The Chronicles of Spike: The Motto.

by NeggaMunneySwagMunney

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Spike, Rarity, Random, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4618

Warning: Sparity. Spike learns of a motto from his teenage drake kin which bears a great deal of magical power. So great that all of the ponies either bow down to him or think he's an absolute moron.

Warning: Sparity. Spike learns of a phrase, a foolproof phrase that makes everything seem alright after doing anything, no matter how brash his actions were. This phrase helps him become more assertive (in the meantime doing wonders for his love life), but what is the long-term effect of overusing this phrase? The cover photo was taken from the mlp wiki website, searched using Google, like 99% of you writers out there. Google is good.

Published 2014-04-09 15:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-04 17:32:46 UTC

That's the motto.

Spike yawned as he stretched his limbs, flinging the covers of his bed over to the side as he jumped up to his feet ready to start the day. He didn't know why, but a feeling nudged at his side that made him think that this day was going to be an atypical one. Maybe Twilight wouldn't have her nose stuck in a book just yet, and would be busy making breakfast for her and Spike or preparing their stuff to go out for a picnic with the rest of the Mane Six. Spike thought about these things, and felt invigorated, rushing down the stairs to find Twilight, on the way slipping Owlowiscious a 'Good Morning' as he shuffled down the steps excitedly. Owlowiscious hooted back.

Instead of a tray of gems or anything as much as a rock on his plate for that matter, Spike found a meter long list greeting him as he walked into the kitchen. He found his lips twisting into a pronounced frown as his eyes trailed down the list, then realised something. Twilight was off to Canterlot with her friends to visit Celestia! But for what... Even Spike didn't know. But the fault was lying on Twilight: Spike didn't remember her reminding him on this matter since he heard it from Fluttershy a week ago, not even once. Spike didn't know how to feel towards Twilight because she had been more than a caretaker to him through the years in PonyVille. But one thing was for certain; he'd need a long, serious, and logically thought-out talk with Twilight when she got back home on why she forgot to remind Spike of her absence. Spike gave a long, tired sigh as he went about going through his morning routine; just one let down couldn't stymie his flair for hard work. However, he still found the need to pitch an umbrella over his already dampened spirit so he pulled out a gem from his secret cache of jewelled goods, treating himself just this once. Suddenly, the window of the kitchen burst into a million shards, making Spike jump and reach for a nearby spatula to defend himself from whatever dangers were going to present themselves. Spike also had to wonder why one would intrude at the wee hours of the morning where Celestia's Sun still hadn't risen, but that was a question for later.

Through the window climbed in a few (three, to be exact) familiar yet deplorable figures. A red scaled dragon, a white scaled one, and a deep purple scaled one, the latter of which had yellow hair. These were a few of the dragons that Spike encountered on the dragon migration episode, and from the looks on their hungry faces, they were up to no good. Spike waved his spatula at the dragons threateningly, as intrepid as ever.

"We're your brothers, brah," said the red one, the leader of the pack. He waved a claw in the direction of the gem cache. "I need that good stuff!"

The others nodded in agreement, but Spike's vigilance was unwavering. He lifted his spatula at his adversaries and interrogated them.

"Why? I thought that the gem fields have plenty of 'the good stuff'," said Spike, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. He was confused as to why the dragons hadn't pounced on him or kidnapped him yet; they were larger and could easily overpower him.

"No, they don't," said the red dragon, his eyes drooping as his stomach rumbled, pleading for gems. His friends looked ready to lie prostrate before Spike for just a lick of the shiny sediments. Nonetheless, Spike didn't want to tempt an undesirable part of himself out by putting himself into a seat of power; after all, power corrupts.

"Look, guys, I--" started Spike.

"We can teach you a uh-- a magic word!" said the purple dragon with the long hair, to which the others nodded. "Give us, like, a gem each in return. You won't be disappointed."

To this, Spike's suspicion spiked. Dragons couldn't practice magic in a verbal form. He was considering reporting to the Mayor about this little incident, which was a crime in its own right: Dragons weren't allowed to enter PonyVille without special licenses. And given Spike's honesty, the Mayor wouldn't need to fund an investigation; patrols would be released as soon as possible and these dragons would probably be behind bars at PonyVille Penitentiary in a week.

