My Little South Park

by zennec-fox

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Babs Seed, Human, Changelings, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Adventure, Mare Do Well
Length: 3078

Dying, waffles, chaos. Just another normal day for the South Park boys.

After playing a strange game, Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny end up in Equestria. Will they return home? Maybe.

Published 2014-04-09 21:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-14 15:40:58 UTC

Chapter 1: An Unwanted Prize

It was a normal day in South Park. Snow covered everything, Al Gore was being serial about Manbearpig, Chinpokomon toys were lying around, and Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were about to go on the biggest adventure of their lives.
The four boys walked over to a strange van. A woman in a costume that completely covered her body stood near it, pointing to a wheel. On the wheel were many large spaces that said "LOSE," as well as four spaces that said "WIN."
"How much to spin?" asked Cartman. The woman gave no answer. Cartman shrugged and spun the wheel. He watched closely as it landed on "WIN."
Cartman cheered. "What's my prize?" he asked. The woman took him inside the van.
The same thing happened with Kyle, Stan, and Kenny, with each landing on a different "WIN" spot. They all went inside the van.
The woman looked at them. She pulled a lever, and the four boys were sent through a portal.

"Are you all right, sugarcube?" asked a strange voice. Stan looked up and saw an orange pony with white freckles, blonde mane, and a brown hat poking him. He screamed.
"Y-you can talk?!" Stan asked, slightly weirded out by a talking pony.
"Of course I can talk," said the pony, confused. "I'm a pony, not a tree!" She laughed. Stan was confused.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"Why, Ponyville, of course!" said the pony. "My name's Applejack! What's yours?"
"I'm Stan," said Stan.
"Howdy, Stan!" said Applejack. "Come inside! I'll introduce you to my family!!" She dragged Stan inside a barn.
"Now," she said, "meet Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and Apple Bloom! Apple Family, meet Stan!"
Big Mac waved. Granny Smith looked up. Apple Bloom jumped on Stan. "He doesn't have a Cutie Mark!!" she exclaimed happily.
"What's a 'Cutie Mark?'" asked Stan.
"Come on," said Apple Bloom, "I'll tell you all about it!"

"Wake up," a filly with a US Eastern accent said.
"Not now, mom," said Kyle.
The pony jumped on Kyle. He screamed. "WHAT THE F[watermelon] WAS THAT FOR?!" he yelled.
"You wouldn't wake up," said the filly. "Who are you?"
"Who are you?!" asked Kyle.
"My name's Babs Seed," said the filly.
"Kyle Broflovski," said Kyle, then he realized something. "You're a talking pony," he said.
"So are you," said Babs, showing the formerly-human Earth Pony a mirror. Kyle screamed.
"This must be some kind of dream!!" he shouted.
"Nope," said Babs, "it's real."
Kyle sighed. "Where are my friends?!" he asked.
Babs shrugged.
"Oh, you're very helpful," Kyle said sarcastically.

Cartman woke up in a hot air balloon that was resting on a cloud.
"Oh, good," said a blue pony with rainbow mane. "You're awake."
"Get away from me, you gay pony," said Cartman.
The pony's eye twitched. "What did you just call me?" she asked angrily.
"Gay," said Cartman.
The pony growled and attacked Cartman, beating him to the point where he was nearly unconscious. "Nopony calls Rainbow Dash 'gay.'"
"But I'm not a pony," said Cartman.
"Yeah you are," said an orange pony with purple mane. "You're an Earth Pony, so we had to put you in a balloon before you fell and got hurt."
"Quiet, Scootaloo," said Rainbow Dash. "Now, anyway..."

Kenny had no idea how it had happened, but he was out of his parka and in the most fabulous and comfortable pajamas he had ever worn. "Where am I?" he asked, stretching his wings.
"Why, in Ponyville, of course," said a white pony with blue mane and a sorta-English accent. "I assume you're from Cloudsdale?"
"Nope," said Kenny, "I'm from South Park."
"Never heard of it," said the pony. At that moment, a white filly with multi-colored mane trotted over to Kenny. "What's your name?" she asked.
"Kenny," said Kenny.
"I'm Sweetie Belle," said the filly. "Nice to meet you."
"I'm Rarity, said the first pony. "Now, you two go play while I work on this very important dress." Sweetie and Kenny went outside.

Chapter 2: The First Male Members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

"So," said Stan, "my Cutie Mark shows my talent?" Apple Bloom nodded, taking him to a tree house.
"We've got to find my friends!" Kyle said, following Babs to a treehouse.
"I'm, like, way cooler than Rainbow Dash," said Cartman. Scootaloo rolled her eyes and led him to a treehouse.
Kenny said something Sweetie Belle couldn't understand, as he was wearing his parka. Sweetie sighed and led him to a treehouse.
The eight of them met up in front of the treehouse. The boys cheered. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were confused.

