“Any sign of her?”
“Negative. You’d think she’d be easy to find.”
“I feel you. Let’s split up to cover more ground. Remember to keep your guard up.”
“Roger.”
The two ponies continued their search. Who were they searching for? A very strange earth pony. Heavily-enchanted nets would be overkill against most, but they weren’t going to take chances against this one; not only were they slippery, they were also dangerous, despite what their appearance would suggest. The fact that they were one of the country’s most wanted individuals certainly made that clear. The pair remained vigilant as they walked along, searching for any signs that could potentially lead them to their target.
As they walked, a pair of unusual eyes watched them from out of sight. When the sound of the steps faded, an earth pony cautiously exited from the vent they were hiding in and crept away with barely a sound.
Screwball was crazy, but that didn’t mean she was stupid. She was well aware of the fact that there were many searching for her, hunting her. So she kept herself hidden well when not outside doing what caused her to be hunted in the first place.
A white and pink ice cream truck—a decidedly evil-looking thing because of the flaming, grinning decorative head on its roof—sat in the center of the derelict garage that served as Screwball’s current temporary home. Far from luxurious, the building nonetheless held all of the necessities—a police scanner among them. Screwball once again walked to an empty space on one of the tables. Her expression turned sad as she silently stared at the space, a space that shouldn’t be empty.
Literally years, and she still hadn’t found what would normally be in that space. It hurt.
Sighing, she prepared herself a meal, but as she ate, the computer pinged with the sound of a new email. This was suspicious, as she had no contacts; so who could possibly be emailing her? She could only think of one creature who would, but she didn’t let her hopes get up. At least, until she saw the name of the sender: Calypso.
...Could it be?
WILL YOU DRIVE?
It was! She had typed and sent her response as soon as she processed the email’s contents.
YES!
After what felt like hours, but was really mere seconds, she received a second email.
Prepare your vehicle. Bring it to the following coordinates on the 25th day of the final month at 8 o’clock sharp.
Her heart began to beat faster. It was happening...
It’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening.
Screwball
Species: Earth pony
Sex: Female
Physical description: Pink-purple fur, purple-and-white-striped mane and tail, purple spiral eyes, striped propeller beanie
Cutie mark: Screw and baseball
An escaped mental patient, Screwball is a mare on a mission. She has entered Twisted Metal in hopes of gaining the one prize that means more to her than anything else in the world: her best friend.
Vehicle: Sweet Tooth (Chevrolet Step Van)
Speed: 1/5
Handling: 1/5
Armor: 4/5
Special: 5/5
Though it drives like a bathtub on wheels, this baby is POWERFUL! Watch out for its flaming ice cream cones!
Special Weapon: Napalm Cone - A scorching scoop of flaming ice cream! Comes in vanilla or chocolate!
Round 1: Arena Duel
Opponents: 1
So this was it: The fabled Twisted Metal contest. Screwball almost couldn’t believe that this was really happening: she was competing in it! She could get her best friend back!
The Arena itself was large; it sported packed bleachers, a few ramps, a repair station, a few barriers and cargo containers that could be used as cover, and a tower in the center. Multiple pick-up items were scattered across the grounds.
Screwball didn’t sit around, she couldn’t afford to: her opponent was a sleek, silver sports car that would undoubtedly be able to run rings around her ice cream truck. Accelerating forward and passing very close by the tower, she didn’t flinch when the silver car opened fire on her; Sweet Tooth could take it.
But the sports car wasn’t going to merely tickle Sweet Tooth; no, its driver was going to fight with intent to kill. They demonstrated this effectively by launching a strange-looking missile that, though not inflicting any significant amount of damage, prompted Screwball to go onto the defensive.
Making use of a turbo, she weaved her cumbersome truck around the obstacles to collect a repair pick-up. She then sharply turned in the car’s direction and launched a Napalm Cone, the flaming projectile laughing insanely as it traveled through the air and struck its target hard, knocking off a third of the silver machine’s health with the aid of a burst of machine gun fire.
Just like that, the tables turned. Now, the sports car was the one on the defensive.
It ducked behind one of the barriers, but Screwball was one step ahead of them, swerving around the obstacle and ramming into it, bringing them to about half health, before opening fire with her machine guns, rushing forward, and ramming into her opponent again, plunging its status into the red zone. But they weren’t going to go down so easily.
