Lucifer Morningstar

by zakueins

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 17796

Human mind, newborn alicorn body, some mysterious Old Testament deity watching over him, and the name of the greatest rebel ever. It can't get much worse...or can it?

When he woke up in the Everfree Forest, our nameless narrator woke up in pain, in a body he didn't understand, and warned that to reveal his origins or past would mean instant death.

Now, with the name Lucifer Morningstar, the first male alicorn in over ten thousand years has to deal with issues ranging from breast feeding, teething, making friends, having cake, fillyfriends, love polygons and fractals, dealing with the oddities of his family...

Oh, and the end of the world, too.

(Marked mature for reasons including (maybe) incest, breast feeding, nascent sexuality, off-color humor, strange and hilarious situations, and probably cute-related heart attacks.)

Published 2014-04-14 04:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-27 03:09:45 UTC

Foal-Being Breastfed And Changed

Shock, tumbling, the world spinning in three directions at once, fire from the heavens, my tumble downwards, falling, falling, what is going on, what is happening, what is about to hit the face into the ground.

SILENCE

Awareness again. Easier to catalog what doesn’t hurt. Rain falling on my face, fat and...greasy? Arms don’t work right, legs don’t work right, feel odd about mid-way on my torso, hands move to clear my face, fingers aren’t working right...not fingers, a hoof. Small hoof, barely larger than the rosebud in front of my eyes, eyes focusing...what am I?

Steady onto four legs. Fall down onto my belly hard, crying in pain. I can feel something coming out of my mouth and nose, thin clear fluid and I can feel a warm stream near my legs...my back legs...dear God, do I even have bladder control? Name, name, what is my name…

SPEAK YOUR HUMAN NAME something boomed in my skull, AND YOU WILL DIE, NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN. YOU HAVE BEEN RESURRECTED, LIVE YOUR LIFE NOW IN THIS TIME.

The voice sounded like the hammer blows of an angry God. What is my name, if my name as a human being can’t be used anymore? What am I? Who are you that did this to me?

Silence greets my confused thoughts. Tears fall down my face, pain and suffering and confusion and the smell of burning and everything mingles into the rain and then all of a sudden I can feel the warmth of the sun on my back. I can turn myself, barely, and I can see something bright and beautiful and white and winged coming for me, almost like an angel and…

SILENCE

I wake up again. I am...aware now, fully.

My thoughts are no longer confused, but I remember the warning. I can’t call myself...who I was before. But now, where am I?

My eyes open and I see myself in a playroom for a baby. Bars of a crib. Happy blue walls, white ceiling. Baby changing table, basket of what looks like toys, closed door. My head is on a large white pillow, and what looks like a stuffed eagle or hawk in fire-engine red and orange is nearby. I waggle my hands...and, they’re there. But...they’re not hands. They’re hooves. They look an awful lot like what you’d see on pony or horse. What about…

I twist my body around, painfully, to see that I have a second set of hooves. I’m covered in a fine, downy whitish fur that it looks like somebody has washed and cleaned lately. Oh...and a diaper. Something cheerful with hollow blue clouds on white material, pulled up snuggly and tightly on my body. Oh no...I think, what am I...please don’t tell me I’m some newborn baby pony that somebody has a fetish for putting in diapers…

My anxiety makes something along my mid-torso flap around, and I bend carefully to look at...wings? Big, with a whole lot of downy fluff to them, but definitely wings. On the body of a horse, so either I’m some weird genetic experiment or I’m a pegasus and what does it mean…

Voices. One, female with a definite command of Elizabethan English that would make any upper-class costumer at Renn Faire envious. And loud enough to even make a USMC drill sergeant go “okay, I’m shy and retiring”. Through a closed door, mind you. “Sister, Thou has found the newborn on the edge of the Everfree Forest.” And, I swear, you could hear the italics in her voice. And the capitalization. “A newborn alicorn foal. A male newborn alicorn foal, the first in nearly ten thousand years.”

A second voice. Female, more modern sounding with a definite article of command. “Luna, I know. A foal, still surrounded with his afterbirth and the placenta still attached, on the edge of the Everfree? Would you leave him there?”

“Never,” the first voice said instantly. “But, there has not been a good record in Thou history of male alicorns in Equestra, dear sister.”

What is an alicorn? Said in the same way as unicorn, but unicorns are a myth…

Just like pegasus are, aren’t they?

“Irregardless,” the second voice said, “we will see. The foal is here, and we shall raise it as well as we can.”

I could hear the door open up, and two sets of heads came over the edge of my crib. They were...horses. Unicorns, winged unicorns and you could tell that somebody had been playing around with the EZBake Genetic Modification Oven with them. They had facial features that were more like a human that horses-bigger eyes, more forward of the face. Huge cranial cases, somewhat flattened muzzles, and omnivore teeth. I could tell that part from the white one that was smiling at me. The dark blue one wasn’t quite scowling, but it was a near run thing.

The next thing that threw me? Their tails and manes were moving, as if there was a slight breeze. The white one had a rainbow of colors like highly premium rainbow sherbert ice cream-blue, green, purple, and pink. The dark blue one? Two shades of indigo, and stars were in her mane and tail. And, the starscape changed as she moved her head. Oh, and they were wearing crowns, and were wearing some kind of metallic chest piece on them with identical symbology-the white one had a stylized sun on hers, the dark blue one had a crescent moon. “And, how are you today, dear foal?” the white one asked, confirming that she was the second voice.

I’m fine, thank you for asking. “GOO!” my voice said.

No, no, I want to use words, not baby sounds. “GOO GAA!” I said.

Come on, it’s easy. I’m fine, thank you for asking, where am I? “GOO GOO GAA GEE!” I said cheerfully.

“Ah,” the white one said. “Do you know you’re name, little pony?”

I do, but I can’t say it or a God-like voice told me I would die. “SKWEEE!”

“Ah,” and then I felt myself lift upwards, surrounded in a white aura that matched the aura surrounding her horn. “I think, little pony, you have been in that crib long enough. Are you hungry?”

At the word hungry, my stomach started to demand that I have something to eat. But, I could tell with my tongue that I had no teeth. I was going to be on formula again, and I didn’t know how that would work out… “MEEEP!”

“Woona dear,” the white pony said, “could you get the formula and bottle for me, please?”

“Sister…,” the dark blue one, Woona? said threateningly.

“Luna, dear,” the white one said again, “the formula and bottle, please.” There was a definite snap of command in her voice, this time.

“Fine, fine,” the one called Luna muttered, and the big white pony nuzzled me warmly on my belly and I had to giggle at that. Simple joy...how long was it since I had that? Too long, I think.

I turned my head enough to see Luna take some cans of white fluid out and pour them out into a glass bottle. All, mind you, using nothing but a dark blue aura that matched the color of her horn. Magic? Telekinesis? Biological tractor beam? Who knew? Maybe I would, in a while. Once I could make the words come out right of my mouth…

Nipple on, and screwed on tight, Luna floated the bottle towards the pony that was holding onto me with her aura, and they both headed to a cheerful little corner full of stuffed animals and beanbags. The white pony settled into one of the bean bags, tucked me into the crook of her left front leg, and used the right front hoof to...somehow...hold onto the bottle and bring it near to my lips.

“Time for lunch, my dear little pony,” the white pony said, and I noticed something else. Both of them had...tattoos? Markings? Brandings?...on their flanks. The white pony had one that looked an awful lot like the sun on her accessories, while the dark blue one named Luna had a black starscape with a crescent moon in the middle of it. What did it mean? Did I have one? And, could I reach my head out to the nipple because I was very, very hungry.

Turns out that I could.

Oh, and that I could spat out the formula with amazing accuracy in a convenient direction. It tasted wrong, like slightly foul milk. Said “convenient direction” was in an absolutely spectacular arc that nailed Luna in the face. “AAAHHHH!”, Luna yelled, and started to wipe her face. I kept trying to spit out more, and realized that my mouth was very, very dry...which was starting to hurt as well, so I had to do something…

So, I started to cry. Very loudly, lots of tears. “Oh no,” the white pony said. “Luna! Bottle of water! And, go and get the spell book from my personal stocks, blue cover with twin baby rattles on it.”

“Sister,” Luna said, trying to wipe her eyes clean.

“He won’t take formula, he needs water, and he needs to feed,” the white pony said, commanding. “Go and get the book, once you’ve gotten cleaned up. But, he needs water right now.”

Luna got and filled up a bottle with water, floating it over to the white pony. “There there,” the white pony said in my ear, nuzzling me. “I need you to stop crying so you could have some water, I promise you will have something to eat soon.”

I could hear the water in the bottle, and I made myself stop crying long enough to start sipping on the water in the bottle.

The water was slightly warm, a touch metallic, and flavored with rubber.

It was some of the best water I’d ever had.

I polished off two bottles of water when I heard hooves on stone, and Luna came back, with a book in her aura. It looked like some kind of baby book-bright blue, cheerful, and with prancing ponies on it. The white pony took the book out of Luna’s aura with her’s and started to flip through the pages. “Sister,” Luna said. “What are Thou looking for?”

“Cadence has the same issue, when her mother died,” the white pony replied. “She wouldn’t take formula, and the only thing that satisfied her was...ah yes, here it is.”

Luna looked over the white pony’s shoulder and somehow was able to blanch slightly. “Sister, that is a lactation spell. For fetish play!”

“Slightly modified,” the white pony replied. “It can provide a foal with proper milk.” She made her horn glow brightly and the white pony suddenly looked flushed and confused. I could feel her muscles trembling under her body. “It always feels weird when you first cast it,” she said in apology to me and Luna.

“Sister,” Luna said, “Thou should let Me cast the spell! You have responsibilities and lactation would raise questions.”

“His arrival made a very large hole in the Everfree, Luna,” the white pony said. “Questions are already being asked. Why he is breast-feeding is a very minor one indeed.”

Wait a minute. What did she just say?

I could feel the white pony’s aura again and I floated backwards. Sudden random memory reminded me that a pony’s nipples were near the back...and I could see hers. White fur surrounding pale pinkish-white mounds, with sweet red nipples that were starting to...drip?

I lunged at them, the best that my body and form could. My lips clamped around a nipple, and sucked...and if it was possible for a baby to orgasm, I think I did.

It was sweet, and rich, and delicious...like drinking a thin vanilla milkshake made of sunlight. I kept sucking, wanting more...more...more…

“There there,” the white pony said, breathlessly. “There’s plenty there,” she said, stroking my hair with one of her hooves.

I could barely hear her. I kept drinking more and more, feeling my stomach fill with fluid. I stopped long enough to breath and burp. Before she could pull me away, I put my mouth around the other nipple, and sucked as hard as I could. She just...went dry a suck after I knew I was full, and while I could see her nipples beginning to get ready to give more milk, I knew I couldn’t have more. I rolled over, and gave a very satisfied belch, feeling so very happy and warm and warm...oh no...

