Fullmetal Alchemist: Equestrian Escapades
Fullmetal Alchemist: Life in Europe
Based on the bestselling manga by Hiromu Arakawa and the Bestselling Series, Harry Potter, by JK Rowling
London: 1924
Alphonse could barely hold in his impatience as he sat at his bedroom window in their second story apartment. He was waiting for the arrival of his brother. He and his brother Ed had been moving from place to place, searching for a weapon that had managed to pass from their world into ours, finally tracking it down and dismantling it. Al was jolted out of his daydreams by a horn from below, seeing Edward standing next to the open door of a London cab. He sprung from the windowsill, and grabbed his suitcase, ran down the stairs, shouted a farewell at their landlady, and nearly collided with his brother in the doorway.
“Ed! What took you so long?” Al whined as his brother loaded his and Al’s suitcases into the boot.
“Sorry, my interview took longer than expected, but I got it! I finally got a job where we can keep doing what we love.” “Alchemy?” Ed’s nodded confirmation was all it took for Al to break down in tears of joy, nearly smothering his older, if shorter brother, in a gargantuan hug.
Waterloo Station: 1100 Hrs
Al stared in awe at the giant crimson steam locomotive, bearing the name Hogwarts Express in gold lettering on the wind guards on either side of the engine. Al and Ed had had to run to catch the train before it pulled out, but they were used to it, due to them doing it all the time back in their home world of Amestris. They selected an empty compartment and settled in for the long journey to their new home: The Hogwarts Academy for Magically Gifted Adolescents. Al stared out the window, making note of all the unique features of the landscape. The way the land rose and fell, the species of trees, the shape of an island in the middle of a loch, what was actually on the island itself…. Soon, Al had fallen asleep, and Ed was soon going through his brother’s small notebook and his notes on Alchemy, transmutation and transfiguration. However, Ed encountered something that he would have never anticipated. There, on the last page of the book, was a photo, of Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, and their youngest sibling, Alexander, barely 6 months old when the picture was taken, in front of Winry’s Automail shop. Essentially, their entire family was there. Their adoptive parents Roy and Riza, their son Alexander, Ed’s wife Winry, and the brothers, Ed and Al. Ed could feel the tears welling in his eyes. As he looked out the window and towards their destination, the tears started to fall and soon, he too was fast asleep.
Hogsmeade Station: 1900 Hrs
“(Yawns) I sure am glad to be able to move around again. I forgot just how bumpy train travel was.” Al moaned as he stepped off the train and onto the platform. “Me too. Just how long were we on that train for Al?”
“About uhh… 8 hrs. Wow. At least we got some good snooze time, ehh bro?” “We sure did Al, we sure did. Now, all we have to do is get to the great hall, eat some chow, and settle in to our quarters.
Several hours later, Headmaster Warren Salamance was introducing the new staff to the students. “Also, we have here the privilege to introduce and welcome into our family, Edward Elric and his brother, Alphonse. They will be taking over for Mr. Flamel in teaching the study of Alchemy, until Mr. Flamel at some point manages to overcome his health problems. Curfew is in 2 hours. Feel free to ask Mr. Elric anything that comes to mind.” After Mr. Salamance disappeared, Ed was accosted from all sides by students, asking him where he lived, why he came here, what he can do, can he make gold, until a small girls question broke through the noise.
“Can you bring people back to life?” Ed looked around for the source of the question. He saw a young girl, a first-year, clutching a small red raccoon like creature. Her eyes shone with light and death as she stared hard at Ed.
“No, that I can’t. Life flows in one direction, kid. People aren’t meant to be brought back from the dead. We know that firsthand. To receive, you must give something of equal value. That is the law of Equivalent exchange, but what could be worth a human soul? Are you prepared to pay the price?”
The girl just stood there and stared at Ed. They held the tension for a minute or two. Then Al led his brother up the stairs to their quarters. After his brother went to sleep, Al, not used to the idea of sleep, stayed up and drew transmutation circles till his eyes drooped and he slumped forward in his chair.
The next morning, Ed and Al went down to their classroom early, to set up a demonstration for their students. While Ed moved desks, Al used his newfound Alchemical knowledge to draw an intricate array on the ground. The circle comprised of a diamond and four lightning bolts inside of a circle, which was all inside of another circle. As the students started filing in, Ed made note of every face in the class. He wasn’t surprised to see the girl from before standing in the front of the class, holding the same strange raccoon animal.
