Woe And Cornettosby Br0nyb0y123ChaptersChapter 1: A Trio Of DrinkersChapter 2: The King, The Cop And The ElectromanChapter 3: No Beer?Chapter 4: Wolves Of TimberChapter 5: The Iron HotelChapter 6: A Breakout? (well, after breakfast of course)Chapter 1: A Trio Of DrinkersNothing was the same after the Network shut down. Every single piece of technology had been wiped out completely and the World had been sent back to the dark ages. And this is where our story begins, two years after the Network left. In London there was pub, one of the very few pubs left in the country, The Sheep's Hoof. Inside the pub it was candlelit, and the whole place was grimy and dirty. A man sat at the bar, sporting a black trench coat, aviator shades and a sword sheath on his back, it was the undisputed "King of the Pubs", Gary King, he was alone at the bar, his Blank replicas of his childhood friends were nowhere to be seen. He was just simply drinking a cold pint of lager, savoring every last drop before he continues on his road to nowhere, "Excuse me em...Ian?" Gary tried catching the bartender's attention. "Yes Gary?" Ian replied with a question. "Can I get a packet of Hog Lumps please?" Gary asked. "Sure thing, mate" Ian said. Whilst he was waiting for his packet of pork scratchings, Gary noticed a man sit two seats away from him at the bar, he looked very similar to him, but except from black hair, his hair was slightly ginger and he was sporting a small beard and he was carrying a cricket bat with him, which he put on the floor next to him. Gary glanced over at the man, the man glanced back at him and they both did a small nod as a sign of greeting. Gary took off his aviator shades and placed them in one of the front pockets of his black trench coat as Ian returned to the counter with Gary's pig snacks, and passed them to him, "Thanks Ian. How much is that?" Gary asked whilst reaching for his pocket. "fifty pence but it's on the house for you, mate" Ian said, "I mean what good is money worth now, eh?" Gary let out a slight chuckle, "Huh, yeah" As Gary was opening his packet of Hog Lumps, Ian went over to the man sitting two spaces from Gary and then asked him, "What will it be for you?" "Oh um....a pint please? Lager" The man asked back. "Where you coming from, mate?" Ian asked as he went over to sort his drink. "Sheffield" The man replied. "Far from home" Ian noticed. "Yeah, I'm just trying to make it" The man explained. "Where?" "Anywhere" The man told Ian, "Just trying to find the ideal place to survive" "You got a name, mate?" Ian asked. "Yeah, I'm Shaun" The man introduced himself. "I'm Ian, and you know what Shaun, I guess we're all trying to find an ideal place to survive" Ian said as he passed Shaun's drink to him. "Yeah" Shaun replied as he took a sip of his pint. It was at this time when another man came over to the bar, he sat on the middle stool, between Gary and Shaun. This man also bared a resemblance to Shaun and Gary, he had short blonde hair, was sporting aviator shades and was chewing on a toothpick. And he gun holsters littered around his body, he looked like something out of an eighties action movie. As he sat down, he took off his aviator shades and tucked over his shirt, he then took the toothpick out of his mouth and pinged the sharp piece of wood away. Ian then came over to the man and asked him, "What will it be for you?" Ian asked. "Pint of lager please" The man said. "That's a fiver" Ian replied. The man got out his wallet and passed him a fiver. Ian then turned to Shaun, "I'm also going to need a fiver from you mate" He said to Shaun. "Oh yeah, sorry" Shaun said as he pulled a fiver from his pocket and handed it to Ian. Ian nodded to Shaun as a sign of thanks and then Ian parted to the other side of the bar to serve other customers, leaving Shaun, Gary and the other man alone to have their drinks. The three of them all lifted their pints at the same time and took a sip at the same time, right before placing their pints down at the same time. Gary looked at the blonde man sitting next to him and then Gary snapped his fingers, "Holy shit. I know you!" Gary shouted, "You're that cop who stopped that mass murdering town. Fuck, what's your name, man?" Gary asked. "Nicolas Angel" The man introduced himself, "I recognize you as well" Nicolas uttered, "Huh, you're the King" "The once and future King" Gary nonchalantly praised himself. Shaun wanted to stay out of the conversation, by slowly sliding his stool away from them, before being stopped by Nicolas, "You. I know you from somewhere..." Nicolas said. "Yo...you do?" Shaun asked. "Weren't you at that one pub, the Winchester or something about eleven years ago during the zombie pandemic?" Nicolas asked. "Yeah, how do you know that?" Shaun asked. "I worked on a case about the landlady going missing, she probably got eaten" Nicolas pondered. The three men then sat in silence for a little bit, sipping at their beers simultaneously before Shaun actually broke the silence, "So, how did you guys end up here?" "I was in Sandford, the Blanks pretty much destroyed my town, assimilated my friends, it was awful, I fled Sandford and ended up back in London but by then, the World pretty much took it's tole" Nicolas told Shaun. "What about you, mate?" Shaun asked Gary. "I just wanted to be happy and live like I'm young" Gary smiled, "I had Blank replicas of my friends accompanying me, but I lost them" Gary chuckled, "What about you, Shaun?" "I was with my girlfriend, Liz when this all went down, we lost everyone else back during the zombie incident" Shaun began, "She ended up killing herself, she didn't want to be one of them, it was shit" Shaun sulked. "That's tough, mate" Gary replied, feeling sorry for Shaun. "Sorry to hear that, Shaun" Nicolas apologized as he patted Shaun on the back. Gary then thought of something to cheer Shaun up, "Hey look, mates. The End of the World hasn't been all bad, of course we lost some loved ones, I lost my mum, Nicolas lost his friends and you lost your bird, Shaun. But the End has been a good time to reflect on life, and if we keep surviving then we'll savor every last bit of life that comes our way, the End was only the beginning, my friends. And it gives off a sweet and tangy taste that will linger on your tongue for years to come" Gary gave off a monologue, "To the End" Shaun and Nicolas actually agreed with Gary's speech. As Gary raised his pint, they raised theirs and tapped them off each others, "To the End!" Shaun and Nicolas replied. The trio began to drink their pints quickly, "Where are you guys heading after this?" Nicolas asked. "Anywhere" Shaun replied. "Nowhere special" Gary added. "Funny, I've been thinking about heading to them two places" Nicolas joked. "You know what? You two are alright. We should all tag along with each other or something" Shaun optioned. "That seems like a good idea" Gary replied. "Want to have a few more drinks first" Nicolas said. "Yeaah booyy" Shaun replied, quoting his best friend and a certain clock-sporting rapper. "Ian, three more pints mate!" Gary shouted. THREE HOURS LATER The trio of drinkers walk out of The Sheep's Hoof, all three of them steaming drunk and with their arms over each other's shoulders, they were also singing "Party Man" by Prince whilst lunging on the road, three men enjoying themselves in the Apocalypse, a sight for sore eyes. About two miles further they were still insanely drunk, they were out of the city and now in the countryside. And all three of the men fell on the grass at the side of the road, "Hahaha, Shaun. You need a...a better weapon, mate" Gary chuckled. "Hey, what's the ma...matter with Lucille?" Shaun replied, caressing his beloved cricket bat. "Well, it's just that I have a sword and Nicolas has..." Gary paused, "Wait, what did you call your cricket bat, mate?" "Lucille. And she is my Lucille" Shaun said. "I should give the two of you a pistol. I've got plenty" Nicolas told them. "Nah mate, I'm fine with Lucille" Shaun said. "And I'm fine with Shinji" Gary replied. "Shinji?" Nicolas questioned. "My sword, mate" Gary chuckled. "Oh right" Nicolas chuckled back. The trio's little conversation was interrupted by the sound of a brief vacuuming, they all went over to where the sound was coming from, it turned out to be a portal on the ground. The three men as drunk as anything, were too inebriated to care that the portal was there, "It's looks like that thing from that fucking movie" Shaun pondered, "With Jeff Bridges" "I know, the sci-fi one!" Gary said, "WarGames!" "The Dude was never in that, that was Ferris Bueller" Shaun replied. "Oh Tron!" Nicolas got it correct. "Yes that" Shaun pointed. Shaun went over to the portal and looked down, he then turned around and said, "It's blue inside there" Shaun turned back around, but the grass was wet, he slipped and fell, right into the portal. Nicolas and Gary looked at each other and laughed, with the two still being drunk idiots, they thought nothing bad could possibly happen if they fall down the portal, "After you, Nick" Gary said. Nicolas dived into the portal after Shaun, then Gary went over to the portal and simply fell into it, by belly-flopping. What crazy adventure will our three heroes endure in now? A sunny day in good old Equestria, the birds were singing in the trees as the light summer winds blew gracefully through the leaves, the peace was then disturbed as three grown men in their forties fell through the sky and landed on the tree, they all snapped multiple branches before making it to the ground. When they did, they all looked up to see there was the Sun, something they haven't seen through the dark ash clouds of London for two years, it actually hurt our heroes eyes as they stood up to admire the Sun, and of course, they were still drunk. They began to waddle, lung and limp their way away from the tree, and wondered where the fuck they were, "Where the fuck are we?" Gary asked frustratingly. Nicolas then found a sign that told them where they were close to, "Ponyville, Equestria?" Nicolas pondered. "Hmm, must be the name of a farm or something" Shaun said. "Let's find out" Nicolas replied. And so, our three drunk heroes make their way to this "Ponyville" place, they manage to make it there in the state that they were in. They stopped at a bridge and the trio looked over it to see something that they found extremely weird, they saw pastel colored equine horses walking around. At first, the trio thought that they were hallucinating, but they couldn't have been hallucinating the same thing? Could they? Well, they weren't, they're just drunk idiots. The three began to laugh, "Oh my god, look at them" Gary said as he nudged Shaun, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" "I am" Shaun replied, "It's odd. They look so cute and plush" "Where are the people" Nicolas asked. "Dunno" Gary replied. "Well let's just check that we're in this Ponyville place" Nicolas said as he approached the sign beside the bridge. As Nicolas approached the sign, he was stopped in his tracks after a something jumped in front of him, it was a pink pony with a frizzy pink mane and blue eyes, she had a very cheerful smile as well, but Nicolas, Gary and Shaun became scared and then the pink pony said, "Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie" She greeted. The three men screamed, they have never seen anything like it, a talking horse. They all looked at each other, before looking at the horse once again, they stopped screaming as well, "Hey" She waved. All three of the men screamed again and then they ran away from the pink pony at the speed of a bullet. And so our drunk heroes have made it to Equestria, and from here they must have a good time, it's not like it can get any worse than talking ponies, can it? Chapter 2: The King, The Cop And The ElectromanOur heroes run away into the forest, terrified of what they saw, how can an animal so adorable speak the tongue of man? Shaun, Nicolas and Gary had no idea how, they all stopped in the forest to catch their breath, well, Gary and Shaun did, Nicolas didn't, "What the bloody hell was that?" Gary loudly asked, his breath almost gone. "It was a talking pony" Shaun replied. "Don't be ridiculous, Shaun" Nicolas told him, "It can't have talked. We're all drunk, it's probably in our heads" "We should all be seeing different things, Nicolas" Shaun replied, "And if we all saw the same thing, it must be real" "Fucking hell" Gary exclaimed. "Alright let's just calm down and figure this out" Nicolas said, "There was that rift in the ground, there's a chance we've might gone through a portal" "Portal? You're talking rubbish, mate" Gary said. "Really? The Sun's out and there is talking horses" Nicolas replied. "Bugger. What if that portal was left by the Network?" Shaun questioned. Gary snapped his fingers, "That is most likely it" "I thought they left?" Nicolas asked. "They left Earth. I don't know about the rest of the universe" Gary told him. Gary went over to a nearby tree and leaned against it, he then pulled out a packet of cigarettes from one his trench coat pockets, and got out a cigarette and a lighter, he lit the cigarette and inhaled, "You got another one of those?" Shaun asked Gary. "Sure mate" Gary replied as he chucked the cigarette packet to him. "Thanks" Shaun said as he got cigarette out and chucked the packet back to Gary. Shaun leaned over towards Gary's lighter and Gary lit his cigarette, Gary then offered Nicolas a cigarette, "Want one, Nicolas?" Gary asked. "No thanks" He declined, "Don't like them" "Suit yourself" Gary shrugged. "So, should we think of a plan?" Shaun asked. "Well, I guess once you two have smoked your cigarettes, we