Happy feeling went away when I could feel from the warmth and weight that I had pissed myself in my diapers. “Oh my,” the white pony said, still a bit breathless. “You were very hungry, wern’t you? Luna, I’ll need the breast pump, the diaper bag, and some help, please.”

“Yes,” Luna replied, and she brought over a weird little contraption that I suspected was the breast pump, and a large vinyl bag with her aura. She laid them all out, and said, “Do Thou want Me to…”

“Yes, please,” the white pony interrupted softly, and I watched as Luna hooked the device up to the white pony’s nipples and started to work a small vacuum pump device on each nipple, leading to an attached bottle. The white pony whispered breathlessly, “Luna, don’t play with them right now, just...get me clear so I can do something about this,” and the white pony opened up the bag to reveal a new diaper, a pad, and powder.

It was like watching a NASCAR pit crew. I was off the ground in her aura in a second, the wet and sodden diaper off in mid-air and into a trash can, then I was laid down on the pad. She used the pad to dry me off, checking to make sure I wasn’t wet in any squirmy places. The white pony carefully flipped me over, put power on my body, then back around to put powder on my front. Once that was done, the white pony pulled out a new diaper, played with my bellybutton a bit, teased me with a stuffed teddy bear, and slipped the new diaper on.

Once secured, the white pony blew a great big raspberry on my belly, making me break out in laughter, and she cuddled up with me in her front hooves, carefully leaving her legs open so that Luna could still work the breast pump. The white pony cuddled me up against her chest, so close I could feel and hear her heart beating. Somehow, I had managed to gain a small fuzzy stuffed bear and had that clutched in my hooves for dear life. “How much, Luna?” the white pony asked.

“Eight bottles, dear sister,” Luna replied. “All in the fridge. Thou spell?”

“Not yet,” the white pony replied. “The hormonal changes will also make me smell more appealing to the foal, which he needs now.”

“Then,” Luna said, and her horn flared and she gasped. Did she cast the same spell on herself, I thought. “Sister, did You think I would leave you alone in this?”

“You disagreed with me,” the white pony said, slightly confused.

“Only in what Thou wanted to do with the foal,” Luna said, then she cuddled up with me and the white pony. Between the two of them, I think I was happier than I ever was as a human being. “Thou foal is kind of cute, is he not?”

“Yes, he is,” the white pony replied. “He will need a name.”

“White fur, gold mane, eyes as blue as the dawn sky,” Luna said, and I could see her eyes. They were no longer the blue-green that I had seen earlier, but somehow molten gold… “Apollo?”

The white pony thought about this, and said, “No...almost, but no.” And, I could see her eyes...molten gold now, as well. “He is a bringer of light into our lives. And, of joy. I name you...Lucifer. The morning star, the last star before I rise, and one that I think will be dear to our hearts.”

My heart froze in horror. Was I to be the rebel, the fallen angel to these two Goddesses? I had the name that was not something to be kept by the Judeo-Christian tradition...but, they found the name for me, right there and then.

The horror left, as I could feel my eyes start to droop. I was hungry, watered, clean...and felt so very tired… “Oh no,” the white pony said, “I think Lucifer Morningstar needs some sleep.

Luna found a blanket. “I will tell Court that You are unavailable today, and that if they have a problem, they can take it up with Me. And Lucifer will only have good dreams this day and night.”

Luna draped the blanket over the white pony’s shoulders and sighed. “Celestia, I have wondered what Thou would like with foal, for over a thousand years. You are content.”

“Very,” the white pony...Celestia, right...whispered. As Luna left, Celestia nuzzled me with her nose and started to sing, softly to me.

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to go to bed

I don’t know how long I had been here. Or why I was here. Or, more details...but, the warmth that I felt, the body that was so close to me...worry faded away like the pain that I felt.

Driftin' off to sleep

Exciting day behind you

Driftin' off to sleep

Let the joy of dream land find you

Celestia truly did have a beautiful singing voice. I missed having somebody sing me to sleep.

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to go to bed

I could feel the last bits of awareness floating away...but, for now, I knew what I was.

Happy.

I would hold onto this feeling with all my might.

Foal-Formula Zero

In three weeks, I had mastered several important skills.

First and foremost was the ability to communicate through crying, cooing, and the occasional scream. This allowed me to communicate how I felt to Celestia and Luna. In a few years when they had therapy over me, it was my particular cry of “I’m wet and shat in my diapers and I’m still hungry” that was going to require the Jaws of Life to untangle themselves from the fetal ball they found themselves in.

To this day, I still have no clue at all why that makes me feel proud.

Second, taste-testing Celestia and Luna’s (sorry, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’s) breast milk. They lived, it seemed, on alternate work schedules and it was usually the mid-day/mid-night feeding that was the best, and the richest in terms of both density and flavor. Princess Celestia was vanilla milkshake and sunlight, Princess Luna was a smoky chocolate that tickled your throat with fairy dreams. And, fresh from the tap was better than any bottle. But, a few of the nursemaids were cute and Princess Celestia and Luna picked for skill first, looks second, and plot-kissing a far distant three billionth.

Third, learning how to walk. The good news about four legs-when you fall, you’re closer to the ground. The bad news, you can easily get yourself into a Centipede’s Dilemma (“which leg do you move first?”) if you’re not careful. Wings, apparently, were next once I’d mastered the arcane and elite art of trotting safely for distances further than a hundred yards.

Fourth, Princess Luna could speak in Modern English (or was that Equestrian?). Stress made her revert to old vocal patterns, and volume. And, by GOD did she have volume. During my second week, I had snuck into a linen closet and fallen asleep. By the time I had woken up, I could hear Princess Luna crying out to find me. From the other side of a castle that was probably fifty percent larger than Buckingham Palace. That was an actual, working castle, with thick stone walls.

I learned later that Princess Luna had to replace a lot of windows and write quite a few apology letters for her volume that night.

Fifth, I got to see Princess Celestia and Princess Luna raise and lower the Sun and the Moon.

Let me repeat that. They could, and did, actually manipulate the Sun and the Moon, moving them through the sky like giant celestial shot-puts. Sir Issac Newton would probably spin in his grave fast enough to power most of Central London if he ever saw this (and, it would be a carbon-neutral source of power!). And, from what I could tell, it was from magic. Which, it seemed, was an actual science and skill here.

Oh, and sixth?

I met Princess Twilight Sparkle.

It left an impression on everyone involved.

Twenty-six days, ten hours, and minutes that didn’t matter except to accountants and lawyers after my explosive arrival here, I rolled around in my crib to my small menagerie of stuffed animals. Four were my boon companions in this time-a stuffed bear that got the name Bob, two matching bean-bag ponies that I named Pete and Repeat (1), and a stuffed phoenix that Celestia insisted on calling Philomena and I named Cinny (2). I tended to sleep on Bob, clutch Pete and Repeat firmly, and had Cinny resting under my rear hooves, when I woke up to a new and mysterious sound.

A new voice entering my world.

“Oh, gosh, oh, gosh, oh, gosh!” I could hear through the door. The door knob glowed from another pony-a unicorn’s or alicorn’s magic, and purple this time-and it opened to reveal a whole new alicorn that I had never met before. About half as tall as Luna, purple fur, mutli-colored purple mane, long horn, wings, flank markings (sorry, Cutie Mark) of five stars surrounding a sixth, larger star… She pronked into the room and around my crib, looking at me with a wonder that I only thought I felt at times. “He’s so cute! No Cutie Mark yet, but he’s only three weeks old…and that mane!”

She came up to me and smiled. I liked her smile. “Hi there, Lucifer! I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

I went “Gaaa!” and booped her on the nose. She looked cross-eyed for a second, and smiled. Then, she booped me on the nose with her hoof. “Boop!”

I laughed wildly, and booped her with my nose. “Hey,” she said, booping me back with her nose. “So,” Twilight Sparkle asked Princess Celestia, “have you figured out where he comes from yet?”

“No, and that is why I need your help, Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia said. “I have been unable to find where he came from prior to the moment he appeared in the Everfree Forest. You are my most brilliant student, and most skilled pony that I know of with magic. If you can find where he came from, we can find out who his parents were.”

Well, I came from Earth, I thought. Twilight Sparkle came, and I felt myself float out of the crib, clutching Pete and Repeat in my hooves. “No problem,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I can get to work right now.” She started to float things out of the saddlebags that she was wearing. “And, I get to play with him, too!”

“Just remember,” Princess Celestia said, “there’s milk in the fridge(3) if you need it. He goes through a lot, and I should be done with the meeting with the Saddle Arabian representatives in a few hours, if you need more.”

“Princess Celestia,” Twilight Sparkle said with an expression of shock on her face (ponies are easy to read…), “You’re lactating to feed him?”

“He won’t drink formula and he’s got another few months before his teeth come in. So far, the only things he’ll drink are water, our breast milk, and sarsaparilla. Don’t give him sarsaparilla-he might be the only pony that I’ve ever met that can do the Sonic Rainboom on hoof and indoors when you do...and the Sonic Peeboom afterwards,” Princess Celestia said with a sigh. “Princess Luna would be here to help, but she’s been dead-tired lately (4), and I wouldn’t recommend waking her up.”

“We should be fine,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, and Princess Celestia smiled as she left. Twilight Sparkle started to lay out her arcane tools, and began to get to work.

An hour and a bottle of water later, Twilight Sparkle had given up on her work and was in the process of putting me in a new diaper and playing with the pony she was calling her L.A.B.B.F.F. (Little Adopted Brother Best Friends Forever). And, honestly, I didn’t mind. Oh, playing with Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Deep Note, Moonshine, and all the other ponies that worked castle was fun (5). But, Twilight Sparkle was more of an intellectual sort of player and was trying to read every single book in the room that I had with me.

And, while I’d prefer to be doing the reading, having her read to me (and add her own details, like the “chug chug” sound in The Little Engine That Could-absolutely identical to the Earth version, except with ponies in place of people) was a great and beautiful joy.

