Rainbow Dash Buys A Ford Pinto
"Hello there, fine young mares, how can old Uncle Sal help you today?"
Rainbow Dash glanced around the lot before focusing her attention back on the salespony with the green coat, wearing a white button-down shirt, and checker tie.
"I'm looking for a car."
Sal wriggled his eyebrows and straightened his tie. "A car, you say? Well, you've come to the right place. Old Sal here has every kind of car you could ever want, and plenty more that you don't. I have used cars, new cars, old cars, blue cars, cars that can pull entire houses, and cars that can burn rubber and speed off leaving other drivers in the dust."
Rainbow Dash's eyes lit up. "Ooh, yeah! I want a car that goes really fast! That would be awesome!"
Fluttershy, who was Dash's buying buddy, spoke up. "Um, Rainbow Dash. You were supposed to look for something that could help Applejack haul more apples. I mean, I don't think-"
"Don't worry, Flutters! I know what I'm doing!" Dash assured her timid friend with a pat on her shoulder. "Besides, Applejack needs something that'll get those apples to the market before the competition arrives!"
"Actually, um, I don't think there is-"
"Hey, Sal, show me your fastest car!" Dash called out to the salespony.
Sal clopped his hooves together, and motioned for them to follow him. As they did, he began pointing out the various cars they kept on the lot at Old Sal's Fine Family Motors.
"Over here's where we keep the slow cars. You know, for the stiffs, and the hoofball moms. They like them big SUVs. I mean, sure they can travel over rough terrain, but they ain't fast."
He motioned to another set of vehicles as they passed them by. "These are the trucks. They're good for haulin' and stuff, but they ain't made for speed. Haul a dozen bushels of apples, they could, but they can't peel rubber!"
A soft voice interjected. "Um Mr. Sal, sir, that would actually-"
"So yeahs, here we are," Sal continued, ignoring the quiet pegasus, as they trotted up to a fleet of cars.
Rainbow Dash's eyes glittered, she salivated, her wings shot straight up as she stared at the line of machines in front of her. Shiny, they were, with sleek, aerodynamic lines, and pretty colors like apple red, grape purple, raspberry blue, and emerald green.
"Wow, these are awesome! How fast do they go?" she asked the dealer.
"This one right here is the Equestrian Motor Company's Super Streak XL5," he said as he pointed to a car, its coat onyx black, "and it has been clocked going faster than the fastest Wonderbolt alive today. I know, because I saw it myself. It was moving so fast, it broke the sound barrier six times at the same time."
Dash's eyes went wide, her pupils dilating. "I'll take it!" she said, as she pumped the salespony's hoof in sheer excitement.
The salespony smiled. "Terrific! We can go inside, and you can fill out the paperwork, and if all goes well, you can drive off the lot with this car today!"
The three ponies made their way into the air conditioned building, as Sal took his seat at his desk, hoofing over the papers for Dash to sign.
"Now," he began, "I'll need you to sign on these lines, initial here, and here."
"Um...excuse me? Um, I have a question." Fluttershy interrupted before Dash could fill in the blanks on the sales forms.
Sal looked up at her, annoyance clear on his face. "Yes, ma'am?"
Fluttershy wilted for only a moment, but continued with her question. "Um, I was just wondering, um, if it's okay with you, but um, just how much is this car?"
"Oh, I don't think that's an important detail," he said, waving a hoof of dismissal.
"Yeah, Fluttershy. I'm sure I've got the bits for it." Rainbow Dash added as she turned her attention back to the forms.
Fluttershy nodded her head as if in agreement, and continued. "Yes, I'm sure you don't mind, but um, Applejack only gave you so many bits, and you promised you would find her something reliable and affordable. I mean, um, it's a nice car and all, but it looks... expensive." She squeaked out the last word as if it were a snake about to bite her.
Rainbow Dash sighed. "Alright, Fluttershy."
She turned back to the salespony, exasperation in her voice. "So hey, Sal, how much is the car anyway?"
