dare you!" Tom bellowed. With that, he let loose a psychic shockwave that sent Marble and Limestone flying.

"My *ow* point *oof* still *ow* stands!" Limestone grunted as she skidded along the road.

Maud's eyes went wide for a moment as she watched her sisters being hurt. She turned to Tom and let out a snort. "What's the big idea?" she growled, a subtle intensity seeping into her voice.

Tom snickered. "I wouldn't worry too much about them, my dear Maud. After all, it's not them I want. It's you."

"Me?" asked Maud. "But, why?"

"Your Cutie Mark," said Tom, using his powers to lift Maud's dress and reveal it. "It resembles me. That means it's your destiny to rule the rock farm as my queen!"

Maud blinked. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," she said flatly.

"Oh, is it?" said Tom. "Well, maybe this will change your mind!"

Maud suddenly felt a throbbing pain in her head. She tried to lift her forelegs to rub her temples, but her body had gone stiff, refusing to respond. She scrunched her eyes shut, trying desperately to fight Tom's assault on her senses.

"Oh, yes. Now, you are mine," said Tom, his sunglasses glistening. "But what to do with you? I could take over your mind and win your affection. Or perhaps I'll petrify you or place you inside a prism and carry you around. Oh, or I could just keep doing this until you submit to my will. That works, too. Hmm, decisions, decisions..."

"That's no way to treat a queen."

Tom looked up and saw Marble and Limestone advancing towards him and covered in bruises.

"What do you mean?" he inquired.

"Queens are not slaves or trophies," said Marble. "They're royalty, and should be treated as such."

"Shut up!" Tom spat. "She's my queen; I'll do whatever I want with her!"

Limestone's face contorted in disgust. "Okay, dude. I don't want to even think about what you could possibly mean by that," she said, arching her back and pawing the ground. "All I know is that Marble and I aren't gonna let you hurt our sister."

"She's mine!" Tom barked, sending another shockwave that flipped Marble and Limestone onto their backs. "She belongs to me, and you can't have her! She and I will rule the rock farm, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

"See, you're still *oof* getting that wrong," said Marble, slowly getting to her feet. "She's not ruling anything if you're not going to let her, well, rule."

Tom was flabbergasted. "Why are you still on this?! I thought you were trying to save her!"

"Oh, I am," said Marble. "I just find that questioning my fears is my preferred method of standing up to them."

"B-but that makes no sense!" Tom exclaimed.

"Hey, it makes more sense than you do, Mr. Flying Psychic Rock," said Limestone. "Or do you prefer Mr. Pot?"

"Mr. Pot?"

"Yeah. After all, you're calling the kettle black. Ba-zing!"

"Enough!" Tom fumed, grabbing Marble and Limestone with his psychic powers and levitating them in front of him. "Now that Maud is my queen, I am your master! And that means you two will learn your place, even if I have to burn that fact into your brains!"

Upon hearing this, Maud's eyes snapped open. She watched in horror as her sisters squirmed and writhed in Tom's psychic grip. A raging inferno built up in her chest, even though her expression didn't seem to reflect it. She shot Tom a cold glare.

"Don't hurt them," she said sternly.

Tom looked down at Maud and sniggered. "You can't make demands of me, my queen."

"I'm not your queen," said Maud. "I'm also going to hurt you if you don't put them down this instant."

"Idle threats don't scare me in the slightest, Maud Pie," said Tom dismissively. "Your body is completely under my control. There's nothing you can do."

Limestone's eyes went wide. "I-is he doing what I *nngh* think he's doing?" she asked Marble.

"It *mmph* sure seems like it," Marble grunted, still struggling in Tom's grasp.

Limestone drew in a sharp breath through her teeth. "This is *ack* not gonna be pretty," she said.

"Silence!" Tom boomed. "You clearly have no idea of the predicament you're in right now!"

"Yeah, well. Neither do *ergh* you," Limestone retorted. "Seriously, if you keep ticking *oof* Maud off, you'll be sorry."

Tom laughed. "Oh, I highly doubt that," said he.

"I'm giving you one last chance, Tom," said Maud coldly. "I'm the one you want. Let my sisters go."

"That's not entirely true, my queen," said Tom. "I want everything. You; your sisters; the rock farm. Everything in Equestria and beyond should belong to me. If something exists, I want it, and I will not share it with anyone else. This right here is only the beginning."

"Well, that's *mmm* rather selfish of you," said Marble.

"I thought I told you to shut up!" Tom snapped, his aura intensifying. Marble wailed in pain, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Maud's glare intensified, and Limestone sighed.

"Now you're in for it," she said.

"You shut up, too!" Tom barked. "I will not be..."

"You made Marble cry. That makes me mad."

Through a sudden burst of will, Maud fought against Tom's mental powers and shook him off. Tom recoiled, both from the psychic feedback and from shock.

