Spring is Dumb

by HoofBitingActionOverload

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy
Length: 8931

Rainbow Dash definitely didn't do anything wrong. Rarity is the one who's wrong. Rainbow Dash is absolutely, totally, a hundred percent sure of it. But then why did she just buy a wagon load of apology bouquets?

Rainbow Dash knows one thing for sure, she is definitely not a barbarous, uncivilized dolt who doesn't know polite conversation from a hippopotamus's rear end. And also that she's definitely not the one who's wrong. Rarity is wrong. Rainbow Dash is absolutely, totally, a hundred percent sure of it.

But then why did Rainbow just buy a wagon load of apology bouquets?

Published 2014-05-18 18:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-18 18:50:05 UTC

Snazzy Pegasus Ponies

Rainbow Dash stomped through the Ponyville market, glowering and glaring at everything and everyone, and thoughtfully considered the importance of grounding oneself. Because Rainbow Dash put thoughtful consideration into things all the time, and she made sure to glare at everypony she saw who might dare think otherwise.

A young, fit, snazzy, totally hot, totally smart, definitely-not-a-simpleton could know little for absolute certain among the confusion and disorder of life. Grounding oneself was important. Not literally. That would be terrible. Rainbow Dash glared extra hard at the guy who sold bananas to show him how terrible it would be. Metaphorically or symbolically, or maybe both. They were probably the same thing.

With all the uncertainty in the world, it was important to ground oneself by picking out one thing in all the disorder and confusion that one could know for sure was real. It had to be something utterly, undeniably true. A rock on which one could steady oneself in times of worry and adversity. It had to be the one unchanging principle that defined one’s entire life.

Rainbow Dash’s one life-defining principle was that she was definitely not a barbarous, uncivilized dolt who didn’t know polite conversation from a hippopotamus’s rear end.

Obviously, anyone who said otherwise didn’t know what they were talking about. They would have been laughably wrong. To prove it, Rainbow Dash let out a loud, barking laugh. And then all the ponies around her started giving her weird looks so she shut her mouth and glowered again. Whatever. She had proven her point.

Anyone who genuinely believed it wasn’t laughably wrong must have been a prissy, uptight unicorn who was way too sensitive about things that no one else even cared about.

A bright red bird flew down in front of Rainbow Dash, and she glared at it, too. Songbirds flew and tittered everywhere overhead, enjoying the early spring. The early spring that Rainbow Dash had given them. Sure, some other ponies had helped, but it was Rainbow Dash who had petitioned the mayor for an early spring, and it was Rainbow Dash who had argued with the Central Weather Office to let them do it, and it was Rainbow Dash who had organized the early Winter Wrap Up while Twilight was away. And Rainbow Dash had done it all for Rari—them. The birds. Because Rainbow Dash did stuff for birds sometimes. She was, like, at least half bird, after all.

And what thanks did she get for all her hard work?

Well, a whole lot of thanks, actually. An early spring had earned her an entire evening of personal thanking. The morning after, too. And the night after that.

But not now. One little mistake and the birds instantly forgot all the nice things Rainbow had ever done for them and wrote Rainbow off as an ‘insufferable brute.’ Not that she had even made any mistake. She hadn’t done anything wrong at all. Except do all that work for nothing. Nothing but the worst season of the year. Rainbow Dash hated spring. Spring was dumb, and she glared up at the birds to show them just how dumb it was.

Rainbow Dash hoped it rained all over all of them, ruining all of their dumb spring and tree blossoms and bird songs. One of the worst storms Ponyville had ever seen. That would show them.

Rainbow finally spotted Rose’s market stand among the stalls, and stomped right up to it.

Rose smiled and waved to her. “Hey, Rainbow Dash! This early spring idea is great. I’ve never sold this many bouquets this time of year before. We should do this every year.”

“Don’t count on it.”

“Oh.” Rose’s smile faltered, then returned at full force. “So, can I get you anything?”

“All of them,” Dash said.

Rose’s smile faltered again. “All of them?”

“All of them.”

Rose blinked. “All of what exactly?”

“You sell flowers, don’t you?” Dash asked, gesturing to the shelves of flowers and bouquets on display behind Rose’s back.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Well, I want all of them,” Dash repeated.

Rose scratched her head. “You mean you want all of the flowers?”

“Yes. All of the flowers.”

“Like, every single one?”

“Yes. Every single one.”

Rose bit her lip. “But… that’s a lot of flowers…”

“I want a lot of flowers.” Dash groaned. “That’s why I’m buying all of the flowers.”

Rose still hesitated. “No pony’s ever bought all of them before. I’m not sure if that’s even allowed. It seems like there would be some rule against it.”

“A rule against buying flowers?”

“A rule against buying all the flowers,” Rose corrected.

Rainbow Dash dipped her muzzle into her saddlebag, pulled out her coin purse, and dropped it on the counter with a coin-jingling thud. “I have bits.”

Rose immediately brightened. “You make a compelling argument, ma’am. I’ve come to the decision that there is, in fact, no rule against buying all of the flowers.”

“Whatever. Just give me all the flowers, already.”

“Wait.” Rose frowned again. “Is this for Rarity?”

Rainbow Dash glared at her, and the flowers, and the tittering birds, and at everything else within glare-range. “No.”

Rose didn’t look convinced. “So you’re just buying some flowers because…?”

“Because I like flowers.” Rainbow Dash had always liked flowers. She liked how they smelled, and how they looked, and how they tasted, and how… they still smelled. And whatever else flowers did. Drink water?

Rose peered over the counter at her for a while, before chuckling quietly. “Well, Rarity’s favorites are gardenias. You should get her some of those. I have plenty.”

“I want all of them,” Dash said again. “I don’t care what Rarity likes, because Rarity likes dumb things.”

Rose raised an eyebrow at her.

“Are you gonna sell me all the flowers, or what?”

