Discord's Funeral

by Nevermind1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2670

What is a bored Draconequus to do?

Discord is bored. He decides to fake his own death and see how everyone reacts. The reactions he recives, however, are not the ones he was expacting.

Published 2014-05-02 18:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-02 18:50:04 UTC

That One Boring Day

Discord was bored. Very bored. In fact, he hasn't been this bored since he was freed from his stone prison.
He sat in his thinking tree, thinking.

Gahh! Why does it have to be so... sunny? It would be much more interesting if we had some green snow today. Discord snapped his fingers, a bunch of clouds rushed to the part of the sky above the draconequus and small specs of green snow started falling from them.

Wait... He suddenly thought, Celestia told me to behave. He rolled and eyes and waved the clouds away. That little princess never lets me have any fun anymore. he thought, At least when we were enemies I could do what ever I wanted without that annoying white nuisance constantly criticizing my sense of humor he sat up on the tree branch and matirelized a can of soda in his claw. He opened the can, then reaced inside to take the drink out, put it in his mouth and throw the can to the side all the while thinking back to the good old days, before Celestia turned him to stone and ruined his fun.

I can't handel this anymore! I have to do something or else I'd go completely... What's the bad equivalent of insane? Uh! I can't even think right now! He hit the branch under him and it cracked and fell to the ground, with Discord still floating in the air as if the branch was still there. Sometimes I forget just how dull the life on an immortal can get. Even death is no excape for me. Although, it would probably make a lot of ponies very happy if I was to die... The thought of a cotton candy grave stone with the name 'Discord' writen on it, surrounded by ponies laughing and celebrating the death of the Draconequus entered his mind.

Would that really be their reaction if I died? He couldn't help but wonder Surely at least somepony out there would grieve... An idea was starting to take form in his head. An idea that may put an end to his boring day. A smile formed on his face.

"'...The draconequus was found dead near his thinking tree this afternoon, after apperantly falling from it and breaking his neck. His body was discovered by a royal gurad who immedietly reported the death to the highest authority in Equestria, and dear friends of the deceased, the royal sisters.'" Twilight finished reading the news paper to her friends. With a shocked expression on her face, she folded the paper and put it aside. "Wow... He's gone... He's actually gone..." Twilight didn't know what to say.

"My goodness..." said ~~best pony~~ Rarity, "I can't believe he's dead... I thought he was immortal."

"Well, ah' recon even immortality can't save you from falling down a tree..." Said Applejack, "Maybe he was just unable to die of old age?"

The three mares sat quietly for a few moments, not knowing what to say. The silence was eventually broken when the library door opened.

"Girls, did you hear what happend??" Spike came running into the room.

"I know. I couldn't believe it the first time I've read it in the paper today..." Twilight said.

"Just imagin how Fluttershy would react when she found out. She and Discord were really close." Spike said with a hint of saddnes in his voice.

"If she doesn't know already..." Applejack added.

"And what about Rainbow Dash? She never liked him, I hope she would be considerate of Fluttershy's feelings..."

"I don't think we need to worry about that, dear." Rarity reassured Spike, "Rainbow Dash is a good friend, she wouldn't say anything mean in front of her."

Spike opened his mouth to speak again, but a loud burp followed by a green flame came out of it instead. The smoke from the green fire formed into a small scroll, which landed on the floor in front of the surprised dragon.

"I hate it when that happens..." He mumbled quietly to himself as he bent over to grab the scroll, "You'd think being an all-mighty all-powerful goddes would let you send letters anyway you wanted. But no, it has to be this way. Caring leader my- 'Dear Twilight Sparkle, in light of the recent news, I believe a service is in order. You and your friends must be pretty shaken up by the recent events, so I'm not asking you to help prepare it (although it would be nice of you. Just saying, I raised you from foalhood and taught you everything you wanted to know about magic) All I ask is to perform the ceremony in Ponyvile, seeing as it was Discord's favourite area in Equestria, not to mention his best ~~(and only)~~ friends all live there. I await your respons, your former teacher, Princess Celestia'" Spike finished reading the letter.

"A service? In Ponyvile?" Twilight said, "Not to be disrespectful, but I don't know if we can hold a service like for Discord in here. Nopony trusts him since he turned the town to his own personl playground."

