Observer

by Superdale33

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Fallout, Main 6, Mass Effect, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 27185

I'm someone that doesn't stay in one Universe for very long, because that would be boring. One Universe in particular is quite memorable, what with six ponies, two princesses, and two Wastelanders. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke...

See that title? That's me. Observer. Title equals main character, capiche? Just remember that I'm that one guy that jumps from Universe to Universe being a hero and stuff, like other dummies, except he enjoys it! 'He' being 'I', remember that, kiddies. The only downside is the pain. Which is quite plentiful. I think I'm rambling. I'm supposed to describe this adventure in particular! Let's see, I mess with six little ponies, two specific princesses, and two Wastelanders while saving the day. Sounds about right, and what more would anybody want!? More random characters, I guess, which there is! And maybe a plot that doesn't revolve around me. Blah. Well, at least things always turn out fine for everyone...

That hanging ellipses means nothing, ignore it. A mere typo.

To sum up, just know that things get pretty crazy. Not random crazy, that's just dumb. It's the the type of crazy where there's a story and a plot and emotional, serious bits and everything that makes a story. What's crazy about that? Me! But I'm not the crazy one, just my predicaments. Thought I should make that clear. Claritin clear.

Oh, and though this is crossing over with multiple Universes, knowledge of those Universes is not required. The author has given pictures! Isn’t that grand!? Every four year old's dream!

And finally look at this review!

Neat.

You can't get any better than that!

Alright, now for some credit to be handed out. Let’s start with that fancy picture on top. That’s by the author. But just look at it! Why is Fluttershy the only one with a shadow!? Why am I just a silhouette!? It doesn't make sense! Where's my agent!? Oh, right, I don't have one. Well, give him props for it.

Edited by this guy named Legion222, because Legion221 was taken. Well, not really. This guy just probably liked the number two... which was brought to you by Sesame Street some odd years ago.
Proofread by JoshuaGrahamPony and Rokkurin, two doofuses with too much time on their hands. Like, an absurd amount of time. It's crazy, like my predicaments, not me, memorize that!

And now for each and every vector in that image above… hold on to your butts:
Twilight Sparkle by Jeatz-Axl
Rarity by Givralix
Applejack by Bronyvectors
Fluttershy by Rubez2525
Rainbow Dash by DashiesPet
Pinkie Pie by MoongazePonies
Princess Luna by Chezne
Princess Celestia by tamalesyatole
And I, Observer, was found randomly on the internet, and photo shopped in mere minutes. Quality stuff right here, folks. Stick around.

And for those of you that are still reading, My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro, in case some nut thought I was the corporate CEO of the company. If I was, I'd make many a person happy with my epic stories of heroism. Oh yeah, and more ponies. Can't forget about them.

Published 2014-04-15 18:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-09 18:48:25 UTC

Chapter II

Observer
Chapter II

The pain was real, that was for sure. There I was, being a nice guy to everyone and I get shot, and in the head no less! As I lied there, cursing like a kindergartener while clutching the back of my head, I wondered who would shoot at me. Granted, a lot of people wanted to shoot me, but I could narrow it down considerably when I added the transdimensional warp factor. But that filter didn’t help, since I didn’t know anyone that could jump to different Universes like myself and hate my guts. It’s scientifically improbable, I should know, I talked to Twilight Sparkle!

Perhaps the shooter targeted me simply because I was associated with these ponies. That had to be it! But then who wanted these cute-looking ponies dead? A blind person? Wait, blind people can’t shoot guns, at least, I don’t think they can. It’s been awhile.

“Observer!” Twilight shouted with concern, having shaken off her disbelief at my invincibility, quite fast if I may add. I looked up, seeing her gallop over to me before the Lone Wanderer placed a hand over her chest, halting her instantly.

“Hold on,” he ordered, facing the stained glass window, which was probably ruined because of that shot. No consideration for the arts. “That sniper is still there.”

I groaned, pushing myself so that I was on my hands and knees. “He’s right,” I managed out from the pain. It was hard to recuperate after a death shot, and this was no exception. It also affected my reflexes, which meant no fancy dodges. “He probably wanted that shot to lure you over to me.”

“Why would he do that?” Rainbow Dash asked, tilting her head to the side.

Raising a hand, I pointed my finger, then had it approach the front of my head as I whistled. When it touched it, I made a splattering noise as both my hands reached up to each side of my head, drifting outwards.

“They wanted to shoot cake batter at us?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Yeah,” the Lone Wanderer drawled, “Let’s go with that. You don’t want cake batter in your hair.”

“Mane,” I corrected, lifting a hand up.

“Shut up, no one asked you,” the Lone Wanderer snapped, pointing a finger at me. It was at that moment that another laser shot through the window, hitting me square in the back. I arched my shoulders, the pain coming back in force. I fell to my side, using my legs to push and spin me in a circle as I clutched my back.

“We need to find this sniper,” the Courier stated, retrieving his revolver. “And not because he’s shooting Observer,” he clarified.

“Why then?” Applejack asked, walking over to him.

“I’m curious as to who has a laser rifle like that,” he explained, and I stopped my spinning to face the Courier, scoffing.

“And here I thought we had something going on,” I said with a shake of my head, just as two more lasers shot into my back again. I squealed like a pig, wigging out on the floor in an attempt to reach the painful spots. I must have looked ridiculous, but at least they couldn’t doubt my invincibility! I win and lose yet again!

“Lone Wanderer,” the Courier called, catching his attention as he pulled out his laser rifle, “I’ll loop around and corner him, you think you can keep him busy?”

“Easy,” he answered with a nod. I saw everyone else look between the two like they couldn’t believe how calm they were about this. I couldn’t believe they weren’t used to something like this!

Hoping to help in some way, I got a glance outside, seeing a small glint at the top of a tower from the sniper’s scope. “He’s on a balcony of some random tower,” I stated, swaying back and forth from the pain, “he’s not too far from here-”

I was stopped by a shot to the forehead, my head being sent back as a result. A second passed, then another, before I cried out in anguish, my hands slapping onto my head in a vain attempt to escape the agony. Despite the obvious, I did not like pain. If I had a cool arch nemesis, it would be pain. Why had pain become an object at that point?

“Keep him distracted, Observer,” the Courier ordered, bolting for the large double doors out of the throne room.

“That’s what I’m here for,” I moaned before being hit in the buttocks.

***

As Observer’s voice cracked from where he was most recently shot, the Courier rushed through the large double doors, appearing in the entrance of the castle with a wide set of stairs to his left. Before he could take off to the doors at his right, he heard hoofsteps behind him.

“I’m comin’ with ya,” Applejack said, stopping a few feet away from him with a ready demeanor.

The Courier chuckled, “You’d just get in the way.”

“I won’t, I can promise ya that,” she snapped back, pointing a hoof at him.

“Ugh, fine,” he settled, but before he could take another step, he heard another voice.

“I’m coming too,” Rainbow announced, flying after them as she crossed her hooves.

“Fine!” he shouted, stomping a foot in a fit of anger, “Anybody else!?”

The Lone Wanderer poked his head out the door, “Why are you just standing there? Get going!”

The Courier slumped his shoulders, bowing his head as he shook it, “Why do I even bother?”

Rainbow and Applejack glanced at each other with a hint of humor in their eyes, before seeing Courier break off from them and head for the nearest door. The two galloped after him, and Rainbow faced Applejack with a look of slight worry. “I hope we don’t get lost,” she expressed, “We don’t really know our way around here.”

***

“Those three are totally going to get lost in this place,” I sighed, lying on my side with an elbow propping my head up. At that point, the sniper was taking shots at my legs and arms, hoping to maim me in some way since I couldn’t be killed… He wasn’t very bright when I thought about it. Anyway, flesh wound shots like those were painful as well, but they were far more manageable than a kill shot.

“They’ll find their way,” Twilight reassured, looking more confident than I thought she would have for a human from a different Universe. She always finds a way to surprise me. Then again, considering these were different Universes, it shouldn’t surprise me that she surprised me. And she did! That's usually Pinkie's department, stocks must be low where she works.

“Aren’t you going to move?” the Lone Wanderer questioned, gesturing with his laser rifle to my prone figure. “I mean, I know you can’t be killed, but you keep saying how painful it is.”

I sat up, sitting with my legs crossed as I laid my hands on my knees in a meditative position. “Oh, I can control how much something hurts,” I said simply, puffing out my chest as a lung full of air came through. Which was weird, considering I can survive out in space for days. Don’t ask how I found that out. “It all depends on my concentration.”

Another laser ripped through the window and hit me in the shoulder, but I barely budged a muscle, just like an awesome guy would do. “Oooooooom,” I chanted, “There is no pain, pain is my friend, I am the pain…”

“Can you please remain quiet?” Rarity stressed with a concerned face, “Our friends are out there risking their lives, and you’re treating this like a joke.”

“The Courier is with them,” the Lone Wanderer put in, “And if he’s as good as me, they’ll be fine.”

“Why do you think I’m joking?” I added with a small chuckle.

Rarity huffed, facing away from me, “Very confident, aren’t you?”

I grunted, “Nope, just faithful.” I looked over my shoulder, “Huh. He stopped shooting.”

***

After getting lost a few times, the Courier, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash made it to the base of the tower. Near the top, they could see the black barrel of a rifle, though it was more noticeable for the Courier, since he was used to seeing barrels, especially down them.

Before Applejack or the Courier could make a move for the door, Rainbow quickly flew in front of them, catching their attention as she hovered a few feet above them. “I’m heading up to meet this guy first hoof,” Rainbow said as she smashed a hoof into her other. “Don’t wait up!”

“Rainbow!” Applejack called after her, but was ignored as Rainbow took off upwards.

“Come on!” the Courier said, stepping briskly for the door, “She told us not to wait up!”

“That’s true,” Applejack nodded, as she growled at Rainbow’s behavior. The Courier stepped up to the door, tried to open it, but couldn’t, finding a very hard lock on it.

“Oh great,” he muttered in frustration.

“It’s locked, ain’t it?” Applejack asked with half lidded eyes, obviously knowing the answer.

“Yep,” the Courier said, digging through his pockets, “Should be able to unlock it, though I’ll probably run through a few of my bobby pins before that happens.”

“Step aside,” Applejack ordered, turning completely around, “I’ll buck it open.”

The Courier slowly turned his head to look at her, his mind going to a conclusion that was not safe for children. “Uh, run that by me again?” he requested with a tilt of his head.

“I’m goin’ to kick it down,” she said, looking up to him with a raised brow, “What did ya think I was sayin’?”

“Sex, basically,” the Courier answered with a cross of his arms.

Applejack rolled her eyes before backing up to the door to get a good enough distance to do her work. As she was doing this, the Courier couldn’t help but think that there was a beeping sound at the same time. Though that would imply she was fat, which certainly wasn’t the case. In fact, her muscles were quite toned, probably from working on some sort of farm, if the hat was anything to go by. Perhaps an apple farm, which may explain Applejack’s name and the three apples on her round, beautiful-

“Ya still there, Courier?” Applejack asked, sitting in front of him with a confused expression. The Courier snapped out of his strange revery, looking between Applejack and the kicked down door.

“Y-Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” he hastily said, briskly walking by Applejack while clearing his throat. Oh, he was not just fantasizing about that.

Applejack had a feeling that the Courier was staring at her flank earlier, but she couldn’t be completely sure. Maybe four-sixths sure, but she’d rather leave the fancy mathematics to her brother. Applejack did, however, feel uneasy with an alien staring at her like that. Shaking off the feeling, Applejack followed the Courier through the door with urgency. Who knew what the sniper up above would do to Rainbow Dash!

***

Rainbow Dash may not have been a patient pony, but with the sniper in sight as she hid behind him on the balcony, she could only stand there and gawk at him. He was an alien, like the ‘humans’, but this one was way different, and a bit more frightening, at least she thought so. She was confusing herself. The being before her had a head that faintly resembled a bird, but also looked like a lizard of some sort. A strange electronic device was attached to the side of his head with a strange blue light covering his left eye. The right side of his face was torn up, along with the armor he wore, which was wide and blue. His feet and hands held fewer digits than the humans, though the sniper’s were a lot thicker.

“Come on, come on,” the sniper whispered to himself as he aimed down the sights of his sniper rifle. His voice had a flanging effect to it, which made Rainbow even more interested. “Someone would have checked on this guy by now. Though considering I’ve shot him twenty one times so far…”

Rainbow was so entranced by the creature before her, more so than the humans, that she simply stared at him for the longest time. She took a step closer to get a better look, but her hoof landed on an inconvenient twig that somehow ended up on the top of the tower on a tall castle on a lone mountain. Wind can be tricky like that sometimes.

The noise that was created caused the sniper to whirl around, pointing his sniper rifle straight at Rainbow. She reacted accordingly by jumping back a bit as she shivered a little, knowing what a gun can do thanks to seeing the Lone Wanderer and the Courier in action. Her ears splayed backwards as she lifted a hoof, afraid to move in case that set off the sniper.

The sniper didn’t budge for a while until he slowly brought down his gun, revealing his odd-looking face. It was… odd. Rainbow couldn’t describe it any other way. He had these mandibles where his mouth was, but it wasn’t weird, it was just odd. The sniper seemed as curious about her as she was of him, tilting his head as he looked her up and down.

“I’m supposed to kill you?” he questioned, “You don’t seem like the dangerous, baby-eating demons that he described.” He grunted, “You actually look kinda cute.”

Rainbow blinked in surprise, her cheeks growing red before she shook her head to compose herself. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sound of someone kicking down a wood door with their boot. The sound itself caught the attention of the sniper and Rainbow, facing the door that was connected to the building where the Courier stood with his revolver drawn.

“Yeah! Murica!” he shouted in excitement.

“That don’t even make any sense,” Applejack said behind him with an annoyed expression. The Courier didn’t have time to respond as the sniper whipped towards the door, rifle pointed right at him. Thinking fast, the Courier rushed forward, pushing the rifle up right before it fired. After which, he knocked it out of the sniper’s hands, but the sniper retaliated by slamming his fist into the Courier’s head.

The Courier, though wearing his helmet, still felt a pang of pain in his eye where he was struck. The sniper was in the same agony, only with his hand as he nursed it with the other. The sniper knew exactly where to hit to give the most impact, and the Courier had to give him credit for that, but not much, because they were still at each other’s throats at the moment.

Hoping to end the confrontation quickly, the Courier lifted up his revolver, which was still in his hands, but the sniper quickly gripped the Courier’s hands with his own, pointing the gun up and away from himself. A struggle began between them, with both sides pushing the gun side to side trying to aim it at the other.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who stood beside Rainbow Dash at that point, watched with rapt attention. Applejack looked over to Rainbow Dash seeing her a bit nervous about the fight. “You alright there, RD?” Applejack asked with a hint of curiosity.

“Yeah,” Rainbow answered with a shaky voice, “It’s just… he called me cute.”

“Cute?” Applejack repeated, “They’re fightin’ for their lives, and you can only think about how that there alien called ya cute?”

“I know, I know,” Rainbow sighed, her eyes still trained on the sniper, “But… I don’t think anyone has ever called me that before.”

Applejack had to think about that, but couldn’t really as the struggle between the sniper and the Courier escalated to having the gun being pushed to the side, hitting the railing around the balcony of the tower, and discharging a bullet.

***

“You know, this is kind of relaxing,” I remarked where I sat, everyone else having sat down on the ground from standing too long. I liked to think I had given them the idea of taking a seat, but I didn’t feel like bragging at the time. “Besides being shot a buncha times, and having a very pretty stain glass window ruined, I’d say things are looking up.”

“Why’s that?” the Lone Wanderer asked gravely, sitting against the wall beside the window, looking over his laser rifle.

“Well, the Courier must have gotten to that sniper,” I said, jabbing a thumb behind me to the window, “Cause he hasn’t fired a shot in-”

I was interrupted by a projectile - a pew pew bullet, not a zap zap laser - that shattered the window completely and hit me in the back. It was so unexpected that I jumped up to my feet with a shout. Everyone else also got to their hooves, and feet, that’d be peculiar if the Lone Wanderer had hooves.

“Ah! Whoa! Where did-!? Courier!” I yelled, knowing he was responsible.

The Lone Wanderer cocked his head to the side, lowering his weapon away from him. “How the hell could he shoot you all the way over here with a bullet? All he had was a shotgun and a revolver.”

“Don’t care! Hurting!” I whined, trying to walk in circles to drive away the pain. And jeez, did it come back with a vengeance.

***

The Courier and the sniper stared with blank expressions at the shattered window a couple hundred yards away. They were just as surprised that the shot had hit Observer all the way down there, and of course, the Courier gave a short chuckle.

“Nice,” he whispered.

“I’ll say,” the sniper agreed, “How did we even do that?”

“No idea,” the Courier said with a shake of his head.

