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Discord yawned lazily, snapping his jaws as he spread in relaxation on the underside of the cloud. The ground above him waved greenly in the mild breeze, which he was only to eager to allow to pass by. It were lethargic and peaceful days like these that he could get used to. Boring, shmoring; at least he wasn’t trapped in stone.

He had almost begun to drift off back to the world of dreams when he was rudely awakened by an apple to the face.

Whack.

“… Ow,” Discord mumbled without bothering to open his eyes. “I told you last time, I’m not buying anything.”

Whack.

“Okay, that’s actually starting to hurt a little,” the draconequus righted himself grumpily, slithering to the other side of the cloud and peering about for his assailant. Much to his surprise, none other than Pinkie Pie stood beneath him, glowering up angrily at him.

“Oh. Hullo, Pinkie Pie!” Discord grinned toothily.
Whack.

“Something seems to be the matter.”
… Whack.

“Sick of your crap, Discord!” the abnormally cranky pink party pony plucked another plump projectile from her saddlebag. “Getting really sick of your crap!”

She cranked back a hoof to hurl another apple at his head, at which point Discord held up a single talon.

“Now, hold on,” he insisted.
Whack.

That one stuck to his antler.

“What is your problem?” Discord lurched forward to yank away the apples, which Pinkie deftly evaded.

“What’s my problem? What’s your problem?” she screeched, chucking another fruit at him. “You haven’t done anything!”

“Yes, I know,” he replied drolly, dodging another apple. “How positively dreadful of me.”

“It is!” Pinkie Pie insisted, a hurt look on her face. “Do you have any idea how bored I get? We haven’t had any bouts of chaos in months!”

“But I-”

“MONTHS, Discord!” she reprimanded him shrilly. “When was the last time we had chocolate rain, huh? When’s the last time the sun and moon got into a hoof wrestling contest, huh?!”

“Now, Pinkie Pie,” the draconequus crossed his arms over his chest and towered over her, furrowing his brows. “Surely you understand that Celestia-”

“Celestia, Shmelestia!” Pinkie raised a hoof offensively. “Either you quit loafing around and make things interesting again, or I’ll go completely bonkers!”

“Pretty sure you’re halfway there,” he joked with a grin.

Pinkie Pie punched him in the groin.

Hard.

Discord let out a strangled, wheezy grunt and collapsed, at which point Pinkie Pie proceeded to carefully handle and tenderly extract what she needed. And handle him, she did.

She handled Discord with all the care and tenderness of a speeding freight train.

0-0-0-0-0

“Bet’cha can’t beat mine,” Rainbow Dash bragged, watching as the sturdy farm pony twirled the iron horseshoe around one hoof.

“Best two out of three?” Applejack raised an eyebrow, flipping the horseshoe in the air before landing it squarely atop the metal pole. She had difficulty stifling her smirk at Dash’s glower.

“That’s cheating,” the pegasus growled, stepping out of the sun and into the cool shade by the Apple family’s barn. “Besides, the-”

“The sun was in yer eyes,” Applejack rolled her own, following her. “Uh huh. You said that last time, too. Want me to go an’ move the sun there for you, Ra-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence, as Rainbow Dash quickly stifled her words with her lips.

Applejack stood stunned as Rainbow Dash’s tongue met her own, heating flooding her face. She began to resist the unexpected advance, but was strongly distracted by a hot, familiar itch growing behind her. A strangely blistering, needing heat that blossomed upward and all the way up her spine, making her shiver. It took her a full beat to realize that she was leaning just as hard into the kiss as Rainbow Dash was, and was further surprised when she wasn’t the one to pull away first.

“OhCelestiaApplejackIamsosorryI’msorryI’msorry!” the flustered pegasus slapped her own face a couple of times, cheeks remaining just as red. “I-I don’t even-”

She was promptly cut off by Applejack, tackled to the ground.

“Planning on leaving me high and dry, were ya?” her vibrantly green eyes narrowed.

“No – Applejack, heat!” Dash wriggled beneath her, making no real effort to escape her grasp.

“You’re darned right, heat!” Applejack snickered, kissing her again. “Getting me all hot and bothered-”

“It’s – ah! – it’s the wrong time of year!” the pegasus writhed, moaning as Applejack bucked against her.

“You’re – mmh! – you’re right ‘bout that, too,” she whispered, letting out a little cry when Dash nipped at her neck.

