The Narrator

by Sythax

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9073

Twilight's story just got a whole lot more interesting.

Discord changed reality to create chaos.
The Narrator changes it for the sake of a good plot line.
As he warps reality, weaving a ridiculous tale as he goes, Twilight has no choice but to play along.
She just hopes to Celestia this story has a good ending.

Published 2014-04-13 18:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-22 18:09:18 UTC

This can be called Chapter 1

"The day was dark and stormy, the trees bent low against the gales that blew outside. Lightning forked through the clouds and thunder boomed over the hills."

Birds chirped in the sun, a gentle breeze rustling the grass as pegasi flew over the hills. Children were playing in the warm air, giggling with delight.

"*ahem* I said dark and stormy!"

Twilight jumped as a flash of lightning struck a nearby tree. Three pegasi flailed around in the winds that had not been their a minute ago. She watched as they struggled to land, the gusts blowing them off course.

"Twilight Sparkle laughed at the lowly pegasi before her, she would have them executed straight away for their patheticness."

"I will do no such thing!" yelled Twilight as she searched for the source of the disembodied voice that surrounded her.

"Oh yes you will!"

Twilight's lips moved against her will, an unintentional cackle escaping her mouth. As she did so the heads of the three pegasi fell off, rolling around on the floor. What made the sight even more disturbing was that the heads were still alive, their mouths moving as they screamed in terror, their headless bodies bumping into each other as they tried to locate themselves.

Twilight turned as Spike walked into the room.

"Huh, this storm came out of nowhere! Were we scheduled one for today?"

"Spike had been Twilight faithful slave for many years, only requiring the occasional beating to demand obedience."

"Slave?" said Spike "I'm not her slave!"

As he said it thick iron shackled appeared around his wrists and neck, all attached to a heavy metal block.

"Hey! What gives?"

"Spike!" cried Twilight as she ran forwards to help.

"Twilight watched with cold indifference as her slave was cruelly tortured.

She skidded to a halt, her legs no longer under her control. A large blue feather appeared in the air and promptly began to tickle Spike.

"No! Ha ha Stop it! No more!" he giggled, tears leaking from his eyes.

"It was at this moment that Applejack decided to pop in for a visit."

A flash of light appeared up in the air. A startled cry rang out as as an orange lump fell heavily to the floor. Applejack stood up slowly, readjusting her hat.

"Why the hay am I here?!" said Applejack She noticed Twilight and the 'tortured' Spike.

"Uh, Twi', What goin' on here?" she asked with confusion.

Twilight, still being forced to watch Spike with cold indifference, failed to respond.

"Riiiight" said Applejack "I'm gonna 'ssume that there somethin' wrong here"

"Applejack gasped at the horrendous scene before her"

"Who the hay is that?"

"Never had she thought Twilight Sparkle could be capable of such a gruesome method of torture."

"In what universe is a feather a gruesome method of torture?" said Applejack skeptically, her eyebrow raised "Who in Equestria are ya?"

"You may call me The Narrator as you wrestle with the tyrant before you!"

Applejack gasped as her body was flung forward without warning. She collided with Twilight who gasped, freed from her staring trance.

"I'm sorry Twi!" cried Applejack as her hooves attempted to hit Twilight "I don't know what's wrong with me!"

"Overlord Twilight Sparkle was fearful of losing her iron grip on Ponyville to the hands of our Heroine, the brave Applejack!"

"Overlord?" said Twilight

"Heroine?" said Applejack

"Hmm, your right. It needs more pizzazz!"

Twilight and Applejack were both briefly engulfed in white light. When it cleared both ponies looked down at themselves.

Twilight was wearing a large black cape, it's ridiculously high collar encircling her neck. Her hooves and head were encased in black metal armour that emitted a dim glow.

Applejack costume featured a domed helmet, large horns coming off either side. Thick furs coated her back and legs, held in place by a series of leather straps. A large battle-axe hung from her side.

"Ah, much better! Now, continue fighting, the story must go on!"

The two ponies continued their scuffle, each apologising for the blows they dealt.

"The Tyrant fired her magic at Applejack who dodged with ease, side stepping each purple blast."

Purple rays flew from Twilight's horn, leaving black scorch marks where they landed. Applejack danced between them, narrowly missing the deadly beams.

Overlord Sparkle, not to be outdone, charged her horn for her back up spell.

Twilight horn began to glow, the room shaking violently as it did.

"Uh Twi' could ya stop that please?"

"I can't!" cried Twilight

Overlord Sparkle cried in triumph as her back up spell did its work.

"Ha ha, now you can rot in the mines, forever!" cried Twilight

The floorboards around Applejack began to crack and splinter. With a crash they fell, plummeting into a dark void beneath. Applejack leaped, grabbing the edge of the hole in the floor. Twilight approached her, cape billowing.

"Overlord Sparkle laughed evilly, her victory now but assured.

Twilight's threw back her head, her laugh mixing with the sounds of the storm outside.

But Chief Applejack was not so easily defeated."

"Chief Applejack?" she said, admiring her new title.

"Chief Applejack lunged forwards, wrapping her hooves around The Overlord as she falls, dragging her down into the dark"

The two ponies screamed as they fell, not sure what to expect when they reached the bottom.

Will our heroine survive? What about our villain? Oh I can't wait! See you in the next chapter!"

Applejack and Twilight looked at each other as they fell.

"So, since we have a bit of time on our hand, care to explain what in tarnation is happening here?" said Applejack

"I would love to. If I knew myself." said Twilight as she shook her head.

"Ok, so how do we get outta this here tale?"

"I suppose we just have to play along. This 'Narrator' is extremely powerful. Best to stay on his good side, I don't think he'll hurt us."

"Well this is just dandy." said Applejack dryly "I hope this guy's a half decent story teller."

To bold go to Chapter 3

The two companions and their pet walked for what seemed like an age. The dark void squeezed in on each side, looming above them.