A moment of silence fell between them, the sounds of Observer’s shouts echoing over to them. They faced each other, unsure how to proceed after something like that happened. Luckily, Applejack intervened before things went back to the cat fighting it once was.

“Uh, excuse me,” she called, gaining both their attention as she pointed towards the sniper, “but who are ya?”

The sniper looked between the Courier, Applejack, then Rainbow Dash, who eyed the ground to avoid eye contact. “I think,” he said, pausing a moment for dramatic effect, “I’ve been tricked.”

“What makes ya say that?” Applejack asked, dropping the previous question for the time being.

The sniper rolled a hand around, showing off the talons on his fingers as he did, “Some… black smoke, called himself Sun-bra or something, said that if I killed these dangerous, baby-eating demons that called themselves ‘ponies’, he’d take me back home.”

“Sombra!?” Applejack and Rainbow Dash shouted simultaneously, their eyes going wide.

“Yeah, Sombra,” the sniper nodded at the correction, “And when I think about it, it’s kind of ridiculous that I called him Sun-bra. I think it’s a human thing.”

The Courier remained unmoving, his mind having thought of a few of his companions wearing bras for some reason. The ponies, on the other hand, quickly took hold of the situation before anything else could be done. “We need to get back to everypony else,” Rainbow announced, hovering in the air, and causing the sniper to look at her in utter disbelief. And for some reason, Rainbow found herself unable to gloat at being able to fly, like she had done with the previous humans, as she bashfully looked away. She must not have been feeling well.

“RD’s right,” Applejack added with determination, “The Princesses got to know that Sombra's back.”

“I guess introductions will have to wait,” the sniper said with a shrug, shaking off what he saw, and the Courier nodded with an identical shrug.

***

The Lone Wanderer waited for Observer to tell him what was going on. He had given Observer his binoculars out of his request, but he felt idiotic for not using them himself. All the ponies in the room had crept closer to the destroyed window, but still remained a ways away in case the sniper was still there.

The Observer gasped yet again, “Oh, ah, whoa, cool, interesting, hmm, dew drop-”

The Lone Wanderer groaned in frustration, “Would you knock it off with the sound effects and tell us what’s going on up there?”

Observer lowered the binoculars as he faced the Lone Wanderer, “Well, I would, but they’re just talking. Quite fascinating actually.”

“Why’s that?” Twilight inquired, taking a risk as she stepped closer to him.

“I recognize the sniper,” Observer answered, tossing the binoculars back to the Lone Wanderer. It was sudden, so he juggled them for a moment before hugging them to his chest in hopes he wouldn’t drop it. “He’s kind of hard not to miss.”

“Let me see,” the Lone Wanderer said, turning to the window and bringing his binoculars up to his eyes. “They're gone.”

“Shucks,” Observer said with disappointment, swinging an arm for emphasis, “Missed your chance.”

The Lone Wanderer growled as he put his binoculars away before snapping, “That’s because you hogged my binoculars the whole time, and these are actually quite rare where I come from!”

“Feh, they’re not even very useful,” Observer waved off as he turned away from him. The Lone Wanderer held his hands out in front of himself, and they were tense as he restrained himself from wrapping them around Observer's neck. He saw why the Courier disliked him so much.

"So they're not up in the tower anymore?" Luna asked as she approached Observer.

"Right!" Observer cheered spinning on his heel and heading straight for the door. "And I want to see that sharp shooting Turian again! Come on!"

"Turian?" everyone questioned, looking to one another in a vain hope that they some how knew what the word meant.

"Hey," Observer called back, "how about instead of repeating a word I said, we meet up with them, eh?”

Observer remained motionless for a moment, “Canada…”

***

After that mild slip up of mine, I took off to our returning friends, leaving everyone behind. Slowpokes, the whole lot of them. They’re as bad as that Pokemon. Well, no one is as bad as that Pokemon. Not even himself… I’m getting off track. After wandering a couple empty hallways, devoid of any pony, I eventually heard the steady sounds of footsteps coming my way.

I usually like to reveal myself in ridiculous ways, so one can imagine why I hid behind a nearby sun-symbolized tapestry, though my feet were showing quite blatantly. It was like my childhood hide and seek games all over again. Knowing they would spot me, I pushed the tapestry aside with a small fit, panic filling my gut as I search for some place to hide.

Then I realized that there were large pillars with dark, shadowy areas behind them all along the hallway. Ah, how nature loved to give me things!

Shuffling behind a pillar, I threw my hands out to the side as I pressed myself up against the pillar like I was already spotted. The echos of the footsteps grew closer, and my instincts told me they would be coming around the corner.

And they did. Hazah to my instincts!

Peeking around my hiding spot, I found the group nonchalantly walking down the halls, and who was amongst them? Which Turian had sniping skills worthy enough to hit my bottocks?

The one and only Garrus Vakarian, that's who!

I had to hide my squee of delight from seeing him up close. I loved that son of a gun. However, I found that the group was oddly silent, kind of like Garrus’ face. It truly was odd. After fighting each other, one would think they’d have more tension between each other, though I wasn’t sure who that one would be. Rainbow was hovering awfully close to Garrus, to the point where sirens were sounding off in my head. After hastily pulling the plug on the sirens, my ears caught wind of sound in the form of words.

“So how did your weapon fold up like that?” the Courier questioned, pointing a finger to the sniper rifle, in the form of a long box, on Garrus' back.

Garrus glanced at it before shrugging, “All of our weapons back home are programmed to condense when not in use.”

“And if you don’t mind me asking,” the Courier continued, “What gun is that?”

The sniper hummed to himself before taking out his sniper rifle again, having it extend the barrel and butt out as he displayed it in his hands. “This is the M-97 Viper. Semi-automatic and deadly accurate. Though I prefer the M-92 Mantis.”

Ah, classic Garrus. Welp, I think it’s high time I revealed myself in my own classic manor.

“That was rude of me,” Garrus said with a hint of humor in his tone, “I should probably give my name before I start rambling about my weaponry, as Shepard always says. I’m-”

“Garrus freakin’ Vakarian!” I shouted, struttin’ right out of cover. Everyone halted in their walk, Garrus pointing his rifle at me out of habit, at least, I hoped it was out of habit. “Glad to see you again!”

“Sorry if I don’t share the same feeling,” he said, his rifle still trained at me. I think a good amount of pain was going to head my way… again.

“Hold it, partner,” Applejack intruded, waving a hoof around, “He’s with us.”

“I figured that much,” Garrus said, lowering his weapon as he held it in one hand, gesturing towards me with his other, “Kind of the reason why I shot him in the first place.”

I rubbed my bottom tenderly, “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“How the hell did you survive that anyway?” he questioned harshly, his brow furrowed.

“Would you believe me if I said I was invincible?” I asked back.

“No.”

“I’m invincible,” I answered with a shrug, “The suit protects me from all harmful attacks, but I still feel the pain.”

Garrus stared at me for a while, which was unsettling. Really, having a Turian stare you down is not a comfortable experience. After which, he grunted, “Would explain why you were on the ground, squirming like a baby.”

“Exactly!” I said pointing a finger at him.

“And another thing,” Garrus said with a shake of his head, already becoming annoyed with me. He’s still far off from the record. “Who are you, and how do you know who I am?”

“Name’s Observer,” I said, jabbing a thumb to my chest, “And I know you because I’ve seen multiple versions of yourself across the multiverse.”

Garrus’ eyes widened for a moment before he returned to his stoic expression, “Oh, well, if that’s how.”

“You’re taking this rather calmly,” Rainbow noted as she leaned forward.

“I guess I’m used to stuff like this by now,” Garrus said with an indifferent shrug.

“Shepard giving ya a hard time, huh?” I asked with a hidden smirk. Another advantage of my helmet: hiding facial expressions. Garrus simply narrowed his eyes at me.

“Jesus!” I heard the Lone Wanderer behind me, and with quick glance, I could see him doubled over with his hands on his knees, breathing hard. For someone who walked around a lot, he sure seemed out of shape. “How are you so damn fast?”

“Practice,” I stated, and oh the amount of practice I got. “Oh, and this is Garrus Vakarian.”

Garrus walked forward a bit to stand out from everyone else… even though he was obviously an alien. Before Garrus could utter a word, the Lone Wanderer looked at him, and jumped back, his hand going for his laser rifle.

“Hey, whoa, calm down!” I yelled, rushing towards him with my hands outstretched. I stopped a short distance away, the Lone Wanderer’s hand still hovering over his rifle. “Just-just stay calm! Just stay calm! Nobody panic! Deep breaths! Count to ten! Stay calm!”

“Observer,” Celestia said calmly, knocking me out of my efforts to keep everyone calm. She flew through the air, landing beside the Lone Wanderer like she was landing on air. She can be real quiet when she wants to. The number of pranks she loved to play with that ability… incalculable.

“Yo,” I greeted back with a wave. I had to wonder where Luna and the other ponies were, but I was sure she just told them to stay behind. Celestia always likes showing off her capabilities to negotiate.

“I’ll take it from here,” she said, looking over to the Lone Wanderer, who still hadn’t moved a muscle. I hoped he didn’t turn into a statue, they’re hard to turn back to normal, and you have to be so fragile with them. Someone turning into ice is even worse.

Taking a deep breath, like I had recommended, the Lone Wanderer lowered his hands. Garrus merely raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms as if he was expecting the Lone Wanderer to change his mind.

Celestia put a hoof on his shoulder, making him flinch from the contact, but not pull away. He was a real softy when he didn’t want to be seen as one. “Are you alright?” Celestia asked.

“Yeah,” the Lone Wanderer nodded hesitantly, his eyes trained to the floor, “He just reminded me of a Ghoul Reaver.”

The Courier grunted, looking back at Garrus as if he finally saw the resemblance. Everyone else, however, were just plain baffled. “Should that be taken as an insult?” Garrus asked, looking around for someone to answer.

“Yes,” I said confidently, “Yes, you should. Now then, let’s all just take a moment and get buddy-buddy with each other. I’m not going to jinx it with words so let’s just-”

A yellow, spiky grenade suddenly landed by my feet, catching my attention as I stared at it. “A Hedgehog Grenade…” I muttered, before it clicked that it was a Hedgehog Grenade.

“Hit the marble!” I shouted, diving for the marble floor. Everyone else merely took a few hasty steps back, covering their faces as the grenade suddenly jumped in the air and dispersing sharp needles in all directions, most of which stuck to the ground or miraculously hit the walls, avoiding everyone. That is, almost everyone.

“Ow,” I groaned, rubbing my leg as I sat on the floor.

“What the hay was that?” Rainbow shouted in shock, staring at what remained of the grenade.

“Hedgehog Grenade,” I said, scratching the top of my helmet, “equals Chimera, Chimera equals bad. Which means…”

“Company!” the Courier shouted, looking behind him at the hallway entrance they had walked through earlier. Strange beings that looked like mutated aliens with long, cylindrical packs stuck to their upper backs were pouring into the hallway, wielding black guns that fired yellow plasma balls. Man, those Chimera still look all gangly and slimy. I can never get used to their looks. Luckily, there were just the Hybrid variety.

Everyone ran behind the pillars, including myself for obvious reasons. The ones who had weapons took them out, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Everyone else stayed where they were, glad that they weren’t hit by the ambush. I, on the other hand, was curious how the Chimera got to this Universe in the first place.

Heck, I wondered how any of these people got here in the first place! I’m sure it’ll be explained in the future, it always seems to, one way or another.

Or maybe it won’t, who knows?

Chapter Three

Observer
Chapter Three

I was bored. The Lone Wanderer, the Courier, and Garrus were fighting an aggressive mutant enemy force - and winning - and I was bored. Who would have thought bullets and energy weapons whizzing by would be so bland? Of course, I was standing on the sidelines, so to speak. As were Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Celestia, though they seemed a bit more worried, watching the three heroes duke it out like any modern battle.

I needed to shake things up. I needed to make it interesting. I needed…

To intervene.

The good kind of intervention. Not the ‘Louis, you have a problem’ kind.

***

“Where the hell did these things even come from?” the Courier growled from behind his pillar, reloading his revolver with haste. The aliens, or Chimera as the Observer had called them, were firing on their position from their own row of pillars, tearing up the heroes’ cover fairly quickly.

“From what I’ve learned so far,” the Lone Wanderer said, shooting his laser rifle a few times before facing the Courier. “Magic.”

“Now that’s just a cop out,” Garrus commented with a shake of his head, before shooting another one of the Chimera’s body tanks, which were located on their backs. It caught fire, and the Chimera waved its arms around, attempting to reach it. Then the tank exploded, killing the Chimera instantly. The details would be far too grim to put into words. “Also, aim for their tanks. They’re quite sensitive about them.”

The Courier stepped out of cover, firing his revolver and hitting a Chimera in the groin, who reacted as one should: kneeling on the ground in pain, clutching it like a life line. The Courier turned his head to Garrus, his helmet hiding his shit eating grin perfectly. Garrus simply gave an exaggerated huff, “Well if you want to be unimaginative, that works too.”

“He’s got a point,” Observer said, popping up as he rubbed his chin beside Garrus, who recoiled in shock, “Garrus is pretty smart when it comes to shooting. The Chimera can’t handle the heat, so it makes you wonder why they're in the kitchen.”

“We’re not in a kitchen, dumbass,” the Courier replied harshly, his previous happiness dropped instantly.

“Which is a shame,” Observer said with a idle lift of his hand, “I think this fire fight would be a lot more interesting if it were in a kitchen.”

“Are you just here to provide commentary?” the Lone Wanderer questioned, retrieving a plasma grenade - not the blue sticky kind - from a pocket. With a quick toss, he lobbed it over to the Chimera in an arc before it bounced off a pillar and landed where there was nobody at all. At least the explosion was pretty.

“Goddamn explosive skill,” he muttered afterwards.

“And it goes left field!” Observer shouted, putting a hand on his head as he seemed to hold an invisible microphone under his helmet. “Who was he even throwing it to!?”

“I think that answers your question,” Garrus remarked, making the Lone Wanderer slowly aim his rifle at Observer, looking down the sights.

“Oh, that’s right!” Observer exclaimed, his body shifting suddenly like an idea had literally hit him, “I forgot what I was supposed to do for a moment.”

Then he took off towards the Chimera, their yellow plasma shots missing miraculously. The Lone Wanderer lowered his weapon as he watched, and the Courier leaning towards him slightly. “You missed your chance, you know,” he announced.

“I know…” the Lone Wanderer moped, his body visibly sagging.

Celestia, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, meanwhile, watched the exchange take place from behind their own pillar. With a bit of reluctance, Rainbow faced Celestia, a mildly confused expression on her face. “And we’re trusting these guys to protect us, Princess?”

Celestia sighed exasperatedly, “Yes, unfortunately.”

***

Considering I didn’t want to feel like hot plasma was melting through my skin, I avoided the Chimera’s shots like bullets, because that was basically what they were. A few sideways dodges here, a couple twisted flips there, and I was at the line of Chimera. They weren’t the least bit awestruck by my excellent evasions, which was disappointing really. It wasn’t like I learned those moves overnight!

Regardless, I jumped up to a pillar and pushed off of it, making it easily over the Chimera who watched me do so. When I landed behind them, they whipped their weapons towards me, taking aim as I stood with my back to them.

With a quick spin, I pointed my index finger at one with my thumb pointed up and said, “Bang!”

The Chimera were not amused.

Well, that is until a bullet ripped through the one I was pointing at, slumping to the floor, dead. That caused the others to look over to it, backing away slowly. It was too late for a retreat, suckers! With both hands, I used my finger guns to point at each Chimera while shouting other interjections like a loony. Each time I did so, however, a Chimera died by either a bullet, a blue laser, or a red laser. I was quite lucky that these Chimera were that stupid.

At last, only one was left, who frantically turned left and right at his fallen brethren. For this little fella, I gave him a thumbs up… before turning it upside down! That’s when a large yellow magical beam incinerated him completely, leaving a nasty black mark on the ground. Celestia didn’t mess around when it came to killin’.

Everyone stepped out of cover, and the Lone Wanderer charged forward holding his weapon like it was a club. When he got to the closest corpse of a Chimera, he started bashing on it like a piñata, though instead of candy popping out, it was something that shouldn’t be described in detail.

All of us stared at him as he went at the Chimera, but eventually he stopped, or more like freezed like Bambi in a spotlight, as he looked up to me. I just stared at him, and when he turned to the others, he saw them looking at him with wide eyes.

He chuckled nervously, putting his weapon away, “I, uh, really don’t like aliens.”

Garrus took a good step back.

“Now that was gruesome,” the Courier commented, looking between Celestia and the Lone Wanderer, who both looked a bit ashamed, “And I had my heart, spine, and brain removed.”

“I could have lived my whole life without hearing that,” Garrus grumbled, his rifle already back where it belonged as he rubbed his forehead.