Unfortunately, there was a problem and I knew exactly what it was at hour two. I was hungry, and began to give off the “feed me” crying set (6). Twilight Sparkle looked at me, carefully put me back in the crib, and then pulled a scroll out of nowhere. Twilight Sparkle started to read…”Okay, okay...you’re doing the long cry, then three short, then long...you’re hungry! No problem, L.A.B.B.F.F.! Princess Celestia left milk in the fridge for you, and…”

She opened up the fridge, then closed it. Opened it up again, closed it, opened it, and then started to make a low gibbering sound…, “Okay, Twilight, don’t panic...we’re out of milk, but don’t panic...Princess Luna has been lactating as well, I’ll go and ask her for help…”

Then, she left. I stopped crying then. Yea, I was hungry-but crying when I couldn’t have anything done about it, that’s just rude. About ten minutes later, Twilight Sparkle came back, looking a bit gun-shy and with singed hairs on her mane. “Okay, okay, can’t bother Princess Celestia, can’t bother Princess Luna, what do I do, what do I do…”

I looked around, and realized that on the top shelf was the book that Princess Celestia used to start her lactation cycle. I looked at Pete, blessed him with a hug, and tossed him at Twilight Sparkle. Good hit, and she looked at me. “Oh, sorry,” she said, a bit nervously with a little flutter in her voice that worried me. “I’m trying to figure out how to feed you, and…”

After she said “feed you,” I pivoted as smoothly in the cradle that I could, and gave Repeat an accurate toss at the blue book with balloons on it. Twilight Sparkle looked at the book, then at me. I made a “feed me” gesture by lying on my back and holding an invisible bottle between my hooves. Twilight Sparkle looked at me, then the book, then used her magic to bring it down to her. “Oh my,” Twilight Sparkle said, looking through the bookmarks. Then, she found the right page. “Oh dear...this won’t do. Binding nodes are not quite right. I mean, Princess Celestia could get away with this, but I think…”

She grabbed some paper and started to make notes. I gave her exactly ten minutes, then started the “feed me” crying again. Hey, I gave her about thirty minutes in total and I was hungry. Twilight Sparkle looked at me, and giggled in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Lucifer, when some sort of work really interest me, I get distracted and...well, I worked out the spell. Better binding nodes, more use of hormonal controls, and...well…” Twilight Sparkle truly had the most interesting embarrassed look to her face, and then took a deep breath. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

Twilight Sparkle’s horn flared and she suddenly staggered on her hooves. “Oh, my…,” she whispered. “Oh my, that was very, very interesting.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at me, and smiled with an almost maternal air to her. “Hm...where do I go, where do I go…,” and then she levitated me out of the crib and wandered over to the bean bag nook that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would use when they was breast-feeding me directly. She started to snuggle into the bean bags, and paused for a second to sniff. “Yes...I was right, she does feed you here,” Twilight Sparkle said, and carefully oriented herself so that I would lay comfortably on her belly-and she could be comfortable as well.

Twilight Sparkle set me down on her belly with all the gentleness of a feather falling on another feather, and then released her magic. “Go on,” she whispered breathlessly. “I should be...ah…yes, I am…” I could see her nipples from here-the nipple a shade lighter than her fur, and I crawled my way towards it, pulling myself carefully along with my hooves. I could feel under me Twilight Sparkle’s body beginning to quiver. Then, I remembered something-something that Princess Celestia said when she was beginning to use the spell…

No, it was Princess Luna. “Sister, that is a lactation spell. For fetish play!”, I remembered. And, did Twilight Sparkle somehow emphasize…

While I was trying to figure things out, my lips had just wrapped around one of Twilight Sparkle’s nipples and was sucking for all it was worth. Hey, I was hungry and I could smell milk on her nipples. And...Twilight Sparkle tasted of blackberries picked off the vine in the middle of a fey wood. She tasted of secret mysteries, hidden rituals, and friendship forged in the fires of battle and tempered in attempted deception and reciprocated love.

The Adeptus Astartes, the Space Marines of the God Emperor of Mankind, considered themselves armored in the Armor of Contempt. Twilight Sparkle was armored in the Armor of Friendship.

And, I think she was much better protected.

It was certainly more delicious for a hungry alicorn foal to feed off of.

She moaned under my tongue and mouth, and in a flourish, I drained her nipples dry. I rolled onto my back, and released a low, burping moan that I was afraid that I’d fill my diaper from the quality of the feast.

I felt myself float gently upwards, where Twilight Sparkle began to lick my muzzle clean of milk. Then, she snuggled me into her chest, wrapped us both up in her wings, and she slowly rocked the both of us to sleep.

I woke up to soaked diapers, and, began to moan softly. Twilight Sparkle awoke, smiled, and said, “Let me get that cleaned up.”

She swiftly got the wet diaper off, cleaned me off completely with sanitary wipes, cleaned up the mess made, and had me re-diapered and firmly ensconced on her chest, as her magic ran two breast milk pumps to clear her system out. I fell asleep there, to the beat of her heart, and her cooing lessons on simple magic in my ears.

I woke a few hours later, when I heard Princess Luna’s distinct voice, “Princess Twilight Sparkle…,” then quiet. I could feel myself be disentangled from her hooves and wings, checked for a dry diaper, and lowered carefully into my crib. She then shook Twilight Sparkle awake. “Wake up, Princess,” Princess Luna cooed softly.

“Mmmmm, Flash Sentry, don’t lick me there…,” she whispered, then she woke up. “Ah, ah, Princess Luna, is Lucifer all right?”

“Awake, but in his crib. Did you use the spell to generate your own milk?” Princess Luna asked carefully.

“I had to! Princess Celestia was in a meeting all day, you nearly tried to blow me up twice when I wanted to wake you up…,” Twilight Sparkle said, then took a deep breath. “I couldn’t let him starve.”

“No, you couldn’t,” Princess Luna said, then leaned in and whispered something in Twilight Sparkle’s ear. “I have a very extensive set of very well sterilized toys. Third shelf besides the bookcase in my bedroom. Bedroom door locks. Organized smallest to largest. Trust me, you need to use them.”

“But…,” Twilight Sparkle is swiftly interrupted by Princess Luna.

“I will watch Lucifer for you while you get this out of your system,” Princess Luna said. “Trust me on this, you will need it.”

Twilight Sparkle left, and Princess Luna looked at the fridge. “How much did she pump…,” Princess Luna asked, and whistled softly. “She definitely is my sister’s student. Hm…”

I was faking sleep at this point. One eye open, I wanted to see what she did.

And, in one swift gulp, Princess Luna drained a whole bottle of Twilight Sparkle’s breast milk. Her smile was a wonder to behold. “I shall have to talk with Twilight Sparkle about her tastes. Later.”

She came over to the crib and used her magic to check me for wet spots, and I did a “waking up” thing. Princess Luna was shocked, but she smiled, levitated me out, and started to cuddle me close as she trotted around the room. “Princess Twilight Sparkle...she is definitely interesting. You would be honored to have her as your teacher, I think. And, I think she will need a student soon.”

Princess Luna stopped, and held me in front of her face. “Oh, don’t worry, little foal. I have not planned your life out like my sister would! I will give you the keys to open the doors of your life. It’s up to you to open them.”

Princess Luna tucked me back close in and started to hum a soft, lyric-less lullaby. I wish I could remember the music, because it deserved lyrics, and I fell asleep content and happy. With what had been going on, it could have gotten interesting, very fast.

(1)-Wherever Pete went, Repeat would follow. Whatever Pete did, Repeat would do. Except spontaneously combust...that, Pete stayed wisely out of.
(2)-Short for Cinnamon, due to her coloration.
(3)-Which worked by the application of Maxwell’s Demon. Actually, the Demon’s name was Mordent Blood Of Elder Statesmen (or Morry), and we became drinking buddies when I grew up. Had great stories to tell.
(4)-Sleep is optional for adult alicorns. Except when you have a three week old alicorn foal that likes playing with anypony he can find at night and is an escape artist.

Luna earned every single Mother’s Day card she ever got from me…
(5)-Deep Note was a violin-playing pegasus that worked the day shift and made me wish that I could have given her a Stradivarius violin. She had earned it, and was skilled enough to play it to the fullest.

Moonshine was a thestral that worked for the Night Watch and brought her son Stardust with her whenever she could. Year older than me, could fly, and regarded me as the best partner to get in trouble with ever.
(6)-”WAAAA! WA! WA! WA! WAAAA!”. Pause for four seconds, repeat until fed.

Foal-The Ladybug Concerto

At about week seven of my arrival here, I started teething.

This was not a fun experience. The first set of teeth that I had gotten were my incisors, which was a painful time of these large painful things that broke out of my jawline, and forced me back to bottle feeding because trying to suckle on anything other than ice chips was painful as hell. And, these were not the incisors of a herbivore-they were a bit sharp, could definitely give a nip, and they could do well for both meat and plants.

So, ponies were plant-preferred omnivores. Interesting.

The pre-molars came in as well, and some very impressive canine teeth. From what i could hear around me, these teeth were called “cutie teeth”, as I would probably hit my adult tooth set by the time I got my Cutie Mark.

Twilight Sparkle made another visit during this time, and in between her breast-feeding and the other Princesses, I was a very happy and content pony in terms of my meals.

Of course, they decided to start weaning me off of breast milk and onto slightly more solid foods. Which...well, it turns out that they did give me ice cream made from their breast milk, which was nice. Apple sauce? Delicious. Stewed pears? Not bad. Oatmeal? Pretty good. Sweet potatoes?

Nailed Celestia twice by spitting it out. I was not a fan of sweet potatoes.

So, in between that, learning how to walk, and my steady efforts to try and say something other than Goo! and Ahah! and other words in the foal vocabulary...I had a pretty good time. Even with teething, bladder issues, and wings that still didn’t quite work. Walking was easy. Running was fun. Pronking was awesome. And, I became an intrepid explorer of the castle, day and night. So much so that if there was a magical version of Lojack, the Princesses would have stuck it on me.

Oh, and an escape artist, as well. They posted guards, searched, improved my crib’s locks...nothing quite worked. This kept happening until one of the Princesses made sure I was asleep before they left.

At week eleven, we had a visitor-the fourth and final Princess of Equestria.

I’d learned, early on, that Twilight Sparkle was not an island of stability and calm in a sea of chaos and crisis.

In retrospect, that’s not fair. I learned later (by experience and by directly working with her) that if it was something like a monster trying to eat her, magical spells, and/or any number of disasters that hit Equestria, she was rock-solid. However, the moment you engaged Twilight Sparkle’s emotions...it got weird, fast. Considering that I was still having issues with being a pony, I could forgive a lot.

“Oh no, she’s coming, she’s coming,” Twilight Sparkle said, wearing an impressive groove in the floor of the nursery from her pacing(1). It wasn’t a scared sort of worried pacing, more nervous. I kept hearing that a “Princess Cadence” was coming into town, and by that time I understood-Equestria had no kings or queens, only princesses. Which was probably making every heraldry maker and social secretary in the land alcoholics from the sheer amount of booze needed to keep all the precedents straight. Speaking of that, what would the heraldry for Twilight Sparkle be? Books emblazoned? Hm…

This wonderful revelry of what would Princess Twilight Sparkle’s motto be(2) was ended when I heard a knock on the door, and the sound of “Princess Twilight Sparkle? Your guests are here,” from one of the guards that stood outside my room. The door knob glowed blue and it swung open to reveal a unicorn and an alicorn.

The unicorn was Twilight Sparkle’s brother, you could tell from the family resemblance alone. White fur, two-toned blue mane, impressive horn, his Cutie Mark was definitely a Twilight Sparkle one-three stars over a blue shield with the main star on Twilight Sparkle’s Cutie Mark. He came up to Twilight Sparkle and the two hugged mercilessly. “Twilly!” the male unicorn said.

“B.B.B.F.F.!” Twilight Sparkle said in return. “When did you get in?”

“Hour ago, had to do the court thing before we could come here,” the male unicorn said. He looked over at me and smiled. “So, this is Princess Celestia’s foal?”

