The Masked Muffin

by DouglasTrotter

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1825

Wrestling and Derpy, what could possibly go wrong?

"Ultra Ultimate Equestrian Wrestling Entertainment," a dream come true for its creator and all-time announcer extraordinaire, announcer PE. M. The event is viewed by thousands across Equestria, either live in all its splendor in "The Stadium" or via TV. Ponies look on as mares push their bodies to the very limit, vying for the thrill of the sport and the sweet chance at fifty thousand bits.

A little unicorn can't get enough, tuning in every night when she can. Her pegasus mother views it as weird, yet enjoys the time next to her daughter. With her usual badluck at her side, Derpy will be thrust into the spotlight.

The wait is over, fillies and gentle colts. Are you ready, for Ultra Ultimate Equestrian Wrestling Entertainment?!

A/N: This story takes place a few years before Derpy Delivers A Pizza, but readers don't have to read that story as this one is its own story. Also, this story will be a similar format where it's a 3 day writing exercise for me. I have 3 days to come up with an idea then refine it before posting. Chapter updates will be sporadic at times, giving a heads up.

Published 2014-04-15 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-15 02:00:02 UTC

Are You Ready?

Are You Ready?

Sound pounded the audience; a pony would swear the speakers were cranked to eleven. Lights flashed in rapid succession; a pony would swear several suns came into existence before they faded away in the blink of an eye. Mares, Stallions, Fillies and Colts stomped their hooves against the stone, rock hard floor beneath them. The stadium came alive.

Spotlights illuminated in succession, and they focused on the center ring. From the shadows, a lone figure charged down the ramp that led towards the center ring. The stallion ducked between the red ropes, steadied himself, and then adjusted his ear piece. His voice thundered against the crowd, overshadowing the music that assaulted the audience. “Stallions and Mares? Fillies and Colts? Are. You. Ready?”

Muscular stallions stood firm against the metal fences that circled the center ring. Ponies from all over Equestria shouted till their mouths ran dry. Their hooves shook the arena.

“Let’s get ready. To. Tussle!” announcer PE.M said. The DJ changed up the music. Its rhythm went in unison with a ring of fire descended in the middle of the arena towards the ring. A mare materialized from the flames. The announcer pointed his hoof at her and said, “I give you our undefeated champion of the ring. The mare with flare, a mare of supreme talent and skill that makes her ‘the’ champion of Ultra Ultimate Equestria Wrestling Entertainment! I give you. Solar! Ignition!”

The stadium roared louder than the start of the event. Spotlights switched to a red color and focused on the sleek mare as she trotted around the stadium. As the spotlights faded and the regular stadium lights were switched on, Solar Ignition flashed a wicked glare towards the audience, going in unison with her devilish smile.

“Solar Ignition, would you please give us your thoughts on the upcoming championship bought for fifty thousand bits, and the shot at the UUEWE title belt?” the earth pony said.

“I’m just a mare of few words—“the unicorn lowered her head but raised it in a flash, “—but I do have this to say. Whatever mare steps one hoof into this ring best throw down or be knocked down. So says Solar Ignition!”

Solar Ignition bolted towards the center of the ring. Several rings of fire came down from the lights above once more, surrounded the sleek mare, and caused her to vanish like so many times before; the flames consumed her. PE.M spun around once, turned towards the ramp, and threw his right hoof into the air.

One lone pony stepped forth from the shadows, a black hooded cloak draped over her. Her eyelids shot up to reveal two yellow eyes that pierced the darkness in her hooded cloak. She bolted towards the ring, her bat-like wings propelling her into the air. The mare revealed her spandex outfit, covering her flank to her mane. A black mask covered her face with cat like eyes emblazoned on the forehead.

“I give you our contestant of the day, a new comer from an unexplored region of The Badlands. Cat Eyes!” the announcer said. He gave a hearty grin as the mare flew over him. His grin intensified when the assistant mares slipped under the ropes, and then proceeded to restrain the mare’s wings. “As per the rules Cat Eyes, there is no flying or magic involved. Pegasi and their flying counterparts have their wings bound. Unicorns and other magical entities have imbued gindnib rings attached to their horns or extremities to prevent them from cheating with ethereal assistance.”

Cat Eyes batted her eyelashes at the announcer. She followed with a few coy, successive blinks before she whispered into PE.M’s microphone, “I’m ready to ‘tussle’ whenever you are, ‘big stallion.’”

PE.M gave a quick cough. He adjusted his slick glasses. The stallion pointed towards the ramp while two unicorns set off successive blasts of firework magic and illusions. A mare coasted down the ramp on a wagon wheel with a rod through the center. The wagon wheel smashed into piece as it hit the arena’s edge. As she jumped into the air and landed on her hooves, the earth pony gave a polite bow to her opponent. “Equestria, here is your wrestler and challenger for the UUEWE title! I give you, Wagon! Shredder! She’s twenty wins and three losses, a mare who’s ready and rarin’ to go.”

The Stallion pointed at both mares, each giving a firm nod. “If your nods are your final words, then let’s get ready. To. Tussle!”

As the announcer’s words hit their ears, both mares charged at one another. Neither the crowds’ cheers nor applause mattered. Music drowned out the rope’s noise as Cat Eyes hit them after slipping through Wagon Shredder’s legs.

