Life Lessons

by lunabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 6040

Mrs. Cake has just had her foals. Which under normal circumstances, would be cause for celebration. Except for one thing... she was never pregnant. The Cutie Mark Crusaders have some investigating to do.

Mrs. Cake has just had her foals. Which under normal circumstances, would be cause for celebration. Except for one thing... she was never pregnant.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have some investigating to do.

And in doing so they may uncover secrets that have been hidden for generations, open a door they'll never be able to close, and find something even more frightening than the HUB logo.

Published 2014-04-17 15:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-11 16:02:39 UTC

2 - We're On A Mission From Celestia

"...Well that's peculiar," Sweetie Belle said, staring intensely at the door which had just closed in their faces, as if expecting Applejack and Macintosh to suddenly change their minds and emerge once more with tales of grandeur and answer all their questions. In fact, the more she stared at it, the more hopeful she became. Surely the older ponies wouldn't just leave them standing out here.

No such luck.

Apple Bloom pressed her large ear up against the door, hearing frantic whispered mutterings along the lines of "...asking questions we can't answer?" "...don't learn it from us, where are..." "...why should ah be the t'tell em?!"

Bloom pulled away. "I think they're fighting."

"Is Macintosh saying anything?"

"Macintosh never says anything."

"I don't get what the big deal is," Scootaloo sighed. "They're acting like it's a big secret to a secret club or something."

"Maybe it is," Sweetie Belle said. "Maybe it's one of those adults only clubs."

"Well this stinks!" Bloom stomped her hoof. "Applejack is th' Element of Honesty, so we ain't never gonna get the truth out of her."

"Maybe not her," Scootaloo said. "But I think I know someone who can."

"Who's that?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Follow me," Scootaloo declared, racing off towards town. "I have a plan!"

"This isn't gonna get us in trouble like your last plan, is it?" Sweetie said hesitantly.

"How was I supposed to know catapulting watermelons was dangerous!?" Scoots shot back. "Besides, you were the one who was gushing over how awesome a catapult cutie mark would be."

"When has using a catapult ever NOT resulted in us breaking something? How do we even keep finding catapults?"

"There's a first time for everything," the pegasus said.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Soft wings lifted the pegasus from her restful daily nap, awakened by the frantic knockings of someone outside who seemed very much impatient. Three particular someones, to be exact.

There was the soft click of several locks being unlatched, and a timid hoof swung open the door.

"Hi Fluttershy!" Scootaloo announced. She had her two little friends backing her up, and with their frantic knocking and serious faces, they almost appeared intimidating.

"Oh, hello girls," Fluttershy smiled. "This is certainly a surprise. I really wasn't expecting you so I'm afraid I don't have any snacks ready..."

"Aww..." Apple Bloom pouted. "You always make the best cookies."

"Oh, don't be mad!" Fluttershy gasped. "I'll go make some right now!" She turned to flitter off, but Scootaloo grabbed her by the tail.

"Eep!"

"Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time. We're on a mission."

"From... um... Celestia," Sweetie Belle added. Just to be safe.

"Well if you're trying to get the band back together, I'm afraid I don't quite do that anymore," Fluttershy apologized.

"What? No! Nothing like that. We're trying to find out where foals come from, and Applejack won't tell us."

"Wait for it..." Bloom muttered.

Sure enough, Fluttershy paled, and her ears swiveled backwards. "Oh..."

"Can you tell us?" Scootaloo asked.

"I really don't think that's something I should be doing," Fluttershy said. "Oh, would you look at that, I think I hear Angel calling me..."

"Because if you don't, then we're going to have to go to Twilight," Scootaloo continued. "And Twilight will be very upset that you made us waste her time asking silly questions when you could have just told us yourself."

Fluttershy looked very uncomfortable now, shifting her weight awkwardly. "I don't want to make Twilight angry, I really don't. But I don't think I'm supposed to be telling you things like that. It's... it's an adult thing."