“Adopted foal,” Twilight Sparkle said, and she came up to me. “Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, this is Lucifer Morningstar.”

I heard a soft cough from behind Shining Armor, and an alicorn came up from behind her. Vivid pink, cute as a button, beautiful wings and a long horn, and her Cutie Mark was probably the most fascinating thing that I had ever seen. It was a heart-which wasn’t unique in itself-surrounded by two gold accents. But, it was the heart that was interesting. Every other Cutie Mark that I’d ever seen had been like a tattoo or paint on a pony’s flank (it actually was their fur, I had a chance to root around Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’s Cutie Marks to see that the color went to the roots). Princess Cadence’s Cutie Mark was a crystal-and it moved and changed, and was so very flexible, moving how a crystal heart on the flank of a pony should have moved.

I got all this in fifteen seconds, because on second sixteen of our first meeting, Princess Cadence had lifted me out of my crib with her magic, wrapped her front hooves up against me, and was making soft, cooing noises with my head on her shoulder. And, she smelled of love, and of care, and of joy. I liked being snuggled up into her fur and her mane...

Thirty seconds passed, and Shining Armor said, “Um, Cadence, dear, may I hold him?”

Princess Cadence was clearly not listening, and she was cooing in my ear, and whispering words like, “You are such a sweet and pretty and beautiful foal, I’m going to take you away from mean Princess Celestia and raise you myself and…”

“Ladybug,” Twilight Sparkle said.

Princess Cadence turned around and without a moment’s hesitation, handed me off like a load of bad eggs to Shining Armor, came up to Twilight Sparkle, and the two of them...started to dance?

“Sunshine, sunshine,” they both sang, dancing with each other. Then, all of a sudden, they dropped to their bellies and started to play peek-a-boo with their front hooves.

“Ladybug awake,” the kept singing, then got up on their back legs and rears, clapping their front hooves to their opposite hooves.

“Clap your hooves together,” and the singing continued with them turning around and bumping each other in the ass both hard enough and enthusiastically enough that I knew I would be seeing it in my wet dreams when I was older.

“And do a little shake!” they finished, and both of them broke out in laughter and hugs all around. “Miss you too, Twilly,” Princess Cadence said, as she looked and saw that I was firmly seated on Shining Armor’s back, my hooves in his mane. “And, he clearly likes you, as well.”

“Got to admit, he’s got a good grip,” Shining Armor said. I let off his neck a bit, I might have been hold up a bit tight… “And, cute, too. How old is he?”

“Princess Celestia’s best guess is about three months old,” Twilight Sparkle said. “And, mostly because he was still coughing up fluid and had his placenta attached. Which means...well, we’ll be having his first birthday party in nine months or so.”

“Has he flown yet?” Princess Cadence said. “Most pegasui fly by three months.”

“He’s gotten some air,” Twilight Sparkle sighed. “But, his wings are pretty weak. I’m trying to exercise them as much as I can, but…”

“How about we go to the Gardens?” Shining Armor said. “It’s big enough that he can have plenty of room to fly, and we can talk as well.”

“I like that idea,” Princess Cadence said.

Twilight Sparkle was already getting the travel diaper and the travel milk bags on her hips. “If you’ll lead on, B.B.B.F.F., I’m ready to go!”

I’ve been in gardens before. Golden Gate Park, Central Park, quite a few large gardens in major cities and I’ve always enjoyed and been impressed by them.

The Royal Canterlotian Gardens are not as large-it’s a “mere” 711 acres, but it has a lot of stuff going for it. From the Japanese (sorry, Neponese) tea garden to a small orchestra pit, two rivers, and a small boating pond, the Royal Canterlotian Gardens have one big advantage over someplace like Central Park. Namely, it was fully within the walls of Canterlot Castle itself and Royal property. Which meant it was very private and quiet.

And, you couldn’t hear a screaming alicorn foal trying to fly.

Oh, Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadence didn’t do anything as mean as just carry me up into the air and toss me at the ground(3). What they did was a bit nicer, but not much. They got my wings open, exercised them, then went up about three hundred feet, and played “get the apple slice” with me. Which was totally unfair for the simple fact that they knew how much I loved cinnamon-dusted apple slices. The only way to get the apple slices?

Fly up to either Twilight Sparkle or Princess Cadence and get them. Did I mention that I was a pretty weak flyer?

Yep. To get the desired, and delicious cinnamon-dusted apple slices, I had to fly up and catch them from the two alicorn princesses. Whom cheated further by Princess Cadence holding the slices in her mouth, so I had to kiss her every time. And, I loved kissing Princess Cadence. So, for about an hour, we kept flying, and flying, and flying…

And after one cycle of flying, my wings just gave out and I managed to only plummet fifteen feet from the...MOTHER OF GOD! I was at least a thousand feet up by now! How did I get here? Oh, now I know and I’ve figured it out-they kept adding altitude every single time I got an apple slice and I was so busy thinking about apple slices and flying that I didn’t notice I’d gained altitude.

From the purple aura, it was Twilight Sparkle that caught me and the two of them floated down to the ground. Shining Armor had already laid out a blanket and the diaper supplies, and said, “He’s actually pretty good, I’ve seen pegasus foals that have much worse flight times.”

“About an hour,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Okay, sixty-eight minutes. The mean average for a pegasus foal his age should be about seventy-five minutes.”

“What about alicorn foals?” Princess Cadence asked, settling down beside her husband and nuzzling his cheek.

That made Twilight Sparkle stop in her tracks. “That’s a good question. I mean...I asked Princess Celestia and she said he was doing fine, Luna doesn’t remember, and you’re the only alicorn foal-except for Lucifer here-in nearly ten thousand years. So, I really don’t know…”

Her voice trailed off a bit, then I realized what the expression on her face was. Eagerness. “So, when we’re done, it’s time to do some research! I’ll have to check out the books in the library on alicorn development and…”

BWRAPPPP!!! Yep, at that time, my bowels decided to cut loose. And bladder, too. So, I was now wet, sore, and miserable, and decided to share the pain around. “Uh oh,” Twilight Sparkle said, “we’ve got to change him.”

“May I?” Princess Cadence asked, and started to levitate the diapers and the wipes into view.

“Certainly, I’ll just offer advice,” Twilight Sparkle settled onto her back legs, and watched.

Turns out that Princess Cadence was pretty good at diaper changing. She also was pestering Twilight Sparkle to teach her the lactation spell, so she could feed me herself. But, Twilight Sparkle insisted that they had enough milk and pea mush to feed me lunch, and I could see the disappointment on Princess Cadence’s face when Twilight Sparkle said no(4).

So, I had a bottle of Princess Luna’s 2 am breast milk, some pea mush, and it was chased by the last of the cinnamon apple slices and a bottle of water. Twilight Sparkle cleaned everything up, and Princess Cadence looked at her husband and said, “We’ve got to have our own foal. I’ll even put up with the year of having one. He’s just so cute and adorable and even the mess he makes is interesting…”

“Cadence, dear, we’ve been trying for the past year,” Shining Armor replied, rubbing one of his flanks with a hoof. “And, while it’s been fun, we’ve both been busy trying to get the Crystal Empire back into the right century.”

“I know,” Princess Cadence sighed, “but I like taking care of foals. I think that if I wasn’t a princess, I’d be a nanny. I remember being your foalsitter, Twilight Sparkle, and I liked doing it, even when you broke out the massive charts.”

“Massive charts?” Shining Armor asked.

“Don’t bring that up, please,” Twilight Sparkle said, blushing incandescently at the same time.

“Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Cadence told me, looking into my eyes, “studies everything. And, she studied me and her brother and when she was done, she had come up with a perfect calculation as to who would be my perfect stallion.”

“Oh? And, who did she find?” Shining Armor asked curiously.

“She made the most convincing case for you, Shining,” Princess Cadence leaned over and kissed Shining Armor on the nose.

He blushed like a lighthouse at night. “Hey, she didn’t need to make a case, I just knew you were the right one,” Shining Armor replied, and hugged Princess Cadence close. I made impressive baby sounds and hugged the both of them as well. Then, Twilight Sparkle decided to make this into a double-stuffed Oreo cookie hug by hugging me and Princess Cadence between her and Shining Armor…

Even with the sore wings, it was a good afternoon.

Princess Celestia saw us all in the main reception hall, with Princess Luna. I was riding on Shining Armor like a conquering king, and Princess Cadence and Twilight Sparkle were taking turns nuzzling and playing with me. “Princess Cadence, have you enjoyed your time with Lucifer Morningstar?” she asked.

“Yes, I have,” Princess Cadence replied. “I wish I could spend more time with him, but we have so much work to do this week.”

“While you are here, do spend as much time as you can with him,” Princess Celestia said with a smile. “He clearly does enjoy your company.”

And then, I managed to do the exact right thing...I think. I popped open my wings, gave myself a good push into the air, and hovered right up against Princess Celestia’s cheek. As I nuzzled her, I spoke my first words. “Mama Tia,” I said.

You could have heard a pin drop, and I realized just what I said. I had said words. Words that I wanted to say. Okay, not complete words, but the intent was there. Go me!

I dashed over to Princess Luna on my wings and nuzzled her as well and kissed her horn. “Mama Woona,” I said, smiling.

A swift little dash of wings, and I was cuddled up against Princess Cadence’s chin. “Mama ‘Adence,” I cooed into her chin and neck. I bounced onto her back, and wrapped my front legs around Shining Armor’s neck. “Daddy Shiny…”

One more dash, and I wrapped myself around Twilight Sparkle’s neck, nuzzling her close, and saying, “Mama Twilly, Mama Twilly...choo choo…”

“His first words,” Princess Celestia said softly at this. “His first words…Twilight, ‘choo choo’?”

“He loves to hear me read ‘The Little Engine That Could,’” Twilight Sparkle said in reply sitting down on her rear and holding me in her front legs. “I think...he’s adopted all of us.”

Princess Luna swept the both of us up in her front hooves. “And, we will never betray that trust,” Princess Luna replied.

Before I knew it, it was a pile of ponies, all of them hugging me and Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and Princess Cadence and Shining Armor…

And, in that instant, I think I had found my new home.

(1)-For all the issues of cleaning them, Princess Celestia insisted that the nursery had thick carpeting. Between the padding, the sound-deadening properties, and enough thickness to allow Twilight Sparkle to pace without wearing through to the stone, it meant that I was pretty well protected.
(2)-Probably was going to be Deus quem punire vult dementat. It sounded so like her.
(3)-The goal, of course, was to miss the ground. Unlike humans trying the same thing, I had the advantage of wings and not a complete lack of knowledge that what I was doing was impossible.
(4)-Mind you, I think Shining Armor was going to ask his sister to tell him the spell, for him and his wife to use later.

Lucky bastard.

Foal-Courting Disaster

Weeks twelve through fifteen...my vocabulary kept getting much larger, including the important words, like “Why?” and “What is that?” I kept asking all sorts of questions, and getting all sorts of interesting answers. To say that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had infinite time to answer questions was an understatement. I learned to be very careful what to ask Twilight Sparkle for the simple fact that she would go off on tangents that had little tangent foals. Her tangent foals would very quickly grown up into large adult tangents, then have little tangent foals of their own...