should just stroll into town, and find out what the hell is going on" Nicolas replied. "You think the Network could be behind this?" Gary asked. "Don't know yet. I'm not jumping to conclusion just yet" Nicolas replied After their little break and planning, our faithful heroes finally decided to make their way into town, when the trio stepped onto Ponyville grounds, they were met with instant stares and quiet sobs from children who thought they were monsters. It was bad for the lads as well, they heard ponies mutter about them behind their backs, hearing them speak was enough to send shivers down our heroes' spines. "Just keep it together guys" Nicolas whispered. They where then stopped in their tracks again, and by the same pink pony who stopped them just a few minutes prior, "Hi!" She greeted, "I'm Pinkie Pie" Gary tipped his hat to the cheerful pony as a sign of greeting, he couldn't really express any words to what he was currently seeing, "Welcome to Ponyville" Pinkie told them, "I'll be glad to show you around town" "Em..." Shaun said. "Um..." Gary followed. "That would great, Miss Pie, thank you" Nicolas finished. "Follow me please" Pinkie told them. And so, Shaun, Nicolas and a still drunk Gary followed the pinkette around the town, she showed them the sights of Ponyville, the town hall, the library, among other sites, Pinkie was like a tour guide leaving wisecracks and silly comments at every place they came across, "Well, that seems to be everywhere in Ponyville" Pinkie told them, "I'll be in that library I showed you if you need to ask me anything" Pinkie said. "Thank you, Pinkie" Nicolas thanked her before she bounced off. "Holy fuck!" Gary exclaimed after she left, "That was the single most disturbing experience I've ever had, it's like when you trip on acid and it's a bad trip whilst watching the fucking Teletubbies" "What?" Nicolas asked, confused of Gary just said. "Nicolas, what's the plan now? We need to find a way to get back to London" Shaun asked and explained. "I know, Shaun. But I still haven't figured out what's happening yet" Nicolas replied. "We could go and see Pinkie at that library" Shaun optioned. "That's not a bad idea, Shaun. Yeah, let's see Pinkie" Nicolas replied. "Let's Boo-Boo!" Gary cheered as he went ahead of Shaun and Nicolas towards the library. Shaun and Nicolas then quickly looked at each other and shrugged at Gary comment, as if to say "What the fuck is the matter with Gary King"?. They made it to the library, Gary didn't express his opinion on it the first time he passed by it, but this time he said, "It's a tree, with a door on it and a few windows" "You need sleep, Gary. You're drunk and you're knackered" Nicolas told him. Shaun knocked on the door and then told Nicolas and Gary to be quiet by pressing the side of his index finger against his upper lip. Soon after he knocked on the door, it was answered by another pastel colored pony, though it was not Pinkie, it was instead answered by a purple pony with a horn sticking out of her forehead and had a dark violet fringe. She opened the door, and with her expecting ponies, she definitely didn't expect humans, "Em....Can I help you, sirs?" She asked them. "Yes, we're looking for Miss Pie" Nicolas replied, "Have you seen her?" "Yes, just a second please" She told them as she backed away from the door to get Pinkie. then a few seconds later she appeared. "Hello" She greeted. "Hi, Pinkie. Can me and my friends come in?" Shaun asked. "Sure" Pinkie said as she opened the door for our heroes. "Thank you" The three lads all said as they entered. They all saw other ponies in the library, they must be friends of Pinkie, the purple one was one of her friends, but the lads also saw a blue pony with wings and a rainbow mane, a yellow pony with wings as well, an orange one wearing a cowboy hat and a white one with an elegant purple mane, "I'm sorry to ask, but what is your names?" Pinkie asked. Nicolas was about to introduce the group, until Gary started first, "I, Miss Pie, am Gary King...." He paused, "....of the Humans" "Gary, what are you doing?" Nicolas whispered intensely. "These are my trusted disciples, Nicolas Angel the COp" Gary continued, "And Shaun Riley the..." Gary leaned over to Shaun and asked him, "Shaun, what did you do for a living?" Gary whispered. "I was an electronic salesman but I don't see wha-" Shaun began. "Shaun Riley the Electroman. And we request a book on trans-dimensional traveling please" Gary told Pinkie and her friends. Nicolas and Shaun looked at Gary with shocked expressions on their faces, Gary was indeed more drunk than the rest of the guys, so it's probably just the booze talking and not him, "There's a book on that kind of thing" Twilight said, "SPIKE! Can you get me a book on trans-dimensional traveling please" "Okay, okay.." Spike said as he stepped down from the upstairs. At this point Shaun looked at Spike with horror, the color drained from his face and then he collapsed at the sight of the dragon, and he was stone cold, Nicolas looked at Shaun, "Shaun, are you alright?" Nicolas asked when he noticed Shaun KO'd on the floor. Gary then felt like fainting as well, but not because he saw a dragon, but because his body out of it, the alcohol was making him feel that way, so he backed away and twirled over as he fell on his face, his arms reached out as he was falling, and ended up smacking an off-guard Nicolas with his right hand, knocking him out as well. All the ponies looked at the three men that laid on the floor, completely out of it, "Em...what the heck just happened?" Rainbow Dash asked Chapter 3: No Beer?Shaun woke up in a different room of the library, he was on the floor, Nicolas was beside him, he was still out. Shaun shook Nicolas, waking him up, "Oww...my head" Nicolas uttered as he felt the side of his skull, where Gary accidentally hit. "You okay, Nicolas?" Shaun asked. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's wake Gary" Nicolas told him. Shaun and Nicolas looked to their side and saw that Gary was not there, he wasn't in the room, "Where the hell is Gary?" Shaun asked. "No idea, Shaun, maybe he already woke up?" Nicolas replied. Shaun and Nicolas stood up from the floor and they both approached the door that led out to the lobby, they noticed that they were still in the tree library, once they stepped out, they saw Gary sitting on a chair with the six ponies and Spike sitting around him, as Gary was sharing his dark and heartwarming story about his endeavors of the Golden Mile, "....Which is where it all went fuck up. It put Pete out of commission so we decided to bench him. In the end we blew off the last three pubs and headed for the hills. As I sat up there, blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes, knowing in my heart life would never feel this good again" Gary chuckled, "And you know what ladies? It never did for the next twenty-three years" "What happened after that, darling?" Rarity asked. "Well, after those twenty three years, I finally reunited my old friends to finish some unfinished business. Then about pub three, a bunch of robots invaded our town on our pub crawl and then basically the world ended" Gary replied. "But how did you become King?" Twilight asked. "King of the what?" Gary asked back. "The humans" Twilight replied. "What about them?" Gary asked. "How did you become King of the humans?" Twilight asked back. "Oh, the World's survivors was split into factions and I became King" Gary lied. Gary then turned around to see Shaun and Nicolas, "Guys, how are you doing?" "We're fine, Gary" Nicolas said. "You feeling alright, mate?" Shaun asked Gary. "Yeah, man. Come come, my disciples and let's share these ponies our tales" Gary replied and told them. "Actually, King Gary. Can you come here for a little bit?" Nicolas asked. "Sure" Gary replied. Gary got up and approached Shaun and Nicolas, who were standing at the door they exited, "Gary, what the hell are you doing with this 'King of the humans' shit?" Shaun whispered. "Look, I was drunk. Besides, if I didn't have sense of royalty about me they might've treated me differently, also, I managed to get some info on our current situation" Gary told Shaun. "Really?" Shaun asked surprised, "Do you know whose behind this?" "No, but they said that there is trans-dimensional traveling that is possible, but it's ancient and hard to do" Gary said. "Well nevertheless, great work, Gary" Shaun said, patting Gary on the back. "But there's got to be something to this though" Nicolas said. "Nicolas, just relax for a little bit" Gary told him, "We'll figure all this out later, it's too late for that now" "Bollocks, what's the time?" Nicolas asked. "About half ten" Gary said. "Damn" Nicolas replied. Gary then turned to face the ponies and then shouted from across the room, "Twilight, it's late. We're thinking of resting for the rest of the night" Gary told her. "I'm sorry, King Gary, but my home is full, I don't think it would be good if you slept on the floor" "Wait, Twilight. I know a place they could get a bit of shuteye at" Applejack told her. "Where?" Twilight asked. "You've got to be kidding me" Applebloom wailed, "Me, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were meant to be having a sleeping in the tree house" "Sorry girls, but it'll be too cold in the tree house in this season. I don't want you all freezing to death during the night" "Aww" The Cutie Mark Crusaders moaned. "Look, you can still sleepover back at the house, I'll make some apple strudel" Applejack told them. "Ooh" Sweetie Belle uttered. "That sounds good" Scootaloo added. "Can I have cream with it?" Applebloom asked. "Sure" Applejack smiled, "You three go ahead, I'll catch up" "Race you there" Scootaloo told her friends as she raced on. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle ran after her. Then Applejack whistled out to the trees, "Okay boys, you can come out now" Applejack told our hiding heroes. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary stepped out from behind the trees, they didn't want to scare the children, so they hid behind the trees until Applejack manage to talk them into going back to her house, "Was that your daughter?" Nicolas asked. "No, my sister" Applejack replied. "Oh right" Nicolas replied. "Well, um...guys, you should make yourself comfortable, they probably left pillows in the tree house, they're in there a lot. Are you guys wanting anything at all whilst you're in there?" Applejack asked. "Actually, have got any beer at all, if you don't mind me asking?" Gary asked. Applejack gave off a confused expression, she didn't know what "beer" is. It was an alien word to her, "What's that?" She asked. "You got to be fucking kidding me" Gary spoke. About two hours later, we see our three heroes in the tree house, sitting around a lantern after drinking the only source of alcohol they could come across, cider, Gary was not pleased that there wasn't his favorite beverage, as was Shaun, but they enjoyed the apple cider anyways, "What do you guys miss about home?" Shaun asked. "I don't miss it, it's a shithole now" Gary replied. "I mean before the Network" Shaun told him. "I miss going to my job" Nicolas said, "Being a police officer was my calling. I was great at it, too great. I was the best out the entire London police. Sandford was different though, that's when I met Danny, my best mate, I never really had friends before that, I learned after the whole Sandford murders that there's more to life than the job and that was good. But when the Network came, that just fucked everything over, my friends were gone and I had to give up my calling. I guess I just miss my job and my friends, I'm never going to get them back though" "I miss my family and friends as well" Shaun began, "Most of my family and friends died during that zombie pandemic. It was just me and my girlfriend Liz after that, we lived happily for the next nine years, I finally got married to her, once the Network came, she became scared..." Shaun said as he teared up, "...she became scared, so she killed herself" He sniffed, "I have no one now, I'm alone. I just miss everything" "Hey mate, it's alright" Nicolas told Shaun as he patted him on the back, "Gary, do you miss anything?" Gary was silent, he had to think about that for a second. What did he really miss? "I don't miss much actually. I kind of fucked up my life, I never grew up. Inside, I'm still a teenager, that led to me neglecting my mum, my friends, everything" Gary explained, "The Golden Mile was all I had. A pub crawl. A fucking pub crawl" Gary sighed, "I just live with the fact that I never did anything with my life, I was in rehab, I couldn't do what I want. Looking back on it, I just wish that I could've done something" The trio just sat there in silence after that, they didn't want to say anymore. They all about their lives before and after the Network, it just made them feel even more depressed. Gary then broke the silence, "I need to go for a piss" He quietly said. Gary then went down the ladder and then over towards another tree, he unzipped and was about to urinate, right before he heard a spine-chilling sound. A growl from the bushes, Gary then looked into the bushes and saw glowing yellow eyes from the darkness, "What the fuck is that?" He asked himself. The yellow eyes looked as if they were getting larger, but that only gave Gary time to notice that the creature with the yellow eyes was approaching Gary, it revealed itself from out of the shadows to show it was a wolf, a wolf made of sticks, it still looked dangerous and feral and Gary became frightened, "SHAUN! NICOLAS! GET OUT HERE!" He shouted. Shaun and Nicolas both came down