Racing Thoughts
‘Longing’ is not a measurement of length,
‘Friendship’ has no peer-reviewed index,
Research never touched love but with forceps,
This inconclusive study leaves me weak.
Then, a wanton heart, autonomous, will flex
and to the brain a sweeter cider slip
and slip another still, ‘til I am slipping,
Over racing thoughts, I’m tripping, tangled hooves
and wings, a spider’s web of strings,
intonations, connotations,
It makes no sense, it makes no sense
that rationale will all but flee when
Rainbow Dash looks straight at me.
Spring is calm, but I? I am a coiled spring.
Flowers have no fear of lovers’ sting,
Flowers cannot move, or dance, or sing
or stammer, falter and themselves disgrace,
I, of course, could fall flat on my face.
Perhaps flowers have the better way
and waiting, waiting, on the ground,
hoping that eventually they’re found,
Twilight Sparkle: be not proud
...but silence is so very loud.
I could think of love, longing and lust
‘til I, diminished, dead, am dust,
Still it would be as hard, bound in a cask,
a basket case, disgrace, of lusting for a friend.
The straight line, with duress, can bend,
Or gravity, its slingshot send
a pegasus through my window
(when all she has to do is ask!)
‘Desire’ is no antonym to ‘fear.’
Though wrong it seems to dread what I hold dear,
I cannot make a stormy day turn clear,
These winds instead command that I would fly
without the means to hold a course,
While thoughts and feelings reenact inside
phenomena from which I’d rather hide,
And tethered in unspoken words
my wings are bound, still thinking of
the pegasus I fear to love.
I feel tied and caught.
For all my words this tongue is stuck
by pins and needles to the wall
(oh pin me to the wall)
I want to fly,
but fear the fall!
My books cannot compare,
Stagnant; only moving
to a next page, still assuming
there’s a next page to read through.
From the balcony I see you,
Skewing all attempt at diction,
Daring something bold and new,
Baffling each presumed direction,
Flying with such bold conviction,
I make no move, yet I am finding
something tight within me winding,
What written word was ever wrought
for dictionaries never taught
and hid away, I need them now
Rainbow Dash still doesn’t know
That I am waiting here, and bound
in silence, I don’t have my lines
I’m gift-wrapped by tongue-tying bind
(An awkward gift, I’m sure)
fruiting, bursting, overripe,
Flower, petal, stamen, stipe.
“Hey” she says. Her voice is felt.
“Hey,” I say, and I could melt.
The beating heart within my chest,
Wildly drumming, does its best
to shout in Morse against my ribs,
“Rainbow Dash: Twilight calls dibs!”
Panic rising, panic mounting,
(Turn these thoughts away from mounting!)
((I still think of Rainbow mounting...))
Mounting me against the wall.
“Um, okay Twi. See you later.”
Turning tail, Dash flies away,
my speaking mind in silence stays
I stammer over simple words
It’s too late now, she hasn’t heard.
I throw myself upon the bed
with blankets smothering my head,
“It isn’t like that, Rainbow Dash!”
The blankets do not say a word,
The pillow cocks an eye,
The bed is thinking me absurd
I guess they spot the lie.
But if I could be so brave as that
I make my plights to an equation,
And pin that up onto the wall,
Deduce or sooth the answers here
in chalk lines buried now made clear,
Then I usurp Lust’s own invasion
and get myself pinned to her wall!
But there is no arithmetic
or treatise written quite so thick
enough to fit eight corners on,
So that a rising sun at dawn
with us beneath the covers drawn
is a cubic rainbow puzzle
(may she touch each chesty fuzzle)
that would I could decipher yet,
So errantly Dash cast this net,
If only we could tete-a-tete-
and analyzed, this feeling brought
to bear, emotions fought and beat
and managing this feat still sought
say, “This is blue and this is not!”
Then set each colour with its own,
And whisper in a softer tone,
“Here is red and here is yellow,”
Both bold enough to mark her sides,
And each I’d touch and hear, “Hello!”
Alone this swirling dream confides
that what I want so plainly hides,
That in the capture of my eyes,
So near and yet so far apart
from where to be and where to start,
This murmur of my lips and heart
makes this a game where I must bluff,
And blind, must feign how to be tough,
Bearing this is hard enough!
My mind is made, my course is set,
This puzzle hasn’t beat me yet,
Though Canterlot did have a maze
that put us all between the walls,
and facing them alone: the worst of ways
for turning sunshine into squalls.