Sal was sweating just a bit as he replied. "Oh, you know, a reasonable price. Something fair, without being too much. Not a lot, I'd say, not compared to other car dealerships who, you know, would probably charge a fair amount more for less than what you'd get if you paid more for a lesser car, so I'd say not much without being too little for a profit, but more than enough, I'd say."
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.
Sal continued sweating profusely.
Fluttershy spoke up. "So, how much is that, Mr. Sal, sir?"
Sal began fiddling with his collar, in an attempt to cool himself without giving away his nervousness. He was failing.
"Oh, you know, with discount, and good credit, we're looking at about, uh, 150,000 bits."
The quill dropped from Rainbow Dash's hoof. "150,000 bits?! Mother of Celestia, Sal, that's more than Twilight makes in a year, and she's a bucking Princess! Applejack gave me 1,000 bits. I thought that would be more than enough. I think you're trying to rip us off, Sal!"
Rainbow Dash jumped up, preparing to storm out of the office.
"Whoa, whoa, now!" Sal began, putting his hooves up in supplication. "So you can't get the Super Streak XL5! I can find you something better, something that's fast, and reliable!"
Rainbow narrowed her eyes at the salespony, who was shaking as he stroked his tie nervously, which came unclipped and fell to the tile floor. Everypony was at a standstill, waiting for the inevitable angry outburst from Dash, but instead, Fluttershy brought things down to a calmer, more reasonable level for all involved.
"I think we should give Mr. Sal a chance, Rainbow Dash. He looks sorry for what he did."
Sal nodded quickly, smoothing the whispy strands of his chestnut mane that hadn't disappeared due to the balding process, and leaned down to pick up his tie, clipping it back in place.
"Yeah, I'm real sorry, Miss Dash. I wasn't trying to trick you, I thought you wanted the XL5, but I can see you're a pony of reason. I will show you a magnificent car, I promise."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and sighed. "Alright, I'll give you another chance, but it better be a really cool car!"
Sal nodded again. "Oh, it is! If you'll, uh, follow me, I'll take you right to it."
So once more, they followed the salespony across the lot, to what appeared to be a lesser visited part of the dealership. Most of the cars here looked older, some had rust on them, others were lacking wheels. One car was orange, and had a large red and blue flag on top, numbers marked on the door panels.
"Here it is, my friends," Sal said as he cleared his throat and pointed to the vehicle.
Dash examined it. The car was shorter than the XL5, stockier even. It was a beige color. Still, it seemed to have all the parts a car needed: wheels, a windshield, she even saw a radio as Sal opened the door for her to look inside.
"So, what is it?" she asked.
Sal smiled. "This, my lovely young mare, is a Ford Pinto."
"Ford, huh? I've never heard of them."
"Oh, they're very new. They just moved their manufacturing plant to Equestria. Not sure where they came from, but they sell some high quality vehicles. This particular model is their best seller."
This caused Dash to raise her eyebrows. "Really? I mean, it don't look like much, Sal. You're not putting me on, are you?" She asked, the accusation easily heard in her tone.
Sal shook his head. "Oh, Celestia, no! This machine is one of the finest ever built. She's fast, she's lean, and she's reliable, which is the qualities I believe your sweet, shy pegasus friend said was what you were looking for in a car. Also, it has plenty of trunk space, so she can haul her pears."
"Apples." Dash corrected.
"Uh, yeah, like I said, apples or whatever."
Dash put a hoof to her chin, and scratched. "So you're saying it's really fast, and it's reliable?"
Sal nodded, stroking his bushy mustache as he watched Rainbow Dash weigh her options.
Dash looked to Fluttershy, who had a small smile on her face. "What do you think, 'shy?" she asked the butter yellow pegasus mare.
Fluttershy's eyes went wide. "Oh! Um, I think it's nice. It kind of looks like a bunny, which is cute. I like bunnies."
Rainbow Dash fixed her friend with a deadpan expression. "Thanks, shy. Big help."
"Oh, you're welcome, Rainbow Dash," replied the soft-spoken mare.
Rolling her eyes, she looked back to the dealer.
"How much are you asking, Sal?"
