“AAACHOOO!” Tissues went flying into a tornado from the violent gust of wind. Another was pulled from a box to suffer death by snot as a cerise muzzle attempted to blow her nose. ‘Attempt’ being the key word since her sinuses were well and truly clogged. “Why me?” Cheerilee moaned to herself, “Why couldn’ disp habben tuh somepuneh elshe?” Her mood wasn’t improved by how the pile of recently vanished pills nearby should have kicked in five minutes ago. She was currently wrapped up in a huge blanket, surrounded by tissue boxes with the television on some old documentary about Zebrica.
She heard a knock on the door, or maybe that was just her pounding head. “Cohme een.” She tried to shout. The door swung open to reveal a few ponies she had run into on the street, and by that she meant caringly kidnapped her back home so she could rest and not work. “Hey sis, I got you a pot of mom’s noodle soup.” Berry Punch said, carrying a small insulated pot on her back.
“Danks, sis.” Cheerilee tried to smile. Mom’s soup always did make her feel better, “Pud id on da shtove.” She turned to the other pony standing in the doorway, “’ey, Twiligh’. You do da shtuff?” Great, now the cold was getting to her brain.
Twilight smiled, “Yes, I wrote to the school board to request for a substitute, they should be replying soon.”
“Danks. Dose kids need ta shtudy.” Quickly, Cheerilee grabbed another tissue as a sneeze tried to sneak up on her. “Bleh, I hate dis.”
“It sounds as bad it looks.” Twilight commented. She double checked to make sure that she had her sanitation shield up. As caring as she was, she wasn’t about to suffer alongside her. “It’s a shame that it had to happen right before school.”
Berry chuckled, as she served the soup, “I bet that’s how diseases work. They find a victim, learn their schedule, and then strike at the best opportunity to inconvenience you the most.” Twilight levitated a bowl over to Cheerilee’s blanket igloo as she prepared to give a lecture on how diseases actually work, but she was interrupted by a familiar, and often unwelcome, voice.
“Quite right my dear Berry, you should be a scientist. Equestria needs your opinions on science.” A talon snapped and Berry found herself wearing a lab coat and pointing to a skeleton of a certain draconequus. The skeleton’s jaw moved, “Didn’t you know that bacteria follows the five second rule?”
“Discord, cut it out. That’s not how microorganisms work!” Twilight said, frowning at the very unreal statement.
The skeleton somehow rolled it’s nonexistent eyes, “You always have to take the fun out of my ideas.” In a flash, Discord reappeared fully fleshed out and wearing a biohazard suit. “I happened to be nearby when I heard Berry’s little opinion. Now, if I’m not mistaken, it seems our local teacher seems to be out of commission. Have you looked for a substitute? It would be a shame if those poor foals couldn’t learn.”
“Yes. Yes we have.” Twilight said warily, “Why are you so interested?”
Discord gave her a bemused look, “What? You think I just appeared one day, knowing all that I know?” He said, looking offended, “I’ll have you know, Little Miss Student, that I am quite edu-macated. Here’s proof!” He reached into Cheerilee’s closet and pulled out a whip. With a crack of the whip, it turned into an official looking diploma. “See? I clearly have credentials to back up my position.”
“This is written in crayon and glitter.” Twilight deadpanned, “Also, it’s just a picture of you wearing a graduation cap and gown?”
“Only you would make expectations of a degree in Chaos.” He scoffed, before handing it to Cheerilee as she sneezed again. “Besides, I’m more surprised why you aren’t going to teach these students.”
Twilight looked away, “Because, as Celestia’s student, I still have my own research to do. I also have no experience teaching. I could tutor a few foals, but not a whole class.”
Honk! Cheerilee sneezed. “Naht ta menshun that she t’ied once an’ all da foals fell ashleep ‘cuz a ‘er ‘lesson plan’.”
“Hey, my lesson would have worked just fine if they had payed attention!” Twilight interjected as Discord and Berry tried not to laugh.
Now Cheerilee stared at her, “For college shtudents, maybe. Not inattentive foals.” Twilight huffed and grumbled about how she could teach foals if they paid attention for more than five minutes.
“Heheheh. Well, knowing how boring Twilight can be with education, how about I make a suggestion?” Discord said as he put a dunce cap on the alicorn, “I know a delightfully fun teacher who could easily teach your student while you’re sick.”
Cheerilee wasn’t sick enough to be stupidly trusting, “Whad’s da catch?” she got out before another sneeze.
“Oh, you ponies are so distrustful. Can’t you tell I’ve been reformed?” A halo, two white wings and a divine light appeared around him. Seeing the lack of change on their faces he added, “The only thing I’m getting out of it is that I would find it very entertaining.”
