This makes no sense!

by Xinrick

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 11274

This is what happens when you talk to a person about all the times your favorite pony show doens't make sense.

One day you were with a friend, talking about MLP and how amazing it is. But then you start talking about how most of the stuff, not just Pinkie Pie, but most of the stuff in the place makes no sense worth a damn. Then you keep questioning things until you find yourself forced through some magic portal to see a bunch of angry ponies and princesses(and a very happy Discord) and have a feeling that your going to have to explain a lot of things...but mainly question and down right say that some things make no sense.

This is my first one shot, so any comments will be accepted. This is based on my conversations with family and friends about most things in FIM that makes no sense worth the life of me. So...if you don't want to see everypony rage at someone telling them 'this doesn't make any sense' then don't read this. But this is not a troll fic, I just needed to do this and frankly, why would I do something silly like that?

Published 2014-05-23 00:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-01 16:44:11 UTC

Sense? When does anything make sense?

This makes no sense!

"Don't you think that 'Magical Mystery Cure' episode makes any sense?" A friend of mine asked.

"Why do you say that?" I ask confusedly.

"Well I mean...the spell that Twilight was supposed to use wasn't 'finished' as far as Celestia said right? So why the hell did it still work when she only read part of the spell?" He asks. "And then once she says the right spell, everything goes back to normal and she becomes an alicorn."

"You do have a point." I agree with a little thought.

"Yeah, I mean...you can't just cast half of a spell and have something happen. It's like casting fire ball half way and you get nothing but a bunch of hot air. Magic doesn't work like that."

"But what if it actually was all their, they were just missing one thing?" I ask. "I mean, she thought that it was all there...but she didn't know about that last part with friendship." I explain.

"Yet Starswirl found that it did nothing, and he still, for some reason, kept it. Or Celestia did some giant planing stuff with that book or some stupid stuff." He says to me.

"Well...maybe Celestia was hinting that he needed friends to finish it." I retort.

"But we don't know that. She could have, but he kept saying no. But what I'm getting at is that why did he keep a spell that didn't do anything when he thought it was done?"

"Scientists do that all the time." I say.

"So they keep their failed pages and experiments?" He asks.

"Well...no but they keep the closest thing to their answer." I say.

"That could be true, but we don't know." My friend says. "How come Twilight became an alicorn, and was crowned princess for no reason?" The fellow brony asks.

"Because people consider all alicorns princesses." I say, finding it slightly hard to actually argue with this.

"But in the new season, there are about four different alicorns or something and they were treated like normal ponies. What the heck." He asks.

"Well..." I say, trying to find a good argument to that.

"And with some of the things about the whole of it all. Some things are like 'what?'. Like how Twilight knows these random spells that can either help, or massively hurt, people and not tell others about it soon enough. Do you see where I'm getting at?" The guy asks.

"Your right...that doesn't make any sense what so ever." I say with a frown before something...weird happens.

"Who said that stuff doesn't make sense?" We hear before a portal of some kind opens and I'm thrown into it.

(Some random time of god knows how long later)

"Ow..." I groan before rubbing my head from the sudden warping to who knows where.

"So...I heard you said our world makes no sense." A girly voice says while I look up with blurry eyes. When my eyes focused more I saw something I would have never thought I would have seen.

"Um...what the hell is going on here?" I ask while seeing ponies....of all different colors but having stern looks on their faces. "Um....mind if I ask what just happened? Because that made no sense why I was thrown here from my home town." I say with a frown.

"We've brought you here so we can hear why you agreed that Equestria makes 'no sense'." The tall, white alicorn says.

"Ok then...just give me a moment." I say while pushing up from the ground with a little effort. "God that hurt." I groan while getting into a seated position and rubbing my eyes, getting a better look at all the ponies in the room. "Wonders...now I'm starting to go crazy, or dreaming...because there's no way in hell that I'm talking to you all." I say while looking at all the My Little Pony cast.

"Well too bad, you're talking to us now and you're going to answer our questions." A brash rainbow pegasus says to me.

"Maybe once you answer why I was taken from a park bench into a castle." I deadpan while looking around and seeing that I was actually in Canterlot Castle. "And also...why am I the only one that was brought here?"

"I'll explain that." The dark blue alicorn says. "Since you probably already know who we are, I'll tell you that we took slight offense that you said that we 'don't make sense'." Luna says. "And why your the only one is because you used to have so much faith in things, now your going back and saying 'it doesn't make sense'."

"That's because the show has more plot holes in it..." I say before seeing a bunch of blushes. "Not those holes. I mean 'story' holes and stuff like that...pervs." I grumble the last part while they all give a little 'oh'. "But back to what I was saying, it has a lot of holes in it that you can make a pent house for the few crazy people in here...and I have a feeling there's more than three." I explain.

"Well....that is true." A voice says while I look up and see a chimera eating popcorn. "But what fun is there in making 'sense'?" He asks.

"Because things need to make sense." I deadpan. "Your powers make sense since you're the 'god' or 'personification' of chaos and randomness. That makes sense, not like seeing a bunch of ponies repeat some stupid things that they already had to deal with." I say.

"How so?" A lavender alicorn asks with honest curiosity.

"Well let me see..." I say with a little thought. "Let's start with you." I say while pointing to Twilight. "You are a smart individual, but you tend to do the same mistake a few times."

"What do you mean?" Twilight asks.

"Does 'Parasprites' and 'Fruit Bats' come close to a connection?" I ask her while she takes a moment to think about it.

"Actually...yes." She says while feeling a little bad about doing that.

"Yeah. I've been talking to a few people about all of this and soon found that there are these giant spots that just...don't make sense." I say with a frown. "Like Rarity, we all know that you want to keep a social status but want to be with your friends. That's ok, but you always screw up every time." I say to her.

"Why do you think I screw up every time?" The alabaster unicorn asks.

"Your main point is 'don't be a bitch'." I say bluntly while she gasps in shock. "Every time you're the main focus, you tend to be a bitch and try to fix it later, but some times it's understandable because you have some things to deal with. But you do it every single time. The only time you actually had a sense of 'don't be a bitch' was when you went to Manehatten for that one time, but then you flipped a switch and turned into a slave driver." I say bluntly.

"Why I never." Rarity says with a little flip of her hair.

"And that's what I'm getting at." I deadpan. "Or that one time when you practically forgot Twilight's birthday." I say to her.

"Wait, what is he talking about?" Twilight asks.