"What's this magic word?" said Spike. The dragons looked at each other nervously, then the red one meekly replied.

"Um... Not exactly a word," he said, scratching his claw against his scaly back. "Look, if you're not satisfied with this stuff, you're welcome to leave us poor dragons empty handed."

"Yeah, yeah, make do with the quick," said Spike, getting impatient. There was a day out there that needed starting. The dragons talked amongst each other in whispers at first before getting started with the magical word in question.

"Alright, basically, you say this every time you do something bat shit crazy," said the red dragon, and he looked around, as if he was searching for something to wreck. His eyes lit up as he saw a premium made vase made for Twilight by Celestia's personal potters sitting on a shelf. He picked it up.

"Hey! Don't--"

"YOLO!!" cried the red dragon, and he threw it on the ground, smashing the fragile piece of work into a billion pieces. Spike was fuming, while the other dragons guffawed uncontrollably.

"I can't see what's so magical about this word," said Spike, as he grumbled while reaching for a broom and a sweeping pan. He was going to be in for worlds of trouble when Twilight got back home. However, the red dragon stilled Spike's hand.

"You don't get it, Spock," said the red dragon. Before Spike could correct him, he continued. "Basically, YOLO is like, your get out of jail for free card. Like, who the buck even cared when I smashed that on the ground?"

"I did..." grumbled Spike.

"You did, because you don't get out often enough to fully embrace the beauty of YOLO," said the red dragon, and the others nodded in agreement. Spike couldn't help but listen to what this word was, however stupid it sounded. Twilight taught him to listen to as many sides of any argument, since it gives a somewhat 'fascinating' view into the perspectives of others. Yeah. Fascinating.

"Have you even gone for a single MC-DR4K3 concert? He's like, loads of times better than Vinyl P0N-3 or whatever her name is. He totally invented YOLO," said the white-scaled dragon.

"To put it in understandable terms for you, it's like, you only live once. That means life is short, you gotta do loads of reckless things or else you won't have the chance to do it again," summarised the red dragon. "It, like, totally justifies EVERYTHING."

Spike held a claw up to his chin. He smiled a devious smile all of a sudden, eliciting little yelps from the dragons. Spike decided to play a long for a little while; after all, a little prank or two couldn't hurt. Fact is, it could liven up his low spirits.

"So... say that I um..." Spike said, thinking of an appropriate scenario. "shift Twilight's Proper Pony Fiction book a few centimetres to the left in its shelf. Yolo?"

"Nahhh," murmured the red dragon after 5 seconds of processing Spike's suggested situation. "Think bigger."

"What if I..." said Spike, thinking really hard. Then he giggled a little as he thought up of something totally insane. "Burn Twilight's Proper Pony Fiction book and mail it to Celestia? Yolo?"

"You're... getting there. But it could use a little--"

"What if I burn ALL of this library's books and mail them ALL to Celestia? Yolo?" suggested Spike excitedly, and the dragons furiously nodded.

"Go on," said the white dragon.

"Alright, what if I... climb to the top of the town hall and bungee jump off without using ropes. Yolo?" asked Spike.

"Dude, that's suicide. I LOVE IT," said the red dragon, and all of the others nodded in agreement. Spike suddenly opened all of the cupboards and drawers and pulled out anything fragile, then proceeded to fling them forcefully against the ground.

"IS THIS YOLO??" cried Spike as he flung some plates at the dragons, who nodded whilst getting pelted by plates.

"Dude, now you get it," said the red dragon as Spike panted, having crushed all of the household's china after 5 full minutes. "Now, give us our gems."

"YOLO!!" cried Spike as he flung all of his gems into the sink, causing them to enter PonyVille's complex drainage systems. The other dragons looked in fear as a monster stood before them.

"We've created... a Yolo monster," said the dragons quietly as Spike rushed out of the house, seemingly ready to spread havoc through PonyVille. The dragons left the house in disappointment and shame, returning to their dens empty-clawed.