Using their superior maneuverability, they moved out of Screwball’s line of fire and launched a freeze missile that stopped Sweet Tooth in its tracks, then used the opportunity to rush to the repair station and bring themselves back into better fighting shape. Re-entering the fray, they launched another weird missile at her.
But Screwball sent another Napalm Cone their way that removed much of the health restored by the repair station. And this time, she didn’t let up, stopping the sports car with a freeze missile and then firing two more Napalm Cones that turned the shiny machine into flaming, fancy-looking scrap metal.
Round 2: Warehouse District Warfare
Opponents: 3
One battle down... it had been, and there was no other way to put it, fun. She was very much looking forward to the many fights ahead; she hoped they would be as fun!
“Hehehe...”
With the moon shining in the sky, Screwball set off into round two. Roaming the streets, she soon came across an opponent: a bright purple lowrider. It greeted her with a flamethrower; Screwball responded with a Napalm Cone. Turning to keep the purple car in sight, she attacked it with a pair of fire missiles and her machine guns, until another pair of lights started rapidly approaching from her right.
Screwball quickly reversed away from the lowrider, moments before a pitch black semi truck came speeding in and smashed into it at top speed, putting the purple machine into the red zone. Before she could get away, the hulking black truck turned its attention to her and launched a freeze missile, then attacked her while she was unable to retaliate. She used a turbo to free herself, then, because of the state her vehicle was in, turned tail and ran.
The lowrider currently was more interested in the semi truck, which brought Screwball enough time to get to the arena’s repair station. But the big black machine wasn’t going to let her go so easily. They followed her to the station and pounced when she exited, forcing her to take immediate defensive measures.
Without much weaponry on hoof, she laid down an oil slick to aid her escape and fled to safety around the corner of one of the buildings, pushing her machine to go as fast as it could to escape the immediate danger. But in getting away from one opponent, she found herself driving straight toward another: a yellow taxi. It wasn’t interested in her, however, speeding past to find the other two combatants.
Grabbing a repair pick-up, Screwball steeled herself and dove back into the heat of battle, where she found the semi truck and the taxicab trading blows and the lowrider now just a charred wreck. She launched a Napalm Cone at the truck and scored a direct hit, after which the taxi turned and hurled a flaming bottle at her. Refusing to let up, she chipped away at the semi with her machine guns, not stopping until it went up in flames.
Once again, it was now one-on-one. Sweet Tooth had more armor and raw firepower, while the taxi was faster and more maneuverable. On paper, the winner of this fight was a tough call. Screwball had to make sure that it was her that came out on top.
Both drivers launched their respective vehicle’s Special Weapons and scored direct hits, but Sweet Tooth’s did much more damage. The taxi promptly U-turned and started putting distance between itself and the ice cream truck in the interest of self-preservation.
Screwball still had a few tricks up her sleeve. Activating a turbo, she relentlessly chased the taxi down the road while firing her machine guns along with a couple of homing missiles. But in her excited frenzy to eliminate the remaining opponent, she developed tunnel vision; her machine guns overheated and stopped, and the taxi laid down an oil slick that sent Screwball crashing into one of the buildings.
Straightening herself out, she activated another turbo and resumed her pursuit. The taxi had vanished, but she knew it was out there, and with the small size of the battleground, it wouldn’t be able to hide for long...
It suddenly zoomed out and t-boned her, but because it was much lighter, didn’t do much damage. Screwball launched her full stock of fire missiles in its direction, then turbo rammed it, and finally used a Napalm Cone to finish the job.
Author's Note
Sweet Tooth’s vehicle model: Chevrolet Step Van
THIS YEARS-LONG DORMANT STORY IS BAAACK! To celebrate, here is a rockin’ tune from Twisted Metal: Head-On!
If you saw my recent blog post about this story’s revival, then you’ll see that some things were changed between the plan announcement and the chapters being published... like with my other Twisted Metal crossover. 
This isn’t on purpose; both times, I had an idea that I posted, but then I later found myself going “wait, I have a better idea...” The new chapter titles are the license plates of their respective protagonists’ vehicle.