The four boys sat in the treehouse.
"Now for the heavily abridged initiation," said Scootaloo, holding up a somewhat long piece of paper.
"That doesn't look abridged to me," said Cartman.
"Shut up," said Scootaloo. "Now, anyway..." She read the paper.
We are gathered here today to welcome the newest member/members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. [INSERT NAME(S) HERE], you are now about to go on a journey to discover your takent, whether it be fighting monsters with giant candy canes or making pillows or even taming dragons. So, welcome to our club, and may the Horse be with you.
The boys blinked.
"What the actual f[SPAGHETTI] was that?" asked Cartman.
"Just join the dang club," said Apple Bloom.
"Ok," the boys said in unison.
Sweetie Belle showed them around the approximately 5x5x5-foot treehouse.
Kyle sat in a corner, reached into his hat, pulled out a Dreidel, and spun it. Babs walked over.
Kenny sat outside, looking at the sky. Sweetie Belle joined him.
Cartman was being fat. Scootaloo watched.
Stan and Apple Bloom talked.
"So you're saying that this place has almost no crime?" asked Stan. Apple Bloom nodded.
"And the best part is, whenever we're in danger, the Princess and her friends save us!" Apple Bloom said. Stan smiled.
Kyle watched the dreidel spin, thinking about Ike. "I bet he misses me," he said.
Cartman was fat and anti-Semitic, as usual.
Kenny sighed and removed his hood. "I've been to Heaven a few times," he said, "but I usually end up in Hell."
"What are you talking about?" asked Sweetie Belle.
Kenny whispered a secret to Sweetie. She gasped. "But..."
Babs sat next to Kenny.
Scootaloo sat on Cartman.
Apple Bloom tackled Stan.
They were all thinking the same thing: Equestria was a wonderful place.

Chapter 5: Mare-do-Well's Minions

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon smirked. Another day of shoving ponies into mud and teasing them was done. Nothing could possibly go wrong for them.
At that moment, Mare-do-Well appeared before them. The two bullies huddled together, scared. Mare-do-Well laughed as her eyes glowed bright red.

The CMC sighed. Cartman was nowhere to be found. They sat in their clubhouse, so bored that even watching Kyle's dreidel spin was fun (or maybe it was fun because there was no Cartman to say anti-Semitic things). They sighed. Scootaloo looked out the window and up at Cloudsdale. "I should go home," she said, then left.
Sweetie Belle looked at Kenny. She was the only one in Equestria who knew and believed his secret, and she felt like she had to tell someone. But she was Kenny's friend; she couldn't give away his secrets! She sighed. Kenny looked at her. Whats she thinking about? he asked himself. He looked at his wings. He looked at the ceiling and almost teared up, thinking about his secret. He knew he might never see this place again. He looked down. Sweetie hugged him. Kenny looked at Sweetie. Sweetie looked at Kenny. She felt like she could--
Just then, hoofsteps approached the clubhouse. Apple Bloom walked up to the door and gasped. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were here, but they had completely bright red eyes. The two of them pushed her aside and searched the clubhouse. Diamond Tiara pushed Sweetie Belle away from Kenny and ran off with him. Sweetie teared up. Silver Spoon grabbed Sweetie Belle and ran off with her.
Apple Bloom, Babs Seed, Stan, and Kyle watched. They had lost two friends, and there was nothing they could do about it. They sighed and went back to watching Kyle's dreidel spin.

Sweetie Belle and Kenny hung upside-down from the ceiling, suspended by chains. Diamond Tiara walked up to Kenny. "Any last words before we kill you?"
"Yes," Kenny said, then looked Diamond Tiara straight in the eyes. "I can't die."

Chapter 6: Kenny's Slow and Painful Death

"Can't die, huh?" asked Diamond Tiara. "We'll see about that." She grabbed a knife and stabbed it through Kenny's chest. Silver Spoon gave Kenny a potion that would force him to live through all this.
Diamond Tiara cut through Kenny's chest. Sweetie Belle screamed in horror as she saw him being dissected. Diamond Tiara first removed the kidneys. She looked at the organs and tossed them away, to a strange monster in the darkness. She removed the bladder next, also feeding it to the monster. She moved on to the stomach and cut it open, letting the contents spill out. She fed the empty stomach to the monster. She removed the liver and tossed it aside, as well as the lungs. Finally, she removed Kenny's heart and force-fed it to him. "Let's see you not die now," Diamond said. The potion wore off, killing Kenny. Sweetie Belle teared up, watching Kenny hang from the ceiling, a lifeless, incomplete corpse. She threw up on Silver Spoon.
"Your turn," said Diamond Tiara, turning towards Sweetie Belle. Suddenly, Sweetie Belle had a burst of magic, strong enough to knock both bullies unconscious. After five hours of tugging on her chains, she freed herself and looked for a way out.

