Chapters Prologue
It all began three years ago, in a small town named Ponyville. Twilight still remained in Canterlot, as Princess Celestia's acclaimed 'Prized Student'. Not until a year or two later would she move to said small town.
Meanwhile, an eccentric, over-the-top party pony stood and waited in a cramped kitchen. A vanilla cake sat, turning more and more golden in the oven. The mare could hardly contain her excitement. This party was going to be the best party ever!... In her words. The party about to be held celebrated the one-year anniversary of when a horseshoe-making stallion had moved to Ponyville. At first, the stallion acted very shy around anypony he met. Even to this day, he still had trouble talking to ponies he didn't know very well. Still, he had a great sense of humor. Such a shame, he could never work up enough guts to try and make anypony laugh. Sure, he was happy, but sometimes everypony needs at least one friend. Enter Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie, probably the most-recognized name in Ponyville. She had an incredible gift for making friends with everypony she met. Not just being friendly towards them, but going out of her way to make sure they're always happy. She remembers the exact day of everypony's birthday, and sometimes even other special events. Pinkie will go so far out of her way to make others happy, she will inadvertently make herself miserable in the process. She'd never let this show, in fear that somepony would be upset with her. Rather than cry, she pushed her tears deep inside herself, only letting them surface at night.
Pinkie, being Pinkie, didn't let Caramel's moving to Ponyville get overlooked. This meant the world to him. Nopony had ever thrown him a party since his foalhood, and even then it was just his parents. He drew close to Pinkie, soon becoming one of her better friends. He developed deeper feelings than friendship for this mare. However, his shyness overpowered his love. He never spoke of his feelings and remained her friend.
About an hour before the party started, Pinkie had a visitor. A gray, crossed-eyed mare showed up on her doorstep. The mare frowned, handing her a pristine, white envelope. "I'm...so sorry, Pinkie," she gasped. Pinkie stared at the gray pony, a slight smile fading slowly from her face as she read the return address.
"Derpy? Wh-what is this?" She said, lips trembling. The mailpony sighed, shaking her head. She simply looked at the confused pink pony, mouthing 'I'm sorry' once more, then turned to leave. Pinkie carried the letter to the kitchen, using a knife to open the envelope. It was a simple telegram; the words obviously typed by a large machine. It read:
Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie,
We regret to inform you that the rock farm had a terrible accident. Your sisters are in critical condition. Your parents did not make it. We apologize for your loss.
Sincerely,
The Rock Farm Association
"It'll be okay, Pinkie." She repeated to herself over and over again. "You never saw them anyway. Everything will be okay." She picked the cake up and left it to cool on the counter.
Pinkie wouldn't go back into that kitchen for three years. Mr. and Mrs. Cake ended up decorating the dessert.
Naturally, Pinkie simply hid her feelings. After all, a party is one of the happiest events a pony could dream of. What kind of friend would ruin a party with their selfish tears? Pinkie wouldn't stoop that low. 'Low', being a relative term, as always.
Finally, the party started. This is where Applejack met Caramel at long last. She'd heard a lot about him from Pinkie; the two were basically inseperable. Applejack developed some strong feelings of her own for the stallion. After all, he was smart, well-built, funny.... All the things a farmpony needed in a husband. The orange mare kept quiet about her feelings, for she knew how much he meant to Pinkie.
Surprisingly, Pinkie showed up last to the party. Of all the ponies, it was the Ponyville-renowned 'Party Queen' who missed out on the first few hours of her own party? Had the world gone mad?
With eyes red and swollen, spine slumped over, muzzle dried from tissues, and mane frizzed with a few strands sticking up; somepony would tell a lie when saying Pinkie looked nice. She didn't feel too nice, either. Despite her overall apperance, one thing stayed the same: Her smile. It looked forced, but it still lay presently upon her lips. Her left eye twitched ever so slighly. Her voice cracked and squeaked when reaching high freqencies she could normally reach with ease.
A few moments later, Caramel trotted up to Pinkie.
"Pinkie? I, um, thanks for this party, and all.." He squeaked, smiling goofily. "I really appreciate it. I really appreciate you..."
"Caramel, do you think I'm.. Crazy?" She blurted, changing the subject all-too-quickly. "I mean, we're friends, and I can trust you, right?" The orange stallion tried to choose his words carefully. He knew Pinkie too well, and realized how serious- and fragile -she was on this matter.
"Yes, in the best way. And I sure hope you can trust me, it's not like I'm a stranger, right?" He teased.
"C-Crazy...mmph.. You think so? Truly, honestly, cross your heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in your eye?" She whimpered, giving Caramel 'puppy eyes'.
"Oh, Pinks, you take everything the wrong way. I don't mean crazy literally. Don't worry about it. We're at a par--" he trailed, suddenly realizing Pinkie was crying. Pinkie. Crying. "Pinkie, what's wrong? Did I say something? I.."
"Caramel, I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with you. I shouldn't have dragged you into this, but look at me. You're the closest friend I have, so I.. I think I should tell you. It's been bothering me lately. Everypony calls me crazy, insane, you name it. They all laugh at me. It feels like mockery. I know this is..stupid, because I had established myself as this crazy pony who needs to be laughed at.. But.. I'm more than laughter, right?" She blubbered out quickly. Caramel smiled at her, lifting her head and wiping her tears.
"Pinkie, why didn't you tell me sooner? You're wrong, I'm glad you 'dragged me into this'. I know you're so much more than laugher, Pinks. Don't you ever forget that." He said softly, never taking his eyes off of her. She smiled weakly, even though the 'crazy' problem wasn't what really bothered her. She just needed reassurance she could trust Caramel. Still, she left the party empty. The loss of her parents overwhelmed her, and she made a huge mistake when trying to cheer herself up: she did it without looking for comfort from her friends.
After that party, even though she knew she could trust Caramel, Pinkie never told anypony about the loss of her family. She stopped seeing anypony, baking anything, or singing any song. This made her more and more depressed. She was forced by the Cakes to go out on Saturdays and talk to ponies. The couple worried about Pinkie suddenly shutting herself in her bedroom. The Saturdays helped cheer up Pinkie a bit, for she got her happiness and energy from talking to ponies. Pinkie grew to love Saturdays, spending the entire week looking forward to them. She still struggled with depression, for she never let anypony know about it. Pinkie needs somepony to know about her depression for it to get better.
Interruptions to Her Daily Routine
The cotton candy colored mare trudged downstairs. 8:55...8:56. The clock tormented Pinkie as she fought back every step she took. 8:59...9:00 A.M. A loud bell rang out. A sigh escaped Pinkie. Nopony came to Sugarcube Corner right at opening, but Pinkie had to make sure the bakery opened on the dot. Much to her surprise, she heard faint hoof steps nearing the door. 9:05. Who in Equestria is that? Pinkie wondered, perking herself up. She struggled with what to say to this unnamed pony. Pushing her feelings back down again, she thought of several conversation scenarios. Still, her feelings surfaced.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Twilight, nudging open the door. "Hello, Pinks. How are you this fine morning?" Pinkie gulped back her feelings once more and forced a fake smile. She'd been forcing smiles for so long, however, nopony could tell the difference anymore.
"Oh Twi, do you even have to ask, you silly billy? I'm doing just dandy, as always, but thanks for asking!" Pinkie giggled, then added, "Twi, it's pretty early to be getting sweets! What brings you by the shop?"
"Well, I guess... I needed a friend," Twilight said in a melancholy tone. Pinkie stopped fake smiling for a minute, staring down at Twilight. The alicorn had slumped on the floor, tears rolling from her face. "He...he's gone..." She whispered, "Shining Armor is gone..." Pinkie shot up, her face worry-stricken. A slight panic rolled over her. Sure, she was Pinkie Pie, the pony who can make anypony smile, but this may have been the first time anypony has come to her with death. Pinkie could see right away just how vulnerable Twilight was, and she needed to choose her words carefully.
"Twilight-"
"Pinkie, I don't know what to do! My parents are distraught, and I don't know how to comfort them... Rarity had to go to Manehatten for a job... Rainbow Dash got into the Wonderbolts last week... Spike won't talk to me, he's too depressed..." Her voice stuttered and slurred as tears began to flow so fast, she couldn't control them.
"Twi.. Calm down..." Pinkie began to say, but was interrupted by Twilight again.
"Calm down? Pinkie, how could I calm down at a time like this? Maybe I made a mistake coming here! Applejack knows a lot more than you do when it comes to losing someone..." Twilight got up and dashed out the door, leaving nothing but a small puddle of tears.
"Of course," Pinkie mumbled, "I'm only here to make you laugh, not to comfort you." She picked herself up off the floor, then resumed working behind the counter. 10:20 A.M. Pinkie groaned.
* * *
11:56. Just four more minutes needed to drag on for Pinkie's lunch break. Just three. Two... Pinkie stared hopefully as the seconds counted down. Just... 30... More...
CRASH! Pinkie glanced up, only to see a terrified Applejack pressed against the glass doors. My break will just have to wait...
"Ah'm so glad ah got here! Pinks, ya gotta help me. Twi's gone crazy! Look, she's mah friend 'n all, but... There's only so much heartache a gal cin take!" Applejack gasped out. Pinkie half-rolled her eyes, looking back down to the cash resister.
