Lucifer Morningstar

Weeks twelve through fifteen...my vocabulary kept getting much larger, including the important words, like “Why?” and “What is that?” I kept asking all sorts of questions, and getting all sorts of interesting answers. To say that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had infinite time to answer questions was an understatement. I learned to be very careful what to ask Twilight Sparkle for the simple fact that she would go off on tangents that had little tangent foals. Her tangent foals would very quickly grown up into large adult tangents, then have little tangent foals of their own...

Something that was very important was that Princess Celestia’s answers were always simple, but never simplistic. She never talked down to me, but she did tell me that some answers would have to wait. And, she always found ways to make answers interesting. From using different flavored hay chips to describe the workings of the Equestrian government(1), to my first explanations of magic, Princess Celestia would have been an awesome teacher if she wasn’t a ruling monarch.

Princess Luna’s style of teaching was “show, rather than tell,” heavy on the “show” part. Considering that part of the “showing” was my first instruction in how to fight like a pony, I was sore quite a few nights. Ponies fight a lot from the rear hooves, but I also had a good jaw and with wings meant wing buffets and when I grew up wing blades. We played with some sticks in my front hooves, and when I finally could do telekinesis, a whole range of weapons were open for me.

Sadly, I was officially weaned off of breast milk by week thirteen. Solid foods from then on out, but I was getting a chance at more adult foods. In small quantities, mind you, but I got to eat “real” food by week fourteen. And, I learned where the kitchens were, and became the unofficial cooking assistant there. They found the best way to keep me out of trouble was to help-and to actually have something to do. Wasn’t good with bread, or some of the other things they made (as several burnt meals would testify to). But give me muffins or biscuits or cookies or cake to work on, and I was a baking GOD.

I might have accidentally invented the chocolate chip scone during this time(2). Years later, the “Royal Chocolate Chip Scone” would be copied many times, but never equaled.

Most of my lessons was with tutors and other “important ponies” trying to drive what my status as an alicorn in Equestria-high ranking and noble-into me. I would remember what Rudyard Kipling had written in “If” (3)- “If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,” and snuck off to the kitchens. Or the guards barracks where we played cards for cookies (and I won quite a bit).

Of course, Princess Celestia would sneak in after me and win most of the cookies back…

Potty training began at this time, as well. Honestly, I cheated-I could handle myself during daylight hours and by week fifteen, during the night. They even swapped out the crib for a small, real bed by this time. Same room, just...less padding and a bed.

Oh, and it was at this time that Repeat did his duty for Queens and Equestra and spontaneously(4) burst into flames. Pete tried his best to put his brother out, but he would wear the honorable scars of his effort for years.

This happy state of affairs kept going on until about week sixteen, when the clamor of the chattering class that demanded I be presented to the Day Court was louder than other business. So, on a bright spring day at week sixteen, I was presented to the Day Court.

That it did not go well...was a massive understatement.

The day of my presentation to Day Court, Princess Celestia’s maids and hoofservants were all over me like a shower of butterflies. Hair and tail brushing, fur care, wing preening...and, of course, Kibitz giving me the schedule and plan for my presentation.

For all that I occasionally tease the flank out of him, Kibitz had the unenviable job of keeping the two Princesses on something approaching a schedule. Admittedly “a schedule” looking like something called a schedule in bad light with fog, but he managed to pull it off somehow. So, I knew how far I could go in Kibitz teasing, and this was not a time to tease him. He didn’t deserve it in this room.

Right now, at least. Later was always an option.

“Remember, you go in after the declaration of your name,” Kibitz said, checking off items on his checklist. “Walk straight up to the thrones, stop at the third balk line, bow, you say…”

“‘Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I am Lucifer Morningstar. I swear on my honor and my faith that I will in the future be faithful to you and the Crowns, never cause you harm and will observe my homage to you completely against all in good faith and without deceit,’” I quoted the statement that I was supposed to say.

“We should really be doing a more formal oath-giving,” Kibitz grumbled, but shook his head and continued. “Once you do that, you stand between the Princesses and the court continues. No speeches, nothing else, but you will have to be at court all day. I need to know now, can you handle it?”

“Yes,” I said declaratively. As long as I don’t have to keep from screaming at some inbred noble idiot today… I thought.

“We’ll wait in the Green Room for the call,” Kibitz said, and he trotted out, down the back hallways of the Palace, to enter into the Green Room. It was called that because it really was green-green marble, green and gold furniture, green grandfather clock in the corner(5)-and it felt oddly comfortable and warm for me. A well-built skylight brought in light to supplement the magic lights here, and Kibitz stood near the door, waiting. I sat on one of the chair, waiting...and trying not to piss myself. Yes, today was planned out to the smallest detail, but I know Murphy’s Law and I was afraid that I would embarrass myself.