the ladder and went over to Gary, "What is it!?" Nicolas loudly asked. "That" Gary replied as he pointed to the timberwolf. "The fuck is that?" Shaun yelped. "Don't know" Gary said. At this point , the shadows surrounding them all had yellow eyes glowing in them, a pack of timberwolves were going to attack the lads. Knowing what was going to happen, the let out their weapons. Shaun had Lucille out. Nicolas pulled out his baton. And Gary unsheathed his sword, Shinji. And the boys got ready for battle. Chapter 4: Wolves Of TimberOur three heroes stood beside each other, facing all directions in which the timberwolves were closing in on. Gary unsheathed his sword, Shinji and was ready to kick some arse, as was Shaun with his cricket bat Lucille, which was still crusted with blood from his previous fights and Nicolas was definitely ready to battle, even with his police baton at his helm, well....if you put anything in Nicolas' helm and he's sure to hurt you with it, he's like Jason Bourne. Nicolas looked at the timberwolves, he remained calm as they closed in on him and his two friends. He had a plan of attack ready, "Shaun. Gary. Listen, I have a plan, but you need to listen..." Nicolas began. "FUCKING CHARGE!" Gary yelled before Nicolas could finish. "Gary!" Nicolas shouted, but Gary already charged forward. Shaun quickly looked at Nicolas and shrugged, "He wasn't going to listen if you told him anyways" Shaun mentioned. "You're right" Nicolas chuckled. Shaun then quickly nodded at Nicolas before going to fight his own little pack of timberwolves, leaving Nicolas to fight several on his own. He held the side handle of his baton and looked into the eyes of one of the timberwolves who was eyeing Nicolas up, "So..." Nicolas began, "Who wants the first bite?" The timberwolves growled at him and Nicolas gritted his teeth and a timberwolf pounced onto him, knocking him to the ground. The timberwolf tried nashing at his face with his teeth, but Nicolas restrained the wolf from chomping off his face by pressing his baton against the timberwolf's neck. Nicolas then found the strength to kick the timberwolf off of him, and then he shot himself up to fight the wooden beasts in front of him. And so, Nicolas strikes several blows to the timberwolves' wooden teeth with his baton, knocking a few of their teeth out, and with Nicolas' skill in several martial arts, he managed to perform several kicks to the timberwolves, some kicks being fatal which knocked their heads right off the roots that keeps their body parts together. Shaun used Lucille to his advantage, though using Lucille was rather difficult for him. He usually used Lucille for battering people to death back in his own world, and it was difficult as he couldn't beat wood (LOL) to death. He swiped Lucille across a timberwolf's jaw, knocking it back several feet from him. As for Gary, he was fighting with the power of alcohol, like that Jackie Chan movie in which your faithful narrator has sadly forgotten the title to, but I'll remember, I always do. But anyways, Gary armed himself with Shinji, then went all chop-suey on their arses, splitting some in half, others in quarters and others in eighths, and he was enjoying every single minute of it. Back to Nicolas, he was still using his martial art techniques to dodge the timberwolves that were coming in all directions, whilst occasionally throwing in a hit or two with his baton. He got pumped up fighting the beasts and decided to throw away his baton, and pulled out two revolvers from the many gun holsters that littered his body, he then pointed at two pouncing timberwolves and blasted their faces with his revolvers. Then Nicolas showed his true badass side, he spun the guns around his fingers like Revolver Ocelot from Metal Gear, he shot about eight timberwolves with dead-eye precision, "Nicolas! Watch the noise, it could bring more!" Gary shouted. "Fuck the noise, we'll kill them all" Nicolas replied, "Want a gun?" "Well, if you insist" Gary replied. As Gary approached Nicolas to get a gun, he tossed Shinji behind him and much to Gary's ignorance, Shinji landed on a timberwolf who almost got him. Nicolas then pulled out a shotgun for Gary and tossed it to him, Nicolas then quickly turned to Shaun who was struggling to fight off several timberwolves, "Shaun! Do you want a shotgun?" Nicolas loudly asked. "Yeah mate!" Shaun shouted back. Nicolas chucked Shaun a shotgun whilst he was holding back tinberwolves with Lucille, Shaun then cocked the gun with one hand then shot at timberwolves, killing two with one shot. Our three heroes then retreated slightly and said to each other, "Alright, guys. Let's blast them all to kingdom come" Nicolas said as he reloaded his weapons. "Fuck yeah" Gary cheered as he cocked his shotgun, "Groovy" "That sounds like a slice of fried gold to me" Shaun uttered. "Let's go!" Nicolas shouted. "YEAH!" Shaun and Gary cheered. Our heroes let out their battle cry and they stormed back to where the timberwolves were, only to find them, not there, "Em...where are they?" Gary asked. "Fuck, they must've left" Shaun replied. "Aww, bollocks, I wanted to use the shotgun more" Gary moaned. "Ah well, at least that was fun" Nicolas said. Shaun shrugged, "I guess" "Is there anymore cider?" Gary asked. "Have a check" Shaun told him. Gary nodded, then climbed up the ladder and peeped his head inside the treehouse and found no cider, "Fuck there's no cider left" Gary told them. "Should we get more?" Shaun asked. "Of course, let's go!" Gary said as he climbed down the tree and ran in the direction of the barn "Wait up Gary!" Nicolas called out as both he and Shaun chased after him. As our heroes now walk to the house on a quest for a cider, they were now talking about a subject which now can't be enjoyed again, movies and TV shows, "So Gary, what's your favorite movie?" Shaun asked. Gary pondered to himself, "Probably Fear and Loathing. Or maybe Big Lebowski, it's between those two" "Good choices" Shaun replied. "What about you Shaun?" Gary asked. "Me and my friend, Ed, used to watch a shit tonne of films together, my film taste is mixed, I love action films, my favorite is Battle Royale, but my girlfriend made me like romantic films and chick flicks, and I like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So I'm not sure what my favorite film is" Shaun explained, "Nicolas, you got a favorite?" "I'm not a big movie guy, but I like Point Blank and Bad Boys II" Nicolas told Shaun. "Classics" Shaun said. "I love them movies" Gary uttered. The trio almost made to the house, before being shouted at, "HEY" A loud gruff voice called. The three looked at what looked like a large red stallion, it was Applejack's brother, Big MacIntosh, "What the hell was that noise back there, and what the hell are you?" MacIntosh asked furiously. "That was these dog things" Gary replied. "Get the hell out of here!" Big Mac yelled, "You're trespassing on my family's land. "But your sister said we could stay at the..." Nicolas began. "I don't care, get the hell out here. Shoo!" Big MacIntosh shouted. What will happen next for our heroes? Will they be kicked out of the acres? Will Gary get his alcohol? We'll soon find out, your humble narrator promises. OH YEAH. It was Drunken Master I was thinking of! That's the Jackie Chan I was pondering about. Author's Note sorry about the long delay, I had exams Chapter 5: The Iron Hotel"No, get the hell off my land!" Big Mac shouted at our heroes. "Listen, mate. Calm down, your sister said we can stay at the tree-house for the night and.." Nicolas began. "I don't care if....wait, how do ya know my sister?" Big Mac asked. Gary shrugged, "We just chatted I guess? Besides, you shouldn't hurt me, I'm a King" Nicolas closed his eyes tight, slightly aggravated by Gary's so-called "King-hood", "A King? King of what? I've never heard of you before" Big Mac told him. "Well, I'm King of.." Gary began. "He's King of the Humans, big brother" A southern female interrupted Gary, it was Applejack. Applejack went over towards her brother and our three heroes, "Oh thank fuck. Applejack, tell your brother you let us stay in the tree-house" Shaun said. "Is this true, Applejack?" Big Mac asked his sister. "Yes, I was going to tell you later, Big MacIntosh, but I guess I left it a 'lil too late" Applejack replied. "Great, we're all happy. Now, Applejack, is it possible we can get more ci-" Gary started. "Sorry, Your Grace, but you have to go" Applejack told our heroes. "What?!" Shaun, Nicolas and Gary all questioned in unison. "That noise was absolutely terrifying, you said it was wooden dogs?" Applejack asked. "Yes" Gary replied. "Those were Timberwolves. Now, I don't know what that noise was back there, and I don't want to know, but the kids were scared and it seems dangerous for you to be sleeping in the tree-house" Applejack told them. "But they won't be able to get us up there" Shaun said, "Won't they?" "Some of them are good climbers" Big Mac told him. "We can't risk it" Applejack said, "Ya'll need to find somewhere else to stay, I'm sorry" Our heroes were defeated. Not in combat by timberwolves, but were defeated by words, by a pony, a talking pony. Seriously, your humble narrator cannot stress this enough, Nicolas Angel was talked down by a freaking pony! But I'm sorry, your humble narrator is losing track. As our heroes stood there, with their blood still pumping from the fight with the stick canines, they realized that they once again had no place to sleep and no alcohol, "Well, thanks for your hospitality, Applejack" Nicolas nodded. "And for letting us stay in the tree-house" Shaun added. "And the cider" Gary finished. "You're welcome, Your Grace, and fellow disciples" Applejack replied. Our three heroes walked away, as they approached the dirt path that led back to Ponyville, our heroes were in fact being observed, not by Applejack or Big MacIntosh, but by three little fillies back at the house, "Hmm" pondered little Applebloom as she watched the trio walk away. "I wonder what beings they are?" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "I did hear Applejack call one of them 'King of the Humans'" Applebloom replied. "The Who-men?" Scootaloo asked. "No, the Hu-mans" Applebloom corrected her Pegasus friend. "We should help them, I think" Sweetie Belle said, "They were just wanting a few bottles of cider" "We can't sneak out at this time" Applebloom told her friend. "When has that ever stopped us from going out after curfew before?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Yeah, c'mon Applebloom" Scootaloo said. Applebloom gasped with an idea, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Human Helpers!" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo burst with excitement, "That's a great idea" Scootaloo said. "I'm in" Sweetie Belle added. "Okay then, girls, here's the plan..." Applebloom began. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary walked along the dirt paths of Ponyville. Thinking of a place where they could stay, that tree-house was their only good option and now they had nowhere to go, "We can't go into a hotel, because we have no money" Nicolas said. "We can't go back to the tree-house because of the timberwolves" Shaun added. "And worst of all..." Gary began. "...We have no cider" The trio spoke in unison. They continued to walk on the dark streets of Ponyville, they were bored, tired and thirsty. They walked in circles around the town, thinking of a place where they could sleep, "We could try sleep in a large dumpster" Shaun optioned. "Why?" Nicolas asked. "Well, back in London. There was these big massive dumpster bins, they were full of foam rubber so it was comfortable to sleep in" Shaun told him. "Nicolas, it really does seem like our best option, come one, when was the last time any of you have slept in a nice bed?" Gary asked. Shaun and Nicolas stayed silent after Gary asked that, and it was true, they haven't slept in a bed in fuck knows how long, they couldn't think of a time when they slept in a comfortable bed, "I thought so" Gary said. "Bollocks, guess we'll just have to find a bin then" Nicolas sulked. And so, our heroes scoured to find the last thing they would have think to find, a dumpster bin. It took them a good five minutes before they were able to find a dumpster to sleep in, they found one at the back of a bowling alley/pizzeria. The dumpster they found was about eight feet long and about five feet high, and it's breadth was also five feet, "Well, at least it's big" Gary shrugged, feeling optimistic about sleeping in it. "It's still a dumpster" Nicolas replied. "Oh come on, Nicolas. It could be comfortable" Shaun said. Gary went over to the dumpster and opened the lid to it, and inside, it strangely smelt of something tasty, "Well, fuck me" Gary uttered. "What is it?" Shaun asked. Gary dug deeper into the dumpster and then pulled out a flat box, "This. It's fucking pizza" Gary told them. "Put that back, Gary. It's probably ro-" Nicolas began before Gary opened the box, to reveal the pizza was fresh. "Rotten, you say, Nicolas?" Gary started, "I think not, this is a fresh pizza, topped with cheese, there's about five more boxes in there" Shaun jumped right to the opportunity and dived into the dumpster and got himself a pizza box, "I guess this is tea for the time being" Shaun said as he took a slice of pizza from the box. "Why is there just fresh pizza lying in a dumpster?" Nicolas asked to himself. "Well, it could be prank calls that happened and they just chucked them in the bin after they found they were prank calls" Gary answered his question. "Can I get a slice, mate?" Nicolas asked him. "Sure thing" Gary