Once upon a time, in the little pony village of Ponyville, there lived a very stoic Earth Pony named Bon-Bon. Her roommate's constant wacky antics had inured her to the wondrous spontaneity of life. Why, she had even missed the Hearth's Warming Eve play for the last three years in a row. Some said that she had forgotten the true meaning of Hearth's Warming Day, some said that she desperately needed some kind soul to reintroduce her to the magic of Hearth's warming, and this is the story of one such kind soul.
Bon-Bon lay sleeping peacefully in her bed, she enjoyed these quiet moments away from the hustle and bustle of the busy Ponyvillains. She really appreciated the luxury of these afternoon naps, they nev—
“EARTH PONY, ARISE!”
“Oh my!”
Bon-Bon bolted upright, a metal monstrosity stood before her. It had glowing red eyes and scissor hooves an—
“NOW YOU LISTEN DIRECTLY TO ME. FOR I AM THE GHOST OF HEARTH WARMING'S PAST AND I HAVE COME TO SHOW YOU...WHAT IT WAS LIKE.”
“...Okay.”
The...ghost...made a sweeping gesture, and clouds of icy fog billowed in, and within Bon-Bon began to see images forming.
“THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, BEFORE THE DAWN OF PONIES AS WE KNOW THEM, THERE LIVED A RACE OF HORRIBLE NAKED APE CREATURES KNOWN...AS HUMANS. BACK THEN, IT WASN'T CALLED HEARTH'S WARMING FOR THEY DID NOT HAVE HEARTHS, ONLY CUBICLES, AND INSTEAD OF SCARVES AND BOOTS THEY WORE ONLY...BUSINESS CASUAL ATIRE.”
“AND SO THE COLD MISERABLE HUMAN APES TOOK THEIR LEADER JESUS—AND STAPLED HIM TO AN EVERGREEN TREE...WHERE HE REMAINED FOR THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS...IT WASN'T A HOLLY JOLLY HEARTH'S WARMING THAT YEAR—AT ALL.”
“BUT THE HUMANS DID NOT PREPARE FOR THE MACHINATIONS OF—THE GREAT RED ROBOT APE: MECHA-SANTA CLAWS!—WHO USED THE GALACTIC ELFIN TECHNOLOGY OF HIS SLAVES TO RESURRECT JESUS. AND SO AN EPIC WAR BEGAN, ONE WHICH WOULD LAST TWO THOUSAND YEARS AND BRI—
“That's not true!”
A rather irate looking mint green pony had just entered the room.
“Lyra!”
“WHO!? WHO IS THIS AND WHY DO THEY INTERRUPT ME?”
“Ghost, this is my roommate Lyra Heartstrings, Lyra, this is...the ghost of Hearth's Warming's past.”
“Pleased to meet you Mr. Ghost.”
“LIKEWISE.”
“Anyway, you're wrong, that isn't how it happened.”
“OH, YOU'RE TELLING THE STORY NOW, IS THAT IT? HERE, LISTEN BON-BON, LYRA IS ABOUT TO TELL THE STORY OF THE PAST EVEN THOUGH I WAS THERE AND SHE WASN'T.”
“Yep!”
Lyra was smiling ear to ear. With a wave of her horn, a cloud of sparkling green dust swept into the room and Bon-Bon saw a very different series of pictures in them.
“THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of ponies as we know them, there lived a race of cuddly wuddly creatures called humans. They stood on two legs and had two strong arms that were perfect for hugs. Instead of fur they had the most huggably soft skin ever, but it wasn't awkward not having any fur, because they always wore the coolest clothes. Most importantly, their favorite thing was making new friends–eeeeeeee!”
Lyra's story had devolved into her squeeing and hugging herself for a while.
“THIS STORY IS REALLY LAME, HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH HER?”
“Eh, you get used to it after about the fifth time she tells it.”
“Anyway, during their search for new friends they journeyed to distant lands, eventually meeting the first unicorn, Lyrical Heartstrings. They all became such super best friends that the magic of friendship turned them all into new ponies! Humans got colorful fur and cutie marks (in hugging) and Lyrical Heartstrings got cuddly huggleness and noo-dley woo-dley arms perfect for hugging. And they all lived happily ever after.”
The green dust disappeared and Lyra sat down with a satisfied look on her face.
“And that's why we celebrate Hearth's Warming.”
"WELL OBVIOUSLY THAT'S WHAT HAPPEN—NO, WAIT! YOU ARE TRYING TO TRICK ME!”
“NUN-UH!”
"YEAH-HUH, I AM THE GHOST OF HEARTH'S WARMING'S PAST AND I DECREE THAT IT IS SO!”
“Prove it, then!”
“ALRIGHT, BUT TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE WRONG WE MUST GO...TO THE PAST!”
“I'm not so sure about this, Lyra.”
“You're on, ghost face. Let's do this.”
“VERY WELL, THEN FOLLOW...IF YOU DARE.”
They both followed him through a nearby door.
“Why are we stopping in my kitche—
“BEHOLD...THE TIME MACHINE.”
“...That's a box...” said Bon-Bon.
“IT IS A TIME MACHINE!”
“It's a cardboard box...that you wrote 'time machine' on.” said Lyra.
“ALL THE BEST TIME MACHINES ARE BOXES!”
“NOW GET IN THE BO— I MEAN TIME MACHINE.”
The three did so, though it was a tight fit.
“TIME MACHINE...GO!...TO THE PAST.”
Nothing happened.
“TIME MACHINE! GO TO THE PAST!”
Still, nothing happened. Bon-Bon coughed awkwardly.
“TIME MACHINE...WHAT...TIME MACHINE...WHY ARE WE NOT IN THE PAST?”
Bon-Bon and Lyra got out of the box.
“I'M SORRY THIS USUALLY WORKS”
“It's...okay?”
“WELL, I THINK WE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT HEARTH'S WARMING DAY. AND SO MY WORK HERE, IS DONE.”
With a wave of his hoof a cloud of fog rose up around him, and when it was gone, the ghost of hearth's warming's past...was still there.
“OH...UH, SORRY AGAIN.”
He shuffled awkwardly out of the house.
Bon-Bon and Lyra stood there silently for several minutes, at a loss for words.
“I still want to know if I won the argument.” said Lyra.
“What I want to know is why it showed up in April.”
Author's Note
So...beautiful
