Your Resident Insane Doctor

The next day, I found himself face to face with up to 1,000 new fresh zombified faces. As the 100 infected ponies I sent off into the woods had somehow stumbled upon a town, and had attacked them all while they were asleep. There were no survivors as every single zombified citizen of the town stood in front of me presently. I felt my eye twitch with excitement, and my smile could barely be contained on my face as i viewed my newest ‘recruits’ into the army. I… I would be their new leader in this glorious age.

“Former Bat Ponies! You are… are all now going to obey me! Quickly now! Take your weapons, and we shall march off to battle soon! Haha!” I finished my small statement with a cackle, and the horrifying creatures before me groaned loudly as they obeyed me, and me only. They took their spears and crossbows and armor from the pile I managed to gather from previous armies conquered.

“We must attack now! While the pretty pony sun god is unsuspecting! Soldats! Bring me my machine gun! I vant to tear these ponies to shreds, und riddle them with bulletholes!” I screamed, feeling myself shaking mad as an MP40 floated over to me. I grabbed it swiftly, and hopped onto the back of the nearest undead pony soldier. My vision sharpened as a carefully took in my surroundings, and then I gave the order.

“MARCH! MACH SCHNELL SOLDATEN!”

I lurched backwards as the ponies began to march, converging into a neat step, something that i could have only dreamed of back home in Nazi Germany. The soldiers obeying on a whim, doing exactly as i pleased. I couldn’t have it back home, but now I could have it here!

The radio squealed in a fury of electronic static as i broadcast my message through a megaphone speaker. “Auf der Heide blüht ein kleines Blümelein, und das heißt: Erika! Heiß von hunderttausend kleinen Biene-...” I trailed off, seeing that the zombified ponies simply lacked the mental capacity to properly keep a tune. As all of them were currently grunting and drooling. Marching along to our next destination, Ponyville. “WHO NEEDS YOU ANYWAYS!” I shouted over the unceasing groaning, at least I was not their target!

The Everfree forest seemed so pleasant at night, surprisingly slow, what with the neverending goose step march of armored and armed ponies. The owl’s ‘hooing’ in the distance made for some decent background noise, and the glow from the blue flowers along our path made surprisingly beautiful scenery considering where he was at the moment. However, it was not as beautiful as artillery shells blasting in the darkness, despite the deadliness of the situation.

The next thing I knew was myself waking up with a very stiff back. Seriously, it was insane how much his joints could ache nowadays. After all I was only a little over 1,000 years old, and apparently in dire need of a chiropractor! I closed my mouth and spat out some weird yellowish-white gunk that had formed at the back of my throat. Flexing and cracking my bones, I smacked my lips as I took in my surroundings. Quickly I knew something was up, but i understood the situation fairly well. We were still marching in the forest, albeit it was day. I Looked around, and spotted a rather delicious looking apple hanging low from a branch in the direction we were approaching.I reached up with a glove-clad hand and picked it off the branch and quickly began chewing on it. It tasted tangy, yet was very sweet and juicy at the same time.

I slowly blinked and chewed on the apple. Lazily i reached up with one hand and straightened my cap. I was still riding the same zombified pony as yesterday, and I briefly thought about how this wasn’t bothering me before shaking my head. It was no matter, I would figure out these unimportant things after I was done torturing Princess Celestia’s oh so precious student. See how she feels when she loses someone very close to her.

I jolted upright, finding a rather crushed and inedible apple in my grasp. I threw away the crushed fruit and wiped the juice on the fur of the zombified bat pony beneath me. “Don’t worry my zombified friend, blood comes out a lot much less easier than apple juice does.” I whispered into his ear and got off of him. To which he obviously did not notice nor care.

I strode ahead of most of the forces, who somehow had managed to stay in line and perfect formation since night. They had been continuing my orders, and although looking rather more rotten and stinky now, they seemed to be more… ravenous. Per say at least.They were rather terrifying to look at, and growled more furiously as Richtofen approached, although they did not harm him. I managed to catch the zombified bat ponies doing battle with a patrol in the Everfree, it’s safe to say that the bat ponies classified the patrol as a fresh meal rather than an enemy, and attacked with an uncaring instinctual hunger that even made me shudder.

It was enjoyable to watch my creations work as I intended them to though! And with that thought, I put the gory memory out of my mind. Despite having an unfeeling monstrous army at his disposal, I still found myself getting rather bored making the trek with them. There’s simply nobody to talk to, but at least I’m acknowledged.

I prodded one of the zombie bat ponies, and it simply carried on its way, not a word said to me. Rather rude I must say. Not being acknowledged hurts the soul, but I suppose I don’t have to worry about that too much. Not much of a soul left after all. I picked another apple that was hanging low from a tree branch, except this one seemed much more rainbowy and colorful than the other apples. I shrugged and took a bite from it, how bad could it be?

It turns out, colorful apples were not meant to be eaten. As soon as I had bit into it I felt myself shocked by many, many, MANY volts of electricity, but at least it tasted good. I sat back up, and threw the apple away. Getting electrocuted was not worth sating my curiosity. One of the zombie ponies stepped on the apple, and the unfortunate undead exploded in a bloody mist. The poor guy. I chuckled, at least he was already dead. It didn’t stop me from laughing out loud though, seeing that was by far the most hilarious part of my day. It isn’t every day you see an exploding zombie after all.

Sometime later I found myself sewing up the tears in my uniform, sitting on the backs of one of the ponies up front. A more heavily armored brute, who simply stomped through everyone and everything that opposed him. The type of zombified pony that I could use to my benefit, if only I had more huge, heavily armored brutes to get things done. Unfortunately, I’m not very knowledgeable on machinery, only weaponry, so inventing something is out of the question. Once I’ve established my dominance throughout the country I’d have to just pick the best ponies for the job.

He could finally see it from the back of this massive zombified pony. Ponyville. His destination and their destruction were at hand!

But first I had to pee.