Human Pinkie and me save Equestria

by LittleBoyBlue

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Romance, Comedy, Random
Length: 1066

Human Pinkie Pie and me fall in love. And no, this is NOT a clop. (Crackfic)

The result of listening to saloon music at 2:30 in the morning. I give you, my first completed fic. It's me and Pinkie, falling in love faster than you can say "Chihuahua". Oh and then Pinkie and me save the world and stuff.
Side note this is a serious Crackfic

This story kinda sucks

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-18 08:10:06 UTC

Let's get this over with

I woke up to one of the strangest sights I've ever woken up to. There I was, lying in the middle of a field, doing absolutley nothing. Suddenly, I noticed a pink pony bouncing towards me.

"The hell?" I said.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pony said excitedly to me. "You must be new here!"

"I actually am," I replied. "Where the frick am I?" I had no idea how I got here.

"You're in the greatest place ever known! Ponyville!" Pinkie replied.

I groaned. "Great, I'm stuck in Equestria."

"Hey! How'd you know the name of our home?" Pinkie asked suspiciously.

"Okay plot twist!" I yelled inexplicably. Suddenly, a ginormous flash engulfed all of the planet. As I opened my eyes, I was a bit confused as to why nothing changed. Then I saw Pinkie. Took a while to calm myself down. There she was, TOTALLY naked. Want a physical description? She had a sorta pale skin color, but her eyes and hair stayed the same. Her tail was gone, BUT MAN OH MAN BOOBS!!!

How can she walk those?

Where am I going with this?

Anyways, I also (obviously) checked out her hips. She was pleasantly curvaceous and strangely had her cutie-mark on the sides of her thighs, though they were faded. She had cute small feet, coupled with the most beautiful face I have ever laid eyes upon. As we can tell already, I have a crush on human Pinkie, and this paragraph is getting too long.

Anyho, Pinkie smiles at me, oblivious at the moment.

"What's wrong with you? You look like you're being interrogated by a big meanie."

In response to the incredibly lame allusion I made her say, I simply decide to just save myself a lot of time.

"My name is Daniel and I find you VERY attractive right now." I said, putting on my best Joey Tribbiani face. Keep in mind, my best is mediocre, but who cares about the author anyways? "To quote the great Ron Burgundy: You have an absolutley BREATHTAKING heiney. That thing's good. I wanna be friends with it."

Pinkie blushed while she giggled. "Silly Danny! You can't be friends with a bottom! You can be friends with me though!"

WTF am I reading? the reader of this fanfic asks his or herself. How'd I go from [Insert your favorite fanfic here], to this steaming pile of sh-

Well, I'm just gonna go with the theory of "Great minds think alike" and stick with that. Why not.

Anyho, I decided to cut the mustard with her.

"Pinkie, you're a human like me now."

Pinkie gave me a confused look, then looked down to see her new body.

"Oh my gosh..." She then fondled a certain part of her chest.

"You have these too?" she asked.

"Well, not exactly..." I began.

Suddenly, my lesson on human anatomy was interrupted by a giant Super-Mecha Flying Bearadactyl that I saw in an iFunny post a while back. It roared in ferocity, as it quickly started terrorizing the new populace of humans. They all ran about, frightened over both the Bearadactyl and their new bodies. Breasts met against breasts everywhere, and the occasional ding-a-ling, considering the fact that males are virtually non-existant in this egalitarian co-dictat-I MEAN monarchy. This event led to some widespread blushing and conflicted feelings that would set the foundation for the whole entire idea that us Bronies ship females together. Not cause of some eloquent, well rehearsed ideal, but because the male to female ratio is, well, very very low. I notice I'm babbling again, and I'm using a lot of commas. Well, I frankly don't care my good reader. I'm just surprised you've stayed this far in the story.

Anyho, there I was, trying to tame the Bearadactyl with my bear hands. Think that's a spelling mistake? Wait, did I skip some deets? Eh, doesn't matter. I'll bring ya up to speed: I transformed into the motherfrickin' Batman and started riding that mother like an unbroken stallion. Ironic.

Anyho, yeah, I'm Batman. At the same time, I was psychologically beating my opponent by repeating the phrase "HARVEY DENT..." over and over again.

Eventually, the Bearadactyl comitted suicide, because he couldn't take the struggle anymore brah. Then everyone cheered as I levitated in front of them. Pinkie ran up and gave me a kiss. Equestria is now full of humans, me and Pinkie got married, and had 7 children.

Why 7 you ask?

I dunno. Lucky 7 I guess.

As Jewish people say: "Oy vey!"

Wait, what's that you're asking?

How could I possibly expect people to read this garbage?

Well I don't.

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This is gonna be a stain on my otherwise lazy record.

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Here's some stuff I missed. Since the ponies are already used to running naked, they continue to do so, occasionaly putting on some clothes that Rarity makes. Also, Princess Celestia has bigger breasts than Princess Luna. Cadance is ehh. Why am I talking about breasts? You came here for an epilogue.

Anyho, it was the day of our honeymoon. Me and Pinkie have planned this since we've got engaged. I look at her, as she packs her things. The sun perfectly illuninates her hair, as she maintains that same smile that she has every day. I love her so much, I feel so lucky to ha-

WAIT! the reader says. Do you expect me to read this part of the story when you failed to show us major plot details, had a lack of structure, and overall made a sucky story?

You're right. I'll just get straight to the point: Me and Pinkie went to McDonalds back in my world for our honeymoon, because Fresno was too expensive. Then, after chompin' on cheeseburgers, we went to a hotel and played the "dance with no pants". Then she got superpreggers and had 7 children.

The end.

The reader sighs. Once again, you've skipped over major points. First, you forgot to describe how she would react to the human world. Second, you forgot to mention how you GOT back to your world. Third-

And that's all the time we have today folks! Tune in next week to see me have an orgy with almost all the mares (now turned humans) in Equestria. If ever do write that story. Probably won't.

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