The Compote Lode

by GoldenState3

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3370

After getting swindled into buying shares in a near worthless Appleloosa gem mine, Big Macintosh decides to become a gem prospector. Will he find the mother lode, or will he return to Sweet Apple Acres empty handed?

After getting swindled into buying shares in a near worthless Appleloosa gem mine, Big Macintosh decides to become a gem prospector. Will he find the mother lode, or will he return to Sweet Apple Acres empty handed? Loosely based off of the Mark Twain story Roughing It.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-08 18:15:50 UTC

The Princess Luna

All Equestria was buzzing with the news of the Compote Lode. A group of prospector ponies had struck a vein of gems so rich, that it was rumored that it could sate even the greediest of Dragons. Ponies from as far as the Crystal Empire were surging southwards, hoping to strike it rich.

Even in Ponyville, news of the strike was making ponies nervous. As the town was on the main rail line, thousands of travelers passed by every day. While most of them stayed only as long as the train, a few would stop in town to buy supplies, and to otherwise rest up before traveling to the frontier.

Because of this, Sugar Cube corner was doing a brisk trade. Pinkie Pie was running from table to table, taking orders and delivering cupcakes. There were also several parties going on, and including one celebrating Fluttershy's birthday. Whenever the crush of "forty niners*" abated, Pinkie would take a break at her friends' table.

"So what did I miss?" Pinkie said, balancing a tray of cupcakes on her head, and another on her back.

"Not much sugar. I was tellin' everypony how Rarity and I have stopped the Cutie Mark Crusaders from headin' off to Appleloosa three times just today," Applejack said.

The bell over the door rang, and three colts with pickax Cutie Marks wandered in. Pinkie bounced off, to greet the new arrivals.

"I don't understand what all this fuss is about," Twilight Sparkle said. "It's not like you can't just dig almost anywhere in Equestria and find gems."

"Darling, you don't understand. Do you have any idea how much dirt you have to dig up in order to get a gem? With the Compote Lode, the gems are just sitting there, all in one place, and all in nice clean rock. All anypony has to do once they  reach the lode is to reach in and scoop them up," Rarity replied.

The bell over the door rang again, and Big Macintosh entered, with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Spike in tow.

"Did you catch them tryin' to head off ta Appleloosa again?" Applejack asked.

Big Mac nodded. "Eyup."

"We have Spike with this time, so its not like we're headin' off alone!" Apple Bloom argued.

"We can take care of ourselves! We've got it all planned out. Sweetie Belle is going to do the cooking, and I'll haul the gems and supplies, and Apple Bloom and Spike will handle the digging," Scootaloo said.

Applejack shook her head. "No. The frontier isn't anyplace for three little fillies."

"Those colts over there aren't much older than us, and they're headin' off to Appleloosa," Apple Bloom replied.

"Well, all that says is that their family doesn't care about them as much as I care about you," Applejack said. "No sister of mine is going to Appleloosa alone, and I'm sure that Big Mac agrees."

"Eyup," Big Macintosh said.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders left Sugar Cube Corner in a dejected huddle. Spike followed behind a few minutes later. Things had died down a bit, allowing Pinkie Pie to return to the table. She brought a cupcake for Big Mac, which the stallion accepted gratefully.

Eventually, the conversation drifted from the new gem discovery, to Rarity's upcoming spa visit. Once it became clear that the conversation was going to stay there, Big Mac thanked Pinkie for the cupcake and took his leave.

On his way out of Sugar Cube corner, he was stopped by a brown Pegasus stallion with a yellow mane and a silver tongue Cutie Mark. "Say friend, you headin' to the gem fields?"

While Big Mac had considered heading south to seek his fortune, he'd decided against it. There were too many things that needed to be done down on Sweet Apple Acres, and besides it's not like he knew anything about gem mining.

"Nope," Big Macintosh replied.

"Too bad friend. I'm just comin' from there myself. I spent two months down there, and I may never have to work again," the Pegasus said. "Say friend. You look like the good sort of pony. How about I sell you a few shares of the Princess Luna?"

"Princess Luna doesn't like to share, silly!" Pinkie said as she bounced by with a fresh tray of cupcakes.

The Pegasus reached into his saddle bags. "No, I'm talking about the Princess Luna. The most famous gem mine in all of the Compote Lode. Its guaranteed riches, friend. Have a look at this."

