Pinkie Pie's Suicide Psychosis

by Facemelt91

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Tragedy, Sad, Main 6, Diamond Dogs, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance
Length: 36822

Pinkie Pie battles with ongoing depression while her friends struggle to deal with the aftermath of her suicide attempt. This is a pony intent on ending their own life - can Rainbow Dash stop her before it's too late?

Pinkie Pie has been depressed for a long time. Her business has failed, she is out of pocket, about to lose her house and feels abandoned by her friends. In a moment of desperation, she tries to take her own life, only to be saved at the last minute by Rainbow Dash.

As Pinkie continues to battle with her depression and suicidal feelings, Twilight, Applejack and especially Rainbow Dash, must deal with the fallout of her suicide attempt.

This is a tale of sadness, pain and hope, one that focuses on the impact of our actions on others.

Published 2014-04-12 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-27 19:08:38 UTC

Everything I had

Chapter 1 - Everything I had

But you have friends.
You have a lot of friends.
What do you offer your friends to make them so supportive?
What do you offer?

Rain beat down hard outside Sugarcube Corner. As the black clouds drowned the sun and slowly engulfed the old bakery in their dark tendrils, the blanket of rain smothered the sounds of black metal that rumbled from within the confines of the top floor bedroom – the only indication that there was life in an otherwise empty building.

Pinkie Pie slumped across her floor, dragging her hooves along the floorboards with each step. She dropped the empty bottle of whiskey on her way into the bathroom and fell forwards, gripping the sink to support her weight. Nausea swept over her and she coughed hard, feeling her stomach churning from the booze. Less than an hour ago, she had forced a smile at the shop assistant as she forked over the last penny she had for three bottles of the cheapest, nastiest scotch that the sweet old woman had sold in her dreary little shop on the corner. Rummaging through her purse for the shrapnel had taken her longer than it had to drink all three bottles when she finally arrived home: by the time she had even thought about writing a note, she was too drunk to hold the pen straight.

She spat a few times until the nausea passed and then she raised her head so that she was looking at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were like empty, grey pools in her head. Her curly piny mane was tatty, unkempt and stained with grease. She could scarcely remember the last time she had brushed her teeth, let alone manicure her hooves or shampoo her mane. She pulled at her skin with her hooves, stretching it until she grew bored of seeing her own miserable, disgusting face in the mirror and drove her hoof hard against the glass.

Pinkie Pie scooped out bloody shards from the sink and scattered them on the floor. She reached for the six bottles of lofepramine she had been stockpiling for months. Along with the eight packets of Temazepam, two bottles of Zopiclone and of course, the Melleril, she was like a kid in a candy shop. She hugged the various bottles and packets of pills against her chest, retrieved the largest of the mirror shards from the floor and carried the lot back into her bedroom, where she proceeded to systematically empty the contents of every bottle and packet out onto the bed.

She was crying again, great, racking sobs that shook her entire body.

Pinkie Pie, crying? It wasn’t news. The past week she had been crying almost permanently, spending days in bed, unable to move. Today was the first day she’d left the house in over a week.

It was the last day she would ever leave the house.

With a final, brave smile at the photograph of her friends that she had tried so hard not disappoint, she scooped pills up by the handful and started to shovel them into her mouth.

*

Lightning crackled overhead.

A massive blob of waterlogged cloud descended from the sky. The sheer weight of the thing dragged it down, and it settled comfortably over Ponyville, emptying its rain all over the buildings below. Ponies scurried off the streets as quickly as they could, dipping and diving out of the way of the torrential rain. As more gargantuan, black clouds moved in to devour Ponyville, a brilliant burst of rainbow-coloured light shot straight through the cloud, tearing out a huge chunk of it.

Rainbow Dash emerged out the other side and flew out in an arc, flying hard against the driving rain to get a better look at the immense cloud.

“Woah.”

The thing was like some sort of demented creature; a ravenous beast that consumed all life around it. It quickly recovered from Rainbow’s flight through it, the wound closing up dismissively. It seemed to expand at that moment, until Ponyville had all but disappeared underneath the thick, blanket of cloud cover. The tremendous cloud was black as coal, save for the occasional white flashes that surged through it.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. This cloud didn’t want to play nice. Well, today, neither did she.

She kicked hard against the air beneath her and shot upwards, flying as fast as her wings could take her. When she eventually cleared the rainclouds, she found herself in clear skies. Up above the clouds, more than a mile above ground level, it was blissfully quiet, serene almost. Down below, a black, almost horizontal platform of cloud cover blocked out the ground, and the blue pegasus knew that further down still, the surging cloud-beast still remained, slowly drowning Ponyville.

Rainbow checked her wings and found them to be as strong as ever, sleek and tipped like razor blades. She smiled slightly and angled her body downwards. She sucked in a deep breath and kicked against the air.

As she dropped through the cloud cover, Rainbow started to feel the GeForce tugging against her flesh. The force of the air rushing against her sleek body made her eyes water as she cut through air, sky and cloud effortlessly, leaving a dazzling trail of rainbow light in her wake. She was approaching the ground fast, less than a few seconds till impact. For Rainbow Dash, her field of vision had reduced to the rapidly approaching black cloud over Ponyville. Everything else was like white noise. She felt the air suddenly ensnaring her, pulling harder as her own speed continued to increase. She knew that she was flying against the sound barrier, and she could feel it stretching as she approached her maximum speed. When she was sure that she was on target, she shut her eyes and released her last burst of power, breaking through the sound barrier with a tremendous burst of Rainbow Light.

As the Sonic Rainboom exploded behind her, Rainbow Dash burst through the cloud cover, breaking it into pieces. Intense light of all colours blazed, vaporising the rainwater and the blue pegasus shot through the air, faster the speed of sound, skimming the rooftops. Ponies looked on, feeling the sky pony pass overhead, seeing the spectacular rainbow trail blazing through the sky and looking on with awe as the Sonic Rainboom sliced through the oppressive black clouds above, breaking them up with its own atomic energy.

Rainbow zipped through the smaller clouds, destroying them easily. Slowly, rain stopped falling over Ponyville. By the time the Sonic Rainboom had reached the limit of its blast radius and had started to dissipate, Ponyville was welcomed by the warm red evening sun.

Rainbow looked out from her vantage point in the clouds and saw the gorgeous sight. Puddles were drying on the ground, the sky was awash with colour and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Rainbow smiled to herself.

“That was awesome!”

*

Pinkie Pie dragged the shard of glass over her left leg, the razor sharp edge cutting deep into her pink flesh. She whined in pain, tears flowing down her cheeks as the shard reached the end of her leg. She spat the shard out and let out a moan. As the blood began to rush to the surface, Pinkie fell backwards onto the floor, surrounded by empty pill bottles. Her stomach lurched, the combination of pills and booze tearing at her organs.

She groaned again. Every cell in her body was ablaze with pain. She bucked against the ground, trying to fight it but it was useless: the pink pony was already too far gone. The best she could hope for was to hold out against the pain long enough for unconsciousness to set in.

*

“And then I was like BAM! WOOSH! Sonic Rainboom! Sky cleared in ten seconds flat.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded her head politely in agreement and Applejack rolled her eyes. “We saw, Dashie, we saw.”

“It was pretty damn cool though, right AJ?” Rainbow asked, almost desperately.

“It was a decent lightshow,” Applejack conceded with a smile as she stirred the milky coffee. The coffee shop across the road from Sugarcube Corner wasn’t Applejack’s first choice of venue for a drink: the sheer closeness to the old bakery made it feel like they were betraying Pinkie and the Cakes just by being in there, but since the Cakes had moved away and Pinkie Pie was… well… there wasn’t anywhere else in town to get a decent cup of coffee.

Rainbow sat down and took a sip from Twilight’s latte while the unicorn turned the next page in her book about Jockey Lacan’s psychoanalytical theories and pretended not to see. Twilight didn’t mind: more than anyone else, Rainbow had refused to set foot in the café since it had opened. It just hadn’t sat right with her. Of course, she’d claimed it was down to the café’s lack of decent herbal tea (which Rainbow didn’t even drink) and the fact that they “didn’t even do plain scones” (a criticism the owner had taken very seriously and subsequently worked hard to correct), but Twilight knew the real reason: loyalty. They’d all felt it to some degree, but Rainbow had taken it hardest after Sugarcube corner shut down.

“Well, I’m beat,” Rainbow yawned. “I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. Enjoy your…”

“Mirror stage?” Twilight said.

“Yeah,” replied Rainbow, “whatever that is.”

“When a foal sees themselves in the mirror and realises that they’re separate from their mother,” Twilight summarised the entire chapter she had just read, “it’s like the first moment you realise you are actually an individual.”

“Rainbow don’t need a mirror to tell her that,” Applejack said idly, “Pinkie Pie neither.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of the pink pony’s name. Applejack glanced at the pegasus and then down at her coffee, wishing she’d kept her trap shut.

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, turning around so that the others couldn’t see her face. “I’m heading home. Goodnight.” She walked out the coffee shop, the concerned eyes of her friends following her on the way out.

*

Pinkie Pie crawled across the floor.
The pain was intolerable, as if it was tearing at her soul, pulling her to pieces from the inside. Blood streamed from her leg and her frantic movements trailed it over the room. She wanted her body to stop fighting the pain. Maybe if she was just to lie still and let it wash over her body, she would slip out of the world peacefully, but the pain stabbed at every pore, curling and warping her body as it pulsated through her. In one of her frantic movements, she slammed her head against her bedside cabinet and sent the lamp flying. She dropped down, unconsciousness setting in quickly. She didn’t know whether it was the drugs or the blood loss or even the impact to her head, but the last thing she saw before her entire world plunged into darkness was a room filled with beautifully decorated cupcakes.

One hundred Lofepramine, forty five Zopiclone, twenty five temazepam and twenty Melleril
Everything I had.

Body and Soul

Chapter 2 – Body and soul can never be married

My love, my love, why have you forsaken me?

As Rainbow Dash walked by the old bakery, she glanced up at the small room on the top floor. She could hear the music blaring angrily through the window. Rainbow breathed out hard and shook her head. She slumped her shoulders and continued to walk. As she got to the end of the street, she suddenly stopped and turned her head around. The music continued to growl from within the house. The bleakness of the window, the wretched groaning of the music: something about it just didn’t sit right with Rainbow Dash. She unfolded her wings and floated slowly up to the window.

The curtains were open and when Rainbow looked in, the first thing she saw was the blood that had been spread across the floor like a scene from a horror movie.

Rainbow dove through the window without hesitation, shattering it into pieces on impact and rolling when she hit the ground. She saw Pinkie Pie, passed out on the ground, a fresh wound on her leg bleeding profusely.

Rainbow felt her stomach twist around itself.

She rushed to Pinkie’s side and placed her hoof to the pink pony’s neck. She felt a weak pulse and desperately tore a strip from the bed sheet and wrapped it around Pinkie’s leg like a tourniquet to stem the blood flow. She placed her hooves on Pinkie’s chest and started to push, screaming for Twilight Sparkle and begging for her friend to hold on and stay with her.

It was ten minutes before anypomy else arrived to help.

*

It wasn’t for long. I wasn’t there long. But drinking bitter black coffee I catch that medicinal smell in a cloud of ancient tobacco and something touches me in that still sobbing place and a wound from two years ago opens like a cadaver and a long buried shame roars its foul decaying grief.

The first thing she noticed was that the pain had stopped. No more gut-wrenching agony cutting through her being, no more daggers being driven into her skin, no more barbed wire being forced down her gullet. She was pain free and surrounded by bright light.

She wondered for a moment if perhaps she was in heaven. But if this was heaven, where were her wings? Where were the cupcakes? Where was Hay Zus?

As the room came into focus, Pinkie Pie found herself looking up at two expressionless faces that stared blankly at her as she lay on the hospital bed with various tubes running into her limbs.

She wasn’t in heaven. She wasn’t even in hell. This was something much worse.

“Shame.”

Pinkie’s eyes snapped open as she heard the word spoken by somepony else who was sitting next to her. She craned her head to see, but the pain in her neck made it almost impossible. She sat back on the bed, incapable of moving any of her limbs. She heard the sound of a chair scraping along the floor next to her, and the owner of the voice entered her visual field. She swallowed hard when she saw the pony’s face.

“How are you feeling, Pinkie Pie?” asked Dr Freud Shetland as he sat with a clipboard.

Pinkie stared at her psychiatrist for several seconds and then her gaze wandered over to the other two ponies who were sitting at the end of her bed near the door.

“Oh, don’t mind Dr This and Dr That,” insisted Dr Shetland, “they’re only here to observe.” He stroked the white tuft of hair that dangled from his chin. His eyes were on Pinkie, but his mind was elsewhere, focusing on the lecture he was due to give on oedipal desires at Canterlot University.

Pinkie glanced around anxiously. She’d been in hospital enough times to know that it was a hospital room, but this one was unusually bare. Apart from Pinkie, it was completely empty apart from the bed and the three ponies who sat in it. No books, no flowers and not a Get Well card in sight. Not even a basket of fruit. The walls were a bare white and the windows had bars on them to keep them from being opened. It wasn’t a hospital.

It was a prison.

Pinkie’s eyes widened.

Dr This and Dr That stirred uneasily in their seats. Dr This was a short, fat pony whose legs barely touched the ground. Dr That by comparison was lean and sat awkwardly with his knees higher up than the midpoint in his stomach. Both doctors had clipboards and pens with them and both looked very nervous to be there.

Shetland, on the other hand, remained composed. He flicked through pages of notes from his recent sessions with Pinkie Pie. He made a few amendments to a sheet of paper and tucked the pen behind his ear. “So,” Dr Shetland said, eventually, “You were a very silly filly.”

Pinkie turned her head to face him. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was chalk-dry. She coughed hard and dribbled slightly. She tried to wipe her mouth but she could barely lift her leg.

“Look at you,” said Shetland disapprovingly as he dabbed at her mouth with a towel, “you’re a mess. You’re so doped up on morphine and God knows what else, you can’t even wipe your mouth. Like a little baby.”

Pinkie lay back, her throat hurting. Her tongue felt hot and dry in her mouth and she realised how desperate she was for water.

“What were you thinking, Pinkie?” Shetland demanded, leaning forward over his clipboard. “What was your plan? Did you even have a plan?”

“Take an overdose...” Pinkie croaked, “slash my wrists... and hang myself. That was my plan.”

“Didn’t make the last part I take it?” Shetland said, raising an eyebrow. He glanced over at Dr This and Dr That who were sitting uncomfortably in their chairs.

Pinkie said nothing.

Shetland sat back in his chair and skimmed his notes, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Why did you do it, Pinkie?”

Pinkie said nothing.

“Do you even realise what the consequences of your actions could have been?”

Pinkie said nothing.

“Do you have any idea what you put your friends through?”

Pinkie said nothing.

“Are you even listening to me?” Shetland’s voice grew louder.

Pinkie turned her head to face Shetland. Her eyes were like sinking ships in a storm being tugged underneath the waves by vast tendrils. She breathed out and realised that she needed to clean her teeth. She wondered how long it had been.

“I need some water,” Pinkie Pie said.

“You’re being fed through a drip,” Shetland told her, “your stomach couldn’t handle anything right now, not after all the drugs you took. You’re lucky you’re alive.”

“Yeah,” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes, “lucky.”

“What you did was a very immature, attention seeking thing to do, Pinkie Pie,” Shetland said, sucking in a rasping breath, “You put your friends through hell.”

Pinkie’s face fell. She shut her eyes and tried to force the image of one of her friends standing over her unconscious body, screaming and crying out of her mind. She couldn’t deal with that guilt. Not now. Not while she wasn’t strong enough to do anything about it.

“Your friends all want to help you,” Shetland said, “I want to help you. But I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

“What is there to talk about?” Pinkie asked.

“Your feelings,” said Shetland. “How do you feel?”

“How do I feel?” Pinkie asked, trying to sit forward. “How do I feel?”

Shetland nodded.

“Doctors,” Pinkie snarled, “Inscrutable doctors, sensible doctors, way-out doctors, doctors you’d think were fucking patients if they didn’t walk around with ID cards.”

Dr This and Dr That were on their feet now and were backing away slowly. Shetland shot them a glare and they froze in place. He invited Pinkie Pie to continue.

“You all ask the same questions, put words in my mouth, make me take pills and try to keep me from jumping off a cliff in case somepony tries to sue you,” Pinkie said quickly. She breathed deeply and continued, “You sit there with your notepads and your sympathetic murmurs and your fucking eyebrows, watching the crippling failure oozing out of me, watching desperation and panic drenching me as I gape in horror at the world and wonder why everypony is still smiling at me when they are all thinking the same thing.”

“What are they thinking?”

“Shame, shame, shame!” Pinkie cried, “Drown in your fucking shame!”

Shetland nodded. “I thought you enjoyed seeing ponies smiling?”

Pinkie let out a hollow laugh, “these aren’t happy smiles. They’re ‘Pinkie it’s okay’ smiles and ‘Pinkie don’t do anything silly’ smiles and ‘Pinkie you need to stop overreacting’ smiles. I HATE THOSE SMILES!”

“Then stop putting your friends through all this drama,” Shetland said. “You’re hurting them.”

Tears began to roll down Pinkie’s fluffy, pink cheeks. She couldn’t even wipe her eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt my friends,” Pinkie cried. “I never wanted to hurt anypony!”

“Then stop this nonsense,” Shetland said. “Because your friends will never forgive you for it.”

“I never asked for this,” Pinkie said through tears. “I never asked for ANY of this.”

“You were dealt a bad hand. It’s up to you to play it properly and make the best you can of it,” Shetland said.

“I’m already out the game,” Pinkie said. “I’m all out of chips.”

“Borrow from your friends?”

“I’m enough of a burden to them,” Pinkie said. “They’d be better off without me, I know that.”

“They’d be better off if you weren’t being so silly and so selfish.”

“I’m a complete failure as a pony,” Pinkie said, “I used to love making ponies happy, but now I’ve stopped caring. I can’t make decisions. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I hate my body. I hate my face. I’m destroying my friends and everypony I’ve ever loved. I’m nothing but a dark cloud hanging over Ponyville. I’d be better off dead and everypony knows it.”

Shetland nodded his head as he jotted down Pinkie’s words.

“And then there’s you.”

Shetland lowered his clipboard and looked at Pinkie directly, “What about me.”

Pinkie made a disgusted face, “You want to torture me with life just so nobody tries to sue you, and I’m selfish?” she erupted into a bout of high-pitched, unnatural laughter that unnerved even Shetland. The other two doctors rapidly backed out of the room as she entered a hysterical fit of laughing, her face contorting in pain.

Shetland checked his watch.

4:48pm.

He didn’t know if he could take another twelve minutes.

Shetland rose from his seat and tucked his clipboard under his arm. “I’m going to recommend that you stay here until further notice.”

“What?” Pinkie screeched.

“You’re clearly a risk to yourself and others,” Shetland said. “Severe depression with suicidal ideation, borderline personality disorder... if keeping you here is the only way I can stop you from killing yourself, then you’re staying in the psychiatric ward.”

“Do you despise all unhappy ponies?” Pinkie wailed as Shetland left the room. “Or is it just me specifically?”

“I don’t despise you,” Shetland said as he reached the doorway, “You’re ill.” He shut the door behind him, leaving Pinkie Pie completely alone.

For the next hour and a half, the entire hospital corridor was filled with the sound of Pinkie Pie’s bitter tears.

I dread the loss of her I’ve never touched.
Love keeps me a slave in the cage of tears.
I can fill my space
Fill my time
But nothing can fill this void in my heart
The vital need for which I would die

Breakdown.

Author's Note

And yes, Freud Shetland is a shout out to Sigmund Freud. Dr This and Dr That will only be relevant to anyone who has seen 4.48 Psychosis performed in theatre.

Black snow falls

Chapter 3 – Black Snow Falls

Sanity is found at the centre of convulsion, where madness is scorched from the bisected soul.

Rainbow Dash stood at the hospital desk with a hamper of treats and a huge get-well card that she had made a point of getting everypony she knew to sign. She tapped her hoof on the ground impatiently as she waited for the receptionist to return.

It was three weeks since Pinkie Pie had made her first suicide attempt and nobody had seen or heard from her in the interim. Her psychiatrist had declared her “mentally unfit” for discharge and she had been kept under guard ever since. Worst of all, she hadn’t been allowed any visitors until that morning. Rainbow couldn’t comprehend how being shut away in a colourless room and denied access to her friends would have helped her situation.

Rainbow let out a relieved sigh when the receptionist returned with a half-smile.

“She’s awake, you can go in and see her.”

Rainbow beamed at her and trotted inside, holding the hamper by her mouth. When she reached Pinkie Pie’s room, the guard snatched her hamper and rummaged through it.

“Hey! What gives, pal?” Rainbow demanded.

“I have to check for anything sharp,” the guard replied disinterestedly. Satisfied that the hamper only contained fruit and cakes, he handed it back to Rainbow. “You’re clear. Any problems, just holler and I’ll be in.”

“Why would there be any problems?”

The guard didn’t answer. He stepped aside and let the pegasus pony through.

The room was utterly bare: bare walls, bare floor, bare ceiling and a barred window that obscured most of the natural light. The air felt heavy and thick, like the atmosphere right before a thunderstorm. A cold chill slithered down her mane as she approached the bed and saw Pinkie Pie lying there with her eyes half-open.

The wires.

Rainbow’s stomach tightened. She could feel the bitter taste of vomit in the back of her throat and she gulped it back desperately. Wires ran into Pinkie Pie’s limbs, supplying her with food, water and sedatives. As Rainbow drew close to the bed, she placed the hamper on the bedside table and sat down on a chair. For a long time, she just sat there and looked at her friend, a pony who had once been filled with life and joy who now lay there, deflated, kept alive by machines. Her bottom jaw shook so hard she had to bite it. Pinkie Pie was there because instead of reaching out, she’d decided to swallow God-knows how many pills and carve up her legs. At first it had made her angry, and she’d spent the past three weeks taking out her anger on the trees in the Everfree Forest. But now that she was inside the hospital, looking at what her best friend had done to herself, she could feel her anger dissipating into sadness.

Pinkie Pie knew that the pegasus was there. Her wandering gaze met with Rainbow’s almost as soon as she sat down, but she didn’t say anything. As time drew on, Rainbow’s anger started shut her eyes tight to hold back the tears.

Eventually, when she could no longer stand to be silent, Rainbow Spoke. “Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie turned her head to look at the pegasus. She held eye contact for a few seconds with a pair of hollow, black orbs and then turned away.

Rainbow reached out and laid a hoof on Pinkie’s. Her normally fuzzy, pink fur was coarse and grey. It was like touching a corpse. “I’m here, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow said through choked tears.

Pinkie said nothing. What could she say? Sorry?

