Why... Why did this happen?

He was so full of energy when I last saw him a month ago... so full of life.

The only other pony in my immediate family...

The only other pony to witness my cutie mark, my coming of age.

And now? he's gone forever...

...

So why...

Why can't I feel anything?

Two hours earlier

The day started out normal enough. Weather and wind duties went flawlessly and apple bucking only had one incident involving the crusaders. Even after that, Zephyr still had a fair a mount of energy. he recognized that he probably wouldn't ever get to Pinkie Pie's level of energy like Twilight said, but energy is energy.

Speaking of Twilight, Zephyr found out from her personally that she eavesdropped on the story he told Spike last night.

"You could of just knocked and listened to me inside." While Zephyr had an annoyed look, it was more disappointment than actually being upset at Twilight.

She bows her head in shame. "I'm Sorry, it's just that... I was worried about Spike, yet I didn't want to interrupt you. D-did that story really happen?"

That got a heavy sigh. "Yeah. Don't worry, my irritation comes from your act of eavesdropping, not you actually hearing the story. That being said, I'd prefer it if you don't spout off about it willy nilly. I would rather avoid others casting a critical eye on my mom."

"Is it okay if I share it with my friends? I want them to know the lesson I learned hearing it." Seeing my confused look, she elaborated, "What you went through with your mom was something that almost happened to me and Spike. I want to make sure nopony else makes the same mistake. It's something nopony should have to go through..."

"That was the reason why I told it to him. Nopony should ever go through what we went through. I had hoped to use my own bitter memories to prevent more from being created."

I still can't believe I cried a little after that. I'm supposed to be stronger than that. After all, colts don't cry until it's all over.

Twilight smiles before giving Zephyr a hug. "Thank you, Zephyr. I promise to hold your lesson in my heart, always." His heart felt lighter at those words as he nods to her before she walks away.

Zephyr went back to his happy, energetic self and trotted off for a pleasant stroll.

"U-um, Zephyr?" He looks over and saw he was greeted by Fluttershy with the headache he hated feeling.

"What can I do you out of?" No headache was going to get the better of Zephyr this day.

"I-I just wanted to thank you for the ticket to the concert. N-nopony has ever given me something like that, y-yet I kept forgetting to thank you for it until now." Looking up, she did her best to give Zephyr a cute smile.

The word choice made Zephyr tilt his head in confusion. "Do you not like things like that?"

"Oh, I do! I-I mean... n-not really. Any place with big crowds scare me."

I can relate to her somewhat. Especially if the attention is on me.

"But I-I couldn't turn down your offer. This ticket must of taken a lot of effort to get."

After giving her an apprehensive look, Zephyr decided to be honest with her. "It actually didn't because my mom sent them to me. And you know you don't have to go if you don't want to."

That got a squeak out of Fluttershy before she shakes her head quickly. "N-no, it's fine. Maybe there will be animals there that have a love for pony music."

"If you're sure about it then--"

"Hey... Zephyr..." The two look up to see Ditzy flying in from above, albeit clumsily. It would of been slightly funny if it weren't for the sad expression on her face.

"What's up? That face is unlike you."

"I... have a letter for you. Special... delivery." The way she choked it out... Zephyr's boundless joy and energy instantly turned into fear.

When she brought out a black envelope and gave it to Zephyr, Fluttershy felt her heart drop out of her chest. "N-no, t-thats..."

Zephyr didn't need Fluttershy's reaction to feel like something dropped a weight on his own heart. Opening the envelope, he started reading the letter inside.

He only managed to read the first sentence before bolting with speeds not seen since his race with Rainbow Dash, which cause the two mares to squeak in fright at the sudden gust of wind. The message on the letter he left behind firmly engraved in his mind, played on repeat.

Dear Zephyr;

Your grandfather, Spearwing, has contracted a deadly variant of the feather flu, and currently lies in the Canterlot main hospital.

Who had sent it didn't matter to Zephyr. All he cared about was reaching Canterlot as fast as he could. He didn't even bother with the train, believing it served only to slow him down from reaching Canterlot.