"Yeah, she forgot your birthday when she was swept off her feet in the giant canterlot bustle of pompous bastards." I say while Twilight and the other ponies gasp and Rarity looks down sadly. "You got lucky that Twilight and the rest didn't even bother with wondering 'Why are you being cheap? I thought you would have had everything settled'." I say before I take a breath. "Listen, I know that friendship is a strong thing, so don't feel bad or get upset over her. You know that she want's to be a big time tailor. So she kinda...got caught up in it like Dash does in sports, Pinkie with party's, or Twilight doing the same mistake five times over." I say to them.

"Well..." Twilight sighs out. "You're right so far. Please, keep going." She says.

"Ok then. The only pony here that actually has the same problem over and over again, and still makes sense, is Fluttershy." I say while the yellow pegasus 'eeps' and looks away. "Her timidness and shyness are things that everyone deals with every day, and it's not something that can be solved with magic or a hurtle that get's jumped over in one try. It's something that takes time, not having magic become the solution for everything." I say. "Applejack for some reason has to be the perfect little farmer without any problems." I say while the farmer looks a little mad.

"Now wait just a minute. I don't have a perfect life." Applejack says before I raise a hand.

"I don't know how bad your life can be, but from what I know is that you try to do a lot of things, but besides that your just a normal farm pony. That's pretty much all you've got besides a pairing with Rainbow Dash." I say while the two ponies give a look of anger on them.

"Hey!!" The farmer and athlete ponies shout at me. "We don't have a 'pairing' ok?" They explain at the same time, before figuring that out and getting a little upset about it.

"Where's Spike?" I ask, changing the subject before I get hit.

"He's in the room we're using during our stay here sleeping." Twilight says.

"And you didn't bother to wake him up to meet little ol' me?" I ask while she takes a little thought. "Spike is a very troubled kid. He's a little dragon that is pretty much out of place in a world of ponies, and when he only met a small group of dragons he got the shittiest end of it. Now he's pretty much the comic relief of this world, or the most under rated character in the world." I explain.

"He helped saved the Crystal Empire, he kept trying to tell you people about what to actually do when your all caught up in stupid stuff, and when he's doing the wrong things, or needs help, your either not there or don't care." I say to them while they all look down sadly. "That doesn't make any sense. Based on some of my talks, he should be about Celestia's size instead of being the size of a five year old human. But I don't know how long it's been in this world so that's debatable as all hell."

"You're right..." Twilight says sadly, a tear falling to the ground. "I've been such a bad friend to him..."

"Now I didn't say that you didn't care about him." I say, wanting to remedy the moment. "I know you love him with all your heart, but you just gotta...pay a little more attention to him, so he isn't a depressed mess...but not too much so he becomes a greedy bastard." I explain. "You all know what happened last time." I say with a little roll of my eyes

"That's quite enough. You've made your point." Celestia says.

"No...not so much." I say.

"How so?" Luna asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Why you two pretty much stay here and don't do anything when you could pretty much stop any type of problem." I say to them. "With Nightmare Moon, you just disappeared for some god knows why reason." I say while pointing to Celestia. "When you probably saw their parasprite problem, you could have helped but you didn't. And some other things during that time." I say while Celestia has a look like a rock. "Luna...you're kind of understandable to a point why you weren't there for about two seasons on my world."

"Care to explain?" The lunar princess asks.

"You had to take in so much stuff after a thousand years...but you still could have showed up and said 'hi' or some stuff like that...and you kinda should have learned some modern talk during that time as well." I say while she gives a sheepish smile.

"But back to my point...Celestia, when Discord was free, you only yelled and told him to give back the Elements, instead of, say, used a magical spell to search for them." I emphasize while both Celestia and Twilight take a moment before face hoofing at something so simple. "Seriously...I know it might be hard to think of simple things during those times but still, good lord." I groan.

"Yes, well..." Celestia tries to think of something to say.

"Celestia, you're the one mare that everypony looks up to. Yet you pretty much let six ponies, and a very underrated baby dragon, do all your dirty work. Now sure, it's a little understandable since you have to deal with a kingdom, but sometimes things need to be put on hold for certain things. And also, I've never seen you deal with any stupid stuff like listening to the people besides the Gala, and some special occasions like the wedding and Twilight's coronation."

"Ok, now this is not making any sense." Applejack says while trying to wrap her head around this. "How do ya know so much about us? Ah know that you come from another place an all, but you sound like you know everything about us. Care to explain?" She asks, raising an eyebrow and making sure I wasn't lying about any of this.

"As I say again, your world is pretty much a giant T.V. show that many people watch. Probably didn't explain this before...but I'll remedy this." I say before continuing. "And the fan base goes so far as to make stories about this world, over analyze the show to point out the flaws on the execution of what happens, try to figure out why this happens, and to tell people that 'this episode doesn't suck as much as you think'." I explain. "My world has no idea what you guys do on a daily basis, hell, this entire thing could last me a week or a month on my world but only take about a half of a day or more in your world. Time differences and all that." I shrug.

"I...suppose that's true." Applejack says with a nod.

"So your telling us..." Discord says while bringing up a chalk board out of nowhere. "Is that if we don't make sense...it's a bad thing, but making sense is a good thing...that about right?" He asks while eating some chalk.

"No, you can make no sense as much as you want." I say while discord has a giant smile on his face. "But it at least has to make sense on how and why things happen. See where I'm getting at?" I ask honestly.

"I see where your getting at." The god of chaos says with a nod, writing down on the chalk board 'Sense = No sense' and a bunch of other things that pretty much explains what I've been saying.

"You people...er ponies, understand?" I ask honestly while they all nod. "Now...if I do go home soon then I want you all to make a note of this." I say while Twilight brings up a quill and a piece of paper. "Didn't mean that literally but whatever." I sigh out before taking a deep breath.

"When you look around, you always wonder 'what will happen today?'. And when you see things that 'don't make sense' you should try to figure out if it does make sense, no matter how outright stupid it might be to even think about. Always question the unquestionable, always find an answer for the unanswerable instead of saying 'that's just that'. Life's all about the things that don't make sense, but we make it fun when we figure out why it makes sense." I say with a giant smile. "From your faithful Teacher...Xinrick." I say with a nod.

"Wow...I never thought about it like that." Twilight says with a giant twinkle in her eyes.

"That changes a lot of things, even for someone like me." Discord says with a grin.

"Never would have thought someone like you would make something so weird make sense." Dash chuckles.

"Hey!" I shout at her for the comment, but the brash pegasus only chuckles a little

"I must say darling, you sure do have a way with words." Rarity compliments. "Even though you are kind of rude...none taken." She says while I just raise a hand in understanding.