replied. After our heroes stomached a hearty feast of cheese pizza, they were now all, lying inside the dumpster, trying to get to sleep, but despite some comfortable trash bags they were using as pillows, they still couldn't sleep due to the sharp metal and glass pieces they had to lie on, "This is bollocks, man" Shaun uttered. "You're telling me" Gary replied. "At least the tree-house didn't have sharp objects poking at you" Shaun moaned. "You're right" Gary said. "Lads, just try to sleep through it, think about it, we've slept on worse thing" Nicolas told them. "True" Gary and Shaun said at the same time. "Right, night guys" Nicolas said. "Night mates" Gary added. "Night lads" Shaun finished. The three rested in the dumpster, they all closed their eyes and began to try to sleep.......right before they heard a knock at the metal of the bin, "Bloody hell, who's that?" Shaun asked. "I'll check" Gary told him. Gary popped his head out the top of the bin, saw who it was who was knocking on the bin, it was the police. Gary went back inside and told his "disciples", "Em...guys, it's the police" "What?" Nicolas questioned. "It's the police" Gary told him again. "Hello?" The police pony called from outside the bin, "Can you three step out please?" "Bollocks" Shaun and Gary simultaneously said. The trio all hopped out of the bin and then Nicolas asked, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" "We've heard some complaints from residents about three beings causing a racket over here. Sorry but we need to take you guys in" the officer told them. "Maybe we can get to sleep in jail?" Gary whispered to his friends. "What?" Nicolas quietly replied. "Think about it, it's either sharp objects poking us, or a roof over our heads" Gary told him. Nicolas and Shaun thought about that, and actually agreed with Gary, the two then glanced at each other, gave a slight nod in agreement. Then the trio all held out their wrists, "Cuff us" Nicolas ordered. "What? You guys aren't going to jail" the officer said. The three looked at him in confusion, "Then where are we going?" Gary asked. "A fucking pet pound!" Gary exclaimed. "Well, you guys aren't ponies, you're animals pretty much, we'll keep you here until we know what to do with you" the officer said before exiting with one of the pound's employees. "Wait, get back" Gary said. "Forget it Gary" Shaun told him. "Yeah mate, get some sleep" Nicolas added. "But the fucking dogs" Gary replied, talking about the dogs in there, continuously barking. "Try then" Nicolas said before laying down on the ground. Shaun laid on the ground as well. Gary sat at a chain fence door, listening to the sounds of dogs and inhaling the smell of shit. He sat there, annoyed at the sounds of the barking animals and then he also laid down and tried to go to sleep, right before he and his friends heard a clanging on the bar windows, "What the fuck is it now?" Gary asked aggravated. "Don't know. Let's check" Nicolas replied. "Fuck's sake" Gary exclaimed. And so, our three heroes got up, then went over to the bar window and pulled themselves up to see what was making the clanging, they all then saw, three little fillies outside their "cell", if you could call it that, "Hey, Your Highness" Applebloom called on Gary, "We got you and your friends some cider" "What? Wait aren't you Applejack's sister?" Gary asked. "Yeah, me and my friends thought we would help you escape" Applebloom told them. Our heroes hung from the bars, thinking of what plan of action they want to take. Will they agree to escape? Or will they get some sleep first? And when will Gary soon get peace? Your humble narrator promises it will be soon, I've never gone back on my word, except from that one time in Yugoslavia when I promised Kate Beckinsa- Well, you don't need to know about what happened back there. This is Shaun, Nicolas and Gary's story, not mine. And we will see more of our beloved heroes soon, and we might get a surprise appearance from a certain character(s) about three chapters time. Author's Note Fun Fact: Every time I write a chapter to this story, one of the Cornetto movies will always be playing in the background. Chapter 6: A Breakout? (well, after breakfast of course)"We're here to bust you out, Your Highness" Scootaloo told Gary. "Not tonight, girls" Gary told them. "Aww, why?" The Cutie Crusaders asked. "Me and my disciples are tired, we have had a long, strange and somewhat scary day. Break us out tomorrow night, or in the morning, we're just really, really exhausted, you don't mind do you?" Gary asked them. "No, we don't mind" Sweetie Belle said. "We'll go back to the house then" Applebloom said as she and her friends turned around to leave. "Wait, don't leave yet, girls" Gary stopped them, "Can we have the cider please?" "Of course, Your Highness" Applebloom replied, "Sweetie Belle, can you levitate the bottles to them?" She asked her friend. "Of course I can" Sweetie Belle replied. Sweetie Belle used her Unicorn magic to levitate three bottles of cider to our heroes, they each took a bottle and then said, "Thanks" "We'll see you in the morning we guess" Scootaloo said. "Okay, bye girls" Nicolas said. Shaun and Gary waved bye through the bars as the CMC left back for Applebloom's house. After they left, our heroes sat back on the ground of their cell and sipped on their cider, "Well, at least we got more drink" Gary said as he raised his bottle. "Huh" Shaun uttered, "Yeah" He replied as he raised his. "We'll go to Twilight's tomorrow, and figure what the hell is going on and get back to London" Nicolas told them. "To getting home" Shaun said as he kept his bottle raised. "To getting home" Nicolas and Gary both replied as they raised their bottles. The trio tapped their cider bottles against one another's and simultaneously downed their drinks. Morning came after the loud night, our heroes were sleeping on the floor, Gary was sleeping on his face and knees, with his behind in the air, Shaun was sleeping whilst sitting up, and he wasn't leaning on a wall and as for Nicolas, he was the only one sleeping properly on the floor. Our heroes then heard the sound of a cockerel, it woke them all up. Gary shot up to his feet, "I'm fucking hungry" He uttered. "Uhh..." Shaun groggily adjusted to waking up, "Wha...what? I wan...I want to play Marvel vs. Capcom 2" He said in a daze. "That's a fantastic game. The greatest crossover fighting game ever" Gary said. Shaun stretched his arms out and Nicolas sat up, "Well, another day" Nicolas said to himself. "What was that mate?" Shaun asked as he finished stretching. "Nothing" Nicolas replied. Gary went over to the cell door and shouted out, "Can we get some breakfast please!?" "It's coming!" The guard pony told him. "Thanks!" Gary loudly replied. Gary went back to Shaun and Nicolas and sat down on the ground, "So what's the plan for today?" Gary asked. "We will try getting back home" Nicolas told him, "But we need to find who's behind this first" "Nicolas I know this is apart of your detective-like mannerisms but you do know we don't need to find out whose behind this" Shaun told him. "But we do" Nicolas replied, "What if they keeping on leading us to different places in London? What if we end up going through another portal? They're trying to trap us. We need to find out who they are and stop them before we go home" Nicolas explained. Shaun sighed, "You're right" "Well, we'll need to eat before we find out about it though" Gary cut in. "Right" Shaun said. Gary leaned back towards the door and shouted to the guard, "Can we get food now!?" Gary asked. "Yes, fine" The guard said as he approached their cell. The guard approached our heroes cell with three dog bowls and slid them underneath the gaps between the door and the floor. None of our heroes were happy with the food they got, as it was dog food, "What the fuck is this?" Gary asked. "Dog food" The guard pony said. "Mate, do I look like a fucking dog to you?" Gary asked intensely. "Em....no" The guard pony replied. "We demand a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast" Gary told him. "I can make toast, I don't know what bacon is and I don't really know why you would eat eggs" The guard told Gary. "You don't know what bacon is?!" Gary asked in shock. "Gary, calm down" Nicolas said. "Well, if it's meat, ponies don't eat it. We're all vegetarians" The guard pony said before departing, I'll sort you three some toast" The guard pony left them as Gary turned back to face his friends, "What kind of adorable hellhole have we stepped into?" Gary said, "They don't even know what bacon is" BUT MEANWHILE..... The Cutie Mark Crusaders were conjuring a plan to break out our beloved heroes out of their stinky and loud prison. Let's say that even your humble Narrator, undoubtedly the smartest guy that I personally know, would never have thought of their plan to break out our heroes. Their plan is so complex, so ideological, so fool-proof that even Wile E. Coyote couldn't fail this plan, "So when are we getting the cherry bombs from Snips and Snails?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Soon" Applebloom replied. Oh, maybe I was wrong. I guess their plan could fail, in a lot of ways. We'll see how it plans out. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary were now feasting on their breakfast, slices of toast, with butter, "Do you know how long it's been since I've had a slice of toast?" Gary asked. "No, how long?" Shaun asked. "Two years" He replied. "Well, when's the last time any of us have had anything good and editable that isn't veg or pub snacks?" Nicolas asked. "Well, I went down to Abroath once after the Network left" Shaun replied. "In Scotland?" Nicolas questioned. "You traveled down to the eastern south of Scotland and you had what?" Nicolas asked. "Smoked kipper, it was brilliant" Shaun told them, "They have their own smoked kippers that different from other ones they said, so with me being bored, I traveled to Aberdeen and got myself three kippers, they called them 'smokies'" "And when was this?" Nicolas asked. "About three months ago" Shaun told him. "Okay, new plan when we get back to London, we're traveling to Abroath and we're getting ourselves three smokies, each" Gary said, "You guys up for it?" "Yeah, mate" Shaun said as he fist bumped Gary. "I'm up for it. Haven't been to Scotland in ten years" Nicolas said. "Alright then, it's a plan" Gary said. And then, to our heroes' surprise, the guard pony knocked on the chain fence cell door, "What is it?" Shaun asked as he turned around to look at the guard pony. "Eat your food quickly. Six mares have came to bust you out" The guard pony told them. "Oh really?" Gary questioned. "Yeah" The guard pony said. And so, our heroes found themselves in the presence of the Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Most of them had confused expressions on their faces, "What happened last night?" Twilight asked, "How did you guys end up here?" "We slept in a dumpster full of a pizza, we were making a racket apparently" Gary told her. "How did you know we were here?" Nicolas asked Twilight. "We saw a poster of you three outside here, whilst we were trying to find yous" Twilight replied. "Yeah, it said 'do these animals belong to you'?" Rainbow Dash told them. "We don't belong to anyone" Gary said, "We are free men" "Yeah" Shaun nodded. "Well, we'll make sure that doesn't to you again, darling" Rarity told them. "Thank you, Miss Rarity" Gary said. "Oh, we have good news as well, boys" Twilight remembered, "Our Princess leaders over in Canterlot told me they have books about ancient trans-dimensional traveling that could help you get back home" Our heroes felt relieved, they needed info on how to get home, but whilst Shaun and Gary were happy with this information, however, our stern cop badass in Nicolas Angel felt underwhelmed, he still wanted to find out about who put the portal in their world in the first place, "But what about finding out who did sent us here, mates?" Nicolas asked. "Oh yeah...." Gary remembered. "Maybe we can find out about that when we get to..." Shaun paused, "Where did you say the Princesses where again, Twilight?" "Canterlot" Twilight replied. "Yes, that" Shaun said. "Well then, we'll go to Canterlot" Gary said. "But Gary..." Nicolas tried to say. "You mean King Gary or Lord Gary" Gary smirked. "My Lord, we should really find who did it around here" Nicolas seethed his teeth angrily. "It's a small town, Nicolas" Gary said, "But I'll go through with Shaun's plan to Canterlot" "Fine" Nicolas gave up. "To CANTERLOT!" Gary shouted. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were back at the wall behind our heroes' cell was, only for them not to be there, but the Crusaders don't know that, "Hey, your Highness, we're going to bust you out using these special Cherry Bombs from Glascow" Scootaloo said as she folded her ear and waited for a response. "Your Highness?" Sweetie Belle asked. "They're not freaking out that we bombs, so they must be fine" Scootaloo told her friends. "Okay, Your Grace, best stay back, these bombs are gonna blow the bars off your windows" Applebloom told our heroes who weren't there. "Sweetie Belle, levitate the bombs onto the windowsill" Scootaloo told her friend. "Right" Sweetie Belle replied and followed her order. Sweetie Belle levitated three bombs and placed them between three bars, "Should I light them now?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Yes" Applebloom nodded. Sweetie Belle uses her Unicorn magic to lit the three wicks of the three Cherry Bombs, "Okay, girls, stand back" Applebloom told them. And so the Crusaders backed and hid in the bushes, they covered their ears with their hooves and were awaiting the explosion. And let's say, your humble narrator enjoys a good explosion once in a while.
