Rainbow Dash Eats a Cookie

by ConEditor

Rating: teen
Tags: Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Tragedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Other, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1240

Rainbow Dash eats a cookie. As us 'Muricans say, "hilarity ensues." Or as the story goes, "what the actual fuck is going on."

Rainbow Dash goes to Sugarcube Corner and acquires a large cookie. Turns out there weren't just chocolate chips...

I am so, so sorry for making another Twilight Sparkle Eats A Peach fic.

Published 2014-12-24 05:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-24 05:00:06 UTC

Dashie sure does love cookies

Rainbow Dashdash sat down and started eating a cookie. As she ate it, the colors of the wind began swirling around her, whispering "MeeeM!"

Twilight Sparkleparkle, the local librarian, walked up to Dashie-Washie and said "Hello!"

"Hi Twilight. Say, do you know why the colors of the Winders are whispering 'MeeeM'?" Asked Rainbow.

"'MeeeM'? What the hay does that mean?" Asked Twilight.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the egghead with the books." Said RainBowchicabowwow.

Just then, Scootalootabootaloota ice-skated past, shouting "POOTISPENSER HERE! POOTIS! POOT!"

Twilight looked at the contents of her drink. Then she facehooved. "I knew I shouldn't have had all that moonshine..."

"Whatever." said Dainbow Rash, who then continued to eat her cookie. It was a very large cookie.

And this is going to be a long-SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE-...

Good.

Stay there.

Or I won't let you have a speaking role.

...

Thank you.

As Pootaloo pooted on by, Dasher noticed Pinkie Pie looking at her with a concerned, worried expression, almost...sad.

'Why does Pinkie look so sad?'

'Eh, it's probably nothing,' Painbow Gash thought to herself.

Rayne Bow Dash decided to take her cookie to her bedroom in colgnsdalaads.* She sat up, put her cookie in a bag, and began to Nope.avi her way along to Cloudsfail. How did the cookie fit in the bag, you ask? It was MeeeM on the Poot.

As she Nope.avi-ed along, she saw a pop-tart cat Nope.avi-ing almost as fast as she was. It was farting a trail of Rainbow Dash poop. Dash, visibly disgusted, decided to land before she began vomiting naked human women. And beagles. Lots of beagles.

It was then that Pink Floyd Eating Pie Yeah!ed by. "Hi Rainbow!" she said in a voice that didn't match up with her expression. "How ya doing?"

"Good," Rainbow replied alliteratively. "you, Pinks?"

"Oh, I'm super duper extra fine!" Pinkie squeed, again, not matching up with her expression. "I've been talking with the Captain of the 101st_Infinity_Division,^ and he's been thinking about making a butterknife that can cut through solid. Steel. Butter."

"That's cool, Pinkie. Sorry to leave so soon, but I really want to eat this cookie. Bye!" Said Rainbine.

"Goodbye, Dashie!" Pronked Pinkie.

Rainbow Dash started flying towards her house again, uncaring of the random gray blue box that flew beside her.

She flew by Ghastly Gorge, watching as the crumbs (why were they sparking like that?) fell into the abyss below. All of a sudden, a quarray eel rose from the shadowed depths, snatching the crumbs out of the air. For some reason, the eel was wearing a nurse outfit, shouting something about more tubing.

As Rainbow approached her house of clouds (which was yelling about sparta for some reason), she failed to notice that the land beneath her had become noticably more blocky.

And then, she passed by an odd robotic bear which, for some reason, said this.

%"Yes of computer in DO computer Indio Computer in your computer and it yet the computer and dell computer and your computer in your computer and it ended yet the computer and dell computer and your computer in New York Computer ended its eight caliber of bodies kiss its eight caliber bodies yen’s kiss of the eight caliber bodies yen’s listening very much listening while home mane surprise away old references and mailings to review review caliber of audio lovin format painter kept pace the copy clipboard bond paragraph from all the spacing and one having too low titles of battles of ON emphasis of warmth is consoled teams though fouls and then find and replace select all and end this is all warm is consoled to be Mr. Bowles and the new find and replace electric tears and will fold that day ever browse, and there are some growth fund for crimes treats the bringing in this matter that engine and read this review of all of them and the ad Dr. Tuesday no strings attached soldier of the night but fitted broad pony bills without them and Barnett movie star and the flow of drugs criminals know.

And Courtney and a popular stored and fiction Don next in order to Brian in order, and the thin yes the computer into computer Indio Computer in your computer and yet the computer and dell computer and your computer in your computer and it ended yet the computer and a computer in your and your computer new your computer and its eight caliber body Z268 caliber bodies yen’s kiss of the eight caliber for bodies ian’s listening to rush listening while filming spread the way older of racism and serve your view caliber of audio open form of inter work at the base copy B and the clipboard bond paragraph from all was written up in one and one have been too low titles of files of old owner victor for warmth of console and means of their balls mean fun reports like goal and an all this was warm and consoled and Mr. Vulva and the new find and replace it electric tail there will fall by the ever browse an arm some growth fund programs treats Britain and bringing in this matter and an in three of its review pool of ole M and be a Dr. Tuesday notions that Mr. Notes over the next folder of the night but fitted broad pony bills and of them men or nuts to more restore the flow of drugs criminals and no end and court were named Paul brewers door Ford kit and fiction Don next in order to Brian in order and the thin end to start the engine."

Confused beyond belief, Rainbow Dash finally reached her house. However, quite curiously, she found herself getting hungrier the more of the cookie she ate. When there was nothing left but crumbs, she laid her head down to sleep.

Reality

"Will she be alright?" asked Twilight.

"We're not sure. We've already pumped her stomach, but there's a lot of internal damage. We may have to perform surgery," replied Nurse Redheart, "and if we do, she'll never be able to eat solid food again."

She then left to consult her coworkers, leaving Twilight sitting on a chair beside a comatose Rainbow Dash, whom she had brought in because Rainbow had eaten most of her computer. Pinkie Pie had been rendered near catatonic when she heard, and had demanded to see Rainbow the moment she pulled herself together.

She had left the hospital in silent tears. Tears nothing, not even the world's biggest cupcake, could stop.

Twilight gently stroked Rainbow's mane, her eyes brimming with tears. "Oh, Rainbow," she whispered, wishing she had told her what an Internet Cookie was.

Author's Note

*I kept that there because it was hilarious just how bad I fucked up "Cloudsdale" at 10:28 PM.
^101's cheats server is an amazing TF2 server, where you can do most cheats, and get INSANE abilities. Go on, join the group and tell him Dusk sent you. He's trying to get the TF2 community to notice his server, so I'm helping him out a bit. You might see me there from time to time.
%Yes, this is padding, but I couldn't think of anything else to write. It's actually speech recognition working it's magic and then me copy-pasting the results. Please, tell me what you think I should have done instead.