"Uh, Twi, Is it just me or is it gettin' lighter?" asked Applejack

Applejack was right. It was getting lighter. The black expanse was becoming a very dark shade of grey and becoming brighter with each step they took. Tall, slender shapes stood in the distance, scattered as far as they could see.

"Commander Applejack readied her plasma rifle, its barrel glowing with blue light as the two left the misty forest."

"Commander Applejack?"

"Plasma Rifle?"

"Forest?"

Sure enough, where the dark expanse of the mine had been now stood a dense line of trees, white mist twirling through its branches.

Applejack looked up at her new weapon. It was sat on her back, resting upon a large metal arm that raise the large barrel over her head. True to The Narrator word a blue glow came from inside. Her fur armour had been replaced with a streamlined suit that clung to her body, its black fabric shining in the faint light.

"Now wait just a minute here!" yelled Applejack "I thought we was in some history novel! Now we're in on with some new-fangled technology?!"

"Speak for your self" said Twilight who was still clad in her black armour and cape.

"Oh just get on with it!"

"It there going to be any continuity in this story at all?" asked Twilight

"Commander Applejack raised a hoof to her ear as her transmitter buzzed into life"

"Oh my, what in the world am I wearing? This shade of red is absolutely dreadful with this gold!"

"That sounded like..."

"Twilight dear, Is that you? Where am I?"

"First mate Rarity explained the situation to her Commander, offering to beam them up to safety."

"First mate? Commander? Who is that with you Twilight?"

"I'm with Applejack, just play along" said Twilight into the receiver.

"If you say so dear. So what situation dare I ask am I explaining?"

"That they are about to be attacked by a huge swarm!"

"A swarm?" asked Applejack "A swarm of what?"

"Giant Pencil Bees!"

"Pencil Bees?"

"Yup"

"Uh Twi, you hear that?" asked Applejack

A faint buzzing could be heard, the sound of thousands of pairs of wings beating rapidly.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me" said Twilight as the first Pencil Bee emerged from the fog. It looked much like a bee should. The only oddities about it were that is stripes ran vertically down its body, it was easily five feet in length and instead of a sting had a very large pencil ending in a deadly point.

"RUN!" yelled Applejack as she turned tail and ran back towards the forest.

Twilight followed suit, crashing through the thick undergrowth, her cape snagging on branches as she ran.

"Commander Applejack began firing at their pursuers, obliterating them with a burst of blue energy."

The large cannon on Applejack's back swiveled in place, it barrel pointing at the Bees. With a hum a ball of blue fire erupted from the end, hitting the nearest Bee with a sizzle. It screeched in response as its body disintegrated, leaving just a small piece of graphite behind.

"Rarity, Help us will ya?" shouted Applejack

"But how dear? I have all these buttons in front of me but no idea what they do!" replied Rarity

"First Mate Rarity quickly hit the button that said 'Transport Beam', the ship humming in response"

"Oh! Well that was convenient" said Rarity

Twilight and Applejack were quickly enveloped in white light. The Bees screamed as they saw their prey escaping but it was too late. With a flash they were gone.

***

Being teleported was a new experience for both of them. They both shook violently as they stepped out of the machine, their stomachs turning.

"Twilight! Applejack!" came a yell. The two looked up to see a white unicorn running towards them.

"Rarity!" said Twilight as they embraced. "Am I glad to see you!"

"The first Mate saluted as the Commander appeared on the bridge."

Rarity's hoof shot up into a salute, much to her disdain.

"Would somepony please tell me what in Equestria is going on?" she asked

Twilight quickly filled her in, Applejack interjecting with any details she missed.

"Sounds like you two have had quite the adventure" said Rarity as she examined Mr Bubbles who was till clinging to Applejack's neck.

"Where are we anyway?" asked Twilight looking around the room.

The room was oval in shape, tapering to their left. Various console littered the room, all curved to the shape of the room. Lights flashed everywhere, beeping angrily at the three ponies. The tapered end of the room held a large curved window that was currently closed, blocked off with thick metal plates.

"The ESA Luna was the finest ship in the fleet, equipped with the very latest in recon and navigation equipment."

"This don't look like any ship I've ever seen" said Applejack, curiously looking at a nearby console. "How do ya get onto the poop deck?"

Twilight wandered to the closed window. What sort of ship had a window like this blocked off from the outside world? How did it open? She approached the nearest console to the window, scanning the button on it. One in particular caught her attention.

"Main Window Blast Shield?" she said, pressing down on the button.

With a hiss the plates over the window parted. The three of them walked forward, expecting to see the blue waves of some ocean.

What they actually saw made their jaws drop.

"B..But how?" gasped Rarity

"This is just weird" said Applejack

Twilight stared, speechless. No matter how many times she had looked at the stars, nothing could have prepared her for this. Beyond the window lay the vast expanse of space, stars glimmering many light years away. Below sat the planet they called home, Equestria sat among the blue oceans.

For the longest time they just watched the planet below, drifting through space, a place no one have ever been.

"Suddenly the room was flooded with red light as a wailing siren rang throughout the room."

"What the hay is that?" yelled Applejack as she covered her ears.

"Incoming Griffon Star-Mangler fleet bearing 5346219" said Rarity automatically

The other two stared at her.

"What?" said Rarity

"What the hay does that mean?" asked Applejack

"Well I don't know!" said Rarity

"But you said it!"

"Not of my own accord you realise"

"The three of them looked out of the ship's window. There, just emerging from behind the moon, was a fleet of enemy ships, their bird-shaped hulls eerie in the moonlight."

"Uh Twi, what are they doin'?" asked Applejack

Suddenly several bursts of red light flew from the ships, racing past them. They screamed as the ship rocked and the siren grew louder. The birds of prey advanced, weapons blazing all the way.

That's no Chapter 4 (Yes it is)

"Quick! Get us out of here!" cried Twilight as she ran to one of the consoles, scanning the buttons for anything useful. The other two followed suit but all came up empty-hoofed.

