It's Not Funny, Spikey Wikey!

by TheNewYorkBrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1589

Rarity is distraught over gaining weight through pregnancy. Spike thinks its hilarious.

Rarity is married to Spike and eight months pregnant with their baby girl. And while she wouldn't have her life any other way, she was seriously contemplating murdering him!
-----------------------------------------
Some fluffy pregnancy stuffs.
------------------------------------------
Featured on 4/15/14. Whoo-hoo!

Published 2014-04-15 03:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-15 03:40:04 UTC

Baby Fat

"Oh! This is simply horrendous! This simply cannot be!" Rarity squealed as she stared down in horror at the scare beneath her feet. She got off of it, took a deep breath, and then got right back on it again. It was the same unmistakable number.

"What?! What's the problem?!" Spike asked, bounding into the bathroom. He was clearly worried for his wife, his panting breaking up his sentence.

"I've gained four pounds!" Rarity wailed, falling into her husband. She had been staring at the atrocious number on the scale for what seemed like ages before it had finally sunk in. Rarity was proud of her curvaceous figure. Always has been. In fact, that's what drew Spike to her. But there was a certain number she liked to stay on. And ever since she became pregnant eight months ago, she's gone way over it.

She felt a rumbling in the young man's chest. "A-Are you laughing at me Spikey Wikey?" She pouted. Her expression was cute but her eyes were sharp like throwing knives. He knew exactly how sensitive she was about her weight. But to see her so distraught over four pounds was a bit...humorous.

Spike stopped chuckling. “Nope.” He cracked a smile causing her to roll her eyes. He honestly couldn’t help it. She was just too easy.

“I expected better from you! When a lady asks you if you are laughing at her, you’re supposed to respond honestly to her!” Rarity glared at him folding her arms and puffing her cheeks out.

“Careful Rare, you don’t wanna suffocate the kid.” Spike joked, putting his hands on his wife’s shoulders. Rarity wiggled out of his grip.

“This is all your fault! You just had to get me pregnant!” She huffed, pushing him. Spike stumbled back and started laughing again. Yep, she was definitely having those mood swings the doctor had been talking about.

“And if you think for one second its those preposterous mood swings, I will have you beheaded!” He gave her a knowing grin and she swatted at him. “How did I ever come to marry such an immature boy!” She wondered, folding her arms again.

“Cause he charmed you with is awesome, rugged, good looks.” Spike responded, wrapping his arms around her.

Rarity snorted.“And they say I’m the conceited one.”

“You are. I’m just better at hiding it.” She could almost hear his smirk. Suddenly, all her anger towards the young man dissolved.

She sighed. “Spikey...” She whined, “My perfect figure is gone, I can’t stop eating everything, I crave weird food, and I’m angry for no real reason! I feel awful!” She sobbed hysterically.

“Aw, jeez.” Spike grumbled. That was another moodswing. Another one to add to the countless other ones she’s had the past few months including outbursts at him, his sister, and their friends. “Look, Rare-”

The shrill ring of the phone cut him off. Spike thanked his lucky stars and ran downstairs into the kitchen to answer it. “Hello?” He answered.

“Hiya Spike!” Pinkie bubbled.

“Hey, Pinks. What’s up?” He answered, smiling. It was nice to get a call from one of his sister’s friends every once in a while. It was great to know that they thought about him.

Pinkie giggled. “Nothing much! I’m on break cause it’s not too busy here at the Corner. How’s Rarity doing?!”

“She’s-” There was a loud crash. Spike leaned back to see what the all commotion was about and saw Rarity pulling and pushing a quart of chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream towards and away from her. Like she was contemplating whether she should eat it or not. Spike turned back to Pinkie on the phone exasperatedly. “She’s uh, she’s doing.”

“Those mood swings must be tough, huh?”

“Spikey! I need whipped cream!” Rarity called from the kitchen. “I can’t have this without whipped cream! And get off the phone and come rub my feet!” She whined.

“Tell me about it.” Spike grumbled in response to Pinkie.

“Call Twilight over. Maybe she can help.” The pink haired girl suggested.

Spike shook his head. “No way. That’d be a really bad idea.” He didn’t mind when Twilight came over; in fact he looked forward to the times she did. But when she did, things got a little hectic. Especially when she brought along her and Flash’s daughter, Aurora.