"Well shoot, looks like we always have to think things through instead of going head first into stuff." Applejack admits.

"It was....nice to hear that someone explain things how they were..." Fluttershy says. "I wish I could do that...but I'm always to scared." She says a little shyly.

"Even though your still adorable like that." I say while seeing her hide away in her hair, hiding her little blush of embarrassment. "You have enough courage to put even the strongest dragon to shame. All you need to do is look at the positives of stuff, not get scared of what could happen in the worst case scenario." I explain.

"You've taught us all a valuable lesson...even though in a little weird and unorthodox way." Celestia says with a little motherly smile.

"Tis-er I mean...it's true. It was a bit weird when you were explaining everything...but when you look at it from another light...it makes sense." Luna says with a nod.

"Now I also want you to spend more time with Spike, help him be the dragon he's supposed to be, and for gods sake, stop making him the comedic relief." I say to them all as they nod. "Thank you." I sigh out a little.

"Well...I suppose you should get going now." Princess sun butt says before lighting up her horn and a portal opens.

"It was fun talking to you Mr. Xinrick." Pinkie says with a smile. "I wish we could have had a party...but I suppose that'll wait till next time." She says while getting giddy.

"Um...what next time?" Twilight says while I laugh a little. "That doesn't make any sense on how you can know there will be a next time."

"Oh come now Twilight..." I say while Discord chimes in. "What fun is there in making sense?" We say at the same time while we all have a hearty laugh. "I'm sorry, I just had to. But if there is a next time...I'll try to figure out how the portal stuff happened." I say with a wave.

"Good bye!" Everyone says to me before I walk into the portal and it closes behind me.

The end.

Author's Note

Well...that happened. :derpytongue2:
For what inspired me to write this weird and possibly horrible piece of work...me just watching a bunch of 'Over Analyzing' show's on Youtube, like 'After the Fact with Silver Quill' and a bunch of talking with my brother about stuff that makes no sense. Please, like, and if you have anything to add to 'This makes no sense!' please comment below and add stuff that you don't understand in the MLP universe(that isn't Pinkie...unless you want to.)
And I know this is bad, so please don't shout it out in the comments
So this has been Xinrick and I am the Forbidden King, and as always, I will see you in another chapter of my stories. Bye bye XD

Why are you bitching?

Why are you bitching?

"Can people stop kidnapping me?" I yell, yet again being kidnapped from my own home to talk to people.

"Shut it, dweeb." A brash griffiness says sternly.

"Well fuck you too then." I retort. "You kidnapped me here for a reason, so what is it?"

"No talking back, alright?" A pompous filly voice asks me as well.

"I can talk back as much as I want. Also, if you didn't tie me up then I would certainly kick the ever loving crap out of all of you." I say bluntly.

"Do you really think that you could harm the-" A unicorn was about to say before I cut in.

"Yes, the 'Bitchy and over confident' Trixie, the one that thinks she's so special when she's nothing but a street performer that was taken down too many pegs that you're still in denial." I say, getting the mare to huff angrily.

"Listen, we don't want fights to occur here alright?" An orange unicorn says next.

"What do you people want with me? I just wanted to get some sleep~." I whine a little, struggling a little against my bindings and getting a small rip in it. "Also, whoever was put in charge of the rope tying used pretty shitty rope." I think to myself, keeping that in mind for later.

"Listen, we heard from Twilight that you're the new teacher in Equestria, one that goes against anyone's views and gives them straight, blunt answers that they wouldn't want to hear. Lord Xinrick."

"Well at least someone did there-Wait...I'm a lord?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "I don't remember anyone telling me that the last time I was here." I frown.

"Yes, the last time you were here, Twilight brought it up with Celestia, and since she knew you were going to come here again she decided to make you a lord." The sunset-colored unicorn says.

"Okay....so why does Trixie..." I say, seeing Trixie wanted to right it. "If you dare say 'the great and powerful' I will show you great and powerful with my shoe shoved up your plot hole." I threaten, causing the mare to shut up completely. "Next is Sunset Shimmer, don't know why you want me here or why your back in Equestria, then Gilda...which I can slightly understand, and for some reason....Diamond Tiara for some reason." I sigh out. "Let me guess, you want me to talk to you all about how not to be bitches?" I ask honestly.

"What's a bitch?" Diamond asks honestly.

"It's a bad word that you shouldn't be saying...but in other words it means your all mean, naggy, complainy, full of yourselves, and just plain old stupid." I explain.

"Please, you call me? The-" Trixie was about to start before I glare at her. "Er-Trixie, a bitch because of what?"

"You're full of yourself, you've been shown up by someone better than you multiple times, even when you pretty much cheated with a forbidden amulet, caused half of Ponyville to be destroyed by an Ursa Minor- I don't care if Snips and Snails, did it's just as much at fault for going that far." I explain to her.

"I could have taken it easily." Trixie scoffs, which everyone looked at her. "What?" She says nervously, people still giving her an unamused look.

"Anyways, Gilda, the griffiness. Thinks she's cool...but really, drop the high school bull shit here." I say simply.

"I'm not even in high school, so why would I still be like that?" Gilda asks, not getting it at all.

"You act all 'cool', only have, or had, one friend. Seeing other people as 'chumps' or 'dweebs' when either they actually want to see the good in you or they don't have the whole 'cool' thing. And all around stuff I saw in high school a lot." I explain, her getting it now and glaring at me. "You hate people, or ponies...I still don't know, but besides that you hate them for pretty much no reason. You stole food, you messed with an old lady no less, could have killed her actually based on how old she was, and was straight up just a bitch." I explain with a shrug.

"Hey, don't call me that again." Gilda growls, glaring at me.

"I know you're a griffin and all, but seriously you can kind of give up on the 'tough girl' act. I wouldn't be surprised if you played the piano or violin and I'd think it's wonderful." I say, causing the griffin to act shocked and blush a little.

"W-why would I play such 'geeky' instruments?" Gilda stutters a little, wagging her tail in front of her a little.

"I knew it." I chuckle a little. "But I'll try to get more out of you about that later. Next up, the prissy filly herself, Diamond Tiara." I say with a little grin.

"Who are you calling 'prissy'?" The pink filly asks with a frown.

"You, my very bossy, bullying, spoiled brat." I say bluntly. "I know you're just a filly and all, living in the life of luxury, but how sadder can you get?" I ask honestly.

"What do you mean?" She asks, curious as to why I'm saying such fake things about her.

