My Little Parody: The Quest For The Stupid Book

by Max The Pawhnie

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure
Length: 4359

This is a very wicked story, where Twilight have a bad day. She has for intention to find a book, but it seams like nopony want to help her. Warning: This parody contains references, extensive use of swear words, nasty sex jokes and a lot of PONIES!

This is a somewhat crazed parody story, with a whacked random humor (similar to Pinkie's, but with more swears). If you like random humor with silly descriptions, parodies of pony personalities, and not-so-sweet-friendship language, you are going to LOVE this!

And for those of you who wonder, NO, this story doesn't contain any sex scenes. The tag is just there because of the sexual jokes and references in the story, but this a parody, NOT a clop-fic!

Plot: Twilight wakes up to have a very bad day. She really want to find her book on friendship, but can't for fox sake find it. And her not-so-clever friends ain't for any good help.

Warning: This parody contains references, extensive use of swear words, nasty sex jokes and a hazardous amount of PONIES. No rights reserved.

Published 2014-04-16 17:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-16 17:50:03 UTC

Where Is That Book?

Author's Note

REMEMBER: If you like, (or dislike D:<) anything in my crazy story about ponies, be so kind as to write in a comment on WHAT you think and WHY you think so. This will give me the opportunity to make the story better, and know what I should do different in possible future parodies.

Where Is That Book?

My Little Parody:

The Quest For The Stupid Book

Twilight woke up on her hard uncomfortable bed. She was really pissed today. Why? It’s not about “why” it’s about “why the hell not”! The fuck I know, she’s a PONY! She’s just pissed, and by that I mean she’s not happy it all!
“Mrrghh… Spiiike!”
The tired and annoyed assistant came into her room.
“Yeah… What is it now…”
“Go get me a boring book to read!”
“Which one of them?” Spikey Wikey replied.
“The one about friendship and shit…” Twilight responded.
“Do we even have one of those?!”
“Off course we do idiot! I have approximately eightyninethousendfourhundredandsixtyseven books, why wouldn’t I have one about friendship! It’s what our lives are about, right?!
Twilight said, without a single pause. Because after thousands of years of being a nerdy nag pony, she was very good at making sentences way to complicated and non-understandable for any normal pony. (Because they aren’t very bright.)
“So you’re telling me, you counted them ALL?!” Spike said, because I have to write he said it, or else I will be “killed” by the moderators. (And with “killed” I mean I won’t get my story published.)
“E’juep. I’m the nerdiest pony in all Equestria, what did you expect?”
“Eeehjuepp? That’s not your line!” Spike said, referencing the famous red one-liner pony.
“I don’t caaare! Get me the BOOK already!”
“Ok, ok!” He said annoyed.
Spike went out in the main room of the library, and looked around. No book on friendship was found, and no fucks where given.
“It’s not there.” Spike said.
“What?” Twilight questioned.
“It’s not there.” Spike said again.
“What do you mean “It’s not there?!” Twilight said, conflicting with her role as “smart”.
“I mean that your fucking book isn’t THERE! What is so hard to understand about that?!” The now very agitated Spike replied.
“Arrgh!!!” Twilight gave out as a loud and annoyed sound of frustration.
“I’ll go get it myself!”
Out in the big room of books and stuff, she found no book of what she hoped to find a book about. She counted all the eightyninethousendfourhundredandsixtyseven books about pony stuff, but could only find eightyninethousendfourhundredandsixtySIX books.
“Spike!!!” Twilight shouted at her (to her) very annoying book-slave.
“I told yaa….” Spike replied in a smug manner.
“Have you taken my book?!” Twilight said unusually dumbly.
“Seriously?!” Spike said, while glaring at Twilight, confused over her not-so-cleverness.
“Well who took it then?!” She said.
“I dunno, just ask your princess girlfriend, I’m sure she knows it as good as she knows everything else in this fucking dictatorship of a country.” Spike said, still as fucking annoyed as two seconds earlier.
“Or maybe your lovely little Rarity has taken it?” Twilight countered.
“Yeah? Well at least I’m not gay like you.” Spike said, now pretty fucking angry.
“Cough*stalker*cough.” Twilight “said” while coughing made-uply .
“Yeah, whatever dude. I’ll just go back to weed and sleeping.”
Twilight was filled with a happyfeel over kinda winning the argument over spike. But this feel disappeared as soon as she realized she still didn’t have her book.
She walked outside and bumped into Pinkamena Diane Pie.
“Ohaaai Twilight!!!” The likely very drug affected Ponyville citizen said.
“MY BOOK!? Have you seen it?!” Twilight replied.
“Yes.”
“Where?” She said while glaring insanely at the high pony.
“Yes.”
“Where’s yes?!”
“No.” Pinkie said instead of “Yes”.
“Seriously, I don’t have any fucking time for this. WHERE IS MY BOOK??!!”
Twilight had pushed down Pinkie Pie on her back, and was standing breathing heavily over her.
“Oh Twilight, prove to me that you are a better lover than Rainboww!” Pinkie said in a suggestive manner.
“WTF MAN?! What is wrong with you Pinkie?! You fucking clopper!” Twilight said while referencing 80% of this fandom. (Sorry for that.)
“Hehehe… Sorry, couldn’t resist…” Pinkie said, making a trollface expression.
Twilight smashed her hoof in her own face with much force.
“Ouch! That really hurt!” She said as a comment on her own stupid behavior.
“Well duuh…” Pinkie replied to the Twilight above her.
“Ok, I’ve had enough o’ your manure! I know I’ll ask RARITY!”
Twilight started hopping happily towards Rarity’s modernistic stylist house, net worth approx. 41,000,699.99 Bitcoins. (The ponies have the slang term “Bits”).
“Hey missis Rarity!” She said, happily, because I want her to do so.
“Oooh yess darling, what may I help you with dear?” Said the sassy-ass motherfucker of a pony.
“*sigh* I want my book. BOOK. Friendship. You have?” She said with a primitive cave-pony voice.
“Oh dear, I’m awfully sorry dear that I doesn’t have your book dear.” Missis Rarity said dearly.
“Argh! Where IS it?!” Twilight said, asking for her book once again…
“You dear fancy coming in having a cup of tea dear, and maybe watch some Downtown Abbey dear?” Rarity said, with a very British accent.
“Deer, deer, deer, shut up about your deer! I’m here for a stupid book, not for horned animals!” Twilight said, questioning the very fancy usage of words.
“Oh dear, dear! What is you’re issue here dear? I’m sure I can help you darling.” Rarity said to Twilight.
“Oh, wow, you didn’t say deer there.” The lavender-colored horned horse said very surprised.
“No off course! I didn’t DARE say deer there dear!” The dearest of deers, missis Rarity said.
“Aaaahh….. Make it stop!!!”
“Oh dear God. What is the matter here dear?”
“AARGHH!!!” The angry twilight screamed out loudly.

