My Little Disney: Music is Magic

by Brony_of_Brody

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 71251

The strangest incidents in Ponyville...now in SONG!

Musical Parodies of the most famous incidents in Equestria or just everyday life in Ponyville...Disney style!

Inspired by the madpony who drew this.

Got an idea? Just leave a comment listing the Disney Song, and I'll see what I can come up with! Note: Please don't ask me to do "Hellfire" though. The link above will show why.

UPDATE: Complete! But not yet finished! I will be taking a break, waiting for Season 5 to appear. I hope, by then, I shall have new ideas to write about again...

I'm still taking guest submissions! Just PM me with a title, what it's a parody of, and lyrics. I may edit it here and there for the purposes of grammer, but come at me brony, if you dare!

Published 2014-04-09 18:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-02 19:19:14 UTC

72. Ol' Ms. Harshwhinny

(Note: Sung to the tune of 101 Dalmatians's "Cruella De Vil")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Ms. Harshwhinny is the inspector for the Equestria Games, and is all about standards. Always.

So of course it would be inevitable that the pony with generally very low standards in appearance like Rainbow Dash would clash. At least Dash has the performance levels for her team set as high as Ms. Harshwhinny's, so there's at least one thing in common.

Ol' Ms. Harshwhinny
That Ms. Harshwhinny
If there is a problem, I betcha she'll see
From one to ten, she'd rate you as a three
Judge harshly, Ol' Ms. Harshwhinny

The curl of her lips
The ice in her stare
Equestria Games staff should really take care
To meet her standards and go escape free
Finicky, Ol' Ms. Harshwhinny

At first you think Harshwhinny is a demon
But maybe there's a heart beneath the stone
I mean, she did help Spike
Light the torch and the like
But still with her, don't go on in alone!

Professionalism
Is hard to maintain
She sets bars high and don't take them down again
I'd rather it were somepony but me
I have to face Ms. Harshwhinny

Author's Note

As requested by BrownDog77

74. HAPPY Holiday

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "Jolly Holiday")

Sung by Pinkie Pie and...Maud Pie?

When Pinkie gets any free time with her sister Maud, she wants to do everything together. Maud does love her, and so would gladly do anything. Even sing songs Pinkie wrote herself.

It...loses something when you hear Maud sing in front of a live audience though.

It’s a fantasmical day
I’ll take all that comes my way
I feel so carefree
Have you ever seen
A pony so keen?
It’s quite hard to see…

Oh, it's a happy holiday with Pinkie
Oh yes, Pinkie wrote this song
Because my voice is boring and quite off-key
So you’re all meant to sing along!

Oh I am just exploding with excitement
I know I don’t sound happy, but I am
I cannot quite express my great happiness
To get the point across without a mess
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Pinkie
I’m actually as happy as a clam!

Oh, it's a happy holiday with Pinkie
Oh yes, Pinkie wrote this song
Because my voice is boring and quite off-key
So you’re all meant to sing along!

Oh my facial expressions don’t change much
Have I smiled since I started this tune…?
Pinkie says, no not yet, but she’s willing to bet
This song will show there’s a message to get
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Pinkie
I think Pinkie takes over singing soon…now.

Oh, it's a HAPPY holiday with you, Maud
Nopony else could really tell
That you are just excited to be here, Maud
You think everything is swell!

Her mouth just raised by two nanometers
That’s how you tell she’s happy to be here

I was hoping you’d
Sing along, you could,
Cause Maud’s voice needs training! Shame on you

Oh, it's a happy holiday with you, Maud
A jolly, HAPPY holiday with you!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

For added effect, sing in the most boring voice you can muster.

76. With A Bear

(Note: Sung to the tune of Bedknobs And Broomsticks's "With A Flair")

Sung by Fluttershy

Twilight Sparkle was walking around town, looking for a friendship problem. Looking for ANY friendship problem. So she thought of Fluttershy and her shy, reserved nature that made her an easy bullying target...

And when she arrived, she saw Fluttershy twisting a bear's legs and kicking him in the back. With much unnecessary ferocity.

But that's the only way to properly massage a bear, though.

Oh, it really doesn’t matter if it’s rough, if it’s rough
As long as I do it with a bear
In order to relieve tension I believe I need to mention
He has to loosen up for massage care

I’m a caretaker, a masseuse, a nanny,
But they love me...everywhere.
Don't pay broken bones or twisting any heed, any heed
As long as I do it with a bear

And it really doesn’t matter how I move, how I move
As long as I wrestle with a bear!
I will now perform my best suplex to let the bear relax and rest
And not resort to my best hypnotic stare.
When I hear the crack, I can relieve that back
And then massage him everywhere!

For it really doesn’t matter how much force, how much force
I have bent both his legs backwards or he’ll end up suffering worse
To relieve tension in his neck
Give a…SUPER TWIST! It works wonders, every time!
Warm my hooves, do my best, a flying kick to his chest.
In fact, to coin a fitting phrase, I take care of the rest!

So it really doesn’t matter how it looks, how it looks
As long as I do it with a bear.
Ease the stiffness he had before
I pile-drive him to the floor
My massage skills is far beyond compare.

I’m a mare, I’m first, a guardian, a nurse,
I will ease him up everywhere.
For, it really doesn’t matter what I do, what I do…
I can cut loose and go wild if it stops him getting riled!
Cos regular massages tickle, so to stop him being so fickle
I jump all over his spine to hear him moan and growl and whine,
Because no matter how rough I get, I know Bearington can take it
You love me cause I do it, with a bear!

Author's Note

I choose to believe she really WAS wrestling a bear to loosen it up in Lesson Zero. I mean, I don't think that's hard to misinterpret...

4. The Scare Necessities

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Jungle Book's "The Bare Necessities")

Sung by Pipsqueak

Nightmare Night is Pipsqueak's favourite holiday in all of Equestria. One reason was because it's associated with his favourite Princess, Luna. But there's also the free candy. He's only young, after all.

Look for the scare necessities
The simple scare necessities
That gets you candy all of Nightmare Night...
I mean the scare necessities
That gets you chocolate recipes
You'll need the scare necessities for life!

Princess Luna's visiting, turns up at my home
I wanna show off my Forbidden Tome
Don't worry, it's a replica!
Raising the dead's reaching too far
But you know my costume is a hit
The fangs will make the crowd spit their bit
Through my neck, a fake screw...

The scare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

Look for the scare necessities
The simple scare necessities
I see adults in hockey masks all wielding knives!
But the scare necessities
Are all you need, so rest at ease
With just the scare necessities for life

They're overcompensating...
Too scary for kids
It's not good for dating
Hiding in the midst...
But you all know I'm a big colt now
And Princess Luna keeps the Nightmares out
But I don't need to use the saw
To haul my candy loot right back to my door
Have I given you a clue?

The scare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

So just try and relax, yeah cool it
We're all just here to have fun
'Cause this stuff only happens once a year
We're gonna party all night, uh huh
Til the morning sun

I don't spend my time lookin' around
There's only so much candy to be found
And Princess Luna's coming with me
We'll be apple bobbing later by the tree
On that note: it's all true...

The scare necessities of life will come to you

5. Prince Blueblood

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin's "Prince Ali")

Sung by Rarity and a crowd of really annoyed ponies

One of Rarity's most famous incidents in Ponyville was her complete and utter meltdown at the Grand Galloping Gala, having had to put up with a pompous jerk known only among the Canterlot Nobles as Prince Blueblood. She has never forgotten him, as much as she'd like to try...

Make way for Prince Blueblood
Say hey! It's Prince Blueblood

Heavens! Clear the way to the local spa
Hey you! Let me through! This has gone too far!
Dear me!
Never thought I'd meet somepony so rude!

Make way!
Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna hate this dude!

Prince Blueblood! An arrogant dud
From Canterlot City
The worthless speck, demands respect
"Down on one knee"!
I try my best to stay calm
And not sling mud from Applejack's farm
And get arrested for assaulting royalty

Prince Blueblood!
As worthless as mud!
From Canterlot Castle
About as thick as 10 short planks, really not good!
He faced the complaining hordes
Calling for his head on a sword
Who promoted this wretch to a lord?
This Prince Blueblood

He's once proposed a ban on all nightclubs (DJ-Pon3 was hacked off, you know)
And insulted AJ's apple trees (what does HE know about farming?)
He spent taxes on a golden bathtub...
It's an absolute state!
I'd rather not wait, to just end his upper class twit spree

Prince Blueblood! Brain made of wood
From Canterlot's finest
What a jerk! Who never works
Sweat, tears or blood!
Well, get on out in that square
Ready the fruit and prepare
Aim for where it hurts! Right "there" at Prince Blueblood!

He once built his own private Jacuzzi
(Octavia was inconsolable for a week)
By demolishing a concert hall
(He's arrogant, so arrogant)
He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies
(Their fees are way too thin)
They hate working for him
Serving his every whim
They have no sense of loyalty
To Blueblood! Prince Blueblood!

Prince Blueblood! Skull like a nut!
From Canterlot's centre
Compared with the princesses he's plainly no good!
And that, good townsfolk, is why he should fall in a grease pit and die
He's got a long rap sheet, complaints galore
With his scandals and rudeness
Disgraces and more
With his moronic politics, his sheer greed
Angry mobs like a flood
Go away, Prince Blueblood!

6. Chimicherry, Cherrychanga

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "Chim Chim Cher-ee")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie is the sort of pony who goes off on several wild tangents. Below describes a thought as to what would be a more appropriate name for a new dish she invented, which she described as "mashed cherries in a tortilla and deep fried". Also, please do not ask Rarity this question unless you have a death wish. Don't ask.

Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrychanga
What's the better name to describe by far?
Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrycha-hoo,
Oh, wait, that's a good name. I might use that too!

Honestly, I can't decide between the two!

Rarity won't spare me a bit for her thought
She gave me a look that'd make zombies rot
I will get a name if it's the last thing I do
Otherwise I can't serve it as new party food

Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrychanga
What's the better name to describe by far?
Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrycha-hay,
At this rate I'll be stuck deciding all day!

Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrychanga
What's the better name to describe by far?
Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrycha-wow,
Somepony give an opinion now!

Applejack says that's it's all up to me,
But I can't decide between two names, or three
I've thought about combining both names as one
To make a big that screams nothing but fun
But to make it easier to roll off the tongue,
It's a toss up between the first two that sprung,
The battle between names rolls on so long!

Chimicherry, Chimicherry
Cherrychanga
Which of these names do you prefer so far?
Chimicherrychanga's an option too,
So is it, "Chimicherry" or "Cherrychanga" to you?
Or "Chimicherrychanga" Cherry-ta-roo!

8. What Made the Head Pony Head

(Note: Sung to the tune of Peter Pan's "What Made the Red Man Red")

Sung by Princess Celestia

There have been many accounts of the history of Equestria, but a rather foggy area in this area is Princess Celestia's exact rise to power. Despite having the Princess herself governing the land, it is still not agreed upon as to how she rose to the throne. Particularly since conflicting accounts such as this one arise (this was a statement given to a witness from the princess herself. Its exact merits are still under scrutiny).

Why do you ask me, "Why?"
Why do you ask me, "Why?"
Once this pony didn't know
How to raise the sun or fly
But this pony, she sure learnt a lot
And it's all from asking, "Why?"

Edite, alvi apium
Edite, alvi apium
I'll tell you what it means
It means to be an alicorn
I ate a hive of bees

When did I first raise the sun?
When did I first raise the sun?
I'll clear it up once and for all;
I made it out of pie
Then roundhouse-kicked it in the face
To set it up in the sky

What made the head pony head?
What made the head pony head?
Let's go back a million years
To the first among my line
He fought some evil robot birds
And his people came out fine

You've got it from the princess
The story of our great win-cess
No matter what's been written or said
Now you know why this head pony's head!

9. Cabbages

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas's "Savages")

Sung by Braeburn, Applejack, members of the apple family Chief Thunderhooves and the buffalo tribe

Appleoosa is a small town far to the west of Equestria. Probably one of its most famous incidents was when the Six Bearers of Harmony was able to avert a political disaster between the local ponies and buffaloes, which involved an apple plantation encroaching on the buffaloes' territory.

Now, some time later, the buffaloes want to start their own cabbage plantation right next to the apple plantation, which doesn't go down with Applejack's cousin Braeburn. After all, apples is srs bizness, u guys. And Braeburn honestly thought he was doing them a favour to try and convince them not to compete with the soil for the apple plantation growing anything as awful as cabbages.

Somehow this ended in threats to boil over to a massive dispute over land...again. And Applejack had to play the peacekeeper.

What can you expect
From dinky little veggies?
Their chewy rubbery leaves is like a curse
They're boring and they're cheap
Good for just the compost heap
You'll get in trouble deep
And worse

They're cabbages! Cabbages!
Barely even foodstuff
Savages! Savages!
Drive them from our shore!
Nopony like those things
Which means that there's no profit
You realize that this means war!

They're cabbages! Cabbages!
Encroaching on our soil!
Now we sound the drums of war!

This is what we feared
This pony does not see it
How we only need a bit of land
An acre, maybe two
Is all we ask of you
Please don't make us force our hand...hoof?

They're cabbages! Cabbages!
Not as bad as you think
Cabbages! Cabbages!
What you waiting for?
If you will not give us
The soil that we all seek
We must sound the drums of war

They're savages! Savages!
First we deal with this one
Then we sound the drums of war

Cabbages! Cabbages!
For the pride of Appleoosa!
Savages! Savages!
There's too much to lose-a!
Cabbages! Cabbages!
Why will you not get this?
Now we sound the drums of war!

-Part 2-
Is there nothing ah can do?
Will this really be the end?
It's barely last week since the last
It's driving me around the bend!

This will be the day ...
(Aaaaaaaaploooosa *whinney*!)

This will be the morning ...
(Ready the stampede)
There's only room for us or them

(Ah don't know what I should do
Gotta help 'em compromise)
Now we make 'em pay
This don't make sense in mah eyes
Now without a warning ...
(Mountain out of a molehill)
We drive 'em out of town for who knows when

(This happens almost every week...)
It's them or us
(At this rate ah'll lose the will...)

They're just a bunch of
what you say 'bout

Cabbages! Cabbages!
Jerks!
Heathens!
Get them!
Cabbages! Cabbages!
What are we waiting for?

Evict them from the town
Until there's not a trace left

(How can I just have the floor?)
We will sound the drums of war
(Cabbages! Cabbages!)
Now, we sound the drums of war
(Cabbages! Cabbages!)

Now we see what comes
Of trying to be chums

Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!

They really need to cut it out
End this feud and settle the score!

Author's Note

As requested by Awesomo3000

10. Bends To the Other Side

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Princess and the Frog's "Friends on the Other Side")

Sung by Discord and some chorus back that came out of nowhere

The anatomy of a draconequus is somewhat of a shady area of discovery. Not just because the only available draconequus, Discord, doesn't believe in 'straight answers' but also because how a draconequus's existence pretty much defies logic himself.

When asked to explain the anatomy of himself, this was how Discord replied:

Don't you poke and prod me, little pal!
Don't you derogate or deride!
Oh are you surprised
At my arms
Since they bend to the other side!

His arms bend to the other side...

I can turn you into a table
I can belch soda with ease
If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please
I can un-friend you like this
I can spin you a riddle, too
I can make your drink fizz the "wrong" way
(by the way, can I get a glass of water?)
And convincingly fake Blue Flu!

Cos my body's
Pretty hotty
I do things I ain't even tried!
I've got arms that bend to the other side!

His arms bend to the other side!

Okay, okay, I guess I'll tell
But did you know I sweat popcorn as well?
I can clone myself in sets of three
I'm such a great guy so here's more of me!
Pfft, who cares about your research paper?
Instead I'll tell you 'bout my Canterlot caper!
(It's a pretty good yarn, so it's worth it.)
My mood was high
But my funds were low
So I had a chat with Rarity, I know she got dough!

Look, I know I'm just talking about my talents here...
But time spent with friends is well spent. Apparently.
I just wanna be free.
Hop from place to place.
But freedom... takes green!

It's the green, it's the green, it's the green I need
And when I looked into my future
It's the green that I see!

I wanted a vacation to Canterlot City
But I needed to get money somehow
So I gathered up my wits and so to make a few bits...
I just shaved Rarity's head...
And sold them as wigs to cows
That's how I got where I wanted to be...
Wait, I should be talking 'bout my anatomy!

Shake my hand.
Come on brony.
Won't you shake the draconequus's hand?

Yes...
Are you ready? (Are you ready?)
Are you ready?
Transformation central! (Transformation central!)
Reformation central! (Reformation central!)
Transmogrification central!
Have you got it?
Your research
Your research
Your research all right?
I hope you're satisfied
But if you ain't
Don't blame me!!
And don't forget my arms bend to the other side!

He just described strange stuff!
Nothing useful for your paper!

Hush...

Author's Note

As requested by Nightmare Haunt.

11. Drama You can Bring

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahonta's "Colours of the Wind")

Sung by Rarity

A lady is simply not a lady without a sense of dignity, according to Rarity. That is why she always has on standby a fainting couch for particularly stressful moments. It is not a ploy for attention, it is an art.

You think I'm a dramatic pony
And you've seen so much disaster
And awful fiascos
But still you cannot see
How to keep your dignity
And yet put your disapproval right on show?
You don't know ...

The fastest way is just to simply black out
Shut out all the horrors that you saw
But do make sure you get a comfy landing
It would not do if your back gets all sore

I have my own fainting couch for a reason
It cost a pretty penny overseas
It's comfy and it all adds to the drama
You'll wake up and you'll be more at ease

Have you ever really felt like blanking out right there?
Or feel like ignoring some really shameful thing?
Can you lose your sense of self from the horrors?
Can you faint with all the drama you can bring?
Can you faint with all the drama you can bring?

Dramatic fainting's truly an art form
So make sure that you're doing it all right
Come hang with all the ruffians all around you
And then you'll faint dead away at the sight

I recommend the ones with all the pillows
All lined with goose feathers and then some
And do make sure the outside's easy to clean
You never know when a fainting time will come

When should your shame feel so low?
If you don't black out, then you'll never know

And so should you ever feel like blanking out right there
And throw your consciousness straight to the wind
We do it with the dignity we can muster
We need to faint with all the drama you can bring
You can stay awake and still
Take in awful sights until
You can faint with all the drama you can bring!

12. Let Him Plow

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "Let It Go")

Sung by Applejack

As an Apple Family member, Applebloom likes to do whatever she can to help. Unfortunately, her exuberance does more to hinder than to help, and sometimes she needs convincing to get Big Macintosh to be left alone with his work...

Macintosh needs time with the plow tonight
And be quietly left alone
You know he's not good w' small talk
And y'all better watch yer tone

He focuses more when he's all by himself
So put that there hacksaw back on the shelf

Now, Granny Smith could use ya more
Down in the kitchen makin' them s'mores
Hurry, scurry, lively and quick
Granny needs yah now

Let him plow, let him plow
Can you haul it if it gets stuck?
Let him plow, let him plow
Well missy, then yer outta luck
Ah don't care what you're going to say
He's a big and strong pony
It's just only one small job anyway

(It's funny how she thinks that she can haul around a plow
Like how she tried to get her cutie mark lifting a cow
It's time to see what ah can do
To keep her busy a day or two
Once Macintosh has plowed all three
He's free)

Let him plow, let him plow
Ah hear Granny call yer name
Let him plow, let him plow
She needs yah all the same
She can't bake all that by herself
You'd better hurry on

You can help with mixing the pie dough around
(She can't be trusted w' sharp objects around,
That's why she won't help with the peelin' just yet)
When yer older, then heavier job's you'll get

Let him plow, let him plow
He'll be done at the break of dawn
Let him plow, let him plow
So our knobbly field's all gone
Tomorrow you've got a busy day
So get yer chef hat on
You can't shift somethin' so heavy anyway

Author's Note

As requested by Seanchow806Napoleonic

14. We Multiply

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride's "My Lullaby")

Sung by a large army of changelings

Chrysalis began her invasion on Canterlot looking for fresh prey for her people. Unfortunately, as Twilight Sparkle explained previously, it didn't end well for them...but that's not to say they didn't come close...

Sleep, our little victims
Let your love take wing
We'll strip of all your free will
We're your puppets strings

We can morph into anypony,
Feed on feelings in their heart
Because someone who's all lonely
To us is no great start
We'll crash the wedding party
And drain ponies of their love
You may think it ain't arty
But when push comes to shove
You are us, and we are you
We outnumber you ten to two
The odds aren't on your side
How we multiply

What the heck is going on
With these six lone mares?
Nopony told us we'd be set upon
They caught us unawares
That farmer has some awful kicks
The pegasus knows kung-fu
The purple one has lots of tricks,
The white one's belting you!
You just fell flat on your face?
The yellow one should know her place!
I have confetti in my eye!
We must multiply!

What a mess... but a nation's on our side
To work our way around
We still have strength in numbers...
And now the threats are down!

We'll march them to the castle!
Where Celestia fell!
They'll never stand up to our queen
Not a hope in h-!

Wait, where's that glowing coming from?
It feels just like a mighty storm
It feels like lovin'
(Tartarus!)
I can hear the cheering
(Too much of a good thing, aye?!)
Payback time is nearing
Explode before our eyes
Sent flying towards the skies...
Our plans are nullified!

Author's Note

As requested by Blue Sparkle 227

15. Can you Feed the Doves Tonight?

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King's "Can you Feel the Love Tonight?")

Sung by Fluttershy

One night, Fluttershy had to attend an important nightly checkup for a narwhal who seemed to keep skipping out on their appointments. So, on that occasion, she had tasked her assistant and pet rabbit Angel with giving the doves their midnight snack, before turning in for the night. "Don't want them waking up hungry," she said.

It took some persistence; after all, Angel hates doing things that he doesn't like. The furry jerk.

This checkup's important
And so it's up to you
You must give the doves their nourishment
And the chickens too

Tonight you do it and I'll
Promise to do their brunch
If you do I'll make your favorite salad
For tomorrow's lunch

Can you feed the doves tonight?
Can you do this small task?
You could for once do what you're meant to
Without me having to ask...

The longer I take asking
The longer Narwhal has
To plan her awfully big getaway
And let the evening pass

I'll bribe you with your favorite
Salad fresh from the crop
With the tomatoes, cress and orange slice
And whipped cream on top

Can you feed the doves tonight?
You needn't go too far
It's just a simple half-mile walk
From there to where you are

Cause if you don't go do it tonight
It can be assumed
I will have to unleash the dreaded Stare
You will sense impending Doom

16. What a Day in Ponyville

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World's "What a Day in London")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and the residents of Ponyville

Ponyville seems to be the centre of where everything interesting happens in town. Like Nightmare Moon, an Ursa Minor attack, Discord...oh well, at least they don't have to deal with traffic.

This is a record of one particular incident that ended up eating quite a lot of the town's budget (emphasis on 'eat'). A swarm of Parasprites ate most of the town's food, before moving on to the town, and then finally being led away by a one-pony marching band to the Everfree Forest.

If anypony asks, it was Twilight's fault.

The sun comes up, the lamps go down
A new day in Ponyville town
It makes you think, "I hope and pray,
Something fun happens today!"
While shops are stocked and kids are fed,
DJ-Pon3 heads home to bed.
Oh what's this? Looks like a bug,
Oh look, it's smiling really smug!

What a day in Ponyville
Come and see who's here
Everyone knows someone
They come from far and near
A brand new day
Brings luck our way
Nothing could go all wrong
Except perhaps a lot of things
But odds against are strong...

Oh lookie there! There's two, no, four!
Good heavens, now there's even more!
These smiley bugs emptied the fridge,
They've spread as far as by the bridge
The swarms have stripped us of our food
Even the stuff that's off. How crude!
At this rate we face poverty
If there's no food in sight to see

What a day in Ponyville!
What are the odds of this!?
It's just like last Tuesday...

(Gasp) Look up

Is that Twilight Sparkle I see?

She's casting there
They've stopped and stared

They're hovering in the air?

...NOW THEY'RE EATING
MY CENTRAL HEATING!

And my purse too

My chimney flue

You screwed up beyond repair!

My heart is pounding like a drum
I can't believe my eyes
I only tried to cast a spell for creatures of small size
It was supposed to stop them from eating normal food
Now they've started on inedible stuff like wood
And metal and plastic and glass and lots more
This is all nothing like I've seen before
Eating Rarity's hats
And roofs that shine with flags
Flying higher than a pine

She seemed so sweet
She meant us well

SHE SCREWED THINGS UP!

How can you tell?

The town itself is pretty doomed

I wonder if my mom has room...

How can I stop this disaster
With everything on the line?
The parasprites
Eat all in sight
No way it'll turn out fine!
Zecora has just told me we're doomed this very day
And Pinkie wants a banjo and has just run away
These things are like locusts crossed with bees
There's only one viable remedy
An exact perfect replica of the town,
Less than a minute to set it down!

What a day in Ponyville
We woke up to a mess
A bunch of insects showed up
And ate my fancy dress!
This day's become a day
Nopony's likely to forget
A day we'll all remember
As the day a town was ate!

Wait, what's that? It sounds like drums
A tuba and a trombone comes
Cymbals crashing's what I hear
Listen up, it's drawing near!
It's Pinkie Pie's one-pony band!
Look, the pests follow her and
She leads them away from the town
Hooray for music from this clown!

What a day in Ponyville
Another crisis stopped
The pink party pony
Caused the swarm to flop
We're spared the end
I'm round the bend
We could have stopped all this
(She could have stopped all this!?)
What a mad exciting day
Could be worse is what we say
How normal this Ponyville day turned out to be!

Author's Note

As requested by keam.

17. Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious")

Sung by Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have tried pretty much everything to try and earn their cutie marks, to no avail. However, there is still one frontier that the three fillies have not yet tried...

Celestia help us all, it's pyrotechnics and explosives.

Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Looking for our special talents to spend our devotions!
Experience don't matter much, it's all about emotions!
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

We've tried a dogfight out in space
But it was all a trap
And once we all tried bird-keeping
They got into a flap
But still there's one thing we have all
Not yet begun to try
Can we all earn our cutie marks
In making objects fry? Oh!

Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
What could possibly go wrong, it don't sound that atrocious!
We aim to make infernos that are really quite ferocious!
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

We tried to paint an elephant
But we ran out of red
And once we all tried parkour
But we nearly wound up dead

A song we sent for this fanfic
Got a "Rejected" stamp
I hope the author comes down with
A vicious finger cramp!

Oh,
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Flames and powder set up to cause quite a big commotion
We could also make a highly volatile potion
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

So when we have exhausted
All our other choices here
Pyrotechnics is the last thing
to place our hopes and fears

Blowing things up is all we have
So let's give it a shot!
We'll make a show that's gonna blow
Your mind that ultra hot!

With The
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!
Hoping this will get us all our cutie mark promotions!
We'll get them even if we have to dry up all the oceans!
Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts on Explosions!

Author's Note

I'm taking Guest Submissions, if the Cutie Mark Crusaders are to be believed.

I think you can do a better job than them. Just PM me with your submission. Don't forget to have a title, lyrics, and state the movie and its song!

19. We've Got No Things

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pinocchios's "I've Got No Strings")

Sung by the Diamond Dogs Rover, Spot and Fido

In case you don't know, the Diamond Dogs are a group of ugly, dirty, greedy, and stupid canine-like creatures who live underground and value gems. One time, they kidnapped Rarity in the hopes of using her skills to find more gems.

Unfortunately for them, Rarity is the Sun-Tzu of passive aggressive warfare, and very soon they were practically throwing their riches at her in order to get her to leave them alone and never return.

Seriously, she pretty much robbed them in pure day...cave-light.

We've got no things
Our gems are gone
Our riches stripped, we're put-upon...
We had to give
All our gems, see
To a whiny white pony

I know this totally blows
I'll never forget that voice
I want the world to know
We really didn't have a choice

We've got no things
She robbed us dry
Her screeching made us want to cry
She has things
But you can see
I've not a bean on me

I have no things
My ears still bleed
What got us was our natural greed
If it's all
The same to you
You got a gem on you?

I've got no things
It's not my fault
Why'd we steal her and not a colt?
She got things
I'm telling you
She's annoying through and through!

She whined all through the day
Before her friends took her from us
I know I'm scared for life
Of her screaming fit to bust, hey!

I've got no things on me.

21. The Bees From The Cart

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tarzan's "You'll Be in My Heart")

Sung by Applejack and Rainbow Dash

The latest dare challenge, with Applejack vs Rainbow Dash! It's a staring contest while an entire swarm of bees covers your face. One sudden move and you'll have swellings all over your every orifice for weeks.

Still, neither pony ever backs down from a challenge, and so let the competition begin!

Note: Since neither pony could actually sing for risk of tremendous sting-related pain, the following song was composed out of the two's accounts regarding their inner monologue. How they were so synchronized with each other in thought remains a mystery.

No time for crying
Ah will be all right
Gotta keep still
Keep it tight
Ah can't get stung
Just not before you
Just gotta not move
Wanna cry?

For one so proud
You seem to sweat
They crawl all over
Are you cracking yet?
The score between us
Must be settled
It's nerve-wrackin'
But ah'll try

With the bees from the cart
Yes, the bees from the cart
I won't get stung
Now or forever more

Your bees from the cart
No matter what they say
All the bees from the cart,
Will stay

Why can't they understand the way we feel,
They just don't trust what they can't explain.
Our past-times are different
We just like to risk a huge amount of pain!

With the bees from the cart,
Yes the bees from the cart,
From this day on
We settle the score.

Don't listen to her, 'cos what does she know. (what does she know)
I'm twice as brave as AJ, and so I'll hold!
She'll see in time, I know.
When you risk stinging, you must be strong
(you gotta be strong)
If you think I'll move from here, you're totally wrong!
She'll see in time, I know.
I could wait forever 'cos
The bees from the cart,
Threaten me,
The bees from the cart.
I'll be queen from this day on,
now and forever more.

Ooh the bees from the cart
(It's the bees here on my face)

No matter what they say
(I won't get stung)

We have bees from the cart
(I'll be fine)

Always

Always
I'll be the champ,
I'll be ahead of you always
Always and always.

Hope you've got ointment ready x3
I'll beat you always.

P.S The competition was eventually called off after Post Haste, the owner of the bees, asked for them back. And so, they paid a visit to the old castle of the Royal Sisters instead...

Author's Note

As requested by HB_DS2013.

23. Know When to Fold 'Em Applebloom

(Note: Sung to the tune of Alice in Wonderland's "All in a Golden Afternoon")

Sung by Applebloom and Applejack

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are always trying to think of whatever will get them their cutie marks. Even if they never succeed, they have fun anyway.

It's considerably less fun when you're the older sister and thus it's your responsibility to pay for whatever gets broken. It's a good thing Sweet Apple Acres is such a money-spinner in the local community.

Remember you three broke the sundial
And that time with the hot-air balloon?
If yah ask me you really ought to know
When to fold 'em, Applebloom...
I'm still payin' for the damaged water pump
And still clearin' treacle from mah room
You gotta use yer horse sense to realize
When to fold 'em, Applebloom!
(To fold 'em, Applebloom)

You've tried keepin', writin', surfin', knittin', arts and brewin' mead,
You make the ponies wonder where's the peaceful life they lead...

Oh, the three of yah are walkin' disasters
Every scheme you try just spells out Doom
You should know when to call it a day there:
When to fold 'em, Applebloom!

Know when to fold 'em, Applebloom
To fold 'em, Applebloom...

There's no way you're ever gonna make me give up
I don't intend to call it quits so soon
Cutie Mark Crusaders have no idea
When to -

Fold 'em, Applebloom!

24. Why You Don't Do Flight

(Note: Sung to the tune of Who Framed Roger Rabbit's "Why Don't you Do Right?")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

According to Rainbow Dash, the best way to emulate her greatest achievement, the Sonic Rainboom, is to constantly practice. Oh, and it also helps if one of your best friends is plummeting to their doom about 10,000 feet from above.

Not that anypony should ever LOOK to fall 10,000 feet, even for that, because a large stain on the pavement's not cool.

I had to save your flank from falling to your doom,
I know why you stick to your dresses and loom,
Why you don't do flight,
Like other ponies do.
Get out of here,
And take your makeup too,
Your not being good with flyin's what it's all about,
I can see why it's clear, so no need to pout,
Why you don't do flight,
Like other ponies do.

Get out of here,
Twilight's calling for you.

Silver lining's that I perfected my greatest feat,
But don't do that again, cos your doom ain't sweet,
Why don't you do flight,
Like other ponies do?

You'd need practice,
Self preservation too

You'd need practice,
Self preservation too

Why you don't do flight,

Like other ponies do!

25. Why'd You Like Curry?

(Note: Sung to the tune of Oliver and Company's "Why Should I Worry?")

Sung by Fluttershy

Pinkie Pie is an odd sort of pony. Okay, that's putting it nicely. Nopony seems to understand her fully. PINKIE doesn't understand Pinkie fully.

One of her many quirks is her unusually high tolerance to spicy food. In fact, the only heat she has found intolerable is undiluted rainbow liquid, which has the heat intensity of a Cartolina Reaper. And even then, she managed to remain conscious and even run off to find a glass of water afterwards.

You'd never see a pony as delicate as Fluttershy have anything even remotely spicy. Ever. So it's hard to relate to Pinkie's strange tastes. Not that Fluttershy would say it IN FRONT of her.

One minute, hot sauce on cupcakes
Then you down a Vindaloo
And you'd eat a naga pepper
And Koltrean kimchi too
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo
It's crazy
I'd get quite hazy

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo
It's not smart
It's really bad for my heart

Why'd you like curry?
Why should I care?
I'll never acquire the taste
I think you're a crazy mare

Why'd you like curry?
Why should I care?
A small amount of spices
And I would hurt everywhere

Your love for all things spicy
Girl, you would get it down
Yellow, orange or brown
You'd scarf all them down

Why'd you like curry?
Tell me, why should I care?
You'd wolf down a ghost chilli
Without burning like a flare

Why'd you like curry?
Why should I care?
I would pass out from eating
A small korma anywhere

Ev'rything goes
Ev'rything fits
For Pinkie Pie maybe
I would just call it quits

Why'd you like curry?
Why should I care?
And even with that rainbow juice
She'd still sample spicy wares

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo (etc.)

Author's Note

As requested by Blue Sparkle 227

Also, look up the Carolina Reaper if you want to know what the pepper mentioned is (it exists).

26. Grim, Gritty, Gross

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Haunted Mansion's "Grim Grinning Ghosts")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Quite possibly the worst cooking disaster (apart from the Cutie Mark Crusader's attempts to get a baking cutie mark) was the time Applejack made muffins after some sleepless days and nights, too tired to notice she wasn't using the right ingredients...

These muffins, sporting ingredients such as soda, crushed potato chips and worms soon earned its infamous name, Baked Bads.

Spike seemed to think they were OK, though. Taste is subjective, I suppose.

When AJ's in the kitchen chambers
She can do an apple crumble that entices all
But today she made muffins that would turn you deathly still
The whole of Ponyville was present
Waiting with anticipation and delight

When she gets no sleep, she makes big mistakes
One bite and you would find it hard to stay awake
Bile rises in my mouth
And my health is going south
Grim Gritty Gross Baked Bads are totally out
My tummy's doing flip-flops right inside
Those muffins are evil personified
The hospital wing is packed
With those who's tums were attacked
Grim Gritty Gross Baked Bads ain't coming back
Nurse Redheart's being swept right off her hooves
Thousands of patients with no time to lose
The atmosphere's filled with gloom
The hospital has no more room
Grim Gritty Gross Baked Bads are signs of doom
When you hear the knell of a requiem bell
Those things sent you where spirits dwell
No don't eat that! You'll despise
Any mouthful of any size
Mwahahahahahahahaha

If you would like to join our jamboree
Equestria Daily has a recipe
Why you'd make them I don't see
Your food poisoning's all that's free
But you should know that misery loves company

Don't eat that...Don't eat that...
Are you sure you want to try them out?
If you decide to make 'em
You should write up your will now
You'll be...dying...to have them
...Or maybe you'll just die, period.

Author's Note

As requested by GoodStoryLover.

28. Bring Back Springtime (Guest Submission by lionaxel)

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Nightmare Before Christmas's "Making Christmas")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Mayor Mare

Winter Wrap Up, before Twilight Sparkle came along, was a pretty big shambles every single year. It was a largely disorganized mess and it took the town of Ponyville a long time before their Winter was wrapped up along with the rest of the country's.

After Twilight Sparkle injected some of her organisational skills into the whole affair, the town has since gotten a lot better at it. Thankfully.

It’s time! It’s time!
Winter Wrap Up!
Winter Wrap Up!
Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up
Redesign!

We’ll get it right
And won't the Mayor be surprised
Look for spring’s sign!

Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up
Winter Wrap Up

Time to spread some cheer and fun
And it’ll last for months to come
Let's assign jobs to everyone
It's time to clean-up

Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up
The bird nests get spruced up so nice
With these ribbons and pretty bows
Doesn’t it look nice?

All together, that and this
With all our tricks we're
Bringing back Springtime!

Ooh! There she is!

I just don’t know where I must now go
My skills, my tricks, my mastery!
Wait! I got it!
Won't they be impressed, I am a genius
See how I am skating on ice
And cutting it so small and nice!

Ooh! My compliments from me to you
On this your most delightful work
However though there’s something wrong
See it requires a certain quirk.
Huh! No, no, no, now that's no fun!
Your method will never make a dent!
Maybe now you should be done.
Try something better, better spent.
Try again, don't give up

All together, that and this
Without my skill they’re bringing back Springtime

It’s time! It’s time!
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap Up
La, la, la

It's almost here
No time to wait
So find the birds, we can’t be late

'Cause when the full moon starts to climb
No matter what!

It’s springtime!

30. Be Declared

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King's "Be Prepared")

Sung by the Princess Celestia and Ponies at the Horstralian country border

As Princess, one of the many duties is to establish healthy relationships between countries for the sake of peace. Every country is different, but one of the most memorable visits was to the country of Horstralia. Largely because of how excessively hardcore they are when it comes to border security.

Nothing gets in, and nothing gets out. EVER.

I'm at the Horstralian border
Waiting for my luggage to pass
To maintain relations and order
They confiscate objects en-mass
They're checking my crown for contraband
In case animals live in there
Or dragon egg shells in my headband
Amazing how much they all care!

My wingspan's big enough for smuggling
They've rifled through them seven times
And all of my feathers
Were messed up together
Have you got veg or fruit?
Check my bags for the loot

I know it sounds sordid
I won't get rewarded
I'd hardly resort to such crimes
Have I info that needs to be shared?
Be declared!

Check, Check, Check, Check, Check, Check!

We'll put all the bags through an x-ray
To check for suspicious knick-knacks
This long check-up is but the entree
I also can take little back
I must carefully choose my souvenirs
To bring back home to Canterlot
It can't be too hollow or they'll fear
It works like a smuggling pot!

I hope we're not here for much longer
...Don't tell me they rifled through THAT! (Oooh... la, la, la!)
Oh wow, this is awkward (What is this!?)
How can I be forward? (Didn't know!)
Found my secret stash (That she liked!)
Of romantic trash (Stuff like that!)

Princess, undisputed
Respected, saluted
Can you keep this under your hat?
My reputation should be spared...
Not declared!

Yes, should your reputation be spared? (Nah!)
Be declared!

Author's Note

As requested by fluttercord45

31. The Brony King In Media

(Note: Sung to the tune of Robin Hood's "The Phony King Of England")

Sung by you, um...if that's alright with you...

I wrote this as an ode to the kingpin of the most well-known news source of all things pony. Here's to you, the great genius who likes Trixie and who's OC got locked in a cube.

Oh, the internet has a human yet
Skulking behind a blog
A someone who likes Trixie and
Works staff into a slog
With other bronies on his side
Equestria Daily grew
With Phoe, Calpain, Xyro, PK
And many more in the crew

Sethisto was this brony's name
Our lives would never be the same
He's known as the Brony King in media!
All hail to the Brony King in media!

He sits alone on a giant throne
Reading emails all day
He posts up news and fic reviews
And keeps the spam away
And he throws an angry tantrum
If Trixie's not on site
So it's a pointless post
With Trixie as the host
All this, despite the server's plight

Despite this, he still gets the scoops
Before the spoilers leak out. Whoops!
All hail to the Brony King in media!

The Mysterious Pre-Reader-Do-Well
Rides astride Sethisto's head
As Sethy swaps banner backdrops
From green to pink to red
All this despite a gross mishap
Which was a pain, you see
He got locked in a cube before
He got his own OC

At nighttime in Arizona, wow!
"Go to bed, Seth." Like right now!
The pony and homey king in media!
The mailin' wailin',
Postin' hostin',
Blabberin' jabberin',
Typin' hypin',
clickin' flickin',
Wheelin' dealin'
Sethisto, the Brony King in media!
Yeah!

32. (Sweetie) Belle

(Note: Sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Belle")

Sung by Button Mash and Sweetie Belle and an NPC from Button Mash's game

When the Cutie Mark Crusaders have wrapped up their shenanigans for the day, Sweetie Belle sometimes stays over with a colt from her school, the videogame obsessed Button Mash. Not that it's dull. He always makes sure to play whatever accommodates two players whenever she comes around. It does make you wonder why, since he's supposedly the only one in Ponyville who even LIKES videogames...

Button Mash, in the middle stages
This dungeon not like the one before
Working to make it past the boss now
Waiting so he can say

We scored! (5x)

There goes Button's Spell-Warrior, like always
He wants 15 of those Jellied Slimes to sell
But the only place he can
Unload Slimes and all his spam
At the dungeon's end, a town!

Look there I got my seventh Jellied Slime now
Eight more and I can forge the Sword of Fell!
Power-Leveling's such a pain
My skill points ran out again
Want me to make a new Save File, Sweetie Belle?

We scored!
Oh yeah!
A mana potion found!
We scored!
Good day!
Restored my life
I need six more!
I'm overleveled!
You don't get bored of fighting and the strife?

It's far from my best game but I include her
I think that I have trained her well
My combat party's best hunter
I have named it after her
My level twenty three hunter, Sweetie Belle

He's actually quite amazing!
I know he's pretty good because you'll see
All of the combat's real-time
It's really nothing like a turn-based RPG!

But now I just can't wait for my new broadsword
I'm trekking back to Beastly Fell
But I know it's worth the hike
I know what the boss is like
But then even without the sword
If I plow on without the sword
I'll be fine with the support from Sweetie Belle!

I see that you have fifteen Jellied Slimes here
Unfortunately I can tell
You don't have the funds on you
I can't give you it, it's true
Unless you can venture out and find our bell

No, we don't know
Why are we singing?
Don't think it's part
Of the game script!
More puzzling still
So are you bringing
Our lost bell from The Darkest Dankest Crypt?

You scored!
Pardon.
Good day. Fire Ring!
Increase defense!
Save your progress?
Ten gald! Oatmeal...
Experience points!

Next step's to upgrade his brand new knife...!
I'll find an inn to go restore my life!

Look there I go! I have a brand new side-quest
From a peculiar mad'moiselle!
I swear I'll get it done
On my first playthrough run
You ready for adventure there
My player 2 is all set there
You ready for adventure?
Sweetie Belle!

We'll score! (5x)

Author's Note

As requested by keam.

34. One Little Kip

(Note: Sung to the tune of Chicken Little's "One Little Slip")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Napping may not be one of the past-times you'd expect from somepony who basically would go mad if she stays still, but to be honest, Rainbow Dash can get from A to B and clear the sky so quickly (10 seconds. Somepony timed her), that there really isn't much to do except fly or pass the time sleeping.