“Welcome to Alchemy 101. In this class, you will learn the basics behind alchemy, and by extension, the universe. But first, a little demonstration.” He placed a broken desk in the middle of the array, placed his hands on the outermost circle, concentrated, and in a flash of green light, the desk was fixed. “That is called transmutation. Now, I realize that to you alchemy is a big thing, but there are rules you must follow. Rule 1, no creating gold. If you do, I’ll see to it that you never graduate. Rule 2, no transmuting humans. This includes bonding them to armour, creating life with humans, and absolutely no bringing people back from the dead. My brother and I made that mistake, and I lost my right arm and left leg and had to have them replaced with prosthetics, while Al here was turned into a soul, wandering around till I could get him his body back. Commit any of these acts, and I will see to it that you never see the light of day again. Any questions? Good. Let’s get started. Everyone, please open your notebooks to a blank page and write down everything you hear. There will be an exam on this at the end of the week.” As Ed continued on, rattling off the rules of Equivalent Exchange, Conservation of Mass, and so on, he noticed the girl eagerly taking down notes. He smirked to himself. This was going to be a great place to live.
Fullmetal Alchemist: Equestrian Escapades
Edward groaned inwardly. It had been nearly a year since they moved to Hogwarts, and yet Alphonse had not given upon trying to create a portal back to Amestris. However, his latest attempt had yielded fruit. Not the fruit they wanted, but fruit nonetheless.
One hour ago:
Ed had woken up to a swirling blue vortex on the floor of their apartment in the Alchemy tower at Hogwarts. Alphonse was gleefully staring at his creation, that is, until he began to get sucked in. Ed had grabbed his brother’s feet and anchored himself to the bed. But, much to his chagrin, the portal had other ideas. Instead of relinquishing Alphonse, it simply pulled them both in, sending them tumbling into another world. The vortex closed with a satisfied burp shortly afterwards.
Present time:
The first thing they saw after being coughed up by the vortex was a grove of trees, in a forest, bearing rainbow coloured fruit. A small… pony, for lack of a better term, with a non-metallic gold coat and a black and matching-gold mane, was trying to grab one of the strange fruits from a tree. Upon sighting Ed, he promptly turned tail (1) and ran, kicking up dust as he fled.
Ed chuckled to himself, considered calling out to him, but he decided to contribute his energy to getting up. But, as his face found out fifteen seconds later, standing on two legs wasn’t as easy as before. He soon found out, after cursory examination, he was indeed a pony. A quick once over of his brother brought the same revelation. Moreover, Ed had a rather large bump on his forehead, and Al had two wings curled up against his sides.
Ed was content to learn that these were all that had changed. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans. Ed took three steps forward…and stopped. His legs weren’t quite feeling right. Looking down, he was first stunned into silence before screaming louder than he had ever before (2). For now, in place of his right foreleg and left hind leg, now sat auto mail replicas.
Oh come on, you’ve got to be kidding me! I can’t spend three years without something screwing with my body?! Ed groaned inwardly as he got accustomed to his not-so-new prosthetics. He was distracted by a slight rustling next to him as Al stirred from his travel-induced slumber.
“Oooh, my head. Hey Ed, you get the number of that tank that hit us?” Al asked his brother as he struggled to stand on his new appendages, “and am I…a pony?!” Al practically screamed as he looked over his new anatomy.
“Al, how many times do I need to tell you that Hogwarts was home? And now, wherever we are, we’re stranded, with no way of getting back. Nice thinking, dummkopf,” Ed scolded before trotting away in the direction the colt had sprinted. “Come on, a colt ran this way so we can only assume that civilization is somewhere along this road.”
Al only nodded mutely before following in Ed’s hoofsteps along the dirt road. After about ten minutes of walking, they started to see red fruit among the trees… and a red barn in the distance. A few ponies were standing around outside the barn and arguing amongst themselves. There was an orange mare, a red stallion, and that gold colt from before. They were soon within earshot to hear the argument, and it sounded like the adults didn’t believe the young colt.
“-I’m telling you, they just appeared out of nowhere! A giant, blue…whatever it was, just popped out of the sky and they just fell out of it!” Zaps practically yelled in Applejack’s face. “And…and…THEY’RE RIGHT THERE!!” Zaps screamed that last part as he caught sight of Ed. AJ turned around and was about to dismiss them as regular ponies until she saw the glimmer of steel from Ed’s right foreleg. Well paint me pink an’ call me Pie, he was telling the truth! Applejack overcame her shock and started towards the newcomers, albeit not without Big Mac and Zaps to back her up.
“Well, howdy there, strangers. What brings y’all round these parts?” Applejack asked politely. She was not expecting the answer she received.