"None of these darn buttons mean anythin'!" cried Applejack over the sound of screeching metal. The ship was quickly being torn apart by the high powered blasts coming from the approaching ships.

"Uh Twilight dear?" said Rarity

"Not now Rarity!"

"I really think you should look at this!"

Twilight spun around, looking at where Rarity was pointing. A tall, oval door stood at eh back of the bridge, it's exterior glowing green. Above it sat a sign that proudly proclaimed "ESCAPE POD".

"Escape to where?" asked Applejack who had also come over to investigate.

"Who cares?! Anywhere is better than here!" replied Twilight

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't use that, the story dictates that your supposed to fight the attackers off bravely until your ship goes spiraling into the planet below to explode with no survivors!"

The three ponies looked at each other before hitting the button next to the door and scrambling inside, sealing it behind them.

The pod was extremely cramped, only meant for two at a push.

"How does it work?" mumbled Rarity, her face squished up against the wall.

"I don't know!" said Twilight

"60 seconds to total ship annihilation!" came a cheery female voice from the speaker overhead. "Please fasten your seatbelts!"

"Mmmph mmm mm!" said Applejack, her mouth obscured by the terrified Mr Bubbles clinging to her face.

"What did you say dear?" asked Rarity

"I said ask The Narrator!" she said as she dislodged the trembling black mass.

You ignore my story and now you expect me to help you?"

"Uh, yes?" said Twilight uncertainly.

"Oh alright but on one condition!"

"What?"

"Anymore complaining about the story and you'll have to fight my pet!"

"Your pet?"

Yes, the vicious, bloodthirsty, insanely cruel beast to ever exist. I call her Opalesance."

"How dare you talk about my baby in that way!, she isn-"

"Ok, ok, agreed!" screamed Twilight, cutting Rarity's rant short.

"Good! Just press this button"

As he spoke a big red button appeared on the wall. Twilight slammed a hoof against it. The pod darkened as loud hisses of gas could be heard from outside.

"Escape Pod disengaged. Preparing to drop from Low Equestrian orbit."

"Uh Twi, how high is a 'Low Equestrian Orbit' " asked Applejack fearfully

"Um, about-"

Twilight's stomach dropped before she finished. The pod plummeted through the atmosphere, its three passengers screaming all the way down.

***

Princess Celestia was rudely awoken by a deafening crash. She jumped, screaming as she fell off the royal bed. She breathed heavily, listening for anymore sounds of disturbance. Slowly she poked her head over the edge of the bed, gasping at what she saw.

A large hole had been carved in the roof of her room, the wooden beams and stone supports shattered with the impact. Leaning up against the wall, the debris spread all around it was a thin cigar shaped pod, its white metal shell blackened and scratched with the fall. She had no idea what it was.

Cautiously she climbed over the bed, approaching the object. It hissed loudly and she jumped back, cowering. Once again she peered over. She watched as the pod opened, its white surface parting to reveal three rather ill looking ponies. They wre wearing a rather odd assortment of clothes.

Determined not to be frightened she stood up, facing the intruders.

***

Twilight stumbled out of the pod, her stomach churning. She keeled down on the stone floor and closed her eyes, willing her head to stop spinning. She heard a thump on either side as Applejack and Rarity collapsed next to her.

"We...are never...doing that again" gasped Applejack, Mr Bubbles gurgled weakly in agreement.

"Twilight Sparkle faced the Royal Dictator before her, not willing to back down."

Her stomach flipped as she was hoisted to her hooves. She slowly opened her eyes, gasping when she saw Princess Celestia before her.

"Princess!" cried Twilight bounding forward to embrace her.

"Halte sbires de la paysannerie, si vous venez ici à la recherche du gâteau royal que vous perdez votre temps! Je vais prendre son emplacement dans la tombe! Vous ne serez jamais goûter c'est magnifique remplissage de l'orignal de chocolat!" cried Celestia

"Uh, Princess, you feeling ok?"

"Ne pas venir plus près, par la puissance du boulanger, le four et le frappeur Je vous ordonne de retourner là d'où vous venez! Vous ne trouverez pas de pitié dans la cour du petit gâteau!"

"Ok, this is officially weird" said Applejack

"Gardes! Les voleurs de lune sont ici! La sécurité du gâteau royal a été compromise, commencer le processus de relocalisation!"

"Twilight! What is she saying?" said Rarity

"Princess Celestia cried for her guards, fearing for her life."

"Oh ok, wait what?!" exclaimed Twilight.

"This Celestia must not know us Twi! It's a fake!" cried Applejack

"Je vous bannis les plus profondes, jusqu'au cœur de l'étage de chambre à coucher!" said the fake Celestia, her horn glowing with magic.

"What ever is she doing?!" said Rarity

"Celestia horn shone brightly as the miniaturisation spell grew to full power, she would not go without a fight, not while her precious was in danger."

"Well that don't sound good" said Applejack as a stream of yellow light poured from Celestia's horn, striking the three ponies. Their bodies were enveloped in a yellow glow as they began to shrink, slowly at first. Within a minute they were half the size. Thirty seconds later they were no taller than a mouse. Celestia watched with satisfaction as they soon disappeared from sight.

That would teach them to attack her city. Now what to do with this pod. She examined it, feeling its surface. It would certainly make a very nice flower bed.

Author's Note

For those of you wondering, the language Celestia is speaking is French, here is the translations (Courtesy of Google Translate)

1-Halt minions of the peasantry, if you come here in search of the royal cake you are wasting your time! I will take it's location to the grave! You will never taste it's magnificent chocolate moose filling!

2-Do not come any closer, by the power of the baker, the oven and the batter I command you to return to whence you came! You will find no mercy in the court of the cupcake!

3-Guards! The moon thieves are here! The safety of the royal cake has been compromised, begin the relocation process!

4-I banish you to the deepest, darkest reaches of the bedroom floor!

I don't speak French so if Google Translate butchered the language I'm sorry!

