Tag, You're It

by SinceILeftYou

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Discord, Main 6
Length: 2290

Discord is bored - what better way to spend a lazy afternoon than winding up his favourite Ponyville Princess?

It's exactly what it says on the tin - after Discord dupes Twilight into starting a ponyville-wide game of tag, hilarity ensues.

Published 2014-04-14 13:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-14 13:30:04 UTC

Prologue

Tag, You're It

Discord was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored!

It wasn't fair! He made a promise to no longer use his magic to wreak havoc on the land of Equestria, in return, Twilight and her precious cavalcade of friends promised to keep him amused. Amused, pah!

No sooner was she assured he wasn't going to make it rain chocolate or - heavens forbid - replace the grass with cotton candy did she run off, leaving him alone to entertain himself.

Pfft, as if he'd ever do something as boring as that. No, the way forward was flowers which eject sneezing powder whenever somepony gets close, maybe incorporate them as a nice water installation in the Ponyville main square. Just think! The installation could cause ponies to shrink every time they interacted with it: Some hapless mare comes along, throws a bit in and wishes for a manly stallion to fulfill her wildest night time fantasies and BLAM! She's suddenly looking for a pony to fulfill her wildest not-getting-stomped-on fantasies!

Oh! And what about the sky? Blue, that was so last year darling! What about 'burning terror of a thousand-dying-suns' red? Or at least a very nice shade of cherry?

Hmmm, mind you, cinnamon might do more to open up Equestria as a space. Cinnamon. Cherry. What about maroon? Or burnt amber?

Whatever, the color didn't really matter. The pisce de resistance of his sky masterpiece: Meteors screaming down from the sky, wreaking havoc on the residents below. Of course, these falling rocks weren't dangerous - he was a draconiquus after all, not a monster - all they did was a little... redecoration. Just think - ink splattered everwhere! All the colours of the rainbow! No rhyme or reason to it, just color for the fun of it! With any luck, Celestia would look up at the morning sun and get a horrible shade of sewer brown all over her smug little white coat... yes... perhaps that could be arranged...

Discord sighed. It was no use - no sooner did all these brilliant ideas pop into his head did Fluttershy's voice ring in his ears: "And if you want to remain friends, you'll stop thinking whatever it is what you're thinking!"

Unless...

I suppose he could wreak havoc without use of his magic; he was master of manipulation after all. All it would take is a little sweet talk and she'd be putty in his hands...

He cackled maniacally.

Twilight opened her eyes to another bright and beautiful morning in Ponyville. She let out a tired yawn and stretched out her wings, aching from another night of sleeping on them awkwardly. One day she'd get used to the blasted things. One day.

"Spike! I'm going to need my list of things to do this morning, pronto! And while you're at it, get me a glass of freshly pressed apple juice!"

"Yes master..." Spike grumbled.

"What was that? Didn't quite catch you."

Spike returned to his usual jovial tone. "Of course Twilight! Anything for my favorite Princess of Ponyville!"

"Awwww," Twilight thought to herself, "the little dragon's so tired he can barely form sentences, maybe I'll get that juice myself..."

"Soon I'll be free of your clutches you winged harridan." Spike muttered to himself. He picked up the list from the ground, resisted the urge to spit on it, and eyed it. His heart stopped.

It couldn't be... No. Nononononono. Right between '#34 categorize my archived lists' and '#35 Bask in the glory of all your lists being in their Proper Place' was '#34.5 Gormlessly stand outside my treehouse library.'

Someone had messed with one of Her lists!

There would be hell to pay.

"Spike, I'm going to need that list now..."

"Errrr... Coming Twilight!" Maybe she wouldn't notice.

Trembling slightly, Spike handed her the list. He still remembered the last time. Rainbow Dash had told him how oh so important it was she visited a pony called 'Seymour Butts' that morning - in fact, why didn't he add it onto her to do list right now, just to ensure she doesn't forget...

The ensuring rampage had taken him all day to clean up.

Her warm expression turned to stone as she scanned the list.