I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, for being a disappointment. I’m sorry for failing to end my own life when I should have succeeded. I’m sorry for being a bad friend. I’m sorry for making everyone sad. And I’m so sorry you’re here – I didn’t mean to live. Every day for so long now, I’ve wished for death and I couldn’t even do that right.

Rainbow opened up Pinkie’s card and displayed the dozens of signatures in full view. Pinkie’s eyes caught a few of the ones she recognised, those who had made the effort to write more than their name:

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time - Rarity
I wish you well with all my heart – Fluttershy
Get well soon, Pinkie, lots of love – Twilight
Chin up, sugarcube! – AJ

Even Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Applebloom had signed it. Did they even know why she was in hospital? Pinkie scoured the inside of the card and saw that Rainbow Dash had commandeered an entire corner for herself and written a two-line poem that must have taken her all night:

Remember the light and believe the light
An instant of clarity before eternal night

Pinkie struggled to assimilate what the words could mean. She turned her head away.

“You do know that we love you, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie stirred uncomfortably in bed. The wires itched, but it she scratched them she risked tearing them out, and if she tore them out she’d be sedated and sent to a more secure room without so much as an explanation.

“Hey,” Rainbow prodded the pink pony, “you heard what I said, right? We all love you. And we miss you. And we want you to come home.”

Every compliment takes a piece of my soul. An expressionist nag, stalling between fools. She looked at Dash with her dark, soulless eyes. They know nothing.

Rainbow smiled, hiding her tears. If she could get a word out of Pinkie, she could go home feeling alright. Just one word would be enough. “I guess the food isn’t too great here, huh?”

Pinkie sighed. I wouldn’t know - I don’t even get to taste it. In case you haven’t noticed it’s pumped directly into my stomach so I can’t starve myself.

“I brought you some goodies,” Rainbow said, nodding towards the hamper. “I went all the way to Manehattan for those doughnuts. Best in Equestria.”

I have reached the end of this dreary and repugnant tale of a sense interned in an alien carcass and dampened by the malignant spirit of the moral majority. The words streamed through her consciousness.

“You know,” Rainbow said, warily, “I was really scared when I found you. I really thought you were going to die.”

I’ve been dead for a long time. Then Pinkie suddenly realised what the pegasus had said. She opened her mouth and croaked the words: “you found me?”

Rainbow Dash nodded, relieved to hear her friend’s voice. “I was there.” Pinkie’s was the one life Rainbow didn’t want to boast about saving, yet it was the one life that had meant the most to her.

Pinkie turned her head away. She felt betrayed. Rainbow was to blame for her being here.

Rainbow Dash squeezed Pinkie’s hoof. “I’m not going anywhere Pinkie. I’m staying here until you’re better. Then we can throw a party, go camping and go swimming in the lake. We can have fun again, Pinkie.”

Fun? Pinkie almost choked. I don’t think I remember what that is. I haven’t felt joy or happiness in so long and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be interested in anything other than my own mortality. I just want to leave. I just want to die. Pinkie turned to Rainbow Dash. Please won’t you help me die? Won’t you do one last favour to your friend and help me leave this world?

“Yeah, I just know it,” said Rainbow through gritted teeth, “you’re going to be feeling better in no-time. And then it’s going to be just like old times, yeah? Me, you, Twilight and the others!”

Her forced optimism was nauseating. Pinkie knew that things would never be the same. They hadn’t been for so long, why now? Nobody wants to get close to a suicide survivor – it’s not worth investing the time in a friendship that could end at any moment. Nobody wanted to go through that pain. Why are you even here, Rainbow? Pinkie knew the answer and she hated her friend for it. The card, the hamper – it was all a mirage. She’d probably threatened the likes of Snips and Snails to sign it. Nobody would care when she was gone. Even those who might feel some sadness or responsibility would get over it eventually. The only thing that’s permanent is destruction. If her friends truly loved her as Rainbow said, then they would turn a blind eye and let her wander off to her doom. They wouldn’t come looking. They wouldn’t even talk about it. They would just get on with things, like it had never happened at all.

Pinkie’s sedative pump released another dose and within minutes, she felt her eyes getting heavy and the room started to become dark. Pinkie closed her eyes and exhaled as she fell into a deep sleep.

Seven hours later, Twilight Sparkle came to retrieve the exhausted Rainbow Dash from the hospital, promising that they would go back first thing tomorrow.

Rainbow took one last look at her sleeping friend on the way out. “You stupid bastard, Pinkie,” she said through bitter tears, “Stupid, stupid bastard.”

Twilight put a hoof around the pegasus and led her away, closing the door behind her.

At 4.48 when sanity visits.
For one hour and twelve minutes I am in my right mind.
Remember the light and believe the light
An instant of clarity before eternal night.

Event Horizon

Chapter 4 – Event Horizon

Now I am here I can see myself,
But when I am charmed by vile delusions of happiness,
The foul magic of this engine of sorcery,
I cannot touch my essential self.

Pinkie Pie’s eyes snapped open.

Outside, the sky was dark, but there was a faint trickle of morning sunrise breaking through the clouds. Pinkie craned her head to see the clock on the wall.

4.48am

Pinkie sat up and yawned. She stretched and blinked her eyes. She lifted up her hooves and rubbed her face. Without thinking about it, she tore the wires from her body and heaved her pink body out of bed. For several seconds, she struggled to balance, like a foal taking its first steps, but eventually, she got the hang of it.

She walked to the door of her hospital room and tried the handle. It was locked. She cursed under her breath and made for the window. A set of metal bars that were screwed into the window frame prevented Pinkie from crawling through the otherwise wide gap.

She opened her mouth and bit hard on the bottom screw, holding it between her teeth, she twisted her neck. She felt the pain surging through her jaw and she worried her back molars might come loose, but she tugged with all her might and eventually, the large screw started to turn. Once it was loose, it was a simple matter of twisting it with her hoof until it fell out. Three screws later and the bars were down, but the window underneath was padlocked.

Pinkie searched the room frantically for something she could use to pick the lock, conscious of the rapidly elapsing time. At 6.00am they would bring her the first round of medication and after that she would be dead to the world.

Not today. Not anymore.

Pinkie Pie found a piece of metal wiring from one of the tubes that had been feeding her sedatives and she bent it at an angle. She slid it into the padlock opening and started to feel for the tumblers.
As the clock struck 5:45, Pinkie felt the last tumbler click into place. She released the padlock, opened up the window and pulled herself out.

Within minutes, she was on the road out of Ponyville. By the time they realised she was gone, she would already be dead.

*

“What do you mean ‘gone’”? Rainbow Dash demanded furiously.

“We believe she might have escaped through the window,” said Dr Shetland.

Rainbow glanced at the discarded bars and the open window in Pinkie’s hospital room. “Oh, you think? Somebody give Captain Obvious a medal!”

Twilight Sparkle frowned, “It worries me that your security was lax enough to let a patient escape.”

“She was supposed to be sedated,” Shetland said. “She’s been confined to that bed for weeks. She shouldn’t have been able to stand up, never mind break out.”

“There are a lot of things that Pinkie Pie shouldn’t be able to do, but can,” Twilight Sparkle said. “What surprises me is that she didn’t try this earlier.”

“She showed no signs of wanting to be outside,” Shetland informed them. “We didn’t consider her a flight risk.”

“Well you considered wrong and now my friend is out there alone!” Rainbow snarled, “I can’t believe this is what my taxes pay for!”

“Look,” Twilight said, stepping forward, “we can point hooves and cast blame or we can find Pinkie Pie and bring her home.”

“We’re not bringing her back here,” Rainbow said, rising up into the air. “She’s staying with me.”

“We’ll talk about that when we get her back,” Twilight said, “I’m going to organise a search party. You take the skies – see if she went out into the Everfree forest.”

Rainbow Dash nodded and took off out the window.

“I hope you understand that we did everything we could to prevent something like this from happening,” Dr Shetland said to Twilight as she left. “We followed every procedure. I’m sure you being a reasonable pony, will understand that?”

Twilight spun around. Normally she wouldn’t have gotten involved, but something about Shetland made her flesh crawl. “You know what, Dr Shetland? If you cared as much about your patients as you do about ticking boxes, maybe Pinkie Pie would still be here.”

Shetland let her words slap him in the face. He stared back at her.

“If I was you, I’d think very carefully about your attitude. I don’t think Princess Celestia would be very happy if she knew that all a sick pony can expect to get is a locked room and a stomach full of wires, do you?”

Shetland shook his head. “No ma’am.”

Twilight nodded at him. “Good. Oh, and by the way? I read your paper on Oedipal desires?” she snorted a laugh, “You really need to get out more.” She turned on her heel and trotted out of the room, leaving the speechless psychiatrist standing together with his knocking knees.

*

My name is Pinkie Pie
And I am here to say

By the time Pinkie had reached the mountain, it was already midday. A short climb up from where she stood was a bridge connecting two peaks. At its highest point, the bridge was nearly half a kilometre above ground level, with a straight drop onto a set of jagged cliffs at the bottom. Nopony could survive a fall like that.

Pinkie started to walk. She hadn’t stopped running since she left the hospital, but now it was time to walk. As she walked, she tried remember the chain of events that had led to her rapid descent into depression. What kicked it all off?

There wasn’t an easy answer for that.

*

6 months earlier

“There exists,” Twilight Sparkle said to her class, “a strange phenomena in physics known as a black hole.” She drew a circle on the chalkboard.

The students of Ponyville Community College watched with bored expressions. Eyes glazed over as Twilight looked on with humility and embarrassment. It was like her first day teaching all over again. She didn’t normally lecture physics, but she was standing in as a substitute for Professor Brian Colts and she had picked the only topic in physics she knew anything about.

Twilight looked nervously at her class. Then she saw Pinkie’s face. The pink pony smiled and waved at her, encouragingly. She’d agreed to come for moral support. Twilight took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“Imagine you are flying through space and you encounter this – a black hole.” She drew another diagram next to it; this one looked like a long cone with the point at the bottom. “A black hole is a massive gravitational force. You can’t see it. You can’t even feel it until it’s too late, but its presence affects everything and everypony around it. It pulls everything inside, slowly crushing it under immense, gravitational pressure.”

Ponies yawned, but Pinkie sat attentively. Something about the idea of a black hole fascinated her.

Twilight drew another line across the middle of the cone. “This line is what we call an Event Horizon. It’s the point of no return. Anybody here know the pony Rainbow Dash?”

A few students nodded their heads.

Twilight sketched out a crude drawing of the blue pegasus on the chalkboard. “Let’s say Rainbow Dash is flying through space. She flies too close to the black hole. What happens?”

Students looked at each other.

“Come on!” Twilight encouraged.

One pony raised his hoof and said “She gets sucked in.”

“That’s right,” Twilight said, nodding happily at the pony, “she gets sucked in. And what would happen if she got sucked in?”

“She would die?” a female pony suggested. There were some sniggers.

“Not right away,” Twilight responded, smiling. “Where would the black hole take her?”

“She’d get sucked towards the centre,” a unicorn offered.

“Yeah, well done,” Twilight said, pleased that the students were responding positively to her questioning. She drew a line from “Rainbow Dash” into the black hole. “Now, there’s still time for her to escape. It’s not all over for Rainbow. She can fight the pull of the black hole.” She drew over the top of the white line again, making it bolder. “Until she gets to this point. The event horizon. The point of no return. Once she crosses that line, there’s no going back. The force is too powerful to resist. Rainbow will be crushed into pieces, never to be seen again.”

The students nodded as they made their notes. Twilight checked the clock. “I think we’ll leave it there for today. Thanks all.”

*

I’m gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your day

Pinkie had crossed the event horizon long ago. She was being devoured by a crushing gravitational force that had squeezed the life out of her. Like a black hole, her depression was pulling in everyone around her. Like a black hole, it was invisible, but its presence was felt by any who came too close.

It doesn’t matter now
If you are sad or blue

Pinkie knew she had to close up the black hole – not just because she couldn’t take the pain it was causing her, but because she didn’t want it to hurt anyone else. It would be one final act of good will to her friends.

‘Cause cheering up my friends is just what Pinkie’s here to do.

She was almost at the bridge. Not long now.

*

Rainbow Dash shot through the Everfree forest. Trees seemed to part in her wake as she soared beneath the canopy.

Zecora had no idea where Pinkie Pie was. Neither had any other wandering pony she’d found. She had even subjected a group of diamond dogs to a round of brutal interrogation. She had broken four arms and a leg before she was satisfied that nobody had seen Pinkie Pie.

Then she had a breakthrough. It was getting on for midday and Rainbow was considering burning the entire forest to the ground with a lightning storm when she spotted fresh hoof tracks leading up a mountain on the far side of the forest. Had Pinkie really came all this way?

She followed the tracks up the mountain, but it was only when the sun had risen to its peak that she saw the bridge in the distance and the pink figure that was standing on it, looking down at the rocky chasm beneath that the horror finally sunk in.

Dear God, dear God, what shall I do?
All I know
Is snow
And black despair.

Ten Yard ring of Failure

Chapter 5 – Ten Yard Ring of Failure

I’m dying for one who doesn’t care
I’m dying for one who doesn’t know

The jagged rocks reached up like blades from the chasm beneath her.

Pinkie sat on the bridge and looked down. A flimsy, low-hanging rope was all that prevented her from tumbling to her death. Judging by the height, she would fall for a good four or five seconds before she hit the ground at terminal velocity. There wouldn’t be anything left to find. Her very existence would be reduced to a pink stain on a pile of rocks. Sooner or later, some poor pony would have to scrape up whatever was left of her. It wasn’t a comforting thought. Further along there was a flowing river. She got up with a sigh and trudged across the bridge.

There was no single event that sent her into a spiral of depression. Pinkie knew that this was who she was; this was the pony she had been hiding all these years. This was the pony who came out when nopony else was around. This was the pony who cried behind every fake smile.

But surely, they weren’t all fake?

No. She said to herself. The times I had with Twilight and Rainbow and Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy...

And yet, where were they now? Twilight Sparkle would be teaching a class on ancient literature; Fluttershy would be out with her animal friends in a meadow; Rarity would be preparing outfits for the upcoming fashion show and Rainbow Dash would be napping on a cloud somewhere, not a care in the world.

Nopony knows I’m out here. I made sure of that.

And while they would all continue with their lives, Pinkie would be leaving the world as quietly and as lonely as she entered it. It was almost comforting to know that very soon, the pain was going to be over. She had no regrets. No fears. That was how she knew it was time to die.

When she was over the river, she stood up and leaned over, letting the cool air hit her face. It was a beautiful day. The sky was awash with sunshine and rainbows.

Wait a second. Rainbows?

“Pinkie Pie!”

The pink pony turned around and saw Rainbow Dash floating beside her. She touched down on the bridge and walked slowly towards her.

“What are you doing up here, Pinkie? We’ve been looking all over for you!”

“I’m admiring the view,” Pinkie replied nonchalantly.

“What do you say we go home?” Rainbow suggested, “We can walk back now and reach Ponyville by sundown. Eat our dinner at Twilight’s? Pinkie?”

“I’m not coming back,” Pinkie said quietly.

Rainbow’s head was low and submissive as she approached her friend. "Come on, Pinkie. Let's go home."

“Stop,” Pinkie said, taking hold of the rope, “that’s close enough!”

Rainbow stopped dead. She raised her hooves in submission, "Alright, Pinkie. Can we at least talk about this?"

Pinkie shook her head. Rainbow Dash noticed that there was something almost serene about the pink pony. Her mane was no longer as flat and lifeless as it was in the hospital and her pink colour had returned to her face. In fact, she looked happier and more peaceful than she had throughout the last six months when her depression had started to properly take hold. It was like a great cloud had been lifted after a thunderstorm.

“I’m not going to let you jump, Pinkie,” Rainbow said, her confidence returning, “You know I can swoop down and catch you before you hit the water.” The words slipped easily from her tongue, but she wasn’t sure if they were true. At this low altitude, even Rainbow Dash wouldn't be able to outspeed terminal velocity before Pinkie hit the water.

“Yeah, and then you can save my life again like the big damn hero that you are!”

Pinkie's words stung like a swarm of hornets, but Rainbow remained composed, “What kind of hero would I be if I couldn’t save the only pony who really matters to me?”

Pinkie looked down at her feet, “Leave me alone.”

Rainbow could feel the tears welling in her eyes. Her throat swelled from the pressure and she had to dip her head. “Pinkie...”

Pinkie Pie turned to see her friend. Under normal circumstances, the look of despair on the blue pony’s face would have torn Pinkie’s heart from her body. But this was different. Had she been able to feel anything, she might have felt her friend’s pain, pain that she had been carrying with her for so long. But Pinkie was passed being able to feel now. She was beyond sadness, beyond tears: tears were for ponies who gave a damn – she felt nothing but apathy and emptiness.

“Come home, Pinkie,” Rainbow whimpered desperately.

Pinkie looked at her. It was the longest look she had ever given her. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words couldn’t find their way out. She sighed heavily and turned away. “Leave me alone.”

Rainbow bit down on her jaw. She closed her eyes tightly.

Pinkie exhaled again. If she’d jumped at the rocks, she’d be dead by now, and she wouldn’t have to put up with the merciless guilt that was coiling around her neck, constricting her throat.

“Look, Pinkie,” Rainbow said. “I just want you to listen to me. I want to say my piece, and then I promise I’ll leave.”

Pinkie looked over at her and nodded.

Rainbow took a deep breath before she exploded into a fit of raging tears, “You know what it’s been like for me? I’ll tell you. Sometimes I turn around and I catch the smell of you, but it’s not really you. And I can’t go on. I cannot go on without expressing this physical, aching longing I have for you.”

Pinkie’s face remained expressionless.

“And I can’t believe that that I feel this for you and you feel nothing? Do you feel nothing?”

Pinkie said nothing.

“Do you feel nothing?” Rainbow repeated, desperately.

Pinkie said nothing. She turned her head away and looked down at her feet.

“Some days I go out at six in the morning and search for you,” Rainbow said, “I visit everywhere we’ve ever been, hoping that I will see your smiling face again. I see you in my dreams, the Pinkie I knew. If I’ve ever dreamt her face, I’ll go there and wait for her.”

Pinkie said nothing.

Rainbow let out a racking sob, “I just want to see her again. Is that too much to ask?”

Pinkie said nothing. It was becoming more and more difficult to hear.

“I’m begging you, Pinkie,” Rainbow cried, throwing herself at Pinkie’s feet. “I’m begging you to save me from this madness that eats me. Please come back to me. Don’t do this.” Rainbow buried her face into her forelegs and wept.

“It’s all about you, isn’t it?” Pinkie said.

Rainbow looked up. “What do you mean?”

“It’s all ‘No Pinkie, don’t kill yourself, it’s selfish’ and ‘no Pinkie, don’t kill yourself, what will other ponies think?’ and ‘No Pinkie, don’t kill yourself I can’t bear to lose you.’” Pinkie sighed heavily and turned to face Rainbow, “Well what about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? Where the do I fit into this picture? You expect me to live in a cage just to keep everypony else happy? Hide what I am just so you can keep on smiling? Well guess what? I’m done. I’ve had enough of making other ponies smile while I feel like dying inside.”

She paused while Rainbow continued to cry. Then she gripped the ropes tightly and prepared for her final submission.

“Don’t do this, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow said. “You’re not thinking clearly. You’re worth so much more to me than the echoes of a broken memory! ”

Pinkie sighed. “Remember the light and believe the light; an instant of clarity before eternal night.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened in horror as she recognised the words of her own poem.

“For the first time in months, I am thinking clearly,” Pinkie said, “This is the only way I can ever be free.”

As Rainbow saw Pinkie take hold of the bridge ropes and start to climb, she knew what was coming next. In a last ditch attempt to stop her friend from ending her life, Rainbow opened her mouth and sang:

It's true some days are dark and lonely

And maybe you feel sad

But Rainbow will be there to show you that it isn't that bad

There's one thing that makes me happy and makes my whole life worthwhile

And that's when I talk to Pinkie Pie and I get her to smile-

Unable to finish, she broke down in tears once more.

Then she heard the quiet splash from below as Pinkie hit the river.

Then silence.

She looked over the side of the bridge to see if she could see her friend, but she saw nothing.

Nothing.

Pinkie was gone.

As still as my heart when your voice is gone
I shall freeze in hell
Of course I love you
I always loved you, even when I hated you
Please open the curtains.

Rainbow Rampage

Chapter 6 – Rainbow Rampage

I wish you hadn’t.
I wish you hadn’t.

There were enough ponies at the church service to justify an unfulfilled life.

Rainbow Dash had been up all night writing a speech, and when the time came to get up and say what she wanted to say about her dear friend, she broke down into tears and had to be carried off the altar by Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. Rainbow hadn’t been able to speak, and nobody else dared say anything in her place. Not even Princess Celestia, who had cancelled an ambassadorial trip to Stalliongrad had the gall to say anything in Rainbow’s place.

The service ended with the vicar giving his blessing: may she find peace in heaven.

Twilight Sparkle almost choked: Pinkie Pie would have never wanted such a pretentious, miserable and above all, religious funeral. She would have wanted loud music, delicious cake and party cannons blasting streamers across a great hall, not this sombre affair.

When Big McIntosh rolled the coffin out on the hearse, hordes of ponies who couldn’t have fit in the church were waiting outside to give their condolences. As Rainbow, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy followed the hearse out of the church and into the cemetery, the crowds started dispersing, until it was only the five of them.

Rainbow Dash watched as they lowered Pinkie’s coffin into the ground. She stepped forward, her throat dry and sore and looked down into the hole.

“You stupid mare,” she croaked. “We could have worked it out. We could have done something about it.”

Applejack put a hoof around Rainbow’s neck. The earth pony glanced over at Rarity, who was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and then to Fluttershy, who was crying softly into Twilight Sparkle’s chest.

A cold breeze swept over the five ponies. Rainbow Dash instinctively glanced up to the sky and saw the dark clouds that were forming above. She feared for a storm, like the one that had struck Ponyville the same night that... she blinked back the tears.

“I wish we could have done more for her,” Rarity whispered. “If only she’d reached out. We could have done something, anything to help her.”

“I think that by the time she was ready to talk to us,” Twilight said carefully, her concerned gaze flickering from the coffin to the despondent Rainbow Dash, “I think that it was already too late. She had already decided what she was going to do and she did it.”

“I hope Princess Celestia shuts down that beastly hospital,” Rarity said, “Doctor Freud Shetland indeed. More like Shit-land.”

Applejack almost smiled. It didn’t feel inappropriate either, because she knew that deep down, the Pinkie they loved would have wanted them to laugh at her funeral if it helped them cope with the sadness.

“I’m going to clear those clouds,” Rainbow said.