I have to reach him...

The hour and a half journey left his wings burning in pain, but Zephyr didn't care. Remembering when his grandpa took him on a tour through the city, he figured out where the hospital was and rushed straight to it.

Grandpa... please be alive...

Zephyr burst suddenly into the front entrance of the hospital, much to the shock of the mare at the front desk.

"My grandpa... Spearwing... where is... he?" Zephyr was out of breath.

"Sir Spearwing? Room 124 to your right." Zephyr give her a quick nod of thanks before hurrying as fast as he could down the hall without actually running.

When Zephyr reached the room, the familiar beeping of the heart machine hits his ears. After entering the room, another sound, one he had hoped to never hear, entered his ears as he approached Spearwing.

The sound of life support, pumping painkillers into his system so that he may rest comfortably while attempting to make up for the possible failure of one of his organs.

Harpsong was there too and she had been looking like she's trying to put on a strong front but failing.

Zephyr couldn't believe it, but he couldn't recognize him at first. He used to be a bright, golden yellow, despite his age, with a white mane. Now his coat is a lackluster grey and his once cerise eyes were now dull.

As Zephyr approached with pain in his heart, Harpsong looked up at him, now on the verge of crying. "He... hardly recognizes anypony anymore... He is constantly in pain, despite what they are giving him."

"He was so healthy when I saw him a month ago." Zephyr almost choked the words out. Walking to Spearwing's side, he grabs the hoof that was close to him and held it tight. "Why... why did this happen?"

"... Zey...phr..." He's suddenly looking at me, his eyes showing a bit more life than before, like he had been staring off into nothing earlier.

"Grandpa... I'm sorry for not coming sooner. I--" Zephyr was fighting desperately to keep his emotions in check, but it was a losing battle.

"It's okay, child." He smiles before going into a coughing fit. "It's not your fault."

"I... I..."

"Think about it," he whispered. "You finally have more than one friend who values you for who you... are." His eyes flutter, like he's trying to stay awake. The heart monitor starts beeping slower.

"It's meaningless without you or mom."

He shakes his head slightly. "I always told you, child. I wouldn't be around forever." He takes in a ragged breath before continuing, "Value the friends you have... made. They will be... your support."

"D-dad..." Zephyr head Harpsong sobbed behind him, no longer able to contain her own emotions.

"I'm... sorry you two... had to see me... like this."

"W-what?"

"Just remember what I've always told you. You are who you... are... and nopony... can...change..."

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

It was an instant that felt like a millennia. When the hospital staff rushed in to try and save him, the two family members got out of the way. For a full minute, they waited to the side.

"... I'm sorry. He's gone." The message that nopony ever wanted to hear. Harpsong clutched Zephyr while crying into his neck. Yet despite all the emotion he was showing earlier, Zephyr simply stared listlessly at the body that was once his grandfather.

He bore witness to my cutie mark... my coming of age.

Inside, Zephyr wanted to feel he was all torn up, yet...

Why can't I cry..?

Why... do I suddenly feel... nothing..?

It's been three days since Zephyr returned from Canterlot, but he had yet to open up. The day he returned, he brushed off his friends, who were happy to see him after a long absence, and locked himself in his house for the rest of the day. The dead-eyed look he had was immediate cause for concern.

Even after that, he never came out to work on the weather with Rainbow Dash on his own, or to help Applejack with her farm. Not even the Cutie Mark Crusaders have seen him outside a lot, much to their sorrow. The only time anypony would ever see him is when they visit his house, which was seldom, or if he got nudged out to do his job.

All encounters were the same: a listless look in his eyes, a monotone voice, and an unwillingness to do anything. Rainbow Dash even got a brief glimpse at the inside of his house one time. It looked somewhat destroyed, but she didn't get a long enough look at it to really think about it.

Of even greater concern was the slowly increasing list of injuries he was somehow sustaining.

