Author's Note

Tally ho! Sorry good sirs, but all my stories were DELETED BY A BITCH. Anyways, when I find him I will kill him, and if you, the admin, are reading this. Could you perhaps restore my stories if possible?

Where is my staff?

“What kind of statue is that supposed to be, Spleunk?”

Are you joking with me god? You decided to send another bloody adventuring couple into this cave? How many have been in here anyway? A lot has happened in… one thousand years I’d say.

The greyish unicorn named Spleunk walked up to the place where I stood, a frozen maniacal smile on my lips. Jeez, I should’ve at least made a better stance and facial expression before getting turned to stone by some rainbows.

“I dunno Drip.” He scratched his head. “I’ve never seen something like this, but it looks like whatever is in his weird claw is valuable!” The pony stared at the shiny red metallic object in my hand.

Nein! He can’t be talking about my precious baby… This little thing has gotten me through hell and back in this land. Also, who knew that intelligent talking ponies existed? It really slipped my mind! Ha ha ha! Silly me… I laugh at my own joke…

I refocused on the unicorn trying to wrench my baby out of my grip, but to no avail he could not pry my cold, stone, dead fingers off of the object. The pony grumbled and made his way off out of the chamber I resided. The blue pegasus with a pith helmet on stopped him and pointed to the base of my current residence.

“You idiot! Didn’t you read the darn plate!”

“Must have slipped my mind…” He grumbled and squinted at my plate. He started to read aloud. “Insanity… That’s his name? Insanity? Really?”

“There is more you dolt!”

The stallion grumbled louder and leaned closer to the golden nameplate. “Insanity, summoner of the dead. Well then! Let’s get outta here!”

"Now wait a minute Spleunk... How bout you and me spend some quality time while we are alone for once?"

Oh gods. Don't think impure thoughts... Don't think impure- MEIN GOTT. I did it again.

"Nah! Let's get outta here!" Spleunk scurried off, and the female pony rolled her eyes and followed suit.

Do dee do dee do… What to do in this won-der-ful chamber of mine!

“I know what you can do!”

I focused on the source of the voice, a tall freak of nature that was dubbed Discord.

Oh mein gott! Tis’ you old friend! Are you ready to bask in chaos once more? Or are you here to laugh at my imprisoned self?

The abomination chuckled to himself before turning back to face me. “Sorry, but no. I am currently on the run and I only got free to break out all of my old friends from different universes, and that includes you!” Discord snapped his fingers together and a small crack appeared on my test. He suddenly had on a sailor captain’s hat and saluted. “Tally ho old chap! I’m off to free my friend Dullahan!”

I focused on the crack on my chest and sighed.

Gott nun mal Discord...

(1,024 Years Ago)

Riding in a sports car has its quirks, I’ll give you guys that one. Especially when your over the top friend is driving and you are in the passenger seat. Another friend of ours, Fred, was sitting in the back seat singing the lyrics to “Archangel” by Elena Siegman, while our current driver, Steve, was blowing through traffic like a mad man just trying to get a “really good fucking spot” at comic-con in Arizona. Another friend of ours, Tom, was currently petting a German Shepard, who was ironically named Fluffy, that happened to be dressed as a hellhound.

Yes that is right. A hellhound from Call of Duty zombies. The four of us were dressed as the iconic original crew from the first and second zombies games. Me being Doctor Richtofen; Steve was dressed as Tank; Fred was dressed as Nikolai; while Tom was dressed as Takeo. I had a basalt rock that was spray painted orange in places clipped to my SS uniform and a very intricate replica of the Ray Gun.

“Hey Eddie! What’re you doin over there lookin’ so plummed out man?” Steve had a scottish accent to contradict his costume.
“Well wearing an SS uniform is pretty fucking hot Steve. Also, my name isn’t Eddie!” I took a swig of a water bottle that happened to be on the dashboard, sighing in pleasure at the cool feeling running down my throat.

(Present Day)

It took a few weeks, but the stone around me finally shattered into oblivion. I wasn’t prepared for this, so I fell to the ground gasping. “Yes! More air for the Doctor!” I sputtered and used a nearby shattered piece of leg to hoist myself up, taking care to holster the Ray Gun first.

I looked around my surroundings and noticed how much it has changed. “Mein Gott! This place is onits last legs!” I took a few minutes to examine the ruined castle. “I am finished with this area! Onward to victory mein friends!” I help the stone shard in the air.

“Where’s the staff?”

I looked around my surroundings in confusion, and finally anger. “WHERE IS MEIN STAFF!” I then fired a single shot into the dark chamber. Causing not so good sounds to be heard from miles away. “Oh shit.”

(Canterlot Castle)

The defeat of Discord was being celebrated all over the castle as Twilight and her friends put the statue back into place from where it once stood. Celestia was beaming with pride at her student for accomplishing so much in so little time, but then she felt a shiver of fear as she heard an all too familiar yell, albeit in the distance.

Twilight noticed this as well and turned to her former teacher. “Did you just hear somepony, Princess?”

Celestia nodded her head and tuned in to the direction from whence the yell came. Twilight and Celestia, as well as many other ponies in the area jumped in surprise as they heard a much clearer yell ring out from the direction of the Everfree Forest. “Where is mein staff!”

Celestia immediately turned towards her former student to tell her to check out the incident, but her and her friends were already running off to the train station. Celestia shivered in fear as she realized that her former enemy was back. Perhaps the most dangerous thing to ever exist in Equestria. “Insanity.” She muttered under her breath.

(1,024 Years Ago)

Fred was off somewhere with Tom doing his own thing, and Steve was trying to hit on a girl standing next to us. I face palmed and walked over to a booth that bore the name ‘Props R US’ I chuckled at the name.

The old man behind the booth smiled a creepy smile and greeted me with a salute. “Greetings Doctor.”

I did a half salute back and looked at the merch available. I stared with a gaping mouth at the staff before me. It was a perfect replica of what appeared to be the Ice Staff, but it was something much more. It appeared to be a combination of all four of the Elemental Staffs from the Origins map. As well as an unfamiliar looking necklace that came with the staff. The price tag read ‘90$’.
So I bought the two items and strode happily into the surrounding crowd with a beaming smile on my face, completely unaware of the necklace/amulet getting warmer the longer I had it on.

I was stopped by a young man with a rainbow wig and a pair of fake cyan wings on his back. “Woah man, nice Alicorn Amulet! I didn’t think that you would be a brony when I first saw you!”

I looked at him and scoffed. “A brony? What’s that supposed to be?”

He looked at me with a confused look. “But that amulet is the Alicorn Amulet, bro. How could you not be a brony!?”

I felt myself getting a little annoyed with this guy’s antics, and the anger in my voice started to rise. I slightly noticed the Amulet Glowing. I pounded the staff onto the ground and stared at him furiously. “I’m not a god damn brony you insolent fool!”

“Don’t deny it man! You have to be!” He grabbed the staff to keep me from hitting his foot.

I want to stomp his foot with this staff so much…

“You… Insolent… IDIOTIC… FUCKING… FOOL!” I ripped the staff out of his grip and pounded it harder into the ground. Cracks spread all around the ground, and the ground seemed to collapse from under me, sending me god knows where…