The Wrong People for the Job

by Sylpheed Dashstep

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Dark
Length: 1168

Two ponies keep getting confused for detectives and nopony listens despite all of Corch's protests, but what happens when one of the biggest figures on Equestria is killed and the two false detectives get pulled into it.

Corch and his partner, Riker, keep getting confused for detectives and always seem to get roped into murder chases and scandals that must never hear the light of day. As a result they've gained a vast knowledge of criminals, methods, and reasons for all sorts of crimes but can their knowledge help them in the case of a crime bigger than any they've faced before; the murder of Twilight Sparkle.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-23 22:10:02 UTC

The Morning Routine

Do you ever get roped into an investigation against your will? What about one involving murder? It's quite common if you're a detective, but what about if you're not a detective? Shouldn't be that common, should it. Well for me and my boyfriend it's not that uncommon, sad to say. Now, I'm starting this blog because of a promise I made, not because I actually want to share what happened. We'll get to that eventually though, for now let's start with the morning of the murder.

The murder of Princess Twilight Sparkle.

I opened my eyes to find the light of Celestia's sun filling the room and lighting up Rei's face with a glow like that of the stars (okay, so I may be exaggerating but my creative side is taking over). I silently rolled out of the bed and away from the warmth of Rei, baring the cold of winter to get breakfast started and heat up the house with a fire. About half an hour later I had a nice blaze In the fireplace and I was cooking a batch of chocolate chip pancakes by the time Rei got up and entered the kitchen, looking as amazing as always. Although he always found a way to whine about how he looked.

"Uuuuuugh," he moaned as he sat at the table.

"What's wrong today," I asked, not turning from the food.

"My mane," he grunted.

I turned my head slightly and looked at him, catching sight of a lock of his gray mane sticking up and out of place from its usual slicked back position it somehow always assumed on its own.

"Maybe the magic holding it down is running out," I joked, turning back to the stove and flipping a pancake.

Rei gave a gasp and said, "Corch, do not joke about the hair magic."

I gave a snort and took the last pancake out of the pan, turning the burner off and carrying the plate over to the table, setting it in the center of the table as I sat beside Rei.

"If it's any consolation I think you look great," I offered as I picked up a few pancakes.

"I suppose I'll accept it," he replied, giving me a kiss on the cheek and taking some pancakes for himself.

"So what are we doing today," I asked as I started eating.

"Well you've got that job interview, I've got to stop by Twilight's to drop off that book that's hella late, and-"

"You mean the one detailing sex positions?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Well who's fault is it that it's so late?"

"I didn't hear you complaining last night."

"Shove off."

"What about in, can I do that instead?"

"Dude, no, I don't wanna get another shower this morning."

"Well giving you a blow job wouldn't require getting a shower, would it?"

"Do you not understand the concept of no?"

Rei gave a laugh and put his plate in the sink, passing by me and giving me a teasing kiss at the base of my ear before whispering, "I dunno, you tell me."

I gave a small chuckle and pushed him away, going over to the sink to wash the dishes as I replied, "Go on and get that book back to Twi so she doesn't file a civil complaint against us."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," he replied, going upstairs to get ready.

About an hour later I had the house all to myself and was getting into the newest Daring Do book, only getting a few pages in before Rei busted through the door. "That was awfully fast," I said, closing the book and looking up at him.

He was breathing heavily and his face had a slightly red tint to it showing from under his white fur, showing that he had ran all the way from somewhere to here. "We've got a murder on our hooves," he said after he finally got his breath back.

I gave a sigh and closed the book, setting it on the plush, red chair as I got up and stretched the kinks out of my back. "Who's dead now?"

"It's...it's..."

"Well come on, out with it!"

"Princess Twilight Sparkle."

I stopped, looking at him to see if he was joking but found only sadness in his gaze. I moved across the room quickly and wrapped my hooves around the earth pony I'd been living with for two years now, my red mane sliding into my teal eyes. I didn't bother moving it though and instead focused on keeping a tight grip on Rei as tears started to fall onto my shoulder that eventually ran down to the base of my wings, streaking my sky blue fur with a darker shade as it grew wet.

I honestly hadn't known Twilight as well as Rei had. For me she was just an acquaintance but for Rei, she was one of his best friends, one of those few ponies he would trust with secrets that he wouldn't tell anypony else but me. And even though I wasn't as close to her as he had been I still felt shocked that anybody would want to kill her, even if she had been crowned as a princess a month ago, that was no reason to take up arms against her.

"We'll find whoever did it, I promise," I said.

"What if this ends up like Foallywood though," he replied, sniffling a little.

I remembered the incident well, it was in fact one of the few times we'd actually failed. We had been visiting Rei's parents and had come across the body of a street vendor, an old friend of mine actually. Of course I never told Rei that, he probably would have never given up the chase then and probably would have gotten us in legal trouble with Saddle Arabia. The killer had heard about our fame and had gone after my past and had inevitably gotten away by crossing the border into Saddle Arabia, therefore escaping from the clutches of Equestrian law and finding a safe place in the arms of the country bordering ours. Of course we very well couldn't go and demand them to deport him back, what with the unsteady grounds we were already on with them and given that he had broken no laws on their side of the border, he was untouchable by both sides.

"It won't Rei, we're in Ponyville, remember," I said, "there's no way they could get to the border in time, especially not with this winter we're having."

"Y-you're right," he said, pulling away and settling his startling blue eyes on mine.

I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before moving to get my scarf and boots. He met me at the door and I gave him a questioning look as I asked, "Are you ready to go do this?"

"Lets go find this bastard," he replied, leading the way out the door.