Nobody calls me Chapter 5

Being shrunk was another new experience for all of them. Celestia and the room around them grew to staggering proportions until they were lost in the mist that was rapidly surrounding them. Any other time they would have wondered why there was mist covering the floor of Princess Celestia's room. Unfortunately this was not any other time and their minds were preoccupied with other things.

"Girls, is it just me or is the floor wet?" asked Twilight

Sure enough the tiled floor had disappeared to be replaced with knee-deep water, its grey waves running past them.

"Where the hay are we now?" asked Applejack

"I don't know but the waves are rolling that way." Twilight said pointing into the mist "Wherever we are there must be a beach nearby."

"How are you enjoying the story so far?"

"It's...riveting to say the least." replied Rarity cautiously.

Oh that's good! I was afraid the French Celestia was too much. I wonder where the cake went..."

"Cake?"

"Oh, never mind, your nearly at the beginning of Chapter 5!"

"How many Chapters are there?"

"Hmm? Oh I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't know?!" cried Applejack angrily "How do you not know how long your own novel is?"

Don't worry there's not much more. Oh! Here we are!"

The mist began to clear and the water level lowered, making way for thick wet sand. The three of them gasped at the sence before them.

"The landing hadn't gone as well as planned. The enemy were just to entrenched, their machine guns making light work of the infantry running forwards."

The beach was red with blood. Bodies littered the sand, horrific wounds from the bullets that were flying overhead. The three of them ran forward, jumping behind a large boulder nearby. Bullets pinged off the rock, spraying dust everywhere.

"Major Sparkle had seen battles in her time but nothing compared to this."

Twilight frowned, looking down at her new costume. She was clad in a green military outfit, heavy black boots and a green metal helmet. The helmet had a small hole in the front from which her horn protruded. A wooden rifle was strapped to her side, a pouch of bullets along side it.

She looked across at the others. Their costumes had remained unchanged. Except for Mr Bubbles, had he always been that shade of blue?

An explosion off to her right dismissed the thought from her mind. She looked towards the sea. Ponies in similar uniforms to her were charging forward from the water. Their rifles blazed as they discharged bullets ahead of them. Peeking over the top of the boulder she assessed the situation. Further up the beach were two concrete buildings, the sat low in the sand, their windows barely above ground. From each building a continuous flash emitted. These were obviously the machine guns The Narrator had been on about. They were laying waste to the soldiers, cutting them down like wheat.

A scream to her front caused her to duck down again. A pony had fallen over nearby, his leg bleeding profusely. His grey coat was mottled with sea water and blood. He tried to move but screamed in pain, his eyes filling with tears. Something white streaked past her. It was Rarity, jumping over bodies and dodging bullets as she raced forwards. When she reached the wounded pony she enveloped him with a magical aura, heaving him onto her back. Soon she was charging back to the boulder, the injured stallion crying with every jolt of her legs.

Carefully she placed him down, whispering quietly, he whimpered as she examined his leg. The bullet had missed any major blood vessels, he would live but it would cripple him for life. If he lived through the battle.

"Gah! What is it with you girls and changing the story! Now I have to factor him into the ending!"

"This is ridiculous!" cried Applejack "He doesn't even have any continuity to his attitude towards continuity!"

"I heard that!"

"Good!"

"Alright here we go! The stallion looked at his savior, his eyes swimming in her beauty. If he was to die this day, he would not care as long as he had this angel by his side."

The stallion's eyes drooped as smiled at Rarity, leaning in for a kiss. Rarity backed up, pushing him away. Applejack giggled, only to stop after a angry look from Rarity.

Twilight pulled her eyes away from the love struck stallion.

"What are we going to do?" yelled Twilight over the sound of gun-fire.

"Major Sparkle knew that the cavalry couldn't help while the machine guns were still firing. She had to take them out fast"

Twilight looked up unamused. Why she looked up she didn't know. She honestly didn't have any idea where The Narrator was observing the story from. Still she hoped he got the gist of her facial expression.

"How in the hay are we supposed to get close enough to take those things out?" asked Applejack

"Um, Twilight dear,I don't think we need to." said Rarity, still holding the stallion at bay.

A rumbling permeated the air, something big was coming. The clouds above them parted to reveal a huge flaming ball of metal, its teardrop shaped body torn in several places and one of its wings had been ripped off. Despite its poor condition they could still read the text on the side. What they read both confused and relieved them.

"There she was. The finest ship in the fleet."

The three of them watched as the ESA Luna plummeted to the ground, its flaming wreck colliding with the concrete bunkers. With a earth-shattering crash the bunkers and the ships were consumed in flames.

"Ya know what?" said Applejack as they emerged from behind the boulder. "I'm not even surprised."

"With their defensive bunkers gone the enemy forces advanced, ready to fight off the attacking force."

Twilight peered past the smoking remains of the bunkers. There was no one there. Just more beach and some grassy hills. She spotted movement, someone was on top of that hill. And another. Soon the entire stretch of hills was swarmed with grey-glad ponies, their rifles trained on the small number of troops that still stood on the beach.

"What the enemy didn't realise was that their foes were not alone. With the machine guns gone the cavalry had come at last."

And true to his word a cloud of dust rose from the beach to their right. An army of ponies were charging forward, ready to intercept the enemies reinforcements. There was something strange about there uniform. It didn't seem...right in this type of story.

As the cavalry got closer they saw that each of the ponies was clad in a metal breastplate and helmet. The helmets supported a colourful fan of red feathers that waved as they charged. They also didn't have guns but swords, thick steel blades clamped in their mouths. At their head was a pink earth mare who was getting way to into the story.

"Pinkie Pie?"

Despite the distance between them and the thundering of hooves she somehow heard them. With a smile she peeled off from the galloping ponies who continued up the beach towards the hills.

"Hi guys! What are you doing here?" she asked as she approached, obviously not concerned with the number of bodies she was stepping around.

"We would asked you the same question."

"With their reinforcements here Major Twilight could rest, it had been a long day and she was oh so tired..."