No Twilight, I can erase it out, just give me a second... Please Twilight, I just put all those books in order... No Twilight, not the schoolfillies, they haven't done anything wrong... Ow! That didn't mean start taking it out on me...

"Spike, what is this?"

"Your morning to-do list?"

"No Spike, right here, '#34.5 Gormlessly stand outside my treehouse library."

"I didn't do it."

"Spike, it would really help if-

"I didn't do it."

"Spike! If I could just get to the bottom of this then-"

" Eu não entendo a sua língua. Por favor, desligue e tente novamente."

"Spike," Twilight grimaced, "I suggest you start talking now, or else I'll go around town trying to find out who is responsible - only this time, I won't be quite so polite."

It was no good, her eye had gotten that twitch again - who knew how long it would be before she snapped?

"Fine. I don't know who - or what - did it, but it sounds like a message. I'm sure if you go wait outside the treehouse the perpetrator will make themselves known soon enough."

No response.

"Twilight?"

"Yes... wait outside Twilight will. Find out who did this... Punish them..." As she stalked off, she began to hum the tune to 'Daisy'.

Uh-oh. She'd started muttering to herself - that's how it began last time. Slowly, the idea that something in her world was out of place would eat away at her mind; before long, there would be no hope for any pony.

Spike hoped for the sake of Ponyville the responsible party would show up - in the meantime, he was going to hide someplace far away.

Author's Note

This is adapted from a very similar series I did a few years back - I thought 'hey, why not ponies?' Also, to save you from going to google translate, Spike says 'I don't understand your language. Please hang up and try again.' in Portuguese.

Discord

Discord enjoyed watching Twilight stand outside the library twitching and muttering to herself about lists; he was almost tempted to let the young Princess destroy herself through anxiety. It would serve her right after all.

He savoured the moment, waiting until she looked like was going to start eating at her wings (no, that would be too cruel, even for him).

"Twilight dahhhling!" He materialized as a glamorous old movie star, complete with cigarette holder and beauty mark. He immediately preceded to kiss both of her clenched cheeks. "It has been too long! How are you sweetheart?"

"Discord!" Twilight shot daggers at the Draconiquus.

"Ah, I see you got my note."

"Yes I did get your note, just as I've stood here for the past hour ruminating on who in the hay would mess up my morning routine!" She threw him another filthy look. "When Fluttershy hears about this you're going to be in deep trouble!"

Almost spontaneously, Discord lost the Zsa-zsa act and sprouted a graceful pink mane and wide teal eyes.

"Twilight! How could you be so mean?!" He replied in perfect imitation of Fluttershy. "Discord is your friend! True, his methods of contact might be a little unconventional, but that's still no reason to blow him off when he wants to spend time with you! Now apologize!"

Twilight simply stood there, an exasperated expression on her face.

"If it makes you feel any better Twilight, by all means, run off to mummy and tell her what a naughty little boy I've been!"

A schoolboy outfit and lollypop appeared on him, the latter of which he crammed into Twilight's mouth. This was too much fun.

"Fmmin thmm. Whm do you wmmt?"

"Beg pardon?" He snapped his fingers and the lollypop disappeared.

"Fine then. What do you want?"

"I don't want anything."

"So what in Celestia possessed you to write all over my things? My morning is completely wrecked thanks to you!"

"Wrecked? If it really bothers you that much, did you ever consider simply ignoring what I wrote on your precious little list?"

"Ignore what was written on the list?" Twilight thought to herself in horror, "Okay, there was no time to be angry at Discord, he's clearly lost his mind..."

Discord sensed the pause. "Well, if that's everything you wanted to say," a suitcase appeared in Discord's paw, "I'll be along my way. In future Twilight, try not to call me unless you actually need something."

"Me!? Call you? You're the one who started this whole cavalcade!"

"Really Twilight, is that a way to speak to a friend? And to think, I was going to use this as an opportunity to warn you, yet you don't even have the decency to say 'hey Discord, I missed you" or "hey Discord, how have you bee-"

"Hey Discord,"

"Yes Twilight?"