"AJ," she mumbled with sarcasm, "I thought you of all ponies knew how to deal with loss! Not me, I've never lost anypony! I'm a walking joke, can't you see?" Applejack looked back at her, confused. She perked her head, then said,
"Pinks... Ya know I cin't hear ya when ya mumble..." Then walked way, shaking her head.
"W-wait! AJ, I um, didn't mean it. I'm just a little bitter. S-sorry." Pinkie called to the farmpony. It was too late... Applejack was already walking to Fluttershy's house. You see what happens when you speak your mind, Pinkie? Can't you at least fake empathy for your friends? They are your friends, after all... A tear rolled down the fur of her cheek.
* * *
5:00 P.M. Quitting time, finally. Pinkie removed her worker's apron, folding it carefully with her hooves. She hung it up, and began to trot upstairs. Again, her daily routine was interrupted. This time, by... Both the alicorn and the farmpony? "Um, Pinks? Are you...doing alright?" Twilight called to her.
"Oh, fine, really. I'm a little worn from today, I suppose. But, what about you, Twi? You lost Shining, did you not?" Twilight looked back at Pinkie, a look of hurt wavered in her eyes. Oddly enough, the pain didn't come from the mention of her brother.
"Pinkie," she began, "You...you aren't like this."
"Okie dokie lokie! I should really be more happy around you guys. It makes you guys happier, right? Good. I thought so." She sighed, and began trotting back up the stairs. Applejack and Twilight exchanged some glances, very confused and possibly worried.
"Whatever," Twilight grumbled, "There's no use, AJ. She doesn't need us. She's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie." Applejack stared back at the irritated mare.
"Sugarcube, don'tcha see? She needs us now more than ever.."
"Do what you wish; I'm going home." And with that, Twilight stormed off, with a concerned Applejack chasing after her. Meanwhile, the party pony was sitting on her bed, almost waiting for her friends to come chase after her. She knew they wouldn't, but hey, it was a nice thought. Pinkie layed down to sleep, much earlier than usual. Perhaps she just wanted to forget her emptiness. Perhaps she wanted to forget her friends' misunderstanding of how she felt... But alas... It would all just repeat tomorrow. 6:20 P.M.
Depression Ruins Her Saturday
8:56 A.M. Pinkie rolled out of bed, groaning to herself. She glanced at her buzzing clock. Ugh, I need to stop hitting snooze so much. Her hoof wavered close to the dark gray button, when she looked down. "SATURDAY!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "FINALLY!" She didn't care about the noise, because Mr. and Mrs. Cake had gone on vacation with their two foals. Pinkie ran downstairs, leaving the clock to buzz violently. A grin burst out from ear to ear on the once again bouncy pony's face. As she ran out the door, the sign flipped to 'closed' from the gust of wind she'd created. After galloping out of Sugarcube Cube, Pinkie had to slow down to catch her breath.
Her clear turquoise eyes glittered in the sun. A bead of sweat dripped down from her forehead, because even this early, Celestia's sun beat down on Ponyville. The residents never found this unusual for Pinkie, they were definitely used to her antics. However, for Pinkie, Saturdays were different. Somehow, always on Saturday, her happiness emerged. Her fluffy pink coat and even fluffier, bouncy hair practically beamed with her radiance. She didn't know where she was going, but hey, why should she care? She was free ...
As Pinkie sprang freely through the street, a still depressed Twilight moped openly. Pinkie might have missed Twilight if it weren't for her loud moans. Screeching to a halt, Pinkie flipped her head and stared blankly at the alicorn. Twilight just kept walking with her head bowed low, ignoring Pinkie. The earth pony changed directions, and began to bounce alongside Twilight.
"Twi-"
"Don't even TRY, Pinkamena Diane Pie," Twilight growled, "I'm reeeeally NOT in the mood." Pinkie stared at the half-slumped purple pony with a look of hurt.
"When I need you most, when I'm in my darkest hour, you turn from me. When you're in your darkest hour, when you need a friend more than anything else in the world...you push me away. Why? I... I just want to help you..." Pinkie whispered, tears flooding from her eyes. "I thought we were friends , Twi, but I guess I was wrong..." She added, before cantering away. Twilight stared back at Pinkie, regret overtaking her. She didn't mean to hurt the fragile pony's feelings, yet it was too late now. Pinkie had already dashed away.
Her tears blurred her vision, yet Pinkie ran faster away as the tears clouded her sight more and more. I don't need this. I am not a joke. I am... not... Pinkie, at that moment, decided she was depressed. Even on Saturdays, she couldn't fight it anymore. She inhaled sharply, then let it go all to quickly. There's no use anymore. It's not working... The puff slowly faded from her hair, and her steps slowed as well. The tears, on the other hand, only came quicker. It was a miracle she hadn't crashed into somepony up until this point. When she ran with obscured vision, she'd crashed into nopony. Ironically, when's she slowed down...
*CRASH*
"S-sorry..." Pinkie forcibly mumbled.
"W-what? Pinkie? You don't look too well." Pinkie looked up to see Caramel warmly smiling at her. "Pinkie Pie, how long has it been? Where's your unforgettable smile? C'mon, do it for old friends?" He teased. Pinkie just avoided his friendly gaze.
"Caramel, maybe... Maybe some other time." She coughed out, then slowly walked away. "I... I'm not sure if I could smile today." Caramel frowned, running after her. She used to not be able to stop smiling...
"Pinkie, what's bothering you?"
Pinkie hesitated before responding, her eye twitching a bit before she spoke. "N-nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm happy, yes, I'm happy. I...my um... Cheeks hurt. From too much smiling, haha, ironic right? Yeah. That's it. So umm... I'll give you a big smile later. It's a Saturday, after all, and I should be smiling..." Pinkie muttered, and just kept walking. A few tears splashed on the dirt road. "I'm fine..." Caramel stared at the once bouncy, fun-filled mare. The fun had left her, and it was replaced with dispair. But why dispair? Caramel stopped walking, but his eyesight never left Pinkie. Confusion and pain tugged at his heart, for this mare had stolen it years ago with her bubbly attitude. He loved her. Caramel shared in her sorrow. Two pairs of eyes shed tears on that lonely road.
Pinkie sniffled, her eyes dried of tears. "What's wrong with me?" She whispered, "Caramel genuinely cares for me, and I can't even fake smile for him? I can fake smile for Twilight, who rejects me when she needs somepony. I can fake smile for Applejack, who only uses me to get away from Twilight. I... I..." Looking up, Pinkie saw she was back at Sugarcube Corner. A groan whistled out of her, and yet she flipped the sign to 'open'. She didn't have to, but she needed an excuse for her misery. Working used to bring her joy, an indescribable joy. All she saw now when staring at the empty kitchen made her cringe with sorrow. Why did it have to come to this..? Still, Pinkie opened up the cabinets and began baking. Even though she felt depressed, obviously seen by her hair, brownies helped her forget. The shame hid in the back of her mind when stirring the lumpy, brown batter. After a long 45 minutes, a warm, chocolate taste finally reached the pink pony's mouth for the first time in three years.
Ponies all around began to crowd the sweet shoppe. Pinkie's signature brownies had that effect on many, even if the smell was all they knew of the treat. Dozens and dozens of small chocolate bites came out of the oven. Bits exchanged from ponies' hooves to the cash register. The sound of satisfied groans filled the air. On any other occasion, Pinkie would've been proud of her work, her art. Now, they were nothing more than brownies. The same feeling intoxicated Pinkie.
She was nothing more than a comedy relief and a baker.
Nothing more.
Sleepless Nights and Seeing Her
Pinkie.. Pinkie.. Pinkie.. The name and conversation with the mare repeated in Caramel's head over and over again. What happened? What was different? What was missing? Was it my fault? Questions flooded his head. His orange hooves moved quickly around his bedroom. Unfortunately for him, his bedroom floors weren't soundproof. Within a matter of minutes, Thunderlane banged on Caramel's door. "Caramel!" Thunderlane yelled, "Could you keep your mindless pacing down a bit? Some of us are trying to sleep!"
"Oh, sure... Sorry." Caramel called back. He stopped trotting for a minute, only to find out how late it actually was. 11:34 P.M. "Oh, shoot. Not again..." He groaned loudly as he trotted to the bathroom. Walking up to the wall, he reached his mounted toothbrush. The brush stuck straight out of the wall, followed by three others. The bristles stuck straight out on all sides. The other three brushes belonged to his roommates. Naturally, he used his mouth to apply the toothpaste. Once this was done, he lifted his head and moved it around the brush. All while brushing his teeth, Pinkie was the only thing he could think about.
After a little while of prepping, Caramel lay in his bed. His eyes wouldn't close, much to his dismay. So instead, he rolled onto his side, and stared out the small window. A pale beam of the full moon shone down on his face and bed. The stars seemed to make a constellation of Pinkie's face. All Caramel could do was stare at his imagination in the stars, just wondering why the normally eccentric mare acted the way she did.