Twilight eventually got her friends together at Sugar Cube Corner. "Girls, you all know why we're here, right?"

Applejack gave a solemn nod "Ah know. It's because Zephyr's been actin' weird lately, never comin' to the farm anymore." The farmer shook her head. Applebloom had gotten sad a few times over the green pegasus not visiting her and her friends. Applejack did her best to reassure them, but it was difficult when even she didn't believe herself.

Rarity frowned. "I've seen him a few times whenever Rainbow Dash drags him out to do wind management. He looks absolutely horrible. All those wounds and missing feathers!"

"You've no idea, Rarity," a somewhat dejected Rainbow Dash stated. She couldn't even feel upset over the whole situation. "It's like he's only an empty shell now."

"I wanted to throw him a party," Pinkie Pie piped up with a sad tone. "But I wanted to keep my pinkie promise to Twilight about not throwing him a party directly and he keeps turning down invitations to other parties."

Fluttershy whimpered with a sad look in her eyes, catching the attention of Rarity beside her. "Fluttershy, darling, you've been clammed up for a while yourself."

"I-it's because... of t-this." She holds up an opened black envelope in her hoof. Twilight and Rarity look at it curiously, Pinkie Pie frowns a bit, and Applejack looks a bit scared of it.

Much to the surprise of everypony else present, Rainbow Dash looked horrified and panicked. "Fluttershy! Don't tell me your dad didn't--"

"O-oh, no he's perfectly fine, thankfully." The blue Pegasus breathed a massive sigh of relief, but continued to look at the envelope with extreme worry.

This earned more confusion from Twilight. "I don't get it. What's got you two worked up over an envelope?"

"T-Twilight, i-it's because y-you never want t-to see one." Fluttershy choked out a sob

"But why not?"

Rainbow Dash shuddered. "It's... for when somepony in your family is... dead or dying." This drew horrified looks from the non-Pegasi in the group. Death was a topic no-pony liked bringing up.

"So that's why Big Mac an' Granny Smith feared getting those things... every time they even so much as spied one of 'em in the mail-mare's bag, they begin to freak out." Applejack shot a look at the black paper.

"Fluttershy... is that the reason why you stopped me from using black envelopes for invitations to one of my theme parties?" Pinkie Pie whimpered when the butter mare nods. She never realized she was that close to causing a lot of trauma.

Rainbow Dash sighs. "I know this... because I was with Fluttershy when she got one saying her mother was suffering from a fatal strain of the feather flu." She would never forget the heartbreaking moment when she bore witness to Barricade Windstorm dying in front of her frail friend. It was one of many reasons why she was so overprotective of her.

Rarity had a worried look. "Then perhaps... one of Zephyr's family members has..."

"I-it was his grandfather. H-he passed away." Fluttershy held up the letter that was in the envelope. "H-he suffered the same thing... m-my mom suffered from."

"B-but what can we do?" Twilight had never dealt with anything like this. She had half a mind to bolt to the library and look up 'How to comfort a grieving pony'.

"Something we all, especially myself, neglected to do. Simply be there for him." Rainbow shuddered. "I've... been rather horrible with it. I was blinded to his feelings by some of the frustration that I felt towards him initially. He may not want to see me at all..."

Fluttershy shook her head. "Rainbow, we have to try. I still remember that you, even through all of Flight School, stood beside me to comfort me."

Applejack lowered her stetson over her face a little. "Should we go then?"

"Fluttershy, dear, what about your headaches?" Rarity shot another concerned look at her friend.

"I-I'm still going. I... I want to be there for him."

"Then let's go. I can't stand it when somepony can't smile at all. It breaks my heart." Pinkie let out a small whimper. Her mane somehow looked a little 'deflated'. Smiles were he entire world and hearing a pony lost their ability to smile felt like a fate worse than death.

The distance between Sugar Cube Corner and Zephyr's house was minuscule, but all six mares had a slow pace. Even Rainbow Dash was going slow. When they finally got to his house, Fluttershy shuddered before quickly knocking.