“Well I had to live it,” the Courier said casually, making the ponies gag. Even Celestia. Apparently, over a thousand years of living never prepared you for forced organ surgery.

Wanting to quickly change the subject, Rainbow hovered over the dead Chimera as she tilted her head at them. “What were these things anyway?” she questioned.

“The Chimera,” I answered, hands in my pockets as I stared at the body closest to me. “They take the dead corpses of humans to change them and recreate their own army.”

“Kinda like Super Mutants?” the Lone Wanderer asked, crouching down and retrieving one of their weapons.

“Sounds more like Reapers,” Garrus interjected, walking over to the Lone Wanderer and examining the rifle as well.

“Or zombies!” I added, making everyone face me.

“Now you’re just making up words,” Rainbow said, pointing a hoof at me.

“Rick Grimes said the same thing to me…” I muttered thoughtfully.

“Regardless,” Celestia said, catching all of our attention, “They only meant us harm and are gone now. I’ll have the servants clean up the…” She trailed off, lifting a hoof as she gazed around the room. “Mess.”

“Did I mention that you should give your maids a raise?” I asked, and Celestia rolled her eyes before nodding reluctantly. “Ah, jolly good then.”

A silence fell in the room, with each of us looking at each other blankly. “Well, what do y’all reckon we do now?” Applejack asked.

“Heh, ‘y’all’,” the Lone Wanderer chuckled before the Courier slapped the back of his head. The Lone Wanderer rubbed where he was hit - which was really quite odd when you think about it - before facing the Courier. “What was that for?”

“Respect the cowgirl, virgin,” the Courier said, with a cross of his arms, and the Lone Wanderer shook his head, not making sense of his actions

Applejack blinked before she turned to Rainbow, “Did he insult me after defending me?”

Rainbow only shrugged, and Garrus stifled a laugh as he put his hand over his mouth. “You’re a virgin?” he questioned, his voice failing to hide the humor in it. The Lone Wanderer didn’t even bother replying, turning away in a big huff. For a guy that survived in a harsh, violent environment, he sure was childish. I wasn’t one to speak, but that was besides the point.

That’s when a brilliant revelation came me.

“Hey here’s a crazy idea!” I announced at last, holding my hands out in front of me, “How about we head back to the other ponies, hmm?”

“Ah shut the fu-” the Courier started before I threw my hand in front of of his head piece… I had to wonder how that stopped him from talking.

“Not in front of the ponies!” I whispered loudly, glancing over to the ponies in question, who were all tilting their head in the same direction, their faces pure confusion. Yes, let their innocence run free! May they never be tainted!

The Courier knocked my hand out of the way before saying slowly, “Fuck. You.”

Well, so much for that.

Celestia shook her head, composing herself, “Observer is right. We must gather in the throne room once again.”

“Just like in every other Universe,” I said with a shrug, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

“Don’t start getting philosophical on me,” the Lone Wanderer said angrily as everyone began walking away from the carnage of the room. “I already got enough of that from dad.” He sighed, “Rest in peace.”

I froze in place, which wasn’t caught on by anyone as they continued on. Giving a long sigh, I turned my gaze to the floor. “Yeah,” I whispered solemnly, “Rest in peace.”

I didn’t bother trying to catch up with the others as I trailed along, my hands sliding into my pockets. My duster blew through the breeze that had made its way through the castle as my mind drifting to thoughts I would rather not dwell on.

***

Princess Luna didn’t feel good letting Celestia run off after Observer and the Lone Wanderer. She had wanted to chase them too, maybe see a bit more action - since she actually had some fun in the last battle - but Celestia said no. She was the oldest, so she was the one who laid down the law. It may seem dominating from an uneducated point of view, but it was simply a sibling rule.

The oldest one was in charge.

Sweetie Belle understood Luna’s pain pretty well. If it could be called pain. Nevertheless, Luna sat in her throne watching as Pinkie hopped around like Pinkie does as Rarity, Twilight, and Fluttershy fretted over the others' safety. It actually got quite annoying for her.

“Oh, I hope everypony’s okay,” Fluttershy said predictably, staring at the door that was opposite the thrones.

“Those humans seemed like they could handle themselves,” Twilight noted, standing beside her doing the exact same thing. “I’m sure they’re fine.”

“It’s fiiiiine,” Pinkie said, hopping over the three other ponies, “If Observer said they’re fine, then they must be fine, right?”

“Pinkie logic,” Rarity muttered quietly, her hoof finding her face.

Luna had to sigh; there was the appearance of a new species, with a dimension hopping mad man, and she was stuck here foalsitting. What she wouldn’t give to have something happen.

Apparently, she didn't learn from Twilight’s wish that she made a while ago. Though, there was really no way she could have known about it.

It started with a small hiss, one that made Luna wonder when Celestia had a snake in the castle. Then came an explosion, a bizarrely blocky explosion. The detonation was confined to a wall, opposite of the stained glass windows, but the suddenness of the blast was enough to make Luna and other other ponies look away in case of flying debris. Since there was none, they all turned back to where the hole had appeared, seeing how perfectly square the explosion was. It was at that moment that these strange creatures came running through.

They were green in color, with no arms and four stubby legs to carry its tall body. The face of the creature was fairly frightening, at least in the eyes of Fluttershy, who was scared of everything. For Luna, Twilight, and Rarity they were simply creepy. And to top it all off, they were all perfectly square.

Luna had never seen an attack such as this.

In fact, she was so shocked that she could only stay still as she watched them approach the four other ponies. Twilight and Rarity had the insight to back away from the bizarre creatures, and Pinkie was already far enough away somehow. However, Fluttershy had taken the defensive option of lying down, covering her eyes, and shivering. It was a tactic that didn’t pay off, as the creatures headed straight for her.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed, “You’ve got to move!”

They were approaching so fast, and Luna knew she had to act quickly. Shaking off her shock, she spread her wings to fly over to assist. Or at least she would have, had there not been a sudden loud thud from the other side of the double doors.

***

As Forrest Gump had put it, I was not a smart man. I had started a race with the others to distract my mind about the earlier depressing thoughts, and lo and behold, I was suddenly at the throne room entrance, alone.

I should have probably clarified where we were racing to. Granted, Rainbow was the only one to accept my challenge. She was probably halfway to Ponyville, knowing her.

Either way, I had run as fast as my legs could carry me, straight at the door. But I failed to learn which way the doors opened - they always seemed to change every time in each Universe. So, running head first into the door was how I had ended up on the floor. And I thought I had gotten over the headshot pain that Garrus had so graciously provided.

As I rolled around on the floor, I had to wonder why I hadn’t asked Garrus his reason for shooting me repeatedly. Probably for fun, he’d done it many, many times before. Too many times if you ask me.

With another groan, I pushed myself to my feet, rubbing my forehead as I pulled open the doors, revealing an interesting scene.

Many Creepers. Surprised Luna. Scared Rarity. Frightened Twilight. Pink Pinkie. Endangered Fluttershy…

“I leave you kids alone for ten minutes...!” I yelled jokingly. My voice was the only indicator for Rarity to growl as she closed her eyes in anger. As for Luna, she turned her attention to me, her eyes furrowing as her gaze landed on me.

“You were gone for half an hour, Observer,” she said with a wave of her hoof. Incorrect, it was actually forty five minutes, but it wasn’t the time to argue. The Creepers had found Fluttershy very interesting, and wanted to hug her. Since they didn’t have arms, they would explode in frustration. Creepers were a confusing lot.

“Whoop!” I said, rushing over to Fluttershy as a Creeper stood beside her, already flashing white and expanding in size. Fluttershy turned away with her eyes shut tightly, waiting for the inevitable. That inevitable better be the image of a hero like me saving her life, because that was what was going to happen!

Sprinting, I was able to approach Fluttershy very quickly. Luckily, I reached her in time to stand between her and the Creeper. Unluckily, I was in the explosion.

The force of the blast knocked me forward, right into Fluttershy who ‘eeped’ so adorably, I was sure I had diabetes, again. Thankfully, my suit had insulin. At least I think it did, I still don’t know how it works. Anyway, I clutched on to her as we tumbled away from the other Creepers, taking as many of the impacts with the ground as possible. When we finally slid to a halt near the line of mosaic picture windows - with Fluttershy on top of me - I briskly checked her over, finding nothing had harmed her.

Thank goodness for that, since I didn’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. She's too flippin’ cute to be hurt, and I would probably cry like a baby.

Sitting up, Fluttershy clinging to me like a long lost blankie, I saw that the group of Creepers was heading for Luna, Rarity, Twilight, and Pinkie, which wasn’t a good thing, in case anybody was confused. I wouldn’t be able to protect them all. I may be invincible, but I wasn’t a super hero!

“Ah cupcakes,” I cursed, standing to my feet with Fluttershy still clutching to my stomach. It must have looked pretty weird, considering I wasn’t holding her up. She wasn’t light either, so my balance was going into questioning on why it wasn’t losing itself sooner. How was a guy like me supposed to defend four ponies, with one pony stuck to me like glue?

The answer was simple: I don’t, because the cavalry had arrived.

Figuratively as always, since Garrus, the Lone Wanderer, and the Courier weren’t riding on horses. How cool and ironic would that had been though? They rushed right through the doors I had opened earlier, clearly out of oxygen as they heaved heavy breaths. They were still astonished and in disbelief when they saw the Creepers walking around.

Yet they still had the capacity to turn to me with hateful glares. “Can’t you stay with us for one fucking minute!?” the Courier screamed, retrieving his shotgun.

“Well, where’s the fun in that?” I remarked. Seriously, it was like the Courier didn’t know the concept of fun. Was I out of touch? I glanced back to the Creepers, still moving towards the ponies as the three heroes got their weapons ready. No! It was the dummies who were wrong!

At any rate, the Creepers were going to get it.

***

With their weapons drawn, the Lone Wanderer, the Courier, and Garrus opened fire on the horde of monsters, tearing them apart in no time at all. Instead of exploding like the last one had done, they simply died. For Luna, it was far too simple. They just fell down and disappeared from the face of Equestria, leaving behind a pile of gray dirt. She would have concluded that they were incinerated, especially with the Lone Wanderer and Garrus using lasers. But with the Courier running up and shotgunning a few of the creatures in the face, it probably wasn’t the case.

Spreading her wings, Luna flew over to Observer, who watched the battle unfold, with Fluttershy strapped to his chest like a foal, shivering uncontrollably. “What are these creatures of the explosive nature?” Luna questioned, lifting an eyebrow as she landed.

“Creepers,” Observer replied nonchalantly, “They be creepin’.”

“They don’t seem like they are ‘creepy’,” Luna noted, tapping her chin with a hoof.

Just as the last Creeper was finished off by a laser shot from the Lone Wanderer, Observer gave a small chuckle. “They creep up from out of nowhere, hence the name.”

Luna nodded in understanding before her eyes shot open, briskly looking behind her.

“Exactly,” Observer said putting his hands on his hips.

“Okay, enough of this shit!” the Courier shouted, marching right up to Observer. When he was close enough, the Courier grabbed Observer’s duster collar, pulling him close. It was pretty weird with Fluttershy still attached to Observer, but luckily she wasn’t squished. “Tell me what the hell is going on. Why are random things just appearing? You know, and you’re not telling us.”

“I’m pretty sure if I knew, I would tell you,” I explained without so much as moving, “And since I don’t know, I can’t tell you. See how that works?”

“Courier,” Celestia said, finally walking through the double doors, with Rainbow and Applejack just behind her, “Calm yourself.”

The Courier growled but obliged, taking a few steps back. This was the moment when Garrus was finally noticed, and everyone who hadn’t met him yet stared at him. Except for Fluttershy, she was still stuck to Observer.

Feeling a bit off put, he cleared his throat intentionally before speaking, “As much fun as it is being the center of attention, I’d appreciate it if you’d not stare. I’m sensitive enough as it is.”

Twilight shook out of her stupor, taking a few steps closer as her mouth hung open slightly. “You look so birdy,” she commented, her brain not registering what she said.

“Uh, I believe the word you’re looking for is avion,” Garrus corrected reluctantly, looking off to the side, “The humans always said we looked like their birds.”

“You also look like other things that shouldn’t be mentioned,” Observer spoke up, lifting a finger in the air.

“You just love shoving your foot in your mouth, don’t you?” the Lone Wanderer said with a shake of his head.

Observer whipped his head at the Lone Wanderer, “All. The. Time.”

Ignoring his comment, which had become pretty normal for everyone at that point, Twilight blushed a bit in embarrassment. “Sorry about that,” she apologized to Garrus, “It’s just… you’re very different from the humans.”

“I’ve been getting that a lot,” Garrus said, crossing his arms.

“Let’s start over,” Celestia opted, stepping forward. “Let’s begin with your name.”

“Oh,” Rarity put in, “but what about those awful green things that attacked us?” She turned to Garrus as she added, “Uh, no offense.”

“It’s understandable,” Garrus shrugged off, “I think I would be more interested with who almost killed me too.”

“It can wait,” Celestia said, though not without a bit of hesitation, “We must first be at least a little civilized. So, if you would.”

“Right,” Garrus said, “Well, the name’s Garrus Vakarian. I’m a Turian. And… I like sniping? How does this work?”

“Maybe bring up calibrations,” Observer put in, “You always did in the Normandy.”

“I swear,” the Courier muttered, his head bowed down, “If you speak one more goddamn time, I’m going to shove my shotgun up your ass.”

“Simmer down now,” Applejack said, standing by his side, “He ain’t worth that much trouble.”

Observer silently chuckled, knowing a loud one would probably cause the Courier’s threat to come true.

“Do you remember how you got here?” Twilight asked.

“Not a clue,” Garrus sighed, “One moment I was gunning down Collectors, the next, I’m in this colorful place.” He brought a hand up to his chin, “After appearing here, this black mist came up to me. Said he was Sun-bra.”

Observer broke into hysterical laughter, throwing his head back in a guffaw. It was enough to cause Fluttershy to finally let go of him out of freight, sitting on the floor. “Oh man!” Observer wheezed before laughing some more, “Sun-bra! SUN-BRA!”

“Damn it,” Garrus said, shaking his head in slight embarrassment, “I meant Sombra. That’s what the orange and blue ones said his name was.”

“Sombra?!” Twilight exclaimed, “But I thought he was gone!”

“As did I,” Celestia said, narrowing her eyes. The other ponies had worried looks on their faces, but the heroes were completely lost. Eventually, the only sound was Observer still laughing uncontrollably, falling to the ground as he clutched his stomach.

“Oh gosh,” he said, taking a few breaths, trying to calm down, “I’m going to use that from now on.”

“If you’re done,” Luna said, glaring a bit at Observer before turning back to the three heroes, “I believe our vistors need a little explanation.”

“That would be helpful,” the Lone Wanderer agreed, with nods from the other two.

***

Standing there, listening to another long story about the Crystal Empire and such was so boring. Having experienced it multiple times already, one could only guess how riveted I was to the ponies' retelling. To pass the time, I messed with the name ‘Sun-bra’ for a while in my head. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to use it on Sombra. I wondered why I hadn’t come up with that name sooner.

“...And then the Crystal Ponies were freed,” Twilight concluded, before frowning, “But that doesn’t explain how Sombra came back.”

“Maybe it has something to do with all these appearances,” Garrus said, “Like those Chimera and the tall green things.”

“Creepers,” I said, walking to the window, “and if that’s the case, then you guys came here by the same means.”

“But Sombra didn’t contact us,” the Courier said, looking to the Lone Wanderer, “We just appeared.”

“Maybe he was figuring out his powers?” Rainbow suggested, turning her gaze to the ceiling as she hovered overhead. “Like, I don’t know, testing the wind?”

“I like that theory,” I called from the window, looking out it into the beautiful scenery, “Let’s go with that theory.”

“I’d have to agree,” Garrus said, “It’s like taking a few practice shots before going for the kill.”

“I like that analogy,” the Courier said, gesturing towards Garrus, “Let’s go with that analogy.”

Oh, he did not just steal my words and rearrange them to seem different!

“But if that’s the case,” Twilight said looking between the three heroes, “Then there'll be more, and they’ll try to attack us like the others.”

“But if they’re like Garrus,” Rainbow said with a bit of glee, quickly landing by his feet. “Then maybe a few of ‘em will help us out.”

“Things are about to get complicated,” I stated, “And now would be a good point for a commercial break.”

Everyone looked at me with half lidded looks, but I hardly noticed as I looked through the window and to the ground far below. “Hey, a Creeper,” I said, seeing him hang out around the train tracks below. Considering no one replied to me, I figured they were ignoring me, which wouldn’t be the first time. The Creeper itself, somehow being separated from its flock, wandered around aimlessly.