Rose sighed. “How are you going to carry all of them?”

Rainbow Dash gestured to her saddlebag.

“Do you really think you’re going to fit all of these flowers in that little saddlebag?”

Rainbow Dash looked at the mass of flowers on display behind the counter. Then she looked at her saddlebag. Then she looked at the two ponies who had gotten into line behind her. Then she looked at the flowers. Then she looked at her saddlebag.

“I’ll be back,” Dash said, grabbing her coin purse and stomping back the way she had come before Rose had an opportunity to say anything else, meeting the curious looks of the ponies in line with another icy glare. Because winter was way better than spring. It had sledding and stuff.

Of course Rainbow Dash didn’t think all those flowers would fit into that little saddlebag. That would have been ridiculous. She should have felt insulted that Rose even had the gall to ask. She did feel insulted. She would have to be an idiot to stomp up to the flower stand in the market and demand all of the flowers and only bring one saddlebag to carry them all in. It would have been downright asinine.

___________________________________________________

Rainbow Dash stomped through Sweet Apple Acres, listening for sounds of hooves striking bark. Spring was especially dumb at Sweet Apple Acres. The apple trees were in bloom, and all around Rainbow Dash, the branches had flared into bursts of pink and white blossoms that drifted in sweet-smelling waves along every cool breeze while twittering songbirds hopped from blossom to blossom. Rainbow Dash couldn’t hear any apple bucking, which was as irritating as it was confusing. Rainbow didn’t know if Applejack had a grudge against trees, maybe for teasing her as a foal or kicking her dog or something, or if there just weren’t many things to do for fun on a farm, but Applejack was always kicking trees. It was like her only hobby. It didn’t seem possible that spring could be so unfathomably dumb that it had actually managed to restrain Applejack’s hindlegs. But it seemed that it had.

Even after she took to the air, all Rainbow Dash saw was a big soup of smelly apple blossoms everywhere she looked. She couldn’t find any Applejacks, smelly or otherwise. So Rainbow Dash flew in increasingly frustrated circles over the orchard, scouring the ground.

After what must have been days, possibly weeks—time seemed to have lost all meaning—Rainbow finally spotted a bit of orange noodle in the orchard soup and immediately dove straight for it.

As she came closer, she saw that the orange noodle was, thankfully, Applejack. And also that Applejack was holding a giant pair of scissors in her hooves and sticking it up into the tree branches. Any other day, Rainbow might have congratulated her friend on making the evolutionary leap from hooves to tools in her quest to mistreat her apple trees in ever-more creative ways. But today, Rainbow Dash just scowled.

Applejack waved when she saw Dash coming. “Howdy, Rainbow!”

Dash landed beside Applejack’s stepping stool and grimaced. “Why aren’t you apple bucking? It took me forever to find you.”

“Not much point in buckin’ ‘em when there aren’t any apples in ‘em,” Applejack said, stepping down from the stool. “We’re only prunin’ the trees today.”

Rainbow Dash looked up into the trees and confirmed that there were, in fact, no apples. Poor Applejack. She must have hated spring even more than Dash did. What was an Applejack without any apples?

Just a Jack, and nobody wanted that.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Rainbow Dash said solemnly.

“What?”

“Whatever,” Dash said, glaring again. “I need one of your apple carts, and you can’t ask me what it’s for.”

Applejack blinked at her for a long moment, and then a smirk appeared on her face. “Is this about that little spat you had with Rarity last night?”

“No,” Dash answered quickly. “And you aren’t allowed to ask me what it’s for. How do you even know about that?”

“I was there.”

“Whatever,” Dash said again. “Where are the apple carts?”

Applejack started to open her mouth, then hesitated. “Is this you’n hers first fight?”

“Who cares?”

Applejack nodded. “I thought so. I wouldn’t worry about it none. The first one always feels the worst, ‘cause it gets built up to so much, but it’s nothin’ to feel too bad about. Marefriends fight sometimes. It’s just another part of bein’ together. You and Rarity’ll get through it. You’re too good for each other not to.”

“Yeah, well…” Rainbow Dash kicked at the ground. “Thanks.”

“Any time.” Applejack’s smirk returned. “And I thought it was awful cute how hard you worked to get spring in early in time for her birthday. It sure made her happy.”

“I didn’t do it for her,” Dash muttered.

Applejack laughed. “Sure ya didn’t. The apple carts are by the barn. Just make sure you bring it back when you’re done. And good luck.”

“Thanks,” Dash said, turning and jumping into the air. She made sure to get her glower back together as she got away from Applejack.

Applejacks were best, but she decided Jacks could be pretty okay, too.

__________________________________________________

Rainbow Dash stomped back out of the Ponyville market, now dragging an apple cart full of white flowers behind her, but she had a hard time keeping up the glare.

Rose hadn’t let her buy all of the flowers, even though Rainbow was almost entirely sure there wasn’t any rule against it. Even if there was, it was a stupid rule. And Rainbow Dash didn’t follow stupid rules.

Instead of a cart full of every type of flower, Rainbow Dash pulled a cart full of only one type of flower. Rose had said they were garden… somethings. Their name didn’t matter. Rose had also insisted that garden-somethings were Rarity’s favorite flowers. Rainbow didn’t care what Rarity’s favorite anything was, but she figured Rose probably knew a little more about flowers than she did. Rainbow Dash was a reasonable mare. She listened to other ponies who knew more about certain things than she did. When a waiter recommended the tomato basil because the potatoes had gone bad, Rainbow politely declined and ordered the hay fries anyway. She had a strong stomach. When Rose recommended the garden-somethings, Rainbow Dash argued for a while, realized she didn’t have enough money to actually buy every flower at the stand, and then very reasonably agreed that garden-somethings were the best choice. Rose had even arranged them in neat little bouquets for her.