Rarity woke up, quite unceremoniously, to an impatient knock on the door. It couldn't have been Twilight; Twilight was off to Canterlot with the Mane Six excluding Rarity, since Rarity had worked overtime the night before. Furthermore, she completed her projects at an unholy hour, running from town to town to get dresses to customers. Fact is, as she woke up to the grating bell of the door, she was getting deprived of her precious sleep by this mystery visitor. Rarity wondered deeply, who could that ever be? The confrontation that would ensue would most likely go down in flames, with her angrily arguing her adversary down as her peaceful sleep was so rudely suspended by some hairy, uncouth ruffian wanting her to donate some alms, when she alr--

"Rarity?" came the familiar voice of Spike as Rarity tried looking through the peeping hole. Rarity fought to put on a smile as she sought to look energetic, enveloping the door knob with her unicorn magic and swinging it towards her, dusting herself off briefly to look presentable to Spike. Spike was a good friend but still could be prone to rebellious feelings, so the least she could do was to treat Spike as an adult.

"Well, hello, Spike, how do you do this fine morning?" asked Rarity cheerfully.

"Um... see, Rarity..." Spike was unsure of what to say. He had this idea on how the scenario was going to play out, but he didn't know that Rarity's presence could be that daunting to the point that he was rendered nearly speechless. Just that one word, Spike... Just that one word...

"Well, darling, you should really explain yourself," said Rarity, trying to sound chipper but letting a little tone of irritation seep into her voice. Spike gulped. Usually, in his mind, his first meeting to ask Rarity out would involve a bit more roses, chocolates, or cards, but the confidence that he initially had when he said that one word, that auspicious acronym, made him feel that those things were unnecessary and frivolous when measured up to his swagger. But the very sight of Rarity, coupled with the consequences that could come along if he didn't do this right, melted him.

"Seriously, Spike, you're a wreck," giggled Rarity, but in actual fact, her feelings leaned towards annoyed rather than amused. With a yawn, her horn lit up and she proceeded to swing the door back in place, the sliver of light emerging from the Boutique growing smaller and smaller...

"WAIT!" cried Spike as his young mind went overdrive on hormones. He was jittery, but his head remained cool as he remembered the words of the red dragon. Life is short. You won't have the chance again. Get out of jail free.

"Yes, Spike?" said Rarity, a little more caustic than intended; she brought herself to open the door and face Spike again, like a polite lady should. The velvety softness of her bed was calling to her, and she had no time for Spike's nonsense. She knew that Spike had romantic feelings towards her, just that he'd never been too forward in his attempts. She respected his decision to finally dragon up and directly express his true feelings, but unfortunately the uncertainty in his actions weren't exactly worthy of Rarity's respect.

"Rarity, I..." stammered Spike. Justifies Everything.

"Sorry," said Rarity bitterly as she turned away, inferring that last plea to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Reckless.

"Whaa-- Umph!" cried Rarity as she was spun around by strong dragon claws and turned towards Spike, and elicited not so much as a brief 'eep!' of surprise before feeling the firm, albeit a little wet, grip of a young baby dragon's lips on hers, and the warmth of a dragon's arms caressing her sides as she closed her eyes, surrendering to Spike's deep kiss, the kiss of one with absolutely no inhibitions.

YOLO.

Author's Note

Follow me for more Sparity. And swagger. Oh yeah, this is incomplete so stay tuned for more chapters.

Power of the Motto.

Power of the Motto.

Nothing but the chill of the morning of PonyVille came to their ears in the form of light gusts, like the first queefing of a filly in her puberty stages. But that was for a split second, before Rarity nearly violently pulled back from Spike's grip. The young dragon turned his head to the side, unable to look at Rarity now, the fashion pony obviously hurt, scarred, or even worse: permanently traumatised. Interracial was forbidden everywhere, not just in PonyVille but ~~Earth~~ Canterlot as well.

"Rarity..." whispered Spike after a long moment of silence, his head still drooped down, his eyes focused on the brick pavement. YOLO is stupid.