It was a breeze to clean clouds up
In ten seconds flat, yes sirree
Got lots of free time on my hooves
You'd get some shut-eye if you were me

I've practiced flying today
Nothing else to pass the time
I'll go catch my forty winks
Until adventure's down the line

One little kip,
One little kip

Preen my feathers back together
Finished Daring Do's new book
I can sleep in because I work so quickly
Well I admit my work ethic is kinda lacking
Watch me fly by, can't be sickly
But no way I'd face a sacking
Don't like details when they're niggly
But you know I'll work fast, and that ain't bragging
I've no boss to scold me thickly
But you know I just hate dragging

One little kip,
One little kip

I got a big whole in my day
No party to keep me away
From sleeping the whole entire afternoon
Next Daring Do's not out for weeks
And while my flying's at its peak
I hate repeating what to do so soon

I've practiced flying today
Nothing else to pass the time
I'll go catch my forty winks
Until adventure's down the line

One little kip,
One little kip
Pull up a cloud, and don't be loud
Unless it's real urgent...

One little kip,
One little kip

35. The Wonderful Thing About Fingers

(Note: Sung to the tune of Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day's "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers")

Sung by Lyra Heartstrings

For a very long time, the existence of humans was shrouded in mystery. In fact, few ponies believed they were real, except for one rather overly happy green unicorn called Lyra Heartstrings, who's obsession with them even borderlined on madness, even wishing for their "fingers" as the appendages on their front legs were called.

Twilight's most recent adventure through the magic mirror into another world, confirming their existence, could only be good news for her, which resulted in her doing a lot of celebratory dancing and a lot of happy singing the night she heard of their adventures, much to the disdain of her friend Bon Bon...

The wonderful thing about fingers
Is fingers are wonderful things!
They can grab things without using magic
And they can put on so many rings!
These digits fidget, bridge it, which is
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about fingers is
You get ten, not one

The wonderful thing about fingers
Is fingers are marvelous to have!
You can point with vim and with vigor
My work would be cut in half!
They're pointy, jointy, real enjoy-ty
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about fingers is
You get ten, not one

Fingers are awfully useful
Fingers are awfully sweet
Ev'ryone el-us is jealous
That's why I repeat...and repeat

The wonderful thing about fingers
Is fingers are wonderful things!
They can grab things without using magic
And they can put on so many rings!
These digits fidget, bridge it, which is
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about fingers is
You get ten, not one

Fingers are awfully useful
Fingers are awfully sweet
Ev'ryone el-us is jealous
That's why I repeat...and repeat

The wonderful thing about fingers
Is fingers are wonderful things!
They can grab things without using magic
And they can put on so many rings!
These digits fidget, bridge it, which is
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about fingers is
You get ten, not one
Y-y-you get ten, not one! Whoo!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123

36. A Dream of a Fish and Cupcakes

(Note: Sung to the tune of Cinderella's "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Ah, the joys of lucid dreaming. When sleeping, the ability to shape your dreams as you like them is a useful tool indeed.

That certainly explains why most of Pinkie's dreams are about frosting.

But in the event her dreams take a turn for the weird, she goes along for the ride. As long as it's funny, right?

A dream of a fish and cupcakes
When I'm fast asleep
In dreams I drive with no brakes
Into a frosting castle's keep
Or maybe I'm in the mood for
A dive-bomb in green sticky goo
No matter how crazy it turns out
I'll dream til night-time burns out
The dream of a fish still shines through

A dream of a fish and cupcakes
One night, feeling small
Compared to a 10 feet Twilight
My size can't compare at all
So I hide in Twilight's bookshelves
Along with Gummy and the crew
But out of all the dreams I've had
The one that's still the most rad
The dream of a fish still shines through

A dream of a fish and cupcakes
A dream of a fish and cupcakes

I wake with the morning sunlight
To find my room covered in goo
I dunno how this all got there
But then, my dream had a lot there...
The dream of a fish still shines through
No matter how crazy it turns out
I'll dream til night-time burns out
The dream of a fish still shines through

37. Hurt Me Right

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brave's "Learn Me Right")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Don't yank on Applejack's tail if you want attention. That's where the kicking legs are, and she bucks HARD when startled, as Rainbow Dash found to her cost.

"Years of apple-buckin'" according to Applejack. Be that as it may, it really HURTS.

Though I may speak and sound quite crass
Those legs are like some big nuclear blast
I have no strength with which to fly
And I've got some gravel in my eye

I just yanked her tail
Dislocated my knee
Usually not that frail,
It's killing me

I just yanked her tail
Dislocated my knee
Usually not that frail,
It's killing me
I'm in the hospital
Bouncing a rubber ball
Boredom isn't far away

I took the kick right to the face
I crash-landed in the most painful place
In agony and massive pain
Setting my bones back in again

I just yanked her tail
Dislocated my knee
Usually not that frail,
It's killing me
I'm in the hospital
Bouncing a rubber ball
Boredom isn't far away

40. The Drummer

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "In Summer")

Sung by Octavia

Octavia values the precise, elegant sounds of classical music. Throughout Ponyville, she is the most well known among her entourage and among the most popular, all down to her skills on the bass and her standards of perfection.

She sometimes does solo performances, or collaborates with other musicians to produce new pieces. Learning to work with others has been an important aspect of her career.

So of course, when somepony submitted a proposal to introduce a bass drummer in her music, and then, when questioned, proceeded to smack the cymbals and drums to the sounds of Beethclover's Symphony, it could only have ended very badly for everypony involved.

You should leave,
Cause I personally don't believe
In "You can't lose me, I'm the drummer"
A bass in my hoof,
Poised to smack you straight to the roof
Prob'ly going to turn down, eject the drummer

I’ll never hear such gruesome noise taint the classic music sheets
I just can't take anymore of those infernal drumming beats

And I can’t wait to see
This cretin leave, believe you me
The ensemble does not require the drummer

Dah-dah, da-doo, a-bah-bah-bah bah-bah-boo

The headache I've gotten is just so intense,
A position with us, it just makes no sense!

Rrr-raht da-daht dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah dah dah doo

Our arts go together like clean sheets and muck,
So bass drums with classical, who gives a...flying feather!

Could somepony tell him in the politest way
I'd rather eat worms than listen to him play?

Oh, I'm off to nurse,
Since my head is getting worse
Why did anypony feel that we needed the drummer!

"I’m gonna tell him," Harpo said, making his way towards the door.

Beauty Brass replied, "Please do..."

THEEEEE DRUUUUMMEEEEEEEEEEEERR!!!

Author's Note

As requested by Awesomo3000

41. Let's Go Buy A Pint

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "Let's Go Fly A Kite")

Sung by Berry Punch

Berry Punch is the pony who really enjoys good drink. Whether it be soft drinks to Applejack's famous cider, she'll always be wherever there happens to be somewhere to quench her thirst.

She's particularly fond of Pinkie Pie's Tutti-Frutti Sherbet Sugar Punch. (It's got seven parts of sugar for every part of fruit!) Apparently she counts that as one of her five-a-day.

Oh yeah, and don't EVER suggest that she may have had enough. She'll TELL you when she's had enough.

With 10 bits to spend for the day
You can chug your worries away
Fruit juice or cream soda
Drink whatever's there
This ever-thirsty mare
Will drink down your wares

Oh, oh, oh! Let's go buy a pint
Fresh soda on my mind
Let's go buy a pint and then just one more
Whether flat or with foam
Where there's drink, I'll surely roam
Oh, let's go buy a pint!

When my paycheck comes on down
All at once I'm out on the town
To the watering hole
Among mares and the foals
I'll drink all through the night
Til I'm high as a kite

Oh, oh, oh! Let's go buy a pint
I know where there's drink to find!
Let's go buy a pint and chug your mug down
Down to the final drop
You go broke and then you stop
Let's go buy a pint!

42. I Split a Seam

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tangled's "I've Got A Dream")

Sung by Rarity, Vinyl Scratch aka DJ-Pon3 and the rest of the bar customers

Do you ever have one of those moments where you've just gone through all the effort to construct something amazing, only to have the entire thing just sort of fall over and break with just one small touch?

Well, that's what happened to Rarity one day, trying to fulfill an order to Manehatten's most well-known fashion group, Hazy Day.

Thankfully, as she sat in Ponyville's local watering hole, nursing a Tutti-Frutti Sherbet Sugar Punch (not to Pinkie standards, but it sufficed), she discovered that a surprising amount of the customers were there for similar reasons.

It was going to be fabulous
Not boring bleak or drab-ulous
I had finished the most flowing dress in ages
The work was long and arduous
And then it went to Tartarus
It's my greatest fiasco in history pages
It all started when a seam in the dress split
I could have fixed that error in my dream!
But then things turned for the worse
It descended like a curse (Oh WHY?!)
And it all started when
I split a seam...

She split a seam!
She split a seam!
Opal jumped on the desk and pulled the thread clean!
As she sped away right then
The dress tore up in pieces ten!
It caught in her claw because
I split a seam!

You know, I was just chillaxin'
When some ponies showed up askin'
Oh scratch that, they just KICKED DOWN MY FRONT DOOR!
They yelled out, "Get on your knees!
Ev'rypony go and seize
Her illegally purchased sheet music score!
Sir Neon Lights, you, boy, are under arrest!"
I know I'm not as girlish as I seem
But my house had gotten wrecked
He oughta go get his eyes checked!
It was as bad as the time when
You split a seam

She split a seam!
She split a seam!
She split a seam!
She split a seam!
I told 'em Neon lived right across the stream!
I was totally freaked out
Tonight, should have just sneaked out
It was as bad as the time
You split a seam

Lyra thought that she had a fatal illness
Time Turner lost hundreds on the wheel
And a pony did steal
Pipsqueak's Pirate's sailing keel
Raindrop's ill
Berry's broke
Sea Swirl's house filled with artichokes

And barely one of us got our own episode!

Wow, that's awful - oh no, really!
I do mean it, true and dearly
I see I am not alone in my suffering
But we all know this, don't we?
Misery loves company!
So drinks on me, you get your night for nothing!

I split a seam!
She split a seam!
I split a seam!
She split a seam!
But it's nothing compared to where you've all been! (Yeahh!)
To Tartarus with Hazy Day
Never liked her anyway
I don't care about the fact
I split a seam!

You split a seam!
I split a seam!
You split a seam!
I split a seam!
So our diff 'rences ain't really that extreme! (We're one big team...!)
Call it bad luck or coincidence
Hope the bad luck is no precedence
Hope it's nothing like the time
She split a seam!

I split a seam!
You split a seam!
She split a seam!
She split a seam!
She split a seam!
I split a seam!

Hope it's nothing like the time
She split a seam!
Yeahh!

Author's Note

As requested by Awesomo3000

44. Someday My Bits Will Come

(Note: Sung to the tune of Snow White and the 7 Dwarves's "Someday My Prince Will Come")

Sung by Coco Pommel

Working in Manehatten for Suri Polomare isn't easy. The hours are long, the respect's low, and the pay's awful.

Actually, awful doesn't do it justice. The bare minimum wage (VERY bare minimum) is all she gets, and quite often, it arrives late. Ludicrously late.

Some day my bits will come
Some day I'll get my pay
And how thrilling that moment will be
When 30 bits for the day comes to me

I know I should just quit
Find somewhere else for bits
But I can't stay away
I want to make fashion all day
Some day when my cheque comes through

Some day I'll get my wage
Some bits to pay my rent
And I'll know it'll come in eight days
But I can't justify the long days

Some day I'll get a raise
So I'll work through the days
Hope it's no loss
I'll hope for a new boss
Some day when my cheque comes through

Somewhere waiting for me
Is a new boss I'm longing to see
Somepony I just can't help but adore
Somepony who'll pay me a lot more

Someday my bits will come
Someday I will have a sum
But I can't stay away
I want to make fashion all day
Some day when my cheque comes through
Oh please make my cheque come through

Author's Note

In case it's not clear, I'm doing Barbara Streisand's version because there's more lyrics to work with.

46. Don't Like Me

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin's "Friend Like Me")

Sung by Prince Blueblood

Nopony really likes Prince Blueblood, and to his utter confusion, he doesn't really understand why.

Of course if you were to ask anypony who knows him they'd tell you that he's arrogant, racist, greedy, joyless, an upper-class twit and really rather dim.

When told to list one reason for being disliked, the above answer was what was offered to him. To which he replied, "Fine. But can you list a second reason?"

Now I simply do not understand
Why everypony tries to keep away
You'd be the luckiest pony in the land
Just to be with me for one whole day

Yes, I demolished a disco one time
And built a swimming pool right in its place
But it would have been open ten til nine
If you were part of a richer race
Oh I'll say

You common ponies there
Why can't you all just let it be?
I'd hug you, but I might get catch something
Seems that ev'rypony don't like me
No no

I'm not that bad a prince
I'd let you shine my shoes for free
I can get quite chummy with the rich
Seems that ev'rypony don't like me

Yes sir, I pride ourselves on royalty
I'm the boss
The king, the shah

Get what I wish
It's mine! True dish
I'm a prince and so I'm going far!
I won't apologize
Because it's true you see
I'll try to ignore the fact you're poor
Seems that ev'rypony don't like me

I'm really not that bad!
I'm really not that vain!
I have even had
a ride on your train!

It was rather cramped
And the ride was stiff
I shall not started on the lowly commoner food
But apart from that it was a gift!

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
You just look like you never went to school
Are you sure you are quite certified
At a tiny little shack for mules?
Come on, I'm not that bad, am I?
I was only taught to speak the truth
But I won't touch your commoner tools, or try
But I'd try to get along with you, forsooth!

You common ponies there,
If you knew me better you'd see
That I only hate the poor, it's great
Seems that ev'rypony don't, ev'rypony don't
Seems that ev'rypony don't, ev'rypony don't
Seems that ev'rypony don't like me

Seems that ev'rypony don't like me, hah!

Author's Note

As requested by Le_DragonBroneE. Sorry if it's not quite what you were expecting, but this happened and I couldn't let go of the idea.

47. Everypony Has A Rapping Place

(Note: Sung to the tune of Song Of The South's "Everybody Has A Laughing Place")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

"...No. No, I'm pretty sure nopony HAS a rapping place apart from you. Heck, I don't think anypony else even USES rap to learn," protested Rainbow Dash.

"It's a 'rapping place'!" Pinkie replied. "What else will you use it for apart from rap?"

"...But why would you need to set aside a 'place'...?" Rainbow muttered.

Hey, hey, hey, yo, yo, yo
Boy, are you in luck!
I'll teach you 'bout my rapping place
Yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk

Everypony's got a rapping place
A rapping place to go-ho-ho
Swagger up, and go "Wazzup?"
It's healthy, I should know-ho-ho

When I learned how to bake a cake
I kept on making lots of mistakes
I was outta luck
Until I found my rapping place
Yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk

Everybody's got a rapping place
A rapping place to go-ho-ho
My lessons set to punk rock and yet
It helps my memory flow-ho-ho

I turn my lessons to catchy words
Take that frown, turn it upside down
And just rap and make your lessons heard!

Everybody's got a rapping place
A rapping place to go-ho-ho
And in my case, it's in a big space
Hundred feet by four or so-ho-ho

To make your own little 'rapping place'
You'll need music and some space
Don't forget some shades
And you'll have your rapping place
And you'll have it made

Everybody's got a rapping place
A rapping place to go-ho-ho
And don't you forget to sweep it, lest
It turns dusty and slow-ho-ho

Everybody's got a rapping place
A rapping place to go-ho-ho
Take a frown, turn it upside down
And you'll find yours we say-hey-hey

48. Hurling My Wife

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King's "Circle of Life")

Sung by Shining Armor

Many years later, as invading shadows clustered and gathered close around the Coronation Balcony of the Crystal Citadel, Prince Shining Armor's eyes tracked a falling star of bright teal across the poisoned ochre sky, a tiny streak that represented Equestria's final hope for salvation. If somepony could only fly up to it, catch it in her hooves and snatch it away from the ravenous jaws of the spirit of the ancient and deposed unicorn king, then the Crystal Empire – and, by proxy, all of the world – would be preserved. But Cadance was too weak from exertion to execute a proper pegasus takeoff. And even if his own horn had not been neutralized by dark crystal magic, the falling Heart was well out of his telekinetic range. There was, indeed, only one plan left...

Skywriter. (2012). Chapter 1, Martial Bliss

It's a very dark time for our planet
We're all set to lose all our hope
There's more to see than can ever be seen
But now we're at the end of our rope

There's far too much to take in here
Nopony else can find a way
But the Crystal's Heart's high
Falling straight through the sky
Only one thing that can save the day

So I'm hurling my wife
It'll save us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love

So I pick up Cadence
Aim for the target
Then I'm hurling
I'm hurling my wife

Yes, I'm hurling my wife
It'll save us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love

So I pick up Cadence
Aim for the target
Then I'm hurling
I'm hurling my wife

Author's Note

As requested by SoldierForce

49. Much Too Early

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame's "Topsy-Turvey")

Sung by Princesses Twilight Sparkle, Cadence and Luna

He really was only trying to help. Honestly.

Although, stealing a tome of dark magic from a room covered in spikes and kept in a dark cave and guarded with a barred and locked gate to restore Rarity's spirit probably wasn't well thought out on Spike's part.

Twilight Sparkle, Luna and Cadence ended up spending the entirety of the next day rectifying Spike's mistake. And Twilight Sparkle grumbled and grouched all the way through. Seriously, it was way too early for this.

Come one, come all
All the statues and the stools,
All got blinged up, and the tools
Come one, come all
Close the shops and all the schools
Somepony's breaking the rules
Whoever is doing this are...
...Fools! Zzzzz...

Turning all of this gold back into solid stone
Who's the idiot who wouldn't leave dark spells alone?
Discord's enjoying this, but then he's just a clown
You realize it's much too early, yeah?
And Luna's not used to being up at this time
The three of us will have to clean this crime
Turning unnatural beauty back to grime
The fools!

Much too early
Turning gems back into daises
Much too early
Today was meant to be lazy
I could be doing something better
That's the way, this much too early day

Much too early
Feel I should play the princess card now
Much too early
Cos this job's just way too hard now
We were supposed to spend Friday at play
Really shouldn't be complainin'
But my flank, it's such a pain in
Because it's a much too early day

Come on, Cadence
Poke Princess Luna again
She has exhaustion on her brain
Come on, Cadence
I'll clean this cloud of rain
We three have to take the strain
By Tartarus, it's such a...
Pain!

A mariachi band's gotten lost as well
What else is left, I really couldn't tell
Spending all of today cancelling this spell
And Fluttershy's birdhouse is like a castle!
A big fountain of champagne, watch it fizz
Irresponsible use of magic is a hit-and-miss
Cleaning a problem that shouldn't have happened is
A hassle. Why?

Much too early
And Luna's asleep on her hooves
Much too early
Now I think I know what this proves
Don't put forbidden magic on display
Because it's a much too early day

Ev-er-y-po-ny!
Turning all of this gold back into solid stone
We're nearly there!
Who's the idiot who wouldn't leave dark spells alone?
Oh thank Celestia
Discord's enjoying this, but then he's just a clown
Yes, Huzzah!
Working on this much too early day
We've come this far

And it's the day we clean up magic we deplore
Ponyville's incidents? We stopped keeping score...
But now we
have canceled everything,
Now nothing
Else needs emptying

If you don't mind, we're all heading
Back to bed, it's done our heads in
Much...too... Ear...ly...
Much too early, Mad and crazy
Upsy-daisy, much too early day!

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

51. When We're Griffons

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Princess And The Frog's "When We're Human")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Applejack

Fluttershy was assigned to aid a small group of pony-like faeries known as Breezies make their way home with their collected pollen in tow. It was...difficult, putting it mildly.

So in order to help things along, Twilight Sparkle used a spell turning herself and her friends into Breezies so that they could travel together with them and help them along.

It may have been a mistake, because Rainbow Dash soon started asking Twilight if she knew any spell that could make her a griffon. Or a dragon.

It didn't even have to be a dragon that spewed fire!

If I were a griffon right now
I wouldn't trip over my claws
I'd like to see if I'm just as fast
And let out a throaty roar

You've heard of my friend Gilda,
You ever wonder how
She builds up all of that muscle
And that beak, does it make you go "wow"?, Listen...

When I'm a griffon
As I hope to be
I'm gonna fly the coop
'Til I'm totally pooped
And everypony's gonna bow down to me

Now that sounds mighty cool
Ah actually wouldn't mind
Ah'd like to fly all proper like
Without having to find

The slightest wind can shake me
Can blow me left and right
But bigger, ah could fly the coop
Now that seems jus' 'bout right
Eh, Rainbow?

But there is
A small catch to make
Ah'd need to eat
And that's the thing
Don't like the thought of havin' steak

When Ah'm a griffon
Rainbow's gonna be
Ah'd just settle on keepin' tabs on Dash
So that she don't get hurt, ya see

I won't humor your request or
your sense of curiosity
You're still struggling as a Breezy
And now you want to change biology!?

If you're a griffon now
You'd need to act like one
You would both need to get used to meat
Feel your talons rake across the street

Magic is
Not some cheap toy
The Princess said that
And I'll never forget
So don't try it for a cheap ploy

When we're griffons
Or if we're gonna be
I'd be careful, dude!
I would like to fly
It's a real fast track to
Getting banished to the sun!

When we're griffons

53. Witty Or Trite

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Brave Little Toaster's "City Of Light")

Sung by you, um...if that's alright with you...

You know, if the ponies ever found out about this world and our interpretations of them, they'd lose quite a lot of sleep over it, I'm guessing. At least we can reassure them that the names we give them are somewhat affectionate.

Right?

Are you Twilightlicious
Do you have your own cane?
Someone's saying AJ's
A silly pony again.
Rarity's
A marshmallow? Please...

And Fluttershy would make
A perfect little tree?
But how she'd do it
Just makes no sense to me
Rainbow Dash
Must have a cider stash

Princess Celestia's a merciless troll
And everyone's changelings too
Soarin' would swap out pie for his soul
So I hear people say
Sweetie Belle's a bot
Dictionary, or not?
Who derelles on the spot
Is it true?
Is it witty,
So witty
Or trite?

Pinkie's a psycho-in-hiding
Scootaloo's chicken too
Crackle is best dragon
Not that she would care, mind you
Sombra King
Likes stairs, it's his thing

Trixie loves her pinecones
Sunset Shimmer's Gary Oak?
Cadence is a missile;
Spikezilla? Holy smokes!
Is it witty, or trite?

Chrysalis has got Swiss Cheese Legs as I understand
Who gets all the stallions? It's Braeburn!
Smoothie Lyra just don't care, Derpy Hooves is everywhere
Big Macintosh's love for a doll is learned...

But the one with the most names by far
Is Princess Luna, no contest
A gamer, useless, or a good Freddy Kreuger
As we double the fun
She missed anything?
She don't even get to sing
To Abacus, she clings
Is it true?
Is it witty,
So witty
Or trite?

Author's Note

As requested by Dirty Bit

55. The Dragon Code Matters

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King's "Hakuna Matata")

Sung by Spike and Applejack

One day, Spike was left with a lot of free time on his hooves. He tried to pass the time with a ride in a balloon, but something went badly wrong and he wound up in the Everfree Forest.

And at the mercy of timberwolves.

Thankfully, Applejack happened to be there to rescue him, and so Spike owed Applejack a life debt.

Celestia help her...

The Dragon Code matters! There just ain't two ways!
The Dragon Code matters? Sure it ain't just some craze?
I'm bound to serve you for the rest of my days!
It's the way two friends can make amends...?
The Dragon Code Matters

Why, Twilight said it was okay
Twilight said it was okay!?

The Dragon Code says to prove nobility
You should serve your savior. I'm all yours, me!
Ah'm all flattered, but
Ah really don't think
Y'all really owe me a bit or anything

Celestia help me...!
Until you owe me!
What a pain this'll be...!
It's no trouble to me!
I'm down on mah luck
How do you feel?
Well and truly f...

...uh, happy to have ya...Ah guess?

The Dragon Code matters! There just ain't two ways!
The Dragon Code matters? Guess it ain't just some craze...
I'm bound to serve you for the rest of my days!
It's the way two friends can make amends...?
The Dragon Code Matters

Author's Note

As requested by dragonspinner33

57. A Troll New World

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin's "A Whole New World")

Sung by Discord 1 and Discord 2

Discord, the Spirit of Chaos, was known as one of Equestria's most dangerous villains, who has been fought and turned to stone no less than twice, due to his innate desire for mayhem and, well, he's not exactly what you call a kind individual.

Although he recently came round to the idea of friendship, he still likes to test exactly how much he can get away with before he gets stoned again. Because boy, does he get bored really easily.

Also, without the Elements of Harmony (they were recently returned to their place of birth to stabilize the tree from which they were born), nopony's actually physically powerful enough to tell him otherwise anyway.

I can show you the past
With that zebra's potion
Whoops, the events in motion
Were of the day you were conceived. (Ew!)

You think I have blue flu?
Too bad I was just faking
That's your reason for waking:
The attention I received!

A troll new world
A new fantastic game to play
No one to tell me no or where to go
Since I'm stronger anyway

A troll new world
A time of setting tempers high
But whatcha gonna do? I look at you
You're just too small to tell me otherwise!
(Just too small to tell me otherwise!)

Unbelievable sights
I turned the lake to mustard
Whipped cream, chocolate and custard
It's great as topping on pie

A troll new world (Do you want chocolate rain?)
But this just ain't the worst I've done (Or bunnies with legs like stilts?)
But relax, don't you fret! I'm not done yet
Everypony recovered under Sunbutt's sun

A troll new world (Relax, it's only a joke)
With new boundaries I've yet to cross (I could make your garden wilt)
I'll test my limits and
No reprimands
Unless it's Fluttershy, cos she's the boss

A troll new world
A troll new world
That's what I like
That's what I like
Don't like it? Tough!
It's not enough
So take a hike!

Author's Note

As requested by SoldierForce

59. I Wanna Pee Like You

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Jungle Book's "I Wanna Be Like You")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

It is true that you don't actually see that many toilets around. In actual fact, the only public potty in Ponyville as far as anypony is aware of is an outhouse right at Sweet Apple Acres.

Well, at least as far as everypony else knows, there ARE other places, but regarding a delicate subject such as this, nopony is aware of the existence of other toilets other than the outhouse and of course their own.

One thing's for sure though; Pinkie took a shine to outhouses after she and her friends visited Dodge Junction and now wants one too.

Bu-ba-do-do-do-be-do

Now I'm liking that outhouse there,
I'm the potty VIP,
Cause all I've got is a chamber-pot,
And that's what botherin' me.
I wanna sit down on a loo,
And read the paper there,
And be like the Apple Family,
I just know that it ain't fair!

Oh, oobee doo, (Oop-de-we)
I wanna pee like you, (Hop-de-do-be-do-bow)
I want it like you do,
Yeah, through and through! (We-be-de-be-de-boo)
You'll see it's true, (Shoo-be-de-do)
Somepony like me, (Scooby-do-be-do-be)
Can get myself an outhouse too!

Now don't try to kid me, Applejack,
I'll make a deal with you.
I'm in a rush to try and flush,
To make my dream come true!
I want to hole up in a shack,
As I do my biz inside,
What I want's a hut, a door to shut
An outhouse, certified!

Yoo-hoo!
I wanna pee like you!
I wanna go like you!
Know like you, too!
You'll see it's true!
Somepony like me,
Can learn to be,
Like somepony like me,
(Build me an outhouse!)
Can learn to be,
Like somepony like you,
(one more time!)
Yeah, can learn to be,
Like somepony like me!

Author's Note

Inspired by that whole toilets in Equestria thing on Lauren Faust's Twitter.

60. Bothering The Teacher

(Note: Sung to the tune of Peter Pan's "Following The Leader")

Sung by Cheerilee

Every classroom has a problem child in it somewhere as a student. There are almost no exceptions to this rule.

And to be honest, even a pony as patient and as loving as Cheerilee has to draw the line somewhere. Especially since the new kid transferred and she entered the classroom every day to find that he'd written "should go buck herself" right under where she'd written her name in chalk.

Every. Day.

Ho hum, ho hum, a problem student's play
Ho hum, why me, the note under the desk says
"Come kiss my flank", I'm dealing with this all day
Just a tedious one, a tedious one, I say

Ho hum, whoopee cushion lying on my chair
He swapped my coffee for taffy straight from the fair
He's such a pain, he makes me tear out my hair
What a tedious colt, it really just isn't fair!!

He's bothering the teacher, the teacher, the teacher
He's bothering the teacher wherever I may go
Cause even when he's not here, he's not here, he's not here
Cause even when he's not here somepony lets me know...

Ho hum, why me, there's oatmeal in my desk
He's out for fun and he will never stop to rest
The way he rolls is criminal genius-esque
Not to mention his apathy for learning's grotesque

But when he's playing hooky, all hooky, all hooky
But when he's playing hooky, that's when I worry most
A Royal Guard may show up, may show up, may show up
A Royal Guard may show up, and then the kid will boast

Ho hum, why me, he's hanging out in the gym
He hides comics in the books I give to him
He doesn't care, he only acts on a whim
Just a tedious one, a tedious one, it's him

He's bothering the teacher, the teacher, the teacher
He's bothering the teacher wherever I may go
Cause even when he's not here, he's not here, he's not here
Cause even when he's not here somepony lets me know...

Ho hum, ho hum, a problem student's play
Ho hum, why me, the note under the desk says
"Come kiss my flank", I'm dealing with this all day
Just a tedious one, a tedious one, I say
Just a tedious one, a tedious one, I say

61. The Crime Of My Life

(Note: Sung to the tune of A Bug's Life's "The Time Of Your Life")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Breaking into the hospital to read Daring Do required meticulous planning and careful forethought so as not to get caught trespassing.

A true mastermind has two options before them; thoughtful contemplation, or reckless abandon.

After thoughtful contemplation, Rainbow Dash chose reckless abandon.

Is that book, Daring Do, still in there?
Sneaking in, trespassing, who could care?
A new patient's in the room
(Has he got the novel?)
I get caught, it spells my doom
(My crime's quite colossal)
Sneaky sneak, I'll get it soon
(Even if I must grovel)
Hiding out among the gloom

Feathers! The new guy just woke up as well
Feathers! The new guy just woke up as well
He called hospital security
As far as I can tell
(I could be wrong about that)
It’s the crime of my life
It’s the crime of my life
It’s the crime of my life, it's not gone well

Chased by docs, and barking dogs...Hang on, but...
I'm sure that's a pony thinking she's a mutt
I know in order to succeed
(I have to reach the river)
Swing on vines like a noble steed
(It makes me want to shiver)
My wings don't have the strength I need
(To fly off and deliver)
Do or die, I gotta try

I've passed Sugarcube Corner, running pell-mell
And the Carousel Boutique, running pell-mell
Those guys are still hot on my hooves
As far as I can tell
(I could be wrong about that)
It’s the crime of my life, it's not gone well

Isn't it a bit surprising?
I'm just now hitting Golden Oaks
I'm not so good at improvising
My alibi's going up in smoke
Believe me
I'm heading for the dungeon, and that ain't swell
I'm heading for the dungeon, and that ain't swell
And I left the book at the doc's
As far as I can tell
It’s the crime of my life
It’s the crime of my life
It’s the crime of my life, it's not gone well

62. Dangers Like These

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tarzan's "Strangers Like Me")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Twilight Sparkle is like one of those detectives you read about in long-running detective novels; wherever they go, something bad happens.

Parasprites, Discord, magic bears and villains of Equestria...Ponyville is a place where the extraordinary and unbelievable are just part of everyday life.

At least they don't have to deal with traffic.

Whatever you do, I'll do it too
I get roped into incidents somehow
What will it be this week?
A crisis to avert

Day 1, I had to deal with Nightmare Moon
And there was the Ursa Minor so far
Getting rid of a dragon, tasked to me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

And a parasprite swarm worried me
I wanna know about these dangers like these
Don't know what's next to be
Strange frequency of these dangers like these

I had to watch every move Discord makes
Makes me feel like never before
Cutie Pox plague
Just barely averted, and then there's...

...Ooh, these emotions Spike never knew
Rampaging through town hoarding through this place
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
A changeling kingdom plotted

And evil King Sombra worried me
I wanna know about these dangers like these
Don't know what's next to be
Strange frequency of these dangers like these

Pinkie Pie clones consume the towm
Trixie's amulet, beyond my dreams
And a crisis I made myself
Sunset Shimmer
Stole my crown
There's a world I need to know

Tirek shows up and battles me
I wanna know about these dangers like these
Don't know what's next to be
Strange frequency of these dangers like these

...I wanna know

64. Button

(Note: Sung to the tune of Beauty And The Beast's "Gaston")

Sung by Diamond Tiara

Diamond Tiara is the ultimate Daddy's Little Princess mixed with sadist bully. She's known for bullying the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but to be quite honest she'll pick on anypony who doesn't have a cutie mark, like Button Mash.

She's called Button names in the past, deriding his past failures, his relationship with Sweetie Belle, and just basically making fun of his inability to do a lot right apart from gaming.

It would sting a lot less if it wasn't for the fact that she was actually technically right.

Gosh it amuses me to see you, Button
Crashing through life as it comes
It really must stink to be you, Button
Especially when taking your lumps
There's nopony in town who fails like you do
Except on a gaming screen
Everyone else is just glad they ain't you
Just where has your competence been?

No one pains like Button
No one faints like Button
No one sets fire to their toy train like Button
You're accident prone, no denying that!
You're clumsiness incarnate!
And fighting the last boss totally fell flat
I'd wager on outcomes and win all the bets!

No one flees like Button
Trips with ease like Button
No one else gets bad milkshake brain-freeze like Button
As far as colts go, that guy's not got a hope at all!
My what a dolt, that Button!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Button stands out even among the drips!

No one sleep-ers like Button
Cries weepers like Button
On Minecraft, no-one dies to Creepers like Button!
For there's no one as clumsy and nerdy
That colt's great but only in games
He'd get his mane pecked by the birdies.
That's right!
His clumsiness could make him famous in name!

No one cracks like Button
Takes the whacks like Button
Loses contests on apple juice packs like Button
He's not even that hot at Pong either! Ptoooie!
No points for Button!

One morning he got up all ready for school
At this point you'll laugh til you cough
His mother yelled back that the kid was a fool
It's Sunday, he got the day off!

No one's done like Button
Lost to Stun like Button
Then gets grounded in Humgonian like Button!

And somehow he has a thing for mustaches!
Say it again!
Who's a loser? And then
You just say it once more
Who's that lame-o next door?
Lost in video games
A different kind of lame!
Ask anypony who knows what's on
There's just one colt in town
Who's got all of it down...
And his name's B-U-T... U...
B-U-T-T-E...
B-U-T-T-O... ohh, ow...
BUTTON!!!

My what a guy!
BUTTON!

Author's Note

As requested by Seanchow806Napoleonic

65. You Gotta Blend With Me

(Note: Sung to the tune of Toy Story's "You've Got A Friend In Me")

Sung by Sweetie Belle

It's possible to burn juice.

That is what Rarity learned when she came downstairs one morning to find that Sweetie Belle had tried to make breakfast for the two of them. She has since barred Sweetie from cooking for both of them.

Not that you can ever stop a Cutie Mark Crusader once her eyes are on the prize. So she enlisted some help who were just as clueless about cooking and got to work.

You gotta blend with me
You gotta blend with me
In the bin you'll find the bread
I'm practicing breakfast
When I get outta bed
Deep fried pancakes will keep us fed
Girl, you gotta blend with me
Yeah, you gotta blend with me

You gotta blend with me
You gotta blend with me
Put the juice into the grill
And pour the coffee beans
Til the kettle's filled
The butter's twitching and won't keep still
Girl, you gotta blend with me
You gotta blend with me

I'm practicing breakfast until
I can make a Full Equish
Have you an orange slice too? Maybe
I can get juice out if I use a hammer
Think that will do, it's me and you, girl.

I brought pancake mix to life
I'm reaching straight for the knife
In the blender goes eggs and tea
You gotta blend with me
You gotta blend with me
You gotta blend with me

Author's Note

As requested by dragonspinner33

Also still running out of titles. Leave a comment suggesting good ones plz

66. Think Evidence On Parade

(Note: Sung to the tune of Dumbo's "Pink Elephants On Parade")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

One day, the Cakes were intending to enter the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness" (or MMMM), in Equestria's National Dessert Competition. Pinkie watched the cake out of fear of sabotage (until she fell asleep, bless her and her short attention span), and then woke up to find that "the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness! It's been... mutilated!"

The game was ahoof. It was like Arthur Clopan Doyle's books, only with less corpses and more marzipan.

First though, Twilight Sparkle had to actually run Pinkie through the concept of evidence, if only to stop her accusing everyone one by one.

Look out! Look out!
Think evidence on parade...
Gather clues!
Hop to it, hop to it!

They're here, and there
Clues lying 'round ev'rywhere

Look out! Look out!
Can't accuse without the proof
Under the roof
Get to it, get to it

To make the grade
Think evidence on parade

You in the pink? You in the pink?
Don't overlook anything!

First you have to gather clues
Then form conclusions, that's step two
Not accuse ponies as you do
It's really too much for me

Best if we retrace our path
To find the puzzle pieces fast
Then using logic, science and math
We'll both find the culprit behind the crime!
Now it's time!

Get on your way!
Get on your way!
I'm afraid you need aid
Think evidence on parade!

Hey hey hey

Think evidence!
Think evidence!
Think evidence....

Author's Note

As requested by BrownDog77

67. Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

(Note: Sung to the tune of Song Of The South's "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah")

Sung by Derpy Hooves

Equestria Speedy Shipping and Postal Services is the best (well, only, hence best) postal service in town, operating several local branches all over the country.

Derpy Hooves is the most well-known mailmare in Ponyville, largely because she as a pony makes everything memorable...in a way.

Having said that though, she does often get into trouble with the boss due to her wonky eye causing a lot of problems. Like falling parcels of varying size to home-wares to PIANOS. Seriously, who thought that transporting a piano BY HOOF several hundred metres in the air was a good idea, lamented Twilight one day as she lay in a hospital bed.

Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay
Whoopsy, I've got butterhooves today
There's a grand piano falling your way
Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay

Oh please don't sue us for injury
It's the truth
I'm filling in
I normally work on the mail bins
Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay
Hope you have enough
Stamps for today

Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay
Send packages and mail all day
Roughly the right direction or way
Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay

And these anvils are quite heavy
It's the truth
Can you blame me
If they fall a hundred metres or three?
Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay
Work doesn't mix with
Feelings of play

I just don't know what went wrong here!
It's the truth
Just keep in mind
I'm very nearly sorta half blind
Ship-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Ship-A-Dee-Ay
Hope you have enough
Stamps for today

Author's Note

As requested by Le_DragonBroneE

69. A Mare Worth Smiting More

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mulan's "A Girl Worth Fighting For")

Sung by Trixie

"Revenge will be The Great and Powerful Trixie's!"

That was the thought running through her head when Trixie purchased the Alicorn Amulet (which led to a new law stating that evil artifacts have a three-day waiting period). As she trotted to Ponyville, she happily (and somewhat evilly) sang to herself...

For a long time, I've been preparing for battle
Getting by on a rock farm working like cattle
As I hop and step,
My ruined rep ain't easy to ignore
I think of instead,
A mare worth smiting more

That's what I said,
A mare worth smiting more

I want that Twilight Sparkle gone
Shame her like she shamed me
My fans will marvel at my strength
And all the crowd will see
I couldn't care less what I'll do
Like mass hysteria
I want to kick Sparkly's posterior
Post-haste, right now!
Mmm!

The Alicorn Amulet will give me the power
The strength to topple mountains and bring down the towers
You'd be surprised at what a thousand buys
At the local knick-knack store
Why'd I want it?
A mare worth smiting more

I'll throw Sparklebutt out of town
Send her to public shame
Is there a chance that Snarkle will
Beat me at my own game?

Nah!

Come what may, I'll have her gone by tricks or by force
Knock the purple prude off her high-horse

Oh sure I could just hit her if things don't go peachy
The amulet gives me the strength, so don't act preachy
Might makes right means having a bigger stick than before
Twilight Sparkle's
A mare worth smiting more
That pony is
A mare worth smiting more
A mare worth smiting...more

Author's Note

As requested by Le_DragonBroneE

70. Holding my Breath

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tangled's "Mother Knows Best")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Trixie, some years prior, had arrived in Ponyville for a magic show, but soon got upstaged by Twilight after she successfully fended off an Ursa Minor when Trixie couldn't.

Bent on revenge, she saved up enough money making ends meet on a rock farm, and purchased a forbidden object known as the Alicorn Amulet, and went back to Ponyville.

Pinkie said that she was lucky the rock farm even hired her, and in response, Trixie erased her mouth so she couldn't talk...also wiping her nostrils away as well.

Silver lining? Pinkie broke the world record for holding her breath the longest!

For two days I just had to hold my breath in
I couldn't eat cupcakes or even sneeze
Even though my vocal chords were working
Trixie wiped the smile off my face with ease!
That's right! Couldn't belch or yodel, or...

Sing or eat or whistle or blow raspberries
Be swallowed by the black embrace of death
Soon, but not yet
Twilight would win the bet
Holding my breath

Holding my breath
It was rather painful
At least I beat Sweetie Belle
Holding my breath
Really rather strain-ful
If you've tried it you can tell

Two days, four
Hours, eighteen minutes
Thirty six seconds: the time!
Beat her score
Of only six minutes
And didn't even need medical attention!

Meanie Pants
Takes away my nostrils
And my mouth with all the rest
Confrontation
Asphyxiation
Holding my breath

I could have kept on going on for longer
But when Twilight just gave me back my snout
I just wanted to eat and come back stronger
I only realized this right now:

I'm Equestria's breath-holding champion
A record from an awful mess!
My blocked lungs, and
One-pony band
Holding my breath

Holding my breath
Had to use my front legs
To billow air into the brass
And I used my hair
To turn the tuning pegs
To provide important gas

Managed to play
Ten different instruments
Without needing to use my mouth
For two days
I was in a predicament
I am the queen of multitasking!

And that was Season Three's
Fifth great Episode there
All I have is one request...
Don't forget it
You'll regret it
Holding my breath

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123. Seriously though, how did Pinkie BREATHE during that episode?

71. Lather And Suds

(Note: Sung to the tune to Aladdin And The King Of Thieves's "Father And Son")

Sung by Fluttershy

It's Angel Bunny's bath night! And as you would probably expect from any young critter, he absolutely hates it with a burning passion. But, well, sometimes we have to makes folks do what they hate for their own good.

Angel, come out from behind the sofa
Put the pan you're wielding down!
You've been outside getting mucky
Rid your face of that grumpy frown!

Don't make me use The Stare
Just come quietly,
Washing grime off and all the mud
Wash the fur right out
Leave you clean and stout
Together with lather and suds!

Fill the tub right up
And the shampoo cup
Grab the scrubbing brush
Anticipating escapes and a rush
But I've locked the door
Can't escape no more
Til he's totally clean
I'm a lean green washing machine
(I'd use the word mean, but I really don't think
I ever want to be like that...)

I've made sure the temperature's okay
You know that it would be wise
If you didn't struggle and just sit still
Soap wouldn't get in your eyes!

Oh, they way you act
You'd think that I'm out
To steal your soul or blood
But I want nothing more,
Than to wash your fur
Together with lather and suds!

May be a bumpy ride
Must make sure to get both sides
You can't escaped, and I know you've tried
Just keep right still,
I'm almost done!

Now I just rinse off the foam there
There we go! Now you're squeaky clean!
We've been through this hundreds of times
Nothing bad's happened, so it seems!