In the end, Rainbow we found
caught in her mind, and so we bound
Her wings. Trapping her to set her free,
I touched my horn unto her brow,
Just as a lock is kissed by key,
And what I did I don’t know how
but felt, instead, my way around
my thoughts, and hers, and memories,
Connecting her, connecting me,
And then it came, sweet victory,
So now I dare to hope again,
Though my good calm is torn and fraught
with thought that on compulsions bid,
But I am my own gavel now
and bids like those I disallow,
Instead, this hammer’s coming down,
I choose what I will be, and do:
I’ll make a plan and follow through!
Indecision turns to action,
I now see that there is traction,
And even burned, if that may be,
Better spurned than burning still,
And even with the sun gone down
starlight illuminates this town,
There’s no more pinning to the wall,
And no more pining of the fall,
What is, will be, I will be free,
My Rainbow Dash be made to see
tectonics of the heart and still
baser needs a world apart
are driving to the surface now,
Can’t keep it in, I don’t know how,
Nor would I do, I think, inflict
that on myself, still can’t predict
what she might take away from this,
In Rainbow’s grasp is all my bliss,
Nor equally is it amiss
to say that I might miss and turn
and fall, pinned to the wall to stay,
As if the skies would turn away
and spurn these wings of mine that don’t
deserve to walk on clouds with her,
And yet these darker musings won’t
stop me now from facing fate,
My racing thoughts soar past first gate.
This is the mansion made of cloud.
Here I can fold my wings and stand,
I’ve come this far, I won’t be cowed,
Made up my mind, for this I planned,
And plan to follow through, I have
a checklist on just what to do,
And every step I follow through,
Another step it leads me to
until no steps are left to take,
Her door is keeping me awake,
And dreaming on the other side
is Rainbow Dash, and I could hide
in bed, with her, and snuggle close,
And spooning, spooned, that is my dose
to set these racing thoughts to rest,
And it would be the very best
of dreams to lay awake with her
and sate whatever feelings stir,
That end to end, a thousand words
could on a single kiss be sent,
And every single kiss declare
the full extent of my intent!
The door, my hoof, I raise to knock,
A final moment taking stock
as dreamy starlight trickles down,
There’s resolution in my frown,
Let no more seconds now be spent
in feeling all too hesitant.
My chest is tight with breath I’ve drawn,
but like the coming of the dawn,
I’m helpless to further delay,
And by the time I must exhale
(I’ve come too far, I won’t turn tail)
this moment in the weaves of life,
A peaceful night, my inner strife.
It opens here, this door, for me,
And Rainbow Dash, she looks at me,
And blinking, sees what I must be:
a castaway long lost at sea
with flotsam of civility,
But soaking still, and soaking am
(if only sweat) heaving these words,
Like anchors up from secret deeps
with treasures lost by distant fleets,
But all the gold is all for nought,
because I know this can’t be bought,
My only chest, my only one
is spilling out before me now,
And even as I’m using up
my chance, I cannot stay my voice,
It babbles on, says all I can,
And sends my butterflies all free
between the stars, I nearly see
them nevermore for walls or pins,
This is confession of my sins,
Though loving Dash, I think could not,
nor ever be, considered such.
“...I think I love you. Very much.”
Author's Note
A lot of people helped out with making this, and I'm thinking affectionately of every one of them.
Author's Note
A brief history of the Empire as sung by its newly emancipated crystal ponies.
A mixed two foot/three foot pentameter that was worth a shot.
Song of Homecomings
Stood the king on his throne as the monsters attacked
Great crystals erupted in crimson and black
Cutting off exits and cutting off heads
The earth opened up and swallowed the dead
“Hail to the king!” With joy and with fear
The castle is tall, even from here
Sombra had people, he put them to work
First pulleys, and pay! then pulling (no perks)
He didn’t forgive, gave no time to rest
The chains weighed us down, we stood all abreast
Our eyes did not move, we stared at the ground
We tried not to hear familiar sounds.
He stole in our minds, a siege in the dark
With present and past, the future looked stark
Our hearts hid away and minds all locked up:
This is how we expected to die.
But then came the war, with fire, and night!
And fury descended, luminous, bright!
Our good king was burned, his shadow survived
it fled to the ice, near mindless, it writhed.
Passed many a year in a magical spell
The king was away, but the kingdom? Still hell.
We lived in a fugue awaiting new pain
But then, not just one, but two ponies came
Not fire and night, as we’d witnessed before
But courage, and heart, they knocked at the door
Far away concepts of love and of hope
Bravery? Faith? A slippery slope.