“Woah there, Nelly,” Applejack said, placing her hoof on Rainbow’s tail. “Just simmer down. Plenty of time to clear the skies when we’re finished.”

“I am finished,” Rainbow insisted, pulling against Applejack’s hoof, “I can’t stand to be here any longer than I need to be.”

“We all feel the same way, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, “it’s not been easy for any of us. I know exactly how you feel.”

A sense of fury washed over Rainbow Dash and she yanked her tail out from underneath Applejack. Before anypony could make a move to stop her, Rainbow launched herself at Rarity, seizing her by the throat and pinning the helpless unicorn against the ground while she pressed her face close.

“What the hell do you know about my feelings?” snarled Rainbow.

Rarity struggled against Rainbow Dash, but the blue pegasus was far too strong. It took the combined efforts of Applejack and Twilight Sparkle to drag the furious Rainbow away from Rarity. The white unicorn leapt to her feet and scurried behind Fluttershy, as Rainbow struggled hard against the other two mares, fighting relentlessly against their grip.

“Fuck you!” roared Rainbow. “Fuck all of you!” With a burst of power, she threw down both Twilight and Applejack with two, quick, brutal strikes from her front legs and floated upwards to avoid their further efforts to restrain her.

The remaining four mares huddled together beneath the blue pegasus. Fluttershy quaked with fear as lightning flashed and thunder exploded above them, shaking the discordant, black skies. The heavens were in turmoil.

Rainbow’s eyes seethed with fury. For a minute, Twilight thought she was going to have to cast a calming spell, but the blue pegasus must have seen the fear in the eyes of her friends and realised what she was doing.

Without a word, Rainbow Dash took off towards the violent, crackling cloud formations before she could cause any further problems.

“Rainbow,” Fluttershy breathed, watching the pony leave.

"Let her go," Twilight said. "She needs to cool off."

“Aw, hell,” Applejack growled, “Why’d you have to open your big mouth, Rarity?”

“I was trying to be considerate!” Rarity exclaimed furiously.

“Y’all wanna be considerate? Don’t say anything at all. That mare’s more volatile than a zap apple tree wrapped in dynamite.”

“What?” Rarity demanded, irritably. “Please give me that again in plain English?”

“Rainbow’s on a short fuse,” Twilight said, staring down Applejack before she rose to Rarity’s comment. “She was a lot closer to Pinkie Pie than we were, especially these last few months.”

“They were friends,” Rarity said, “I understand that, but we all were her friends.”

“Umm... I think what they had went a little... deeper?” Fluttershy said quietly. “I don’t know... I haven’t spoken to Pinkie Pie in a long time.” She sniffed hard.

The words hit Rarity like flying bricks and she immediately reined her neck in. “I... I didn’t know.”

“That’s why Rainbow’s taking it harder than the rest of us,” Applejack said.

“Why am I the last to know?” Rarity demanded.

“Because like the rest of us, you were too wrapped up in your own life to realise that one of your friends was struggling with theirs,” Applejack replied bluntly.

Rarity lowered her head in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re all guilty,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I just don’t think any of us thought she’d ever go through with suicide.”

“But she did,” Fluttershy whimpered. “I can’t believe she’s gone.”

“She’s been gone for a long time,” Twilight said miserably as she stared down into Pinkie Pie’s grave. “We just didn’t realise until it was too late.”

*

Rainbow Dash slammed the diamond dog’s head against the wall of the large stone cave. Three of the creature’s teeth came loose from the back of his broken jaw and fell uselessly on the ground. The blue pegasus brought her back hoof against the dog’s stomach and kicked his battered body into his larger friends who were approaching with spears. She spun around to deal with a second, knife-wielding attacker. As the dog thrust his knife towards her throat, Rainbow deflected his knife-arm down with an inside defence. She followed up with a strike to the dog’s elbow, breaking his arm in half. As the creature let out an agonized wail, Rainbow Dash seized him by the throat and pulled his body against hers, facing forward and ready to meet the eyes of the two spear-wielding dogs.

The creatures hesitated when they saw that the small pony was holding one of their own hostage. How she was able to get a five-foot diamond dog into a headlock was beyond them, but before they could calculate the logistics of their assault, a roar that erupted from behind them prompted the two creatures to charge mindlessly towards the blue pegasus.

With a crazed, merciless smile, Rainbow Dash twisted her hostage’s head sharply with her forelegs. There was a sickening crack as the dog’s vertebrae snapped in half and his entire body went limp.

The other dogs let out roars of furious anguish as their comrade’s life faded.

Rainbow dropped the dog’s lifeless body to the ground and ducked out of the way of the spear-wielding dogs. She slid across the ground, smashing her bag leg into one dog’s knee, shattering his kneecap from the force. She kicked his companion in the stomach and rose from her lying position, throwing the disabled dogs to the ground. Rainbow whipped around, feeling the presence of the two dogs behind her who approached warily with blunt, metal objects. Rainbow’s mouth contorted into a demonic grin as she threw herself at them. She drove her left front hoof into the face of the first dog and struck the second in the throat with a chop with her right. Their bodies hit the ground.

A pack of four dogs advanced rapidly with pointed spears. Their jaws hung open, eyes wild with hatred.

Rainbow Dash leapt into the air and flapped her wings, sending powerful surges of air towards the approaching pack to unbalance them. As they struggled to stay upright against the oncoming gust of air, Rainbow swooped down and took down the entire pack with an earth-shattering stomp that rippled outwards, cracking the ground into pieces and knocking them all down. Rainbow delivered a series of punches and kicks to the disabled opponents who surrounded her. She struck throats, heads, groins and knees: with each brutal strike from one of her deadly hooves, a bone was broken with a splintering crack and an agonised yelp. As one by one, the dogs fell to her merciless onslaught, Rainbow began to grow more and more frenzied, laughing demonically as she crushed their bones under her hooves.

Her eyes darted wildly, looking for a new target. They locked like laser-sights on a large dog that crashed through the crowd of filthy beasts that had gathered around the little, blue pony. His powerful arms were adorned with dark tattoos and battle scars from previous victories. His wrists were encased with spiked metal cuffs and his fists were the size of boulders. Around his neck was a chain made of pony skulls. He was at least four times the size of Rainbow, and must have weighed at least twenty of her. Rainbow scraped her front hoof against the ground and smiled slightly, her large eyes burning into the dog’s.

The creature roared at Rainbow Dash, his breath alone enough to send her tumbling backwards. He charged madly at the helpless, blue pony, ready to tear her tiny body into shreds.

Rainbow Dash rose to her feet and jumped, clearing the beast’s head just in time for him to smash his entire body against the cave wall. The pegasus swooped down and drilled into the dog’s back, striking him relentlessly. He bucked and Rainbow flipped backwards off his large body.

The creature turned around and raised his huge fist into the air. With a roar he drove his fist against the ground where the blue pony had been standing, shattering the rock beneath her feet into fragments.

Time slowed to a crawl as Rainbow Dash twisted her body to dodge a further blow from the huge dog. She leapt into the air and kicked the creature in the head, causing him to stumble backwards, momentarily dazed. With a strength born from an unholy rage, Rainbow drove both of her back legs as hard as she could into the creature’s groin and followed through with a devastating uppercut to his falling chin. It was a blow that could have shattered steel and the beast toppled backwards from the impact and fell hard against the cave wall, paws nursing his groin, unwilling to get back up for more.

The diamond dogs looked in horror at the three-foot tall pony who had just destroyed their strongest warrior in one-on-one combat. She was impossibly fast and her strength defied all logic. How could something so small be so utterly deadly?

Rainbow Dash turned to face the remaining dogs, breathing hard.

Predictably, the other dogs backed away from the pony and pushed an elected speaker forwards. He was a small creature, hardly bigger than Rainbow herself, and now he stood, trembling violently as he caught the gaze of the pony. The fury that blazed within her eyes chilled him to his core.

Rainbow stepped forwards, her body smouldering with rage.

“Why are you doing this?” demanded the terrified dog. “We didn’t do anything to you!”

Rainbow said nothing. She sucked in a deep, rasping breath that she expelled through her nose.

“Take anything you want from us!” the dog pleaded, “we won’t stand in your way, just don't kill any more of our people.”

Rainbow didn’t say anything. She glanced at the rows of petrified faces before her. She looked at the wounded dogs who were moaning in pain all around her. She gazed at their healthier friends as they tried to pull their injured companions to safety.

She stared at the corpse of the dog whose neck she had broken. The dog she had murdered in cold blood for no reason other than getting in her way and defending his home.

From her.

She saw her reflection in the eyes of the cowering creature who stood before her. She saw the image of an enraged pony, beset by savage impulses. The pony was a demon – a vile creature that had crawled from the blackest pit of hell. Suddenly, the realisation kicked in, and her mouth dropped open in sheer horror.

Oh my God...

She saw her.

Her eyes welled with tears at the realisation.

What have I done?

She turned around and left silently. The terrified dogs watched as the strange pony’s rainbow coloured tail dragged along the ground behind her as she walked. Some of them contemplated chasing after her, but a single shake of the head from their speaker was all it took to dissuade them: there was nothing to gain in pursuing her, and everything to lose.

*

Over a large table, Twilight Sparkle spread the messy assortment of papers that, when eventually organised, would become the notes of a lecture she was giving tomorrow. The topic was all about putting the Daring Do books into critical context alongside other great works of Equestrian literature, something that the other faculty members had all sneered about. I’ll show them, she thought to herself as she slammed her dusty, old copy of Fillyham Shakespeare’s Complete Works onto the table and started to flick through.

To be, or not to be? That is the question.

She was half-way through reading Hacklet when suddenly her library’s windows burst open, and a blue pony tumbled through onto her floor.

“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight said, snapping her book shut.

Without a word, Rainbow dove to her feet and ran over to Twilight. She practically tackled the unicorn to the ground with a hug and squeezed her body tightly.

“Rainbow you…” Twilight noticed the bloodstains that adorned Rainbow’s short, blue fur. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rainbow cried, nuzzled her soaking wet face against Twilight’s chest. “Can I stay the night?”

The sadness that festered in Rainbow’s eyes was utterly soul-rending. Twilight pulled her close and stroked the pegasus’ sodden mane. “You don’t even need to ask.”

“Thank you,” Rainbow said, crying softly against Twilight.

It took a while, but eventually, Rainbow Dash fell asleep against Twilight Sparkle. With Rainbow’s sobs no longer punctuating the air, the silence in Twilight’s library was filled with the sound of her soft breathing.

Twilight sat down at her desk and went back to pouring over her work. As she did, she became subtly aware of the tears that dripped onto her lecture notes and formed wet patches.

Twilight rubbed her eyes and cursed herself. She had to keep it together.

After all, working was the only thing that took her mind off things.

Drowning in a sea of logic. This monstrous state of play
Still ill.

Author's Note

FYI, Rainbow Dash knows Krav Maga :P

This is the last part that References Sarah Kane's 4.48 Psychosis, since Pinkie Pie is now dead

The Truth about Heaven

Chapter 7 – The Truth about Heaven

We are anathema
the pariahs of reason

Twilight Sparkle’s class looked expectantly at the blank chalkboard. Three times now, she had attempted to write the name of the book she had planned her lecture on. Three times now, she had tried to start her talk about contextualising Daring Do. Three times now, she had tried to address her class, ask them a question or make conversation. Each time she failed.

“Hey, Ms Sparkle? What’s going on, yo?” one of her students, Pesse Jinkman, shouted from across the room. “Ain’t you gonna write some shit down? I got plans, biatch.” A few of the other students sniggered. Everypony knew what Jinkman’s “plans” consisted of: getting high and banging teenage fillies.

Twilight Sparkle shut her eyes and put her head against the chalkboard. Teaching had a high drop-out rate: it was one of the most stressful jobs anypony could do, especially at college level, they’d told her that the day she’d signed up for the job when she was all passion and ideas. That had faded very quickly after the start of the first semester and job became routine. She glanced at the notes she held in one hoof and the chalk in the other. She tried to formulate what she wanted to say but couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t leave her tongue.

“Yo, Ms Sparkle,” Pesse Jinkman said again, standing up and waving his hooves as if he were some kind of hip-hop icon, “I’m payin’ for this education, yo, and my family’s taxes ain’t payin’ you to horn-fuck that chalkboard, man.”

More sniggers, louder this time. With an unresponsive Twilight pressing her head firmly against the blackboard, the classroom quickly descended into chaos as the students started chatting and throwing crumpled pieces of paper across the room.

“Yo, this shit blows, man,” Pesse Jinkman exclaimed, standing on top of his desk as other students started shaking it. “I ain’t learnin’ nothin’ today, biatch. You owe me like, your fuckin’ salary or whatever man. This bombs.”

The classroom exploded into laughter. Twilight could feel the anger rising in her body.

The chalk snapped in Twilight’s hoof, crumbling into dust. She head butted the chalkboard, knocking it over and the classroom became instantly silent. Even Pesse Jinkman had stopped mouthing off at another pony from across the room. Twilight dropped her papers on the floor and stormed out of the classroom. Another few seconds and she might have turned Pesse Jinkman into a bucket.

Pesse Jinkman stood up and looked around perplexedly, “hey what the fuck just happened, yo?”

*

Why am I on a cloud? I’m not a pegasus.

That was the first thought that entered Pinkie Pie’s head when she opened her eyes.

She was lying down comfortably on all fours, floating on a fluffy, white cloud amidst a sea of similar white clouds. She stood up, half expecting her hooves to sink through the cloud, but to her surprise, it was quite sturdy. She hopped up and down.

Bouncy!

Gleefully, she bounced up and down on the cloud until she had exhausted all the fun from that activity. Pinkie Pie sat down and looked at her front hooves while trying to remember how she had got here. All she seemed to be able to remember was having a strange dream about falling from a bridge.

*

Twilight Sparkle came home to find Rainbow Dash asleep on a sofa. She crossed through to her kitchen to make a pot of tea, which she carried back into the living room. She poured out two cups and sat alone on an armchair, sipping hers slowly.

Rainbow stirred and rose into a seated position on the sofa. She looked straight at Twilight with a set of dark, sullen eyes and forced a smile. “You look like crap.”

“Thanks,” Twilight replied. “I feel even worse than I look.”

“What happened?”

Twilight didn’t know how to respond. “I think I quit my job.”

Rainbow dipped her head. “Why’d you do that?”

“Because I don’t think I can cope anymore,” Twilight said. “Teaching is hard.”

“But you’re so good at it,” Rainbow insisted, taking her tea.

“How do you know?” Twilight asked, “you’ve never sat in one of my lectures.”

“I know you’ve talked about me in them!” Rainbow said, a thin smile spreading over her face.

Twilight nodded, “let’s just say you make for an effective pedagogical anecdote.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. Twilight had the tendency to use large words when she was agitated. “Can we talk about last night?”

“I was hoping we could,” Twilight said. “Which part do you want to talk about? The part that happened after you barged through my window or the part before?”

“The part before,” Rainbow said, pouring herself some more tea.

“Go on then,” Twilight said.

Rainbow looked at Twilight for several moments before finally speaking, “I killed a diamond dog.”

*

The clouds had formed a solid landmass upon which Pinkie Pie now walked. It was a vast, barren plain of flat land.

“Hello?” she called, looking around. “Is anyone out there?” She couldn’t see below or above and had no way of knowing how high up she was. Two questions burned in her mind: where was she and how did she get there? She couldn’t decide which one to focus on first, but logic told her that answering one would provide the answer to the other, so really, it didn’t matter.

In the distance, she could see a set of gates. Excited, she broke into a run and galloped as fast as she could towards the gates. Where did they lead? What was behind them? Who did they belong to? What were they like? Were they a pony or something else? Did they have a mansion? Or maybe a castle! Yes, they had a castle, Pinkie decided, but who were they? Pinkie wanted to meet them!

A single pony stood in front of the gates. He had a white mane that flowed from his brown fur and he wore a long, white robe that completely covered his body and almost touched his hooves. As Pinkie Pie approached him with an air of reverence, the pony reared his front legs.

“Stop there,” the pony commanded, raising his hoof. He spoke with a very sophisticated accent. Upper-class Trottingham, perhaps.

“Hi!” Pinkie chirped. “What’s your name?”

“I am the Gatepony.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened and she started to hop in place, “Oh wow! What’s behind the gate Mr Gatepony? Is it a castle? Or a palace?”

“No, Pinkie,” the Gatepony interrupted her.

Pinkie’s smile faded and she cocked her head to one side, “Hey, how do you know my name, Mr Gatepony?”

“It’s my job to know your name,” the Gatepony replied irritably, “and you need to listen to me carefully.”

Pinkie sat down and smiled sweetly, “Okie dokie! Let’s hear it, Mr Gatepony!”

The Gatepony looked down at her with a bemused expression. “Behind these gates lies the afterlife,” he explained. “The place that ponies go when they die.”

Pinkie Pie nodded excitedly and bounced up and down, “Wow! That’s so cool!” then she stopped suddenly. “Wait a second.” She trotted right up to the gates and pushed her head in between the bars. On the other side was just another vast expanse of empty cloud. She tried to pull her head back through, but the bars caught against her ears. “Hey, can you help me?” She struggled against the bars. “I’m stuck!”

“You can’t get through that way,” the Gatepony sighed, tugging the pink pony away from the gates until her head came through. “Only I can open the gates, and I’m under orders not to let you through.”

“Why not?” Pinkie asked, leaping out of the Gatepony’s grasp. “Are they having a party? Because I love parties! Except when I don’t get invited... then I don’t like parties.” She made a sad face.

The Gatepony sighed, unable to maintain eye contact, “I take it that I’m going to have to spell this out for you, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie looked curiously at him, her eyes wide with perplexity.

The Gatepony let out a final, huge sigh, “You’re dead.”

*

When Rainbow Dash had finished her story, Twilight Sparkle continued to pace the room, deep in thought.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Rainbow whimpered, holding one of Twilight’s pillows close to her, “I just...”

“You needed an outlet for your anger,” Twilight reasoned, “and instead of directing it onto us, you directed it onto what you viewed as a lesser species?”

“No!” Rainbow yelled suddenly, “That’s not right at all! I went out looking for a fight and the dogs gave me one. I just went too far. I think maybe I was secretly hoping that I wouldn’t come back.”

Twilight Sparkle stopped pacing and looked at her, “You’re going to have to make this right somehow.”

“How?” Rainbow asked.

“You can try apologising,” Twilight offered.

“They’ll kill me!” Rainbow protested, “they eat ponies.”

“Then I don’t know what else to say,” Twilight said with a shrug, “you murdered a diamond dog in cold blood because for a long time you’ve been bottling up your feelings about Pinkie Pie. I don’t blame you for it, Rainbow Dash, but you’ve still got to make it right.”

“I know,” Rainbow said miserably. “I just wish I could find a way.”

“You can start by forgiving yourself,” Twilight said, “telling me about it was a good first step. Now you have to find a way to obtain their forgiveness.”

Rainbow nodded and lay sideways on the sofa.

“I wish we’d seen it coming earlier, you know,” Twilight said, snivelling slightly as she sat down.

“Pinkie?”

“Yeah. She must have been hiding that for so long,” Twilight reasoned, “Especially if even you didn’t know.”

“Well...” Rainbow said, “there were signs.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, “signs?”

“Yeah...” Rainbow sat up and put her hooves together. “I never told you about the party with the bucket of turnips did I?”

Twilight raised a perplexed eyebrow, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Pinkie’s birthday. The surprise party we planned.”

“The one where we spent the whole day evading her?”

“Yeah. She had a major psychotic freak-out that day,” Rainbow explained, “When I found her, she was talking to a pile of rocks and a bucket of turnips. They were all wearing party hats.”

Twilight didn’t know whether to laugh or not.

“Yeah,” Rainbow said, looking at her face, “that’s exactly how I looked when I saw it. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I realised, holy shit, she’s actually talking to a bucket of turnips.”

“And you didn’t mention this to anyone?”

Rainbow shook her head, “I just figured it was Pinkie being Pinkie. Guess I was wrong.” She bashed herself in the face with her hoof. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!”

Twilight almost smiled, “you know, I’ve been thinking a lot recently. All the times Pinkie did something strange or weird and we just dismissed it as Pinkie being Pinkie. She probably didn’t feel she could reach out because we’d never take her seriously.” Twilight’s eyes were welling up and she could feel her throat tightening. “She was harbouring something truly insidious that was eating away at her, destroying her will to live, corroding at her very soul and we didn’t even notice until that week she disappeared.”

“Some friends we were,” Rainbow said glumly. “I thought I’d hate her after this, but I don’t. I don’t blame her for wanting to leave this shitty existence.” She wiped her eyes with her front leg.

Twilight nodded, her own eyes on the verge of streaming. “Wherever she is now, I hope she’s found peace.”

*

So it wasn’t a dream.

Pinkie looked down at her hooves. As much as she didn’t want to believe the Gatepony’s words, she knew deep down it was true. She thought hard and could vaguely remember how she had felt in the months leading up to her death, but it seemed alien now.

“The sadness you felt is gone,” the Gatepony said, “You are free from that which caused you anguish. You are the very essence of your essential self – perfect Pinkie. Fully in tune with your wants, needs and desires. In time, you will learn to become one with the afterlife, and everything you ever wanted will be yours.”

Pinkie nodded.

“But because you died by your own hoof, I cannot let you enter the afterlife,” explained the Gatepony.

Pinkie lowered her face in sadness. So it was true. She could still remember Granny Pie’s words: “suicide is a sin. Sinners go to hell.” Pinkie was a sinner.

“Your death caused a lot of ponies a lot of pain,” said the Gatepony, “and because of that, your soul is impure, but since your heart is good, you won’t be damned to Tartarus.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” Pinkie asked nervously.

“You have a choice to make,” the Gatepony informed her, “you can remain here in limbo for the rest of eternity or you can travel back to the physical realm as a spirit and put right your mistakes.”

“A spirit? You mean like a- ”

“A ghost, yes,” the Gatepony finished her sentence for her, “none of your friends will be able to see or hear you. Should you choose to return, you will exist as a ghost in the physical world. You cannot return to limbo until you have accomplished your task.”

“And what is that task?” Pinkie wanted to know.

The Gatepony smiled and there was an air of sadness to it, “Only you can decide that. Right your wrongs and when that is done, you can depart to the afterlife. But be warned – your spirit is the pure essence of your consciousness. You cannot feel pain here in limbo, but in the physical world, old feelings can and will return if you allow them.”

“Are you saying that if I return to Equestria, I’ll become depressed again?” Pinkie asked.

“I’m saying that you are more vulnerable,” the Gatepony explained, “My advice is to figure out what you need to do quickly and do it. The longer you stay in the physical realm, the harder it will be to leave. Believe me when I say that you don’t want to spend the rest of eternity wandering Equestria as a restless spirit. You can’t die when you’re dead. It’s very easy to become a lost soul.”