“My name is Ed- er, Fullmetal, and this is my brother, Storm. We’re a bit…lost as it were. Do you happen to know where the closest town is?” Ed hoped with all his might that she might buy the names. Al could sense the tension resonating through his big brother, and hoped he would pull through this.
“Eeyup, the closest town is Ponyville. Five minutes, just over that ridge,” Big Mac pointed towards the border of the town. “Though, if I might ask, how did y’all end up in the Everfr-oof.”
“Well, that’s all for now. If’n y’all get there quick enough, you can grab some grub at Sugarcube corner. A word to the wise: Don’t question Pinkie Pie.”
“Ah…well, thanks. And I’ll be sure to keep an eye open for this ‘Pinkie Pie’ pers…pony.” There it was again. That unmistakable pause, as if they had trouble thinking as ponies… or they were lying. Applejack decided to do something she hadn’t done since Mare-Do-Well: She decided to sneak.
***
Ed and Al trotted briskly down the dirt path going down into Ponyville, blissfully unaware of the mare sneaking through the bushes behind them. Finally, Right on the edge of Ponyville proper, Ed paused to doodle something in the dirt in front of him. At least, that’s what AJ thought.
“I sure hope no one will be stalking us in Ponyville!” Ed called as he activated the circle in a flash of light. AJ yelped as she was catapulted into the air on a pillar of earth. She landed right in front of Al, who activated another circle and formed a cage around the mare.
“Why are you following us? What reason could you possibly have?” Ed asked indignantly at what AJ thought was empty air above her. Glancing up, she saw a glimpse of rainbow hair, and looking back, noticed that the column of earth punched through a cloud before stopping. A familiar hoarse voice interrupted her thoughts, ending all suspicion as to who the other spy could be.
“I’ve never seen you around Ponyville before, and don’t even dare saying that you were gone for a while. I’m older than you, and being captain of the Weather team here, I know every Pegasus within Ponyville city limits,” Rainbow Dash glared pointedly at Al before continuing. “Also, I’m looking for Bolt. Navy blue coat, rainbow mane, bandage on his nose. You seen him?” At the perplexed looks she received, RD sighed. “Figures. The moment I have stuff for him to do, he makes himself scarce. Now, do you mind releasing me?”
“Uh… Rainbow? I’m down here,” AJ stated indignantly as Rd seemed to notice that her cage was two floored.
“Oh… correction: Can you release us?” RD asked impatiently, tapping her hoof against the bars of her prison. There was a sudden gasp, as all four heads turned to see a pink blur recede into Ponyville. “Well, there goes all hopes of secrecy,” Rainbow Stated flatly.
“Uh… sure. What was that pink thing?” Al asked as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. When the glare from dispelling the alchemic constructs subsided, a shocked Rainbow Dash and a Speechless Applejack sat in front of Al. Off in the distance, a donkey was heard braying. “Uh…why are you staring,” Al asked innocently, “do I have something on my face?”
“Well…it’s just… y’see sugarcube, we’ve only seen unicorns do active magic. A pegasus doing magic… it’s a bit unheard of, to say the least,” Applejack stated, still a bit awestruck.
“Magic? Magic? MAGIC?! I’ll have you know that alch-mmph!” Ed started before Al shoved his hoof in his mouth.
“Let’s find another intellectual before you rage. Remember that first test?” Al prompted as Ed remembered the incident in question. “Embarrassing incidents aside, could you direct us to whoever is the brains in this town? I do believe we’ll need their help if we want to get home.” Ed and Al slowly trotted after AJ and Rainbow through Ponyville, heading towards the tree home of ‘the biggest egghead in Equestria’, Twilight Sparkle.
***
“Coming!” Twilight yelled as she clip-clopped down the stairs in the Golden Oaks Library(3). “Hello, and welcome to the Golden Oaks Library, where books grow on trees! My name is… oh. It’s you. What do you want now Rainbow? Prism has been tearing through my Daring Do collection and I don’t know how much longer I can keep him occupied.” Rainbow said nothing, instead zooming through the door and rushing up the stairs looking for Bolt. Occasional shouts of, “C’mere, cupcake!” and “Bolt, get back here!” were heard for the next hour or so as colt and mare tore apart Twilight’s living quarters.
“Now, as I was saying, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and…” She stopped as she noticed Ed and Al for the first time. “AJ, who are these ponies? And why does one have Blue Flame’s prototype prosthetics? I know he perfected the wings, but I wasn’t aware he’d fixed the legs.”
“Twi, I want to introduce Fullmetal and Storm. There here ponies scared the hay outta Zaps when they appeared outta nowhere in mah zap apple orchard,” Applejack explained.
