It was a nice day. Birds were chirping, Fluttershy was strangling bears, and Pinkie Pie was probably drunk. All was peaceful and normal. Sort of. But Ponyville wasn't ever REALLY normal so this shouldn't be news to you.
"Oh, Spike, could you fetch me that quill?" Twilight said, tossing aside a broken quill for the 7th time that day.
"Sure Twilight." He said, sighing and hopping off his perch atop a stack of books. He handed the quill to her, exhaling loudly as he did so. "Oy vey, can't she just levitate it to herself?" He muttered. Before returning to his perch, he went over to the window to see what things looked like outside. Outside was a large crowd, and three peculiar looking ponies, and all three were Earth Ponies. "Hey Twilight, looks like there's quite a crowd out there. Seems like someone new just moved in!" Spike said, tugging on a strand of her long mane.
"Ow, I told you not to do that!" Twilight said, rubbing her head. "Anyways, maybe we should go say hi to them, you know, give them a nice warm welcome." She said, trotting over to the door and pushing it open. She went outside, Spike now on her back. "Oh dear. They have weird markings. This can't be good. What in the name of Celestia's big furry plot is that a cutie mark of? I'll have to ask." She murmured. She trotted forward a little bit, curiously staring.
"Oh my GOSH! IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE, MY BELOVED WIFE!" Shouted one of the odd stallions.
"What? I'm not your wife!" Twilight said disgustedly.
"HONEY POO!" He yelled excitedly, running towards her at full speed. "LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME!" He shouted desperately.
"Woah! Creep! Leave me alone you pervert!" Twilight shouted, taking off into the air.
"Ah, that's my baby, always so jumpy." He said, sighing happily.
"I'm calling the royal guard!" Twilight said, and with that, she ran into her house and locked the door.
Meanwhile, outside, the other two were harassing Rainbow Dash.
"MY DARLING!" The two cried in unison.
"Your... what? I'm nopony's darling!" Rainbow Dash said indignantly.
"You ponies! Stop right there! EMBRACE THE HEADCANON OR ELSE!" Cried out someone suddenly. It was a gray, zebra striped alicorn mare wearing a tophat. The alicorn had odd wings where you could see bones, or perhaps some kind of crest. Perhaps it was artificial. It was wearing a bowtie and some kind of glasses. Its horn was broken as well, which was an indication of insanity and a terrible illness. They called it broniitis.
"Who the hay are you?" Rainbow Dash said, glaring at the pony.
"I am Ocious, leader of all pony OCs!" The angry pony cried, spreading its strange wings out in fury.
"Leader of idiots, more like. Are those three these 'OCs' you speak of?" Twilight said, having appeared out of nowhere.
"Yes! But there are many more! Thousands! Maybe millions! Billions! Trillions! QUADRILLIONS! And I, Ocious, DECLARE WAR UPON YOU FILTHY CANON PONIES!" Shouted the insane mare. With that, she and the three Earth Ponies disappeared.
"A... war?" Rainbow Dash said, tilting her head to one side.
"I'm still confused about the thing they're calling hedkanin!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up out of nowhere. Apparently she wasn't drunk.
"Gotta tell Celestia then. This shouldn't be a big deal, but the presence of another alicorn is rather unnerving, and god only knows what sort of fun will ensue after she brings her 'army' of ponies." Twilight said. "They appear to have special special talents, something only a highly overpowered pony would have, which very well could lead to Equestria's downfall. We can't let that happen." She said.
"Right. I'll go get Applejack, Can't fly, I mean Fluttershy, and Rarity. See you in a bit." Rainbow Dash said, and with that, she dashed off at full speed, leaving a trail of rainbow behind her.
Twilight turned about, totally ignoring Pinkie Pie, and teleported off to Canterlot, because who needs trains! "Celestia, Celestia!" Twilight cried, throwing open the doors to the throne room.
"TWILIGHT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CRAP YOU TOOK THIS MORNING!" Celestia shouted, startled.
"No princess, it isn't about that! I've got important matters!" Twilight said.
"Fine. What is it?" Celestia said, exhaling loudly.
"We're going to war against a strange society of overpowered equines!" Twilight said, her eyes full of of terror, but at them same time full of a sort of mischievousness.