Twilight felt her body sag as a wave of exhaustion hit her. She sat down roughly on the sand and gasped as pain speared through her. She placed a hoof to her mid-section and brought it up to her face. The purple fur was smothered in blood.

"Well...darn." said Twilight weakly as she collapsed backwards.

The others rushed forward, lifting her head up.

"Twi? Twi, speak to me gal." said Applejack

"I always did hate war stories" she gasped, Applejack smiled at her friend.

She coughed loudly, blood leaking from her mouth. The others just watched. Even the entranced stallion stopped staring at Rarity for a minute. Mr Bubbles unwrapped himself from Applejack, landing with a wet thud next to Twilight. He began to stroke her face as he made an odd strangling sound that could have been crying.

Twilight's vision began to fade, her friend's faces becoming distant. With a final, restless sigh she breathed no more.

To Chapter 6 and beyond!

Tears ran down Applejack's face as she cradled Twilight's head, rocking back and forth. The others sat around her, their eyes wet as they tried to comfort their weeping friend. A breeze blew across the beach, ruffling their manes.

"Commander Applejack looked up, she had thought she had heard something. Someone calling her name."

Applejack ignored the commentary, still staring down at Twilight.

"What do we do now?" asked Rarity quietly

Applejack tore her eyes from Twilight.

"I'm gonna tell ya what were gonna do! We gonna find this Narrator and give 'em a piece of our minds!" yelled Applejack "Ya hear me Narrator?! We're coming for you!"

"Gosh! Do you really need to be so dramatic? Its like you never read a ghost story before!"

"Rarity, what the hay is he on about?" grunted Applejack, her anger simmering.

"I do believe this story has taken a turn to the dark side" replied Rarity

"What?" said Applejack

Pinkie jumped up in front of Applejack, startling her.

"He means we're in a horror story! Duh!"

"Ya mean Twi a ghost?"

I believe so" said Rarity

Applejack laid down Twilight's head gently.

"So where is she?"

"In the haunted house of course!" cried Pinkie, pointing at the hill.

A mile down the beach from where the cavalry was fighting the grey-clad army was a house.The building stood tall upon the hill, a small veranda poked out from under the small tower that slung precariously to the top of the house. Its wooden shell was blackened with soot and rot, many window were broken, their white painted frames peeling.

"The five of them stared at the house, a feeling of dread emanating from it even from a distance."

The Narrator didn't need to force them to stare. Except the war stallion who was had returned to staring googly eyed at Rarity. The house was magnificent and dreadful at the same time. A collective shudder ran through the group.

"I don't like the look of that place" said Rarity as she turned to Applejack

"Neither do I. But Twilight is in there so we have to go." responded Applejack

"Come on guys, what are you waiting for?" yelled Pinkie Pie from the veranda of the house.

"What?! How did she...?! Would either of you mind explaining what just happened?"

"It's a long story" said Applejack as they started walking

"We've got time, the story cuts here."

***

Twilight felt herself drifting. It was an odd sensation to be weightless, floating in a void. There was nothing to see, just a black expanse of nothingness. She didn't feel dead, not that she knew how that felt but she had expected to feel something. But no, she felt about as normal as she could considering the circumstances.

"Hello?" called Twilight

"Ah! There you are. Just relax, the story hasn't caught up with you yet."

"What do you mean? Where am I?"

"Don't worry, the scene is just coming."

Sure enough the dark soon started to evaporate to reveal patches of light. Wooden floorboards and panelled walled came into view, building up the interior of a once noble house. Now it smelt of decay and rot as water dripped down the walls, peeling the paper, faint dirty light filtered in through the grimy windows, shifting over the cracked floor.

"Oh dear, this looks like-"

"A ghost story!"

"That what I was afraid of, I don't like ghosts." said Twilight

"Slightly ironic don't you think?"

"I suppose so, How much more is there to this story?"

"All in good time my dear"

A knock at the door drew her attention. The force of the banging sent dust drifting from the roof.

"Ah! They're here!"

Twilight turned at the sound of hoofsteps. She watched as somepony appeared at the top of the staircase. Somepony very familiar...

"Oh no, you didn't..."

***

The group stood on the veranda, the wind from the sea at their backs. They could hear their knocks echoing inside the house.

"Ya think anyone live here?" asked Applejack

"I dread to think" shuddered Rarity

Oh, somepony's coming!" squeaked Pinkie

"The hoofsteps got louder as they approached. The heavy black door, creaked open to reveal a smartly dressed yellow pegasus."

"Oh no! He doesn't mean?" gasped Rarity

"Of all the ponies to put into a ghost story" said Applejack

On cue the door cracked open to reveal a yellow pegasus wearing a black butler's suit. She peered out at the group.

"Oh...um...hi guys." stuttered Fluttershy

"Hello dear, may we come in?" asked Rarity politely.

"The butler welcomed the inspectors, she had been waiting for their arrival."

Fluttershy jumped as she began to speak.

"Inspector Rarity I presume? And you must be Officer Applejack"

With a change of story had come another change of costumes. Both Rarity and Applejack wore long black trench coats on top of grey waistcoats. Rarity had a bowler hat while Applejack supported a peaked officers cap. They made for quite a jumbled bunch. An Inspector, an Officer, a Roman Legionnaire, a love struck soldier and a small blue octopus.

Fluttershy stared at the group.

"Um...what's going on?" she asked quietly

"Let us discuss it over tea shall we?" said Rarity, obviously getting into the role.

"Oh! I like that, I'm adding that to the script. With a flourish the butler swung open the door, allowing the groups to enter the house."

They walked inside, Fluttershy closing the door behind them.

"Alright break time! I need to make some changes to the script so just...I don't know...have some tea and biscuits, I'll be back for Chapter 7"

When they were sure he was gone the other filled in Fluttershy on the situation, oblivious to the invisible unicorn that heard every word they said.