"Well, the Princess does raise a good point, darling." Rarity said, "We were his only friends, and what better place is there for a funeral than a place where the attendants already live?"

"Yeah, I guess you have a point.." Twilight said, "Come on, let's write the princess back and tell her it's okay to have the funeral here."

Discord was sitting on a clowd, watching over the ponies of Ponyvile as they gathered around the town center for his funeral. So far he wasn't surprised by what he saw: The elements of harmony were sitting in the front row along with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Fluttershy, who always cared for him and saw the good in him when nopony else did, was crying on Rarity's shoulder, though the white unicorn herself didn't seem too upset. Next to them was Twilight Sparkle, Princess Twilight Sparkle Discord rolled his eyes, who was not conveying any emotion at all. Applejack, like Rarity, didn't seem to be too upset at the recent events, or what she thought were the recent events, but Discord didn't expact any one of them to be (other than dear, sweet Fluttershy, of course). Pinkie Pie showed a surprising amount of grief, her mane was flat and her usually bright colors were now dull and more grayish. Although Discord probably should have seen this reaction coming from her, seeing as the pink earth pony was nice to everyone, he still thought he would be the exception, so the reaction made him feel good. Because it was funny, of course. Not because he had any emotional connection with her or anything. No, no, of course not... Ahem... he quickly turned to look at Rainbow Dash. The cyan Pegasus and him never got along, and of course she had her sunglasses on, no doubt covering the fact that she is asleep. Typical He snalred in his head. The rest of the ponies in the crowd seemed to be fine, some of them even looked like they were trying to cover up their smiles. As for Spike, Discord didn't care.

Princess Celestia rose from her seat and walked to the the podium. The crowd went silent as she started speeking.

"My loyal subjects, it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye today to one of my oldest... Acutances, and my... Dear friend... Discord, Lord of chaos." Her voice was raised by magic so that the whole crowd could hear it, "While we did not get along too well when he was alive,- " Discord giggled at the understatment, "- I feel saddened to see him part this world. He may not have had many friends, or a family of his own, I know Discord would be remembered missed by all... Many... Some of you out there."

Celestia continued her speech as Discord sat, hidden from the ponies' eyes, on his clowd and laughed quietly. The princess was trying her hardest to present him in a good light, probably so she doesn't come across as "The-princess-who-was-happy-in-a-funeral", and her attempts to avoid asying anything bad about him was better than having Equestria under his control.

"... And of course, he had a... decent personality..." The white alicorn awekwardly said, "And... He seemed very caring for rabbits..." Discord shrugged to himself, Rabbits are nice. What's wrong with liking rabbits?.

"And these are my best memories of Discord." Celestia finally conclded. "And now my dear sis-" Princess Luna quickly and subtly nodded her head form side to side at her sister, "-ter-like friend, Fluttershy, would like to say some words in honor of the decesed." Celestia completed her sentence as she gestured to the yellow pegasus.
Fluttershy, being the shy creature she was, was resistent at first. She always had a hard time speaking infront of other ponies. But eventually, seeing as this was a funeral for someone she cared dearly for, she got up and trotted to the podium.

"Ummm... Hello..." She said in a barely audible voice, which was also magnified by Celestia's spell so that it could be heard across the crowd, "E-ever s-since Discord was brought to me so that I could help him redeem himself, we had a special connection with each other. We'd s-send each other letters, we'd tell each other stories, we'd share our fears and our hopes, and I just can't picture what my life would be like without him now that..." Fluttershy stopped talking as she could not hold back her tears any longer. The sight actually made Discord himslef feel a bit sad. They really did share a special connection. Some ponies even seemed to think they were a couple for a while, which was a ridiculous rumor. In fact, Discord was the only living creaturre to know Fluttershy was not even interested in males at all. Fluttershy's crying almost made Discord want to put a stop to his prank. Almost. He still had to see what the others had to say first.
When it became clear that Fluttershy would not be able to continue speaking, she went back to her seat in the front row as Celestia took her place next to the podium again.

"Thank you Fluttershy. Would anypony else like to say anything in Discord's memory?"

Oh, please let there be more of this. Discord thought with a smile, This is the best idea I've ever had!

Pinkie Pie stood up and trotted to the podium. Celestia stepped down to let her speak.