The Pegasus set a cluster of glimmering red gems on the table, along with a few pieces of fancy looking paper. Big Macintosh couldn't help but admire the gems, and the glimmer had even attracted Rarity.

"Wherever did you get such fabulous gems?" Rarity asked.

The Pegasus pushed the gems over. "Friends, these come straight from the most famous mine in all of Appleloosa. These are just a mere sampling of the bounty contained within."

"I will give you twenty bits for those wonderful specimens," Rarity said.

"Sorry my good mare, but these aren't for sale. I promised my Special Somepony that I'd bring her the biggest gem in all of Equestria, and I reckon that this beauty is the largest gem I've ever seen," the Stallion replied.

Rarity turned and left. "Well, if those are for your Special Somepony, I wouldn't want to interfere."

The stallion galloped after her. "Say, why don't you buy a share of the Princess Luna?"

"No thank you, I'm not interested. I only buy gems," Rarity shook her head.

"As part owner of the Princess Luna, you'd be entitled to part of its haul," the Stallion said.

"If I wanted to buy gems, I'd buy gems. I don't want to buy some filthy mine in order to get my hooves on gems," Rarity shot back.

"What about you friend? Would you like to buy a share of the Princess Luna?" the Stallion asked Big Mac.

Big Macintosh looked at the gems, and then the papers. It looked legitimate enough, and the Pegasus seemed like a decent enough Pony. They always needed money at Sweet Apple Acres, and besides if he just owned part of the mine it's not like he'd have to move to Appleloosa.

The Pegasus put a hoof on Big Macintosh shoulder. "So friend what'll it be? You in?"

"Eyup!" Big Macintosh said.

Welcome to Appleloosa

In the end, Big Macintosh ended up spending four hundred bits buying shares of the Princess Luna. Sure, Big Macintosh had been saving that money for years. In fact, he'd been saving it for so long he'd long since forgotten what he'd been saving it for.

He spent the entire walk back to Sweet Apple Acres imagining what he would spend his new found riches on. Maybe now that they'd be rich they could hire a few clever Unicorns to develop a machine so that they didn't have to work so hard every single apple buck season. If Flim and Flam could do it, it couldn't be that hard could it?

He imagined all the luxuries that they could afford once the gems started pouring in. But, the more he thought about it, the more he wondered what he'd do with his time. He'd been doing farm work all of his life, and he really didn't know how to do anything else. Buck, he didn't want to anything else.

So Big Macintosh did what he always did when he wanted to think-- he bucked some apples. By the time that Applejack rang the dinner bell,. Big Macintosh had decided that even when the riches started flowing in he'd just use them for repairs around the farm and other necessities.

On his way to the house, he stopped at the Cutie Mark Crusader's treehouse to call Apple Bloom for dinner and to make sure that they  weren't still planning their departure for Appleloosa. The Crusaders were in their treehouse, and all of the maps of the Appleloosa mining district had been replaced with plans for some bizarre contraption. He studied the contraption, completely unable to determine what purpose could be possibly served by the odds and ends sketched out. There were wings hooked to what appeared to be the Apple Family plow.

"How do you like our ornithopter?" Scootaloo asked.

Seeing the confusion on Big Macintosh's face Apple Bloom explained. "An ornithopter is a machine that flies by flapping its wings."

"I don't think your sister would like you building an orni thing," Big Macintosh said. "besides we'll need that plow for planting soon enough."

The Crusaders complained the entire way back to the house. Once he'd seen Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle safely to the road, Big Macintosh came back inside.

Apple Bloom was telling Applejack all about the crusaders plans for the Ornithopter, and Applejack was shaking her head nervously. "No way are you building a contraption like that. All of you will break your necks. Right Granny Smith?"

Granny Smith was sleeping in her rocking chair. "What's that?"

Applejack explained the situation, and Granny Smith responded by telling a long winded story.  By the time she was finished, the apple casserole was cold. Everypony ate in silence, their brains still resetting after the story.

Eventually, Applejack turned to face Big Macintosh. "Rarity thought she saw you buying shares in some fool gem mine from that shyster in Sugar Cube Corner."

"Eyup," Big Macintosh nodded.

"How could you do such a fool thing? You are going to go right down to Appleloosa, and demand your money back," Applejack said.