Alas, poor Chapter 7, I knew it well

The house was eerie quiet, the only sound was the gentle clink! of teacups as the five ponies and blue octopus sat around the table. Mr Bubbles flopped lazily, cuddling Applejack close while Rarity looked on in repulsion. Applejack, ignoring Rarity's looks, snuggled back, smiling as the creature gurgled in content.

Fluttershy sat quietly, her eyes trained on Mr Bubbles. She ever so wanted to hug the little guy, he was adorable. As if sensing her gaze the octopus turned around, reaching out a sickly tentacle to the pegasus. With all the grace of a bowl of porridge he slumped to the floor, slithering himself over to Fluttershy.

"So, Fluttershy dear" said Rarity, her eyes fixed on the blue squid now being cuddled vigorously by Fluttershy "Do tell us what appears to be the problem"

Fluttershy looked up from Mr Bubbles, her eyes confused.

"Um...I don't actually know" she said quietly "I don't even know how I got here"

"What were ya doing before ya ended up here?" asked Applejack, watching Mr Bubbles carefully as his tentacle slipped down Fluttershy's face, earning a smile from the pegasus and a shudder from Rarity.

"I was..." Fluttershy began, a frown forming on her delicate face "...I can't remember"

The others looked at her curiously.

"What do you mean you can't remember? Did you lose your memory? Where did you drop it? Oh, of course you wouldn't remember where you-"

Pinkie's rant was cut short by a thin tentacle wrapping itself around her muzzle, reducing her speech to mere mumbles.

"Ahh!" cooed Applejack, walking over to the creature "Who's a good boy? Yes you are!"

Mr Bubbles wrapped another tentacle round her neck, swinging off of Fluttershy's lap to embrace Applejack while keeping his appendage firmly round Pinkie's mouth.

"Anyway..." continued Rarity, diverting her eyes from the tentacles "What's the last thing you do remember dear?"

"I remember... going to bed last night" she said uncertainly "This morning however, there's just a blank"

Applejack looked up from Mr Bubbles, a frown on her face.

"Ah bet that no good Narrator has somethin' to do with it" she said sourly "He's probably been amessin' with ya memories."

As if He had been waiting for her to say those exact words, which Applejack reminded herself was well within His powers, The Narrator began whistling innocently.

"You know" said Rarity "Whistling has never made anypony look innocent. Ever"

"I'm pretty sure it does, my book says so"

Applejack snorted "What book's that? 100 Commonly Used Clichés?"

When The Narrator didn't answer she raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously? That was meant to be a joke! Are ya telling me ya actually have that book?"

The Narrator mumbled something that sounded like 'clearance sale' before clearing His throat.

"I would never mess with a sapient creatures memories! How dare you accuse me of sure a heinous crime!"

"Then why can't Fluttershy remember anything past last night?" enquired Rarity.

"Well, her integration into the story was less than smooth I will admit"

"Whatcha mean by 'less that smooth'?" said Applejack suspiciously.

"I may have accidentally, kind of partially dropped her on her head"

"You WHAT?!" screeched Rarity

"Its not my fault! The doorbell rang, my phone went off and the universe in my living room started collapsing, pulling many innocents to their demise!"

His response was met with a brief moment of silence as the mares tried to comprehend what He had said.

"That sounds horrible.." whispered Rarity.

"I know right?! It left a mark on my wallpaper that will never come out!"

The ponies, disturbed by The Narrator's seeming lack of concern for sentient life, decided it would be best to get the story moving again, hoping the end was not far off.

"Now where were we? Ah yes, here we go! The Butler began informing the Inspector about the strange goings on she had experienced around the house"

The others eyed Fluttershy expectantly, waiting for her to elaborate.

"Well...um...the vase on the landing wobbled a little bit" she said, clearly unsure of what to say "And a door on the third floor keeps closing but I think that might just be the wind."

Her eyes widened "I hope its just the wind" she squeaked.

"Don't worry dear" said Rarity as she moved over to comfort the shaking pegasus "We're pretty sure its just Twilight"

Fluttershy's ears perked up "Twilight's here?! Oh my goodness, I'm so relieved. But why has she been avoiding me? Is it some sort of game? Because I don't find it funny"

Rarity and Applejack looked at each other nervously, unsure how to proceed.

"Well ya see sugarcube, Twilight kind of-"

Before Applejack could finish her sentence, Pinkie jumped up in front of Fluttershy, leaving Mr Bubbles looking confused at his now empty tentacles.

"Twilight died in the last Chapter!" cried Pinkie, leaving Fluttershy looking at her in horror.

"Twilight...died?" choked Fluttershy, tears coming to her eyes.

"Yeah! She took a bullet to the chest and there was lots of blood and-"

Pinkie was once again cut off as Mr Bubbles flung himself at her face, clinging on with all his might to muffle her speech. She began giggling, poking at the slimy mass. Meanwhile, Fluttershy was in the middle of a full blown panic attack, her chest heaving as she tried to calm her self.

"Please Fluttershy" said Rarity "Twilight is fine. The Narrator wouldn't kill anyone permanently"

Fluttershy, not taking any comfort from Rarity's words, began to look pale as her breathing sped up more and more.

"Narrator!" cried Applejack "Can ya tell Fluttershy that Twilight is just fine?"

"Hmm? Oh but of course! She completely fine. Dead. But fine. In fact, she's here with us right now"

The mares gasped, looking around franticly for their friend.

"Look at you all! Have you never read a ghost story? She's invisible!"

"Can she talk to us?" asked Rarity.

"Nope. However she can communicate through other means.

"Like?"

"Girls.." whispered Fluttershy, her eyes wide in fear.

They looked at her, their hearts beating faster as she lifted a hoof towards the other end of the room.

They turned, watching as the door opposite them swung open with a loud creak.

They stood petrified. That is until The Narrator killed the moment with an obnoxiously loud sound effect.

"Like that, my dear. Anyway, I have a collapsing universe to watch. Until the next Chapter, cheerio!"

