Twilight Sparkle locked the door, bringing an end to the day’s library hours. There was still after hours work to be done, but she didn’t mind. It was hard for her to imagine not liking anything that had to do with books, especially when a particularly special package had arrived that afternoon.
Her hooves clip-clopped on the wooden floor as she trotted past the familiar old shelves. Books peered out from the shadows, their immutable bindings meeting her determined smirk. Had they been alive, they would have recognized it as the look she directed at them before they got read.
But those books were not what interested her, not today. She was on a mission and that mission took her straight to the back room. While similar shelves stood by, patiently awaiting her touch, they too fell by the wayside.
Her target was a well-traveled crate, a single corner pushed up against the wall. It trotted a fine line between the balance of being out of the way and obstructing the lower shelves. ‘Books,’ declared the faint red lettering on the lid. Twilight’s grin widened.
Normally, the duty of unpacking the crate would fall to Spike and he would have been finished by early afternoon. However, he had asked for the day off to visit Canterlot and given just how often he practically worked himself into a coma, she insisted he take three.
Magenta light engulfed her horn and the crate groaned as its lid tore itself away. A thin screen of dust escaped various parts of the crate, lingering in the air just above; it did little to deter Twilight. She sifted through the books, restraining herself just enough to leave them respectfully half-sorted against the wall. Although, with each new layer lacking her prize, that restraint became harder and harder.
The title she sought was, of course, the very last book in the crate, like buried treasure. Treasure buried among slightly less-shiny treasure, but treasure, nonetheless.
Shy Farmer and Rodeo Veterinarian III: Tying the Knot by Saucy Tale, read the cover. Just the thought of the foreshadowed upcoming twist of Farmer proposing to Veterinarian sent colour to Twilight’s cheeks. If the last two novels were any indication, the post-marriage romp would be a delight to read. One might argue that such frequency might make it harder for future entries to top the last, but Saucy had a distinct talent for spicing things up. Twilight had confidence that it would be nothing short of a steamy, all-night-long affair.
There was, perhaps, some bias involved. This up-and-coming author had really ensnared her with these characters that she just felt connected to. They were familiar, predictable and, if she thought about it too hard, a bit like some of her friends. But she would always shake those thoughts away.
Such thoughts were those of a meddler and it would be rather embarrassing to catch herself pushing her friends together based on fiction. Plus, some of the acts were things she really didn’t want to think about her friends doing. No, any similar attributes were just happenstance and interests that hundreds of ponies could connect on.
Twilight licked her lips, shifting her eyes left, then right. The gesture was habit, a safeguard that was entirely unnecessary in this particular instance. Only Owlowiscious was around and he either didn’t understand or didn’t care.
Not that Twilight was ashamed; she simply acknowledged that some books weren’t appropriate for public reading.
She returned to the main room and started up the staircase. With each step, the warmth of anticipation rose higher in her cheeks, seeping down her neck and over the rest of her body. By the time she reached the top, she could hardly control herself.
Twilight threw the book upon the bed, pouncing right after it. The comforter was soft and welcoming, the waning light slipping through the window a warm caress. She smiled at the book, flipping the cover open with a gentle, yet eager gusto.
Tonight was going to be a good night.
The morning sun brushed across Twilight’s cheek. She groaned, her eyes opening just a crack. In her bleariness, she had almost forgotten what she’d been doing before falling into a blissful sleep. But as her gaze slid over the bed to the nightstand, where the finished novel lay, it all came back to her. She smiled.
She slid her legs over the side of the bed, a sore stiffness enveloping them as they touched the floor. Twilight barely paid it any mind; the feeling was old and familiar, an eternal partner to her late night reading binges.
But the rest of her felt fresh and cleansed. Even hours after, there were few things quite as cathartic as finishing a good adult romance novel. The only others that came close was grinding through a challenging magic theory text and marathoning the entire Daring Do series.
A restless itch crept up and down her wings and Twilight had to fight the urge to stretch then and there. Last time she ended up launching everything off both her nightstand and dresser.