Big Macintosh blushed. Maybe he should have been a bit more careful before hoofing over his bits. But the stranger had been so polite, and he had all of those wonderful gems. Surely he had to be telling the truth.

"I don't care how nice he sounded. He seemed awful desperate to sell those shares. Rarity said that he even followed her halfway back to our table," Applejack said.

Big Macintosh studied the floor. "Eyup."

"So you are heading right to Appleloosa, and demanding your money back," Applejack said.

The next morning, Big Macintosh was waiting in the Ponyville train station, train ticket on one of the new expresses to Applelossa. Since he didn't have enough money to spring for first class, seeing as he'd spent it all on the shares in the Princess Luna. He didn't know what he was going to do once he'd got there.

The Pegasus that he'd bought the shares from had been heading away from Applelossa, or so he'd said. Knowing Pegasi and all, he was probably in Cloudsdale by now. But, Applejack had insisted he go to Appleloosa. She seemed to think that once they heard of the kind of suspicious ponies that were selling their shares, the operators of the Princess Luna would gladly give Big Macintosh his money.

Something told Big Macintosh that if there was a scam going on, that the owners of the mine would either be in on it, or maybe there wouldn't even actually be a mine at all. The train was pulling up now, and the team pulling it switched out for a fresh set of ponies. He handed the conductor his ticket, and stepped aboard the train.

Inside, the coach was packed, with ponies packed into practically every possible place. He stepped gingerly over a young Pegasus mare asleep on the aisle floor, and started a desperate search for an empty seat. There was only one, next to a white Unicorn with a black mane.  Big Macintosh sat down.

"Howdy! My name's Long Horn. Everyone call's me Asbestos, considering that I'm not only the best fire swamp pilot in Equestria, but I'm also told that I'm considered quite irritating to be around, " the Unicorn said. "But that's all just nonsense. They just don't understand my dashing wit you know."

Long Horn's Cutite Mark was a line, zig zagging between two orange circles. Big Macintosh recognized them as fire pits from the fire swamp.

"But that's all behind me. I'm heading down to Appleloosa as a special correspondent for Harcolt's Illustrated. If I so happen to make my own fortune while I'm down there getting the story, well I won't refuse destiny," Long Horn said.

Over the day and a half that it took to get to Appleloosa, Long Horn didn't stay quiet for more than five minutes. In fact, the pony even talked in his sleep. Big Macintosh had spent the day listening to an endless parade of swamp pony tall tales and fables. Collecting fables and tall tales seemed to be a hobby of Long Horn's, and unfortunately he didn't seem to be able to shut up about them.

As Big Macintosh detrained, he was greeted by his cousin Braeburn who immediately started giving him a tour of Appleloosa. Unfortunately, much of the impressive settler pony ingenuity had been spoiled by the massive influx of Ponies, Mules, Griffons, Bison,  and even the occasional Diamond Dog that had descended upon the place.

"Here's where we used to have horse drawn horse drawn carriages. Unfortunately the carriages got converted into freight wagons, and the ponies that used to draw them are all out prospecting for gems," Braeburn said. "Our wild west and mild west dances used to happen over there, but a gang of Griffon's put in a mining claim on that bit of street."

Big Macintosh watched as dirt flew out of large hole being dug in the middle of the street. Every so often, a lion tail would appear above the level of the street.

"That used to be the Salt Block, but it closed up when the proprietor refused to sell liquor. Now it's called the Birdcage, and no decent pony goes in there. But I heard that they have the hottest little Pegasi that fly around in cages. That is if you're into that kind of thing," Braeburn said.

As much Big Macintosh wanted to, he was way too embarrassed to go into an establishment with a reputation that foul. What if somepony from Ponyville saw him?

He'd been in Appleloosa for well over an hour now, and he was no closer to being done with his work. The sooner he found the Princess Luna, or learned of it's non existence, Big Macintosh planned to take the next train to Ponyville.

"Say," he said, getting up the courage to speak. "You wouldn't have happened to have heard of a mine called the Princes Luna, would you."

"Heard of it? Everypony in Appleloosa has heard of the Princess Luna," Braeburn said.

Their conversation was interrupted by the forceful eviction of Long Horn from the Birdcage. The Unicorn flew over the ground in an impressive arc, before landing at their hooves.