Twilight started to rush slowly away from the dear deer at the house there. After 2 hours of recovery after a dear lot of dear deer there, she finally decided to move onto asking her friend she met at a pride festival, Rainbow Dash…
“Yooh mah mahn, wath’s up homie” The potentially homosexual RD said.
“Yeah, hey Rainbow” She said, much less annoyed then before.
“Yeah, swag swag yolo” RD said in lack of more intelligent word usage.
“Is swag really a word?” The more intellectual Twily said.
“Yeah man, off course it is. Microsoft Office Word and Google Translate accept it as a word!” (Yes, they do.)
“How about “yolo”?” Twilight questioned again.
“It means “you only live once”. Surprisingly, RD managed to explain.
“What do you mean? Doesn’t something have to end for it to happen once?” Twilight said, while doing what she does best, questioning.
“Well… Fuck you man…” Rainbow Dash replied in the lack of any valid argument.
“Well since none of us ever die, we can’t really “live once”.”
“Whatever dude, why do you even come here?” Rainbow asked.
“Because some fucker stole my book. And when I find her, I’m gonna fucking kill her.” Twilight said threatening.
“I’m sure it was that biach Fluttershy, she steals everything she finds and feeds it to her animals.” Rainbow Dash said,
“That mute lunatic! I’m gonna go get her for this!” The now, once again angry Twilight said.
Rainbow was feeling a bit “social” and wanted to ask Twilight a question.
“Hey Twilight, wanna have a Golden Gaytime* with me?” I tried it with Applejack, and believe me, it’s an experience I’ll never forget.”
Twilight’s eyes grew to the size of basketballs, while her pupils (and the iris too for some reason) shrunk to “very tiny size that can’t be explained by using the name of any known type of sports ball”.
“What tha hell man?! What is wrong with you ponies?!” Twilight said shocked.
“What, why don’t you wanna have a Golden Gaytime? It’s great fun, and it could taste good to if you know how to lick”
“Arrgh!!! Police! I’m getting raped!!!”
Twilight said while running as fast as she could in another direction. Rainbow Dash closed her door and walked back to her table. She brought out another Golden Gaytime ice-cream and started to lick it with her long, wet tongue.

*Golden Gaytime is an Australian ice-cream. Believe me, it’s a real thing. Their slogan is “It’s hard to have a Gaytime on your own.”

Twilight decided to fuck Rainbow Dash. (No not that way you dirty-minded freak!). She just though, “Fuck her, I’m asking Fluttershy the stealer.”
So then she waddled away, waddle waddle, to the very next home, bam-bam bambapp-bappbadapp!
“Hey Fluttershy, you stole my book?” Twilight asked suspiciously.
“Errhrm… I think… Really that… Erhmmm….” Fluttershy “said”.
“Yeah? What is it girl?” The nerdy Twilight said.
“It’s…. I mean… I kinda… Erhmm…..”
Fluttershy blushed so much Twilight tough she was gonna start to bleed from the face from all the blood that passed through it.
“Just tell me! Do you know anything about it?” The annoyed Twilight pony said.
“I… Yes… I think it’s…. Erhhm…...” She stuttered. (Because that’s what she does, right?)
“WTF is so hard to talk for? Just SAY dammit!” The now VERY fucking annoyed Twilight said.
“It’s in, it’s… I think…. Erhhm….” Fluttershy stuttered once again.
“Like, erhm, yeah, euhm… What’s your problem man? Why am I the only non-retarded pony on this planet?” Twilight raged.
“Yeah, well MAYBE it’s because you’re so UGLY that I think it’s hard to FUCKING talk to you, THAT’S WHY!!!” The previously so Fluttershy pony screamed out.
Twilight got so surprisingly surprised over Fluttershy’s reaction so she fell over. Literately, can you believe it? She FELL OVER!
“Oh, I’m so sorry… It won’t happen again… Erhmm…”
“Yeah, ok ok. It’s ok, just say where the book is.” Twilight said much more calmly.
“I think… Erhm…”
“ARRRGH!!! Tell me!”
“OK OK! It is at fucking Applejack’s house! Calm your shit down!!!” The once again agitated Fluttershy replied.
“Ok, just… Did that really have to take half a pony-hour* to say?” Twilight asked very annoyed.
“Well… Erhm…” The once again speechless pony uttered.
“Yeah, just… Don’t say anything… I’ll just leave…”
Twilight did what she just said, and leaved the annoying Fluttershy alone with her stuttering.

*1 pony-hour = approximately 0.62 human-hours.