Glancing back at them, Dash noticed that the garden-somethings looked like Rarity, in a weird, allegorical sort of way. Because Rainbow Dash knew what allegories were, and she stomped extra hard on her next step to prove it. The garden-somethings were nearly pure white, the same as Rarity’s coat, and their petals folded in elegant, precise patterns. They were beautiful, really. Rainbow Dash wondered if Rarity herself had designed them. Everything Rarity designed was beautiful.

Rarity’s dresses fascinated Rainbow Dash. Well, not the dresses, Rainbow didn’t care about dresses, but the act of creating dresses fascinated her. Rainbow’s artistic ability had begun and ended at stick pony drawings. But with nothing more than a little inspiration and some fabric, Rarity created art. Every day, from nothing, Rarity made the world beautiful, and did so with as much confidence and poise as the Wonderbolts performed their shows. Sometimes, Rainbow Dash wished she herself could be as confident while doing stunts as Rarity was while designing dresses.

“It’s really c—” Dash started to say, but turned and realized that she was alone, and shut her mouth again.

The worst part about the garden-somethings was that they smelled just like the flowery perfumes Rarity always wore. Every time Rainbow Dash stopped paying attention, she would smell the flowers and think Rarity was walking beside her, and Dash would turn to say something to her, but find that Rarity wasn’t with her at all. And Rainbow Dash would sigh and begin stomping again, but she just couldn’t work up a good glare anymore.

Rainbow Dash saw Sugarcube Corner in the distance, and considered the importance of grounding oneself again.

On that subject, Rainbow Dash thought of one other life-defining, utterly, undeniably true principle which had guided most, if not every, decision she had ever made. And that life-defining principle was that Rarity was not an uptight, snotty prude who wouldn’t know how to have fun even if it bucked all that makeup off her ridiculously cute face.

Rainbow wouldn’t name any names. Hoof-pointing never got anyone anywhere except sent to the back of the classroom, and then all of her friends wouldn’t play hoofball with her at recess because she was a tattletale. But anyone who said something like that should feel really bad, because it was a mean, unnecessary, untrue, and hurtful thing to say.

For some reason, Rainbow Dash started to feel a little bad.

Rarity was uptight and snotty, but not in an uptight and snotty kind of way. She was uptight and snotty in a classy and self-assured kind of way. Rarity had amazing talent, and she knew she had amazing talent. Anyone who saw Rarity walk or talk could immediately tell how amazingly talented she was. Rainbow Dash really wished she knew how to do that, how to exude confidence with every step, all the time, every second of the day.

Rarity definitely wasn’t a prude, either. Rainbow Dash had conclusively proven that for the first time the night of Rarity’s birthday, when Rarity had thanked her for her birthday present. Rarity did wear a lot of makeup, though, and she had a pretty cute face, too.

Rainbow Dash walked past Sugarcube Corner’s outdoor tables, where at least a dozen ponies sat eating sweets and smiling and enjoying the early spring that Rainbow Dash had given them. Some ponies were so ungrateful, Dash thought, and spat on the ground.

Not those ponies, because they kept smiling and waving to Dash and saying how grateful they felt. But some ponies…

She pushed through Sugarcube Corner’s front door, dragging the cart behind her. It took a while to get the cart through the doorway, but luckily, Rainbow Dash was at least ten times smarter than the average doorway, and after a little straining and a loud scraping sound, they were both inside.

“Rainbow Dash!” Mrs. Cake smiled from her place behind the counter. “I’m so glad you stopped by. This weather is wonderful! We should wrap up winter early every year.”

Rainbow Dash grunted and trotted up to the counter. She didn’t see anyone inside besides Mrs. Cake. She assumed Mr. Cake was in the kitchen, and everyone else must have been eating outside.

Mrs. Cake glanced at the cart, her smile faltering. “And you’ve brought a… wagon into our bakery. And broken the door frame. How… nice. May I ask why you’ve brought a wagon into our bakery?”

“To carry stuff,” Dash answered.

“Of course.” Mrs. Cake nodded, and then smiled again. “What can I get for you, dearie?”

Dash looked down at the shelf beneath the counter. Arranged in neat displays, she saw pies, strudels, eclairs, croissants, macarons, macaroons, cakes, chocolates, sweets, tarts, fudges, cookies, fudgies, cupcakes, donuts, and a dozen other pastries she didn’t know the names of.

“All of them,” Rainbow Dash said.

Mrs. Cake’s smile faltered again. “All of them?”

“All of them.”

“You mean you want a sampler?”

“No,” Dash said. “I mean I want all of them.”

“One of everything?”

“All of everything.”

Mrs. Cake stepped back and squinted at her. “Are you feeling okay, dearie?”

“I’m feeling hungry,” Dash said. “And especially for any of those Hearts and Hooves Day chocolates, if you still have any of those left. Double especially if they’re heart-shaped. I’m feeling really hungry for some hearts.”

“Oh.” Mrs. Cake’s smile returned, and she winked. “This is for Rarity, isn’t it?”

“No,” Dash answered quickly. “They’re for me.”

Mrs. Cake laughed. “Dearie, no pony buys Hearts and Hooves Day candy for themselves.”

“Well, it’s for, um, my chinchilla.”

Of course Rainbow Dash had a chinchilla. His name was Gregory. She had adopted him at a pet store in Canterlot. He was purple, but she hadn’t seen him a few years, so she couldn’t be certain what color he was nowadays. His favorite food was heart-shaped Hearts and Hooves Day candy. It made up nearly his entire diet.

"What’s a chinchilla?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“A carrot-shaped dog.”

Mrs. Cake looked at her very seriously for a long moment.

Rainbow Dash poked at the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

“Well,” Mrs. Cake finally said, “Rarity places an order for cinnamon sfogliatelle pastries once every couple months. She always says they’re a gift to herself. I’m sure she would be happy to receive them as a gift from somepony else for once.”

