Ticket to Ride

by friedlambo

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Tragedy, Big Macintosh, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1111

Spike helps Big Mac gain some ladies at the carnival

Big Macintosh wants nothing more than to impress the ladies of the carnival, and Spike is more than willing to give him a... hand.

Published 2014-04-09 09:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-09 09:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Collab that me and my friend made.
*****

Carnival time. It was a joyous time for Ponyville when the carnival came into town, everypony was there. Streamers, balloons, and vomit filled the summer air as the sound of screaming children lingered. Big Macintosh was no exception to the summer fun, but he had his own reasons to enjoy the carnival life. Big Macintosh strolled up and down the street gazing at the booths planted in the city. There was a dunk tank, and if you hit it just right, it would drop a small filly into a pool of gastric acid. The streets flooded with overpriced food that clogs the arteries faster than a ponyphile to the orphanage. But Big Macintosh was not interested in any of the spectacles around him. He was interested in booty. Plenty of females came to the carnival to enjoy the annual dildo toss or the unforgettable bobbing of the apples with your vagina. Applejack had won that event seven years in a row. Most ponies swear that an apple got stuck up there and started sprouting. Big Macintosh was familiar with these events and usually stayed near the events, in the bushes to rub one off. As soon as one mare saw Big Mac’s activity, everyone knew. Authorities lead him off the premises and cited him with a warning.

“Drat.” He murmured.

Big Macintosh’s blue balls screamed in pain as he watched from the mares grab fruit with their genitals from afar. He let out a sigh and sat defeated. A loud pop emerged from behind him startling the poor, horny stallion. He turned around to see a middle aged clown with a bouquet of balloons. Big Macintosh was startled yet again as the pony clown popped another balloon in his face.

“What in hay!” Big Mac shouted.

“Woah, relax there buddy.” The clown said as he opened a pack of cigarettes.

“I’m just doing my job. I’m Fucko the clown, and I fuck with people.” Fucko replied.

Big Mac turned to avoid the strange clown, but quickly stared back when the clown shoved a size 13 shoe up his ass.

“Aww, what’s the matter, buddy? Girl troubles?” Fucko inquired.

“Yep.” Big Mac said defeated as he petted his wiener in disappointment.

“Let me tell you a secret that will make you a chick magnet!” Fucko explained as he pulled out a small, slave labored made stuffed animal.

“The mares love it when you win them a prize!” Fucko laughed as he waddled towards the crowd of mares. He turned around to smirk at Big Mac and held the cheap toy in the air. Immediately several mares fought for the clown’s slong.

“Prize huh?” Macintosh said to himself. He scanned the nearby booths for any prizes, but was disappointed when most prizes were already gone. Big Mac trudged his way home, but was stopped by nopony else than Spike the Dragon. Spike had been working the carnival to impress Rarity and her insatiable appetite for corndogs. Spike noticed the stallion’s crushed spirit and called him over.

Hey man," Spike began, "You're looking a bit down. What's the problem?"

"Uh, well, ya see, I can't seem to win anything at this ferkin carnival for any of the ladies out here. I have a hernia." replied Macintosh.

"Holy shite, that's terrible! Tell you what; meet me back in my tent over there in the next ten minutes, and I can give you something to help you impress the ladies! I gotta deal witha few fucking fillies first, but after that, I'm all yours!" Spike said as he pointed to his tent behind him. Macintosh smiled.

"Why thank ya, little Spike. I appreciate that." he said as he turned around, took a dump, and began walking off to the other carnival attractions. Spike could only stare in awe as he walked off.

"My, he has a good build." Spike said. His lower groins began to speak to him.

He was ready.

It had been ten minutes, and just as he was told, Macintosh walked over to the tent that Spike told him to meet him at. He brushes past the tent entrance, and nearly gasps at the sight before him.

There he was, Spike, laying down on a bed of hay, almost in a seductive-like manner.

"Macintosh, please tear me open using your giant red cucumber."

Macintosh could only stare. He was at a current loss for words.

"Spike..I don't know what to say.."

"There's nothing TO say, big boy. I want you to-'

Spike was interrupted as Macintosh suddenly poofed on top of him, his penis practically stuffed inside of Spike's mouth.
"Grrrrrlblblgh!" Spike moaned in surprise. Macintosh did not let up, however.

It was at this moment that Spike grabbed Macintosh by his penis, pulled it out of his mouth, and flung him through the roof of the tent, sending Macintosh flying high into the air, screaming as he did so.

"I...I am a GOD!" Spike said as he grew to ten times his size, and jumped high into the air as well, eventually keeping up with Macintosh.

"Spike, what are you-!?"

"Graaaaauuughgh!' Spike yelled as he put his massive claws around Macintosh's head, and squeezed it so tight, that his head exploded.

"Who are you to say that you have a hernia!?" Spike yelled as he grabbed the lifeless body of the red horse, and shoved his penis into the throat hole. Unfortunately, his penis was just too massive, so this caused the body to explode. A bloody mess was now flying in the air because of this.

To Spike's surprise, the body parts that were now falling in the air with him quickly reformed to show Macintosh, but this was no ordinary Macintosh anymore.

This Macintosh did NOT have a hernia.

"Spike," Macintosh began, his head facing down and away from Spike's deathly gaze, "you will pay for what you did to my big, hairy, slimy, bloody urethra!"

Macintosh then raises his head to meet Spike's gaze, and Spike notices that his eyes were now glowing a shade of.. brown?

Wait, brown? That's not even that scary. I mean-

*WHAM!*

Spike was suddenly hit across his face by a giant red cucumber from Macintosh's genital area. He his the grown hard, and Macintosh hit the ground as well, but unlike Spike, he did so gracefully, and on his feet. Spike lay on the ground next to him. Dead.

"I will not bow down to rice and the love of everything that has a veiny-!"

Macintosh was prevented from finishing his sentence as he suddenly exploded into a million, coloring book-shaped pieces.