"I knew it!" Scootaloo said, and slowly made her way towards the door, with her friends behind her. "Well, I guess we're just going to have to go bother Twilight then. I sure hope she isn't too angry with you... boy, I wouldn't want to be you when that happens."

"No, wait!" Fluttershy squeaked.

Just like she planned. "Yes?" Scootaloo asked.

"Um... foals... okay... um... well, you need a stallion, and you need a mare, and magic happens, then you have to take a class before you can have them," Fluttershy said quietly.

"Do they have to be unicorns?" Apple Bloom asked.

"What?"

"Y'said they have to do magic, do they have to be unicorns? Then how do earth ponies have foals?"

"I... um..."

Sweetie Belle started writing things down in blank scroll.

"Did Mrs. Cake take that class?"

Fluttershy perked up. "I don't know, but I'm sure she did. Every mare has to. Can I go now? I don't like this game."

"Not just yet," Bloom cut in. "What is this class? Where is it?"

"Well..." Fluttershy continued. "You can sign up for it at the Town Hall, the classes are run there in one of the empty rooms."

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle said. "You've been very helpful."

Fluttershy just squeaked and as the three left, the fillies were once again confronted with a door rapidly closing in their faces.

"I can't believe we just did that," Sweetie said.

"Sometimes deception is necessary for information," Apple Bloom said. "But we have a lead! Come on, it's off to Town Hall!" Once more the three junior detectives were on the run, pursuing the newest lead in their investigation.

3 - An Ancient Order

The journey to Town Hall was simple. All the Crusaders had to do was weave through the marketplace to make it to the other side of town. The sun was starting to go down by this point, and the majority of the political staff had left for the day.

"Alright, this is gonna have to be our last stop for the day until tomorrow," Scootaloo said. "We already snuck out of school, we don't want to be out too late on top of that."

"Agreed," Apple Bloom said. "We can't make any progress if we all get grounded."

Sweetie Belle reached up to open the door, but the door swung open before she could get a hold of the handle. It bashed the poor unicorn in the nose, and sent her skidding several inches backwards.

The pony behind the door, astonishingly, turned out to be the Mayor herself. She peered around the door to see what she'd accidentally hit, and immediately rushed over.

"Great heavens," she exclaimed. "Are you alright? I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine," Sweetie said, rubbing her nose with a hoof. "But those doors should really be more see through. Ponies going in and out all the time like that."

"See through doors," the Mayor said. "I'll make a note of it. Did you girls need something?'

"Yes," Bloom said. "But if we tell you what we want you won't tell us. We know about the secret adult club, none of the big ponies are talkin'."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the Mayor said. "And I'd love to help you, but if you won't tell me, I really must off."

Scootaloo glanced at Sweetie Belle. "Worth a try," she said.

"Where do foals come from?" Sweetie asked.

"...You mean you haven't learned that yet?" the Mayor looked astonished. "Haven't they taught you anything in school?"

"Anything about what?" Bloom asked.

"...Never mind," the Mayor said. "I'll make a note of examining the curriculum tomorrow. It's better you kids learn about it in school or from your parents then on the street."

"Apple Bloom doesn't have parents," Scootaloo pointed out.

Bloom looked shocked, Sweetie smacked the pegasus upside the head. "Nice, Scootaloo. Real nice," Sweetie said.

"Thank you girls for bringing this to my attention, but I really must go. Get home safely!" And the Mayor hurried off.

Apple Bloom was still in stunned silence, but shook it off after a moment or two. "...Anyway..." she continued. "Come on. We have a lead to follow." With a final glare at Scootaloo, she disappeared inside.

Scootaloo made to follow, but a white hoof blocked her entry.

Sweetie Belle stopped Scootaloo from entering. "Maybe you should wait out here for this one," Sweetie said.

"What? Why? I wasn't trying to be mean, it's true!"

"You know Bloom doesn't like talking about it! That was completely not okay. Just wait here, apologize to Bloom when we get back. It'll only be a minute, and we can go home." Sweetie Belle disappeared inside.

