Equestrian Zoetrope

by CanterlotGuardian

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4080

Celestia makes a big mistake.

When Celestia doesn't get her morning coffee, bad things usually tend to happen. Like making Derpy be the one in charge of the newly-installed Royal Suggestion Box. Can Luna get Celestia her coffee in time to rectify this grave error?

(This is what you get when I browse random websites, in this case the American Zoetrope site, and try to extrapolate story ideas from them. Obviously this can produce mixed results...)

[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]

Published 2014-04-14 22:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-14 22:40:03 UTC

Installing Java

Stars dotted the horizon, some making exquisite patterns in the night sky, others seemingly thrown up there with no coherency or forethought in the slightest. Every star had a purpose, though. Such was the design of the Princess of the Night. Nothing she did was ever for no reason at all.

Which is why she was up at six o’clock in the morning, preparing to brew Celestia’s morning coffee.

She never begrudged this vital task, because she knew what would happen if Celestia awoke and was not almost immediately given that life-bestowing mug of java. The last time her sister went the morning hours without coffee, she almost fired her entire royal guard staff and had snapped at Twilight with such vigor that her student legitimately thought that her teacher had come to hate her.

It was only after a revelatory moment from Luna that Twilight had come to understand what was going on. And after that moment, Luna had vowed that at no point should those events ever come to pass again.

She hummed a merry tune as she walked along the corridors leading to the royal kitchen. It was one that she could not exactly place, but nevertheless she remembered it (as far as she could tell) in its entirety, and it was a song that she enjoyed, so she didn’t think much about it at all. The bounce in her step betrayed a hidden happiness, and nopony really knew what to think about that. Nopony asked her, either, for fear of reprisal.

In all honestly, it was really nothing more than a looking forward-to of going to sleep, after her sister raised the sun up to take her moon’s place.

She smiled as she thought about what the day held in store for her and her sister. At Twilight’s request, a Royal Suggestion Box was going to be installed that morning, and there was to be a grand ceremony to accompany it. Her sister had not quite figured out who it was that was going to be in charge of the Box, but she had a good idea that it was going to end up being either herself or Twilight, seeing as it was her idea to begin with.

“It’ll be good!” Twilight had told Celestia, who was initially nonplussed concerning the idea. “This way, you’ll have an easy access to any ideas that your constituents might have about different laws and such, and you won’t ever have to come off as being tyrannical or, even worse, uncaring!” Eventually, Twilight had whittled down every bit of resistance that Celestia had, and finally she agreed to install the Box.

That was almost a week ago. The Box had been made exactly to Twilight’s specifications, which is why it took almost a week to make. Twilight had been very exact as to how she wanted the Box to be made- “It has to be perfect! Would you want your Princess to have an imperfect Royal Suggestion Box?”- and thus they had been forced a few times to scrap the whole design and re-do the whole thing from scratch. Finally, though, it was done, and today was the big day. The day it was to be installed in the foyer of the royal castle.

As strange as it sounded, Luna found herself actually anticipating the installation of the Box with a sense of eagerness. She couldn’t quite put her hoof on why she was feeling like this, either. She just was.

When she reached the royal kitchen, she entered quietly, just in case some of the royal chefs were already hard at work preparing the morning meal for herself and her sister. Sure enough, she smelled the beginnings of the royal breakfast: eggs, non-meat bacon (Luna had never quite understood the point of this, but she just chalked it up to it being another thing that had been developed during her 1,000-year exile that she still just wasn’t quite up to speed with yet), and of course, the morning coffee.

Nopony prepared Celestia’s coffee but Luna; she was the only one who knew how to make it exactly how Celestia wanted. She wouldn’t drink the coffee if it were made by anyone but Luna. Nopony knew exactly why, either. It was just another of the Princess’s many quirks.

