Chapters You are walking down the streets of Ponyville one day. Yes, you’re a pony. Haha, you look funny as a pony. Oh wait, so do I. Nevermind. Anyway, you’re walking down Ponyville one day and the sun is shining and there’s a slight breeze that blows through your mane and tail. The cool breeze perfectly contrasts with the warm sun to create a climate that’s just right. You take a deep breath and take it all in. You smell dandelions, lilacs, and roses.
Anyway, you’re walking down Ponyville one day and the shops are all bustling with ponies going here and there and buying this and that. You hear a lot of commotion as ponies wheel and deal and trade and buy. You feel at home in this community. You see lots of smiling faces as they cheerfully go about their business. You walk up to one stand and buy some supplies that you need.
The vendor greets you with a “G’day! What can I get for you?” and says good bye with a “Have a nice day!”
After getting the supplies that you need, you wander over to the bakery. The sweet smell of freshly baked rolls and crisp bread tumbles out the door as you open it. The smell gets stronger as you proceed into the bakery. You buy a few baked goods and take a test taste of them as you head out the door. They smell so good you just can’t resist.
Anyway, you’re walking through Ponyville one day, and all of a sudden you see a strange shadow from behind a building. The tall, dark shadow leaves a dark stain on the otherwise gold-shining main-street path. This shadow does not look like it belongs to a pony.
Upon getting closer to it, you can smell a strange kind of granola and high fructose corn syrup scent. You hear a crinkling sound and then all of a sudden you see a sparkling shiny thing come out from around the corner of the building. Running up to it, you sniff it. Yes, you sniff it. That’s what ponies do when they see something interesting. Or maybe I’m thinking of cats. Anyway, you run up to sniff it. Up close, you can see that it’s some kind of container. Or at least, it was. It’s all torn up now, and what is apparently the inside is all shiny and silvery.
Turning your head, you see something that is definitely not a pony. It pokes you in the nose with something soft, making a funny noise, “Boop!”
You immediately react by pulling your neck back and twitching your nose. You lift your front leg up and wipe your nose on your leg, trying to get rid of the feeling of just being booped on the nose. Then you look at the thing that booped you.
It’s difficult to make out because the sun is directly behind it, but it’s about a foot taller than you and has what looks to be a hat on top of its head. You can make out a face. It’s a smiling face. It looks like he’s laughing. After a while of staring, he bends down to look you in the eye.
“Hey, I need help with something. I’m going to require your assistance.” As he says this, he puts his hat on your head. Your horn doesn’t get in the way because you don’t have a horn. I’m sorry, did I forget to mention you’re an earth pony? I guess I did. Oh well. So you’re an earth pony, for the convenience of the story. Anyway, he puts the hat on your head and you cower your ears to keep them from getting crushed by the hat’s brim.
“Are you willing to help me?” he asks, even though it’s obvious that he expects you to say yes. And if you continue reading this story, he will assume you agree. Otherwise, stop reading and you won’t be able to help him. On the other hoof, if you stop reading this story, you’ll also stop living in Equestria… so, yeah, take your pick.
“Of course, you’ll want to know what you’re getting into,” he assumes. I assume he’s assuming correctly. “I’m on a super-secret mission. My mission is to boop the best of ponies in town. I’ve got to boop all the best ponies! Will you help?”
If you read any further than this sentence, he will take that as a “yes.”
“Great! Now here’s what I need you to do. I need you to wear this hat and film me booping all the best ponies. Come on, there’s no time to lose!”
He runs out into the street and then walks briskly down the street into the crowd of ponies. You quickly follow after him, and feel the hat start to tip backwards. You stop and adjust the hat with your hoof, putting your ears into the slits in the hat to stabilize it. Ah, that’s more comfortable. Once you feel it’s stable enough, you rush after him again. Your hooves clop noisily on the ground as you catch up to him. He walks faster than you think he can and you have to trot to keep right behind him.