I'll go fetch the towel
Then you can leave
And I'll just mop up the flood
Bath-time's always a hassle
Together (together, together, together) with lather and suds!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123

79. One Mug Ahead

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin's "One Jump Ahead")

Sung by Applejack, Flim and Flam, the gathering crowd, Rainbow Dash, and Granny Smith

One day, during another Cider Season, two brothers showed up at Sweet Apple Acres with a machine that they claimed would be able to make enough cider for everypony in town, quicker than the Apples could.

To their credit, Flim and Flam's machine, The Super-Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, DID work, but their proposition of a joint venture was anything but fair. The incident eventually escalated when Granny Smith proposed a contest: whoever could make the most cider would leave town.

So of course, in order to stop the Apples from losing the farm, Applejack's friends stepped in to help.

Gotta keep
One mug ahead of the brothers
One apple ahead of the boys
To beat those two and their fancy toy!
"That’s a rodeo!”

One mug ahead of the snake-oil
That's all, and that's no joke
Or the Apples’ gonna find themselves broke

Press on!
Work that
Treadmill!
Big Mac!

Have to keep this up, girls
SSCS! Pump those cups, girl!
Ah can take a hint,
Gotta face the facts:
We’ve gotta step up to the plate!
Wait!

I’m working as fast as my hooves will let me
Without resorting to great bodily harm!
It’s like the Flim-Flam bros are out to get me…
Gotta work to brew,
Gotta brew to win
Tell y’all about it if we keep the farm!

One mug ahead of the slowpokes
One jug ahead of our loss
Like we’re fighting the very last boss

One mug ahead of the low-downs
One drink ahead of the flock
Me and the girls are gonna show we rock

Good ‘un!
Bad ‘un!
Do we
Have ‘em?

Girls, Ah think we’re winning!
My stamina's rather thinning...
Gotta work to brew,
Gotta brew to win
The Apple Family’s doin’ great too!

One mug ahead of the hoofbeats
(Press on!)
One pint ahead of the bin
(Work that!)
One cup ahead of disaster
(Treadmill!)
They're quick, but we're much faster
(Big Mac!)
Here goes: Headin’ for the home stretch
Make it on our own stretch
All Ah gotta do is win!

80. Upon The Oddest Dreams

(Note: Sung to the tune of Sleeping Beauty's "Once Upon A Dream")

Sung by Princess Luna

As Princess of the Night, one of Princess Luna's duties is to gaze into the reams of both foals and ponies alike, keeping their sleep away from nightmares and offering guidance to lost souls in their dreams.

She does this by physically entering the dreams and shaping them as she desires, if she senses fitful sleep and torment.

But of course, not every dream she has entered is a nightmare. Sometimes they're just REALLY surreal.

I’ll tell you
I hath come upon the oddest dreams
I know you
Will laugh as I spin a tale of mares and whipped cream
You see it's true
She dreamed of drowning in frosting green
So I chased away the great creamy spray
I told Mrs. Cake
Her cakes were still great within the dream

In the oddest time
A filly dreams of trouble
And make it double
Princess of the Night
Patrols the realm of dreaming
Forever gleaming
In the oddest time
In the oddest night
In the oddest wish
In the oddest dream

I’ll tell you
About another surreal night
There she was
Skateboarding on Discord’s head straight into the light
I know technically
This vision was more than what it seems
Then she pulled a flip
No flaws and no slip
I don’t think I’ll pry
It’s just Pinkie Pie’s most oddest dream

In the oddest time
A stallion dreams of romance
Yet having no chance
Princess of the Night
Knows dreams are their reality
Keep poised regality
In the oddest time
In the oddest night
In the oddest wish
In the oddest dream

Yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah

Princess of the Night
Patrols the realm of dreaming
Forever gleaming

In the oddest time
In the oddest night
In the oddest wish
In the oddest dream

(In the oddest time)
(In the oddest night)
(In the oddest wish)

In the oddest dream
(Oddest dream)
In the oddest dream
(Oddest dream)
In the oddest dream

Author's Note

As requested by The Princess Rarity.

BTW, this is the Emily Osment version of the song. More lyrics, you see.

81. Mishap Off Sandy Shores

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Nightmare Before Christmas's "Kidnap The Sandy Claws")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Fluttershy was reluctant to release a fish called Gil that she had nursed back to health, and so Twilight and the rest of her friends went to the beach together to try and convince her to let him go.

Then a pirate ship washed up on the shore (as you do), beginning yet another weird adventure for all.

Mishap off sandy shores?
I'll spin a shanty
And some more
It started when Fluttershy
Just wouldn't tell
A lil' fish goodbye
Oh yes, that is why

Wheeee
La, la, la, la, la, la
La-la-la-la-la
La, la, la, la, la, la
La-la-la-la-la

Mishap off sandy shores, misadventure! Ho!
I'll tell you every detail - all you need to know

So we were chillin' on the sand
But then a ship washes up and
It washed Gil straight into the sea
Out of reach of those on land
A pirate captain disembarks
He says he wants to find some mark
At Gallopinghost Islands tides
And Rainbow dragged us for the ride

Mishap off sandy shores, started off so plain
We got roped into swashbuckling then went home again

We stopped first at an old port town,
Hoofbeard explain what will go down
We had to recover a map
That his old crew had stashed
Wheeee!

While Fluttershy recovered Gil
AJ fed him pineapple swill
Hoofbeard admits that if we fail
Pirates Pony's totally doomed

Rest of us went to a bar
Found that's where Hoofbeard's old crew are
They tried to kidnap me
But out of them, I kicked the tar!

Mishap off sandy shores, it gets strange from here
So go get your rum bottles and go lend me an ear

They admit that the map is in a nearby creature's pit
Cos they got sick of chasing the moving "X" that's on it

We get led where they chucked the map
It's guarded by a giant crab

Pinkie Pie distracts it with fun
We grab the map and run!
Ummm!

We meet back on the ship with the map and clue
A message Hoofbeard sent that says "I'll meet up with you"

Our stake in Hoofbeard has just thinned
He then leads us somewhere
With no wind

We're lost!
You see!
I get something, listen now
So we all stage a mutiny
And we intend to head straight back
We make some wind, then suddenly
Out of nowhere we're set upon
We get attacked by merponies
One of which Hoofs has his eye on
And that's what the X means, you see

Mishap off sandy shores, so all is explained
And Fluttershy has realised she can't make the fish stay

Mishap off sandy shores, together at last
The merponies give us a ride and we head home so fast
Mishap off sandy shores, started off so plain
We got roped into swashbuckling then went home again

Author's Note

As requested by Dirty Bit.

Based on the comic book series.

82. Walk About

(Note: Sung to the tune of Dumbo's "Roustabouts")

Sung by Trixie

Why doesn't Trixie trust wheels? Well, only Trixie really knows for sure, but she is prepared to vehemently argue against these round revolutionary contraptions until she's blue (er) in the face.

Down! With! Down! With! Down! With! Wheels!
They think they’re great because they’re round
The way they roll along the ground
Trixie would rather walk about!

Down! With! Down! With! Down! With! Wheels!
The moment when you lose control
Straight to your doom you have to roll
Trixie would rather walk about!

Down! With! Down! With! Down! With! Wheels!
You prop those things along the side
You never know when they may slide away
(Note when Trixie says, they come right off and roll away)
They’re injuries waiting to come
It’s no surprise they make me glum today
(Trixie would not pay, for disaster on the way)

Round disasters
Coming faster
Trixie feels she should make clear (Listen!)
Eighteen hundred
Wheel-based injuries
Every single year!

Sledges are the
Way to go farther
Lay them flat along the floor!
Naught to fall off
Get them all off
Don’t want any more

Down! With! Down! With! Down! With!
Down! With! Down! With! Down! With!
Down! With! Wheels!
If you would pull down to the bone
They’ll exercise your muscle tone
You know you’d rather walk about!

Point being made here,
Wheels ain’t safe here
They’d come off and fall on you!
They’re that risky
Don’t blame Trixie
If they take your leg off too!
Wheels stink! Wheels stink! Wheels stink! Wheels stink!

84. Lie On Lie

(Note: Sung to the tune of A Goofy Movie's "Eye To Eye")

Sung by Discorded Applejack

"When the truth makes your heat ache, sometimes a lie is easier to take."

Those were the words spoken by Discord as he changed Applejack from a mare who values honesty to a chronic liar.

It's probably not a good idea to look for answers from her during this time. Not until Twilight can hit Applejack with a memory spell and bring her back to normal.

Yeah-Yeah!
Yeah-Yeah!

Listen up real closely,
Ah won’t go repeat myself again...
Ah’ll get real homely,
And tell things to turn you on the head.

One in six ponies got abducted by aliens at some point. (Yeah!)
And if you cut a diamond dog in two, out comes coins!

Milk feels pain, clowns melt in the heat
Worms on toast is a savory treat.
Penguins just pretend they cannot fly,
Do Ah look like the sorta mare who’d go put lie on lie?

You ever been out and seen a slug?
They’re snails ‘fore they got stolen from
And did you know that ladybugs
Leave the biggest poops on the lawn?

Ponies wearing scarves are hiding that they don’t have necks. (Yeah!)
Short-sighted folks keep their faces warm with double-specs.
(During the winter weather!)

Rub two red-maned folks together, you can
Start up a fire if that is yer plan.
Applelooza is four by nine feet wide,
Do Ah look like the sorta mare who’d go put lie on lie?

(Yes, Ah wouldn’t put lie on lie.)
Wouldn’t put lie on…
(Ah ain’t the mare who’d go put on...)
Ah wouldn’t go put lie on lie
(Lie on lie)
A lie
Ah wouldn’t put lie on lie.
(Lie on lie)

If you're ever puzzled, then stop!
You don't have to be.
Applejack has all of the answers that you’ll ever need.
(Take a look inside and see.)
Yeaaaaah!

Can openers were made one hundred years
Before the can even made it here!
You can’t touch your face so don’t even try
Do Ah look like the sorta mare who’d go put lie on lie?

Putting on lie on…
Putting on lie on lie.
Ah wouldn’t put lie on lie, baby.
Ah wouldn’t put…
Ah wouldn’t put...
Lie on lie
Ah wouldn’t.
Ah wouldn’t, baby.
Wouldn’t put lie on…
Do Ah look like the sorta mare?
Hey, yeah.
Ah just ain’t, baby.
Ah wouldn’t put lie on lie.
No, Ah ain’t.
(C'mon, baby.)
Lie on lie
Lie on lie
Lie on lie
Lie on lie!
Yeaaaaaaaaah!

85. The Books Of Golden Oaks

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback of Notre Dame's "The Bells Of Notre Dame")

Sung by Spike and Twilight Sparkle

During one of Twilight Sparkle's "Twilight Time" sessions with the other fillies, one of the activities they did was to tell the story of how Nightmare Moon came to be, combining the old legend from the books with Twilight's version of events (as she saw them through the flashback potion from Zecora).

Is everyone sitting comfortably?
Pull up a chair and listen up
And listen to the most famous tale

Gather round kids, and we’ll go spin a tale
To the books of Golden Oaks
This library has stories straight from the vales
In the books of Golden Oaks
This story’s about a dark princess
A princess who’s mind went all broke
And some say it’s the best page-turner
That’s ever been spoke
From books of Golden Oaks

So let us start from the very first page
From this book of Golden Oaks
“Back in Celestia and Luna’s age,”
Says this book of Golden Oaks,
“Celestia managed the daytime
And Luna took care of the night
But to be quite honest
Luna thought her job was a joke,”
Says the book of Golden Oaks.

But it gets worse
Cos everypony took naps right there under the stars
But it gets worse
Yet did all their stuff during daytime. Not up to par…

Let me go get the snacks
Don’t mind me, just carry on the story
Spike, where do you keep the cookies?
Never mind, they’re in the cupboard…
Won’t be long, just keep on going…

“So Princess Luna grew jealous. And dark forces allowed themselves to fill the void in her heart with dark emotions. When Princess Celestia next saw her, she was barely recognizable. She was now…Nightmare Moon.”

“There Nightmare Moon was, sitting on the throne,”
Says this book from Golden Oaks,
“She declared that she would rule all alone,”
Says this book from Golden Oaks
“She lets off a black beam of darkness
So Princess Celestia spoke,
‘I don’t want you to go,
But go Taste the Rainbow and choke!’”
Says the book of Golden Oaks

But it gets worse
She harnessed the power of Harmony to send her to space
But it gets worse
Sealed up in the moon, where she could do no harm to this place

“But it got a whole lot better after that, right?” asked a small filly in the audience, raising her pale-blue hoof.

“Well, of course!” Spike nodded, grinning. “One thousand years later, Twilight Sparkle came to Ponyville and managed to banish the darkness from Princess Luna!”

“Not alone, though,” Twilight pointed out. “I had my friends.”

“So you did,” Spike said. He glanced up at the clock. “Buuut…that’s a story for another time. Think of Twilight’s story as a sequel for next time!”

But the abridged version?
Princess Celestia sent me
To make some friends.
And to tie up some loose ends
Elements of Harmony
Set Luna free

But if you want the unedited yarn
Come to Library Golden Oaks
Or come back tommorow and you will learn?

From the books, books, books, books, books, books, books, books
Books of Golden Oaks!

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

86. My Name Is Lame

(Note: Sung to the tune of James And The Giant Peach's "My Name Is James")

Sung by Derpy Hooves

Seriously though, what sort of name is 'Derpy Hooves' or 'Ditzy Do'?

Derpy may have resigned herself to everypony calling her either name (to a point both her names appear on all of her official documents to save time) but it IS a rather poor choice of a name. Sometimes not even SHE remembers what it actually is.

Maybe she can make 'Ms Mailmare' a thing...

My name is lame
Derpy Hooves, they call me
My name is lame
But its always been...

Sometimes I forget
What exactly is my name
And I'll go inside my head
For one less lame

Either 'Ditzy' or 'Derpy Hooves'
That's what they call me
And it's even on my tax records!
I don't kid you here...

My name don't show up on the boards
They don't know, you see
But they don't listen when I try to tell them
I don't kid you here...

I say lame, lame, lame's my title
There on my certificate
Lame, lame, lame
My name is officially a slur?
Can't get any lazier...

My name is lame, lame, lame

Author's Note

We're fast approaching one hundred chapters! And since I can't let such an occasion go unmarked, why don't you leave a comment saying what YOUR favourite parody/s are, and I'll commemorate them when the time comes?

87. There's Doom For Everyone

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pete's Dragon's "There's Room For Everyone")

Sung by Zecora

This story is a story Zecora tells other young fillies and colts whenever she visits Ponyville on Nightmare Night. It's apparently based on a true story, but who knows whether it actually is...

Below is the unedited version of her tale, with Applebloom's name filled in for the mane character.

There's doom for everyone in that town
In Sunny Town there is doom
Creepy blank flanks in Sunny Town
Sunny Town leads to doom

It starts in the Everfree Forest, Don’t wander or rest
With a filly, so silly
Applebloom follows a mare, then gets lost
Then it sort of gets worse, I fear
It gets really creepy here

There's doom for everyone in that town
In Sunny Town there is doom
A town where those with a mark don’t return
Cutie Marks have no room!

So there was a party, now ain’t that just arty!
That seemed to be frozen in time…

Applebloom found another mare
Lamenting some crime

And then she played ‘fetch quest’ without stopping to rest
She looked and found Roneo’s ring
Then she wandered some more, wondering what for
They lacked cutie marks or anything!

There's doom for everyone in this town
In Sunny Town there is doom
You have a cutie mark, you ain’t coming back
Sunny Town leads to doom

The edge of town, she finds a house, not even a mouse
Lives in there, anywhere.
She then peeks inside the fireplace, finds BONES in that place.
She freaks right out, runs out to town, it’s gone all black and red and brown.

Townsponies turned into undead freaks,
But Mitta hold some at bay.
The filly runs, but then loses her path
But who turns up! I say!

It is the mare Applebloom followed there
Ruby’s ghost leads her out of the trees,

Applebloom reunites with Twilight Sparkle, at last she’s free!
And that’s my horror story. And now who wants candy?

89. Dull And Bland

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tarzan's "Son Of Man")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle, Applejack and Rainbow Dash

With all of the Pinkie Pie clones running rampant all over town, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were at a loss as to how to separate the real Pinkie from her clones.

Twilight had a spell that could banish the clones back to where they came from, but since the spell didn't just work on clones, they ran the risk of banishing the real one by mistake.

It was then that the real Pinkie suggested a test that only the real one could pass. So the three began throwing ideas around for the most un-fun thing they could think of: whoever had the mind to be serious when it mattered was the real one.

Oh, we have to think of dull
And we have to think boring
To sort the real Pinkie from the clones
We could try manual labor;
Sweepin’ streets is pretty lame…
That wouldn’t work, they would ALL
Make the job into a game!

Dull and bland, what should we do?
What’s the dullest thing we’ve got?
It has to be serious too
Dull and bland, to find Pinkie or not

We could go to Applejack’s farm
And make them count the grass
What if they work together?
They might finish that real fast!

Dull and bland, what should we do?
What’s the dullest thing we’ve got?
It has to be serious too
Dull and bland, to find Pinkie or not

We could quiz them on somethin’
But they all share memories
They’d all give the same answers to us three
Oh, how about watching paint dry?
I like it! That’s not bad!
It involves just sitting REALLY still
The fakes would all go mad!

Dull and bland, we’ve got our test!
That’s the dullest thing we’ve got!
We’ll sort the real one from the rest
Dull and bland, to find Pinkie or not
Dull and bland
Dull and bland, we’ll give this thing a shot

Author's Note

As requested by LE_MALEM

91. Bucking That Tree

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "Under The Sea")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Tasked with harvesting apples from the entirety of Sweet Apple Acres until Big Macintosh's back recovered, Applejack went several days without sleep. It eventually got so bad that she didn't even realise what sort of trees she was trying to get apples from.

Twilight had to step in and explain to Applejack that the tree that she was bucking was no more. It had ceased to be. It had expired and had gone to meet its maker. It was a husk bereft of life that had run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

This was an ex-tree.

You’re kicking a load of timber
Fit only for firewood
I know your brother’s back’s not limber
For your sake and own good
Go take a break or get help now
You don’t even notice that
The tree that you’re kicking is dead now
Any second you could fall flat

Bucking that tree
Bucking that tree
Clear in my eyes it’s
Pointless exercises
Take it from me
You haven’t slept for several days
Out in the sun you’ve slaved away
I know you’re horsin’
Around exhaustin’
Bucking that tree

That thing’s a husk lacking life there
It’s past it, its glory days gone
It’s not bearing any fruit, mare
There’s no point kicking that one
What will it take to make you believe?
It’s as dead as dead can get
The first clue is that it’s got no leaves
You’re pointlessly working a sweat
Oh no!

Bucking that tree
Bucking that tree
That plant’s expired
I’m not a liar
It’s ceased to be
It’s joined the choir invisible
Spare you the feeling miserable
Don’t spend durations
Venting frustrations
Bucking that tree
Bucking that tree

You’re losing sleep here
You got to be here
Naturally
You’re just kicking a lifeless husk
You can’t kick the trunk from dawn to dusk
That’s just insane, just
Spare yourself pain of
Bucking that tree!

It’s dead, go to bed!
No more, that’s for sure!
A stiff, don’t say “if”
Just don’t kick anymore
That stump is a dump
It’s died, dunno why
Don’t waste what’s left of your sense!
Of life, it’s bereft
That thing’s given out
I’m sure it’s no more
It’s passed on, no doubt
Don’t add to the warps
Of that wooden corpse!
I speak with no offense

Bucking that tree
Bucking that tree
Down in the bog there
It’s popped its clogs there
That I can see
It’s shuffled off its mortal coil
It’s stopped depending on the soil

Its bucket’s kicked, so quit? I should think so
Bucking that tree
That trunk’s a bust there, stopping’s a must there
Bucking that tree
Pull up a bed and rest up your head, and
Point that I’m making, you’re undertaking
A pointless job now, just quit and stop now
Bucking that tree!

Applejack turned to look at the tree she was fruitlessly trying to harvest fruit from.

"Ah knew that," was the reply.

Author's Note

Nine...

93. Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dee

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pinocchio's "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Rarity was wallowing in...whatever it was ponies are supposed to wallow in. Pity, perhaps? After a bad stunt at a fashion show, she felt her reputation had sunk.

"We can't leave Rarity like this," Applejack remarked.

"She'll become a crazy cat lady!" Pinkie cried.

"She only has ONE cat," Twilight pointed out.

"Give her time..." Pinkie warned.

Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dee
A crazy cat lady
Whether its Manx or Persian or
Tortoiseshell, she may start to hoard!
Pie-Diddle-Dee-Day
She'll steal your cats away!
She'll steal some kittens, and then she'll be
A crazy cat lady!

Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dat
She'll kidnap all your cats!

A crazy cat lady!

Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dee,
A crazy cat lady!
She'll shut herself from society
With naught but her cats for company!
Pie-Diddle-Dee-Doos,
She'll become a recluse!
You know deep inside she will be sad
We all have to stop her going bad
Before all the hairballs drive her mad!
A crazy cat lady!

Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dee.
A crazy cat lady!
She'll tell ponies to get off her turf,
Or cats send them six feet under earth!
Pie-Diddle-Dee-Dap
Any second she'll snap,
She'll go mad stealing cats to be,
A crazy cat lady!

Author's Note

IMPORTANT! We're fast approaching the 100th Chapter! So in order to commemorate such an event PROPERLY, I need to know which song or songs were amongst your favourites to be placed in my little Hall of Fame in my 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon!

Just leave a comment listing your best ones!

Seven...

94. I Thought My Boss Knew

(Note: Sung to the tune of Bolt's "I Thought I Lost You")

Sung by Shining Armor's subordinates

No wonder the Royal Guard lost to the changelings...when messages around the Royal Guard get passed around like a game of Quilinese Whispers, it tends to get lost in translation somewhere down the line...

Nopony listens to sir
Don’t hear a single thing we've said
We take a leave of absence,
We should report straight to the head
Don’t know if he knows or not
But soldiers say “Tell Captain Shining that
I’ve a family reunion
Coming up and I should vamoose, stat!”
Somepony cover me til break
And I told somepony who
Didn’t tell anypony else… The promises we make!

I thought my boss knew (when I was invited to some bubbly)
I thought somepony else passed it on again
Shining Armor thought I was gone
And on and on the days went
But a friend had invited me to drink
And I hoped in my heart he had got my note, my friend
And I got punished, but I thought my boss knew

Lack of communication
Has been a problem in our ranks
But we’re all neck deep in drills
And we got patrols up to our flanks
So we tell Captain second hoof
If we must make good on those promises we made

I thought my boss knew (when I injured myself playing rugby)
I thought somepony else passed it on again
Shining Armor thought I was gone
And on and on the days went
But my spearing leg was totally busted
And I got a note saying that I was on the mend
And I got punished, but I thought my boss knew

I once ran late to practice cos I went to see a movie with my cuz
And I once missed a practice drill, I had to fix my windowsill
Now here we are, are
Here we are
I thought my boss knew
I thought my boss knew , too
I thought my boss knew
I thought my boss knew

Yeah
I thought my boss knew (when I had a date with my sweet hubby)
I thought somepony else passed it on again
Shining Armor thought I was gone
And on and on the days went
But my wife don’t take no for an answer
And I had several other engagements to attend
And I got punished, but I thought my boss knew

But I thought my boss knew
I thought my boss knew, too
I thought it got through, got through
I thought it got through, yeah yeah
I thought my boss knew
I thought my boss knew, too

Author's Note

IMPORTANT! We're fast approaching the 100th Chapter! So in order to commemorate such an event PROPERLY, I need to know which song or songs were amongst your favourites to be placed in my little Hall of Fame in my 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon!

Just leave a comment listing your best ones!

Six...

97. Are You Skipping Town

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin And The King Of Thieves's "Are You In Or Out")

Sung by the crowd at Sweet Apple Acres and Twilight Sparkle

It was over. The Flim Flam Brothers had won the contest with the Apple family, and the farm was theirs. They now had the monopoly over cider.

Rather fortunately, although the contest was to see who could make the most batches of cider in time, the Flim Flam Brothers neglected quality control at the last minute to speed things up, and found nopony would even buy their cider.

And so, the brothers were unceremoniously chased off the farm by the townponies, who were always quick to change their minds…a fact Twilight Sparkle did not miss.

We remember a time
Of cider sublime,
There was plenty of drink in the air.
You think we’re so stupid,
We’d drink all your putrid
Cider and not seem to care?
I mean sure, yeah, we’re fickle
On the slightest tickle,
We bet on who’s the winning horse,
So take your device,
And get lost, be nice,
We back Sweet Apple Acres, of course!

Are you skipping town?
We don’t like what just went down!
If we want a drink we should rather think
Support local business so they don’t sink!
Are you gon’ get lost?
Your stuff just ain’t worth the cost!
We don’t like your kind here, your cider’s too brown!
GTBO, please.
Are you skipping town?

Are you lot all joking?
I’m this close to choking;
You nearly sold out my best friend!
Applejack’s family
Could have lost it all, see;
Her livelihood could have come to an end!
But the fact is, it didn’t.
Oh sure we were smitten,
But now we know better, so there!
…Your indifference scares me,
Can’t expect you mares t’ be
Sensible or seem to care…

Are you skipping town?
Your cider makes us all frown!
You brothers just stink, we won’t buy your drink
You’ll be gone before you can even blink
Are you all insane!?
We have worked down to the pain!
You were totally cool
Losing Applejack’s rule
Makes no sense to me!
Are you skipping town?

We don’t want your kind anymore here,
We shoulda known classic is best
Silver lining is that the score here
You both made enough cider in the test
Drink up, everypony!
Down the rest!

Are you skipping down?
Get lost, you untruthful young clowns (Yay!)
And don’t come back here,
Selling tonic, or we’re
Not gonna forget you failed to endear!
Somehow I doubt that…
Your memories’ like a holey hat!
You can lose it all, or get the heck out now
What's it gonna be?
Consider carefully.
Are you skipping town?

Author's Note

As requested by ShadowLDrago. Stupid mob mentality...

Three...

98. Ready All Your Betting Sums

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas's "Steady As The Beating Drum")

Sung by Spike

It's the Running of the Leaves competition! Of course, the highlight of the event is Rainbow Dash vs. Applejack, who are competing to see who's the better athlete. How many bits are YOU willing to gamble on in favour of one or the other?

Also, try not to listen to that one brown Earth Pony with an hourglass cutie mark who claims to know how it ends. "Spoilers!"

Roll up, roll up, come and place your bets
Step right up and place your bets

Roll up, roll up, come and place your bets
Step right up and place your bets

Ready all your betting sums
Applejack or Rainbow Dash?
Don't miss out on all the fun;
Two great rivals soon to clash!

Twenty bits on Flying Ace
Thirty more on Country Gal...
Who's the fave to win the race?
It's all down to two great pals!

Things just went out of control
Rivalry gone way too far
Upside's that I'm on a roll
Raking bits in by the jar

Runners coming, here they come
Ready all your betting sums
Mood's electric, roll the drums,
(Roll up, roll up, come and place your bets)
Ready all your betting sums

Roll up, roll up, come and place your bets
Step right up and place your bets

Author's Note

As requested by keam.

Two...

99. Appalled By This Together

(Note: Sung to the tune of High School Musical's "We're All In This Together")

Sung by Daisy, Rose, and Lilly Valley

They overreact to EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Over one measly stranger, or pest problem, or potentially fatal disease epidemic. I mean, who panics about THAT nowadays?

The horror, the horror, the horror! Everyone
The horror, the horror! Let’s panic cos we’re done!
Together, we’re there for wrong reasons every time
Together, together, it’s horrible, that’s right!

Everypony, get to panic stations
We finally figured it out (yeah yeah)
We realize the ramifications
That's what it’s all about (yeah yeah)

Everypony remember Zecora
Sure, it was a false alarm (it was a false alarm)
But all the same
She could have been here for ya
What if she was out there to harm?

Appalled by this together
Oh, we know
That we should
Panic good
And we see that
Appalled by this together
Our advice?
Run away!
Or you’ll pay!
Or you’ll get what’s yours!

The horror, the horror, the horror! Everyone
The horror, the horror! Let’s panic cos we’re done!
Together, we’re there for wrong reasons every time
Together, together, it’s horrible, that’s right!

Do you all
Remember all the rabbits?
They stampeded straight through town (YEAH YEAH!)
Losing our heads became a habit
Come on! Scream and shout
We fall apart cos we're stuck together
In a mess, one and all

Appalled by this together
Oh, we know
That we should
Panic good
And we see that
Appalled by this together
Our advice?
Run away!
Or you’ll pay!
Or you’ll get what’s yours!

Appalled by this together
It’s been mad
Ever since
Our new princ-
ess came to town
Appalled by this together
What to do?
Lose your cool,
Like a fool
And we fall down

Oh sure, you may say
Why is Panic Stations still Plan A?
Well then, to stop fear,
You got a better idea?
That’s why we all say:
Hope the problem goes away
Barricade the front door
But wait! There’s more;
Lock the window too!

Appalled by this together
Oh, we know
That we should
Panic good
And we see that
Appalled by this together
Our advice?
Run away!
Or you’ll pay!
Or you’ll get what’s yours!

Appalled by this together
It’s been mad
Ever since
Our new princ-
ess came to town
Appalled by this together
What to do?
Lose your cool,
Like a fool
And we fall down

That’s why we all say:
Hope the problem goes away
Barricade the front door
Don’t go out anymore
Lock the window too!

Author's Note

One...

The 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon! With Applejack

Hello, and welcome to the My Little Disney: Music is Magic 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon. I'm here to count down the ten most well-loved chapters of this insane little project as judged by my readers, with some input of my own.

I'm also delighted to announce that joining me in my attic by my computer side is Applejack. Hello there.

The farmpony looked nervous. "Hi." She then looked around the attic. "It's...rather cramped here."

Yeah, sorry, it is rather cramped, isn't it? But I appreciate you coming along, nonetheless. I'll even let you have my swivel chair.

"Ya didn't INVITE me," Applejack sighed. "Ya used that strange monkey thang to whisk me to your attic."

Ah yes, I should explain to our readers is that Applejack joins us from Ponyville today with the aid of a dimension hopping monkey I bought at Safeway, and she has generously agreed to host the event with me...as long as I return her home as soon as I'm done. And jut to preserve future canon, she'll have absolutely no memory of ever being here.

"What Ah don't get is why it's lil' ol' me ya picked to co-host this thang," Applejack said.

Because you're best pony.

"Am Ah?" Applejack blushed.

Yes. NOW THEN. I think we should get started on this countdown, don't you?

But before I could get started, Applejack raised her hoof. "Uh...what exactly am Ah supposed to do, again?"

Just ask me questions as I comment, and maybe insert a few observations of your own. Conversation 101.

"Oh. Okay."

It's time to count down the top ten Pony Parodies!

"YEE-HAW!"

Now you're getting into it!

10. Chapter 19: We've Got No Things
I found this one surprising. When I first uploaded it, it barely got any comments until recently. But who am I to argue?

"It's about Rarity after gettin' marenapped by nose low-down Diamond Dogs, right?" Applejack said. "Ah wasn't there for it, Mah friends and Ah only got to take her away. They were beggin' us to get Rarity away from 'em...was it that bad?"

If you like, I could show you what it looked AND sounded like on a DVD I have at home!

"DVD?"

Never mind.

"...Also, no thanks."

Figures. But regardless, I enjoyed writing this one. Partially because I have more of a fondness for the older songs (although I'll do almost any movie), but also because I just found Rarity so fascinating in that episode. It was the episode that revealed that she knew about her inner-spoiled brat, and also knew how to weapon-ize it.

Also, I have to ask. Applejack: Pinkie on Motor Mouth Mode, or Rarity whining?

"Whining. At least THAT sounds like it would eventually stop."

9. Cabbages
Any scenario that appeared in a canon episode are my preferred scenarios to write about. When I'm forced to resort to non-canon situations, I sometimes feel like the punny titles are a bit forced.

"Well, this one made it on the list, so it's gotta be better than ya think it is," Applejack pointed out. She then craned over my neck, and read the lyrics. "Wait a second...what the heck is this!?"

Oh boy, this is awkward...well, this was the closest rhyme I've got to 'Savages', you were the only pony I knew who had anything to do with growing stuff as far as canon goes, and I had a request to fulfil, okay?

"Yeah, but...really? How do ya even know Braeburn and them buffalos would even...?"

Now you know the evils of a dry imagination. At least it was overblown, like I want a lot of my song's situations to be.

"Ah'm glad that Ah won't remember any of this when Ah get back," Applejack grumbled. She brought her Stetson hat over her eyes, and sighed. "Yer readers have weird tastes."

...Should I mention that I only picked this one because of the amount of comments it got, not because it was a favourite of mine...?

8. Chapter 5: Prince Blueblood
Ah, an old work of mine...

"Old? It's only 2 months old!" protested Applejack.

Let's not get wrapped up in technicalities here. It's only the 5th Chapter, and as author, I declare it old.

"...Okay...?" Applejack shook her head. "So why's it here? This song?"

Well, readers didn't comment on this until recently, like the Chapter 18, so I can only assume it was by the power of re-read. That and I hadn't had a dedicated reader-base yet. But I know that both they and I liked it; I wanted to see how much of a jerk I could make Prince Blueblood. Another fanfic (which even has its own TV Tropes page, incidentally) prompted the idea. It seemed obvious.

"Is that okay?" Applejack asked. "Rarity didn't talk that highly of him, but maybe he was only rude? Ah mean, who's to say...?"

Don't you remember that canonically, he insulted your food in front of both you AND Rarity at the Grand Galloping Gala?

"So he did. The low-down snake!" she growled.

7. Chapter 60: Bothering The Teacher
Again, my preference towards classics lead me to do this parody. I haven't been able to mess around with Peter Pan songs as often as I would like, partially because I can't think of good titles, but also because I felt that some weren't long enough to justify a chapter.

"Ah'm readin' this, and Ah feel mighty sorry for Miss Cheerilee," Applejack was looking at the laptop on my desk, reading through the song. "Even Applebloom was just a mischief maker rather than a nuisance on purpose."

Well, at least it's not yet canon. Take comfort in that.

"...Yet?" Applejack looked nervous.

A problem student sounds like an excellent plot for an episode to me! Don't you think?

"...Don't ya dare jinx it."

Well, now I've said it, it probably won't happen. Pity.

6. Chapter 91: Bucking That Tree
"Ah, right," Applejack said, squirming uncomfortably. "That wasn't one of mah better moments, Ah'll admit..."

Well, I got a song out of it. Your loss is my gain.

The remark earned me a swift buck to my side. "Yer a jerk."

Well (excuse me as I rub my bruise here), to be honest, I came up with the idea before the title, unusually for my chapters. It was a trivial scenario I thought of round about the time I hit the 49th Chapter. I couldn't think of a good song for it until the request for Under The Sea came in.

"And you leapt on it because tree rhymes with sea," Applejack said flatly.

Yup. And it gave me the opportunity to exercise my references, because, well, who doesn't love Monty Python?

"Ah don't, Ah've never heard of him," Applejack raised her hoof.

And apparently neither did the folks commenting, they all kept imagining Twilight with a Jamaican accent...Well, at least it was somewhat well received for those who do know, right? Lesson here is to only work to the standard that won't get you completely screwed over.

"But...that's not how yer meant to work at all!" Applejack hotly protested. "Yer meant to work as hard as ya can not just for yerself, but for others!"

...I'm pretty sure I'll have that misconception dispelled as soon as I find paid work. At least Applejack appreciates what she does because she's her own boss.

5. Chapter 11: Drama You Can Bring
My only regret was that by the time I came up with this one, somepony else requested a Pocahontas song, so I had to delay their request for a bit until I felt there was enough distance between it and my idea.

"...A song about Rarity's faintin' couch?" Applejack looked at the computer screen. "What?"

It sounded funny in my head and I had to put it down on the fic before it disappeared from memory. I was at the train station (again) and I literally thought of the word 'faint', and...

"Do ya always think of funny words when out in public?" Appejack brought a hoof to her face. "Ya sound like Pinkie."

Well, there is a fine line between genius and absolutely crazy. Maybe Pinkie and I are in fact secretly geniuses?

Applejack took one look at me, paused, and finally, she said, "Mmm...nah."

HEY!

4. Chapter 56: Kick The Girl
"What exactly was THAT all about?" Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Oh yeah, you didn't appear in that episode, so you don't know. Well, there was an assertiveness seminar being held in the middle of town by a minotaur called Iron Will. Fluttershy attended, took his lessons to heart, and started to act like a colossal jerk to everypony. Including Pinkie Pie and Rarity.

"Fluttershy? Really? She's the sweetest gal ya ever saw!" Applejack protested.

Oh, it's true. She tossed a pony over her head because she was in the way. Heck, remember the time she caught RAINBOW DASH while towing a hot air balloon carrying four other ponies and a baby dragon? Seriously, take away her timid side and Fluttershy is like even stronger than anypony in all of existence.

"...Even Twilight?" Applejack raised an eyebrow.

ESPECIALLY TWILIGHT.

There was a tense pause, before Applejack finally cleared her throat. "So this one's here because people liked the plot of the song?"

Apparently. It also helped that Iron Will's lessons were in rhyme, which made it easy to write. Another request fulfilled easy!

"Lazy bum," Applejack remarked.

3. Chapter 35: The Wonderful Thing About Fingers
I didn't even have to resort to a rhyming dictionary online for this one. I instantly thought "fingers" and that was the end of it as far as I was concerned. It seems to be popular because it seems to fit perfectly with Lyra's character, and it's also easy how to imagine she would sing the song, if the comments on it are anything to go by.

"That explains how ya barely changed a lot of the lines to it," Applejack remarked. "And this seems a little...loose. Ah thought ya preferred canon events to write about?"

I do, but fanon interpretations are fine. Partially because their fan perceptions are almost certainly never going to be expanded on, but the writers for both the comics and the animated series seem to acknowledge them in-universe with some sort of in-joke.

"Personally, Ah'm just waitin' for the time it turns out she has no clue what humans are."

On the day that happens, many bronies will lose their reason to live. And they'd have to revise all their Lyra fics, which would be a pain.

2. Chapter 48: Hurling My Wife
I wanted to do this parody for some time, but I really put off doing it since I already had a lot of requests from commenters to deal with and I couldn't find the time.

"Not going to mention how ya didn't even think of starting on rhyming words for 'life' rather than 'circle', Brody boy?" Applejack smirked.

...Shut up. But unfortunately, it's true. I didn't even think of doing that until I was at my local train station (funny how a lot of my ideas come at the train station), trying to think of which request to respond to as I was heading to town. (At this point, the request for a Circle Of Life parody had come and I was sort of obliged to start on one.) I thought of the word "wife", and immediately had the title as soon as it happened. After that, I confirmed that 'hurling' could be used in the context I was looking for, and I typed up the title as soon as I got home.

"And it's ranked this high because...it's a Circle of Life parody?" Applejack asked. "That's it?"

Well that, and it's so...trivial! I love writing about something that happened once, and is pretty much never mentioned again as I said earlier, or a throwaway line worthy of a meme.

"Meme?"

...If only Equestria had the internet. Actually wait, no, that would be bad.

"It would be, there's people like you on there," Applejack said dryly.

Shut up.

1. Chapter 17: Super Cutie Mark Crusader Experts On Explosions
I had a feeling that this would definitely make it here, on this spot. This song was my most well-received one whenever a new reader realised this fic actually existed and gives it a read.
I got the idea for this literally when I was working at the local charity shop. (Yeah, it's pretty lax on the whole 'keep thyself busy policy'.) I just thought of the word 'explosion' and I immediately thought of the only ponies I know in canon who could feasibly be associated with enormous booms. I couldn't stop grinning at the conceived name, and when I got back home, I immediately started writing it up; the only time I have ever worked on lyrics as soon as I think of a title.

Applejack shuddered. "Heavens ta Betsy, those three. Ah swear Ah should have done keeled over in shock over all the property damage those three caused."

It IS rather shocking, isn't it? But it made for great TV, and a song, so it's all good.

"Ya wouldn't say that if ya had to pay for all of it," Applejack grumbled.

And as long as I keep my dimension hopping monkey under control, I shall never have to.

-

We've made it to the end! But of course, it's not over. There's still tons of songs, heck, even MOVIES, from Disney I haven't even started on...

"Oh horseapples..." sighed Applejack.

Hey, just be grateful that you won't remember how any of this relates to me. Now then...I should thank all my readers, who stuck around with my insane little project, dropping likes and suggestions for songs; without you, I wouldn't have been able to even DO one hundred chapters! And of course, Applejack, for not attempting to murder me when my dimension hopping monkey whisked her away from Sweet Apple Acres, and hosting this chapter with me.

"Not too late for that though..." Applejack threatened, scraping one of her back legs behind.

Urk...okay, hold onto the monkey. I'll wrap this up myself.

"Thank Celestia..." Applejack sighed. "If Ah wind up anywhere that ain't home, Ah'll kick yer scrawny backside...!"

I don't doubt it. It looks like she's gone...Now then...dust off the microphone...hey, it's the 100th chapter. Even THAT has to have a song, you know.

...Try to imagine my voice being better than it actually is. Thank Celestia for text. With thanks to all my readers, here goes.

When You Faved Me

(Note: Sung to the tune of Toy Story 2's "When She Loved Me")

Sung by Brony_of_Brody

When I wrote this story
Technically an exercise
Every hour I spent just writing
Lives within my heart
I wanted a comment
Motivate me to write more
And when they were happy so was I
When you faved me

Through the hundred chapters wrote
Some were good, some got down-votes,
At least the reception was good
Like it was meant to be
And I got subscribers
Someone there to read my junk
And I knew that you faved me

So the days went by
I stayed the same
I wrote about what came my way
No matter how droll
Still I waited for the day
When I get at least a thousand views

Lonely and forgotten
Yes, but until that day arrives
I'll write songs about insanity
Just like I always do
Since you faved me
When you faved me

When I wrote this story
It was just a project piece
Every time regulars came back
Lives within my heart
When you faved me

Author's Note

Off the top of my head, thanks to keam, Awesomo3000, Revenant Wings, The Princess Rarity, BrownDog77, sieurin, ShadowLDrago, SeanChow806Napoleonic, Ugly-Duckling123, HB_DS2013, Dirty Bit, SoldierForce, Le_DragonBroneE, dragonspinner33, Spirit Guide, iamthesoulfinder, and Blue Sparkle 227 for regular input and suggestions for my strange little fanfic. For you guys, I'll soldier on and write!

Stay tuned as we return to your regularly scheduled parodies next chapter!

103. And Twice They Did Explode

(Note: Sung to the tune of A Goofy Movie's "Upon The Open Road")

Sung by Spike

Of course harnessing love to power mundane household objects could only end badly.

Top leading Canterlot scientists had found to their cost that the magic of love was so powerful, that it could potentially cause even a basic teleporting spell to take them to an alternate dimension, or a kettle to possess enough energy to level an entire castle in one explosion.

Eventually it got to a point where it just went out of control and ponies were actively expressing love to power everything, resulting in a lot of property damage and singed manes for all involved. To curb this, residents of Equestria are being advised to at least give nearby ponies the cold shoulder every once in a while.

Oh, and Rainbow Dash was put in a dungeon for fear of what the effects would have on her.

Do ya need to learn about what happened?
Did ya hear how they used love by loads?
Listen up to this cautionary tale
You could spare yourself all the anguished wails
And learn how ‘bout twice, they did explode!
C'mon, listen! Uh-huh!

It starts when Cadence and Shining Armor
Used love to blow Chryssy to the road
And a scientist got this bright idea
He breaks out his kit and his science gear
Not knowing that twice he will explode!

