Snips and Snails have Sexy Time with Silver Spoon. Very nice, you like!

by Facemelt91

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Snips, Alternate Universe, Romance, Silver Spoon, Snails, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex
Length: 3782

A romantic tale of epic proportions sees the intrepid heroes, Snips and Snails, embark on a sexually fuelled conquest of the fair maiden, Silver Spoon, in this truly remarkable story of struggle, woe and eventual victory.

Boratese
Jagshemesh! Mai naem a Shandi! Me write dis brellient fen fictoon consitegn of one faking littel pony get facked bey two other little poens in the bedroom. Is very nice, in asshole. You like!

English
In an alternate universe, a (much older) Snips and Snails are chefs working in a hotel which may or may not be owned by Silver Spoon's father. Imagine if you will, please, that all of the characters are being voiced by a fat geordie dude who lives in his mother's basement (not me, I'm not a fucking geordie)

The description lies btw. If you're looking for high-quality literature, why are you looking at this story, you strange clopper, you? Go and read my Pinkie Pie Suicide story if you want quality!

Otherwise, enjoy your depraved, plotless clop, weirdos!

Published 2014-04-14 18:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-14 18:50:04 UTC

I'd use her shit for toothpaste

Grilling Burgers

Steel rattled in the draining board, water soaked the floor. The kitchen door was swinging wildly as ponies darted in and out, passing the two men in the kitchen that worked as if they were part of the very machines they had been operating all night.

10:36 PM; it was the end of an exceptionally busy dinner shift, and pot-washer, Snips had just finished spraying a diluted purple chemical all over the filthy worktop and had started cleaning it down. Dirt, grime, juice and unwanted scraps of food that had avoided the bin had coated the entire surface of the worktop and threatened to stay. Soaked in cleaning chemicals, they posed little problem for the cloth-wielding arm of Snips. At the other side of the room, the Head Chef, Snails, was sealing leftover food in bags and date dotting them.

As he cleaned meticulously with the Desguard, Snips grunted amicably as another employee entered the kitchen carrying a stack of plates. He watched from the corner of his eye as the young pony set them down on the worktop next to the sink. Snails raised his head to look, and the young lad stopped and stood there meekly.

“What the fuck are you doing?” screamed Snails. “Where did they come from?”

“The bar,” replied the young colt as he backed slowly out of the kitchen, not wishing to start an argument.

“Fucking piss taker him,” Snails said angrily.

Snips simply nodded; in twenty minutes he’d be outside having a cigarette and thinking about the next time he had to walk into the shithole that was otherwise known as “work”.

Snips squeezed the liquid from his cloth into the sink and mopped up the remaining traces of cleaning chemicals from the worktop. In the distance he could hear the high pitched voice of the new receptionist, Silver Spoon, squealing with a mixture of excitement and irritation as she was being verbally teased by one of the young members of the front-of-house team. Apparently she was some rich filly whose dad may or may not have owned the franchise. Fucking useless at her job and everything else, but a damn fine piece of ass.

Snips caught sight of her as she walked past the back door of the kitchen, the arcing lights catching on her slender figure – extenuating the curvaceous nature of her taut body. Her hair was a silvery white – Snips wondered if it was even natural, and if the hair on her cunt was the same colour.

“Goodnight boys,” Silver Spoon hollered as she left, her firm little rump and silver tail swaying behind her.

“Night, Silver Spoon,” Snails called. When he heard the door slam, he looked at Snips and grinned. “I’d use that mare’s shit for toothpaste.”

Snips smiled and laughed. Supposing the opportunity ever arose and he was not so busy burying his penis in her anal cavity, he’d have perhaps considered doing the same. How could the warm, succulent faeces of one so beautiful taste like anything other than the finest caviar? Not that Snips had ever tasted caviar. "I'd give my left nut for a piece of that warm, fresh cunt." Snips agreed. "Bury my face right inside her tight little muff."

“Before this month is out she’s going to be hanging from the end of my cock,” Snails asserted, running a hoof through his short brown hair.