Don’t get him wrong, he loved his niece, but she was very...curious. She liked touching things and getting into everything thanks to her being a four year old monster. And running after her and taking care of Rarity at the same time drove him crazy.

“If Twilight comes, she’ll bring ‘Rory. And I don’t think I can handle two moody women.” He responded, leaning against the wall next to the phone stand. Pinkie laughed.

“Spike!” Rarity called from somewhere in the bedroom now.

“Looks like you got your hands full.” Pinkie giggled, hearing her. “The place is getting busy again anyway, so I’ll leave you to it. Have fun.” She teased as she hung up.

“Spikey!” Rarity’s voice rose to a shrill level.

“Yeah, fun.” Spike grumbled to himself, placing the phone back on its charger. “I’m coming!” He called to her. he walked into the master bedroom to find her laying on the bed with an impressively large bowl of ice cream.

“Say one word and it’s couch for you.” Rarity threatened, seeing the amused look on his face. She shoved a spoon full of ice cream in her mouth and frowned as she felt the side of the bed she wasn’t occupying dip down from Spike’s weight.

“Oh, Spikey,” She sighed in defeat. “Be honest dear. Am I getting as fat as I think I am?” She asked, placing the bowl on the red and blue duvet and turning to him.

Spike’s eyes went wide. He didn’t know how to answer that. He could A: Make a joke, B: Tell the truth, or C: Lie like a dog. But he knew all of those options would get him the couch. He was practically walking on eggshells here.

He didn’t want to make the same mistake Flash did when Twilight had asked him the same thing. He had just walked into witness the scene: Twilight had been sitting in the library reading one of her books when she asked him. The poor guy looked like he had a gun to his head. He unfortunately told her yes, and he was in Canterlot for two weeks after that.

Weighing his options, (And seeing that Rarity was growing irritated and impatient by the minute,) He responded to her question with: “Well, no, but even if you are, you still look beautiful.” Smooth, very smooth.

Rarity puffed her cheeks out. “You really mean it?” She asked, hopeful.

“Of course.” He assured her, pulling her close. “Besides, its not you that’s gaining the weight, its the kid.” He began to absent mindedly rub her belly.

“You are such a sweet boy, Spikey Wikey. I don’t know what I would do without you.” She leaned into his touch and sighed in content. A moment of pure bliss passed, and then Rarity shot up.

“We haven’t picked a name!” She shrieked, shaking him by his shirt collar. “Oh what ever are we going to do?!” She groaned exasperatedly.

Spike rolled his eyes. Yep. That was his Rarity. Always taking things to the extreme and being a drama queen about the slightest situation. “Relax, Rares. We have plenty of time to-”

“We absolutely do not!” She cut him off, glaring at him. “What if she comes early?! Then what?! We’ll be scrambling for a name and then she’ll be named something unworthy!”

Spike gave her a skeptical look. “Like what?” He prompted.

“I don’t know because I can’t think of anything right now!” Rarity angrily shouts, shoving a heaping spoon of ice cream into her mouth. Spike would have laughed if he didn’t think she would kill him right now.

“How about Aleyah?” He suggested. “I think I read somewhere it means ‘high social standing’. And you’re all about that stuff.” He rubbed a hand on his chin in thought.

“Adel? No, no, no! How about hmm.....” Rarity snapped her fingers. “Yes, yes I’ve got it!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

“What did you come up with?” Spike asked, watching her eyes light up with excitement. It must be something good, because she had that creative look in her eye that she always got when she was about to design the dress of a lifetime.

“Okay, let’s hear it.” Spike said, crossing his arms.

“Jade! Oh don’t you think that’s a wonderful name for our daughter Spikey?” Rarity gushed. “You love gems and it’s such a pretty name!”

Spike had to admit, it was a great name. Not to mention he really did love gems. “Yeah, it’s an awesome name.” he agreed, pecking her on the cheek and wrapping his arms around her. “Jade...” he murmured, rubbing her belly again.

He couldn’t wait to meet his little gem.

Author's Note

First Sparity story. Whoop. I had actually started writing this like waaaay back in like June I think. I just found it lying around in Google Docs and I figured I would finish it. I think you guys will be happy to know I'll be updating Rainbow Dash's Secret this week, so enjoy this as a way to pass the time! :D Anyway I hope you guys liked this, I'm gonna hit the hay. Later!