* * *
Pinkie laid in her bed, tired from all the day's endeavors. 11:40 P.M. Tomorrow, Sunday would torture her. She knew it, for it always did. Tomorrow wouldn't be an exception. Gummy snored in the corner, atop a small chewed bed. Pinkie wanted to sleep. She also wanted to smile, and to make others smile. Yet, she never got everything she wanted. My special talent revolves around making everypony happy, so why can't I do that anymore? I can't even make myself happy. What a failure I've turned out to be. Pinkie wrapped herself in sheets, blankets, and self-pity. I shouldn't be pitying myself, but here I am. Just...just look at what I've become. She began to tear up, when she remembered the reason she could be friends with anypony in the first place. A good friend is strong when others are weak. It doesn't matter whether the strength is real or fake, they need any kind of strength. Her hair's volume grew intenser, but not enough to return to normal.
I know what makes me happy.
So why can't I do it?
Her hair kept its volume, yet Pinkie sighed. She tossed and turned all night, occasionally glancing out of her large windows. Oddly enough, she could've sworn she saw a constellation of three horseshoes. Luna, you tease... Even so, she didn't sleep that night. Something was bothering her, her she couldn't put her hoof on it. Nothing had changed that day from her normal routine. The only thing different to Pinkie was the fact she'd stopped trying to trick herself. This was evident in her hair. That wasn't something she could control at will.
At last, the sun rose. Pinkie dragged herself into the bathroom. Her sleepless nights had become more evident under her eyes. Thick, dark purple circles had formed rather than her usual cheery pink. She stared at her reflection for a good ten minutes, practicing her fake smiling, phony giggling, and counterfeit 'happy' voice. She locked her knees and lifted her head to exude fake confidence. Someone had to have strength, and Pinkie decided it had to be her.
7:45 A.M., and she was already prepared for opening. Despite her hatred of work, Pinkie trotted downstairs. Much to her surprise, a certain colt paced heavily outside. She could hear fragments of his anxious muttering...
"She wouldn't... But she just might... Pinkie isn't the type to reject ponies..." Pinkie's ears perked up as far as they could, yet she still couldn't catch the last part of his mumbles. She smiled, a genuine smile, something she hadn't done for a long time.
"So, when do you think you'll come inside? Or are you too busy talking to your imaginary friends?" Caramel looked through the windows, seeing a smirking pink mare. His cheeks turned a pale pink, almost barely noticeable, buried beneath his orange coat. "Oh, I see. You're having a deep life conversation with them. I guess I'll come back later..." She teased, adding a playful wink before turning around.
"W-wait! Pinkie...!" Caramel called out, the pink blush upon his cheeks growing into a deeper red. "Th-the door's unlocked, right?" He asked, pressing on the handle slightly.
"No," Pinkie deadpanned, "You'll just have to stay out there. Forever and ever."
"Or, maybe in a hour when the shop opens?" Caramel regained his confidence, finally taking part in the teasing. Pinkie smiled, unlocking the door and guesturing for him to come inside and sit down. "You look nice this morning, Pinks." Pinkie stared at him, confused. Her messy, half-deflated mane, her heavy eyes, and her shaggy coat looked nice ?
"You flatter me."
How could I not? You're absolutely beautiful. Can't you see that? Caramel smiled stupidly. "Pinkie, it's so nice to see you happy again." Her hair perked up slightly. "Your happiness is contagious, that's for sure. I haven't seen you as much lately, you keep yourself cooped up in here. Why?" Pinkie sighed, her hair deflating back again. She stared him straight in the eye.
Do I lie to him? I'd lie to my friends with ease, but something is different about him. I can't turn down that warm smile and genuine concern. However, I'm not entirely sure if I can trust him... Or even if he'd understand. Heck, even I don't understand why I'm this depressed. I must be bipolar or something... It's so annoying... "I.. I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell you." She said at last. The orange stallion's face twisted in confusion, and maybe hurt. "I'm sorry..." She whispered, "but I can't tell anypony just yet." A tear trickled down her face.
Confidence, Pinkie.
Strength, Pinkie.
Empathy, Pinkie.
For you.
For your friends.
For..
Do it for Caramel.
Back arched. Head up. Tears gone. Smile shown. Deep breaths, Pinkamena. "Much better." She looked up, seeing a pair of turquoise eyes staring at her. "Caramel? Everything okay?"
"Why in Equestria are you asking me that? Pinkie, I'm no expert, but something's bothering you. And no matter how hard you try and hide it from me, you can't. If you tell me otherwise, you're lying. Pinkie, I care about what you have to say. Somepony has convinced you that you're only a joke. I don't think so. You are so much more than what you believe you are. " Caramel watched as Pinkie's hair lost all volume. She looked even more depressed than their last run-in. Caramel, you've done it now.
"I wish that was true, Caramel. I really do, but it's not. It never will be. I am a clown. I am a joke. I am a comedy machine. I am capable of nothing more. Absolutely NOTHING MORE." Tears flowed from her eyes like waterfalls. "Caramel, you're a sweet, sweet guy. But lying to me about who I am isn't going to help me. I know you want to help, I know you do. Props to you for being a gentlestallion. I appreciate the visit, but I need to be alone right now. T-the shop's about to open." And with those words, she ran into the kitchen. All she left behind was a puddle of tears and a stuttering stallion.
His Awkward Conversations
His Awkward Conversations
Twilight stood at her desk, shuffling through stacks and stacks of paper. Her horn glowed with her normal purple aura. Most of the things she looked at were just receipts or old invitations to parties she never went to. Her small trash can overflowed with crumpled documents. The library had a dead silence lingering over it, other than the occasional sound of crinkling paper. Naturally, a library should be quiet. Not Twilight's library. The pitter pater of dragon claws had left. Spike ran off to Manehatten with Rarity. That boy's crush on the pony had gone way to far, in Twilight's opinion. Owlowiscious' hooting no longer rang through the high ceiling of the building. The owl flew far from Twilight's home one day. She didn't know why, but the bird hadn't come back yet.
It had been a year since each's departure, and neither had come back.
Twilight would try and cheer herself up, but nothing would work. The princess of friendship decided she didn't need friends anymore. Unlike Pinkie, Twilight would try and let people in to lift herself up. Friendship is magic, right? Wrong. This time, it wasn't the lack of friendship, no. This time, she'd been crushed by her friends. Everyone in this life left her, whether it was family or friends, literally or figuratively. The only friend she truly had anymore was Cadence, and she couldn't spend too much time with Twilight. The princess of love had a kingdom to rule.
The alicorn's feet ached, they longed for exercise. Her soul said she needed rest. Her body raged war upon itself. Her eyelids fought to stay open, yet her mind raced. Twilight couldn't fill the emptiness within her. It consumed her, destroying her innermost self. Her stubbornness wanted loneliness, yet her common sense screamed for companionship. Whether she wanted it or not, she would get a visitor that day. Maybe it was exactly what she needed.
*Knock* *Knock*
Twilight groaned. "Yeah, yeah. I'm coming,"
*Knock* Knock*
"Calm down!" She walked over to the door, taking her sweet time. There should be no reason why this visitor should make her want to go faster. Her horn regained its purple aura, using it to unlock three large padlocks and one smaller lock for the handle. She creaked the door open slightly. Peering out, it shocked her to see...
"Caramel? What the heck are YOU doing here?" She opened the door wider, staring at the orange stallion. He composed himself rather sheepishly, contrasting his usual confident appearance. Her face looked utterly disgusted, although she felt more surprised than anything else. He stood for a minute, gazing blankly at the annoyed alicorn. He opened his mouth to speak, yet only a few fragments and stuttered consonants came out. "Well, if you have nothing better to say, I'm going back to organizing." Twilight said, sharply, then began to close the door.
"W-w-wait!" He called, forcing his hoof between the door and the doorpost. "C-can I talk to you...about...Pinkie?" Twilight rolled her eyes. Groaning, she shifted her weight from one side of her body to the other. She stalled as long as she could.
"I dunno, can you?" Twilight retorted, dryly. She stared at him, a dead look lingering in her eyes. "I was kinda in the middle of something... If you couldn't tell." She turned, looking longingly at her cluttered desk. She didn't want to clean it, yet she not as much as she wanted to avoid social interaction.
"Princess...? Are you okay?"
"Oh, come now. First: don't call me princess. Ever. Again. Second: why the heck should you care? Third: I'm not in the mood. I may never be in the mood. So, just get it over with. Ask me anything about Pinkie. Go ahead. Shoot."
"You're close, right?"
"Not really. We used to be, but those days are over. She won't communicate her feelings. And if I'm trying to help somepony, they need to open up. I mean, I want to help her, honest. Just.. She won't let me. She never has, and probably never will. The only pony she ever said could help her was..." She trailed, pondering for a moment. She mumbled a bit, squinting hard. "Celestia maybe? I forget. It started with a 'C'..." Taking a deep breath and exhaling, she said, "I wish I could help you. I really do, honest."
"Caramel?" He asked, bluntly. Twilight shifted from side to side on her front hooves. She seemed to be trying to weight out how she felt. Was it despair? Fear? Anger? Loneliness? She couldn't tell. She shook her head, looking back at the stallion in front of her.
"Hmm?" She hummed, a bit out of it.