"Let's see now...you only have one friend that doesn't mooch off of you if you ever decided to have friends, you bully three fillies constantly because they pretty much have better lives then you, which I will get into later, you always flaunt around like an idiot because you think you're special, and what's so special about you? You have a tiara for a cutie mark, what does it mean? Your self respect is as fragile as that fake tiara on your head?" I ask honestly, causing Diamond to recoil at my harsh words.

"How...how dare you." She says, tearing up a bit at hearing such mean words. "None of that is true, none of it!" She shouts at me.

"You all wanted me to be perfectly clear and honest here, right?" I ask, everyone besides Diamond nodding in conformation. "Then I will be honest. Diamond, you are the worst filly ever, I have a feeling Silver Spoon is better at making friends and you trample over her like a doormat sometimes. The only reason why she's your friend, at least in my opinion, is that if she wasn't your friend and was friends with others, you'd make fun of her for having more friends because she's rich while your still mean and prissy. Got it?" I ask, the poor filly having her world crash down by my words.

"Dude, I think you went a little too far there..." Gilda says with a little frown.

"Coming from the griffin that screamed at a shy pegasus wanting to make sure a family of ducks come across the street, making her fly away in tears?" I retort to her. "You may not be prissy, or as bad as Diamond....since my world only gave you one episode of screen time, but seriously Diamond is terrible. Making fun of kids because they don't have a special talent, because they can't fly worth a damn, or just because she can." I say with an honest glare.

"That's enough." Trixie says, taking a step forward to me.

"And what are you going to do? The 'Great and Powerful' Trixie should be able to slay an Ursa Major, fell giants with a bat of her eye, and should live up to all her boasting, but when the going gets tough you break down sobbing because you made it all up." I say, which makes said unicorn flinch a bit. "And when someone actually steps up to save the day, you hate them because they can back up their words, but you wanted to duel her to begin with and Twilight didn't stand up or do anything because she had humility and was humble and didn't want to boast." I explain. "Great and Powerful my ass." I say in anger.

"I knew you were blunt but...this is just a little too much." Sunset says with a frown, seeing Diamond crying over my words, Gilda look down sadly and have Trixie relive bad memories of her past failures.

"Oh and Sunset Shimmer..." I say, which causes her to jolt a little bit at my words. "I may not know what actually happened between you and Celestia, but from what I know from looking around on more of the back story of this place from my world, you were such a happy and powerful unicorn, always striving to make Celestia proud. But when your greed for power got too much, you two had a falling out...then you abandoned it all because Celestia was worried that she'd have to do the exact same thing she did to her own family." I explain, not knowing all of her history but at least pointing out the comic I've seen on the internet.

"Then you ran to another human world, not mine if you noticed, and pretty much made yourself the school bully, tore great friends apart, you thought you were meant for greatness and stole the element of magic after a time, turned into a demon and had Twilight and her human friends beat you. Note how you thought that you were meant to be great but you were so horribly beaten it wasn't funny?" I ask, making even the old student of Celestia rethink this all. "And also..." I say before breaking my bindings with flex of my arms, the rope falling to the ground. "Whoever you made tie me up sucks." I say while rubbing my wrists.

"Why are you so mean!?!" Diamond yells at me, not wanting to believe a word I was saying because, thinking back, I was right.

"Why am I mean?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "Why am I mean!" I shout at them all, causing them to jump. "You all should be thinking about how mean you've been! Trixie, you're a show mare, I get it, but when you keep saying that 'everything is true' about things that are close to impossible, then your going to get your ass bitten as hard as all those times Twilight beat you." I shout at Trixie, making her cringe and shake a bit.

"Gilda, you're still in high school, grow up! You roar at a pony just for an accident, and when you have the exact same thing happen to you, you flip a shit and ruin a great friendship." I explain to Gilda, whose eyes dilate at my rage and taking a step back.

"Diamond, I don't care if you're a filly, but there's a point where you need to know when to shut the fuck up! You're a horrible person for making fun of people that don't know what there special talent is, making fun of their disabilities, and then being all buddy buddy with them so they can get to a princess that lived not five minutes from where you live." I explain, clenching my fists a bit and seeing the filly fall to the ground in a shaking wreck.

"Sunset, I sure don't know about what your history is, but seriously, when someone tried to help you not become a bitch, and then do the exact opposite, it's just fucking ridiculous." I explain, rubbing my temples in aggravation.

"Why...why did we have to bring you?" Sunset says, tearing up and looking down at the ground sadly.

"Because...." I say, looking at them all before sighing out sadly myself. "Because I'm the only one that can get things through your thick skulls." I say gently to them all, starting to get to my second part of ranting. "Remember, I still have things that I touched on but wanted to get in now...Gilda, you probably have such a sweet side to you that I would love to see, but you think that you should be strong and tough and shut other people out that want to see that." I start to explain, Gilda giving a look of surprise and a little blush again. "God that's just cute." I chuckle a little.

"Trixie, I understand you're a show mare, you want to impress everyone with fireworks, magic tricks, and make people, even the little colts and fillies happy. But you need to learn to keep the act on stage, and the act off stage different. Your smart, talented, and make a fireworks show the fourth of July would beg for." I say with a smile, causing the mare to get a little bit of her bravado back that's she's great at something.

"Sunset...sorry for bringing back old wounds, but for you...you're a little tougher to crack so this all can get through." I explain to her. "Celestia probably misses you a lot; she was probably crushed to hear you scream and run away from her when she only wanted to help...and when she saw Twilight, she didn't want the same thing to happen...the closest thing she could call a child of her own to run away and crush her heart." I explain gently, making Sunset give a little nod of confirmation that I was right.

"And Diamond..." I say, causing the filly to flinch in fear. "Oh dear Diamond..." I say while kneeling down and gently putting a hand on her head, feeling her become as stiff as a statue, but started to giggle as I started to scratch between her ears. "I know you can be a nice filly, one of the one girls that people would love to be friends with if they wouldn't be so stubborn and mean all the time. I know your dad is always busy with work and probably doesn't have as much time for you as I've had the exact same thing happen to me, but I always made sure to spend time with him whenever I could..." I say gently, having a warm smile on my face.

"What's with the sudden change of face?" Sunset asks, trying to keep calm from my verbal assault.

"This is how I work." I say, continuing to tickle Diamond a little. "I start with pointing out all the things that are just so wrong with people, getting it through there thick skulls that what there doing is either wrong or is just weird, and then come back gently and explaining how I understand it all, still care for them and rather see them learn and be happier in life then hate me, be depressed, and hate me for a long time..." I explain gently, fearful that if I raise my voice again they'll be scared of me again.

