Something Awful This Way Comes
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The Tell Tale Fart

Something Awful This Way Comes

I was walking around Canterlot Castle at night because I have special Anon privelages.

T'were it be quiet as fuck, however quite the night doth be at peace. I stood on random balcony and take in the beauty of the night, the sereneness of the full moon glistening with shimmering stars.

I stared out o'er the mirroring rivers, combining the heavens and sea, as if I stand upon the precipice of God's kingdom itself. I heard no birds singing their songs, nor did I hear the bustle of ponies at work. I am at peace, and solemn silence.

Suddenly I hear a loud fart out of nowhere that breaks the eminant silence. I turn around to see Princess Luna, messily eating a grilled cheese sandwich. She talks with her mouth full

"WHAT?"
I roll my eyes at her, trying to insinuate that I was enjoying the peaceful moment of her night.

"Whatever, weirdo."
She spat at as she shoved more grilled cheese sandwich into her mouth. She began farting even more as the power of her farts scooted her further with every step she took. I take a deep breath and turn back around to reclaim my peaceful state of mind.Suddenly I feel a small drip on my scalp. I reach my fingers in fear that it may be droppings of an insomniac avian. It was sticky, and hot so I brought it to my nostrils and eventually my tongue.

"Huh. Cheese." I muttered to myself.

I look up and quickly see a black blur wisk by, followed by several loud farts.
Huh. That's interesting. I go to unravel this 'Mystery Cheese Droppings' mystery.

My every step echoes across the marbled tiles of the elongated hall. Ach, twere it not for my welcomeness in such a place a loon for a bugler I'd be! Upon mine footsteps I began hearing a distant echo, quaint to the ones I had earlier received. A footstep, followed by a passing of wind, another verse of such, growing in accelerandous symphony. Twere it be cacophony at mine ears, as my footsteps churned into strides of panic. The allegro was matched by the passing of wind.

This feeling, this dread. What horrors await behind mine back? What foul daemon give chase, and what machinations doth it store for me? My strides crescendo into sprints, a sting of dread, and adrenal within mine veins! AND FOR EVERY STEP ANOTHER RIPOSTE OF BROKEN WIND!

I collide with the marble walls, sending an armoured equine bust aloft. Mine arms wretched up mine face.

"OH WHAT WICKED BEAST THAT STALKS, GIVE INTO MINE DEATH! FOR I CANNOT STAND THIS FRENZIED CHASE!

"God Anon, your so dramatic."

I peer, vexed from within my shelter. T'was Princess Luna! stumble to my feet with the grace of a sailor as she offers her messy hoof.

"I just wanted to give you this...."
She shoves a grilled cheese sandwich in my mouth, and runs off, farting the entire way. I slowly break from my haze of confusion and dismay as I bite down upon the gifted meal. Is that a hair? HOW ATROCIOUS! I refuse mine mouth this refuse! A pox upon thee Luna! A POX UPON THEE!

As my Poe driven drivel began to calm, I noticed the tiles beneath me. Were... they always this.... wobbly? I look at my hand, and notice it looking back at me.

"Hello Anon."

I wave to my hand with my hand.

Suddenly the walls begin to drip around me, as the dark night grew and catropsinated into a daytime melody of flourescent colours! My steps feel as if in quagmire, I can barely lift a leg! By what wicked scents have driven me here? What horrid ails lurks from within my own stomach? I rip off my shirt, and see my belly protrude, morphing, changing, vibrating...Ah yes...

"The aching of my self must be within!"

I plunge my hand deep within my gut, every thrust harder, sharper than before!

"THIS WICKED SCENT THAT PERMEATES ME SO, I CAST THEE OUT!" I clench my eyes in pain and scream unto the heavens.

Then all is dark.

I come to.

"Where am I?" I ask as my vision slowly returns to me.

"Oh hi Anon! Did you like my sandwich?"

I brace from the shock, there she was, once again, staring me in the eye. Princess Luna, that foul she devil!

" I made it especially for you Anon!"

Damn! My eyes still can't adjust in this darkness! I'm alone in the dark! WITH A MESSY PONY!

"Oh you can't see? Here let me help!"

I hear a faint shuffling, followed by a light glow. A mysterious light, coming from utter blackness.

"Princess, your illumination does me great relief."

I can see the hovering light come closer and closer to me, my insides knot at the sight. This was somehow more dreadful than our noxious chase!

"Oh Anon, how long have I watched you from afar! The one person who understands the silence of the night, the man who make this royal mare, into a giddy filly.

I feel her hooves around mine, as she draws me in closer. Disgust frothing at my brow, I shudder at the thought!

"You who can make this magic within me!" I can feel her hot breath, it reeks of stale fish and cheese.

"I want to share all of my light with you Anon."

I draw back slightly, as her horn illuminates.... my jaw agape in forlorn horror. For beneath that amourous face, and headlit horn, lay a culture of fungus, glowing twain her nether.

"MOTHER OF GOD!" I begin to scream. I struggle franctically to flee the terrible sight.

"NO NO NO, YOU STAY PUT, MAKE ME WHOLE ANON."

"Ahhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHH HEELLLLLLLLLLP HEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPP" I plead for someone to hear. AH! That silohette could it be? My Saviour! My Friend! My Liege! Princess Celestia! Wait... where are you going? Why are you turning your head....are you...forsaking me?

"I'm sorry Anon, but this is the way it was chosen to be."

"Please....no...." I whimper as I feel the thrusting of slime upon my being.The palpatations and rhythms of cracking flesh are but deafening to me. The feeling of piercing rancid, oozing flesh, as I felt the creature reel me in further. A horror, a horror! Are my loins to be devoured?

"Oh Anon. That. Feels. So. GOOD." Luna yelped between flatulent thrusts. The stink, THAT WRETCHED STINK! It came from below! I KNEW WHAT CAUSED THE CHEESE DROPPINGS, AND TWAS I BEING CONSUMED BY IT!

My anguish in pillage, in disgust, and in realization, my vision goes dark once more.

I wake up, a slight glow eminated from beneath me. I lift my arm to find it pinned, followed by a thin line of drool. The deed had been done, but lo...LO WAS MY WRATH FIERCE! I snuck into the bath quarters and I SHEATED a wicked loofah. I cackled madly as I lathered the loofah with fancy soaps and shampoos, and in that room....where that WRETCHED LIGHT SHINETH, OH THE SHINING OF THAT HORRID LIGHT! I SHALL HAVE NO MORE! I leap unto the bed and thrust the Loofah over and over again, Princess Luna in full panic and fear.

"BE CLEANSED! BE CLEANSED! DAMN YOU TO HELL YOU SHALL BE CLEANSED!"

I draw back upon my weapon, and drop it to the floor.

"Wh---what have I done?"

I fall to my knees as I pray to my God.

"OH LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Suddenly the light turns back on.

"Aw man Anon, now we can't have anymore grilled cheese sandwiches.

I vomit profusely, as Luna giggled.

"I guess I did rub off you a little Anon?"

I'm never staying up late again.