The whistle of a train caught my attention, and with as little energy as possible, I looked to see the train itself speeding along the track… and right towards the Creeper. Before I could even say Gobstopper, the Creeper saw the train coming, tried to hug it, failed, flashed white, and exploded as soon as the train was within range. Not only was the train track destroyed, but the train engine was trashed. But no train workers were harmed in the resulting explosion. I had to say that, otherwise the kiddies would be worried.

“Oh boy,” I said, my arms hanging limply by my side.

“What the hay!?” Rainbow shouted suddenly from behind, causing me to jump back and fall to the ground with a yelp. That caught everyone’s attention, whether it was the explosion or Rainbow’s voice, I would never know, nor did I actually care. I lifted myself straight up to a sitting position as everyone ran over to the window, post haste.

All of them gawking at the carnage down below made me grunt dumbly in amusement. Sometimes I wished I had a camera.

“Why didn’t you say anything, Observer?” Luna asked harshly, glaring at me.

“The thought just never occurred to me,” I sighed dejectedly, leaning my head against my hand.

Celestia hummed to herself, “That ‘Creeper’ took out the main railroad out of Canterlot. The only way out now would be through the main roads.” Sighing, she turned to Twilight, her expression one of apology, “I’m sorry, Twilight. But it seems you can’t take the train back home. You’ll have to make do with the carriages.”

“You probably don’t want to do that in the middle of the night,” I added, hopping to my feet to point towards the sun, which slowly setting in horizon. The color that shined through was a very deep orange, and the clouds around the horizon gave a very unique look. “Almost looks like the world is burning.”

Everyone did some gesture to show their feeling of annoyance towards myself; a hand or hoof to the forehead, a roll of the eyes, or a rub on the bridge of the nose. All except for the Courier, who stared at the sunset like he was in a trance.

“...World burning…” he said to himself.

“You’re a friggin’ nutjob,” I commented, chuckling to myself from an old joke that I was told a while ago. “So, what we doin’, princey-us?”

“Well, it is getting pretty late,” Celestia noted, rubbing her chin, “And all of us must be a little hungry…”

“Dinner it is!” I exclaimed, “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

Despite everyone not liking my suggestions, they seemed to like my newest one. Garrus shook his head ever so slightly as he rubbed his stomach. “I hope you ponies have dextro-amino foods,” he muttered, “Because I can’t eat any food you can all eat.”

“What do you mean?” the Lone Wanderer inquired, everyone showing the same interest as himself. Except for me.

“Turians can only eat certain foods,” Garrus explained, “All of it being foods that you can’t digest.”

“I’m sure the ponies can magic something up,” I said with roll of my hand, feigning ignorance in case they couldn’t magic something up. “Alright! It’s settled! Tonight, we feast in heck! Or at least in thy royal dining room!”

“You dare refer to the royal dining room as heck!?” Luna questioned angrily, getting up in my face.

“Oh, now you did it,” Celestia said with a small smile, “I suppose we’ll leave you two alone.”

“What do you have to say for yourself?!” Luna shouted as I watched everyone leave the room, nearly everyone having a small smile on their face. Except for Fluttershy, because why would she?

“Oh, um,” she spoke up, just outside the door, “Don’t be too hard on him.”

Then she left, leaving me alone with a peeved Luna. My luck just keeps getting better and better. “You seem very sensitive with what I call a single room in your castle,” I commented dryly.

“Do not change the subject!” she ordered. Oh boy, this was going to be a while.

Chapter 4

Observer
Chapter 4

It may have seemed like an impossible feat, but Princess Luna didn’t use the Royal Canterlot voice. Like at all. In fact, all she really did was scold me like a three-year-old with a finger in his nose. When I looked at it from that perspective, it was quite insulting, though voicing my concerns would probably just make matters worse. Besides, I had tuned Luna out fairly quickly, and after a few minutes, I was completely lost. One moment she’s talking about responsibility, judgement, and all that jibber jabber, then suddenly it’s about why broccoli was good for me…

Actually, I couldn’t tell if she said that. I was still tuning her out.

If I didn’t speak up soon, I was going to have to go through all those life lessons my dad had already told me. And let me say, it was pretty boring the first time.

I waited until she came to a pause, which had her mouth open to talk some more, before I spoke up. “You know,” I said, my voice failing to hide my sarcasm, “I’d love to hear more about your complaints about me, but I’d rather mess with everyone else at the moment. Could we postpone this until, say, I’m not bored out of my mind?”

Luna gave a cold hard stare at me for a few seconds, then her gaze became quite intense as storm clouds suddenly formed above her, lightning shooting in all directions. This usually meant two things: One, she was turning back to Nightmare Moon, which was quite plausible, considering my shenanigans. Or two, she was going to use…

***

To say the dinner was awkward would be accurate on many levels. After arriving in the dining room, which was quite large, everyone took a seat at the surprisingly short table. The Lone Wanderer, having read a few medieval stories back when he was a kid, expected a table so long, servants would be required to pass the salt. Instead the table was compact, having six seats on the longer sides and two chairs at the heads of the table.

So it was pretty much a normal table. The Lone Wanderer had to admit, he was disappointed.

Princess Celestia moved at the far end of the table and sat at the head of it, right in front of a large stain glass window depicting herself. Everybody else took their seats as well, with the ponies sitting on one side and the visitors sitting across from them.

Then, everyone just stared at each other, unsure of where to go from there. A few minutes passed before Twilight cleared her throat, causing all eyes to land on her. The sudden attention made her blush a bit, swallowing a small lump in her throat before laughing uneasily.

“So…” she started, “Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourselves?”

“Why don’t you?” the Courier asked back, before two hands slapped the back of his head. The Courier growled from the impact provided by the Lone Wanderer and Garrus.

“What he meant to say,” the Lone Wanderer emphasised, giving an unseen glare to the Courier, “was that we’d love to.” He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before speaking, “Well, you know a little about where we came from, right?”

Garrus grunted, leaning an elbow on the table, “I’m kind of out of the loop there, which is rather uncommon for me. Loops are comfortable.”

Rainbow was the only one to giggle at his joke, which went undetected by the others as the Courier summed up, “Our place was blown up by nuclear warheads, and humans nearly went extinct but we survived and now we live in a wasteland where nearly everything is trying to kill us.”

“Huh,” Garrus said, not showing any sign of shock, “Well, that’s why the Council banned those things.”

“Council?” Pinkie and the two wastelanders said at the same time.

“Jinx!” Pinkie quipped happily, making the Courier swing his arm in annoyance for missing his opportunity.

“Ignoring that,” Garrus went on, “The Council runs the galaxy where I’m from. They’re a bit thick headed, but they do their job. It’s made up of multiple races, my own included. The others are the Salarians, the Asari, and the-”

“SILENCE, YOU FOOL!” A female voice suddenly boomed through the castle, making everyone jerk back and cringe from the sudden volume increase. “YOU SHALL RESPECT A PRINCESS! NOW RETURN TO THE OTHERS, WE ARE FINISHED!”

The last word echoed through the castle for a few moments before dying down. Nobody was sure what to think about the sudden shout as they looked to each other like someone would answer. Eventually, everyone turned to Celestia for an explanation, who simply sighed as she rubbed a hoof against her forehead.

“Luna,” she whispered to herself, “We talked about this.”

“Was that… Luna?” the Lone Wanderer asked, looking over to the door that they had walked through. “Remind me not to get on her bad side.”

“Which is what Observer probably did,” the Courier laughed, a hand on top of his head, “Oh man, I hope she does it-”

“WE DO NOT SMELL OF STARS!” Luna shouted again, making the Courier fall on the table, laughing uncontrollably, “WHERE WOULD THOU GET SUCH AN IDEA!?”

Even the others had to laugh at that one, though everyone shut up instantly when the doors burst open, revealing Luna and Observer standing side by side. Luna had an furious look on her, entering first as she stomped behind the pony side of the table before sitting beside Celestia. Observer remained still a moment before walking forward, his motions suggesting he was a bit disoriented. When he finally found a seat at the opposite head of the table, he didn’t move at all, staring straight ahead with proper posture.

“So how’d it go?” Rainbow asked as nonchalantly as possible, hiding her laughter through her hooves. Observer didn’t say a word, he didn’t even face her, making the others glance to each other.

“Hey!” Applejack shouted, “Are ya listenin’?”

Still no response.

“I think you blew out his eardrums, Luna,” Celestia scolded lightly with a small shake of her head, “I’ve told you to watch your temper.”

“But he started it!” Luna accused hotly, pointing a hoof at Observer as she bared her teeth at Celestia, who was unmoved by Luna.

“And now look at him,” Celestia pointed out, her eyes on Observer, who still hadn’t moved, “Who knows how long he’ll be in such a state.”

“Not too long actually,” Observer commented suddenly and dryly, relaxing in his seat, and making everyone flinch from the sudden speech.

“Wha- Were you faking it!?” the Courier yelled, smacking his fists onto the table, rattling it. The Lone Wanderer and Garrus were just as peeved, though it was much more obvious on the latter. The ponies on the other hand were completely stunned, simply staring at him as if he was faking his ability to hear again.

“Nah,” Observer waved off as he put his feet on the table and his hands on his stomach, getting into an even more comfortable position, “I still felt the very intense pain of having my eardrums blown out, but the pain subsided… eventually.”

“I don’t understand you, Observer,” the Lone Wanderer said with a shake of his head.

“Ah, but I do understand you!” Observer countered, pointing a finger at him.

“God dammit,” the Lone Wanderer swore with a shake of his head, “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”

“Saved countless lives and changed the very Wasteland itself?” Observer asked, though his voice made it sound like he already knew.

“The Wasteland is a lot more brutal than I thought it was,” Garrus said aloud.

“You haven’t even heard of Deathclaws yet,” the Courier said with a shrug, before putting a hand to his chin, “Come to think of it, you kind of look like a Deathclaw.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Garrus said, scratching the top of his head.

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“I figured as much.”

***

Ah, nothing like hearing the quips of people from alternate universes. It’s one of those things that pretty much everyone could enjoy, or at least me, which counts as everybody. Those three dummies went off in some tangent about weaponry afterwards. I could have sworn they were using innuendos, but considering the Lone Wanderer was talking animatedly with the other two, that idea was quickly kicked out the door.

A mere glance over to the ponies proved to be entertaining. They were trying to grasp what they were saying and failing remarkably. In fact, Twilight was speechless! I guess that doesn’t really say much, but hey, it’s Twilight. The Princesses looked like they had given up a while ago, the quitters. At least I knew what they were talking about, ‘cause I’m a cheater like that!

“So all of your ammo is interchangeable with all of your other weapons?” the Lone Wanderer asked, sounding very interested.

“Yeah,” Garrus said sadly with a sigh, “Our weapons used to just have a small cool down time, but that took a while, and it was pretty costly to make too.”

“That’s a shame,” the Courier said, honestly crestfallen, “That would have saved a whole lotta cells.”

“Cells?” Garrus asked, “Is that a type of ammunition for…?” He thought for a moment before finishing, “Your energy weapons?”

“Yeah,” the Lone Wanderer responded, “How’d you know?”

“I know my way around a gun, if you know what I mean,” Garrus said, leaning back in his seat.

“Welp,” I interferred, drawing all eyes on me, “We need something to happen before the ponies and I die of boredom.”

Pinkie gasped, “Is that possible?”

“Tis,” I replied quickly, earning a hard glare from Luna. “Anyway, how ‘bout-?”

The kitchen door opening up interrupted me as a line of pony servants walked in with silver trays and lids. And there I was just about to ask if we could raid the refrigerator. Not because of the food, but because raids are cool. The servants nimbly placed the foods in front of everyone, including myself, because I was the guest of honor. And as soon as they came, they left. They didn’t even leave their phone numbers. How rude.

“Bon Appetit,” Celestia chuckled, the lid in front of her lifting off from her magic, revealing… wait for it… bananas. It was always bananas.

“I fail to see how bones have anything to do with this,” I noted, crossing my arms, “Unless you all suddenly had the hunger for meat… which would actually be very frightening.”

The ponies all winced, suddenly afraid of their meals. Celestia gave me that motherly look that showed disappointment, while Luna gave her the most intense I-told-you-so look I’ve ever seen.

“Observer!” the Lone Wanderer hissed as he leaned towards me, keeping his voice low even though everyone could hear him. I leaned towards him to hear him better, or maybe to help him think our conversation was a secret. Whichever worked. “Mind your fucking manners!”

“Oh right,” I whispered back, placing both of my hands on the table beside the lid and tray before saying monotonically, “We appreciate this lovely meal you have given to us out of the kindness of your heart because that’s what ponies do best.”

I finished off with a stiff thumbs up, and everyone sent me their half lidded looks. Ignoring them, per usual, I lifted the lid of my meal to show two slabs of fish meat…

I was still holding up the lid as I stared at the cooked food…

“Called it,” I said weakly, slowly putting my lid back on.

The three other doofuses pulled back their own lids, also showing meat for all of them. The ponies mirrored my look of disgust, though I was disgusted by how accurate I was. I hate it when that happens. I gotta stop being right. Celestia, however, was rather calm. Too calm. Dun, dun, duuun.

“I figured you were all omnivores,” she explained, her horn glowing as our plates levitated off the table. “Perhaps I was wrong about that assum-”

“No, no!” the Courier shouted, grabbing the meat and clutching it to his chest, “We love meat! Yum!”

“Wow,” I said from the look of surprise from everyone else, “That was disturbing.”

The Lone Wanderer gently put his hands on his plate, lowering it back on to the table. Seeing the gesture, Celestia released her magic, causing Garrus’ and my plates to fall back down on their own.

“We…” the Lone Wanderer glanced to the Courier, who was still clutching the meat like it would go ‘poof’ and never be seen again. “can eat meat. He’s just a psycho.”

“I didn’t want her to take the meat,” the Courier whined, loosening his hold and putting the fish back on the plate. “When was the last time you had genuine meat?”

Garrus grunted, “I can’t even eat this meat, for your information.”

“Oh right,” Twilight said, her horn glowing alongside his own meat, “You can only eat dextro-protein foods. Hold on.”

A purple aurora enveloped Garrus’ meat, and an audible pop could be heard, as if a bubble had been violently murdered. The steak didn’t change at all, but Twilight’s smile was a big enough message that it was a mission accomplished. Magic; something to be truly desired by all. However, Garrus was still skeptical about the food as he stared at the meat.

“Eat it, you wimp,” I teased, my anticipation growing, “Come oooooon. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it-

“Alright, alright,” Garrus relented, waving off my inspiring chant. Taking a deep breath, he tore off a bit of meat with no trouble at all and tossed it into his mouth.

The sudden explosion rocked the very earth we stood on! A crack in the ground tore up the ground as the hot molten magma spewed onto the surface! All the while the devil himself…

Heh. Naw, that didn’t happen.

What did happen was that Garrus chewed the meat a few seconds before swallowing, after which he gave a content grunt. See? My version was better.

“As long as I get its nutrients,” Garrus said with a slow nod that quickly picked up, “Yeah, I can eat this!”

“Good for you,” I said with a shrug, propping an arm on the back of the chair, “Cause I can’t.”

Yet again, everyone was staring at me with confusion. At that point, I thought having a competition on who was most confused wouldn’t be so bad. “You can’t… eat?” Fluttershy whispered, giving me a sympathetic expression.

“Yep,” I answered, though not as cheerily as usual, “I can’t eat and I can’t drink. All thanks to this suit.”

Celestia and Luna glanced to each other, as if silently wondering if I really was some sort of god. If that were the case, we’d all be dancing to the macarena. “How are you alive?” Twilight asked, making me turn to her. I also noticed that all the Elements were giving me a pitiful look. A look I had seen far too many times.

“This suit,” I said quietly, putting my hands behind my head as I gazed at the ceiling. “I never feel hungry, but not stuffed, and I never get dehydrated. Impossible? Yes. True…? completely.”

The Courier stared at me a moment before facing his steak again, “If you’re finished whining over practically being immortal, can we eat?”

“Well, I never said you couldn’t,” I said, sitting up in my seat as I leaned an arm on the table.

“Hallelujah,” the Courier deadpanned, “Let’s get to it then!”

The Courier and the Lone Wanderer reached their hands up to take off their helmets, and everyone else watched them do so. Probably to see what they looked like underneath. I, on the other hand, turned the other way, seeing an asparagus on Applejack’s plate. I needed a distraction from my little reverie of personal information. Trust me, what I was doing was way more interesting.

“I’ve always liked the sound of asparagus,” I mused, earning a few annoyed looks. It was amazing how fast they could drop their sad faces. “Like how Pinkie likes the word kumquat - which is pretty good too.”

My hand grabbed one of the pieces of asparagus, flopping it back and forth as I watched. “But Asparagus sounds like a wicked cool spell. I mean, I can imagine Dumbledore swinging his wand around and shouting it."

As an imitation, I swung the vegetable in a line as I shouted, “Asparagus!”