The salespony straightened his tie. "Oh, let's see, considering all factors, and with the insurance, add in maintenance checks, sales fees and associated taxes, you're looking at...," he took a moment to make a show of calculating the number in his head, "...1500 bits."
Rainbow Dash sighed. "Come on, Sal. You said we could afford this one. I've got a thousand bits, and that's all I've got."
Sal shrugged his shoulders. "I wish I could help, kiddo, but I have bills to pay, too you know."
Rainbow Dash was about to argue his point, but Fluttershy came to the rescue.
"Um, Mr. Sal? I know you have bills to pay, and I don't want you to not pay them, but, um, do you think you could go just a teensy-weensy bit lower so we can help our friend?"
Before Sal could answer, Fluttershy began to pout. Her eyes grew large, and began glistening with the promise of tears and aching sadness if Sal didn't budge on his price. Of course, Sal wasn't easily affected by this. He was a car salespony after all, but he figured waffling just a bit would make the sale a guarantee. Plus, she was adorable.
"Oh very well," he said, his tone giving the indication of defeat. "I'll sell it for a thousand bits."
Fluttershy cheered.
Rainbow Dash was silent for a few moments, and then snorted. "Alright, you've got a deal, Sal."
They shook hooves, and headed back into the office.
Twenty minutes later, Dash and Fluttershy walked out of the office with the keys to the new car they had bought for their dear friend Applejack.
They climbed into the car. Dash put the keys in the ignition, and started it up. Everything seemed to be working as it should, though Dash didn't really know much about cars, and so once they buckled their seat belts (make it click, Rainbow Dash!), Dash pulled out onto the dirt path that lead away from the dealership, and toward Sweet Apple Acres.
A few minutes later, they arrived at the home of the Apple family, and knocked on the door. A few moments passed, and the door opened, Applejack standing in the entry, an expectant look on her face.
"So, how'd it go?" she asked.
Rainbow Dash smirked. "Oh, I don't know. I just bought you the fastest, most reliable car there is."
She patted Applejack on the withers as they stepped away from the porch, and headed around to the side of the house, where the car had been parked.
"Ta-da!" Rainbow Dash said as the car came into view. Fluttershy smiled. Applejack raised an eyebrow.
"Uh..." she said.
"Isn't it awesome?!" Rainbow Dash asked the surprised mare.
"Well..." Applejack said as she scratched her mane and stared at the car. "I, uh, don't rightly know."
Rainbow Dash trotted over to the car and opened the trunk. "See? Lots of room for hauling things, there's room for other ponies to go with you, and it's fast and reliable!"
Applejack gave the car a once over, and smiled. "Alright, looks good. Thank ya, Dashie. Ya both did real good!"
Rainbow Dash grinned, both she and Fluttershy gave Applejack a quick hug. Together, they loaded up the trunk of the car with as many apples as they could.
After squeezing the trunk shut, Dash tossed Applejack the keys.
"Well, have fun with the apple hauling and stuff!"
Applejack called out as they began to turn to head home. "Now, hold on a second there, partner. Why don't ya both come with me? You know, ta see what she can really do?"
Rainbow Dash smiled. "Really?"
Applejack nodded.
Fluttershy politely declined, but waved to them as she headed home to tend to her animals.
Left by their lonesomes, the remaining pegasus and earth pony climbed into the car, as Applejack started it up. After buckling up, Applejack revved it a couple of times. The motor gave a loud, whining noise.
"Is that normal, Dash?" the orange mare asked.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "I think so. It's just probably a really strong motor or something."
Applejack nodded at this sensible logic.
"Alrighty, then," she said as she donned a pair of sunglasses. "Let's roll, sugarcube."
She pushed the pedal to the metal, and the car took off like a shot.
"Yeehaw!" she called out, as the car bounced and bumped along the dirt road, heading towards the town of Ponyville, just a short distance away.
"Woohoo!" cried out Dash, as she stuck her head out the window, her tongue flapping in the breeze like Applejack's dog, Winona (who was not on this trip).