“My fucking arse," Snips laughed, "A week’s wages say’s she won’t be.”

Snails looked at the rota he had done for that week. He checked it against the reception rota – to his delight, he saw that Silver Spoon was on late reception, and he and Snips were in the kitchen. “Two week’s wages says she will be on both of us – tomorrow. We’ll fuck her till she’s got a fanny like a clown’s pocket.”

“Tomorrow? Two weeks wages?” Snips didn’t know whether to be appalled or astounded. “Deal. Fucking daft cunt.”

They shook hooves.

*

The next day, after clean up, Snails found his way to reception and settled into the chair next to Silver Spoon who had finished cashing up her till.

“You know you’re on tomorrow morning?” Snails said, studying the rota.

“I know,” Silver Spoon replied miserably. “Six AM start.”

“The joys,” Snails chuckled. “Why not stay here tonight? You’d get an extra hour in bed.”

“What, in a spare room?”

“Either that or the managers’ room,” Snails replied. “I’ve done it before. Lots of us have.”

“Well…” she started, “No.” she shook her head, “No, sorry.”

“Why not?” Snails asked.

“Because… just no.”

Snails laughed, “That’s not an answer. I’ll give you the keys to the manager’s room. Make yourself a cup of tea and go to bed.”

“Are you sure?” Silver Spoon said.

“Absolutely,” Snails assured her, “I’ll make sure reception give you the wake-up call at 6:45.”

*

That night, after Silver Spoon had gone to bed and Snails had finished checking the kitchen stock, he went into the back room and poked Snips, who was lying asleep on the sofa, still wearing his chef whites.

“Snips,” he prodded the chef on the arm, “Snips! Wake up!”

Snips stirred in his sleep and turned over.

“Daft cunt,” Snails murmured and scribbled down a note on a scrap piece of paper and left it on top of the chef’s forehead:

Manager's room, balls deep in cunt, bring lube - Snails

He left the room and took the elevator to the manager’s room. He produced a set of keys and swiped them across the lock.

The room was dark inside, and the only sound was that of Silver Spoon’s faint breathing. She was asleep on the bed, the bed sheets loosely clinging to her taut frame. A slender leg was exposed on one side of the bed.

Snails ducked low, removed his shoes and took the sleeping Silver Spoon’s foot in his hands. He slowly massaged her foot, kneading the soles and stroking her toes. She moaned in her sleep and twitched beneath the covers. Snails took her big toe in his mouth, stroking the tip with his tongue and massaging it with his lips. He kneaded and stroked the rest of her foot as he did so, feeling the stiffening hardness beneath his trousers beginning to come to life.

Silver Spoon’s breathing quickened, and Snails pulled at the covers to remove more of her frame. He saw her perfectly taut body, delicious curves and a firm, puffy ass that was just begging to be kissed and smacked. Snails could feel the bulge throbbing between his legs as he clambered onto the bed. He ran his hoof along her slender legs.

So smooth. Freshly waxed. Her skin was divine.

She woke with a start.

“What the fuck? Snails?”

He leaned in to silence her, kissing her fiercely, tongue exploring the inside of her mouth.

She seized him with her hooves, running them up his back and grasping his supple, manly shoulders.

He broke from their kiss, prized apart his chefs’ whites and cast them aside. She reached up to kiss him, her tongue dancing in his mouth, lips moving poetically with his. His hooves ran down her back, clasping her large, firm buttocks and squeezing its wealthy flesh tightly. She was kneeling up on the bed, pressing her frame against his, feeling his throbbing hardness against her own moistening marehood. She could feel his raging cock knocking against her, and it served only to coax more fluid from her already soaking wet cunt.

As he stroked her buttocks and kissed her deeply, he grabbed at her chest kneaded here mare tits firmly in his hooves, teasing them to hardness.

Silver Spoon broke from the kiss and let out a long moan. Snails leant in and kissed her firmly on the neck, licking and sucking at her skin as he played with her tail, pulling against the hair and letting it slap back against her taut frame. He traced his hoof from her buttocks to her inner thigh, stroking the silky, tender flesh. Eventually, his hoof found its way to the moistness between her thighs. He stroked her cleft: sodden with vaginal discharge, he could feel her musky juices enveloping his hoof.