Trotting with the urgency of a filly needing to use the restroom, Twilight made for the mid-tier balcony. Her wings shot open the second she cleared the door. Her other muscles instinctively followed suit and she craned her neck, stretching such that an observer might have thought her limbs were going to pop from their sockets.
“Ahhhh…” she sighed as her body relaxed.
She allowed her mind to drift through the sky, trying to recall what the day’s checklist looked like. A couple snuggling ponies crept into her consciousness and Twilight found herself distracted, falling back into the story.
That’s when she spotted a rainbow blot soaring across the sky and she remembered: Rainbow Dash had checked out the Daring Do expansion for Ogres and Oubliettes—claiming she just wanted to see the awesome artwork, of course—and it was nearly two weeks overdue! It was about time she brought it back, especially after Twilight had asked her three times.
Much to Twilight’s dismay, Rainbow continued by without so much as slowing down. She craned her head even further, calling out behind her, “Rainbow!”
Dash still didn’t slow. Twilight frowned. After several run-ins with Rainbow Dash’s hyper-awareness, Twilight wasn’t about to believe that she simply hadn’t noticed the shouting.
With a huff, Twilight took off, speeding after Rainbow. And she continued to huff while Dash pulled farther and farther ahead.
It was only once Rainbow’s house came into sight and she zipped down to the porch, that Twilight caught up.
Twilight’s face was nearly beet red, but much to her surprise, so was Rainbow’s.
“Rainbow...” Twilight gasped out between breaths.
“Oh, hi, Twilight, sorry I didn’t stop. Brain heat.”
Twilight’s indignity melted into complete confusion. “Brain what?”
“Yeah, it just makes me all like this when it wants me to write stuff down. I’ve learned to just roll with it.” Rainbow waved a forehoof before turning her attention to the door.
“Um…” Twilight didn’t know whether to facehoof or applaud Dash’s clever conciseness.
The door clicked open and Dash darted inside.
Twilight blinked, staring at the open door for a few long moments before following. The foyer was already empty, nothing but white, fluffy walls and Wonderbolt memorabilia to greet her. A wide hall stretched toward the back of the house, with several alternating doors.
“Dash?”
“Hare!” Rainbow’s voice called from the right doorway.
Rainbow Dash was at a large cloud desk, scribbling furiously across a parchment. To Twilight’s amazement, the room was crowded with piles and piles of half-used rolls. Even the obligatory Wonderbolt posters were obscured by the clutter.
“I didn’t know you wrote,” Twilight spoke absently as she tilted her head. Even after giving the room another once-over, she was still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that it belonged to Rainbow.
“Jush when mah brain gesh like dish,” Rainbow replied around her quill. “Cansh complain ‘bout the eshtra bits, doh.”
“Whoa, wait. You’re already published?
Dash shrugged. “Yesh, naw big.”
“No big deal? Dash, this is really impressive,” Twilight said, levitating one of the scrolls up and unfurling it. “Especially if you’re only working off of raw insp—”
Shy Farmer waggled her eyebrows as she held the carrot between her lips.
Twilight’s brain froze. It suddenly all clicked. She almost wondered why she hadn’t noticed before, but her mind had the answer just as quickly: Dash’s hyper-awareness. Which meant that Shy Farmer and Rodeo Veterinarian were just slightly altered versions of...
“Oh, Celestia, no!” Twilight exclaimed as she sunk deeper into undesired mental imagery.
Rainbow glanced back. “Wush now?”
“Dash, you… you… you’re Saucy tale?!” Twilight blurted out.
Rainbow let her quill drop to the desk. “Shhh. Keep it down. I don’t want anypony to think I’m an egghead.”
Twilight flailed her forelegs. “Gah—buh—Nevermind that!”
“Geez, Twilight, what’s gotten into you?” Dash turned so that she was facing Twilight head-on.
“You’re writing po…” Twilight cut herself off, remembering just whose work she was talking about, “...adult material about our friends!”
“Um, what? No I’m not. My brain just comes up with these random things.”