“I don’t care what Rarity likes,” Dash mumbled.

“I’ll go get started,” Mrs. Cake said, smiling like she knew something Rainbow Dash didn’t. “They take some time to prepare, though, so I hope you don’t mind waiting.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “No, I guess not.”

Mrs. Cake nodded and headed towards the kitchen door.

“Wait,” Dash said.

“Yes?” Mrs. Cake asked.

Rainbow Dash prodded one of the garden-something bouquets. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem, dearie,” Mrs. Cake replied, smiling and trotting into the kitchen.

Rainbow Dash unhitched herself from the cart, sat down in a chair, and wondered what a sfogliatelle was. It sounded more like an alien species than a kind of food. Maybe it was aliens. Cooked in batter and dipped in chocolate. Rainbow started to feel a little excited. She had never eaten an alien before.

__________________________________________________

Rainbow Dash headed in the direction of the Princess Jewelry Store, but she found she couldn’t stomp anymore, either. She figured it was because her cart was heavier now. It was a lot of work to stomp and glare and pull a heavy cart all at the same time. Mrs. Cake had wrapped about a dozen of the pastries up and tucked them in between the bouquets. To Rainbow’s disappointment, the sfogliatelles weren’t slimy alien flesh dipped in chocolate. Instead, they were just big, doughy, seashell-shaped… dough things. They were expensive, though, and Mrs. Cake said only a few ponies in the whole town ever ordered them. Rainbow Dash would have tried one, but she stopped herself. They weren’t for her.

Rarity never used seashells in her dresses, because she said they were tacky. But she used them in her food? Rainbow wasn’t entirely sure what Rarity meant by ‘tacky,’ but it didn’t sound appetizing. Not the way Rarity said it. And Rarity’s voice could make anything sound appetizing. Rainbow Dash imagined Rarity saying weird things to her, like ‘grilled cheese’ and ‘giraffe,’ in that singsong, laughing, flirty way she did. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash really wanted to eat some grilled cheese and giraffe.

As Rainbow Dash not-stomped down the street, she saw dozens of couples out together. It seemed like everypony she saw had somepony else to be with. They all skipped about, nuzzling and kissing, and walking close together, and telling each other jokes, and laughing, and listening to the birdsongs, and relaxing in the sunshine. All right in front of Dash’s face, too, like they didn’t even care if she saw.

Rainbow Dash scowled. No cart was heavy enough to keep her from scowling.

She hadn’t brought those birdsongs and that sunshine in with the early spring for them. She had brought it all for her and Rarity, and no one else. If she and Rarity didn’t get to enjoy them together, no one else should, either. It should have been common courtesy. Would they have eaten another pony’s birthday cake if that pony had choked and died on a grilled cheese sandwich before she had a chance to try any of the cake? That would have been sick. But Rainbow could tell none of them would stop and go back inside anytime soon, no matter how rude or sick it was, and she wished she had somepony to walk with her, too.

She began to pretend Rarity was with her. With those perfume-smelling garden-somethings, she could almost convince herself that Rarity really was nearby, just so long as she never turned her head to look. She pretended that she and Rarity could talk and joke together like they usually did, like they had never had any fight at all. Occasionally, she even pretended to give Rarity little nuzzles when no one was looking. And maybe a couple tiny kisses, too. Extra tiny ones. They were barely even kisses, really.

As she played pretend, Rainbow Dash realized a third and final defining principle of her entire life. This final defining principle was that she definitely shouldn’t have told everypony that she and Rarity had slept together, especially since Rarity had specifically asked her not to say anything about it to anyone, because they had only been dating for a couple of weeks and Rarity said she didn’t want anyone to think she was ‘that kind of mare.’

Rainbow Dash didn’t know what kind of a mare ‘that kind of mare’ was, but evidently both she and Rarity were exactly that kind of mare, because they had slept together. If both she and Rarity were that kind of mare, Rainbow thought that kind of mare must have been an awesome kind of mare to be, because she and Rarity were both awesome. But Rarity didn’t think that kind of mare was awesome, and Rainbow Dash knew she should have respected that.

Rainbow also knew that she shouldn’t have said it in front of all of their friends. And Rarity’s parents. And Sweetie Belle. All at the same time during that dinner Rarity had organized and prepared and cooked for all of them. Rarity had worked hard to make that dinner perfect, and it actually had been perfect, right up until Rainbow Dash opened her mouth.

More than anything else, though, Rainbow knew that she shouldn’t have gone into specific details about the activities she and Rarity had performed together. The accompanying sound effects Dash had provided to liven up her descriptions had just been overkill, too.

It wasn’t like Rainbow Dash did it on purpos—

Well, no. That wasn’t true. Rainbow had purposefully meant to tell everyone that night at dinner, and she had purposefully planned to make sure it was the very first thing she said. She had even purposefully prepared most of those sound effects in advance. It had all very much been done on purpose.

Why wouldn’t Rainbow Dash want everyone to know what she and Rarity had done together? Rainbow wanted to tell as many ponies as possible. She wanted to write it in cloud letters in the sky. Because she was dating Rarity! She was dating the hottest, smartest, most talented mare in all of Ponyville. Probably in all of Equestria. And now, for the first time Rainbow Dash knew that they were dating for real, instead of just playing around. Because it was hard to tell when friends stopped and marefriends started, but she did know that friends definitely stopped at the bedroom door.

Rarity didn’t date just anyone, either. She had standards. And somehow, of all ponies, Rainbow Dash met those standards! It hadn’t even been a one night fling. They had been dating for weeks. Rainbow met Rarity’s standards so well that Rarity had even slept with her. Rainbow thought it might have been the most exciting thing that had ever happened to her. Of course Rainbow Dash would tell everyone she knew the next day exactly what had happened the night before, and prepare sound effects to go along with it. Just like she did with every new stunt she learned, and this was better than any silly little stunt.

