Derped Cupcakes

by Barix123

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Random, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1617

Derpy delivers a package to Rainbow Dash but...

Derpy delivers a package to Rainbow Dash but...

(Requesting an image for the story)

Published 2014-04-19 16:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-19 16:10:02 UTC

You've Got Mail

It was a bright, sunny day outside. The birds were chirping, the weather couldn’t be better, and all that happy cliché crap that comes with the beginning of a story. This time a cyan pegasus was flying about testing out some new tricks. She had been trying her best to perfect them but was having some trouble with the angle and take off portion.

The mare, known throughout Ponyville as Rainbow Dash, was starting to get very tired. After a long day of moving and bucking clouds, then preforming awe inspiring tricks that could rival the Wonderbolts, would be exhausting for anypony. Even for this athletic pegasus. It was getting close to dinner time and Dash needed to carb load anyway. She decided to make her way to her favorite bakery, Sugar Cube Corner.

Upon entering, two groups immediately caught Rainbow's attention. At one table Twilight Sparkle and Applejack sat together and appeared to be talking. The second group was of Pinkie Pie and a familiar gray mail mare. As Dash was about to approach the party pony she heard somepony call her name.

“Dash over here.” She turns to see Twilight wave a hoof to her.

“Hey guys, what's up?” Dash asks as she walks up to her friends.

“Jus havin a friendly talk. What bout you? Lookin a little sweaty there Dash.”

“I just got done with some exercises and wanted to grab something to eat before hitting the hay for the night.”

“Ya mean one mah tree's right?” AJ gave a sarcastic look as she said that.

“Yeah, yeah. Look I can't help it if the farm smells good and is close to my training site. So what's Pinkie doing?” Dash asks her two friends.

“She said she had to plan a surprise for somepony but wouldn't tell us who it was for.” Twilight replies.

“Meh, if it's Pinkie, it's going to be good. For now I'm going to grab some food imp be back in a minute.”

After Dash got her food and sat down it wasn't long before Pinkie joined them. The four ponies had a good time talking about what was going on and plans for some future get together’s. It was a good time to be sure. It was getting late so the farm, library, and weather ponies had to go home.

It took Rainbow a few minutes more than usual due to her wins still aching from her workout. Before she hopped into bed she realized just how nasty she felt. The cyan mare headed to the shower for a quick soak. Right after that nothing could stop that mare from getting to her bed. Flopping down on the plush cloud mattress she fell asleep in ten seconds flat.

The next morning came as another beautiful sunny day, along with the normal happy go lucky crap that comes with it. Dash on the other hand found it a little annoying but knew she had to get up either way. Still feeling stiff from the other day the sleepy mare decided on stretching out those muscles before beginning the day. After it was back to the normal routine of bathroom, breakfast, teeth, some minor cleaning, then it was time to head to work.

Only this morning was different. Once she opened her door she was greeted with some light knocks to the head.

“Hey, cut that out!” Rainbow Dash yells at the annoyance at her front door.

"Oh I'm so sorry Rainbow Dash! Are you ok?” It was Ditsy Do the mail mare, locally known as Derpy Whooves, for obvious reasons.

“Yeah I'm fine. So what brings you by this morning? Wait are you here to tell me about the party Pinkies going to throw?” Rainbow asks now excited to having woken up when she did.

“ 'gasp',” the cyan mare was taken back a little by the volume of the gasp that came from the gray one opposite her, “Don't tell me you know about it yet?”

“No but I was hoping you could tell me.” Her excitement went up ever so slightly.

“Oh, no I can't.”

“What? But...why not.” Everything was gone and was replaced by nothing but a sliver of sadness.

“It's a secret.” Derpy replies in a sing song way.

“Come on, you can trust me... Unless it's a party for me. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! That would be so-“

“Eh-em,” she was interrupted by a cough from Derpy, “As much as you'd like to continue with that train of thought I do have some mail for you.”

“Oh, but why didn't you just put it in my mail box?”

