INTO THE FLAME, INTO THE FIRE
Warning: this is canon
Rainbow Dash was busy one day in her swag cloud house smoming weed on le 9gag with her friends, when suddenly Twilight Sparkle came to visit!
"Hey Rainbow Dash are you smoming le weed with your internet friends?" Twilight asked.
"No, fuck off mom." Rainblow Dry retorted quickly.
"Okay.jpg" Twilight said.
"lol I was just kidding, you got trolled!" Rainbow Ruse screamed with vigour.
"Ouch my ears. I'm probably deaf now, thanks Obama! I'm just gonna go now." Twilight said.
"Alright, see you later nerd." Rainbow Dash said to Twilight as the Purple Alicorn left.
So then Rainbow Dash went back to smoking weed on 9gag with her internet friends.
But suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, Doge appeared!
"Wowe, much room, such 420." Doge said as he blazed up a massive foot-long joint.
"Whoa, Doge, you're like my hero! You're at least 20% cooler than me!" (LOL!!!!!!1111 GETI IT??!?!?!) Rainbow Dash replied.
"Much horse, many rainbow, such hey faggot you wanna go on an adventure?" Doge said.
"With you? Yes please!" Rainbow Dash responded with yeast.
"K." Doge replied.
Doge's eyes began to glow a bright hot pink, blinding Rainbow Dash.
"Oh shit, I can't see!" Rainbow Dash called out as she fumbled around her room.
Within seconds, Rainbow Dash felt like she was being pulled from all directions at once, and she felt a tingling in her loins.
She felt nauseous and threw up everywhere, and then collapsed to the ground, writhing in her own vomit and pussy juice. And then nothing.
Rainbow Dash came to on the cold damp ground, completely unaware of her surroundings. She opened her eyes, but the sunlight was intensely bright, causing her to slam her eyelids shut.
As her eyes adjusted to the light, she stumbled to her hooves.
She opened her eyes once again, this time able to observe her surroundings.
The rainbow pony was trapped in a cold dark cell, with thick and massive bars blocking off a large opening in the ceiling, as well as a door.
Parallel to the barred door, was a large flag draped over the wall, consisting of red, white, and blue for colours. There was a blue square in the top left corner, with several white stars inside, and the rest of the flag had horizontal stripes alternating between red and white. Rainbow Dash was safe to say she was unfamiliar with this flag. So she did.
"I am very unfamiliar with this flag design." she said aloud.
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about America you little bitch?" A slightly threatening voice came from behind her, causing her to jump.
The Pegasus turned around, seeing a hulking figure standing right outside her cell door. It was hard to make out, but it clearly had very solid muscles, and was at least nine feet tall.
"Who's America?" She asked.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS!" The massive thing screamed at her.
"Oh, so it's a Country!" she said.
Rainbow Dash could just barely make out a smile on the monster's face.
"But I don't know where that is, could you explain?" She followed up.
His smile was forever stolen, 'how the frickity frack could this thing that is obviously an alien not know about America? It was the greatest country in the universe that was obviously made by god!' was pretty much all that was going on in his minuscule ape brain.
The monster slowly opened the cell door, stepped inside, and dropped his pants, revealing his extreme masculinity for the entire christian world to see. He would surely go to hell for this, but if he could help one lost soul learn about America, then it would be worth it.
He rushed the pony with extreme speed, flipping her over so her marehood was there for him to se-*BANGBANGBANGITYBANGPOWWOWWHOA*
The monster collapsed away from Rainbow Dash, behind him in the cell door was a sight of true beauty.
A man so amazing, that nobody could ever compare.
It was motherfucking Hitler! Get Hype! Hail Hydra!
Without saying a word, Hitler picked up Rainbow Dash in one arm, and flew out of the cell through the barred ceiling.
He flew up, up, and away!
He flew so fast that it created a super double triple extreme sonic rainboom +2!
He flew so fast that he went around the world three times and crashed through the World Trade Centre!
He flew so fast that that all happened in one millisecond, and by the time half a second had passed he and Rainbow Dash landed at Super Nazi Castle, Hitler's super secret base!
Hitler set Rainbow Dash down, and several servants escorted her to a room, and helped her clean herself up and look presentable for lord Hitler, while he attended to other feats that would make Chuck Norris shit his pants in fear and inferiority.
"I hope I look nice enough for Hitler-Senpai" Rainbow Dash said as she paced around her room in the sexy as fuck black dress designed explicitly for horses Hitler had sent to her.
She heard an knock on the door, and a servant came in.
"Master Hitler wishes to see you for dinner, please allow me to escort you to the dining hall." He said.
The blue pony followed the servant to the dining hall, where a massive spread of exotic meats, fruits, and vegetables were laid out.
At the far end of the table, Hitler sat, quietly admiring his food, as, everyone knows that Hitler doesn't require sustenance.
Rainbow Dash took as seat at the middle of the table, and began to eat. It was all incredibly delicious, especially the meat. She spent an amazing dinner with Hitler, they even talked a little about politics for some reason.
But once it was all said and done, Rainbow Dash was quite intoxicated by the large amount of fine wines she had tasted, and when the two began to settle down some, the rainbow maned pony asked Hitler if he would come to her room.
Once they had arrived, the glorious human sat on her bed, brimming with confidence and beauty.
"You know, you saved my life back there." Rainbow Dash began, "And I'm very grateful you know, I just can't thank you enough without giving you some sort of reward." the pony said as she stepped into the private bathroom.
Minutes later, she stepped out wearing some very risque lingerie (designed for ponies of course), and sauntered over to the bed, causing Hitler to smile a little.