Something that was very important was that Princess Celestia’s answers were always simple, but never simplistic. She never talked down to me, but she did tell me that some answers would have to wait. And, she always found ways to make answers interesting. From using different flavored hay chips to describe the workings of the Equestrian government(1), to my first explanations of magic, Princess Celestia would have been an awesome teacher if she wasn’t a ruling monarch.

Princess Luna’s style of teaching was “show, rather than tell,” heavy on the “show” part. Considering that part of the “showing” was my first instruction in how to fight like a pony, I was sore quite a few nights. Ponies fight a lot from the rear hooves, but I also had a good jaw and with wings meant wing buffets and when I grew up wing blades. We played with some sticks in my front hooves, and when I finally could do telekinesis, a whole range of weapons were open for me.

Sadly, I was officially weaned off of breast milk by week thirteen. Solid foods from then on out, but I was getting a chance at more adult foods. In small quantities, mind you, but I got to eat “real” food by week fourteen. And, I learned where the kitchens were, and became the unofficial cooking assistant there. They found the best way to keep me out of trouble was to help-and to actually have something to do. Wasn’t good with bread, or some of the other things they made (as several burnt meals would testify to). But give me muffins or biscuits or cookies or cake to work on, and I was a baking GOD.

I might have accidentally invented the chocolate chip scone during this time(2). Years later, the “Royal Chocolate Chip Scone” would be copied many times, but never equaled.

Most of my lessons was with tutors and other “important ponies” trying to drive what my status as an alicorn in Equestria-high ranking and noble-into me. I would remember what Rudyard Kipling had written in “If” (3)- “If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,” and snuck off to the kitchens. Or the guards barracks where we played cards for cookies (and I won quite a bit).

Of course, Princess Celestia would sneak in after me and win most of the cookies back…

Potty training began at this time, as well. Honestly, I cheated-I could handle myself during daylight hours and by week fifteen, during the night. They even swapped out the crib for a small, real bed by this time. Same room, just...less padding and a bed.

Oh, and it was at this time that Repeat did his duty for Queens and Equestra and spontaneously(4) burst into flames. Pete tried his best to put his brother out, but he would wear the honorable scars of his effort for years.

This happy state of affairs kept going on until about week sixteen, when the clamor of the chattering class that demanded I be presented to the Day Court was louder than other business. So, on a bright spring day at week sixteen, I was presented to the Day Court.

That it did not go well...was a massive understatement.

The day of my presentation to Day Court, Princess Celestia’s maids and hoofservants were all over me like a shower of butterflies. Hair and tail brushing, fur care, wing preening...and, of course, Kibitz giving me the schedule and plan for my presentation.

For all that I occasionally tease the flank out of him, Kibitz had the unenviable job of keeping the two Princesses on something approaching a schedule. Admittedly “a schedule” looking like something called a schedule in bad light with fog, but he managed to pull it off somehow. So, I knew how far I could go in Kibitz teasing, and this was not a time to tease him. He didn’t deserve it in this room.

Right now, at least. Later was always an option.

“Remember, you go in after the declaration of your name,” Kibitz said, checking off items on his checklist. “Walk straight up to the thrones, stop at the third balk line, bow, you say…”

“‘Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I am Lucifer Morningstar. I swear on my honor and my faith that I will in the future be faithful to you and the Crowns, never cause you harm and will observe my homage to you completely against all in good faith and without deceit,’” I quoted the statement that I was supposed to say.

“We should really be doing a more formal oath-giving,” Kibitz grumbled, but shook his head and continued. “Once you do that, you stand between the Princesses and the court continues. No speeches, nothing else, but you will have to be at court all day. I need to know now, can you handle it?”

“Yes,” I said declaratively. As long as I don’t have to keep from screaming at some inbred noble idiot today… I thought.

“We’ll wait in the Green Room for the call,” Kibitz said, and he trotted out, down the back hallways of the Palace, to enter into the Green Room. It was called that because it really was green-green marble, green and gold furniture, green grandfather clock in the corner(5)-and it felt oddly comfortable and warm for me. A well-built skylight brought in light to supplement the magic lights here, and Kibitz stood near the door, waiting. I sat on one of the chair, waiting...and trying not to piss myself. Yes, today was planned out to the smallest detail, but I know Murphy’s Law and I was afraid that I would embarrass myself.

Worse, I’d embarrass Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Dealing with my embarrassment, that’s easy. I’d die if I had made them look foolish or something.

So, it was in this mental state that I felt Kibitz shake my shoulder and say, “It’s almost time.” He led me to the door, said, “Good luck,” and when the trumpet fanfare begun, Kibitz opened up the door and I walked to the turn I had to make, then down the hallway and…

Sweet God and Goddess Above and Below, that is a lot of ponies. I lost count at fifty and I realized that I was gawking. Deep breath, then I kept walking down the row between the crowds, watching as every single eye was on me.

I focused as hard as I could, keeping the eyes out of my mind. In the white marble of the Court floor was three light grey lines-the balk lines. I passed the first, then the second, stopping at the third. Deep breath time, time to make my Moms proud, I thought, and bowed formally. I went down to my front knees, took a deep, long breath, and came back up to my hooves and looked at an imaginary spot between the thrones.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna,” I said, very proud that I didn’t have a single flutter in my voice. “I am Lucifer Morningstar. I swear on my honor and my faith that I will in the future be faithful to you and the Crowns, never cause you harm and will observe my homage to you completely against all in good faith and without deceit.”

A long, drawn out pause, then Princess Celestia said, “Lucifer Morningstar, We accept your oath of fealty. Come to Our side for this day, as We wish for your good judgement and consideration in Our Court.”

I came up the steps to the thrones, where a small throw pillow had been cunningly placed so that I could sit on it all day comfortably. I settled into the pillow, and waited. There was a long, drawn-out pause, and then Princess Luna raised her right front hoof.

“Let this court, the court of My sister, the Court of Day, begin,” and then she lowered her right front hoof. “The first petitioner?” Princess Luna asked. The Court Usher read his notes. The day began.

The Princesses ran a tight ship. Nopony could argue that.

Petitioner came up. If it was some court flunky that wanted something to validate their ego, they were dismissed quickly and with a pithy comment about Equestria’s laws. A court flunky with a legitimate issue or problem to be resolved? Resolved, swiftly and efficiently. True problems that were brought up by common ponies that needed a royal resolution? Investigated completely, and totally.

Four hours past swiftly, and the court usher made the lunch announcement at about noon. I was led out by Princess Celestia to their working office near the Court chambers. “Lucifer,” Princess Celestia said, “you did very well in there.”

“Thank you, mom,” I replied. “How did I do, mom?” I aimed my question at Princess Luna.

“You did well for your first time,” Princess Luna said. “Nopony could notice that you were fidgeting near the last hour. Do you think you can handle the next half of court?”

Lunch was brought in-dandelion soup and hay sandwiches. I looked at my lunch, and said. “I’ll try-I think I can.”

“You think you can?” Princess Celestia asked me calmly. Anypony else, that would be sarcasm. With her...it was genuine concern. I had seen ponies on the end of her sarcasm-death would be more merciful.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, Mom...would me not being there look bad for you?” I asked.

Princess Celestia considered this. “Like all things involving Court and politics, it’s perception. A four month old foal,” which I mentally translated into roughly five or six years old for humans, “that can last this long, even an alicorn? Most can barely remember Princess Cadence’s foalhood, and that was only a few years ago. However...Lucifer, I cannot ask you to come. But, I would miss you if you didn’t.”

“I’m coming,” I said, as firmly as four months old can get away with. “I can’t leave you alone with that crowd, they might make you cry.”

“Then, you are very welcome to come with us. I do think that you shouldn’t be allowed to ask some of the Court why they want some things, mind you,” Princess Celestia smiled. “It makes them seem silly when a young foal asks why.”

Exactly three hours into the afternoon session of Day Court, everything went to shit.

Somehow, during the lunch break, the nobles decided to do a reconnaissance by fire. Their particular round of fire trotted up to the third balk line and bowed. The Court Usher looked up from his notes (it wasn’t Kibitz, he was too valuable for this kind of foolishness), and said, “Prince Blueblood craves a moment of the Crown’s time.”

A white furred unicorn male, with an immaculately coiffured golden blonde mane, a compass wheel Cutie Mark, and a well-hidden sneer that made me hate him already rose from his bow, and said, “Your Majesties...I beg to ask a question of Your thrones.”

“And, your question is, Prince Blueblood,” Princess Celestia asked.

“The foal that sits between you,” Prince Blueblood lifted his front left hoof in question, “of what is his origin and what of his breeding?”

The whole Court fell silent. It wasn’t quite a slap across the face, but it was a damn near run thing. What had Prince Blueblood asked, when you boiled away the polite formula of words was, “Who’s particular bastard foal is this? And, did you make him or is he natural?”

I could hear both Princesses’ breath catch, and I knew that Princess Luna was about ready to reduce said Prince Blueblood into a thin, greasy smear on the floor. I don’t know what made me do what I did next, but what I did was simple.

And probably one of the most crazy things I’d ever done. With some of the insane things that I have done...that’s saying something.

I opened up my wings, and flew right towards him, stopping...probably horn length from him. Just about every pony’s breath caught, Prince Blueblood reared up in shock, and I could hear Princess Celestia say from behind me, “Lucifer, what are you…”

And then, I booped Prince Blueblood on the horn. With my horn.

We’re both (technically) unicorns. Booping horns causes, for a moment, the two ponies magic to become one. You can’t be sopholistic as a unicorn once some other unicorn boops your horn. You know they exist, and vice versa. And, the shock drove Prince Blueblood to his knees, his eyes looking like he had just been pole-axed.

I landed in front of him, and hid as well as I could my own shaking knees. “Who am I? I’m a foundling. I’m an orphan of an unknown mother, with an unknown father. But...I know who my parents are-and they sit right there,” and I pointed with my hoof to the thrones, in the dead silence that had resulted. “I know the only important thing that matters-I love them, and they love me.”

I walked back up to the throne, found the cushion, and did pretty much a controlled fall into the cushion’s comfort. Princess Luna looked at me. Without a single moment’s hesitation, she bellowed out in a magically-enhanced voice, "COURT IS DISMISSED!" in a voice that pretty much caused the entire castle to shake.

It took less than two minutes to clear the audience hall. And, ten seconds for Princess Celestia to hoist me up in her front legs, and hug me close. I could feel...tears? She was crying? Why was she crying?

She was whispering. Why was she whispering? What was she whispering?

To my last day, I can remember these words...and they are words that I can live with. And by.

“My son, my lovely, blessed son...you are crazier and braver than I. So much crazier and braver than I…”

(1)-Diarchic constitutional monarchy. The Princesses are the executive branch, there’s a bicameral house (Senate which has the nobility, House of Representatives for the common pony), and a judicial branch. Oh, and two ruling ponies that would cheerfully and immediately send for the executioner for corruption or abuse of power.

