Pained Existence

by Latch

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad
Length: 2537

Sometimes the ones we care about suffer more than we think...

Sometimes life can take all of what you have away. All your hopes and dreams, all of what you loved and cared for. Only to leave you with nothing, to be left in misery and old memories…

Edit: Wrote this back in April of 2012, so expect it to be mediocre.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-01 02:34:02 UTC

Last Day

Every day, the same process repeats itself here.  I am awoken by a nurse entering my room, awoken by the blinding light of the sun and greeted with a faked, warm smile.  I can never remember this nurse's name, but I am often familiarized by her appearance.  Burgundy coat, jade eyes, and a yellow mane tied in a bun, along with the white nurse cap with a medical cross sitting atop her forehead.

I find it rather shameful and depressing to know that she's the one that often cares for me.  She comes here bright and early often looking happy and carefree.  Not even looking at me would remove that smile off her face.

I wish I could smile like her...  But those days are long gone for me.  I can't do anything without help...  I can move my head perfectly without trouble...   Wording has long since left me though, I can't speak a simple word without slurring over every single syllable constantly, nor can I walk...   Standing is something I can partially do, but getting to that point of standing is impossible for me to do on my own.  There were times when I tried and I ended up breaking my limbs several times, so now I don't even try anymore...   Most of my motor functions are dead, but I still have some minor control of my hooves...  This is why the nurse cares for me.

Though I don't believe I properly introduced myself, I am Breezy.  A silvery looking unicorn with a dark blue mane and tail.  To explain the situation I am in, about 8 months ago back in Stalliongrad, where me and my ex-wife went to see her parents for a few days, mainly to exchange hellos and talk about how life is going for all of us, I had an incident happen to me there.

It's a bit of a dangerous place around there at times mind you, some of the ponies on the street often look shady and a bit troubled...  I regret going there though.  That's how I ended up here; you see, somehow, in some way, there was one pony despised me for everything that I had, he hated my guts for I had what he didn't.  I honestly could never remember his name, but he said that "I was supposed to know him," mainly back from our early years when we all got out of school.  Even then it didn't ring a bell to me...

So anyways, during the second day there I decided that I'd go for a walk, but this is when I encountered him while wandering about.  I had a brief idea of the city, mainly of where traffic was the densest.  But even so, this pony stalked me for the day, recognizing me and waiting for a perfect moment to strike.  When the moment came, (did I forget to mention he was a unicorn too?) he picked me up with his magic, ripped me from the sidewalks when none of the populace was paying attention, and engaged in a fight with me.

Destructive magic hurts you know...  He was relentless in his attacks, often hurling constant balls of fire and shooting streaks of lightning or energy at me.  I held my ground and protected myself with a barrier spell.  I only wish I could've noticed what he planned after a while as I soon lost all focus in my spell...  My barrier fell after he placed a well aimed shot that was angled off the wall and struck me on the back of my left, hind leg.  Most of what happened after that became a blur...

Though I can barely remember the feeling of my blood slowly pouring down the side of my head, along with the pain of every bone in my body being shattered...  I am pretty sure he slammed me constantly into a brick wall, trying to break me so that I'd be weak and defenseless.  There wasn't much else I could remember...  Though the last thing I remember seeing before passing out from my injuries, was my wife's face looking at me in shock, horror, and helplessness as she wept onto my chest.   It was the last thing I saw before I woke up.  To my surprise, that's when I began to realize that I couldn't do a thing.  I remember my wife being there again, smiling and wiping tears of joy off her face.  She informed me that was I knocked into a coma for two months.  It was a big revelation for me to take in at that instant.

Though as I felt happy at the moment to be by my wife's side again, she soon told me that she remarried.  She looked rather shameful and sad as she explained the situation.  She thought that I would never wake up.  She only added to my misery as she began telling me of what I missed...  A month after I went under, she gave birth to a newborn, female earth pony which she named Gale, which in term was supposed to be in honor of me.  I didn't know whether to feel a bit insulted knowing that she thought that I would've never awoken, and left her to care for our foal on her own, or that if I should feel happy to know that she still had me on her mind.  That's when I tried to reach out to her, to speak to her...  I couldn't...  That's when I first discovered that all coherent wording left me.

Time passed, and her visits became less frequent until a day came where she said she was moving to Trottingham to continue her life, and to leave me behind.  To never let me see my daughter's face as she grows up.  To let some other stallion raise her instead of me.  To just leave me behind...  All alone...

In the end, whether it be out of pity or sympathy, she made the last request to have me transferred to Ponyville, where I can find things more peaceful and nice for me.

"Just so I can be out of your hide forever..."  I kept on repeating that to myself time and time again within my mind.  I knew she wouldn't want to deal with the guilt of knowing that I would be there, still pained and heartbroken.  I knew she had to get rid of me.

And now here I am five and a half months later after all of that, lying in a hospital bed in the town of Ponyville...  The same ritual in that time never ceased to change.  Get helped out of bed to go to the washroom, get put back into back afterwards, rest for a little while.  Get awoken again and get helped onto a wheelchair by the nurse.  Though something about today was rather unusual...  I felt weak.

"You always seem to look so sad Breezy," she had said softly amidst pushing me along in the wheelchair.  "It must be painful to know that your life is gone now...  Back when you first came into the hospital, I was told of the whole situation of what happened back in Stalliongrad and when you woke up too..."

I slowly tilted my head over to her and as I noticed, there was a bit of liquid welling up in her eyes.

"Nopony should ever have that happen to them.  To be forgotten and abandoned like that.  Nopony."

I wish I could've said something there to express my gratitude for sympathizing for me, I really wish I could.

"And to even be separated from the one thing in your life that you cherish..."