“O sweet Celestia, it’s the bee driver!” PE.M said before he took his seat at the table near the ring. “Wagon Shredder counters; she has Cat Eyes in a back hoof crab claw crush! Wait, what’s this? Wagon Shredder let go.”

The audience gasped as the mare let her opponent go and moved to the corner post. She swirled her hoof in the air before bringing it to her perked up ear.

“Wagon Shredder is bringing serious heat for a quick knockout. Prepare yourselves for the Dirt Road Drop.” PE. M said.

Wagon Shredder leapt into the air. She held her back hooves and front hooves together to form a circular shape in air. Her body plummeted towards the mat below where Cat Eyes lay. The tension remained palpable as time froze.

“Cat Eyes makes a break for it. Who knew that a cat could play possum?” PE.M said. He turned towards a mare that stood near him with a clipboard. He covered his mic with his hoof as he whispered to her, “For Celestia sake Ms. Ballpoint, please have these contestants write legible moves. This stuff is hard to read. We both know ‘Cat Eyes’ is an educated mare from the Canterlot school system and they teach them better stuff—“

“Yes sir, I will be sure to advise new contestants of that. You best keep your eyes on the ring. It appears that ‘Wagon Shredder’ may lose.” Ms. Ballpoint said with a blank expression while she adjusted her glasses.

“—Look at that, we might have a rare loss notched onto Wagon Shredder’s belt. The ref is at five? Will the ref reach the ten cou—no! She pulls out of it. The match is still a go!” PE.M said as she leaned closer to his microphone on the table.

Family Time

Quick, successive flickers of light from the small TV illuminated the tiny apartment room. A filly jumped up and down on the couch while her red mask, with the symbol of a sun emblazoned on the front, shimmered in the TV’s light. Her cape rose and fell with each successive jump.

A grey pegasus prepared a meal in the tiny kitchen, and then made the small trek to the couch. She gave a quiet chuckle to herself, “Ok Dinky—“

“No, I’m the masked horn!” The filly unicorn said before she landed on the couch. She grinned at the TV and slowly lurched forward. “Wagon Shredder is going to use her signature move again. She’s so awesome.”

“The Masked Horn is it? I believe last week you wanted to call yourself Blazing Star Streamer. Or was it Shining Glitter Bug?” The grey pegasus said. She unfolded her right wing and brushed her wingtips against her daughter’s side. “You can’t escape my tickling tips of terror, heh heh. Anyways ‘masked horn,’ you need to get something to eat. All good UUEWE ponies need meals to keep them strong and fit.”

Dinky’s eyes fixated on the TV. Derpy watched the little unicorn’s perfect concentration as Dinky levitated her utensil to her mouth to eat every so often.

“Late,” “Final Notice,” and “Urgent” were stamped on the front of the envelopes Derpy passed by on her way to the couch. Each successive piece of mail she had flipped through contained one, both, or all three words on their faces, in red ink. The pony shook her head. Her ears perked up and she watched the TV give out for what seemed like the fourth time that day.

An aura surrounded the TV’s antenna. The TV sprung to life; its picture came back clearer than ever as Dinky concentrated her magic. She turned to her mother and gave a cheery smile. “I need to tell Mr. Cathode thanks. His little trick wor—”

“It’s come down to the wire ponies. Will Cat Eyes win her first round and be elected into the UUEWE? Or will she suffer the shame of defeat at the hooves of Wagon Shredder?” PE.M’s voice crackled out of the TV’s speakers. Dinky remained on the edge of the couch cushion. Her smile grew. The camera angle shifted towards a corner post and PE. M said, “Wagon Shredder goes to the top. Here she comes! That’s all Celestia wrote. Cat Eyes is knocked out. You get knocked out—“

“You get chucked out!” Dinky said with a shout.

Derpy watched as her daughter bolted towards her. She removed the filly’s red mask to see her face. Derpy patted the pony on the back with a soft hoof, “Chew your food first Dinky. What you have to say can wait."

Dinky levitated her napkin and wiped her face. The pony removed her cape. She turned towards her mother after she heard the mare ask “What” a Wagon Shredder was and why it was wrestling. “Wagon Shredder isn’t some kind of thing, mom. She’s one of the wrestlers. Wagon Shredder is amazing. She has won enough matches to compete against the Equestrian Seven, a group of top quality competitors. If any pony can beat three of the seven, they get the right to go up against Solar Ignition. Though it’s never happened before, a pony can claim the UUEWE title if they win against her. The prize for defeating Solar Ignition is also Fifty Thousand bits.”

Derpy patted the unicorn filly on the head and ate the finale bite of her meal from her friend at the delivery company. She gathered the dishes up and placed them in the sink. After she returned to the couch, a quick yawn came to her ear.

“It would be nice if UUEWE was on more than just every six months out of the year.” Dinky said. Another yawn came from the little filly before she lost the battle with her heavy eyes. In a voice that grew quieter with each word she said, “It would be awesome. To meet the mares… of….”

“Goodnight, my precious muffin.” Derpy said before she placed her wing over the pony. “Perhaps you’ll find a surprise tomorrow after school. I know Ms. Cheerilee might kill me if she found out, but you’ve worked so hard on your studies. A little fun won’t hurt, tee hee.”