“Are there other spirits down there?” Pinkie asked, “or will I be alone?”

The Gatepony considered her question for a few seconds before answering, “you may encounter other ghosts. Many of them will be lost souls who have been there for hundreds, if not thousands of years. They are the ones who did not find their way to the afterlife.”

Pinkie envisioned it – faceless blobs walking the surface aimlessly. That would be her if she didn’t fix her mistakes.

“Are you ready to make your choice?” asked the Gatepony.

Pinkie nodded, “I choose to return. If I can’t fix my mistakes, then I don’t deserve the afterlife.” There was no hesitation in her decision. “I’m ready to go back.”

“I thought you would say something like that,” said the Gatepony. “Then I wish you the best of luck, Pinkie Pie, and I hope that you will return.”

“How do you expect me to get do-?” Pinkie was cut off by the sound of her own scream as Gatepony waved his hoof and she suddenly dropped through the clouds and plummeted back down to earth.

But that's not why I'm here
I came down here to tell you
it rains in heaven all day long

Author's Note

Okay, THIS is the last part that references 4.48 Psychosis with the quotation up at the top.

Song Lyrics: The Truth About Heaven - Armour For Sleep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUwxWOO5iNw

Live with Me

Chapter 8 – Live With Me

It don’t matter when you turn
Gonna survive
You live and learn
I’ve been thinking about you, baby

Pinkie Pie’s eyes snapped open. She sat up and looked around. Above was a black sky, filled with dark clouds that obscured the stars. She stood up and immediately realised where she was.

The graveyard.

She took a step backwards and felt something cold on her back leg. She spun around and saw that she had put her leg through a gravestone. She pulled it out effortlessly and saw that it was still intact.

I can pass through solid stone?

She whipped around and looked at the headstone. It was a solid pink block with smooth sides. The top had been fashioned into the shape of a birthday cake and when she read the writing on the body of the stone, she felt her eyes welling up.

In memory of

Pinkamena Diane “Pinkie” Pie

Died aged 23

Beloved friend to everypony in Ponyville

Loved by all and greatly missed

Wherever you are

We hope you have found peace

And then slightly below, the small words that had been carved onto the bottom of the headstone:

Fill my heart up with sunshine.

If Pinkie Pie had ever doubted that she was dead, the thought was now confirmed in her mind. She saw that the numerous bouquets of flowers that had been left at the foot of her grave were still alive. She can’t have been dead more than a week. She reached for the flowers with an incorporeal leg, but her ghostly hoof couldn’t grasp them. She tried repeatedly to grip them, but each time failed.

“Stupid hoof!” she said aloud, “Why couldn’t I have been reincarnated as a birthday cake or something?”

Saying words out loud somehow gave physical shape to her hoof and she was able to grasp the flowers. She rifled through them, picking them up and smelling them, but stopped when she found a sealed envelope lying underneath. It was addressed to her. She picked it up and opened it with her teeth, took out the note that was inside and unfolded it.

Dear Pinkie,

She swallowed hard when she recognised the handwriting.

I’m no literary genius, but Twilight said the best thing that I could do is write down how I felt. So I thought I’d send you a letter.

I can’t put into words how sad I am that you are gone. I don’t think I will ever truly be able to get over the pain in my heart. You’ve left a gaping hole in my life, one that I doubt I will ever be able to fill.

Pinkie was relieved to find she could still cry, even as a ghost. She swept away tears with her hoof and continued to read.

I know it’s silly, but I come by your grave nearly every night hoping to see you. I can’t believe you’re gone. It’s so surreal. Anyway, I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy to be away from this shit hole, because without you, life is empty and every day just fades into the next.

Love you, Pinkie, always and forever yours

Rainbow Dash.

By the time Pinkie had finished reading the note, she was bawling her eyes out. How could she have hurt her best friend so much? How could she have been so selfish?

She put the letter down and stood up.

Fill my heart up with sunshine.

The words on her gravestone rang through her head. She knew what she had to do.

She reared her front legs and jumped. At first, she got worried when she didn’t land right away, and then smiled gleefully when she realised that she was capable of levitating. She half-ran, half-swam through the air towards the middle of the town.

*

“Dear Professor Lolhooves,” Twilight dictated to Spike as he scribed on a piece of parchment, “It is with great sadness that I must inform you of my recent health concerns. Due in part to the recent tragic demise of my dear friend, Pinkie Pie- ”

“Hold on, Twilight,” Spike said, writing as fast as he could. “Okay, go.”

“I hereby request that you allow me to take a month of sick leave so that I may return to the college recharged and renewed,” Twilight finished, “sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Done,” said Spike and he blew flames against the letter, sending it off to Professor Lolhooves. “I’m glad you’re not quitting your job outright.”

“Well, that I still haven’t decided,” Twilight admitted. “I’ve had to put my studies on hold. Maybe now I can go back to research.”

“What, so that you can teach at Canterlot University when you finish?” Spike chided. “Come on, Twilight.”

“Well, that it would be a lot less stressful,” Twilight said, scuffing her hoof on the floor.

“You’re a good teacher, Twilight and you know that the students of Ponyville Community College need you more than the prissy Canterlot ponies,” Spike said. “I know where I’d prefer to get my college degree.”

Twilight laughed, “you’re not planning on enrolling are you?”

“No, but if I ever did, it wouldn’t be at Canterlot,” Spike folded his arms defiantly.

“Princess Celestia teaches there sometimes,” Twilight informed him.

Spike snorted, “yeah, and she’s royalty! You’re Twilight Sparkle. You’re a genius and you’re a good teacher, but you need to put things in perspective.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s say you finish your studies and you become a professor at Canterlot University. What then? Where are you going to live?”

“Well I...”

“Exactly. You’d have to leave Ponyville.”

“That might not be a bad thing...”

“What, because of Pinkie? You think Pinkie would want you to run away?”

“Spike, I...”
“What’s more is if you left, I’d have to come with you. Your decisions affect me as well, you know.”

“But-” Twilight began, but she knew the dragon was right. She lowered her head in shame.

“Sort everything out in your head and then make your decision. You’ve got a good job and a lot of friends here in Ponyville,” Spike told her fiercely, “Yeah, Pinkie Pie is gone and we can’t do anything about it except live our lives as she would have wanted – laughing in the face of adversity.”

Twilight nodded at her dragon companion. His words had given her a new sense of resolve. “Thank’s, Spike.” She pulled Spike into a hug.

“Ahh,” said the dragon, blushing slightly, “don’t worry about it, Twilight. What are friends for?” He hugged her tightly.

*
Either way, win or lose
When you’re born into trouble
You live the blues

Town was quiet. Most of the shops were closed or closing so it must have been late, after seven at least, but Pinkie didn’t even know what day of the week it was. She guessed Thursday, but that was only because Cafe Russo was still open; it could have just as easily been Saturday.

As she passed the open cafe, she saw the faces of ponies that she knew. Then, right at the back, she saw them: Applejack and Rarity, sitting at a table.

Pinkie passed through the wall and glided softly over to the table where her old friends were sitting. Their faces were drawn and sombre. She sat down on the only empty seat and laid her hooves on the table.

“How was your uhh... fashion show in Manehattan?” Applejack asked Rarity.

“Oh, it was adequate, darling, adequate,” Rarity sipped on her herbal tea. “Somepony from Trottingham is hosting another evening later on this month and they’ve invited me to go but... I don’t know if I can face it.”

“You should!” Applejack said, “it would be great for your business!”

“Eh... yes,” said Rarity, “about that.”

Applejack set down her coffee. “What’s on your mind, sugarcube?”

“Well, the thing is, after a lot of deliberation and contemplation on my part, I’ve been giving it all a bit of consideration and I came to the justifiable conclusion that-”

“Spit it out, Rarity,” Applejack snorted, “I ain’t got the patience for your high-class mumbo jumbo.”

Pinkie giggled. It was a shame they couldn’t see her.

“I see,” Rarity cleared her throat, “If you wish for me to be blunt, then blunt I shall be,” she took a deep breath, “I’m leaving Ponyville.”

Applejack nearly choked on her coffee. “What?”

“No!” Pinkie uttered. Neither pony heard her. She put her hooves on Rarity, but the white pony didn’t even feel it. Pinkie sat back in her chair with a glum expression.

“I just... ever since...” Rarity couldn’t find the words. “You know how it is.”

“Well sure I do,” Applejack said, “but I can’t just pack up and say so-long to Sweet Apple Acres! I got responsibilities, and so do you! Where you even gonna go anyhow?”

“That’s right!” Pinkie Pie said, “what about Sweetie Belle?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Rarity conceded, “I thought about going to Canterlot and taking up a job there.”

“A job doing what exactly?” Applejack demanded.

“Well... more like an internship really.”

“Rarity,” Applejack said sternly, “a job doing what?”

“Working in a theatre,” the unicorn said hastily, “I’ve always wanted to try it. This could be my chance!”

Applejack shook her head in disbelief. “No offence, Rarity, but you need to take your head out from inside your rear end and put things into perspective.”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity said, aghast, “What was that about my rear end?”

“That you’ve got your head so far up inside it, you can’t tell it from your hoof,” Applejack explained, “What I mean to say is, bad things happen. But you can’t just run away from them – you’ve got to deal with them. What do you think Pinkie would say if she was here right now?”

Oh the irony, Applejack. Pinkie’s gaze swapped from Applejack to Rarity.

The unicorn sniffed and dabbed at her eyes. “She’d probably say that fashion is my passion. She’d tell me that everything was going to be alright.”

Pinkie nodded. She couldn’t bear to see her friends unhappy. But what could she do? Then as she looked over at the table across the way from them, she saw two ponies, gleefully picking their way through ice cream sundaes. Pinkie got up from the table and snuck over to them. Neither pony saw her, even when she had her ghostly, pink hooves wrapped around their ice creams. She tugged them both away and carried them away from the table.

“What the-?”

“Holy crap!” one of the ponies fell back in his chair at the sight of the two floating ice creams.

Rarity and Applejack paused their conversation to glance up at ice creams dancing in mid air. Then gawped in astonishment as they started to float towards the table where they were sitting.

“Hey, unicorn,” hollered one of the ponies who the ice creams belonged to, “you going to give those back?”

Applejack shifted her position, looking at Rarity. “Are you doing that?”

Rarity shook her head, “It’s not me!”

Applejack made a grab for one of the floating ice creams, but it pulled out of her reach before she could grasp it.

Pinkie emptied the contents of the ice cream sundaes onto the table where Rarity and Applejack were sitting. She started to scrape it together into a solid shape.

“Oh great,” moaned one of the other ponies, looking down miserably at the mess on the table, “now you owe me and by buddy an ice cream sundae.”

“I’ve told you, it’s not me!” Rarity insisted, but something about the way that the blob of ice cream seemed to be rearranging itself on the table captivated her attention. “What in the world is it doing?”

Applejack came around to where Rarity was sitting and observed as the ice cream formed the shape of a heart on the table.

Pinkie Pie took a step back to admire her work. It had certainly broken the ice between the two ponies, but whether or not it would be enough to convince Rarity to stay in Ponyville was another matter.

“Is this somepony’s idea of a joke?” Applejack asked, looking around the cafe. Rarity seemed to be the only unicorn in sight.

“I have no idea, darling. But painting with ice cream... such creativity,” Rarity rose from her chair with a determined look on her face, “it’s given me an idea.”

“Uh-oh,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes, “don’t tell me you’re gonna take a job in an ice cream parlour?”

“No, darling,” Rarity said. “I’m going to bake a cake for you, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and we’re all going to have it with a pot of special blend herbal tea!”

Pinkie Pie beamed at her. She didn’t quite know how, but her little stunt had made her friends smile when they were feeling down.

“Sounds good, Rarity,” Applejack said with a wide grin as the two ponies made their way out of the cafe.

“Hey,” hollered one of the ponies who lost their ice cream, “are you going to pay for that or what?” the words had barely even left his lips when a hoof-full of ice cream hit him in the face from across the room. He used a long tongue to lap it off his face.

Pinkie left with a smile on her face. She checked the clock on the wall and decided that it was time to return to the graveyard.

There was somepony else she had to see.

I’ve been thinking about you, baby
See it almost makes me crazy

*

(To get the full effect of this scene – please listen to the song Live With Me by Massive Attack while you read it)

Rain beat down over the cemetery, but Rainbow Dash didn’t mind. Ponyville hadn’t seen sunlight since Pinkie’s funeral and was beset by an almost constant torrent of rainfall. The weather matched her mood: Ponyville could drown for all she cared.

Rainbow sniffed the air. There was something almost soothing about the presence of the rainwater. The sensation of cold droplets on her fur... it served to remind her that she was still here. She trudged through the soft muddy ground on her way up through row upon row of marked headstones.

Her hooves were smeared with mud and her mane was soaked with rainwater by the time she reached Pinkie Pie’s grave. As soon as she stopped walking, she slumped to the ground and her large eyes burst into a flood of tears the second she read the words on the headstone.

It had taken a while, but she had stopped blaming Pinkie for her suicide and had transferred that blame onto herself. She was the problem. She was the one who had kept silent when she knew deep down she should have said something earlier. Maybe if Pinkie had received treatment earlier, maybe none of this would have happened. She couldn’t blame Pinkie for taking her own life, because she was beginning to understand why she did it. She wondered what Applejack or Twilight might have done if it was them.

Nah. Far too fucking sensible.

How Applejack was able to be so emotionally distant was beyond Rainbow’s comprehension. Maybe she was putting on a brave face; maybe she carved up her wrists in secret when she was home. If it had been Rarity or even Fluttershy, they would have sought help from the best psychiatrists in Equestria before things got out of hand. Pinkie couldn’t afford that. She struggled to keep a roof over her head as it was before Sugarcube Corner went under, and once it did, she had barely enough money to eat. But she said nothing about it to anyone. Rainbow could only assume that it was because she didn’t want her problems to become theirs. Her desire to make her friends happy meant avoiding making them sad, even at the cost of her own health.

“Oh Pinkie,” said Rainbow, as she dipped her head. Why was it so hard for her? She thought she was strong than this. Pinkie had always been resilient: she’d been able to laugh off anything that had come her way, any misfortune or sadness, even despite the turmoil that raged on underneath.

Rainbow cried bitterly.

Nothing’s right, if you ain’t here.
I’d give all that I have, just to keep you near.
I wrote you a letter, I tried to make it clear
You just don’t believe that I’m sincere

“I’ve been thinking about you, Pinkie,” Rainbow said through her tears. She rested her head against Pinkie’s grave. It was the closest she could physically be to the best friend she’d ever had. The best friend she would ever have.

*

From a short distance away, Pinkie watched her friend crying against the gravestone. One thought persisted in her mind:

I did this. Me.

She knew she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t turn off being dead. Rainbow couldn’t see or hear her, even when she sat down next to the blue pegasus and leant against her soft, warm body.

“Ah, Rainbow,” Pinkie whispered, “if only you knew.” She stroked her friend’s beautiful mane, hoping that she would be able to feel it, but the pegasus didn’t react. She continued to cry.

“I just want to be with you again,” Rainbow sobbed.

Pinkie held her mouth close to Rainbow’s ear and whispered: “I’ll always be with you, silly. Just have a little faith.”

Rainbow’s ear pricked. She turned her head and glanced at the empty air next to her, eyes wide.

Pinkie’s eyes widened. Rainbow was looking directly at her. Had she heard her? For a second, Pinkie wondered if Rainbow Dash could see her face, but the pegasus’ lack of reaction told her otherwise. She put her head down on the ground once more. Pinkie put a ghostly front leg around Rainbow and snuggled close against her. She would stay and comfort the pegasus for as long as it took for her to fly home. Even if she never made it back to the afterlife, it would be worth it just to see Rainbow smile.

Pinkie shut her eyes. She wasn’t sure whether or not ghosts slept, but she was starting to feel tired.

“Rainbow Dash!”

Pinkie’s eyes snapped open.

Rainbow stood up and looked around. Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle were approaching from afar.

Pinkie floated off the Rainbow pony and stood to face the others.

“What are you guys doing out here?” Rainbow asked.

“We were worried about you,” Fluttershy said.

“How did you know where I was?”

“Well, it’s raining like the world’s about to end and you weren’t in your house,” Twilight said, gesturing with the umbrella she was holding over her head “We made an educated guess as to where you might be.”

Rainbow smiled a little.

Pinkie saw it and felt the pit of her stomach grow warm. “You have friends, Rainbow,” she said. “Listen to them.”

“Let’s go home, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said. “My cottage is closest.”

Rainbow Dash took one look at Pinkie’s grave before nodding and slowly walking towards Twilight and Fluttershy.

As Pinkie watched her leave, a sudden realisation came to her. I thought that my pain had disappeared when I died, but I guess the truth is that I just spread it around my friends. She narrowed her eyes. I have to put it right for my friends.

“Wait for me guys!” she called as she rose into the air and floated after the other ponies.

I’ve been thinking about you baby
I want you to live with me.

Author's Note

Song Lyrics:

Live With Me - Massive Attack

My Curse

Chapter 9 – My Curse

I watched you walk away
Hopeless with nothing to say

Pinkie Pie watched them as they slept, a silent guardian of their dreams, keeping them safe. Every so often, Rainbow Dash would make an adorable noise as she drew in a sharp breath. Pinkie lay beside her and stroked the pegasus’ rainbow coloured mane. It frustrated her knowing that Rainbow would never again feel her touch, the warmth of her body, the softness of her curly fur. Rainbow would never again smell that Pinkie Pie smell or hear the gleeful laughter that accompanied her, every time she laid eyes on her friends.

Pinkie Pie frowned. What am I even thinking? She hasn’t had any of that for a long time.

“I’m so sorry, Rainbow,” Pinkie whispered, putting her head next to the pegasus. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Rainbow stirred. Pinkie sat bolt upright. Had she heard her? Pinkie put her mouth to Rainbow’s ear. “Can you hear me, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow snorted in her sleep. Pinkie took it as a “yes”.

“I want you to continue living your life,” Pinkie said. “I don’t want you to be sad anymore. I want you to think of me and remember the happy times. I want you to smile and think of all the joy you brought to my life.” She stroked her friend’s sleek body and hugged it close. “I promise we will see each other again, Rainbow. Being dead isn’t that bad, really.” She smiled to herself. “Well, I can’t eat or drink, I don’t have a reflection and I nobody can see or hear me. But I can float! And I can walk through walls! See?” Pinkie zipped across the room, through the walls and floorboards. She pretended she was a shark, swimming through the floor with a pink fin sticking out on the surface. But her efforts were pointless as Rainbow didn't see her.

Rainbow breathed in sharply. Pinkie pushed her face against the pegasus’ face and almost immediately, a sudden, strange sensation washed over her. A blinding white light forced her to close her eyes tightly and pull away from Rainbow Dash. When Pinkie opened her eyes, she saw that she was no longer in Fluttershy’s cottage, but in a cave that appeared to be underground.

Where am I?

All around her, she could see hordes of diamond dogs, many of them armed to the teeth with, spears, knives, axes and other painful metal objects. Pinkie Pie backed away rapidly, but it was clear that they couldn’t see her, or if they could, they weren’t focusing on her. Their full attention was turned to the blue pegasus that was rapidly dispatching dog after dog with her bare hooves as they came at her in droves.

“Rainbow!” Pinkie squealed.

Rainbow didn’t hear. She was busy slamming a large diamond dog face-first into the ground and breaking his arm at the elbow. One dog grabbed her from behind and tried to pull her away, but she drove her front knees against his head, forcing him to release her. She rolled forward and swept her back legs out, shattering the dog’s femurs and pulverising his knees.

Pinkie looked on in astonishment. She had seen Rainbow fight before, but never like this. She was a black-belt in every martial art she had ever taken to, but the sheer speed at which she was laying waste to these dogs and the ferocity of her attacks, breaking bones, tearing flesh and smashing teeth... it was like she was possessed. Pinkie watched as she hefted a dog up above her head and then broke his back against her knee. The creature let out a blood curdling scream as Rainbow cast his limp body to one side and approached another pack of dogs who were now quaking in fear at the mere sight of the small, blue pony.

“Rainbow, stop!” Pinkie wailed. But it was no use, the pegasus either didn’t hear her, or didn’t care – she waded into the pack of helpless diamond dogs and cleaved at them mercilessly with her hooves. The expression on her face was one of sheer, uncompromising depravity; it was as if an unholy evil that was normally dormant inside her had suddenly exploded to the surface. Why was she doing this? Yeah, diamond dogs were ugly, smelly and a general nuisance, but they kept to themselves usually unless you deliberately went an antagonised them. But what had they done to deserve this?

Pinkie could barely stand to watch as Rainbow grabbed a dog and held him close to her, hooves poised to break his neck.

“Rainbow, no!” Pinkie yelled.

Snap.

The dog fell lifelessly to the ground.

Pinkie sank to her knees.

As Pinkie started to cry, the fabric of the area she was in began to dissolve. The dogs faded into the background. The background faded into an empty, white space, until only Pinkie and Rainbow remained, the latter pony’s head was dipped in shame. She must have come to her senses, Pinkie decided. Pinkie walked over to the pegasus and put her front legs around her. But no sooner had she touched the pony’s fur, Rainbow Dash vanished. The whiteness of the background faded and the world faded into view. Pinkie was in the Everfree forest now, and Rainbow was up ahead, walking slowly through a woodland trail. Pinkie bounded up alongside her, but the pegasus’ head was still dipped in sadness.

No sooner had she caught up with Rainbow, the scenery changed again. They were in Twilight Sparkle’s library. Twilight and Rainbow were hugging each other. Twilight was consoling a distraught Rainbow.

Pinkie was confused. Was this a dream? Or was it...

...a memory? Was she seeing Rainbow Dash’s memories?

Several images flashed before her. Rainbow talking to an unresponsive Pinkie Pie in hospital. Rainbow crying in the toilets of said hospital. Rainbow waiting outside Pinkie’s hospital room in the dead of night. Twilight Sparkle dragging Rainbow away from the hospital. Rainbow standing on the bridge where Pinkie jumped from, crying her heart out and having to be pulled away by Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy. Rainbow breaking down in tears at a funeral service, which Pinkie guessed was hers. Rainbow crying, screaming and smashing things in her house. So much anger. So much pain. So much sadness.

I did this. In the time leading up to her death and shortly after it, Rainbow seemed as though she barely able to hold it together. Pinkie was horrified. She had no idea that her death would have caused so much pain.

In a flash, she was back in Fluttershy’s cottage. She looked around frantically. Rainbow was sleeping soundly next to her; Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy were also asleep. Pinkie Pie breathed a sigh of relief. Had she just explored Rainbow’s memories? It seemed so. But if that was the case, then the fight with the dogs... she must have been out of her mind.