"Caramel," He repeated, more of a statement this time than a question. "Caramel, Caramel," He said, over and over, "Caramel. The name was Caramel, wasn't it?" He asked, longingly. He grasped for any reaction from the alicorn. He got one, but not one he desired.
"I-I said I didn't remember... Okay? So, sure. It was Caramel. Happy? Is that what you wanted?" She grew more and more agitated, her voice reached near hysteria. "I care about Pinkie, I do. She just doesn't care about me. Those are the facts." She blurted, her coat slightly losing its purple hue. "Just... Just go." Twilight whispered in anger, fear, and loneliness.
*SLAM*
"Well, that didn't tell me anything, other than our newest princess has extreme emotional issues..." Caramel muttered. "I don't know about Pinkie saying I'm the only one who could help her. Just baseless conjecture." He walked slowly, questioning where to go next. Somepony had to know about Pinkie. Apparently, her closest friend knew next to nothing about her situation. So, where next? Only two ponies remained. Fluttershy and Applejack. Unfortunately, neither of these mares Caramel felt particularly close to. His run-in with the princess caused an awkward enough scene, and he at least knew the purple alicorn fairly well. Who would know how uncomfortable a situation it would create for Caramel if he went for help to a mare he barley knew?
Nevertheless, he began walking to Sweet Apple Acres. Pinkie used to say how level-headed and friendly the farmpony acted, so she got picked first. Certainly, the level-headed one would prove much easier to interact with than the shy animal tamer.
Yet, no matter how hard he tried with Pinkie's friends, he still managed awkwardness.
Still, would willingly suffer any awkwardness for Pinkie.
It was completely worth it.
Caramel trotted closer and closer to the farm. He could see the apple orchard in the distance. Before he even reached the farmhouse, the orange earth pony dashed up to him. She grabbed his forehoof, dragging him past the barn. Caramel gave up some resistance at first, but the mare had impressive ammounts of strength. He couldn't match her when she used brute force. He let out a few confused mumbles and fragments of words, much like when he saw the princess, only to get shushed. The farmpony picked up her pace, grabbing onto Caramel's hoof harder. This forced him to gallop along with this crazy mare. He hadn't even said a word to her, and she was already yanking him past the orchard. Faster and faster they ran, leaving the farm far behind them. Applejack never let go of the stallion's hoof.
"Applejack?" Caramel squeaked, breaking the otherwise dead air. She only responded with a growl, not even bothering to look at the stallion. Have all the mares in this town gone absolutely crazy, or is it just me? Caramel tried to loosen Applejack's grip once more, but to no avail. She held on tighter than ever, changing the color of his coat.
When Applejack finally stopped and released the terrified stallion's hoof, he shrieked. All the pain rushed to his forehoof. A huge purple bruise lay on his left bicep.
"Sorry Sugarcube," Applejack breathed hastily, "But I couldn't let 'em see ya here." Caramel's reaction brought a slight smirk across the earth pony's face. She chuckled slightly, saying, "Gosh, ya git spooked easily." Caramel stepped back, a look of fear and udder confusion in his face. His eyes told the whole story: He thought Applejack was crazy. "Anyway, I heard ya went tah see Twi, am ah right?"
"Y-yes, why do you ask...? A-and how do you know? And why did you drag me to the outskirts of Ponyville to talk about this? And-"
"Slow down there, sugar. I cin only answer so many questions." Applejack smiled warmly, bringing a hoof to Caramel's lips. She blushed slightly, staring into his eyes. His pupils dilated and his eyes darted as they were stared down by the mare. His stutter acted up a bit, as well as his nervous sweating habit.
"Y-y'know, I might go...um...somewhere else...why is Pinkie friends with these...these... INSANE ponies? Maybe this is why she's so lonely. Everypony belongs in an ASYLUM!"
"Look, you may think everypony is crazy. Maybe you're right, but you can't just shrug everypony off. I only asked if you'd seen Twilight because she needs someone. I don't know if you noticed, but she's just as depressed as Pinkie. Not everypony deals with depression like Pinkie. Pinkie will try her best to make sure nopony knows she's sad, just to try and keep them happy. Twilight actively mopes around and wants people to know she's sad, but they have to find out why on their own. Personally, that drives some ponies... Well..."
"C-crazy?" Caramel stared at Applejack. The honesty in her eyes hurt to look at. The pony had stopped talking with her normal southern twang. "AJ...? Please don't tell me you're as emotionally unstable as everypony else in this town..."
The farmpony chuckled, then sighed. "You...love her, don't you?"
"P-Pinkie? Y-yes, I do. Was it that obvious?" He kicked at the dirt slightly, staring at the sky. The sun had concealed itself in the hills. The only light remaining was Luna's pale beams and the farm's lighting in the distance. Still, Caramel didn't need light to see the earnestness in the once southern- he wasn't sure anymore -mare's eyes.
"Good, then. I can help you... If..." Her voice trailed.
"Applejack," He whispered, "Don't overwhelm yourself." Tears welled up in the farmpony's eyes. She blushed again, her hot cheeks cooled as the tears began to flow. "I'm sorry, Applejack," He whispered once more, "I.."
He got cut off. Again. "Ever since that first day. I couldn't call it love, but there was something. Something tugging at my heart," the orange mare sighed, "It was you. You and your silly charms." She laughed, a sad laugh, one that felt like a punch to the stomach to Caramel. He'd heard a few sad laughs from Pinkie, but none of them compared to this one. "I'm sorry too, but even if you don't feel anything, there's something I have to do..." Applejack whispered, her voice raspy. With those words, she leaned closer to the orange stallion. She planted a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.
"I'm the cheesiest, most fake pony there is," She sighed, "Thanks, though. Thanks for not running. Thanks for listening. You have no idea how much it means to me."
"I could guess." Caramel smiled. Applejack laughed, happily this time.
"You are just too perfect for Pinkie. You have such identical senses of humor...."
"C'mon, you 'fake, cheesy pony'. It's super late, and if I'm not mistaken, tomorrow's Apple Buck Season." Caramel teased, taking Applejack's hoof and leading her back to the farm.
"Thanks." She gripped his hoof, more gently this time, and leaned on him. They both walked back to the farm, simply enjoying one another's company.
"Applejack, I don't care if it's been two years since we last talked. You still mean a lot to me, and I know you mean a lot to Pinkie. I'm sorry that I couldn't be that guy for you, but trust me. A treasure like you won't get overlooked." Applejack blushed again, nuzzling into his neck. They reached the house, with only a single light glowing in the back room. "Just this once. I care a lot for you, as a good friend." He kissed her cheek, causing both of them to fluster.
"Thanks, Caramel. Pinkie's right, you are a gentlestallion. However, if you really want to win her heart-" She was cut off by a huge red stallion.
"AJ, it's late. Save this fer t'morrow." He said with a voice like honey, yet a stern look in his eyes. Applejack nodded, walking back with her brother. Before the door swung closed, she mouthed to Caramel,
I'll be waiting tomorrow. You'll steal her heart. We'll talk later.
Pinkie sighed, trotting the town's streets alone. She planned to visit Twilight. The alicorn hadn't showed her face for a week. Even in this short ammount of time, the princess was easily missed. One does not simply forget about the newest princess. The afternoon sun shone down on Pinkie's forehead, yet the cool breeze detracted from the heat. This particular Saturday didn't seem as freeing as most, for reasons she couldn't understand. Perhaps she missed Caramel; he hadn't visited for a few days. Perhaps her deflated hair had something to do it with. These reasons still didn't help Pinkie's situation, unfortunately for her. A few ponies passed her, whispering and staring. A few she knew a bit more personally greeted her, looking puzzled. The conversations they had never went past 'I'm doing well, thanks for asking.'
Pinkie finally came up upon the library. She raised her hoof to knock, but the door oped before she could. Twilight stared at her, a longing in her eyes. Pinkie couldn't tell if the alicorn was going to cry or yell. A small yelp left the purple pony's lips before she spoke.
"Pinkie... I'm so..." She began, only for Pinkie to stop her.
"Twi, how are you?" Pinkie asked, staring back. "And I don't want a generic answer."
Twilight sighed, a few mumbles and squeaks jumping out of her mouth. "I'm...not the best, honestly. A-and before you go comforting me, just let me first apologize. Pinkie, I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It just-"
"-happens sometimes." Pinkie finished Twilight's sentence for her. "Don't worry about that, Twi. You getting better is more important than making sure I'm okay because somepony said a few negative words to me. Do you know why I can be so happy? I don't let every little thing bother me. So I don't ever want you to apologize for something silly like that ever again Twi, you got that?"
Twilight hesitated, then nodded. She trotted backward into her library, motioning for Pinkie to follow before turning back around. "Pinkie, thanks for not giving up. I sure did, and it's comforting that somepony still cares." The alicorn squeaked. Pinkie knew what this meant. Twilight's voice only squeaked when she was truly struggling with something. It had been a while since she'd heard one of those voice squeaks. After all, Twilight had moved to Ponyville post Pinkie breakdown. For Pinkie to make great friends with somepony after emotional trauma was unheard of. Looking around, Pinkie stopped.
"Twi, where's Spike?"
"He's in Manehatten with Rarity," She replied flatly.