Amazingly, when you finally reach the buzzing trading center of the street, he manages to slip by everypony there. Somepony walks out in front of him and he dodges behind them and avoids crashing into them. You, on the other hoof, have to stop and wait because you aren’t so nimble. Haha, you’re a pony. Anyway, after waiting a split second for the pony to get out of your way, you take a step forward, tilting your head forward to keep the hat from trying to fly off.
He easily reaches the other side of the crowd and continues to walk briskly in the same direction. He is quite far ahead of you by the time you manage to make your way through the crowd. Somehow you didn’t quite notice the crowd earlier today when you were getting supplies.
You run to catch up to him and trot behind him.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he guesses. “Where are we going? Well, my assistant, we are going… here!” he doesn’t stop as he uses his… what is that? It’s a skinny stick-like thing protruding off what should be his hoof. (Hint: It’s called a finger) Oh right, “finger.” He uses his finger to point at a position on a map of what is apparently Ponyville. The area he points at is shaped like a round cloud and has a book icon on it.
You nod your head as you trot beside him on the way to the Ponyville Library.
You and him walk quickly to the Ponyville Library, and soon you see the candle sign that always sits out in front of the library. The smell of dandelions rushes past your face as you get closer to the library. Your saddle bag bounces uncomfortably on your back. You try to reach back and tighten the strap to keep it from bouncing, but you can’t hold the hat, trot, and do that at the same time. So you stop for a second to reach back and clench the end of the strap with your teeth. You pull back your neck and twist in such a way to pull the strap as tightly as possible. The saddle bag is now a little too tight on your back, but the strap will probably loosen up as you take off again. You turn to face forward and see the man standing at the door to the library, motioning with his… hoof? No, “hand,” it’s called a hand. He motions with his hand for you to come forward.
You trot over to the door, and he reminds you of the mission. “When I open this door,” he says, grabbing the door knob. “We’re going to go in there, find Twilight, and then you’re going to film me booping her.”
You look up at the hat, but all you can see is the front of the brim. You look back at him, and he’s looking at you, waiting for an answer. You nod your head, but then stop and readjust the hat, which had fallen off its comfy spot.
You watch him as he slowly turns the handle little by little, trying to make as little noise as possible. Then you hear a tiny click and he pushes the door open slowly. The door makes a faint creaking noise as he pushes it open. The smell of old dusty books leaks out. He doesn’t miss a beat; once the door is open enough he sneaks in on the tips of his… hooves? Hands? No, silly, they’re called “feet.” He sneaks across the floor on the tips of his feet. Twilight isn’t in the room, but the wooden horse head in the center of the room stares at you as you watch him sneak around it.
He turns around and puts a finger to his mouth. “Shh! I think I hear her upstairs!” Then he turns around and sneaks up the stairs, trying to keep the creaking to a minimum. Your hooves clop rather loudly on the wooden stairs, so you plunge your head into your saddle bag to find something. The taste of cotton fills the front of your tongue as you taste what you’re looking for. You clench it with your teeth and pull it out. You open your jaw to let one fall to the ground. You place your hoof down on it and then lift it up to make sure it sticks. It’s soft and cushiony, but you can’t feel it directly through your thick hooves. You repeat the process for your other three hooves.
You look up the stairs. He’s already at the top, about to turn another door handle. You silently climb the stair case, going as fast as you can to get there before he opens it. As soon as you arrive, he pushes the door open and makes a very funny blurbing noise. He sticks his finger out in front of him and walks briskly towards Twilight, who is head-first into some book. She doesn’t notice him until his finger makes contact with her nose.
“Boop!”
Twilight’s neck jolts back and her hair trails behind her. She touches her nose with her hoof and then stares blankly at the finger that just booped her nose. Then he does it again.
“Boop!”
