"Be back soon, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie Pie called over her shoulder. It was time for the early morning delivery route, a new feature at Sugarcube Corner suggested by Pinkie herself. It gave her the opportunity to interact even more personally (if such a feat was even possible for Pinkie Pie) and gave the illusion of luxury to the otherwise average and mildly dreary lives of Ponyville's citizens. Plus, when was an opportunity to bounce through all of Ponyville ever a bad thing?
Pinkie sprang from one spot to the next on her erratic path through town, stopping occasionally to ring a doorbell and present a delectable baked good to some frazzled pony who looked as though they'd just won the lottery. Pinkie seemed to have that effect on ponies, she noticed... Whether it was from her contagious perkiness or the scents of the treats in her saddlebags, she'd never know, but it didn't really matter, just so long as everypony was happy.
It was about 9:00 when Pinkie, her official rounds now complete, bounded up to the site of her friend's apple cart. Said pony was just finishing setting up shop for the upcoming day of sales. Applejack waved a hoof in greeting, topping off the last basket with a fresh load of apples, then stowed the rest in her brother's saddlebags; Big Macintosh nodded to Pinkie before heading off to Sweet Apple Acres.
"Mornin', Pinkie," Applejack said with a grin.
"Hey Applejack! I brought breakfast!" Pinkie sang, holding out a tray with a lone muffin, still somehow piping hot, resting on top.
"Aw, shucks, Pinkie, ya didn't have ta do that..." This was the duo's usual routine, almost to the letter. The only difference each morning was the type of muffin she happened to bring by.
"Sure I did! It's an apple muffin! It practically has your name on it, silly!" Pinkie leaned closer, whispering while shooting suspicious glances at passersby. "And it's the last one." Pinkie giggled as Applejack's eyes lit up and she gladly accepted the treat in the form of a large bite out of one side.
"Mm-mm," Applejack mm-ed happily, "you never fail to please, Pinks." She finished off the rest of the treat in another mouthful, just in time for another pony to join their company.
"Pinkie Pie!" A shout came from Ponyville's resident mailmare, Derpy Hooves. The two other ponies present immediately noticed the sense of urgency in her approach.
"What's wrong, Derpy?" The grey pony's walled eyes swiveled every which way, and her wings unfolded and retracted repeatedly, as if in a panic.
"I just came from Sugarcube Corner! I came in to order a muffin, like I do every morning, only you weren't there! And Mr. Cake said you were out delivering stuff, so I told him that was okay and I'd just have to order one from him instead, even though I much prefer talking to you when I order--" The pegasus took a deep gasp of air before continuing, "--and then he told me they had run out of muffins and that you had the last one and you'd taken it out for a delivery and I had to catch you before you gave it away because I can't make it through the day without it!"
As Derpy stood there panting, Applejack felt a growing sense of dread while Pinkie's smile fell from her face. "Oh, I'm really sorry, Derpy. I was delivering the muffin to AJ here, and I already gave it to her!" Applejack winced as the teary golden eyes--or rather, eye--locked onto her.
"Is... is there any left?" Derpy whimpered.
Applejack's ears flattened against the sides of her head, and she swallowed the last of the muffin so she could break the bad news. "N-no, there ain't, Derpy. I'm sorry..." She didn't think of Derpy as helpless, no, far from it; however, that didn't stop the guilt from lancing through her chest that one only feels after stealing candy from a young foal.
"Was it..." Derpy bit her lip, making Applejack's heart squeeze even more painfully. "...delicious?" I must be the biggest jerk in Equestria. Oh please, not the puppy eyes, oh no no no...
True to her element, Applejack nodded regretfully; she averted her eyes, unable to meet the pained gaze before her. "Yes, Derpy. It... it was," she admitted. She licked the corner of her mouth, cleaning it of crumbs, and of the glaring reminder she had just crushed the bubbly mare's spirits. She didn't notice Derpy's widened eyes following the motion, watching the crumbs' path intently as they disappeared into...
And then they kissed.
No, no, wait, scratch that. That's not quite the right way to put it.
Derpy pulled the farmpony close and mashed her lips against hers, searching the inside of Applejack's mouth for any remnants of the muffin she so desperately wanted. Applejack vaguely felt through her utter shock and muffled grunt the sensation of the mailmare's tongue exploring the soft crevices of her cheeks, tracing along them for any small bit of doughy or apple-y goodness that still remained...
Okay, so it was kind of like kissing. At least, that's what it felt like to Applejack (and looked like to Pinkie Pie).