“Because it's a package.” The gray mare reaches a hoof into her saddle bags to retrieve to smallish cardboard box. She hoofs it to Rainbow who stares at it with great curiosity

“But there's no return address. Do you know who it came from?”

“No, but the pony who delivered it to the post office said he was a secret admirer.” Dash blushed deeply at this. Derpy have a small laugh. “Well my boss owes me five bits. I'll see you later Rainbow Dash!” Derpy yells back as she flies away.

It took a minute for Rainbow to gather herself and head inside. When she did she set the package on the living room table. All she could do for the moment is stare at it, wondering who would like her that way. A couple of names sprung to mind. Thunderlane? No he isn't the type to do this, besides relationships at work were prohibited. Big Mac? He is the silent type but he doesn't seem the stallion to act first even as an admirer.

It was almost time for work but Dash knew she couldn't leave without knowing what was in that box. Popping the top she couldn't in a hundred years see what was coming. After all the pie was on a trap spring set to go off once opened. She stood there, pie in her face, some crumbs that were still continuing to fall to the floor, the spring finally settling down from being triggered, and Dash growing more and more angry under that cream coated fur.

“PINKIE!” The dirty mare yells at the top of her lungs. Doing so spills some of the disaster onto the floor and into her mouth. Somehow all her anger was gone. “Mmm, this isn't half bad. Wait...” a dizziness overtook her.

She didn't know what was happening or what to do. It wasn't long before she collapsed on the ground, blacking out completely.

Finally waking up she felt slightly more rested then when she got up this morning. Trying to stand Rainbow realized she was tied to a wall but didn't know where since it was pitch black. Her restraints wouldn't budge at all when she tried to move.

“Oh good you're up,” a light flicked on aiming at her which caused the cyan mare to shut her eyes. Slowly but surely she was opening them again. A pony came into view.

“Pinkie? What's going on? Why am I tied up?”

“Because you're number came up and I needed you to help bake my special cupcakes.”

“Ok good prank, you can let me down now. How else am I going to help?”

“You're a riot Dashie, you can help by staying there and letting me cut you up.”

“Pinkie enough with the pranking I'm starting to get nervous.”

“Don't worry, you won't be for long. Matter of fact you won't be anything but cupcake batter in a few hours.”

“Pinkie please, you're starting to scare me.”

Just then the light that was focused on her turned off only for the light in the room to reveal every gruesome detail. The walls were painted with a dark red. It must have been blood from all the pony skeletons that adorned the walls like posters. Tables were littered with organs, some that were canned, others were cut up. Worst of all Pinkie stood in front of Rainbow Dash with a dress that would make Rarity die just by looking at it.

The dress itself was sewn out of cutie marks. On the back were a pegasus wings were usually located six different colored wins were now sewn on. Lastly, around the pink ponies neck hung a necklace of unicorn horns. From the smell, that somehow just now hit her, it was telling her everything in this room was real. It was starting to send her into shock.

“Pinkie, what is all this?”

“This, my good friend, is why all of my baked goods are so yummy.”

Rainbow Dash couldn't understand what she was hearing much less seeing.

“There's no way you could do this on your own.”

“Of course not silly filly. I do have an assistant.”

A door opens to reveal a gray pegasus mare walk in with a covered up tray on her back. Rainbow was in complete shock at this point. She had been taken hostage by the one pony who couldn’t even deliver mail properly.

“Pinkamena, I've got the tools you needed.” Derpy said in her usual derped way.

“Thanks Derpy.”

Dash was it out of options. She had only one thing left to say, the only thing she could say.

“Yo-You won't get away with this. Ponies will talk, they'll know I've gone missing.”

“Oh Dashie, you act like this is my first time doing this.” Pinkie removes the cloth to reveal an assortment of mostly surgical and meat cutting tools such as a scalpel and saw knife. The cyan mare was about to wet herself in fear of what's to come. “Now let's get started.”

“Wait Pinkie no please! PINKIE! AAAHHH!”