"Get off my Azealeas, I spent a whole afternoon planting those!"

Discord looked down and saw that he had been stomping on her flowerbed during his monologue. With a devlish grin, he snapped his fingers and new flowers appeared in their place.

"Oh, I am so sorry Twilight, how careless of me? I suppose I could pass my warning along as apology, even if you are extremely rude for a Princess..."

"I'm listening Discord - this had better be good."

"It's just... well, I was flying over Ponyville the other day and I saw all your little friends - what was their names? - ah yes, Fluttershy, Rainbowjack, Apple Pie, Dinkie, and Flarity, all playing this game called 'Tag'. Ordinarily, I wouldn't think anything of it, but I couldn't help but overhear Fluttershy saying 'guys, shouldn't we invite Twilight to play?' to the others."

Twilight shot Discord a skeptical look. Nonetheless, he continued without pause.

"Yes, Fluttershy, she was always such a sweet, kind little thing, unlike I certain somepony she associates herself with," he blew a raspberry at Twilight, "and you know what that Dinkie said back? 'Nah, Twilight is too serious to enjoy something as fun as this! Tag, you're it!'"

Each time he moved to a new pony, he imitated them perfectly.

"Yeah, I reckon' a Princess like her is too high-flulutin' and important to want to play!"

"Applejack darling, could you not splash me in the mud? I only agreed to play this silly little game because it sounds like so much fun!"

"Guys, Twilight is probably busy being too much of an Egghead to join in, you know, with all her princessy reading and stuff? I say we don't bother her with some silly childish game."

"And this is a big scary warning because...?" Twilight continued to look unconvinced, although Discord spied a wounded look beneath the veneer. Aha! He had her.

"Well, I too would be very hurt that my friends suddenly consider myself better than them, but you're correct, it's hardly a sign of imminent danger. If only I hadn't overheard Celestia the other day, then we wouldn't be having this conversation..."

"Celestia?!" Twilight wings popped up at the mention of her beloved mentors name, "What did Celestia say?"

Hook, line, and sinker.

"Well Twilight, she's worried about you."

"Worried about me?"

"She was saying about how Luna became a recluse when she fully started her duties lifting and raising the moon. It started with her no longer wanting to play games with her, then she holed herself up in that dratted castle library, forever reading books, and before you knew it she became Nightmare Moon. She doesn't want the same thing to happen to you."

"Same thing to happen to me? Wha? I spend plenty of time with my friends!"

"Just as I'm sure Luna spent plenty of time with Celestia in the early stages of her transformation." He spied the befuddled look Twilight gave him, "What? Do you think she suddenly woke up one day and thought 'I love the smell of imminent destruction in the morning'?"

To illustrate his point, Discord grew several feet and sprouted a efferscent mane as black as the night sky "Did you really expect me to stand idly by while they all bask in your precious light?!" He bellowed in imitation of Luna.

He shot down to normal size and wrapped an arm around Twilight's neck "Mondays, eh?"

"What? I don't understand-"

"Well, think about it, you might not realize it, but becoming a princess has changed you. Made you more serious, less fun." Discord crossed his arms and took on a very bored and irritated tone. "You know it's bad when even Celestia von Killjoy is looking at you and saying 'wow, I bet she'd be the life and soul of the party'."

From the annoyed look Twilight gave him, he realized he'd perhaps lain it on a bit thick with his last comment. She was beginning to cotton on; ah well, the seed of doubt had at least been planted.

"Wait a second, why should I even believe you?"

"Believe me? Who said anything about believing me?" The suitcase reappeared in Discord's hand. "Now if you excuse me, I'm late for a very important date. Toodles!"

In a puff of white smoke he vanished only to reappear seconds later, "Oh, and one more thing before I vanish."

"What?"

He tapped her right wing. "Tag, you're it."

This time he disappeared for good. Twilight stood there with a perplexed look on her face, unsure of what exactly had happened. One of the flowers Discord planted began to flower.

She started sneezing uncontrollably.

Discord!