He claims that love is so strong
Why not use it some way
To power conveniences of life?
He never thinks it’s so wrong,
Oh, he will rue the day
Magic out of context just brings strife

So ponies start adding love to everything
Like construction work and lifting load
And it isn’t long before it goes
Horribly wrong, keep on your toes
In some cases, twice they did explode

One pony tried to move a cupcake,
But love turned it into a huge toad!
It towered five hundred feet high,
It could breathe fire and even fly
Right before twice it did explode!

One Pegasus can make a big tornado (Yeah!)
It caused a destructive episode (Very odd!)
But hey, at least it blew away
The cupcake toad right out the fray
In the sky, yes, twice it did explode!

Some of you want some context,
How CAN you blow up twice?
Well, first you explode in the normal way… (Magic!)
You absorb magic, and next
Your body pops, not nice;
The cells inside your body boom wa-hay!

And so the lesson that is to be learnt here
Magic A ain’t Magic B, that’s the code!
Don’t use a big destructive force
For working mundane tasks, of course
It ended badly, see
For everypony
And that includes that geek
Twice he did explode!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

104. Perfect Dragon

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Emperor's New Groove's "Perfect World")

Sung by you...um...if that's alright with you...

Crackle is best dragon. That is all that needs to be said, I think.

I mean, look at her vacant expression and her inability to form coherent sentences, and her strange body shape. She's not perfect, and that's okay!

There are dragons and alicorns
OC ponies who are met with scorn
There are one-scene wonders that stay in the mind…
There are heroes and there’s villains
And background ponies, they’re just chillin’
Bronies give them names and natures so refined

But there’s someone who just rules
No one has ever been this cool
In about four years of this craze of pony!
She appeared in just one episode -
But these guys all seem to lover her loads
The quintessence of derpiness that is she

She's the sovereign queen of the blank look
She's the best dragon in all the books
She's the reason any dragon costume works!
See, if the disguise is terrible
Look at her and you’re less vulnerable
Being imperfect definitely has its perks!

What's her name?
Crackle
That's her name
Crackle
She's the world’s best dragon
Crackle
Is she hip or what?
Crackle
Yeah!

She's the great reptilian dark-horse
Despite not being mammalian, of course
She's the alpha, the omega, A to Z
And as long as the fandom lives
All attention they will give
To the one-scene wonders, our thanks to you from me!

What's her name?
Crackle
That's her name
Crackle
Is she hip or what?
Crackle
Don't you know she's the world’s best dragon?
Crackle
Oh yeah!
Ow!

105. Whistle While You Lurk

(Note: Sung to the tune of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves's "Whistle While You Work")

Sung by Scootaloo

Hiding in Applebloom’s closet…admittedly, without context, it does sound rather unusual…but Scootaloo having to lie in a huge pile of Applebloom’s ribbons in her own house was part of a plan to pretend to be Applebloom so that the real Applebloom could make a delivery to prove she could be independent.

Actually, that STILL doesn’t make too much sense.

Thing is, having to spend hours and hours in a small furniture piece is rather dull. So, how to pass the time?

Just whistle while I lurk (Doodoodoo-doo-doo-doo-doo)
I’m hiding out in AB’s house pretending I’m not here
So hum a merry tune (Hmhmhm-hm-hm-hm-hm)
The lack of thrill gives time to kill as boredom draws on near

I’ve counted all her bows,
‘Bout three-six-five or so
Didn’t know Applebloom had here
One for every day of the year

So whistle while I lurk (Doodoodoo-doo-doo-doo-doo)
Or else I’ll bust collecting dust so whistle while I lurk

Just whistle while I lurk (Doodoodoo-doo-doo-doo-doo)
I can just tell that Sweetie Belle is less bored than I am
So hum a merry tune (Hmhmhm-hm-hm-hm-hm)
She gets the bed to rest her head and I get body cramp

And there's not much to do
I also need the loo…
But I can’t leave the closet or
The game is up just like before!

So whistle while I lurk (Doodoodoo-doo-doo-doo-doo)
‘Til Applebloom comes back too soon I’ll whistle while I lurk

106. Secret Writing Libel

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mr Toad's Wild Ride's "Secret of Survival")

Sung by Diamond Tiara and Applebloom

When Diamond Tiara became editor for the school newspaper, the Foal Free Press...in hindsight, perhaps it was a bad time for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to try their hoof at a journalism cutie mark.

Diamond Tiara wanted nothing to do with the namby-pamby stories (despite protests Namby-Pamby was a pretty good editor) and so the CMC became the anonymous Gabby Gums and found a rather compromising scoop featuring Snips and Snails. The paper for the day sold like hotcakes.

Putting it nicely, Diamond asked: Would they do it again?

Gabby Gums is hot as fire!
Get more scoops or face my ire!
You’re a secret writing libel in a journalistic world
Make up stories on the fly!
I don’t care if you must lie!
You’re a secret writing libel in a journalistic world
You’re a secret writing libel in a journalistic world

Ah’m havin’ second thoughts, as well…
Don’t care, I’ve got papers to sell;
More papers than you could ever dream of!

If you’re not caught, then you’re okay
Go ahead, make my day!
Write about DJ-Pon3’s fillyhood accordion!
Or ‘bout Lyra’s strange desire to walk upright and just run!

Every creature writing libel has to tread real carefully…
Public scorn is rife; guard with your life your true identity!
Out my office! Quick, be off! Is
It too much to ask that you blank-flanks not be here?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Gabby Gums is hot as fire!
Get more scoops or face my ire!
You’re a secret writing libel in a journalistic world
Make up stories on the fly!
I don’t care if you must lie!
You’re a secret writing libel
You’re a secret writing libel
You’re a secret writing libel in a journalistic world

109. Yes, My Plot Is...

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Emperor's New School's "Yzmopolis")

Sung by Rarity and Discord

Flank. Butt. Plot. Whatever you call it, there's a pony who has an opinion on it. And nopony is more concerned about looks in Ponyville than Rarity.

Rarity recently became concerned she may have put on weight, and has become rather conscious about the size of her flanks.

Discord thought it was hilarious.

First there was the ice-cream,
Then the cookie dough,
Comfort food has made my
Flank size grow and grow...

Yes, my plot is growing atop all this!
My flank’s getting bit too wide
Yes, my plot is growing atop all this!
I don’t like big butts and I cannot lie
My behind grew in size though if you ask my friends,
I’m sure that they’d be polite,
But I know it’s the end!

"You know, it has gone to my thighs, so what in Equestria will it do to the rest of me...?"
Yes, my plot is growing atop all this!
The region that grew large
Yes, my plot is growing atop all this!
‘Bout the size of a barge,
B-U-T-T! What does that spell? It’s butt!

Yes, my plot is growing atop all this!
I’ll get all sorts of looks…
It's glorious
Victorious
I always laugh uproarious
'Cause Rarity’s euphorious
I ought to hit the books…

They’ll say “Girl got flank”,
They see that my booty’s like a tank,
All that food went to my thighs,
But I guess in hindsight
Least it didn’t make me fat,
THAT would be the end of that
Exercise, it doesn’t help
It rounds the butt that I was dealt
Discord finds it funny that my backside’s so big…

Yes, that plot is quite on top of this!
I think it looks fine from here;
But that won’t stop me teasing her
Come on, is that so wrong here?

"Oh, what if I end up losing my youthful metabolism!? I mean, it’s all well and good, I think I managed to avoid the worst, I’ve only come away with a flank I think is MUCH too big, but one day, very soon..."
Yes, that plot is a bumper crop, it is!
I knew it! It’s too big!
Yes, my plot is much too wide for this!
What do you think?
Stop taking digs!

I think next time I’m in a slump,
I’ll anguish myself thin.
The angsty diet, I have tried it
I’m good at that, it’s win-win!
(Ha ha ha ha ha!)

First there was the ice-cream,
Then the cookie dough,
Comfort food has made my
Flank size grow and grow...
What my plot is!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

I regret nothing.

110. Totally Hurled (Guest Submission by Le_DragonBroneE)

110. Totally Hurled (Guest Submission by Le_DragonBroneE)

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pair of Kings's "Top of the World")

Sung by Chrysalis

She was so close, Chrysalis. She almost took over Canterlot and had defeated Celestia. But then her student, Twilight Sparkle, came and ruined Chrysalis's supposed-to-be-perfect day. Even though she had gotten rid of Celestia (she was surprised that Luna hadn't shown up anywhere to get revenge, or something), and was about to take the throne, Shining Armor and Cadence literally use the power of their love to each other to blast away all changelings, including Chrysalis herself, out of Canterlot to Faust-knows-where.

Don’t bring it on

Totally hurled
We’re getting totally hurled
We’re getting totally hurled
We're getting to-to-totally hurled

We got defeated so ponies come put their hoofs up

Totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled

Me & my hive, yea, we got pwned all over

Totally hurled
We're getting to-to-totally hurled

I hate Cadence, yo
Shining Armor, Al-so
Yea, We're so sick of ‘em, yea
Say, we're so sick of em, yea

We hate the princess’s rule,
Easy to believe and it's true
Yeah, were so sick of it
Say, we're so sick of it,

Almost had the throne, now the bride is mad, yeah
Getting totally hurled
We are so doomed, now, can’t turn our backs now, yeah
Getting totally hurled

No no no no (hey)
No no no no no

Totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting to-to-totally hurled

Their love is awesome
Yeah, it was completely crazy

Totally hurled
We’re getting totally hurled

Oh-oh I actually thought
That the hive and I were meant for greatness

Totally hurled
We're getting to-to-totally hurled

We need some love, you know
Just so we could survive
We're so sick of it
Say, we're so sick of it, yea

Oh, Why were they so cruel?
Hard to believe but it's true
Yeah, were so sick of ‘em
Say, we're so sick of ‘em,

Almost had the throne, now the bride is mad, yeah
Getting totally hurled
We are so doomed, now, can’t turn our backs now, yeah
Getting totally hurled

No no no no (hey)

No no

Yeah, we're so sick of ‘em...
Said we're so sick of ‘em

Don’t bring it down
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We're getting totally hurled
We’ re getting totally hurled
We're getting to-to-totally hurled

Almost took the throne, now the bride is mad, yeah
Getting totally hurled
We are so doomed, now, can’t turn our backs now, yeah
Getting totally hurled

No no no no (hey)
No no no

We’ re getting totally hurled
We’ re getting totally hurled
Yeah
We're getting totally hurled

111. The Gala Of Canterlot Castle

(Note: Sung to the tune of Davy Crocket's "The Ballad of Davy Crocket")

Sung by Princess Celestia

The Grand Galloping Gala is one of the most important social events in all of Canterlot. But to be quite honest, a formal dance is rather dull for a pony who enjoys a spot of fun like Princess Celestia.

And so, she sought to invite the six most important ponies that everypony should know along, hoping that in light of their recent exploits, they could inject some spark into the otherwise boring occasion.

Or they could just turn the entire thing into such a fiasco that it would be abandoned. Princess Celestia wasn't particularly fussy.

It all started right here in Canterlot,
The Grand Galloping Gala was the lot
But the G.G.G’s boring, just not hot
But as Princess, I had to be at the spot
Canter, Canterlot Castle, host of the G.G.G!

So I sent out invites to Twilight, see
One for herself and a V.I.P
But she sent them back saying “Not just me,
I’d like ALL my friends to be at the party”
And I, and I knew then, this might work out for me!

So of course I said it was fine for them,
For seven guests to turn up by ten
(Yes, I included Spike), but when
The night drew up, it was time again
Canter, Canterlot Castle, host of the G.G.G!

The girls wanted to make this their night,
Pinkie Pie wanted to party right
Rarity sought a prince dressed in white,
Fluttershy to see the animal sights
At the, at the Gala, this was their only chance!

Applejack, sell pies for her family,
Rainbow Dash with Wonderbolt V.I.Ps
And Twilight just wanted to talk with me,
So they all had dreams for the big party
At the, at the Gala, among the talk and dance!

The night starts well for all those involved,
Then a mystery that will go unsolved:
How did all order just de-evolve?
A noisy outcome goes unresolved
Canter, Canterlot Castle, host of the G.G.G!

I’m much too busy for a friendly chat,
Fluttershy can’t be friends with even a cat
And Rarity meets with a stuck-up brat,
Pinkie’s rowdy self, the guests don’t like that
Badly, badly going wrong for the six best friends!

Applejack made two sales in an hour,
Rainbow Dash is also feeling sour
The Wonderbolts know her, but fame towers,
Alone with Rainbow, they can’t spare an hour
Badly, badly going, is this how it all ends?

But the six have been waiting all their life,
an' they don’t want to let this chance slip by
If it’s the last thing they do, they will try
To make this the best night ever. Why?
Canter, Canterlot Castle, host of the G.G.G!

Despite it all, it only gets worse,
A stroke of bad luck descends like a curse
Pinkie thinks her disapproval’s to soon reverse,
And so she sings to another rowdy verse
Pinkie, Pinkamena, the mare who don't know tact!

And Fluttershy is slowly going insane,
Creases in her brow, a disheveled mane;
She’s rigging a trap in the garden again,
But even when crazy, they’re still too tame
Flutter, Fluttershy is starting to lose her mind!

Still nopony cuts Applejack some slack,
The stuff she made are still on the racks
So she aims to please, so to spurn the flack,
Dress ‘em up a bit and then come back
Fancy, fancy foodstuff, outclassing her entrees!

And as AJ wheeled in the cart with wares,
Intent that everypony should share
Pinkie dived into the cart without a care,
Sending a cake flying through the air
Apple, Apple Flake cake, ace of the farmpony!

And Blueblood, lest his appearance break,
The very last straw Rarity could take
He threw the poor mare, thinking of his own sake,
Into the path of the speeding cake
Apple, Apple Flake cake, received straight to the knee!

And as Rarity chewed out Blueblood fierce
Her death glare surely could solid rock pierce
His eyes weren’t peeled and nor were his ears,
He topples a statue of aging years
Blueblood, Blueblood Princy, keeping the chain at three!

Rainbow Dash saw this as a favour call,
She could save the statue and stop its fall
And despite the efforts of ponies all,
The statue and columns smashed to pieces small
Twilight, Twilight Sparkle, said “It can’t get worse to me!”

Then right on cue, Fluttershy’s own wreck,
She looked just ‘bout ready to wring some necks
And so, with everypony’s due respect,
I advised Twilight to run like heck
Running, running away, Twilight running the race!

They got the message and made to flee,
A slipper was dropped by Rarity
Her prince would find her, exclaims Pinkie,
So she stomps the slipper. Good move to me…
Slipper, Glass-hoof slipper, crushed into smithereens!

So there was Spike drowning sorrows grim,
They were all alone, Pony Joe and him
Twilight’s friends escaped by their teeth’s skin,
To the donut shop at Canterlot’s rim
Pony, Pony Joe’s shop, your donut one-stop place!

I joined them later, they thought it blew,
But they all just did what I hoped they’d do;
Go to the Gala and turn the screw,
Liven it up, or wreck it true
Canter, Canterlot Castle, host of the G.G.G!

Author's Note

As requested by Sparkfire.

112. Give Me The Pimple Knife

(Note: Sung to the tune of Meet the Robinsons's "Give Me The Simple Life")

Sung by Nurse Redheart

Nurse Redheart is, if nothing else, a true professional in the line of medicine.

One time, a patient wit quite possibly the largest spot that she had ever seen came into the Ponyville hospital, and everypony knew it had to be operated on. There was no other alternative.

Great, if it wasn't for Nurse Redheart listing all the metal, possibly very sharp, objects she'd need. Right within the patient's earshot.

This did nothing to ease his INCREDIBLE nervousness pre-operation.

This patient’s urgent! We need the surgeons,
This zit’s so big, it’s rife!
Bigger than we thought here, what’s he brought here?
Give me the pimple knife

No anesthetic? That’s just pathetic!
That could threaten his life!
Just give me the crowbar, stop 'fore it spreads far,
Give me the pimple knife

A sharpened saw is all I'm after
And something to stop blood flow
The pain may send him through the rafters
Then we let the patient go

Don't turn too sour, it's just an hour
Of extreme pain and strife
This will sting slightly putting it mildly;
Give me the pimple knife

114. Breaking Things

(Note: Sung to the tune of High School Musical's "Breaking Free")

Sung by Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are, well, extremely eager in their quest to discover themselves. So eager, in fact, they quite often don't pay attention to the vast amounts of property damage that these three fillies leave in their wake.

Unfortunately, it's very hard to make any sort of punishment stick for very long when even punishments are but opportunities for these three.

We're bendin', smashin'
There's not a house in Ponyville
We ain't bust
For lack of trying
So we're breaking things

You know the town can see us
In a way we look like accident masters
Creating space between us
We’re walking disasters
But we’ll find our cutie marks
That’s why we sing
We're breakin' things!!

We're squashin', snappin'
There's not an inch of property
We ain't bust
For lack of trying
So we're breaking things
We're breakin' things
Uhh-uhh-uuuhhh

Public spots and building
Vandalised with no restraints or keys
Cos Ponyville doesn’t have
A good local police (The police, oh-oohh)
We were left to run riot
So let the bells all ring
We're breakin' things!!

We're tearin'
crushin'
There's not an inch of town
That we haven't been
For lack of trying
So we're breaking things
We're breakin' things
Uhh-uhh-uuuhhh

Yeah-Yeah
Ohh-ohh
Now's the time
Now's the time
So we're breaking things
Ooohhh, we're breaking things
Uuuhhh, yeah

Quest to get
Cutie marks
Let’s try the
Local park
And they’ll never see it comin'

More than you
More than me
Not a want, but a need
Both of us breakin' things

Slittin'
Warpin'
There's not a spot in Ponyville
We ain't smashed
For lack of trying
So we're breaking things

Breaking things, yeah-yeah-yeah

We’re grounded
Oohhh, punished
To get to the place
To be all that we can be

Now's the time
Now's the time
So we're breaking things
Ooohhh, we're breaking things
Oh-oh-ooohhh

You know we won’t stop trying
Cutie Mark Crusader Jail Breakers, Yay!

Author's Note

Aaaaand now I officially start running out of songs again. Leave a suggestion in the comments, do. Please.

115. True To Your Chart

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mulan's "True To Your Heart")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

One day, Rainbow Dash announced to every pegasus in town that Ponyville's reservoir had been picked to supply Cloudsdale with the water for the entirety of Equestria's rain for a year— and the only way to move all that drink was to mak a tornado that could make enough lift to get it all to Cloudsdale.

If anypony needed to know how strong, Twilight Sparkle's handy-dandy graph would give the answers. A least, if you knew maths, anyway.

Ponies, I knew at once that we have a job here
Deep in my soul, I know that we must get in gear
Though you're unsure
On how to move
The reservoir
To Cloudsdale by hooves

Ponies, I see your future, despite all the murk
I know that we must get eight hundred wing power to work
But I’d rather beat
The record of
A thousand wings
Of power above

True to your chart
You must be true to your chart
Any less and we fall apart
And, ponies, we can’t make enough lift
Open your eyes
Your chart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your chart
I know it's gonna lift the water up

Not even seven hundred and ninety nine
And Celestia knows how many bits isn’t fine
We need the wings that we can get
Just trust your chart
And the deadline’s met!

True to your chart

Girl, my chart is telling me to synchronize
All the pegasi should in one direction fly
You check the graph
You’ll know the speed
You won't get stuck
With your chart to guide you

True to your chart
You must be true to your chart
Any less and we fall apart
And, ponies, we can’t make enough lift
Open your eyes
Your chart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your chart
I know it's gonna lift the water up

True to your chart
You must be true to your chart
Any less and we fall apart
And, ponies, we can’t make enough lift
Open your eyes
Your chart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your chart
I know it's gonna lift the water up

True to your chart

So let’s make this tornado!
If you don't know where to start
Just check back on your graph and
Just be true to your chart
Now go home, stretch your wings or
We’re doomed right from the start
Don’t forget, take the graphs home
Just be true to your chart
True to your chart

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

116. No Payout

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brother Bear's "No Way Out")

Sung by Fluttershy

"100% satisfaction or no payment." Those were the exact words regarding Iron Will's assertiveness seminar.

Fluttershy, as it turned out, wasn't satisfied with the results (I mean, you can't look back on the fact you threw at least 3 ponies into a pond and not feel bad), and so, she felt it ought to be free.

Everywhere I turned I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can say to change the things I've done
“One hundred percent satisfaction or your money back”
Iron Will, those exact words were yours, and that’s a fact

There's no way out of your tag-on
No like, no money
I know I hurt ponies
But I can't see another way
And I can't bring myself to pay

Tell me where did I go wrong
I even went and sung a song
About stomping ponies to the ground
But I didn’t like the scene
And that’s why there’s no payment to be found

There's no way out of your tag-on
No like, no money
I know I hurt ponies
But I can't see another way
And I can't bring myself to pay

Can't believe the words I spoke
Pushing around like it’s a joke
And when I think back, I feel shame
This thought, this act, this lack of tact

I know It's hard but found somehow
To look into your eye and to declare right now
You've given me the strength to say that I’m not satisfied
You've given me the strength to not pay out

I see the loophole in your clause
I see my future
And your exact words has meant no fee
Oh, and I can see another way
Don’t have to pay you today
(I see the path) I can see the path
I see my loophole
(I see the loophole) I see how to avoid the pay
I see my loophole
I see how to avoid the pay

Author's Note

As requested by hamcon

119. We Can Pry

(Note: Sung to the tune of Peter Pan's "You Can Fly")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Rarity

When Spike realized during the once-in-a-lifetime event called the great dragon migration that he knew little about himself, having grown up in an all-pony society, he announced to his friends that he would leave on a journey of self-discovery by joining the migration.

As his friends waved Spike goodbye, Twilight and Rarity glanced at each other.

"...We're following him, right?"

"Of course."

Think we should follow behind,
Save his scaly small behind?
Do we track his progress, yeah,
Follow Spike round everywhere,
Give espionage a try?
We can pry, we can pry, we can pry!!!

There'll be trouble on the way,
He'll be lost throughout the day!
Think of all the trouble when,
He gets pushed around and then,
He's left hung out to dry! (Ohh...)
We can pry, we can pry, we can pry!!!

Off he goes
With a Hi and Ho
With a knapsack on his back
There's a dragon herd waiting for him
Where he's the lowest on the rack
The runt, puny, he's on trouble's track!

When there's a problem ahead
We should sort it out instead
Catch up before it's too late
Avert Spike-wikey's fate
By being pony spies!
We can pry, we can pry, we can pry!!!

Yes, we should follow behind,
Save his scaly small behind!
We must track his progress, yeah,
Follow Spike round everywhere,
Give espionage a try!
We can pry, we can pry, we can pry!!!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

120. Ambulance

(Note: Sung to the tune of Phineas And Ferb's "Fabulous")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

After Rainbow Dash got into a rather bad accident of a somewhat bumpy (others would say "crashy" but bumpy works too) nature.

Panicking, Twilight told Pinkie to call Rainbow Dash an ambulance.

So that's exactly what Pinkie did.

Oh hey there Rainbow Dash, Twilight said to me,
“Call Rainbow Dash an ambulance” you see.
I think Twilight’s playing a pretend-y game,
But I don’t think it’s a good time, all the same.

Twilight: “Pinkie! Not LITERALLY!”

But you don’t have a big cross that’s bright red,
No blue and red siren on top of your head.
No room in the back for a patient or four,
On either side, you don’t have a door!

You have to admit, Twilight’s confusing.
Rarity: “Never mind, I’ll do it…”
Rainbow Dash: “MY WINGS!”

Twilight Sparkle’s given you
A new nickname, maybe two!
You're an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
You’re an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
I don’t get it, but okay!
Your new name is... (But why, anyway?)
You're an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
You’re an ambulance. (An ambulance!)

What the heck do you have in common with
A medical vehicle? A true wordsmith
Would see a pattern sooner than I,
But as for me I do have to try!

Unless Twilight Sparkle meant I should
“Call up” an ambulance? That would be good!
Well, why didn’t Twilight say so at first?
Then I could help before you got worse!

But, still, it’s a funny name
So I’ll still call her that, the same!
You're an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
You’re an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
I don’t get it, but okay!
Your new name is... (But why, anyway?)
You're an ambulance. (An ambulance!)
You’re an ambulance. (An ambulance!)

Author's Note

As requested by The Princess Rarity.

122. When Can I Eat Things Again?

(Note: Sung to the tune of Wreck-It-Ralph's "When Can I See You Again?")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

When Twilight Sparkle first came into Ponyville, it was under orders from Princess Celestia to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. And make friends on the side.

Upon meeting Applejack, Twilight found herself unable to escape the Apple Family and their hospitality...

Twilight left Sweet Apple Acres feeling considerably fuller than before. And with a lower opinion of the town than before to boot.

When can we do this again?
When can I eat things again?
When can we do this again?
When can I eat things again?
When can we do this again?
When can I eat things again?

Went to the farm to see who would provide
Catering for the festival tonight
It was Applejack and her enormous clan
She wouldn't let me leave, without some pie and some flan
My tummy's three times its normal size
I've had it up to here with Apple pies
Why's everypony in town crazy?
It's the whole town vs. Spike and me

But before I go consult my list
I gotta know, 'til then,
when can we do this again?

Oh oh oh oh
When can I eat things again?
Oh oh oh oh
When can we do this again?

Oh oh oh oh
I gotta know, when can I eat things again??
(When can I eat things again??)

Lethargy looms, yeah I feel quite bloated
The Apple family's been duly noted
Look all around at all the leftovers left at brunch
It's just a matter of time, before digestion's big crunch
My tummy's three times its normal size
I've had it up to here with Apple pies
Why's everypony in town crazy?
It's the whole town vs. Spike and me

But before I go consult my list
I gotta know, 'til then,
when can we do this again?

Oh oh oh oh
When can I eat things again?
Oh oh oh oh
When can we do this again?

Oh oh oh oh
I gotta know, when can I eat things again??

Do close your eyes 'cause my stomach may eject soon
It's just a matter of time, just not 'fore the afternoon

My tummy's three times its normal size
I've had it up to here with Apple pies
So let me know, was staying truly wise?

When can I eat things again?
Oh oh oh oh
When can we do this again?

Oh oh oh oh
When can I eat things again?

Oh oh oh oh
When can we do this again?
Oh oh oh oh

I don't think I can take anymore
I could lose my lunch over the floor

But before I go consult my list
Tell me when
When can I eat things again?

When can I eat things again?
Tell me when
When can I eat things again?

125. This Is How I Clean

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Nightmare Before Christmas's "This Is Halloween")

Sung by Spike

Spike, as number one assistant to Twilight Sparkle, does absolutely everything Twilight Sparkle asks of him. Of course that includes cleaning the Golden Oaks library and recently, Twilight's newest castle.

No dust or grime ever escapes the watch of Spike.

Fillies and colts of every age
The stuff I am trying to rearrange

Come with us and you will see
Watch the method how I clean

This is how I clean, this is how I clean
Mopping floors until late at night

This is how I clean, with soap suds I can't be mean
Scrub and brush Twilight's bedroom soon as it gets light
It's our home, everypony scream
Look at Spike, look how I clean

This castle is fifteen hundred square feet
Thankfully I'm happy doing her sheets

Twilight insists on cleaning up the rest
Just one more reason that my job's the best

This is how I clean, this is how I clean

How I clean! How I clean! How I clean! How I clean!
In this castle we call home
I polish floors all morning long!

By today, it should sparkle now
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise

Found my bucket and my mop in the trash can
Rainbow Dash's newest prank...yeah, it's a scream...

Scream! This is how I clean
Detergent, shiny green

Aren't you bored?
Well, that's just fine

Say it once, say it twice
I also keep out the mice
Get the washing up done by tonight

Everypony scream, everypony scream

Watch me, pal, it's how I clean

I am the dragon that's armed with the brush
Scrubbing the walls taking care not to rush

I am the assistant sorting the books
So that Twilight Sparkle knows where to look

I am the guy scraping gum off the chair
Pinkie just leaves litter everywhere!

This is how I clean, this is how I clean
How I clean! How I clean! How I clean! How I clean!
How I clean! How I clean!

Muddy hoofprints everywhere
Left by a certain farmer mare

Scrub that mud, with vigor keen
In my task it's how I clean

In this place
Clean the room post-haste!

Everypony's waiting for the sparkling room
Applejack wiping her hooves out back
And use a new wipe rag
Use a new soap bar again
This is how I clean, everypony leave
Wont' ya please make way til I've finished cleaning, guys?

Spike's your dude for scrubbing and mopping food
Everyone hail to the Cleaning Aide, now!

This is how I clean, this is how I clean
How I clean! How I clean! How I clean! How I clean!

In this castle we call home
I polish floors all morning long!

La la-la la, How I clean! How I clean!
La la-la la, How I clean! How I clean!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

126. Sheets And Rolls

(Note: Sung to the tune of Oliver and Company's "Streets of Gold")

Sung by 8-Bit, Poindexter and Gaffer

Back in his high-school days, Shining Armor's group of friends composed of educational outcasts who only desired to keep to themselves playing Oubliettes and Ogres.

Shining Armor nowadays has little opportunity to exercise his level 47 paladin figurine, but if he could convert his time in the Royal Guard and being Prince of the Crystal Empire into campaigns, he'd be the strongest player around.

He learnt from the best, though. It's no surprise.

Now listen up
Your party stands before
The great Cave of Bits. Suddenly,
A troll attacks!
Roll for initiative!
Or would you rather turn and flee?

When you've got Haste you always take first turn
Level Three Firebolt! That troll's gonna burn!

We now gotta roll for damage check
Rolling a twenty to Crit it to death
Stopped him tearing out our skulls
Check our sheets and rolls

After the fight, that's when you spot a ring
It's lined with silver, it's valuable bling!
Do you rob the troll's corpse cold?
Prep the sheets and rolls

Course we take the bling!
It's a thief thing!
We could sell this for big bucks!
Oh whoops, too bad
That there ring is CURSED
Turning all liquid to sand, tough luck!

And that includes your potions, by the way.
Uh. just a thought occurred to me today
How much water in pony bodies?
You said, "all liquid". Do clarify, please.

Insta-kills for amateurs!
You can fight the curse
And stop your whole body from leaking sand
Roll, then compare it to resistance and

Do you turn to sandy gold?
Check your sheets and rolls...
Oh no, tough luck there, you just rolled a one
So did Poindexter. Don't tell me we're done!?

Now you're both dead. You did not survive
Roll was against you 'bout staying alive
Greed has forced you both to fold
That's the sheets and rolls

That was the shortest campaign that I played!
We killed just one monster! No progress was made!
Until next campaign, I'm told
By the sheets and rolls

Author's Note

Inspired by the comics.

Also I have never played D&D so be gentle.

130. Night Light

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars's "Fight Right")

Sung by Applejack and Applebloom

It could only be described as the worst possible timing. Applebloom was only occupying herself after completing her household chores with time to spare (by dancing on a table), when Applejack came home, surprised Applebloom, and then she fell off the table, resulting in quite the mess.

Applejack then decided it was probably best if Applebloom wasn't left unattended.

Mah sister has only one thought:
To keep me from being danger-fraught
Do ya need me to tuck ya in?
I'll bring ya cocoa without the skin!

Ah think Ah'll live,
Ah won't die in mah sleep...
A burglar with a shiv,
Might storm the Apple keep!

Yer caring's overbearing, ya know...
Ah'll pick ya up when yer feelin' low...!

Independence; this surely is a riddle
Is this filly helpless or not?
Probably the truth, or somewhere in the middle.
For those that are good; For those who are bad.
And this bothers us a lot!

Ah'll read ya a bedtime story,
Somethin' happy, nothin' too gory!
Ya make it sound like I'm too frail,
Like my organs will up and fail.

Ah'm not falling for
All the overprotection.
Ah'm just calling for
This safety correction!

It's not like Ah'll die...
Ya might!
Wait, what! Why?
Ah'll lock all the doors...
And you've sealed up the floors!
It's just ta make sure.
It's way too excessive!
But hang on, there's still more!
That's being obsessive...

Make sure ya stay put
Easy when-...when-...Ah'm locked up...!
Ya want me to leave the light on?
Don't bother, not like Ah'll be gone.

Fine or not fine, a matter of perspective,
Physically, it's pretty safe.
But both of us worry 'bout diff'rent perspectives,
Ah'd like some 'me' time...
Watch her ALL the time!
Is there risk of scars and chafes?

...Nope.

Nope?

Okay, but Ah'm in the next room,
If ya need me to save ya from doom!
Look, sis, can Ah just go ta sleep?
Turn off the light, that request ain't that steep.

Night Light!
Night Light!
Night Light!

131. Build A Little Missile

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pinocchio's "Give A Little Whistle")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash had been working on a tricky new stunt for Wonderbolt Training (this was before she received ACTUAL Wonderbolt training which was considerably more thorough and challenging. It basically involved a complex looking see-saw (it had to be more complicated than it looked if a falling pony's weight, in this case Applejack, could eject Rainbow Dash 500 feet into the air) and Rainbow managing as many tricks as she could before she was forced to flap her wings.

It was all going well until Applejack worked herself to exhaustion, and got the timing totally wrong as a result.

Take a log and wooden planks and stack them right on top,
Build a little missile, build a little missile.
Reinforce the see-saw so the wooden parts don't flop,
Build a little missile! Build a little missile.
Not just a little jump, soldier up and leap.
Cos if my missile's weak I'll-
-Fall to the floor

Take the nails and hammer them on one end to direct,
Build a little missile! Build a little missile!
And always wear a helmet, don't forget!
Let Twilight do her egghead maths so there are no defects,
Build a little missile! Build a little missile!
And always wear a helmet, don't forget.

And always wear a helmet, don't forget!

133. Mah Swell Avenger Cream

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Princess And The Frog's "Ma Belle Evangeline")

Sung by Marine Sandwich

It all started with a hopeful Equestria Super Chef Championship entrant called Marine Sandwich. Applejack was at the venue making a delivery when she was mistaken for Sandwich and got entered into the Championship using her name. She tried to take her proper place and got kicked out as a result.

And that's how ~~Equestria was made~~ she built a humongous gun that shoots fondant and vowed revenge on all that had wronged her.

As you do.

Look at the frosting it fires,
Mah swell Avenger Cream.
All the ponies that aspire,
Very soon in horror they will scream.
Je t'adore, Je t'aime Avenger Cream,
You're my weapon of choice,
So sticky,
So moist!
That someone as talented as me,
Denied contest entry!?
And so I built a gun that shoots
I'm cutting loose, Avenger Cream!

Vengeance is beautiful,
Vengeance is wonderful!
Vengeance is everything, do you agree?
Mais' oui!
Firing at a thousand PSI,
I love you,﻿ Avenger Cream!

Author's Note

As requested by coolcat61

134. Quite Harmfully

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "In Harmony")

Sung by Daisy, Rose, and Lilly Valley

It was the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny; a good guy, a bad guy and explosions, all to decide the fate of Equestria and all of its worldly magic!

Thing was, the Tirek vs Twilight showdown left a lot of environmental damage. Being the nature-lovers they are, Daisy, Rose, and Lilly Valley did what they did best, and raised a massive fuss over it in the aftermath of the whole incident.

What a big disaster!
Think of all the grass!
Environmental damages
Are high-priority class!

We should sue Princess Twilight
Maybe small or great
For destruction to conifers
And flowers in a state!

Quite harmfully
Harmfully
Think of the trees
And flowers please!
It hurt quite harmfully

I don't care if that Tirek
Would make magic a loss
You committed a dreadful sin
By laying waste to some moss!

We speak and fight for nature
It deserves to be won!
We'll get our best attorneys and
Go get compensation!

Quite harmfully
Harmfully
The hedges burnt
Is what we learnt!
It hurt quite harmfully

Quite harmfully
Harmfully
Explosions blew
A forest in two!
It hurt quite harmfully

Quite harmfully
Harmfully
Think of the trees
And flowers please!
It hurt quite harmfully

Think of the trees
And flowers please!
It hurt quite harmfully

Author's Note

As requested by Fetch

135. I Love The Bath

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "I Love To Laugh")

Sung by Rarity

A trip to the spa is always in order for Rarity whenever things get way too much, or to celebrate another fiasco mostly averted with her friends. Here are the most common reasons for feeling the need for a therapeutic soak:

Celebrate the fact that nopony got hurt, which is all you want really.

When excessive amounts of filth was involved doing something to help.

Angst bathing (she's too classy for a mere Shower of Angst)

Any mention of Prince Blueblood.

I love the bath
Hot with suds and foam
I love the bath
At the spa away from home
The more I soak
The more I lose the grime
And the less the grime
The more of a wonderful time
(It's embarrassing!)
The more of a wonderful time

Sometimes I feel I deserve it
After some things like this
(Mmm...Dreadful)
Like Pound and Pumpkin threw up, goodness sake
Or helping Pinkie Pie bake
(Not at all attractive to my way of thinking)

Soak in the tub
No need to scrub
Pass me the oils and towel
When with my friends I can't wait for the end

When things get much too stressful
I can't hide it inside and squeak
As the fabulous lean
I've got to get clean with Lotus and Aloe
And a nice thick book too

I love the bath
Hot with suds and foam
I love the bath
At the spa away from home
The more I soak
The more I lose the grime
And the less the grime
The more of a wonderful time
(It's embarrassing!)
The more of a wonderful time

137. Mustard

(Note: Sung to the tune of Phineas and Ferb's "Busted")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

You get ponies who put so many things on hot dogs: ketchup, jam, onions...but in Pinkie's case, she prefers the much more traditional mustard.

Not hot sauce, though. That is strictly an addition for cupcakes only. You are a heathen for even suggesting it.

I can see the things you're doin'
And you think that I'm naive
But I'm not into ketchup or
Getting jam on my sleeves
(That is if I have any sleeves
To get themselves smeared up in sauce)
I just don't see just what you're doin'
Why you'd put marmalade, stop and pause!

Don't think I'm not a hot dog gal
'Cause you better believe that we're all hot dog pals, it's true
You know it! (yeah)
You know it!
It's just that I simply prefer mustard!
(Mustard!)

I don't wanna put on mild stuff
And you better believe me
I want the sauce that'd turn normal tongues coarse and rough,
That mustard.
(Mustard!)

Yeah, you may suggest I use hot sauce,
The differences can't be profound,
But that's totally different of course,
To mustard!

You see one is colored red,
It looks like ketchup in your head,
And that's no good, cos in my food,
I want mustard instead.
And I don't care what you've found,
That's like saying square is round,
Or like saying up is down,
(Saying up is down)

It starts with a "M"!
(Starts with a "M"!)
It goes M-U-S-T-A-R-D!
That is mustard!
(Mustard!)

I would never ruin dogs in that way
And you better believe me,
That hot-sauce and mustard is like night and day,
(Totally different!)
It's mustard
(Mustard!)

Don't think I'd use hot-sauce or jam...
Yeah, no onions or anything...
(I don't wanna know)
This is how it's gonna be,
I'll always take hot dogs with one thing,
(I'll have it! I'll have it!)
With mustard!

Author's Note

As requested by dragonspinner33

139. Crazy Vines

(Note: Sung to the tune of Dumbo's "Baby Mine")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

The Tree of Harmony was surprisingly active for something supposedly dying.

Then again, a magical tree can probably get away with sprouting spiky thorns and devouring half of Ponyville when it is no longer being sustained by the Elements of Harmony...

Before that was discovered though, Twilight and her friends tried to deal with them the hard way...

Crazy vines, wrecking homes
Crazy vines, far they roam
Spiky whips swallowing town
Stuff's going down
Crazy black vines

Is Discord behind this?
Rainbow Dash's spiky clouds
Fluttershy's home got devoured
Got swallowed by
Crazy black vines

Applejack's not coming back
Weeding the farm for a while
Rarity's horn is enaging
What could make Everfree start enraging?

From your head down to your hoof
Magic plants tear the roof
All set to start freaking out
Panic about
Crazy black vines

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

Please don't leave it to JUST her to suggest things plz...

140. Carrying The Planner

(Note: Sung to the tune of Newsies's "Carrying The Banner")

Sung by Spike

Before coming to Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle believed studying was life.

This is usually unfortunate for an assistant who has no obligation to be educated, but not for Spike. Duty come naturally for him, and every morning was spent making plans for the day, and then making plans FOR the plans.

Let's make a list!
And then another!
Spike the Dragon's got work to do!
Writing the schedule's such a bother
But no sense bawlin'!
I'm writing two?

We spend ten minutes writing out
The whole day and what is in it!
That's why the first hour counts
Only the first fifty minutes!

After that we
Start the next!
Tomorrow in detail...
Moving them quills!
Feelin' vexed!
From the start to tail!

Ain't it a fine life, carryin' the planner through it all!
A mighty fine life, carryin' the planner tough and tall!
Every mornin', I'm checking the jobs down
While we're walking through town
On scrolls quite light-ish brown
What a fine life, carryin' the planner home-free all!

Marking down the checklist's checklist
Not a sec to spare!
Making ticks until I'm witless
For a purple mare!
Still, it's a fine life, carryin' the planner in my claws!
A mighty fine life, organizing Twilight's day of course!

I'm a snoozer
Twilight makes me wake up
Forcing me to take up
Late noon napping straight up
What a fine life, carryin' the planner through the day!

Twilight Sparkle
Though you calculate and you plan
Accounting for,
The whole time-span
Twilight, listen
You need to learn to set aside
Relaxation
Times, how I've tried!

The shopping ought to take
30 minutes, then we make
Enough time to get back home
And go do some more research!

Go look at what I got
Wish I could catch a break
Sure hope the research's not
Too boring, I just can't take
Much more, it's all I got!
Someone, keep me awake...

Cos the problem here is
The closest and nearest
Best thing that Twilight Sparkle has to fun
Is studying magic
And that's way too tragic
Being holed up with company to shun

Look! They're having a big party!
But no time for parties,
Got better essays
From Celestia to complete!
She was gonna start at twenty
Now two dozen'll be plenty
You will scribe on all twenty four sheets...?

What'll you say,
By the way?
Get the wax stamp,
And get cramp!
Will you tell me?
Go scribe on all twenty four sheets!

"We need reliable citations!"
So Twilight Sparkle says of course!
"With all the latest information!"
Least I'm not scribing, could be worse!
I think I'll go make some dinner
It'll be some time
Before she feels it's a winner
Literacy sublime!

Still I'll be in here, carryin' the planner for the day!
We'll be in here, writing every word in in some way!
See the headline:
Essay work: Two hours!
Not that I'm too sour
Since it's in her power
To get gemstones
Carryin' the planner is the-

Look! The clock is striking seven!
Writing stops at seven!
It's time to check on something
That's been sitting on the shelf!
It's some chemistry in testing
It's been going with no resting!
Tell me what is so interesting
About this stuff and your health!

Then she takes a shower
The only thing not school related
But I think she has a stopwatch
Just to get the timing straight-ed
Every second
Is too precious
Feels it shouldn't be unstated and I-

It's a fine life, carryin' the planner through it all!
A mighty fine life, carryin' the planner tough and tall!
See the highlight:
Shower time: Half hour!
Not that I'm too sour
It's recess while she showers
What a fine life, carryin' the planner!
It's a fine life, carryin' the planner!
It's a fine life, carryin' the planner!
It's a fine life, carryin' the planner!
It's a fine life, carryin' the planner!
It's a, GO!

Look! The clock, it strikes eleven!
Bedtime's at eleven!
Well it's usually Twilight's,
My own bedtime's bang on eight!
But I'll put it off til later
She needs help with something greater!
I'm an acting translator
Scribing runes until quite late!

I honestly don't mind
I'll work night shifts if I have to
Even if it's not good for me
She could work and stop right at two
Every second is too precious
Making charts and all the graphs too
I'm an assistant
The one assistant
Twilight's assistant
The best assistant
Go!