Worse, I’d embarrass Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Dealing with my embarrassment, that’s easy. I’d die if I had made them look foolish or something.

So, it was in this mental state that I felt Kibitz shake my shoulder and say, “It’s almost time.” He led me to the door, said, “Good luck,” and when the trumpet fanfare begun, Kibitz opened up the door and I walked to the turn I had to make, then down the hallway and…

Sweet God and Goddess Above and Below, that is a lot of ponies. I lost count at fifty and I realized that I was gawking. Deep breath, then I kept walking down the row between the crowds, watching as every single eye was on me.

I focused as hard as I could, keeping the eyes out of my mind. In the white marble of the Court floor was three light grey lines-the balk lines. I passed the first, then the second, stopping at the third. Deep breath time, time to make my Moms proud, I thought, and bowed formally. I went down to my front knees, took a deep, long breath, and came back up to my hooves and looked at an imaginary spot between the thrones.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna,” I said, very proud that I didn’t have a single flutter in my voice. “I am Lucifer Morningstar. I swear on my honor and my faith that I will in the future be faithful to you and the Crowns, never cause you harm and will observe my homage to you completely against all in good faith and without deceit.”

A long, drawn out pause, then Princess Celestia said, “Lucifer Morningstar, We accept your oath of fealty. Come to Our side for this day, as We wish for your good judgement and consideration in Our Court.”

I came up the steps to the thrones, where a small throw pillow had been cunningly placed so that I could sit on it all day comfortably. I settled into the pillow, and waited. There was a long, drawn-out pause, and then Princess Luna raised her right front hoof.

“Let this court, the court of My sister, the Court of Day, begin,” and then she lowered her right front hoof. “The first petitioner?” Princess Luna asked. The Court Usher read his notes. The day began.

The Princesses ran a tight ship. Nopony could argue that.

Petitioner came up. If it was some court flunky that wanted something to validate their ego, they were dismissed quickly and with a pithy comment about Equestria’s laws. A court flunky with a legitimate issue or problem to be resolved? Resolved, swiftly and efficiently. True problems that were brought up by common ponies that needed a royal resolution? Investigated completely, and totally.

Four hours past swiftly, and the court usher made the lunch announcement at about noon. I was led out by Princess Celestia to their working office near the Court chambers. “Lucifer,” Princess Celestia said, “you did very well in there.”

“Thank you, mom,” I replied. “How did I do, mom?” I aimed my question at Princess Luna.

“You did well for your first time,” Princess Luna said. “Nopony could notice that you were fidgeting near the last hour. Do you think you can handle the next half of court?”

Lunch was brought in-dandelion soup and hay sandwiches. I looked at my lunch, and said. “I’ll try-I think I can.”

“You think you can?” Princess Celestia asked me calmly. Anypony else, that would be sarcasm. With her...it was genuine concern. I had seen ponies on the end of her sarcasm-death would be more merciful.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, Mom...would me not being there look bad for you?” I asked.

Princess Celestia considered this. “Like all things involving Court and politics, it’s perception. A four month old foal,” which I mentally translated into roughly five or six years old for humans, “that can last this long, even an alicorn? Most can barely remember Princess Cadence’s foalhood, and that was only a few years ago. However...Lucifer, I cannot ask you to come. But, I would miss you if you didn’t.”

“I’m coming,” I said, as firmly as four months old can get away with. “I can’t leave you alone with that crowd, they might make you cry.”

“Then, you are very welcome to come with us. I do think that you shouldn’t be allowed to ask some of the Court why they want some things, mind you,” Princess Celestia smiled. “It makes them seem silly when a young foal asks why.”

Exactly three hours into the afternoon session of Day Court, everything went to shit.

Somehow, during the lunch break, the nobles decided to do a reconnaissance by fire. Their particular round of fire trotted up to the third balk line and bowed. The Court Usher looked up from his notes (it wasn’t Kibitz, he was too valuable for this kind of foolishness), and said, “Prince Blueblood craves a moment of the Crown’s time.”

A white furred unicorn male, with an immaculately coiffured golden blonde mane, a compass wheel Cutie Mark, and a well-hidden sneer that made me hate him already rose from his bow, and said, “Your Majesties...I beg to ask a question of Your thrones.”

“And, your question is, Prince Blueblood,” Princess Celestia asked.

“The foal that sits between you,” Prince Blueblood lifted his front left hoof in question, “of what is his origin and what of his breeding?”