The nerd-pony arrived at the hillbilly-pony’s house.
“Hey, Jappleack! I want my book back!!!” Twilight said, very suspicions about Applejack.
“Yo howdy partner! What r’ yo talkin’ ‘bout? The redneck of a pony said.
“My BOOK! I know you have it you crazy redneck!” She said, insulting the crazy redneck.
“Hey, ain’t nobpony callin’ me a redneck! Mah neck’s ALL ORANGE!”
“Give. Me. The. BOOK!” She said, very frustrated about the hillbilly-pony.
“What’s a book?” The very dumb Applejack said.
“One of those things made out of paper, you know, those with words in.” Twilight replied.
“Ah don’t think I’ve ever heard o’ somethin’ like a word before…Where do Ah find ‘em?” The apple-pony asked the magic-pony.
“What? You DON’T KNOW what a word is?” Twilight said, surprised over the other pony’s dumbness.
“Is it a cow’s name? Ah'm gonna name mah cow Word…” Applejack suggested.
“Cows? Aren’t they sentient like you and me? Or well, as ME…” Twilight questioned.
“Do they come before or after apples in the alphabet?” The special-stupid Applejack said.
“It’s slavery! They can even talk!” Twilight replied.
“What, no they can’t! They speak some weird alien language!”
“What? No, the humans* aren’t here now, and the cows don’t speak human language! They speak Ponish** just like you and me. Twily said to Applejack.
“Ah don’t think I know that language…”
“Do you know anything?” Twilight asked.
“Hmm… Apples are red I think… Or are they blue… And apples come AFTER 2.” The seemingly mentally disabled earth-pony answered.
“Sigh... Derpy knows more than you do. At least she knows the color of Apples. I mean, your name is Applejack…”
“Yeah, allrightey den, seeya all soon sugarcube.”
“Yeah, and I’m not a square-shaped lump of glucose” Twilight responded in a nerdy manner.
“E’juep.”
“Bye…” She said, effectively finishing the very failed conversation with the redneck.
Twilight had been so distracted by Applejacks lack of knowledge on anything, so she simply forgot to ask more about the book. She just went on and presumed the hillbilly-pony didn’t have enough brain cells to steal any kind of object.

*The humans, read my other (way more serious) fan-fic “The Force Beyond” for more info on these weird creatures.
**Ponish, official language of Equestria.

She walked towards town. Maybe any of the uncommon-common ponies had the answer. She quickly ran into Dr. Whooves.
“Oh, Doctor! Nice to see you” Twilight said, greeting the scientist-pony.
“Yes, PRECISELY!” The mad scientists said.
“What is precisely?” The almost as crazed other geek replied.
“Everything Sparkly! I have to get the DeLorewagon back, to the future!” Time Turner replied.
“Wait… Aren’t you supposed to be a parody of Dr. Who, not Dr. Emmett Brown?”
“Precisely!” The parody-pony said.
“What…? I mean like… What tha…” Twilight said, very confused over the crazy behavior of Dr. Whooves.
“You see Sparkly, the flux-clopassitor have generated a negative force field that have caused a major information breach in this particular timeline! Do you know what this means?”
“No, what are you talking about? Where is Dr. Whooves?”
“I’m a background pony Sparkly, I have an un-defined quantum-technical personality. I can be anypony! I can even be YOU!” The pony professor quoted.
“Really? Where is my book?” Real Twilight said.
“Really? Where is my book?” Fake Twilight copy-pasted.
“Seriously, repeating what I say won’t make you ME.” True Twilight said.
“Seriously, repeating what I say won’t make you ME.” Twilight Whooves repeated.
“Stop dammit, you’re not gonna make me think YOU are ME.” Twilight said.
“Stop dammit, you’re not gonna make me think YOU are ME.” The other Twilight said.
“Real tired o’ your shit Dr. Whooves…”
“I’m not Dr. Whooves, I was Dr. Neighett Brown, but Now I am Twilight Sparkle! And now, Twilight Sparkle must get BACK, to the FUTURE!!!”
The crazed background pony hopped into the strange horse wagon covered in cables and stuff, and stared flying up, way up the sky! Twilight uttered:
“Now I’ve seen everything…”