Pinkie looked around and wondered if she could explore the memories of Twilight and Fluttershy as well. It was rather late, but then again she was dead after all: it wasn’t as if she needed to sleep or anything...

Ah, what the heck, let’s do it! She went to find Twilight Sparkle.

*

Pinkie Pie was sitting in a large lecture theatre, surrounded by students. At the front of the class was a large blank chalkboard and next to it, a shaking purple unicorn. It was oddly silent, almost eerily so, with only the sound of a ticking clock filling the air.

Pinkie recognised Twilight Sparkle immediately. She rose from her seat, squeezing passed the ponies sitting on the same row and trotted down the row towards the front of the class.

“Yo, Ms Sparkle!” one student hollered. “Your class blows, man!”

Pinkie Pie jumped up in fright, clinging to the ceiling above her. She craned her head and looked at the pony wearing the skewed baseball cap and the baggy hooded top who was stood up waving his hands around like Diamond Snoop Dawg.

“If I ain’t learnin, why the hell you earnin?” demanded the student, walking out from his row. “You wanna teach us ‘bout Shakespeare? Bitch, I don’t even wanna be here!”

“Mr Jinkman...” the nervous Twilight Sparkle said, watching as the student passed underneath Pinkie Pie on his way to the front of the lecture theatre, still waving his arms.

“This class fuckin’ blows, everypony here knows,” said Jinkman, “that you wanna profess, well ain’t this a mess?” he stopped in front of Twilight Sparkle, who struggled to maintain eye contact with the disruptive student. “Get the fuck out of teachin’, you hear what I’m preachin?”

“Mr Jinkman, sit down!” Twilight shouted, trembling as the student pushed his face towards her.

“You don’t like my talk? Put down that chalk,” Jinkman demanded, “and get the fuck out of this classroom, before your ass gets hauled.” He turned around to his classmates and raised his arms.

A few cheers quickly spiralled into a standing ovation, and Pinkie looked on in horror as Twilight Sparkle seemed to shrink inside herself. Why wasn’t she saying anything? Maybe she can't say anything! Poor Twilight. Pinkie thought as she let go of the ceiling and floated slowly to the ground. Her students don’t respect her, and she can’t do anything about it.

Jinkman turned around to face Twilight and with a cruel grin, he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. As Twilight sank to her knees, more students cheered. Pinkie gasped in horror.

Oh no he didn’t! Pinkie charged right up to the youth and stared him angrily in the face, but it was useless: he couldn’t see her, this was just a memory.

The students laughed at the trembling Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie was powerless to help her. Pinkie shut her eyes tightly and felt a rush of air blowing around her. When she opened her eyes, she was in a well furnished office with a bear rug underneath her hooves.

She was standing next to Twilight Sparkle. Both ponies were standing in front of a desk, behind which sat an overweight stallion with a thick, white beard.

“I’m sorry, Ms Sparkle,” he said, shuffling a set of papers on his desk, “there’s nothing I can do about Pesse Jinkman.”

“Professor Lolhooves, I don’t think you understand,” Twilight said, “he hit me in the face.”

“I do understand,” Prof. Lolhooves said, nodding his head, “I do, believe me. There’s just nothing I can do about it. I can’t expel him.”

“Why not?”

“His father supplies a large amount of funding to this college, if I expel his son, he’ll cut that funding.”

“He assaulted a professor!” Twilight cried, outraged.

“I understand, and I will deal with that personally,” Professor Lolhooves said, “but right now, the best you can do is let it lie.”

“I can’t go back to that class,” Twilight protested, shaking her head, “Not while he is still in there.”

“I understand,” Professor Lolhooves said again, but there was an edge to his tone, and Pinkie didn’t think he was being genuine. He looked bored with the conversation. “Perhaps you should take a few days off? Given your current circumstances, nobody would blame you if you took a leave of absence.”

“No!” Twilight said, defiantly. “There are students who need me.”

“They need a professor who can function properly in their classes,” said Lolhooves, sitting back in his chair. “You can’t do that if you’re grieving. It’s understandable, Twilight.”

“Grief has nothing to do with it; I can’t function when Pesse Jinkman is in my class because he’s a disruptive, self-absorbed, disrespectful little shit!”

“That may be true, but if that’s the case, he isn’t the first and he certainly won’t be the last,” Lolhooves twiddled a pen in his right hoof. “I can sign you off work for however long you need. Full pay. You’ll be able to spend time with your friends and get through your grieving process. You can work on finishing your PhD thesis, safe in the knowledge that there will be a job waiting for you when you get back. You’re a good professor and the college doesn’t want to lose you. Just say the word.”

Twilight looked miserably across the desk at her boss. “I don’t want to get signed off work.”

Lolhooves sighed and put down the pen. He got up and walked towards his office door. “Then I can’t be held responsible for any further drama that occurs in your class.”

“But, Professor- ” Twilight’s desperate eyes followed him across the room.

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle,” the professor said, opening the door to his office, “that will be all.”

A bright light shot through the door and flooded into the room. Pinkie closed her eyes to stop the glare, and when she opened them again, she was back inside Twilight’s bedroom.

*

Pinkie sat on top of the cloud overlooking Ponyville. While it was still raining heavily, the night sky was clearer than it had been for days. Over in the distance, the storm seemed to be breaking up; maybe the pegasi were managing alright without Rainbow Dash. They probably realised just how much she did for Ponyville and had to up their game just to keep the weather at bay.

“Rainbow’s feeling guilty about mauling an entire pack of diamond dogs when she was angry” Pinkie said aloud, “and Twilight Sparkle is miserable because she’s been having problems at work!” She lay back on the cloud, head resting on her forelimbs. “I know it’s not my fault there’s a student she can’t deal with, but me going out and killing myself hasn’t exactly helped matters.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

Pinkie turned around and jumped out of her skin when she saw the Gatepony lying on empty air next to her He had tidied his beard up and seemed to have adopted a less formal voice.

“M-Mr Gatepony!” stammered Pinkie, clutching her chest where her heart once beat, “What in the heck are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d drop by and check up on you.”

“Shouldn’t you be like, guarding the gate?” Pinkie asked, sitting upright and looking curiously at her uninvited guest, “you’re the gatepony after all.”

“Well, I’m not the Gatepony,” said the Gatepony, “I’m just your Gatepony.”

“My Gatepony?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “everypony gets their own Gatepony.”

“Wow, really?” Pinkie asked. “What do you do after I go through the gate?”

“Well,” the Gatepony began, “once our contract ends, I suppose I’ll become someone else’s Gatepony.”

“Wait, ‘contract’?” Pinkie said, “I don’t remember singing any contract!”

The Gatepony sighed, “Death is a lot more complicated than you ponies realise.” He stretched out his arms. “Alright, here’s the field-trip version. After your body dies, your soul enters this big... space in the sky. It’s called the Incorporeal Body Facilitator Nebula or some official shit like that: we call it the Fish Tank. Your soul is totally dormant. It just swims around aimlessly in this big tank until we can-”

“Wait, ‘we’?” Pinkie interrupted him. This was making her head spin. “Who is ‘we’?”

“The Afterlife Management Committee,” the Gatepony said, dismissively. “Also known as Grim Reapers, Shinigami, Gods of Death. Whatever you want to call us. We manage the Afterlife. Make sure it runs smoothly.”

“You’re the Grim Reaper?” Pinkie said, a little shaken.

“Well, I used to be one of many Grim Reapers,” said the Gatepony, “You think one guy could keep track of all the death in the world?”

“Well,” Pinkie looked at her hooves. “I’d never really thought about it, I just thought that when you died, you went to a big party in the sky!”

The Gatepony chucked, “It’s not that simple. The Afterlife is not too different from the physical realm. It needs to be managed and controlled. It’s a tight balance. The right people need to keep it moving smoothly. Otherwise it would just be chaos; souls wandering aimlessly, causing havoc.” He shuddered at the thought.

Pinkie cocked a confused eyebrow. “Is that what happens when you die? Your spirit just goes walkabout until the Grim Reaper comes for you?”

“Grim Reapers always know exactly how much time a pony has left,” The Gatepony explained, “when your time is up, one will probably be there to take your soul to the Fish Tank. Otherwise it would just wander aimlessly, growing in power all the time. Souls aren’t sentient like spirits. A spirit has all the memories, feelings and personality traits of the body it came from. A spirit is a whole being; a soul is just an incorporeal essence, like your most basic, primitive drives.”

“So how does a soul become a spirit?” Pinkie asked.

“Ah, well that’s the clever part. The body needs to be buried or burned before it can release the other half of a spirit – the consciousness.”

Pinkie put her hooves to her head, “wait, wait, wait. Consciousness?”

The Gatepony sighed, “your spirit has two halves: soul and consciousness. Soul is the physical essence, the body if you like, and consciousness is your mental processes. It’s like body and mind when you’re alive. Your body is just a bunch of squishy organs and bones. Body is a physical thing, but your mind isn’t. You can’t hold somepony’s mind like you can their body.”

“So a soul is like... the spirit body? And the consciousness is the spirit mind?”

“Yeah,” the Gatepony said. “That’s probably a good way of looking at it. Without the consciousness, the soul is basically a wild animal, and they can become dangerous for the living if they are left in the physical world, that’s why Grim Reapers have to take them up to the Fish Tank. But the consciousness gets released when the body is buried or burned. We have until then to find your soul a Gatepony to be there when you wake up in Limbo. Once your consciousness leaves your body, it just passes through into the afterlife and joins with the soul. Somehow it knows exactly how to find your soul, probably all subconscious.” He sighed, “Anyway, the soul becomes a conscious spirit and gets released from the Fish Tank into Limbo. The rest... well. You already know: you just sort of wake up, like from a dream. If their soul is pure, they go to the Afterlife, if not, they go to limbo.”

Pinkie nodded, “What happens if the body doesn’t get buried or burned?”

“You mean if the body was just left out in the open?” The Gatepony shrugged, “eventually the consciousness will release on its own when the body decomposes. I don’t really know. It hasn’t been unheard of for a Grim Reaper to actually burn a body just to release the consciousness. Never seen it happen myself, but like I said, the AMC makes things run smoothly.”

“What’s it like being a Grim Reaper?” Pinkie asked. “Do you get a cool scythe?” she mimed swinging a scythe.

The Gatepony raised an eyebrow at her, “Every Grim Reaper carries a weapon of their own choosing. Mine was a sword. As for what it’s like: some guys love it, going into the physical realm, retrieving lost souls from strange places. We even have a Special Ops unit that tracks down particularly violent, evil spirits and takes them straight down to Tartarus until they can learn to behave. I personally got bored of it after a few centuries and decided to switch to a more... Pony centred role, which, by the way, is why I’m here.” The Gatepony flew up and hovered in front of Pinkie Pie. “Part of my service is to also act as your spirit guide while you’re down here. I’m also here to say that if you want to come back up to Limbo, it’s not too late.”

“But before you said-”

“I know what I said,” said the Gatepony. “It’s one of the things we have to say - it helps us judge whether you really deserve to enter the afterlife or not. The fact that you chose to go down and try to put things right means you’ve got a good heart.” He reached forward placed a hoof on her shoulder.

Pinkie shuddered. She felt his hoof against her body and looked him in the eye, “I can feel your hoof!”

“I’m a spirit like you,” the Gatepony said taking his hoof away and floating up around Pinkie. “But I never got to enter the afterlife.”

“You didn’t?”

The Gatepony shook his head, “nope. I made a lot of mistakes in my mortal life. But I didn’t take my Gatepony up on the offer of trying to put things right... I was afraid of what would happen.”

“What did you do?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, that’s when I became a Grim Reaper,” the Gatepony said. “If you stay in Limbo, you have to work for the AMC. You didn’t think you just sat around all day doing nothing?”

Pinkie shrugged, “I didn’t know what I thought! I thought death was either a big party or a big empty space!”

“The actual Afterlife is pretty sweet,” the Gatepony said. “You basically just become one with your senses. I imagine it’s a bit like becoming a tree.”

Pinkie broke into laughter. “That’s great. Death is becoming a tree. Fluttershy would approve. But my friend Applejack kicks trees...”

“Yeah... but the AMC just manage the Afterlife. We can’t actually access it’s... facilities.

“Why not?”

“Well,” the Gatepony explained, “only a Gatepony can let a spirit into the Afterlife and a Gatepony can’t walk through their own gates. Those gates I was standing outside when you woke up are your gates. Only your spirit can enter them. After it does, the gates close forever.”

“I can’t even come back out?”

“Even if you could, you won’t want to,” the Gatepony said, landing on the cloud and stretching out. “Once you enter the afterlife, your consciousness enters a level beyond what it is now. You become perfect, pure.”

“Sounds like you lose your free will,” Pinkie Pie mused.

The Gatepony chuckled, “perhaps.”

There was a moment of silence between them as Pinkie Pie slowly took in everything the Gatepony had said to her.

“I don’t imagine I’ll ever see the Afterlife,” the Gatepony said quietly, “The people I hurt in my old life are long dead. The best I can do to atone for my mistakes is to work for the AMC and help spirits like you find what they’re looking for.”

“Do you like what you do?”

The Gatepony nodded, “In many ways, it’s better than being alive. I have a job that I like doing, I don’t have to worry about money or food or finding somewhere to sleep. Hell, I can move freely between the physical world and Limbo anytime I wish, seeing sights, watching the world change.”

“Does it never get lonely?” Pinkie said, putting her head down on the cloud, “I feel lonely. You’re the only pony I’ve talked to since I died.”

“It can feel like that at first, but you get used to it,” said the Gatepony, “There are a lot of spirits in limbo. It’s a big place: many times bigger than the physical realm. I’ve made a few friends in my time. Ponies I’ve helped.”

“And now you’re helping me?” Pinkie said.

“Yeah,” the Gatepony replied, “for as long as it takes for you to atone for what you’ve done. Eventually though, you will probably want to think about coming back up. While there’s no limit to the amount of time you have, generally speaking, ponies who don’t atone after a week, never do.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened, “so what do I have to do to atone? I need to find a way to make my friends happy again, but can’t exactly throw a party for them when I’m dead, so what can I do?”

The Gatepony smiled, “Even if I knew that, I couldn’t tell you. Wish I could - it would make my job easier, wouldn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Pinkie replied.

“I’m going to tell you this now,” the Gatepony said, “spirits who work for AMC often have a terrible habit of being cryptic, but I’m going to be straight with you. I’ve helped a lot of spirits through this process. I’d say roughly one in five was able to atone and enter the afterlife.”

“One in five?” Pinkie repeated.

“The odds aren’t great,” the Gatepony admitted, “but that’s how it seems to work. Some give up after a few days, others go months, even years. The longest I ever spent with somepony was fifty-two years before he finally gave up.”

“Fifty-two years?”

“Yeah, for some reason, he really wanted to see his kids die...” the Gatepony shifted in his position, “anyway, you’re a free spirit, as they say. You can stay in the physical realm for as long as you like, or you can give up and come back to Limbo and join the AMC.”

Pinkie looked down at her hooves nervously.

“It’s not bad at all,” the Gatepony said, “You get powers.”

“What sort of powers?” Pinkie asked.

“Well... apart from being able to move freely between the physical world and Limbo, we can all fly, move at super-speed, teleport, pass through walls, read the memories of the living and hold physical objects. The living can’t see us. We can touch them, but they don’t feel us: we can’t hurt them. We can kill them, but only with a Grim Reaper’s weapon.”

“I knew it!” Pinkie said, jumping up and down, “Grim Reaper’s scythe!”

“Anypony who uses a scythe these days gets laughed at,” said the Gatepony.

“Do Grim Reapers kill ponies often?”

“Very rarely,” said the Gatepony. “Everypony’s time of death is written in fate. It’s already decided. We can’t tell the future, but we can see when a pony is going to die. But if something happens that causes a pony to cheat death and they end up living beyond their life expectancy, that’s when we would need to take action.”

“I get it,” Pinkie said. “So if Rainbow had saved me on that bridge...”

“You were destined to die on that bridge. You weren’t destined to die in your room with all those pills,” the Gatepony said, “Fate had already decided that Rainbow Dash was going to save you then, and it had already decided that she wouldn’t be able to save you on the bridge. We can’t control fate, but we have to try and keep it flowing smoothly. If something outside of fate’s control had intervened in your death, then a Grim Reaper would make sure it happened.”

“Nice to know,” Pinkie said. “We’re all destined to die, huh?”

“Absolutely,” the Gatepony said. “It’s the only thing that is certain in this existence and the reason we have Grim Reapers is because if things start to function outside of fate, then we get chaos. A tiny ripple now can create chaos hundreds of years later. Sompony cheats death accidentally because somepony else stepped on a butterfly five years ago. Most of the time things go smoothly, but if something happens on our end, like an evil spirit escapes or a Grim Reaper decides to go rogue, things start getting messed up. Oh and time travel REALLY messes with fate. That friend of yours... Twilight Sparkle? Holy shit, we’re still cleaning up the mess she created when she went back in time and spoke to herself. Apparently, nobody ever told her that creating a fucking time paradox was a bad idea.”

Pinkie giggled to herself, remembering the day.

“Oh, that’s another thing,” said the Gatepony, “We can’t time travel, but we do have the power to move through dimensional space. There are other dimensions where you chose not to take your own life.”

“Multiple dimensions, really?” Pinkie said. “Twilight Sparkle tried to explain that to me once. It all sounds very... big.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve never been in this particular dimension before. One of the best things is that it never gets old – if you get bored, you can just go to another dimension.”

“How many are there?” Pinkie asked.

The Gatepony laughed. “There is an infinite number. Some will differ only slightly from this one we’re in now. In another dimension, there will be another Pinkie Pie having this exact same conversation with another Gatepony, who might use a different word in one of his sentences. There are an infinite number of minute changes you can make, and there is another dimension for each possible change. When you work for the AMC, you get the power to travel between any of them at will.”

“Have you ever met yourself from another dimension?” Pinkie asked.

“Can’t say I have,” said the Gatepony. “I suppose it’s possible. But it would serve no purpose other than if you, for whatever reason, really wanted to talk to yourself. Generally, if we are in a dimension, we are in there because we have a job to do. I can come and go as I please, but I’ve got to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re trying to atone and not doing anything stupid.”

“Like what?” Pinkie said, smiling sweetly.

“Like throwing ice-cream at the living,” said the Gatepony, cocking an eyebrow in Pinkie’s direction. “Yeah... stuff like that can mess around with fate, since for some reason, it doesn’t seem to account for anything we do. The guy you hit with an ice cream might die five years earlier or later than his life expectancy. If he lives five years later, in those five years he shouldn’t be alive, he could go out and kill fifty ponies. Fifty ponies are dead who shouldn’t be dead, and one of them could have been destined to prevent a disaster, saving thousands of lives. Another might have been destined to start a war that ended millions of lives. Everyone’s fate is written: mess with it, and pretty soon, you’ve got a lot a gigantic cluster fuck all because of one tiny little action.”

“Wow,” Pinkie Pie said, letting it all sink in.“This entire thing is starting to make my brain hurt, I can’t say I planned to spend tonight learning about the physics of death and the afterlife.”

“Yeah, well, I’m telling you all this now because I want you to be objective,” the Gatepony said, “I know you care about the ponies you left behind. I know you’re sorry for what you did. I want you to atone and go to the Afterlife, but I don’t want you to torture yourself thinking that you’re going to Tartarus if you fail.”

“What happens in Tartarus?” Pinkie asked tentatively.

The Gatepony shuddered, “it’s a horrible place where evil souls and spirits are imprisoned. Like the afterlife and limbo, it has one dimension. If a soul is corrupt, it becomes violent when released. If a corrupt soul is left in the physical world, it can cause serious damage. Any time you ever see a haunted house, it’s usually the corrupt soul of somepony who died there and didn’t get picked up by a Reaper. Nobody monitors these things for us: we don’t have some guy with a crystal ball to tell us who is going to die – we have to actively go looking for ponies about to die so we can take their souls. If a Grim Reaper sees that you’re approaching your death day, he’ll keep checking in on you periodically until you pass so he’s usually there to take your soul when you do,” the Gatepony sighed, “I suppose it’s comforting to know that generally, nopony is ever alone in their final moments... they always have a Grim Reaper there to collect their soul and a Gatepony to welcome them to Limbo. It’s just a shame you don’t know that when you’re dying.”

“You think it would matter?” Pinkie Pie said. “I had Rainbow Dash with me when I died. I still felt alone. I’d felt alone for months. I became really depressed after the Cakes left. I don’t even know why, but I wasn’t able to work; my business went under, I had no money and I lost everything. I was days away from getting evicted from my apartment when I took all the pills that I’d stockpiled for months.”

“I’m not here to judge you, Pinkie Pie,” said the Gatepony softly. “Actually, that’s not true: I will be the one who decides whether or not I think you should be let into the afterlife. But I’m not going to judge you for your past mistakes.”

“I want to focus on putting them right,” Pinkie Pie declared, a new sense of determination coming over her.

“I get that,” said the Gatepony, “All I’m saying is, don’t wait too long. You’re just going to end up torturing yourself. Limbo isn’t that bad. You get cool powers and you can’t die.”

“I’m not doing this because I want to go the afterlife,” Pinkie said sternly, “I’m doing this because I want my friends to be happy again! Don’t you understand how it makes me feel knowing I’m responsible for making them so miserable?”

The Gatepony looked at her curiously and then nodded his head. “Then do what you think you have to do to make things right. If you ever need me, come back up to this cloud.” The Gatepony rose up from the cloud.

“Wait!” Pinkie called after him.

The Gatepony stopped and turned around.

“I just want them to know how sorry I am. How do I let them know that?”

The Gatepony smiled sadly, “I wish I could tell you.” He rose back up into the clouds until he was no longer visible. Pinkie Pie watched him leave and sat back down on her cloud.

I have to make things right. I have to make my friends happy any way I can. Then she looked down at her hooves sadly. But what can I do? I’m just a ghost.

*

Rainbow Dash got up early, before dawn. She sneaked out of Fluttershy’s cottage and flew to the top of a large, grey cloud sitting high above Ponyville. There, she gazed down at the village below her, sighing deeply. Far below, she could see the derelict building that had once been Sugarcube Corner, with Pinkie Pie’s little apartment stretching out at the top.

How could we have just let it happen? How could we have just sat by and did nothing? We could have run her business for her. We could have taken care of her better when she was sick! No. They had been so wrapped up in their own lives, nopony had had any time for Pinkie Pie. They all moved on and she got left behind. It was their fault she was dead, not hers.

“I just want to see you again, Pinkie,” Rainbow shouted out loud. “I want to tell you how sorry I am!”

If she had been able to see the little pink spirit that was cuddled up next to her, crying softly about how sorry she was, Rainbow’s face might have softened.

