I stepped into my friend's bar before heading to work. A few bat ponies walked past me, uttering their usual greetings as they left the bar. "(Hello.)"
"(Hello)" I uttered back quietly as I passed them by. A few others did their best and let me pass. By the time I made it to the bar my uniform was covered in hoof prints and dust. I flagged down my friend, the bar owner. "(Vladamir, why are all the horse people speaking Russian?)"
Vladamir rubbed his stubbly chin. "(I told them how to say hello, now a bunch of them are coming in with books and trying to learn.)" He shrugged and pulled a glass for me. "(Humor them, it's nice of them to try.)"
"(Yes, yes, I know...I just don't like it.)"
"(Reminds you of home?)" Vlad laughed as he poured me a drink.
"(No, if you wanted to remind me of home, you bring an angry Latvian saying I fucked their sisters.)" I slammed back the pale drink and set the glass down. "(No, it reminds me of the airport back in Nizhny.)" Vlad poured two drinks and joined me from across the counter. "(Foreigners doing their best to sound like us- but...I guess they are better than the monkeys who come for studies.)"
Vlad's frown quickly faded. "(Daniil...that's--)"
"(Racist, I know.)"
"(Then why you say it?)"
"(Because they make me mad!)" I pounded another drink. "(Horse people make me mad too, but I don't know how to offend them!)"
Vlad shook his head, staring at the counter. "(The winged ones don't like to be called birds, the horned ones are easy, just call them gay.)"
I started laughing as a few bats joined in to our conversation. "(Hi...we...listen...learn better Russian, yes?)"
I stared at the trio of bats. "(Fine.... Anyways, they get mad when you call them gay?)"
"(Would a black be mad if you called them a nig--)" Vlad stopped himself as he rubbed his head. "(Fuck, now I'm fucking saying it!)"
I took another drink. "(Is because you are from north. Even more racist than me!)"
"(Fuck off, you are the racist. Xenophobic bastard, how did they let you through immigrations?)"
"(Same way they let the bla--)"
Vlad cringed at this. "(Can you stop? What have they done to you to make you so mad?!)"
I picked up my glass. "(OOooo- oooo, mister sensitive! You, pony thing-)" I grabbed a red maned bat pony and pulled them close. "(You want to learn a word? Call him bitch.)"
Vlad pulled the bats away from me. "(Do not listen to him, racist prick.)" He lead them to the other end of the bar. "(Are you done? I don't need you teaching them how to be as big an asshole as you.)"
I finished my drink and set the glass down. "I come to drink with my friend, and you call me an asshole!" I yelled in English so everyone could understand. "You are prick."
"Go to work! Get, go!" Vlad hurled a filthy bar towel at me. "Come back tomorrow!"
I dodged the sloppy towel and flipped him off. "(I will be, and you treat me better next time!)"
Vlad threw his arms up. "(You drink for free idiot!)"
"(Is only reason I come here!)" I jeered back as I walked out into the sunset.
I blew a stream of warm air into my cupped hands and found my gloves. The cold winter's night was no worse than days back home, but being cold was never fun. "(Ponies have fur...I should get fur.)" I muttered to myself as I started walking towards the castle.
"(Actually we don't have fur...we have hair.)" A horribly raspy voice came from behind me as I hit the mail steet. I turned around and found a pale blue bat stallion with glasses. "(Sorry...I shouldn't eavesdrop.)"
"(No...you shouldn't.)" I stated coldly as I turned away and walked on. I heard hoofsteps behind me as I walked away. "(Okay...you are going to be punched if you follow more!)"
The four eyed bat backed up. "(Sorry, but I think you're the one I'm supposed to be following.)" He walked over and pulled a card from under his wing. "(I think I hired you.)"
I looked at the card. The seal was correct, the name was correct, this was my new boss. "(I still don't like you following me.)"
The scholarly stallion nodded and walked past. "I hope you don't mind speaking English, my Russian is a little rusty."
I glared at him as he chuckled to himself. "Is very funny, now why you follow me?"
"Are you aware of the Homo Noctem project?"
I shook my head. "Sounds like some gay thing, yes?"
"No. I'm not sure how to explain this besides being completely blunt. We turn humans into nocturnal creatures, or rather, we turn our employees into nocturnal creatures." He stopped and turned to me. "Ben Wesk, Arnold Torik, Maria Martinez, Simon Harding, and now you."
"Oh? You want to change me, for what?"
The blue bat gestured for me to follow him, hurrying along towards the castle. "It's nothing serious, a few changes to your body but you'll effectively go from a day dwelling human to a night dwelling one. I'll show you the reports later if you want."