She kissed him deeply. She wanted him inside her, but she knew he wanted to tease her. She ran her hands over his bulging erection, and as soon as she did, he pushed her onto her back, spread her legs apart pressed his mouth and nose against her widening slit.

He licked and sucked and probed her vagina with the tip of his hoof, ravishing her sensitive clitoris with his tongue and kissing and sucking at the puffy flaps of her moist cunt. She was soaking wet, oozing hot, salty fluid. It tantalised his tongue, and he sent waves of pleasure coursing through her body as he fucked her with his hooves and tongue.

“Oh,” she cried out, as she felt his tongue skimming the surface of her tight, little asshole. “Not there!” But she fucking loved it. She held his head in her hooves, pushing him harder against her slutty, little rim. She felt his wet, slippery tongue gliding all over her most sensitive area, her puckered little anus. Snails was sucking and playing with her, indulging on her succulent sex. She was barely able to contain the violent orgasm that threatened to burst from her.

Snails pulled back and nursed his erect penis in his hoof. He’d never cared to measure it – but it was about half as long and half as thick as his foreleg, with a large bulbous head that oozed clear fluid. He kneaded her tits roughly as he pulled her tail to one side and forced his thick member into her. She moaned softly as she felt him inside her, throbbing violently as he thrust and withdrew from her. He forced his cock right down to the hilt, pushing up through her passage. He could feel her vaginal muscles tightening around his cock, but she was so fucking wet it made no difference. He slid out easily and slammed his dick right back in as hard as he could.

He gripped her thighs tightly as he fucked the slutty, little pony with as much force as he could muster, amazed at how her fat little cunt was able to swallow his enormous stallion cock whole.

“Don’t stop, fuck me deeper,” Silver Spoon begged him.

“You dirty fucking whore,” snarled Snails as he drove his massive dick deeper and harder into her moist, cavernous sex. He thrust and withdrew, fucking her hard. "Filthy fucking harlot. What would your fucking daddy think if he could see his innocent little daughter getting violated by my dick?"

Silver Spoon didn't answer. She just lay there and took it.

Again and again Snails grabbed at her exposed mare breasts. He leant forward onto her and sucked and bit at her nipples. He heard her cry out in a flux of pleasure and pain as he clawed at her legs with his hooves and tickled her belly. He could feel his own pleasure building. The feeling was intense. Pretty soon he would be soaking the insides of her tight little mare cunt with his hot, filthy seed.

With a loud groan, Snails withdrew his hard, glistening member, stroking it gently with his hoof. He flipped Silver Spoon over so that she was on all fours. She arched her back and raised her buttocks into the air. He prized her cheeks apart, pulled the back of her knickers to one side and proceeded to eat her out. His tongue was on her, clitoris, vaginal lips and her tight little asshole, licking the sweat from her sensitive hole. She bucked and quivered as he licked her puckered anus, until finally, she felt his massive cock entering her again from behind. He grabbed her meaty ass and pulled her down the entire length of his penis, forcing it hard up into her. The initial force of his thrust was powerful enough to slam the entire bed against the back wall, rocking the room. He stroked her belly and kneaded her tits as he fucked her hard from the rear. She cried out in painful lust as he slapped her chunky little ass repeatedly, again and again, leaving red hoof-prints all over it.

His violent orgasm was building rapidly, the rush surging through his body, coursing through his veins. His cock was on fire, his balls about to explode.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped as his violent, explosive orgasm erupted within her, a series of harsh pulses that sent his body reeling as he pumped tremendous gouts of hot, sticky cum all over the inner walls of her vagina. As he withdrew, a strand of cum was linking his penis to the drenched opening of her vagina – as if they were forged as one. Her ass cheeks and tail were soaked with their combined juices, like a noxious cocktail.

Snails breathed deeply, his body shaking.