But Rarity had asked her not to, and that meant Rainbow Dash shouldn’t have.

Rainbow Dash sighed and dragged her cart forward. She couldn’t even scowl anymore.

__________________________________________________

“You cannot afford all of them,” the snooty stallion working behind the counter at the Princess Jewelry Store said. Rainbow Dash could tell he was snooty because he wore a tie, and only snooty stallions wore ties. Rainbow hated snooty stallions. Except Rarity. And she wasn’t even a stallion.

“And carts aren’t allowed in the store,” he added with a snooty stallion snort.

“Well, it’s already in here.” Rainbow Dash gestured to the glass cases filled with sparkling necklaces and bracelets and earrings all around her. “And I can afford all of them, so start loading ‘em up.”

“I can absolutely assure you that you cannot.”

“I’m friends with, like, every princess ever,” Dash said. “How about I call them up and ask them all to come here and turn your stupid little store into an even stupider little hole?”

He leveled her with an even stare. “Yes. Why don’t you do that? Feel free to take your time.”

“I will!” she cried.

“I’ll wait,” he said.

Rainbow Dash glared at him and seriously considered if she could get one of the Princesses to explode the jewelry store. Probably not. They definitely owed her at least one favor, though. Maybe Princess Luna could just rough him up a little until he agreed to give Dash all of his jewelry. Did Royal Princess Favors include assault and robbery?

“Well,” he said, covering a yawn with his hoof, “aren’t you going to go call your princess friends?”

“Don’t you know who I am?” Dash asked.

“Certainly not.”

“Haven’t you ever looked at a newspaper? Because I’m definitely in those.”

He wrinkled his nose as if Dash had suggested he go dunk his head in a rain puddle. “I don’t read newspapers. They’re filthy publications written by filthy commoners about nothing but common filth. It is no great honor to associate oneself with a newspaper.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ve got bits and places to be, so hurry up and start putting shiny stuff in the cart.”

“You have bits, do you?” Snooty Stallion asked, laughing quietly and pointing to a particularly sparkly necklace underneath the glass. “How much do you think this necklace costs?”

Rainbow Dash peered into the glass. The necklace he had pointed to looked like it was large enough to cover a pony’s entire chest. It was more of a shirt than a necklace. Diamonds made up every inch of it, and it was layered so that even more diamonds shimmered under the ones on top, like lights shining both on and underneath a lake’s surface on an already starry night. It was probably heavy. Rainbow Dash imagined trying to fly while wearing it. It might have made for a good workout. To build up endurance, maybe. “One hundred bits?” she guessed.

“Eighteen thousand.” Snooty Stallion laughed his quiet, snooty laugh again. “Now, do you still believe you have enough bits to buy every item in the store? Do you have enough even for this one necklace?”

“Why do you even have something that expensive?” Dash asked. “When is anypony ever going to buy that?”

His laugh turned into a sneer. “Perhaps if anypony with class ever visits this town. Now, do you have the bits? Would you like to check your bank account first?”

“Ponyville has a bank?”

“Do you have the bits or not?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash admitted. She sighed and dropped her coin purse on the counter. “What can I get for this? I have to get something, even if it’s small.”

Snooty Stallion snorted again as he counted her bits. “If this is all you have, you’ll only be able to afford the items with imperfections. We keep them over there.”

He pointed behind her, and Rainbow Dash turned to see a glass case sitting behind the door, smaller than all the others. Rainbow Dash trotted up to it and examined the jewelry inside. Rainbow saw reds and blues and greens and purples and oranges, on necklaces and earrings and bracelets. Many of them looked misshapen or broken. Rainbow didn’t have any idea what made a piece of jewelry good, and she had even less of an idea what made one necklace better than another bracelet, and she had even less of an idea than that which ones a mare would be happy to receive as a gift. She had lucked out with Rose and Mrs. Cake. Those two both already knew what Dash should get, but this time she was on her own.

Just as she turned to give up, one of the necklaces caught her eye. It was a small, warped sapphire hanging from a simple silver chain. But the sapphire looked so much like Rarity’s eyes that Rainbow Dash felt a little less lonely while looking at it. She didn’t know anything about jewelry, but she would have liked to have it around. Maybe someone else would, too.

She tapped her hoof on the glass and pointed to the sapphire necklace. “I’ll take this one.”

“An excellent choice,” Snooty Stallion said, smiling for the first time.

And Cute-Faced Unicorns

Rainbow Dash stepped outside. It felt much cooler out than it had been when she had gone inside the jewelry store, and she saw some clouds she hadn’t noticed earlier. She dropped the necklace in the cart and tucked it down in between some of the flowers and pastries, so that if anyone happened to go digging through the cart to get at the flowers and pastries, they would find the necklace by surprise. Rainbow smiled at the thought and began trotting forward, still pulling the cart behind her. Then she stopped. She didn’t know where to go next.

No, she realized, it was even worse than that. She knew exactly where she needed to go. She just didn’t want to go there.

That wasn’t true, either, really. She wanted to go there. More than anything else. She couldn’t think of anyplace she would rather be. But she didn’t know if she should, or if enough time had passed yet, or if she would know what to say when she got there.

Rainbow Dash turned and dug the necklace back out of the cart. She held it up to watch the sunlight flare off the sides of the sapphire and land in a dozen blue, glowing shadows on the ground. Looking at it made her feel better. As she turned it over in her hoof, she remembered one more life-defining principle, this one more important than any of the others.

She needed to apologize to Rarity.

It was a happy coincidence that she had bought all of these things Rarity liked, though. Happened totally by chance. What were the odds?

The garden-somethings and not-alien-dipped-in-chocolate and necklace would make Rarity happy, and Rainbow Dash wished she could do something to make Rarity happy. And ponies were supposed to buy their marefriends gifts when they apologized, right? Rarity probably thought so.