Chapter 1: A Trio Of DrinkersNothing was the same after the Network shut down. Every single piece of technology had been wiped out completely and the World had been sent back to the dark ages. And this is where our story begins, two years after the Network left. In London there was pub, one of the very few pubs left in the country, The Sheep's Hoof. Inside the pub it was candlelit, and the whole place was grimy and dirty. A man sat at the bar, sporting a black trench coat, aviator shades and a sword sheath on his back, it was the undisputed "King of the Pubs", Gary King, he was alone at the bar, his Blank replicas of his childhood friends were nowhere to be seen. He was just simply drinking a cold pint of lager, savoring every last drop before he continues on his road to nowhere, "Excuse me em...Ian?" Gary tried catching the bartender's attention. "Yes Gary?" Ian replied with a question. "Can I get a packet of Hog Lumps please?" Gary asked. "Sure thing, mate" Ian said. Whilst he was waiting for his packet of pork scratchings, Gary noticed a man sit two seats away from him at the bar, he looked very similar to him, but except from black hair, his hair was slightly ginger and he was sporting a small beard and he was carrying a cricket bat with him, which he put on the floor next to him. Gary glanced over at the man, the man glanced back at him and they both did a small nod as a sign of greeting. Gary took off his aviator shades and placed them in one of the front pockets of his black trench coat as Ian returned to the counter with Gary's pig snacks, and passed them to him, "Thanks Ian. How much is that?" Gary asked whilst reaching for his pocket. "fifty pence but it's on the house for you, mate" Ian said, "I mean what good is money worth now, eh?" Gary let out a slight chuckle, "Huh, yeah" As Gary was opening his packet of Hog Lumps, Ian went over to the man sitting two spaces from Gary and then asked him, "What will it be for you?" "Oh um....a pint please? Lager" The man asked back. "Where you coming from, mate?" Ian asked as he went over to sort his drink. "Sheffield" The man replied. "Far from home" Ian noticed. "Yeah, I'm just trying to make it" The man explained. "Where?" "Anywhere" The man told Ian, "Just trying to find the ideal place to survive" "You got a name, mate?" Ian asked. "Yeah, I'm Shaun" The man introduced himself. "I'm Ian, and you know what Shaun, I guess we're all trying to find an ideal place to survive" Ian said as he passed Shaun's drink to him. "Yeah" Shaun replied as he took a sip of his pint. It was at this time when another man came over to the bar, he sat on the middle stool, between Gary and Shaun. This man also bared a resemblance to Shaun and Gary, he had short blonde hair, was sporting aviator shades and was chewing on a toothpick. And he gun holsters littered around his body, he looked like something out of an eighties action movie. As he sat down, he took off his aviator shades and tucked over his shirt, he then took the toothpick out of his mouth and pinged the sharp piece of wood away. Ian then came over to the man and asked him, "What will it be for you?" Ian asked. "Pint of lager please" The man said. "That's a fiver" Ian replied. The man got out his wallet and passed him a fiver. Ian then turned to Shaun, "I'm also going to need a fiver from you mate" He said to Shaun. "Oh yeah, sorry" Shaun said as he pulled a fiver from his pocket and handed it to Ian. Ian nodded to Shaun as a sign of thanks and then Ian parted to the other side of the bar to serve other customers, leaving Shaun, Gary and the other man alone to have their drinks. The three of them all lifted their pints at the same time and took a sip at the same time, right before placing their pints down at the same time. Gary looked at the blonde man sitting next to him and then Gary snapped his fingers, "Holy shit. I know you!" Gary shouted, "You're that cop who stopped that mass murdering town. Fuck, what's your name, man?" Gary asked. "Nicolas Angel" The man introduced himself, "I recognize you as well" Nicolas uttered, "Huh, you're the King" "The once and future King" Gary nonchalantly praised himself. Shaun wanted to stay out of the conversation, by slowly sliding his stool away from them, before being stopped by Nicolas, "You. I know you from somewhere..." Nicolas said. "Yo...you do?" Shaun asked. "Weren't you at that one pub, the Winchester or something about eleven years ago during the zombie pandemic?" Nicolas asked. "Yeah, how do you know that?" Shaun asked. "I worked on a case about the landlady going missing, she probably got eaten" Nicolas pondered. The three men then sat in silence for a little bit, sipping at their beers simultaneously before Shaun actually broke the silence, "So, how did you guys end up here?" "I was in Sandford, the Blanks pretty much destroyed my town, assimilated my friends, it was awful, I fled Sandford and ended up back in London but by then, the World pretty much took it's tole" Nicolas told Shaun. "What about you, mate?" Shaun asked Gary. "I just wanted to be happy and live like I'm young" Gary smiled, "I had Blank replicas of my friends accompanying me, but I lost them" Gary chuckled, "What about you, Shaun?" "I was with my girlfriend, Liz when this all went down, we lost everyone else back during the zombie incident" Shaun began, "She ended up killing herself, she didn't want to be one of them, it was shit" Shaun sulked. "That's tough, mate" Gary replied, feeling sorry for Shaun. "Sorry to hear that, Shaun" Nicolas apologized as he patted Shaun on the back. Gary then thought of something to cheer Shaun up, "Hey look, mates. The End of the World hasn't been all bad, of course we lost some loved ones, I lost my mum, Nicolas lost his friends and you lost your bird, Shaun. But the End has been a good time to reflect on life, and if we keep surviving then we'll savor every last bit of life that comes our way, the End was only the beginning, my friends. And it gives off a sweet and tangy taste that will linger on your tongue for years to come" Gary gave off a monologue, "To the End" Shaun and Nicolas actually agreed with Gary's speech. As Gary raised his pint, they raised theirs and tapped them off each others, "To the End!" Shaun and Nicolas replied. The trio began to drink their pints quickly, "Where are you guys heading after this?" Nicolas asked. "Anywhere" Shaun replied. "Nowhere special" Gary added. "Funny, I've been thinking about heading to them two places" Nicolas joked. "You know what? You two are alright. We should all tag along with each other or something" Shaun optioned. "That seems like a good idea" Gary replied. "Want to have a few more drinks first" Nicolas said. "Yeaah booyy" Shaun replied, quoting his best friend and a certain clock-sporting rapper. "Ian, three more pints mate!" Gary shouted. THREE HOURS LATER The trio of drinkers walk out of The Sheep's Hoof, all three of them steaming drunk and with their arms over each other's shoulders, they were also singing "Party Man" by Prince whilst lunging on the road, three men enjoying themselves in the Apocalypse, a sight for sore eyes. About two miles further they were still insanely drunk, they were out of the city and now in the countryside. And all three of the men fell on the grass at the side of the road, "Hahaha, Shaun. You need a...a better weapon, mate" Gary chuckled. "Hey, what's the ma...matter with Lucille?" Shaun replied, caressing his beloved cricket bat. "Well, it's just that I have a sword and Nicolas has..." Gary paused, "Wait, what did you call your cricket bat, mate?" "Lucille. And she is my Lucille" Shaun said. "I should give the two of you a pistol. I've got plenty" Nicolas told them. "Nah mate, I'm fine with Lucille" Shaun said. "And I'm fine with Shinji" Gary replied. "Shinji?" Nicolas questioned. "My sword, mate" Gary chuckled. "Oh right" Nicolas chuckled back. The trio's little conversation was interrupted by the sound of a brief vacuuming, they all went over to where the sound was coming from, it turned out to be a portal on the ground. The three men as drunk as anything, were too inebriated to care that the portal was there, "It's looks like that thing from that fucking movie" Shaun pondered, "With Jeff Bridges" "I know, the sci-fi one!" Gary said, "WarGames!" "The Dude was never in that, that was Ferris Bueller" Shaun replied. "Oh Tron!" Nicolas got it correct. "Yes that" Shaun pointed. Shaun went over to the portal and looked down, he then turned around and said, "It's blue inside there" Shaun turned back around, but the grass was wet, he slipped and fell, right into the portal. Nicolas and Gary looked at each other and laughed, with the two still being drunk idiots, they thought nothing bad could possibly happen if they fall down the portal, "After you, Nick" Gary said. Nicolas dived into the portal after Shaun, then Gary went over to the portal and simply fell into it, by belly-flopping. What crazy adventure will our three heroes endure in now? A sunny day in good old Equestria, the birds were singing in the trees as the light summer winds blew gracefully through the leaves, the peace was then disturbed as three grown men in their forties fell through the sky and landed on the tree, they all snapped multiple branches before making it to the ground. When they did, they all looked up to see there was the Sun, something they haven't seen through the dark ash clouds of London for two years, it actually hurt our heroes eyes as they stood up to admire the Sun, and of course, they were still drunk. They began to waddle, lung and limp their way away from the tree, and wondered where the fuck they were, "Where the fuck are we?" Gary asked frustratingly. Nicolas then found a sign that told them where they were close to, "Ponyville, Equestria?" Nicolas pondered. "Hmm, must be the name of a farm or something" Shaun said. "Let's find out" Nicolas replied. And so, our three drunk heroes make their way to this "Ponyville" place, they manage to make it there in the state that they were in. They stopped at a bridge and the trio looked over it to see something that they found extremely weird, they saw pastel colored equine horses walking around. At first, the trio thought that they were hallucinating, but they couldn't have been hallucinating the same thing? Could they? Well, they weren't, they're just drunk idiots. The three began to laugh, "Oh my god, look at them" Gary said as he nudged Shaun, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" "I am" Shaun replied, "It's odd. They look so cute and plush" "Where are the people" Nicolas asked. "Dunno" Gary replied. "Well let's just check that we're in this Ponyville place" Nicolas said as he approached the sign beside the bridge. As Nicolas approached the sign, he was stopped in his tracks after a something jumped in front of him, it was a pink pony with a frizzy pink mane and blue eyes, she had a very cheerful smile as well, but Nicolas, Gary and Shaun became scared and then the pink pony said, "Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie" She greeted. The three men screamed, they have never seen anything like it, a talking horse. They all looked at each other, before looking at the horse once again, they stopped screaming as well, "Hey" She waved. All three of the men screamed again and then they ran away from the pink pony at the speed of a bullet. And so our drunk heroes have made it to Equestria, and from here they must have a good time, it's not like it can get any worse than talking ponies, can it?