An armored person crashed onto the table, scattering all the plates and food. Everyone froze completely: the wastelanders with their hands on their helmets, Garrus with his mouth open and a piece of meat in his hand, and the ponies with their jaws completely dropped. As for me, well, I was holding a piece of asparagus.

I looked down to the vegetable in question, before turning back to the armored figure, groaning on the table. “I have magic powers…” I concluded, “Sweeeeeet.”

***

The figure slowly pushed himself up, completely revealing himself as he rubbed the top of his head. He was in some sort of sleek metal suit, having a few blue, horizontal lines on the front of his helmet. The suit he wore had scattered panels of metal, and a large piece of tech junting out of his chest, a blue display facing the figure.

Celestia sighed, "We can never catch a break."

The figure flinched from the voice, remaining still as if moving would cause an explosion. Moving anyway - and excruciatingly slowly too - the figure lifted up his head, scanning the many heads of ponies, all staring right back at him.

“Fucking shit!” the figure cursed, pushing himself to his feet as he aimed his pistol-like weapon. However, his foot landed on the Courier’s steak, causing the figure to slip and tumble backward right off the table between the Courier and the Lone Wanderer.

The Courier was not happy with that as he stared unmoving at his squished steak.

“Two swear words in a row,” Observer observed, tipping back in his seat, keeping a foot on the table for balance. “That’s a record with this group so far.”

The figure hurriedly got back to his feet, wildly firing two blue vertical lines around where the human visitors were, making them hunch behind their seats for protection. The shots missed completely, flying above the group and hitting the marble walls. The ponies were somewhat used to being fired at, but still recoiled as the shots went over their heads. Using the distraction, the figure took off, heading for the large double doors and taking a left around the corner, heading out of sight.

“Hold up, Isaac!” Observer shouted after him, hastily shoving his chair out of the way as he ran for the door. Unfortunately, a banana peel was on the floor, and Observer stepped on it, causing him to slip on it and fall directly on the back of his head. Observer threw his head up as he sat on the ground, pounding both of his hands against the floor.

“Darn cartoon physics!” he shouted as Celestia scrunched up her face, looking pretty guilty as she levitated her plate of bananas underneath the table.

Twilight blinked at him, still trying to understand what had just happened, “Cartoon? This isn’t a cartoon!”

Observer slowly moved his head to gaze at Twilight, and stayed that way for a solid five seconds.

“I’m going to kill that bastard!” The Courier roared, making the ponies recoil from his sudden exclamation. He drew his revolver as he pushed his chair away in his haste. “First he destroys my first good meal in years, then he shoots at me!”

“Yeah,” Observer said, leaning forward in his seated position as he rubbed the top of his head, “Isaac is a bit delusional.”

“Isaac is his name, right?” the Lone Wanderer asked, eyeing the door the new human visitor had exited through.

“Yepperoini and cheese,” Observer answered, standing to his feet, “An alien artifact was in his head for a while. Oh, and he had to fight off mutated, monstrous humans that may or may not resemble Garrus in some fashion.”

“Another human that might shoot me on sight,” Garrus concluded as he crossed his arms, “I have a feeling all humans just hate me.”

“I didn’t shoot at you,” the Courier pointed out, before whispering, “yet…”

“We need to go after him!” Twilight announced, hopping off of her seat and trotting around the table.

“Well, duh,” Observer commented with a small shrug, “That’s what I was about to do.”

“Whatever,” Twilight muttered before turning to the group of ponies, “Observer and I will chase after him.”

“I’ll come with,” Garrus said, retrieving his sniper rifle, “He may turn… violent. And Observer won’t fight him if he does.”

“I should be offended,” Observer said, rubbing his chin, “but he is correct.”

“We’ll come to,” the Lone Wanderer said, placing his hands on the table to push himself up.

“I don’t think so,” Observer said, holding up a hand to halt their movements, “I rather not have to run back into another Creeper incident like before. You two stay here and play hero, while me and Garrus go and play hero elsewhere.”

“What about me?” Twilight snapped, standing next to him, having to look up to face him.

“Perhaps you can ride the Hero Train when you grow bigger,” Observer said with a chuckle, holding his hand up in the air. Twilight, using her magic, grabbed his hand and made him slap himself across the face.

“Yeah,” Observer said, tenderly rubbing where he was hit, “That was a pretty bad joke.”

Rainbow shot out of her seat and hovered a little above the floor, pointing towards it with a hoof. “We should come too,” she said, “Twilight isn’t going alone after this crazy guy.”

“I fail to see how you help anyone,” the Courier said, crossing his arms, “You left me and AJ last time.”

“And you’re ponies…” Observer pointed out, still rubbing the side of his head, and having all the ponies stare at him with a mixture of confusion and anger, “You can fight off a Changeling invasion, but don’t get your hopes up against Isaac Clark, Necromorph Slayer.”

Rainbow growled but didn’t argue, looking off to the side. Garrus took notice of her behavior as he shouldered his rifle. He could tell she didn’t like being left behind; it reminded him of himself.

Shaking his head, Garrus looked between Twilight and Observer as he stepped beside them. “You two ready to go?”

“Well, considering I don’t want her to slap me again,” Observer said, still rubbing the side of his head, eyeing Twilight carefully, “then yes.”

With a firm nod from Twilight, the three ran for the double doors, with Observer leading. The three filed through the doors and turned left as well. The room was left in silence, like it had many times before.

“Why is it we have ta wait on the sidelines all the time?” Applejack complained, glaring at the ‘magical’ asparagus in front of her. The ponies all looked to one another, but not one could give an answer. The Lone Wanderer and the Courier were in the same bout, remaining quiet as they watched the doors. Though they trusted Garrus to get Isaac - they refused to say the same with Observer - they were tense, ready to make a grab for their weapons if things didn’t go how they planned.

In their experience, it was sort of expected.

“Tia,” Luna whispered to Celestia, holding up a hoof to make sure no one overheard her. “As much as I hate to admit it, we must get Discord involved. He may be able to find Sombra and stop these appearances.”

Celestia gave a steady nod, her eyes flickering over to the Courier and the Lone Wanderer, “He may also know more about Observer and the other visitors.”

“It’s agreed then,” Luna said firmly, putting her hoof down as she closed her eyes.

***

Breathing hard, Isaac sat against a fallen pillar in a large, glamourous room. He was staring at the floor, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he was in another nightmare, no matter how abnormal or colorful it was. He thought he had rid himself of the Marker, the alien artifact that created the Necromorphs. However, in this world with talking ponies, he knew that it was still in his head. The question was, how was he going to survive this time?

He lifted up his Plasma Cutter, looking it over for anything that could cause a malfunction. At the moment, he needed to assess his weaponry and make a move. What that move would be, he’d figure out later. His faithful Plasma Cutter didn’t seem any worse for wear, so he set it down and pulled out his Javelin Gun and Plasma Rifle.

All in all, his weapons were operational and ready for use. Isaac had to wonder if he could even use his deadly tools against those ponies. They didn’t seem too bad. And they didn’t really attack him either. If anything, he was the one to fire off a shot. Not only that, but there were other humans too…

Well, two guys in armor and a Necromorph. What an odd trio.

Giving a long sigh, Isaac leaned his head against the broken pillar, his helmet giving a small clunk when it hit it. Perhaps he did jump to conclusions, though he felt like they were warranted to some degree. He pushed himself to his feet, wondering what to do next. All of those ponies were probably looking for him, along with those other three humanoid figures.

Isaac hummed to himself, his memory coming back to him. There was actually one other person. Someone who called out his name if he recalled correctly. Did Isaac know him? Or maybe this person knew him instead. If Isaac went back, he could get some answers. He just had to-

“‘Ello!” the person Isaac was thinking about popped from the side of the pillar, scaring the living daylights out of him. Giving a shout of shock, Isaac grabbed his Plasma Cutter, aimed, and fired.

***

Twilight sighed as she stood beside Garrus behind their own fallen pillar. Observer left them there, saying he would speak with Isaac. However, the two felt like it was just another excuse for Observer to strut his hypothetical stuff. They weren’t happy with that part at all.

“How long do you think it’ll take?” Twilight questioned like she was asking about the weather, which was what she was thinking about asking as well.

Garrus faced Twilight, his face unmoving, “For Observer to get shot, or for Observer to get shot?”

Despite how dark the humor was, Twilight had to chuckle. These new characters were influencing how she viewed violence, and whether it was for the better or for the worst was yet to be seen.

“‘Ello!” the two heard from Observer, quickly followed by a shout of surprise and a gunshot. The two were unfazed as they glanced to each other knowingly as their previous humor was evaporated on the spot.

“That didn’t take long,” Twilight sighed, shaking her head. A few seconds later, they heard grunting, continually coming closer. They didn’t bother to investigate as they remained where they were. Just as they predicted in their minds, Observer came crawling around the corner of the pillar, pulling himself along with his arms with his legs completely limp.

“So how’d it go?” Garrus asked like he hadn’t heard a thing. Observer gave another grunt before flipping to his back, his arms spread to the side as he gave a breath of exhaustion.

“I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to break down,” he expressed, before flinching. “Also, I can’t feel my legs.”

As Twilight and Garrus gazed at Observer as if he was the stupidest person they had ever met, which was pretty much the truth for them, Isaac popped around the corner with his Pulse Rifle. Garrus nimbly drew his own rifle, and the two aimed at each other in a stalemate. Twilight blinked in shock, forgetting that they were still dealing with someone who could and would kill them.

“Lower your weapon…” Isaac spat before trailing off, “Whatever you are.”

“Human-necromorph hybrid…” Observer thought aloud.

“Shut up,” Garrus snapped, his grip tightening on his weapon. If Isaac was as unpredictable as he presumed, then he couldn’t afford to let Observer say more stupid stuff.

“If this is a hallucination,” Isaac went on, ignoring the small interaction with the two, “then killing any of you won’t put any guilt on my conscious.”

“Think of it like this,” I said, flinching from the pain in my abdomen, “You shot me in the gut and I survived, and I’m not a necromorph. What do you suppose that means?”

Isaac scoffed, “That you’re a new breed of Necromorph.”

Observer remained still, and Twilight had to stare at him with disrespect. She just couldn’t take this guy seriously. “I should have seen that coming,” Observer said, lifting up a hand in the air for no apparent reason. Twilight couldn’t understand why he had his hand in the air. This wasn’t school!

“Consider this,” Observer went on, making Garrus and Twilight groan, “What if we are real? Then you’d be killing those that don’t deserve to die!”

Isaac didn’t move, but Twilight could almost see him contemplating those words. Based off what Observer had said - which wasn’t much - Isaac might believe this was another trick. She had to hope he would trust them, because if he didn’t, the other humans - minus Observer - would have to put him down. This was definitely Sombra’s doing, and Twilight didn’t want him to win.

Eventually, Isaac lowered his weapon, but still kept his gaze on Garrus. Twilight released a sigh of relief as Garrus did the same. Observer brought his other arm up, clenching both of his hands into fists.

“Yeah, magic of friendship, woo,” Observer half cheered, his arms falling to his sides afterwards. “Now, someone drag me back to the dinner table, I still can’t stand.”

Author's Note

~~Happy Halloween!~~
~~Happy Thanksgiving!~~
Happy Holidays!

Chapter V

Observer
Chapter V

Being dragged through the large halls of Canterlot Castle was only the ninety-ninth most degrading thing to ever happened to me. Right behind being beaten with my own hand and two ahead of losing an arm wrestle to a young girl. In my defense, she was a really strong girl. Also in my defense, my ratings are always skewed, so it could have been the three thousandth most degrading thing to ever happen to me.

And it was Isaac and Garrus who were dragging me too! Those guys were strong; they could have carried me. Although, I did ask them to drag me back. Ah, the fun with words. Meanwhile, Twilight just stared at me as I was pulled over every single bump on the way back to the dining room. And in a pristine castle where the floors were as smooth as silk, that was saying something.

“Observer?” Twilight questioned, tilting her head ever so slightly. I didn’t even know if she tilted her head it was so slight.

“Wazz up?” I said, grunting when I was dragged over a tack. How did Isaac and Garrus even find a tack?

“If you’ve been to multiple versions of our Universes,” she said, starting to look a little unsure of herself. “Then does that mean you know what’ll happen in the future? Or what has happened in the past?”

“Sometimes, yes,” I answered with a shrug, “Sometimes, no. Each Universe is different, and I could predict how each one of you live, but there are a lot of unknowns.”

Garrus twisted his head slightly, eyeing me with interest, “Like…?”

“Like oui,” I said, holding up my head like any arrogant royal person would do. “That’s French for ‘me’. It sounds different than how it’s spelt too.”

“Right, okay,” Twilight nodded, looking to the side in thought. “Then, could you predict what could happen?”

“Do I look like a fortune teller?” I questioned before gesturing to my head, “I mean, sure, my head could look like a crystal ball and stuff.”

Then a mega big question came to me, one that needed to be asked, “Why?”

My super complex and enigmatic question got to Twilight, as her ears splayed back in nervousness. Her face tensed up as she stared at the floor. “All this,” she said quietly, even catching the attention of Garrus and Isaac. “With Sombra, the Lone Wanderer, the Courier, Garrus, Isaac, the monsters… I’m afraid that someone will get hurt or…”

“Wait, monsters?” Isaac asked, turning his head to Garrus, who narrowed his eyes at his implications. Ignoring it like the hardcore badass he was, Isaac turned back to Twilight.

“Not Necromorphs,” I put in, “If that’s what you’re wondering. You always seem to think it’s Necromorphs.”

“Because it usually is, smartass,” Isaac snapped before addressing Twilight, “But what other monsters have you faced?”

“The only ones I recognized were those mutated Timberwolves,” Twilight replied back.

“And also Chimera, Creepers, and trolls,” I added.

“We never faced trolls,” Garrus stated flatly.

“I feel I’m due to confront some trolls,” I said, “Might as well add it to the list.”

Isaac growled, before taking a hold of my forearm with both of his hands. With strength that was only matched by his stomping power, Isaac swung me right through a nearby door, sending me inside. The room was pitch black, but the that didn’t stop a whole shelf full of cleaning supplies from smashing right on top of me. Though I could say I was as clean as a whistle, I could also say I was an absolute mess. Funny how that worked.

“Huh,” Garrus muttered, “Beat me to it.”

***

“Wait, wait, wait,” Rainbow said, holding up her hooves to halt the Courier, with his hands frozen in the air. “You talked to your own brain? How the hay does that even work?”

“That,” the Courier said, pointing a finger at Rainbow, “is something I have never figured out. I mean after all, my brain is what allows me to speak, so speaking to it is like speaking to myself, so in actuality I was talking with myself, but at the same time, it had its own personality. A really bitchy personality. Seriously, that guy can’t take a joke.”

Applejack rubbed her head, “I think my brain is hurtin’ right now.”

Despite the somewhat gruesome story telling the Courier used, at least it was somewhat entertaining for Celestia. She had her history of encounters that did not end diplomatically, and hearing another soul having faced similar circumstances was welcoming. That still didn’t stop her utter boredom, leaning a foreleg against the table as it propped up her head. Luna was the same way, through she showed it by resting against her seat as she blew her mane out of her eyes every once in awhile.

It had been several minutes since Luna had magically requested Discord’s counsel, and as usual, he was as late. It didn’t help that Twilight and the other visitors hadn’t been heard from in a while, and the chance of their mortality was pretty high, even with Garrus with her.

She didn’t really care for Observer, since one couldn’t be sympathetic with someone who could not die, at all.

“I have a question for Princess Celestia,” the Lone Wanderer spoke up, glancing to Celestia. Interested in what he had to ask, she lowered her foreleg and waited with rasp attention. “If this is a castle, and you’re a princess, and your sister is a princess, then where are the guards? I kind of expected a few guards.”

“Vacation,” Luna answered simply, blowing another strand of her mane upward.

“All at the same time?” the Lone Wanderer asked incredulously.

“Unplanned vacations, to be precise,” Celestia went on, “Every single one used their vacations on the same week, which so happens to be the same week in which we host a plethora of unique visitors.”

“Plethora?” the Courier questioned, “Oh, I get it! Like sex!”

“It has nothing to do with sex!” Luna screamed, slamming her hooves onto the table, causing the Courier to shrink down and cower for the first time in forever. Rarity giggled at his reaction, as did Applejack and Discord, hovering just behind her.

Everyone’s reaction was instant as they all faced Discord with both disbelief and shock. The Courier and the Lone Wanderer were completely baffled by such a creature, reaching for their weapons. If they knew anything, it was that any combination of two or more animals did not bode well at all. Not only that, but the creature could float in midair, without the use of his wings or any sort of propulsion system.

“Goodness, Luna!” Discord chortled, holding his stomach as he twisted his body midair, “When you summoned me, I thought you wanted to play a game of cat and mouse, but now I see there’s nothing but cats here!”