This time, Twilight looks annoyed and looks at him. He lifts up his finger and slowly advances it towards Twilight’s nose. Twilight annoyedly lifts up her front hoof and swats down his finger. She gives him a look that says “Leave or else,” and then he turns around. He walks briskly to the door, and you follow behind him.
Down the stairs and out the door you go. Once back on the streets of Ponyville, he squats down to your eye level and reaches his hand under the hat and rubs your head.
“Good job, assistant! That’s one down!”
You can feel your hair getting messed up as he takes his hand out.
“Where to next, you ask? Well, I think that should be obvious!”
You look behind him and point with your nose towards the Carousel Boutique. He turns around and looks at it. Then he turns back and looks you in the eye.
“Nope! You’ll never guess! The edge of the Everfree Forest!”
He then stands back up and takes out his map as he walks briskly in the direction of the Everfree Forest. You are caught slightly off guard by his sudden movement, but jump up and run after him.
He dashes off so quickly towards the edge of the Everfree Forest that you don't even have time to take off the hoof slippers you have on. Once you have caught up, you stop for a second and recklessly lift your front hoof up to your mouth and bite the cotton hoof slipper. You taste all the street dirt that the slipper picked up as you yank it off your hoof. You take a few excited steps forward as you simultaneously slip your nose under the saddlebag flap and slip the slipper into the saddlebag. You look ahead and see he's getting away fast. You run towards him, but then stop again because it feels weird to run with only three slippers on. You stop and take off the front slipper, then decide to just leave the other two on in the interest of time. Running at full speed, you catch up to him quickly. After you return to his side, you again trot to keep up, feeling only slightly winded. You're a pony after all, and you can withstand much greater distances.
The wind picks up a little and blows across your face. The fur on your hide rustles as the wind tries to take your hat away. You stiffen your ears to foil its attempts, but the wind easily tickles your ears into submission, blowing the tiny hairs in your ears all around. You feel them wiggle around in your ear and instinctively fold your ears back. You put the brakes on your front hooves and the hat rubs against your head as its momentum carries it forward. You place your front hoof on top of the brim and hold on to it, or at least as best as a pony can "hold on to" anything. You trot with three legs as he continues forward unencumbered.
“Ah, here it is!” he declares as you near the destination. He peeks at it and then holds the map with two hands in front of his face to double check. Pulling the map back down, he exclaims, "Yep! This is it!"
You see a blue wooden bridge over a small brook that leads to a friendly looking cottage built into a hill. As you cross over the bridge, you hear the sound of several forest animals mix with the clop-clop-clop of your front hooves and the trickling sound of flowing water beneath you. Chipmunks squeak, birds chirp, and the occasional bear growls out a yawn.
You kick up a little bit of dust as you traverse the dirt path up to the cottage entrance. You climb a little hill and approach a doorway fenced in from the cliff below. The front door is wide open and several little critters are scampering in and out. Two of them look like they're playing in the doorway, but then they run off chasing each other when they see you and him approaching.
Spying the open door, he leans up against the outside wall and slowly approaches the door frame. Then he peaks around the edge, and seeing that the coast is clear, he sneaks into the cottage on the tips of his feet... you do know what that's called right? Yeah, the tips of his feet. No, that's called "tiptoe". Toe? Yeah, toes, they're like fingers... except on the feet. Toes, ok. He sneaks tiptoe into the cottage, looking around to make sure that nopony sees him.
He motions with his hand and you step forward. Clop! Your first step into the cottage makes a discernible noise. Both of you stop for a second to see if anypony in the cottage notices. Thankfully, all the noise outside masked the noise of your hooves. You take a quick second to put your hoof slippers back on.
Following him in, you venture into the quaint little cottage. Critters are everywhere, eating, sleeping, playing. Soon you reach an archway that seems to lead to a living room. From what you can hear, there seems to be somepony in there. That must be the next target.