Executions in Equestria for most royal crimes? Beheading, by axe.
(2)-How to make chocolate chip scones-
Ingredients:
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour (play with your flour-bread flour gives you lighter scones, wheat flour gives them a more nutty texture and flavor)
½ cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
⅛ teaspoon salt
½ cup (8 tablespoons) butter (personally prefer unsalted)
¾ cup chocolate chips (I like miniature chocolate chips, full-sized works as well)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup milk (use cream if you like richer scones)

Instructions:
*Preheat oven to 350 F and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (Equestrian cooks use enchanted cookie sheets for this).
*Using a pastry blender, place the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and butter in a bowl. Cut the butter to evenly distribute throughout the flour mixture. Mix until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
*Add chocolate chips, using a spatula.
*In a separate bowl, stir together the egg, vanilla and milk until well combined. Pour egg mixture over the flour mixture. Use a spatula to stir the egg mixture with the flour mixture until dough binds together.
*Give spatula to any cooking assistants.
*Remove dough from bowl, and give the bowl to your cooking assistants.
*Lightly knead the dough on a floured countertop to form a ball. If dough tends to stick, sprinkle flour over the dough and on the countertop. Knead lightly to incorporate the sprinkled flour.
*Flatten the dough into a disk about 8” in diameter and 1” in thickness. With a sharp knife, slice the dough into 8 equal triangles. Another option is to slice the dough in half to make two dough balls, flatten each ball into a disk about 6” in diameter and 1” in thickness, and slice each disk into 8 equal triangles to get a total of 16 scones. Flour the knife to prevent the dough from sticking to the knife.
*Transfer the dough slices onto the prepared cookie sheet. Lightly beat one egg and one tablespoon milk. Brush egg wash over each slice and bake for 25 – 30 minutes or until golden brown.
(Stole the recipe from here.)
(3)-I had pretty much memorized most of Kipling’s poetry before my arrival here. I could pull up a Kipling quote at any time I needed for just about anything.

Read your Kipling. You might not find the answers you need, but you do get an idea of where to start looking for answers.
(4)-”Spontaneous” being equal to “one of Twilight Sparkle’s tangential explanations getting out of control.”
(5)-No frogs, green or otherwise. Or singing.

Foal-Arriving In Ponyville

Weeks seventeen through twenty-five...exercise. Lots, and lots of exercise. I got my flight time up to three hours straight, and could now bust and rest on clouds with the best of pegasui. Classes. Questions asked and answered, and I dodged a lot of the more “noble” ponies as I did this.

I learned, through second-hand rumor and laughing tales told behind hooves that Prince Blueblood spent most of those weeks in seclusion in his home in Canterlot. If rumor was true, he broke out in a cold sweat if he saw another unicorn. I should have felt some guilt or something for what I had done-he was considered by many in the nobility to be an expendable pawn for their purposes-but, you ask a stupid question…

It was during week twenty six of my existence here that the Royal Train was drawn out onto the main line for Canterlot, and we traveled the rail lines from Canterlot to a small town called Ponyville.

This week was going to be the week of Nightmare Night.

Ponies are given to parties the same way that tulips are given to flowers-they break out often and rapidly. But, there are four big, cardinal events that are major holidays for Equestria and they’re seasonal holidays.

The first and biggest is the Summer Sun Festival, held on the day of the Summer Solstice. All the shortest night of the year means is that the parties are the most action-packed. Princess Celestia makes a whole production of Lowering the Sun, then raising it again that morning, there’s cake, there’s treats of all sorts...it’s a good time.

The second big one is Winter Wrap Up, held on the Winter Solstice. And, the shortest day of the year means you got a lot of work to get done and ready for the new year, and it’s a good way to get a huge appetite for the upcoming Hearth’s Warming Eve feasts.

After that? Hearts and Hooves Day, mostly because it’s a festival of Spring Equinox, everything is blooming, including new love. And, the fact that day and night are even means that you can get all the “daylight” stuff done, and spend the night doing all the silly adult things.

The last one? Nightmare Night. And, it’s more...somber, by pony standards. It’s not like Day of the Dead or All Hallows Eve for humans, but it is “the world is a scary, scary place”. It is followed up by, “but we can make it brighter by laughing at our fears, loving our friends, dressing up, having fun, and having a sugar overdose from all the candy.”

This year’s Nightmare Night was important because of two things. The first was that this would be the first year in over a thousand years that the Castle of the Two Sisters would finally be repaired and open to the general public. It turns out that my...arrival aided in this, since I had landed in such a way as to clear quite a bit of the dangerous Everfree Forest away from where they planned the road to the Castle.

The second? Both Princesses were going to celebrate this year’s Nightmare Night at the Castle of the Two Princesses. Which meant...that the entire Court was coming to Ponyville. And, I was going to my first ever Nightmare Night.

As the train roared down the tracks on its priority routing, Princess Celestia came up and nuzzled me as I watched the scenery go by. “Lucifer, how are you feeling?” she asked.

“First time we’ve left the castle, really,” I replied. “A lot to see. And, Nightmare Night! I’m trying to think what I’ll dress up as!”

“Do you have any ideas yet?” Princess Luna asked.

“A few, Mom,” I said slyly. “But, I don’t know how you’ll be dressing up, so what do I wear?”

“Well, you do know what we’ll be doing for the play tomorrow night,” Princess Celestia said. “I have to admit, playing around with what happened in terms of what happened on the Night That Never Ended...it will be an interesting show.”

“I only wish I could have had a role in it,” I pouted. “I wish I could.”

“You’ll enjoy watching it more,” Princess Celestia replied, and I could hear the train whistle blowing. We were about a half-hour out from Ponyville, and Princess Celestia wanted this event to be perfect for me.

“I’m glad to be here with you both,” and I hugged them tight.

And, I was.

We pulled into a party.

I had been warned, early on, about Pinkie Pie. By nopony less than Twilight Sparkle.

“She knows, somehow, when a new pony comes into town,” she told me the week prior to my arrival here. “And, she somehow is aware of the most accurate-and most embarrassing thing-is to announce a new pony’s arrival. Oh, she means well, but Pinkie Pie has never learned the concept of tact.”

I considered this for a minute, and decided to break out a new vocabulary word. “She could have a zen thing(1) going in with her.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight Sparkle asked, curiously.

“She might not be insensitive, but over-sensitive. She’s aware of more than we are,” I said. “And, in a way that she can barely explain or understand. I mean, she’s one of the Elements of Harmony, so that means something, right?”

Twilight Sparkle was quiet for a moment, then said, “That might be it. It makes sense! I’ll have to figure out how to test for it…”, and she teleported out of the room.

I don’t know how Twilight Sparkle tested for that, but I did know that when the train pulled in, there was a huge banner saying “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, PRINCESSES!!!” And, it did have three exclamation points. It was even spelled correctly, an amazing event in itself. As the Princesses came off the train, there was a huge cheer, and I was just behind them as Princess Celestia was warming up her speech. “Thank you for your warm welcome, my little ponies,” she started to say…

When a fast-moving pink blur knocked me off my feet and threw me nearly fifty feet, wrapping me up in a pink cotton candy hug. “HI THERE!” the pink blur said, “I’m Pinkie Pie, you must be Lucifer Morningstar, and why is my tail twitching, and this is your first ever Nightmare Night, so we have to make it special, and do you know what costume you’re wearing, and you’ve got wings and a horn and are you Twilight Sparkle’s new foal brother, and do you like cupcakes, and how come you fell out of the sky six months ago, and what do you like to have with your cake, I like to have chocolate fudge and cherries, and…”

I think there was more, but I was making a desperate gasping sound because she was holding onto me so tight that my vision was starting to turn black at the edges. I think I can recall Princess Celestia saying to Pinkie Pie, “Would you please stop trying to strangle my son, Pinkie Pie?”

“Ooops, sorry!” I heard Pinkie Pie say and I started to catch my breath, lungs wheezing as I started to get air again.

“Ahhhhhh!” I half-gasped, then took another deep breath. “Pinkie Pie, right? I’m working on my costume, I don’t think I’m related to Twilight Sparkle, I love cupcakes, I don’t know how I got here, and chocolate is great with cakes, but only one cherry on top, please.”

Photographic memory. Got to love it.

“Oh, good!” Pinkie Pie said, “I’ve got all sorts of ideas for a costume, and…”

Her monologue was ended by a glowing purple aura picking her up and carefully placing her to the side. “Sorry about that,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“No, no,” I replied, “A little Pinkie Pie in my day seems to get my neck into alignment…”

Princess Celestia came over and looked at me, checked me for injuries, and said, “You are made of very stern stuff, my son. Pinkie Pie is always enthusiastic.” She turned to face the assembled ponies, all holding their breath. “Ponies of Ponyville, thank you for your warm and enthusiastic welcome. This Nightmare Night is a joyous one on several levels, not the least of which is the reopening of the Castle of the Two Sisters. On behalf of myself, and my sister,” Princess Luna stood beside Princess Celestia and nodded sagely, “thank you all. Princess Twilight Sparkle, if you would kindly lead us to the Golden Oak Library?”

Princess Celestia knew where the library was, of course. But, it did give Twilight Sparkle a chance to shine. And, she did, by lifting me onto her back and leading us all from the train station to the Library. And, pointing out little things like Sugarcube Corner, or Quills and Sofas(2), and a few other places as we and what seemed like the whole town’s worth of ponies came with us to the Golden Oak Library.

Once we got into the library, we could all take a deep breath, and…

“SUPRISE!!!”

How in the name of anything sacred and holy could Pinkie Pie manage to get in, organize a party, and stock it with…

Oh yes, foals. And their parents. And the Elements of Harmony.

Did I mention the banner? The one that said “WELCOME BACK TO PONYVILLE, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR!!!”. ‘Cause, there was one there...and a table full of cupcakes and treats and everything else. “Since you’re new in town, Lucifer, I thought I’d introduce you around!” Pinkie Pie gushed, and the first pony she dragged me off to was a white unicorn with three blue diamonds for a Cutie Mark. “This is Rarity, and she’s a super uber awesome fashion pony!”

“Why, thank you, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity said. “I’m curious, have you thought of a costume yet?”

“No, still working on it,” I said honestly.

“Hm, with your color and you’re mane...Valiant Heart, that is it,” Rarity replied, and smiled. “One of the most important unicorns in history, and with your mane alone, you’d be able to dress as him perfectly, dear.”

“Wow,” I smiled. “Valiant Heart(3) was one of the ideas I was thinking of, too, but…”

“Don’t worry, dear,” Rarity smiled. “If you come by the Carousel Boutique, I can get you fitted within an hour…”

Pinkie Pie hoisted me on her front hooves and immediately dragged me away, looking for somepony else. “Next up! Where is she, where is she, yes!” Pinkie Pie plopped me in front of a orange Earth pony with a brown Stetson for a hat and three apples for her Cutie Mark. “Applejack, this is Lucifer and he’s the foal that fell on the fields six months ago!” Oh dear...and, Applejack did not like hearing that.