“No, Dash you don’t understand. You notice things when you’re flying, remember? And by things, I mean everything!” Twilight started pacing, wondering if Fluttershy or Applejack had seen the similarities. They had to, if they’d read even one of the books, but that was a big ‘if’. There was more than one series on the market, after all.
“So?” Rainbow shrugged.
Twilight got up close, her eyes drilling down into Rainbow’s. “So don’t you think your inspiration might be coming from others’ private moments? Like maybe our friends’?”
“Okay, I guess it doesn’t sound so good when you put it that way.” Rainbow let out a nervous laugh. “But how do we even know if you’re right?”
“We prove it.” Twilight dramatically stomped her hoof. A plan was already brewing in her mind.
“And… how do we do that?”
Twilight grinned and held up a forehoof. “Research!”
Rainbow groaned.
“Wait here? Why?” Dash kicked a pebble off the dirt path. It bounced a couple times, rolling down the grass before neatly depositing itself into the creek outside Fluttershy’s cottage.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Because ‘Do you want to do Applejack?’ is not subtle, much less tactful.”
“Oh, fine. Wake me when you’re done, then.” Rainbow flew up to a nearby cloud and sprawled lazily across it.
“Okay, then. I will.” Twilight could have sworn she heard snoring before she even reached the bridge.
The bright and cheery cottage somehow seemed ominous, the door looming before Twilight. She paused to take a deep breath, then a second, before knocking.
The door opened just a crack at first, a single eye peering out into the world. Recognition flashed across Fluttershy’s face and she threw the door wide open. “Oh, um, hi, Twilight.”
Twilight eyed Fluttershy up and down, paying particular attention to her forelock. No engagement pin. So far, so good. Or is she just not wearing it? Would she hide it?
“Um, Twilight?”
“Oh, sorry, hi, Fluttershy!” Twilight grinned sheepishly, her momentary distraction pressing down on her like a boulder.
“What are you doing all the way out here? Are you off to see Zecora?”
Straining against her own muscles, Twilight did her best to make her smile look less pained. “No, I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I’d drop by. I hope that’s not a problem.”
“Oh, no, your timing couldn’t be better. I just finished making a pot of tea. Would you like to come in?”
“Tea sounds great.”
Twilight peered around as they walked over to the couch and coffee table set. There was no sudden appearance of apples or apple-related gifts; barring the full tea set sitting on the table, the cottage was the same as always.
Twilight blinked, a silly, but nagging thought washing over her. “Were you… expecting me?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I like to bring the whole set out, just in case the animals want some.”
“That’s nice of you. I’m not taking anyone’s cup, am I?”
Fluttershy scuffed a hoof. “Um, well, none of them actually drink it. I just want them to feel right at home.”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile. However, she was getting distracted and that wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She poked at her teacup a few times before she could finally get the words out.
“Fluttershy, do you… like carrots?”
“Oh, yes, they’re quite nice.” Fluttershy nodded.
“Do you like sharing them?” Twilight gave a short nod of her own.
“Yes.”
Twilight had to stop herself from leaning forward.
Fluttershy continued. “Angel Bunny just loves them and I just love the look he gets on his face.”
No. No. Ew. Just no. Twilight shoved the mental image away just a half-second too late.
“What about Applejack?” She blurted out, running with the first thought to enter her mind as she attempted to bleach away that which could not be unseen.
“Applejack? Um, why Applejack?” Fluttershy cocked her head.
“Oh, uh, you, know,” Twilight began, just trying to buy time to think. “Because she’s a farmer and the difference between the farm and a home garden might interest her.”
“I guess that makes sense, but that would have to be on special occasions, since, um, she has all those apples.”
“Special occasions?” Twilight asked, gritting her teeth just a little. This was it, what she’d been looking for.
“When she brings Winona by. Poor doggy is always getting too excited and hurting herself. Luckily, they’re always little booboos that I can fix right away.” Fluttershy gave her teacup a sad smile.