“I dunno.” Berry interjected, “You aren’t exactly known to be helpful. Why the sudden change?”
“Well, my sober companion,” Discord said, appearing over Berry’s shoulder, “Change is a fundamental part of Chaos. Without it, it’s like standing water and that wouldn’t be good for anypony, but I digress. It’s dear Cheerilee’s decision to make.”
Cheerilee stared blearily from Discord to the soup and tissues in front of her. After a few minutes and a couple sneezes, she said, “As long as dey can ‘andle foals, it’s fine.”
Discord grinned manically, “I knew you’d make the right choice. I’ll have her come by first thing tomorrow!” He snapped his talon and vanished. Twilight started to protest, but Cheerilee held up a hoof.
“Not a word, Twilight. I’m too sick to ‘ear you lecture me.”
“But, why?” she asked.
“Wid foals, ib’s importan’ dey hab fun while dey learn.” Cheerilee explained with a smirk.
“I have a question though.” Berry said, “Was it just Discord, or did you actually have a whip in your closet?”
“….Discord.” she answered, hiding her face with the bowl of soup.
*****
The next day, the foals of Ponyville elementary found themselves at their desks waiting for Miss Cheerilee to arrive. Five minutes in and no teacher in sight, the students started to wonder.
“I bet she was abducted by aliens!” Snips shouted.
“Nuh uh, she probably slept in.” Pipsqueak countered.
“Do teachers sleep in?” Scootaloo pondered
“No way, she’d have to be a robot to sleep in.” Snails reasoned.
And so the objections and assumptions flew, with the occasional insult from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. In the middle of it, Applebloom’s ears flicked towards the door, catching a sound. “Hey, everypony quiet! I hear something.”
“The sound of your missing cutie mark?” Diamond Tiara sneered.
“No, the sound of shut up, ah’m trying to listen.” Applebloom retorted. There was a soft rumble in the air, as if it was a large dragon growling and it was getting louder. Getting out of her seat, Applebloom trotted to the window and scanned for the source. She soon found it as a large yellow beast that chugged up the road. It didn’t look like a dragon at all, but more like a machine with some mysterious purpose. It was covered in strange pictures and had glass windows set into the sides of it.
“What is that thing?” Sweetie asked. Apparently, everypony had gotten up to look through all the windows after Applebloom did.
“Ah’ve no idea.” Applebloom answered, “D’ya think it’s dangerous?”
Sweetie didn’t answer as the metal beast pulled into the schoolyard and stopped with a screech. One side of it opened up and a strange creature with even stranger clothes stepped out. It also had a green lizard on its shoulder. As it approached the school, the foals scrambled back into their seats, just in case it was a substitute. The last foal reached his seat at the door opened.
“Good morning, class!” a high pitched voice rang out, oozing with enthusiasm about education, “I’m your teacher for the day as yours is sick with the flu.” It giggled, “She did sound a bit hoarse when I met her.” The creature stood on two legs and had no hair except for that orange beehive-like mess on its head. From the voice, it seemed to be a female, and was currently decked out in a dress covered in books, rulers, pencils, and other learning tools. Even her earrings were open books. Her lizard jumped off her shoulder and crawled around on the desk.
Everypony, including Diamond and Silver, were stunned speechless. This was their substitute teacher?
Sweetie was the first to break the silence, “Who’re you?”
The creature said, “I’m Miss Frizzle, Sweetie. I’m going to be teaching you today.” Sweetie was a bit spooked at how she knew her name. “So what topics was your teacher going over?”
“We were going over how we should all just go out and play.” Scootaloo lied, “We didn’t need to learn anything for a while.” Every foal knows that most substitutes are easy to con.
Miss Frizzle leaned down and booped the pegasus, “Nice try, Scootaloo.” She returned to the desk where the lizard was trying to juggle the apples left there by the foals, “However, going outside wouldn’t be so bad. In fact, I believe we should go on a field trip!” she shouted with enthusiasm, her earrings blinking with light.
“A field trip?” the entire class echoed in confused unison.
“But of course.” Miss Frizzle said, walking towards the door, “As I always say, take chances, make mistakes, and get messy! To the bus!” On that note, she left the building, leaving the foals in silence.
“We should probably follow her.” Sweetie said, getting out of her chair and trotting towards the door. Some of the other foals started to do the same.
“Well, I’m not going. Who knows what that weird teacher will do?” Diamond complained, with Silver agreeing.
“Suit yourself.” Scootaloo said, leaping out of her chair, “Hope your dad understands that during your next detention.”
Diamond tried not to flinch. If she got detention, then her dad wouldn’t be happy. She had been hoping to get that new dress this weekend. “On second thought, I might go. It would be bad if somepony wasn’t there to make fun of your blank flanks.” She and Silver got up to join the line of foals.