Compared to my other TM story, much less of the video being used as a guide makes it into the story. That’s fine, though; it’s helping me spread my wings. If you’re interested in a darker Twisted Magic, check out Twisted Magic: Black.
Trivia: Twisted Metal was completely new territory for the dev team. After the feedback received from a focus group before release, they didn’t expect it to do well in the market; co-creator David Jaffe (of later God of War fame) even believed it would do so bad that it would end his career at Sony! But then, the reviews and sales figures started coming in...
Round 3: Freeway Free-For-All
Opponents: 5
Wow, what a rush that last battle was! And how much fun this contest was proving to be! Free reign to murder and cause mayhem with zero worry about being captured by law enforcement!
Screwball shook her head to refocus her mind. As much fun as she was having, she couldn’t get sloppy, or else she might never get her friend back.
This battleground was much more open than the previous two; good, because maneuverability was not one of Sweet Tooth’s strengths.
A familiar face, the sports car, started ahead of her, but remembering how their previous encounter went, they turned tail and ran. Screwball chased them down the road, losing sight of them when the road turned left, but when she reached the bend, a new car—or rather, a large amount of assorted scrap metal cobbled together into a car—came crashing into her.
Using the openness of the road as an escape route, Screwball took a few blows from the scrapheap before she U-turned and hit it hard with a Napalm Cone. While the heap’s driver sat stunned by the force of the impact, she raced on by them, whereupon she encountered a familiar foe down the road: the taxi.
She left them in the dust with the aid of a turbo, and hurried her damaged machine onto a repair station. Once it was healed, she attacked the taxi with her machine guns and a Napalm Cone. It survived and retaliated with a bottle bomb, but then the scrapheap rushed in and targeted her.
Screwball started shooting the heap with her machine guns, but her target was suddenly hit by a column of white fire that, though not taking it out, still inflicted heavy damage. And just who possessed the weapon? The semi truck.
When they emerged and spotted Sweet Tooth, they changed course and charged, clearly angry about their loss in the last round. Sweet Tooth’s poor speed came back to bite it in the flank, as it was unable to dodge the turbo-boosted ram.
Owing to the damage inflicted by the collision, Screwball retreated and searched for repair pickups; a wise move, since during the hunt, she was hit with a few projectiles that left her machine hanging on by a thread. After her truck was brought back into fighting shape, she set her sights on the damaged taxi, taking it out with a fire missile and a Napalm Cone.
Roaming the battleground in search of an adversary, she soon found the scrapheap and semi truck duking it out with her fifth opponent: a green monster truck. The heap’s driver, outnumbered, outgunned and their vehicle close to death, promptly fled the scene.
With the scrapheap being faster than the ice cream truck, semi truck and monster truck, none of the three heavyweights tried to pursue it, and instead focused on each other. Screwball launched a fire missile at the monster truck; the green truck took a fire beam from the semi, and then raced in close and ran over the black brute, inflicting a heavy amount of damage.
Of Screwball’s two foes, the semi truck was in worse shape and had proven to be a bigger threat, so she singled it out and pelted it with bullets, but was cut off when the monster truck ran over her before driving off in search of the scrapheap. With just one adversary in her immediate sights, she turbo-rammed it and followed up the collision with twin fire missiles, blasting them into oblivion.
Hehe, the semi truck’s driver would likely be even more pissed off if she fought them again! She’d cross that bridge when she got to it, though; for now, she drove around the battleground, avoiding the other two combatants, stocked up on weapons and healed her vehicle.
Suddenly, her Opponents counter ticked down to 1. The duel between the scrapheap and the monster truck had concluded, but who was victorious?
She soon got the answer: the scrapheap.
This put Screwball on high alert; considering how powerful the monster truck was, this crude car that looked straight out of an old post-apocalyptic movie had to be more dangerous than it looked.
As if to prove this point, it fired a huge metal spear that, though not inflicting a significant amount of damage, moved so fast that she found it impossible to dodge. Despite having plenty of room to maneuver, she failed to avoid a second and third spear it threw her way.
She launched a Napalm Cone, but the heap’s driver dodged, then shot her with a homing missile. It was getting on her nerves, in no small part because of the combined damage inflicted by its spears. But she wouldn’t, couldn’t let it slow her down.