He snapped his fingers, and with a flash, everyone in the room had cat ears on their heads, prompting the Courier and Lone Wanderer to jerk their head around in a frantic frenzy. Their cat ears had emerged on top of their helmets, making everyone else just as confused.

“Da fuck?” the Courier questioned, his head whipping around so much that it was a miracle he didn’t break his neck.

“Da fudge indeed!” Discord said with another laugh. Celestia and Luna simultaneously sighed. They knew the risks in requesting Discord’s help, and by his actions, it was completely justified.

“Courier, Lone Wanderer,” Celestia said with a dainty voice, as if speaking to people that hadn’t killed for a new pair of clothes. “This is Discord, the spirit of disharmony and chaos.”

“Not to mention our used-to-be enemy,” Rarity added with a grunt. Applejack and Pinkie shared the same sentiment as they both crossed their forelegs with a curt nod. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, gave a gentle wave over to him, to which Discord returned with a rather quaint smile. It was far too quaint for Celestia, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“Okay,” the Lone Wanderer spoke up, rubbing his cat ears, “So this guy likes chaos and all that jazz.”

“Especially jazz from Bessie Smith,” Discord said, putting a hand on his forehead dramatically as he swooned, “That girl can sing the blues like no otter!”

A momentary silence pervaded the table as everyone tried to understand the words coming out of Discord’s mouth. However, the Courier summed it up quite nicely for everyone, “What. The. Hell?”

“And he has magic?” the Lone Wanderer said, “Magic that looks pretty damn powerful.”

“Well,” Discord muttered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, “I don’t believe my magic is powered by a dam. But fear not, tin man!” Discord transformed into a cat, landing on the table with a pose. “We’re all cats in this game of cat and mouse after all.”

“I don’t think you know what that game is,” the Courier snapped, grabbing a hold of his cat ears and giving a hard yank. The pain that erupted made him cry out, making Discord giggle as he raised a paw to his mouth.

In that moment, the doors leading into the dining room burst open as Observer crashed through them. He landed onto the floor in a heap, groaning. Garrus and Isaac brushed their hands, glad to be rid of him.

“You know,” Observer grumbled, uncoiling himself from his limbs, “you could have done the easier and energy saving solution of dropping me.”

Garrus shrugged, “Think of it like this: you’re invincible and we could use someone to get rid of some stress.”

“Your logic is unquestionable,” Observer said as he got himself to his feet. Discord hummed to himself, tilting his head several times before smiling widely. Leaping off the table he changed back to his old draconequus self as he clapped his hands together, both expressing his excitement and revealing himself to the new enterers.

“Oh my!” he said, “Now I know I’ve been missing out!”

“Ayo!” Observer shouted happily as he swung an arm, “It’s… Discord!”

“The one and only!” Discord said with a bow before eyeing Observer warily, “Do I know you?”

Observer lifted up a finger as if to speak but stopped short. He waggled his finger, trying to find the right words, but remained silent for the longest time. Garrus and Isaac were still dumbfounded by such a creature standing before them.

“Possibly?” Observer said, “You tend to dimension jump, so it’s sort of fifty-fifty.”

“Dimension jump?” Discord repeated before realization dawned on him, “Ohhhhh, you must be that Observer figure I’ve heard so much about.”

Observer puffed out his chest as he played fanfare in his head, “The true one and only!”

Everyone in the room gaped at Discord, stunned that he actually knew Observer. To have two people actually know each other, even though they came from completely separate universes, was almost too much of a coincidence.

***

And there I stood, thinking it would get so lonely without anyone knowing me, then suddenly Discord! Everything is interesting when Discord enters the fray! Or the Brawl. Ah, man, was he good in the Brawl. He showed Link what was up. Gazing up at the glorious - and good! - guy, I heaved a sigh of content, glad to see I wasn’t the only dimension jumper in the room! Well, one of the few that actually did that as a profession. Everyone else was just cashing in on my success, the leeches.

“Discord,” Celestia said, flying over to land next to him as she stared at him in disbelief, “You know Observer?”

“Here and there,” Discord said with a wave of his head.

“Literally,” I added.

“Never actually met the fellow,” Discord said gazing dreamily at the wall. It was a pretty wall, I suppose. “Heard him cursed by everyone else's gods because of his silly antics.”

“Picard never was one for humor,” I agreed, crossing my arms with a sagely nod.

“Got that right,” he said as he raised his hand for a high five. Suppressing a squee, I jumped up and gave it to him, pleased beyond measure that I was able to get a high five in this universe in the end. I told Jason I could do it, and I was still holding on to our little wager. He’s definitely going to have to give me those respect points we bet on!

“This is makin’ my head hurt even more…” Applejack grumbled, resting her head on the table. Luna glanced off into the stained-glass windows to see the sun still on the fringe of setting. Celestia had forgotten to take the sun down, again. She was never good at keeping track of that pesky ol’ orb.

Celestia noted the sun's position as well as her horn glowed, allowing the sun to set completely and initiating the night sequence, which made Luna’s horn glow. With the small distraction, I glanced around to everybody, seeing the Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, Discord, the Lone Wanderer, the Courier, Garrus, Isaac…

“Hot diggity dog!” I exclaimed with a small jump, “Everyone may be as confused as ticks, but I’m loving this adventure! I bet Master Chief will make an entrance next- No, no! I bet Sonic will! Or better yet, Harry Potter! Imagine magic with magic! The possibilities!”

“You are far chattier than I imagined,” Discord commented with a frown, “And I’m yet undecided if that’s a good thing.”

Oh, how he jests. Giving a grunt of amusement, I looked to everyone again. It wasn’t until that very precise moment that something completely out of place came to my attention. “Say,” I said, scratching the top of my head, “Why do you guys have cat ears?”

***

With the cat ears finally being taken away by Discord, everyone was back to normal, except the circumstances wasn’t normal at all. Four displaced Humans and a loud invincible Human were still stuck in Equestria. Everyone was mingling, speaking about technology and tactics and every other distracting thing that could come to mind. Celestia was able to get Luna and Discord together and huddled up like an American Football team.

Discord was the only one dressed for occasion. He was very disappointed that Luna and Celestia weren’t wearing padding or helmets.

“It’s the Colts!” he said with glee, “They put Ponies in a Super Bowl commercial, it only seems fair to return the favor.”

“What in all that is Pony are you talking about?” Celestia deadpanned.

“We must not deviate from our reason for huddling,” Luna said, stopping Discord from saying another word. Most likely a word that neither of the princesses would understand anyway. “First, Discord, can you sense Sombra’s presence in Equestria? You were once a villain, were you not?”

“So, what are you implying?” Discord asked as he crossed his arms, “That all villains have each other’s numbers on speed dial? But now that you mention it, it did feel pretty dark over by Ponyville.”

“Then he must have hidden there,” Celestia nodded, “If Garrus’ story is correct, then he is merely in his gas state. With his focus on us, he won’t attack my little ponies. It is better for us to be in danger than anyone else.”

Luna nodded, eyeing the visitors, “These Humans do seem far better equipped to handle these monsters. And as much trouble as King Sombra is giving us, he is also delivering us allies in his wake.”

“So to Ponyville in the morning,” Discord summed up, wrapping his arms around Luna and Celestia, “Alright, break!”

Discord fazed into the ground and out of sight, leaving Luna and Celestia in surprise from his disappearance. Heaving a sigh, Celestia glanced back to the room of minglers. The six girls were fascinated with Garrus, Isaac, and the Lone Wanderer. Those three Humans, Celestia could say firmly, were good. Their actions may have been… gory. But she liked them.

“I like those three,” Luna announced, gesturing to the three Humans Celestia was just thinking about. “Their actions are gory, but I-”

“Yes, yes, you like them,” Celestia concurred, hurriedly. She had already thought the same exact words, she didn’t need Luna saying them aloud.

“The Courier…” Luna trailed off, grimacing as she looked over to his direction. He was speaking with Observer, probably not by choice. In the Princesses minds, the two of them keeping each other occupied was the best possible solution.

“Yep,” Celestia nodded, “The Courier has been looking at my little ponies a little too-”

“-seductively,” Luna and Celestia said simultaneously. They had no idea why the Courier was the only one looking at the Ponies in a that matter, but from what they have learned from the Lone Wanderer, their world was lonely. Like, absurdly so. It didn’t help that Celestia had caught more than a few quips on Applejack’s looks.

“Are you hearing this, sister?” Luna asked with a smile, elbowing Celestia as she pointed to Observer and the Courier. Breaking out of her thoughts, she used her magic to get a better listen.

“...You’re shitting me,” the Courier said, hardly moving with his arms crossed.

“Ew, no,” Observer replied, “Why would I… Oh! You mean you’re in disbelief!”

“God damnit,” the Courier grumbled, slapping a hand against his helmet’s forehead, “Ow.”

“What’s there not to believe?” Observer asked.

The Courier held up his arms. If the sisters didn’t know better, he was going to smack Observer upside the head. “Believe!?” the Courier repeated in a high voice, “How in everything in the Mojave am I supposed to believe that in some Universes, there’s a plumber jumping three times his height, eating mushrooms while stomping turtles into the ground to save a princess from a talking dragon!?”

Observer was silent, as was the rest of the room as the Courier was anything but quiet. In fact, he was loud, loud enough for everyone to hear him, hence the silence. Observer stared at the Courier, leaned forward, and continued to stare at him.

“Do I need to bring up the time you had sex with-”

“Stop,” the Courier said, holding up a hand, “Fine, I believe you. And how the hell do you know about that?!”

“I didn’t until you said it happened!” Observer countered, with a fist in the air, “Oh, and uh, you really are a sex machine.”

The punch that landed on Observer’s face was predictable for everyone. He landed on the ground in a heap as the Courier shook his hand. As tough as he was, Observer’s helmet was a lot harder than he had anticipated. Celestia and Luna looked to one another with a suppressed smirk. They didn’t want to admit it aloud, but Observer and the Courier made things far more comical.

“I’m just going to lay here a moment…” Observer whined, splaying his body as if accepting the inevitable fate of staying on the floor. Everyone else didn’t complain.

“Auntie!” an annoying voice rang through the hall, emitting from behind the double doors. The noise caused Celestia, Luna, and Observer to wince.

“Fudge cakes,” Observer muttered, raising a brow from the Courier.

The double doors opened a crack to allow someone to poke their head in. He had a white coat and a yellow mane that looked like it had received too much gel. Just seeing the stallion made everyone shiver for a moment, though almost all of them had no idea why. The stallion froze as his eyes widened like someone had shined a bright light in his face.

Instantly, Observer sat up straight and bellowed, “Nope!”

Before anyone could say another word, Observer jumped to his feet, and fast walked over to the door while repeatedly saying, “No, nuh-uh, nope, definitely not.”

When he reached the door, he pushed the stallion's head back out the hallway, while saying, “Noooooo.”

And with the shut of the door all was silent. Observer kept his hands on the door like the stallion would attempt to burst through at any moment. The visitors were plain confused, but the Ponies were conflicted with Observer’s actions, for reasons only the Observer knew of.

“I don’t think anything good will come if Blueblood was involved,” Observer grimaced, shivering again. Taking a deep breath he took a step away from the door as he clapped his hands. “Right! So, who’s ready for bed?”

***

Blueblood was definitely someone to avoid at all costs, I found in my line of work. Sure, there was the few Universes where he was good - pretty absurd in my opinion - but overall he was a cactus; so prickly and annoying that everyone gives it a wide berth. I could only imagine him being incinerated on the spot within thirty seconds of him speaking to the other interdimensional visitors. Well, actually, that wasn’t giving him enough credit. Probably fifteen seconds.

Nonetheless, I was pretty relaxed on the railing of Luna’s bedroom’s balcony, which was as big as that description. She was still speaking with Celestia - obviously about where everyone would sleep. They were on edge regarding another surprise birthday visit from, say, Megatron. Admittedly, I was the one who hoped he would make a visit, and in turn, everyone was dead against it. Megatron was undoubtedly evil, but darn it, he’s cool!

Lying on the railing, with my arms resting behind my head and legs propped up, I was pretty comfy. Which was quickly taken away when blue magic enveloped me and threw me against floor.

“Ahhh,” I said, looking up to Luna, eyeing me. She was so cruel when she wanted to. “I’m so tired of the floor, why don’t you throw me against the wall for a change of pace.”

She did exactly that, tossing my body right against the wall above the doorway. The pain, as always, was tremendous, but it was creative. It had been awhile since I had been thrown around like that.

“You will do well to keep your mouth shut,” Luna warned, stepping towards the railing. “It is already bad enough I have to shelter you for the night, but your infernal yelling is bound to wake the entire castle.”

I scoffed, peeling myself out of the wall as I grabbed a nearby ledge, “Please, you have Pinkie here. No one is getting sleep tonight.”

“I can hear you!” Pinkie’s voice echoed in the air.

“Sleep in heavenly peace!” I called back.

“Okay!” she said back, and with no further reply, I was content everyone could sleep soundly, as long as no one brought up parties. Luna shook her head, her tiredness seeping into me. I didn’t like it when that happened, I get all guilty and stuff. Always felt like bugs crawling around my heart. And considering that has never happened to me - Me, the Universe hopping dummy - that was saying something.

“Look, I know I can be annoying,” I admitted. I never liked saying that, but the truth was the truth, and by Applejack, I was sticking to it. “But I’m just trying to make some memories.”

Luna looked up to me, seeing me sitting on the ledge I had grabbed onto. She raised a brow before looking off into the horizon. “I do not care of your intentions, Observer. I for one do not want to remember the person who said my mane smelt of stars.”

“Oh, come on, that was funny,” I quipped, pointing to her. Her death stare would have killed me if I wasn’t immortal. Sighing, I got back on topic, holding my head up with an arm as my elbow rested against my lap. “Okay, think of it like this. I jump around all the time, seeing new and old people, getting into wacky and-slash-or grim adventures, and ultimately see people grow and change.”

Luna nodded. I suppose that was pretty obvious, given I had already explained this before hand not two hours ago. I could get repetitive sometimes, but it was hard to tell if this Luna was forgetful or not. It didn't help what I had to say was hard to speak of. I took a deep breath; this was going to be painful, and not the kind that could disappear like usual.

“I’ve seen you die, Luna,” I said, turning my gaze up to the stars, trying my hardest not to look to her, “Decapitation, drowning, burning, absolute vaporization… It hurts every time. And not just with you, everyone. From the people here to thousands of others across the Multiverse. Over and over and over again.”

Shoot, those memories were coming back. The screams sounded all the same, calling out to me.

“Try as I might,” I continued, “I can’t save everyone. As invincible as I am, I have to watch it all, from the good to the bad.”

“Observer…” Luna said, more on the note of my name than actually calling to me.

“So you caught on, huh?” I asked, finally looking to her. She was surprised, or maybe shocked. There was a difference somewhere, but I wasn’t in the mood to explore it… There I go again, trying to put humor into something so somber. I thought I had promised myself never to do that. “Observer. That’s me. Someone who inevitably only observes. I may joke a lot, Luna, but when it comes to death, I shut up and cry. May seem pathetic, but that’s another good thing about my mask. No one can ever see my tears.”

Luna looked to the floor, swallowing all that.

I sighed, hating the next part of my tale. I pushed off my ledge and landed on the floor, my hands slipping into my pockets. “And what’s worse is that I see people die, people I liked and tried to save, and later on, see them again in the next Universe. A never ending cycle, life and death. And who do people blame? The person who can’t die, anywhere. People starve, while I live. People are annihilated in the blink of an eye, while I remain. Who wouldn’t blame me? A joker who seems to never take anything seriously.”

“Do not hate me for this,” Luna finally spoke up, pawing at the ground, “But I am glad I do not have your life. I may have the semblance of immortality, but-”

“You actually can only live for so long?” I assumed, walking forward to stand by her.

Luna shook her head, not berating me for my quick guess, “We can only be killed by another Alicorn.”

“Right,” I said, putting a hand on my face, “I guess this is a different Universe.”

“Have assumptions like that ever been fatal?” Luna asked, turning to oversee the land.

“Yeah,” I answered, stepping onto the railing before sitting down, my legs dangling over the side, “And it’s killed a lot. A lot of good people.”

The pain was so unbearable. I didn’t think I could go on with the conversation. It didn’t help that I already had tears in my eyes. Every time I brought all this up, I was reminded of those who had died, all those wonderful people, snuffed out like a candle in the wind. And to see those same people die again and again and again…

I gripped my head. I couldn’t dwell on it, I couldn’t lose myself like last time. How I got out of that terrible moment… I wish I knew.

I had to concentrate on the present, when no one had died yet. I saved Fluttershy from the Creepers, right? That was something. Though, I had known a good creeper that killed himself to save his friends…

Luna placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch as I looked back to her. Her frown spoke volumes to me. She was still alive, and she was a good guy - baring the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, if it happened in this Universe. I hadn’t failed these Ponies yet. Nor those who had came here out of Sombra’s will, who was the bad guy here.