Rats. Of course there’d be an alibi, especially if they’re keeping a secret engagement. Hmmm…
Twilight wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. Perhaps Fluttershy herself was a dead end, but she now had a new lead to follow and Applejack was notoriously bad at lying.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash trotted the path to the farm, the Apple family barn just starting to peek over the hill. Heat poured down from the midday sun and Twilight found her already nervous mood exacerbated. Still, she soldiered on. She had to know and Dash had to be brought up to speed.
“And that’s why I’m certain she was being evasive,” Twilight concluded.
“But why would they hide it from us? We’re, like, their best buddies.” Rainbow waved her hoof.
Twilight looked right at Dash. “Maybe they want to avoid somepony asking if they want to do each other.”
“Geez, I make one bad suggestion…”
Twilight smirked. “Let’s go.”
Finding Applejack didn’t take long. Even among the trees of the nigh-endless orchard, her vibrant orange coat, and the cart trundling along behind her, stood out quite readily. As they got closer, Twilight noted that the cart didn’t contain the usual apple baskets. Instead, there were several containers, marked only by their varying colours, in addition to an assortment of garden tools.
Before Twilight could call out, Applejack glanced over her shoulder. A big grin spread across her face. “Howdy, y’all. What brings you out here?”
“We were just passing by and thought we might stop in to see how things are going on the farm.” Twilight returned the smile, taking just a moment to scan Applejack’s mane. As expected, there was no pin there, either. But the scientist inside her insisted that she be thorough, so thorough she was.
“Well, that’s mighty fine of you.”
“What are you doing, anyway?” Rainbow asked, batting at one of the containers.
“Some critters think they can sneak in and savage my poor trees, so I’m pest-proofin’ every one of ‘em.”
“All by yourself?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“Just for now. Once Bloom’s off school and Big Mac’s back from market, I’ll have a few spare hooves around. Don’tcha worry ‘bout me none.” Applejack tapped the top of her hat.
“What about the fields? Does this affect them too?” Twilight asked, grateful for such an easy lead-in.
“Did. I finished ‘em up first thing, since they’re smaller.” Just a hint of pride touched Applejack’s grin as she puffed out her chest.
“So the carrots are okay?” Dash cut in.
Twilight had to fight with all her might not to facehoof.
“Er, they’re good, I guess? Why’re you asking ‘bout those? Not like I make cider from ‘em.” Applejack chuckled.
Rainbow scuffed a hoof as colour filled her cheeks, though she at least kept eye contact. “Just curious. Speaking of cider, could I order some now?”
Applejack sighed. “What do you think?”
“Yes?”
“Same as last year.”
“Aw, come on!” Rainbow threw her forelegs into the air.
This time Twilight really did facehoof, but her friends didn’t even notice. Why did I bring Rainbow again?
“I think what Dash means to ask,” Twilight interjected, “is if you could share some carrots with her.”
“I do? Er, I mean, yeah! I’m totally into carrots now!” Dash grinned awkwardly. “But cider would be nice too…”
“Well, sure, I could sell you some, even give you a good deal. Can’t do too many, though, ‘cause Fluttershy’s got dibs and then I need some stock for everypony else.” Applejack stared off into space, as though an inventory sheet had materialized in front of her.
Bingo! Twilight suppressed a grin of her own.
“Fluttershy has dibs? Why?” Dash asked.
“She’s always so helpful with Winona. I love my dog to pieces, but sometimes she just does the dumbest things. So I figure it’s the least I can do for Fluttershy. ‘Specially since she lives with that carrot-inhalin’ rabbit.”
This time Twilight was ready and swatted the image away as soon as it entered her mind. It still couldn’t be unseen.
Twilight and Rainbow glided among the clouds, uncertainty slipping into every space where there wasn’t an air current.
“You have to stop publishing, Dash,” Twilight finally said.
Dash gave her a sideways glance. “Why? We didn’t even find anything out.”
“Yes we did! We found out they’re seeing each other and… and sharing carrots!”
“But that doesn’t mean they’re doing each other!”