"B-but Rarity moved almost a year ago... I thought you said Spike was here with you?" She argued lightly, confused more than angered.
"I never said that. I only said he was too upset to talk to me. I suppose I could've I used a better word than 'talk'... We write letters to keep in touch. That's how he knew Shining passed on. He wrote a surprisingly short letter last time and now isn't responding to any letters I send him. I only assumed he felt as depressed as I did, it's possible he just got too busy helping Rarity.." Twilight rambled, a few tears added in with her words. Pinkie took a few steps back, trying to think of a way to respond. Instead of words, she decided to race up and hug the alicorn, her hooves fitting awkwardly around Twilight's wings when Pinkie did. Twilight jumped in a bit of shock, slowly easing into Pinkie's rushed embrace.
"Pinkie..." Twilight trailed.
"Oh, too awkward? Too forced? Rushed? S-sorry." She stammered, breaking the hug and taking a few dizzy steps backwards. "You..didn't need that hug." Twilight slowly approached her unstable friend, wrapping her hooves around Pinkie's neck.
"But you did."
"Twi!? Me? Pssh, you're talking crazy!" Pinkie yelped, her voice reaching record highs. She flinched a bit, yet still rubbed her head into Twilight's chin.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No..." She replied softly, a few of her own tears streaming down the princess's chest. "I'm so sorry, Twilight Sparkle," she whispered, slumping onto the floor. Twilight opened her damp eyes, a bit dizzy herself. The exhausted mare stared at her hooves to see Pinkie had fallen asleep in her library. She smiled, using an advanced levitation spell to lift her off the floor. The party pony seemed heavier than the last time Twilight had lifted her off the floor when she passed out, even with her alicorn magic. She peeked outside. The moon cast beautiful beams over Ponyville.
She sighed, trotting the streets alone. She giggled, reminiscing of the last time she had to carry Pinkie home like this. Pinkie had held an all night long movie marathon. The Cakes were using Sugarcube Corner, so it happened at Twilight's library. Most of Pinkie's friends got tired and went home before the second movie even started. It was a mystery why she started at midnight. Pinkie insisted on staying up all night, but ended up falling asleep in Twilight's loft. Back then, Twilight was just a unicorn. She had strong magic, but her magic increased when she ascended. It seemed strange for Pinkie to grow so heavy, even with the magic increase.
Twilight approached Sugarcube Corner at last. The doors weren't locked, so she just let herself in. The door to Pinkie's loft was locked, unfortunately. Thinking fast, she did a bit of exploration to find the Cakes' bedroom. Luckily, it was unlocked, and the Cakes were out of town. Twilight laid Pinkie gently in the princess-sized bed, also using magic to wrap Pinkie in blankets and sheets.
"I forgive you, Pinkamena Diane Pie." In that moment, Twilight regained her purple hue. Friendship meant something once more.
Author's Note
I don't normally recommend songs for people to listen to during a chapter, but this song is just too perfect. I wrote the chapter while listening to it and I was shocked how similar the song was to my story :3Eleventyseven's 'The Best I Can'
Her Eye Twitch
Pinkie opened her eyes, dazed and confused. What exactly happened last night seemed blurred, for reasons she couldn't find. Her hair had settled in its half-flattened, half-bouncy state. She rolled onto her side, expecting to see her usual gray alarm clock staring straight back at her. Surprisingly, a picture of Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake looked her in the eye, along with a flower vase and an analog-style clock. It didn't take too long for Pinkie to process that she had slept in Mr. and Mrs. Cakes' bed. Why she did, however, she didn't know. She stared at the old fashioned clock for a bit, wincing at the clock hands. 9:30 A.M., and the shop wasn't opened.
A slight panic rolled over Pinkie. She'd majorly overslept. On today of all days, she'd overslept. With the Cakes gone, the shop opened late. Late... for the first time. Mrs. Cake was a bit OCD about when the shop opened, and so it had always, always, always opened exactly on time . She rushed through her normal routine, brushing her teeth, mane, tail, et cetera. She slipped into her apron and flipped the sign over, only to turn around to Caramel, staring her square in the eye. An epiphany suddenly occurred to Pinkie. She'd forgotten to lock the doors, and Twilight carried her home. Caramel smiled at her, unaware of her current panic mode.
"Morning, Pinks!" He greeted, a bit louder than he'd intended.
"Caramel! You're here early. Can I get you a coffee or something? It's on the house." She replied, her voice shaking along with her body as she unsteadily moved to the bit register. Taking deep breaths and mumbling a bit to herself, she lifted her head, turned around, and entered a back room. From the looks of it, somepony had taken the coffee machine out of the kitchen. Caramel perked his ears, hearing Pinkie muttering about 'moving it back'.
"Pinkie?" He questioned, examining the mare. She looked perfectly fine. Her mane comed, her teeth white, and her eyes bright. However, her voice broke the look. Her eyes' brightness seemed like insanity. Her white teeth looked fake, along with her mane. It seemed as though a crazy pony made sure everything looked perfect.. too perfect. However, you cannot simply comb a mane like Pinkie's to inflate it. Maybe that's what was wrong, or what seemed 'off' about her appearance. Maybe it was that combined with her voice. Sure, she acted like normal Pinkie would have in the past, but this wasn't the past. Things had changed, Pinkie included. For her to revert back to her 'old self' so quickly seemed too out of place. Her movements even seemed off. The 'bounce' from her steps had vanished. They had been replaced with stiff, jerky steps. "Pinkie..." Caramel repeated.
"What?" Pinkie replied, a bit quicker than had been expected. "Just getting your coffee, silly." She spoke so casually, yet in light of her drastic change it seemed out of place. "Wmmmy aurm aouu sthoo sthad?" Pinkie grumbled, trying to talk whilst writing herself a note. Caramel took a step back, baffled. Him? Sad? Concerned, yes. Sad, no. The pink pony smiled, holding a pencil in between her teeth. "Aww, Cam, you don't have to hide it from me. We're friends, remember?" She giggled, dropping the writing tool onto the counter.
"Hide what? My alleged 'sadness'? What in the wide, wide world of Equestria gave you that idea?" He said, sharply. Caramel pressed his lips together immediately afterward, almost as if to apologize for saying anything. "What I meant to say was-"
"-Just that, right? Silly, silly Cam. I'm not as 'fragile' as you think. I can take criticism, and you should know that. How else did I become the best baker in Ponyville? It takes a lot to say that, considering AJ lives here too. Now, to the matter at hand. You're sad. I can tell," She replied, a happy yet serious tone lying in her voice, "Deny it all you want, but I can tell when ponies are upset. Now, tell your Auntie Pinkie Pie what's bothering you."
You. You're bothering me. It hurts me, Pinkie. It hurts me to see you sad. Because everypony deserves happiness. Because you deserve happiness. Because I know I can give you that happiness... If only you'd let me. Caramel fought with himself. Do I tell her straight? Do I lie? I can't lie to her. But I can't just profess my true feelings... Celestia, why does this pony have to be so good at reading me... I didn't even know how upset she made me, and here she is figuring my feelings out before I do. Is she asking me to tell her I love her? Does this mean she loves me back? Is she trying to let me make the first move? Is she too shy to admit her feelings for me? Does she know I love her? What does this mean? He began to sweat at his mind became a madhouse filled with questions he couldn't answer. He gulped, and sighed.
"Cam, if it's really that important, you don't really need to tell me. I just.. I can't stand to see you sad. I thought maybe it would help if you told me." Pinkie said quietly, breaking the otherwise silent café.
"I can't stand to see you sad either, Pinks. Tell me, what's bothering you ? I may not be the Famous Pinkie Pie, but it doesn't take Sherlock to figure out you've been down in the dumps lately." Caramel replied, staring Pinkie straight in the eyes. "But, you won't answer that easily, knowing you. You'll dodge the question, deny it, or straight up lie. You're a terrible liar, though. You do this little eye twitch when you lie, so it's obvious when you are lying. There's that, and your mane seemed to be linked with your mood. So tell me, Auntie Pinkie, what's up?"
Pinkie's eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly. Her eye began to twitch before she spoke. "My eye doesn't twitch, Cam." Pinkie said defensively. Caramel smiled, and gave a little chuckle.
"Liar." Caramel said, smirking. "You don't realize it, but your eye does twitch."
"Cam, seriously. What could be bothering me, of all ponies? Also, my mane could just be droopy because I ran out of mane gel. And I may seem sad, but it could just be because I'm thinking a lot," She retorted, furrowing her eyebrows. "You shouldn't jump to conclusions."
"Pinkie, I just want to help. You're going to deny it all you want, but this is something you won't be able to do alone." He half-yelled, choking over his words.
"Cam," She said, annoyed, "Why do you care so much? Nopony else seems to care, so why should you?"
"Because, Pinkie, you care." Caramel replied simply. Pinkie sighed, trying to fight her true feelings. He obviously wasn't giving up any time soon. She wasn't either, though. Caramel took a few steps toward her, and lay a hoof on her shoulder. "Sorry, Pinks. I don't mean to fight with you, but you need to understand keeping all your emotions bottled up isn't good for you. You don't need to act happy all to time, you know."