"What? WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Celestia roared. She seemed irritable today. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"Well, we wouldn't obey this thing they called hedkanin. I think it's an ancient ritual or something. There was a terribly aggressive alicorn who declared war on us. Called herself Ocious." Twilight explained, sighing.
"Oh. Oh my. This has happened before." Celestia sighed, and levitated out a book. "A dark stain on our history. Just like Discord. She's been around for a long while, Ocious. Quite a tricky pony. Very strong. But a horrible, terrible soul who would mercilessly kill." Celestia said gravely.
"Are we up to it this time?" Twilight said cautiously.
"No. I don't think so." Celestia said solemnly.
"So you mean, we're doomed?" Twilight said, shivering.
"This may just be the end of Equestria, but of course, we DO have a secret weapon we can use."
Author's Note
I don't even know.
Twilight slept in that next morning, after a long night of planning on how exactly to screw with the attacking idiots. She eventually decided that any basic attacking maneuvers should do. They couldn't be all that bright.
Pinkie Pie knocked eagerly on Twilight's door. "Twilight! Twilight! TWIILLIIIGHT!" She yelled at the door.
"What is it, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, throwing the door open in her face.
"They're here!"
"Already? I was hoping I'd get to have breakfast at LEAST!"
"Yeah! I blasted one really tall red alicorn in the face with my party cannon! Then he destroyed a building!"
"Oh god. Don't provoke them, Pinkie." Twilight said, rolling her eyes and trotting outside. There was in fact a large red alicorn with a jet black mane dissolving buildings in one hit. "HEY YOU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Twilight yelled, sort of sleepily.
"I AM PRINCESS CELESTIA'S LOST BROTHER, DESTRUCTOR. I HAVE COME TO KILL EVERYPONY IN EQUESTRIA!" yelled the alicorn.
"Go home, you're drunk." Twilight said sleepily.
"YOU SHALL DIE!" Bellowed the alicorn, and in one hit, Twilight was gone.
"Nice try, dork." She said. She was now choking the alicorn.
"OH NOOOOO, TOUCHIIING!" The alicorn screamed as he melted into a puddle.
"Ha ha ha ha." She said, and kicked at the puddle of alicorn goo.
MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE
"Who the hay are you?" Applejack said, curiously circling a jet black pegasus stallion with a rainbow mane.
"I am Dark Spectrum, Rainbow Dash's brother." He said, grinning fiercely. "Everyone hates me though, and nobody acknowledges that I am 10 times faster than RD and made a sonic rainboom as soon as I was born!"
"Wait... what? Are ya drunk? That ain't even possible!" Applejack said, still circling the stallion.
"I am not DRUNK!" He said, narrowing his eyes at her.
"Oh. You're high, then. Ah see." Applejack said, rolling her eyes.
"I AM NOT HIGH!" He said angrily.
"Oh, are you both high and drunk?" Applejack said, grinning maliciously at him.
"YOU IGNORANT FARMPONY!" He bellowed. There was an earth-shaking bang and a large cloud of smoke and a column of flames erupted from where the pegasus had been a mere moment before.
"Oh." She said, and off she went to buck apples.
MEANWHILE, AT ANOTHER ELSEWHERE
"Oh, well hello there." Rarity said to a tall red alicorn.
"Greetings, darling Rarity." He said.
"Um, can I help you...?" She asked.
"Yes. Be my date?" He asked, grinning slyly.
"Oh, I'm afraid not. I like another, and we just met, anyways." Rarity said nervously.
"Oh, but I know all about you, it's like we have! You have a cat you call Opal, Your secret crush is Trenderhoof, and you bought an apple at exactly 2:37 PM yesterday." He said.
"How did you... Stalker!" Rarity cried.
"N-no miss Rarity!" The alicorn said, backing away in fear.
"Be gone, filthy alicorn!" She said.
"Nooooo!" He shouted. A huge portal opened behind him. "YOU HAVE FAILED." Bellowed a voice from in the portal. He was soon sucked into said portal and wasn't seen ever again.
Author's Note
This is fun to write.
Like, really fun
I think I like writing stupid crap.