Twilight grimaced and sighed. She looked down, finding she’d rather focus on the ponies below. There was Golden Harvest, a hose held between her legs as she watered some flowers. Not too far away, Lily was flailing about, likely freaking out over sales again. And as usual, Rose was trying to talk her down.
Shaking her head, Twilight looked back at Dash. “I know there’s nothing definitive, but what if that is what’s happening? Is it right to write it out for all of Equestria to read?”
“But it’s not like anypony will ever know it’s them!” Rainbow objected.
“We will.” Twilight gulped, feeling even her own body protest against the suggestion she knew she had to make. “If nothing else, you should stop sending in Shy Farmer and Rodeo Veterinarian. I mean… marriage is a pretty good place to end it and our friends really don’t deserve this.”
“I guess you’re right…” Dash sighed.
They traveled in silence and only then did Twilight realize the sun had just begun to descend. She was very glad the library was closed on Sundays.
Rainbow’s body stiffened with a suddenness that almost made Twilight veer away. Blush flooded Dash’s cheeks and then she was off like a rocket. “SorryTwigottawrite!”
“Dash! Wait!”
Twilight wheezed as she half-drifted, half-plummeted down to Rainbow’s porch. She made a mental note to go to the spa for a wing, if not full body, massage in the morning.
Much like before, Dash had blasted into the house as soon as she arrived, leaving the door wide open for Twilight.
Doing something that could almost pass for a gallop, Twilight pushed her aching body into the den, where Rainbow was hard at work. Rather than say anything, Twilight stood behind her, watching the story unfold.
“You two need to settle down,” Gardener began, her voice as soft and silky as a light drizzle, “find a way to put your differences aside and just… relax. And I think I know just. The. Thing.”
Blossom and Posy watched in awe as Gardener turned the hose upon herself, letting the water cascade down her chest. It flowed freely, along her coat, through every crevice between the hairs, spilling down her legs like unbridled passion.
All the tension in Twilight’s body released, the kind of cathartic bliss that filled her when a test was finally complete, when there was no longer any doubt of her passing. She had never been so right, yet so wrong and she couldn’t help but laugh. It started as a giggle, but quickly flooded over the entirety of her frame.
Dash gave her an annoyed look, “Now wuth?”
“Rainbow, you’re such a gutter-mind.” Twilight giggled, which only got her a cocked head in response. “We made one fatal assumption: that what you were seeing was the real, dirty deeds.”
The quill fell from Dash’s mouth. “And I’m not? Then where is all this coming from?”
“Think about what you’re writing, Dash. Did you not notice Golden Harvest watering her plants? Or Lily having another meltdown with Rose trying to comfort her?
Rainbow Dash blinked. “I, um, yeah, I think I did.”
“Your brain is altering little things, completely changing the situation, making it… sensual.” Twilight tapped a forehoof to her chin.
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Is that... bad?”
“No, your imagination just draws from experience a little more than usual. All authors do it.”
“Phew, okay. So we’re good?”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah. Just, maybe tone down the stuff inspired by ours friends, okay?”
“Okay.”
Twilight trotted up the stairs to her room, the latest Saucy Tale floating in front of her. It was a night much like a month ago. While knowing Saucy’s identity had taken some of the magic out of the series, at least the fact that Dash wasn’t explicitly writing about her friends helped keep Twilight from turning away entirely. Still, it was worth giving another chance. They had, after all, given her many nights of pleasure in the past.
Just a little too deep in her thoughts, Twilight’s forehoof caught on the next step and down she went, her magic blinking out on impact. She shook herself off, glad that no one saw her take such an embarrassing spill.
The book lay a few inches from her muzzle, its pages thrown open by the tumble. And while her brain immediately went into ‘spoiler avoidance’ mode, she couldn’t help but be drawn to one line on the left page:
Suave Egghead blushed, smiling that warm smile that could just melt Shy Farmer’s heart. “Do you... like sharing carrots?”
The egghead blushed all right, her cheeks glowing like the sun itself. She turned her head skyward. “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash!”