Eventually, Derpy pulled away, a contemplative frown on her muzzle as she smacked her buzzing lips. Her face brightened with a squeal of pleasure, and she bounced in place next to Pinkie, who quickly joined in. "Oh boy, were you right! I'm definitely getting to Sugarcube Corner bright and early tomorrow morning to get in line for one of those!" Her stomach rumbled then, and her cheeks lit up in a light pink hue. "Eh-heh, well, I'm still pretty hungry, so I guess I'd better find something else for breakfast today. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Pinkie Pie!" Upon receiving a quick hug from the pink mare, she took to the skies and flew in the general direction of Sugarcube Corner.
Pinkie turned back to her orange-furred friend, whose mouth remained hung open in the position the grey pegasus had left it with her last touch. Pinkie waited patiently while Applejack, still staring blankly ahead, worked her jaw shut. What in the holy hay just happened?
After a moment of stunned silence, she blinked and cleared her throat.
"...That... was weird." She finally regained control of her eyes, fixing them on her pink friend. "It's not just me--that was weird, right?!"
"I'll say," Pinkie agreed, looking over her shoulder at the retreating form of the pegasus in the distance. "Derpy never orders an apple muffin on Tuesday!"
The aroma of flaky, buttery pastries wafted throughout all of Ponyville. Sugarcube Corner was quite busy today, and every oven was running full-steam to crank out batch after batch of muffins, cupcakes, and pies. It seemed almost as though the kitchen was reaching out misty tendrils composed of some mixture of delicious scents, tickling the noses of everypony in town.
A sudden gust of warm air carried the sweet smell into Applejack's senses, and she gagged. Ever since Derpy had left her stand a few hours ago, followed soon after by Pinkie Pie, the farmpony hadn't even been able to think about anything related to muffins, mail, or pegasi without being reminded of Derpy's extremely inappropriate... taste test. And every time she was reminded of it, her urge to throw up the apple muffin of interest increased.
Applejack shivered, feeling her stomach churn like mad. Ew. She stuffed an apple into her mouth, furiously chomping it into a mush that she hoped would wash away any remnants of Pinkie's muffin, or of a certain somepony's mouth germs. She swore she could still taste the floury, cinnamon-coated pastry, and feel that soft tongue tracing circles around her own.
Her mouth suddenly felt slimy, and she crammed a few more apples into her maw. Ugh, was that whole tongue-wrasslin' really necessary? Couldn't she have just gone and asked Pinkie to bake another one?
Or maybe the universe just hates me, she offered. That seemed like a pretty reasonable explanation to her. Chewing with some effort, she silently cursed whatever deity had felt the urge to play around with her head today.
Probably Celestia. I bet she'd just love to watch me squirm.
Gradually working her mouthful of apples into a paste, she failed to notice a white unicorn as she stopped in her tracks, approached the cart and quitely observed the farmpony for a few moments before breaking the silence. "Honestly, darling, you shouldn't chew with your mouth open like that. It's most unbecoming."
Applejack froze, a trickle of apple juice dribbling down her chin as she met Rarity's disgusted glare. She swallowed hard, coughing as the apples dropped heavily into her belly, and held a hoof to her mouth to stifle a belch. "H'lo, Rarity. Lovely to see ya, as always."
Rarity rolled her eyes, ignoring the sarcastic retort. "Good afternoon to you, too. How goes business today?"
"Not bad. Had a few customers, and Pinkie stopped by." And Derpy, her mind added teasingly.
"Oh? How is she?"
"She's--Pinkie's good, like always," Applejack muttered, trying in vain to rid her mind of thoughts of that morning's events. "Brought me breakfast, also like always. So, what's up? Need anythin'?"
"No, I don't." Idly twirling her mane with a hoof, the unicorn glanced uninterestedly at the baskets of apples stacked around the cart. "I was just on my way to the library to borrow a book from Twilight on ancient fabrics when I happened to notice your rather... distracting eating tendencies. It occurred to me that it's been quite awhile since we last had the chance to, you know, chat."
"Uh-huh." Applejack tried hard to scare up some interest in chatting with the fashionista, but it was of little success. It wasn't that she hated talking with Rarity, but the unicorn always managed to find a way to steer the conversation back to herself or her work whenever possible. On the few occasions she didn't do so, she tended to share the latest gossip. That was something Applejack didn't particularly care for; gossip almost always consisted of rumors and lies, which went directly against her element.
Still, perhaps some mindless small talk was just the thing she needed to occupy her for awhile.