The mares stared at each other, or in one case, the underside of a blue octopus, unsure of what to expect next.

Author's Note

Finally, after such a long wait, it is here!

Sorry I took so long. When I first signed up to Fimfiction I was bristling with ideas and motivation. However I wrote so much in such a short space of time that I killed my enthusiasm for writing. Hopefully, the large amount of fiction I've been reading lately will be able to reignite the spark that started this crazy train.

THIS! IS! CHAPTER 8!

Twilight watched as her friends stepped through the door uncertainly, not sure what to make of it. Applejack went first, striding into the room without hesitation. Rarity followed, her eyes darting to all four corners as if she expected something to jump out. Pinkie came next, bumping into the door frame with Mr Bubbles still firmly clamped to her face. The flower pot came next, its beautifully engraved exterior bright in the dingy light of the room.

Twilight did a double take, her eyes widening as the pot waddled into the room. That is until she spotted four yellow hooves poking out from underneath, struggling to move in the confined space. She sighed, hoping the others could coax Fluttershy out before she hurt herself. With a 'thud!' the pot fell to the floor, the hooves being pulled back inside.

The other mares in the room swung around, their ears upright at the sudden noise. They watched the flower pot, examining it carefully as it stood in front of the door way.

Fluttershy walked through the doorway, peering over her shoulder. As she turned she came to an abrupt halt, eyeing the pot curiously before manoeuvring around it.

"Something's not right here..." said Rarity slowly, not taking her eyes off the flower pot.

"Yer tellin' me..." replied Applejack, looking around warily "So Rarity, How do these ghost stories usually end?"

"Well..." began Rarity as she adjusted her bowler hat to an angle more to her liking "They usually revolve around putting the spirit to rest"

"The mares all shrieked as the door slammed shut behind them."

All those present in the room, living or otherwise, turned to the door, that was, in all senses of the word, open.

"I said the door slammed shut!"

The living mares all raised their brows at each other.

"Yes, this is defiantly the way the story goes. No, you cannot just close it gently, I don't care how many heart attacks it causes!"

"Y'all right there partner?" smirked Applejack "You're soundin' mighty rustled there"

"I'm fine! Twilight is just being difficult"

"He he" chuckled Rarity "That sounds like our Twilight"

"Inspector Rarity began screaming in unbridled agony as she was struck mercilessly by some unseen force of pure malice"

Rarity then preceded to yelp as she jumped six feet into the air before crashing down on the floor in a daze.

"Rarity! Are ya ok lass?" cried Applejack, rushing over to assist the fallen unicorn.

"I believe so. I feel like I was just on the receiving end of what our dear friend Rainbow would uncouthly call 'an ass kicking'"

"I think Twilight took offence to you calling her difficult" said Pinkie, her face now free of Mr Bubble's grasp.

"Where did that little monstrosity get to?" enquired Rarity, looking around the room. She found him sitting on the floor to her left, glaring at her.

"Ya really hurtin' a lot a ponies' feelin' with all these names Rarity" frowned Applejack "Mr Bubbles don't like bein' called a 'monstrosity'"

Rarity snorted in response "Oh please. He has more tentacles than brain cells. As if he could comprehend our language. "

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy looked at Rarity, mouths open wide. Surprisingly, it was Fluttershy who spoke up first.

"Why would you say something like that Rarity?" she mumbled "That doesn't sound like you"

"Rarity began to laugh manically, the sound echoing round the empty room"

This statement was severely underwhelmed by the giggle like snort that escaped Rarity's mouth.

"That's because I'm not Rarity!" she proclaimed loudly.

This caused everyone in the room to raise an eyebrow. Even the mass of tentacles that had been bubbling with rage mere moments ago.

"Well then who the hell are ya?" asked Applejack.

Not-Rarity giggled again "My name" she said "is Common"

Stony silence filled the room. Not even the flowerpot, who had been listening intently the entire time, said a word. Mainly because it couldn't.

"You know, that sounded much better in my head"

However, no one was listen. They were all watching Pinkie intently. For at the proclamation of Common's name, she had begun to twitch violently.

"Umm Pinkie?" asked Fluttershy quietly "Are you ok?"

"New pony? No its Rarity. But new name. Need party. But already welcomed to Ponyville. Same pony? Reintroduce? Situation does not compute"

Smoke began to pour from her ears, spars flying from her eye sockets. Then with a loud bang, Pinkie Pie's head fell off, hitting the ground with a *CLANG!*

A second stony silence filled the room, greeting the other silence with a complicated series of handshakes. Then chaos erupted.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Discord sneezed.

Twilight watched in horror as her friends fell apart. Quite literally in Pinkie's case, her legs detaching themselves from her body with metallic hisses, falling to the floor to join her head. Fluttershy fainted, kicking up dust as she fell down next to the pieces of Pinkie.

Mr Bubbles, frighten by the explosion from Pinkie's head, had jumped on to Common's face, frightening her and causing her to begin running laps around the room, trying to dislodge the creature. Applejack, ever protective of those close to her, began chasing them, desperately trying to save Mr Bubbles.

Deciding enough was enough, Twilight addressed The Narrator "Alright, you've had your fun. Put me back in the story now!"

"But why? This is so much fun?"

Twilight cursed, knowing she would never convince him just by asking. She had to out smart him. But how? She racked her brain, till an idea came to her. And idea so simply brilliant it had to work.

"But if their like this, the plot isn't moving anywhere is it?" she smirked.

There was no response to her remark which meant one of two things. He hadn't heard her, or was debating whether she was right.

"I suppose you're right. I was getting dizzy watching them anyway. Hold on tight!"

Twilight's stomach dropped as a large drain appeared beneath her, sucking her into the abyss below.

Twilight opened her eyes slowly. Sure enough she was standing in the same room as her friends, on the opposite side to the broken Pinkie and unconscious Fluttershy. Taking in a deep breath, she prepared to calm the situation.

"PLEASE CAN WE JUST CALM THE BUCK DOWN?!"