The very confused and slightly annoyed Twilight waddled further, into the slum quarters of Ponyville. Suddenly, she heard very repetitive brainwash rap in the background. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Scootaloo said:
“Yo girls, look what we’ve got here! It’s a pretty purple pony!”
Scotaloo and her homies where ridin’ on a scooter moped. Twilight replied:
“Aren’t you a bit too young to be ridin’ around on that thing?”
“You can’t tell me what to do bitch! Fuck the police!!!” The scooter riding Scootaloo said.
“I’m not the police dammit, I’m that annoying, overly politically correct nerdy unicorn that lives across the street. And I want my fucking book!”
The white unicorn sister of Rarity named something with bell took out a big, fat, dirty, old book from her side bag. She said:
“You mean THIS?”
“Yeah! Gimme it!” Twilight said to her.
“NOPE.” The white unicorn replied.
“GIVE ME THAT BOOK!” Twilight screamed. (Because it’s written with capitals.)
“Why?” The white unicorn thug said, teasing Twilight with her old book.
“Because I don’t give a fuck about your little cutie mark crusaders club, I’m gonna get that fucking book!”
“It’s not the cutie mark crusaders anymore; it’s The Cutie Mark Gangstas!” The gangsta pony Apple Bloom said.
“Wow, such gangsta... You ride a moped and steal books… Even Fluttershy is more badass then that.” The angry Twilight insulted.
“You’re still not getting the book.” The pony-thug said.
“Yeah? Stop me!”
Twilight lounged towards the three wannabe gangstas. But in the last second, they moved aside with their moped-thingy.
“Hah! If you want the book, you have to catch us first!”
The shitty wooden moped started to move slowly along the mud street. The three homies where just too much for the tiny, seemingly invisible engine. Twilight started to walk after.
“Aw seriously? You’re gonna get a cutie mark in shitty gangstaness for this lame pull-off.”
“Oh really?” They questioned.
Apple Bloom brought up a strange device. On the device was the text “Pinkie Pie’s Illogical Weapon Industries. Powered by 156 % pure illogic. “
“Say hello to mah little friend!” The white unicorn referenced.
The device started to shoot out eggs at Twilight. The eggs flew, and hit Twilight in her long horse face. She didn’t like to get it in the face. (I know, that sounded wrong.)
“Eugh! Whattafack is this shit?”
“It’s The Egghmatron 3500!
One, as always high, Pinkie pie sat beside Twilight with an umbrella to protect her from the storm of egg-shaped projectiles!
“Could you make it stop flying eggs at me, EUGH!” Twilight Sparkle the magic unicorn said.
“Oh silly, It’s an Egg Cannon. It’s controlled by those fuckers!”
Pinkie Pie pointed her hoof towards the angry Cutie Mark Gangstas.
“Fuck… YOU GUYS!”
Twilight caught the eggs with her pink super mega über field of magic. She tossed them back at the slowly moving hotrod of a scooter. The young gangstas replied:
“Shit! Incoming!”
“Aw hell naw!”
They pressed a button on the Egghmatron 3500, a big, red one with the text “Do not press, unless you want this thing to shoot eggs faster. Surprisingly, the eggmachine started to shoot out eggs even faster.
“Aaaargh! Piinkiee, Make it stop!!!”
Twilight said, barely able to move due to the incoming stuff.
“Taking heavy egg-fire!”
Pinkie Pie said, now wearing a green military helmet. Twilight hadn’t seen such a unit before. She didn’t even know what “military helmet” was, so I’m not even sure why I’m writing that. Pinkie had now also brought out her hoof-powered military grade army-candy helicopter.
“Get to tha choppa!” Pinkie Pie said with an Austrian accent.
Twilight, who was very tired of getting constantly bombarded with eggs, had nothing against hopping into the candy-grade helicopter.
“Oh shit, they’ve got a helicopter! Switch to rocket-propelled grapefruits!” One of the homies said.
They pressed a button with the text RPG and now, the machine started to mow out grapefruits.
The grapefruits hit the candy choppa, and pinkie pie opened fire to the slowly moving grapefruit-shooting wood-board scooter-moped on the ground. The helicopter unit started to launch carrots at them homies snailing on along the street.
“Prepare a bomb!” The pony-junkie Pinkie said.
Twilight looked at Pinkie, then at the back of the inside of the helicopter. There were some orange, (duh) pumpkins in the back. Twilight prepared a pumpkin by waiting for Pinkie Pie to hover above the ground gangstas. She then took the pumpkin and dropped it out the door on the side of the Swiss-made army candy helicopter.
SPLAT!
Just, SPLAT!
The previously barely moving scooter now moved even more barely.
“Arrgh, WTF? Pumkins?!”
The now very angry Cutie Mark Book Stealers sat on the ground close to the pumpkin covered scooter.
“This is sergeant Pinkie Pie to home base, we’re going in!” Pinkie said.
The candy chopper landed (not especially swiftly) beside the pumpkin pie of a gangsta league.
“Hahaha! Told ya you wouldn’t be getting’ my book!” Twilight said with a smug grin on her pony-face.
Twilight grabbed onto the big fat, dirty old book, and went back to the seriously looking army Pinkie.
“Let’s leave now you crazy motherfucker. These fake mobsters won’t be troubling us anymore.”
“Affirmative Captain Twilight!”
But before they had time to get back in the helicopter, the now pumpkin soaked thugs jumped into the thing.
“Fuck the book girls; we have a fucking helicopter now! You know what this means?” One of them commented.
“Yeah! Let’s go harass Tiara’s guys!” Another one suggested.
The outlaw crusaders went off to have their gang war against Diamond Tiara and the other gangsta ponies.
“Those motherfuckers stole our helicopter!” Twily said.
“No worries, I have a jet plane made out of muffins to. I’m fine.” Pinkie said with an overly happy smile on her face.