"They don't like it when you touch the dancers..." Long Horn said. "But, I was only in there to get some local color for my writing assignment. The name's Long Horn, but everypony calls me Asbestos, considering how I'm the best swamp pilot in the fire swamps. I'm a special correspondent for Harcolt's Illustrated."

Long Horn looked up. "Oh, it's you again. Fancy meeting you here. Say, I wouldn't go in there if you I was you. The bouncer is a mule that's got a kick to him. "

When neither Big Macintosh or Braeburn said anything, Long Horn took that as a license to continue. "Say, I heard the most amusing anecdote. Did you know that Princess Celestia was here taking a tour of the gem fields a few weeks back? Now, she had a

train to catch back to Canterlot, but she was like twenty miles from town. So this guardspony, Flash Sentry is pulling the chariot. He'd promised Celestia that he'd get her to Appleloosa on time, and he is bound and determined to keep that promise. Now, Flash Sentry was having a buck of a time seeing where he was going, on account of the dust getting thrown into the air from the mines below. To add to it, there were a number of other ponies flying about that Flash Sentry had to dodge. That meant that Celestia was getting thrown every which way. Finally, after almost getting hurled out for the third time, Celestia asks Flash Sentry to please slow down. So Flash Sentry looks back at her, and he says. "Princess, you asked me to get you there in time for your train, and get you there I will.""

Braeburn facehoofed. "Everypony in Appleloosa has heard that story, at least five times."

"Well, I thought it was a perfectly enchanting tale of homespun frontier wit that my readers will find most enjoyable," Long Horn said.

Big Macintosh tried to get the conversation back on track. "So I guess the pony who sold me the shares was being honest when he told me the Princess Luna was the most famous mine in Appleloosa."

"You bought shares in the Princess Luna?" Braeburn said.

"Eyup," Big Macintosh said.

"How much did you pay?" Braeburn asked.

"400 hundred bits for two hundred shares," Big Macintosh said. "If its such a famous mine, than that has to be a good deal."

Braeburn shuffled his hooves nervously. "No, see the reason that it's famous, is that its owners keep selling shares to unsuspecting newcomers, even after it was very clear that there wasn't a gem anywhere near the shaft that they'd sunk. Now, occasionally they'd try to push off strange colored rocks or the odd clump of dirt on unsuspecting newcomers as a gem "in the rough", but everypony worth their salt knows that gems come out of the ground fully cut and polished."

Big Macintosh was crestfallen. Of course, he knew that he should have done more research, but the stranger had been so nice. Besides, most ponies with the exception of Flim and Flam were honest creatures. How could he have known that such a polite pony that seemed so friendly was lying?

"So where are the owners of this mine? I'm going to go give them a piece of my mind," Big Macintosh said.

"So the pony who mostly only says eyup or nope is going to give a big speech? This I've got to see," Long Horn said. "Wait, I mean that my readers will be eager to hear all about avoiding the scams and near do wells that populate this fair city."

"Well, usually they hang out at the Muffin Ranch,  which a boarding house down the street. I reckon we'll find them there," Braeburn said.

"So, with a name like the Muffin Ranch, what kind of establishment is this place. I mean, one wouldn't want somepony's granny from Vanhoover wandering into some house of ill repute on accident," Long Horn asked.

"The Muffin Ranch is a respectable boarding house. The most respectable in town if you must know," Braeburn said.

The Muffin Ranch was a two story frame building, with an ornate facade adorned a large picture of a muffin that served as a sign. From the inside, the smell of muffins wafted out. Unlike many of the buildings in town, the Muffin Ranch was freshly painted, and in good condition. None of the windows were broken or boarded up, and there was a distinct lack of inebriated stallions hanging out on the sidewalk out front.

Braeburn pushed the saloon style doors open, and Long Horn and Big Macintosh followed him inside. The inside of the Muffin Ranch was also clean and well kept, and in fact it wouldn't have looked out of place in Ponyville. Derpy was flitting around the place, doing her best to serve muffins to her customers.

Big Macintosh hadn't noticed that Derpy had left Ponyville. However, with the gem rush on, and the number of ponies that were going  in and out of town, it was a wonder that anypony kept track of anything in Ponyville. The cross eyed Pegasus notice Big Macintosh, and headed over to greet him, dropping a plate of muffins on a group of mules below her in the process.

In the chaos, Big Macintosh recognized a familiar pair of Unicorns in straw hats. He should have guessed that Flim and Flam were behind this scam.