Your silence haunts me
But I still hunger for you
This is my curse.

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay. I've been working on the Iron Will series as well as an article for the Journal of Popular Television which has been taking up a lot of my time.

Song Lyrics: My Curse - Killswitch Engage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMcprFxRl3Y

Reservoir Dogs

Chapter 10

Listen up sweet child of mine
Have I got news for you
Nobody leaves this place alive
They'll die and join the queue

Three fillies, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, trekked through the treacherous japes of the Everfree Forest until they reached the vast space of open ground known as Amethyst Resovoir. Once an enormous lake, it was supposedly hit by a large meteorite that broke into millions of fragments, scattering diamonds everywhere in the lake. When the lake dried up, let left behind a bed of diamonds. At least, that was what Twilight Sparkle had told them, but then again, when Twilight Spoke at length about something historical, most ponies tended to just zone out.

“Well, here we go, girls,” chirped little Apple Bloom as she hefted her spade into the air, “Cutie Marks in Diamond Digging!”

“I just hope that trick Rarity taught me works,” said Sweetie Belle, the tiny white Unicorn. She tapped her horn nervously. “I still think it would be better if she was out here too.”

“Ahh phooey!” Apple Bloom scoffed “We’re here for cutie marks, ain’t we? No sense in havin’ her help us. We gotta do this on our own.”

“Shall we get started?” asked Scootaloo, the light brown pegasus, twirling the spade in her hooves.

“I’m not being funny, girls, but this place gives me the creeps,” Sweetie Belle said anxiously, tightening up her little body. “Not even a cutie mark isn’t worth spending an afternoon being scared out of your wits!”

Apple Bloom smiled, confident as ever, “don’t worry about it, Sweetie. We’ll be alright.”

Sweetie Belle nodded and shut her eyes, trying to squeeze magic through her little body up towards her horn. She felt it tingle and tug her towards her left. She stepped forward, a gravitational force seemingly tugging her by the horn. “This way,” she said, walking with the pull. Her horn seemed to draw her towards a section of the ground. She felt the pull tugging in a circular motion. “There,” she said, dragging her hoof over the ground in a cross shape.

Apple Bloom drove her shovel into the ground, Scootaloo followed. They scooped out large heaps of dirt and piled them up around the hole. They dug deeper and deeper until Scootaloo finally hit something hard.

“I got something!” she said excitedly. She brushed dirt aside with her hooves.

“Is it a diamond?” Apple Bloom asked eagerly.

Scootaloo shook her head, “It’s hard, wooden. Feels like a box.” She knocked on the wooden object. “It’s hollow. Could be a chest!”

“Like a treasure chest?” Sweetie Belle offered.

“Maybe we’ll get our cutie marks in treasure hunting instead of diamond hunting!” Apple Bloom, “Come on, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom and a reluctant Sweetie Belle jumped down to help Scootaloo dig the object out of the ground. The three foals set to work moving aside dirt until they uncovered the large, wooden treasure chest that was buried a few feet under the ground. They heaved the heavy object out of the hole and set it next to it, panting hard from their exertions.

“Phew,” Apple Bloom mopped her brow. “Here’s to Cutie Marks in treasure huntin’!”

“Not so fast,” Sweetie said, pointing at the rusty padlock that sealed the chest shut, “we still need to get it open.”

Scootaloo slammed her shovel against the lock, tearing it off with a single swing. “Problem solved.”

Sweetie Belle smiled slightly. She reached forward and with Apple Bloom’s help, lifted up the lid to the treasure chest. The eager little foals peered inside with expectant faces, only to have their hopes dashed.

“Hey, what gives?” Scootaloo said with a frown as she pulled out the old black top hat that was inside the chest. “This is what was inside?”

Sweetie Belle took it and put it on her head, “I think it’s cool! How does it look?”

“Well... kinda... lame, actually,” Apple Bloom said glumly.

“How lame are we talking?” Sweetie Belle wanted to know.

“Like on par with that rump-bumping thing that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon do,” Scootaloo laughed. “It makes you look like you belong in a circus.”

Sweetie Belle giggled, “Well, I don’t care what you two say, I’m keeping it! It would be a shame to leave here empty hooved. Maybe Rarity can fix it into something nice.”

“Do neither of you care that we just wasted like four hours of our lives digging a mangy old top hat out of Amethyst Reservoir?” Apple Bloom asked miserably. “Only the Cutie Mark Crusaders could go to a lakebed supposedly full of diamonds and dig out a hat.”

“Still, it was fun, right?” said Scootaloo, bumping Apple Bloom on the leg with her hoof. “At the end of the day, it’s not about whether or not we get our cutie marks. It’s about having fun as friends?”

They all looked at each other, nopony sure how to respond.

“Of course it is,” Sweetie Belle said, smiling warmly. “And I had fun!”

“Yeah, well we know you did, Professor Hayton,” giggled Scootaloo.

“Ah think she looks more like Whinny Wonka,” Apple Bloom said, finally cracking a smile. “I guess it doesn’t matter about the cutie marks. Or the diamonds for that matter. Still, would have been nice to find some diamonds.”

“You ponies want diamonds?”

The three fillies turned around in shock. In their gleeful conversation, neither of them had noticed the arrival of three large, grey dog-like creatures who were standing a short distance away.

“Uhh yeah,” Apple Bloom replied nervously. “We were out here looking for Diamonds.”

“We know a place with lots of diamonds,” the first of the dogs said, narrowing his eyes at the ponies.

“Really?” Scootaloo said, her eyes widening.

“Umm, girls...” Sweetie Belle looked uneasy.

“Yeah,” said the dog, taking a few steps towards the fillies. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of small crystals.

The three little ponies came forward and looked at them with awe. They were so bright and sparkly! Apple Bloom reached out, trying to touch them, and the dog snatched back his paw.

“We’re the diamond dogs. We can show you a place to find diamonds,” the dog said, putting the crystals back into the pocket. “It’s not far.”

“That’s mighty kind of you!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully, “ain’t it girls!”

“Uh-huh!” Schootaloo agreed.

“Umm...” Sweetie Belle looked down nervously. “I don’t think we should girls.”

“Why not?” Apple Bloom demanded, “Cutie Marks in diamond digging, Sweetie Belle!”

“It’s just that...” Sweetie Belle studied the features of the dog. He smiled at them, showing a row of dirty teeth. Something about his eyes didn’t sit right with Sweetie Belle. Something about him didn’t seem... all there. Something was wrong, and she couldn’t quite place her hoof on what it was. “I need to get home.”

“Awh c’mon Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said. “Don’t bail on us now!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just...”

“This won’t take long, little pony,” said the diamond dog, grinning again, from ear to ear, “plenty of diamonds for all little ponies.”

“Thank you,” Sweetie Belle said sincerely, “but I need to head home. Rarity doesn’t like it when I stay out too late and she is supposed to be cooking something really delicious tonight and-”

“Okay, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said. “You wanna go home, go home, but I want some diamonds!”

“We can’t just let her go,” Scootaloo said, “you really want her to walk back on her own? Let’s just go.”

“Well...” Apple Bloom considered. She looked at the diamond dogs and then at Sweetie Belle’s sad little face. Even under that ridiculous top hat, Sweetie’s face could melt the coldest heart. Something about the way her friend’s eyes sat in her head didn’t seem normal. She looked like she was trying desperately to retain a sense of terror. Apple Bloom sighed. She turned to the diamond dogs, “thanks, Mr Diamond Dog. I really appreciate the offer n’all, but I think it would be best if we just left.”

“That’s too bad,” said the diamond dog. “Because we really want you to come with us!” he stepped forward and seized Apple Bloom by the throat, pulling her forwards. The little filly let out a shrill cry as she tried to struggle hard against the dog’s powerful arms. His two companions ran towards the group. "Blood for blood, little ponies!"

As Apple Bloom writhed and twisted in the dog’s grasp, Scootaloo took one of the shovels and slammed it against the dog’s head. Apple Bloom bit down hard on his paw and bucked her back legs, kicking him in the stomach. The dog let go, recoiling in pain and Apple Bloom jumped forward.

“Run!” she shouted, but Sweetie Belle was already a good hundred feet in front of her.

Scootaloo swung the shovel against the injured dog, battering him about the chest, arms and shoulders. Her frenzied strikes stopped when the other two dogs grabbed her and restrained her flailing limbs. They covered her mouth and carried her, along with their injured companion away.

By the time Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle realised what had just happened, Scootaloo was already gone.

Heaven's gates won't hold me
I'll saw those suckers down
Laughing loud at your locks when they hit the ground
Every icon in every town
Hear this, your number's up, I'm coming round

Author's Note

Song lyrics:

Breaking into heaven - the Stone Roses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmR9F12CVIM

Safe From Harm

Midnight ronkers
City slickers
Gunmen and maniacs
All will feature on the freakshow
And I can't do nothing 'bout that, no

Rainbow Dash heard the screaming before she saw the fillies.

“RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH!”

The blue pegasus pony stretched out on the cloud, shaking wiping sleep from her eyes and ruffling her mane.

“RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DAAAAASH!

Rainbow peered over the top of her cloud, “what’s all the noise for?” she looked down at Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, who were dancing anxiously on the ground below her cloud.

“Ya gotta help, Rainbow Dash!” Apple Bloom cried, “Scootaloo’s been taken!”

Rainbow Dash’s ears pricked up. “Taken?” she leapt up out of her cloud and swooped down, a cloud of dust rising up from the ground when her powerful hooves hit the earth. She folded her wings against her body. “What do you mean ‘taken’?”

“We were out digging for diamonds in Amethyst Reservoir,” said Sweetie Belle, still wearing the top hat, “and these big, scary dogs came out of nowhere and tried to offer us diamonds!”

“Slow down,” Rainbow said, raising a hoof to Sweetie’s mouth. “Did you say, ‘dogs’?”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom said, “they were dogs. They had diamonds and said they could get us some. I was all for going with ‘em, but Sweetie got scared. Guess she knew there was somethin’ not right with ‘em but we didn’t listen and Scootaloo said we should just go and I agreed and then they tried to take us but Scootaloo fought one of ‘em off with a shovel so we could get away and now they got her!”

Rainbow’s eyes widened steadily as Apple Bloom recounted the events at breakneck speed. She barely even heard the little foal, because the steady thump of her heart against her chest drowned out all other sounds around her.

“Rainbow Dash?” Apple Bloom said.

Rainbow shook herself, “Yeah?”

“Did you hear me?” asked the foal, “They said somethin’ about ‘blood for blood’, but we never stole any blood!”

“Never!” Sweetie repeated.

Rainbow opened out her wings and rose up from the ground. “Go and find Twilight Sparkle and Applejack. Tell them exactly what you just told me.”

“Where are you going?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I’m going to get Scootaloo back,” Rainbow said calmly. “Tell Twilight that I’ll see her on the other side of the rainbow.” She took off into the air, leaving a dazzling trail behind her.

The two fillies exchanged glances, “what d’ya think she meant by that?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I have no idea,” Sweetie Belle whimpered, “let’s find Twilight Sparkle and Applejack.”

They galloped off to the library as fast as their little legs could carry them.

*

Pinkie Pie hopped between a pair of clouds. She’d been awake for hours, trying to work out what she was going to do, the many words of the Gatepony spinning around in her head.

She understood what she was. She understood that there was a delicate balance between the physical realm, Limbo, Tartarus and the Afterlife. She understood that she was trying to straddle that fine line. Becoming a Grim Reaper... or even a Gatepony, would be awesome, Pinkie thought, and the ability to visit any dimension she wanted? Amazing!

But to leave behind her friends? To give up on making her amendments? She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t abandon her friends, even in death.

Well, you kinda already did that when you killed yourself, silly. Did you forget that, Forgetty Forgetterson?

Her thought process was interrupted when a blue bolt rocketed through the clouds like a bullet, leaving a blazing Rainbow trail in its wake. The air ruptured all around Pinkie Pie and the clouds vaporized.

That was Rainbow Dash! Where’s she going in such a hurry.

One only needed to follow the rainbow trail she left behind her to work that out. Pinkie jumped up and touched the trail. It was dissipating into chromatic energy under her hooves. She didn’t have time to stand around. She hurtled along the rainbow trail, her own speed enhanced by her spirit form, desperate to catch up with the speeding Rainbow Dash.

*

“Slow down, Apple Bloom,” Twilight Sparkle said, pacing in front of the two fillies. “You say Diamond Dogs took her?”

“Those damn mutts,” Applejack hollered at her sister. “What in the heck were you thinkin’ goin’ out into Amethyst Reservoir on your own? Have you gone and knocked over your spud bucket?”

“They said something about wanting blood for blood,” Sweetie Belle said. “But we didn’t take any blood!”

“Blood for blood?” Applejack said.

Twilight Sparkle looked horrified, “Oh God, no.”

“What is it?” Applejack demanded. “Twilight?”

“Did they say anything else?” Twilight demanded.

“No, but when we told Rainbow Dash she took off after them to get Scootaloo back,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Told us to tell you she would see you on the other side of the Rainbow,” added Apple Bloom.

“The other side of the...” Twilight suddenly clicked and a terrified expression formed over her face. “We have to go,” Twilight said, trotting over to the front door, “Right now, come on, Applejack.”

“Stay here, with Spike, you two,” Applejack instructed the fillies as she galloped after Twilight, “y’ understand?”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle nodded and watched Apple Bloom’s big sister leave.

*

When she was outside, Applejack caught up with Twilight after about a minute and ran alongside her, “You mind tellin’ me what this is all about?”

“Remember when Rainbow Dash took off after Pinkie’s funeral?”

“Ho boy I do,” Applejack said, “that mare had more fire in her than a furnace.”

“Yeah, well she went on a rampage,” Twilight said, “she beat the shit out an entire pack of diamond dogs, killing one in the process.”

“Holy fuck,” Applejack exclaimed, “she killed one?”

“Broke his neck, apparently,” Twilight affirmed, “if Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are right, then they’re going to kill Scootaloo to avenge the dog that Rainbow killed.”

“But we’re gonna find her, right?” Applejack said as the entered the Everfree Forest, leaping and dodging the fallen trees and treacherous pitfalls.

“Rainbow Dash is probably already there,” Twilight said, “which is what I’m really worried about.”

“Why? Rainbow can get her back, surely?”

“’See you at the other side of the Rainbow’?” Twilight repeated the words, “I think Rainbow Dash plans to offer herself in exchange for Scootaloo. This whole thing is her fault, after all. She probably feels it’s the only way to fix things.”

“I hope you’re wrong, Twilight,” Applejack said as they veered off towards Amethyst Reservoir, desperate to reach it before it was too late.

*

I was lookin' back to see if you were lookin' back at me
To see me lookin' back at you

*

Rainbow Dash entered the cave on hoof, expecting to find more resistance outside. Two dogs with spears were hardly an effective welcome party and had both gone down almost instantly with a couple of half-hearted strikes to their heads.

She jumped up and flew through the long tunnel, navigating through the cave back towards the main quarry. When she found the set of double doors, she slammed her body against them, bursting through into the main area.

“Stop right there, Pony.”

Rainbow Dash broke to a halt in mid-air. She stared, open-mouthed at the diamond dog Chief who held the quivering Scootaloo at knifepoint, claws digging into her brown body. He was coated in red and white war paint and wore a headdress made of skulls. The knife he held to Scootaloo’s throat had been fashioned out of steel and bone. A quick flex of his wrist would be enough to slice through her carotid artery and she would bleed out in seconds.

“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo croaked. “Get out of here!”

“Hold on, Scoots,” Rainbow called. She glared at the Chief, her eyes burning with that same mad glow as the other night. The pack of dogs below her began to retreat slowly, her merciless rampage still fresh in their minds. “Let her go, dog,” Rainbow Dash growled.

“I don’t think so, pony,” sneered the Chief, pulling Scootaloo close to his chest. “She’s our celebration meal.”

“Drop her,” Rainbow repeated, dangerously, “Or I will take you down.”

“You really think you can do that before I cut her throat?” asked the dog. “Stand down, pony, or the foal dies.”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at the dog, but she controlled her breathing and floated to the ground. Instantly, the pack of dogs, three dozen or more, closed around her in a tight circle. They kept their distance: none of them dared to draw close enough with their spears to prod her with them. Most of them wore armour and helmets, some carried large axes and swords. It was almost as if they were expecting her to be there.

“That’s better,” hissed the Chief.

“I didn’t come here to fight,” Rainbow Dash said, eyeing the pack of faceless, grey canines all around her.

“No?” said the Chief, looking genuinely surprised. “Makes a change from last time, when you killed one of my pack. What do you want?”

“I came to ask you for the filly,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Ask us?” repeated the Chief in disbelief.

“To ask you nicely,” Rainbow Dash clarified.

“Blood must be repaid with blood,” the Chief scoffed, defiantly, “you killed one of mine. We kill one of yours.”

“I understand that what I did was wrong,” Rainbow Dash said, gritting her teeth, “I was angry. I’d lost somepony very close to me and I wasn’t myself. That’s no excuse for what I did, but killing an innocent filly isn’t going to do either of us any good.”

“Blood must be repaid with blood,” the dog repeated.

“Fine,” Rainbow said, putting her hoof forward, “But she’s got nothing to do with this. What about a trade?”

“A... trade?” the dog said, his voice raising in pitch.

“Yeah. Blood must be repaid with blood,” Rainbow said, “Does it matter whose blood?”

The dog considered that for a second, “As long as it is pony blood.”

“Fine,” Rainbow said, “then take me instead.”

Scootaloo let out a cry of protest.

“Quiet!” roared the diamond dog Chief, squeezing her neck. He looked at the tiny Scootaloo, then at Rainbow Dash. Clearly, the blue pony cared about the little one. “You’re willing to trade your life for hers?”

“Let her go,” Rainbow said, “and I give you my word, I won’t resist you. I’m responsible for killing one of your pack. You’re owed a pound of flesh, so take it from me: it’s only fair, right?”

The dog stared at her, curiously.

“Or, you could take it from Scootaloo,” Rainbow Dash said, “but know that if you do, I will personally put every dog here in the ground, starting with you.” As the words left her lips, the pack of dogs that had surrounded her started to shuffle uncomfortably where they stood. Spears nudged bodies, glances swept the room. Rainbow Dash was prepared to act and had picked out the first three targets she would eliminate if things went south.

“Alright, pony, you have a deal,” said the Chief, nodding at one of his pack, “We’ll let her go. Just as soon as you put these on.”

Rainbow Dash flinched as a group of dogs approached her with chains.

“Don’t struggle, pony,” the Chief said as he watched the dogs wrestling to secure the chains around the blue pegasus. He laughed darkly when he saw the end result – six dogs each holding a length of chain that was attached to the pony. Her wings were pinned to her body and her legs couldn’t move. The Chief very much doubted she could break through solid metal. “Take her to holding.”

“Wait!” Rainbow shouted, “what about Scootaloo? We had a deal!”

“I was going to trade her life for yours,” the Chief said, “but that was before you were in chains. I changed the deal, Pony.”

Rainbow Dash started to struggle against the chains, she pulled herself free from the dogs’ grip, but her legs couldn’t move. She fell forward onto her face and keeled over. She pulled at the chains with all her strength, but it was useless. A large dog picked her up and carried her off to the holding cells. As she disappeared down into another length of tunnel, Rainbow Dash caught Scootaloo’s terrified gaze. It sent a chill through her entire body.

*

Pinkie Pie floated through into the diamond dogs’ quarry, just in time to see Rainbow Dash get dragged off in chains by an angry pack of dogs. The dog who must have been their leader sat on a throne made of rags and animal carcasses. Next to him was a little brown filly with a collar around her neck and an attached chain, the end of which was held by the leader.

Pinkie recognised the little pony immediately. It was Scootaloo.

Oh no, Rainbow Dash!

That was when things started to sink in.

But if you hurt what's mine
I'll sure as hell retaliate
You can free the world you can free my mind
Just as long as my baby's safe from harm tonight

Author's Note

Song Lyrics: Safe From Harm - Massive Attack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3br0M6Y0r0

Redemption

Chapter 12 - Redemption

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm
We can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we're spinning in his grip

Rainbow Dash glanced up at her bindings. Her forelimbs were constricted by tight metal cuffs, the cold, hard steel cutting painfully into her flesh. Each cuff was fixed with a heavy chain that was firmly secured against the wall. There was no breaking the chains: she’d spent nearly half an hour trying and had received only sore shoulders and cuts to her forelimbs.

She sighed, cursing herself for her own stupidity. The dogs had utterly outplayed her. How could she not have seen that coming? Stupid, stupid, stupid! There was every chance that Scootaloo could still be alive, and here she was, inside a prison cell with no way out. She peered through the bars of her cell at the hefty-looking dog with the battle-axe who was standing guard outside. He hadn’t responded to her antagonising remarks; probably had orders not to speak to her. She wondered if they even spoke the same language.

Once more, the blue pegasus tugged hard against her chains until the pain in her forelimbs grew unbearable. She let out a grunt of frustration. Rainbow didn’t want to give up yet, but she was growing more and more desperate as time drew on. She looked at her left forelimb and wondered how long it would be before she attempted to chew her own hoof off.

*

Pinkie Pie floated between the bars of Rainbow Dash’s cell and the corridor outside it. The cell was a small alcove inside a larger tunnel with metal bars that ran down the front; these were opened via a lever in the tunnel. There was only one guard and he appeared to have all the brains of a skewered pig. If Rainbow got out, she could take him down easily.

Pinkie floated through the bars and inspected Rainbow’s cuffs. They appeared to be locked in place and could be opened with a key... a key that was attached to the guard’s belt on a ring. Pinkie smiled and turned around back towards the guard and jumped when she saw the face of the Gatepony standing before her.

“Mr Gatepony!” she squeaked. The Gatepony was dressed in black wrappings that trailed slightly as he floated towards her. Ripped strands of fabric danced eerily, held up by the spirit’s strange power. A curved, black sword was strapped to his flank and his face was several shades lighter than it had been previously.

“I know what you are about to do,” the Gatepony said. “You need to know that there will be consequences.”

“I don’t care about consequences, Mr Gatepony: I’m going to save my friends,” Pinkie said, her face drawn into a frown, “It’s my fault they’re here. I’ve got to do something, or they’re going to die!”

“Your friends’ deaths were written in fate long before you acted,” the Gatepony explained, waving his hoof dismissively. “You’re not responsible for them being here, fate is.”

“If that was true,” Pinkie said slowly, “then we could forget about ever atoning for what we do. We can’t blame everything on fate – we have to take responsibility for our mistakes. Maybe that’s why you’re still here, when you could be in the afterlife.”

“Saving your friends now won’t change their fates,” the Gatepony said quietly.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pinkie said stubbornly, “I have to try!”

“If they are marked for death...” the Gatepony said, letting his sentence trail off, “you know what will happen to them.”