Getting close, she precisely dropped a mine in its path, knocking its condition down a good amount. Turning tightly, she took advantage of the extremely short distance between the two vehicles to nail the scrapheap with a Napalm Cone.
The two contestants were now on roughly equal ground, but there could only be one victor, and Screwball was determined to make sure it was her.
With a freeze missile, a power missile and a turbo ram, she sealed the deal and moved on to the next round.
Round 4: River Park Rumble
Opponents: 6
Ah, River Park. A pretty part of Las Pegasus, day or night.
Unfortunately for the locals, it was about to become much less pretty.
Fortunately for Screwball, it was about to become much more fun!
But she had to stay focused. She wasn’t doing this for the death and destruction, she was doing it for her best friend.
The taxi passed by in front of Screwball while she made a beeline for the river, using her truck’s machine guns to destroy a shack standing by it; the structure turned out to not be hiding anything, but that was okay with her. Chaos was chaos!
Sweet Tooth splashed down into the shallow river, which ended up saving it from a missile and a few bullets from another contestant. Dashing through part of the river’s length, Screwball re-emerged, passed the lowrider and then fired a homing missile at the sports car.
The silver machine’s driver refused to back down, however, and raced by, U-turned, and retaliated with machine gun fire and a missile of its own. Unfortunately for them, they never saw a Napalm Cone coming, and consequently, about a quarter of their vehicle’s armor was instantly shredded.
While the explosion sent the silver car airborne, Screwball could have sworn she heard the driver cursing loudly.
But as much as she would have loved to see their expression, she still had a contest to win.
She U-turned and lined up for another shot, but was suddenly shot and T-boned by the lowrider, throwing off her aim and causing the fire missile to go wayward. The combined assault inflicted an alarming amount of damage, so Screwball took off in retreat, but her two opponents gave chase.
Dodging their attacks, she turned left, catching a glimpse of a sleek, red supercar, then right, and stopped on a repair station. After exiting, she U-turned and headed to the park’s road bridge.
Whereupon the sports car came over the bridge, spotted Sweet Tooth, and promptly opened fire. Screwball responded by obliterating it with a pair of homing missiles, a fire missile, and a Napalm Cone.
“Haha! Another one bites the dust!”
The lowrider, which had hung back during Screwball’s skirmish with the sports car, went onto the offensive and started to chase her while shooting its machine guns. She shook it off her tail by simply driving around a building, laying down a mine as a trap.
After making a U-turn, she prepared to attack, but was then double-teamed by the taxi and the scrapheap. Recognizing the danger, Screwball shot the lowrider with a freeze missile before fleeing, the two other cars following suit.
She swerved around building after building to try and shake her pursuers, but Sweet Tooth’s poor speed proved to be its weakness, as its two immediate adversaries effortlessly kept up while chipping away at it with their machine guns. She dashed to a repair station, but just as it entered her sight, the monster truck joined the chase, forcing her to keep moving forward.
She rounded another building, but her pursuers didn’t slow down the slightest, and kept up their onslaught. One of them fired something that launched Sweet Tooth into the air and put its armor into an alarming state.
But Screwball had a savior, and their name was Turbo.
Multiple turbos back-to-back gave enough extra speed for Sweet Tooth to rocket away from its opponents and create a big enough gap to safely get to the repair station. Noticing an approaching purple blip on her radar after exiting the platform, Screwball launched a Napalm Cone in its direction, and sure enough, the lowrider emerged from behind a building and was on the receiving end of a direct hit by the deadly treat.
Screwball used the opportunity to activate two more turbos and rushed at and slammed into the purple machine at full speed. The rival driver scorched Sweet Tooth with its flamethrower, but another Napalm Cone followed up by a couple of power missiles proved to be more than their vehicle could handle.
“Alright, who’s next?” Screwball happily asked.
As if its driver heard her question, the monster truck then came around a building and opened fire with its machine guns. Screwball did the same, but while reversing to keep her foe from getting too close. The taxi quickly came around the same building and joined the brawl, prompting her to reverse around another corner and prepare her weapons.
The two machines quickly came into view and resumed their assault, with the taxi taking the brunt of a Napalm Cone and fire missile. But then, it suddenly exploded before Screwball could finish it off.