Rainbow Dash tucked the necklace back into the cart and set off at a full canter in the direction of Carousel Boutique. She moved quickly and with purpose. She knew exactly where she was going, why she was going there, and what she would do when she got there. Best of all, she knew everything would be okay, just so long as her cart and everything in it made it there safely, Rarity would forgive her.

“Hey, boss!” a voice called from overhead.

Rainbow Dash looked up without stopping, and saw Flitter gliding down towards her.

“You’re in a hurry, huh?” Flitter asked, hovering beside her and matching Dash’s speed. “You trying to get inside before the rain starts?”

“What rain?” Dash asked, never once slowing her pace. It wasn’t scheduled to rain for another week.

“The emergency rainstorm you asked us to get together this morning,” Flitter answered. “And I’d like to point out that I’m the only member of the weather team that took your order seriously. I had to set up the entire storm all by myself. I wrote everypony’s names down who didn’t help so you can demerit them later.” Flitter grinned. “But it’ll be worth it once we get to see all these stupid lovey-dovey ponies get soaked on their perfect little spring strolls, right, boss?”

Rainbow Dash stopped all at once, so suddenly she nearly got herself run over by the still-speeding cart. “You didn’t.”

Flitter nodded. “I did. It’s gonna be a doozy, too. I brought in all the heaviest rainclouds I could find. I even grabbed a few from over the Everfree Forest. We’re seriously going to ruin a few ponies’ day. This is probably the coolest thing you’ve ever asked us to do. You’ve got my respect for, like, ever. This’ll be hilarious!”

“Why would you do that?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I never asked you to do that.”

“Yeah, you did,” Flitter answered, and then scowled. “And somepony has to teach all these other ponies a lesson that some ponies just got out of relationships, and maybe they want to be able to go for a walk without having to see a bunch of ponies sucking face all over the place, and maybe it’s not fair to them because they don’t want to be constantly reminded that they’re alone because their coltfriend broke up with them to go move in with a male model in Canterlot.”

Rainbow Dash blinked at her. “I definitely never asked you to do that.”

“You definitely did,” Flitter insisted. “I remember exactly what you said. You charged into the weather office this morning even though you weren’t scheduled for today and shouted at everypony about how much you hated spring and that you wanted us to cook up the worst storm Ponyville has ever seen so all those stuck up ponies wouldn’t be able to enjoy it anymore. And that’s exactly what I did. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Rainbow Dash cursed under her breath. She said the dumbest things sometimes. Why the hay did Cloudsdale put her in charge of an entire town’s weather team? This was more their fault than hers. The Central Weather Office should have known better. She would give them a stern talking to about the proper delegation of responsibilities the next time she was in Cloudsdale.

“You have to stop it!” Dash said quickly. “I don’t want the storm anymore.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Flitter said, then looked down into the cart. “Hey, what’s with all the flowers?”

“When is the storm supposed to start?”

Flitter shrugged and pointed up.

Rainbow Dash looked up and saw the clouds she had noticed earlier, and saw more quickly rolling in to join them, and had they been colored such an angry black-grey before?

As if in answer to her question, a fat, wet drop of water fell right into her eye. And then what must have been at least a million, billion other raindrops roared down all around her, immediately soaking Rainbow Dash, her cart, and all of Ponyville.

“Do you want me to get you an umbrella?” Flitter asked, shouting to be heard over the sound of the rain.

Rainbow Dash sighed and began walking towards Carousel Boutique again, much slower than before.

__________________________________________________

Rainbow Dash plodded through the muddy street. The rain was thinner now, but it had already thoroughly soaked her mane, her coat, her bones, her skull, and her cart. Rainwater filled the cart to its brim, sloshing and splashing over its sides every time the wheels hit a bump or a rock. The garden-somethings were ruined, the not-alien-dipped-in-chocolate was inedible, and the necklace had probably spilled out. But at least Carousel Boutique was only one building away.

Rainbow Dash slowly walked by that last building and stopped in front of the Boutique. Normally, she would have flown in through one of the second floor windows. Rarity usually kept one of them unlocked for her. But it was probably locked now, and Rainbow didn’t know how she would have gotten the cart through anyway. Besides, without the flowers or the pastries or the necklace, what was the point? Rarity wouldn’t forgive her just because she said sorry.

But Rarity was the point, Dash decided, and suddenly found herself standing right in front of the door before she realized that she had stepped forward at all. She knocked loudly.

“I apologize, but the Boutique is closed for the evening,” Rarity’s voice called from somewhere inside. “You are welcome to come back tomorrow.”

“Rarity, it’s me,” Dash called back, knocking again.

Rarity didn’t answer.

Dash knocked again. “Please open up.”

Rarity still didn’t answer.

“Come on, Rarity, please!”

No answer.

Dash knocked one more time. And Rarity still didn’t answer her.

“Please?” Dash said, too quietly for Rarity to have heard, and rested her forehead against the wet door. “I’m sorry, and it’s raining, and I’m really sorry, and all of your flowers got messed up, and I’m really, really sorry.”

Rarity still didn’t answer, and Rainbow Dash sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Rainbow said again, and began turning around.

The door abruptly opened. Rarity stood in the doorway and gave her a harsh look.

Rainbow Dash winced and moved to leave before she did anything else wrong.

But when Rarity got a full view of her rain-soaked, tired, muddy face, her features immediately softened. “Oh, darling,” Rarity said, frowning and pulling her back towards the doorway. “You’re a mess. Come inside before you catch a cold.”

Rainbow Dash nodded and began stepping inside.

But Rarity stopped her with a hoof. “Please leave your cart outside.”

“It’s important,” Dash replied. “I really need to bring it in.”

Rarity looked between Rainbow and the cart, and then sighed. “If you insist,” she said, picking up some of the water from the cart in her magic and spilling it on the ground. “But please leave it by the doorway.”