Luna stepped into the rear of the kitchen, where the coffee maker was. She emptied out the previous day’s coffee grounds and set the holder back on top of the machine. Satisfied that it was in place well enough, she went over to the biggest cabinet in the kitchen, and swung it wide open to retrieve the bag of coffee, made from the most exquisite coffee beans in Saddle Arabia.

Her jaw dropped, as she scanned the shelves and realized that there was no bag of coffee.

“How in Equestria is this possible?!” she asked herself as she used her magic to move around some of the other items on the shelf. “Maybe somepony moved it for some reason, and it is just behind one of the other items in here…” A few moments later, her spirits sank. They were out of coffee.

This was not good.

Luna looked up at the royal clock that hung over the entrance to the kitchen. She only had five minutes, she realized, before Celestia was to awaken, and Celestia had already informed her that as soon as she woke up, she would be going about her royal duties for the day, and thus she wanted her coffee at her bedstand by the time she woke up, so as to be awake and refreshed for her day’s work.

Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen. Flashbacks of what happened the last time this occurred leapt through Luna’s mind, and she started to become very scared. Thinking quickly, she ran through a list of options.

“Should I just go and see if she will go the day without her coffee? No, that will not work. I have already seen what happens if that is the case. Dare I go out and try to retrieve some more coffee beans from the Saddle Arabian district in Canterlot? Nay, for she hath requested my presence by her side the whole day-”

Suddenly, it came to her. She bolted out of the kitchen door, scaring the staff half to death in the process. It didn’t even occur to her what she had done, though. She was on a mission, and nothing or nopony was going to stop her. She dashed up to Celestia’s room, and stepped into the foyer that lead into her room.

Closing her eyes, she began to probe the world of the dreaming, trying to lock onto the presence of one pony in particular. Once she had located her essence, she stepped into her dream.

“Young one, I require thine assistance in a matter of utter urgency.”

Twilight looked up at Luna, completely confused. She had gone from having a dream where she was involved in a rather intimate act with her marefriend, to having the Princess of the Night come to her asking her to do something.

“Um, Princess Luna… This isn’t really the best time for you to be popping into my dreams…”

Luna looked down and saw a flash of pink mane as the other pony in the room dove under the bed to try to get away from the intruder. Twilight sighed. “Oh come on…”

“Now we have privacy,” Luna said defiantly. “And this is definitely something that you need to listen to, and very carefully.” Twilight sighed. There really was no getting around this, was there?

“Okay fine, Luna, what is it that you need?”

“I need you, as soon as you awaken, to go down to the Saddle Arabian district in Canterlot and pick up twenty pounds of the coffee that you and I both know is my sister’s favorite. It is of the utmost importance that you do this immediately!”

Twilight glared at Luna. “So let me get this straight. You interrupted me during a very good dream between myself and my marefriend… Just so you can give me a shopping list? Couldn’t this have waited until I got to the castle this morning? You know that I’m coming to the castle anyways.”

“Yes, but this cannot wait. There is no coffee for the Princess to consume upon her awakening, and… You remember what happened last time.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “You mean to tell me that Celestia is completely out of coffee? How did she run out without anypony realizing it? Heck, how did she run out without you realizing it?”

Luna sighed. “I do not know, Twilight. But I must figure something out. Today is, as you probably remember, the day of the installation of the Royal Suggestion Box, and it is going to be a grand event indeed. We cannot have anything happen that would lessen the chances of this being anything but a perfectly well-planned event, and if my sister does not get her royal coffee… The whole event could be put into dire peril!”

Twilight nodded. “I’ll pick some up before I come over there. Hopefully, I can get there in time…” She stepped off the bed as Luna began to fade. “Come on, Fl-”

Luna opened her eyes in the royal foyer, sighing with relief. Maybe things weren’t going to be so bad after all-

“Dear sister?” she heard from Celestia’s bedroom. “Are you out there?” She was awake. Maybe things were going to be so bad after all. She tried to gather herself as much as she possibly could, then opened the door and walked inside.