"What is worst change?" I asked, fixing my hat. "Can I change back?"
"Um...in that order. Your I teeth will turn into fangs, and no, to our knowledge you can't. But, we haven't really tried, so odds are we could find a way."
I pushed past the bat and hurried on. "I do not really care, I ask to know, the money is good enough to make me move here, the money is good enough to stay up late."
"Excellent, we'll get started right away then." The blue stallion trotted happily past me, nearly skipping towards the castle. I stayed a short distance away and followed him into the castle ground. I was already in uniform so no one was going to give me any hassle.
I followed the dorkish stallion into the main building, quickly finding myself dragged through tight corridors and halls until finally being dumped into a dark room. The entire journey was a bit awkward, the lunar halls were always rather snug but he had lead me into the tightest part of the entire building, the archives.
"Mr. Millovich, welcome to my study." He flipped on a dim light, revealing a room full of dusty books and potion stands. "You might see a purple maned mare come by later, that's Datura, she's helping with the project- but for now." The stallion found a vial of bright red goo. "Aaah, there it is. Purist batch I've made."
He held it for me. "Drink this, and get ready for a ride."
I plucked the vial from his hoof. "What is?"
"What is? Oh! Arsenic, datura powder, ground opium poppy, cyanide, and a little bit of ginger root."
I stared at the goo. "That is poison...you are killing me?"
"What!? No no no no no, no, we've tested this a lot before even trying it, nopon- body, nobody's died yet!"
I shrugged and slammed back the liquid. "Eugh...tastes like crodka."
The stallion perked up as his eyes went wide. "Um...Daniil...do you feel alright?"
I felt my teeth extend almost instantly, my muscles grew tense as my eyes went blurry, then even quicker adapted to the low light with crystal clarity. "Eh...I am fine."
"Um...wow...you're really not. Can you not see that?" The blue headed one asked as he stepped closer. "Your eyes are freaking glowing red!"
I brought my hand to my eyes, there was no glowing. "Is no glowing."
The stallion started sputtering. "I- I mean, they look like they're glowing!"
I ran my tongue over my slightly achy teeth. "Eh...is fine."
"And your teeth are already sharp, your tongue is longer, your eyes are glowing- this is outst--"
I walked over and stared down at him. "Is fine, understand?"
He looked around nervously. "I uh...yeah...sure." I took a step back. "I just...- you don't feel weird or anything?"
I rolled my tongue out of my mouth, it's length at least three inches longer. "Is no worse than Chechnya. I got shot...this is nothing."
"Oh...well...I should really keep you around for stud--"
"I go to work now, if you need science sample you ask later."
The stallion pawed at the air as I left. "I mean- uh...alright."
I closed the door behind me and snagged a passing bat pony. "You, which way to big room with throne."
The bat mare went wide eyed. "I uh...wow...you- third door...on the left."
"Good pony," I jammed a few coins into her hoof. "Now go away." I shoved the pony aside and walked briskly down the hall.
"Hey- I--uh, thanks?" The mare seemed confused as I left her.
I walked through the door she pointed out, down a long hallway, through a tunnel, and back into the gardens. The cold night was in full swing and each breath I let out formed a thick steam. "Ha...is like bull." I mused as I huffed and watched the steam swirl out of my nose. "Hehe...."
I walked through the gardens towards a far off light source, a few ponies and people lingered around a dimly lit door. I walked over, briefly stopped by the guards before being recognized and let inside. Upon stepping into the warmer hall I let out a long sigh, my breath still ice cold as it left my mouth. "Oh...well, is not normal." I tried again, yet another stream of visible air rushing out of my lips. "Huh, strange."
I stopped my strange breathing and walked towards the far end of the hall. A pair guards met me before I could reach a pony with a tiara at the far end. "You're late."
I looked at my watch. "By five minutes...and your doctor friend wanted to do some test or something." I opened my mouth and pointed to my slightly sore teeth. "Now I look like the impaler...."
The guard with the fancier helmet frowned. "You're late none the less, now take your position."
I grumbled angrily as I walked towards the throne. "(Fucking ponies, you tell me to keep peace on street, now you say come stand for royal to protect. Idiots.)" I ignored the royal as she talked with some pony, quickly taking my place opposite another human guard. He looked bored.
I made sure my uniform was clean and fixed my hat as I stood beside the royal. The pony she was seeing was bickering about the bat ponies, saying they were disturbing her night. "And then they come into my yard, drunk, and have the gall to ask me to lift my skirt!" She stomped daintily. "I demand you stop your, subjects, from harassing us normal ponies!"