He was almost relieved when Snips walked through the door. The pot washer saw his boss bending a young pony over on the bed, his large, flaccid cock hanging out of her cunt. The room smelled of sweat and semen.

“Are you finished, Snails?” Silver Spoon demanded, still on her hands and knees.

“Yeah,” replied the chef, “are you?”

“Nowhere near,” she said. “Finish me off, or let him do it.” She looked directly at Snips.

Snails laughed. “What a whore. Be my guest.”

Snips and Snails exchanged glances, as Snips walked, hesitantly at first around to the bed.

“Come on then, caveman,” Silver Spoon chided. “What are you waiting for?”

Snips exposed his hairy, flaccid penis.

Silver Spoon’s lip curled as she laid eyes on it, “You’ll not achieve much with that.” She shuffled over to where he was, knelt forward and took his entire penis in her mouth.

She moved it around inside her mouth, licking and sucking the end of it, pulling back his loose foreskin and indulging the bulbous head. Instantly, Snips’s cock came to life, and within seconds of being in Silver Spoon’s mouth, had extended to a much greater length and thickness than Snails himself.

“Now that’s more like it,” Silver Spoon said, turning around and raising her taut buttocks in the air, “fuck me like a whore.”

Snips didn’t have to be told twice. He eased her tail to one side and spread her legs as far as he could. Then he spat on his hoof and smeared it on his cock to lubricate it. Finally, he opened out her arse-cheeks and pushed his thick member inside her anus, feeling the walls of her tight, little rectum closing around his cock.

“Oh,” groaned Silver Spoon, “that’s my arse.”

“I like it dirty,” Snips snarled as he struck her little whore buttocks hard with his hoof. “The dirtier and smellier, the better.”

Snips thrust in hard, pushing his gargantuan penis up into Silver Spoon's anus. He pushed and pushed until he was all the way inside, right down to the base. He smacked her arse relentlessly as he drove his cock harder and harder up into her rectum. Her chubby little whore thighs wobbled slightly from the impact of his balls as they slammed against her with an audible slap.

"Oh yeah, oh fucking yeah!" Snips cried as he rode the foal as hard as he could, "Daddy's home for dinner!"

The pot washer pounded her mercilessly, fucking her anal cavity with as much force as he could muster. He stuck his fat hoof inside her vagina and teased her clitoris, while he fluctuated between kneading her tits and groping her tight, dirty arse with his other hand.

“Oh, Snips,” Silver Spoon moaned. “Fuck my arse. Fuck my filthy little arsehole with your enormous cock.”

He drove his penis deeper and deeper into her arsehole. She clenched it together, making it as tight as possible for his huge penis, but he continued to drive it, thrusting his entire body frame against hers. Her face was planted firmly into the bed, her arse raised, helpless against his onslaught. He ravaged her, and she loved every second of it.

Snails ambled around to the top of the bed, having coaxed his cock back to life; he grabbed Silver Spoon’s mane and pulled up her head. “Suck it you whore,” he commanded, and she placed her lips around his cock. Her head bobbed up and down at his groin, aiding his cock in the stiffening process. With each gasp of pleasure she felt from behind, a rush of hot air from her mouth enveloped Snails’s cock as he pushed it further and further into her mouth till she was about to gag. “Oh fucking jesus!”

He withdrew instantly and slapped her in the face with his sticky wet member. She groped his testicles with her hoof and proceeded to lick the entire length of his penis up and down, kissing and sucking at the surface.

Snips continued pounding her asshole, spanking her arse and fucking her vagina with his fingers. He pulled on her tail hard till it was practically ripping away her flesh. He dug his hooves into her arse-cheeks, squeezing tightly and slapping hard.

Both ponies were at the brink of orgasm, Snails from her mouth and Snips from her arsehole.