Having things so black and white was far better than gray morality. I knew who to protect, who to save. I couldn’t make a mistake. Taking a long breath, I ignored the pain in my heart. Time for a subject change.

“You know,” I started, seeing the magnificent land of Equestria, with its forests and small little towns, grand meadows and rounded mountain tops. “In one Universe, you had glasses on, and you looked weird. Like really weird. And with socks! Heh, you’d think you would steer clear of those, but people love seeing you in socks! I guess they haven’t seen you with socks on your ears.”

I half expected her to push me off, but instead I got a soft giggle from her. Relaxing a bit, I smiled underneath my mask. I had told several hundred people about my experiences in the multiverse - which was a far cry to what other people had to go through - but having someone not only listen but sympathize a little… It was nice.

Author's Note

Now editted by Legion222!

Chapter 1

Observer
Chapter 1

Standing tall on top of a precarious cliff, preparing to jump off of it and be taken away. Kind of depressing, isn’t it? But it wasn't! Why? Because I wasn’t doing what one might think I was doing. I stared across the hundreds of trees that littered the ground far below, the glorious sun illuminating the cloudless sky. The slightly baggy black suit I wore stood out easily compared to the brightly lit area around me. My black helmet was still on my head, as always, along with the dark-tinted glass plate attached to it that covered the front of my face. Oh, and of course the black duster coat that I wore, waving in the wind that pushed by me. That was basically me, that cool guy.

Tilting my head down, I looked straight to the ground far below, unfazed by my imminent downfall. It was far too common for me to fall from large heights. In fact, I had fallen from orbit one time! Well, more than one time, multiple times actually. Long story short, the landings always hurt. But I’m getting ahead of myself. With a short sigh, taking a small step back.

"Alley-oop!" I said, giving a simple hop that was enough for me to start my plummet. I didn't resist, I didn't even really care, doing wicked tricks that only I can appreciate. Though, I just did simple flips, I felt pretty good about it! Eventually, I turned my body so that I was falling back first towards the incoming ground. I slipped my hands into my suit pockets, acting way more causal than anyone else would in that situation. The cliff wall zoomed by, everything becoming a blur in my vision. I was thankful I don't get motion sickness. That would just be messy in my helmet.

"Sixty feet…" I muttered, bobbing my head left and right in impatience "seventy feet…"

At that point, I shifted my body to see the grassy knoll underneath me, but suddenly it was a small, swirly black hole! Not the sucky kind, both literally and figuratively, but the portal-y kind. It was a good thing I calculated the fall so accurately. If it wasn’t a hundred yards or more, I would have been a nice flat pancake without all the delicious condiments. Though, if I did miscalculate and end up on the ground, I don't think I'd like to suddenly be transformed into a pancake.

I wasn't paying attention, as usual, so I had quickly passed one hundred yards, entered the portal like one would a simple doorway, you know, without the screen door in the way. My senses felt nothing; no wind, no heat, no cold. Only the boundless darkness of emptiness! And bubbles, many many bubbles. An infinite amount of the things. As always, I found myself uncomfortable yet exhilarated, feeling giddy to see another Universe. The moment lasted very briefly, like a quick run to the bathroom sort of length, before I instantly found myself falling in the other Universe. There was never any reasoning why I would suddenly pop into another Universe, but I liked the invisible portal idea. Making something invisible is always awesome.

At first, I wondered why there was gunfire, and where it was coming from. Then it hit me, the ground that is! Then the pain hit me not long after that.

***

As Twilight hid behind a fallen marble pillar, her hooves covering her head to drain out the constant gunfire, she tried to piece together exactly what had happened.

First, she and her friends had brought the two strange creatures - calling themselves ‘humans’ - that had appeared out of nowhere in the middle of Ponyville to Canterlot, under the request of Princess Celestia herself. That had gone very smoothly, as the humans didn’t have anywhere to go or anything to do.

Second, Twilight, her friends, and the princesses were officially introduced to the humans. The Courier and the Lone Wanderer were their names. There were really titles, but the ponies weren't going to argue what was a name and what wasn't. Surprisingly, The two humans were actually familiar with each other, even though they had never met until that moment. They explained their violent tendencies, with all the killing and blood, but had assured the ponies that they only attacked those that deserved it.

Finally, the throne room was suddenly attacked by dark creatures that resembled Timber-werewolves. They stood solely on their hind legs, their forms shrouded in dark shadows, yet their eyes still held the same predatory yellow Twilight was familiar with. They appeared in wisps of dark smoke, quickly surrounding everyone. Everything erupted into chaos, one that Discord would have loved if he wasn't off doing something nopony particularly cared about at the moment. One thing lead to another, and the next thing Twilight knew, there was an explosion, and a pillar nearly crushing her.

As she cowered there, hearing howls of pain mixed with loud bangs, shaking harder than Fluttershy ever could, wondering if her friends were alright, she wished that something would come along and stop all of this.

And the lesson she learned that day was ‘be careful what you wish for’.

Right after thinking that, Twilight heard something land next to her, causing her to flinch. "Oww..." someone groaned. Peeking out, hoping it was one of her friends, she was surprised to see it was a human. It was a new human as well, not any of the others she had met before. He was facing away from Twilight, lying down with his limbs spread out beside her as the chaos continued to unfold. "Note to self," the human said, "Stop falling with hands in pockets. You'd think I would have learned that after every single jump."

Twilight found his words utterly confusing, but she was too timid to question him. He sounded like a stallion, based off his voice, and since the human was completely covered by some sort of black suit, she had no visula cues to tell her his gender. Like the humans. Come to think of it, she didn't know if there was a difference between males and females with humans, or if there was even there were human females!

“H-Hello?” she asked, hoping the humans was as friendly as the others. The human didn't respond, sitting up as he rubbed the back of his head before turning to face her. Twilight held her breath, her mind racing to how the human would react. Instead of confusion like the other humans had showed, the stranger tilted his head to the side.

"Oh, Hey, Twilight," he greeted, lifting his hand up as he waved. After which, he glanced around the area, noticing the destruciton that dominated the once serene area. "I see you got yourself in another pickle, huh?"

Twilight was much confused.

“What?” she said, her brain becoming blank.

The stranger stared back a moment, before jerking his head up, "Your right, Twilight! There's no time talking about pickles!"

Twilight blinked, her troubles suddenly forgotten, “What?”

The stranger looked over to the marble column that served as their cover, putting a hand against it to pick himself up. "Alright," he said, putting a hand to his chin. "What are we dealing with today?

“What?” Twilight said yet again, and the stranger stared at her for the longest time.

Then, he snapped his fingers, “Right, the name's Observer, by the way. I always forget to introduce myself. But I caught myself! Which is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself."

Twilight was able to stop herself from repeating the same word as before, but since it was the only thing that came to mind, she decided to just look at him in shock until something made a lick of sense.

Observer walked along the pillar, whispering congratulations to himself as he did, until he came upon an opening where it had broken off from the rest of itself. To Twilight's growing surprise, he stepped through it and into the open, gazing about with his hands on his hips. He did it so nonchalantly, that she wondered if she was dealing with a human that had lost his marbles.

Just what Twilight needed, a human that was crazier than Pinkie Pie on Thursday jumping in headstrong into the kill zone. Just peachy.

***

So, we had dark covered Timberwolves leaping to and fro, the Courier and the Lone Wanderer shooting at them like action heroes, and the princesses doing the same with their magic. It certainly was a battle of the ages, and I had the sudden urge to grab something salty, buttery, and corny. I'd have to page Pinkie as soon as possible.

That was when Princess Luna landed in front of me, blasting away another dark Timberwolf with her magic. If a semi-large pony destroying a monster with arcane mystic powers wasn't majestic, I don't know what is! After which, she turned to me, looking me up and down like I was some foreign alien without my green card, though it'd probably be a black card in my case. She gave a small smirk as her expression became slightly relieved, “Ah, another human has joined our ranks to assist us with our predicament."

“Well,” I drew out, crossing my arms as my head tilted up in deep, deep, deep thought, "When I think about it, you're absolutely right, Lulu. I am the bane of all things not the good guys."

“I beg your pardon?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow and a hoof. I was pretty sure I spoke English, but I guess this Universe doesn't know it, even though she spoke just spoke it. Obviously, she was fakin' it. As I faced her, preparing to repeat my words again - only slower, because that always works - I saw a dark Timberwolf behind her, just about to pounce on her!

“Watch it!” I shouted, tackling her out of the way. She was so surprised by my sudden move that she didn’t put up any resistance. Which I was glad for, these princesses’ weren’t exactly light, especially when they eat cake.

Just when I had knocked ourselves out of the way, the dark Timberwolf landed on the ground where Luna had once stood, growling at us for having gotten out of the way.

“Bad dog! Heel!” I shouted at it, shaking a fist like an old man would a stick. Luna jumped to her hooves and shot another magic blast at the dark Timberwolf, sending it flying against the wall and exploding in the gory fashion of sticks and stones!

“Nice one, high five!” I cheered as I jumped to my feet, turning to Luna with a hand in the air. All she did was give me a frank look, merely glancing at my hand. “High hoof?” I tried, my arm faltering. With no change from her face, I slowly retracted my hand, bringing it behind my back like it had never happened. I'm sure my actions were recorded somewhere. Probably on some webpage for all I know.

“Will you assist us or not?” Luna asked harshly, and I stared at her, long and hard.

“I always do,” I answered with a shrug, walking past her. “Wouldn’t be right if I didn't with the stuff I’m able to do, Lulu!”

Before Luna could ask what I was able to do, I ran towards a group of dark Timberwolves who were focused on the Courier. Ah, man, I always loved feeling like I knew what I was doing! Indirectly fighting someone is better than it seems. Think about it, you're defeating someone without actually defeating someone! ...It's a lot cooler than it sounds.

***

The Courier, dressed in the typical NCR riot armor, was using his Sequoia revolver expertly. Having dealt with large, fire-breathing lizards, the situation was a piece of cake. If only he knew what cake was. From what he can understand, it makes people heavy.

Even still, he was kicking some major butt and loving it. He knew when a dark Timberwolf was too close, and would quickly aim his revolver at it, greeting it with a not-so-friendly bullet.

With a brief look, he could see that the Lone Wanderer was handling himself pretty well. The Brotherhood of Steel power armor he wore protected him perfectly from the enemies’ jaws and claws. The laser rifle that he wielded burnt the dark Timberwolves to ashes with only a few shots. He was like a tank, except on two feet and without a large devastating cannon.

Things were going smoothly for the two, even though they had no idea what happened to the ponies. The dark Timberwolves, however, were getting smarter. They used the fallen rubble as cover, dodging the crimson laser beams and bullets. They also attacked when either the Lone Wanderer or the Courier were reloading, forcing the two to knock the enemies away to give themselves some space.

Eventually, the dark Timberwolves surrounded the Courier and the Lone Wanderer as the two stood back to back. The enemies kept their distance, and the two warriors waited for them to make a move with their weapons at the ready.

“What are they waiting for?” the Courier whispered, glancing around for any sudden movement.

“For us to let our guard down,” the Lone Wanderer responded, tightening his hold on his laser rifle. Silence reigned over the room, except for Celestia, who was watching a ways away with wide eyes, wondering why the dark Timberwolves focused on the newcomers.

Luna, instead, was staring at the stranger in black, as was Twilight, who peered over the marble pillar with her mouth wide open. The stranger was right behind one of the dark Timberwolves, simply studying them as he leaned forward. The two wastelanders caught sight of the stranger, and had to do a double take to make sure he was actually there. That's when the stranger realized he was being watched by all, and gave a two finger salute before tapping a dark Timberwolf on the back. It blinked for a second before turning to come face to face with the black stranger, who remained motionless as he stared right back.

“Don’t mind me,” he commented nonchalantly as the dark Timberwolf growled, bearing its many wooden teeth with drool falling from its mouth, “Just trying to get your attention.

“Aaaaand... it's doding time,” he remarked, and the dark Timberwolf opened its mouth to bite his face. In the nick of time, the black stranger jumped back, pointing a mocking finger at it. "Ha, ha! Your feeble mind cannot understand the power I control! Which is none whatsoever!"

Ignoring the comment, the dark Timberwolf jumped at him, fangs bared and ready to rip him to shreds. Luna was about to use her magic to blast it away before it attacked the new human, but was surprised when he rolled underneath the monster, looking back from his crouched position. He didn't get a chance to respond with another snide comment as he glanced back to the other Timberwolves. Another one of the monsters took a swipe at the black stranger, who was able to move out of the way to dodge the attack. Another swipe, made the stranger jump back. With each swipe from the dark Timberwolf, the stranger was able to move out of the way, fluidly avoiding the attacks. After another swipe, the stranger rolled to the side, standing back up to full height. For the briefest moment, the two humans though he was a badass. That is, until his next words were spoken.

"That was super sweet!" he squealed, "Everyone saw that right?". The dark Timberwolves approached him slowly, like predators would prey. The stranger looked over to them before humming to himself. “Okay, I think I’m the target now.”

“Ya think?” the Courier said with a roll of his eyes, annoyed with the way the stranger acted

“I do indeed!” the black stranger said with a slight amount of glee. And after the Courier face palmed, the black stranger took off away from the Timberwolves, causing them to give chase.

The Lone Wanderer walked up to the Courier’s side as they both watched the black stranger run around the room like a chicken without a head, with the group of dark Timberwolves just on his heels.

“We’re probably going to have to save his ass, aren’t we?” the Lone Wanderer said as his head tracked the stranger, shouldering his laser rifle.

“Yes!” the stranger shouted, looking back as he ran faster, “That would be the idea of my distraction!”

“I dunno,” the Courier said playfully, rubbing his chin while the other hand was on his hip. “This is kind of entertaining.”

Luna trotted up to them, looking distraught with the black stranger's predicament. "Is it not rude to ignore someone in their time of need?" she asked the two.

The Lone Wanderer and Courier dipped their heads in thought as the black stranger let out a grunt of disbelief. "Seriously!?" he shouted, his head snapping towards them as he ran past, “After everything we’ve been through?! For shame!”

That caught the two wastelanders’ attention, causing them to look at each other to see if they had heard right. Princess Celestia was just as intrigued, stepping up to Luna as she kept her eyes on the stranger.

“I believe we need to save him,” she remarked, facing the two, “And not simply because of his strange statement.”

“Right, sure,” the stranger said sarcastically with a shake of his head, “Help me out when I suddenly give you a reason. Coincidence? I think not!”

Ignoring his comment, the Courier holstered his revolver and dug into his duster coat pocket, extracting two grenades from within. He tossed one to the Lone Wanderer, who caught it nimbly, instantly knowing what the Courier intended to do. After he slipped his laser rifle onto his back, they both pulled the pins and tossed the grenades at the large group of dark Timberwolves.

***

Grenades? Sure, why not? It wasn't like I might be in the crossfire. Oh wait, that's exactly where I was! If I wasn't very close to a hundred percent sure, I'd say they were the evil counterparts. But the very close increment basically makes it a hundred percent, so it was completely unlikely. Since that's teh case, I was three hundred percent annoyed with these wastelanders.

That was what I was thinking, until the two grenades the other humans had suddenly fell from the heavens and landed in my path. And knowing the outcome of most thrown grenades, I knew I needed to jump ship, so to speak. I did, indeed, jump to the side and out of the way, but I was still inside the blast radius. So I was launched quite far when they went off in a ordinary explosive fashion, twigs and branches hurled every which way, since the last of the dark Timberwolves were also in the blast. I flew over the heads of those six adorable ponies as they gawked at my awe inspiring flight. I had no idea why I was launched so dang far, but I was going to enjoy while I still could. And what better way to do that than utter baffle everyone in the room!

“Nice to see you all again!” I called as I passed them, before slamming into another marble pillar head first. I swear that pillar wasn't there a millisecond before. A collective sounds of ‘oh’ in the room was all the sympathy I was given. I would never escape the firm and awkward embrace of pain.

Falling to the floor, I landed on my back with another wave of pain to greet me. The sound of approaching footsteps and hoofsteps told me that everyone was gathering around, ready to hear why I knew all of them when they had never heard of me.

Staring off into space, or the ceiling in that case, I thought back to all the other glorious ways the same moment went down. A bullet to the head, a wave of fire, a push and a shove. Oh, and a slap to the face. Though the last one may have been because I had appeared in the women’s changing room…

Then, the face of Twilight filled my vision, tilting her head and silently prompting me to get up and explain myself like an eight-year-old who had broken that one important fragile item in the living room. Trust me, every living room had that item.