The scrapheap turned out to be responsible, and it passed by the smoldering wreckage of the taxi and crossed the river to take on the supercar, leaving Screwball to deal with only the monster truck. But seeing her severe lack of weapons on hoof, she chose to run away, grabbing a couple of weapons in the river.
The truck pursued her with everything it had, but one turbo later, it was left in the dust while Sweet Tooth exited the river and grabbed multiple repair pickups. After exiting, she drove around the building in search of weapons; she only found a single fire missile, but it was better than nothing.
She rounded the building and ended up parallel to the park’s river, whereupon the monster truck finally caught up to her. Sweet Tooth opened fire with its machine guns, but the truck suddenly activated its own turbo, rushed her, and quite literally ran over her, inflicting heavy damage.
“You wanna play crazy? Then let’s dance!”
Screwball started the dance with a Napalm Cone that did enough damage to bring the two heavy vehicles onto near-equal footing. The green truck retreated across the river and she pulled back to the repair station on her side, also using the breather to stockpile weapons; luck seemed to be on her side, as she finally found enough for a sustained fight.
Racing back to the river, the monster truck greeted her with a fire missile; Sweet Tooth soaked it up and shot its own fire missile in retaliation. The mean green machine bum-rushed Screwball, presumably intending to run over her again, but she reversed out of its path and hit it with a power missile when it got close.
To her disappointment, it survived.
But to her joy, it didn’t survive two back-to-back Napalm Cones.
With two enemies left, Screwball took a breather to review her situation.
Her remaining enemies were in vehicles that were much faster than hers, so a head-on approach likely wouldn’t work. But with smart use of the radar, she could try to cut them off and attack while they were within close range. With her speed disadvantage, fire and homing missiles would be her best options for reliable damage, and freeze missiles could help her line up shots.
However, there was also the fact that Screwball didn’t know what unique weapon the supercar was carrying. It could be something weak, or it could be something devastating; either way, there was only one way to find out.
Noticing a red blip on the radar approaching, she laid down a trail of mines behind her while racing to the bridge while using several turbos back-to-back. Crossing the river to relative safety, she used the breathing room she had brought herself to stock up on her desired weapons.
Only after her weapon bay was filled to maximum capacity did she start seeking out blips on her radar.
The supercar was the first to show its face, breaking off its skirmish with the scrapheap to focus its attention on Screwball. She promptly rammed it at full speed, destroying about half of its armor and knocking it backward with the impact.
The red machine’s driver quickly reversed away, then hit Sweet Tooth with a freeze missile, and finally showed off its Special Weapon by firing a powerful red laser at the truck. Breaking free from the freeze, Screwball activated a turbo and charged at the much frailer machine, plowing through it like a hot knife through butter.
Now it was just her and the scrapheap.
While she withdrew from the flaming remains of the supercar and headed down an alley to grab a repair pickup on her way to a repair station, the gray radar blip representing her remaining enemy started closing in.
It was time to finish this.
The scrapheap—now having brought itself back to full health—sped out from between two buildings and launched one of its metal javelins at her, then followed it with a power missile. However, Screwball and her trusty ice cream truck wouldn’t go down so easily.
She responded with a Napalm Cone and homing missile, but the heap of vehicular roadkill with wheels then lunged forward and rammed her with enough force to knock her back. The damage inflicted by the collision was evidence that the rusty heap had sturdy armor despite its rough appearance.
With catlike reflexes, Screwball J-turned and, when the heap raced toward her, dropped a mine directly in its path. A turbo quickly put space between the two vehicles, then she U-turned and opened fire with her machine guns. Within seconds, the scrapheap was put on its last legs, and a freeze missile and fire missile finished it off.
“This competition ain’t big enough for the two of us! Hahahahaha!”
Author's Note
Fatigue and writer’s block hit me hard after publishing the first chapter. Also, the hiatus status will remain for now because I’ve exhausted my energy to write.
I had a lot of fun writing Screwball in this chapter!
Notice that I stopped listing the numbers of remaining opponents. I decided that listing the numbers interrupted the flow of the narrative too much. Later, I’m going to do the same to all of the published (and future) chapters of Black.
I’m sticking to the guns I used when originally writing this, which is why Calypso is a pony; I came across the cover picture before the thought of Discord being Calypso occurred to me.
Trivia: Sweet Tooth was originally called “Demonic Ice Cream Truck.”