Scootaloo sighed, grunting in annoyance. She began making her way around the side of the building, attempting to see if there was another way in from the back. She was so distracted that she never heard muffled hoofsteps behind her, and the last thing she saw was being immersed in blackness as a dark hood was thrown over her head from behind.

Inside, was a different story. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle approached the front desk, behind which an elder stallion was sorting through papers.

"Can I help you?" He asked. "I'm afraid if you're looking for the Mayor, she's gone for the day."

"No, no," Bloom said. "We wanna see the foal classes."

The stallion frowned. "The what?"

"You know," Sweetie said. "The classes that you have to take if you're gonna have a foal."

"The Lamanez classes?" He frowned deeper. "Why?"

"School project," Bloom said. "We're doing reports on healthy relationships and childcare."

"Oh!" The stallion brightened. "Well, that's very inspiring to hear. Go down the hall behind me, last door on the right. Classes are done for the day, but if you're lucky our course leader might still be preparing for the next session."

"Thanks!" the fillies echoed, galloping down the hall.

"You okay, Bloom?" Sweetie asked.

"Fine," she said. "Thanks."

Making their way to the end of the hall, the fillies knocked on the last door on the right.

"Come on in!" A friendly voice answered.

The two swung the door open, and gasped, completely caught off guard at what they were seeing.

"Let me go!" Scootaloo shouted, struggling helplessly while being dragged/carried for what felt like hours. Finally she was set down, and the cloth was removed from her head. Scootaloo's eyes stung, and it took her a few minutes to adjust to the dim lightning. The darkness around her was pierced only by occasional candles, and in front of her stood two ponies, of identical height and color. Twins, perhaps? They both had completely black coats with short white manes. Interestingly enough, they both had the same question mark shaped cutie mark.

"What is this? Where is this? Who are you?" Scootaloo demanded. "My parents will hear about this!"

"You don't have parents," the pony on the left said. Scootaloo was insulted.

"And now you now how the yellow one feels," the one on the right said.

"...Who are you?"

"We are an ancient Order which has protected Ponyville for a very long time. There are few of us that remain, but we do what we can."

"Okay? What's that have to do with me? And who. ARE. YOU? She asked again."

The two identical stallions exchanged a glance. "We are the FreeNeighsons," he explained. "And you and your friends have been going around town asking the wrong sorts of questions. You have attracted Her attention, and I fear all of you are in danger."

"Who's Her?"

"That is not for you to know, but you are safe here for now. We are doing what we can to protect your friends as well, but they may not be as lucky..."

Standing in front of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle was the perfect model of a princess. A long horn, silken wings, bright pink coat. She looked like the princesses in the coloring books the fillies had.

"Good evening," the mare said. "My name is Mi Amore Cadenza... please come in."

Author's Note

Things are starting to heat up. Muahahaha.

4 - I Hate You Guys (I'm Seriously)

"So you're telling me I'm supposed to help go up against an ancient enemy that you can't tell me about?" Scootaloo protested. "What if my friends are in danger? I have to help them!"

"In good time," one of the identical stallions said. "In good time."

"But what if a good time is now?" Scootaloo said. "In good time could be too late, and I don't anything to happen to them!"

"First we have to be sure you're not the enemy," the stallion said.

"...You mean you weren't sure of that when you kidnapped me?" came the angry reply.

"We are fairly certain that you are of the non-enemy variety," he replied. "But as security protocol dictates, we have to be a hundred and twenty percent sure."

"And what if I am the enemy?" Scootaloo asked.

"Then we confine you and run tests. We have yet to manage to get one of Her kind in captivity, it would be a valuable educational experience for us."

Scoots didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit.

They rounded a corner, and Scootaloo was led towards an ancient looking door. The door was opened from the inside, and the three stepped forward into a large circular arena.

"Your test awaits," her host said.

"Wait? What? Already? But I haven't studied! Twilight would kill me!"

"Death by Twilight?" The first asked.

"Why would you be killed for not studying?" The second continued.

"You don't know Twilight..."

"Never fear, young one," the stallion replied. "I don't believe it's that kind of test."

