Button Mash Goes to Steelport
Prologue & When Good Heists Go Bad: Part 1
~*Button Mash Goes to Steelport*~
"So Lester, how's work going?", asked a young man, wearing a beanie with a propeller. He was talking to a middle-aged man that worked at the local gamestop. He casually leaned against the counter of the store.
The balding, middle-aged, man, despite being annoyed at the kid, just ignored him. He continued to just stand at the counter, until another customer rolled in. I swear to Celestia, thought the man. If that kid asks about that game one more time, I'm going to shove it up his as-
"Lester!", yelled the young man, before getting down onto his knees. "Pleeeeeaaaaassssee let me just have it! I'll pay you back in interest! I promise!"
What game was so amazing, that this whiny young man asking for? Steed's Row: The Third. Buck yeah! He'd waited 3 years for the next one to come out. He enjoyed everything about the previous installment- the vehicles, the gangs, the weapons- Not to mention, Johnny Gat was his favorite character. He couldn't wait to see what was in store for him next!
"Look, Button Mash", Lester said, straight-foward to the young man. "This is the only job I have that I actually enjoy. I don't want to have to find another job that inserts physical and/or mental pain into my life. Plus, I don't want to have to move out of my basement. I prefer to keep my rent cost to 30 bits, not 3000. Do you understand?"
Button Mash just simply stared at him-blankly, completely unaware of the whole conversation that just went on with the man in front of him. "What?"
"To simply put it, cough up 20 bits, or you're not getting the game", said Lester, angered at the boy.
" I could get you a date with my mom~ ", bribed Button.
It was no secret that button's mom was, well, a MILF. And Lester, not even in his dreams, could imagine getting that sweet piece of ass. Hell, it was worth the risk of losing his job.
"A-are you s-serious?!", asked Lester. "I'm not kidding, Lester. I pinkie promise!", he desperately responded. He then started the ritual of the "pinkie promise".
"Cross my heart in hopes to die, stick a cupcake in my ey-" He accidently poked his eye, in which he dramatically fell to the floor, whining about how much it hurt.
"Alright, kid", said Lester, though a bit agitated. ". . .Just take the game before I changed my mind".
Lester presented a copy of Steed's Row: The Third, for the Xbuck 360. Button could have sworn he saw a heavenly glow surrounding the disk as Lester presented it.
"I-it's. . .it's more beautiful than I ever imagined!", said an awe-stricken Button Mash.
"Yeah well, I don't have all day kid, so I'd appreciate if you would skedaddle before someone notices this little 'negotiation' we are having", said an even less patient Lester. "And make sure your mother meets me at Sugar Cube Corner, Wednesday, 8:00pm-sharp!"
"Yeah, yeah, sure", said an ignorant Button Mash, still gazing in the beauty of the game. He then
"Thanks for business, kid!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Hey mom! I'm home", Button called out to his mom, closing the door to his house.
"Did you have a good day in school, sweetie?", asked his caring mother.
"Good? It was great! Some guy gave me that new game that came out today, for free!", he said in glee, running up to his bedroom to pop in the disk.
"Okay! You get thirty minutes on it, and then you have to do your homework!" Well, at least it'll give me enough time to see the intro, thought the young man.
He opened the door to his room. A cluttered room filled with stacks of games awaited him, leaning against a small tv. An xbuck 360 awaited his use, for another adventure. The young excited boy popped in the disk into the slot, in which he sat down afterwards on his bean bag chair. He grabbed his controller and felt a feel of nostalgia when the great company, Volition Inc., had released another great game. He waited for the next screen to load up
. . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .
The game had gotten the red ring, didn't it?, Button regretfully thought. He looked at the xbuck 360. Four bloody red rings surrounded the on/off button.
"Stupid piece of crap!", yelled Button Mash in anger. "I knew I should've waited for the new xbox 360 models to come out!".
Out of pure frustration, he kicked the xbuck 360. The hole he kicked in the xbuck 360 was connected with the plug, which shocked him to death. Button Mash, layed, unconscious, in the middle of the floor.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The story of human history.