"Well," Pinkie started, "I will always cherish the memories I had with Discord. He was a friend. Sure he tried to take over Equestria, twice, but after that he became one of my bestest friends. And he made delicious chocolate milk fall from the sky. How can anypony have bad memories of someone like that?"

The ponies in the crowd laughed, all excapt for Rainbow Dash, who was still motionless in her seat, wearing her sunglasses. So far nothing too surprising Discord thought, Fluttershy's sad, Pinkie Pie's sad, and Rainbow Dash doesn't care. Seriously, I can understand hating me, but falling asleep during a funeral? Who does that??

As Pinkie Pie finished her speech, Applejack got up from her seat.

"Ah's like to say somethin' about Discord." She said, and went to the podium.

"Now, ah'm not so good with speeches, so ah'll keep it short. Ah liked Discord." Discord's eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead, so fast that one of them broke off and fell to the ground below, "He was a good friend, even if ah were a bit disstrustin' of him at first. Seeing him go like that, it just makes me sad." She looked down to the ground and let a small tear fall from her eye, "Ah'm sorry, ya'll, ah just... That's all ah've got to say." And she went back to her seat.

She... She actually cares? Discord thought, I mean, of course she cares! I'm her friend, aren't I? But still, Discord couldn't help but smile. He was expacting Fluttershy to be sad, but seeing Applejack cry over him like that was something he could not foresee. And Pinkie Pie, ~~the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria~~ the most cheerful pony in all of Equestria, was also crying! He ignored the feeling of guilt over putting ~~his love~~ Pinkie through this and went back to watching the funeral.

"Thank you Pinkie Pie and Applejack, that was trully heartwarming." Princess Celestia said, "We don't have much time left before we bring out the cake... To honor Discords memory of course, so who would like to give the final speech?"

"I'd like to say something."

Discord froze in his place. No, it couldn't be... I must be dreaming...

Rainbow Dash got up from her seat and went towards the podium. Oh, I get it. Discord thought, Make fun of the poor draconequus in his own funeral, Dashie? That's just low.

Rainbow Dash stood in front of the ponies eagerly waiting to see what she had to say. It was common knowledge that Rainbow Dash never got along with Discord. The fact that shee wanted to give a speech in his funeral was surprising to everyone. She took off her sunglasses, revealing a pair of red swallen eyes.

"I never wanted to admit it, not even to myself, but Discord was a special guy." She started saying in a shaky voice, "I tried to deny it, I tried to pretend like I hated him, like I do't want to be anywhere near him, but the truth is I... I loved him."

Everyone gasped in pure shock. Discord himself couldn't believe his ears.

"That's right, I loved him!" She snapped at her audience, tears streaming from her eyes, "And I don't care who knows it!"

This was Discord's breaking point. He startred laughing, he laughed as loud as he could. He didn't even care about the ponies that all suddenly turned their heads towards him. This is the best idea I've ever had! He didn't feel the same way, of course, but knowing that one of his biggest haters is, in fact, in love with him was hilariuos, especially after seeing the tough pony who never let her emotions out breaking into tears like that, that was the best gift he could have asked for.
Minwhile, the ponies below looked up at the laughing draconequus with absolut shock. Rainbow Dash's mouth was wider than it's ever been before, and her eyes were locked on Discord, unable to move.

"You should see yourselves!" Discord mannaged to say between laughs, "Crying in front of everyone like that, you must feel like complete idiots!"

Rainbow Dash felt the crowd looking at her, even though most ponies were still looking at Discord, amazed that he's still alive. She still felt like she was being judged, however, so she quickly took off and flew as far as she could from there, she was found dead in the Everfree Forest three days later.
Fluttershy refused to ever speak to Discord again, which eventually led him to go insane and kidnap her along with the love of his life, Pinkie Pie, who was found dead next to Sugercube Corner the next day, next to a note saying 'gone on vacation, be back on sunday'. She did not come back on sunday.
Twilight married Rarity, Applejack was not pressent at the wedding and was found the next day, dead in her house, next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills.
Spike disappeared from existence after the writer of the story stopped caring about him.

And so, Rarity and Twilight lived happily ever after, until Rarity realized she wasn't gay and ran away to Canterlot.

THE END

Author's Note

I'm not so good with comedies, am I? Should I just stick to stories about child mutilation?
what do you think?