141. Short And Pitiful

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback of Notre Dame's "Court Of Miracles")

Sung by Applejack

"Ah hate to say Ah told ya so, Twilight, but Ah told ya so!" shouted Applejack in a tiny voice, jumping up and down on Applebloom's back. "It's a curse, Ah tell ya!"

Maybe you've heard of a terrible place
Where a zebra who came here
Hides out in the wood
We're headin' out to that Everfree place
Cos Ah'm short and pitiful
And that ain't good!

Ah'm four inches high
Ah can barely talk
Ah'm left high and dry
Cos Ah'm too hoofin' small
To do anythin' at all
Everypony else at least kept their size
And keep up a decent gallopin' speed
Right now Ah'm short and pitiful
Ah have to ride someone else as a steed!

Ain't got no strength cos Ah'm short and pitiful
Shame Ah'm in no shape to give a good kick
But once Ah'm back to mah normal size quickly
That zebra will wish that she held back her tricks!

Because we've seen all the evidence

Shrunk! Way too small!
Four inches! Way too small!
Short as pin!
Ah find Ah'm totally useless now
Except for paperweight jobs
So Ah'm going on in!

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

143. More Than A Scheme

(Note: Sung to the tune of Cinderalla III's "More Than A Dream")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

The plan could best be summarized as "Let's publicly humiliate Rainbow Dash by dressing up as a superhero until she stops showing off."

It's absolutely foolproof! Probably. Hopefully.

I've always schemed
About Rainbow Dash
Stop her showing off
And being way to brash
So we make a Batmare knock-off
And then even out the score
Make it something more
Than a scheme!

Then one magic night
With a single mare
Rarity made the
Best costumes anywhere
And for once she'll learn humility
As Mare-Do-Well mops her floor
And it is so much more
So much more than a scheme

She won't say it never happened
Just a dream from the start
Hopefully
She will bounce back
From a broken heart

If it's a burning house
Or rescuing a falling mare
If there's any chance of robbery
Mare-Do-Well will be there

What could possibly
Go so badly wrong?
By the time we're done
Rainbow's ego won't last long!
There's a better life that's waiting
Past the mountains she must climb
Humble's something she should learn
To stop her bragging all the time

The idea's so much more
So much more
Than a scheme

144. After Toupees

(Note: Sung to the tune of A Goofy Movie's "After Today")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Did she seriously have to hang off a flagpole, with a megaphone, proclaiming Cranky Doodle Donkey's follicle-ly-challenged status for EVERYPONY to hear?

Cranky certainly didn't think so. Especially since it was HER fault for thinking his toupee was a spider and stomping on it.

He's been hairless since I can't remember
But you're not gonna laugh anymore
No more "Cranky the Bald"
I am frankly appalled as before

He's a follicle-ly challenged member
And so I need a wig right now, stat!
If you can't manage wigs
I'll take hats that are big
Just like that!
Just like that!
Just like that!
JUST LIKE THAT!

Gonna find some head gear
Gonna spread the big news
Cranky Doodle Donkey is bald, don't let him stew!

I'm after toupees, or maybe some afros
After toupees, for a mule!
After toupees, so gimme some ammo
Something that's trendy and cool!

I've got one sorry donkey who's head is all shiny
Who's missing his hair and
Whose pride is all tiny!
Just know that it's serious business
I need a wig thrown my way
I will be spending today after toupees

He gave me stink-eye
And who could blame him?
I can help out by
Telling everyone hear that he's bald and it's clear

I'm after toupees, or maybe some afros
To replace the one I broke...(Blech!)
After toupees, so gimme some ammo
Slap-headed-ness is no joke!

I've got one cranky donkey
Who's missing head cover
So please stop your laughing
And cough up another!

Just think of all the time I've been losing
How much clearer can I say?
Gonna need some new hair
And he looks really cross
Cos nopony will stop and resolve his great loss
If you have wigs, can you stay?
After toupees

I need a wig thrown my way
After toupees

145. The Pressure Is A Horrible Thing

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search For Christopher Robin's "Adventure Is A Wonderful Thing")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

"Just because you've failed the Sonic Rainboom a hundred thousand times in practice doesn't mean you won't be able to do it in front of an entire stadium, full of impatient, super-critical sports fan ponies," Fluttershy assured Rainbow Dash, in the hopes that it would restore her confidence in time for the Young Fliers Competition.

It...did not have the intended effect.

"MY LIFE IS RUINED!"

Hoo, hoo

Today's the day
In only a matter of moments
I'll mess up in some way
The heck's a Sonic Rainboom?
Not a soul can say
And I can guess
More or less
My life's ruined
Under stress
Ah, the moments of glory
Is out of reach
"Ha ha,"
They're gonna all screech

The pressure is a
Horrible thing
I may freeze up in terror
I'm just not in this thing
No strength, no nerves
No heart, no wits
I may make like a banana and just split
The pressure is a lot

And a half
The fans are gonna see me
They'll point at me and laugh
The shame, the trip
The mess, the spill
I'll never
Join the Wonderbolts
Maybe I never will

That's the bad side of the pressure
It's strictly sink or float
It runs you 'til you're ragged
Then it grabs you by the throat
I know I won't survive it
Cos the chances are remote
Hoo, hoo, on my turn
I'm gonna crash and burn
The pressure is a horrible thing

"I almost forgot the very worst part: I not only get to crash and burn in front of everypony INCLUDING THE PRINCESS, but I also prime myself a great media target as the laughingstock pony who couldn't do it again either!"

And I
Will never fly
Ever again
I'll be laughed at then
Exiled
Ain't that just WILD!?
Right here

Take a look
The fates are perfectly clear
With my incomplete method of flying
I've everything to fear

Through the wringer
And the fire
Walking on
The tightrope wire
I wish I could be bolder
Remember, Dignity's salvaged fate
Rests completely on my shoulders,

Doom...
(Excuse me, bye...!)
Failure looms!

That's the horror of the pressure
The trembling and the dread
If I knew those jerks from Flight School came
I would have stayed in bed
Perhaps I could skip out?
Cos I wish I was dead

Hoo, hoo, got no clue
How the heck I will pull through
I'm all set, to freak out
Nerves gone up the spout
Make a fracas, panic lots
Got excuses like the trots
What's at stake is everything
Oh cruel fate, where is thy sting?
The pressure is a horrible thing

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

146. M-I-L-D

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Jungle Book 2's "W-I-L-D")

Sung by Fluttershy

Fluttershy really can't cope with loud noises. Not even her own.

That is somewhat of a problem when you form an opinion of your own. Eventually the problem of expressing herself was solved with quite obvious actions such as jumping out of a window in protest, but it's still not a good idea to hire her as a foghorn.

When I start to shout, hey honey
It ain't no joke
It barely registers in pony ears
It's barely a croak
(Barely a croak) Ha ha ha!
'scuse my invisibility
I'm M-I-I-I-L-D!!

When the music plays
I can't talk over the noise (Can those at the back hear?)
Even classical can drown out my tiny voice! Uh huh...
You see I'm naturally M-I-I-I-L-D!!

It's a chore to bring out the noise in me
I don't have natural fury
I'm not loud, I'm not proud
Oh yeah, whatever (I'm quiet as a tree)
From the maddest cat to the sweetest little dear
I can't speak up or I'll just seize right up in fear
I'll move on quietly...go
M-I-I-I-L-D!!

Whisper and squeak
Up high or deep underground,
You snarl, we shriek (Vout o roonie!)
My head pounds and pounds and pounds!
Please stop shouting at me, kthx there baby!

I got no steam for a good scream
My loudest yell is barely felt
And when I speak it's like a squeak
My hardest shout just can't come out!
The strongest roar, within my core
The best shout out is hardly stout
The loudest sounds for miles around are M-I-L-D!!!

Here's the thing: I sound broke; I never squawk
I don't stack 'gainst alarm clocks
I know my voice is not like scraping chalk!

When you shout like that hey honey
I start to shake (can't stand it!)
I really don't like noise since it sounds like big earthquakes
But I wanna be heard! Ask me why and I won't lie
M-I-I-I-L-D!!!

Whisper and squeak
Up high or deep underground,
You snarl, we shriek
My head pounds and pounds and pounds!
My oh me, I'm naturally M-I-I-I-L-D!
Oh dear me, I'm uniquely M-I-I-I-L-D!
Every beastie's louder than me...
M-I-I-I-L-D!!!!!

147. Struma-Plucka-Whistle-Toot-Kazoo

(Note: Sung to the tune of Home On The Range's "Yodel Adle Eedle Idle Oo")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

This would have been so much easier if somepony actually asked Pinkie WHY she felt the oddest compulsion to hoard musical instruments during the Parasprite invasion.

Now listen up!
There are parasprites in town
Some horseapples going down,
I fetched some trombones, drums, and big brass trumpets...
Well, they're good as they may be,
Lure them back to Everfree,
And then come back home in time for tea and crumpets!

I'm a machine, gals-
Toot, whistle, pluck and boom
And you ain't seen, gals,
The brass band in my room:

You see, I struma-plucka-whistle-toota-booma!
The loudest form of pest control around!
'Cause when I struma-plucka-whistle-toota-booma
They conga line and go after the sound!

Bang that drum, toot that horn,
Saxaphones until the morn,
Which ain't easy when your lungs
are 'bout to get all worn!

Yes, if you realise why I stole your trombone too,
I sure can struma-plucka-whistle-toota
Struma-plucka-whistle-toota
struma-plucka-whistle-toot-kazoo!

"Oh hi Princess Celestia, don't mind me! Just passing through!"

Yes, I can struma-plucka-whistle-toota-booma
A sound them buggies truly take to heart!
Yeah, I can struma-plucka-whistle-toota-booma!
You should have listened to me from the start!

Think I left...Rarity
At the parasprites' mercy
Broke in to take her recorder
Now it all makes sense, you see!

Yep! I'm the band who saved your flanks without pay too!
Thanks to my struma-plucka-whistle-toota
Struma-plucka-whistle-toota
One girl-band playing without a crew
'Cause I can struma-plucka-whistle-toot-kazoo!

Struma-plucka-whistle-toot-kazoo!

Author's Note

As requested by Thomlight Sparkle 1

149. Can't Climb Back Down

(Note: Sung to the tune of Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam's "Can't Back Down")

Sung by Applebloom

Applebloom looked down from the top of the twenty meter oak tree. She knew at once that a Cutie Mark in abseiling was not right for her.

All she could do was stare sadly at the rope she dropped when she ascended to the top. And yell for help. Again.

I can't, I can't climb down

Ah can't, Ah can't climb down
Ah can't, Ah can't climb down
Ah can't, Ah can't climb down
Not right now, Ah can't climb down
Not right now, Ah can't climb down
Ah can't climb down

Oh, yeah
Please get me down...
Ah'm stuck on top an oak tree
Wherever ya are in town
Please go get a ladder from somewhere
Anywhere

Ah can't climb down
There's too much at stake
This is serious
Don't walk away
Ah can't pretend
Ah've got a ladder
In mah own backyard
And now Ah'm stuck
(No luck)
Ah have called out
Anypony there?
Ah'm kinda trapped
No rope to spare
Ah can't climb down
Someone help somewhere?
Don't walk away
Don't walk away, yeah

Don't get me wrong
Ah had rope when Ah got here
Then Ah dropped it
All right to the floor
A Cutie Mark in abseiling
Is failing

Ah can't climb down
There's too much at stake
This is serious
Don't walk away
Ah can't pretend
Ah've got a ladder
In mah own backyard
And now Ah'm stuck
(No luck)
Ah have called out
Anypony there?
Ah'm kinda trapped
No rope to spare
Ah can't climb down
Someone help somewhere?
Don't walk away
Don't walk away, yeah

We got a situation that we can't ignore
A filly trapped in a tree
Can't afford to take this, no
With every passing hour
I risk breaking an important time for curfew
Can y'all help me?

Ah can't climb down
There's too much at stake
This is serious
Don't walk away
Ah can't pretend
Ah've got a ladder
In mah own backyard
And now Ah'm stuck
(No luck)
Ah have called out
Anypony there?
Ah'm kinda trapped
No rope to spare
Ah can't climb down
Someone help somewhere?
Don't walk away
Don't walk away

Ah can't climb down, Ah can't climb down
Not right now, Ah can't climb down

151. In Ninja Company

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas's "Virginia Company")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Do you need a full Fluttershy bodysuit? Ask Pinkie.

Do you need a dark stealth outfit for breaking and entering a hospital with? Ask Pinkie.

Do you need to be where the pony you're stalking is heading towards first? Ask Pinkie.

She's either a professional ninja (a really good one) or a very enthusiastic amateur.

Midway through Season 2 in
A suit used by Dashie
Was used to break into a room
Like ninja company

And I've got a Fluttershy skin
That I wore in Season 3
Come straight to me for your stealth needs
I'm ninja company

At hide-and-seek, I never lose
I'm ninja company

Oh yes, how do you explain it?
Cos when you try to flee
You run away to somewhere else
And bump straight into me

It's an art, and I have trained it,
Be a stealthy quick pony!
So please hang out with Auntie Pink
I'm ninja company

I give logic no time of day
I'm ninja company

Author's Note

As requested by Dirty Bit

155. Remedies

(Note: Sung to the tune of Phineas and Ferb's "Frenemies")

Sung by Zecora

Need a good cure for what ails ye? With Zecora around, there's a potion for that.

Need to flash-back to the past and suffer bizarre out-of-context hallucinations? There's a potion for that.

Do you wish you were an Oscar Meyer Wiener? Well, there's probably a potion for that too.

I have pick-me-ups
In different cups
When you need to see a medic, baby, I have just the sups
I've got some potions for the trots and
Perfumes, tonics, vials (lots) and
Even simply a nice stiff drink
Or fluid for cleaning out sand!

Cause my remedies
They are all-purpose fixer-uppers
Yes, my recipes
Will put you right before supper!

Three foals asked me for my potions
Trying to be experts on explosions
But I could tell that it would cause some unneeded commotion

Cause my remedies
They are all-purpose fixer-uppers
Yes, my recipes
Will put you right before supper!

Hello there, are you suffering from swine flu?
I've a remedy for that too!

Author's Note

As requested by ShadowLDrago. Now then, could I have some non-Phineas and Ferb suggestions, plz?

156. Get'cha Head Out That Hole

(Note: Sung to the tune of High School Musical's "Get'cha Head In The Game")

Sung by Fluttershy

When you're basically dependent on magic for everything, what does a unicorn DO during Winter Wrap Up when tradition says "no magic"?

Twilight wasn't sure, so she started with Rainbow Dash. But her job involved flying to different places, so that was a bust. So she tried joining Rarity in bird-nest making, but they were so terrible Rarity often had to slap her hooves away and do them herself.

So she tried to join Pinkie in ice-breaking, but magic doesn't give you a lot of muscle tone or coordination, and she crashed.

And sweet Celestia, don't mention what happened when she tried to help Fluttershy wake up hibernating animals. They are NOT morning animals.

I said to not just look in
Because didn't you spot the traces of the shed skin?
Oh, good morning by the way
Gotta go find Twilight, so have a good day!

She ran into a cave
Into flocks of bats
Hope that she's okay...
You gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
You gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Let's make sure that the beehive's alright
She might have broke it when it fell from that height
A second chance, gotta stop her right now
And maybe this time I'll teach her on how!

Wait a minute, get'cha head out that hole
Wait a minute, get'cha head out that hole
Wait a minute, get'cha head out that hole
Oh!

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Why is she doing it wrong?
That cave is no good
The skunk spray, it is strong
She stinks like diseased blight
Oh, good morning, friends!
You better clean that...

Should I recommend Twilight be moved somewhere else?
She wanted to help so much, but now she just smells
Oh no! Twilight found a scorpion's sole
I gotta get get her head out that hole

Now is Twilight okay? Is the stinging too deep?
Should she go on her way? Since the job is too steep
I think I'm going insane
Those bears are bringing the pain...

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha, get'cha head out that hole
Gotta get'cha get'cha getcha head out that hole

158. Everything Is Wrong

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search For Christopher Robin's "Everything Is Right")

Sung by Cheerilee

The answers the Cutie Mark Crusaders gave Cheerilee on their latest test left her rubbing her forehead with her hoof.

Points for thinking outside the box, maybe, but the results did leave something to be desired. Here's an extract:

"Q: Define the term 'partnership'."
"A: A ship that needs two ponies to drive."

Wrongs answers, row after row
First highs and now the lows
Hippies aren't small hippos
What could be more wrong?

"Name six things in Everfree?"
"Four owls, two mice, no, three!"
After school, come see me...
What could be more wrong?

Nothing can go right
Cos everything is wrong
'Free press' is not 'bout ironing!
Nothing can go right
Cos everything is wrong
And everything is wrong, I sing

"When Celestia was crowned,
First thing she did in town?"
No points for just "Sit down"...
What could be more wrong?
Nothing marked as right.

Yes, everything is wrong,
A dead parrot's NOT "polygon"!
Nothing can go right
As long as everything is wrong
And everything IS wrong
Top to bottom
Everything is wrong
Varicose means "close by"?
Don't think that is right...
Perfectly, horribly, totally
I need a drink
Right now...

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

159. Unhappy Scooping Song

(Note: Sung to the tune of Enchanted's "Happy Working Song")

Sung by Fluttershy

Fluttershy shuddered, as she prepared the plastic bags and the scoop. Although this task was routine to her day, she felt it never seemed to get any easier. Perhaps it was because she was a fairly reserved and prudish pony.

As much as she loved her animal friends, she could never get used to poop-scooping duty.

"All right everyone, time to tidy things up!"

Get set, block my nose
As I sing an unhappy little scooping song
Cleaning litter trays that smell so strong
Watch me shovel dung up
Can't leave it, or I'll spoil it
So I clean these square-shaped toilets
As I work along

So I start with little birds first things first
And the worst, the bears poop something grand
Scrub the bird mess off my roof, and sand
To the marching band
Of unhappy scooping songs

All my friends from birds and bees
Give their homes a mopping
Hosing down the lavatories
And scrubbing up the droppings
Ooh!

I try to keep my spirits up with a little
La-da-da-doo-doo,
An apt description of the doo-doo
And I whistle too
Unhappy scooping songs
Oo-ooh
Unhappy scooping songs

Oh, how rank a job to have
Scrubbing all of those lavs
My heart is sighing
Still, as long as I am here
Coming home to cleaner nests
Makes it worth trying
...I'm not crying...

Put my gas mask on, I'll be gone
With unhappy working tunes to hum
For these bear caves make my nostrils hum
Two a day, they find a way
But I'm determined
To toilet-train with some learnin'
Wearing nappies, that's not wrong

Singing as I swap every inch of cave
And the burrows and I make sure to save
My home last
If you cannot sing then hum along
As I finish my unhappy scooping song!

Author's Note

As requested by lalamelody2019.

160. I Never Know What You Are

(Note: Sung to the tune of Treasure Planet's "I'll Always Know Where You Are")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Tank is often mistaken for a turtle. He is definitely not that, but it's hard to remember the exact classification of his species.

Heck, even FLUTTERSHY sometimes forgets Tank is in fact a tortoise. Much to Tank's frustration. But unfortunately he takes so long to voice his objections that nopony hears him.

It's good to have a pet here in this place
But now we have a problem in my home
We all know you are a tortoise, but
I always think you're something else instead

Somehow, we ALL forget
That there's no doubt
That you are not a turtle, no siree
Even though it's plain you're a tortoise
I never know what you are
When I see you there
I never know what you are
What you are

And I tell myself, please do not forget
He really cannot swim, he sinks like stone
But I know that I'm not alone
In thinking he's a creature of the sea

Somehow, we just think
You're something else
A case of mistaken identity
Even though it's plain you're a tortoise
I never know what you are
When I see you there
I never know what you are
What you are

And it's all so clear, but even so
Not even Fluttershy remembers that
You're a tortoise and not a turtle
I never know, I never know what you are

When I see you there
I never know what you are
Shame to say, it's true
I never know what you are
When I see you there
I never know what you are
What you are

161. Your Bother And Mine

(Note: Sung to the tune of Peter Pan's "Your Mother And Mine")

Sung by Rarity and Applejack

Even if Rarity and Applejack have virtually nothing in common in regards to attitude, interests or anything else, there is one thing both mares can agree on.

Their sisters need to learn to plan ahead before they cause more property damage trying to find their cutie marks.

"Well our sisters, now we both love them, but they DO need to cut back on their excursions;
And I've forked out bits fixing all they broke
Civility, all up in smoke!"
Your bother and mine
Your bother and mine

We worry sick over what comes next
They lengths they go leave us perplexed

Your bother and mine
Your bother and mine

What makes sisters all that they are?
Might as well ask, "Why set the bar?"
Why can't they do anything tame?
Their hearts will say,"Cos it's just lame."
Fiascos of their design,
Your bother and mine!

164. The Princess Has Arrived

(Note: Sung to the tune of Meet The Robinsons's "The Future Has Arrived")

Sung by Princess Luna

"Hello, everypony. Did I miss anything?"

Everypony couldn't help but think Princess Luna slept through the best part of the buildup to the wedding (or worst, depending on whether you were one of the victims of the changelings).

And Princess Celestia couldn't help but think, "Again?"

The princess has arrived

The princess's arrived
Nap-time took a dive
So what'd we miss? What's everything about?
It's better for you and it's better for me
If we heard the tale from the mouths of everypony

The princess has arrived
The princess has arrived today

Yes, we're still alive, alive as can be
Rumors of our death, got blown up you see
We just took a nap, and missed out the fun
At least we assume it was, everyone

It's time to catch up
What happened while we were gone?
What's with all the rubble?
And green slime on the lawn?

The princess has arrived
The princess has arrived today
The princess's alive
The princess is alive today

The princess's arrived
Nap-time took a dive
So what'd we miss? What's everything about?
It's better for you and it's better for me
If we heard the tale from the mouths of everypony

It's time to catch up
We woke up to blinding light
And what looked like ponies
Thrown towards the sunrise
You did all see that, right?

The princess has arrived
The princess has arrived today
The princess's alive
The princess is alive today

The princess has arrived
The princess has arrived today
The princess's alive
The princess is alive today

The princess has arrived
The princess has arrived today
The princess's alive
The princess is alive today

The princess has arrived today

165. (Monitor) Every Little Piece

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pete's Dragon's "Every Little Piece")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

It all started when Twilight Sparkle was visited by herself FROM THE FUTURE. She dropped off a message saying not to panic about something happening next Tuesday...and vanished.

The Twilight of the present tried everything to avert the catastrophe, but after realising that she was only looking more and more like Future Twilight, she knew nothing was working.

Clearly, in light of the futile attempts to avert the future, Twilight logically concluded that there was only one thing left to do.

Monitor absolutely EVERYTHING.

Everypony, Everfree, and especially watch for Pinkie

Every little piece
Every little piece
Haven't slept for days on end, for worrying, scurrying

Keep a watchful eye on what passes by
There's enough of town to go around
Listen, listen, listen for the sound

Every little piece
Every little piece
I only have three days left til it hits, so I sit
Watching everything, every horn and wing
Even little bugs that buzz and sting
Will be watched for every little thing

I'm not panicking, no, not I
Just being cautious is all
The smallest speck will never slip by
Until Tuesday I'm playing the spy
Until Tuesday I'm playing the spy

Every little piece
Every little piece
Trying to prevent a bad destiny; and the key
Lies in vigilance, won't stop even once
Every flake of dust will be observed
I have no idea what we deserved

Spying on everypony in town
Going about their life
A first sign tells me what's going down
Watch the screens go all grey-ish brown
Watch the screens go all grey-ish brown

Every little piece, every little crease
I only have til Tuesday
To watch it all, not botch it all
Pinkie still agrees
It makes sense to me

I'll see it all, hear it all
Feel it all, smell it all
Can't you see it's logically sound?
To spy on everything that's all around!

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!
Spy
Watch
I've the nerve to observe
Peep
Pry
I'm spying
Look
See
Do
Vigilance
For a chance
Marks
Glare
Out there lies trouble
Deep

Dragon cartilage keeps you thin
Dragon fat is for burns
A dragon tear will clear up your skin
Watch the profits come rolling in
Watch the profits come rolling in

Spying on everypony in town
Going about their life
A first sign tells me what's going down
Watch the screens go all grey-ish brown
Watch the screens go all grey-ish brown

Every little piece, every little crease
I only have til Tuesday
To watch it all, not botch it all
Pinkie still agrees
It makes sense to me

I'll see it all, hear it all
Feel it all, smell it all
The answer still has not been properly found!
That's why I'll monitor all that's around!

Author's Note

Important: The well runneth dry once again. Throw your suggestions at me, and hopefully it will keep me from going as mad as Twilight was.

Thanks guize!

166. Nopony Else Got Flu

(Note: Sung to the tune of A Goofy Movie's "Nobody Else But You")

Sung by Sweetie Belle

Sweetie woke up one morning feeling extremely snuffly and with a bad case of cough. Which was unfortunate, as that day was the day Cheerilee was taking the class out on a school trip. She didn't say where, saying it was a surprise, but Sweetie couldn't help but feel she was missing something awesome.

Luckily, it turned out to be a box factory, so she missed nothing at all. But she didn't know that.

There are times where I am, shall we say, way hyper
Normally I'm fit as fiddles, that is true
(But just then...)
Still, just when the school trip happens
I get sick and feel like nappin'!
Nopony else got flu

Oh my fever just went up and I'm still coughing
And my health just may be, so to speak, askew
(Achoo! This stinks!)
I can barely get a tune in,
I feel faint and could be swoonin',
Nopony else got flu!

Nopony else got flu
It's just my luck, I'm missing out here
AB and Scootaloo
Are having a great time, and there's no doubt here

So I lost my voice, and I'm still lying down prone
And my cough mixture tastes like alfalfa too!
I'm still coughing and I'm sneezing
And I cannot stop my wheezing
And the cure's worse than the illness, that is true!

I feel light headed and hazy,
A headache pounding like crazy!
It stinks nopony else, but...

Nopony else got flu
I've turned into, a virus carrier
Hard luck, I've had a few
Got the short straw today
Falling ill at this time
Must find someone to blame
For this unhealthy crime

Since nopony else got
F - L - U!

Author's Note

As requested by Sparkfire.

168. A Clawful Of Booty

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "A Spoonful Of Sugar")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

If ever you catch anypony not giving Spike anything extravagant on special occasions, they will swear it's not because they're being stingy.

No, it's because too much swag encourages a dragon's instinct to hoard and turns Spike into a rampaging monster who will take everything and anything within sight. Even the leaves off trees.

With everything he thinks he needs
There is an element of greed
He finds your stuff and snap!
"SPIKE WANT!" it is...
And ev'ry 'give' you spare the rest
He 'takes' with huge interest
The hay! Dear me! It's very clear to see that...

A clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
The dragon stomp 'round tow-own
The dragon stomp 'round town
Just a clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
In a mostly frightful way!

A robin feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
His home got nicked, so he must start again
Spike's quite intent in his pursuit
He wants everypony's loot
Hide all your wares! Don't pause to stop and stare!

Oh, a clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
The dragon stomp 'round tow-own
The dragon stomp 'round town
Just a clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
In a mostly frightful way!

And then down at Sweet Apple Acres
From the apple trees that grow
The apples are gone, and strangely, so's the leaves
Because poor Spike can't help himself
From every box and shelf
He finds (he finds),
He takes (he takes)
We made a big mistake...

Oh, a clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
The dragon stomp 'round tow-own
The dragon stomp 'round town
Just a clawful of booty makes the dragon stomp 'round town
In a mostly frightful way!

169. Shut Up And Die

(Note: Sung to the tune of Wreck-It Ralph's "Shut Up And Drive")

Sung by you...um...if that's alright with you...

All that three quarters of the brony fandom want the Royal Guard Flash Sentry to do is jump on a rake and go away.

Which isn't fair, considering he probably had no influence over any parallel selves he may have.

Not that it detracts from how hilarious it would be to torment him.

I've been looking for a target who is qualified
And so we think things would be great if only he died
I've an OC Twilight could be datin' instead
So for our shipfic he ought to be dead

So if you feel it, let me know, know, know
Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?
My fanfic's ready to explode, explode, explode
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

Cos he's just generic and stuff, if you know what I mean
He's a one-off character who's barely seen
Can you handle the rage? Will he die for your ship?
If he will, baby boy, then he'll have a nice trip

Straight down seven flights of stairs in 3.5
Sentry, you're loved by none
Now shut up and die, die, die
Shut up and die, die, die

In the world of fanfics almost no-one is straight
Why should we stop with Twilight? Cos it's probably too late
He looks like he was made from the blandest of parts
Cos he's not got personality, he got no heart

So if you feel it, let me know, know, know
Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?
My fanfic's ready to explode, explode, explode
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

Cos he's just a big plot device, if you know what I mean
He's a one-off character, so we're not keen
Can you handle the rage? Will he die for your ship?
If he will, baby boy, then he'll have a nice trip

In a large vat of batter in 3.5
Sentry, you're loved by none
Now shut up and die, die, die
Shut up and die, die, die

I'm just saying it's what I see
Bought it, bought it, saw it, on the TV
There was Flash Sentry, barring us entry
He's getting all chummy, I died inside
And cried, cried, cried

So if you feel it, let me know, know, know
Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?
My fanfic's ready to explode, explode, explode
So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

Cos he's just a flat character, if you know what I mean
He's the perfect excuse for us all to get mean
Can you handle the rage? Will he die for your ship?
If he will, baby boy, then he'll have a nice trip

Down a sixty-foot deep well in 3.5
Sentry, you're loved by none
Now shut up and die, die, die
Shut up and die, die, die
Shut up and die, die, die
Shut up and die, die, die

171. Gonna Blind You

(Note: Sung to the tune of Camp Rock's "Gotta Find You")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Always remember to close your eye when you get to the 'stick a cupcake in my eye' bit of a Pinkie Promise.

Twilight sometimes forgets that, before being painfully reminded. She wonders if maybe for safety purposes it ought to be revised.

Every time I make a Pinkie Promise swear...
And go through all the motions as you do,
I think it's somewhat hazardous to any mare
To poke out their own eye, I swear it's true!

I need to remember to stop my hoof
Or just close that eye, you goof...

Cos the first few steps' easy enough
But make sure your hoof holds back
Before it blinds you
It's gonna blind you
I'm still missing all my sight
I have but one good eye
Pinkie Swears blind you
It's gonna blind you
Oh yeah, yeah yeah

I recall somepony made the promise twice
But didn't think to close up either eye
And so for the whole day, patches over both eyes
She couldn't take them off until that night!

She needs to remember to stop my hoof
Or just close that eye, that goof...

Cos the first few steps' easy enough
But make sure your hoof holds back
Before it blinds you
It's gonna blind you
I'm still missing all my sight
I have but one good eye
Pinkie Swears blind you
It's gonna blind you
Oh yeah, yeah yeah

Been saying "cross my heart and hope to fly"
The last bit makes the newbies want to cry
As they poke themselves right where it stings
That's gotta hurt... you poor old thing
Oh! Before it blinds you...Yeah

Cos the first few steps' easy enough
But make sure your hoof holds back
Before it blinds you
It's gonna blind you
Yeah yeah!
I'm still missing all my sight
I have but one good eye
Pinkie Swears blind you
It's gonna blind you

Cos the first few steps' easy enough
But make sure your hoof holds back
Before it blinds you
It's gonna blind you
I'm still missing all my sight
I have but one good eye
Pinkie Swears blind you
It's gonna blind you

Yeah! Yeah!
It's gonna blind you...

Author's Note

As requested by lalamelody2019.

173. I Will Go Failing No More

(Note: Sung to the tune of Toy Story's "I Will Go Sailing No More")

Sung by Button Mash

He just wanted to finally conquer that Celestia-blasted boss. Was that so much to ask?

Button Mash couldn't understand what was wrong with what he was doing. It was supposed to be flawless, and yet...

I got to the Air-Pony boss,
But I always die
Tossing tornadoes a lot
He's a pain in my flank, no lie!
So I try to go get behind him,
Still, I hit the floor
But I will go failing no more!

I shoot as fast as I can,
Reaction time's too slow
Result's always constant,
My lives stripped off row by row
If I had that Item Two,
I would breeze right through this floor!
But I will go failing no more!

But no, it can't be true!
Got his health whittled down to two,
And I feel I should cry,
I then got nicked in the side,
And I died!

Clearly, I will be failing some more...

Author's Note

...Yes, references to THAT song was intentional.

175. One Pass

(Note: Sung to the tune of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves's "One Song")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

When Princess Celestia sent Twilight Sparkle an invitation to the Grand Galloping Gala, she sent two tickets: one ticket each for herself and a VIP.

Twilight found it very puzzling. Surely Princess Celestia couldn't have forgotten that she had 5 friends...and Spike.

So the question was, who was most deserving to go to the Gala with her?

One pass
I have but one pass
One pass
To Canterlot

One friend
To take to the Gala
Whom would I rather
Fill up the slot?

One pass
What had possessed her
To send
Not seven, but two?

One pass
My heart keeps singing
Of one pass
Only for who?

176. Most Discouraging Thing

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Sword In The Stone's "Most Befuddling Thing")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Pinkie tends to say the most disheartening things at the worst possible time in the worst possible place.

That's probably why Twilight actively discourages Pinkie from being a therapist as a career choice.

I can't help but feel, right here and now
I say most discouraging things
When you need a motivating vow
I just leave you crying and shaking...
Once, Fluttershy was nervous
So, what'd I say and do?
Crowds must have left her shaking
And she sounded like a dude

Another time somepony was sad
She said she'd destroy all the work she had
And I said the wrong thing right there
"Just try it, you gutless mare!"
It's a most discouraging, most discouraging thing

I can't but feel that partially
That it might be me being harsh-ly
It's a hope-abandoning
Most dismembering
Most dismantling
Most disheartening
Most disconcerting
Most discouraging
Thing!

177. With A Few Good Shots

(Note: Sung to the tune of Piglet's Big Movie's "With A Few Good Friends")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

With all of the Pinkie clones finally rounded up, all that was left was to see who would have the most sense to hold their attention. In other words, who was the real Pinkie and not a single-minded clone.

Twilight readied her horn to zap the clones back to the Mirror Pool, and watched.

With a few good shots and a mind so cool,
We're sending the clones to the Mirror Pool
With a flash and a zap or three or four,
Until there's no Pinkie horde anymore

That one just dozed off
Zap, and you're fried
That one pulled a face
Charge up, let it fly

With a few good shots and a mind so clear,
We're sending the clones right on outta here
With a flash and a zap or three or four,
I'm hitting the ones who are clearly bored

Out you go
The paint's still wet
That a yawn I see?
Guess what you get!

With a few good shots and a steady eye,
I have now made all the clones of Pinkie fry
With a flash and a zap or three or four,
There's only one left still sitting on the floor

179. A Mare's Bad Dreams

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mary Poppins's "A Man Has Dreams")

Sung by Princess Luna

For as long as she had been Princess of the Night, Luna had visited the dreams of her subjects, interpreting what they saw as visions of a possible future.

Before she learnt to be a little more gentle and encouraging in trying to avert the bad ones, Princess Luna tended to be extremely blunt and frank. Which, while effective, was extremely traumatizing for the sleeping ponies.

A mare's bad dream of falling from windows
To swat a fly from the property she owns
Before the mare can catch herself
She takes a fall off the shelf
And that's what will come to pass
The longer she hates insects
I scared her straight by showing her her bones

Please wash your hooves, otherwise, if you're hurt
You touch a bad wound (sorry if you're bereft)
And now your limb's high functions go with one fell blow
An amputation's all that's left

A moment of neglect, that is all it takes
To crush your life forever due to one mistake

A moment of neglect goes a long, long way
'Part from that, you're golden. Have a lovely day!

Please don't photocopy your flank
And do not even think
'bout stapling it to your boss's face
Your life will end up down the sink
You'll crash into obscurity
Poverty's near too
Because you see, I always know
What you would do

You're gonna grind, grind, grind
At that grindstone
If you don't study now while you can
Stop bullying those blank-flanks
Or you'll contract
Bad ebola, karma's the man
Just that moment of clarity
To 'elp the bitter pill go down
The bitter pill go down, the bitter pill go down

Author's Note

Also, don't write Mary Sues or your writing hand will explode in fire and blood. G'night.

180. Tom Dan, He Is Another Rock

180. Tom Dan, He Is Another Rock

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Rescuers's "Tomorrow Is Another Day")

Sung by Applejack

Rarity thought that they agreed to never speak of 'it' again.

Applejack knew she was the only one who promised that. And she had a lot of fun annoying Rarity until it was time for the final showdown with Discord.

Tom the rock
Ya hauled a giant boulder
Right over yer own shouder
Tom the rock

Sing a song
When ya thought it was a diamond
Ya hoarded like a tyrant
Sing a song

Is it wrong
To like it like a comet
To put a ring right on it?
Is it wrong?

To be conned
To think Tom Dan was so precious
That he's too valuable to mentions
Is to be conned

We'll catch the grey mare
With Twilight's flyin' balloon
And we'll clear the cloudy skies
The same way Tom deceived your eyes

Betcha bits
Just admit
Ya wouldn't let it wander
And Ah was like "Why dont'cha MARRY it?"

He's a rock
'Cause he's no diamond, really
Now that y'all can see clearly
He's a rock

Tom Dan, he is another rock
Diamonds? What a load o' crock!

181. Tastes Like Feet

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brother Bear 2's "Feels Like Home")

Sung by Spike

Baked Bads have a rather unique taste. It is therefore rather difficult to explain, but Spike was certainly going to give it a try.

Learning how to judge again
What baked bads are like
Knowing I can taste the things
Goin' in the mouth of Spike

I sense a hint of worms inside
Corn chips, kinda dried
And what I didn't know I want in life
Like powdered grit and weeds
So many things I've been eating
Not sure but
It's not entirely bad

Now I realize
Please don't ask where I learnt
The taste of juice that's burnt
Or soda eight years old

Now I realize
Gangrene and stomach gas
Spoiled food and wilted grass
With a twist of spoiled food and dirty laundry

And this tastes like feet
Feet, feet
Tastes just like feet
Tastes just like feet

The aftertaste, like despair calling
With nihilistic loathing falling
(I remember standing downwind of an art snob)
Of an art snob

Now I realize
Tastes just like feet
Tastes just like feet
It tastes just like feet
Tastes just like feet
Tastes like feet

Now I realize
Please don't ask where I learnt
The taste of juice that's burnt
Or soda eight years old

Now I realize
Gangrene and stomach gas
Spoiled food and wilted grass
With a twist of spoiled food and dirty laundry

And this tastes like feet
This tastes like feet
Feet, feet
Tastes just like feet
Tastes just like feet

182. The Three S's

(Note: Sung to the tune of Schoolhouse Rock! Earth's "The Three R's")

Sung by Gilda

Contrary to what you may think, Gilda the griffin does not actually discriminate against ponies. She hates them, yes, but only because she seems to hate everyone. It's just that she hates them more.

I, I, I hate you lame-os
I, I, I hate you lame-os
I, I, I hate you lame-o ponies
I cannot take your dullness
No, I can't
You're a bunch of losers
Because two times six is twelve
Twelve add seven is nineteen
And the nineteenth letter in the alphabet is S
I got three S's
I'm gonna talk about today

You gotta learn to
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That

I was going to the market on edge of town
Bumped into Nervous Wreck Yellow Crybaby Face
You gotta learn to sit down
Are all of you dweebs just that sensitive?
Minding everyone in sight, that just ain't no way to live
Shut up
You gotta learn to shut up
If the two S's don't work out
Stop featherin' crying your eyes out
Just stop that
You gotta learn to just stop that!

You gotta learn to
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That

Cause I! cannot stomach babies
Oh no I can't!
I hate you lame-o ponies! See!
See!
3,6,9,12,18,21,24,27,30,33,36,
33,30,27,24,21,18,12,9,6,3!
Break a leg. I mean it
Go for it
Break a leg. I mean it

Gotta learn
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
Sit Down, Shut Up, and Stop That
I hate you lame-o ponies

185. Very Questionable Advice

(Note: Sung to the tune of Alice In Wonderland's "Very Good Advice")

Sung by Diamond Tiara

At the last Summer Wrap Up Festival, Diamond Tiara ran an advice booth. For a few bits, she offered advice on everything, from relationships, to money, to everything in between.

The brilliance of the whole scheme was that no matter the result, they still paid, so they advice didn't even have to be good. Or at least, that was what the more cynical would believe.

The truth was simpler. And also more embarrassing. She didn't realize it was bad.

I give you all very good advice
So for some bits I say what I mean
Always type in Comic Sans for everything
Impatience, is very good advice
Just never accept criticism
Don't make any change
Should someone say you stink
Well, babies ALWAYS save relationships
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TYPE IN CAPITALS
IT GETS POINTS ACROSS LIKE NO OTHER WAY
Someday...someday
I give you all very good advice
So for some bits I say what I mean
Will you ever learn to do the things you should?
Will you ever learn to do the things you should?

Author's Note

...I would have used the Fluttershy meme but she'd probably never do that so here we are.

186. Your Funny Hat And Me

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Emperor's New Groove's "My Funny Friend And Me")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Applejack grumbled. Making their way through life in the alternate Equestria was already hard enough. And then THIS happened; the seven of them were thrown in a dungeon.

"Ya just had to make fun of their helmets, didn't ya? They were probably gonna just give us a slap on the hoof until ya mentioned the helmets."

"What?" protested Twilight. "I was making an observation! It is a funny hat!"

In the darkest hour of reckoning
When the guards assume positions
And this world's Sombra gives orders
To the Royal Inquisition
To the guards who wear the strangest things there
Helmets that look like Sombra King
Though they were kind to me, yet they reminded me

That they looked absurdly comic
And in hindsight it was stupid
And when a new world needs protecting
Though its residents are putrid
I insulted a guard there
And the whole world I know was upside down
And now the guards are hacked
Right off, they're coming back

You see the helmets on their big heads
If looks could kill then I would be quite dead
Observe the helmets on their big heads
I was just being honest with what I said
There's less tacky things to wear instead
What a predicament in which to be!
But that unusual thing called your funny hat and me!

I'm not as civil as I thought I was
And I think I regret what I said because
We wound up in a dungeon
We wound up in the clink
And it is all because I told a guard exactly what I think
And Applejack's not pleased with me
We could have all been let go with just slaps to the knee
And we could've made it through
Curse your funny hat and me!

You see the helmets on their big heads, yeah, yeah, yeah
If looks could kill then I would be quite dead
That stupid helmet as a stallion's cap
I don't know whether if it's all a trap

Just like the helmets on their big heads, I look quite foolish
We're all imprisoned 'till the end this time, (don't know, you don't know)
I wish I had just stayed at home in bed, (we'll stick together)
We're all imprisoned 'till the day we die

If I had to do this all a second time
I won't complain or make a fuss
'Bout what? You know that!
I won't mention in chat
'Bout those strange funny hats
Not us!

Author's Note

Based on the comics

187. Good Comedy

(Note: Sung to the tune of Oliver And Company's "Good Company")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

How do you stop two small foals from crying when you're babysitting? Well, Pinkie tried a few things, one of which was a comedy act.

"Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight! Where y'all from?" asked Pinkie, putting a mike to them. They didn't answer, but Pinkie carried on anyway.

"Wow, that's great."

My tree died, got 'nother like it, see
Now I got TWO dead trees
I'm trying to make good comedy,
You from me
Yes, the cold-air balloon
Didn't take off that soon...
To you two from me
I'm trying to make good comedy,
You and me
Yes, tonight the show's free!

Start the day with a smile, I say
Get it over with, see!
I'm trying to make good comedy,
You and me
Just wait and see

There was a short pause, and then Pumpkin and Pound burst into tears again.