Rainbow Dash stepped inside, dragging the cart behind her. The warmth of Carousel Boutique hit her first, immediately beginning to drive off the cold of the rain that had settled in her coat, and the smell of Carousel Boutique hit her second. The Boutique always smelled like perfumes, herbal tea, and fresh fabrics. It smelled like home.

“You’re a mess,” Rarity said again, fussing with Dash’s dripping mane. “You must feel miserable. What were you doing out in that storm?”

“I had to come see you,” Dash answered.

“Oh, darling…” Rarity floated some towels towards her. “Let me dry you off.”

Rainbow Dash recognized those towels. They were what Rarity called ‘the good linen.’ She never let Rainbow Dash touch them, and she only used them during special occasions, like important dinners she worked hard to prepare for her close friends and family.

Rainbow pulled away from her. “Don’t use those ones. I’m all muddy. It’ll ruin them.”

“I’ll use whichever towels I choose,” Rarity said. “They are mine to ruin. Now hold still.”

Rainbow Dash complied. Rarity ran the towels, soft as silk blankets, through her mane and then down her coat. She kneaded Dash’s neck and then her chest and then her wings in gentle, comforting circles. Rarity heated the towels with her magic while she worked, so that Dash warmed as she dried. Dash closed her eyes for a little while and pretended everything was okay.

Rarity worked quickly and efficiently. When she finished, Rainbow Dash was warm and dry, her mane was a frizzy mess, and the good linen was dripping with mud.

Rarity winced when she examined them, but floated them off toward the kitchen with a small smile. “Is there anything I can get for you?” she asked. “Are you cold? Would you like a blanket, or perhaps some hot tea?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head.

“Well, then, I—Oh.” Rarity trotted past Dash and to the cart. She scooped up one of the soggy, limp bouquets. “Are these gardenias?”

“They were,” Dash answered.

Rarity sniffed at one. “It’s a shame they got caught in that storm. Gardenias are my favorite flower.”

“Yeah…” Rainbow Dash kicked at the floor. “Mine, too.”

“And what are these?” Rarity asked, fishing one of the pastries out of the cart. “Is this a sfogliatelle?”

“I guess.”

“My word,” Rarity said, pulling out half a dozen more. “How many of these did you buy? This must have cost you a fortune.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged.

Rarity peered down into puddles at the bottom of the cart, leaning in and narrowing her eyes. “I think there’s something shining in here.”

Rainbow winced and looked down.

Rarity’s eyes widened as she raised the necklace out of the cart. She held it up into the air, and water dripped off the sapphire and back into the cart, while the Boutique’s lights glinted off its shimmering sides. She looked to Dash. “What is this?”

“I, um…” Rainbow Dash kept looking down. “I thought it looked like your eyes. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

“This is for me?” Rarity asked.

“But you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s lovely,” Rarity said, already putting it around her neck. “Of course I’ll wear it. Thank you.”

Dash smiled a little. “Yeah…”

“This wasn’t all for me, was it?” Rarity asked, gesturing to the cart.

“Yeah.” Dash nodded again. “But it got rained on. That’s sort of my fault, too. I’m sorry.”

“Rainbow,” Rarity said, trotting towards her, the sapphire swaying from her neck, its color a near perfect match to Rarity’s blue eyes. “Why on earth did you buy all of this for me?”

“Because I wanted to say sorry,” Dash answered simply.

Rarity shook her head. “Dear, you don’t have to buy me things in order to say sorry.”

“Yes I do,” Dash insisted. “Because I embarrassed you and messed up your dinner and then I yelled at you, and I messed up, and I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate the gesture. I truly do, but I assure you that you never need to buy me anything to earn my forgiveness,” Rarity said, smiling. “All the same, thank you. This was very sweet of you. I forgive you.”

Rainbow Dash waited for Rarity to go on, to name stipulations, to chide her again, to yell at her, or anything else that wasn’t good.

But Rarity turned and began walking away instead. “Would you mind helping me with a little spring cleaning?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder. “I was about to take a bath, but it can wait.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, standing still.

“Rainbow Dash?” Rarity asked, turning around. “Is something wrong?”

“That’s it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“What’s it?”

“That’s all you’re going to say?!” Rainbow Dash cried. “You’re gonna forgive me just like that? Aren’t you going to yell at me?”

“Of course I won’t yell at you. Why would you think that?”

“That was our first fight!” Dash said. “And I said some really mean stuff to you.”

Rarity trotted back to her. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t share any blame, and I said some nasty, hurtful things as well. Now that I think about it, I should be the one apologizing to you. I’m sorry. I hope that you can forgive me.”

Rainbow Dash blinked again, and Rarity gave her a small nuzzle.

“Is that better?’ Rarity asked.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “That’s even worse! You can’t apologize to me. It ruins everything. It can’t be over just like that. I’ve been thinking about this all day. This is supposed to be a big deal! Don’t you still feel angry?”

“I’m not angry anymore, and no great harm was done,” Rarity replied with a shrug. “If I’m being honest, the only thing I’m feeling now is confused, confused as to why you said anything about it in the first place. Why did you ever think it would be appropriate to talk about that in front of my little sister? And my parents! And those sounds you made! I don’t understand what you could have been thinking.”

“I just…” Rainbow looked down at her hooves.

“You just what?”

“I wanted to tell ponies about us,” Dash said quietly.

“But you could have told them anything else. Anything would have been more appropriate than what we do together in the bedroom. You could have talked about anything you wanted other than that one subject, and that’s the subject you chose to talk about. I don’t understand it. You could have said anything other than what you said last night.”

“Nuh uh.” Dash shook her head. “Nothing else would have shown them that we’re actually together.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? We’ve been together for weeks, and everypony knows it.”