"I...I never thought that..." Sunset says a little sadly.

"Maybe people should warn others about how much of an ass I can be, yet how much of a wonderful friend I can be as well." I explain, seeing Diamond turn over on her side from her giggling and tickling her stomach now, causing her to burst out in helpless laughter.

"I want a belly rub~..." Gilda whines, before putting a claw up to her muzzle and blushing profusely.

"Do you really want one?" I ask with a little chuckle.

"N-no!" The griffiness says quickly. "Why would I...I wouldn't...." She tries to find words before sighing out. "Yes please." She says in defeat, but giddy about the belly rub either way.

"Then get over here." I say with a smile, the griffin being a little cautious but walking over and laying down on her back.

"Sheesh....this is so embarrassing..." She grumbles, still blushing a lot.

"Don't worry, it's not embarrassing." I say while starting to rub the soft fur Gilda has. "It's adorable." I say while rubbing her tummy, causing her to get a goofy grin and sigh out happily. "Does a little griffin like this?" I ask with a little grin, starting to rub a little harder.

"Yes I do..." Gilda mumbles, her back leg kicking happily.

"Can we has belly rubs?" Sunset and Trixie ask simultaneously, giving me adorable puppy dog eyes as I stopped tickling Diamond so she could breath.

"You girls aren't going to let me go are you?" I ask, before they all say at the same time "Nope". "I suppose this is an apology enough....it's going to be a long day." I laugh a little, getting ready to start a very big cuddle fest.

(A few hours of cuddling, belly rubbing, and me trying to hit on a griffin later)

"There, you all happy?" I ask, smiling happily at them all laying down smiling.

"Yes we are." Trixie says with a smile. "Tri-er...I'm very happy now...thank you."

"It was fun!" Diamond says happily, laying down next to Trixie with a warm smile.

"Didn't think you were into me..." Gilda chuckles a little. "But you're gonna have to try harder then that to get me." She says, nuzzling me a little.

"I don't think I have to try much harder." I say while doing my own little awkward nuzzle.

"Thank you, Xinrick...should I write down a note for us all?" Sunset asks honestly.

"Your so much like Twilight." I laugh a little, said unicorn already bringing out a pen and paper.

"Alright, I suppose...not really sure how to do it with this, but..." I say before taking a deep breath.

"There comes a time when you meet special people, whether they be ponies or griffins, young or old, mare or stallion, you will see people that are mean that might hate everyone or doesn't want to show there good side. Today, I had to deal with four of these special people, and I had to do something that nobody likes: using their past mistakes, wrong doings, and things they'd rather not remember, and using it against them to understand what I mean.

Even if you don't want to tell the truth, and keep bashing your head against a wall trying to make a person understand, then you're going to take a lot longer to teach them. But as long as you're gentle, soft spoken and make sure they understand what you say at the end of the day, then you won't have people hate you and understand what what you want them to do...and lead them to a better path.

From your faithful teacher and fellow lord,

Xinrick

P.S. I may be dating a griffin...don't judge me.

P.S.S. I give amazing belly rubs, so if you want one than make sure you give word round about me...I'm getting sick of being kidnapped in the middle of a nap damn it.

P.S.S.S. You better tell me a few things about all of this 'Lord' stuff here, Sunbutt as well as why ponies always have rope with them...it's weird."

"And I'm done." Sunset says with a nod, finishing up the letter and rolling it up.

"Thank you...but I should probably be getting home." I say with a sheepish smile, scratching the back of my head.

"Aww...but I want more belly rubs." Gilda groans, wanting more rubs on her tummy.

"Don't worry Gilda, you'll get more belly rubs." I chuckle a little, patting her head. "But right now...until I figure out if I can make you either a human or at least half human...I'm gonna leave you with this." I say while lifting her chin up and kissing her beak happily.

"Mmm..." Gilda says in surprise, before shrugging and kissing me back just as much.

"Eww~." Diamond says, me and Gilda breaking the kiss as we all laugh at her reaction.

"Well, I best be off...Sunset mind giving me a...actually..." I say before snapping my fingers to test something, and a portal appeared out of nowhere. "Well....that happened." I say with a bunch of surprise.

"How did...." Sunset was trying to find the words.

"I've been dragged through a portal three times to a world full of magic...I think this is at least a little understandable." I guess, finding it to at least make some sort of sense but not so much. "Mind making me one to my room? I don't trust this one." I say while snapping my fingers again, the portal closing a bit.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Sunset says while using her magic to open a portal to my room.

"Thank you. Now, see you all later and remember what I told you...I'm still very sorry for what I did." I apologize one more time.

"You're such a dweeb." Gilda giggles a little.

"I love you too." I chuckle a little.

"I'll try to...patch things up with Twilight...hope she still doesn't hate me..." Trixie mumbles the last part.

"I should also apologize to those bla- I mean....the others." Diamond says, not wanting to say "cutie mark crusaders" just yet.

"And I shall be in Canterlot...meeting up with Celestia." Sunset says with a nod.

"Thank you. So, see you all later." I say with a nod before entering the portal, it closing behind me for as long as somepony, person, dragon or whatever comes to kidnap me.

Author's Note

I made a thing!!! :yay:
Yes I did make another one of these, hope you like it. I wanted to get this off of my chest because...seriously people, who wouldn't rant about this. Sunset is here because she's pretty much the only one that could do it in this rag tag group of girls. I'm sorry for swearing in front of a filly but seriously, she needs to get it through her head. Also, this isn't 'hate porn', my prereader said that and I just want to make that pretty clear.

Why Pinkie Promises are stupid

Why Pinkie Promises Are Stupid

"What did I do this time?" I ask with a frown, staring at a very familiar pony. If you didn't read the last part of this, then you'd be confused… but my name is Xinrick, and I have had… a very weird encounter with a bunch of ponies. Yes, ponies, and I had to explain to them all on how their actions or choices don't make sense. And when I left I went about my daily life as normal… but now I'm back here for some god knows why reason, talking to the craziest one of them all.

"Did the title not give you enough?" Pinkie Pie, the most pink pony of them all, says while glaring at me.

"Title?" I ask with a little confusion.

"Yes, the title." She says while pointing up into space. "It says 'Why Pinkie Promises Are Stupid'. How dare you say that!?"

"Well… they kind of are." I frown.

"No, they’re not." Pinkie denies what I said.

"How so?" I ask.

"Pinkie Promises are supposed to be taken seriously. They are a law that nopony… or nobody in this case, should ever break!" She says sternly. "They break ponies’s trust and friendships end."