Scootaloo approached the center of the circle with great caution. Sitting in the middle of it, paying her almost no attention, was a fluffy white rabbit.

"Good," her host said. "Now hug the bunny."

"But I don't wanna hug the bunny."

"Hug the bunny! Your life depends on it!"

"Ugh..." Scootaloo didn't like this test, and squeezed the rabbit between her front hooves. She let it go almost immediately afterward, and the animal scampered away as if it had been assaulted.

"There. I hugged the stupid bunny. Can I go help my friends now?"

"And you don't feel anything?"

"No!"

"Good. You're free to go... we'll be in touch." He pulled a lever sticking out of the wall, and the floor in the center of the circle dropped from underneath the pegasus, who looked down, then back up, then down, then back up. Her little wings buzzed furiously to keep her in the air, but no luck.

Scootaloo reached behind her back and pulled out a sign on a stake, a trick she'd learned from Pinkie.

[I hate you guys.]

And fell into the black abyss. She'd tumble out of a hollowed out tree trunk some distance from Fluttershy's cottage after what seemed like an eternity of falling, shook herself off, and raced back towards Ponyville as fast as her legs could carry her.

5 - Foiled Again

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were momentarily struck silent by the sudden appearance of the alicorn. They had seen a great many strange things in their short lives, but an unannounced visitor of such high ranking reached right up there on their personal achievement charts with getting chased by a giant squid. Who, as it tuned out, was only searching for its mother, but that was another story altogether.

"Princess Cadenza..." Bloom began.

"Please. Call me Cadance. What can I help you girls with?"

"Finally, someone willing to help us," Sweetie Belle sighed with relief. "We're trying to find out where foals come from, and nopony will tell us. They just act all weird and secretive every time we ask. We've been doing a lot of investigating and that's brought us here, to the... whatever this is."

"The foal preparation class," Bloom added.

"It's called Lamaze," Cadance said. "And I commend you for your investigation, but I'm afraid the material covered in this class isn't quite for ears as young as yours."

"Foiled again!" Apple Bloom complained. "Why won't anypony tell us anything?"

"Girls, girls!" Cadance said. "It's just not something you need to know about. Why are you so concerned, anyway? Shouldn't you be out playing in the schoolyard, finding your cutie marks, making friends? Things like that? You really shouldn't let this bother you," she said kindly. "You're just not old enough. Someday the day will come, and you'll wish you still had time to run around as you do now."

"But several of the adults in Ponyville have foals, and I've never seen a single one of them pregnant before!" Sweetie Belle said. "Isn't pregnancy supposed to take like... a really long time? What does it even do?"

"That's obvious," Bloom said. "The mothers get really fat from eatin; so much while they store food inside them so they can feed the foal when the pterodactyl brings it," she said.

Cadance stared at her. "What."

"Well that's what mah sister told me. She acts like ah can't keep a secret but ah ain't told any of the others at school yet!"

Sweetie Belle shrugged. "It's the most sensible explanation I've heard so far, though I really don't think ponies can do that. I'll add it to our list of possibilities."

Cadance held the door open, gently ushering them out. "You two have nothing to worry about, just try to go about your lives and don't worry so much. You'll learn someday."

"But I don't wanna know someday, I wanna know now!" Sweetie said. Her protest was in vain, however, as the door closed in their faces.

"'Ah;m gettin' really tired of looking at doors," Bloom said.

"Never mind. Come on, let's go back and meet Scootaloo and tell her what we learned."

"After she apologizes," Bloom said.

"Of course, after that," Sweetie said.

The sounds of small galloping hooves receded down the hallway, and Cadance's smile vanished as quickly as if it had been erased with Neighcrosoft Paint.

"They're asking questions," Cadance said, her tone one of annoyance. There didn't seem to be anyone within earshot, but from the darkness came grunts of acknowledgement.

"Follow them," she commanded, turning to leave the room herself. From behind her came no verbal reply, but two sets of large, solid blue eyes blinked into existance and narrowed in focus, before dark blurs disappeared out the window.

6 - Mini Marshmallows!

