"Oh where are they!" Minty complained, "I can't find my favourite socks!"
Minty was sad, she had a tea party in the afternoon and her favourite pair of socks - the double minty mint chocolate chip designed ones - were absolutely nowhere to be found!
She sighed, and slumped, "There's nothing for it, I'll just have to go shopping."
Minty put on her favourite hat and scarf, but still felt sad. With only her second favourite pair of socks on, the day didn't feel quite so wonderful. Trotting out of her house into Ponyville, she made her way down the mane street singing happily. Birds were tweeting away, the sun was shining and it was a wonderful spring morning, but terrible dark clouds were brewing over Minty's head because the worst possible thing had happened. Her favourite pair of socks had totally vanished.
"I bet it's that evil wizard's fault!" she complained, and decided to gallop out of town to go see if she was right.
Minty was a very fast, clever pony, and her candy-coloured mane whipped around as she galloped easily through Ponyville and up into the mountains. Finally she arrived at the Jewel Wizard's cave. Hesitantly she went in, but the cave appeared to be deserted!
"He-hello, is there anyone in here?" she called, but her voice just echoed throughout the cave. This wasn't really that surprising, since she was a G3 pony and not a G1 pony, so all the gem-eyed ponies were gone on a trip on the bus. Minty stomped her hoof in annoyance, "No good gem-eyed lazy bastards, never did much good in the first place. One solid buck to that throne and that wretched Gem Wizard was an ex-spellcaster anyway."
So Minty trotted all the way home again, stopping just long enough to tie a better bow in her tail. Since she'd ransacked the Cave of Gems, her tail-bow was the prettiest bow she'd ever had. "Ugh, I had to be a G3 pony, didn't I? If I'dve been G1, I'd have- woaaaaahhh!"
Minty slipped over the side of a chasm and fell down several feet into the cold water. She landed with an almighty splash! in the river, and promptly sank. Minty struggled, her life began to flash past her eyes as she slowly began to drown. All of her memories were sock-related. “I’ve wasted my life!” she whimpered to herself softly. As the world began to darken, she thought she heard... singing?
"Shoo-be doo, shoo-shoo be do!"
It was, it was singing! There was a suddenly audible pop and a bubble of air encased her. Coughing, Minty cleared the water out of her eyes to be granted by the strangest looking fish she'd ever seen!
"Shoo-be doo, shoo-shoo be-waiiiiittt, you're not... girls, girls, pack it up. This isn't a human, it's just a dumb earth pony."
"Awww... but..."
"I wanted to sing! You never let us sing!"
"That's so unfair!"
"Sorry about this, sorry, sorry. We thought you were, you know, somepony important."
The bubble, that had been steadily rising, burst, and a coughing and spluttering Minty crawled out onto the shore, "You're all a bunch of dicks, you know that, right? Damn seaponies. I'm going to take up fishing!"
Minty shook herself off, relieved herself, and then dragged herself to the next villain who must have stolen her socks. The mountain wasn't far away, most bad guys seemed to live within spitting distance of Ponyville, and it wasn't like Dream Valley was all that far off either.
The mountain was ominous, with looming black stormclouds crashing and rumbling around the peak. The castle itself, built right into the mountain, was and awesome monolith of black stone. As a bright blue bolt of lightning lit it up, Minty could just make out the form of snakes adorning the sides as pillars. She trotted up to the front gate, turned around and bucked it in. Minty was cold, hungry, her favourite socks were missing and she wasn't about to take no shit from a retired 1980's supervillain.
"Skeletor! Get your pasty blue ass out here!" Minty's voice echoed down the dark, forboding corridor, where flickering fat-burning torches spat and sizzled.
"Nyaaaa! I will destroy you! Skeletor all up in this bitch!" With a loud explosion and a puff of smoke, the dark evil lord of Eternia appeared before the pastel pony. "Oh. It's you. What do you want?"
"Socks."
"What about them?"
"Did you take my socks?"
"What? What the hell would I want socks for, I'm dead! Literally and figuratively. I figure I'm due for a reboot, but no, no, they give it to ponies instead. Masters of the Universe? Masters of my a-"
"Can it, twinkle toes. If I find you've stolen my socks, I'll make you wish you were more dead, bonebreath!"
"Ponies. Gyah! Here I am, enough evil to take over the universe, and they bring back little pink pastel ponies! Get out!"
Minty put a hoof to her eyes, and then pointed at Skeletor, "I'm watching you."
Then she left.
Back down from Snake Mountain, Minty was sulking. She trotted back towards Ponyville in her second best pair of socks. They were getting dirty. Two strikes, no favourite pair of socks. Someone was going to pay.
It was a strange bubbling kind of engine noise that snapped her back to reality, as a vehicle made of clouds and rainbows pulled up in front of her. A bear with a red heart on his chest leaped out, pushing his mirrored shades up his nose, "Ma'am, I'm going to have to fine you, that was a category four insult, and three more counts of profanity."
"Officer..."
"Tenderheart, Ma'am."
"I'm... sorry, my favourite socks are missing, I almost drowned... can't you let me off?"
"No can do, Ma'am, this is supposed to be a children's story."
"Ah blow it out your ass. Tell somepony who cares."
Tenderheart shook his head sadly, handing Minty a piece of paper, "Nobody cares, Ma'am, nobody cares like a bear." Tenderheart nodded, saluted Minty, leaped into his care-car and took off into the sky.
"Ruddy Care-a-Lot blowhards." swore Minty, under her breath, "Just cos they got a reboot too, recently."
***
Minty trotted back into town. She'd shaken down Tirac because she's Minty, and nopony stands in front of Minty and gets away with it, but even that horned loser hadn't seen her socks. She was getting really angry at this point when Rainbow Dash dragged her into her shop.
"Minty! Oh Minty I'm so glad to see you! I heard you've been all over Ponydom looking for your socks! I'm so sorry! I..."
Minty narrowed her eyes, "You stole my socks?"
"But I-I'm Rainbow Dash! I always dress in sty-"
"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO SMACK YOU INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE NEXT REBOOT!"