I only stare at her for a brief moment… before shaking my head in disappointment. "No. Just… just no." I say with a frown.

"Why are you saying that?" She asks with her own frown.

"Promises are broken everyday. I've had promises broken a lot of times, on my end and on other people’s ends. What's so different about adding in some weird chant or crossing people’s pinkies?" I ask. "And by 'pinkies' I mean this finger." I explain while moving my pinkie finger.

"Pinkie promises are the strongest promises ever, and nopony should ever break it." She says to me, being persistent about the entire thing.

"Make a Pinkie Promise to me now." I demand to her.

"On what conditions?" She asks, not really buying it so much.

"That I won't say 'this is stupid' about pinky promises. In any way shape or form." I say, which makes her beam happily.

"Okey Dokey Lokey." She says with a smile.

"Is... is she really serious here?" I think to myself before calming down and we both chant, 'Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye', watching her do the motions while I couldn't do to… reasons.

"There. Now you can never say-"

"Pinkie Promises are stupid." I deadpan, causing her jaw to drop to the floor. "Notice how easy it is to break it over something so… small?" I ask.

"But… but… " She stutters before she starts to tear up and her mane starts to deflate.

"Notice, even if your getting upset, it's just words?" I ask. "You’re making it such a big deal that you scared Applejack away and pretty much made it sound like you were going to murder her for breaking her promise." I say to her bluntly.

"Stop..." She mumbles.

"You may be a smart pony, only pony I've seen who could make a makeshift helicopter, but when you take promises that are so easily broken and turn it into something that you think is a 'law', it goes out of control." I explain before I hear knocks on the door.

"Pinkie, you in here?" A familiar voice calls out.

"Yes, and she also has me tied up here." I call out. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that before all of this, Pinkie Pie kidnapped me, and tied me up in the middle of her room in Sugar Cube Corner. "And she's also starting to cry about me saying Pinkie Promises are stupid… as well as breaking one as bluntly as humanly possible."

"WHAT!?!" She screamed before bursting through the door and out came Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Hello, Princess Sparkle Butt." I joke, not able to lift my hands due to me tied up on a chair. "Mind getting me out of here… and maybe give your sad friend here a giant carton of ice cream?" I ask, pointing to the deflated mare sitting down in tears.

"What did you do to her?" She growls at me, angry that I made her friend upset.

"So you're not mad about her kidnapping me from my bedroom, and tying me up to a chair in her room like a hostage?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "But I did nothing. I only made a Pinkie Promise saying I wouldn't call it stupid… then I just outright did the exact opposite, and still stating my own giant complaint here."

"You didn't need to be so mean about it!" Pinkie sobs.

"Oh yes I did." I say, and before Twilight could object I continued. "I think you both remember 'Dodge Junction', right? Remember when Applejack made a Pinkie Promise, didn't break it, and had all of you chase after her, as well as Pinkie sounding like she was going to murder the poor farm pony?" I rhetorically ask, making Twilight cringe a little at the thought.

"Yes. But-" She was about to start but I cut her off again.

"And when Applejack didn't want to tell you to begin with, you all pestered her to tell and then… I'm going to go off on a tangent when I don't want to..." I sigh out before getting back on track. "Forceful talks aside, over a single promise, Pinkie made you chase Applejack like a common criminal because of a stupid promise."

"But if she didn't fess up, we wouldn't be her friends anymore." Pinkie responds to me, getting rid of her tears but still in a deflated state.

"You’re kidding, right?" I ask. "Twilight, mind untying me? Please? These ropes are starting to hurt." I say, the ropes actually starting to hurt at this point.

"Are you going to run?" The princess asks, while I just give her a look of 'are you kidding me?'. "Fine." She relents before using a magic bolt and cutting the ropes.

"Thank you." I say while getting up and stretching a bit. "In my world, there are subtle differences between promises, the ones like 'I stole a twenty cent piece of candy from a random store, don't tell' to 'I just committed murder, please don't tell'." I say, which makes them both appalled at that.

"There's the one where you can keep because it doesn't mean a damn thing, or the one that you should really break, even if it's to your own friend. Sure, Twilight accidentally said about Spike’s crush on Rarity, and you made her feel terrible about it, but he was only a little mad, nothing more. That's something small, but if he… let's say, posted a ton of bad things about Rarity and told you to never talk about it again… would you still tell Rarity about the culprit?"

"That's completely-"

"Answer the question." I say to Twilight, stopping her again from interrupting. "Would you tell her before things got way too out of control, and have Spike get punished… then still have a friendship after a day or so, or have it rage on, then find the culprit then have Spike never have a friend again?"

"But that's the point of the promise." Pinkie says to me.

"The part about Spike getting off the hook because of a promise, until he got found out and then ruined forever and not have a friendship, or the part that breaking the promise saved him from not having a friendship forever after?" I ask honestly.

"No." Twilight says. "We would have told Rarity the instant we figured it out."

"But what would happen if Spike 'Pinky Promised' you beforehand?" I ask, making Twilight open her mouth to object… before closing it, knowing this might not end well. "See? That's how big you treat promises that, some or most of the time, wouldn't matter. These promises are just like holding well kept secrets, and people have to lie and cheat their way out of it."

"Please don't say it again." Pinkie asks.

"My point being… the thought of 'Pinkie Promises are law' is just so… undeniably..."

"Stop!" Pinkie screams before dashing at me and trying to buck me with her hind legs.

"Stupid." I finish while sidestepping and picking the rageful pony up by her mane. "Promises are broken everyday, like people’s hopes and dreams." I say, seeing the pony try to get out of my grasp. "But… I understand." I say before hugging the poor pink pony.

"Um..." Twilight tries to find words to amount to this… weird action from the very mean sounding words.

"I understand why you want to keep a promise. A promise has someone's trust in it… but if it's something small that you can just brush aside without a thought, then don't bother with it… but if you treat it like you treat the best of secrets, then what's a promise then? A contract to uphold on some death sentence?" I ask.

"N-no..." Pinkie says before hugging me back. "Why… why do you hate me…?" She whimpers out.

"I never said I hated you." I say with a little chuckle, rubbing the back of her head. "You’re a wonderful pony… it's just how far you make your 'special promises' when they’re not so 'special' is just… wrong." I say to her. "You say that breaking a Pinkie Promise breaks people’s friendships… but how much you go through with that logic makes people feel that it's supposed to be a law. Promises aren't laws, and it shouldn't be enforced..." I say soothingly to her.