"So, darling," Rarity urged her on, rolling her forehoof in a circle. "What's new with you?"
Applejack's gaze settled on an apple in one of the baskets in front of her while she searched for a topic of small talk. As far as she knew, nothing new had happened for quite awhile. The farm was still running smoothly. Big Mac was quiet as ever, Apple Bloom was still her energetic young self, and Granny Smith was still her wise old self. Applejack still ran the market stall most days...
...and definitely didn't ever get any gross, slobbery mouth-to-mouth action with any pegasuses!
Or was it pegasi? She mentally shrugged, jumping back into her thoughts. Now where was I?
The fields were ever bountiful, there were no new outbreaks of critters invading the farm to steal a quick meal, and Winona had just given birth to a pair of puppies. Just an average, ordinary--
Hay, wait a minute, that's it! As the memories of that joyous day came to mind, Applejack grinned excitedly. A new litter of puppies was pretty rare around the farm, especially considering that Winona was the first and only pet she could remember having.
"Actually, Winona jus' had a few pups the other day! Cute lil' things, if ah do say so ma'self."
A white hoof shot up to cover Rarity's mouth; her eyes shone, and she let out a high-pitched squee. "Ooh, I simply must come to see them! Perhaps sometime in the next few days?"
"Sounds good ta me!" Applejack's smile stretched wider. For some reason, just thinking about Winona and her puppies left the farmer feeling giddy and exhilarated, and she couldn't wipe that silly grin from her face. Shaking her head, she focused on her friend and asked, "And how about you? What's goin' on in the world of ribbons an' lace an' all that?"
"Well, I just finished a commission for an entire new line for Sapphire Shores! Just think of it, the pony of pop showing off all my newest designs for thousands of ponies!" Rarity clasped her hooves over her chest, fluttering her eyelashes blissfully.
"Oh, good fer you, Rares!" Applejack congratulated her.
"Good? Good? This is fantastic for me, Applejack!" The farmer found her cheeks being squished together in Rarity's crushing grip, and the unicorn glared manically into her eyes. "Sapphire Shores will be seen constantly wearing one of my many fabulous ensembles! This... This is the. Best. Possible. Thing!" Rarity relinquished her hold on Applejack's face and trotted in place, positive energy radiating from her display.
Rubbing her jaw gently, Applejack chuckled at the mare's frantic squeals of delight. "Anything else?" She called, cutting off Rarity's antics.
"Oh." Rarity calmed down, clearing her throat. "Well. As a matter of fact..." Her face melted into a frown. "Get this. Just this morning, I'm sitting down to a cup of coffee when Sweetie Belle comes tumbling down the stairs, telling me she's expecting a package in the mail. She was so excited..."
Applejack grimaced at the word "mail," missing the unicorn's next few words as an image of Derpy carrying a mailbag flashed before her. She shook her head rapidly, blinking her eyes open again to see Rarity leaning away from her warily.
"Is something wrong? You just kind of... seized up for a moment."
The farmpony nodded, frowning at the familiar bad taste that was pooling around her tongue. "Yeah, just hungry, ah guess. No biggie." When Rarity didn't appear convinced, she quickly gobbled up another apple; this seemed to satisfy the unicorn, who nodded as she tried to recover her train of thought.
"Ah, yes," she said at last, perking up as she fell back into the conversation. "Anyway, she darts out the front door, so naturally I follow her out. One never knows what kind of trouble that little filly and her friends can get into when unsupervised..." She shivered. "Once I get out there, I find her at the mailbox."
"So what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is, that mailpony... Derpy, is it?" Applejack's head jerked in what Rarity assumed to be a nod, and she continued. "Yes, Derpy was trapped in the mailbox!"
Applejack's eyes widened. "Trapped?"
"She had somehow managed to fly directly into it and knock the back out! And, of course..." Rarity laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Of course, Sweetie Belle, being the helpful little gem she is, had offered to help pull the poor dear out. The wrong way."
Applejack rubbed her forehead, giggling under her breath. "Aww, shoot..."
"Exactly. By the time I got there, Sweetie had pulled her shoulders clean through the back end and gotten her stuck!"
The farmpony laughed even louder as the image of the filly futilely tugging on the imprisoned mailmare's hooves formed in her head. "Ah-hah, that's adorable!"
"Yes, adora..." Rarity trailed off. "...What?"
Applejack started. What the hay? Did I just say that? "Uhh, yeah."