“And if they aren’t?” Pinkie Pie said.

The Gatepony opened his mouth to speak, but no words were uttered. He glanced down at the ground. “Do what you have to do. I’ll look the other way, but hurry up.”

Pinkie stepped through the bars and took hold of the guard’s keys. She pulled on them and the guard jumped with a start. He looked down and let out a cry when he saw the set of keys trying to jump off his belt.

The Gatepony sighed. He floated through the bars and reached out with a hoof. He placed his hoof over the guard’s face and almost instantaneously, the large dog fell to the ground with a thud.

Pinkie looked down at the dog in horror, “Is he...?”

“No,” the Gatepony said. “Just unconscious. I’ve temporarily shut down his brain, but that’s the last time I’m going to break the rules for you. Do whatever it is you think you need to do and then get out.”

“Thank you, Mr Gatepony!” Pinkie said gleefully.

“I’m going,” said the Gatepony, “plausible deniability and all.” He disappeared into a nearby wall.

Pinkie slowly undid the sleeping guard’s belt and pulled free the set of keys. She carried them back through the cell to the gawking Rainbow Dash who had just witnessed the guard freak out and take a spontaneous and was now watching a set of floating keys fumbling with themselves until they found the right key to unlock her cuffs.

Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground, nursing her wrists. “Twilight?” Rainbow called. “Was that you?”

“No, silly,” Pinkie Pie said, happily, bouncing up and down. “It was me!”

“Where are you, Twilight?” Rainbow said, pressing her head against the bars of the cage. “I need these bars opened?”

Pinkie stepped through the bars and took hold of the lever. She pulled it down, raising the metal bars up into the rock.

Rainbow trotted out of the cage and looked around. “Damn,” she hissed as she tried to open her wings, only to find that they were bound shut by a metal chain.

Pinkie Pie floated underneath Rainbow so that she could examine the blue pegasus as she walked. The pink spirit pony finally found a small padlock and then cycled through the different keys on the ring until she was able to unlock it. The chains fell from Rainbow like dead snakes as she shook them off her frame. She opened out her wings and rose up.

“Twilight, you can come out now!” Rainbow said, then she saw the two patrolling dogs cross in front of her.

They saw her and exchanged glances. They let out high-pitched squeals.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Rainbow shot through the tunnel, slamming into them both. She pulverised the first dog’s nose with a single punch from her iron-like hooves, then slammed the second dog’s head against the ground. She stood over them with Pinkie Pie at her side. “Where’s your chief holding the filly?”

Neither dog spoke. One was utterly dazed, the other was holding a badly bleeding nose.

Rainbow sighed. She reached down and grabbed the dog whose nose she broke. She twisted his arm behind his back into a pressure hold. “Talk,” she hissed into the dog’s ear, “or I break your elbow.”

“Go to hell, pony,” growled the dog. No sooner had the word’s escaped his mouth, an agonising scream followed as Rainbow shattered his arm.

The blue pegasus pulled the dog up and slammed his back against the cave wall. She pressed one forelimb over his neck, pushing him against the wall. “Let’s try again, tough guy,” Rainbow snarled, her free hoof poised just inches from the dog’s crotch, “WHERE IS YOUR CHIEF?”

The dog whimpered slightly, but didn’t respond. He shut his eyes.

“ANSWER ME, DOG!” Rainbow hollered. “WHERE IS YOUR CHIEF?”

“Kiss... my... ass,” croaked the diamond dog.

Pinkie felt her stomach flip. She almost felt sorry for the dog.

Rainbow frowned as she drove her left hoof hard into the dog’s crotch. The creature doubled over, coughing and retching as the pain shot up from his damaged testicles into the pit of his abdomen. Rainbow kicked him across the side of the head, sending the creature rolling across the ground.

The dog tried to crawl to safety, but Rainbow was on him again, pinning him down with one hoof, the other gripping hold of his mauled gentalia. “Next time you give me a wrong answer, I’m going to rip them clean off and you’re going to bleed out. Is your chief really worth losing your life for, or do you really want to die that badly?”

“He’s in a chamber, just off the main quarry,” said the other dog who was lying across the way. He sat up and rubbed his aching head. “The filly is with him. Just... don’t hurt us.”

Rainbow looked down at the cowering dog before her; his bloodied nose, the broken expression on his face. She released him and stepped back. She flew up and out, towards the main quarry.

*

It was almost dark by the time Twilight Sparkle and Applejack reached the cave.

“Rainbow’s been here,” Applejack said, noticing the two unconscious dogs at the cave entrance. “I hope she’s still breathin’.”

“Likewise,” Twilight said, stepping over the guards’ bodies on her way inside the cave.

Applejack stooped down and looked at the tracks on the ground. She bent down and sniffed them. “Rainbow Dash came a’ wanderin’ through this way.” She followed the hoof prints until they stopped, signalled by two much deeper prints from a pony’s rear legs. “She started flyin’ here.” Applejack looked at the cave floor, up and down, trying to get a feel for what had happened.

Twilight stood beside her, “I didn’t know you could track ponies!”

Applejack shrugged, “it ain’t no different to trackin’ anything else that moves.” She bent down and scanned the ground, “I don’t see any little hooves. Scootaloo must a’ been carried inside and she ain’t come out yet. In fact, nopony, or dog for that matter, has in a while.”

“So they’re still here?” Twilight said.

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” Applejack replied. “N’ to be honest, I find it kinda odd that we ain’t seen no dogs yet.”

“Maybe they’re busy?” Twilight offered.

“Yeah...” Applejack considered, “maybe.”

*

Rainbow blocked the spear thrust and twisted the weapon out of the guard dog’s paws. She snapped it in half over her back knee and stepped forwards to deliver two brutal punches to the dog before wrapping her front legs around his throat. She pulled and pulled against the struggling dog’s neck until he passed out from lack of oxygen to his brain. She threw his body to one side and flew up into the air and into a small tunnel. She had to keep out of sight. As long as none of the dogs knew she had escaped, she had the element of surprise.

Pinkie Pie floated close behind the blue pegasus as she passed out of the tunnel into the main quarry where the dogs were excavating diamonds.
Rainbow took cover up in the rafters and peered out over the ledge. The Chief wasn’t at his throne and she couldn’t see Scootaloo anywhere. “Where are you, you son of a bitch?” Rainbow hissed as she overlooked the working dogs.

“Didn’t that dog say the Chief was in a chamber off the main quarry?” Pinkie said, nudging Rainbow on the arm, but the winged pony didn’t hear or feel her and Pinkie’s face fell slightly.

Rainbow scanned the inside of the quarry until she saw it, a set of thin curtains that covered a small opening at the back of the quarry. “There’s his chamber,” she breathed to herself. “How am I going to get down there without being seen?”

Pinkie looked around. The quarry’s only source of light was the numerous flaming torches that adorned its many walls. She floated up towards the nearest torch and carefully lifted it off its holder. She carried the flaming object back to Rainbow Dash, who by now was wondering what the hell was going on, when she saw the flames suddenly extinguish themselves. The doused torch was laid back next to her.

“Now there’s an idea...” Rainbow breathed, looking at all of the flaming torches.

Pinkie tapped the used torch rod against the stone to get Rainbow’s attention. She waved the implement in front of the blue pegasus’ face and floated backwards with it, beckoning Rainbow to follow her.

Rainbow raised two bewildered eyebrows, “am I seeing things?”

Pinkie waved the rod from side to side, as if shaking her head. She tried to articulate a “come hither” motion with the metal rod and floated towards the next torch. She blew hard, putting out the flame and then moved to the next one, doing exactly the same. By the third, torch, Rainbow had seen the path of darkness that had been created for her by a floating metal rod. She hesitantly crawled out of her hiding space in the rafters and flew slowly after the rod.

Rainbow Dash passed silently over a group of dogs who were operating heavy machinery down below. Cloaked by darkness, she stuck as close to the wall as she could and followed the metal rod down to the ground. She scurried out of sight and hid, with a clear view to the curtains in front of the Chief’s chamber.

“Twilight, if that’s you doing this thing with the... keys and the rod...” Rainbow said, “thank you.”

The floating rod poked Rainbow on the arm.

“Hey!” Rainbow said.

The rod poked her again.

“Cut it out!” Rainbow snapped.

The rod moved around and lightly stroked Rainbow’s mane until she pushed it away. She looked at it with a confused, but not unhappy expression. “Are you Twilight Sparkle?” Rainbow asked the rod. “Give me one tap for yes, two taps for no.”

The rod tapped twice against the ground.

“Okay, are you Rarity?”

The rod tapped twice against the ground.

“Are you any unicorn I know?”

The rod tapped twice against the ground.

Rainbow scratched her head with her hoof. “Are you anypony that I know?”

The rod poked Rainbow once on the leg.

“Ughh,” Rainbow Dash crossed her forelimbs. “I don’t get it. Who are you?”

The rod twiddled itself in mid-air.

“You are here to help me, right?”

The rod poked Rainbow on the leg.

“We’re friends, then?”

The rod poked Rainbow gently on the stomach. It stayed there, unmoving.

Rainbow’s eyes became slightly sullen. She looked down at the rod and placed her hoof over where she thought it was being held, as if by an invisible pony, but she felt nothing. Something was holding it, but there was nothing there. She reached out and tried to touch the empty air in front of her.

A wave of excitement came over Pinkie Pie. She could feel tingles all over as Rainbow Dash’s hoof swept through her body. Rainbow was looking her straight in the eye, but didn’t know she was there. Pinkie used the rod to touch Rainbow’s face, stroking it slightly. The expression in the pegasus’ eyes told her that maybe, on some level, she knew who the holder of the rod was, but perhaps didn’t quite believe it.

Pinkie couldn’t hold herself back. She threw her body against Rainbow Dash and hugged her, wrapping her forelimbs around the pegasus’ neck.

Rainbow Dash felt the rod go behind her back. She slowly reached forwards, as if to grasp the invisible presence in front of her. Her mouth opened and formed the words, but didn’t utter them, almost as if it was afraid to see them leave, as Rainbow was.

Rainbow stood up, “come on,” she said to the floating rod. “We’ve got to get Scootaloo back.”

*

Applejack and Twilight Sparkle reached the main quarry.

“Down!” Applejack hissed, pushing Twilight against the cave wall as two dogs lumbered passed with crates full of diamonds.

“They’re working,” whispered Twilight Sparkle, “you think Rainbow Dash is even here?”

“She’s here alright,” murmured Applejack. “Question is where?”

“Hey, ponies!” a gruff voice shrieked. “Over here! Ponies!”

Twilight and Applejack turned around to see the six dogs that were walking towards them, tongues hanging out of their mouths.

“Pretty ponies!” hollered one dog, raising his hands, greedily.

“Applejack,” Twilight whispered, “fight or flight?”

“Hmm,” Applejack said, looking with a degree of contempt at the large dog who approached her with his vast, dripping mouth, “I’m gonna go with fight!” she whipped her flank around, dug her forelegs into the ground and bucked as hard as her powerful back legs could, slamming them into the closest of the dogs.

She kicked the creature hard against the cave wall, forcing him inside it. As the dog fell forward, bones more shattered than his pride, he left an imprint of his large body in the rock.

The other five glared at the two ponies. More dogs approached from the main quarry.

“Uhh... Twilight?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m startin’ to think that maybe flight would have been a better option!”

*

Love is like a sin, my love,
For the ones that feel it the most
Look at her with her eyes like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you again

*

When Rainbow Dash stepped into the Chief’s chamber, she found the dog dancing on top of a table, hollering strange woops and cries whilst twirling a piece of rope around the top of his head. A confused and trembling, Scootaloo crouched below him. The dog was stark naked except for a small piece of cloth around his waist and the ridiculous feathered headdress. He looked up and saw Rainbow Dash walking through the door. His jaw dropped.

A feeling of pure rage washed over Rainbow Dash. Her hooves burned and tightened. Her wings spread angrily. She could almost feel her rainbow-coloured mane searing.

“How did you get out, Pony?”

With a furious roar, Rainbow Dash streaked across the room and slammed the diamond dog Chief into the back wall of his chamber.

“Now, let’s be reasonable!” the Chief pleaded, wincing against the pegasus’ demonic expression, “Blood for blood, you understand, right? I was taking my pound of flesh!”

“Oh I’ll say you were,” Rainbow Dash growled. “More like a pound and a half. You alright, Scootaloo?”

The little brown filly nodded nervously.

“Did this guy hurt you?” Rainbow asked her, trying to control her rage.

Scootaloo shook her head. “Only a little.”

“You just wait there, buddy,” Rainbow said, turning her head back towards the Chief. “Or better yet, see that floating rod?”

Scootaloo hadn’t noticed it the floating rod until Rainbow Dash pointed it out, but once she mentioned it, she saw it, the floating rod, floating before her, clear as day.

“I see it,” Scootaloo said, still trembling.

“You hold onto that rod,” Rainbow Dash said, keeping her hoof tight against the Chief’s throat, “That rod’s gonna get you out of here.”

“You want me to leave you?” Scootaloo said, clearly frightened by the prospect. “I’m not leaving you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Then you might want to close your eyes,” the pegasus snarled as she glared at the Chief.

“Wait!” the Chief wailed. “I’ll give you anything you desire, pony. Anything!”

“CHIEF!”

Rainbow Dash turned around. A group of dogs had brought a restrained Applejack and Twilight Sparkle into the chief’s chamber.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight cried.

“Scootaloo!” Applejack shouted with relief, “she’s alright!”

“Oh great, more ponies,” hissed the Chief, but his voice was silenced by Rainbow Dash, who pushed her hoof against his neck.

“Tell your mutts to release them,” Rainbow demanded.

“Let me go, and we’ll see,” the Chief said.

“No deal,” Rainbow snarled, pulling the Chief into a headlock. She turned around and faced the rest of his pack, her hooves poised to break his neck. “Let them go, or he’s dead.”

“She’ll do it,” Applejack said, “she’s crazy!”

“We know,” mumbled one of the dogs.

“If you do this, Pony,” hissed the Chief, “there will be a war.”

“So then it’s in your best interest to release my friends,” Rainbow hissed in his ear.

“Then blood will go without repayment,” growled the dog.

“Believe me, you have no idea how much restraint it’s taking for me not to kill you right here,” Rainbow said, “I’ve crossed some lines and I’m already going to hell; I’ve got no problem taking you with me!”

Nobody spoke. Twilight stared, open-mouthed at the blue pegasus. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Rainbow so angry before.

Rainbow squeezed harder on the Chief’s throat. “So what’s it going to be, Chief? Let them go, or everyone dies. Your choice.”

The Chief looked at his pack. He looked at each of the ponies in turn. “Let them go,” he finally croaked.

The dogs took the restraints from Twilight Sparkle and Applejack. Scootaloo got up and ran towards them and leaped into Applejack’s protective embrace.

“Rainbow...” Twilight said, looking over to her friend.

Rainbow Dash still had the Chief in a headlock, forelimbs ready to snap his neck at any second.

“It’s over now, sugarcube,” Applejack said calmly. “Scootaloo’s safe n’ we’re alright. Let him go.”

“You heard them, pony,” the Chief hissed.

“What’s to stop him coming after more innocent fillies?” Rainbow asked them angrily. “Give me one good reason why Equestria wouldn’t be a better place without this son of a bitch in it?”

“Because it would make you a murderer,” Twilight said.

“I’m already a murderer,” Rainbow said.

“You can make amends for that,” Twilight said. “You made a mistake. Everypony makes mistakes. I’m sure that the Chief of the diamond dogs understands that foalnapping is something we take very seriously. It’s a mistake I’m certain he won’t make again.”

The Chief nodded rapidly against Rainbow’s grip. “I swear, I won’t ever touch another foal as long as I live!”

“Rainbow, sugarcube, listen to Twilight!” Applejack pleaded, “This ain’t you! I love a good scrap as much as the next pony, but killin’ and whatnot ain’t you. You came here to save Scootaloo. She’s safe now, so let’s go home.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, “I came here to save Scootaloo, but I didn’t want to come back. You guys go.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Twilight protested, “you’re coming back with us, Rainbow. We need you!”

“There are things I need!” Rainbow wailed, tears now running from her eyes as her rage began to turn into sadness, “ponies I need, but they’re gone!”

Twilight and Applejack exchanged glances. Scootaloo cuddled against Applejack’s leg.

“Get out of here,” Rainbow said. “Go!”

“No,” Twilight said, defiantly. “You have a responsibility to us back in Ponyville. You really think Pinkie Pie would want you to do this? What do you think she’d say if she was here?”

“Rainbow Dash, listen to her!” Pinkie Pie yelled, as she had been for the past few minutes to no avail. She started banging the metal rod on the table.

Twilight, Scootaloo, Applejack, the diamond dog Chief and even Rainbow Dash all turned to see the dancing metal rod hitting the wooden table and sending the debris that was scattered across it all over the floor. Twilight and Applejack exchanged confused glances.

The rod floated over to Rainbow Dash and poked her.

Rainbow Dash gazed at it and mouthed the words she had been afraid to before: “Pinkie Pie?”

The rod poked her once and then pulled away. It floated up next to Applejack. The invisible pony holding it climbed on top of the Applejack, straddling her back like a knight, waving the rod at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow stared across the room at it. Could it really be? Was she watching?

Oh Pinkie...

Slowly, Rainbow released the Chief. The dog dropped to his knees and coughed hard. The blue pegasus floated across the room and stood in front of Twilight Sparkle.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not me you need to apologise to,” Twilight said.

Rainbow nodded. She picked up the metal rod, turned around to face the injured Chief. She walked over to the dog and extended one of her hooves. The Chief gazed up at her with frightened eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Rainbow Dash said.

The Chief grabbed her hoof and allowed her to pull him up to his feet. “You’re sorry?”

“I’m sorry for killing one of your pack,” Rainbow said sincerely, “If you want to take your revenge, I’ll let you kill me, but only if you let my friends go.”

“Rainbow!” Twilight Sparkle yelled.

“Blood is repaid with blood,” Rainbow said, echoing the words of the Chief. “I accept whatever punishment you have for me.”

The Chief looked at the blue pony and considered. For a few moments, he toyed with the idea of killing her there and then, then killing her friends but then, he sighed deeply and shook his head.

“Go,” the Chief said, “The debt of blood has been repaid.”

“Seriously?” Rainbow said.

“We cannot risk a war between our kinds,” the Chief said. “Better to forgive and to move forward?”

Rainbow Dash nodded, smiling sincerely at the Chief. “Right back at’cha!”

Had anypony been able to see Pinkie Pie’s face, they would have seen it beaming a happy expression.

*

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

The ponies had reached the outside before Rainbow Dash realised she was still holding the metal rod.

“Hah, forgot I even had this,” Rainbow said, admiring the object.

“What in the hell was that old rod anyway?” Applejack asked, glancing down at it. “Just seemed to be moving all on its own.”

“I dunno,” Rainbow Dash said, looking up at the clearing skies as they walked away from the cave. “Must have been a ghost.”

“Ghosts don’t exist,” Twilight Sparkle scoffed.

“I dunno, Twilight,” Applejack said, “I get a spooky vibe from that thing. You should probably get rid of it, Rainbow.”

“Are you kidding?” the pegasus asked, “I’m going to put on my mantelpiece!”

Pinkie Pie followed alongside the ponies until she noticed the pony floating in the clouds. She swallowed hard and rose up to meet him.

*

The Gatepony looked at Pinkie Pie for several long seconds before he opened his mouth. “Do you know why I’m here?”

“Ooh ooh! Is it because you want to tell me how awesome all my friends are?”

“Not quite,” the Gatepony replied, “What you did down there... it was very noble.”

“Thank you,” Pinkie Pie said, smiling sweetly.

“You saved the lives of all your friends and possibly even averted a war between the dogs and ponies,” the Gatepony said.

“Couldn’t be having any wars going on,” Pinkie said. “What’s war good for, after all?”

“Absolutely nothing,” the Gatepony replied, “unless the war is supposed to happen. That war between the dogs and ponies? That wasn’t supposed to happen, but it would have if you hadn’t been there to prevent it.”

“So I guess I intervened?” Pinkie said, raising a hoof in salute.

“That you did, you’ve also, I’m pleased to report, made your atonement. Our contract is over, and I can take you to the Afterlife whenever you are ready.”

Pinkie’s face lit up.

“We can leave now, if you like,” the Gatepony said. “Well, done, Pinkie. You’ve earned your place in Heaven.”

Pinkie jumped up and down, performed cartwheels across the clouds and bounced across the sky until she stopped suddenly.

“Wait!” she said. “If I go to the afterlife, I’ll never see any of my friends again!”

“Yes,” the Gatepony said, “but when you’re in the Afterlife, you transcend the necessity of friendship. You become perfect. Why, you’re not considering staying as a spirit, are you?”

“Is that allowed?”

“Well... technically, yes,” the Gatepony said, “but I don’t know why you would do that.”

“Well, would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Give up what you are to go to the afterlife?”

The Gatepony shrugged his shoulders, “this isn’t about me. What do you want to do? I’m not bound by contract anymore and I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever be back in this dimension. If I get assigned somewhere else, you could be stuck here for a very long time until another Gatepony comes along.”

Pinkie looked down at her hooves. “It would be worth it if I could see my friends every day.”

“And once they all die?” the Gatepony said, “what then?”

Pinkie let out a long sigh, “I’ll have to think about this. Can you give me some time?”

“I’ll be waiting in the clouds above Ponyville,” the Gatepony said as he floated away, “Don’t take too long.”

Pinkie watched him leave and sank into the cloud. Eternal peace and happiness or being able to see her friends every day? What a dilemma.

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Author's Note

Song Lyrics:

Paradise Circus - Massive Attack
Teardrop - Massive Attack

Lots of Massive Attack songs in this fic. I'm not a huge fan, but I do like them a lot, and I think the music goes well with the scenes! Anyway, this is the penultiamte chapter.

Clearing Skies: A Pinkie Promise

Chapter 13 – Clearing Skies: A Pinkie Promise

My name is Pinkie Pie and I am here to say
I’m gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your day
It doesn’t matter now if you are sad or blue
Because cheering up my friends is just what Pinkie’s here to do

The morning light was almost upon Ponyville.

Rainbow yawned. For the first time in a while, she’d slept soundly that night and now it was time to freshen up. Rainbow showered herself and brushed her mane. She made herself a nutritious, oaty breakfast and after washing up, she decided that she was going to clean her house. She hadn’t tidied it properly in weeks (it wasn’t like she spent that much time here) and the accumulation of mess was starting to get on her nerves. She wasn’t Twilight Sparkle, who seemed to view loose objects as some form of outrageous abjection, but there was only so much mess a pony could take before she started tripping over things.