“We should – ooh – we should probably stop,” Rainbow Dash said breathlessly.

“Not gonna, are we?”

“Will you just shut up and rut me already?”

Big Macintosh, who had been watching the entire ordeal since the beginning, simply stood in amazement for a few minutes before walking off to dunk his head in a bucket of water to ensure that he wasn’t dreaming.

It took several tries, because he kept coming back to watch.

0-0-0-0-0

Twilight paced in the library’s study, furiously inspecting a pair of charts that lay side by side on her desk.

It was nigh impossible.

No, completely impossible.

By all rights, by this point her time of heat should have ended; there was simply no good reason for the unnecessary expansion of her heat cycle. And yet, here it was.

She stamped back and forth, desperate to distract herself. With this time of the morning, chances were that she’d be stuck like this all day long – and it had never burned quite so badly, the sheer itch was such a distraction that she had difficulty reading.

Silencing a groan of frustration, Twilight crumpled and stuffed the charts back inside her writing desk, and held her head in her hooves. Perhaps there was a magical cure for her problem; but then again, after the last incident, she really wasn’t looking forward to trying again.

Twilight probably would have simply stayed there for quite a bit longer, sweat beading along her while she struggled to remember the periodic table of elements were it not for a rather ferocious banging on her front door.

“Spike,” Twilight called out miserably. “Kindly get the door, I’ve got my hooves full.”

Oddly, Spike did not answer at all, and the loud noise only grew.

“Spike?” she called for him again, but to no avail. The drake was nowhere to be seen throughout all of Golden Oaks library, and she worriedly yanked open the front door to see if he had accidentally locked himself out again. Much to her surprise, the moment she opened the door, Twilight was crushed by a very terrified looking draconequus.

“Discord!” Twilight gasped in panic, kicking him off.

“Oh Celestia, my balls!”

“What is the meaning of this, Discord?” Twilight leapt up, preparing to blast him with magic. However, Discord clutched himself in agony, taking a long time to even stand.

“H-heat,” he wheezed eventually.

“You did this to me?” Twilight levitated him upwards immediately, slamming him against a wall. “Why were you alternating my heat cycles, Discord? What kind of depraved perve-”

“Pinkie Pie!” Discord gasped, which he had difficulty doing. Partially because of just how many times he had suffered blows to the groin that day, and partially because Twilight’s magical hold on him was crushing his windpipe.

“Oh, so you did it to Pinkie too, huh?” she angrily held him higher, making his legs kick wildly.

“Think, you dolt!” he choked out, grasping the invisible bonds around his neck. “Why isn’t the God of Chaos simply turning you into a bug right about now?”

Twilight opened her mouth to irritably respond, but her thoughts finally made it past the mental blockade that the heat was causing her.

“… Discord, wasn’t it just morning a few minutes ago?” Twilight raised an eyebrow suspiciously as she peered out the window, finally letting him drop. Discord huffed and puffed, breathily dragging himself to his mismatched feet.

“What is it with everypony today?” Discord rubbed his neck sorely. “I swear, I think you were all fruit batshit crazy before Pinkie Pie stole my powers.”

Again, Twilight attempted to respond, but had to shake her head first to clear anything that might potentially be in her ears that caused her to mishear him.

“... Sorry, come again?”

“No, I've been kidding this whole time. I just love erotic asphyxiation for crying out loud, Twilight! Your psycho friend kicked me in the gonads and ripped the Chaos right out of me,” Discord rubbed his aching back with a deep frown. “Although, I’ll admit, she does a dandy job spreading chaos in my stead.”

Twilight shoved past him in panic and out into the night sky – which, for some reason, glowed rather brightly with a half-moon made of cheese – and gawked at the mayhem spreading through Ponyville. Buildings beginning to walk around on their foundations, lampposts dancing with each other and causing spectacular light shows, storm clouds blasting chocolate milk out of theirs sides and whizzing overhead. It was extremely difficult to take in just a little at a time, let alone everything at once.

Twilight promptly went back inside and closed the door.

“Told you so,” Discord crossed his arms again grumpily.

“Discord, the world’s gone mad and I can’t find Spike. Get my saddlebags, we’re going to find Pinkie Pie.”

“Why should I?” he harrumphed crossly.

Whack.

“OH CELESTIA, MY BALLS!”

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Author's Note

Super Ponybeat -- Discord!