Since time immemorial, great leaders have risen from humble beginnings to...
do stuff.
And so it was with the THIRD STEED SAINTS.
Since conquering Stilwater, the once small-time street gang has evolved into a media empire.
A Saints movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE...
Well, who gives a buck about Pierce?
The points is, the Saints are on the world stage and every criminal organization wants their crown.
It was only a matter of time before one of them took the fight to the Saints.
"Japanese commercials. Easiest money you'll ever make.", said a teen to a aging criminal. Him and 3 other people were planning to rob a bank, in the town of Stillwater. Everything was set to go.
"Grand larceny's right up there. You ready for this?", said the fore-mentioned criminal.
"No worries, I do my own stunts.", said the teen.
"Hey, you're just a ride-a-long, man, so don't get all Hong Kong-style in there.", said a caucasian brunette, aiding in the heist. Halfway through the conversation, she placed on a strap on voice distorter onto her neck.
"W-where am I", said a person, wearing a mascot suit, similar to the aging criminal. His voice was also altered, due to wearing the voice distorter.
"Ey' boss", said the aging criminal. "No need to play dumb. Or being drunk. Or both. Look, we got a bank to rob, so it's your call."
"J-johnny Gat?", said the person in disbelief. OHMYCELESTIATHISISTHEBESTDREAMEVER, he thought to himself.Button! Hold yourself together!
He quietly pinched himself to see if he was dreaming. Though in pain, he held in a yelp for favorite gang member in video games. It sure beat the hell out of playing video games. Now he's living in them.
"Yeah, that's my name. You forgetin' it or sumthin'? You agin'?", asked Johnny.
"N-not at all, Johnny", Button said, reassuringly, while also trying to understand what was going on. "Just had a bad hangover last night. Not thinkin' straight."
"Ight', fair enough", said Gat. "Doing shit like this is stressful."
"By the way", said the young teen. "You're robbing a bank dressed like yourselves?"
"Hell yeah.", said Gat. "Who doesn't wanna be Johnny Gat?"
""Ultra post-modernism. I love it."
"I'm cool with the Saints movie, but do we really gotta drag this asshole actor around?", whined the woman.
"Cut Josh some slack, Shaundi", said Gat. "He's just researching his part."
Wait! That's Shaundi?!, thought a shocked Button Mash. When did she go from a stoner, to some up-tight celebrity?
"I hope he signed a waiver.", she said.
The four criminals walked out of the elevator they were on and deeper into the bank. They were all wearing the same bobble heads Button Mash was wearing- the Gat modeled bobble heads.
"Alright people—", yelled Gat. He fired a few rounds of an uzi. All of the customers had laid flat on the floor, in fear of getting shot. Suddenly, Josh had gotten up on a desk and pointed both guns at one of the accountants
"NOBODY MOVES, NOBODY DIES!", he demanded out loud.
"Birk!", snapped Shaundi.
"Sorry, jumped his line. Can we go again?". He sheepishly smiled.
"Hey, Shaundi", asked Button. "Why did we drag this guy around again? In fact what are we doing?"
"Robbing the Syndicate. How much did you drink last night?"
"20 apple ju-". He realized that they were talking about the kind of drinks his mother took to take in bad news.
"Martinis. 20 apple martinis.".
After a few minutes into the heist, he noticed the hostages were lining up to take pictures of him and the others. Button could have sworn this was not how bank heists worked.
At one point, Birk held his guns to one of the accountants near the vault.
"Get in line, bitch!", he yelled dramatically.
"Hey, don't be a dick.", called out Shaundi.
"You call yourselves gang bangers! You're a bunch of pussies! We should be all up in their shit, like—FUCK!" Suddenly, one of the accountants pulled out a magnum and nearly shot Josh. His near dance with death resulted in one of the cardboard cut-outs to be shot at—in the head.
"Johnny, what do we do?", asked Button Mash, in a panic.
"We shoot the motherfuckah's", said Johnny Gat.
"That's a. . .pretty good plan.", said Button.
"Works for me.", Gat agreed with himself