"Wh-what?! Impossible!" he exclaimed. "There's no way you could've broken free!"

"We tried to warn you, pal," said Limestone with a shrug. "Maud's cool as a cucumber most of the time, but when it comes to saving her family, she will move mountains to get the job done."

"Indeed," said Maud, advancing towards Tom. Tom set Marble and Limestone down before starting to back away.

"Um, wait. Y-you really don't want to do this," he said nervously. "Th-that was just a fluke. I'm still far beyond your league."

To prove his point, he sent out another shockwave. Maud was flipped onto her back and winced in pain. But soon enough, she was back on her feet.

"That hurt," she said blankly, shaking herself off before continuing to advance.

Tom made a gulping sound. "N-now look here, Maud. L-let's not be too hasty," he said nervously. "Y-you wouldn't hit a rock with glasses on, would you?"

"You're a rock. You don't need glasses," said Maud.

Before Tom could respond, Maud charged for him at full gallop and leapt into the air. Thinking quickly, Tom caught her in midair and held her tight.

"It seems I'm simply too much for you to handle," he snickered.

Limestone blinked and then blew a kiss. "Goodnight, everypony!"

Tom was distracted by this. "Um, why did you do that?"

"I'd tell you, but that would defeat the purpose of the joke," said Limestone. "Oh, by the way, you've got a parasprite on your back."

"What? Where?!" Tom yelped, his grip on Maud weakening as he tried to sense the parasprite.

"Why would a rock be afraid of a parasprite?" asked Marble. "Couldn't you just squish them?"

"Don't you dare start with me!" Tom hollered. "I've had enough of your tomfoolery, and..."

He then realized that while he was distracted, he accidentally released Maud's forelimbs. Maud raised her hoof.

"Oh, poo."

Her motions a blur, Maud punched Tom several times in rapid succession. In a matter of moments, he was reduced to little more than a bunch of pebbles scattered all over the ground. Without Tom's psychic grip to hold her, Maud dropped like a stone and landed with an unceremonious thud, scattering Tom's remains all around the path.

"Maud!" Limestone called out as she and Marble ran up to her. "Are you okay?"

Maud winced as she struggled to get to her feet. "I-I'll be fine," she said. "What about you two?"

"We're alright, thanks to you," said Marble, holding out her hoof. "Need some help?"

Maud nodded and took Marble's hoof in her own. "Thank you," she said as she picked herself up. She then wrapped her forelegs around her sisters and hugged them tight.

"Ooffa! B-bit tight there, Maud," grunted Limestone.

"Sorry," said Maud, releasing them. "I was just so worried about losing you two."

"We know," said Limestone with a warm smile. "But everything's okay now. For real, this time."

"Mmm-hmm," said Marble. "Come, let's go. I think we've kept Nana Pinkie waiting long enough."

"Agreed," said Limestone. "But, just one more thing."

"What's that?"

Limestone turned to the pile of rubble that was once Tom. "Hey, in case you're still able to hear us, I've got something to say to you about the parasprite."

After a brief pause, a sly grin crossed Limestone's face.

"Made ya look!"

With that, she galloped off ahead, laughing all the while as Marble and Maud followed her. A faint smile formed on Maud's face as she took Boulder out of her pocket.

"It seems they were right," she told her pet. "They made this trip a lot more special than it would've been if it was just the two of us. I'm glad I have such an amazing family."

Sensical Limbo

Chapter 7:
Sensical Limbo

It wasn't long before the Pie sisters arrived at the base of a small grassy knoll in the middle of the forest. Marble and Limestone smiled to each other while Maud's expression remained static.

"Well, that took much longer than anticipated, but at least we're finally here," said Marble.

"Yep," Limestone agreed. "I think we're all ready to take it easy now. No psychic rocks; no golems; no parasprites. Just us and Nana Pinkie spending a peaceful afternoon together."

Maud said nothing, but simply took the candy necklace out of her saddlebag. At the center of the necklace was a purple piece of rock candy that was larger than the others and resembled her Cutie Mark.

"Ooh~. That looks pretty," said Marble, eyeing the necklace with interest. "I'm sure Nana Pinkie's gonna love it."

"It took a while to find the right rock candy," said Maud.

Limestone smirked. "Maud, she would've loved it no matter what rock candy you used."

"I know," said Maud. "But I still wanted it to be special. I don't know when we'll be able to do this again after I leave for my rock research trip."

"We understand, Maud," said Marble, nuzzling Maud's cheek. "That's why we made this trip in the first place. Nana Pinkie would've been heartbroken if you left without saying goodbye to her first."

"Plus, we couldn't let Pinkie have all the fun," Limestone added with a chuckle. "We love you just as much as she does, and we really wanted to show it."