“Ah. Now I know what Pinkie was on about today. Something about you and Dash in cages…” Al blushed, “and them yelling at you,” pointing a hoof at Ed. He shrugged nonchalantly, “and two new ponies in town. Well, we have a few hours till ‘You-know-what’, so what seems to be the problem?” Twilight finished with a friendly smile.
“Well… it’s a long story. You might want to get comfortable,” Ed stated as he pushed his way into the library, “You see, it started about eight years ago, when our mom died…” he began.
*One hour later*
“… and then we ended up in Miss Jack’s apple orchard,” Ed finished, waiting for the questions. He wasn’t expecting the slow clapping of hooves in sarcastic applause. Looking up, he saw Twilight get to her hooves and start walking around him, chin high. Ed groaned. It was Central Command all over again.
“You’re story was very entertaining, Fullmetal. And very believable. Except for one little detail: ALCHEMY,” Twilight lectured condescendingly, “which is impossible. Turning base elements into gold? The Philosopher’s stone? Transmutation? Please. It goes against all laws of physics known to ponykind! It goes against the laws that hold our universe together! It…it…” Twilight trailed off as a flash of light from Al’s corner of the library derailed her train of thought. Sitting in front of Al was a cage with a very annoyed colt behind its bars.
“You were saying?” Ed asked smugly, smirking at the expression on Twilight’s face.(4)
“How… buh…wha…who…Who are you? Really?” Twilight hissed as her eye started twitching.
“We told you. I’m Storm, he’s Fullmetal, and we’re alchemists,” Al sighed, he was getting tired of repeating their story. When he looked up, Twilight was about 3 inches from his face, pupils dilated and an insane grin plastered to her facade, wings splayed out threateningly. Her horn was making him go cross-eyed. Al yelped as he fled from the crazed alicorn, hovering near the ceiling as Twilight followed him on hoof.
“You… will… tell… me how you did that. I, Princess Twilight Sparkle of the Everfree, order you to,”Twilight hissed as she sheathed her horn in purple light. In a blinding flash, Al collapsed to the library floor, landing on Twilight’s couch, snoring away as if there hadn’t been an alicorn ready to gut him just moments ago. Twilight, on the other hoof, was trapped in a wooden box that crackled with alchemical energy, with Fullmetal leaning on the box as Twilight pounded away on the interior. It was at this exact moment that Spike descended the library staircase, dragging a dazed Rainbow Dash behind him. Taking in the chaos before him, he sighed.
“Let me guess. Did she go insane again?” At Ed’s nod of confirmation, Spike facepalmed. “Twi, how many times do I need to tell you,” Spike lectured, walking up to and pounding on the box, “Just because somepony doesn’t agree with you, doesn’t mean you can go ahead and force your will upon them. Even when it comes to knowledge,” Spike interrupted Twilight’s excuse before she could even start.
“ But Spike, they know alchemy. Alchemy! The one thing I never understood! I need to know! I have to know!” Twilight shouted from inside the box, “Ugh, how do you even get out of this thing anyways?” Suddenly, a lightbulb switched on in Ed’s brain.
“How about a deal. You teach me how to use my horn,” Ed said, wincing from the slight discomfort as he touched his horn, “And we teach you alchemy. Can’t make any guarantees of whether or not you’ll actually be able to do it, but you’ll have the knowledge. Sound like a deal?” There was a brief lull in the noise as the Alicorn of the Everfree considered the unicorn’s offer.
“I want your guarantee.”
“I can’t give you one.”
“Well… Teach the rest of my friends and we’ll teach Storm how to use his wings as well.”
“Hmm… deal,” Ed stated as he dispelled the box around Twilight, “But know this: I decide when you know enough. When I say you know enough, then the lessons stop. No renegotiating. Understood?” Ed said, with a grim expression on his face, as a single tear left his left eye. “Some things are best left unknown.”
“What’s so bad about knowledge?” Twilight asked innocently as she roused Al from his slumber, “It’s not like it’ll kill you, right?”
“*yawn* Famous last words, Twilight. Alchemy can be a very dark science…” Al stated simply, “So yes, itjust might kill you.” And on that happy note, Ed and Al left the Library.
Twilight surveyed the mess surrounding her, silently thankful she had the magic reserves she did. I think I need a drink. Maybe Applejack can spare some of her private stash… as she trotted out of the library towards Sweet Apple Acres, leaving Spike to clean up the mess.
Author's Note
1: Pun intended
2: like when Paninya stole his watch in Rush Valley
3: Pun also intended
4: Like this: 