"Cam.." She trailed, gulping. "Just take your coffee and go. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm perfectly fine." She placed the to-go cup on the counter and turned around. She said without looking at him, "Do me a favor, and flip the sign over to 'closed' on your way out." Then walked to her bedroom.
His Journal's Life Lessons
Caramel didn't know what he'd wanted to do when he woke up. He pondered visiting Applejack, but something held him back. He wanted to check up on the princess, but Pinkie beat him to it. Thunderlane and Noteworthy had already head out, so that only left one of his roommates. Unfortunately, Dr. Whooves isn't exactly the most, well, 'free' pony. He's always off saving the world with his companion. So naturally, Caramel didn't have too much interaction with the time lord. And after that incident with Pinkie, he'd best let her cool off before he went back. Being a shy pony came with advantages and disadvantages, and right now Caramel had to deal with the disadvantages. One in particular, really: Loneliness. True, he'd avoid social interaction if he could, but everypony needs a friend now and then. So, as his last resort, he wrote in his journal.
Day 109: Happiness and Love
Imagine you're a shy stallion, madly in love with a beautiful mare. You see her, and you can tell she's upset. So now, you have a few options: cheer her up mindlessly, try and find out why she's upset, act like nothing's wrong, or walk away. Suppose you choose number two, hoping for the best. After all, she's usually happy, and you're good friends.. So she'll open up and you'll be the hero. Simple as that. Maybe she'll confess her love for you, and you get the happy ending.
Now imagine the frustration, the hurt, and the confusion when that pony dearest to you rejects you. She's all you have in the world, and all you want to do is help. All I wanted to do was help, and she didn't want that help. No happy ending for me, sadly. 'Why didn't that work? Did I make it about me again?', I ask myself time and time again, because every time something goes wrong it's usually on account of my thin judgements or self-centered nature. I'll try time and again, but my attempts never work. I'll try to be open-minded, slow to judge, and to think of others first. Emphasis on try, more emphasis on fail. I suppose if you've just started reading my journal.. Well... I suppose you should know this isn't my first. Yes, I'm okay with you reading. Otherwise, I wouldn't write it. So, let's just start out with me, since this is my journal.
Forgetful. They all say I'm forgetful. Stubborn and close-minded maybe, but not forgetful. Just because of one time during Winter Wrap Up I forgot the grass seeds! ... Okay, It happened twice, but still. It's almost like how Derpy mentioned she liked muffins. Now, people who don't know her too well assume all she's about is muffins. It's sad to me, I see her bombarded with muffins when she's upset. It never really helps, because she doesn't like muffins that much anymore. She got sick of them after the first few hundred. I admire her for her big heart though; she never refuses a single one. She's afraid of hurting somepony's feelings. So instead of eating all the muffins, she gives them to a food bank she and some of her best friends opened: Muffins for the Needy. It's a great charity, really, but it's besides the point.
I want to make ponies happy. I suppose everypony does to some extent, though. I don't know a single pony who wants to intentionally make others upset. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're wrong! What about Sombra, Discord, Chrysalis, and Nightmare Moon? Or what about Trixie and Gilda? There are some who thrive on others' despair! How could you possibly say that? Simple. Sombra was corrupted, as well as Nightmare Moon. I don't think that's what they're really like. Discord has been reformed and sees the error of his ways. Chrysalis may have hated what she had to do, but if she didn't, she and her whole species could've died. Trixie? Seriously? Show magic is her job. Also, when she challenged Twilight, she was corrupted. Gilda? Good point, I must confess. However, I think there's more than meets the eye. I don't know her very well, but I do know this: Everypony Everyone has a reason for acting up. Sure, it doesn't justify her behavior, but I don't want to write her off because she's dealing with something we don't understand.
Perhaps that's why I write this. Right now, you probably think I'm the most wonderful, most accepting colt in existence. Well, let me stop you right there. Firstly, what did you expect? This is my journal, after all. I'm the hero of my own story. If I'm writing about myself, I don't want to be constantly tearing myself down. Who does that? Secondly, don't think of me like that. I'm judgmental, shallow, shy, and stuck-up... In my opinion. As you can see, I also think very highly of myself. Re-read the first line of this paragraph again. You didn't really think that. I thought you did, see? High opinion of myself. Who would think that?
Some tearing down is in order from time to time, because my ego gets out of control. This journal helps me contain that ego so I don't act up in public. I also ask myself: why do I want this pony to be happy? Do I gain anything? If not, should that matter to me? So often I find myself forgetting that happiness gained by selfish desire has no real value. To me, that is lust. Dear reader, we get to the true meaning of my journal. I want you to learn from my mistakes, and for me to learn from my mistakes. Furthermore, I want to remember these values, lest I corrupt myself with the constant need for pleasure. For true happiness can never be achieved unless you're willing to give it up. So go, dear reader, and live with others always in mind.
And as for me and my pursuit of happiness and love, I will not give up on that mare. No matter how hard she tries, I will give her the happiness she deserves, despite how it makes me feel. And so, the hero's journey for me begins. A stallion must deny his own nature in order to free the princess of herself. I will try my hardest to show her there's more to life than what she has now.
Until my next mistake, Caramel
'Because, Pinkie, you care. '
Pinkie's lips and eyes trembled, her body shuddering at the memory. Tears began to well up in her eyes, and before she knew it, silent tears began to drop onto the kitchen floor. "He cares for me..." She whispered, "He really does... He wasn't just faking..." Her small voice echoed through the empty shop. "And I pushed him away...for what reason?" She went on, squeaking her words out slowly. "My pride?" She pondered, ignoring the cookies slightly burning in the oven. The smell of smoke quickly filled the room, but Pinkie ignored it.
'This is something you won't be able to do alone. '
"Who am I supposed to do it with, then?" She thought aloud, starting to inhale some of the smoke filling the small room. She began to feel light-headed and dizzy, yet did nothing about it. She remained sitting on the floor, slouched over, crying and thinking to herself.
'Pinkie... '
The smoke grew thicker and thicker, making it impossible to see. Pinkie still didn't move, squeezing her eyes shut. "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot." She repeated over and over to herself, becoming quieter and quieter as the smoke wrapped itself in her lungs.
'Pinkie. '
A voice echoed, though Pinkie couldn't tell if she had gone insane or somepony was actually speaking to her. She went with the former, and continued to cry. Her crying soon turned into choking, the small breaths turning into wheezing and panting for clean air.
'Pinkie Pie... '
Somepony called to her, their voice mellow and soothing. The gray cloud of burnt confections surrounded her entirely, muffling the voice ever-so-slightly. A shrill siren barked, silencing the voice even more. Pinkie smiled, giggling internally. She leaned forward, a curve on her lips and wet stains on her eyes. "I'm here," she replied softly, hoping to catch the voice's attention.
'Pinkie Pie! '
The voice became shrill and piercing, shaking Pinkie out of her trance. She opened her eyes, only to be greeted by a new form of darkness. A cinder popped out at her, burning through her fur. Pinkie shook herself lazily, too weak to move. The cinder stung her skin, quickly joined by many others. She yelled as loud as she could, but no noise made it past her lips.
"Pinkamena Diane Pie! Can you hear me?"
The voice had lost its soothing tone, appearing more realistic. Pinkie stumbled to get up, her face stricken with fear. She staggered over to the door, attempting to open it. She shrieked, jiggling the knob as hard as she could. Tears streamed down her face once more, cooling her burnt coat.
"Pinkie, stand back. We're breaking down the door."
W-we? Is there more than one pony who cares? I must be going crazy... Pinkie slid away from the door, weeping more and more as her fluffy pink coat and mane got singed by her baking catastrophe. There were small holes all over her body, each of which were black and a few even charred. Her mane was no better, perhaps even worse. It had lost any pink hue, taking the color of charcoal. Her salty tears burned her skin, only making her cry more. A purplish tint surrounded the door, captivating it and destroying it altogether. Pinkie passed out, not before seeing a group of four heroes.
Two mares, two stallions. Three earth ponies, one alicorn.
They had come to her rescue.
His eyes glittered in hers, a pale red blush overtaking his orange cheeks. She giggled, blushing along with him. "You're pretty, Pinks." He said, smiling goofily. She smiled widely, her cheeks turning an even darker red. She leaned in, kissing him on the cheek.
"You're sweet, Cammie," She whispered in his ear, "I love you." He laughed, tackling her into the grass. He kissed her back, this time on the lips. She jolted back, shocked. She eased into it quickly, realizing this was his way of saying 'I love you' back.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked, rolling onto his side. "I could've bought the ring in time." He teased, reaching to his side. She gasped, breathing slower.
"Y-you don't mean?" She asked, looking at him hopefully.
"I do mean, Pinks. I love you, and I want to spend my life with you." He said, revealing a golden ring with a single small, white diamond on it.
"Yes!" She said, springing up and sliding it over her right ear. "Cammie, this is the best day if my life!" Squealing, she ran over and hugged him tightly. She cried tears of joy into his shoulder.
"No," he said, breaking the hug and looking into her eyes, " our life."
"Our life," she agreed.
"Will she be okay, Nurse?" Caramel spoke first, staring down at Pinkie. The nurse looked at the group of friends, her face grim. He hesitated before answering, and closed her eyes for a second.