“So, you were the one that landed there,” Applejack said with a bit of a twang. “I’m glad you’re all right, you looked like you were in a lot of trouble…”

“What I can remember of that day,” I said, “I’m glad somepony found me. I was in a lot of pain then.”

“Good to hear you’re all right now, sugar cube,” Applejack finished, and Pinkie Pie was already pushing me around like a broom to the next pony on her list...which was Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy, Lucifer here is very very sorry for scaring all the animals six months ago,” Pinkie Pie said, pulling on her “serious” face(4). “And, he’s here to try and help before Nightmare Night.”

“Well, yes, I am,” I said carefully. I offered a hoof to Fluttershy. “I’m sorry about what happened, and if there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”

Fluttershy touched her hoof with my hoof. “Thank you, I’m glad you are all right, from the noise you made and the hole...I’m glad you’re all right.”

“As am I,” I said, and carefully waited for Pinkie Pie to try something, and then I tripped her. She fell and rolled into a corner, which gave me a few moments. “Fluttershy...what do you know about my arrival?”

“Rainbow Dash was the first there, she said it was like a gigantic, ground-level Sonic Rainboom, and…,” Fluttershy told me.

“AND RAINBOW DASH CAN TELL YOU HERSELF!” Pinkie Pie interrupted, putting her head between mine and Fluttershy. Fluttershy made an absolutely cute little “Eeep!” sound, and flinched away. Before I could do anything, Pinkie Pie had levered herself under me and was carrying me off.

“RAINBOW DASH!” Pinkie Pie was still yelling. “REMEMBER THE FOAL YOU FOUND IN THE CRATER? THIS IS HIM!”

“Pinkie Pie, indoor voice,” Rainbow Dash said, and she lifted me off of Pinkie Pie’s back. “Okay, he’s here, let me talk with him…”

“SURE, RAINBOW DASH!” and as she trotted off to yell at somepony else, Rainbow Dash looked at me and sighed.

“I’m sorry about that, but Pinkie Pie lets her enthusiasm get the better of her, and well…,” Rainbow Dash said, scratching her head with her front hoof. The entire time I had been there, she hadn’t landed for an instant. “Wow, how are you doing with your wings, kid?”

“Pretty good,” I said proudly. “Three hours or more of sustained flight at a time,” I let my wings flare out and smile. “So, you were the first to find me? What happened?”

“Wow, yea,” Rainbow Dash said, “I was flying around, practicing, when WHAM!, I was nearly knocked out of the air. I almost thought somepony else had done a Sonic Rainboom on me, and when I found out where it happened…”

Here, she paused, and looked at me. “You were there, covered in stuff, and by the time I had gotten close, Princess Celestia was there, cleaning you off. You looked like you were in awful shape. I’m glad you look so great now.”

“Me too,” I replied. I looked around, and said slyly, “Race when this is all done?”

“You’re on!” Rainbow Dash said. I looked around carefully for the wild Pinkie Pie, and found my way towards Twilight Sparkle. She was with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and all three were talking about the play tomorrow.

“What really fascinates me...I’m still working on that ‘What If It Happened’ spell, and if I can get it to work right, I’ll see how much it matches up,” Twilight Sparkle said, and saw me coming up. “Hello, Lucifer, I see you met Pinkie Pie and all the girls.”

“Pinkie Pie has...a technique,” I said, rubbing my sore spots. “And, Rarity had a great costume idea for me-Valiant Heart.”

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna both looked and smiled. “Valiant Heart. A name I have not heard in a long, long time...and if you had met him, Twilight Sparkle, you would have gotten along with him like a house on fire. He loved books...almost as much as he loved his wife,” Princess Celestia smiled. “You do have a bit of a resemblance, and I can see why she chose him.”

“Yes, Valiant Heart is a pony worth remembering,” Princess Luna noted.

“May I go and talk to the other ponies?” I asked.

“As long as you stay indoors or on the patio of Library,” Princess Celestia said. “You’re safe here, but it’s a new city for you and I’d rather you had a guide if you leave.”

“Moonshine?” I asked

“Yes,” Princess Luna replied. “She has been here before, her and Stardust are good ponies, and they would be great company with you.”

“Thank you,” I said, and started to wander around, talked a bit more with a few of the ponies there (especially Rarity, whom was ready right now to make me fashionable for Nightmare Night), and generally was a good, sociable guest.

Call it three hours later, but I needed to get some air. I asked Twilight Sparkle where the patio was, and she pointed it out to me. I trotted up there, and sat, looking around. Ponyville was a beautiful small town, and I liked the view from up here. It was peaceful, and quiet, and calm.

“Well, well, well…,” a voice, male, said from behind me. I could almost feel a faint pull of memory on that voice, and I turned around to look.

It was a male draconequus-two tone brown fur, the only set of hands that I had seen in the six months so far (a bear paw and a chicken claw, respectively), and all the other mismatched body parts that you would expect.

Oh, and a big, black stovepipe hat on his head, as well.

“Riddle me this, riddle me that, who’s afraid of the big black hat,” he said, sweeping the hat in an impressive arc that turned it upside down and caused a small white rabbit to pop out. The rabbit promptly started to make a number of very rude gestures(5), and then hopped away. “So, you’re the foal that has made everybody in Equestra lose their minds about.”

Ah, I knew now who this was.

“Hello, Discord,” I said.

(1)-Yes, I actually did say this. I was not wearing a bathrobe at the time.
(2)-The Ponyville Quills and Sofas was the flagship store of the whole Quills and Sofas store chain, twenty three stores and climbing.
(3)-Valiant Heart (31-75 AD (After Discord)) was one of the most important unicorn ponies of that era. Lead the first expeditions into what would later be called the Everfree Forest to recover the Great Library at the Castle of the Two Sisters. Lead seventeen of the thirty-two expeditions to the Great Library, never lost a pony when he did, and recovered most of the important books there.

There’s several honors in his name, not the least of which is the Valiant Heart Wing of the Royal Equestrian Library in Canterlot.
(4)-Kid you not. It was like watching a reverse version of the Mission:Impossible latex face mask revelation…
(5)-Said rude gestures indicated that the bunny had plans with the draconequus’ mother, mostly involving power tools and a time machine.

Foal-Before The Play

“My, my, my,” Discord said, flying around me in circles. “You are a most unique little pony. First alicorn born in over a decade, first alicorn male born in over ten thousand years...smart, cunning, and able to give Prince Blueblood post-traumatic stress disorder. I think I like you too much, I have to find something to hate about you.”

“Beautiful mane and tail?” I offered with a smile.

“Too petty,” Discord sneered. “I need a really thick and tasty hate.” Discord paused his circles around me and examined me curiously. “Oh, my dear…,” he whispered lustfully. “I might have found the thing I can hate. Did you know that you have a human brain?”

“Say what?” I asked, right eyebrow raised(1).

“I should be more accurate, or Twilight Sausage and the fans will complain,” Discord noted, a lab jacket and a whiteboard coming out of nowhere. “You’re brain’s architecture is pony-alicorn with the specific requirements of handling all three types of Pony magic,” and here, he sketched out brains inside of a pony and human skull. “But, your-well, let’s call it your soul, or your operating system-is human. It’s like...somebody took a copy of OS X and re-coded it so that it would run without a hitch on a Intel-based hardware architecture. Perfectly, I might add.”

Discord then gave this low whistle of admiration. “This is definitely a piece of work. So, why aren’t you pretending to be a human in a pony body, rather than be a good little pony?”

“I can’t,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I couldn’t, shouldn’t, or wouldn’t do it. It seemed like...cheating.

“Oh, yes you can,” Discord snorted, then smiled. “Why, you aren’t even using what your real name is-mind you, that would let somebody like me command and compel you, but…” Suddenly, his smile became sly. “I wonder, can I find out what you’re real name is…”

He flew up to me and his eyes went...technicolor for a second. Swirling, whirling, gyrating, spiraling cores of infinity looking into me and looking at him and…

Was he crying?

Something was running down from his tear ducts...and, with a shock, I realized that the color of it was red. Discord was crying tears of blood.

Then, he started to blubber. “It’s not fair, it’s not FAIR! I’ve been a GOOD little imp of Chaos, we had a deal. I won’t let him be the bridge for you!” Discord cried chocolate blood tears.

“Um?” I asked. “Are you okay?”

“NO!” Discord hissed through his teeth, “I am not okay. I am very, very angry-and if I start screaming, Celestia will think I’m hurting you and she’ll turn me into a stone statue and leave me at the bottom of the ocean. Do you know what brought you here?”

“Um, God, Old Testament version-the sort that’s long on rules and short on mercy?” I replied carefully. I suspected, but I had never heard the Voice again since the day I arrived.

Discord paused at this statement. “He’s letting you run free. Fully running on free will. He is letting you roam free, running a human soul on a male alicorn brain,” Discord whispered. “So, now what? Hm…”

Discord curled up into a ball, then spun around into a “thinking” poise. “First things first,” and he wiped his tears away and threw them into a nearby trash can. “Second, we need to work out what happens next.”

“What?” I’m trying to figure out where he’s going from here.

“Oh my,” Discord said, his mood suddenly shifting to happy. Which instantly made me nervous. “This, this is going to be some of the sweetest, purest chaos I can imagine. Oh, not soon, but it’s like a fine wine. I can wait for it.”

I stomped one of my hooves on his tail, angrily. Discord made an amazingly theatrical wince. “What is this...fear of me because I’m a male alicorn? I mean, you have four ponies that could probably blow the planet up on a whim if they wanted to. I can generate sparkles from my horn and that’s about it.”

“Well, I could tell you...but, for that, I’d want something in exchange,” Discord said calmly, looking at me.

“What would you consider an equivalent exchange?” I asked, curious.

“Make this Nightmare Night a horrible one for every pony involved,” Discord offered.

I looked at him in shock, and then said. “No sale, I’ll find out on my own. Or ask Princess Celestia.” I turned to face the door leading down from the patio, and started to trot back into the library.

“Wait, wait!” Discord said, trying to get my attention.

“Yes?” I asked, turning around and looking.

“Different offer, same thing for you,” Discord said with a huff. “All you have to do is wreck the showing of The Tragedy and Redemption of Radiant Dawn tonight. Do that, and I’ll tell you everything

I pretended like I was going to give that serious thought. “No.” I turned to face the patio door and reached out with my hoof.

“Last offer!” Discord gasped. “Everything you ever wanted to know about male alicorns but was afraid to ask, in exchange for a long, precisely timed fart during Act Two, Scene Two of The Tragedy and Redemption of Radiant Dawn. And, that is my final offer!”

“Will you tell me why you want to wreck Act Two, Scene Two as a part of telling me what you know?” I asked, letting my hoof slowly apply pressure to the door handle.