"Spike, don't start. I'm... I'm disappointed," said Rarity, voice strong and rising at first, then dropping to a whisper. The chill of the morning was suddenly lifting, the sun's rays peaking over the town's clock tower. Spike gave a cough and his feet started to shuffle into a walk. Even the writer of this fic noticed and started penning in more poignant imagery.

"I see. Well, least I t-t-tr-trieed..." said Spike, his turning face unable to hide his cracking voice. It was the exact opposite of what his YOLO-drugged mind played it out as initially. That was it... YOLO was a drug. A highly addictive drug, worse than the sweetest of gems or the roundest of pony a--

"Spike! Stop that right now. And I mean it, my little Spikey... poo..." she mumbled, her head drooping low as well. Spike sensed the vulnerability of his crush, and took that as his cue to turn back and look at her. Both of their eyes met; though one was young and painfully red, the other was murky but bright. Both pairs were watery. But unlike Spike, Rarity had a smile on her pristine face, a smile that glistened like the water in her tear that reflected the rising sun. Spike was speechless.

"Spike, we're both fools, you and I..." said Rarity as she whipped her hair back and forth. Spike leaned forward in anticipation, but seeing this, Rarity chuckled and shook her head. "Sorry but... I don't think it's time for that yet."

Spike's eyes drooped down on the floor yet again. But only for a second, as his feet sprang to life, lunging at Rarity in joy and clutching her in his grasp. Rarity, this time, was not taken aback, smiling into the dragon's warm embrace.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way," said Spike. But at that moment, a large object fell suddenly from the sky, shaking the two out of each other's grasps, who were in the midst of sharing a moment. Rarity, screamed, while Spike's valiance prompted him to stand guard in front of his m'lady Rarity, who had screamed right after and recoiled. Pissed off at having their moment interrupted, Spike yelled a profanity, which gave the author the cue to start writing in a shitty manner.

"DRIZZIES!!" boomed a loud voice from overhead. As Spike came to, he realised that the large object was an exceedingly large red dragon, his wings spread out like rarity's legs when Trenderhoof was around. His face was nasty, like every Lil Wayne verse in the Carter albums. The large dragon had smoke constantly pouring out of his nostrils and mouth, as if it was 420 everyday all day. His eyes were red as if he had smoked 40 fat blunts within the course of a single day.

"Hey, what gives!" cried Spike up to the dragon, eliciting an earthshaking grunt. When his large wings fell to his side there were four levitating dark silhouettes that blocked the blinding rays of the Sun. Spike saw that they were the teenage dragons who had tried to smuggle gems from Twilight's house in the morning, along with a mysterious fourth figure. Spike could only deduce that this was a form of revenge from the teenage dragons.

"Yo. I'm MC DR4K3. I heard that you denied my compadres over here some of 'da good stuff'?" said MC DR4K3, who was the mysterious fourth dragon; he was still in shadow, so it was hard to discern his appearance. The teenage dragons behind him were snickering, their teenage nostrils giving their snickers a highly snotty quality. Spike stood up, his bravery commendable by the whitest of gentlesirs.

"Hey. You've got a problem?" said Spike, out of reflex. Not noticing or taking into account that all of the dragons there were much larger than he was.

"YES!" snapped the large red dragon, who breathed plumes of fire into the air, like a Rastafarian raising his lighter up. Spike jumped immediately and skittered behind Rarity, his initial bravado diminished like a blunt on its last embers. Rarity gave a disappointed sigh and rolled her eyes. MC DR4K3 raised a claw and flapped his scaly wings, descending down onto the cowering couple.

"Yo, I don't wanna start shit up," started MC DR4K3 in his usual monotone, his scales looking greener than a fine leaf of kush. He had sunglasses on and had a heavy-looking chain around his neck. His features were sharp, and his nose was sharper still, like a Jew's. "But ya'll drizzies were messing wit' my crew here."

MC DR4K3 waved a claw to the three teenage dragons, who suddenly tried looking gangsta. Rarity frowned as Spike was uncontrollably shaking behind her, and stood up on her hooves, looking ready to get real. She stood up, and prepared to stage a confrontation.