"Well, she has several third-degree burns. Her mane will grow back in due time, but I can't say it'll still be pink when it grows back. The cinders burned thick into the roots where the Spectra decides what color it is. I don't think any of her vital organs were harmed, aside from her lungs and skin. The skin will take time to heal, but I can't say all of it will heal. As for her consciousness.. She should wake up in a few hours, after the smoke filters out of her lungs." The nurse replied, adding a sigh. "I... apologize." She then headed for the door, leaving the five of them.
"Pinkie!" Twilight all but screamed, refusing to hold back her tears anymore. "Why did I ignore you? I should've saved you sooner! You could've been okay, I-" She babbled.
"Twilight, you saved her." Caramel interrupted. "If it weren't for you, none of us would've know she was even in that kitchen. So don't blame yourself." Twilight nodded, then continued crying. Caramel led her over to one of the chairs, sitting down with her awkwardly. They both looked like Lyra then, with two hooves touching the ground and back leaned up against the wall. Twilight whispered Pinkie's name over and over, along with the occasional 'I'm sorry'. Caramel held back his own tears, instead relieving some of the princess's. Somepony had to be strong, and Caramel decided it would be him. He lay a hoof around her shoulder, calming her non-verbally.
Applejack and Big Macintosh stood on the other side of the room. Applejack had shed a few tears, her hooves clinging on the side of Pinkie's hospital bed. Big Mac stood by her side, his eyes watered.
"Pinkie..." They whispered in unison. Applejack glanced over at Twilight, then back up at her brother. This was the first time she'd seen him cry since...
Applejack shook her head, dismissing the memory. She nuzzled into her brother's broad shoulder, muffling her voice. "Why? Why..." She gasped, her tears leaving two wet circles on her brother's coat. Big Mac suddenly gasped, and started stuttering. Applejack lifted her head, following her brother's gaze. Caramel stopped looking at Twilight for a minute, glancing over at Pinkie's bed. He couldn't see much from the angle he sat, so he went back to rubbing the princess's shoulders. "Pinkie..." Applejack trailed, filled with wonder.
Pinkie's mane was fully inflated again.
Caramel sighed, leaning over a seemingly lifeless pink body. He could still hear her laugh, the cheery voice lingering in his ears. He could still see her bright smile, bouncy steps, and silly demeanor. He sniffled, for he knew it was all an illusion. The Pinkie he had known and loved left long ago, even before the fire nearly burned her alive.
I must be strong.
Darkness shrouded the room, refusing any light source whatsoever. However, even in the dark, Caramel could still see Pinkie. He could see her mane, fuller than it had been in a long time. She was finally happy again. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to smile. It left him with questions, all of them only make him want to weep.
Is she still alive, or is she happy because she's in a better place...?
Did she want to leave, and now she's finally away...?
Does she hate everypony, and is happy they're gone...?
A lightning bolt crashed nearby, shattering the silence. Caramel didn't even flinch, refusing to take his eyes off of Pinkie. The nurses and doctors had tried moving him, but they had more success getting a fish to climb a tree than getting him to budge. Another stray bolt thundered, even closer than before. Caramel sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. A loud knocking on the door forced him to open them, but it sure didn't make him move.
"Yes? The door is unlocked," Caramel said weakly, an obvious strain on his vocal cords. The door creaked open slowly, a white muzzle poking through the door.
"Sir?" A voice like honey called, "It's rather late. Don't you think you should go home?" Caramel sighed, shaking his head.
"I'd love to go home and rest, really. But I want to be here when she wakes up... I want to be the first face she sees," he replied, then walked over to the door, "Is it okay if I stay here overnight?" The door opened fully, revealing Nurse Redheart. She sighed, wondering whether it was worth fighting over.
"Sir-"
"Please ..." he whispered helplessly, "You said twelve hours ago she should've woken up in three or so hours. I need to know she's not...that she's still...please , don't make me leave her..."
"But sir, your friends-" Redheart pleaded, trying her hardest not to give in. It was against hospital rules for guests to stay overnight. Only the patients and employees could stay past midnight, and everypony generally respected that rule. Sure, there were times when some ponies questioned the rule, yet none had ever won. But this stallion wouldn't give up, even if it meant his life.
"I know they all left ages ago, and I know it's past visiting hours... But please ... You must understand... I love her..." he whispered, yanking his head away from Redheart's eyes. Redheart sighed, letting her mind drift into memories. She knew how he felt, how it hurt to let go of somepony you love...
"You've...convinced me," Redheart hesitated, unsure of if her decision was too biased. Nevertheless, she stuck with what she had chosen, saying, "I'll bring in a mattress from one of the rooms we aren't-"
"No, thanks..." Caramel began, shaking his head. Redheart gasped and began to stutter.
"B-but sir, you said-" she questioned, fumbling over her words. She made many hoof motions and facial expressions to try and get her point across, but Caramel only smiled.
"I won't need a mattress, but thanks for the offer. Like I said...I want to be the first face she sees when she wakes up. And that face won't be sleeping, rest assured." Caramel smiled, then took a few steps forward. His lips quivered and his eyes watered. He lifted his hooves up and wrapped them around Redheart's neck. "Thank you..." he whispered, "I am forever in your debt. Thanks for breaking the rules for me..." Redheart giggled nervously, backing up and pushing Caramel away.
"Y-yes, well, um," she stuttered, raising her head slightly and closing her eyes. "I-I, er, I couldn't separate you from your special somepony, no big deal." Redheart blushed, leaving the room quietly. "I-I'll be at the front desk, come get me if she wakes up," she called out before disappearing. Caramel groaned, shaking his head.
"You've done it again, you dope," Caramel chided himself, "why are you so- what's the word? -ah, yes, flirty . Seems you've gotten every mare you've come in contact with uncomfortable..." he sighed, listening to his voice. So many times he'd found himself talking just to hear a voice. Oh, such is the life of a introverted, lonely stallion. Caramel reached over and grabbed his journal out of his bag, keeping Pinkie in the corner of his eye.
Day 110: The Loss of a Loved One
I'm sure everyone has lost some pony
Caramel groaned, tearing the page out. He knocked over the small jar of ink beside him, spilling the permanent liquid all over the floor. He leaned over, purposefully knocking over his bag to scan the contents.
"That's the second time you've made that mistake, Caramel," he mumbled, "what if a griffon or someone read your journal? How many...creatures? No, sentient beings... Life forms? Sure, life forms. How many life forms do you want to offend? Use someone , not somepony ... Now, where is my pencil? Ah!"
Day 110: The Loss of a Loved One
I'm sure everyone has lost someone close to them at some time or another. It is only common, for most beings are mortal. I, myself, have seen a few relatives pass on. I no longer have my grandparents to tell me stories anymore. But what happens when you lose someone unexpectedly? Or their death isn't from natural aging? I am faced with this problem myself, for my dear beautiful mare now lies as if dead nearly inches away from me. They claim she's still alive, simply in a coma. I've heard that some don't wake up from their comas, though. What if she's one of those? What if she never 'wakes up'? These questions haunt me, so much so I can't sleep.
This time, dear reader, I've made the biggest mistake in my life: I ignored her. That day, in the sweet shoppe, I walked away. I left her there, alone. She needed someone- no, she needed me. And I- well, I left her there. Did I go back? No. It was her best friend who discovered she nearly killed herself. Her best friend didn't know she was upset, yet I did. So why didn't I go back? Why wasn't I the one who found her- no, why wasn't I the one who stopped her? Now, she lays on a hospital bed because of me. Many of you may wonder: but Caramel, she's not dead. So why do you say you've lost her? To that I say-
She's been dead for a while. For so long, I should've seen it coming. That first day I saw her cry, that first time her mane went flat. I should've known. I should've ignored when she said everything was fine, when it obviously wasn't. She didn't party anymore, she didn't laugh anymore, she didn't smile, bounce, or even bake. What in the wide world of Equestria gave me the idea that that was 'okay'? She left me, she left us all. Now it's only worse because there's no chance of her coming back. My lesson to you, dear reader, is simply this:
I'm not about to tell you to go pry into everyone's personal life. However, if someone you love- or are very close to -suddenly changes their entire way of life, don't brush it off. Do them a favor and find out what's bothering them. I left them alone, and look where I ended up.
Until my next mistake,
Caramel
Twilight dropped her head, letting out a puff of air. The crescent moon reflected off her windows, shining in her eyes. She squinted, refusing the light. She nudged her door open, listening to that familiar creaking noise. She could hear flashes of laughter here and there, a laugh she may never hear again.
What about her element?
They hadn't used the elements for about a year, after all two of the six had left. Thankfully, they hadn't needed to use the elements.
But what if today, we need them? Rarity stayed true to hers, and I'm positive Rainbow is still loyal to her roots...but what about Pinkie? What will we do without her? Equestria...what will happen to it? What will happen to her...?
Twilight shook her head briskly, widening her eyes a bit. She let her shoulders down a bit, her hoofsteps upstairs heavy. She illuminated the darkness with a soft glow from her horn, though she didn't need it. Twilight could walk her house blindfolded and not trip a single time. She trudged up the stairs, kicking an old bed aside. She didn't know why she'd kept it there; she had no use for it anymore. He wasn't coming back, obviously. Those scales would never take a rest there again, so why was the bed still on the floor? In the same exact spot, no less. The blue blanket still kept its ruffles and crinkles, though it was obvious it was out of use.
