They Tear My Heart Asunder
Goodbyes. Those wretched things. I hate them more than anything. Most ponies would think that due to my long lifespan I've gotten over saying goodbye. In truth it only gets worse.Over the years I've been forced to witness millions of goodbyes.
The first was the easiest. From then on each and every goodbye tore a small hole within my heart. And yet, though they hurt they do not hurt the most. Their is one goodbye, one that I never got to say that tore me to pieces more than any other. In fact, more than all the others combined.
My Dear Sister,
Where do I start? How do I begin a farewell when I still can't believe you're gone? How do I say goodbye to a part of my soul?
The day you were born I felt this indescribable love. One I had never known before. From the beginning of your life I never knew I could have a love that was so strong. When you were a newborn foal told ponies how great you were and they said, "Yeah, but wait until she is two." When you were two I told ponies how great you were and they said, "Yeah, but wait until she is ten." When you were ten I told ponies how great you were and they said, "Yeah, but just wait until she is 16." When you were16 I told ponies how great you were.
You came into my life and changed me forever. Over the years people have complimented me for being a good big sister but I can't take credit for that. You were born good and you were the one who was often teaching me. You taught me love. You taught me honesty. You taught me how to forgive and how to be strong. You are the strongest pony I have ever known and you gave me strength when I was weak. When times were sad and tough I looked to you for strength. You taught me how to be myself. Most of all you taught me about life and how to live.
When you got started to become more withdrawn and I ignored, you taught me it was more important to feel and grow like any other child than to have me hide you under my wing. It was more important to live. And that you did. You danced so beautifully, for years. And then your greatest joy, the night. You made me so proud. You have always been my greatest pride and joy. And yet I ignored you and all your troubles. I'm not sure how I can live this life without you. Remember when you would cry and tell me you were so afraid because you didn't want me to die before you. And I would tell you I wasn't going to die. And remember me saying you couldn't die before me, so we agreed, we had to go at the same time because neither of us could live without the other.
Why did you have to go? I feel you weren't done with me yet. You have more to teach me, don't you? Who's going to tell me when I dress like an "old mare"? You always helped me so I didn't look like a "nerd". When you were gone for a weekend I would wait to buy something so I could get your opinion first. I knew you would be honest with me when I asked you how I looked. You always complimented me and made me feel better when I was down. At times, I think, our roles as elder and younger sister were switched. You worried about me just as much as I worried about you.
It hurts so much, Luna. I will miss you. I'll miss our quiet evenings together just you and me alone with each other for a single part of each and every day. I'll miss you walking through that door and telling me about your day. I'll miss going places with you for fun, like Fillydelphia and Las Pegasus. I'll miss your wings around me and your kisses. I'll miss you calling me to tuck you in at night. "Love, lock doors, don't scratch your knees, get your beauty rest, I'll pray for you."
When I went for a walk through Canterlot the other day, it seemed so odd to me. Businesses were open and ponies were bustling about and going on with their lives. For them life goes on but for me it felt like life had stopped. It felt like life came to a sudden stop that day when you changed. When you become a monster. When saw you and tried to reason with you. When I had to use the Elements. When I knew you were gone. It seemed that the world should have stopped because you left it.
Luna, I miss you so much already and I don't know if I can take this pain anymore. But then I think, how can I be sad when I know there's a chance you could come back someday. How can I be sad when you brought me so much happiness. How can I be sad when I feel like the luckiest pony on earth to have been chosen to be your older sister. How can I be sad when I had hundreds of years with you before this that terrible day. I will give thanks every day for the time we shared together.
I was with you when we heard this next song for the first time. It was when you wanted me to go to a movie. You said, "Tia, this is supposed to be a good movie, it's about two best friends, just like you and me." I didn't know what else it was about. And I didn't care, because I was with you. This song, "Once You Were Mine" has always made me think of you and it says everything I feel and I have told you that several times.
"Pass the time
Sit and strain
Waiting for your return
Ignoring the pain
Open wounds
Never to heal
I'm trying to explain
Just how I feel
But it's hard you know?
Living this life
Knowing your happy
While I'm in strife
I give it my all
To this very day
You ask me my feelings
What do I say?
I love you forever
It will never end
If you heart breaks, I'll fix it
For its still mine to mend
But I'm just waiting
Waiting on time
Until you return
And once again become mine."
Love always and forever,
Tia
I am Celestia, Sovereign Princess of Equestria, I am the Sol Inconcussa, yet today I am something else. Today, I am merely Celestia. Just another average pony grieving for the loss of a loved one. My heart is shattered. I know not when it shall return to even a semblance of what it used to be even after all these years. I have waited nearly a thousand years, hoping beyond all rational boundaries of hope that maybe someday my world will knit itself back together. Though, by now, I can't see how such a thing could happen. The end is nigh, for I cannot go on without you any longer sister. What you became was awful and yes, partly my fault. But all I ask is that the loving, compassionate sister of our childhood days come back. For without you, I am nothing. Without you I am broken.
Author's Note
Just a little something I threw together. It's probably terrible, but I gave it a shot anyway. Let me know what you think.