"Now, listen here you ruff--" she started, but MC DR4K3 held up a claw.

"Talk to the claw, hoe," said the swiggity-swaggity dragon, and Rarity was visibly outraged.

"Why, the cheek of you! I'm going to--"

"It's alright, Rarity," piped up Spike. "It's my fault that we got into this mess, and it's up to me to get us out of this."

"Spike..." whispered Rarity, and MC DR4K3 guffawed. His guffaws were echoed by his teenage dragon companions, who guffawed with him.

"Aight. What yous needs to do's simple..."

"A rap battle?!" cried Rarity and Spike as they were lead into a large room with a stage like that from Eight Mile. The whole place was packed with dragons, and they were chanting MC DR4K3's name. It was truly a horror house; there was gunfire everywhere, a smell of fried chicken, watermelon and cigarettes, and big booty dragons were twerking their butts on Spike everywhere he went, something that didn't go unnoticed by Rarity. MC DR4K3 smirked and grabbed a mic from the DJ on stage, and spoke to everyone present.

"Yaw. Dis' drizzy here was trying to front up wit' mah homeboys," said the rapper, motioning towards Spike and Rarity. "And I'm here to do a rap battle to straighten shit out. How's dat?"

There was much cheering, rejoicing and applauding, and the dragons in the establishment started firing their guns in the air and the female dragons twerked even harder on Spike. Spike was confused and afraid, and watched, his knees shaking, MC DR4K3 pick up the mic and talk to the DJ.

"Yo, if I win, I get to take all yo muthafukkin' gems. All of 'em, dawg. Then, I'll have to take your white ass booty hoe wit' me too!" cried MC DR4K3, and the entire crowd let out a 'ooooo' sound. Rarity didn't appreciate his words as well as the crowd did, though.

"Now, listen here you fiend," started Rarity, but MC DR4K3 put out a claw.

"Uh, no. Who I want to listen to is the little drake that I'm challenging. What do you want if you win?" said MC DR4K3.. Spike gulped.

"I wanna go home!" he blurted out, and laughter all around ensued.

"Kay fine! He's set his goals and I've set mine, so DJ! SPIN THAT SHIT!" cried MC DR4K3, and a sick ass beat started playing through the speakers. MC DR4K3 started his fearsome rap.

Yo, yo yo, uh, uh, uh!

I got money and hoes and stacks of money,

Girls up on my shlong like a fat kid on smarties,

My dick stretches from Jamaica to Ukraine,

I'm rapping shit and it's so fukkin' insane

Don't you know that I'm a rave

And I'm gonna make you came,

That's the motto nigga yolo.

The crowd roared its approval, and the rapper looked at Spike and had a triumphant smile on his face. It was the most terrifying rap Spike had ever heard. No really, it was atrocious. One, it was monotonous as heck and two, there wasn't even an Illuminati reference. However, Spike was still not confident to pick the mic up and battle him. Then, he felt a hoof on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Spike. I'll be fine," whispered Rarity. At this rate, things were looking down as Rarity walked towards MC DR4K3, to be added to his collection of virgins. The crowd cheered harder as Spike's love was going away. You...

"Can't say shit, can you?" snarled a teenage dragon in the crowd. Only...

"CHOKING!" cried everyone. Live...

"Sorry," mouthed Rarity, a tear in her eye as MC DR4K3's arm draped over Rarity's back. Just then, a holy choir of angels which only Spike could see descended from the heavens, along with Lil Wayne in a robe with wings on his back.

"Nigga Money Swag Money," he said in a glorious voice. Lil Wayne held out his fist, and it had a golden knuckle which read...

"ONCE."

Spike shouldered all of the dragons away and climbed up onto the stage, snatching away MC DR4K3's mic. Everyone gasped and the rapper looked like a deer in headlights.

"What the f--" started the rapper, but Spike held up a claw.

"I feel happy for you," started Spike, a sly smile on his face, "and imma let you finish. But I am the best music video of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!"

Everybody cheered, since when people do rap battles people don't really cheer because of witty lines but much rather because the rapper raised his voice and tried to make a point. MC DR4K3 was beside himself with anger as the DJ spun the beat.