“Good morning, sister,” Luna said, trying to put on a smile that didn’t seem forced or unnatural. “How was thine sleep?”

Celestia yawned. “As eventful as it always is.” Celestia seemed to have trouble sleeping most nights, and not even Luna could figure out why. It had nothing to do with any recurring nightmare, as all it would take for that to go away is for Luna to banish the bad dream from Celestia’s mind. It was just simply a matter of her not getting very much sleep.

Luna thought to herself that it was probably the royal bed that was causing her problems, as the mattress hadn’t been replaced in almost 200 years, but she kept that opinion to herself. The decor in the royal bedroom was Celestia’s job alone, and if she didn’t want to change the mattress out for whatever reason, then so be it.

“Are you ready for this morning?” Luna asked. She hoped silently that maybe she wanted to put the installation off until the next day for whatever reason, or even to have it delayed by a few hours. That alone should have given Twilight enough time to get over to Canterlot, get the coffee, and come back in time for Luna to make it and present it to her sister.

No such luck, as it turned out. “Of course, I am,” Celestia replied. “I’m still kinda groggy, though. Do you have my coffee made, dear sister?”

Luna swallowed hard. “Um… I was thinking that this morning, we could partake in some fine tea instead. You know that I have always felt that your coffee is not exactly the healthiest drink to wake thineself up with-”

“And you know that I don’t give a stallion’s flank,” Celestia said a bit snappishly. “You know as well that I need my coffee to wake up in the mornings, otherwise I could end up making some very bad decisions. And today is one of those days-” she yawned emphatically- “that I can’t afford to make any mistakes. So can you bring me my coffee please?” Celestia got up off the bed. “I’m going to take a shower, and then I’ll be heading down to the royal foyer. The handyman should be here in about fifteen minutes to get the last-minute details ready for the installation.”

Luna walked out of the room, hoping the sweat on her forehead didn’t show up. She closed the door behind her, wondering just how Celestia could be so eloquent even when she had just woken up and had not had her royal coffee yet. If it was her in Celestia’s hooves, she coudln’t have done half of what her sister did.

She established a telepathic link with Twilight. “What is the status of the royal coffee, Twilight?” she asked.

Twilight almost immediately responded: “Well, um… There might be a bit of a problem.”

Luna’s heart dropped. “Whatever could be the matter now?”

“Well… The only vendor in the Square that sells the coffee that Celestia likes… is apparently out sick today. I don’t know of anyplace else that I could go to get it.” Luna’s mind began to race. If there was no way at all for Celestia to get her coffee… Who knew what kind of bad things could happen?

Luna gave Twilight an address. “This is where the vendor stays. Go to his house and see if you can get some of the coffee from him there. He will more than likely have his cart at the house with him, and that is where he stores the coffee.”

She could almost sense Twilight giving her a bemused look. “So let me get this straight. You want me to just walk up to this stallion’s house, knock on his door, and ask him to sell me some coffee? When he’s at home sick?”

“Yes. Just tell him that it is urgent and that the coffee is needed for Celestia and the royal coffee maker. That should let him know everything he needs to know.” Twilight sighed and cut off the link. Luna sighed as well. Hopefully everything would work out. She needed to just have faith, and it would happen…

Right?

A few hours later, Luna and Celestia stood in front of the Royal Suggestion Box. It had been exquisitely crafted, and was more than worthy of being displayed in the front hall of the royal castle. Luna had to admit, Twilight had done more than a good job on making sure the Box was as best as it could possibly be. Luna turned to Celestia.

“Everything went off without a hitch, I would say so? Would you not as well, dear sister?”

Celestia yawned. “I had no idea that proceedings could be this long and boring without coffee to keep me awake.” She looked around to see if the rest of the Elder Council had left; when she confirmed to herself that they had, she leaned down to speak to her sister. “Have you made the decision yet as to who is going to be in charge of the Royal Suggestion Box?”