Chapter 2: The King, The Cop And The ElectromanOur heroes run away into the forest, terrified of what they saw, how can an animal so adorable speak the tongue of man? Shaun, Nicolas and Gary had no idea how, they all stopped in the forest to catch their breath, well, Gary and Shaun did, Nicolas didn't, "What the bloody hell was that?" Gary loudly asked, his breath almost gone. "It was a talking pony" Shaun replied. "Don't be ridiculous, Shaun" Nicolas told him, "It can't have talked. We're all drunk, it's probably in our heads" "We should all be seeing different things, Nicolas" Shaun replied, "And if we all saw the same thing, it must be real" "Fucking hell" Gary exclaimed. "Alright let's just calm down and figure this out" Nicolas said, "There was that rift in the ground, there's a chance we've might gone through a portal" "Portal? You're talking rubbish, mate" Gary said. "Really? The Sun's out and there is talking horses" Nicolas replied. "Bugger. What if that portal was left by the Network?" Shaun questioned. Gary snapped his fingers, "That is most likely it" "I thought they left?" Nicolas asked. "They left Earth. I don't know about the rest of the universe" Gary told him. Gary went over to a nearby tree and leaned against it, he then pulled out a packet of cigarettes from one his trench coat pockets, and got out a cigarette and a lighter, he lit the cigarette and inhaled, "You got another one of those?" Shaun asked Gary. "Sure mate" Gary replied as he chucked the cigarette packet to him. "Thanks" Shaun said as he got cigarette out and chucked the packet back to Gary. Shaun leaned over towards Gary's lighter and Gary lit his cigarette, Gary then offered Nicolas a cigarette, "Want one, Nicolas?" Gary asked. "No thanks" He declined, "Don't like them" "Suit yourself" Gary shrugged. "So, should we think of a plan?" Shaun asked. "Well, I guess once you two have smoked your cigarettes, we should just stroll into town, and find out what the hell is going on" Nicolas replied. "You think the Network could be behind this?" Gary asked. "Don't know yet. I'm not jumping to conclusion just yet" Nicolas replied After their little break and planning, our faithful heroes finally decided to make their way into town, when the trio stepped onto Ponyville grounds, they were met with instant stares and quiet sobs from children who thought they were monsters. It was bad for the lads as well, they heard ponies mutter about them behind their backs, hearing them speak was enough to send shivers down our heroes' spines. "Just keep it together guys" Nicolas whispered. They where then stopped in their tracks again, and by the same pink pony who stopped them just a few minutes prior, "Hi!" She greeted, "I'm Pinkie Pie" Gary tipped his hat to the cheerful pony as a sign of greeting, he couldn't really express any words to what he was currently seeing, "Welcome to Ponyville" Pinkie told them, "I'll be glad to show you around town" "Em..." Shaun said. "Um..." Gary followed. "That would great, Miss Pie, thank you" Nicolas finished. "Follow me please" Pinkie told them. And so, Shaun, Nicolas and a still drunk Gary followed the pinkette around the town, she showed them the sights of Ponyville, the town hall, the library, among other sites, Pinkie was like a tour guide leaving wisecracks and silly comments at every place they came across, "Well, that seems to be everywhere in Ponyville" Pinkie told them, "I'll be in that library I showed you if you need to ask me anything" Pinkie said. "Thank you, Pinkie" Nicolas thanked her before she bounced off. "Holy fuck!" Gary exclaimed after she left, "That was the single most disturbing experience I've ever had, it's like when you trip on acid and it's a bad trip whilst watching the fucking Teletubbies" "What?" Nicolas asked, confused of Gary just said. "Nicolas, what's the plan now? We need to find a way to get back to London" Shaun asked and explained. "I know, Shaun. But I still haven't figured out what's happening yet" Nicolas replied. "We could go and see Pinkie at that library" Shaun optioned. "That's not a bad idea, Shaun. Yeah, let's see Pinkie" Nicolas replied. "Let's Boo-Boo!" Gary cheered as he went ahead of Shaun and Nicolas towards the library. Shaun and Nicolas then quickly looked at each other and shrugged at Gary comment, as if to say "What the fuck is the matter with Gary King"?. They made it to the library, Gary didn't express his opinion on it the first time he passed by it, but this time he said, "It's a tree, with a door on it and a few windows" "You need sleep, Gary. You're drunk and you're knackered" Nicolas told him. Shaun knocked on the door and then told Nicolas and Gary to be quiet by pressing the side of his index finger against his upper lip. Soon after he knocked on the door, it was answered by another pastel colored pony, though it was not Pinkie, it was instead answered by a purple pony with a horn sticking out of her forehead and had a dark violet fringe. She opened the door, and with her expecting ponies, she definitely didn't expect humans, "Em....Can I help you, sirs?" She asked them. "Yes, we're looking for Miss Pie" Nicolas replied, "Have you seen her?" "Yes, just a second please" She told them as she backed away from the door to get Pinkie. then a few seconds later she appeared. "Hello" She greeted. "Hi, Pinkie. Can me and my friends come in?" Shaun asked. "Sure" Pinkie said as she opened the door for our heroes. "Thank you" The three lads all said as they entered. They all saw other ponies in the library, they must be friends of Pinkie, the purple one was one of her friends, but the lads also saw a blue pony with wings and a rainbow mane, a yellow pony with wings as well, an orange one wearing a cowboy hat and a white one with an elegant purple mane, "I'm sorry to ask, but what is your names?" Pinkie asked. Nicolas was about to introduce the group, until Gary started first, "I, Miss Pie, am Gary King...." He paused, "....of the Humans" "Gary, what are you doing?" Nicolas whispered intensely. "These are my trusted disciples, Nicolas Angel the COp" Gary continued, "And Shaun Riley the..." Gary leaned over to Shaun and asked him, "Shaun, what did you do for a living?" Gary whispered. "I was an electronic salesman but I don't see wha-" Shaun began. "Shaun Riley the Electroman. And we request a book on trans-dimensional traveling please" Gary told Pinkie and her friends. Nicolas and Shaun looked at Gary with shocked expressions on their faces, Gary was indeed more drunk than the rest of the guys, so it's probably just the booze talking and not him, "There's a book on that kind of thing" Twilight said, "SPIKE! Can you get me a book on trans-dimensional traveling please" "Okay, okay.." Spike said as he stepped down from the upstairs. At this point Shaun looked at Spike with horror, the color drained from his face and then he collapsed at the sight of the dragon, and he was stone cold, Nicolas looked at Shaun, "Shaun, are you alright?" Nicolas asked when he noticed Shaun KO'd on the floor. Gary then felt like fainting as well, but not because he saw a dragon, but because his body out of it, the alcohol was making him feel that way, so he backed away and twirled over as he fell on his face, his arms reached out as he was falling, and ended up smacking an off-guard Nicolas with his right hand, knocking him out as well. All the ponies looked at the three men that laid on the floor, completely out of it, "Em...what the heck just happened?" Rainbow Dash asked
Chapter 3: No Beer?Shaun woke up in a different room of the library, he was on the floor, Nicolas was beside him, he was still out. Shaun shook Nicolas, waking him up, "Oww...my head" Nicolas uttered as he felt the side of his skull, where Gary accidentally hit. "You okay, Nicolas?" Shaun asked. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's wake Gary" Nicolas told him. Shaun and Nicolas looked to their side and saw that Gary was not there, he wasn't in the room, "Where the hell is Gary?" Shaun asked. "No idea, Shaun, maybe he already woke up?" Nicolas replied. Shaun and Nicolas stood up from the floor and they both approached the door that led out to the lobby, they noticed that they were still in the tree library, once they stepped out, they saw Gary sitting on a chair with the six ponies and Spike sitting around him, as Gary was sharing his dark and heartwarming story about his endeavors of the Golden Mile, "....Which is where it all went fuck up. It put Pete out of commission so we decided to bench him. In the end we blew off the last three pubs and headed for the hills. As I sat up there, blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes, knowing in my heart life would never feel this good again" Gary chuckled, "And you know what ladies? It never did for the next twenty-three years" "What happened after that, darling?" Rarity asked. "Well, after those twenty three years, I finally reunited my old friends to finish some unfinished business. Then about pub three, a bunch of robots invaded our town on our pub crawl and then basically the world ended" Gary replied. "But how did you become King?" Twilight asked. "King of the what?" Gary asked back. "The humans" Twilight replied. "What about them?" Gary asked. "How did you become King of the humans?" Twilight asked back. "Oh, the World's survivors was split into factions and I became King" Gary lied. Gary then turned around to see Shaun and Nicolas, "Guys, how are you doing?" "We're fine, Gary" Nicolas said. "You feeling alright, mate?" Shaun asked Gary. "Yeah, man. Come come, my disciples and let's share these ponies our tales" Gary replied and told them. "Actually, King Gary. Can you come here for a little bit?" Nicolas asked. "Sure" Gary replied. Gary got up and approached Shaun and Nicolas, who were standing at the door they exited, "Gary, what the hell are you doing with this 'King of the humans' shit?" Shaun whispered. "Look, I was drunk. Besides, if I didn't have sense of royalty about me they might've treated me differently, also, I managed to get some info on our current situation" Gary told Shaun. "Really?" Shaun asked surprised, "Do you know whose behind this?" "No, but they said that there is trans-dimensional traveling that is possible, but it's ancient and hard to do" Gary said. "Well nevertheless, great work, Gary" Shaun said, patting Gary on the back. "But there's got to be something to this though" Nicolas said. "Nicolas, just relax for a little bit" Gary told him, "We'll figure all this out later, it's too late for that now" "Bollocks, what's the time?" Nicolas asked. "About half ten" Gary said. "Damn" Nicolas replied. Gary then turned to face the ponies and then shouted from across the room, "Twilight, it's late. We're thinking of resting for the rest of the night" Gary told her. "I'm sorry, King Gary, but my home is full, I don't think it would be good if you slept on the floor" "Wait, Twilight. I know a place they could get a bit of shuteye at" Applejack told her. "Where?" Twilight asked. "You've got to be kidding me" Applebloom wailed, "Me, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were meant to be having a sleeping in the tree house" "Sorry girls, but it'll be too cold in the tree house in this season. I don't want you all freezing to death during the night" "Aww" The Cutie Mark Crusaders moaned. "Look, you can still sleepover back at the house, I'll make some apple strudel" Applejack told them. "Ooh" Sweetie Belle uttered. "That sounds good" Scootaloo added. "Can I have cream with it?" Applebloom asked. "Sure" Applejack smiled, "You three go ahead, I'll catch up" "Race you there" Scootaloo told her friends as she raced on. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle ran after her. Then Applejack whistled out to the trees, "Okay boys, you can come out now" Applejack told our hiding heroes. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary stepped out from behind the trees, they didn't want to scare the children, so they hid behind the trees until Applejack manage to talk them into going back to her house, "Was that your daughter?" Nicolas asked. "No, my sister" Applejack replied. "Oh right" Nicolas replied. "Well, um...guys, you should make yourself comfortable, they probably left pillows in the tree house, they're in there a lot. Are you guys wanting anything at all whilst you're in there?" Applejack asked. "Actually, have got any beer at all, if you don't mind me asking?" Gary asked. Applejack gave off a confused expression, she didn't know what "beer" is. It was an alien word to her, "What's that?" She asked. "You got to be fucking kidding me" Gary spoke. About two hours later, we see our three heroes in the tree house, sitting around a lantern after drinking the only source of alcohol they could come across, cider, Gary was not pleased that there wasn't his favorite beverage, as was Shaun, but they enjoyed the apple cider anyways, "What do you guys miss about home?" Shaun asked. "I don't miss it, it's a shithole now" Gary replied. "I mean before the Network" Shaun told him. "I miss going to my job" Nicolas said, "Being a police officer was my calling. I was great at it, too great. I was the best out the entire London police. Sandford was different though, that's when I met Danny, my best mate, I never really had friends before that, I learned after the whole Sandford murders that there's more to life than the job and that was good. But when the Network came, that just fucked everything over, my friends were gone and I had to give up my calling. I guess I just miss my job and my friends, I'm never going to get them back though" "I miss my family and friends as well" Shaun began, "Most of my family and friends died during that zombie pandemic. It was just me and my girlfriend Liz after that, we lived happily for the next nine years, I finally got married to her, once the Network came, she became scared..." Shaun said as he teared up, "...she became scared, so she killed herself" He sniffed, "I have no one now, I'm alone. I just miss everything" "Hey mate, it's alright" Nicolas told Shaun as he patted him on the back, "Gary, do you miss anything?" Gary was silent, he had to think about that for a second. What did he really miss? "I don't miss much actually. I kind of fucked up my life, I never grew up. Inside, I'm still a teenager, that led to me neglecting my mum, my friends, everything" Gary explained, "The Golden Mile was all I had. A pub crawl. A fucking pub crawl" Gary sighed, "I just live with the fact that I never did anything with my life, I was in rehab, I couldn't do what I want. Looking back on it, I just wish that I could've done something" The trio just sat there in silence after that, they didn't want to say anymore. They all about their lives before and after the Network, it just made them feel even more depressed. Gary then broke the silence, "I need to go for a piss" He quietly said. Gary then went down the ladder and then over towards another tree, he unzipped and was about to urinate, right before he heard a spine-chilling sound. A growl from the bushes, Gary then looked into the bushes and saw glowing yellow eyes from the darkness, "What the fuck is that?" He asked himself. The yellow eyes looked as if they were getting larger, but that only gave Gary time to notice that the creature with the yellow eyes was approaching Gary, it revealed itself from out of the shadows to show it was a wolf, a wolf made of sticks, it still looked dangerous and feral and Gary became frightened, "SHAUN! NICOLAS! GET OUT HERE!" He shouted. Shaun and Nicolas both came down the ladder and went over to Gary, "What is it!?" Nicolas loudly asked. "That" Gary replied as he pointed to the timberwolf. "The fuck is that?" Shaun yelped. "Don't know" Gary said. At this point , the shadows surrounding them all had yellow eyes glowing in them, a pack of timberwolves were going to attack the lads. Knowing what was going to happen, the let out their weapons. Shaun had Lucille out. Nicolas pulled out his baton. And Gary unsheathed his sword, Shinji. And the boys got ready for battle.