A light slowly left the room as Twilight dimmed her horn. She lay her head down on her pillow, a cloud of dust coughing up from the old feathers.
Is she gone? Did we lose her?
Twilight wanted to forget. She wanted to pretend it'd never happened. However, Pinkie was all she had left in the world, besides Cadence. Twilight didn't want to admit it, but she'd felt more lonely than ever before. That day- that day when Pinkie had returned to apologize, she felt it again. She remembered how magical friendship truly was. And now, that feeling was gone. It had been burned in the fire with Pinkie. She couldn't forget, no matter how hard she tried. She didn't want to care, yet she had to. What else was there to live for?
I can't go on with my studies on friendship if I have no friends left... but with no studies and no friends, what else will I do?
Twilight forced her eyes shut and pressed her lips together.
I can't change anything, and believe me, I've tried my best. Luna...? Luna...? Is this a nightmare? Am I dreaming? Why are you doing this to me? No- Why am I doing this to me?
Twilight gasped, opening her eyes. "No," she said aloud, "No." Twilight raised her head briskly, slamming her hooves into the sheets. "There is something to live for. I've not tried my best. This is just some illusion... There is more, I just know it," she called to herself, her words firm. "I won't quit. I won't quit."
Twilight got up, cantering down her stairs. "I'll certainly lose her if I'm not at least trying to keep her," she said as she opened the door. "I don't want to lose her on my account." Twilight ran out into the night, illuminating her horn once more. It flickered, giving sudden bursts of light to guide her path. She could see her breath, though the air wasn't too cold. It felt nice brushing against her fur as she ran.
"Where are ya goin'?" Twilight screeched to a halt, looking around. "Don'tcha know it's late, sugar?"
That voice...
Applejack stopped letting the shadows conceal her, placing herself in front of Twilight. Applejack sighed, putting a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "Ah know you're worried, Twi. We all are. But don'tcha think ya should take care of yerself before Pinkie?" Twilight shook her head. "But Twi-"
"Applejack, she needs us. I-I don't want to lose her," Twilight replied. Applejack shook Twilight, tears forming in her eyes.
"I don't want to lose her either, Twi. Nopony warns to lose her. I don't want to lose you in the process though. Just-" Applejack sighed "-promise me you'll take care of yourself." Twilight closed her eyes, mumbling a bit.
"...I..." She started to talk, but barley any sound was audible. She whistled her air out of her mouth, trying again. "I..." Twilight choked over her words, bracing her body. Applejack quivered, shuddering as a cool breeze brushed past them both. Twilight embraced the wind, pushing her nose into it. Applejack ducked her head away, shunning the air. She stood, staring at the mare in front of her. Twilight looked sickly, her body thinner than before. Applejack couldn't- and wouldn't -move. Twilight did the same, trying many times to speak. Unfortunately, each time she tried she utterly failed.
"Look-"
"I can't promise that," Twilight spoke at last, cutting off Applejack. "I can't promise my own safety until I'm one hundred percent sure about...her. She's... like family to me."
"Stop it, Twilight. Stop, please. The whole town is worried about her, but who's worrying about you? Certainly not yourself, I see. I'm crazy worried about you. You haven't been talking to the townsponies, Celestia, Luna, or Cadence anymore. I never see you outside your library, and every time I hear somepony tried to visit you... They say you weren't taking visitors. I know you're upset, Twilight. I am too... But don't let your feelings for Pinkie weigh out your own health."
"AJ..." Twilight said, mystified. "Your...accent..."
"Go home, Twi. Go home for me." Applejack ignored Twilight's remark, and firmly commanded her. "Go home now ," she hissed.
"But Pinkie-"
"Now! "
Twilight teared up, galloping back home. Her tears came down in a stream, rolling down her chest and leaving a trail behind her.
I'm so sorry, Pinkie. I couldn't be there for you. Don't hate me, I tried my best. I promise to be there tomorrow. I don't want to leave you...so please, don't leave me.
She glanced up, meeting his eyes with her gaze. She laughed softly, her lips curling around the edges. Her eyes squinted, and her cheeks became red as a rose. The meadow smelled like flowers, hinted with rain. The sun shone down brightly, sharing its heat with the world. She sat relaxed under a maple tree, half-asleep. He chuckled, staring at the ring around her ear. He nuzzled her cheek, making them more and more intoxicated with embarrassment. The world seemed to stop every time he saw her; their surroundings becoming hazy and dreamlike. He sat down next to her, and she laid her head on his shoulder.
"I love you, Cammie," she whispered, her lips brushing past his ear.
"I know, Pinks. You tell me that every day." He laughed, planting a soft kiss into her even softer hair. She nibbled slightly on his ear, causing him to share her embarrassment on his face.
"That's because I don't want you to forget, silly," she replied, closing her eyes. He began to stroke her hair, musing at how it maintained such volume.
"I...don't...want...you...to...forget..."
Nurse Redheart jumped, brushing aside her paperwork. So, that mare decided to wake up. The nurse got up, scanning her body thoroughly.
"Hmm?" The mare grunted, laying still. Redheart didn't speak, she simply went on examining her patient. She stopped at a few places, then trotted off to scribble on her clipboard. She would resume after that, and she continued until her patient's entire body had been accounted for.
"Okay, first, what is your name?" Redheart inquired, her words sharp yet her tone soothing.
"My...name? P-Pinkamena Diane Pie, ma'am," the pink mare replied slowly. The nurse beamed warmly, trotting over and grabbing her clipboard. She then pulled up a small cart and chair, put the clipboard on the cart, and sat down.
"Good, good. You don't have amnesia... Severely, that is. Now, do you have any recollection of what happened?" She asked, picking up her pencil. Pinkie's eyes dodged a bit, as if to scan her own mind.
"I-I don't know. All I remember is seeing my four friends... Then passing out," Pinkie said, looking defeated. Redheart nodded, making a checkmark motion with her mouth. She then lifted Pinkie's head, smiling. She laid down her pencil, and then spoke.
"Don't worry. I'll help you remember-" Redheart began, only to get cut off by her patient.
"S-speaking of which... Where are my friends?" Pinkie asked, her eyes in a sudden frenzy. She searched the room...but she couldn't see anypony besides Nurse Redheart. The nurse grabbed her head, fixating her eyes on her patient.
"Please, calm down," she whispered, "It's nearly three in the morning. I told your friends to go home and rest." She locked her eyes with the patient, refusing to blink.
"How long has it been?" Pinkie asked, jolting her head away from the nurse's stare-down. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Three days..." Redheart replied quietly, "You're lucky to have such good friends, they pulled two all-nighters because of how worried they were. Well, one did... Anyway, we had expected that you would wake up within a few hours of the fire."
"Three days..." Pinkie repeated, slowly sitting up. "W-wait, fire? I-I was in a fire? "
"Y-yes, unfortunately." Redheart's eyes dodged around the room, trying to look anywhere except Pinkie's eyes. "You...we're baking cookies and left them in the oven too long...and you locked yourself in, making it a pretty extreme condition. You're lucky to have survived. If you'd been left in there any longer, the cinders would've burned right through you."
Pinkie gasped, then raised her hoof. "Wh-what?" Redheart stuttered in confusion, watching Pinkie. She took her hoof, and slammed it against her cheek.
"S-stupid!" Pinkie yelled, tears beginning to stream down her face. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid...!" She struck herself against her cheeks several times, soon to be stopped by Redheart. She stared at Pinkie, her eyes and mouth agape with shock.
"Miss... Miss... please, calm down..." Redheart implored, only to have her attempts to prove fruitless. Pinkie growled, shaking Redheart off her hooves. She raised them again, preparing to strike herself again. "Why? Why do you want to hurt yourself, Miss?" Redheart asked desperately. She rubbed herself, stumbling back up to her hooves.
"I-I... My friends...I caused them worry...on account of my stupidity...didn't I?" Pinkie tembled, her cheeks bright red. She rubbed them a bit, obviously regretful of what she'd done. Redheart shook her head rapidly, stable once more.
"I don't know. But I don't get warning to hurt yourself over having good friends..." Redirect became wary, keeping in distance from Pinkie. She spoke soft and soothing, yet her facial expressions said she was anything but calm. She inhaled, exhaled, and walked back to her chair. "Would you like some tea?" She offered, taking a sip of tea herself. She'd kept a chamomile tea on her desk in case an event like this happened. Granted, the tea had turned cold, but it still calmed her down.
"Yes, thank you. Also-" Pinkie reached up and accepted the second cup of tea from Redheart "-sorry for causing so much trouble. I'm...extremely worried about these sorts of things." Redheart nodded, taking another sip.
"Understandable. I don't know anyone who'd want to be a burden. Well, there actually was this one blue guy... Oh, he was a hoot. But, that's another story for another time." Redheart smiled, her eyes drifting from reality.
"So...what now?" Pinkie asked. Redheart focused back on Pinkie, a soft smile still on her lips. She laughed lightly.
"I don't know."