"But I understand how much you care about people, or ponies friendships and your own… I'm sorry for making you so sad..." I say to her. "And I don't want to see you so upset again. But you know that I need to be tough to get my points across, right?"

"Yeah… I know..." Pinkie Pie relaxes, feeling calmer now and hugging me a little tighter.

"Um… you know this is weird, right?" Twilight asks, feeling a little awkward.

I pull the hug away from Pinkie, seeing her inflate a little bit before we turn to Twilight and say at the same time, "Wow Twilight, way to ruin the moment." Causing the new alicorn's right eye to twitch and causing me and Pinkie to laugh together happily.

"Anyways… want some sweets?" Pinkie asks me, now back to her old self again.

"Maybe… but what I must ask is..." I say before stretching a little bit again. "Why in the name of hells… did you kidnap me from my own home, tie me up to a chair, and interrogate me over a silly-ass concept as your promises?" I ask with a look of anger on my face.

"Well… the 'kidnapping' part was because I had to get you here..." Pinkie starts.

"And you couldn't have sent me a little letter before hand?" I ask. "I know we're from different dimensions, but you ponies could break it pretty easily." I point out.

"And I knew you would run away if I didn't tie you up." She finishes with a frown.

"Or a combination of you could have told me about what you wanted to talk about and that you slightly got off with tying me up." I say, causing Pinkie to blush a bit.

"I do not get off with tying people up." Pinkie says with an embarrassed frown.

"Fine fine… says the girl with a closet full of different types of rope..." I mumble the last part, causing the accused pony to blush even more and punch my arm. "I'm sorry, jeez." I laugh a little. "But I'm hungry… and you owe me food for all that as well as that little attack on me." I huff a little.

"Sure." Pinkie says with a warm smile, getting her full inflated bubbly happiness back.

"So… got a letter I need to keep?" Twilight asks honestly, getting a pen and paper after everything that happened.

"Sure, Pinkie can you-" I was about to say before she disappeared like she knew I was going to have to give a lesson to Twilight and wanted to make food before hand. "Never mind." I relent while taking a deep breath, Twilight at the ready.

"Today, a pony had to learn how promises aren't law, how just adding words and motions to it doesn't make it a binding and force it on you like blackmail. Pinkie Pie learned, albeit in a little forced way, that 'Pinkie Promises' are just silly and shouldn't be enforced like it's the law when it isn't. It's one thing to promise something small and forget about it later, or tell the secret because it's actually really huge, but it's another thing when you are forced to have every promise act like it's something super sensitive that no one should know about. Promises do involve a sense of trust between friends and she does have a point that it can hurt friendships, but when you force it like you will always lose a friendship just because you let someone know you stole a piece of hard candy from the candy shop is just silly. Promises help friends learn to trust, but it should never be taken as blackmail for no reason.

From your faithful teacher Xinrick.

"And done." Twilight nods. "That sounded nice, albeit it wasn't the best that I've ever heard or made myself." Twilight shrugs.

"Shush you, I was kidnapped, tied up, and assaulted because I said Pinkie Promises are stupid." I frown, while Pinkie Pie enters the room with food.

"I brought cupcakes!" Pinkie smiles while handing me some.

"Sweet, thanks, Pinkie." I smile. "How about you try it first?"

"No, you." Pinkie gleefully retorts.

"I'm insisting." I say, knowing there has to be some sort of revenge on this.

"I kidnapped you, tied you up, and almost assaulted you, why would I add something bad to the cupcake?" Pinkie is honest here.

"I made you cry?" I ask, while Pinkie thinks for a moment and nods. "Oh well." I shrug while eating the cupcake and giving a slight moan at how unbelievably good it tasted.

"Do you like it?" Pinkie asks giddily.

"It's like a party in my mouth." I smile while eating the rest of the cupcake happily.

To be continued… or someone kidnaps me again.

Bad things are happening.

"What the hell?" I say with a mixture of a shocked, upset, and appalled face at what I'm seeing. All around me was just this....insane hodgepodge of things just....doing something. Cat's with wings flying on the ground upside down, rainbows raining skittles, random frogs doing a single jig all together, colors inverting and going back to normal as I continue to walk around...whatever the hell this is. "Discord! What the hell are you doing?" I call out with a frown.

"I'm not doing this." A voice says while a flash shows....a human with Discords voice.

"Oh god...Discord why do you look like Q?" I ask, wondering why the once draconiqi now looks like a human in a Star Trek outfit.

"I don't know I just look like this." Discord says with a shrug, snapping his fingers and magically getting a bag of popcorn. "But this my friend...this is pure chaos and I love it."

"When someone's being disemboweled by a fucking broom!" I shout while seeing a random broom covered in blood while digging out a bison's internal organs. I held a hand up to my mouth and forced myself not to throw up and looked away from such a thing.

"Okay yes that is horrid." Discord says in disgust before throwing his popcorn bag and causing an explosion in some random direction.

"Seriously what the fuck is going on?" I ask honestly, thankfully biding back the urge to vomit. "If this is the chaos realm I somehow stumbled upon I hate it here."

"Well there are many chaos dimensions but...this isn't one I've ever seen or been to." Discord says which surprised me a lot. "What? You expect me to know everything about chaos?"

"Yeah pretty much." I nod.

"Well there are many different things about chaos." Discord was about to say before the wind blew past and a 'shink' sound echoed before I saw Discord/Q get a sword in the gut. "Well...isn't that something." DisQord says with a frown while seeing the crystal like blade pierce him. "Now that's not fun at all."

"I'm just gonna go in a direction and hope for the best..." I say before starting to run.

(two hours later)

"Oh for christ sakes!" I roar while looking down and seeing I'm running on a fucking treadmill that forced me back to where I began.

"Chaos realms are finicky indeed." Discord says with a shrug. "But this is a new brand of finicky if I could say anything."

"How is that possible?" I frown.

"My brand of chaos is the more....joke variant." DisQord says with a shrug. "You see I do it more just to have fun and laugh, have you seen anyone really get hurt because of my direct actions?"

"A little." I say.

"Okay besides that one time." Discord frowns.

"Then none actually." I say in surprise, thankfully back to square one(which happened to be in the shape of home plate) and not on a treadmill anymore.

"I do things for fun, not to harm anyone. I harm people in indirect ways, do I wish them harm? No I don't, but I just want to see the world in a giant circle of chaos that everyone can actually enjoy."

"Like chocolate rain clouds?" I ask honestly.

"Of course like chocolate rain clouds! Whoever thought that was a bad idea can get a cane shoved up their ass for all I care." DisQord says before looking around. "But this....this is just a mess. I mean it's full of fun things that are just silly...but then there are the dark...and I'm scared to say even darker corners of this space that I wouldn't dare go to." The space bender says with a shudder.