Chapter 4: Wolves Of TimberOur three heroes stood beside each other, facing all directions in which the timberwolves were closing in on. Gary unsheathed his sword, Shinji and was ready to kick some arse, as was Shaun with his cricket bat Lucille, which was still crusted with blood from his previous fights and Nicolas was definitely ready to battle, even with his police baton at his helm, well....if you put anything in Nicolas' helm and he's sure to hurt you with it, he's like Jason Bourne. Nicolas looked at the timberwolves, he remained calm as they closed in on him and his two friends. He had a plan of attack ready, "Shaun. Gary. Listen, I have a plan, but you need to listen..." Nicolas began. "FUCKING CHARGE!" Gary yelled before Nicolas could finish. "Gary!" Nicolas shouted, but Gary already charged forward. Shaun quickly looked at Nicolas and shrugged, "He wasn't going to listen if you told him anyways" Shaun mentioned. "You're right" Nicolas chuckled. Shaun then quickly nodded at Nicolas before going to fight his own little pack of timberwolves, leaving Nicolas to fight several on his own. He held the side handle of his baton and looked into the eyes of one of the timberwolves who was eyeing Nicolas up, "So..." Nicolas began, "Who wants the first bite?" The timberwolves growled at him and Nicolas gritted his teeth and a timberwolf pounced onto him, knocking him to the ground. The timberwolf tried nashing at his face with his teeth, but Nicolas restrained the wolf from chomping off his face by pressing his baton against the timberwolf's neck. Nicolas then found the strength to kick the timberwolf off of him, and then he shot himself up to fight the wooden beasts in front of him. And so, Nicolas strikes several blows to the timberwolves' wooden teeth with his baton, knocking a few of their teeth out, and with Nicolas' skill in several martial arts, he managed to perform several kicks to the timberwolves, some kicks being fatal which knocked their heads right off the roots that keeps their body parts together. Shaun used Lucille to his advantage, though using Lucille was rather difficult for him. He usually used Lucille for battering people to death back in his own world, and it was difficult as he couldn't beat wood (LOL) to death. He swiped Lucille across a timberwolf's jaw, knocking it back several feet from him. As for Gary, he was fighting with the power of alcohol, like that Jackie Chan movie in which your faithful narrator has sadly forgotten the title to, but I'll remember, I always do. But anyways, Gary armed himself with Shinji, then went all chop-suey on their arses, splitting some in half, others in quarters and others in eighths, and he was enjoying every single minute of it. Back to Nicolas, he was still using his martial art techniques to dodge the timberwolves that were coming in all directions, whilst occasionally throwing in a hit or two with his baton. He got pumped up fighting the beasts and decided to throw away his baton, and pulled out two revolvers from the many gun holsters that littered his body, he then pointed at two pouncing timberwolves and blasted their faces with his revolvers. Then Nicolas showed his true badass side, he spun the guns around his fingers like Revolver Ocelot from Metal Gear, he shot about eight timberwolves with dead-eye precision, "Nicolas! Watch the noise, it could bring more!" Gary shouted. "Fuck the noise, we'll kill them all" Nicolas replied, "Want a gun?" "Well, if you insist" Gary replied. As Gary approached Nicolas to get a gun, he tossed Shinji behind him and much to Gary's ignorance, Shinji landed on a timberwolf who almost got him. Nicolas then pulled out a shotgun for Gary and tossed it to him, Nicolas then quickly turned to Shaun who was struggling to fight off several timberwolves, "Shaun! Do you want a shotgun?" Nicolas loudly asked. "Yeah mate!" Shaun shouted back. Nicolas chucked Shaun a shotgun whilst he was holding back tinberwolves with Lucille, Shaun then cocked the gun with one hand then shot at timberwolves, killing two with one shot. Our three heroes then retreated slightly and said to each other, "Alright, guys. Let's blast them all to kingdom come" Nicolas said as he reloaded his weapons. "Fuck yeah" Gary cheered as he cocked his shotgun, "Groovy" "That sounds like a slice of fried gold to me" Shaun uttered. "Let's go!" Nicolas shouted. "YEAH!" Shaun and Gary cheered. Our heroes let out their battle cry and they stormed back to where the timberwolves were, only to find them, not there, "Em...where are they?" Gary asked. "Fuck, they must've left" Shaun replied. "Aww, bollocks, I wanted to use the shotgun more" Gary moaned. "Ah well, at least that was fun" Nicolas said. Shaun shrugged, "I guess" "Is there anymore cider?" Gary asked. "Have a check" Shaun told him. Gary nodded, then climbed up the ladder and peeped his head inside the treehouse and found no cider, "Fuck there's no cider left" Gary told them. "Should we get more?" Shaun asked. "Of course, let's go!" Gary said as he climbed down the tree and ran in the direction of the barn "Wait up Gary!" Nicolas called out as both he and Shaun chased after him. As our heroes now walk to the house on a quest for a cider, they were now talking about a subject which now can't be enjoyed again, movies and TV shows, "So Gary, what's your favorite movie?" Shaun asked. Gary pondered to himself, "Probably Fear and Loathing. Or maybe Big Lebowski, it's between those two" "Good choices" Shaun replied. "What about you Shaun?" Gary asked. "Me and my friend, Ed, used to watch a shit tonne of films together, my film taste is mixed, I love action films, my favorite is Battle Royale, but my girlfriend made me like romantic films and chick flicks, and I like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So I'm not sure what my favorite film is" Shaun explained, "Nicolas, you got a favorite?" "I'm not a big movie guy, but I like Point Blank and Bad Boys II" Nicolas told Shaun. "Classics" Shaun said. "I love them movies" Gary uttered. The trio almost made to the house, before being shouted at, "HEY" A loud gruff voice called. The three looked at what looked like a large red stallion, it was Applejack's brother, Big MacIntosh, "What the hell was that noise back there, and what the hell are you?" MacIntosh asked furiously. "That was these dog things" Gary replied. "Get the hell out of here!" Big Mac yelled, "You're trespassing on my family's land. "But your sister said we could stay at the..." Nicolas began. "I don't care, get the hell out here. Shoo!" Big MacIntosh shouted. What will happen next for our heroes? Will they be kicked out of the acres? Will Gary get his alcohol? We'll soon find out, your humble narrator promises. OH YEAH. It was Drunken Master I was thinking of! That's the Jackie Chan I was pondering about. Author's Note sorry about the long delay, I had exams
Chapter 5: The Iron Hotel"No, get the hell off my land!" Big Mac shouted at our heroes. "Listen, mate. Calm down, your sister said we can stay at the tree-house for the night and.." Nicolas began. "I don't care if....wait, how do ya know my sister?" Big Mac asked. Gary shrugged, "We just chatted I guess? Besides, you shouldn't hurt me, I'm a King" Nicolas closed his eyes tight, slightly aggravated by Gary's so-called "King-hood", "A King? King of what? I've never heard of you before" Big Mac told him. "Well, I'm King of.." Gary began. "He's King of the Humans, big brother" A southern female interrupted Gary, it was Applejack. Applejack went over towards her brother and our three heroes, "Oh thank fuck. Applejack, tell your brother you let us stay in the tree-house" Shaun said. "Is this true, Applejack?" Big Mac asked his sister. "Yes, I was going to tell you later, Big MacIntosh, but I guess I left it a 'lil too late" Applejack replied. "Great, we're all happy. Now, Applejack, is it possible we can get more ci-" Gary started. "Sorry, Your Grace, but you have to go" Applejack told our heroes. "What?!" Shaun, Nicolas and Gary all questioned in unison. "That noise was absolutely terrifying, you said it was wooden dogs?" Applejack asked. "Yes" Gary replied. "Those were Timberwolves. Now, I don't know what that noise was back there, and I don't want to know, but the kids were scared and it seems dangerous for you to be sleeping in the tree-house" Applejack told them. "But they won't be able to get us up there" Shaun said, "Won't they?" "Some of them are good climbers" Big Mac told him. "We can't risk it" Applejack said, "Ya'll need to find somewhere else to stay, I'm sorry" Our heroes were defeated. Not in combat by timberwolves, but were defeated by words, by a pony, a talking pony. Seriously, your humble narrator cannot stress this enough, Nicolas Angel was talked down by a freaking pony! But I'm sorry, your humble narrator is losing track. As our heroes stood there, with their blood still pumping from the fight with the stick canines, they realized that they once again had no place to sleep and no alcohol, "Well, thanks for your hospitality, Applejack" Nicolas nodded. "And for letting us stay in the tree-house" Shaun added. "And the cider" Gary finished. "You're welcome, Your Grace, and fellow disciples" Applejack replied. Our three heroes walked away, as they approached the dirt path that led back to Ponyville, our heroes were in fact being observed, not by Applejack or Big MacIntosh, but by three little fillies back at the house, "Hmm" pondered little Applebloom as she watched the trio walk away. "I wonder what beings they are?" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "I did hear Applejack call one of them 'King of the Humans'" Applebloom replied. "The Who-men?" Scootaloo asked. "No, the Hu-mans" Applebloom corrected her Pegasus friend. "We should help them, I think" Sweetie Belle said, "They were just wanting a few bottles of cider" "We can't sneak out at this time" Applebloom told her friend. "When has that ever stopped us from going out after curfew before?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Yeah, c'mon Applebloom" Scootaloo said. Applebloom gasped with an idea, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Human Helpers!" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo burst with excitement, "That's a great idea" Scootaloo said. "I'm in" Sweetie Belle added. "Okay then, girls, here's the plan..." Applebloom began. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary walked along the dirt paths of Ponyville. Thinking of a place where they could stay, that tree-house was their only good option and now they had nowhere to go, "We can't go into a hotel, because we have no money" Nicolas said. "We can't go back to the tree-house because of the timberwolves" Shaun added. "And worst of all..." Gary began. "...We have no cider" The trio spoke in unison. They continued to walk on the dark streets of Ponyville, they were bored, tired and thirsty. They walked in circles around the town, thinking of a place where they could sleep, "We could try sleep in a large dumpster" Shaun optioned. "Why?" Nicolas asked. "Well, back in London. There was these big massive dumpster bins, they were full of foam rubber so it was comfortable to sleep in" Shaun told him. "Nicolas, it really does seem like our best option, come one, when was the last time any of you have slept in a nice bed?" Gary asked. Shaun and Nicolas stayed silent after Gary asked that, and it was true, they haven't slept in a bed in fuck knows how long, they couldn't think of a time when they slept in a comfortable bed, "I thought so" Gary said. "Bollocks, guess we'll just have to find a bin then" Nicolas sulked. And so, our heroes scoured to find the last thing they would have think to find, a dumpster bin. It took them a good five minutes before they were able to find a dumpster to sleep in, they found one at the back of a bowling alley/pizzeria. The dumpster they found was about eight feet long and about five feet high, and it's breadth was also five feet, "Well, at least it's big" Gary shrugged, feeling optimistic about sleeping in it. "It's still a dumpster" Nicolas replied. "Oh come on, Nicolas. It could be comfortable" Shaun said. Gary went over to the dumpster and opened the lid to it, and inside, it strangely smelt of something tasty, "Well, fuck me" Gary uttered. "What is it?" Shaun asked. Gary dug deeper into the dumpster and then pulled out a flat box, "This. It's fucking pizza" Gary told them. "Put that back, Gary. It's probably ro-" Nicolas began before Gary opened the box, to reveal the pizza was fresh. "Rotten, you say, Nicolas?" Gary started, "I think not, this is a fresh pizza, topped with cheese, there's about five more boxes in there" Shaun jumped right to the opportunity and dived into the dumpster and got himself a pizza box, "I guess this is tea for the time being" Shaun said as he took a slice of pizza from the box. "Why is there just fresh pizza lying in a dumpster?" Nicolas asked to himself. "Well, it could be prank calls that happened and they just chucked them in the bin after they found they were prank calls" Gary answered his question. "Can I get a slice, mate?" Nicolas asked him. "Sure thing" Gary replied. After our heroes stomached a hearty feast of cheese pizza, they were now all, lying inside the