We stayed in our holes like good little slaves
Despite our own faults, they took to the fray
The battle was long; attrition; a ghost
In struggles for life the living lose most.
Away in their land a dragon arose
Volcanic, his soul, the story, it goes
On the highest tower he duelled with the king
Growing and shattered, the crystals would sing
Noble, enraged, he’d come all the way here
For us, with new eyes, we saw crystal clear
Our saviours alone could not save ourselves
Our courage, our heart, we plucked from the shelves
Eyes facing forwards, not fell to the floor
Blinding; the light, there was something in store
Deliverance came, the darkness cast down
And rebuilding our world? Two shiny new crowns.
The moon was never equal to the sun
What pony rightly said when day was done
That warmer was the night, brighter the stars
Most constant is the light, she’s always round
The moon shines on her own, there are no scars
And always, come the month can she be found!
Did ‘Once upon a time’ pass by so fast
That long ago the past had swallowed whole
Filial and hearty days, not meant to last
My smile glowed with your light, the moon was full.
But then below a higher calling came
Up went the castle of our sovereignty
Atop our heads distinctions soon were made
One crown a golden sight, the other, shade.
So that is where we stood, a princess each
So much for us to teach, still more to learn
But certain things must lay beyond my reach
Why push my lovely boulder up the hill?
Damnation much prefers us standing still
My green eyed monster could not stand to share
her sister with the world, it wasn't fair!
Instead I choose responsibility
The one who truly fell was truly me
So bitter is this medicine I have:
My happiness was never yours to give
away, or back to me, I cannot live
for love, parasitically, Celestia
please understand, it isn’t you, it’s me,
And I’ve let go of precepts long I’ve held
about your own infallibility
The sun itself is not immune to spots
That truth I found to ease my jealous soul
And once I even giggled at the thought:
You’re hiding imperfection flawlessly.
Please stay with me, and talk like once we would
Of pointless things that proved how well we knew
the other’s thoughts, so secretive the bond
of sisters: send me to that place again
inside, it’s warm, so bright the memory
where you and I spoke volumes silently
The flickers of our eyes were all we’d need
and clearly seen by only you and I...
that was all we’d need... that was all we’d need...
...
Celestia, you hesitate to speak?
Why must you consider all the ways
one might construe the consequence of words
it is absurd, that practicality
is so unlike the sister that I had
Itself betrays the means of etiquette
and it is mean, to set it up so that
some chasm, some facade must lay between.
If you would close those eyes, ‘tis not a blink
you think what thoughts expected you to think
and iced your mind: all smooth, polished; a rink!
As good a scene as any dream would cast:
A sterile plane of cold and dancing blades
It’s all a show put on for someone else!
How fondly can I live with my distrust
How much of me in me, or you in you?
The memories, they seem so far away
And well we know what distance really means
The centuries are fractions of my thoughts
while fractures still run rampant through my mind
(The parting gift my sisters left behind!)
Just rooting through the wreckage in this place
has brought me smiles and tears, each more than once
I oft recall your face, I see them both
I wonder where I stand between the two
When each of them are thinking they are you
We are sisters in this strife, you and I
not one of us alone completes the sky
And long ago we banished both of us
from one another’s sight, I must believe
that banishment has hurt you deeply too
(though you don’t show such outward signs of pain...)
I must believe that we are much the same
That what was done to me happened to you
as well, or otherwise, I’m still alone...
Celestia...
I’m wearier than ever did I know
Sleep has no rest, I do not want to live
this way, not anymore, I never did.
Can I come home now? I’ve been so long outside...
The stars are shining distant all around
My tracks disturb the dust without a sound
The snows before were never cold as this
It looked like you, I think, it looked the same
I try to make a snowball with my hoof
Isn’t that how children play this game?
Can I come home now, please? It’s getting late.
I think I’m lost, don’t recognize this place...
CeeCee, this isn’t funny anymore!
No...no... that was long ago.
No...it ended recently.
...
Goodnight then, Celestia, and fare thee well
Goodnight, and I will see you come the dawn
As we are fit to do, to move our two
Bodies through predetermined cycles.
No, I know my way. Yes, I will be fine.
Really, you should stay, I’m feeling better now.
You have your work to do, I understand
Do not worry, I will be no more disturbed
for my chambers are as silent as the moon
As gentle as the twinkling of stars
My blankets, soft as dust, will have me soon.
Author's Note
Done much in the same stylings as Racing Thoughts. While I don't believe that Warmer and Brighter is equal to that, it is still a worthy piece in its own right (so I hope) What do you think?