The room came to a stop. Applejack and 'Common' stood and looked at her, Fluttershy snapped out of her coma and even Pinkie's separated head, opened its eyes to watch.

"Twilight?" asked Common.

"Duh. Who else is this colour?"

Applejack snickered "I dunno. You really work the silver though Twi"

"Silver?" she asked, utterly bamboozled.

Fluttershy crept over and held up a silver tray in her hooves, allowing Twilight to see her reflection.

"You have got to be bucking kidding me..."

Her eyes were the only recognisable part of her. Where a unicorn's body should have been was now a large, brand new, silver toaster.

"NARRATOR!!! NOT FUNNY!" she screamed.

"What? You asked to be put back in the story. It was you who failed to specify in what form."

"When I find you I'm going to-"

"Hold it! Chapters finished. It's have to wait. Cheerio!"

"Umm, bye" said Fluttershy, earning her an angry glare from Twi-toaster.

"Whooee!" said Applejack "Let's open a few windows, its getting a bit toasty in here"

All Twi could do was groan.

Author's Note

Its here! A lot happened this chapter and you're probably lost. Don't worry, so am I!

The Narrator's Favourite Part

Twilight and Applejack landed with a thud! They coughed as black coal dust flew into the air, drifting in the faint light from the library above.

"The two adversaries stood facing each other, not daring to blink."

Both of them were hauled roughly to their hooves and spun till their eyes met.

"Do we really have ta do this?" asked Applejack

"I don't see any other way" responded Twilight

"The darkness loomed in on the two of them as they prepared to do battle."

The darkness of the mine seemed to physically bulge towards them, squeezing their small circle of light even tighter.

"Overlord Sparkle moved first, firing a slender white beam towards Chief Applejack who graciously blocks it with her gleaming battleaxe"

The two ponies acted out his commands, like puppets on a string they dodged and attacked, swinging weapons and blasting beams. Their face remained ones of amusement as Twilight parried the heavy axe with her horn, something she never thought she would find herself doing.

"The tyrant launched a sickly green spell at the Chief, hitting her squarely in the chest! She cries out as her limbs quickly fall limp."

Applejack frowned, looking at her hooves.

"This fella's goin' a bit over tha' top don't ya think Twi?"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Well, I feel a bit numb but I ain't exactly limp."

"The Chief fall as her legs give way beneath her, sending her to the ground with a cry of pain."

Applejack's legs buckled, forcing her to lay down gently.

"Yup, defiantly over the top." she said

"Stop complaining will you! We're getting to my favourite part!"

"I dread to think" muttered Twilight bitterly

"Suddenly, out of the dark loomed a monstrous...well...monster!"

"WHAT?!" yelled Applejack, trying to get to her hooves, only to fall face first into the dust. A dark shape emerged from behind them, its features indistinguishable from the dark.

"Oh, silly me! Forgot the description! Piercing red eyes glowed it the dark above saliva covered fangs. Tentacles of various thicknesses whipped out of the darkness at the two intruders to its lair."

As he spoke each feature the creature in front of them changed, wings and scales forming from the darkness. Twilight and Applejack stood side by side, axes and horns at the ready.

"Confronted with a new foe the two enemies temporarily put aside their squabble, facing the terrible creature before them!"

The terrible creature resembled a rather top heavy octopus, its swollen head supporting several pairs of spikes and a set of leathery wings. The top of its head barely reached level with the ponies muzzles.

"The monster roared its terrible roar as it charged forward to defend its territory, tentacles at the ready"

Twilight and Applejack watched as the creature gave out a pitiful moan, its lungs crushed by its own body weight. With as much effort as a sloth it began to move its tentacles, one by one, towards its prey.

The two ponies stared, not sure what to do. The creature was so helpless, defeated before it had even begun to fight.

"Oh for Pete's sake!

The 'monster' ignored it's creator's disgruntled cries and continued on its path, tripping over a stone on the way. How it managed the feat, Twilight wasn't sure.

"Chief Applejack leaped forward, slashing at the beast with her mighty axe, drawing an angry roar from it."

Applejack strode forward, eyeing the beast. It slithered forwards, wrapping a tentacle round her leg with a feeble grip. With her axe in her mouth she cut down on the slimy appendage.

Withdrawing its shortened limb the creature looked at her with a face of despair. Tears welled in its eyes as it began to cry.

Applejack's heart melted. Throwing her axe to the floor she wrapped a comforting hoof round the weeping creature, whispering to it softly. The monster snuggled up to her and wrapping its tentacles around her neck, its tears slowing.

Twilight watched in shock as Applejack petted the beast, cooing to it like a child. A strange sound echoed through the dark and it took her a minute to realise that the thing was purring.

"Oh Come on! Work with me here! You can't keep him you know?!"

"I can and I will!" retorted Applejack "Don't listen to him Mr Bubbles"

"Mr Bubbles?" said Twilight skeptically

"Sure!" exclaimed Applejack, holding up the slimy critter "Just look at his cute lil' face!"

Twilight stared at the black form in front of her. It looked at her with red watery eyes as it lazily ran a tentacle down her face. It yawned and promptly fell asleep, its limbs going limp.

"Riiight..." said Twilight dubiously

"But this isn't part of the story! You were both meant to work together to defeat the beast then find your way out of the mines together!"

"What happened to the whole 'tyrant and heroine' thing, aren't we meant to be fighting?" asked Twilight

"I have no idea what your talking about! Anyway, if you insist on taking it with you I suppose I'll have to re-jiggle the story a bit. Hmm, put that their, edit that, change that tense..."

Twilight and Applejack looked at each other skeptically. Mr Bubbles sat on Applejack's back, wobbling complacently.

"This story's got more turns that a wheel." said Applejack

"I'm not sure where it's going but it better be good."

The darkness in front them parted, revealing a path ahead. Twilight began walking as Applejack looked around one last time.

"I just hope this fella doesn't have a taste for romance novels..."