Apple Bloom answered the door and saw Sweetie Belle. One look in her friend's eyes told her what had happened to Kenny. She turned to the others. "I'm afraid we have some...unfortunate news," she said, tearing up. "One of our Crusaders is...gone." The four fillies cried.
"Oh my God!" Stan exclaimed. "They killed Kenny!"
"You b[AAAAAAPLOOSA]ds!!" Kyle shouted.

Sweetie Belle sat outside the clubhouse, crying. She had lost too many friends. She wiped away her tears and stood up, heading back into the clubhouse.
"I know this seems hopeless," she sang, "with one Crusader gone."
"But we'll defeat our enemies," sang Apple Bloom.
"Why are we singing this song?" sang Kyle and Stan.
"Together we will save Equestria," sang Babs, "from what it needs saving from!"
"We will save Equestria," they all sang, "after we finish this song!"

The Crusaders marched to the train station. "We'll need all the help we can get," said Babs, "so I'm bringing over the CMC Manehatten Branch!" They rode to Manehatten.

As soon as they got to Manehatten, they saw some pony they did not expect: Mare-do-Well. On her back was Cartman, tied up completely.

Author's Note

In case you're wondering, yes, I did come up with the song myself.
So, this story's being updated pretty fast, mainly due to my lack of a social life. Don't worry; the next chapter won't be up for a while. It's too epic to be written in 10 minutes.

Chapter 8: Suddenly Remembering

1500 growled. "I'm not done yet!" she shouted, then pulled a lever, sending the Crusaders through a portal.

Cartman sighed with relief. "Oh, good, the town's ok," he said.
"Where are we?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"South Park," replied Stan, looking around. "And by the looks of things...outside Kenny's house."
Sweetie Belle teared up. "It would only be fair to tell his family what happened," she said, knocking on the door. Kenny answered, wearing his parka. Sweetie Belle gasped. "You're alive?!" she asked. Kenny nodded. Sweetie Belle hugged him. "But I watched you die!!" she said. Kenny's eyes widened as he removed his parka.
"Y-you remember?" he asked. The Crusaders nodded. "But...but how?! Nobody ever remembers!"
"Can we come in?" asked Kyle.
"No way," said Cartman. "He's too poor. Let's go to Douchebag's house."

"Hello, Douchebag," said Cartman.
"It's Dovahkiin," said Dovahkiin, obviously more talkative since he helped stop the Nazi Zombies.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Douchebag," said Cartman. "Just let us in." Dovahkiin let the kids in.
The eight of them sat in Dovahkiin's room and explained everything to him. Dovahkiin nodded.
"So," said Kenny, "we're stuck here for a while."
"Well," said Dovahkiin, "there's not much I can do about it. Unless I can suddenly travel through dimensions by farting." The female Crusaders looked at each other in disgust.
"So the Changeling wins," said Kyle sadly.
"I guess so," said Cartman.
Sweetie hugged Kenny. "At least we're here, together."
"Except for Scootaloo," said Apple Bloom.
"...balls," said Cartman.

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter 7: The Climactic Battle, Part 1

Kenny woke up in his bed, back at South Park. He looked down, remembering the friends he may never see again.

Mare-do-Well laughed evilly. "What are you going to do, fillies and colts?" she asked. "Kill me? Well, I'll just kill you first!" Her eyes glowed bright red as fire surrounded Kyle and Babs. Sweetie growled.
"You can't do that!!" she shouted.
"I just did," said Mare-do-Well, laughing evilly.
Sweetie jumped at Mare-do-Well, only to be hit by a harmless fireball. She growled and threw the knife Diamond Tiara had used on Kenny at Mare-do-Well. Mar-do-Well hissed as green blood oozed from the wound. She growled and revealed her true form. The Crusaders gasped.
"What is that?!" asked Stan.
"A Changeling," Apple Bloom explained. "She changes into some pony you love and feeds off of your love for them."
1500 laughed. "I am no ordinary Changeling," she said. "I was once a pony, just like you. Until I was captured by that idiot 5. Then, Queen Chrysalis bit me, turning me into a Changeling. Since the real 1500 was killed by your kind, I became the new 1500."
"That doesn't mean we won't try to kill you!" Babs shouted.
1500 laughed, the height of the fire around her and Kyle rising.
"But you forgot one thing," said Kyle. "One little, tiny thing."
"Oh?" asked 1500, intrigued. "And what might that be?"
"I'm not a pony," Kyle said, jumped out of the flames, and landed on 1500's back. "I am a human."
Babs, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle gasped. 1500 laughed. "You'll still fall like a pony!" she shouted, attempting to buck Kyle off. Kyle held on.
He grabbed 1500's wings and tugged hard. 1500 yelped in pain. Kyle then flipped 1500 onto her back, placing himself under her. 1500 stood up and laid a holed hoof on Kyle. Kyle struggled to move.
Just then, a surge of magic hit 1500. Kyle turned and saw that his friend, Stan the Unicorn, had saved him. He gritted his teeth. He knew this battle was far from over.