"Wow. Tough crowd," Pinkie remarked.

Author's Note

Sir Alexander Graham Ben got the first wrong telephone call.

189. Exploit It

(Note: Sung to the tune of In Search Of The Castaways's "Enjoy It")

Sung by Sunset Shimmer

The world of humans was admittedly rather disconcerting to Sunset Shimmer when she first escaped from Equestria, but she wasn't Princess Celestia's ex-student for nothing.

All she had to do was liken Canterlot High to a slightly better funded prison, adapt accordingly, and she had it made. Until that Twilight Sparkle came along, anyway.

Why cry about dumb teachers? Exploit it!
Take note of handy features, exploit it!
I'm a student here at Canterlot High, playing the fools
Don't let a chance go trot by, here at high school

The student council's lazy? Exploit it!
My craftiness is crazy, employ it!
I climb the social hierarchy,
Start my reign in one two three,
Voila, that’s life, exploit it!

I get passes out of gym class, I’ll exploit it!
I start fights in the library, I enjoy it!
Jocks v Nerds, on their turf? Enjoy the brawl!
The adults and the freshmen? Exploit them all!

There’s a photo editor, exploit it!
And the school head just hit her, enjoy it!
Coming up is the school formal,
Why I will just dwarf 'em all!
Voila, that’s right, exploit it!

Pass the buck to timid freshmen? Exploit it!
Do you know some stupid yes-men? Exploit it!
I'm a student here at Canterlot High, playing the fools
Don't let a chance go trot by, here at high school

A fire alarm is nearby? Exploit it!
There's too much noise to hear by, exploit it!
Oh yes the school is one big game,
Work with dorks and dunces lame,
Voila, that’s life, exploit it!

Author's Note

As requested by deathtap.

190. Grumps

(Note: Sung to the tune of Sleeping Beauty's "Skumps")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Funny how Pinkie seems to be attracted to individuals who's personality couldn't be any more different than hers. Or maybe they're attracted to her...

Pinkie remembers two of the grouchiest individuals she's met, and her opinion of them when all was said and done.

Grumps!
Grumps!
Grumps!
Like Cranky Don-kay!
He's bald and was grouchy,
But at end of the day,
Once he found his girlfriend, he turned out okay!
Grumps! Grumps! Grumps!

Grumps!
Grumps!
Like Gilda griffon!
There is no soft centre,
Only hate by the ton!
Meanie among meanies, that half-bird is no fun!
Grumps! Grumps! Grumps!

192. How To Be A Brony (Guest Submission by Sky Blue CMC)

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Tigger Movie's "How To Be A Tigger")

Sung by you...um...if that's alright with you...

How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony is up to you
Ah, you've got to look like a Brony
And sound like a Brony?
And act like a Brony too

If we paint pink stripes on our underwear
And glue on horse ears too
We're bound to appear far more as Bronies do
(Unquestionably)

Maybe we could all say "Spike the Dragon"
And shout "Hoo-hoo-hoo-hooooo!"
We all might sound a lot more Bronyish too
Ha-ha, ya think?

And that is how to be a Brony
How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony is up to you

You've got to look like a Brony
And sound like a Brony
And act like a Brony too

If we break things up and knock things down
And leave the place a mess
That's the thing that Bronies do the best
(I ought to know)

And if I don't eat honey
From the honey pot

Ol' Bronies will plainly see
I must be another Brony because
I couldn't possibly be me

And that is how to be a Brony
How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony is up to you

You've go to look like a Brony
And sound like a Brony
And act like a Brony, um, also

Um, if we could all be happy
Full of friendliness and cheer
He'll surely see we are his family!

Ah, we're filled with joy and laughter
And the happiness he starts
And feel it from the bottom of our hearts

And that is how to be a Brony
How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony is up to you
You've got to think like a Brony
Wearing pink like a Brony
With a happy hoo-hoo-hoo

How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony
How to be a Brony is up to you

You've gotta think like a Brony
Wearing pink like a Brony
With a happy hoo-hoo-hoo-hooooo

Author's Note

I'm more partial to a fetching shade of grey, myself.

194. Falling Off Ya

(Note: Sung to the tune of Teen Beach Movie's "Falling For Ya")

Sung by Spike

"Cutie Pox," Twilight read aloud from Perplexing Pony Plagues, over the sounds of Applebloom's uncontrollable tap-dancing. "This puzzling pony plague afflicted a population of ponies back in the paleopony period!"

"Say THAT ten times fast!" Spike smiled.

Un-amused, Twilight kicked Spike off her back and continued to read.

The day started ordinary
Me and the books
(Oohh Oohh)
It was the same old story
But then outside I looks
(Oohh Oohh)

I'm not the type
To grouch and to gripe
'Bout somepony's ills
(It takes extra skill)
I just laugh instead
At the other's expense
(Take a cheap shot at that text)

And now I'm falling off ya
Falling off ya
I know I shouldn't but I
I just can't stop myself from
Making remarks

Falling off ya
I still think it was worth it
And now I'm falling off you

Now I'm lying dizzy
Crashed into a shelf
(That hurt)
Started off so busy
Now I hurt myself
(Oohh Oohh)

Twi's not the kind
To goof 'round and find
My words ring of truth
(When trouble's ahoof)
And although my head
Feels like two tons of lead
(I regret nothing, I said)

And now I'm falling off ya
Falling off ya
I know I shouldn't but I
I just can't stop myself from
Making remarks
Making remarks

Can't button my big mouth shut
And now I'm falling off you

Feels like I tumbled
From another world
Into that wall
But it's true, you know
I know you'll stumble
But I know for sure
Can't say that fast
Too many p's to unfurl (Aaaaaaaahhh)

And now I'm falling off ya
Falling off ya
I know I shouldn't but I
I just can't stop myself from
Making remarks
Making remarks

Can't button my big mouth shut
And now I'm falling off you

195. The Gift Of Bruises So Long

(Note: Sung to the tune of Sleeping Beauty's "The Gift Of Beauty And Song")

Sung by Mr. Cake

Mr Cake could read all of the parenting books that he wanted, but none of them ever taught him how to deal with a screaming wife, threatening to get off the hospital bed and strangle him.

The worst part was that since it was twins, it would be twice as painful for all involved.

One punch, pain received,
Having a foal's hard indeed,
Pinkie's just learnt four new words,
Longest stream of swears that I've ever heard!

One kick, she's on the assault
Screaming how it's all my fault!
I think I'll just get out her way...
Or else I'll be nursing bruises all day!

197. Blah Blah Blah

Note: Sung to the tune of Lady And The Tramp's "La La Lu"

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Trixie

"Look!" Lyra cried, pointing her hoof at Twilight. "I think something exciting is happening!"

Blah blah blah, magic blah!
Oh, yap yap something something
I'll make it clearer to you

Blah blah blah, amulet blah.
Mumble mumble yap something
Here comes my revenge on you

Blah blah blah, no mouth blah?
Mumble mumble no deal
Loser leaves town and stays out!?

Blah blah blah, time to duel blah!!!!
And may the strongest win this!
Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah!

"Oops, my mistake." Lyra remarked, and turned back to her smoothie.

Author's Note

As requested by deathtap.

Guess what ELSE I've been watching recently?

Smoothie Lyra still don't care.

199. Almost There (Until The 200th Chapter)

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Princess And The Frog's "Almost There")

Sung by Brony_of_Brody

Sweet Celestia, has it really been 199 chapters?

Readers! I don't have time for writing!
That's just gonna have to wait a while
Ain't got time for messing around
Gotta climb some stiles

This old crock has writer's block
And I'm taking it easy 'kay?
I dunno exactly when I'll be back
But I WILL return somehow, someday

But I'm almost there, I'm almost there
Rarity, AJ, Twi, Pinkie, and other mares
The two-hundredth chapter, I'll write my share
Even real obligations won't stop me cause I'm almost there

I remember something told me: "Parodies are funny
You gotta write 'em somehow, make 'em light and sunny"
So I worked real hard each and every night
Even though a few were kinda sh- alright

Just doing what I do
Fimfiction, I'm coming through!

Well, I'm almost there, I'm almost there
Not on Equestria Daily anywhere
But I'm almost there,
I'm almost there
I just need a decent song list,
Til I restart, it's fair

But I've worn the keyboard, I've checked the comments,
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there,
I'm almost there!

Author's Note

As requested by Le_DragonBroneE.

I'm going to be frank: next chapter will be the 200th. After that, I will be putting this fanfic on hiatus until more information regarding Season 5 and the Rainbow Rocks movie comes out. Or until I can get back into the swing of things and actually have a decent list of songs to use, whichever is sooner.

There's also the fact that life at the moment isn't affording too many breaks for me, and so I would like to get those out the way before I start again. However, I HAVE songs I know that I can use (and have tentative titles for), so I certainly don't plan on letting this die without a decent wrap-up. I just need time to get new ideas together, that's all. So Season 5 needs to hurry up like seriously.

So thanks a bunch for all those who stopped by to thumb me up, fave or comment, you guys are ace.

200. The 200th Chapter Wrap-Up...(until life's calmed down a little)

Hello, and welcome to the 200th Chapter! So ShadowLDrago suggested I use this chapter to write about my top 10 Villain Song parodies to celebrate this milestone. I guess I could do that.

I'm joined today by Time Turner, as co-host for the event. And before you ask, no, I didn't ponynap him.

"What ACTUALLY happened was that I was hacked off about not even getting ONE song about me in 200 chapters and so I decided to do something about it!"

And I explained to him that plenty of others like Colgate and Cloud Kicker didn't get one either, but he wouldn't listen...so he crashed into my attic in some blue box out of spite.

"It wasn't SPITE," Time Turner scoffed. "It was a calculated act of revenge. Spite implies that I was the one at fault first."

...Right.

But regardless, I will soldier on. Let's start the countdown, shall we?

And so, my top ten songs sung about a villain or by a villain ARE...

10. Chapter 46: Don't Like Me
I wrote this one after someone suggested Friend Like Me. It was actually meant to be about Princess Celestia at first, but if the other songs are anything to go by, you should know I don't touch similar situations with a 100 foot pole. And so after spending about 10 minutes thinking of a rhyme for friend, I said "forget this" and decided to write about somepony nopony seemed to like very much.

"Me?" Time Turner asked. "You haven't written about me, ever!"

No, of course n...I meant in their own universe.

"...Oh."

I think it fitted quite well, myself. I wrote another Aladdin song about Blueblood before and felt this was a fitting prequel.

9. Chapter 14: We Multiply
I didn't intend to do this one. I mean, how many rhymes for lullaby ARE there?

"I actually know several million civilizations whose languages have an EXACT rhyme!" Time Turner piped up.

Stop competing, I don't KNOW several million civilizations.

"Homework for you, then."

Shut up. But regardless, I'm proud of how this turned out. I felt the rhymes were pretty natural, and I was actually (for once) able to adhere to someone's submitted scenario. I think I've only ever done that like twice...?

"Because you only spend like half an hour at most on every song!" Time Turner pointed out.

I don't have all the time in the world, unlike you, smart-flank!

8. Chapter 64: Button
In keeping with tradition, I made this song about mocking somepony. I thought about simply leaving it until I could find somepony to sarcastically praise, but I didn't think it would be funny enough.

It was hard at first, since I couldn't think of anypony in canon who achieved the status of universal chew-toy.

"So you took somepony who only ever got expanded on in a fan-animation and ran with it."

It seemed acceptable; that's his most popular portrayal and so it was fine.

"Speaking of universal chew-toys," Time Turner mused, "I once came across a being who was literally chewing ON the universe itself. It was terrible. My best suit ruined."

How?

"Don't ever ask how, it spoils things. Like a magician's trick."

7. Chapter 72: Ol' Ms Harshwhinny
Not one of my faves myself, but it was very popular with commentors. It seems despite the awkward sounds it was well-liked and apparently funny, so at least there's that.

"I heard you were going to set it in one of the human worlds since she's a teacher at a school called MRS Harshwhinny," Time Turner remarked, scratching his chin with his hoof.

I did, yes, but I didn't know enough about that version and it seemed like too much work just to make it sound better. At least I used a title someone suggested when making the request so I can't be blamed.

6. Chapter 31: The Brony King In Media
I swear to Celestia the original song was ABOUT a villain. I don't think Sethisto or Equestria Daily in general are villains.

"Outwardly, perhaps. You didn't get featured."

Unfortunately not. This one brings back memories though; it was the first song I wrote that was intended to be sung by the reader and the reader alone. I had fun writing it; I do enjoy tributes. Like the Crackle one that would come many chapters later.

"You wrote a song about a one-off character but not about me."

Because you're not enough of a...dark horse.

...Time Turner just punched me.

5. Chapter 109: Yes, My Plot Is
"A TV show song?" Time Turner asked.

Not just a TV song; a TV song with a word so unrhyme-able that I was intending to just leave the stupid thing. BUT THEN, by a stroke of inspiration, I realized all I had to do was pull a Chapter 17 and turn the word into a phrase.

"Really?" Time Turner said incredulously. "You couldn't think of a subject other than somepony's butt?"

I still don't regret anything. I said it in the notes and it still holds true.

"Pervert."

Shut up. I enjoy this one because of the sense of achievement in fulfilling a really difficult request. And also because the one who requested it pitched so many ideas to me to get me this far.

"Did the repeat requests not bother you?" Time Turner asked.

Not really, a comment's a comment.

"You are so lonely."

Hello pot, I'm kettle. Have we met?

4. Chapter 165: (Monitor) Every Little Piece
I cheated slightly on this one. I inserted a word into the title just to get a completely different scenario to the original. Come to think of it, I may do it more often.

"You just DID. Last chapter. Literally," Time Turner pointed out.

Because it was appropriate? But anyway, I rank this where it is because I like to write about ponies doing really dumb things. Or say something off-hoof that everypony picks up on. And I thought it turned out okay.

"You could have made it about me, you know," Time Turned scowled. "I monitor what's going on too!"

No-one ever sees you, though.

"But you KNOW..."

Not in established canon! The best we have is your trading card! And it would be more about your other appearances in that other show anyway.

"Has that ever stopped you?"

When no-one writes about you as anything other than a guy from another planet? Yes! Seriously, make normal Time Turner a trend, folks!

3. Chapter 81: Mishap Off Sandy Shores
This was another "how am I gonna make a rhyming parody" request.

"You responded to it admirably though, admittedly," Time Turner remarked. "By next chapter, you had it."

Well, it was just lucky that 'sandy' correlates with an event I know. It was sort of like the Circle of Life parody in that I spent time looking for something that rhymed with 'kidnap' before realizing what the obvious solution was.

I liked this one, largely because it was canon, which I prefer to write about (or at least canon enough), but also because narration stories are some of my favorites to do.

Also, because pirates.

"Heck yeah pirates," Time Turner nodded.

2. Chapter 188: Whine, Whine, Whine
This one was a case of having the title, but not wanting to submit it. This was because four score and twenty chapters ago...

"It was one hundred and seventy chapters ago, actually," Time Turner sighed.

FOUR SCORE AND TWENTY CHAPTERS AGO, I wrote about a similar situation. I really only wrote this one out of sheer lack of other ideas at the time.

"Well, it was TECHNICALLY different," Time Turner remarked. "One about the events in the present, and one about the aftermath."

Yeah, that was sort of a consolation. But even so, I did have a ton of fun writing it, because imagining Rarity screech-singing would be funny, and also because the title made so. Much. Sense. It fitted so neatly I couldn't ignore it anymore and started typing.

And the number one villain song parody is...

1. Chapter 84: Lie On Lie
This, for me, was what took the top spot. I was told it was cleverly written, I was able to write about somepony I had never used before (who had technically been turned into a villain), and I had a lot of fun going nuts about writing several outlandish things to tell people.

"You stole a lot of them, didn't you?" Time Turner accused, pointing a hoof at me.

Because the guy who wrote them was a genius and I was stuck for anything funnier, okay?

"Can I point out that one of them was not actually a lie?" the brown Earth Pony asked.

What wasn't?

"I HAVE started a fire by rubbing the heads of two red-maned ponies together once."

WHAT.

"You would be surprised at the friction necessary to start the fire," Time Turner nodded. "It's how I managed to distract The Smooze long enough to escape."

I don't even...how did you do that?

"Oh, I just used my magic to speed my movements up," he replied off-hoofedly. "Don't try it yourself though, it hurts. For all parties involved."

I can imagine.

-

Well, that's that. All that remains is for me to thank my loyal readers...

"And promise to write a song about me someday!" Time Turner loudly reminded me.

...Possibly, and to wrap this up with one final song before I start to remove Time Turner's blue box from my roof..

Aaaaaaaaaaand as a special treat for the peoples who stuck with me and actually read and commented, I present...the song that started it all (and was requested so often by readers), cleaned up by me. (So I can't be credited for writing the ENTIRE parody) So here. You deserve it.

Angel Bunny's Hellfire

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame's "Hellfire")

Interpretive Dance by Angel Bunny

Princess Celestia, you know I am a cuddly guy
Of my fuzziness I'm justly proud
Princess Celestia, I'm huggable and you know why
I'm cuter than the tortoise and the owl!

Then tell me, Celestia, why she won't make my food nice,
Why my special salad's but a dream!
I feel it, I see it, the cherry and the orange slice,
The watercress and toppings of whipped cream!

Like FIRE! Hellfire! This fire in my skin!
This burning desire is turning me to sin!

It's not my fault
I'm not to blame
It is the pegasus who makes my food so lame!
It's not my fault
If in your plan
You feed me cauliflower, broccoli and flaaaaaaaan!

Protect me, Celestia, from eating all that junk as well,
Don't let that garbage sear my flesh and bone!
Destroy her, Celestia, and let her taste the fires of hell,
Unless she makes this salad like I've shown!

Hellfire, dark fire! Now pegasus, it's your turn!
It's down to the wire...make it or you will burn!

Celestia have mercy on her...
Celestia have mercy on me...
But I'll have my lunch or she
Will
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!

Author's Note

...Whew. Well that's that.

However, it isn't QUITE the end. I won't be updating this anymore, but I WILL continue to write for the upcoming sequel (yeah, it has to be, scrolling through two-hundred's a pain in the flank). I'll take it off the ground when life stops being evil and I have enough songs to maintain one every day as usual. I'll post the link when I have it up.

So again, thanks to all of you who let me know what you thought even if it was a thumbs down! And see you at the sequel!

We Have A Very Important Message

(Note: Sung to the tune of Muppets Most Wanted's "We're Doing A Sequel") NO NO THAT'S WAY TOO OBVIOUS

Ahem.

Sequel's up.

96. The Lack of Rhythm

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Jungle Book 2's "The Jungle Rhythm")

Sung by Spike

Twilight Sparkle cannot dance. Spike has known this for a while, and he has made every attempt to try and hide it.

Unfortunately, Twilight’s extreme lack of musical sense has since made manifest at one of the many parties Rarity has attended (it was a high-brow event, to add onto the embarrassment), at the Royal Wedding, in another world’s dance event…

So Twilight Sparkle has next to no dance skills
And you may want to avert your eyes
When you see (see what?)
See the lack of rhythm
Those hooves are tap-tap-tappin' the dance floor
Her moves cause all who watch to cry
Plain as day
It’s the lack of rhythm

Now she’s like an elephant out in the jungle
But it never hits her heart
First she feels that beat start
Bubbling under
Then both her two left legs
Start to blunder

(It’s shaming me!)
Or she’s wooden as a tree
When she dances
Watch the lack of rhythm
Watch the lack of rhythm

(Come on, Twilight!)
Can't do without rhythm
And when it fills the air
Noblefolk everywhere
Would rather leave
I’ll come along with 'em
I can’t watch anymore
She'll stomp her hooves!
Out of synch!
Stick to writing, I should think!

Oh boy…!
That’s not it!
Uh ha, uh ha!

Check out those chat-chat-chattering ponies
Quietly making themselves scarce
They can’t take (they can’t take)
All the lack of rhythm
Looks like a pony spasming wildly
Silence all those harmonies
I can’t take (I can’t take)
All the lack of rhythm
Yeah! That's it!

Now she’s like an elephant out in the jungle
But it never hits her heart
First she feels that beat start
Bubbling under
Then both her two left legs
Start to blunder

(It’s shaming me!)
Or she’s wooden as a tree
When I feel (When I feel)
When she dances (When she dances)
(When she dances) (When she dances)
Watch the lack of rhythmmmm (x5)

Author's Note

Four...

73. Whatever The Box May Be

(Note: Sung to the tune of Home On The Range's "Wherever The Trail May Lead")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie

When Twilight and her friends returned the Elements of Harmony back to their resting place, the Tree of Harmony, it then offered up a box, with six keyholes, and yet no keys whatsoever.

Speculation was rife as to what was inside, particularly amongst Twilight and Pinkie. Twilight thought it had something to do with their upcoming destiny.

Pinkie thought once it was open, it would be a great box for presents.

From the tree, a small locked chest
Six keys used to pass this test,
Who knows where they are?
But what I just want to know is,
What it’s got inside to show is
Needing to be on par.

Maybe there’s candy inside,
A pony called Jack, or three?
But I promise you,
I'll solve this too,
Whatever the box may be.

It may house some ancient magic,
Or it seals up something tragic
Locked inside the cube...
Or it might have pirate treasure,
Gold and gems, or for good measure,
A rolled up cardboard tube!

Is it connected to my fate,
My royal princess duty?
I’d laugh if it’s just
A red herring, a bust,
Whatever the box may be.

Caught both our attentions
We’d have to wait and see,
Whatever that box is trying to hide.
Or it’s all like Box-ception,
With total irony,
A box in a box in a box inside...

Or perhaps it’s totally empty,
The space inside vast and free.
What could it contain?
Sweet riches or pain?
Or nothing to offer me...
I dunno, who cares?
We’ll know once we’re there!
Whatever the box may be.

Author's Note

As requested by Seanchow806Napoleonic.

Also, I've hit another wall. Throw titles at me. I can take them. *Gets hit by a brick instead*

75. When You Squish My Ice-Cream Bar

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pinocchio's "When You Wish Upon A Star")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie was walking away from Pony Joe's, holding an ice-cream bar in her hoof, when, just as she was heading back to the station to get back to Ponyville, one of those "Canterlot Snobs" as Rainbow Dash put it, knocked into Pinkie, made her drop her ice-cream bar, and stomped on it, not even apologising to Pinkie as he was hurrying off.

It.

Was.

ON.

When you squish my ice-cream bar
Makes no difference who you are
A big world of massive pain
Will come to you

Watch me plot and watch me scheme
No revenge is too extreme
When you squish my ice-cream bar
Your life is through

Fate ain’t kind
You’re now at war with me
Snobby-flank Vs. Pinkie
I will get even

Like a bolt out of the blue
I’ll hunt you down and find you
When you squish my ice-cream bar
I am your doom

Author's Note

If I had a wish, I'd want more people to know that this exists so they can throw tiles at me...

Or a Rainbow Dash solo song not made by the writers of MLP.

77. A Pie Like You

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame's "A Guy Like You")

Sung by Soarin'

Pies are the best foodstuffs ever invented by mortal hooves, or so Soarin' member of the Wonderbolts, believes.

It's a good thing his job works off all those calories, or Soarin' would be in trouble. Especially since even an ordinary Pegasus needs to watch their weight to even fly.

Cloudsdale, the city of flyers is hopping this evening
As I sit here with my pastry crust...I feel the "l'amour"
Somewhere out there in the sky
I'm not in for something fried
And I know this lunchtime I
Am hungry for

A pie like you
I've never known, pal
A pie like you...yes, I know I eat them every day
You've got a crust
That's all your own, pal
Could there be two like you? No way!

Those other pies
That I could chow down
All bring a certain pleasure in my view
It's a surprise
From this here cloud town
You bring flavour! I will savour a pie like you

A pie like you
Gets extra credit
Because it's true, your filling's sweet and savoury too
(It's Berry Bite)
You bite the crust
You don't forget it
Despite this, still this filling's new!

I have tried cake
But no, it falls short
Because I crave a meal more nourishing to chew
This task I take
Eat pies of all sorts
No question of, I know I love a pie like you!

Call it a pastry addiction
Celestia, I feel it
I want this pie, any moment
I'll leave crumbs on the floor
For
A pie so swell

A pie like you
With all your wonder
I crave your taste, so I won't waste a sec or two!
Your flaky crust just
Tears me asunder!
When I want nourishment
Don't need encouragement
I have discovered, guy
You're one heck of a pie
Who wouldn't love a pie like you?
You got a lot a cake has not
So I've gotta love a pie like...
...you!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

Pie is better than cake.

1. When I See Tons of Pinkie Pies

(Note: Sung to the tune of Dumbo's "When I See an Elephant Fly")

Sung by Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle

Twilight, Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were talking about how Pinkie's schedule needed to be freed up; after all, not even she can appear in two places at the same time. Little did they realize she had recently paid a visit to the Mirror Pool...

I saw a frozen land,
Heard Octavia’s band,
And seen Discord pull out his eye
But I be done seen about everything
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies

I've seen them Parasprite things,
Heard the CMCs sing
I've seen King Sombra explode in the sky
But I be done seen about everything
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies

I saw Big Macintosh give out his back
And they tell me that love bent Chrysalis out of whack
I didn't see that, I only heard
Just to be sociable, well, I'll take your word

I heard Rainbow saved a life,
I saw someone toss their wife
And I just laughed till I thought I'd die
But I be done seen about everything
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies

But I be done seen about everything
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies
When I see tons of Pinkie Pies

2. Be all Dressed

(Note: Sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Be Our Guest")

Sung by Rarity and Rainbow Dash

Rarity was in quite the state, having to design dresses for all her friends in time for the Equestria Games...

Be all dressed! Be all dressed!
Oh dear me, what a test
Get those sequined horseshoes on there, and take care of the rest
What a to-do, dressing you
Why, it's such a hullabaloo
Don't touch that, it's for the Gala
It'll stop itching sometime after
No, Applejack, that WON'T do
I just can't "skip" a vital clue
If you want the quality here at its best
Now then Pinkie Pie
You've GOT to get yourself dry!
To be all dressed,
Oui, all dressed
Be all dressed!

A sorry sight!
And THAT'S not right
Rainbow Dash, put down those tights
Before I beat you with this seat
(Something I will savour as a treat)
Fluttershy, you alright?
Just tell me if it's too tight
And Applejack, stop that complaining
Only MY whining's entertaining!
No I CAN'T add that in!
Red AND Purple! What a sin!
You want a star map on on your outfit by request?
Well, then Twilight, dear
I'll see what I can do here
To be all dressed. If you're stressed
What constellations do YOU suggest?
Be all dressed!
Be all dressed!
Be all dressed!

Pinkie Pie, there you are! You rid yourself of all that tar!
I didn't want your dirt to get over my wares
Rainbow Dash, make yourself useful,
I think I left the twist right by the stairs....
Twilight, I fear and dread
I can't fit all NINE HUNDRED
Constellations on, there's only so much room...
Fluttershy, you look quite blue in the face
Rainbow! Stop being lazy!
NO DON'T DROP THAT! Oops-a-daisy!

Getting dressed!
Getting dressed!
Feather's sake, I'm totally stressed!
Don't think my wings fit in these things
And I don't think I'm that impressed
Listen up, here's your twine
See, no scuffs! It's totally fine!
Wait, it's "twist". That what it's called?
Don't look at me like I'll get mauled!
I'll just get out your hair
I'll leave you to your work there...
Can't I model later? I'm getting sorta pressed...
What have I got to do?
There's just no pleasing you!
Getting dressed!
Getting dressed!
Getting dressed!

Be all dressed
Be all dressed
I'm trying to make polite requests
No no, Pinkie, cotton candy frills are out
(She's like, possessed!)
Fluttershy, if you please
Let me set your mind at ease
You look absolutely glowing
You look perfect! Just keep going!
Right, now then!
One by one
I declare, "Enough! I'm done!"
I think tomorrow I shall polish off the rest...
The Equestria Games
Puts on me lots of strain
Being all dressed!
Being all dressed!
Yes, just being all dressed!

3. Poor Unfortunate Scrolls

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "Poor Unfortunate Souls")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

Before Twilight Sparkle became a princess, she was Princess Celestia's protege in magic. Of course, as her student, it involved sending regular reports listing her most recent findings, using Spike's unique fire breath to send the scrolls to the Princess. Of course, when Spike wasn't concentrating, the exact destination of the scrolls tend to be...erratic.

I admit that in the past I've been pedantic
I'm not kidding when there shouldn't be a hitch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've found out all sorts of ways
And in terms of my knowledge I'm rather rich
(In Magic)
But when Spike come down with bad indigestion
He goes and burps like a dragon all possessed
And dear friend, please don't laugh
Though it is rather daft
When the scrolls are misdirected in the mess

Poor unfortunate scrolls
Where do they go?
My report has gone astray
It has vanished in the aether
Who will help me?
Oh no...
Those poor unfortunate scrolls
So sad, so true
Thesis sent across Equestria
It may wind up in the sea
What to do now?!
Got the blues...

Now it's happened once or twice
Once it wound up in some ice
And I'm afraid I had to keep Spike off the coals...
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But it's not like I try being late!
With those poor unfortunate scrolls...

I get myself all worked up in a lather
It's Magic Kindergarten for me! I'm so sure!
Oh it seems that I have erred and I know that soon the word
Will spread until it comes back at my door!
Princess Celestia was understanding the first time...
But twice look like tardiness, you see!
I have to write it all again
But I must go fetch my own pen
Since Spike is still looking a little green...

Come on you poor unfortunate scroll
Title there! Reference here!
I'm a very busy pony and I haven't got all day
Missing deadlines
That's my fear!
Those poor unfortunate scrolls
It's sad but true
If I want to stay a protege
I've got to sent this scroll
Or I'll look like such a slacker
It weighs heavy on my soul
Oh Spike! Oh great, you're okay now!
You were like a greedy foal...
Send this poor unfortunate scroll!

7. Crash Through An Old Barn Door

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "Love is an Open Door")

Sung by Applejack and Rainbow Dash

A large, pony shaped hole has been spotted in the middle of the door of Applejack's barn. At first, the Earth Pony suspected Rainbow Dash, judging by its shape, and...well, Rainbow's previous record of accidents when trick-flying, but the Pegasus was quick to rebuff her accusations...

Okay, can I speak in my defense?

If yah can, yeah.

First of all why would I fly so low down on the ground
Low enough to crash straight through this door?

Ah was gonna ask YOU that! ‘Cause like,
If yah look real closely, yah see what looks like wings
Or maybe it belongs to somepony else other than yours!

Look, AJ...
Rainbow Dash...

It can't be me...
I think I see...

It's clear to see what made this mess before
And crash through an old barn door!
Crash through an old barn door!
Crash through an old barn door!

I'll prove it!
Can yah?
Easy!
Show me!

Crash through an old barn door

The hole's the wrong shape...
What?

My wings aren't solid—
What's that mean?

Lemme finish what I say!
--enough to make a hole--

In the middle o' solid wood!
There, you see!
This damage proliferation
Can have but one explanation

This--
Was--
The work--
Of--

The CMC!

What the heck...
What the heck...

Could have caused all of this
To leave such wood splinters on the floor?

And crash through an old barn door!!
Crash through an old barn door!!
Have they recently borrowed a saw?

They did!
Really?!!
Last week!!!
Oh, crud!!!!

Crash through an old barn door...

Can ah just say, Applebloom's in fer a hidin' tonight.

I don't blame ya one bit, AJ! Sheesh, dude...

Author's Note

As requested by keam.

13. Once Upon a Time in Canterlot City

(Note: Sung to the tune of Oliver and Company's "Once Upon a Time in New York City")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle

It is probably no secret that pretty much any formal event involving the Bearers of Harmony turns out to be an absolute zoo. One such event in which most of the population of Equestria was invited to quickly degenerated into an invasion from parasitic life-forms AND their ruler, before it came to an end by "blowing 'em up with love" according to one eyewitness statement.

Now it's always once upon a time
In Canterlot City
It's a big old, ancient, tough old town, it's true
But beginnings are contagious there
They're always setting stages there
They're always turning pages there for you

Ain't it great the way it all began
in Canterlot City?
I got invited to a wedding with my friends
Nopony cared about me yesterday
I got a dungeon cell coming my way
Got thrown into a cave with turns and bends

I felt like that I could cry
But then who should I spot? Why,
The fake Princess Cadence lied
The real one's with me
We bust out our jail
To Canterlot we hightail
Once upon a time in Canterlot City

So we storm back to the wedding
In Canterlot City
We reveal the bride right now has Swiss Cheese Legs!
How could anyone stay starry eyed
When the Changeling Army's right outside
And we have to take the intruders down some pegs?

Everypony, don't be scared
Though honestly no one cared
We six were the ones who dared
To fight the army
Pinkie has some fun
Crank my tail, I'm a Gatling gun
Once upon a time in Canterlot City

The couple were still alive
We used love to help survive
And blew up Chrysalis with love, yes siree!
All's well that ends well,
So we partied like we're under a spell
Once upon a time in Canterlot City
And it's always once upon a time
In Canterlot City

18. We Are Done

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride's "We Are One")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia

The prospect of suddenly being responsible for the well-being of an entire nation (well, in Twilight Sparkle's case technically a small town) is rather daunting. It's made worse when you have such a low opinion of yourself, like Twilight.

It had only been a few days after her coronation, and to be honest, the prospect of winging it for the whole of the way was rather daunting.

It just so happened Princess Celestia was within hearing range when Twilight expressed this frustration to herself...

As I sit in the library,
There is so much that we
Have yet to learn
Can I move on from here,
And go move on to be a
Good ruler in turn?

It's barely been a short while
Since I got my wings, but I'll
Carry on til my dreams come undone
Will they stand by my side
Filled with hope and filled with pride
As I lead them to their end?
We are done

You heard me, you heard me
We are one (2x)

There's no way to summarize
If what you do is wise,
Sometimes I can't.
But there is certainty yet,
I know that you get
A bigger part...

If I can't do a town
Am I fit to wear a crown?
My journey has only begun
Tears of pain, tears of joy
Nightmares of peace destroyed
In my eyes, I realize
We are done

You heard me, you heard me
We are one (2x)

I'm too young, how can I
Break my bonds and truly fly
I may never surpass Celestia's sun
But I'll still do my best
My friends, help me pass this test
I will then know for sure
We...are...done

Chorus:
(Done, done, done)
Will it be, as I see?
We are done (repeat)

Author's Note

As requested by Blue Sparkle 227

Also, I spent longer on this one than any other. I'm probably never doing anything this serious again. It physically exhausts me.

20. I See a Fight

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tangled's "I See the Light")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Spike

It's hard trying to stick to a deadline. Even harder when you have pretty much nothing to meet the standards you're supposed to meet.

So when Twilight Sparkle slowly descended into psychological chaos over having nothing to report to Princess Celestia, what's the solution?

Obviously, to hit the entire town with a "Want It, Need It" spell, leading to an all-out brawl over her childhood doll, Smartypants. What could possibly go wrong?

All this time fretting about deadlines
All this time having no lessons learnt
All that time never even knowing
How to get 'em burned

Now I'm here, blinking in the sunlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
I just cast a simple spell
To get where I'm meant to be

And at last I see a fight
They all want my childhood doll
And at last I see a fight
They're punching each other up
With the Want It, Need It blight
I have material for my scroll
All at once everything looks different
Please don't interrupt!

The town's been thrown in absolute chaos
One got punched to the skies
I don't think wings should bend in that way
I've counted eight black eyes

Will Smartypants survive the damage
Wait, she's out the back...
The current winner in the fighting crowd
Is AJ's brother Mac!

And at last I see a fight
What the heck was Twilight thinking?
And at last I see a fight
And we don't know what to do!
It's just all petty and trite
And our hope is somewhat sinking
This was definitely wrong now
This last chance you blew
This last chance we blew...

Author's Note

As requested by Awesomo3000

22. I Just Can't Wait For This Thing

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King's "I Just Can't Wait To Be King")

Sung by Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo

After the last spectacular failure in getting their cutie marks (which the residents of Ponyville now refer to as "The Second Great Fire of Equestria") The Cutie Mark Crusaders are stuck for ideas.

Just then, Applebloom came up with an idea; build the most spectacular, incredible, super-problem-solving-est machine in the world.

Just one question: What the heck would it actually DO?

I'm gonna build a mighty thing
So inventors beware
You have no idea what it would DO!
You've pulled this out thin air!

It's gonna be a main event
Like nothing was before
It'll make your bed and cook your lunch
And for tennis it keeps score!

As long as it's not built from wood and string...
Oh I just can't WAIT for this thing!

It'll do a dance act
It'll do the dishes
It'll play you music
Anything you wishes!

It'll fix your things all day!
Solve anything that comes your way!

It sounds like it'll be a hit
But where would you even start?
I'd make it version 1.1
And add on different parts!

You sure that it would hold up right
The materials sound amiss
It's wood and gems and mud and steel
Because it ALWAYS is

It's what's most available to bring
Oh I just can't wait for this thing!

It'll tell you stories
It provides a nightlight
It'll clean your bedroom
It'll bake a pie right!

And so we're gonna go for broke and sing
It sounds so dumb, the trouble it would bring
But finished it'll be our finest fling
Oh we just can't wait for this thing!
Oh we just can't wait for this thing!
Oh we just can't wait...
For this thing!

Author's Note

As requested by Tacosaurus101

27. I'll Put A Ban On It Too

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mulan's "I'll make a man out of you")

Sung by Mayor Mare and the Ponyville residents

Ponyville is a small quiet town, with the occasional strange and terrifying incidents to break the humdrum of an otherwise orderly life.

It was not always so.

Before Twilight Sparkle came along, bringing her organisation skills with her for the better, Mayor Mare had to defy the concept of "ain't no rule" as much as she could.

Let's get down to business
To put up some rules
Parkour on the rooftops
No that's just not cool!
Using cats as hoofballs
That's just cruel
So's using mules to make some glue
Watch me, I'll put a ban on it too

Please stop telling Pinkie
You want what she's on
There's blood still on the fountain
And I want it gone
Stop mocking me with
Exaggerated
Limb movements right on cue
Or else I'll put a ban on it too

I can't call griffins "horseybirds"
Not allowed back at the nightclub
(I replaced the DJ's tracks with fennel seed)

I must go use the proper words
I can't spy on folks in bathtubs
I should accept that goats and tigers cannot breed

(Put a ban)
Because the strangest thing of all is
(Put a ban)
They happened enough times to warrant rules
(Put a ban)
With all my authority as Mayor
I will close up all the loopholes in the pool

Lyra's not cannon fodder
And Town Hall does not have
Tuesday Open-Mike Nights
And don't steal my staff
And please do not cite
Nightmare Moon
As the greatest influence on you
Watch as I put a ban on it too!

(Put a ban)
Because the strangest thing of all is
(Put a ban)
They happened enough times to warrant rules
(Put a ban)
With all my authority as Mayor
I will close up all the loopholes in the pool

(Put a ban)
Because the strangest thing of all is
(Put a ban)
They happened enough times to warrant rules
(Put a ban)
With all my authority as Mayor
I will close up all the loopholes in the pool

Author's Note

As requested by Cstgeorge. Inspired by the famous "100 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In Hogwarts" lists that are everywhere.

29. Barter's Your Word

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "Part Of Your World")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

The Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange is a massive trading festival famous in Equestria. Here, you can trade off pretty much anything you want for things you need or want. It's a time to wheel, deal and steal. Or at least do the first two, anyway.

Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?
I'll want your book for a sugary treat
Don't you think I'm the pony,
the one who has everything?

Look at this trove, treasures untold
How many wonders can this one cart hold?
Looking around here you'd think:
"Sure, we've got everything"

I've got Wonderbolt memorabilia a-plenty
Rarity has got diamonds galore
I just want what you've got, about twenty
The trading game is your chance here to score!

Lyra wants to be where the humans are
She picked up a watch from a booth
Swapping it off for those...
What do you call 'em? Oh, beans

Fluttershy just got discounted alfalfa
In exchange for a manticore tooth
So far she got a sweet deal...
Angel Bunny needs his greens

I'll do my chair
You do that pair
Of autographed goggles for stunts in the air
Value's the same
In the Swap Game
Barter's your word

What should you give? You want this sieve used by Sapphire Shores?
What would you pay to spend a day with DJ Pon-3?
Auction Hunters sell off wonders
Like antiques you don't get in the normal stores
Treasure galore, and plenty more, much more to see

And Twilight has got first edition books
But I think Pinkie's ripping herself off here...
AJ brought her cooking...
For some vintage...thing!

I brought my stuff
All up to snuff,
Mint condition with no bends or curls
This stuff's a steal
Make me a deal
Barter's your word

33. World's Greatest Historic Find

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Great Mouse Detective's: "World's Greatest Criminal Mind")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Spike

On a magical historic trip across Equestria, Twilight Sparkle discovers what she believes to be one of the most important finds in ancient Equestrian history...Starswirl the Bearded's shopping list.

Later translations from the old hoof-runes would show that he was apparently out to buy a pint of milk and a size 7 wizard's hat, with a small note at the bottom regarding a 50% discount somewhere. Despite its seemingly unimportant contribution to understanding the past, Twilight believes it may be revolutionary. Maybe.

"It's Starswirl the Bearded! It MUST be important!"

From the pony who greatly revolutionized magic
The sage who made growing beards a lot less tragic
And the Father of the amniomorphic spell
Who's name was given to a library shelf
Now comes the real tour de force
Incredibly insightful, of course
The earlier scrolls were fine but so droll
But now we have positive proof
Of what food he
Liked and who he's seeing
All written down in hoof

You kidding?
You serious?
Not much to gleam from an ancient grocery list...
This parchment would not be missed
As History
As History
It falls far behind
Do you think it's
Do you think it's
The world's greatest historic find?

This shopping list
This shopping list
I guess it's a thing...
This shopping list
This shopping list
Has not got much insight to bring...

Even louder
Let's shout it!
You think it belongs in the archives and vaults?
If it's forgotten, not my fault!
The shopping list
The shopping list
It's one of a kind
To the shopping list
To the shopping list
The world's "greatest" historic find!

38. Peanut Butter Cracker

(Note: Sung to the tune of Bambi's "Little April Shower")

Sung by Trixie

In an alternative world somewhere, the brightly coloured pastel ponies are actually brightly clothed pastel HUMANS. But honestly, if you were to ask Twilight Sparkle, there actually isn't much difference between the two, apart from the lack of magic.

Around the school grounds of Canterlot High, the very first items to sell out at the vending machines are always the peanut butter crackers.

The Great and Powerful Trixie can't help it. They are so magically delicious.

Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
Leaving behind all the crumbs on my skirt
Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
Your nutty crunch keeps me up and alert
Up and alert, up an alert
Snack time, snack time

Crisp crisp crunch
When the sky is cloudy
Your crunchy goodness will brighten the day
Crisp crisp crunch
When the sky is cloudy
Your snappy charm helps me work, rest and play
And they're just 50 calories

Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
One dollar fifty for one pack of twelve
Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
Always the first thing to fly off the shelf

Crisp crisp crunch
When the mood is sour
You're always there in the vending machine
Drip, drip, drop
When the mood is sour
You're always there in the vending machine

Small little nutty bites
Small little nutty bites
Soon sets everything right
Soon sets everything right
Not for those with allergies
Specifically, nut allergies
Every taste I would never waste
They're the centre of my galaxy

Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
You're the best thing about Canterlot High
Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
You're delicious, I can but wonder why

Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
Leaving behind all the crumbs on my skirt
Crisp crisp crunch
Peanut butter crackers
Your nutty crunch keeps me up and alert
Up and alert, mmm.