The small earth pony and unicorn stood at the corner of the intersection right next to Town Hall, glancing around nervously. They'd left the building only a few moments prior, excited about their new lead for their investigations, and were eagerly awaiting telling Scootaloo the good news. The problem was, Scootaloo was not where they left her, and although the pegasus was more than welcome to wander off if she so felt like it, it didn't bode well for the remaining two.

"Do you think she got bored and went home?" Sweetie Belle asked, her eyes instinctively scanning overhead.

Apple Bloom put a hoof on Sweetie's shoulder and gently shook her head, before the latter realized what she was doing and lowered her gaze.

"She's a Crusader. Crusader's never go home."

"Unless it's past our bedtime," Sweetie added.

"Well, yeah," Bloom agreed.

"Ah feel kinda bad that we left her out like that," Bloom said. "We maybe overreacted a bit. She didn't mean any harm by what she said. And she wasn't wrong."

"I know, but she still shouldn't have said it," Sweetie said.

After a few more minutes of searching, the two came up empty. Neither of them noticed the dark shadow that had slipped up behind them, nor the dull green ripple that enveloped it.

A hoof touched Sweetie Belle's shoulder from behind, and the unicorn yelped so loudly that Apple Bloom jumped, and both spun around. The filly standing behind them was not necessarily one that they wanted to see at that moment, and Sweetie's smile vanished from her face.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Me?" Silver Spoon pretended to look hurt. "I don't want anything. I just thought you might want to... hang out."

"Are you an alien?" Bloom demanded.

"WHATNO!" Silver sputtered. "I mean... of course not." Smooth.

"Good enough for me," Sweetie said. "If you want to hang out with us, we're about to go over to Twilight's Library to continue our searching. You can come if you like." After all, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were an equal opportunity organization, and although Silver Spoon was disqualified from joining, it didn't mean they couldn't be polite to her.

"Yeah. Great," Silver said, smiling a bit.

"Well come on then," Sweetie said, the three of them racing off towards the center of town.

"Just a little to the left, Spike."

"Alright..."

The little dragon was straining to push an enormous empty book shelf into place, and had been doing so for about ten minutes. There wasn't much room left in the library for book space, and a new series of shelves had been Twilights gift to herself.

"Now just a little to the right..." Twilight stood nearby, mentally calculating and overseeing this new project.

Spike pushed and heaved the large object to the right, barely able to tell if it was even sliding on the floor or not.

"There! Perfect!"

"But that's exactly where it was five minutes ago!" Spike gasped for breath. "What are you putting on this bookshelf anyway?"

"My collection of books on how to install bookcases," Twilight said eagerly, and Spike groaned before flopping over on the floor. The front buzzer rang, and Twilight perked up. "Visitors!" She squealed. "Once again the task of imparting new knowledge on young minds falls to me! You wait there, Spike," she said, as Spike gave a thumbs up.

Twilight opened the door, her eyes falling upon her guests. "Girls!" She said. "How nice to see you." She glanced in confusion at Silver Spoon, but said nothing regarding it. "Where's Scootaloo today?"

"We're not sure," Apple Bloom said. "We're hoping she catches up with us soon. Do you have any books on-" Her words were cut off by a white hoof in her mouth. Mmm, mini marshmallows!

"Biology," Sweetie Belle interrupted. "We want to know about biology."

"Second floor, third stack from the left," Twilight said. "Can I help you with-"

"Thanks!" All three chorused, before running between her legs and up the stairs.

Twilight brightened, and returned to her assistant. "Are you alright, Spike?"

The dragon was getting to his feet, rubbing his shoulder. "That was heavy, man," he complained. "How come you can't use your horn for that?"

Twilight blinked. "Oh yeah," she sad. Spike glared.

Further conversation was cut short by a shriek from upstairs, and Twilight immediately teleported out of sight.

"Now she remembers," Spike sighed.

Twilight appeared on the second floor landing to find the three fillies gathered around the floor looking at a large, older book. One that had quite a few pictures in it.