“That decision was supposed to be made by you, Celestia.”

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right. Well, I don’t want to make that decision. Just have… I don’t know… Have Derpy be in charge of it or something. I’m going to go see where my coffee is. It was supposed to be here three hours ago…” She wandered off in the direction of the kitchen, wobbling a bit in her grogginess.

Luna began to panic. She knew that the pony they called Derpy Hooves was not actually a mentally challenged pony, as many made her out to be. Her wall-eyes were simply a result of a genetic deformity, not an indication of reduced mental capacity. However, she also knew of Derpy’s infamous tendencies to be absent-minded and scatter-brained, and those were two traits that could absolutely not be present in a pony who was tasked with being a keeper of the Royal Suggestion Box.

She immediately contacted Twilight via their usual telepathy. “How is the retrieving of the royal coffee coming along?”

“I got it, and I’m coming back to Canterlot now. Please tell me Celestia hasn’t done anything irreversible yet…”

“Possibly.” She heard Twilight groan from her end of the conversation, and Luna continued: “My sister… may or may not have made Derpy be the one in charge of the Royal Suggestion Box.”

Luna could almost hear Twilight come to a dead stop in mid-run. “She… did what?”

“I could not dissuade her,” Luna tried to explain. “What she has said must be done, regardless of whether or not she knows it is not the best idea. So before you come back here, could you please stop by Ponyville and pick Miss Hooves up. I believe she was supposed to deliver a package to the castle today anyways. A mail order for my sister. Have her bring that along as well. I shall… try to contain the chaos as best as I can until you and Miss Hooves return.”

Luna broke the link, leaving Twilight very confused and a little bit distraught.

Twilight zapped herself back to Ponyville, landing at her library. Spike was lounging outside with Rainbow Dash, lazily tossing a ball back and forth between the two. “Hey, do either of you have any idea where Derpy is at?”

“Probably at the post office,” Rainbow replied. “I think she’s about to get off work in a few minutes. Why do you ask?”

Twilight groaned. “Celestia didn’t get her coffee this morning, and according to Luna, she apparently made Derpy the one in charge of the new Royal Suggestion Box.” Spike and Dash both did a double-take at each other, then burst into raucous laughter.

“Oh wow, why Derpy?” Dash asked through her guffaws. “Out of all the ponies that Celestia could have chosen, why her?”

“You know that Celestia doesn’t think right when she hasn’t had her coffee…” She indicated towards her satchel. “I just had to go all the way to Canterlot to pick up more coffee for her, and Luna told me to come back over here and grab Derpy and bring her back to the castle to get everything sorted out. I gotta go; I’ll be back later!” She teleported away before either of them could get another word in.

A moment later, she landed outside the post office and walked in. Sure enough, Derpy was making the final rounds around the office, making sure that everything was good enough for closing time.

“Hi, Derpy!” Twilight said with a smile. “Did you get the package that’s supposed to go to the royal castle?”

Derpy grinned. “Yep! I was just about to fly over there when I got off in a few minutes. Hey, how did you know about it to begin with?”

“Luna told me. She wanted me to make sure that you got it there without a hitch. And there’s a bit more to it than that…” She told her about Celestia’s lack of coffee, and how she had made Derpy the one in charge of the Royal Suggestion Box.

Derpy’s eyes went wide. “She made me in charge? Of something as important as that? I’ve never had her put that much trust in me before. Why me?”

“I’m not sure, but I was asked to make sure you got there okay. So let’s just head over there now and see what’s going on.” Derpy put the royal package in her mail bag and headed towards the door. After she and Twilight were out the door, she locked it up, then turned to Twilight. “I’ve never flown out to the castle from here before. Wonder how long it’s gonna take us to get there?”