dumpster, trying to get to sleep, but despite some comfortable trash bags they were using as pillows, they still couldn't sleep due to the sharp metal and glass pieces they had to lie on, "This is bollocks, man" Shaun uttered. "You're telling me" Gary replied. "At least the tree-house didn't have sharp objects poking at you" Shaun moaned. "You're right" Gary said. "Lads, just try to sleep through it, think about it, we've slept on worse thing" Nicolas told them. "True" Gary and Shaun said at the same time. "Right, night guys" Nicolas said. "Night mates" Gary added. "Night lads" Shaun finished. The three rested in the dumpster, they all closed their eyes and began to try to sleep.......right before they heard a knock at the metal of the bin, "Bloody hell, who's that?" Shaun asked. "I'll check" Gary told him. Gary popped his head out the top of the bin, saw who it was who was knocking on the bin, it was the police. Gary went back inside and told his "disciples", "Em...guys, it's the police" "What?" Nicolas questioned. "It's the police" Gary told him again. "Hello?" The police pony called from outside the bin, "Can you three step out please?" "Bollocks" Shaun and Gary simultaneously said. The trio all hopped out of the bin and then Nicolas asked, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" "We've heard some complaints from residents about three beings causing a racket over here. Sorry but we need to take you guys in" the officer told them. "Maybe we can get to sleep in jail?" Gary whispered to his friends. "What?" Nicolas quietly replied. "Think about it, it's either sharp objects poking us, or a roof over our heads" Gary told him. Nicolas and Shaun thought about that, and actually agreed with Gary, the two then glanced at each other, gave a slight nod in agreement. Then the trio all held out their wrists, "Cuff us" Nicolas ordered. "What? You guys aren't going to jail" the officer said. The three looked at him in confusion, "Then where are we going?" Gary asked. "A fucking pet pound!" Gary exclaimed. "Well, you guys aren't ponies, you're animals pretty much, we'll keep you here until we know what to do with you" the officer said before exiting with one of the pound's employees. "Wait, get back" Gary said. "Forget it Gary" Shaun told him. "Yeah mate, get some sleep" Nicolas added. "But the fucking dogs" Gary replied, talking about the dogs in there, continuously barking. "Try then" Nicolas said before laying down on the ground. Shaun laid on the ground as well. Gary sat at a chain fence door, listening to the sounds of dogs and inhaling the smell of shit. He sat there, annoyed at the sounds of the barking animals and then he also laid down and tried to go to sleep, right before he and his friends heard a clanging on the bar windows, "What the fuck is it now?" Gary asked aggravated. "Don't know. Let's check" Nicolas replied. "Fuck's sake" Gary exclaimed. And so, our three heroes got up, then went over to the bar window and pulled themselves up to see what was making the clanging, they all then saw, three little fillies outside their "cell", if you could call it that, "Hey, Your Highness" Applebloom called on Gary, "We got you and your friends some cider" "What? Wait aren't you Applejack's sister?" Gary asked. "Yeah, me and my friends thought we would help you escape" Applebloom told them. Our heroes hung from the bars, thinking of what plan of action they want to take. Will they agree to escape? Or will they get some sleep first? And when will Gary soon get peace? Your humble narrator promises it will be soon, I've never gone back on my word, except from that one time in Yugoslavia when I promised Kate Beckinsa- Well, you don't need to know about what happened back there. This is Shaun, Nicolas and Gary's story, not mine. And we will see more of our beloved heroes soon, and we might get a surprise appearance from a certain character(s) about three chapters time. Author's Note Fun Fact: Every time I write a chapter to this story, one of the Cornetto movies will always be playing in the background.
Chapter 6: A Breakout? (well, after breakfast of course)"We're here to bust you out, Your Highness" Scootaloo told Gary. "Not tonight, girls" Gary told them. "Aww, why?" The Cutie Crusaders asked. "Me and my disciples are tired, we have had a long, strange and somewhat scary day. Break us out tomorrow night, or in the morning, we're just really, really exhausted, you don't mind do you?" Gary asked them. "No, we don't mind" Sweetie Belle said. "We'll go back to the house then" Applebloom said as she and her friends turned around to leave. "Wait, don't leave yet, girls" Gary stopped them, "Can we have the cider please?" "Of course, Your Highness" Applebloom replied, "Sweetie Belle, can you levitate the bottles to them?" She asked her friend. "Of course I can" Sweetie Belle replied. Sweetie Belle used her Unicorn magic to levitate three bottles of cider to our heroes, they each took a bottle and then said, "Thanks" "We'll see you in the morning we guess" Scootaloo said. "Okay, bye girls" Nicolas said. Shaun and Gary waved bye through the bars as the CMC left back for Applebloom's house. After they left, our heroes sat back on the ground of their cell and sipped on their cider, "Well, at least we got more drink" Gary said as he raised his bottle. "Huh" Shaun uttered, "Yeah" He replied as he raised his. "We'll go to Twilight's tomorrow, and figure what the hell is going on and get back to London" Nicolas told them. "To getting home" Shaun said as he kept his bottle raised. "To getting home" Nicolas and Gary both replied as they raised their bottles. The trio tapped their cider bottles against one another's and simultaneously downed their drinks. Morning came after the loud night, our heroes were sleeping on the floor, Gary was sleeping on his face and knees, with his behind in the air, Shaun was sleeping whilst sitting up, and he wasn't leaning on a wall and as for Nicolas, he was the only one sleeping properly on the floor. Our heroes then heard the sound of a cockerel, it woke them all up. Gary shot up to his feet, "I'm fucking hungry" He uttered. "Uhh..." Shaun groggily adjusted to waking up, "Wha...what? I wan...I want to play Marvel vs. Capcom 2" He said in a daze. "That's a fantastic game. The greatest crossover fighting game ever" Gary said. Shaun stretched his arms out and Nicolas sat up, "Well, another day" Nicolas said to himself. "What was that mate?" Shaun asked as he finished stretching. "Nothing" Nicolas replied. Gary went over to the cell door and shouted out, "Can we get some breakfast please!?" "It's coming!" The guard pony told him. "Thanks!" Gary loudly replied. Gary went back to Shaun and Nicolas and sat down on the ground, "So what's the plan for today?" Gary asked. "We will try getting back home" Nicolas told him, "But we need to find who's behind this first" "Nicolas I know this is apart of your detective-like mannerisms but you do know we don't need to find out whose behind this" Shaun told him. "But we do" Nicolas replied, "What if they keeping on leading us to different places in London? What if we end up going through another portal? They're trying to trap us. We need to find out who they are and stop them before we go home" Nicolas explained. Shaun sighed, "You're right" "Well, we'll need to eat before we find out about it though" Gary cut in. "Right" Shaun said. Gary leaned back towards the door and shouted to the guard, "Can we get food now!?" Gary asked. "Yes, fine" The guard said as he approached their cell. The guard approached our heroes cell with three dog bowls and slid them underneath the gaps between the door and the floor. None of our heroes were happy with the food they got, as it was dog food, "What the fuck is this?" Gary asked. "Dog food" The guard pony said. "Mate, do I look like a fucking dog to you?" Gary asked intensely. "Em....no" The guard pony replied. "We demand a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast" Gary told him. "I can make toast, I don't know what bacon is and I don't really know why you would eat eggs" The guard told Gary. "You don't know what bacon is?!" Gary asked in shock. "Gary, calm down" Nicolas said. "Well, if it's meat, ponies don't eat it. We're all vegetarians" The guard pony said before departing, I'll sort you three some toast" The guard pony left them as Gary turned back to face his friends, "What kind of adorable hellhole have we stepped into?" Gary said, "They don't even know what bacon is" BUT MEANWHILE..... The Cutie Mark Crusaders were conjuring a plan to break out our beloved heroes out of their stinky and loud prison. Let's say that even your humble Narrator, undoubtedly the smartest guy that I personally know, would never have thought of their plan to break out our heroes. Their plan is so complex, so ideological, so fool-proof that even Wile E. Coyote couldn't fail this plan, "So when are we getting the cherry bombs from Snips and Snails?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Soon" Applebloom replied. Oh, maybe I was wrong. I guess their plan could fail, in a lot of ways. We'll see how it plans out. Shaun, Nicolas and Gary were now feasting on their breakfast, slices of toast, with butter, "Do you know how long it's been since I've had a slice of toast?" Gary asked. "No, how long?" Shaun asked. "Two years" He replied. "Well, when's the last time any of us have had anything good and editable that isn't veg or pub snacks?" Nicolas asked. "Well, I went down to Abroath once after the Network left" Shaun replied. "In Scotland?" Nicolas questioned. "You traveled down to the eastern south of Scotland and you had what?" Nicolas asked. "Smoked kipper, it was brilliant" Shaun told them, "They have their own smoked kippers that different from other ones they said, so with me being bored, I traveled to Aberdeen and got myself three kippers, they called them 'smokies'" "And when was this?" Nicolas asked. "About three months ago" Shaun told him. "Okay, new plan when we get back to London, we're traveling to Abroath and we're getting ourselves three smokies, each" Gary said, "You guys up for it?" "Yeah, mate" Shaun said as he fist bumped Gary. "I'm up for it. Haven't been to Scotland in ten years" Nicolas said. "Alright then, it's a plan" Gary said. And then, to our heroes' surprise, the guard pony knocked on the chain fence cell door, "What is it?" Shaun asked as he turned around to look at the guard pony. "Eat your food quickly. Six mares have came to bust you out" The guard pony told them. "Oh really?" Gary questioned. "Yeah" The guard pony said. And so, our heroes found themselves in the presence of the Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Most of them had confused expressions on their faces, "What happened last night?" Twilight asked, "How did you guys end up here?" "We slept in a dumpster full of a pizza, we were making a racket apparently" Gary told her. "How did you know we were here?" Nicolas asked Twilight. "We saw a poster of you three outside here, whilst we were trying to find yous" Twilight replied. "Yeah, it said 'do these animals belong to you'?" Rainbow Dash told them. "We don't belong to anyone" Gary said, "We are free men" "Yeah" Shaun nodded. "Well, we'll make sure that doesn't to you again, darling" Rarity told them. "Thank you, Miss Rarity" Gary said. "Oh, we have good news as well, boys" Twilight remembered, "Our Princess leaders over in Canterlot told me they have books about ancient trans-dimensional traveling that could help you get back home" Our heroes felt relieved, they needed info on how to get home, but whilst Shaun and Gary were happy with this information, however, our stern cop badass in Nicolas Angel felt underwhelmed, he still wanted to find out about who put the portal in their world in the first place, "But what about finding out who did sent us here, mates?" Nicolas asked. "Oh yeah...." Gary remembered. "Maybe we can find out about that when we get to..." Shaun paused, "Where did you say the Princesses where again, Twilight?" "Canterlot" Twilight replied. "Yes, that" Shaun said. "Well then, we'll go to Canterlot" Gary said. "But Gary..." Nicolas tried to say. "You mean King Gary or Lord Gary" Gary smirked. "My Lord, we should really find who did it around here" Nicolas seethed his teeth angrily. "It's a small town, Nicolas" Gary said, "But I'll go through with Shaun's plan to Canterlot" "Fine" Nicolas gave up. "To CANTERLOT!" Gary shouted. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were back at the wall behind our heroes' cell was, only for them not to be there, but the Crusaders don't know that, "Hey, your Highness, we're going to bust you out using these special Cherry Bombs from Glascow" Scootaloo said as she folded her ear and waited for a response. "Your Highness?" Sweetie Belle asked. "They're not freaking out that we bombs, so they must be fine" Scootaloo told her friends. "Okay, Your Grace, best stay back, these bombs are gonna blow the bars off your windows" Applebloom told our heroes who weren't there. "Sweetie Belle, levitate the bombs onto the windowsill" Scootaloo told her friend. "Right" Sweetie Belle replied and followed her order. Sweetie Belle levitated three bombs and placed them between three bars, "Should I light them now?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Yes" Applebloom nodded. Sweetie Belle uses her Unicorn magic to lit the three wicks of the three Cherry Bombs, "Okay, girls, stand back" Applebloom told them. And so the Crusaders backed and hid in the bushes, they covered their ears with their hooves and were awaiting the explosion. And let's say, your humble narrator enjoys a good explosion once in a while.