39. Gone Today

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brother Bear's "On My Way")

Sung by Applejack

The residents of Ponyville always look forward to Cider Season, when the Apple Family make their special cider at a time when the apples are in their best season.

They're so popular in fact, that you have to get up really early in order to secure a good spot in the queue and actually get any cider at all.

Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash, until recently, never seemed to actually arrive in time to get any. Because everypony else is prepared to camp out at Sweet Apple Acres the night before. Sometimes TWO nights before. And every time Rainbow was next in line, the answer was always the same.

Tell everypony they're gone today
Sold out of cider for the year
We're all outta drink, yeah, they're gone today
Ah know that it's all yer worst fear

Tell everypony they're gone today
Ah regret that we don't have no more
With the sun beating down, yes, they're gone today
Better luck next year, for sure

Cause there's nothing like chugging our drink down again
No matter what the distance between
But Pinkie and Berry Punch buy half the stock
And load 'em in the cart

So tell 'em all they're gone today
Our cider sells faster than gold
A first-come, first-serve basis,
Ya gotta get there first
And ah can't keep our wares on hold

Not cryin' and not beggin'
Can change mah mind
It ain't being fair on the folks here first
Can't keep it for next year
'Cos cider goes bad real quick
So no point cryin' loud an' fit to burst

Cause they're gone today now
Well and truly
They're gone today now

(They're gone today now)
(They're gone today now
(They're gone today now)

Tell everypony they're gone today (Tell everypony they're gone today)
It's just that we ran outta mugs (just that we ran outta mugs)
You gotta be quick, yes, they're gone today
You can't set a pace like a slug

(You tried campin', sugarcube)

So tell everypony they're gone today
My advice is to camp out 'til morn (is to camp out 'til morn)
When the sun sets on over, yes, they're gone today
So camp up or else y'all be torn

They're gone today
Yes, they're gone today

Author's Note

After this, I'm pretty hard up for ideas. I can't think of too many songs (or at the very least, not enough titles). So instead of just a song, could you also throw out a good title as well? K thx.

And don't forget to fave and leave a comment too!

43. Bed-less Pony

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad's "Headless Horseman")

Sung by Vinyl Scratch aka DJ-Pon3

DJ-Pon3 couldn't remember much from last night, or the reason why she woke up with a massive headache and her mane littered with twigs.

All she knew was, she was up a tree in the Everfree Forest with a saxophone and a tiger, wearing who knows what, with only herself to blame. Or at least that was what everypony would say.

Gather 'round and I'll elucidate
What went down at the club so late
Pinkie Pie parties, I party hard
For some reason, from the zoo I'm barred...
There's a tiger with stripes and great big eyes
And it's got fangs about this size
I lost my Vinyl tracks and shades
And I'm dressed in a black outfit for maids
I'm telling you, brony, it's a frightful sight
I dunno what the heck happened last night

How I got up here's a mystery
There's no ladder, far as I can see
I'm broke, that's bad, but even worse
I'm a bed-less pony with no purse
That's right, I'm a fright just late last night

I'm aching all over from head to hoof
Sleeping in branches and leaves for a roof
Ponies take one look and groan
And they tell me leave the punch alone
Can't help but feel I'm all on my own

And there's a saxophone taped to my horn
I think my mane's filled with twigs and corn
I swear to the longest day I live
I'll exercise the moderation I can give

I'd jump down there but it's quite a fall
So how'd I get up here at all?
A massive headache in my brain
Make casting magic such a strain

Last night's fuzzy, it's just not clear
How I wound up in the tree right here...
With a tiger, a saxophone
And a bed-less pony all alone

With a hip, hip and a clippity clop
I'll make my party spirit stop
So please don't stop to figure out "why"
Just don't copy this bed-less guy

Now if you doubt this tale is so
Just ask Octavia, she should know
No doubt she'll talk of dubstep beats
Or how she lost sight of me in the seats
For she'd have stopped me there, my friend
If she stayed with me to the end

So when you're ridin' home tonight
Make sure you mind is clear and right
Or else you'll end up just like me
With strange acquisitions, no money!

With a hip, hip and a clippity clop
I think my dignity's for the chop
So please don't stop to figure out "why"
Just don't copy this bed-less guy

45. Mange Things

(Note: Sung to the tune of Toy Story's "Strange Things")

Sung by Rarity

It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, and not a cloud in the sky (Rainbow Dash got grilled by her boss and had to clear the sky early). It was a day where you couldn't help feel happy.

Or at least as happy as you can be when you wake up to discover most of your hair's fallen out. Everywhere.

Rarity later described the incident as "The. Worst. Possible. Thing!" (She says that for everything though.) The Ponyville residents who woke up to the sounds of Rarity's panicked screaming deemed it "legendary". It took a lot of effort on her friends' part to actually drag her out of the Carousel Boutique and take her to a doctor.

I was on top of the world
It was going to be a perfect day
I was brushing my mane
things were just the way they should be
When suddenly I start shedding like mad
My coat and mane just fall away
Now all of a sudden some mange things are happening to me

I'm going bald
I'm going totally bald
Now all my hair is gone
And I'm doing the best I can to carry on
I had beauty (beauty)
I was respected (respected)
But not any more
And I'm leaving my purple locks all over the floor

Let me tell you about the
Mange things are happening to me
Mange things
Mange things are happening to me...
Ain't no doubt about it

There's many pinks patches all over
My hair's out of place now
The minute I turn my back, my tail dropped right off

They'll laugh at my looks, I think I'm a disgrace
And I'm in danger
And I'll end up alone, forgotten, with stubble so rough

Mange things are happening to me
Mange things
Mange things are happening to me
Ain't no doubt about it

Mange things are happening to me
Mange things
Mange things are happening to me
Mange things (x2)

Author's Note

As requested by Le_DragonBroneE

50. I Didn't Know That I Could Deal This Way

(Note: Sung to the tune of Lady and The Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure's "I Didn't Know That I Could Feel This Way")

Sung by Flim and Flam

When con-artists Flim and Flam were only young, they were the sorts of ponies who were itching to make money on pretty much any scheme they could think off. Some were successful, others not so much.

Indeed, they probably would have been the same as any other pony had it not been for the fact that one day, the two of them succeeded in scamming an entire playground out of what was easily ten times their monthly pocket money. It was made worse by the fact that the two actually earned their cutie marks out of this.

They later told their parents they got it for their entrepreneurial skills. It wasn't technically a lie, so they felt that the answer was adequate.

I never done this dealing before
We rake in so much money, I can't ignore
And I see that there's more now
Than just playing fair

I never felt my heart beat so fast
We scammed all the kids down to the last
Look how happy they are with their wares

It's amazing that we're in the dough
Look how rich we could be
I didn't know that I could deal this way

It's so crazy that they bought the lie
It's better than a dream
I didn't know that I could deal this way

It makes me warm and happy inside
Our loot gets me all dizzy and starry eyed
All these feelings I have
Have me asking

Is this our life?
Is this our life?
It's awesome
I can hardly speak
Sales ponies nonpareil/Sales ponies nonpareil

I didn't know that I could deal
I never dreamed that I could deal
I didn't know that I could deal
This way

Author's Note

I might have mentioned it before, but I'm running low on ideas. Not in the song department, just in the title department. So if you could leave a comment naming a song and a good parody title I think I can squeeze out some semblance of a song. Thanks!

150. Aggravation

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brother Bear's "Transformation")

Sung by Rarity

"I had no idea where my horn was taking me. But unicorn magic doesn't happen without a reason. I knew this had to do with my love of fashion and maybe even my cutie mark! I knew that this was... MY DESTINY!"

To say that Rarity wasn't disappointed at what her horn eventually lead her to would be untrue. Thankfully, it wasn't ACTUALLY her destiny.

What is this, I'm destined now
Be with boulders, I fear
For no reason why
Horn says a ROCK'S my destiny
And I sure do not understand

This is the worst destiny ever
I was dragged out here towards a rock
This is the worst destiny ever
Whatever's meant for me, that's not right!

"Come with me, I'll take you there"
So said my STUPID horn
That's NOT what I need to be the one I need to be
And all of those miles that I crossed
Amounted to just wasted time

This is the worst destiny ever
I was dragged out here towards a rock
This is the worst destiny ever
Whatever's meant for me, that's not right!

Author's Note

As requested by T1MBUK0N3. Translated directly from Whinnyuit (pony equivalent of Inuit).

It's that time again. Pitch songs (titles also welcome) at me, as I am running out of ideas. Thank you!

52. Everypony Hates That Evil Cat

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Aristocats's "Everybody Wants To Be A Cat")

Sung by Spike and Sweetie Belle

Spike's secret that pretty much isn't a secret at all is that he's madly in love with Rarity. As he makes a lot of effort to try and hang around her, on occasion he'll bump into Sweetie Belle, but she's usually off doing her thing with the other Cutie Mark Crusaders, so they don't talk much.

At least there is one common point of interest. They don't see a lot of point in a pet that makes no effort to try and love you back. Like Rarity's cat, Opalescence.

Well, everypony, let me elucidate here
Everypony hates that evil cat
Because that cat's the only cat
Who don't care where you're at
Tell me!
Everypony's knowing that she ain't that sweet
To her, you're pretty obsolete
She's such a grumpy pet!

There are plenty dresses torn
Rarity wishes she weren't born
That feline don't care!
She'll bring a dead bird or mouse
Right there into our house
She's like this all day
Cha cha ba dum bo day

She won't let you stroke her
Or just play nice
You know that cat's the only cat
You'd consider a vice
Who would hope
For that misanthrope
Or stuff like that...
...When everypony hates that evil cat?

She claws well hard enough
To leaves scratches and tufts
She does not like you
Boy, she's cranky, cranky, cranky
Does she remind you of
Angel Bunny enough?
She will hate you too
Boy, she's cranky, cranky, cranky

Everypony hates that evil cat
Because that cat's the only cat
Who don't care where you're at

To be honest, keeping her, where's Rarity at?
'Cause everypony wants rid of that grumpy cat

If you want to avoid her
Save the cuts and loss of fur
And not sprayed in kitty litter too

Make sure that you're well outside
Try to stay out late at night
And make excuses not to go home, do...

You're around to fill her bowl
Not a "thank you", she's so cold
The heartless feline's just a pest
She deprives you of your rest

Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!
Hallejuah!
Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!
I'm telling you!
Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!
Yeah!
Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!
Mmmm!
Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!
Hallejuah!
Everypony, everypony, everypony hates that evil cat!

Author's Note

As requested by remnants

54. Throw A Discus (And Lots More)

(Note: Sung to the tune of Hercules's "Go The Distance")

Sung by Applebloom

Cutie Pox is a mysterious illness in ponies in which the sufferer sudden breaks out into cuties marks all over the body, compulsively forcing the sufferer to perform all of the talents that come with it.

Well, Applebloom came down with this when she concocted a potion for an instant cutie mark using ingredients she stole from Zecora, which went about as well as you'd expect...

Ah can hula-hoop
for eight straight hours
Ah wanted my cutie mark,
To come straight to me
Ah sweep your chimneys,
And can arrange flowers
But Ah just can't stop,
This ain't how it's meant to be

Ah can spin yer plates,
Ah can throw a discus
Mah body just won't do
What it's told, Ah swear
Ah make china pots,
As the marks break out like spots
Ah can grow a business,
But right now Ah don't care

Je suis un lion
Fantastique dompteur
Je compose des chansons
Whoops, my French slipped through,
Mah feet won't stop dancin',
Can't stop the beat
Mah hooves ache so badly,
Ah just don't know what to do

And that potion drink,
Make me go all listless
Shoulda stopped to think,
Ah should just accept defeat
Doomed to work all wired,
Even when Ah'm tired
Through this woeful instance,
Ah can only move mah feet

Ah don't know why, but I
I can lift up to thousand tons
Every special talent
I just came down with every one!

Like a girl possessed,
I will row this instant
I can build a house,
I can swing from trees
I don't care how far,
Want it gone, good riddance
I'm a slave to my talents til,
There's a cure for me!
I can build a house,
I can swing from trees
I'm a slave to my talents til,
There's a cure for me!

Author's Note

As requested by dragonspinner33

56. Kick The Girl

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Little Mermaid's "Kiss The Girl")

Sung by Fluttershy

There's being assertive and there's just being a total jerk. Unfortunately, Fluttershy found it hard to tell the difference between the two the day she attended Iron Will's assertiveness seminar and put his teachings into practice.

When Fluttershy wasn't happy, ain't NOPONY's happy.

There I see her
When sompony tries to block
I just show 'em that I rock
New Fluttershy's seizing the day
And you don’t know how
I'll throw you out now
I wanna kick the girl

Not worth my time
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she'll butt in, too
Well I'm not going to let her
If you cut in line
I'll just take what's mine
Go on and kick the girl

Sing with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
You think that I won't try?
I ain’t gonna kick you, girl?
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
That's just sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
Gonna get kicked, my girl

Now’s my moment
I will not apologize
Not when I can criticize
No time will be better
Now I was here first
You lot are just the worst
I'm set to kick the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
You'll be scared
I'll throw you to the air
I'm gonna kick the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
In my space
My hoof goes in your face
All set to kick the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Move the line
Where the sun don't shine
I'm gonna kick the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Hey you there
You're giving me a stare
You wanna kick, my girl?

I wanna kick the girl
You'll get a kick, my girl
I gotta kick the girl
Go on and kick the girl

Author's Note

As requested by dragonspinner33

58. The Three Angry Sparrows

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Three Caballeros's "The Three Caballeros")

Sung by Fluttershy

Fluttershy, as an animal caretaker, looks after many critters and other not-so-cuddly creatures. Three examples are some sparrow, who seem to be totally fixated on being seriously misanthropic and just plain mean. Fluttershy's not sure why; as far as she knows they seem to have come from a relatively normal family.

Maybe it's because they've realized they'll hop the twig after 18 months. Who knows?

They're three angry sparrows
Raging angry sparrows
They say they are birds of a feather
They're hacked off 'bout something
Their anger's unbecoming
There's no love, there's nothing
They're outraged forever

They're three rotten birdies
But don't take my word-ies
Antagonistic, sharp like an arrow
They're not afraid to show it
They hate you and you'll know it
Who says so? They say so!
The three angry sparrows

Ahhhh!
Take care not to be seen
Or they will peck you clean
Fly as fast you can
If only that energy
Were used constructively!
Turn your tail and just flee
Fastest you ever ran!

Through fair and stormy weather
They loathe you all together
They perch on a shelf
They're not trapped with you
You're trapped with them, too
Stuck with this angry crew
You'll want to save yourself!

Ahhhh!
Please don't call them grumpy
That term's rather bumpy
It implies a soft center
There's no kindness in their souls
Their heart's as black as coal
You'll scream like a foal
Take heed, and enter...

Author's Note

Yes, a sparrow's lifespan's that short, BTW

63. That's What Twilight Sparkle Found

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Sword In The Stone's "That's What Makes The World Go Round")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie stashes items all over Ponyville in case of emergencies where they may be useful. Balls, whisks, the key to the lost city of Cantlantis, you name it.

After discovering this, Twilight Sparkle was compelled to investigate exactly what sort of things Pinkie was keeping all over Ponyville. The items that she discovered after going on a hunt for Pinkie's stashed items was frankly astonishing.

At least everything she found was labelled with a note telling whoever found them to use them as they liked, but please return them when they were done.

Yes, even the things you would not expect to stay still.

Eggs and spoons
Green balloons
That's what Twilight Sparkle found
King-sized beds
Shrunken heads
That's what Twilight Sparkle found
Let's not forget the boxing gloves
A shelter for threats from above
For every berry there's some cream
For every shock there is a scream

Stick and stone
Memory foam
That's what Twilight Sparkle found...

"...I actually DON'T remember hiding this!" Pinkie said later on. "FANTASTIC! It worked!"

She also found
Pumpkin and Pound
Playing hide-and-seek with me
In the square,
Bazookas there
They're Party Cannons, upgrade 3!
I stashed them in the fountains, cos
I didn't want to raise a fuss
They can still injure you, you see
With streamers at high velocity

Rubber bands
Ransom demands
That's what Twilight Sparkle found
Ceiling tiles
Acid vials
That's what Twilight Sparkle found
And underground, she had a look
She found Cupcakes, a horror book
And later on green eggs and ham
For mutant radioactive rams

Pangolins
Plastic bins
That's what Twilight Sparkle found
Fluttershy
Wait, WHAT? WHY?
That's what Twilight Sparkle found

For one day curiosity
Compelled Twilight to look, you see
And that's what Twilight Sparkle found

68. Driving Me Around The Bend

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas's "Just Around The River Bend")

Sung by Rarity

As much as Rarity loves her sister Sweetie Belle, she does find herself exasperated by Sweetie Belle's antics, particularly at finding her cutie mark which normally involves a lot of property damage and angry ponies.

At least most of the time she's either at school or hanging out with her friends, but when Sweetie Belle stays with Rarity for a prolonged period of time...well, a flooded town is par for the course when this happens.

What I love most about Sweetie is:
She's good-hearted and looks up to me
But her exuberance does wear myself thin
But fillies, I guess, must live like that
Damaging property
To be safe, I'm probably better off not knowing
Driving me around the bend
Simply driving me around the bend

I lost my threads
Driving me around the bend
I simply dread
What she's done today
I'll lose my head
She needs a catapult's end
Driving me around the bend
For me
Not good for me

I feel it there beyond those trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
She wants a cutie mark in daredevil rowing
With Applebloom and Scootaloo
Destroying other ponies' walls
Or flood the town with all the water flowing?
Driving me around the bend
Driving me around the bend

I dread to think
Driving me around the bend
You're by the sink
Then you hear a sound
Oncoming drink
For them this is the end
Driving me around the bend
Driving me around the bend...

Good thing I was out of town
I come back to water deep...
Good thing no-one was asleep
Sweetie's grounded to no end
Just what is next still gives me the shivers
Driving me around the bend

78. For The First Time, In The Heather

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "For The First Time Since Forever")

Sung by Scootaloo and Applebloom

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle hadn't seen Scootaloo all of the afternoon after school. At first, they thought she might have been fillynapped, but the truth was something a little more embarrassing.

She was...trying out a tricky new stunt on her scooter and crashed into a heather bush, and couldn't get back out.

It was surprisingly comfortable. Quite possibly the most pleasant crash ever had on a scooter, honestly.

I crashed my scooter straight through the fence!
I didn't know I’d get my comeuppance!
And I think I scuffed my scooter’s paint job...

I think I’ve fallen and can’t get up
I’m totally legless like a newborn pup
And I smell pollen upon the handle-knob!

This couldn’t get any more awkward
It's just totally strange
I think that this trick’s a bit out my range…

Cause it’s the first time in the heather
You know I’m stuck in the hedge!
For the first time, in the heather
My feelings would be on edge...
If this plant just didn’t smell so lovely
Sheesh, I really am going mad!
Cause for the first time in the heather
It’s not, like, too bad…

Don’t think that little stunt went right… (gasp)
Don’t mind me, I’m... alright!

It’s actually really quite comfy
Lying in the bush, believe you me
The picture of serenity and calm...

Ooh! I suddenly saw a centipede
Crawling by my face among the weed
I’m fine, it’s not like heather does you harm!

But I hope somepony rescues me soon
I have to sleep, you know
I just can’t spend the night stuck like so!

For the first time in the heather
It’s quite comfy, but I’ll say
For the first time in the heather
I’d like to be rescued anyway...
And I know it's totally crazy
Being trapped inside a plant...
But for the first time in the heather
Not in the mood to rant!

Where’s Scootaloo?
Where could she be?
Askin’ round town
Where she was last seen
Ah hope that she’s
Alright and well...
Cos with these things
Ya really just can’t tell

Hope it's only for today
It's only for today!
It's agony to wait
It's agony to wait!
Hope the Crusaders aren't...too late!
Too late!

For the first time in the heather (Where’s Scootaloo? Where could she be?)
The crash was somehow relaxing! (Askin' round town where she was last seen)
All things considered, could be worse (Ah hope)
In case you were asking! (Ah hope that she's alright and well!)
But I hope I'm found tomorrow
Or perhaps I'm found today!
But for the first time in the heather...
For the first time in the heather
Nothing bad to say! Oh!

Author's Note

As requested by pinkiedash100

83. Vinyl Scratch's Heaven

(Note: Sung to the tune of Home On The Range's "Little Patch Of Heaven")

Sung by Vinyl Scratch aka DJ Pon3

DJ Pon3 gets her fair share of interviews from the press. It comes with being a famous disc-jockey, after all.

Looking back, if you asked her, "What was the best question you ever got asked in an interview?" she would reply:

"Oh yeah. No doubt about it. I once got asked what my idea of heaven was. It ain't that hard, really."

I know a time
When I can mix
Tracks and the dubstep beats
Pull all the stops, all of the tricks.
Layin’ down the beats there
Down in the nightclubs,
Oh yeah, Vinyl Scratch’s heaven
Is more wubs.

But you know what I care
To hear right there?
Sapphire Shore’s tracks remixed-
Electric guitars blare.
Wanna party all night-
Bring the wubs on full,
Cos see, Vinyl Scratch’s heaven
Ain’t so dull.

If I had my way
I would say
Cider should not
Give me a headache,
Like lead, ache
So bad.
Cos I once I woke up in a tree
With just no memory
Yeah, I only want the fun times
Just to be had!

Octavia
Wub mania
Beet-oat-ven’s tunes, remixed and soon
Again, retrained-ier.
Cos maybe Tavi
Might just be impressed
…Least in Vinyl Scratch’s heaven
I’d be blessed…

And every gig
Would be big
All Sold Out.
Just me and the crowd
Feelin’ proud,
You bet.
And at Canterlot City
I won’t need security
Why, it's just as close to perfect
As you can get!

I know you’ll say,
It’s a long way,
But I’ll tell you that in my view
I’m quite close to that day!
I'm climbing the ladder
A great rising star
Cos Vinyl Scratch’s heaven
Ain’t that far...

Apart from the cider
Octavia too
I’d say Vinyl Scratch’s heaven
Will come true!

Author's Note

As requested by The Princess Rarity

It's a pity you can't smoothly incorporate WUBS in written lyrics...

88. I Cannot Concentrate

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin II: The Return Of Jafar's "You're Only Second Rate")

Sung by Big Macintosh

It was supposed to be a peaceful day of work at the farm, until Granny Smith told Big Macintosh the gazebo needed repairing.

As unfortunate luck would have it, he was all out of nails, and he needed to go buy more. But standing between Lugnut's hardware store and the farm was the entirety of the Summer Wrap Up Festival...

Ah must admit
Ah’m out of nails
For gazebos
Ah need to go into town
To get some more
Now here's my chance
But unfortunately
Festival’s in swing
C'mon down
Go and shop for things

Cutie Mark Crusaders
With some fireworks
That looks awful dangerous
Out there, peril lurks
Ah'll set the record straight
AH DON’T WANNA DATE!
Ah cannot concentrate!

And a baker’s couple
Foist their kids on me
While they go deliver
Confectionary
Why’s it got to be me?
Come back with the cake!
Ah cannot concentrate!

Got roped in
Ah’m “nope”-in’
Ah’m quite busy
Trixie’s doing a puppet show
It’s quite the craze
You know at this rate that
Ah’ll never catch Lugnut
Wanna have some space
Ah’ll find a way to escape from this place

But before Ah head out
Someone’s cart made off
So Ah go get out
Stop to help their job
Sweet Celestia, Ah may
Miss him on the way!
Ah cannot concentrate!

Ah removed a splinter,
Won a horse shoe toss,
Made off like a sprinter
Drank cider like a boss
As distractions rate
It’s a real sorry state
Ah cannot concentrate!

Later on, Ah warn ya
D.T’s Advice Corner
Bulk Bicep’s Training Booth
And Ah partner with Princess Luna. “Forsooth!”

So we make the competition drop
Ah make my escape straight to the shop
What a sight that waits
Ah could up and faint
Lugnut’s hardware store
Ain’t looking so great
It’s burnt to the ground
It’s a sorry state
Ah couldn’t concentrate!

Author's Note

As requested by ShadowLDrago.

Based on the comics.

90. Bedazzle The Car

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search For Christopher Robin's "Wherever You Are")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

One of Pinkie Pie's oddest dreams: She dreamt that she was in a city, which was dull and grey and full of lifeless activity. She then spotted a large machine with 4 wheels outside, and so took it upon herself to add some colour to this otherwise drab city.

Elsewhere, in another world, a short, unemployed misanthrope woke up one morning to find someone had bedazzled his precious car.

Come out soon
See my finest art
Come on
Come on
Bedazzle the car

Glitter on the hubcaps
The wheels need pink paint too
Decorating
And tiny little pink beads
Around the headlights, a few
Decorating

And when they check the glove compartment
I hid a special big surprise
And I glued on spirals and stars
I livened up this thing so far
I add colour to the view
Bedazzle the car

I’ll hear you laugh
It's fun and free!
The exhaust's stuffed with confetti!

Tires made from chewing gum
The pedals have gotten bling
With some sequins
I decorated head to hoof
Haven't missed out anything
With some sequins

I know this is only a dream here
No consequences to be had
And I glued on spirals and stars
I livened up this thing so far
Or maybe this is all too real?
Oh well, I know someone will feel
Pleased as punch when they see what's the deal!
Bedazzle the car

Bedazzle the car

Author's Note

IMPORTANT! We're fast approaching the 100th Chapter! So in order to commemorate such an event PROPERLY, I need to know which song or songs were amongst your favourites to be placed in my little Hall of Fame in my 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon!

Just leave a comment listing your best ones!

Ten...

92. Sad Madam Belle

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Sword In The Stone's "Mad Madame Mim")

Sung by Rarity

The Ponyville Foal and Filly Fair was almost underway, and Rarity had made one of her most fabulous looking puppet stands for the fair, with the help of Spike.

Unfortunately, the puppeteer found her extraordinarily elaborate contraption to be way too impractical, and sent it back.

Next thing anypony knew, Rarity was crying to herself eating vanilla oat swirl ice-cream.

The theatre's a flop
In pieces, my dream
Om nomnom nom nom
Just me and my ice-cream
It was a project that hadn't gone well
'Cause I'm the un-fabulous, pathetic, sad Madam Belle

Se how distraught
Downtrodden and
Disappointed or
Depressed I am
Nopony loves me except this tub
Of Vanilla Oat Swirl
'Cause I'm the un-fabulous, pathetic, sad Madam Belle!

I say I vant to be left all alone
I'm stuck in a creative rut of my own
Boo hoo hoo hoo, Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Wah hah hah hah hah
A bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo*
But just then, finally
For om nomnom nom nom
The harsh reality
Is I'm the un-fabulous, pathetic, sad, sad, sad, sad Madam Belle!

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

*Substitute your own wails of despair here if these are not adequate for your needs.

Eight...

95. She's Still Weird

(Note: Sung to the tune of Treasure Planet's "I'm Still Here")

Sung by Smart Cookie

Smart Cookie was the Secretary of the Interior and aide to Chancellor Puddinghead. It was largely a thankless job, and with Puddinghead being as stir crazy as she was, her best hope was to try and divert her interests towards aiding society as a whole and hope the collateral damage would not be too great by playing the dumb yes-mare.

I am an aid to Puddinghead,
Making sure that she’s not dead
Since that girl can’t take care of herself
And what do you think I'd ever say
She won't listen anyway
She’s stir crazy
So I point her in the direction that suits me.

And what do you think you'd understand
She believes in humans and
There’s an undead cuttlefish in Lake Trot
And I insist on living proof
That people live inside her hoof
It’s strange to me
Cause I'm not weird

She’s got a bird mounted and stuffed,
Saying it’s dead is not enough
It is still the Speaker Of The House…
And how can the world get her to change
Insanity stays the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not weird

And I stopped her from very nearly
Declaring war on the sea
Now you know me and I'm quite afraid
And she wears fresh pudding for a hat
A tiny chariot pulled by rats
She can't break me
As long as I know who I am

And what’s left of sense has gone bad
She thinks a puppet cat’s her dad
Wanna hold on, and try not to snap…
And how can the world get her to change
Insanity stays the same
They don't know me
And she's still weird

She can't tell me that there be
A small angry monkey
Hiding behind the closet
I know that she’s lost it, not me
And her words are just whispers
and lies that I'll never believe

She’d like to take some time to thank
A crudely crafted wooden plank
Puddinghead, she dares to be stupid
And how can the world get her to change
Insanity stays the same
They don't know me
And she's still weird

I'm the one
'Cause she's still weird
She's still weird
She's still weird
She's still weird

Author's Note

With all due credit to K9Thefirst1

IMPORTANT! We're fast approaching the 100th Chapter! So in order to commemorate such an event PROPERLY, I need to know which song or songs were amongst your favourites to be placed in my little Hall of Fame in my 100th Chapter Spectacularmathon!

Just leave a comment listing your best ones!

Five...

101. Pinkie Swear

(Note: Sung to the tune of Lady and The Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure's "Always There")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

If you have never made a Pinkie Pie Swear (shortened to Pinkie Promise), then you must realise the sheer gravity behind not only speaking these words, but also making the appropriate actions while doing so (mind your eye, Twilight would like to remind us). For you have just made a vow even more binding than a legal contract; heck, it's less risky to sell your mortal soul to darkness; there's considerably less consequences.

Don't break a Pinkie Promise, or kneecaps WILL be broken.

Pinkie Swear
A legally binding contract
Pinkie Swear
An unbreakable vow
Pinkie Swear
Take it back at your peril
Pinkie Swear
You cannot back out now
Honestly...

If you do
Ever break Pinkie’s promise
Through and through
I’ll break all of your legs
Or yet worse
I’ll turn your spine to putty
Pinkie Swear
Your skull is like an egg
Honestly…

Honestly
Honestly
I value honesty
Promise that you’ll follow through
We’ll have no problems then
You break it, and it’s not “if”, it’s “when”

Pinkie Swear
A promise not made lightly (I value honesty)
Take it back
Tartarus waits for thee
‘Part from that,
Everything is cool then!
Pinkie Swear
A vow made personally!
Honestly
Pinkie Swear
Honestly
Honestly
Honestly

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

102. Love Will Blow You Away

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride's "Love Will Find A Way")

Sung by Princess Cadence

Love is a powerful thing indeed. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor were able to harness the magic of Love to defeat the changeling army and banish Queen Chrysalis from Canterlot.

It was inevitable therefore, that some of Canterlot's top scientists would seek to experiment with this magic, and find out whether this seemingly infinite type of magic could be used to power household objects such as ovens and vehicles.

On our wedding day
When all hope was lost
Down the changelings came
And they found to their cost

Our love was spicy
They got totally owned
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But I can weapon-ise my heart

I know love will blow you away
If I set my mind
I know love can even move mountains

My husband’s shining ray
We would make it brisk
Ignore us at your risk
Love will blow you away

Canterlot’s best techs
Wants to harness me
Love is never wrong
Theoretically

They want to use love
To power all things
Use love to fuel toasters or a train
Or Equestria’s output of rain

They know love will blow you away
They’ll experiment
See if it’s got potential for more

They are testing, come what may
Love as fuel, how that fares
Power mundane home-wares
Love can blow you away
I know love can blow you away

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123. Inspired by the Equestria Enquirer.

107. The Worst Of Both Worlds

(Note: Sung to the tune of Hannah Montana's "The Best Of Both Worlds")

Sung by Fluttershy

Being a model sucks. It is especially bad when you're Fluttershy and you have rather bad stage-fright.

But, when fashion photographer Photo Finish arrived for Rarity's shoot, she immediately saw Fluttershy's charm, ad to the dismay of Rarity AND Fluttershy, the timid pegasus was chosen to be a model.

It was awful, just awful.

Oh no
Come on

I get all the eyes on me
Hottest styles, every dress, every color
Yeah, when I’m famous it is not hard to see
I hate it but Rarity never discovers
This doesn’t help my stage fright one bit
But on stage I'm a star

I get the worst of both worlds
Chillin' out? Got no time!
A fashion show at nine
I get the worst of both worlds
Got no time for my friends and you know that it's the worst of
Both worlds
The worst of both worlds(Yeah!)

Photo Finish making Da Magicks (is she really serious?)
See my face on the magazines
Livin' two lives makes me totally sick (yeah)
Never wanted to be a beauty queen
Yeah, I have to wear a hat and shades
Or I’ll get mobbed by crowds of my fans

I get the worst of both worlds
Can’t let down Rarity,
Since she passed this to me!
I get the worst of both worlds
Can’t use anonymity, so I know that it's the worst of
Both
I know the worst of both worlds

Pictures and autographs
I just feel like shriveling like a weed…
The worst part’s that I cannot be
Whoever I wanna be

Worst! Worst!
Yeah worst of both
Worst! Worst!
You get the worst of both
Worst! Worst!
Come on the worst of both

Who would have thought that a girl like me
Would double as a superstar... Arrgh!

I get the worst of both worlds
Anonymity
Not an option for me
I get the worst of both worlds
Got no gall to say no, and you know that it's the worst

You get the worst of both worlds
Without the shades and the hair
I can’t go anywhere
I get the worst of both, girls
Mix it all together
Oh yeah
It's so much awful cuz you know you've got the worst
Of both worlds

108. Two Words

(Note: Sung to the tune of Tarzan's "Two Worlds")

Sung by Applejack

It all started when Applejack left Ponyville to enter the Equestrian Rodeo in Canterlot. Plan was she'd win, and get the prize money to fix Ponyville Town Hall's roof. However, she never came back, forcing Twilight and the rest of her friends to look for her.

Eventually, they found Applejack working on a cherry farm, but she refused to answer questions as to why.

Left with no other alternative, her friends had to unleash their trump card: Pinkie.

"...A cherrychanga is mashed up cherries in a tortilla that's deep fried. Cherrychanga. Great name, huh? Oh, but maybe I should call it a chimicherry. Ooh, that's good too. Which do you think sounds better? Cherrychanga or chimicherry? Or what if I combine them? Chimicherrychanga! What sounds the funniest? I like funny words! One of my favorite funny words is 'kumquat'! I didn't make that one up. I would work in a kumquat orchard just so I could say 'kumquat' all day! Kumquat, kumquat, kumquat! And 'pickle barrel'! Isn't that just the funnest thing to say? Pickle barrel, pickle barrel, pickle barrel! Say it with me! Pickle barrel, kumquat, pickle barrel, kumquat, pickle barrel, kumquat, chimicherrychanga!"

Zip yer mouth and stop yer darn yammerin’
Two words, they are “SHUT UP”!
Shut yer trap
Stop talkin’ please,
You grate mah nerves, eeyup

Ah get a headache listening
To things like kumquats and stuff
Just go away, leave me in peace

Zip yer mouth and stop yer darn chatterin’
Two words, they are “ZIP IT”!
Shut yer trap
Stop talkin’ please,
Yer chattering’s the pits!

Yer doin’ this to torture me
Did the girls put yah up for this?
Just go away, leave me in peace

Just please shut up
Ah have this load
Ah’m busy, Ah don’t need you
Can’t take no more
Leave me alone
What’s the deal in waiting?
Be quiet, just try it here

“No words” describe mah state of bliss
“No words” would be real nice right now
That dream is gone, but Ah can hope

Zip yer mouth and stop yer blabberin’
Two words, they are “BE QUIET!”
Shut yer trap
Stop talkin’ please,
I'm about to start a riot!

"...Speaking of beans, did you ever realize how many words rhyme with 'beans'? Lean, mean, spleen, unclean, bean... "

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

113. I Won't Say (Derpy's Name)

(Note: Sung to the tune of Hercules's "I Won't Say (I'm In Love))"

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Pinkie seems to be under the impression that Derpy Hooves has become totally different to the pony she initially remembered. Of course, nopony listened. I think her mentioning a race of strange people that monitor their every move and their angry bipedal parents didn't help her case.

Whatever the case, Pinkie has to take care not to mention her name in view of these strange observers "to preserve the natural order".

If there's a prize for rotten judgment,
Moral guardians won that
No mare is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history
Been there, done that

Who d'you think you're kiddin'?
They don’t name her to be meanies
The real reason’s hidden
The offenses meant are teeny
Parents can’t conceal it
Their over-reaction
And what they're thinking of

No chance, no way
I won't say it, so wrong
Say You-Know-Who
Before a lawsuit comes on,
Gets in our way
I won't say Derpy’s name

I just don’t know what went wrong right here
It feels so good when it first aired
Then there was lots of angry letters
So to make sure all was spared
(Ohhh...)

There was controversy
About wonky eyes and ditzy
Least it didn’t get worse-y
She’s in Season 4, still glitzy
But a bunch of grown-ups
Forced Hasbro to own up
And change the whole scene like so

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Got news for you
It’s taboo, Derpy’s name
They rue the day
They can’t say Derpy’s name
Got no choice, lose the voice
And the name

They're way off base, I won't say it
Get off their case, I won't say it
Like Voldemort
It's okay, Derpy’s name

Ohhh...
At least out loud,
I won't say Derpy’s name
Sha-la-la-la la la, ahh

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings

117. Making Us Think She's Dead

(Note: Sung to the tune of Alice In Wonderland's "Painting The Roses Red")

Sung by Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy

It all started when Fluttershy was visiting Canterlot Castle with her friends to visit Princess Celestia. It was then that Fluttershy saw a very sickly bird (Princess Celestia's own pet Philomena) and decided to nurse it back to health.

It proved to be a very difficult patient, and it only got worse. Then it suddenly burst into flames and turned into a pile of ash. Of course, both Fluttrshy and Twilight Sparkle thought that they had killed it.

Until Princess Celestia caught up with them, and the bird (who happened to be an immortal phoenix) sprung back to life. It turned out it was going t get better anyway, but it decided to mess with their heads for cheap giggles.

Twilight and Fluttershy both reached the same conclusion together:

Philomena is a jerk.

Making us think she’s dead
Was making us think she’s dead
That dumb phoenix
Pulled out the tricks
Fluttershy lost her head
By making us think she’s dead
By making us think she’s dead

Oh, making us think she’s dead
And many a tear we shed
But then and there,
And with a flare
Burst into flames instead
Suddenly a flash of red
Making us think she’s dead

Making us think she’s dead
She’s making us think she’s dead
What’s that, you say?
‘But, anyway,
Why did we think she’s dead?’

“Huh? Oh!
Well, the fact is, pal
We didn’t know she was a phoenix,
Or...”

That she could be not dead
And be reborn instead,
So basically
She pranked us, see
To see where it all led
That bird is a jerk, my friend
By making us think she’s dead

Making us think she’s dead
She’s making us think she’s dead
She ignored us,
Fluttershy’s fuss
To get a cheap laugh said
Just by making us think she’s dead
Yes, making us think she’s dead

That bird’s
A punk
That re-birthing junk
By making us think she’s dead!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

118. Goner To Us All

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mulan's "Honour To Us All")

Sung by Bon-Bon

When Bon-Bon's best friend Lyra Heartstrings suddenly announced she would leave Ponyville to search for the elusive human species, Bon-Bon had only one thought as the green unicorn left the house with her luggage and skipped off.

"We will never see Lyra again," Bon-Bon remarked drily, knowing that Lyra would probably come back the next day, having suddenly realised she missed the earth pony's sweets. Or forgot to pack her toothbrush.

This is what I have to live with?
Well, honey, I've seen worse.
When she comes back all depends
On bits in the purse.

Can she afford the train?
Did she pack an umbrella for the rain?
Don’t think she won’t come back again;
That she’s a goner to us all.

Wait and see, she’ll be back
Because of something she forgot to pack.
She won’t find a hint of human tracks
She’s no goner to us all.

She’ll be back in five minutes
Or at most, one whole day.
Lyra’s no Daring Do
She’ll lose focus on the way.

I hope she finds “proof” real soon
Here in Ponyville so she’s back by noon.
She won’t mount a trip to the moon
She’s no goner to us all.

She once found human footprints
It kept her in the house
Some tracks circling the garden,
Or somewhere thereabouts.

Turned out that it’s a hoax
Discord had made them just for jokes
To confuse archeologist blokes
Just to drive us up the wall.

Still she keeps on pressing,
She must proudly show it
The proof that humans do exist
And tell folks “don’t you know it!”

Celestia, hear my plea
Don’t want to get out the house, you see:
Go and rescue her from up a tree
Again preventing her fall.

Scarier than the anaconda
Is finding out where she has wandered!

Well at least I will say
She’s forgotten something along the way
That the train station is closed today
They’re not taking your toll.

She’s no goner to us
She’s no goner to us
She’s no goner to us
She’s no goner to us
She’s no goner to us all!

121. Maud Helps Them Out Back

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame's "God Help The Outcasts")

Sung by Maud Pie

Maud's typical day as a rock farmer may not be the most exciting thing in the world, but it pays the bills.

Why does her family farm rocks, you may ask? Well, the answer is simple. They farm rocks since rocks can't farm themselves.

I don't know if you can get this
Why we farm lumps of stone
It's totally serious business
What we do alone
Yes, the art and subtle science
Of grinding sand just right
The exact measurements of quartz...
And move rubble out of sight!

Maud helps them out back
Trimming the rocks
Til late that evening
Keeping to the clock
Maud helps the family
Watering the grit
Maud helps them out back
Just earning the bits

It's a rock farm
Not a quarry
The two are totally different to me
Cos does a quarry breed boulders?
All the best breeding rocks on my shoulder here

Feeding the rock slabs
I can get by
Tell the stonemasons
Delivery's come by
We sell pet rocks for
The poor and downtrod
A day in the life
Of farmpony Maud

Maud helps them out back
Farmpony Maud

Author's Note

As requested by Revenant Wings.

Practice for Chapter 74 applies here too.

123. The Beautiful Spiny Beasts

(Note: Sung to the tune of Bedknobs and Broomsticks's "The Beautiful Briny Sea")

Sung by Fluttershy

Nature is disgusting yet fascinating. Fluttershy is certainly not a fan of gratuitous murder by any stretch, but she can certainly appreciate the ways animals hunt or defend themselves. She may even, dare I say it, lecture you on the way starfish feed by throwing up their stomach at unsuspecting fish and then digest them for several days.

Nature. Truly fascinating.

How pleasant, watching along
Watching critters and all the rest of the beautiful spiny beasts
What a chance to get a better peep
At nasty nature at its most deep
I love
Parasitic wasps and doves
All day
I could watch swimming stingrays

It's lovely, tagging along
Watching critters and all the rest of the beautiful spiny beasts
Portuguese Mare o' wars
The stings attacks your lungs
And hearts malfunction
Don't worry, you won't die
Nature is great! Reiterate:
I'll sing about all the beautiful spiny beasts

Look!

How pleasant, watching along
Watching critters and all the rest of the beautiful spiny beasts
Fulmar gull chicks vomit, believe me,
That's how it keeps out the enemies
It's grand
Komodo Dragons on sand
Their bite
Infects wounds, and then you die!

It's lovely, watching along
Watching a cowfish make toxins that kill all the fish swimmingly
Kangaroo defence
Jumping into water pools
Then they drown their foes
You must admit that's cool
Nature is great! Reiterate:
I'll sing about all the beautiful spiny beasts

Skipping along, singing a song
Praise be to all of the beautiful spiny
Venomous, spiny, beautiful spiny beasts

Author's Note

Dedicated to all animals that can kill in extremely odd and needlessly cruel ways. I love you all.

124. Found Her Rambling Spree

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Tigger Movie's "Round My Family Tree")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

If ever Twilight Sparkle wishes to show you a brand new discovery she made, it would probably be wise to either preemptively silence her or tell her you "don't speak egghead" as Rainbow Dash would say

Never let Twilight Sparkle get carried away. EVER. Or you will be unable to leave for hours.