“No, but I promise it’s one of the boring parts of the play,” Discord smiled. “You’ll know why afterwards.”

I waited a second. Thought about it, seriously.

Then, I opened the patio door. “Three times failed, Discord. I can be patient, but I won’t wreck this evening. Good luck trying to find another patsy-and if you do, I’m going to dedicate as much time as it takes to turn you into a statue again and stick you on the dark side of Pluto. Forever. I might even come by and eat popcorn where you’re watching.”

“And that,” Discord said, as I was closing the door behind me, “is a very human response.”

The party managed to wind down, and I now had plans for Nightmare Night. Moonshine and Stardust and a whole lot of the young foals that were coming out tonight for Nightmare Night were going with me for treats. Which was neat, because I knew what Stardust was going to wear for Nightmare Night. And, once we’d let the last of ponies leave, firmly duct-tape up Pinkie Pie so we could clean up (and prevent a post-”Welcome To Ponyville” party)(2), and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna could coo over me for a bit, I got my first chance to walk around Ponyville.

I had an escort, of course. Moonshine was with me, and I knew that several Day Guard pegasui were flying around. And, a few of the unicorns around town looked awfully familiar… But, I had to let it slide-first of all, I shouldn’t have known that, second I was out and about! I had looked at maps of Ponyville all week, and I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

We hit Sugarcube Corner first, just long enough to try out one of their famous cupcakes (3). Checked out a few other locations, and our wanderings lead us to other ponies, Roseluck’s flower shop (where I picked up red roses for tonight’s play), and finally to the edge of town where the Carousel Boutique was.

It was...unique, I had to give it that. Colorful, confectionery, and fascinating, I knocked on the door and heard a voice saying, “Come in, come in, I’m in the middle of something…”

I came in and Rarity was helping a small white unicorn filly get into her costume. “Oh, I’m just helping Sweetie Belle get ready for the school’s Nightmare Night party and…,’ Rarity was saying as she caught sight of me. “Oh, Lucifer! If you can wait just a minute, dear, I’ll be helping you when Sweetie Belle is the Mummy That Time Forgot.”

“Mrrrrmf Mrrrrmf Mrrrrrmf,”(4) came from the wrapped-up bondage pony in the middle of the room. “Mrrrrrrde, Yeeee Deeed Doooo Meeee…”(5)

“Oh, don’t worry dear, those bandages are so absorbent they might as well be a diaper,” Rarity smiled, but she swiftly unwrapped the pony inside the bandage. “I promise, the costume will be better, this is just an experiment and it isn’t quite right yet.

“Gotta go, gotta go, GOTTA GO!!!” the little white blur that ran towards the bathroom said, and I was trying to figure out what was going on here.

“I’m sorry about that,” Rarity sighed. “I forget when I’m in the middle of inspiration(6) that other ponies might not have my huge and capable bladder. So, we were going to put you in a Valiant Heart costume for tonight.” Her horn glowed and I could see her magic sorting through the various items and boxes on the shelves. “Ah, yes, here it is!”

She pulled out from a box a dark blue cape and hood combination and carefully put it on me. It didn’t fit me like a tent, but it did fit me like one of those tube tents you see-large but snug. “This was for a young unicorn foal that grew out before I could even get it to the client. It’s a bit large for you, dear, but I can get that fixed in a minute. Stardust, right?” Rarity was looking at Stardust now, “Are you needing a costume, dear?”

“Nope!” Stardust said confidently. “Momma made me one, we’re going as the Princesses! I’m Princess Luna, she’s Princess Celestia!”

“Oh dear, I suspect the two of you will look wonderful,” Rarity smiled. “This year, I’m going as Frankenpony and Sweetie Belle is going as a mummy. If you can come back in an hour or two…,” she floated the cloak over to the work table. “I can have everything ready for you. Oh, and one second…”

She took a tape measure and measured my wings and their location. “I want it to fit perfectly, so wing accommodation is a must. Thank you, and see you soon!”

Rarity immediately got to work, humming softly, and I realized it was time for me to get while the getting was good. By the time we made it out the door, I realized that I had a question. “Moonshine, what are Princess Celesita and Princess Luna going as?”

Moonshine looked at me, and sighed. “I know what they’re going as, but I can’t tell you, Lucifer. They made me promise because it’s a surprise.”

“Oh,” I replied softly. “But, it’s going to be neat, right?” I asked hopefully.

“Very!” Stardust said. “I had to promise too, but it’s way awesome!”

I looked around and found where the Sun was. “We’ll be back in an hour, and then we can get ready for Nightmare Night,” I said. “Next up...hm...do you think we can make it in enough time to hit the bookstore?”

About ninety minutes later, I had my costume (cloak, leg bands, and gorget) in my saddle bags, and we were heading back for the library to change. Celestia was lowering the Sun with a showmare’s precision and I had to smile. Mom was very good at this.

I came back into the library, to a scene of wonder.

Clothing was floating in the air, as Rarity was helping everypony there into their costumes. And, I saw that Princess Celestia...was looking like a very tall, leggy version of Starswirl the Bearded.

With the beard. The LONG beard that reached to the floor.

I had to hold in my giggles.

I failed miserably.

“How long did he last?” Princess Celestia asked Moonshine.

“Twenty-six seconds,” Moonshine sighed, and pulled out two bits from her purse. Princess Celestia took them in her magic and put them in the “donations” jar for the library.

“Lucifer, are you all right?” Princess Luna-dressed up like Clover the Clever-asked.

I finished off the last laughs, took a deep breath, and smiled. “Both of you look great. I’m just surprised, that’s all. Mom, were you betting on me lasting longer than thirty second before I broke out into laughter?”

“Yes,” Princess Celestia replied. I sighed.

“I love the confidence here,” I shrugged. “Rarity, can you help me with my costume?”

“Certainly, dear,” Rarity said, and she started to pull it out of my saddlebags with her magic. As I helped to get the costume on, I had to think for a minute, and waited.

It could wait a few minutes.

As the flow and bustle of the preparations continued, I came up to Princess Celestia and asked, “Mom, do you know Discord?”

Princess Celestia stiffened, and looked at me. “A long time ago, I did. And, he was a very bad creature for many years. He has reformed lately, and has been living around Ponyville. Did you meet him?”

“I did,” I replied. “He asked me a question-why am I the first male alicorn he’s seen in over ten thousand years?”

Princess Celestia froze again, and sighed. “Of course, he’d ask you that,” she said to herself. Then, she looked at me. “A long time ago...there were many more alicorns. And male alicorns. Until your arrival, I was afraid that there would only be the four of us-myself, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight Sparkle. The last male alicorn sacrificed himself to save my mother over ten thousand years ago. If it wasn’t for Helios’ sacrifice, Faust would have died that day, carrying Luna.”

“What happened?” I asked, curious.

“That is a tale for another time, and daylight. But, I can give you a name, my son,” Celestia said, watching as the crowd came back towards us.

“The name of the monster that killed my father was named Tirac. And, when I wasn’t much older than Twilight Sparkle, I killed him,” Princess Celestia said softly.

“You...killed him?” I asked.

“Oh yes,” Princess Celestia whispered softly. “If anything, I am sad that his end was as merciful as it was.”

I was reminded, yet again, of the sort of power that Princess Celestia had.

The run up to the Nightmare Night celebration at the castle was spectacular.

Normally, booths and food vendors and such were all around Ponyville. But, this year, they all were on the new, large road that lead through the Everfree Forest to the Castle of the Two Sisters. The goal was to encourage ponies to come along after trick-or-treating at the local houses.

Oh, and Pinkie Pie trying her best to be swan-like.

Moonshine and Stardust were neat in their Celestia-and-Luna costumes, and it was a surreal experience to be trick-or-treating with the Princesses. All three of them. It took a lot of effort to keep us from being showered in candy. Especially when Princess Luna broke out the Royal Old Canterlotian Voice and asked for candy.

Apparently, her last time here in Ponyville for Nightmare Night...things got a little out of hand. That, and Pinkie Pie was actually laying eggs...which confused me to no end.

But, as the hours wound down, we walked down the new road to the Castle, sampling food at the vendors, playing some of the games, and eventually we came into the Castle of the Two Sister proper.

And, “proper” was a good term for it. Canterlot was a show piece, a city to show what kind of power and ability the Princesses had. The Castle of the Two Sisters was a proper fortress...the same sort of way that you could tell the difference between Cinderella’s Castle at Disneyland and the Tower of London. Both were tourist attractions, but one was a real, working bulwark against the ravaging hordes.

In the center of the courtyard, a massive wood-and-lathe stage had been erected. Seating had been built up in tiers, and, the first ever showing of The Tragedy and Redemption of Radiant Dawn was about to happen. My seats (open spot, actually) was in front, and I was surrounded by Moonshine, her son, and quite a few other ponies that were members of the Day Guard or Night Watch. Ponies got ready for the show, the orchestra tuned up, and then, the music began.

It was a swift little march, to get everypony’s attention. Then, onto stage, strode four ponies-two at each corner, in matching cloaks of black and white. They started with the prologue of the play.

“O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend to the brightest heaven of invention, A kingdom for a stage, princes to act, And monarchs to behold the swelling scene! Then should the bright and beautiful Celestia, like herself, assume the port of Mars; and at her heels, leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword, and fire crouch for employment.

“But pardon, gentles all, the flat unraised spirits that hath dar'd on this unworthy scaffold to bring forth so great an object. Can this cockpit hold the vasty woods of the Everfree? Or may we cram within this wooden O the very powers that did affright the air at this very spot?

“O, pardon! Since a crooked figure may attest in little place a million; and let us, ciphers to this great accompt on your imaginary forces work. Suppose within the girdle of these walls are now confin'd two mighty monarchies. Whose high upreared and abutting fronts the perilous narrow ocean parts asunder.

“Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts: Into a thousand parts divide one pony,
and make imaginary puissance. Think, when we talk of ponies, that you see them printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth.

“For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings, carry them here and there, jumping o'er times, turning the accomplishment of many years into an hour-glass: for the which supply, admit me Chorus to this history. Who, prologue-like, your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.”

And, in a roll of thunder, and a storm of magic, the play began.

(1)-I practiced this in a mirror, a lot. I thought I was going to need it.
(2)-Don’t worry, she escaped about twenty minutes later. Long enough for us to clean up enough that she realized that there was somewhere else she needed to do party prep.
(3)-The Sugarcube Cupcake Company would, years later, become famous for the cupcakes it made, including all the regional variations. The Trottingham Maple Syrup Chocolate Cupcake was one that had lines out the door at the Trottingham franchises when they made the four thousand for the four shops daily.
(4)-”I can’t move…”
(5)-”Rarity, I need to pee…”
(6)-Said with enough metaphysical glitter to poof every drag queen in the Eastern United States.

Author's Note

The next chapter is going to take a while.

Why?

Because I have a three act, mutli-scene play by the name of "The Tragedy and Redemption of Radiant Dawn" to write...and, it will be here before I go any further.