Chapter 3: Mare-do-Well's New Identity

Discord sat in a small, dark room. He sighed, wondering when the Changeling would be here. She had promised to meet him, after all, and if she didn't come...well, chaos, obviously.
At that moment, a pair of completely blue eyes-Changeling eyes-glowed in the dark.
"So," said Discord, "you decided to show up. I was almost worried I would have to kill you."
The Changeling scoffed. "Kill me?" she asked. "There's no other Changeling, male or female, that hates Equestria and its ponies enough to help you, of all creatures, destroy it."
"True," said Discord, "but I do control chaos, so I could create a Discorded Changeling for this."
The Changeling nodded and stepped out of the shadows.
"If only you weren't a fillycuddler," said Discord. "You would make a wonderful queen, 1500."
1500 the Changeling nodded, putting on the Mare-do-Well costume. "This is ironic," she said. "A Changeling disguised as a superhero who will destroy Equestria."
"Well, you know how much I love irony," said Discord. "Now go!"
1500 left, and now the world would know her as The Mysterious Mare-do-Well.

Chapter 4: Dude, Where's my Cartman?

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MONSTER HUNTERS!!!!" the CMC shouted together.
"Let me sleep," said Cartman.
"It's, like, 5 in the morning," said Kyle.
"Someone kill me," said Kenny.
Apple Bloom jumped on Stan. "Wake up, Stan!" she shouted. "We're going monster hunting!"
Stan woke up. They all went to the Everfree Forest to hunt for monsters.

"This is pretty f[YAY]ing lame, you guys," said Cartman.
"Shut up, fatflank," said Kyle.
"Stop arguing!" Apple Bloom yelled. "You'll attract monsters!"
"Isn't that why we're here?" asked Stan.
"...shut up," said Apple Bloom. They bumped into something big.
"Oh," said Stan.
"My," said Kyle.
"God," said Cartman.
Kenny sighed through his hood.
"It's a Changeling hive!" Sweetie Belle shouted, squeezing Kenny. Kenny gasped for air. Sweetie let go. "Sorry."
Cartman rushed in. Several screams were heard, then silence. When the CMC looked in, all that was there was nothing. No Changelings, no Cartman, no nothing. The boys cheered.

"Do we have to look for him?" asked Kyle. "I mean, he was kind of a jerk to us."
"We do!!" Scootaloo shouted. "Who else would?!"
"That's kinda the point," said Stan. Scootaloo bucked his face.
"Well," she said, "I'm going!" She left angrily.
The remaining CMC, including the boys, sighed and followed.

Cartman sat in a dark, round room, completely tied up. Mare-do-Well walked in and turned on the lights, revealing three corpses: a green Pegasus with dark green, leaf-like mane, a purple unicorn cyborg with spiky, gold mane, and a blue Earth Pony with white, cloud-like mane.
"Do you like it?" asked Mare-do-Well. "It's what happens when you're a terrible leader; you get your team killed." She looked down sadly. "There's no way to bring them back now."
"Who the f[BUY SOME APPLES]k are you?!" Cartman asked.
"Why, I'm Mare-do-Well," said Mare-do-Well. "I'm the reason you're in Equestria, and I'm the reason you'll never see South Park again."
"What have you done to my home?!"
"Oh," said Mare-do-Well, "why don't I just show you?" She turned on a screen, showing South Park in ruins.
"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!" Cartman shouted. Mare-do-Well laughed.
"I guess it's true what they say," she said.
"What do they say?" asked Cartman.
"I 'unno," said Mare-do-Well, "but it's true,"
"How do you know it's true when you don't know what it is?"
"Shut up, that's how!"
Cartman sighed. "Can I go back now?" he asked.
"Nope," said Mare-do-Well.
"Ok, just checking," said Cartman.