"Wait wait wait wait hold up..." cried Spike, and the DJ stopped. "I'm gonna knock this guy out without a beat."

This earned Spike a collective 'OOOHH' from the crowd.

"I've got the contact of your ex-girl. Here's her number," said Spike, holding out a piece of paper to MC DR4K3. When his face craned in to read it, Spike shot the paper up to his face.

"SIKE! That's the wrong number!" cried Spike, holding his claws up while the crowd grew hysterical .

"I've got one, two, three pairs of glasses for you to test," Spike said, suddenly taking out three pairs of different glasses, all of which were of a different colour. "Of these, which is the best?"

"Look little dragon, this isn't how rap battles are--"

"Wrong, it's THIS ONE!" cried Spike as he fished out a pair of black sunglasses and put it one his face. Everyone in the crowd got wild and simultaneously said the words 'DEAL WITH IT!'

"Last one," said Spike, and he squatted down on the stage to be eye-level with MC DR4K3, who was fuming at the nostrils. "I'm gonna end this man's whole career."

"Drake says. Drake do. Drake sees. Drake knows. The only motto that works is YOYO," said Spike, and the swiggity swaggity crowd didn't understand. Neither did MC DR4K3.

"Isn't it... YOLO? You Only Live Once?" asked MC DR4K3, who by now was quite irritated with how events were turning out.

"Naw, Dawg," smirked Spike. " It's YOYO... You Only YOLO Once."

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEHEHEHHHHH

That was basically the reaction of the crowd after hearing that witty line. MC DR4K3 saw that Spike was the unanimous winner, but it wasn't over yet. As Rarity was hugging Spike as the roaring cheer rose in volume, he reached for a gun from his homies.

"Spike, watch out!" cried Rarity, who pushed Spike out of the way as the bullet left its gun, striking Rarity straight in her... perfectly swirly mane. She fainted.

"Haha, what the fuck you gon' do now, lil bitch?" asked MC DR4K3, his composure unsteady after the loss. Spike didn't say anything, but...

"Yolo."

Then the world blacked out.

The world blacked out, because Spike became super Spike mode and wiped out the remainder of his dragon kin in the rampage that ensued. Somehow, Rarity was still alive throughout this entire ordeal and since the two main protagonists of this story are still alive, we can be happy and totally disregard the large loss of lives due to Spike's rampage. Plus, you'd be glad to know that MC Dr4K3 was killed instantly.

Spike was in a hospital ward and he was coming to. The world around him looked blurry, but as it came into focus, he could make out the outline of his favourite pony in the entirety of Equestria: Rarity. Spike gave a goofy smile.

"Hey Rarity... What happened?" asked Spike, his head groggy.

"Nothing that you should know, really..." said Rarity. Spike laughed.

"Did I win the battle?" asked Spike, and Rarity nodded.

"Wasn't the only thing you won, Spike," Rarity replied, prodding the heart necklace that was given to her by Spike those months ago, which was dangling around her neck. She leaned down and kissed Spike on the forehead.

"Rarity..."

"Yes, Spike?"

"I'm so happy," said Spike.

"I know. I would be too..." said Rarity, and she leaned down, her lips aiming for his now this time. Spike closed his eyes and prepared for it, the kiss. It would be mutual and the electricity would be in the air and in their nerves, or so he read somewhere. It was the perfect moment, just the two of them, the silent hospital ward, with absolutely no chance of getting interrup--

"Hello? Society for Prevention of Extinction of Animals in Equestra," said two stallions in suits as they burst through the door without knocking. Rarity fell off the bed and hit her head, while Spike's eyes widened at their occupation's mentioning. "We're here to arrest a Mr. Spike for causing the extinction of the dragons. Now."

Rarity gulped, but looked at Spike. There was something about him that was unsettling, maybe a new mad glint in his eye, or a excessive number of shadows blackening his features. But the smile that looked nailed to his face was unmistakable, and Rarity couldn't take her eyes off of it.

"Yolo."

Author's Note

Are you spooked? Because I am.