"And I suppose the guy that shoved a crystal sword in your stomach?"

"I wasn't hurt given I feed off of chaos energy and this place is...special." Discord says.

"All I see is things bad happening." I frown while continuing to look around, still seeing either buildings playing ping pong, a rabbit beating rhino's in arm wrestling contests, and the odd malformed monstrosity just walking about like there off to work or something. "Seriously it looks worse then a video game gli-" I was about to say before my face suddenly had a piece of duck tape over it.

"Don't say that word." Discord says while looking around quickly. "Trust me, the worse thing you can say in a dimension like this is that word." Q/Discord says in fear.

I just stare at him, wondering what the fuck is going on here. I take off the piece of tape and grumble about it hurting but shook my feet a little. "Why? Is it taboo?" I ask honestly.

"Even Chaos has rules believe it or not." Discord frowns.

"I doubt that when it's basically 'do whatever the fuck you want'." I frown.

"It depends on what kind of chaos user you are. If you're just using a brand of magic that helps animate objects that's all you can do. If you're like me then you can't directly do harm to others but you can bend gravity and other things to your will....but to this extent..." Discord says while motioning to everything. "This is something even a well trained chaos user can't do."

"I really wish I knew what all that meant...but I'm just going to be leaving." I frown before finding a 'this way' sign and walking towards it. "You can tag along if you want."

"No..." Discord says before readying to leave himself. "This is something you have to do." Discord says before leaving.

"Well shit." I grumble while looking up to see a giant mountain.

(hours later)

I continue to run from a hoard of rabid squirrels, don't ask why or how it just happened. As I ran along I had monsters wave at me, see this mauling each other but laughing like they'll just recover from half their bodies gone and all sorts of hell that makes no sense. As I continue to run from the squirrels, I was forced to turn right cause magically a giant boulder appeared and was rolling straight towards me.

Now here's the part where I explain exactly what happened in every single bit of order that things happen...but honestly I can't given it was all a bunch of clusterfucks after another that I can't rightly explain but all I can say is after so much tedium, so much crap to deal with, so much running, and for some reason hopscotching, I somehow made it to the top of the mountain. "For...fuck....sakes..." I pant and looking around, wondering if I'm actually done.

"Congrats, your done." I hear someone say. "Is what I would say if you weren't late."

"Oh fuck you." I frown. "No I'm done."

"Like hell you are." The voice says while a being appears, and the slightest bit of it just jerking out of place.

"Oh yeah? How so?" I ask honestly.

"You're going to do this all over again until you get here on time." The being frowns, a slight static noise fills the air.

"And why should I?" I ask honestly. "Cause I think I made great time. Look, the sun isn't done with it's tea." I say while pointing up to the son, while it was true the sun was drinking tea it poured another cup for itself. "And why should I listen to you? This realm doesn't abide by logic."

"You will abide by my logic since I created it." The being growls, getting testy with my lack of cooperation.

"You still haven't given me an answer." I say with a shrug.

"To what question?" It asks with a frown.

"That question." I say, and I grin and see it only getting more made.

"What question!"

"Wow you really are dumb if you don't know that question." I chuckle, which only makes the static sounds more apparent.

"It's either you do as I say or I will force you down." It growls, and I say it and barely gave a description because again it's a malformed creature covered in candy, blood, rocks, and many more things...as it was clearly being cut in bits.

"For a being that made a chaos dimension you really suck at the rules." I say with a shrug.

"The creator makes the rules." It says, it's voice cracking involuntarily even though it said it clear enough.

"You sure? What's the first rule of chaos dimensions?" I ask honestly.

"I don't have time for this!" It says before suddenly throwing a blade at me.

"Glitch." I say and the blade dissolves into pixels.

"Wh-what did you just say?" The being in front of me twitches, more static and glitch noises being apparent.

"A friend of mine said that you can't say 'glitch' in a chaos dimension." I say while the world around me starts to shift. "It seemed weird given Discord was questioning the things around us and I wanted to call it as it was since it was way to clustered for stuff like this. So I call out glitch."

"Stop saying that."

"Glitchy glitchy glitch glitch." I say with a growing grin, while the thing starts going all over the place in the malformed creatures spot like a character model glitching out.

"Stop."

"Glitch glitch."

"Sto-"

"Glitchy." I say in a sing song tone before I smile in triumph as the thing finally disappears...only to start frowning as everything around me just starts dissolving. "Oh shit!" I shout before running away, only to trip in a whole and fall into an even bigger hole and suddenly I blacked out.

"Gah!" I scream before bolting up right and looking around. I was sitting on a comfy bed in a dark room, and the moonlight that came threw the window I saw my clothes on the ground, a dresser, a violin case, some posters of famous...griffins and pegasi?

"What's wrong?" I heard a feminine voice asks while I look down and see Gilda looking up with sleepy yellow eyes.

"Uh..." I stutter, and look around to see my clothes on the ground...and I mean all the clothes I had on for this little trip to Equestria.... "Uh....Gilda...mind telling me what happened?" I ask shakily.

"Well..." Gilda yawns before explaining how I came back to check up on things, bitch slapped Blueblood for being a prick, found Gilda and then we went to a party(which I swore to myself I wouldn't drink) then Gilda helped me back home since I was drunk from too many people telling me to drink so she didn't drink...then I listened to her play violin and then bed things happened.

"Bed things?" I stutter, my entire face heating up and that kind of thought.

"You lasted way longer then some griffins did...and it was amazing." Gilda sighs out happily.

"Uh..." I don't know what to say. "Can I get a glass of water?"

"Yeah." Gilda nods. "If you want to go another round then I wouldn't mind." Gilda purrs happily, and then giggles at me sputtering like an idiot. "Your such a dweeb, go on get your drink." The griffiness says while I head off to get a drink and hope to christ bad things wouldn't keep happening.

"And that's how my sister Maud got her cutie mark!" Pinkie says in a cheery mood.

"Pinkie...." Twilight takes a deep breath, while me and Gilda both blush horribly at hearing such things. "None of those things happened."

"I wish bed things happened." I mutter while hearing Gilda slightly purr at such ideas.

Author's Note

I know this is bad, I know it's full of grammer mistakes, but that's fine since this chapter is about bad things happening. Even if it makes literally no sense(and come on my story is about not making sense):derpytongue2: Hope you like it:twilightsmile:(now I'll be off getting some snacks after this atrocity is read by people)