"I gathered," said Maud. "Thank you both again for doing this with me. This is one trip I won't be forgetting anytime soon. For, multiple reasons."

"Yeah, I hear ya," said Limestone, furrowing her brow. "We never really got the full story about that Tom guy, did we? Then again, he never did make much sense. Ah well, I guess it doesn't matter. Let's just go see Nana Pinkie and..."

She was suddenly interrupted by a bright flash of light which gave way to Discord. Marble yelped and hid herself behind Maud, who remained stoic. Limestone's eye twitched.

"Does anypony have a wall I can borrow? I need to slam my head against it," she said.

"Well, that's a fine greeting," Discord huffed, folding his mismatched arms. "Can't a draconequus just walk down the street without everypony thinking he's up to no good?"

"If Pinkie's letters are any indication, you don't necessarily have the greatest track record in the world," said Limestone, narrowing her eyes. "In fact, how do we know you're not behind what we just had to endure?"

"That could mean many things, and not all of them have to do with me," said Discord plainly. "I honestly just got here from Mustangia. I even have an affidavit to that effect. Look."

With a flick of his wrist, the official-looking document appeared out of thin air. Maud looked over it carefully.

"Seems official enough," she said with a shrug.

"I dunno," said Limestone skeptically. "It seems too convenient."

"But didn't Pinkamena say that her friend Fluttershy wants to give him the benefit of the doubt?" asked Marble, finding her voice. "Maybe we should do the same, Limestone."

Limestone opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a sigh. "Look, buddy. Whether you're responsible or not doesn't matter at this point. We've been through a lot today, and we're too tired to argue. We were just about to head on up to Nana Pinkie's house, so if you don't mind..."

"Wait a minute," said Discord, cutting across Limestone. "Nana Pinkie?"

"Yes. She's our grandmother," said Marble.

Discord knitted his brow. "Huh. Pinkie Pie, a grandmother at her age? Well, that's new."

"Oh, nonononono," said Limestone with a giggle. "You're thinking of our sister Pinkie who lives in Ponyville. Our Nana Pinkie lives out here."

"Oh," said Discord. "Well, that must get confusing."

"It did for a while," said Limestone. "But we managed to work through it with a little help from Gregory."

"Gregory?"

"He's the rock the stands outside Nana Pinkie's house," explained Maud. "He's right over there."

Discord looked at where Maud was pointing and did a double take. There was no trace of a cottage or any sort of house on the grassy knoll. Instead, there was a single stone made of granite with an inscription engraved on it sticking out of the ground. Discord flew over to the stone and read the inscription.

Welcome to the home of Pinkamena Diana Pie (not to be confused with her amazing granddaughter, Pinkamena Diane Pie)

Giggle at the Ghosties

Please do not dig up the front lawn.

Discord stroked his goatee for a moment before turning back to the Pie sisters. "Um, quick question. Where is this house you're talking about?" he asked. "I don't see it."

"That's because it's underground," said Maud.

"Uh-huh," said Discord, more intrigued than perplexed. "Interesting. So, how do you get to it? Is there a secret passage or something?"

"Oh, we can't go in Nana Pinkie's house," said Marble. "It's too small."

Discord tilted his head and continued stroking his chin. "Too, small you say?"

"Yeah. It only has room for one pony," said Limestone.

"Well, can't she come out and see you?" inquired Discord.

"Afraid not," said Limestone with a shake of her head. "See, she's... Um, what's a nice way to put it?"

"Living impaired?" suggesting Marble.

"Yeah, let's go with that," said Limestone.

Discord paused for a moment as he connected the dots. "So, just so we're clear, you're all well aware that she's..."

"Passed on, yes," said Maud.

"And yet you call her coffin a house."

"Well, a house is a place of residence," said Limestone with a shrug. "And, well, that's where she's gonna reside for the rest of eternity."

"Huh," said Discord with a contemplative nod. "That's quite fascinating, actually. It follows logic, which I'm usually not a big fan of, but it's a very bizarre logic. It's like it makes sense and doesn't make sense at the same time, which in and of itself doesn't make sense. I think I'm going to need to spend more time with Pinkie Pie. I'm learning so many things about her today that make her that much more appealing as a friend."

The sisters looked at each other for a moment and shared a shrug before turing back to Discord.

"We're, glad you feel that way," said Limestone. "Pinkie's sure gonna love to hear that. Maybe you really are reformed."

"That isn't the first time I heard that today," said Discord with a lighthearted chuckle. Just then, a lightbulb appeared over his head randomly. "Oh, yes! I forgot. I came here to do something."

"You did?" asked Maud.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," said Discord, taking the lightbulb and eating it. "See, while in Mustangia, I got a message on my Chaos Pager saying that my chaos magic was acting on its own accord somewhere in this area. You wouldn't happen to have noticed anything, would you?"