"THAT'S how it works?" Apple Bloom exclaimed.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Sweetie said.

"Awesome..." Silver Spoon whispered, staring at the pages.

"Girls, what are you-" Twilight took a few steps forward, enough to see what exactly was in the pictures, and all the color drained from her face.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" She yelled so loudly that the windows of the library rattled. The book was immediately grabbed with her magic and closed, yanked out of their grasp.

"We told you we wanted t'study biology," Apple Bloom said. "Technically we ain't liars."

"And not a single other pony we asked would tell us where foals came from, they always either shut a door in our face or just refuse to tell us," Sweetie Belle said angrily. "Why would ANYPONY want to mount..."

"That's enough!" Twilight said; so quickly her voice cracked.

"Now... girls... um... there's things, in there, that you saw, we should talk about... no... I have a research paper on... no..." She paced nervously back and forth, her eye twitching.

"We broke Twilight again," Apple Bloom said.

Twilight came to her senses after a minute or two and hissed at them with such severity that all three didn't dare oppose her.

"Wait. Here." She said in a dead whisper. "I need to contact your sisters."

And with that she disappeared in a purple flash, just as Spike came up the stairs. He looked at the empty space where Twilight had been, then at the three fillies. "What did you do? What did you see?"

"I... don't know..." Sweetie Belle admitted. "But the mystery deepens once again. Nopony in their right mind would do the things in those pictures. That's just wrong."

"What kinda things?" Spike asked.

"Well the stallion looked like he was-"

Twilight teleported into existence once more, wordlessly grabbed Spike, and disappeared.

7 - Boing! Boing! Boing!

Scootaloo had been searching high and low for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, who seemed to have vanished. They weren't anywhere near the Town Hall like they were when they had sent her outside, for which she completely understood. She had been angry at first, but then realized that her remark to Bloom had been uncalled for, and wanted to apologize for it. The problem was, she was going to have actually find them first before being able to apologize.

Unknown to her, the fillies were trapped inside Golden Oaks Library at the moment, awaiting the arrival of their sisters for a very long talk about what they had seen in the book. 'The Talk', as it were. Scootaloo sat alone outside Sugarcube Corner, sipping on a lemon flavored drink and feeling rather mopey in general. One didn't realize how few friends one had until those friends were unavailable to hang out with.

Pinkie Pie descended from the open picnic umbrella dressed in a large fuzzy spider outfit, holding onto a thick white string that was (HOPEFULLY) tied to the roof. Scootaloo didn't see her until she was practically in front of her own face, and only just happened to look up.

"Hi!" Pinkie chirped.

Scootaloo screamed like a little... child... and leaped backwards, knocking over the table and chairs as well as the table next to hers. The pegasus was given several very strong looks of disapproval by neighboring patrons.

"Whatcha doin?" Pinkie asked.

"What... what are you... WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Scootaloo gasped.

"Why not?" Pinkie asked, throwing away the spider outfit to land on the ground again. "How come you're not smiling? Did you lose it?"

"What, no, I-"

Pinkie sprang onto her forehooves, standing upside down on one of the overturned chairs until Scootaloo's flipped frown was caught in her line of vision. "I found it!"

"Pinkie, stop!" Scootaloo insisted. "I'm busy!"

"Oh..." The party pony flipped back over again. "Busy doing what? Maybe I can help."

"I doubt it, nopony else will tell us. I lost the rest of my team and we were all trying to figure out where foals come from, but nopony will tell us! It's all a big conspiracy!"

"I can tell you," Pinkie said cheerfully.

"I knew it," the pegasus grumbled. "I'm NEVER gonna... what."

"I can tell you where foals come from," Pinkie said again.

"Really?! Where?!"

Pinkie sat down next to her. "You gotta promise to keep it to yourselves though, it's really sensitive information. You might not be ready for it."

"I'm ready," Scootaloo said. "I gotta know, we've invested so much time into this!"

"Well, alright..." Pinkie leaned in and whispered. "The pelicans."

Scootaloo blinked.