Before the man can traverse the archway, a little white bunny scampers up and blocks his path. The bunny looks so cute and cuddly, with his fluffy white face poofing with white hairs (haha get it? "hairs?".... I know, I know, it's overused) and his ears standing tall atop his head. But his expression is an aggressive one. His eyebrows are scrunched together and his face is pinned into a disapproving frown. His arms are crossed tightly and his foot is impatiently tapping the ground.
The man crouches down and quietly greets the bunny. "You a good little bunny rabbit..." He attempts to put his finger to the bunny’s face, but he opens his jaws and lunges at the finger. The man pulls it back instinctively. "Maybe not such a good little bunny rabbit..." He quietly stands back up. He reaches down at it and tries to push it aside with his hand. "Shoo, shoo!" He easily moves the bunny, but it growls and hops right back into his way. The man stares at the bunny for a little bit, then he walks over to your side. You turn to face him, but he continues trying to get to your side, and so you stop trying to face him. He reaches into your saddle bag.
“Hold on, I’ll pay you back for anything I take,” he says, trying to calm your fears about him going through your saddle bag. You can feel round objects brush up against the inside panel of the saddle bag.
“Aha! Here we go! A carrot!” The man picks up the carrot and the bunny stares at the carrot, but doesn't budge. "Here, take this!" The man reaches down to give the bunny the carrot, but he pushes it back and shakes his head. "You mean you don't like carrots?"
The bunny gives him a look, "Are you serious?" and then points behind him to a corner stacked to the window sill with carrots.
"Oh." The man looks at the carrots and then back at the bunny. "Well, I can't just hurt an innocent animal..."
Seeing as how he can't seem to get past it, you push him aside and look at the bunny. You put your hoof out, and the bunny comes up and sniffs it. He looks up at you, and his face lightens up a bit. Then he sees the hat on your head and growls.
You look up at your hat and then reach your hoof up to take it off. You let your ears go lax so they slip through the slits when you tip the hat off your head. It lands upside down in your front hoof. You clench the brim in your teeth and taste the glazed leather that makes up the hat. Then you slip your nose under the saddlebag flap and drop the hat in.
You look at the bunny, who hasn't budged. He stares at your head where the hat used to be, and then he lightens up and smiles.
The man reaches down and rubs his head. "You're such a good little bunny!"
The bunny then scampers off through the archway into the living room.
"Good going!" The man says as he lifts the flap to your saddlebag, which falls gently onto your back. "But I really need you to wear this hat." He takes it out and closes the flap. You stiffen your ears straight up and he lines them up with the slits in the brim.
The man sneaks further into the cottage, and spots a yellow pegasus lounging on a sofa. You hear the distinct sound of a kitten purr, and see that she’s snuggling with a kitten.
“D’awww… you’re such a good little kitty kat aren’t you?” She doesn’t even seem to notice the man approaching her.
Finally, when he gets close enough, he strikes.
“Boop!”
“What…” the pegasus lessens her embrace with the kitten and looks up at the man wide-eyed.
“Boop!”
The yellow Pegasus blushes. “Eep!” She hides behind her front hooves and closes her eyes. The kitten climbs up on top of her and jumps from the sofa ledge to the window. The pegasus opens an eye and slowly peaks out from behind her front hooves.
The man slowly moves his hand towards the pegasus' nose and she cowers behind her front hooves again.
The man scuttles out and you follow. “Did you get that?”
You nod.
“Good! On to the next one!” he says, petting your mane.
You look back at the cottage from across the bridge.
“But for this one, we’ll need something special. What’s that, you ask?” He comes up to your side again and rummages through your saddle bag. He pulls out two tree suits. You think back to when you were at the market, and can’t seem to remember buying two tree suits. Hmmm? You shrug it off and put on a tree suit. The one you wear seems to be made to fit a pony wearing a hat, and he dons one perfectly fit for a human.
“Now we make like a tree and leave!” he says with a laugh as he walks briskly in an unknown direction.
Author's Note
Well, I decided to release a day early, since I had it done a day early. Enjoy!