“Oh, we’re not flying,” Twilight replied. Before Derpy could protest, she put a hoof on her shoulder, and teleported them both to right outside the royal castle. When she made sure that everything was as it seemed, she turned to Derpy, who had a bit of an askance look about her, more so than usual. “Are you ok?” she asked.

Derpy shook her head, clearing out some mental cobwebs. “Next time you do that, please let me know beforehand. That was… interesting.”

Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Sorry about that, but Luna made it very clear that she wanted us here as soon as we could, and it was much faster for me to teleport us here than for us to waste time flying. Follow me!” The two of them headed into the castle, in the direction of the royal kitchen. As they galloped, Twilight sent a message ping to Luna, telling her to meet them in the kitchen. By the time they arrived, Luna was already standing outside.

She nodded courteously to Derpy, then turned to Twilight. “Did you get the coffee like I asked?” Twilight nodded, and Luna turned towards the door. “Then let us get her coffee made.”

A few minutes later, the three of them were walking towards Celestia’s room, Luna carrying with her a freshly brewed pot of coffee. When they got to her room, they were surprised to see Celestia standing outside, looking like death warmed over. This was highly unusual for her, though not unusual for her coffee-less days.

“My sister,” Luna said, and Celestia jumped a bit. “I am sorry to have scared you, but we have brought you your coffee finally… I had to send your student out to get some more. Apparently somepony used the last of it without knowing, and I did not realize it until this morning.”

Celestia looked at her oddly. “So that’s what this was all about… Your insistence against coffee this morning and everything?”

“Well, a little bit… I do think that your coffee consumption may be a bit unhealthy for you, but I see now that it is a necessary evil. Here, I made it to your liking.” Celestia took the pot from Luna, and surprised everypony by taking a long draught from it, straight out of the pot. Immediately, her eyes cleared up a bit, and Luna could sense that her mental faculties were now working a little bit better.

“Ah, that’s much better…” she sighed. “Now I can get on to my royal duties like we had earlier planned.” After she took another drink from the pot, she noticed Derpy standing there with Twilight and Luna. “What are you doing here, Miss Hooves?”

“Twilight said that Luna wanted me to come here. She said you had made a decision to put me in charge of the Royal Suggestion Box.”

Celestia’s eyes went wide, and she looked to Twilight and Luna for confirmation. Both of them nodded, indicating that this is indeed what had happened. Celestia sighed. “I do the craziest things when I haven’t had my coffee…” She turned to Derpy. “I hope you are not offended by this, Miss Hooves, but I had originally intended my student to be the one in charge of the Box. Her organizational skills are bar none.”

She thought for a second, then continued: “Now that I think about it, though, this would be an excellent opportunity for you to help me out around the castle a bit. You had said that you would have wanted to do that, didn’t you?” Derpy nodded. “See, this is perfect, then.” She looked at Twilight. “I hope you don’t mind if Miss Hooves takes your position as Rector then.”

Twilight shook her head. “I’m fine with it. I’m sure Derpy would do a great job.” She smiled at Derpy, and Derpy blushed a faint red. “Though I am curious as to what was in the package that she was supposed to deliver.”

“Oh, do you have it?” she asked Derpy. Derpy nodded, and opened her satchel, allowing Celestia to levitate the brown paper-wrapped package out of it. “Ah, excellent. I have been waiting for this for a while now. Thank you.” She unwrapped it and looked at it with a smile. “Good. It hasn’t been broken open or tarnished at all. I won’t need you all for anything for the time being,” she said to them as she walked away.

Luna looked at Twilight with an odd look on her face. “What’s wrong?” Twilight asked.

“Did thou see what was in the package?” Luna asked. Twilight shook her head, but Derpy had a knowing smile on her face. “I did…”

“What was it?” Twilight asked.

“Something special,” was all Derpy said, and she gave a knowing grin towards Celestia’s direction, as the Princess of the Day walked towards the kitchen with the contents of the package- a rather large bag of coffee- intent on making a fresh pot as soon as she walked in.