Applebloom was the last to get out of her seat. She quickly caught up to her friends and said, “Am I the only one who has a bad feeling about this?”
Author's Note
Brace your childhoods, its going to be a bumpy ride!
So this fic was inspired by this comic
I haven't seen this idea done before, and admit it, you wanted Miss Frizzle as your teacher.
Here's how it's going to work. I want you guys to vote on what field trips the kids go on. This will happen after every arc. Also, do you want each trip to be one long chapter or a series of smaller chapters?
Special thanks to Thardoc
Cheerilee couldn’t prove it, but she knew that damned draconequus was responsible for it. She raced for the school house the moment she could stop blowing her nose every minute. All the way, she hoped and prayed that the school wasn’t in shambles, or worse, like she imagined every second that she was sick. If it wasn’t for the annoying care her sister had given, she would have marched up to her desk, cold or not.
“But I would have done the same to her or any of my students.” she said with a sigh, rounding another corner. “A sick student can’t learn properly, after all.”
A fence jump and cut across the park later, Cheerilee skidded to a halt in front of the steps to the school. She took a moment to compose herself and slow down her thumping heart.
‘Just go in, assess the damage, and then return tenfold to Discord. Per student.’ she thought. With a deep breath, she pushed the door open and was greeted with probably the strangest sight in her entire career.
“I’m out of glue!”
“There’s some over here.”
“Can you pass the tape?”
“Did I do this right?”
“It’s leaning too much!”
Cheerilee had to smack herself to make sure she wasn’t asleep, or still sick. Each one of her students were sitting at their desks working on a small project. She wasn’t quite sure on what as the constructions varied from biology to geology to even astronomy. The weirdest thing was the creature standing on her desk to hang stars from the ceiling with the help of a lizard. If Cheerilee had to guess, that was Discord’s substitute.
“What is going on here?” Cheerilee said.
That got the substitute’s attention. “Oh look, class. It seems your teacher taught her terrible flu a lesson!” The substitute leaped off the desk and extended a hand. “Pleased to meet you, I’m Ms. Frizzle. I would have met you earlier but we got a little distracted.”
For reasons Cheerilee couldn’t understand, the whole class burst into giggles. She extended her hoof in greeting. “Not a problem.” she said with her most polite smile. “I’m glad somepony could come on short notice. If I may ask, what’s going on? This wasn’t in the curriculum I had delivered.” She had sent Twilight over with the papers, and also to check on the new teacher, but that turned up with little result.
Ms. Frizzle laughed. “Oh, that thing? I read it, but I felt that the students could use a bit of interactive learning.”
“We went on a lot of field trips!” Applebloom said as she tried to tape another leg on her ant model.
“It was so cool! Did you know friction is what keeps us from sliding all over the place?” Rumble said.
“And stars are huge balls of hot gas packed like a snowball! They take, like, forever to make!” Diamond Tiara held up her cross section model of the sun.
The other students added in their own facts and tidbits about various things. Needless to say, Cheerilee was stunned. She would count herself lucky if everypony would pay attention for most of the day. But to show this much enthusiasm? It was unheard of.
“Settle down, class.” Ms. Frizzle said, and which the class obeyed, returning to their work. “As you can see, my methods have yet to fail me. After all that learning, I figured it was best to have them show you everything they know.”
“This is incredible. Here I was worried that they were in danger. I guess Discord really did pull through.” Cheerilee said, then turned to Ms. Frizzle. “Thank you again. I don’t suppose I can call you up again if I need to?”
“Anytime, dear. Anytime.” As Ms. Frizzle headed towards the door, she waved to everyone, Goodbye class.”
“Goodbye, Ms. Frizzle!” they all said in unison. And with that, the strange teacher was gone.
Not missing a beat, Cheerilee stepped forward. “Now, class, will anypony like to explain what’s going on?”
“Ms. Frizzle said we should try to show what we learned on our field trips!” Featherweight said.
“I see. How many field trips did you all go on?”
“So many!” he said.
“It felt like a year since we’ve seen you!” Sweetie Belle said.
“I suppose it has.” Cheerilee looked over the various projects again. “Alright class, for the rest of the day, I want you to work on your projects and we will start presenting them in three days. Make sure you have a good report for me and the class too. I want to hear all about what you learned on these field trips.”
Author's Note
I know this isn't what you were expecting, but I might as well just say what we were all thinking.
Yeah, this fic is dead.
I'm not going to blow up this author's note with my ranting so i'll link it in a blog post. Also, if you want to see what I had before this, it will be in the same post.
Eulogy and Edits