"Well... Yes, I... suppose it was," Rarity agreed, fixing her with an odd stare. To Applejack's relief, she quickly shrugged the strange response off. "Well, needless to say, she wasn't going anywhere soon. It took me half an hour and a new mailbox to get Derpy free." Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "I swear, that sister of mine..."
Applejack, however, had missed the rest of the unicorn's story. She could feel herself growing steadily more nauseous, as well as a bit lightheaded. Why did I say that? That was kind of a weird thing to say. No, that was a *really** weird thing to say. What's wrong with me today? Ever since Derpy did that... thing, I've been all outta-sorts. That silly mare, slobberin' all over ma face... Ouhh, I think I'm gonna hurl...*
"And Sweetie didn't even get the package she was... waiting... Applejack, are you alright?" Rarity's eyes finally processed the sight in front of her, and her expression changed to one of concern. "You don't look well."
The mare's orange muzzle had taken on a faint greenish color, and she twitched as she struggled to choke down the bile in her throat. With a loud swallow, she cracked a very forced grin and laughed weakly. "Jus' fine, Rarity. Ah've had something of an upset stomach today, 's all."
"Oh, how awful! Are you sure you shouldn't be getting some rest at home?"
"Naw, ah'll be fine." No way was Applejack about to allow this mysterious 'sickness' get the better of her. It'd probably just go away like every other cold she had, and there was definitely no room to fall behind on work for it. "Maybe I'll have some soup or somethin' before bed."
"Ah, let me guess..." The unicorn's ears flattened out. "Apple soup?"
Applejack gave her a strange look. "Of course. What else is there, other than those prissy lil' things like Prench Onion?"
Rarity looked as though she'd have liked to put in a few choice words on just exactly what Applejack should eat, but she held her tongue. "Yes, well, do try to take it easy until you feel better, darling. Wouldn't want that tummy ache to turn into something more serious, now would we?"
"Eh, it's probably nothin', Rares. Thanks fer carin', but ah'm usually pretty inane to sickness."
"That's 'immune,' dear. Inane is something else entirely." Rarity turned her head away and added in a grumble, "Though you do seem to have a good grasp of the word most of the time."
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Well, I suppose I'll be off now. Don't feel like you have to be a hero; if you need some rest, just take it." Rarity leaned in for a hug, but recoiled as she remembered her friend's supposed illness. Better safe than sorry. "Oh, ehm... yes. Until later, darling!"
"Yep, later, Rarity," Applejack called after her, waving a hoof in farewell. As she looked past the retreating unicorn, she noticed it was nearly sunset--about time to call it a day at the market. She folded up the sides of the cart and loaded the baskets of apples in, then hitched herself up to the harness and began the long trek back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Over the course of the walk, her thoughts inevitably drifted back to that morning, and she shuddered in revulsion. Yuck. Why couldn't she just put it out of her mind? It's not like a little mare-on-mare was the weirdest thing ever to happen at her cart. Yet for some reason, this didn't seem like something she'd be able to stop thinking about anytime soon.
Well, she reasoned, it *has** only been a few hours. I just need to give it some time, and I'm sure it'll all blow over eventually.*
Soon enough, the Acres came into view and Applejack parked the cart in the barn. Making her way back into the house, she waved a greeting to Big Macintosh and walked into the kitchen. Granny Smith had been out visiting family for a few days, so the young Apples were on their own for dinner. Applejack made herself a large bowl of apple soup in the hopes of calming her stomach, which she then carried into her room. Slipping her hat off, she gently hung it on the doorknob and sat on her bed with the bowl of soup, slurping it up slowly enough that her mind was able to wander back to her encounter with Derpy. The spoon dropped from her hoof and into the bowl with a small splash, and she forced those thoughts into the back of her conscious, focusing on her tasks for work tomorrow.
Even after she had finished her meal, however, her thoughts still faintly lingered on the kiss. Dare she even call it that? It barely counted as one, in her admittedly novice opinion.
She shook her head in frustration, setting the empty bowl on her neightstand and glaring out the window.
This is ridiculous. I'm makin' far too big a deal over nothing. It was just a harmless little... Well, I dunno what to call it, she admitted. Still, this is just Derpy we're talkin' about! Why, one day, we'll look back on today and have a good, long laugh. Nodding her head firmly, she reached over and turned off her lamp, leaving her room to glow dimly in the light of the rising moon.
Her thoughts on the matter quickly resurfaced and began to run rampant, and she chided herself sleepily. Ugh, just forget about it, AJ... Everything'll be better in the mornin.'