The two girly colored horses started trotting along the street. They came to Pinkie Pies house.
“Hey, wanna have some cupcakes with me?!” Pinkie asked Twilight.
Twilight, who was now “not as fucking angry as before” gladly joined Pinkie for some cupcakes in her house.
They walked into the dimly lighted room. Twilight sat down at the table in the middle. The entire house had a weird smell… Pinkie brought out the cupcakes.
“Try them; these are extra special cupcakes, just for YOU!”
Twilight, who didn’t want to feel all too rude, took a bite of one of the cupcakes provided. The cupcake was weird… The inside was all fucked up, with moving colors and shit.
“What the hell did you put into these fucking cupcakes?!” Twilight asked Pinkie.
“Hmmm… Chair dust, a lobster mustache, and lots and lots of ACID!” The little pink pony replied.
“You mean LSD?!” Twilight said, shocked over Pinkies cupcake recipe.
Pinkie pie started to change to red color.
“E’juep!”
She had now fully morphed into a Big-Mac. (No, not the hamburger you idiot! Why do you even read this shit if you don’t watch the pony show?!)
“Big Mackintosh?” She asked what looked like Applejack's brother.
“NOPE.”
The previous McDonalds pony was now a two-legged creature with a very long neck.
“WTF is this shit?”
Twilight rose up from the table and stumbled out through the door. She looked at the purple sky.
“Holy shit, that’s not right!”
She looked around; there was a strange two legged creature with a deer head walking along the street.
“Oh dear, hi deer, do you really dare deer out as dear as this?” The weird thing asked Twilight.
The creature was purplish in color, and the head was definitely a deer head.
“WTF?!! Who are you?” Twilight asked it.
“I dare to say that I’m the dear deer my dear.”
“Oh god…” Twilight said, shocked as fuck.
She turned around. Behind her was a bluish creature with a fucked-uply shaped head. The head was more yellowish in tint, and had a rough surface.
“Hey, let’s have a Golden Gaytime! G-Gaytime!” The abomination said to Twiliy.
“Aargh!” Twilight shouted.
“Let’s have fun, let’s play around! It’s hard to have a Gaytime of your own!”
She turned to the right. There was another strange creature. This one had a head in the shape of an apple.
“I can count to apple! It’s a number, not a word!” It said.
“What the hell, IS THIS?!” Twilight asked whoever might be listening.
“They ain’t apples, they’re carrots! The speak some fucked up vegetable language!” The apple-headed monster said.
Another freak stood beside her. It had a pink insect head with a long trunk.
“Eeehm… I’m, eeeehm…” It stuttered.
“Not YOU!” Twilight said, recognizing the inability to speak normally.
“Eeeeh, no, I’m not you, I’m eeeehmm…” It uttered as a so called “response”.
Another motherfucker came up beside her; this one had a green head shaped like a weed leaf. (Yes, the stuff that makes you see crazy stuff, like pink ponies and shit.)
“Yeah, far out dude! I’m gonna get sum more weed yo. Yeah, I don’t care I’m gonna sleep, yeah.” The weed-thing said.
The creatures said together:
“Yeah, eehhm, wanna have an apple Gaytime deer?
“Gaytime, deer, euhm, yeah, apple, gaytime, deer, euhm, yeah, apple…”
Pinkies face appeared in front of Twilight’s. The face said to her:
“Don’t you like my world Twilight? Isn’t if FUN?!”
“No, NO! Make it stop before go insane!!!” Twilight responded.
“Oh, you are already insane Twilight! Welcome to my world! Isn’t it FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN…”
The funning started to fade away and she could hear a voice in the background.
“Twilight, wake up! Wake up for fox sake!”
“Aaaargh!!! Make it stop! I can’t take it anymore, no more FUN!” Twilight screamed.
“Calm down Twi, It’s okay now, we’ve gotten that shit otta your body now.” A familiar voice said.
“What, what shit?!” She replied.
“The shit Pinkie here gave you.”
What looked like Rainbow Dash pointed her hoof at Pinkie the LSD pony.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you so much the first time... I didn’t remember that you’re not used to my special cupcakes.”
“Aw thanks gawd that’s over.” Twilight said, relieved to hear none of the crazy shit she have been seeing for the last minutes were real.
“I was waiting for you, dear subject.”
“P-Princess Celestia?!”
“It’s Kim Jong-Celestia, or Dear Leader to you citizen!” The leader of all Equestria said to Twilight.
“I’m sorry dear Deer Leader.” Twilight apologized.
“It’s ok, you’re a good student Twilight. I will make sure your death will be painless.” The leader said to her.
“What?!” She said in a very shocked manner.
“Eeeh, I was just joking… Off course…”
Twilight looked around at her annoying retard friends. They all looked as stupid as previously, but now they were on four legs, and their heads weren’t all fucked-up as before.
“Where’s my book?!” Twilight emitted from her mouth.
“Here, take the fucker!”
Her lazy assistant said, while throwing up the book in her pony-lap.
“Finally, at last! I can now see what it says here… Yes…”
The mentally impaired friends o’ the Lavender Unicorn glared dumbly at her when she read the book about friendship and shit.
“Yes, I was right, it says here on page 69, Friendship IS Magic.” Twilight read out loudly. The other ponies cheered together:
“Yaaaaaaay!!!”

And that’s the end of Twilights angry pissed-off episode of frustration. She now went on and swore little less in her future pony life. Even though she still swears and screams out insults every night to relief her of the frustration of having absolute fucktards as friends. Not even Twilight Sparkle can survive being forced to be so calm and polite towards everypony all the time.
So that’s it kids, and remember, don’t trust anypony who wanna give you a “Gaytime” or “special cupcakes”!