So Rainbow Dash, being Rainbow Dash, collected every loose object she could find, stuffed them all under her bed and threw out everything that had mould on it. She was done in ten seconds flat, or thereabouts.

On her way out, she caught a glimpse of the metal rod she had brought back from the diamond dog cave. True to her word, she had placed it on her mantelpiece, but it hadn’t moved since then. She almost felt like asking it if it wanted to go for a walk, but of course, it was just an inanimate rod that had once been a torch.

Could it really have been Pinkie Pie? She wasn’t sure. Twilight Sparkle insisted that ghosts didn’t exist and that wherever Pinkie Pie was, she was somewhere far better than here. Rainbow Dash had accepted that at the time, but the more she thought about it, the way that rod had touched her face; the way it knew where she liked to be poked, touched and caressed. The way it seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. Whoever had been controlling the rod, and the keys for that matter, knew Rainbow Dash very well in ways that only Pinkie Pie did.

Rainbow Dash knew that had it not been for the rod, she would be dead, along with Scootaloo and possibly Applejack and Twilight too, and who knows how many other ponies and dogs would have got caught in the crossfire in a war between Ponyville and the diamond dogs.

Rainbow smiled at the rod.

“I know it was you, Pinkie,” Rainbow said softly. She got down on her knees. “Wherever you are, Pinkie, I hope you can hear me.” She breathed out slightly, “I hope you’re okay, Pinkie. I miss you every day, but you know what? I know you saved us all back there. I know that somehow, in some way, you’re still here. Maybe you’re a ghost or a vampire or something. But whatever you are, I want you to know that...” and then came the tears. But she continued to smile, “I want you to know... that I’ll always love you, Pinkie. With all my heart, I swear I will always love you and you’ll always be my best friend. My Pinkie Pie. And I’m going to stop feeling bad about everything that’s happened. I’m going to move on. I’m going to try and make the rest of my life count, and I’m going to do it for you, Pinkie! No,” she corrected herself, “for us, Pinkie. For us.” She stood up from her kneeling position, wiping away her tears, “Stay safe, Pinkie. I love you!” she kissed her hoof and blew it towards her door.

Rainbow Dash breathed out. It was like a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She needed to mark this moment.

“You know what, Ponyville?” she said as she looked out from her front door, “I think I’m going to give you a wake up call, Rainbow Dash style!” And for the second time that morning, she took off out through her doorway.

She didn’t see the pink spirit pony who was arranging some of the pebbles in Rainbow Dash’s collection into the shape of a heart on her bed. When she had finished, Pinkie Pie stepped away from her work and smiled. She looked out over Ponyville from Rainbow Dash’s house. “I heard every word, Rainbow Dash,” she said, “and you know what? I love you, too, more than you will ever realise.” Little did Rainbow know that Pinkie had slept beside the blue pegasus all night. She took one last look at Rainbow’s bed, where the two had spent many love-filled nights together before she entered that horrible period of depression. Then she made her way towards the door.

Rainbow Dash shot through the dawn sky, accelerating to the speed of a bullet in less than a few seconds. As she flew, her rainbow trail blazed behind her, filling the air with light. As she rocketed through the sky at blistering speed, the energy that flowed from the pegasus’ body was enough to ignite the water vapour in the air, evaporating all clouds in the vicinity. She was a ball of rainbow coloured fire, hurtling through the air like a shooting star. As her speed reached a critical point, she started to push against the sound barrier, bending it to breaking point. Any second now, it was going to give.

As Pinkie pie walked out into the day she heard the tremendous boom in the distance and looked over to see the huge burst of light in the sky that bathed Ponyville in a beautiful shower of rainbows. Ponies from all over stepped out to view the gorgeous sight, as brilliant waves of energy washed over the rooftops. Rainbow Dash was probably off in the distance by now, leaving her grief behind her, along with the Sonic Rainboom.

As the Sonic Rainboom slowly disipated into the air, so too did Rainbow Dash's sadness and grief. Today was a new chapter of her life.

Pinkie grinned her biggest grin, "that's my girl."

Because I love to make you smile, smile, smile
Yes I do
It fills my heart with sunshine all the while,
Yes it does

*

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Twilight?” Spike asked his unicorn friend as she packed her lecture notes into her bag. Less than twenty four hours after the incident with the diamond dogs, and Twilight Sparkle had arranged to come back into work on a part-time basis. Today she was giving a lecture on Daring Do to a group of freshers.

“Absolutely,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “I figured that sometimes, you just have to face down what’s bothering you. Life’s too short to spend time worrying about insignificant aspects, like one of your students giving you a hard time.”

“But what if things start getting hard again?” Spike said as he passed Twilight a flask of tea.

“If things start getting hard, I’m going to talk about them to my friends and do whatever I can to try and change things,” Twilight said as she tucked the flask inside her bag, “I’m not going to bottle everything up inside. Rainbow Dash did that and look what happened.”

“Yeah,” Spike said, smirking slightly, “at least you didn’t break a student’s neck.”

“There’s time yet,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. She glanced at the clock and realised she was going to be late, “must dash!” She closed her eyes and used her magic to teleport out of the living room with a purple flash.

As the residual particles from Twilight’s teleportation dissipated into the air, Spike gave a hard shrug and decided to go back to bed.

*

When Twilight Sparkle entered the lecture theatre, she found her class already seated. She walked to the chalkboard with her head held high and wrote out the lecture focus in large, white letters – Daring Do in context. She laid her notes out on the lectern and took a deep breath.

Aaaaaand relax.

“Good morning,” Twilight said, a smile spreading across her face as she saw the students’ faces become attentive, “It’s lovely to see everyone here so early. The focus of today’s class is going to be an examination of the Daring Do books by AK Yearling...”

*

“Goodbye now!” Twilight said gleefully as her class departed. When the lecture theatre was finally empty, Twilight Sparkle breathed out deeply. After an hour of talking and asking questions, Twilight glanced wearily at her chalkboard. The entire thing had been filled with notes and drawings galore, and even a small score chart of the colts vs fillies pop quiz she had gotten her class to do. The fillies, unsurprisingly had smashed the colts.

Though she could not see her, the ghostly presence of Pinkie Pie had sat through the entire lecture with a beaming smile on her face. Not because she enjoyed the Daring Do books or because she had the faintest idea about any of the complex ideas Twilight was explaining effortlessly to her students. No, she was smiling because Twilight Sparkle was smiling. She was happy. She had given an amazing lecture that her students had enjoyed and gotten something out of. She could tell that the warm feeling in the pit of Twilight’s stomach was now reminding her of why she started teaching in the first place.

Twilight Sparkle wiped down the chalkboard and packed up her lecture notes. On her way out of the theatre, she brushed passed the place where Pinkie Pie was sitting and stopped.

Was that a cold chill, she felt?

Broken air con, she reasoned and smiled to herself. For the first time in months, she was looking forward to getting back into the classroom tomorrow.

Cos all I really need’s a smile, smile, smile
From these happy friends of mine

*

Pinkie Pie sat atop the cloud. She glanced at the invisible watch on her wrist and decided that the Gatepony was running late. When he eventually arrived, he was wearing the same black robes he had worn before, but was minus the sword.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, sitting on the cloud next to Pinkie Pie, “I was wandering around in another dimension.”

“You seem to do that quite a lot, mister,” Pinkie said. “Tell me more?”

“Well, one of the best things about working for the AMC is obviously dimensional travel. You have no idea how vast the universe is until you explore another dimension.”

“What was this one like?”

“Oh it was a post-apocalyptic world,” the Gatepony said, “all life had died out thousands of years ago, and I was walking a barren, mountainous wasteland where I was the only thing. Occasionally you saw a derelict monument to an ancient civilization, but for the most part it was red skies and a vast expanse of nothing.”

“There are dimensions where the world has ended?” Pinkie Pie asked.

The Gatepony grinned, “there will be a dimension out there where you are an evil genius who has enslaved all living creatures and become the supreme ruler of the entire galaxy.”

Pinkie’s jaw hung open, “I’d love to see that!”

“Yeah,” the Gatepony said, “about that. I need your answer, today. Are you going to the afterlife, or not? Because I want to see if I can find a dimension where I am still alive due to having discovered immortality.”

Pinkie pulled a serious face. Since becoming a ghost, she had stopped feeling so miserable, but she couldn’t deny that she had become more serious and sombre than she ever had been when she was alive.

“All I ever wanted was to make my friends smile,” Pinkie said. “My life, my purpose in life is to make other ponies happy. I think that... the reason I became so depressed was because I wasn’t able to do that. And the worse I felt, the worse I made everypony else feel.”

“That’s what you call a vicious cycle,” said the Gatepony, “Hard to climb back out of.”

“I wasn’t strong enough to climb out,” Pinkie said, “but I watched Twilight and Rainbow do it after my death put them there.”

“You need to stop blaming yourself for that, Pinkie,” the Gatepony said, “when you are in the mindset where you want to end your life, you aren’t thinking clearly. Atonement was never about making it right. It was about learning why it was wrong. You now know how your actions can affect others, a lesson that you should have learned in life, you’ve now learned in death. I believe your friend Rainbow Dash had also learned that lesson.”

Pinkie nodded, “I think there are more lessons still to learn.”

“You’re probably right,” said the Gatepony. He straightened his robe, “Now, about your answer.”

Pinkie smiled slightly. “I still have my cutie mark, right?”

The Gatepony looked at Pinkie’s shapely flank, “right.”

“So, that’s still technically my purpose, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” the Gatepony said, “why?”

“Because I can’t do that in the afterlife, can I?”

“You won’t need to,” the Gatepony said. “The afterlife is somewhere that none of that matters anymore.”

“But it does matter,” Pinkie Pie insisted, “it matters to me! I love seeing my friends smile. If I don’t get that in the afterlife, then maybe it isn’t worth it.” Pinkie Pie smiled. “I’ve made my decision.”

“Okay,” said the Gatepony.

Pinkie took a deep breath, “I want to become a Grim Reaper!”

The Gatepony raised an eyebrow. “You’re sure about that?”

“Yes indeedy,” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.

“It’s not all fun and games.”

“I don’t care, I won’t be happy in heaven without my friends, even if it is supposed to be like paradise. I’m sorry, Mr Gatepony, but becoming a tree doesn’t sound like my idea of fun. I think I’ll have lots more fun as a Grim Reaper!” She pulled together some clouds and made them into a makeshift hood and scythe. “Don’t ya think?”

The Gatepony smiled. “Alright then, I’ll take you up to the AMC and they’ll sort you out.”

“I can’t wait to get started! Do I get to carry a scythe?”

The Gatepony couldn’t help but laugh, “yes, Pinkie. You can get to carry a scythe!”

“Weeee!” Pinkie leapt up and flew around a cloud. She bounced up after the Gatepony to join the Afterlife Management Committee in the sky.

She knew the life of a Grim Reaper wouldn’t be easy, but if it meant being able to see her friends, especially Rainbow Dash, then it was certainly worth doing. If Pinkie had learned anything from being dead, it was that not even death could stop love.

Epilogue

Dear Princess Celestia,

How are things? It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I hope you are keeping well.

In the wake of Pinkie Pie’s suicide, a lot of things have happened. It’s been hard for everyone, but out of all of us, I think Rainbow Dash has had it the hardest. You probably heard about her little “rampage” as we’ve taken to calling it. After the funeral, she went out and mauled an entire pack of diamond dogs. It kicked up a storm here in Ponyville and we almost lost a foal because of it. We managed to sort everything out though. Don’t be angry at Rainbow: we all felt Pinkie’s death differently, and I think that this was her way of dealing with her anger. She’s not a very tactile pony, and she struggles with expressing her emotions, but I think she’s learning to work through her anger. Next week she goes back to the Wonderbolts Academy, which is good because we were all a bit worried she’d end up failing.

I’ve started teaching again after a short break. It’s taken me a while, but I think I’ve found the passion that I came into the profession with. I figured that now would be a good time to seek some support and I’ve started seeing a counsellor to work through some of my own problems. It’s going really well and I feel like I’m making a lot of progress.

I can’t see myself finishing my PhD anytime soon, so you might want to try and fill that position at Canterlot University. I’m pretty happy here in Ponyville with my friends. It’s weird, but Pinkie Pie dying? I think it’s brought us all closer together. The best part is that over the past few weeks, I’ve learned something very important, not just about friendship, but about life; something that I think we should have all learned a long time ago. I learned that all of our actions have deep consequences. We can’t always foresee them, but they’re there. We all need to be a little more careful about the decisions we make.

As for Pinkie Pie? Well... I’m sure wherever she is, she’s having fun. Maybe she’s watching over us or maybe she’s been reincarnated as a tree. I’m not really sure what I believe. I just hope that wherever she is, she’s finally found peace.

I wish you all the best for the future,
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

Interim: Journey through a suicidal mind (Pinkie's Poetry, as reproduced by T. Sparkle)

Pinkie Pie's poetry, written before her death.

Dear Faculty,

It is the reccomendation of I, Twilight Sparkle, that the following poems become part of the Modern Poetry course here at Ponyville Community College

Sincerely,

Ms. Twilight Sparkle, BA, MA
Assistant Professor of Literature and Cultural Studies
Faculty of Literature
School of Arts and Social Sciences
Ponyville Community College

To whom it may concern

Two whom it may concern,
How to describe my feelings?
How the fuck do I explain
All the chaos in my head?
The despair, the rage, the pain
“Utterly shit” is hardly poetic
My life is at a point of loss
Like a leg that’s gone septic
No happy endings
No undercover boss
I’m done for
Dead
No more chaos in my head

To whom it may concern,
I don’t think I can take the pain
I’m afraid of pain
I’m weak, I know.
But don’t stop me
Don’t even bother trying
You’ll have more luck with Sarah Kane
At least she accomplished something
Before she plucked up the courage
To end her life
She was twenty eight
Still fresh faced
Five plays to her name
What a fucking waste
But I’ll get no such sentiment
I’ll be lucky if anyone
Even goes to my funeral

To whom it may concern,
You don’t deserve the pain
Not any more than I do
So for that I’m truly sorry
I know that what I’m about to do
Will utterly destroy you
I worry that it will
Shatter the fabric of our friendship
Fuck the foals up in the future
Cause another war
Sickness
Depression
Unemployment
Despair
Alcohol
Drugs
Death
It comes on pretty quickly
And snowballs out of control
A spiral into empty darkness
That rends at the soul
But I know you’re strong
I know you’ll be alright
Life is a tunnel
You’ll all reach the light
But I’m staying here
In the darkness
The land of eternal night

To whom it may concern,
There’s nothing left to live for
My future is black as coal
That has been dunked in oil
Or acrylic
Sucked into a hole
And shat out by God
I’ve got no prospects
I’ve got no drive
I cannot stand being alive
Trapped in my mind
It’s a fate worse than death
Worse than hell
Worse than exile
There must be something else
This can’t be all there is
Can it?

Falling

She
is an echo and I am a fading noise.
A muffled sound,
Like one that drowned.
I am falling through
water
and I have left my oxygen on the
boat.

Empty,
My glass shatters into
shards on the floor.
Slowly, I return to the pain of sobriety.
The haze has lifted, and I realise that
The once bright day is now
my black soul.

Deliberately,
I venture towards my outcome.
There is a dark cloud above
the canopy,
and there’s a slippery
climb to
the
top,
with angry spikes underneath

Me.
I am alone.
Purpose unknown.
No feelings at all.
It feels like I’m stuck in
limbo.
Pink
Between the black and grey.

Black.
And grey.
A single step too far.
Black.
A hoof that betrayed me.
Hooves that once lied
Now tie
A choking
claustrophobic blackness
around my throat.
One yank.
I shatter into pieces
and fall into blackness.

I was somepony

I was somepony once:
Somepony who was born
Somepony who grew up
Somepony who went to school
Stopped being a child
And entered adult life.

I was somepony once:
Somepony who rose in the morning
Somepony who left each day for work
Somepony who came home
Had their tea
And went to bed.

I was somepony once;
Somepony who... started to find things
Somepony who... saw darkness and fear
Somepony who knew
That something was wrong

And knew it was near.

I was somepony once.
Somepony who saw death in the mirror.
Could not sleep for the ghouls on the ceiling
Or the demons under the bed.
Ate nothing for weeks.
Could not think for the barbs
Inside my head.
Or the poison in my soul.

I was somepony once.
And then death was a carpet
Bleeding paper on the walls
Tears flowing from open wounds
Emptied bodies begging for mercy.
Lies drip venom from my tongue
Corrosive words
My life is done.

Tartan Paint

Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit fuck, fuck-fuck balls
Fuck: fuck, cunt, shit, arse fuck shit fuck
Fuck shit fuck, arse fuck shit fuck cunt
Fuck fuck cock, fuck shit arse fuck cunt
Fuck fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck wanker shit fuck
Shit fuck arse fuck, shit fuck arse cunt balls?

Fuck...

Jizz fuck arse cock, cunt arse cock, bollocks fuck arse cock
Cunt fuck balls wanker; shit fuck piss cunt balls
Balls shit bollocks, fuck balls wanker shit fuck
Shit wanker bollocks fuck tartan paint
Cunt bollocks bastard shit fuck
Tartan fucking paint
Fuck.

Scholarship - Twilight Sparkle

My proposal is sound
On these two affronts
Give me my funding
You filthy inbred cunts

#LORDOFTHEFLIES

LOL PIGGY Y U SO FAT
FUCK U RALPH I HAS ASSMAR
SUCKS 2 UR ASSMAR U FAT CUNT
ONOEZ LOOK ITS JACK MERRIDEW
ONOEZ HE IS FUCKIN NAZI
NO STFU HE IS HERE
HAI JACK Y HAS U GOT GINGER PYEBS
COZ I FKIN HAS AND I R TEH HUNTER
I R TEH FUCKIN TIGER
I HUNT PIGS
LIKE U
FAT FUCKIN NAZI
BUT JACK U HAS GINGER PYEBS
AT LEAST I HAS PYEBS
BITCH PLZ THEY R FKIN GINGER
HATERS GON HATE
OMG STFU LOL
U CANT SEE PIGGYS 4 HIS STOMACH ROFL
Y SO FUKIN MEAN?
STFU OR I BURN DIS ISLAND

WAR

FUCK
NUKE
BEAST
GAS THE JEWS OMG
KILL THE BEAST
FUCK HIS CHILDREN
MAKE THEM SHIT BLOOD
AND BEG FOR MERCY
SIMON IS DEAD
NOW WE KILLED PIGGY
OH SHIT LOL
NOW U IS FUKIN BEASTS LMFAO

How now gentlemen
Dare I say there has been a war going on?
Silly little children with your silly little war.
I would expect much better from British boys.

Drowning

Every day when I wake up
I wish that day was my last
I check my mails
And then my sales
By nine thirty I realise
That I’ve got nothing
At all left to live for

I just want to disappear
Take a knife, and slit my
Throat from ear to ear

For some huge, crushing force
To tear me into pieces
That cannot be rebuilt

The king’s horses and men
Are shit out of luck
I jumped off the wall
And I don’t give a fuck

Suicidal Ideation

It has to be painless
I’m so scared of the pain.
I have nothing to lose
But nothing to gain
I tried suspension hanging
It seemed easy at first
but it hurt, and I don’t
think I have the right noose to
do a drop hanging.
I don’t want to overdose
Because it’s unreliable
To leave it up to fate
There’s no hope for banging
My head against a moving train
Or putting it in an oven
Like Sylfilly Plath
Or lung cancer, like Granny Pie
Drowning is a laugh -
The nearest lake is miles away.
I’d jump from a high building
But it’s too hard to find one
I could just slit my throat
From ear to ear
But I don’t think I’m strong enough
I’d probably get it wrong
Wrist slitting doesn’t appeal
Toaster in the bath is... no
Carbon Monoxide is impractical
I suppose if it was easier
More people would do it
Why bother living in this shit?
I could try
Ripping up the complete
Works of Fillyham Shakespeare
Tearing out each page
And swallowing them whole
Until I choked.
I wish I was dead
I wish it was that easy.
People say it’s the easy
Way out
You try overdosing
On sertraline
Or jumping off
A fucking bridge
The one thing more
Disappointing
Than my life
Is not being able to end it

Initial diagnosis

You’re here because
You want my help
Or you want to help
yourself – is that right?

You

Are not alone
Many people suffer from
Depression. About one in four
Actually.
It is very common

You’re here because
You feel you cannot cope
With day to day life
You cannot rise in the morning
Take adequate care of your
personal high gene
or cook yourself satisfactory meals
you’re not a student anymore
you can’t just live
off pot noodles and toast
You say your life is as absent as
your diet. I think that may be
an exaggeration?
I think you like the idea of
Suicide. But
I don’t believe you’re seriously considering it
What would you say
are your protective factors?
Family? Friends? Faith?
You must have something to live for
Or you’d have taken your own life
Already
What is it that holds you back?
Fear?
I have prescribed you sertraline
I think that will help but
may cause some anxiety
Keep you awake at night

You know you’re fucked
When you can’t even
Trust your drugs

They won’t hurt you
But
They won’t treat you

Granny Pie

I am dead to the way that it makes me feel
Watching you writhing there like an eel
Attached to a hook. I'm in agony here,
But you don’t give a fuck.

I have to be strong for mum.
Keep my composure -
Don’t grieve till you’re gone.
But you’re already gone
As far as I can see,
You’re not my Granny.

You’re a shell of what you were
A china plate, now barely a spoon
Kept alive
by a growling beast in the corner.
Wires like tentacles, threading
into your floury skin.
Eyes like eggshells,
Your bones like driftwood
And wire wool growing from your
Shrunken head,
coiling around your knitting needles.

When the morphine could
no longer stop the pain
You died.
When they opened you up
They found me inside.
My mood
black as your lungs
drips from every pore.
And even now
You haunt me still.
I cannot escape your
Loving embrace.
You’re always here
With me.
My Granny Pie, my grief,
My jailor, my relief.

My disease

Falling backwards into hell
A dry lakebed in the crater of a sore
Skin that peeled from splintered bone
A broken soul, forevermore.

My head is like
A newborn dove
as it crawls from its egg
Into the jaws of hungry predators.

A tin can without a label.
Burger without cheese.
A soul without a body
This is my disease.

The next two poems were written by a ghost writer.

I, Ghost I

Ghost, ghost
I’m a ghost
I watch you while
You eat toast
What’s for dinner?
Yum, a roast
Chicken is what
I love the most
You send mail
I send post
No I don’t
I’m just a ghost

I, Ghost II

I returned to earth in the dead of night
Location unknown, empty and cold
Grass froze when I walked near
But I felt an absence of pain and fear
I was dead
But for the first time, I could breathe
Thank God, the pain was gone
I’d stopped feeling empty
Even though I was nothing
But incorporeal matter
Passing through space
Joined only by a consciousness
Stray thoughts that walked
Ideas with legs