All six of them flinched when they heard a crash from the other side of the door. After what felt like an hour later, the door finally opened.

The mares had to suppress the urge to gasp when they saw Zephyr. There was now a small cut under his muzzle and the one front leg that could be seen had what appeared to be several bite marks, some of them with dried blood on them.

"C-can we come in?" Fluttershy had a look of worry very similar to whenever she deals with seriously injured animals. Despite her intentions, they tended to be her most dangerous patients due to them lashing out anything they deemed a threat.

Zephyr said nothing but pushed the door further open and turned to move out of the doorway. His other fore-leg had a similar amount of bite marks, but it was his wings that caused everypony to finally gasp.

Feathers had been plucked out forcefully, and some of the remaining feathers were caked in what appeared to be fresh blood from bites. He also looked a lot thinner than before. The level of self-abuse his body was giving off was astounding.

The damage wasn't limited to his body. When the mares entered the house, they saw destruction in what was assumed to be the living room. A table and a few chairs had been smashed, some glass and ceramic shards lay on the ground, and torn fabric covered some of the carpet. Luckily, the kitchen had no damage.

"Would any of you... like a drink or something to eat?" His monotone voice made it near impossible to discern any emotion, which only served to break the mares' hearts even more.

"It's... okay." Twilight was the first to say before the others agreed. He adopted a slightly dejected look before wandering over to the living room, sitting in front of the destruction.

Fluttershy approached him, carefully brushing away a shattered mug before sitting right behind him. "H-how are you feeling?"

"I'm... fine." The monotone voice was starting to waver.

"Zephyr, you can talk to us."

"I said I'm fine!" he snapped, though he shuddered when he saw all the mares recoil at his bloodshot eyes.

There was a long silence before he finally sighs. "He... looked so healthy... when I last saw him... so full of life." He slowly turned to face Fluttershy again, the rest of the mares looking on with concern. "I was there... to hear his final words... when he took his last breath. I'm so devastated, and yet... why... why can't I cry for him? Why... can't I feel for him?" The agitation became a bit more clear in his voice. "Is it because I don't actually care for him? Was he so minuscule in my life that I can brush his life off just like that?"

"Zephyr..."

"What if I hadn't left home? What if I never bothered moving away from Manehatten? Would he still be around, still healthy like he was before?"

"Zephyr, please--"

"And why... why do I feel like... I failed him? Why do I--" he cut himself off when Fluttershy held one of his badly damaged forehooves between both of hers.

"Please... stop blaming yourself. Your grandfather wouldn't want that." She briefly looks at the destruction behind him before looking at him, tears in her eyes. "He wouldn't want you to torture yourself like this. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty!"

"But... that's... the thing... I can't..."

"You can't?"

"I can't feel anything... not even pain... I've been... trying so hard... to feel something... ANYTHING... besides this abyss of nothing in my heart...

"But... nothing... nothing works... I can't feel..."

There was a horrible realization for the mares when he said those words. The amount of self-abuse he was putting himself through... it was all in a vain attempt to feel anything to fill the void.

Fluttershy, feeling some instinct take over, hugged him close so he couldn't move and started stroking his side, careful to avoid his damaged wing. "Shhh... it's okay... it's okay to cry."

"I.. I can't c-cry." He starts choking a bit. "C-colts don't cry."

Fluttershy deepens the hug, doing her best to share her warmth with his cold body. "It's okay, Zephyr. It's okay to cry... to cry for him."

"I... I..." he finally buries his muzzle into her shoulder, beginning to sob.

"Let it all out... for him... and for yourself to heal..."

He had finally started to cry. Rainbow walked over and joined the hug, letting him know of her presence, that he wasn't alone. It wasn't long before he had a cocoon of mares hugging him as he finally allowed himself to cry his heart out for his deceased family member.

"Hush now, quiet now..."

Author's Note

This chapter is dedicated to my Grandad, who had recently passed away.

Though he may never read this...

I loved you...

I miss you...

I failed you...