She got onto the bed, and lightly pinned Hitler down with his consent. Hitler tore off his shirt in a single flexing motion, revealing his bare toned chest to the pony.
Starting from his belly, Rainbow Dash slowly began to kiss upwards, towards his head.
As she did so, she leaned in to whisper something into his ear.
"This is my Swamp." she said, her voice suddenly becoming deeper.
Hitler's eyes widened in fear, he recognized that voice.
Long ago, Hitler built his fortress on top of some small swamp, and he made some creature that lived there angry.
It seems like it had come back for revenge.
Rainbow Dash let out a roar, and a blinding light came from her body, causing her to explode, causing blood and shit to fly everywhere.
As the dust cleared and Hitler wiped the splotches of light out of his eyes, he could see a massive onion; his only weakness where Rainbow Dash once stood.
A massive green hand came out of the onion suddenly, grabbing Hitler and slamming him to the ground.
The rest of the body attached to the arm burst from the onion.
It was Shrek, the Lord and Savior of many.
"THIS IS MY SWAMP!" Shrek yelled, as he tore Hitler's pants off with one grab, exposing his virgin anus.
Shrek dropped his pants, and let his hard, thick, green member to fall out.
He thrust forwards, penetrating Hitler's booty-hole.
In three quick in and out motions, Hitler reached orgasm almost instantly, cursing in german the entire time.
This repeated for several hours, until Shrek finally blew his onion-flavoured load into Hitler, causing the Nazi to scream in anguish as he melted.
The battle was over as easily as it started, and Shrek called some friends to demolish Hitler's Castle while he was gone. But why was he leaving though?
He had some business to take care of in Equestria.
To be Continued?
WARNING: THIS IS STILL CANON
"SOME BODY ONCE TOLD ME ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND HOW IT WAS GOING TO SHIT, AND THAT DIDN'T SOUND VERY GOOD SO I FIXED IT." Shrek whispered peacefully to Princess Celestia.
"Yo dude that twizzniggle totes broke my PS TRIPLE what should I do m8" Prences Celelei asked.
"Kick the bitch-ass nigga's bootay into tomorrow you cheeke cunt." Sherk replies.
"OK." Celestia said.
In a blinding yellow flash Princess Celestia made haste in following the heretical Twilight Sparkle; whom had previously destroyed her totally rad modded PS3 she got for cheapies from a friend. After crashing through the shutters of her bedroom window she totally chased after Twilight with wicked rad Alicron flying speed. It was so wicked rad that all of the females in the general area instantaneously became pregnant and then gave birth to wicked rad children that started playing air guitar the moment they came out of their wombs. So yeah, pretty goddamn rad.
"Damn son, that's pretty rad." Shrek said.
Realizing that all this radicalness being displayed by Celery was totally making him look like a nerd, Shrek decided to show off and help out as well.
Using all of his willpower, Shrek summoned forth a mighty winged Donkey wearing some pretty sick pointed retro shades pulling along a wicked cool onion chariot.
After hopping onto the chariot with the grace of a swan, Shrek let out a mighty roar and commanded his trusty steed to quickly close the gap between himself and the filthy PS3-destroyer.
As the chariot soared through the skies onions rained down upon the foolish mortals dwelling on the ground; causing a large amounts of tears to be shed and heads to be bashed in. A little filly could be seen watching from below with irritated eyes and an onion in her hoof. Anyone close enough to hear her speak would hear her say "Thank you based Shrek." in that very moment. For it was a glorious moment.
Truly an amazing event to behold.
Anyways they totally caught Twilight after chasing the Alicorn to her current place of residence; also asking people if they could spare some change for gas and seeing the sights along the way.
"Yo m8 why the heck did 'ya bust muh ps3?" Celestia asked.
"Sorry m89s I just needed to get your attention don't worry it wasn't your real ps3 i replaced it with a fake one, here's your old one." Twilight said, levitating the old trusty PS3 to Shrek.
"But why did you need our attention?" Shrek asked.
"I was wondering if you guys have heard of the PC master race. If you would join us we would gladly engage in many fun games with you." The purple Alicorn replied.
Shrek and Celestia looked at each-other and nodded.
"Sorry man, we only play video games casually, and the only games we really want to play are available as either multiplats or PS3 exclusives. We don't really intend on joining the master race anytime soon, but I'm sure we will eventually." Celestia said, a smile on her face.
"That's absolutely fine and I respect your decision even though I don't agree. Sorry for the trouble." Twilight responded.
"It's cool man." Celestia and Shrek said, afterwards returning to the cool kidz castle.
"Damn, they're so rad." Twilight said as they flew off into the sunset.
THE END
AFTERWARDS SHREK AND CELESTIA GOT MARRIED, HAVING SEVERAL HALF ALICORN - HALF OGRE CHILDREN
TWILIGHT SPARKLE REALIZED THAT SHE WASN'T RAD ENOUGH AND ENDED UP COMMITTING SUICIDE AFTER BATTLING DEPRESSION FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS
ADOLF HITLER CAME BACK TO LIFE, BUT THEN REALIZED THAT HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF A DICK AND WENT BACK TO BEING DEAD. HE ALSO SCUFFED SHREK'S GUCCI SHOES SO SHREK CAME AND BEAT HIM UP FOR BEING A FUCKING COMMUNIST.
GENERIC MILLITARY FIC
A STORY BY KRAGOR
"I JUST WANT SHREK SENPAI TO NOTICE ME."
THANKS FOR READING M8S