"Twilight told me that when a mare and a stallion are in love, and they really really really really REALLY want a foal, if they're lucky then this really big pelican drops off a child in the middle of the night."

"...That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I think you got trolled," Scootaloo said.

"I can't have, she promised it was true."

"Pinkie Promised?"

"No, just regular promise. But it's Twilight, I trust her."

"Yeeeeah, I'm gonna keep looking..." Scootaloo said.

"Oh... okay! Hope you find what you're looking for!" Pinkie shrugged and bounced away, doing her own sound effects. "Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing!"

Scootaloo facehooved, and began walking towards the Library. She never saw the dull green flash that rippled from behind a tree, so thought nothing of it when Diamond Tiara ran out in front of her.

"Scootaloo! There you are! I've been, like, looking ALL over for you."

"You... what? Me?" She looked suspicious. "Why?"

"Well I just thought that since your friends betrayed you, you might wanna hang out with me instead," she said casually.

"Betray... what are you going on about? You're just trying to pull one over on me again, and I'm not falling for it. Go home, Tiara."

"You mean..." she faked a gasp. "You don't know?"

"Don't know what? I don't have time for this!"

Diamond Tiara grabbed the pegasus and dragged her down the road. "Come on, you'll see! It's not pretty, though!"

The orange pony had no idea what was going on, but reluctantly allowed herself to be dragged along, if for no other reason than she wanted to know what was going on. Diamond Tiara dragged her underneath a window, and pointed upwards. "There, look."

Scootaloo looked, and saw Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle sitting in a side room of the Library and laughing... with Silver Spoon.

"Aren't they supposed to be with you?" Tiara asked.

"Yeah... and... they're not even looking..." Scootaloo felt sick. "It's like they don't even care. They replaced me... just like that."

"Well, that's just not okay at all. I'LL be your friend," Tiara said. She smiled, her eyes flashing green. This whole situation was just solving itself.

"...Yeah, okay..." Scootaloo said. She turned her back on the Library, and Tiara led her away. Scootaloo had never imagined that her friends would turn on her just like that, and although part of her didn't want to believe it, this whole time she'd thought they'd at least be out wondering where she was. But it didn't seem like they cared at all.

"Come on, Scoots," Tiara said. "I know how to make you feel a LOT better... a solution, you might even say, you'll be in...love with. You'll be a changed pony."

1 - Something Just Ain't Right

The Six were gathered outside the Nursing Ward, eagerly packed in front of the glass which displayed and protected all of Ponyville's newest residents. Each one of them was delightfully fixated on Carrot Cake, who was proudly showing off his grandest creations.

"Our son... PoundCake!" He was practically glowing.

"Aww..." The Six cooed.

"...And," he continued. "Our daughter! Pumpkin Cake!" He announced.

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash looked shocked.

"What?" Rarity asked, still processing this sudden surprise.

"TWO new foals to play with?!" Pinkie shrieked. "That's two... two... two times the fun! This the GREATEST. DAY. EVER!"

"Pinkie, maybe you should keep your voice do-" Twilight began, but Pinkie was already deep within the restricted area, attempting to do what she did best. Spontaneous singing.

"I really don't think we're supposed to be in there, but maybe if she asked nicely..." Fluttershy said.

Twilight sighed. "No, we're definitely not supposed to be in there. There's rules in place for a reason! And if she keeps breaking them, she's liable to get-"

WHAM!

The doors flew open, and Pinkie was thrown out of the room, landing upon her cotton candy keister.

"...In trouble," Twilight finished.

"Now hold on," Applejack began. "How in tarnation is one of 'em a pegasus, and the other one a unicorn?" she asked.

"I was wondering that myself," Rarity added.

"Easy," Carrot Cake began. "My great-"

While the rest of the Six listened to the explanation, said information was not heard by the three small children peeking around the corner down the hallway, as they were busy arguing amongst themselves.

"Now will y'tell us why we snuck out of school for this?" Apple Bloom asked. "Ah told Cheerilee my sister had an emergency, and that's lyin'. Ah ain't supposed t'be lyin'."