The town approached rapidly. Rainbow Dash ducked her head inside as they passed a marker post indicating they'd entered the town's outer limits.
"Um, AJ, I'm not really one to say this, but maybe you should slow down."
"Ah'm tryin', sugarcube!" came the response.
Rainbow Dash looked over to see her friend desperately pumping the brake, with no result.
"What do we do?!" Dash called out, a slight bit of panic, which she would later deny, evident in her voice.
"Ah don't know, Dash! Ah can't get her ta slow down!"
The center of town approached, as mares and colts dove out of the way of the oncoming death trap.
"We're going to have to jump, AJ!" Dash called out over the roaring of the wind.
"Ah can't, Dash! Ah can't afford to lose the car!"
"Don't worry, AJ! We'll just let it hit a tree or something, and then fix it later! You're worth more than the car! I'll grab you, and fly out the window!"
"Ah don't know, Dash!" AJ called out. "Ah think maybe Ah can steer-"
The car plowed through a turnip cart, a wood plank shattering the glass and wedging between the steering columns.
Applejack's eyes went wide. "Okay, let's do it yer way!"
Seconds later, Dash flew out of the window, Applejack securely in her hooves. They set down on the dirt path, next to a Frogurt stand, and watched as the car barreled through the town. A moment later, it slammed into a tree. Fortunately, the tree held, and then there was silence, as shocked ponies looked back and forth, from the stopped car, to the two mares sitting in the dirt.
"Ah hope we can salvage it Dash, and Ah hope mah insurance will cover the damage to th' town," Applejack lamented, as they stood.
Rainbow Dash waved a hoof as she helped her friend to her hooves. "Don't worry, AJ. It only hit a few carts, I'm sure we can repair those."
"Yeah, Ah guess we're lucky it didn't keep going. Ah can get our apple harvest out o' the trunk, and we can make it all work ou-"
The car exploded in that instant.
Everypony stared wide-eyed as the vehicle erupted into flames, a gout of smoke billowing upward into the sky. The tree caught on fire, flames licking at the branches as birds evacuated from their former home, now destroyed by the careless advancements of society.
"Oh dear Celestia! Dashie, it's gone! It's all gone!" Applejack wailed as she stared.
Rainbow Dash was silent for a moment, and finally eeked out, "at least it can't get any worse."
Seconds later, the flames reached the trunk, the apples being quickly liquified, and fermenting, as Apple family apples do with applied heat and pressure. A moment later, the trunk exploded outward, a cider based deluge falling upon the town, alcohol coating everything, and flames following after them.
"The horror! The horror!" came shouts from nopony in particular, as the town began scrambling for ways to halt the raging inferno that had now engulfed the town proper.
Dash uttered a single word at the spectacle before her. "Buck."
Together, she and Applejack jumped into action, helping the townsponies put out the fires that had spread. It wasn't until several hours later, on the cusp of dusk, that the fires had been extinguished, and everything had been contained.
As Applejack and Rainbow Dash knocked away burnt wood from a door frame, they turned to see Mayor Mare stomping toward them, a look of anger on her face.
"YOU TWO!" She yelled in a voice that she normally reserved for Snips and Snails. "What do you think you're doing?! Look what you've done to my town! You will pay for every bit of this!"
Applejack and Rainbow Dash merely nodded quickly, too shocked to say anything.
The Mayor grabbed Applejack's stetson, stuffed a piece of paper in it, placed it back on the orange mare's head, turned, and stomped away in a huff.
Applejack took off her hat and removed the paper, glancing at it. It was a bill for damages to the town. The total cost for damages came to more than ten thousand bits. Her eyes began to water.
Rainbow stroked her friend's blond mane soothingly. "It's okay, AJ. We'll just go back to the dealer and make him give us our money back. Then we'll make him pay for the damages. It's his fault."
Applejack was silent for a moment, and then nodded. "Y'er right, Dash. We'll go back and make him pay. Bring the sales slip with ya, and we'll make this an' open n' shut case."
Dash's eyes went wide. "Sales slip?"
***
THE END