There's magic theories and physics theories
And theories I never knew
Like nature theories and some maths theories
Conspiracy theories too

Biology theories
Inductive theories
Please can I go home now?
Need to floss my otter
And go rearrange some cows

Found, found her rambling spree
I know they're not good excuses, see
Found, found her rambling spree
I am a confused pony

There's sprees of chemistry theories
History theories by the ton
There's overwhelmin' great great molecular theories
Why can she not stop at one!?

There's skinny-little, tiny-little, small logic theories
Quantum physics theories too
I don't understand them
And I don't wish that I knew

Found, found her rambling spree
I just took some science to the knee
Found, found her rambling spree
I am a confused pony
Found her rambling spree
I am a confused pony

The first-est most sign of a rambling spree
An announcement of discovery
Of the greatest, longest, strangest finding
You'd ever care to see

But if you care to listen you can't afford to miss 'em
Cos then she will always ask
If you've actually been paying attention while staying
Dozing off ain't no task!

There were big motion theories, evolution theories
And theories of worldly acclaim
There were glorious, fantasmagorious theories
That I do not care to explain

There's the arduous time and the disciple's rhyme
Of her tedious rambling spree
And when she starts explaining,
I start begging to be free!

Found, found her rambling spree
Nowhere to hide from Twilight, or flee
Found, found her rambling spree
I am a confused pony

There's magic theories and physics theories
And theories I never knew
Like nature theories and some maths theories
Conspiracy theories too

And when those theories all get together
Twilight just has a ball!
Confusing-est, boring-est, talking-est, tedious
Most brain exploding-est egghead lecture of all!

Everypony brace - science coming at you!
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

127. Pinkie's Spittling Song

(Note: Sung to the tune of Snow White And The Seven Dwarves's "The Dwarfs' Washing Song")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Poison joke is a type of flower that only grows in the Everfree Forest. Or at least, that's the only place in Equestria where there is any, as far as anypony is aware. Physical contact with the plant causes amusing, yet extremely inconvenient symptoms within hours. Symptoms vary from pony to pony, although bizarrely it is always a symptom that provides the greatest inconvenience.

For example, Pinkie Pie, a mare that finds it hard to stop talking, was rendered unable to speak after her tongue swelled up so much she could do little but blow raspberries to talk.

She described it later as the worst time of her life. It probably wasn't, but that's not what's important here.

Bed of Poison Joke
It's no fun at all
My tongue swelled right up
Hitting my mouth's wall
Couldn't yodel or whistle
Even do a cat-call
Just go "Thrp-ubbbl-bbul-bpl-plb-hptl
thrp-thpl-thrp-blpl?"

Rainbow Dash's wings
Got turned upside-down
And Rarity's locks
Were the talk of the town
(Just not in a good way)
And this party clown
Was like "Thrp-ubbbl-bbul-bpl-plb-hptl
thrp-thpl-thrp-blpl!"

Twilight Flopple
Appletini
Don't get me started on Flutterguy please
But spitting and rasping was the worst trick
It also doesn't sound hygienic...!

I think that I drooled
On the library floor
If Twilight saw that
She'd show me the door!
But I couldn't protest
Never happened before,
Sayin' "Thrp-ubbbl-bbul-bpl-plb-hptl
thrp-thpl-thrp-blpl...!"

But lucky for us
A spa bath was made
That used special herbs
The Joke starts to fade
Well thank goodness for that
I can talk all the day
Sayin' "Oh, my gosh! I never realized how horrible it is not to be able to talk. I mean, I love talking so much, and when I couldn't talk anymore, my tongue was all 'ehhhh'! It was the worst! Don't you agree, Fluttershy?"

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

128. My Crown

(Note: Sung to the tune of Cars's "Our Town")

Sung by Sunset Shimmer

Sunset Shimmer was the student to Princess Celestia before Twilight Sparkle. She was brilliant, but arrogant, rude, impatient and really rather cruel. So the prospect of princess-dom largely eluded her; Sunset felt her mentor feared her power, but Princess Celestia actually felt she would never be ready.

Not that it stopped her from entering an alternate world, establishing a hierarchy at a local high school, stealing the crown from Twilight after learning she was the new Princess, and basically attempting to ruin both worlds. If nothing else, that mare had ambition.

Long ago, but not so very long ago,
I was her student. Oh, yes I was.
But Sun-butt flank, kept me down in rank out of sheer fear
And you know by rights, it was my crown

So I went to a world of walking apes
For some reason I had clothes now, but what the hay!
She should have seen it coming, when I plotted treason too
With that crown, there's nothing I can't do!

Pony ain't a pony anymore
(Never studied biology or maths before)
To tell the truth, all I thought about
Was my crown.

Then one day portal opens, just like it's done before.
So skipping science homework for the day,
I go back to Equestria, and unlock Twilight's door.
And I steal her crown, and bolt home far away!

Student ain't a student anymore
With the Magic Element, they will know the score!
It's hard to find a reason left to stay,
I'll raise a teenage army all the way!

With the power of my crown!

129. Inspection

(Note: Sung to the tune of Mulan's "Reflection")

Sung by Ms. Harshwhinny

Ms. Harshwhinny was coming all the way to the Crystal Empire to review the facilities of the kingdom, to see whether or not it would be fit to host the illustrious Equestria Games. It was well-known that she was a mare who was incredibly difficult to please, and so everypony at the Crystal Empire were working as hard as they could to please.

Even when she hadn't actually arrived yet; they had mistaken a rather befuddled tourist for Ms. Harshwinny and thought the chipper attitude was all an elaborate con...and all because her train was delayed.

Look at me,
I may never get on the train today, it is rather late now...
Can it be,
Are they hard at work right now?
We will see,
If hygiene and catering are top-notch,
Or if I get a furrowed brow.

What is that train I see, pulling right up near me?
Why is my duel-carriage forty minutes late?
Now if it were my job,
I'd sack the lazy slobs!
Maybe I should inspect trains (on the side), or wait?

We're away,
Now the time will come,
When I see
If the place meets expectations
On that day,
I'll discover if things are up to snuff,
Can they do the Empire proud?

There's marks for food and drink,
Equipment, and I think,
There's guest accommodations,
And safety trust!
Do they have what it takes to make it the best of all time?
What will my inspection show? E.G Host, or bust?
What will my inspection show? E.G Host, or bust?

Author's Note

And once again the well starts to run dry. Please throw any suggestions you may have at me. Preferably from different movies so that I can space them out and use earlier requests...kthx

132. Do I Want To Bill The Showmare?

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?")

Sung by Pony Joe and Trixie

Chased out of Ponyville after being humiliated by Twilight Sparkle, Trixie fled to Canterlot and wound up at Pony Joe's Donut Shop, drowning out her sorrows in a massive sugar binge.

Pony Joe tried to put up with her many I.O.U tabs as best he could out of pity (Trixie was flat-broke after bad turnout after bad turnout), but he felt that sometime, he had to put his hoof down.

Do I want to bill the showmare?
I guess she has to pay...
You can't just mooch here anymore
Get out the door,
And send your tab my way!
You've been here for like two weeks,
You don't look hot,
Don't hand me an I.O.U!
Do I want to bill the showmare?
Take money from a flat-broke showmare...

"REVENGE WILL BE MINE!"
Good for you...

Do I want to bill the showmare?
That's kicking her while she's still down...
I know that all that dough is overdue,
I dunno if I want to send her out of town...
(What a dilemma.)
Maybe a suggestion,
Why not get a job,
That'll make the hours tick by...
(tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock)

Please, I know you're listening
I think you should go get employed,
Then I can go take it right off the bill,
You can't just stay until
You waste away
But how long will it take
Before she finds some work
Do I ask up front?
Do I want to bill the showmare?

136. The Job Song

(Note: Sung to the tune of Beauty And The Beast's "The Mob Song")

Sung by Trixie

Jobless and dirt-poor, Trixie was forced to look for any line of work available to make ends meet.

She moved on from job to job due to her inflated ego and sense of entitlement that pretty much defined The Great And Powerful Trixie, before finally finding employment at a rock farm, where there were precisely zero customers to offend. At least her resume was nice and full.

Unemployed and homeless too
Working shifts all day and night
The Great And Powerful Trixie
A mere grunt in pony's sight!
But til the rumors go away
I will rebuild once again
Trixie Lulamoon will make quite sure
That it's not 'if' it's 'when'!

Now behold! Watch me go!
Trixie's now a sandwich maker
Peanut butter, that's my favorite, certified!
Eat one bite, and you might
Never ever have any other
You can be like just like Trixie if you tried!

Am I fired!?
What a joke, what a great farce!
No-one gets that my best will all fit!
Hear Trixie! It's your loss!
You can't fire me because I resign!
Yes, resign! Cos I quit!

Now Trixie's a tailor!
Just watch Trixie make an outfit there!
I'm using scissors to make matching hats!
And a cape goes with those
Yes, this fashion statement's perfect
Now YOU can be like Trixie, just like that!

Am I fired!?
But Trixie don't understand
Just who wouldn't want to be like Trixie?
Well that's fine! Kiss my flank!
Cos this place totally stank!
Didn't get a word of thanks!
I'll find somewhere who appreciates my genius!

I don't like
What I don't understand
It just scares Trixie
Being a bartender and listening to half-wits
Good riddance! You all stink!
Why should I care what you think?
Hope your business totally sinks
Because I quit!

Burning toast!
Burning shake!
Fast-food isn't right for Trixie
Neither is selling doors door-to-door for bits
Come on guys! All I want
Is an audience to flaunt
Right in front of, but I can't
And so I quit!

Cos I quit! x7

138. Glazed-Over Eyes

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brother Bear's "Look Through My Eyes")

Sung by Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash

As Zecora offered the mysterious potion to Twilight Sparkle, Twilight activated her unique unicorn magic to give the potion potency, and took a sip.

From the perspective of her friends, this had the rather startling effect of causing Twilight to suddenly start spasming and yelling, then dramatically bursting into tears before finally having her eyes suddenly glaze over.

Discord found it to be extremely entertaining, watching the first-timers get hit with their first dose of flashback potion.

Well, you started shaking first and
Oh, in time you see
Cause somehow, someway
You went loco
Then you started yelling
'Bout Princess Luna
Clearly not all right
It was surreal
We were there watching you freak out

You got the glazed-over eyes
In another place
Somewhere out there
You got the glazed-over eyes
Everything's crazy
Don't wanna know what you'll find
Looking through the glazed-over eyes

There were some times in that episode
When ya started shaking
Then ya suddenly came over blubberin'
Wouldn't stop yer cryin'

Discord just said, "Meh,
She will be all right."
He offered me
Some popcorn when your tears dried up

Ya got the glazed-over eyes
In another place
Somewhere out there
You got the glazed-over eyes
Everything's crazy
Don't wanna know what you'll find
Through your glazed-over eyes

Then you fell right on your back
Started flailing all o' yer legs
Mumbling something about
Elements of Harmony

Ya got the glazed-over eyes
In your drugged-up state, some clarity
When ya suddenly realized
It was a flashback
Must've seen some crazy stuff
Ya got glazed-over eyes

You got glazed-over eyes

Author's Note

As requested by hamcon.

142. Always Pwned

(Note: Sung to the tune of Oz: The Great And Powerful's "Almost Home")

Sung by Pinkie Pie

Twilight only had herself to blame for not listening to Pinkie. When Pinkie says that something's going to happen, you'd better pay attention.

Otherwise Twilight could have avoided that anvil falling from the sky, or falling down the stairs into Applejack's basement or somepony slamming her door into the wall and flattening her...

Hey, hey.....
You're always pwned
You're always pwned
You're always pwned

I feel the twitch in my tail
And my mane's acting up again
And that means Twilight just fell in a hole

I've held hope that she'd take heed
That there would be another chance
She'd believe me, and not walk into a pole
'Cause behind disbelief there's something greater than you know

Because fate ain't fair
And she's always pwned
Just watch that falling piano go, go
When you're always there, always pwned
When you've broken bones
She's always pwned

Please just run, run so far
Or you'll get hit by a car
Twilight thinks I'm from some other universe
I couldn't push her out the way
Of fifteen falling bales of hay
Wrong is right, right is left
And there's nowhere left to turn

My Sense can pick up anything
You think, you think you know

Because fate ain't fair
And she's always pwned
Just watch that falling anvil go, go
When you're always there, always pwned
When you've broken bones
She's always pwned

When you approach this with open minds
You'll spare yourself becoming woozy
If you paid attention to this doozy
At Froggy Bottom Bog

Oh, Because fate ain't fair
And she's always pwned
Just watch that falling brick bag go, go
When you're always there, always pwned
When you've broken bones
She's always pwned

Because fate ain't fair
And she's always pwned
Just watch that falling plant pot go, go
When you're always there, always pwned
When you've broken bones
She's always pwned

148. Lack Of Explorations

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Fox And The Hound's "Lack Of Education")

Sung by Daring Do

A.K Yearling sat at home, under the worst fear of any writer: writer's block. It was the vacation period, and there were a rather disturbing lack of any ruins with needlessly elaborate and lethal traps for her to explore lately. It was BORING.

And having a publisher to appease doesn't help either.

Now, if I'm so awesome and I'm famous as well,
Then why is there no news of ruins I smell?
I'm bored out my senses
Publishers will give me...heck

Got no imagination!
Lack of exploration!

I got writer's block hanging like a rock
I stink at real fiction writing
Every book that I pen,
Change the name and then
Story of my life
It's all true, even the fighting!

Now, all I got left are these puzzle maps.
But just these aren't enough to make books or scraps!
I miss Ahuizotl
And his set-up traps...

I got no imagination!
Lack of exploration!

You better believe it, dude! Yessiree!

152. That's What Pens Are For

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Jungle Book's "That's What Friends Are For")

Sung by Rarity

The post office has officially gone on Rarity's list of enemies.

For you see, the last time she was there to pick up a package, she had to wait in line with no air conditioning, there was a crying foal the entire time, and the only pen at the desk was being used by somepony Rarity swore was writing a novel rather than signing any paperwork.

"WHY AREN'T THERE MORE PENS!? TELL ME!"

Y NO PENS!?
Y NO PENS!?
Y NO PENS ON THE COUNTER'S END!? (the counter's end)

The post office (the post office)
Is hot and stinks! (is hot and stinks)
It is the worst (It is the worst)
Possible thing! (possible thing)
And WHY THE HAY ARE THERE NO PENS
When a line's reaching the door!?
That's what pens are for!

There are SIX counters at the desk
With naught to scrawl
That's what pens are for!

And when a foal is bawling I'm
Hating some guy for wasting time
I just wanted my package
And then LEAVE this place
I'm never coming back, I'd rather spray my eyes with mace!
(Eyes with mace)

The line was long
It was too hot
A foal did scream
And there was not
Another pen
With which to write the final score!

DON'T THEY KNOW WHAT PENS ARE FOR!?

Author's Note

Can you tell what I've been watching recently?

153. Nothing In The World (Was Learnt Today)

(Note: Sung to the tune of Aladdin II: The Return Of Jafar's "Nothing In The World (Quite Like A Friend)")

Sung by Applejack

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Ah wanted to share mah thoughts with you.

Ah didn't learn anythin'! Ah was right all along!"

And with that, Applejack left a very confused Spike holding the quill and scroll in his scaly hand and went off to drink more cider.

Twilight made Applejack amend the letter later.

Dear Princess Celestia, Ah'm writing to say
That Ah didn't learn anything important today!
And Ah don't give a fig about tact anyway,
Cos Ah'll just drink the day away,
Git 'er down!
Might be the cider talkin', but I feel just great!
We didn't lose the farm and Ah simply can't wait
To read 'bout how the Flim-Flam Bros messed up so late
And sealed their lyin' no-good fate!
Uh huh!

Knew all along
Ah was totally right
Now was there any doubt?
Celebratin' through the night
As much as Ah like to chat, Ah can't stay
Because nothing in the world was learnt today!

Dunno if Twilight Sparkle will be cheesed or not,
Ah'm sure she'll send apologies and Ah mean lots
Ah still think it was worth, Ah don't care 'bout what
Consequences that Ah had got!
(Oh no!)
Ah'm sure Ah'll get a lecture on the royal fare
How Ah wouldn't be laughin' if Ah lost with flair
But then, the cider's helpin' me to just not care
Ah'll get a refill, just wait there...
(Hic!)

Ah was right, the cheap 'n easy route don't matter,
Ah was right, the lazy way just ain't cool
Ah was right, If yah took time to put some effort out there
Once you get caught you won't feel like a fool!

Sure, I COULD say,
My friends are my light,
Well, Ah knew that also
And so Ah cannot write
'Bout my friends who had mah back while in the fray,
Because nothing in the world was learnt today!

Yup, nothing in the world
Nothing in the whole wide world
Oh yes, nothing in the world was learnt today!

Nothin' in the whole wide world

154. Drink A Smoothie

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King 1 1/2's "Digga Tunnah")

Sung by Lyra Heartstrings

Lyra sat down, sipping a hay smoothie, and watched as the magic duel between Trixie and Twilight Sparkle unfolded. This was a matter of honor, as the loser would be unceremoniously kicked out of town, seemingly forever.

So, just another incident in a series of many, she thought as she went back to her smoothie.

What was that?
What was what?
What was that?
What was that?

Where?
What?
Where?
Where?
What was that?
Shhh...
Please don't interrupt my smoothie break!
Please!

Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
When I'm done, I drink another smoothie.
Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
I would like to finish this first,
Please!

Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
Magic duel going on right now?
Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
Yeah, that's nice.
And this concerns hay smoothies, how?
Nah!

Drinkin' smoothies is what I do.
Hay Mix smoothie, or maybe two.
Big incidents are going down.
Big incidents aren't new round town,
Until this all blows over soon,
I'll sip my drink from dusk til noon,
Oh, looks like Twilight's got work cut out,
Well, hallelujah, let's sing and shout!
...Meh.

Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
Magic duel going on right now?
Drink a smoothie,
Drink, drink a smoothie.
Yeah, that's nice.
And this concerns hay smoothies, how?
Nah!

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

Smoothie Lyra Don't Care

157. Not On The Bus

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride's "Not One Of Us")

Sung by Octavia

Elsewhere, in the world of humans, Octavia wasn't happy with Vinyl Scratch's apparent lack of manners while going out together. Particularly when riding a bus to a posh event like the Canterlot High Fall Formal.

Vinyl just blew her off with "What are you, my mother?", but she was determined to make SOMETHING stick.

Disgusting,
Disgrace
You've got some mayonnaise right on your face
Disgusting
An outrage!
Disgrace
I moan!
Straighten your back please, since you're not at home!
Turn that music down!
Disgusting
An outrage!
Disgrace
I moan!
Show manners outside the house!
You've got some mayonnaise right on your face!
Tuck your shirt in, it won't hurt it!
And leave that alone!
Disgusting
An outrage!
Disgrace
I moan!
Refrain from picking your nose!
Straighten your back please, since you're not at home!
Tuck your shirt in, it won't hurt it!

Watch the disks
Move your kit
Other people want to sit
Freshen up?
Here, use mine
My compact mirror
But please do it on time
Stop pouting, not on the bus
Don't embarrass me on the bus
While we're riding the bus
Please do mind
The other passengers
Cause they're not so blind
They're all staring at what you had done
Your tardiness is plain to see on the bus
Please don't, not on the bus

Disgusting,
Disgrace
Disgusting,
Disgrace
Disgusting

Author's Note

As requested by Ugly-Duckling123.

162. Stolen Stuff

(Note: Sung to the tune of Frozen's "Frozen Heart")

Sung by Rarity

Twilight watched Rarity swoon in typically dramatic fashion, lamenting the moment she became...a victim. A tragic, TRAGIC victim.

"Woe is me! I shall never recover from this injury that has been wrought upon me!"

"...English, Rarity," Twilight said, dryly.

Rarity sighed. "I was in the zone, Twilight. But, if I must."

Last night I was stolen from
While all the time I'm sleeping
I simply cannot just stay calm!
My things that were worth keeping!

The indignity, cold and clear
Both of them taken from here
What's become of them? Oh dear
Capture's not enough!
Get back my stolen stuff!

Hyup! What!? Both of them! Just like that!
Hyup! What!? BOTH of them! Just like that!

Scandalous! Horrible!
Worst. Possible! Thing!
It was just tragic, feeling the sting.
It's worse than one! It's worse than ten!
Hundred Bluebloods yet again!

Yes!

Last night I was stolen from
While all the time I'm sleeping
I simply cannot just stay calm!
My things that were worth keeping!

Indignity, loud and clear
What has happened's what I fear!
Opal and True Blue's gone from here
Things have gotten rough!
Get back my stolen stuff!

"Uh...who?" Twilight asked.

163. A Pilot's Life For Me

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pirates Of The Caribbean's "A Pirate's Life For Me")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Ever since she was a little girl, all Rainbow Dash ever wanted was to become part of the Wonderbolts. She wanted her very own plane to just go fast and perform the greatest aerial stunts that you ever saw with her idols.

If she ever met her pony counterpart, she'd be insanely jealous over the fact she doesn't NEED a plane to fly. Or be limited to just Mach 2.8 speeds.

Heave ho, heave ho, a pilot's life for me!
I'll soon be joining the Wonderbolt team,
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
I'll make it through high school and get a degree,
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!

Heave ho, heave ho, a pilot's life for me!
I'll fly in formation at Mach 2.8,
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
A new pilot's license will soon be my fate!
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!

Heave ho, heave ho, a pilot's life for me!
The sports club's my ticket through fitness exam,
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
A helix and barrel-roll with glitz and glam!
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!

Be the very best like no-one ever was!
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
The queues will be long to watch planes flown by us!
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!

Get on the team even if I must use force,
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
But I'll still give out discounts for friends of course!
I'll soon be flyin', uh huh!
Heave ho, heave ho, a pilot's life for me!

Author's Note

As requested by deathtap.

167. Let Them Be Food To You

(Note: Sung to the tune of The Great Mouse Detective's "Let Me Be Good To You")

Sung by Trixie

When Sunset Shimmer took the Element of Magic and transformed into a raging she-demon, some acted bravely.

Upon spying the monstrous form terrorizing Canterlot High, Trixie BRAVELY decided to throw her classmates under the bus.

Darkest fiend, unholy girl
Listen to my song
Don't eat me, I have to live
Still have a life long
Let me bring you here
An offering dear

Hey, Sunset
I still have friends
Get ready
Eat them instead
Gobble my classmates first in a stew
Let them be food to you

Cos Trixie
Has not got much to spare
Too stringy
I've only got crackers on me
Not much to see

Accept this
Here sacrifice
I do hope
This satisfies
Brought all the students I could
Let them be food to you

Hey, Sunset
I'll bring some freshmen too
Hey, Sunset
There's nothin' I won't do
Just for you

So make sure
You don't eat me
Get cozy
Just leave me be
Hey girl, I'm talkin' to you

I hope your mercy shows through
Let them be food to you
Yeah!

Author's Note

As requested by deathtap.

170. Run-For-It-Ivity

(Note: Sung to the tune of So Dear To My Heart's "Stick-To-It-Ivity")

Sung by Flim and Flam

Flim and Flam glanced at each other, and the growing crowd of angry ponies that they had conned out of their money. Only one thing was left: the routine procedure that both brothers had become accustomed to.

Make like a tree and get outta here. Bing bang zam.

Hey, hey there, don't tell me they turned on us
Now, where there's a will, there's a way to do it
But, we'll never escape if we don't stick to it
Now, let us make like anti aging cream and vanish right now
We're not welcome here, let's go 'fore we get in a row

Now, our latest invention, we sold to these chumps
Just pieces of junk we found in the dumps
Studied how the suckers think, had it down pat
Said, "We're gonna sell all the snake-oil, stat!"

Because they thought that they worked
All of Manehatten, the berks,
Gave us their cash like
One, two, three

Now, the crowds are kinda angry, they beat our sail
Like a hurricane, a furious gale
Should we be lingering, wait on the spot?
Don't know 'bout you Flim, but I think not!
On this eventful day, we should both run away!

Why, I say, "Run-for-it-ivity
If you've got that stuff called Run-for-it-ivity
We gotta split, just go!"
All of our earned money gonna get refunded
Run-for-it-ivity means we keep the dough!
Yes siree (Yes siree)
Yes siree (Yes siree)
You spot your chance, take the opportunity
By applyin' Run-for-it-ivity
If you've got that stuff called Run-for-it-ivity
And keep your head down low (Land Ho, Land Ho)
We're be alright, we know

Now, don't think these ponies are the only ones
Who we both swindled outta their sums
Yes, Flim and Flam, made our pitch
Left others in the ditch!

Now, torch and pitchforks handed 'round
Mob forming up tight
Staring angrily to start up a fight
Twice he came to visit, twice we duped the town
Sold a useless product by sundown

We thought "Maybe, they're not dumb,
Surely somepony remembers who the two of us are!"
Apparently, they don't, lucky us, idiots.

Ponies kept a-buyin', buyin' all our stuff
Before they realized it's a load of duff
Now they're really angry, Flam, it's time to scram
Moving to the next town for our scam
On this eventful day, we should both run away!

Says I, "Brother of mine, Run-for-it-ivity
If you've got that stuff called Run-for-it-ivity
We gotta split, just go!
All of our earned money gonna get refunded
Run-for-it-ivity means we keep the dough!
Yes siree (Yes siree)
Yes siree (Yes siree)
You spot your chance, take the opportunity
By applyin' Run-for-it-ivity
If you've got that stuff called Run-for-it-ivity
And keep your head down low (Land Ho, Land Ho)
We're be alright, we know

(Yes, siree, yes, siree)
(You spot your chance, take the opportunity )
(By applyin' Run-for-it-ivity )
(If you've got that stuff called Run-for-it-ivity )
(We're be alright, we know)
(We're be alright, we know)

172. Something Cares

(Note: Sung to the tune of Beauty And The Beast's "Something There")

Sung by Queen Chrysalis and The Cute Citizens of Wuvy-Dovey Land

Dramatically banished from Canterlot after the Royal Wedding invasion failed, Queen Chrysalis and the rest of the Changeling Army crashed into what appeared to be a rather small village.

Just then, a small cat-like creature that oozed 'obnoxiously cute' at first glance happily welcomed them into the village with a cupcake. The changelings found it rather bewildering that they would welcome clearly dangerous creatures like them so openly.

But, well, Chrysalis isn't daft enough to pass up a good thing. Walking buffets for everyone, she declared!

They're rather sweet
And very kind
There's lots of love to go around on which we'll dine
They're not too bright, of that I'm sure
I wonder why we didn't find this place before?

They came this way
Something we saw
They sucked us dry and left us shaking on the floor?
No it can't be, I'll just ignore
Because we've never seen these new best friends before!

They're really stupid, golly
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?
They're walking dinner trolleys
We're sucking their love and they simply do not see

Well, who'd have thought? (I think they are)
Not that I care... (Too dumb to live)
We should throw them a welcome party in the square!
Good grief, they're stupid!
We'll wait and see, a few days more
At least while something cares, we won't starve like before
At least while something cares, we won't starve like before
At least while something cares, we won't starve like before

Author's Note

Based on the comics.

174. Seize The Mare

(Note: Sung to the tune of Newsie's "Seize The Day")

Sung by Rarity

Rarity knew Rainbow Dash was hardly the embodiment of ladylike, but was it REALLY too much to ask to stop and help her up as she fell out of the cart chasing after Applejack at Dodge Junction?

As she cranked the handle of the hoofcar with Pinkie Pie, who wouldn't shut up about chimmycherrychangas, Rarity was sure of one thing.

She would not be held responsible for her actions next time she met Rainbow Dash.

When I get home I'll seize that mare
I'll bring the pain on her everywhere
Pinkie, stop talking
Silence that squawking
Rainbow Dash will pay
When I get home someday

When I get home I'll seize that mare
She always flies so she won't care
If her legs are broken
Thus I have spoken
I shall seize the mare

She's gonna get it, seize the mare
How could I know that she'd go there?
Proud and defiant
I'll punch the giant
I shall seize the mare

Lady to ruffian
Pony to cur
I'll kick the lesson into her

When I get home I'll seize that mare
I'll bring the pain on her everywhere
Pinkie, stop talking
Silence that squawking
Rainbow Dash will pay

Lady to ruffian
Pony to cur
I'll kick the lesson into her

178. Into The Open Street

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brave's "Into The Open Air")

Sung by Berry Punch

Berry Punch checked her situation. Nope, the last of the Sugar Punch from last night HAD left her system.

Her face fell. That meant that Big Macintosh really WAS dragging her house across Ponyville in a Love Poison-fueled fit of madness. And that she'd have to explain to the mailmare the next day why she didn't live at Number 42 anymore.

This road, it is a distant trot,
because my home being dragged round a lot!

This house it is a moving log,
dragging a mark on the road where it slogs.

I tried to shout to the guy in front,
but each word I spoke only met with grunts!

Could these walls come crumbling down?
The frames on my wall fell to the ground,
My home insurance won't cover these,
Dragged into the open street!

And now I need a good hard drink,
What I've just tasted should do it, I think...

How will it feel when the mail comes in?
I won't live at number forty-two again!

Some mad farmpony dragged my home,
The bricks and mortar and all the chrome.
How'd he carry this with naught but feet,
Into the open street?

Into the open street (into the open street).
Into the open street.

This house it is a moving log.

Author's Note

As requested by Flightning.

No wonder the poor mare drinks so much.

183. She's A Temp

(Note: Sung to the tune of Lady And The Tramp's "He's A Tramp")

Sung by Fluttershy

"We'll be alright. We even have a replacement."

Those words didn't fill Rainbow Dash with confidence, as she looked at the pony filling in for her position on the Ponyville Equestrian Games team.

A grey mare with a goofy smile and eyes that don't look the same way don't exactly exude "Ace".

She's a temp, ba boom boom
But we need her
She's the only
Spare for us
She's a temp
That we found here
And I only hope
She'll care for us

She's a temp
She's the filler
She's our only
Substitute
She's a temp
But she's nowhere
Near your own skill
At least she's pretty cute...

Twilight Sparkle says
That without you
Our odds drop
By sixty percent
And so we asked for
Decent fliers
But the mailmare was
What they sent

She's a temp
The spare Rainbow
And there's nothing
More to say
If she's a temp
Not a good one
And I wish that you
Could come back our way

Could come back our way
Could come back our way
Could come back our way

184. At The Stall

(Note: Sung to the tune of Cinderalla III: A Twist In Time's "At The Ball")

Sung by Pinkie Pie and Crafty Crate

Haggling at the market for cherries is a battle of wits.

Some, like Rarity, try the negotiator's path on settling for the most reasonable deal for both. Others, like Rainbow Dash, would rather pay the cheapest price and find out who's patience runs out first.

And when all else fails, there's always the Pinkie-approved method of reverse-psychology-except-not-really.

I am trying to pay a very normal fee
Normal fee?
Two bits per cherry is daylight robbery!
Not to me!
Well, I say one bit per cherry, that's as much you'll get from me
They cost half the price elsewhere, would you agree?
I don't agree!

At the stall
At the stall
At the stall
Down at the stall
We are haggling over cherries at the stall

I'm not budging from my stance of fourteen bits
Fourteen bits
I'm not paying twenty eight and call it quits
Call it quits
Cos I know that in Canterlot you get them for half the price
It's the same story for sprouts and peas and rice
Not right!

Cos at the stall
At the stall
At the stall
Down at the stall
We are haggling over cherries at the stall

So what I'm saying is that fourteen's where I stand
Where you stand
It's the most reasonable deal in the land!
Twenty eight and that's final!
Well I think that price is crazy and you think I'm dumb as wood
Cos the price you ask is clearly just no good!
Just no good!?

I'll pay fourteen
Twenty eight!
Twenty eight!
It's fourteen!

Twenty eight or none at all!
But it's fourteen, if you recall!
Okay then! Deal! Fourteen it is!
We've overcome the wall!
Well I'm glad it all got settled at the stall!

Oh wait. Crud.

188. Whine, Whine, Whine

(Note: Sung to the tune of Pocahontas's "Mine, Mine, Mine")

Sung by Rarity, Spike and the Diamond Dogs

Spike ran back to Ponyville in a panic and just about relayed that Rarity had been kidnapped by Diamond Dogs to the others.

And so, the remaining 5 friends hurried to the mines to rescue the surely helpless hostage.

The reality couldn't be more different.

You ruffians and brutes
You thuggish marenappers
You three are in cahoots
Your clothes just aren't dapper
Oh I am not whining
Complaints' what they are
But...I will 'til my throat's sore, boys
Watch what you wish for, boys

WHINE, BOYS, WHINES THAT SHAKE MOUNTAINS
TOO TIGHT, BOYS, IT'S GONNA CHAFE
MAKE IT LOOSE, BOYS!
Truce, boys?
HARNESS TOO RUSTY!
THE WAGON'S TOO DUSTY!
I'LL SEND SHIVERS RIGHT DOWN YOUR SPINE!
I'll screech and I'll whine, whine, whine

No! Shut up! Shut up! Stop whining there!
No! Shut up! Shut up! Stop whining there!

Hey nonny nonny
Ho nonny nonny
CAN YOU NOT LOOSEN IT?
Hey nonny nonny
Ho nonny nonny
IT DIGS IN MY SIDE!
Hey nonny nonny
Ho nonny nonny
TAKE TIME TO SPRUCE UP IT...
And I'll keep it up if you've lied!

All my friends back home
It's not that I'm bitter
I find it amusing
To make these jerks quitters!
I'll break their resolve
And go home with some glitter
I'm not in a hurry
Despite all their worry!

I'll WHINE, WHINE, WHINE
'TIL YOU'RE SORRY
I'LL WHINE, BOYS
DON'T WANNA PULL THAT!
IT'S DIRTY AS SIN...
CLEAN UP OR I'LL LOSE IT!
WHY DON'T YOU DOLTS CHOOSE IT?
(Should I stop and draw up a line?)
Nah, I think that I'll just WHINE!

No! Shut up! Shut up! Stop whining there!
No! Shut up! Shut up! Stop whining there!

Hurry up girls, Rarity got stolen
By villains!
Got dragged down a series of tunnels
I couldn't design
I'll charge down the deepest holes
And I don't care, I'm willin'!
A damsel in distress
Who's under duress
The greatest adventure is mine!

I'M NOT WORKING, CADS
SINCE YOU'RE SHIRKING, LADS
WHINE, BOYS, WHINE
I'LL WHINE 'TIL I DROP
'TIL THEN I WON'T STOP

Gah,we want to cry!
We want to up and die!
Shut! Up! And get to work
Shut! Up! Ow my ears...

Shut your pie hole's
My goal!

YOU'VE GOT NO MANNERS
AND BRAINS JUST LIKE SPANNERS
This game is quite fun given time!

Hold on, Rarity!
Just listen to me
I won't turn and flee!
This charming lady
Won't do as told
I'll...
WHINE!
WHINE!
WHINE!
WHINE!

She's not shutting up!
Why'd we bring it here?
Boy it hurts our ears!
Kill those voices!
Enough with those noises, don't
Whine!
No! Shut up! Shut up! Stop whining there!
Hey nonny nonny nonny don't whine!

191. Up, Down, Blast The Ground

(Note: Sung to the tune of Winnie The Pooh And The Honey Tree's "Up, Down, Touch The Ground")

Sung by Applejack

Applejack felt that there should probably be some context as to why Rainbow Dash was punching and kicking the barn to splinters when she arrived.

"Yes, ma'am. I wanted to put up a new barn, but this one's gotta come down first."

Up-straight-up
She flies up, down, blasts the ground
To tear the barn apart
Up, down, blast the ground
Finish what she start

Bring the barn down, and Ah have found
Speaking simple-like,
She'll weapon-ise the Rainboom
Finish in one strike

"Now get to it, RD."

"You got it boss!" Rainbow flapped her wings, and started to fly directly upwards.

"Thank you. Now, where was Ah?"

Oh, yes, I'm payin' for the strafin'. Time to duck down low.

The old barn's spent, it's got some dents
And so with all her might
Fly up, down, take down
Cos we don't have til tonight
Flyin' up, down, smash the ground
Take cover, if Ah were you
(Mmm, she's reached maximum height)
With a hefty-heavy Sonic-boom
Send the barn off, toodle-oo.

With a hefty-heavy Sonic-boom
Send the barn off, toodle-oo.

"Ah'd take cover if Ah were you," Applejack remarked to Twilight, adjusting her crash helmet and her internal earmuffs.

Twilight glanced up, quickly spotted what was about to happen, and did exactly as Applejack advised, seconds before there was an almighty explosion of brightly coloured awesomeness eviscerating Applejack's old barn.

193. Punch The Spy

(Note: Sung to the tune of Brave's "Touch The Sky")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Was Twilight Sparkle a spy? Rainbow Dash didn't know for sure, but she figured roughing the newcomer Twilight Sparkle up a bit would get her to explain just what WERE the Elements of Harmony and how she knew so much about Nightmare Moon.

When Nightmare Moon comes calling, and the sky is darkened black
Twilight Sparkle knew it'd happen, and what will come back to back

I will doubt, I will fly, chase the mare and punch the spy
I will fly, chase the mare and punch the spy

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la

That new mare hides secrets, sounds like she's in league with her
She has to be suspicious, of that I'm really sure
She will tell us every story, and say what's going down
Oh that's right, and most importantly, how do we go save the town

I will doubt, I will fly, chase the mare and punch the spy
I will fly, chase the mare and punch the spy
And punch the spy, chase the mare
Chase the mare, punch the spy

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la

And punch the spy
Chase the mare
Chase the mare
Punch the spy

Author's Note

As requested by Flightning.

I literally only need 5 or so new songs to use guys, seriously! I am this close to 200 now and I intend to get it DONE!

Pitch what you can, just don't suggest "When Does My Life Begin" since I'm writing that up now.

196. Behind The Clowns

(Note: Sung to the tune of Cars's "Behind The Clouds")

Sung by Rainbow Dash

Party Polka vs Party Cannon. Who would win in a fight to the ~~death~~ end?

That was what was on everypony's mind as Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie threw down to decide who would manage Rainbow Dash's birth-iversary. As judge, Rainbow reminded herself of the rules...in song, obviously.

When I'm in hysterics, stunned with much mirth,
Seems like the winner will celebrate my birth
Feel free to joke and sing and dance
Or even play or joke, perform or prance

Behind the clowns, the goof off's starting soon
Believe me, even I can't call who'll win the town
Who has the most punch and pizzazz and boom?
But there's a big fun prize waiting right behind the clowns

I've heard it said that this Sandwich guy
Good times or bad times, don't give up, but why?
But thinking that Pinkie will back down and quit
Is like thinking a candle won't snuff when it's even lit

Behind the clowns, the goof off's starting soon
Believe me, even I can't call who'll win the town
Who has the most punch and pizzazz and boom?
But there's a big fun prize waiting right behind the clowns
Yeah, there's a big fun prize waiting right behind the clowns

198. I Want You All

(Note: Sung to the tune of High School Musical 3: Senior Year's "I Want It All")

Sung by Jim the Cave Troll

Twilight certainly found the behaviour of the cave troll in front of them to be fascinating, as well as their size, which was apparently bigger than The Cave Dweller's Reference Guide said they were.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash would probably have agreed were it not for the fact they were being ponyhandled by a hulking grey monster that smelled really funny.

IMAGINE HABIN' EVEWYFING I EBUR DWEAMED
WHAT I NAME IT?
F'WUFFY!
HOW 'BOUT DIS ONE?
IT'S GEORGE
IMAGINE PWETAH PONAY IN MY CAVE HERE
I GET DAH BWUSH!
PWETAH PONAY?
WELL OF COURSE
YEAH PLEASE!
I GOTTA HUG IT
AND SQUEEZE IT
I WIW TAKE CARE O' DEM
WHILE STAYIN' IN MAH DEN!
SOUND EXCITING?
INVITING
LET'S DO IT THEN
KEEPING DEM!
HAIR BWUSHY BWUSHY, PWETAH HAR ON PWETAH PONAY
BUT WHERE DO I KEEP ALL DA PONAYS?
RIGHT 'ER IN MAH CAVE!

CALL THIS ONE
FIWEFWY!
COLLECT THE PONAYS
THAT'S BETTAH
JIM CAN SEE DAT BIGGAH IS BETTAH
AND BETTAH IS BIGGAH
A WIDDLE BIT IS NEVAH ENUF
NO, NO, NO!

DON'T I WANT YOU ALL!
I HUG YA, AND SQUEEZE YA, CALL YOU GEORGE
THE CUTE WIDDLE PONAYS AND MORE
I WANT YOU ALL, I WANT YOU, YOU KNOW DAT I WANT YOU
I KEEP YOU ALL LINED UP ON DA FLOOR
I WANT PONAYS, NUFFIN LESS, PWETAH HAR COMBED AND PWESSED
IT GET VEWY LONELY IN DA CAVE .
SING IT!
I WANT YOU ALL
I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU, YEAH
SIT ON DA SHEWF IN CAVERN WALLS
I WANT YOU ALL!

CAN'T YOU SEE IT
YEAH
I'M GONNA WUV YOU
UH-HUH
I MEAN DAT!
COW PONAY, PINK PONAY, AND WHITE PONAY CALLED GEORGE
FWIEND FOR JIM, DON'T STOP ME, I'M WON'T GIB UP DAH PONAYS
FWIENDLY FACES, OF CUDDLY WACES
CUDDLE DESE?
YES PWEASE
GONNA GIB DEM ALL A SQUEEZE!
YA CAN WUN, BUT HEY, YA CAN'T WUN FWOM OLD JIMMAY
YOU NOW MAH PONAY!
I LIKE IT
I KEEP YOU THEN
I KNOW, BE CAREFUL,
PONAYS, BE GENTLE
DEY ONLY SMALL, SO JIM SHOULD WATCH OUT!!

NEW BEST FWIEND?
FINK BIGGAH
WIDDLE PONAY FWIENDS....
DAT'S BETTAH!

JIM CAN SEE DAT BIGGAH IS BETTAH
AND BETTAH IS BIGGAH
A WIDDLE BIT IS NEVAH ENUF
NO, NO, NO!

DON'T I WANT YOU ALL!
I HUG YA, AND SQUEEZE YA, CALL YOU GEORGE
THE CUTE WIDDLE PONAYS AND MORE
I WANT YOU ALL, I WANT YOU, WANT YOU
I KEEP YOU ALL LINED UP ON DA FLOOR
I WANT PONAYS, NUFFIN LESS, PWETAH HAR COMBED AND PWESSED
IT GET VEWY LONELY IN DA CAVE .
I WANT YOU ALL!
I WANT YOU, WANT YOU, WANT YOU, PURPLE ONE, BLUE ONE, PINK ONE'S SMALL
I WANT YOU ALL!!

HERE IN DA CAVE WHERE JIM LIVE, LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE
WHEN PONAY FWIENDS AWWIVE,
JIMMAY JUST HAD TO LAFF!
YAY!

I WANT YOU, I-I I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU,
I-I, I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU, I WANT I-I I WANT YOU!

THE CUTE WIDDLE PONAYS AND MORE
I WANT YOU ALL, I WANT YOU, YOU KNOW DAT I WANT YOU
I KEEP YOU ALL LINED UP ON DA FLOOR
I WANT PONAYS, NUFFIN LESS, PWETAH HAR COMBED AND PWESSED
IT GET VEWY LONELY IN DA CAVE .
I WANT YOU ALL!
PINK ONE!
WHITE ONE!
BLUE!
PURPLE ONE!
COW GIRL!
YELLOW!
EVEN SMALL ONES!
BIG ONES!
TALL ONES!
FAT WOUND ONES!
SKINNAY ONES!
NO MATTAH WHAT!!
I WANT YOU ALL!!

Author's Note

Based on the comics.