I watched as she tried to find more words to say, but often she just kept opening her mouth and couldn't speak at all.  Though I must agree, none of that should've happened to me...  My wife wanted me to live through that whole ordeal, I remember her saying that she was begging the doctors of Stalliongrad to save me even though I was so far gone.  But now all of that has come to waste as she just got up and left me, without ever truly saying goodbye, or even saying I love you once.

Though it was the worst to know that I would never be able to see my daughter smile and giggle as a filly. To be there during her first birthday.  To watch her go off on her first day of school...  To watch her grow up...  Everything that I would miss...  My shining jewel in life...  Taken from me...  How could she be so heartless...?

By know the nurse stopped the wheelchair and looked at me as the tears streamed down my face.  One by one they slid down my face, dripping off onto my hospital gown.

"Oh...  I'm...  I'm sorry there Breezy... I-I didn't mean to..." She fidgeted slightly as she thought that I would be mad or upset at her.

I cracked a very weak smile at her, or one that was within my capability.  And To be honest, I wasn't mad.  I had no valid reason to be upset at her.  I knew she didn't mean to bring up sad memories and destroyed dreams.  I owed her enough to never get mad at her, as she often has to deal with me on a daily basis.

She replied back with a small smile of her own, understanding that I forgave her.  She continued to push me along in the wheelchair, passing various wards and other patients.  I let out a heavy sigh as with each patient I passed, I knew that those who had it worse loathed every day of their life.  Like me, they felt endless amounts of misery and only wished for it all to end.  I can't help to feel a bit envious of those who still have their families looking after them...   But there was little a need to harbor ill feelings onto those who were in the same situation as me.

We eventually ended up coming to the front desk.  The nurse who was pushing me engaged in a brief, idle conversation with the stallion behind the desk.  He looked kinda like the nurse except he had a red mane and tail, along with topaz colored eyes.  His attention soon diverted to a clipboard set in front of him which he began reviewing.  I couldn't help but to notice as we went by him, he looked a bit pained to see me, like as if I was one of the sorriest sights he ever laid eyes on.

Our small journey soon came to a close as we emerged into a small waiting like area, there was a mix of patients engaging with one another.  All of which had an equally debilitating affliction to them, whether to be an illness that cannot be spread, or being handicapped in some way.

It was the same room I came to every now and again.   There as also a few newcomers to this area too.

In the centre of the room sat two ponies, one a crimson looking mare with bandages covering most of her head, which hid her mane from view.  "Check mate." She stated with a smile.

Ahead of her, a light green stallion sighed in frustration and threw his hooves into the air.  "I give up."  His mane was a darkened shade of brown.

Across the room, on a faded red couch, sat a gray stallion by the looks of it.  A permanent look of misery was etched onto his face, mainly due to his eyes looking heavily bagged and having a permanent frown left on his face.  His head was almost entirely wrapped in bandages, along with one of his eyes being covered by a pad of some sort.  Though a weird looking liquid was slowly dripping down his eye beneath the pad.  Two of his limbs were covered in a mismatched, green and blue casting as one was held in a sling next to his chest, the other sat idly against the floor, almost looking like a club instead of a hoof.

I was wheeled across the room towards a window that overlooked the horizon.

Every day I be taken here.  Every day I would sit here, watching time fly by as my gaze would be taken beyond the horizon.   I keep day dreaming every time, on how my daughter's doing, on what happened to my assaulter, and to when my time would come.

I am forced to endure a miserable life, to often just grin and bear it.  To claim ignorance on myself and just plaster a fake smile onto my face...   I would never do that.   I accepted my misery, often trying to understand a life lesson from it, or just to use it to further my wish of death.

But...  I could never feel at peace at myself here, never feel happy.  All I had was lost.  There was nothing left for me.

I watched as a rainbow colored streak soared across the sky at incredible speeds, soaring around the area I overlooked before zooming off towards Ponyville.  I often wondered who possessed such talent to go that fast, but that was just an idle thought...

Hours had passed and it was now becoming evening.  I was left here for a vast majority of the day, with the nurse coming back every now and again to take me to the washrooms.   But the sun was now setting behind the horizon, it's multicolored glow ever so slowly fading behind the land, only to have the moon take it's place in the sky...

I wish I could be out there.  To chase the sunset over the horizon, to never let the sun escape my view.  I wanted to bask in it's warmth until the end of time, for I felt cold.  An itch built up in my throat as I began coughing and wheezing heavily...  My lungs burned with each cough and wheeze that escaped me...  There was something wrong with me right now...

"I think it's about time you get some rest."  I felt the nurse turn my wheelchair around and point me towards the entrance of the room.

Time seemed to become a bit slow as I felt my body becoming weaker with each passing minute.  The nurse took it as a sign of me getting sleepy and picked up her pace.   My head began to pulse as I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

Death was coming for me.

With a brief closing of my eyes, I realized that I was back in my room.  The nurse lightly prodding a hoof at me to keep me awake, as she helped me up and onto my bed once more.

I felt myself become a lot colder as my breathing soon became labored and heavy.  The throbbing in my head became intense as my senses were stolen from me; the only thing I heard from my ears was my breathing.  I looked up at the nurse who was now worried.  She knew what was happening, and yet she refused to let it happen.  With a look of urgency in her eyes she immediately bolted out the door of my room.  I didn't have any idea what was going on anymore...  I felt my heart beating more intensely, along with the pulsing in my head becoming unbearable...   And that's when it all slowed down...  The throbbing slowed...  My heart slowed...  My heavy eyes slowly closed as I felt tired beyond measure...   I heard the muffled noises of a door slamming open and several panicked voices trying to fix the situation, but it was too late now.

Their voices soon became distant as I felt myself fall into slumber.  One that I would never awake from.

I was free.