Planting my hands onto the ground, I pushed off, using the momentum to land on my feet, startling Twilight as she backed off to give me space. I brushed a hand on my coat yet again, taking out all the dust on my Duster. Brushing myself off twice in the same five and half minutes wasn’t rare, and I looked pretty cool as I showed off my Duster as well. I love that thing.

Straightening out that thing, I faced the large group that had suddenly found everything I did interesting. And who wouldn’t! A universe-trotting - no pun intended - being such as myself should deserve recognition! But not in the bad way, mind you.

“Uh, we haven’t been properly introduced,” Twilight started for the group of starers.

“Rightio!” I said, putting my fists on my hips, “I am Observer, Multiverse extraordinaire and the most meddling son of a nutcracker you’ll ever meet!”

“He’s very cheery,” the Courier noted, “I don’t like it.”

“Boo hoo,” the Lone Wanderer replied quickly, “Suck it up.”

“Well, I do like it!” the ever pink Pinkie Pie cheered, hopping up to me as she bounced in place. “What’s your favorite color!? You must tell me!”

Favorite color? I had to give it some thought; it wasn’t every day someone asked you your favorite color. And with Pinkie Pie, you had to give her the right answer, or otherwise face the consequences, which was having the wrong color at your party. And I didn’t want that!

“It’s not periwinkle, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said at last, jabbing a finger as she bounced up.

“Shoot!” Pinkie cursed, landing on the ground in a contemplative pose, “How close was I?”

“On a scale from one to ten,” I said, crossing my arms, “Pi.”

Pinkie gasped loudly, her jaw dropping, "I was that close!"

I leaned forward a little bit. "You were!" I said dramatically.

"Okay, knock it off," the Courier growled, placing his hand on his holstered revolver, “We don’t have time to talk about favorite colors."

I grunted, “I bet yours is boring brown.”

“It is not! …It’s amber.”

The Lone Wanderer raised his hand, “Mine is radioactive green.”

“Focus!” Twilight shouted, catching all of our attention as she glued her eyes on me. Not literally, you sickos. “You said ‘Multiverse extraordinaire’, care to elaborate?”

“But of course,” I said with a french accent thrown in for fun, “I go from Universe to Universe, exploring, and having fun.”

“Universe to Universe?” Luna questioned, lifting a hoof to her chin.

“Yep,” I said, my hands slipping into my suit pockets, “Every time I fall exactly one hundred yards, I’m whisked away to another dimension.”

“So you’re from another dimension!?” Rainbow yelled in excitement, flying in front of my face. It took all of my willpower not to flinch from her sudden movement, but I failed miserably. “That’s awesome!”

“Heck yeah, it is!” I agreed enthusiastically with a fist pump.

“So…” Applejack drawled, stepping forward slightly, “Is that how you know ‘bout us?”

“Know?” I scoffed, feeling offended. “AJ, I practically lived with different versions of you all more times than I can count, which is pretty high, let me tell you. Same goes with Courier and Lone Wanderer.”

“I suddenly feel a shiver up my spine,” Rarity remarked, turning towards her back.

“That would be Transdimensional Shivers,” I explained with a dismissive wave, “People get it when they realize that they’re not the only person of themselves in existence. At least you’re not the Hulk. He thought I was playing with his mind and punched me through a brick wall.”

I shuddered from the memory, my hands up to my chest in a vain attempt to stop it. “Now that’s something to shiver about.”

“Okay, okay,” the Lone Wanderer said as he rubbed his head, though his helmet was in the way. “So, you jump from different Universes some of which are parallel, right?”

"Yep,” I answered, “ And I should also mention the Pluriverses while we're at it."

“Pluriverses?” Twilight asked, tilting her head to the side as she raised an eyebrow in doubt. That’s the last thing she should have done! No one doubts Observer and gets away with it! Well, except everybody, but I was determined to win this time!

“Think of it like this,” I said, drawing an imaginary circle in the air, “Take a normal bubble, and call it your Universe, then insert that bubble into an even bigger bubble, and call that bubble the Pluriverse. Everything that can interact with your Universe is in that large bubble; No other Universe can go to a separate Pluriverse. So the Universe or two the Courier and the Lone Wanderer came from are part of the same Pluriverse you all share. And all of these Pluriverses make up the Muliverse. And this has been an Observer Teaching moment. Please savor it, because I ain't gonna repeat it.”

“Waaaaait,” Pinkie interjected, “If that’s the case, then how many bubbles are in this Multiverse?”

With another finger, I drew a sideways figure eight, “Infinite.”

The collective gasp was priceless, to say the least. I always liked the moment when I had a bit more knowledge than those with whom I was interacting with. Of course, that advantage is quickly taken down when I remember that I have no offensive capabilities whatsoever.

“And what is your part in all of this?” Celestia asked, eyeing me warily, “Why are you moving from one dimension to the next?”

“Well, my name is Observer, which is my name and title,” I explained, and followed with a painfully long pause, causing everyone to lean forward, waiting impatiently for me to continue. “What, you can’t put it together yourself? Then again, no one else could either.”

“You call yourself Observer because you… observe?” Twilight concluded, gesturing with a hoof in an attempt to see if she was right.

“Correctomundo!” I answered with a swing of my arm, “I essentially visit each Universe to watch and see what I can do!”

“But then that doesn’t exactly make you an observer,” Twilight accused, pointing a hoof at me.

“Shhh…” I whispered, putting a finger up to where my mouth would be, “Don’t ruin it.”

“For who?”

“Well,” I said, my voice going back to it’s normal volume, “As much as I can tell, if there are infinite Universes, then there’s probably a Universe where some wierdo is typing a story of me, and a bunch of other people reading that story.”

“Aaaaaand now I have shivers,” the Courier said, sulking slightly.

“Heh,” I mumbled quietly, “And I didn’t even mention that other people are making stories of all of you.”

“What was that?” Applejack asked.

“Nothing at all!” I answered with a shake of my head “Now then, pushing away all that serious, exposition talk, my raison for being here is because I like savin’ the day, and considering the fact you were all attacked by dark Timberwolves, I’d say you need some savin’.”

The Courier snorted, “Except we had to save you.”

“Yeah, well, my Duster is longer than yours,” I retorted with a defiant cross of my arms.

“Burn…” Rainbow drawled with a small smile, hovering in the air above the Courier as he jerked back from the insult. He gripped his Duster coat in his hands, looking back and forth between it and my own coat. After a moment, he sighed dejectedly, and I gave an internal celebration, complete with cake and confetti. Observer, three hundred fifty one; Courier, two hundred thirty nine!

The Lone Wanderer rubbed the back of his helmet as he asked, “Is that a sex thing?”

“Not to worry, my virgin friend!” I expressed, sidling up to him as I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, “It is not. I’m not really that type of person.”

“V-Virgin?!” the Lone Wanderer stuttered, backing away slowly as the Courier burst out laughing, doubling over and forgetting about his previous depression. “I-I’m not- I mean, How did you-?”

“Lucky guess,” I replied with a hint of snide in my voice, “Thanks for confirming, by the way.”

The Lone Wanderer faced away from the group, and I somehow knew that he was blushing underneath his helmet. A brisk glance towards the ponies told me that he wasn’t the only one, and I was willing to bet fifteen euros that they were virgins as well, seeing how anxious they were.

“W-We’re getting off topic!” Twilight shouted, her eyes darting left and right to see if someone saw her blush before muttering, “Again…”

“Twilight is right,” Celestia said, making all of us pay attention as the Courier calmed down. She always had a way with words that made everyone shut up, kinda like Morgan Freeman or Liam Neeson, except way more girly. “We must turn our minds to the attack.”

“So…” I said with a raised hand as if I was back in school, “More serious talk?”

“More serious talk,” the Lone Wanderer confirmed with a nod.

As I groaned like the nine-year-old within me, Celestia turned and walked towards her throne, everyone else followed behind. I did as well, though way more reluctantly, both of my hands placed behind my head. Why couldn’t we skip to the action-packed parts where I show off my amazing dodging skills like I had done before? I need to look cool for my peers, dang it!

But I would find a way to lighten the mood anyway.

***

As Celestia got comfortable in her throne, she let out a long tired sigh. She had only wanted to learn of a new species in her kingdom, not deal with an overconfident, loud oaf with the impending doom of whoever sent those dark Timberwolves looming overhead. Or perhaps the dark Timberwolves came of their own accord. No, someone had sent them, and that someone was definitely planning something more after its initial plan had failed.

“Before we begin our discussion involving the dark Timberwolves,” Celestia said, her eyes lingering to each pony and person in turn. “We must see where our visitors stand in terms of weaponry and abilities.”

Observer stifled a laugh, though Celestia nor anyone else for that matter knew why. Dropping the thought, Celestia turned towards the Lone Wanderer, silently prompting him to reveal what he had up his sleeves. Figuratively of course; his sleeves didn’t look like it could hold some sort of hidden blade.

Catching the hint, the Lone Wanderer stepped forward, pulling out the laser rifle that was on his back. “This is my laser rifle. It emits a concentrated beam of coherent light that has a high wattage capable of doing considerable damage.”

Twilight was truly entranced by the weapon, staring at it with a sense of awe. Since she was one to love science and magic - two items that would usually be on opposite sides of the spectrum - she wondered how magic could be applied to affect what it was capable of doing. The possibilities were endless!

“I also have a .44 revolver with a scope and a very versatile combat knife,” the Lone Wanderer summed up, placing the weapon back where he got it. "And my armor is durable enough to sustain high amounts of damage without deteriorating at all."

"Anchorage certainly is a wondrous place," Observer mused, still looking laid back as he stared at the stain-glass windows, hands in his suit pockets. Everyone gave him a funny look before turning to the Lone Wanderer, who gave a long sigh.

"This 'different dimension' junk is going to take a while getting used to," he said, shaking his head.

Observer chuckled, "Hey, that's what the last Lone Wanderer said."

With a roll of his eyes, the Lone Wanderer stepped back as the Courier took his place. In a fluid movement, he unholstered a weapon strapped to his back, revealing his shotgun.

"This is my Hunting Shotgun," he explained, looking around to see everyone staring at it in fascination. Even the Lone Wanderer seemed somewhat interested, if only just. “It can shoot a burst of shrapnel at an enemy and kill him instantly in the right place. And if he’s out of range, I can switch the ammunition for slugs.”

“Why would you want to shoot slugs?” Twilight asked innocently, “I didn’t think they had much use out of a garden.”

Before Courier could speak, Observer clutched his chest, trying to stop the urge to break out into a fit of laughter. His movement didn’t go unnoticed as Luna looked at him with furrowed brows. “Is there something humourous from that question, Observer?” she asked rather harshly.

Observer composed himself for a moment, taking large breaths to calm himself before he responded. “That has got to be the best reaction I've seen since Luffy making a smart remark a few Universes ago."

“Anyway,” Courier interrupted, “I’m not sure what slugs you’re talking about, but a slug is a large caliber projectile that can go long distances and still chew up your target.”

The ponies gathered around gave the Courier a quizzical look. He groaned at their ignorance, shaking his head as he put his shotgun away and unholstered his revolver. With a quick move, he ejected one bullet from it and presented it to the ponies. “A slug is roughly five times the size of this here revolver round, and packs a mean punch,” he explained as simply as he could.

“Ohhhh,” everyone, except for Lone Wanderer and Observer, said collectively in realization.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Rainbow Dash asked, slightly put off that something could have been explained so easily, narrowing her eyes at him.

“He likes toying with your minds,” Observer put in, using both hands to point to his own head, “Just like that Handsome Jack fellow. Or was it Sheogorath?”

The Courier glanced over to him before he holstered his revolver and stepped away. “Forget it,” he muttered, slumping over to the Lone Wanderer to stand by him.

“Huh,” Observer said, putting his hands on his hips, “Guess it’s my turn! Okay, so I’m super observant!”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” the Courier said loudly and sarcastically, causing Observer to point a finger at him.

“Hey, I’ve met him before, you know!” Observer announced, "He doesn't like to be called that. He prefers Bob. He thinks it's more obvious for others if his name is extremely normal.”

Celestia simply gave him a glare before he shut himself up. “Right, first my weaponry,” he started, rubbing his chin, “Welp, I don't have any weapons! I take things out indirectly, because I hate confronting people directly. So I guess you can say I'm part pacifist."

“You put yourself in babies’ mouths!?” Pinkie shouted in disgust and incredulity, backing away slightly.

“That’s exactly what the giant babies thought,” Observer said with a wave of his hand, “Right before they stuck me in their mouths. Not as cute as one may think.”

Shaking off his rather unpleasant comment, Celestia picked out what Observer had said earlier. “You are thinking of a pacifier, Pinkie Pie,” she said calmly, having dealt with her shenanigans many, many times before. “A pacifist is somepony who believes that war and violence are unjustifiable.”

“Right out of the dictionary,” Observer noted with a nod of approval, “Or the internet, whichever you prefer.”

Celestia gave him a weird look, “Though, I do wonder how you would fight an opponite indirectly."

“Just think of me as a Rubik’s Cube,” Observer explained, pretending to hold an object in his hand as he pointed at it with his other. “Really complicated and not worth getting into. Just know that I’ll allow others to fight, and I'll find alternate means to taking down someone."

“Why is that?” Rarity asked, “Besides getting all dirty from such an uncouth activity.”

“Besides that?” Observer asked back, getting into a thinking pose, “Well, what other reason could there be!”

Rarity narrowed her eyes; she knew when she was being insulted. Of course, Observer was obvious to her glare, and continued on, “But seriously, it just fits my name, and… I guess I was raised that way.”

“Admirable, I suppose,” Luna nodded.

“I don't recall saying I was an admiral," the Observer mumbled to himself before shaking his head, continuing on, "Now, other than being a pacifist, I’m also very acrobatic. Years of gymnastics will do that.”

“Gymnastics?” the Lone Wanderer questioned. “What’s-”

“It’s not a girl sport!” Observer blurted, facing away from everybody, “It just has a lot of girls in it!”

Everyone was silent from his outburst, staring at him oddly as he slowly turned back around. He chuckled uneasily, “Sorry, force of habit.”

“Right,” the Courier said, unable to get a clear picture of Observer’s overall attitude. He was all over the place, more so than Pinkie! And that’s saying something. “So, how well is your Agility attribute?”

Observer held up a fist, “Over nine!”

“So quite high then?” the Courier dead panned, crossing his arms.

“Yep,” Observer said with a simple shrug, “I have to be good at dodging attacks, seeing as I have to attack indirectly, and because of the pain.”

“And death,” the Lone Wanderer chuckled, “Can’t forget about that.”

“For me I can,” Observer corrected, “I can’t die.”

“Bullshit,” the Courier grunted.

“Tell that to Kratos,” Observer said with a hint of humor, “Hours of beating me mercilessly got him no where. And he still wanted to keep beating me if I hadn’t gotten the hoot outta there.”

“So you are immortal?” Luna said with interest, causing the Observer to bow his head. He wasn’t acting like it was a joke, he was actually thinking it over, all serious like. Needless to say, it put everyone on edge.

“Not me, personally, just this suit,” he explained, gesturing towards the black suit he had on. “As far as I can tell, it can repel any form of attack.”

"Whoa," Twilight whispered, taking a few steps closer to Observer, "How does it work?"

"Don't know," he replied halfheartedly. "It didn't come with an instructions manual."

“But…” Twilight started, looking flustered as she stopped in her tracks, “You’re wearing it right now. How can you wear something and not know how it works?”

“The term ‘Nanosuit’ comes to mind,” Observer muttered before addressing Twilight, “And did you ever think that I may not have given much choice in the matter? Some food for thought, so let me know when you have the food.”

As Twilight opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, the Courier spoke, “So you suit can stop any type of attack?” he asked, taking out his revolver and slowly raising it vertically, “Even a bullet?”

“Especially a bullet!” Observer quickly stated, throwing his hands out in front of him. “Why does everyone have to prove that I’m not invincible? Am I not trustworthy?!”

“No,” nearly everyone said at once, their eyes half closed. Everyone except Fluttershy, because why would she? She's too cute for that.

“Ah, brilliant,” Observer said with a shake of his head. And that’s when a short red laser shot through the stained glass window where Observer stood, leaving a small burned hole in the window and striking him in the back of the head. The force of the laser forced him to the ground face first… right before he writhed around on the ground, screaming in pain.

“Gah! Son of a female dog!” he shouted, clutching the back of his head. Everyone stared in surprise, their jaws dropped. And though the Courier was stunned from both the sudden shot and Observer’s survival, he couldn’t help but correct him.

“You mean bitch?” he barely wheezed out from the shock.

“Gazuntite,” Observer cried out from the pain, rolling around on the floor.

Author's Note

If I in some way offended anyone with the inclusion of pictures, I apologize. That was not my intention. It was simply for those who are not familiar with the Universe the two wastelanders are from, so everyone can enjoy the story.

Also, I'll just be typing this when I've feeling particularly loopy. So don't expect updates too quickly.