Silver Spoon let out an immense groan as she felt her own orgasm explode within her. Her entire body went into a quiver and she shook violently in Snips’s grasp. He withdrew his penis from her asshole and masturbated himself vigorously, gazing into the gaping, violated brown hole. She had been practically hollowed out by his enormous cock. He doubted if she'd be able to walk for a week. The thought excited him to the point of climax and seconds later, his testes contorted and forced a huge explosion of milky-white cum all over the back of her arse. Some of it landed inside, filling her rectum up with the gloopy white fluid. Snips shook his penis a few times to rid himself of the last stray droplets of cum and then pissed on the violated little foal, soaking her hind legs and gaping asshole with his golden urine.

"Oh fucking momma!" Snails said as he himself was about to reach climax. He pumped his entire load down the foal's throat, holding her head against the base of his cock to stop her from moving. He kept her mouth on him as he took, voided his bladder down the foal's throat.

When he had finished, he pulled his dick out of her mouth. The foal collapsed on the bed and breathed. Her ass and throat had been fucked and pissed on by two horny kitchen ponies. She was in a state of extacy. She could barely contain her excitement and proceeded to piss, shit and cum all over the bed where of the ponies now lay, exhausted from their efforts. It was the ultimate release of pleasure. Snips did not want to see Silver Spoons hot, succulent faeces go to waste, so he proceeded to clean her arsehole with his tongue, savouring every single morsel.

After what seemed like an eternity, Snails got up, exhaled deeply and said to Snips, “I owe you two week’s wages.”

Snips laughed, “forget it, I just had the fuck of my life.”

Snails grinned, “makes a change from grilling burgers.”

Unrelated Epilogue: Rainbow Dash's Horny Necrophilia Shit Eating Sexy Time Adventure

Unrelated Epilogue: Rainbow Dash's Horny Necrophilia Shit Eating Sexy Time Adventure

Rainbow’s Adventure

Hai gusy mey naeim is Rainbwo Dash end ey gots 2 tell u a storeee abwt meh time in the magicall world of equestria.

Ok so wan dey ey went 2 Pinkie Pie’s howz and ey fund her in her liveeng rum haefing a shit on teh fl00r. Ey was liek pinkie pet wet teh feck 2 u doing haefing a shit on teh fl00r.

Onoez she sed i am covered in shit. Plx reannbow will u lick it off mey

So ey streated to lick Peekiy Piez asshole wit mey l0ng tongh ey got dwon and p00t mey entire heed inside her asshole so far that ey came out her mouth. I climmed out of peekny peiz mouth and then pr0ceedid 2 fuck her in the ass wit mae huge steelion cock until she bled 2 f0cking death. Then i buried her did bode out in teh middle of teh Evurfree Forist and ey went bek 3 weeks later and dug up her ded body and hed anal buttsecks with it wons more.

Then I got a book about English grammar and learned how to fucking use it and stop being such a fucking retard.

So there I was having sex with Pinkie Pie’s dead body in the middle of the forest. I used her decaying and rotting bodily organs as lube for my huge blue fucking massive blue fucking penis. I have no idea how I came to acquire a blue fucking penis, but nevertheless I took my massive fucking blue fucking penis and fucking put it in her fucking mouth and fucked until she fucking came back to life and fucking died again and fucking bled like the fucking whore that she is. I fucked her so hard that her mother felt it and fucked her father with her fucking 67 inch dildo all the way up to her brain stem. I gouged out her eyes and fucked her eye sockets until her brains leaked out.

When I was finished, I shat all over Pinkie’s dead body and then dived into the pit and started playing with it, smearing my own faeces all over my body along with Pinkie’s rotten remains. I slept in my own shit for three days, murdering and brutally raping three passing school foals who happened to wander too close.

Then I proceeded to walk through Ponyville, killing ponies for no reason other than my own uncontrollable Freudian impulses and then fucking their dead bodies and shitting all over their dead bodies and then eating the shit and the dead bodies and shitting it out all over more dead bodies.

I dribbled kisses all over Twilight Sparkle’s dead body, and slid my solid throbbing cock all over her decaying body, even though she was only just alive. Then JESUS fucking came out of Twilight’s asshole and I fucked him through the face and then I flew up to the sky and shot my load, soaking Ponyville in cum for years to come.

Then I got arrested for a parking violation. Seriously wtf is up with that.