"You mean like a floating psychic rock that wanted to take over our rock farm and make Maud his personal trophy?" said Limestone.

"Yes, exactly like that," said Discord with a nod. "I'm just going out on a limb here, but did the rock go by the name of Tom by any chance?"

Maud blinked. "How did you know?"

"I'm the one who created him many moons ago," said Discord. "You can try asking Rarity about it, but she's probably going to deny everything."

"That explains so much," said Limestone.

"Quite," said Discord. "So, have you seen him?"

"Oh, he's over there," said Limestone, pointing down the trail. "And there. And there, and there, and there, and there, and..."

"I get the picture," interrupted Discord, holding up a stop sign. "Well, thank you for pointing me in the right direction, ladies. I'll just go tidy up that mess; you girls enjoy your time with your grandmother. Ta-ta!"

With that, he snapped his fingers and disappeared in a burst of light.

"Well, I know what I'm going to write about in my next letter to Pinkie," said Limestone.

"Same here," Marble concurred. "What about you, Maud?"

But Maud was not there. As soon as Discord disappeared, she made her way up the grassy knoll to the headstone.

"Hello, Nana Pinkie," she said, placing the candy necklace in front of the stone. "I made this for you. I hope you like it."

She then placed a hoof on the headstone and traced over the inscription. "I'm, actually going away soon. I got into a rocktorate program, and it's going to mean a lot for my future. I just wanted to tell you that before I left."

There was a heavy silence, broken only by Marble and Limestone's muffled hoofsteps as they made their way up the hill. After a pause, Maud shook her head.

"Don't say that, Nana Pinkie," she said. "I'm not going away forever. I'll still come by to visit you. I, just don't know, when that will be..."

She bowed her head as she shed a single tear. She then jerked her head up as she felt Marble and Limestone nuzzle up to her.

"It's okay, Maud," cooed Marble. "Nana Pinkie's just concerned about you. There's no need to cry."

"I, wasn't crying," said Maud, blushing slightly.

"Sure you weren't," said Limestone with a knowing smirk. "Admit it, Stick-in-the-Maud. You really are a big softy deep down, and I mean that in the best way possible."

Maud breathed out a snicker and pulled her sisters close. "I can't thank you two enough for coming out here with me. I really appreciate it," she said.

"Hey, thank you for letting us tag along," said Limestone. "We're really gonna miss you, Maud."

"Indeed we are," whispered Marble. "But at the same time, we're very proud of you."

"I know," said Maud. "Let's stay like this for a little while longer before we head back home. I'm fairly certain we can make it back before the rock shortage hits."

"Sounds good to me," said Limestone, resting her head on Maud's forelegs. "At least it'll give Discord some time to get Tom out of our way."

"Speaking of Tom, I wonder what Discord's going to do with him," mused Marble.

***

"These are parts of my body, so they're mine!"

"No, they're mine! And that goes for you, too!"

"Both of you are wrong! All of these pieces belong to me!"

Discord stared down at the dirt road as a bunch of pebbles that once formed Tom bickered and argued amongst themselves. He sighed and shook his head.

"You know, you're lucky this turned out the way it did, Tom," he said, summoning a dustpan and broom which started sweeping up the pebbles by themselves. "If you by some miracle succeeded in your bizarre scheme, those nice ponies would've told Pinkie. And then Pinkie would've told Fluttershy, and Fluttershy would've said 'Not now, I'm trying to feed my chickens.' But after she was done doing that, she'd be very mad at me, and I would not be in my happy place."

He then lifted the dustpan and gave the pebbles a cold glare. "And quite frankly, neither would you."

The pebbles didn't even bother to acknowledge their creator. They were too busy arguing.

"Hmm. Seems I'm not getting through to you," Discord said thoughtfully. "Egh, I hate it when my own chaotic creations don't listen to me. That's probably why I never used my powers to create my own friends, now that I think about it. Oh well. I guess I'll just make you useful. After all, I did promise Mustangia that I'd help clean up after that epic showdown, and they just so happen to need some sidewalk gravel..."

One of the pebbles turned to Discord. "Wait, wha—?"

"Oh, now you decide to listen, hmm?" said Discord, arching an eyebrow. "Well, sorry Tom old boy. If I have to be reformed and change my ways for the benefit of ponykind, then so should you. Besides, you could've jeopardized my friendship with Fluttershy, and that's a big no-no in my book."

"W-wait! No! Please, anything but that!" exclaimed Tom. "Have mercy!"

"And rob you of your own chance at redemption?" asked Discord with a sly smile. "Now what kind of friend would I be if I did that?"

Before Tom could protest, Discord snapped his fingers. As the two of them disappeared, a lighthearted yet sinister chuckle echoed throughout the forest.

The End