The whole Court fell silent. It wasn’t quite a slap across the face, but it was a damn near run thing. What had Prince Blueblood asked, when you boiled away the polite formula of words was, “Who’s particular bastard foal is this? And, did you make him or is he natural?”

I could hear both Princesses’ breath catch, and I knew that Princess Luna was about ready to reduce said Prince Blueblood into a thin, greasy smear on the floor. I don’t know what made me do what I did next, but what I did was simple.

And probably one of the most crazy things I’d ever done. With some of the insane things that I have done...that’s saying something.

I opened up my wings, and flew right towards him, stopping...probably horn length from him. Just about every pony’s breath caught, Prince Blueblood reared up in shock, and I could hear Princess Celestia say from behind me, “Lucifer, what are you…”

And then, I booped Prince Blueblood on the horn. With my horn.

We’re both (technically) unicorns. Booping horns causes, for a moment, the two ponies magic to become one. You can’t be sopholistic as a unicorn once some other unicorn boops your horn. You know they exist, and vice versa. And, the shock drove Prince Blueblood to his knees, his eyes looking like he had just been pole-axed.

I landed in front of him, and hid as well as I could my own shaking knees. “Who am I? I’m a foundling. I’m an orphan of an unknown mother, with an unknown father. But...I know who my parents are-and they sit right there,” and I pointed with my hoof to the thrones, in the dead silence that had resulted. “I know the only important thing that matters-I love them, and they love me.”

I walked back up to the throne, found the cushion, and did pretty much a controlled fall into the cushion’s comfort. Princess Luna looked at me. Without a single moment’s hesitation, she bellowed out in a magically-enhanced voice, "COURT IS DISMISSED!" in a voice that pretty much caused the entire castle to shake.

It took less than two minutes to clear the audience hall. And, ten seconds for Princess Celestia to hoist me up in her front legs, and hug me close. I could feel...tears? She was crying? Why was she crying?

She was whispering. Why was she whispering? What was she whispering?

To my last day, I can remember these words...and they are words that I can live with. And by.

“My son, my lovely, blessed son...you are crazier and braver than I. So much crazier and braver than I…”

(1)-Diarchic constitutional monarchy. The Princesses are the executive branch, there’s a bicameral house (Senate which has the nobility, House of Representatives for the common pony), and a judicial branch. Oh, and two ruling ponies that would cheerfully and immediately send for the executioner for corruption or abuse of power.

Executions in Equestria for most royal crimes? Beheading, by axe.
(2)-How to make chocolate chip scones-
Ingredients:
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour (play with your flour-bread flour gives you lighter scones, wheat flour gives them a more nutty texture and flavor)
½ cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
⅛ teaspoon salt
½ cup (8 tablespoons) butter (personally prefer unsalted)
¾ cup chocolate chips (I like miniature chocolate chips, full-sized works as well)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup milk (use cream if you like richer scones)

Instructions:
*Preheat oven to 350 F and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (Equestrian cooks use enchanted cookie sheets for this).
*Using a pastry blender, place the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and butter in a bowl. Cut the butter to evenly distribute throughout the flour mixture. Mix until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
*Add chocolate chips, using a spatula.
*In a separate bowl, stir together the egg, vanilla and milk until well combined. Pour egg mixture over the flour mixture. Use a spatula to stir the egg mixture with the flour mixture until dough binds together.
*Give spatula to any cooking assistants.
*Remove dough from bowl, and give the bowl to your cooking assistants.
*Lightly knead the dough on a floured countertop to form a ball. If dough tends to stick, sprinkle flour over the dough and on the countertop. Knead lightly to incorporate the sprinkled flour.
*Flatten the dough into a disk about 8” in diameter and 1” in thickness. With a sharp knife, slice the dough into 8 equal triangles. Another option is to slice the dough in half to make two dough balls, flatten each ball into a disk about 6” in diameter and 1” in thickness, and slice each disk into 8 equal triangles to get a total of 16 scones. Flour the knife to prevent the dough from sticking to the knife.
*Transfer the dough slices onto the prepared cookie sheet. Lightly beat one egg and one tablespoon milk. Brush egg wash over each slice and bake for 25 – 30 minutes or until golden brown.
(Stole the recipe from here.)
(3)-I had pretty much memorized most of Kipling’s poetry before my arrival here. I could pull up a Kipling quote at any time I needed for just about anything.

Read your Kipling. You might not find the answers you need, but you do get an idea of where to start looking for answers.
(4)-”Spontaneous” being equal to “one of Twilight Sparkle’s tangential explanations getting out of control.”
(5)-No frogs, green or otherwise. Or singing.