“I didn’t know it,” Dash said. “I mean, I knew we were hanging out a lot, and I knew you liked me, which was really exciting, because no pony as beautiful or smart as you has ever liked me before. It’s usually just jocks. But we never did anything together that we couldn’t have done if we were just friends, except make out some, and that’s not even a big deal. I just thought, I don’t know, you’d get bored or something. And even though I was really excited, I didn’t tell anypony about us, because I thought that if you did get bored and we never started dating for real, everyone would know that I fooled myself into thinking somepony as amazing as you liked me, and everyone would think I was a joke.”

Rarity frowned. “I would nev—”

“But then we did that!” Dash cried, her wings flaring. “We did that, and I knew for sure we weren’t just friends anymore, because friends never do that. I actually knew for sure that I was marefriends with Rarity! With you! You’re the most beautiful, talented, confident pony I’ve ever met, and I’m your marefriend! I know you told me not to tell anypony, and I am sorry. But this is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and I had to tell everypony. Because we’re together, for real, we’re really together, and I wanted everypony to know. I’m sorry, but I just had to tell them. I couldn’t keep something this good inside.”

Rarity quietly stared at her for a long time, looking slightly confused, while Rainbow Dash waited and worried what she would say next.

“I’m really sorry,” Dash said again.

Rarity laughed, a musical, happy laugh. “You’ve always acted so tough,” she said, still smiling. “But you’re really just the sweetest pony, aren’t you?”

“No I’m not,” Dash said quickly.

“Yes you are,” Rarity said, and then kissed her on the cheek. “And it’s beautiful. You’re absolutely wonderful and sweet.”

“I’m still tough, though,” Dash mumbled.

“Of course you are.” Rarity laughed, but then her face hardened. “And, now, we need to set some matters straight. Firstly, we are together. I assure you of that. I like you, and I plan on being with you for a long time after this. Secondly, I’m excited to be with you, too. Because you’re Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in Equestria, soon-to-be Wonderbolt, and I’m your marefriend. I want to tell other ponies about us, too, and I want you to tell other ponies about us.”

“Oh, cool, because I—”

“But not about that part of us,” Rarity continued, poking Dash in the chest. “That’s something that I want to be just for us, and no pony else. I want to share that part of my life with you, and only you. No pony else. Do you understand what I mean?”

Dash grinned and nodded. “Yeah.”

“And I especially don’t want to share that part of my life with my parents or little sister,” Rarity said, and looked at Dash very seriously.

“Uh, yeah.” Dash blushed slightly. “Got it. No parents or sisters. And, uh, we’re still marefriends, right?”

Rarity smiled and leaned forward, and then pressed their lips together in one, long, warm, soft kiss. “What do you think?” Rarity asked after she pulled away.

“I think I really hope we are,” Dash said. “And I think we are, but it would make me feel a lot better if I heard you say so.”

Rarity laughed, then wrapped a hoof around her neck and pulled her close. “We are. I’m your marefriend, and I’m going to stay your marefriend for a long time.”

Tension and anxiety dripped out of Dash just like the rainwater had earlier, and comforting, happy relief took their place. She slumped a little against Rarity and sighed. “Thanks.”

“Absolutely.” Rarity gave her a small squeeze. “Is there anything else you’re worried about?”

“I forgive you, too,” Dash said quietly, enjoying the feeling of Rarity holding her. She had always known Rarity would forgive her. She had totally nailed the apology, too. The necklace had been a home run, just like she knew it would, and she hadn’t even needed the flowers and pastries. Rarity was too classy a mare to be bought over with flowers and pastries. Necklaces helped, though.

“Thank you.” Rarity smiled playfully and drew a hoof along Dash’s cheek. “I suppose I should do something to thank you for this necklace, too, shouldn’t I?”

“Nah, that’s okay. It was a present.”

“Oh.” Rarity’s smile fell, but then quickly returned. “Well, you must still be cold, though, yes? I was about to have a hot bath, and I’d be perfectly willing to share it with somepony, if you’re willing.”

“Nope,” Dash replied, shaking her head. “I’m not cold at all anymore. Those towels worked great. I can help you clean now, though, if you want.”

“I don’t think you understand,” Rarity said. She leaned forward and kissed Dash on the cheek again, and her lips lingered. “Are you sure you aren’t cold?”

“No, I’m really not,” Dash said. And she really wasn’t. She felt perfectly warm, especially with Rarity hanging on to her and nibbling lightly at her neck like that. Really, Rainbow Dash didn’t particularly enjoy baths. She had always been more of a shower mare. But it didn’t seem like the right time to bring that up. She and Rarity would cross that particular bridge in their relationship when they came to it.

Rarity gave up nibbling at her neck, rolled her eyes, and took a step back. “All right, then…” She focused and picked up the puddled water at the bottom of the cart with her magic, then shaped it into a ball.

“What are you doing?” Dash asked.

Rarity smirked and hovered the ball of water over Dash’s head.

“Um, Rarity?”

Rarity released the ball of water, and immediately soaked Rainbow Dash with cold rainwater again.

“Agh!” Dash cried, spitting water out of her mouth. “What the hay was that for?”

“Now you’re cold,” Rarity explained. “I supposed you’ll have to share that hot bath with me after all.”

“No, I need another towel,” Dash said, trying to shake the water out of her mane. “What’s wrong with you?”

Rarity leaned in next to Dash’s ear. “Darling,” she whispered, “please, take the hint. I want to share a hot bath with you to help warm you up.”

Dash’s eyes widened. “Wait, do you mean…?”

Rarity grinned a most unladylike grin and nodded.

Rainbow Dash instantly shot up the stairs towards the bathroom. She had always loved baths. The bath very well might have been the greatest invention in all of pony history. She often said that no pony was truly clean if they didn’t take at least seven baths a day. And she hadn’t had a single one yet! She needed to get to that bathtub as soon as she could!

She heard Rarity following behind her at a trot, laughing softly.