The night princess looked flustered. "We can assure you--"
I stepped between her and the client. "Excuse me, normal?"
The prissy mare glared at me. "Oh, and look at you. Another human that thinks it's cool to--"
"Answer question, what you mean normal?" I took my hat off and tucked it under my arm. "You think bat is not normal? What is normal about talking horse people? What is normal about magic flying pegasus? What is normal about you?"
The prissy mare looked stunned. "Princess, you let your subj--"
"No no no, no princess, this is you and I." I was not a fan of anyone, but other people's prejudice bugged me. However racist I was, I didn't like others being judgmental. "Who is bothers you?"
The mare scrunched up her muzzle. "A bunch of bat pony hooligans, who else!?"
"Where and when?"
The mare got in my face. "Just who do you think you are? You're not--"
"When, and where!?"
The mare's ears flattened as she stepped back. "New Granite Street, around twelve."
I looked towards the growing crowd of guards. "You, green eyes."
A bat mare jumped upright, her helmet clanking as she did. "Yes sir?"
"Bring Carter Lunkal, tell to bring log book."
The mare saluted and took off. "Guard, pl--" the lunar princess tried to cut in, pushing her head into my view.
"No." I held her cheek and guided her back to her seat. "Blue hair hire me to take care of problems, I take care of problem, now go away."
Luna looked a bit flustered as she sat back in her seat. The unicorn noble with the complaint looked around nervously as the guard closed in. "Um...I think I can--"
"No." I walked over and took off my gloves as I spotted the night guard quartermaster coming over. "You have problem, we find problem and we fix."
Carter walked over. "Someone called me?"
I walked over to him. "Carter, patrol five reports for last week."
Carter opened his book and started running through the pages. "Anything I'm looking for?"
"Noise complaints, drunks, loitering."
Carter nodded as he flipped through the pages. "Monday, three earth stallions were reported fence hopping after a night of drinking, they were apprehended and taken to the dungeon, they spent the night sobering up and were released in the morning."
I turned to the noble. "What street were they found on?"
Carter closed up his book with a loud snap. "South New Granite."
I smiled dryly. "(Thanks) Carter." He saluted with his book and walked away. I turned towards the noble and rubbed my nose. "So...is problem fixed or not?"
The noble stared at me dumbly as she stood up. "Well...I suppose maybe it wasn't the bats...I- I'm not- thank you." She turned her tail up and walked away.
"(Stop!)" My yell startled the entire room. "A guard with a lantern will see you home safe." I looked around the room and found a guard with a good harness. "You, redhead."
A timid bat mare looked up. "I'll uh," she looked at her harness. "Oh, okay." She trotted over to a small rack on the far wall and jammed a pole with a lantern onto her side. Before long the guard and the noble were on there way and I could finally take my place next to Luna.
"(Done.)"
The room went silent as Luna stood up. "Guard, what is your name?"
"Millovich, now is work done yet?"
Luna frowned and sat back down. "No, now please, we can tend to our subjects, thank you."
I sighed and returned to my post. The night went on with few problems. The guard worked efficiently and the few problems that did arise were sorted out quickly. By the time I was done with my first day in the palace I was ready to head back to Vlad's and get a drink.
"Guard Millovich!" Luna's voice boomed before I could reach the door. "A word...."
I let out a long angry grumble and walked back towards her. "Da?"
Luna met me half way. "We are to inquire as to your interest in applying for a prestigious position as a--"
"Printsessa, work is done. We talk another time, maybe at bar. You know place with big de out front?" I traced the letter out on my hands. "The square looking one...I head there for drink each day."
Luna smiled. "The bar of Vladamir, friend of night!"
I stared dryly. "Friend of night?"
Luna nodded feverishly. "One of our favorite humans!"
"How nice...now I leave to get drink."
Luna's jubilant smile quickly faded. "But...we must see to our marshal's resignation...we cannot partake."
"Hmm, unfortunate, perhaps another time." I turned away from her and walked out.
Another walk through the brightening streets of Canterlot and I was back at the bar. I stepped inside, the bell on the door chiming my entrance.
Vladamir was closing up and his wife was the only other person in the bar. Nightshade, his tiny pony wife, perked up as I stepped inside. "Millo!"
"Eeeeeh, little flower!" I joined her at the bar. "(What's up?)"
"(Vodka, food, friends, is good, very good!)"
I laughed as Vlad walked over and poured a final round of drinks for us. "(Your Russian is good little girl, your daddy teaches you well!)"
Vlad shrugged and slammed back a drink. "(Eh, is okay. Now, to the morning.)"
"(To the morning.)" We toasted our last as the night ended and the day approached.