"But she let us out early," Sweetie Belle said. "So we didn't sneak out. I told Cheerilee my sister had an emergency as well. And Rarity has like seventeen emergencies a day."

They both looked at Scootaloo, who had no such alibi.

"I snuck out while you two were talking to Cheerilee," she said sadly.

"See!" Apple Bloom said. "We coulda just come out here after school! Now we're gonna get Scootaloo in trouble!"

"But by then it mighta been too late!" Sweetie Belle said. "Didn't you notice anything unusual about our field trip to the bakery last week?"

"The cookies were really stale, I'm considering writing a letter of complaint," Scootaloo said.

"Not that, dodo!"

"Hey!"

"Too late for what?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I mean, Mrs. Cake wasn't pregnant. She's never been pregnant and we see her all the time!"

"Hey, yeah..." Scootaloo frowned. "Unless she got pregnant the day after we were there."

"And wound up with two foals in less than a week?" Apple Bloom chimed in. "Somethin' just ain't right about that. How do you even get pregnant in the first place?"

"I think you have to sign up for it," Sweetie Belle said. "Rarity once said that not everypony can get pregnant, so there's gotta be a test of some kind."

"Maybe it's an extra credit course at the University," Scootaloo offered.

"But Mrs. Cake never went to the University," Sweetie Belle countered.

"You don't know that," Scootaloo countered again.

"I bet I could get pregnant before you," Sweetie Belle challenged.

"Nuh uh!" Scootaloo said.

"Yuh uh!" Sweetie Belle said.

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh uh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!"

"Alright!" Apple Bloom cut in. "There's obviously a mystery here, gang! And we need tah get to the bottom of it. Ah'll build the traps!"

"What traps?" Scootaloo asked. "We're just gonna ask a few questions."

"Don't most mystery solving teams build traps?"

"Not competent ones," Sweetie Belle said. "I think that's a bit overdramatic. Trust me. I know overdramatic when I see it."

"Yeah!" Scootaloo threw her hoof in front of her. "Well, either way, I'm in for this!"

"I'm in!" Sweetie Belle added, adding her hoof.

"It's settled then," Apple Bloom said, throwing in her own hoof.

""CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS LIFE LESSONS!"

"Shhhhhhhh!" The nurse scolded them. All three fillies shrank back.

"Sorry," Sweetie Belle whispered.

"So what's first?" Scootaloo asked.

"That's easy," Apple Bloom said.

"We're gonna ask Applejack where foals come from."

After all this, having made their exit from the Hospital, which wasn't an easy task at all having to avoid their respective siblings, the Cutie Mark Crusaders returned to their Clubhouse to wait.

"What time is it?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I dunno, ah don't have a watch," Bloom admitted. "But it's past the time where we'd be home from school, so it's gotta be safe to come down."

Apple Bloom stuck her head out of the window, and was almost immediately greeted with the sight of Applejack.

"There y'are!" Applejack said. "Ah didn't see ya come home from school, so ah'd hoped y'were up here."

"Applejack! We need to ask you something important."

All three children came down from the Clubhouse and sat in front of Applejack, who seemed pleased.

"Well! Ah thought y'all always went to Twi fer yer little problems, so ah'm more'n happy to answer any questions that ya-"

"Where do foals come from?" Scootaloo asked.

Applejack had turned pale.

"...Except that," she said. "Y'know, ah... don't...really...know... but ah bet Macintosh does! MAC! The girls need you!"

"Eeyup," came the reply. and Applejack bolted into the house as if her tail was on fire. Her replacement came in the form of the towering red stallion, who gazed upon the trio with silent affection.

"Where do foals come from?" Apple Bloom asked again.

... Macintosh stared at her.

... Bloom stare back.

"...Nnnope," he said, and turned and headed back into the house, leaving the three very confused.

"The mystery deepens," Scootaloo said.

Author's Note

Notice: This story will not feature the fillies in any suggestive scenes, for those of you who were worried about that. That's absolutely not okay. Just wanted to clear that up.